The Frank Skinner Show - Uninhabitable

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Frank has seen two very different films this week and went on a walking holiday with Cath. The team also catch up on some Outside World from the loyal readers. Send in your correspondence to [e-mail] or Whatsapp us on 07457 417 769. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to this year's championship game. This is the big one. With Amex Platinum, you have access to an annual dining credit to some of the hottest restaurants around town. Score! So you can raise the bar on game night. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca slash y-a-m-x. It's Frank off the radio, featuring him and that posh lady-o, and the one with the French name, from South Africa came.

They're all here, open brackets, hooray! Close brackets today. Yodel-a-loo-hoo, yodel-a-loo-hoo, yodel-a-loo-hoo. This is Frank of the Radio, I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram, not necessarily in that order. You can email the podcast via frankofradio.avilonuk.com Um, you can WhatsApp us on ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo It's like an episode of Opportunity Knot. Well... And I rather like it for that.

Oh, I did the worst thing I've done for ages. Another murder. Well, I felt like doing one. Did you present the Brits again? I felt like doing one and then turning the gun on myself afterwards. Oh my god. What was it? I watched The Joker Joker or is it called

Joker? Now can you just, I get so confused with all these bloody jokers. So is this the Joaquin Phoenix? Yes. Okay. And this was meant to be very good, is it not? Oh it's, I think he won an Oscar or something. Oh he's always winning Oscars. The serials always do. Oh, it was the most depressing fucking film I've ever seen in my life. It is about a stand-up comedian as well. He got lured in because it was called Joker. He thought it would be funny. You know, we've all fantasized about shooting three city boys on a subway. I know it's horrible but... But afterwards it was in my bones.

It was so deeply deeply depressing. Really? Oh man it's just all about the world's terrible and everybody hates each other and it was like a sort of a speech, a right-wing speech made into film. It has, unfortunately, it has appealed to a certain subculture, I should say. It's really appealed to people who like films but without the S. People who like film. Because I saw Superman this week, the new movie. And is that Henry Cavill?

No. Have they sacked Cavill? No. Oh, have they sacked Cavill? Cavill left. Why did Cavill leave? To spend more time with Warhammer. That's a bit EastEnders excuse, isn't it? No, it's genuinely to spend more time with Warhammer. I wish he wouldn't call his wife that. The old Warhammer. We've all got nicknames. We've all got nicknames. What, um, who's the new Superman? Oh, he's, uh, something wet. Oh, that's not a very good name. What's his name?

Something Wetts. Yeah, he was great. I love it. He needs to change his name. Hang on. You cannot be Superman and be called Wetts. No, it's something, it's like Cohen Wetts or something. Oh, okay. But this is, um, it's going back to sort of classic Superman, right? With his super dog and this, what's this called? Crypto's in it. You'd love it, cryptosin it, Emily. Jimmy McGee, who's the junior reporter that's kind of?

We don't know his name. Don't mention. The production team have looked this name up, but they're refusing to share it with us for some reason. Don't mention. They're just writing it down. Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy Olsen.

No, that was one of the flaws in the film. I've never even heard. David Corrensweat. What? David Corrensweat.? David Coran's sweat. Do you remember that? He was made, you know they made cheese out of, was it Jimmy Carr's? Bum. Yeah. Yeah. They made him out of Victoria Coran's sweat. Oh, quite fragrant. Coran's sweat. Yeah. So erm. I've never even heard of him. It's a. I've got to tell you this because I've read three people who like film reviews of it saying

really slagging it off and it's brilliant and the reason they don't like it is because it's not dark enough. It's not got somebody who's very, very troubled and had a brutalized child and then shoots three people on a subway. They want a version of it where Superman goes to the the Fortress of Solitude in the Arctic to do heroin. Exactly, exactly. Listen to jazz. And it's great, I'd really recommend the new super. And you would love it because Crypto the super dark is in it.

