The Frank Skinner Show - Uncle Holly

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

Frank has been to see a new adaptation of Much Ado featuring MCU royalty. The team also want to know the activities you punctuate with a particular soundtrack. Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that Parshladeo and the one with the French name from South Africa came, they're all here open brackets array, close brackets today This is Frank off the radio, I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast, podcast? Follow the podcast on extra Instagram I'm on. That's the Black Country version. You sounded so posh I loved it. You can, I thought itvalonUK.com. You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. That's a lot of sevens guys. Biblical number 07457 417 769. You must like seven then. Is that your favourite number? Oh man I love seven.

Do you? No, not especially. I don't think I've got a favourite number. Oh, people believe there's all magical things attached to numbers now. Yeah, well not what you're saying now. No, but what I mean is, in an era when one would have thought people might have thought differently, now they're going back to the mystical number. Is that right? Well, there's people in comedy who charge up their crystals in the moonlight.

Really? Oh, I can think of one person. Really? Well, we don't name names on this show. Less may be burned at the stake. Yes. I met, speaking of naming names, I met Ralph Mattel at the weekend. Oh, did you? Do you know that is...

Is he, let me take you by the hand? No. He is. And lead you through the streets of London. He's the one, yeah. Yeah. I love that song. He's a local tour guy. No. He did a very famous song called Streets of London. I love that song. And he's, oh, I was just saying, he's an incredibly nice bloke, but it was weird for me because there is one of his songs that, do you know when you, I don't know if you do this, but I get it, there are certain things I do that I always do a song with you. Whenever I take money out of a cash pint, I always sing Got Brass in Pocket. It just happens. And whenever I have cause to go up or down a spiral staircase, which is not that often, but it happens, I always sing Ralph McTel's I'm Going Up a Spiral Staircase, I'm Gonna Reach the Top.

And I told him this. And he was quite pleased about it. And was the last time you went up? It was when you were going to see Indiana Jones's father wasn't it? He was always atop the spiral. You do still get spiral staircases. I love a spiral staircase. I was in a hotel room that was on two levels joined by a spiral staircase. Really? It's an old firehouse. I don't ask no questions and I ain't told no lies. What was he like, Raoul? That's quite a thrill meeting him. I think he was so delighted that when I said there's one song of yours he must have thought oh no, it's going to be Streets of London again.

It wasn't. I just wondered, was any of our readers, when they do any activity, there's a certain song that they always have to throw in as a soundtrack. We did hear regarding the spiral staircase, but it was the, what was the other one you just said? He did Brass in Pocket. No, Brass in Pocket. Yeah.

Yeah. So we heard from James who said, Dear Frank Pierre and the Divine Miss M, praise redacted, long time reader, first time writer. James Hogg. He's introduced himself. James Hogg. Was he one of the Dukes of Hazard? James Hogg.

I wondered if many other followers of Frank introduced some of his traits into their daily lives. I quite often stop friends from Googling when they should know the answer. I stopped using Hi at the beginning of an email and I will always sing Got Brass in Pocket when taking money out the cash register. Oh well fantastic that's brilliant. So you've you've profoundly influenced the mind of Hogg. Well wasn't there a James Hogg who was like a Wasn't there a James Hogg who was like an early 19th century politician? Could be him.

Oh yes. I'm only familiar with the only hog that I know is Dukes of Hazzard. Boss Hogg. Yeah. Do you know Boss Hogg? Yeah, of course. There was Rodney Hogg, Australian fast bowler. And Phileas, of course. No, he was fog. Oh, Australian fast bowler. And Phileas of course.

No, he was fog. Oh, that's ruined it. Phileas, Phileas Hogg, that's the moped version of around the world in 80 days. Now Rodney Hogg, I read a cricket autobiography which was called... Congratulations with that! Which was called something like, We've Done All The Hard Yacka, it's an Australian. And he captained this guy, he captained Rodney Argonis. He was the only player he ever played with who said, I'm going to bring you on to bowl

now, Rodney. And he'd go, Oh really? I don't know, I'm feeling a bit stupid. He just didn't want to. Really? In a test match. I can respect that. What's your favourite cricket autobiography? You know mine. Oh yours is... It went by in both of them. Oh yes of course. It's called Don't Tell Kath. It was the name of his wife which is lovely. Can you imagine if Frank called his book that? Yes. Why did he call his book that? Because I think maybe he had not behaved in a way.