Well, I've just looked up David Coren's sweat. Does that help as well? I'm in. I know but it's very dog based. Screw the dog. I'm absolutely committed to David Corran's sweat now. Oh I say. Can't believe Emily's in. Yeah. Quote screw the dog. I need to see what kind of dog it is first. Is it a real dog? It's a CGI dog, but it's still really nice. It's like Snowy from Tintin. It's like a big Snowy. Snowy if you had longer legs.

It's not like one of those dogs who imputes the dog. It's a bit rougher than the original. Do you remember the original Crypto in the Silver Age comics? What do you think? He wears a red cape. He can fly. He's a super dog. Oh, I love it when the dog wears a red cape. He can fly. They generally do. He's a super dog. Oh, I love it when the dog wears a cape. Can I just tell you that? Listen, I'm trying to win you over.

You know when they have post-credit little moments where they... I quite like that. Well, I won't tell you the last one, but there's one in the middle of the credits and this is it's Superman sort of sitting on a cloud looking out at the sunset and he's from behind and the dog's on his lap with his head on his shoulder. It's really, that's it, that's the whole thing. It's really lovely.

Do you know why I've worked out why you're giving this such the hard sell? I've just looked up some information on Corrin Sweat. He and his wife Julia were married at Immaculate Conception Church. Oh, it's all the truth's coming out now. Well anyway. She's Catholic, I believe he's Jewish. Okay, right combo. I love it, the wedding had a priest and a rabbi.

Old and New Testament. So, yeah, Jimmy Olsen is my only problem because Jimmy Olsen was one of the few proper ginger comic book heroes. Yeah. There was him and Lana Lang, the first girlfriends of Superman. Oh, really? Alfred E. Newman from Mad Cone. I loved that one. I was going to say Alfred E. Newman. Yeah.

Elongated man, do you remember? Aye, aye. Get it? Yes, I get it, Frank. So anyway, they've made him brown haired in this. I mean, in bright light, there's a slight hint of all that. But he's very freckled the actor. That helps. But they haven't, they've backed, it's honestly, it's like if they say we're remaking Black Panther now with Dolph Lundgren as Black Panther. It's wrong. You know I championed Gingers across. He's the most ginger looking non-ginger though, no?

That actor? No. In history. He's nowhere near ginger enough. You don't really get a bright light on his hair till near the end and then you think, oh, maybe slightly ginger. You don't really get a bright light on his hair till near the end and then you think oh maybe Slightly ginger so they let the side down, but it's it's great And whereas I came out of that feeling like I the world was a fabulous place

Whereas I came out the Joker thinking I've probably got a some sort of genital disease and I don't know about, yeah. From sitting on the seats. It's just from watching it. That's not the first time you've thought that. But now, how much of- Why do people want to watch depressing-

I think they like it. How much of this despair, Frank, was because in the movie Joker, there's a lot of like failing stand-up comedian like is it like is that what it is is it like watching someone bomb that feeling of going on oh god look at that look at them crash um well it was horrible the thing is he's let's say the joker is neurodiverse so when he goes on stage he just goes slightly, WAAAHAHAHA! WAAAHAHAHA! Slightly getting the roles of the audience and comedian mixed up. But it's a tragic, he's stand-up act, watching anyone die on stage is terrible, but he's like someone who's very, very troubled.

There's nothing, there's no light in the film at all. No. Like Batman, they've met Batman, Batman has to talk like this all the time and he has to stand and look at the moon. And all that black eyeliner. When I was reading Batman as a kid he's a good old laugh. He had Robin with him, they had a laugh, they had Aunt Harriet, you know, it was a fun thing. He had quite a nice tan. He had quips. Oh man, they're really... And the bromance with Alfred, Albert? Alfred?

Alfred, yeah. Pennyworth. Has he still got up, Pennyworth? Has he still got Alfred? Well, I think there was, in the Joker, there was a bloke who I think was supposed to be Alfred. Yes. And he was just a brutish. Bruce Wayne's dad was horrible.

Yeah. Anyway, this is a late review for Joker. I only watched it because everyone said to me, you'll really like it's really dark. And I thought, oh, forget it. But what about this? I watched it at the Everyman Cinema. Did you?