It was a controversial, wild man of a character. So his wife wasn't just against cricket? No, no. I'll do the test, but just don't. No, he got involved. It was a reference to some extra... Curriculars. Perhaps. We've also heard from...

Remember Iona Fazz, one of our regulars? Oh yes. She still keeps in touch. That's good. I didn't do the joke. No you didn't. And you know, respect. Emily talking about the Birdie song recently, do you remember I was telling you that when I rush,

I can't help singing da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da with my tongue against the roof of my mouth while she's singing the birdie song as well. Like a kid on a hobby horse, if I'm hurrying on a zebra crossing, it risks turning into a gallop. I don't know if we talked about it then, but you know I used to run everywhere when I was a kid, was something a lot of kids do, and when I stopped I always went, I still occasionally throw one of those in. Sometimes during full intercourse. That's just awful. Absolutely awful.

Stop it. Oh man. Anyway. Can I just share this with you as well? Anna Banana. Oh yeah, thanks. Anna Banana. Oh, that's great.

I like whatever happened to whatever happened to. Banana. That's great. I like whatever happened to whatever happened to. Oh, that's great. Anna Banana has also thrown in an actual whatever happened to, in addition, which is, can I suggest, mug trees? You don't see a mug tree anymore, Frank. Is that true? I think I have seen them around.

I haven't seen one for a while. Yeah, but you hang out in a lot of 70s places. Are they quite 70s? Oh, God, yeah. No one has mug trees anymore. I've never understood shoe trees. They're not individual objects. Shoe is. No, no, they need to be impaired. Yeah. Why would you have them hanging?

I can say if anyone here only requires one shoe, we don't want to exclude them. Frank just keeps them in the hall. Yeah, that makes sense to me. Just all over the floor. They just have like 50 pairs of shoes, which is why when David Bill walked in and went, will it always be like this? He walked into his house and went, will it always be like this? But I find more and more now I only wear the shoes I can just step into.

Yeah. You know, I think I wake up and I'm all confident I'm going to do the laces and then I think, oh no, I'll wear these. You think, well it's raining, I can't wear these. I'm not doing the laces. No. Terrible. I like a Sunday supplement, elasticated shoe.

No, they're not necessarily elasticated. Oh, okay. I think sometimes I lace some up and I can just still put them on laced. That's a great feeling. Yes, you can pretend to be one of the great laced of London, but in reality you just slid in. Exactly. You know Jamie Redknapp advertises those ones that you can just put on. Oh does he? Are they like crock type things? What are they?

I think they're sketches. Oh okay. Jamie Redknapp? Yeah. That's not a brand association either for media. No you'd think more Harry Redknapp wouldn't you? Yes. But I think rather than a bloke who can't bend down, I think the badge is bloke in rush.

I don't mean like Geddy Lee, I mean in a rush. I think what they've gone for is more hot dad at the school gates. It's who the dad wants to be. Yeah, you know, I'm doing the school run so I don't have time to tie laces. I need to just slip straight into these. Yeah, I think that's the idea. Oh, right. That is surprising. So I've got a pair of those as well I think that's the idea. Oh, right. That is surprising.

So I've got a pair of those as well. Yeah. Add them to the pile. Yeah, next to the Crocs. Strange flex. Do you remember when I went into a bookshop, a bookshop, I went into a shoe shop to buy Crocs. And it was one of those where they had the Clarks measurement contraption and I said sorry he's in between crocs at the moment. What a terrible place to be, halfway house. Yeah so we had to wait until the next

sign so it was small enough. Right, may I quickly share this with you? Because I'm really intrigued. While we're on the subject of external correspondence, David Robinson has got in touch. Hello, my dad is from Birmingham. There you go. No, it's a lot. It's a lovely...

And recently, while visiting his relatives, they all began talking about Uncle Holly. I've never heard of Uncle Holly and I don't know if he was a real person or not. Might Frank be able to help and is this a Birmingham thing? Thank you for your help David Robinson. I don't know if it's a Birmingham thing because the thing is about growing up in you know Birmingham the black country as I did we didn didn't go anywhere. So it's like in the Bible where they think that Israel is the world. We didn't know if these things happened elsewhere. Only recently I was talking about the fact we all said, Chimbly instead of Chimney.

We didn't say that. Because everyone said Chimbly, I never questioned it. Chimly? Chimbly, yeah. What? So I smiled a couple of chimbly. Yeah, I don't know why. But anyway, Uncle Holly, all I knew of Uncle Holly was I used to see badges and it was

a man in a top hat, an older man in a top hat. What a rotund man. And it said the Uncle Holly Circle as if it was some secret society. And I assume it was like a club for kids. Did you ever meet Uncle Holly? No, no, I only ever saw the badge. Well, I've done a deep dive on Uncle Holly. Oh, I've never googled Uncle Holly. I'm going to have to clear my history. I found some things I didn't want to find. A new realist play. Never Google Uncle Holly. It's on at the National next week.

So I can tell you this, I found myself, Frank, on a site called Midlands Memories and More. Oh, okay. There's a site that advertises coins. I've probably got my own section. There was quite a bit on you, yeah, it was all good. What about when I looked at that mid, I looked at a Midlands site of people and one was celebrity sightings. And there was almost none on there. Celebrities I've seen in Birmingham. And one said, I saw Noel Gordon you know that

is a funny starting I saw Noel Gordon outside the cathedral but she was in a coffin does that count? Anyway carry on. She played Meg Mortimer in Crossroads does that mean anything to you? Because they did the big re-dramatization recently. They did, didn't they? Yeah. They did with, was it Helena Bonham Carter? Yes, who played Noel Gordon. It was fantastic. My favorite ever Meg Mortimer line to end

the episode? What was that thing at the end of the episode, like a teaser thing? They'd roll the credits and then they'd have something at the end. Yeah, it was a fabulous post-credits scene. Post-credits scene. It's become so big now in the cinema. My favourite moment was when they cut to Noel Gordon, who's this big old sort of matriarchal theatrical figure. So it would go down, down, down, down, down.

Cuts a leg and she's on an old grey phone saying, darling, I've taken a tranquilizer. Down, down, down, down, down. Imagine ending an episode of a soap, which on by the way at 6.10 so children are watching this with darling I've taken a tranquilizer. Anyway. I remember when Benny who was a sort of rustic you know you don't have to go too far out of the Midlands. Well it was a bit inappropriate how he was portrayed, wasn't it? Well, he did talk like this. And I remember his uncle, who was a Bible enthusiast, was outraged because he'd ordered

a Chinese meal to impress this woman. Did he think it was sort of decadent? Yeah, and in a fabulous... That's like our Terry when you go to your dad when your Terry got toothbrushed. Exactly. He said he's changed. Yeah, exactly. So...

You order the Chinese meal to impress a lady. Yeah, I remember this was the 70s. Duolingo sentence. And in a fabulous fit of rebellion, Benny said, if I want a China, I do have a China. That's something from Jude the Obscure. Sounds like something the President of the United States would say. Yeah, well, times are different. Yeah.

Oh dear. Might go back and look at some of those. Anyway, I've... I loved it, can I say? Oh, so did I, Phil. I never understood why people mocked it. No. And I must have told you the fiercest review I ever read of Crossroads said it was like pornography without the sex.

What I loved as well is there were the hotel owners, it was a sort of character actors, it was like all purely actors from rep. There was some, they were very, I was doing Coriolanus love and then they've ended up playing, what was it then, the hotel, the motel managers, Mr. Hunter, do you remember him? Yeah, Ronald Allen played him. He was in a very early Doctor Who as well. He's quite a star.