Did you go with your son? I did. Did he like it? He loved it. Because we like... Different things. Nice stuff. That's what we like.

Not nasty stuff. Anyway, so I went up to the counter. Now I don't know if you've ever been to the Everyman Cinema, but it's a place where you get food to eat, proper food, not just... Well I call it one of the Flapjacks and Black Coffee cinemas. Which is a bit more than that. Well I know it is, but it sums up the kind of films you get there as opposed to the popcorn... Wasabi peas. Yes, it's a bit more wasabi peas. Yes, it's a bit more wasabi peas. But get this, we went onto the bar and there's

a very nice young woman said, can I help you? And I said, can we order some food? We're watching Superman. She said, do you need any help at all? No, no, she was a bit cool for that. She had piercings in the face. Okay, I'm glad you've specified where exactly her piercings were. The only ones I saw. Oh God, Frank. I'm not sure about specified where exactly her piercings were. Well that's the only ones I saw. Oh God Frank. I'm not sure about the piercing. I've never seen anyone enhanced by a facial piercing personally. No? No.

And also... I can like a good nose pierce. I feel in the midst of a heatwave, lightning is just around the corner. I don't want to be having to take all those out if I'm in the middle of a field somewhere. If you spend too long in the sun, silver piercing could become like a car door handle. Exactly. Yeah, they're more dark. You haven't got any fillings, aren't you worried about those? But they're in shade. My fillings are always in shade. Imagine the kind of shocking day you'd have to have to constantly expose them to enough sunlight.

How many fillings do you think you've got? Three? Oh God. Do you want to have a look? About three I reckon. Blimey, a Riley, yeah. There's no fillings with this stuff anymore. It's toxic apparently. Just uranium. Yeah, it was mined in Birmingham. Oh man. Someone said I haven't got to my point yet. I'm so sorry I just had to know how many fillings you had. Well I don't know, feel free to count them.

Do you know what I don't even think the dentist would know. But look where my teeth stop. I don't want to look where your teeth stop. My teeth stop there. Where are the rest of them? I'm afraid they're stop there. Where are the rest of them? I'm afraid they're somewhere in Birmingham. In the Black Country Museum? Well yeah, I don't know. Anyway you're in the cafe. So I went up to the bar and I said to the pierced lady. Frank don't call her the pierced lady, makes them sideshow freak. Just say the woman at the cafe bar, we don't even say woman, we should just say the person serving us I've just remembered that I have my first experience of piercings was downstairs piercings Hmm. What do you mean downstairs? You know downstairs on the lady but the butler on the lady. Okay. Oh, I serving stuff

Do I want to know this? Well she was very nice and everything but I'd never seen... Well I'm not about to comment on her character. I've never seen downstairs piercings before. This was many years ago and they were still in their infancy. Yeah hold me. And it reminded me a bit of when you ate a Christmas pudding and you had to be careful you didn't bite one of the silver threat limits. I knew it. Is that why you're missing all those teeth, Frank? I should have been warned.

You wonder why I don't wish to open these doors sometimes. Anyway, let me tell you what happened. So she said, what? Oh no, please tell me more about the Christmas pudding you brought it all did you actually maybe I did anyway she brought it up eventually Frank I never thought I'd say this but please can we return to the pierced woman yes so she said well I said can order some food for we're watching Superman she said okay and me and bars, can order some food for, we're watching Superman. She said, okay.

And me and Buzz had both just been to HMV and he'd bought us a Superman badge. He, she was, we were both wearing, love it. Anyway, so I'll tell you what, now you're thinking, why is he giving us all these details? But it might make sense in a minute. So I said, I'm just gonna have chips. Cause I don't know about you,

but as I got into later life, I think the things you have with chips just get in the way of chips, you know. Do you know I think that's true actually, just order the chips. That's what you want. Nothing can compare with chips. You're right. Nothing compares to chips. No. Hold on till I get the tear. Chips.