No offence Frank, but what Crossroads actor wasn't in an early Doctor Who? He's entirely populated by Crossroads. Anyway. And they had one celebrity cameo they did a few times and that was a one called Jack Damania, who was supposed to be a big friend of Noel, so she pulled a fiver to get him in the show. And he used to wear one of those silica patti scarves, you know those things that celebrities used to wear. Anyway. Anyway, Uncle Holly, I did a deep dive, so according to Midlands Memories and More, I was lurking there thinking, what am I going to do? What if they put a camera? I'll have to pretend to be Birmingham or something

Anyway, I've discovered Someone said he was at Lewis's. Are you familiar with Lewis's? Oh yeah, Lewis's. Yeah, it's like John Lewis's. Well, that's where he was based. We never used the John in Birmingham. Oh, why was that? I thought it was a bit posh. I thought it was a bit fancy, John. Yeah, I think it just said Lewis's on the sign. Yes, it was a bit posh, thought it was a bit fancy, John. Yeah. I think it just said Lewis is on the sign. Yes, it was called...

Maybe it was like one of those, you know, those two-swords ones that aren't madden. Oh, I never trust those. They're the blast sheep of the family. I never trust those. I think they're a bit dixie. Louis two-swords and you said it's rubbish. Maybe it was that, maybe it wasn't John. Well, having done this research, it appears that his role, Uncle Holly, he was a sort of JD Vance figure who sort of stoked up support from the crowd from Santa's fan base. And he stood at the top, he was the first person you saw after climbing all those stairs

to see Father Christmas. Oh, he was a grotto opticianative? He was a grotto-operative, exactly, he was a grotto-organiser. Hence, Holly, of course. Yes, Uncle Holly. And so someone said, I remember him as a very tall man dressed in green with a top hat, he scared the life out of me. But yeah, I think what they would... It's Uncle Missle, what I'm worried about. Someone else on Midland Memories and More says his job was essentially to keep waiting kids in order before they sat on Father Christmas's knee. Oh, he was an admin, uncle.

He did a lot of admin. But what was his circle? He also gave out round stamped badges of himself that could be pinned to your coat. And that was the Uncle Holly circle. Father Christmas' pimp or something. Someone else worried that his green coat wasn't thick enough for the North Pole. Yeah, he'd probably never left Louis's, didn't he? Birmingham in the 70s wasn't the sort of place you'd walk around in a garish green velvet

coat. To be fair, Uncle Holly got his head kicked in near the bullring. Apparently Uncle Holly's not into that, he's been tarred and feathered in Sheldon. He's been found. That's the most we can say for Uncle Holly. I've become very obsessed with Uncle Holly though, I've done so much. I've seen black and white footage of him. It's always... Really? Yes, there's a video of Uncle Holly though. I've seen black and white footage of him. Really? Yes, there's a video of Uncle Holly. That sounds frightening.

This was from 1957 though. He's been going a long time Frank. Wow. What gave the city of Birmingham the confidence to just recklessly add yet another character to the Father Christmas canon? Text us at Frank Off The Radio. It's getting quite busy in the North Pole. Yes. With all those new characters. I think it was because. I think he's their Birmingham correspondent. Let's be honest, he was the understudy wasn't he? He was tonight the

performance of Santa will be played by because sometimes the grotto gets packed. There's got to, rather than disappointment, maybe if you saw Uncle Holly it was better than nothing. Yeah, Uncle Holly's the equivalent at sort of theme parks where they try and keep the long queue entertained or something. It was like Pepper Potts in Iron Man. This was the end. Him and Santa probably fell in love. His looming Brammy secretary. Oh dear. Anyway, this might feel like Mochadu About Nothing. One of my faves.

That's the segue. Oh, you've not seen it? So I went to the opening, well the press night as they call it, of Mochadu About Nothing with Tom Hiddleston. Haley and Haley at well, yeah, so which is sort of MCU royalty really MCU being the the Marvel Cinematic Universe Not everyone likes Hiddleston. No No, no, he did an impression of Robert De Niro to his face and it was a bad one.

Can I say what I feel about Hiddleston? I love him on the screen. Yes, yeah. Okay. Okay. You're leaving it at that. I like him acting in things. Okay.

Well, I know. You see what I mean, Pierre? I didn't realise that was that. Because I'd only seen, I'd seen him in low as Loki which I absolutely Loved yeah, it's a great Loki, but also I really liked him as what is Loki Loki's I don't really understand who the horse sort of evil brother Okay, so I think Is the god of mischief

Oh, I quite like the sound of that. Maybe I'd like it. Anyway, go on. Well, so, yeah, I've got a low-key top. Do you remember it? I know what it is, but you know, I've always been too ashamed to say I don't really understand who he is.

I didn't realize that there was an anti-Hiddleston thing. So I thought he was grey. He played, did I just say he played Hank Williams and I mentioned that. He's been brilliant in some films. I think he's a fabulous actor. Anyway, so when I was doing Room 101 in the old times, Phil Wang was on, who was an associate of Pierre Novelli. Oh, and the Mafia. He's a friend of mine.

One of my associates. Yeah, he tried to put him into room 101 and I wouldn't have it. And that was when I first realized that he's considered to be, I think the old fashioned term, a lot of people think he's a bit of a pratt. Do you know that term? I've noticed a generic insult, but I don't know if it has a specific meaning. It means someone who's a bit silly who misjudges is a bit embarrassing. Do you know what? I think the Taylor Swift thing was tricky for him. I think that was a real turning point.

Yes, well he wore, I don't know if you know this Pierre, he wore a singlet, a vest. And the sentence could end there. Yeah, he wore that with I heart TS on it. And we know it wasn't TS Eliot. No, I think there was a rumor that he was dating Tuuka Suleiman at the time. Can you imagine if he was? It was all a smokescreen. Then we'd all love it, wouldn't we?

If he'd have been dating Tuuka Suleiman, he'd to be sewn up in my estimation. So I've never bought into the Tom Hiddleston as a Pratt. I think he's brilliant. Does Sweetie's not like him then? I don't know. They never liked her exes, to be honest. I don't think Pratt, because a Pratt could be embarrassing through misjudging, but I think with Hiddleston it's about his unimpeachable confidence and slight smugness where you think you but my problem Isn't that this was embarrassing it's that I can see you're completely immune. No, but that is I think also part of the prep Yes, okay

Michael Jackson dance I just know I thought maybe he'd be one of your weird Doctor Who friends. No no. I don't care but you've got these Doctor Who people. He's not a Doctor Who. Okay fine. He... I forgot what I was saying. You were saying he was doing a dance. Yes he received an award and I think he did a Michael Jackson dance. He did. And that seemed to already compound. Why did he do that? Anyway in Mochadu about nothing and people were thinking, oh no, it's a Shakespeare play. Some people. He does, he sort of embraced the prat thing.

Okay, and he's picked it up and he's run with it. So he dances quite a lot in it. And the character he plays, Benedict, is a bit of a prat. And he loves that. And man, it's great. It's honestly an absolute joy. And there's lots of sort of 80s and 90s disco music in it. So he's owned the pratishness. Yeah, but brilliantly. But when it comes to doing the Shakespeare it can also really do that. Yes. So yeah, I would... Oh, I might head off to that. Maybe we should go and see that. Yeah. There's a thing, you know,

when people have to hold up signs in the theatre that says please don't please switch your phones off before the performance Oh yeah I don't like the signs, I was glad you ate them Not only did they have to hold them, it's a bit numbers girl in the boxing It's humiliating for the people that have to do it Well you think that was humiliating? Because they're playing sort of 80s disco they have to dance as well Are you joking? And they're dancing for like 40 minutes before the show starts, holding these signs. The sign people? Why do people holding the sign have to dance?

You know I'm a bit of a fan of westerns. It really reminded me of when people used to shoot at people's feet in films and make them dance. I said to this girl, you're exhausted. She said, we have to dance. I mean, there were some people who wanted to dance and some people who didn't look like natural dancers who just had to. Just for the sign holders, I say.

Yeah, exactly. Forced to dance. Yeah, and they, like I said, I spoke to one and even while she was taking, she said, I know, but we have, but they don't like it if we don't. They don't like it. Tell the world, say it on your podcast.

Save us. So my only fault of the Hiddleston people, I have to say Haile Atwell was also brilliant. Who's she in the MCU? She's Agent Carter, you know, the sort of... Already I'm lost. Well, she was in Captain America. She's part of all that. Yeah. It's like remembering that she's a sort of... I don't want to say she's the romantic interest because she's also a sort of action figure.