That was a special Birmingham version. Anyway I said well I'll just have chips. Boss said I'll have the giant dog with onions you know the hot dog with onions, you know, the hot dog. Oh, goodness me. Then we had a giant sweet popcorn, and he had one of those sweet cups of chocolate honeycomb, and then we had, I had a gingerella, and he had an orange something. So we had quite a big order.

She said, okay, she wrote it all down. She said, here's the thing, the tills aren't working at the moment. I said, well, I, I, boss said, I think I've got 10 pounds. I thought, how old are you? You think 10 pounds is going to cover this? You need a mortgage. That should have been me saying that. You're calling Nat West. I think I've got ten shillings.

So she said, I said I don't have any cash and she said, well, I'm afraid we're going to have to give it you on the house. No. And I said. Is that right? Are you serious? She said, yeah, we don't have any tail facilities and we offer food so we have to give you the food. So, but if you'd have had the cash or if may

I say... No, she's so sorry we can't accept cash, we're a cashless. Really? Because the, uh huh, yeah. So Buzz said, oh well in that case, I'll have another popcorn as a joke. And she said, but that's what people have been saying for the last hour. We've told them and they've said oh well in that case I'll have another and she said we've got to give it up because... You do know you don't expect that from every man customer. No. I'm shocked but that's a result Frank because I want to, Pierre you're good at maths, I

want to say I reckon that was over 22 pounds. Maybe over 30. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well maybe, it was in Cheltenham, remember, not in London. I don't know if Cheltenham's quite... Let's settle at £24. Yes. You saved yourself a wedge.

Do you remember when we were in, was I with you? We were in Cheltenham and me, you and our tour manager, I'm talking to Pieno by the way, listeners. Yeah. And we were with my mother-in-law Sandy Mason and she said, oh come and look at this lovely shop. Were you with me then or was it on the second tour? I'm not sure. Anyway, she took me and Omar and maybe Pierre to look at this underwear shop, like a large array. I wasn't there for this, me lad. Me and Omar were both a bit...

Your witness. She said they're lovely bras in here but they're very expensive. Women's underwear? Yeah, lingerie. I thought you meant men's. No lingerie. I think it would have been weird if she'd been like, there's some lovely posing patches. Yeah, exactly. That is really... Yeah... yeah she took you into Prowler. I think of one of my favourite shops. I've taken you to Prowler Frank haven't I? What is Prowler? What do you think it is? It's in Old Compton Street in London. Oh is it a gay place? Yes Prowler. What does it sell though? Gay things. Oh those are the gas masks with a big fan sticking out the end. That was a dream.

When Covid was on. That was a dream you had. It reminds me of my childhood in the Blitz. During Covid I used to wear them for pressing buttons in public places. Frank, they're not gas masks. Get to the Pelican Cross. And people stayed more than two metres away from you. Exactly, they did. They're for people who enjoy the BDSM lifestyle and things like that. Look, I'm all, don't get me

wrong, I love that it exists. It's sort of Jock Straps in the Window, that sort of thing. Jock Straps in the Window, I know, I know, it's serious. There's jockstraps in the window. There are gas masks with the fallacies. They're not gas masks, Frank. What are they? They're based on... There's jockstraps in the window. Jockstraps in the window.

I don't know why that... There's stockings on them. Yeah. Yeah. So, don't you find that remarkable? What, the jockstap in the window? The free food. I find that a weird policy though, that presumably, I mean, if things go wrong.

I've thought about sending the money to everyone. Have you? Maybe they have a deal with whoever does their tills that if they screw up, then they have to cover the food. Oh God, no. No, but that would be, no, I don't mean the people. No, the employee. I mean the company.

No, the pierced lady's not paying. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying that. She's not going to send them to those gold adverts on the telly. No, no, no. I'm saying like, you know, GloboCorp till processing. Oh yeah. We don't mind them paying.