I don't. There's so many characters. They actually click... They openly reference Loki and Agent Carter in the play. No. Yuck. No, it works great. Yuck. It works great.

Are we still talking about the Marvel thing? But they're referencing it in the play now. They've made Shakespeare all about Hulk. No, they haven't made it all about... Don't ruin Shakespeare. Keep your dirty paws off Shakespeare. What is it? Miss Sinks, you are a bit of a trickster, Sinks.

No, no, it's done with cardboard cutouts. I don't like it. I don't like the thing getting involved in my precious shaky. No, the thing isn't. He's not the thing, he's Loki. Yeah. Oh, Ben Grimm is the thing. The only one I like is the thing. Which one is the thing then? I think it's the orange one in Fantastic Four. It looks like Robble. Yeah, that's why I like is the thing. Which one is the thing then? The orange one in Fantastic Four looks like Robble. Yeah, that's why I like him. Does he always look like that or does he change into a man?

He was an ornery man but then they were in an air aircraft. What's his superpower then? He's just a stone. He's like a rocky hole. He's just a wall. That's not a very good character is it? And sometimes his wheat link is attacked by moisturiser. You can exfoliate them. What's his weakness? For moisturiser he uses bitumen I think. Bronzeal.

Oh gosh. Anyway, it was great. My uncle complained about it. It was one point he gives someone the finger. Who does Benedict, aka Tom? Tom. And I don't mind that it fits the thing. Okay. It reminded me that I really miss the V sign as a visual UK insult because the finger is an American thing.

Oh, yeah. And they'll often do it with like their thumb out. Yeah as a visual yeah, you carry insult because the finger is an American Yeah, oh, yeah, and they'll often do it with like their thumb out as well really like that They'll do sort of like like notice. I've seen that's probably just to help you help your balance when you're swiveling on their Finger I mean it fits doesn't it literally mean I don mean? I don't like where you're going. No, but it's talking about insertion. Oh, Frank, we've got it. You did not need to say that word.

People talk about it. You do now? People talk about it as if it's like a cleaner version of the V sign, but it isn't. No, it's not. It's not graphic. It's much worse than the V sign. What did V mean originally then? Was it just victory turned around?

Screw you. Well, fuck off is what it actually literally means. We've lost the champions of flicking the Vs. Rick Mayall was the big V flicker. Well, I used to watch wrestling regularly at the Hen and Chickens pub. And at first Tuesday of every month they had wrestling. And they had women wrestlers and people of varying height wrestling. And there was a woman called the Black Widow who was a baddie and she wore a black leotard

with a spider, a spangly spiderweb going up here and she would come on, a massive woman, and she would be booed and her V sign would begin at ankle level. Oh really? And come down in a massive swoop up into the atmosphere and end high above her head. The most elaborate v-sign. No one missed. Yeah. I mean, it was like a big dramatic gesture of v-signing. And I don't think the fingers is good. No. Okay. Can we not take that quote out of context?

I would like to bring back the v-sign. Bring back flicking the v's. Anyway, let me tell you what happened to me. So I was having a great time. I would like to bring back the V-side. Bring back flicking the V's. Anyway, let me tell you what happened to me. So I was having a great time. I was loving the show. Like I say, for me it didn't damage the Shakespeare element. It was like a Shakespeare party but when it needed to be serious, it got serious. And then we got to the interval, a guy came over to me with a, I suppose you'd say, I suppose women are in their late teens, maybe 20 or something, an arm round each one, Hefner style. And he came over and said, Frank, I just want to say that these two young women have no

idea who you are. Yeah. I thought. What a weird. Why? I said why? Good. Why are you telling me that?

He said, I just, you know, what do you think about that? I think he thought he was showing off, like look at the girls I've got. No, I don't think. They don't know who you are. I don't think he was, I think he was like the dad of one or something like that. Yeah.

And, and I said, oh, thanks. You've completely ruined my night now, which he hadn't, but I wanted to make him feel bad. Of course. And then he said, tell them, tell them what you've done and what would that have been. And I thought, oh my God, this dragon's dead now. I've got to come on and say, yeah, now turnover for for the first year. Yeah, and we're hoping our profit. You know what I mean? I've got to sell myself to women who are perfect. I said to one, you probably don't mean history. And she said, really? And I thought, no. Oh no. What's that about?

Why have you, a stupid man, brought me these two fools to talk to? As we should have said. You've thrown your glove on the floor. Well no, I know it was a Shakespeare play. You should have done one, you should have started with a V on the floor. Yeah, exactly. I should have said, hold on, what's this down here? I think, come on, what's this?

Ended it just under his nose. Oh no, I've got to go past there. Perhaps into his nostrils, but continuing so he's raised from the ground. Can I say I fully intend to start doing LLHA wrestlers. What was her name again, Frank? The Black Widow. The Black Widow. Frank, I don't know, we've got a few things I'd like to quickly share with you. Can I tell you one other thing about this? It got five stars in The Guardian.

Wow. What? Yeah, which is quite rare in The Guardian. Yeah. Because this very week on the front page of The Guardian, the same week as that got five stars, there was a review of Richard II at the Bridge Theatre, and it said, I quote,

Richard Bailey in Richard the second she's on the front page a revelation oh three stars you're kidding I just saw that how was it revelation it was a it was a my revelation my revelation what a revelation it's fine it revelation, it's fine. It's okay, it's fine. No, I enjoyed it. It's very restaged with modern clothes and it's not like wearing pantalons. Oh yeah, we all know that. A lot of camo jackets.

Pig leer and combat trousers. We've all been there, Dirk. When you go to the Royal Opera House, pay 220 quid a ticket and they're in shell suits saying, and I'm thinking, well, where's the money? Where's the money been? I mean, do them in shell suits. Charge us 30 quid. I want a bit of Elva on stage. Can I just share this with you, Frank? We've had our readers have got in touch regarding songs that they sing. Oh, good.

Similar to Brass in Pocket. Yeah, I was saying, yes, songs that are triggered by activities. Yes, and they've got in touch. We've had, well I'll just share a few of them. We've had so many people getting in touch via WhatsApp. So for example, Will in Nutsford, whenever my partner refuses to acknowledge that she's in the wrong, I start humming, sorry seems to be the hardest word. Oh very good. We've had Sophie from Netherton, if I'm cooking and something needs to simmer, I sing, do

I have to let it simmer to the tune of Let It Linger by the Cranberries. Oh wow. We also have when putting on a seatbelt, I sing Boob Separator to the tune of Shardé Smooth Operator. That's right. We've had so many. I'm loving these. We've also had When Eating an Orange slash Satsuma slash Tangerine. My girlfriend and I always sing She's an Easy Peeler to the tune of Easy Lover by Phil Collins.

That's an easy peeler. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they used to call the police woman I went out with. Yes and of course Frank that's so awful. Can I share this from Harvey who says not the invisible rabbit. Okay can't you see him? Well he's right there. Well I was gonna say that's definitely that I'd say that's a preferable Harvey to be compared with these days. Hello Frank, Emily and Piano Billy. Wands, you're thinking about that.

I don't know who it is. I think you do, don't you? Is it Harvey Milk? No, no, no, it is an American Harvey, but it's a different Harvey. Okay, one song I always have to first of Recite when answering the door is the rod hole somebody at the door It's simply must be done every time love the show and I'm a big fan. Oh, sorry. I did it by mistake Frank It's all right. They might be saying I'm a big fanny My friends tell me

Like that D a big fanny, like my friends tell me. Do you not know there's somebody at the door? You don't like that do you, you big fanny? Frank, can you not speak to me like that? Oh sorry. Do you not know Rod Hall there's somebody at the door? No. What's wrong with you both? Really gone off you. I'm foreign.

I'm too foreign. Yeah I'm too foreign. Yeah I'm too old. Too old to know a Rod Holson. I think I have song who's that knocking at my door said the fair you're my answer in the door. You know Grootbags? No I married her. Oh my god. Oh, we've got a bit too 70s. That's all that Crossroads talk. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast.

I'm not totally sure how it's going. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com.