I don't mind that GloboCorp. Yeah. Yeah. I like the film. We don't mind them paying for it. I don't mind that Globo Corp. Yeah. I like the film. We don't mind them paying. American Sandwich disappears in Japan and a Biscoff McFlurry blackout in Belgium. Uh oh, it's just in. We can now confirm the stolen favorites have resurfaced at McDonald's Canada. The international menu heist. Try them all while you can for a limited time in participating McDonald's in Canada. And then in a strange reverse of this, me and Kath went on a bit of a walking trip.

Lovely. Were you allowed to know where you went? Where we ended up in Stroud. Oh, is that where you sent that picture? I know it's from Cheltenham, you sent me a lovely birthday video. Yes, that was from Cheltenham. Do you mean to end up in Stroud? Yeah, but we were staying to end up in Stroud? Yeah.

Cathy loves Stroud. We were staying at a hotel. I think I can name the hotel. It's called the Stroud Hotel. It's right next to the station. Oh, I didn't see that coming. Save us all that detective work. I wonder where that will come up on my Google search.

Hotel loves Stroud. So we thought we'd have a post-marital, you know, a nice sort of honeymoon evening together. Oh that's so sweet Frank. So we got in the room, fucking hell. It was like Bickram hotel room. Oh yeah. What do you mean? You know Bickram yoga when you're doing a... It was so hot. It was so hot, was it?

Was there no aircon? Oh man. Well there was one fan who, as Kat said, just moves the air around. Oh she's not still following you around. Yeah, exactly. I haven't had a fan in a hotel room for years. Anyway, I went down to the man and I said it's absolutely unbearable. He said well it's been very hot. Oh we know that. I said no it's been

hot outside. I said but you know we have come, he said I'll get you another fan. I said well I don't think the fans do. Anyway then we had two fans in the that has been a long time since that happened. In fact we had to stop due to an accidental clash of heads. True story. That's made it worse true story. Anyway. Don't say true story next time and leave us with the fabulous possibility that that's not a true story. Okay. So um. In the room. Too hot. We couldn't breathe in there. It was so hot. It's the trouble with putting a fan in a hot room is that it's how a fan oven works. Yeah. Well, yes. And even like I read this recently with dogs, people always get fans out to cool them down. That's terrible. It doesn't actually help

them. It just waves the hot air around. Well well I'm not exaggerating but it was it was it reminded me of high tipping in the Punjab. Was Poppy with you? No we'd have been the dog would have just died in our arms. So I went down and I said mate we got to have to check out I can't. you find I said I want to refund That's quite hot. They're being that assertive and he said I'm not I'm not authorized to give you a refund and I said but look If it's an uninhabitable room. Yeah, how do we habit it? You know what I mean? I said, you can't stay in the room.

We'll die if we stay in that room. He said, well we've done our best. It's been very hot outside. I said, no, I appreciate it. I'm not blaming you. I'm not coming down here swearing or raving. But we can't. No one could stay in that room. And what does he say? He said, well I can't give you a refund. He just gave me the manager's email. So watch this space. Have you contacted the manager?

Well, my PA has contacted the manager. Oh, here we go. I've handed it over now to my staff. But I just want to run it by you. Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Well, as a South African who's used to these temperatures... Oh no, I hate that kind of hot room. I've stayed in a lot of regional hotels and they do tend to just blast the heat regardless of the weather

outside. Well there was no heating on, it was just... I don't know, I really do think like they'll just go, well on arrival we're sick of people, it takes so long to warm up a whole building, let's just keep it insanely warm all year round. With some sort of insane central boiler that we've inherited from a Victorian hotel. No but what they should have had is they should have had if they haven't got air con but you're right because you're paying. We're not paying to stay it was a nice room I got no complaints about that but you couldn't leave it. I think the rule should be it shouldn't be a lesser level of comfort to your own abode. But you couldn't stay in there, we would have perished. It's not difficult to keep a room cool on a hot day, you just close the

curtains and close the windows but I think this is an example of someone who's not used to hot temperatures, the hotel guy. Well it was in England. But that's what I mean but he would have gone oh it's boiling hot outside, it's nice and cool inside. I'm not pointing any fingers. What happened? I don't know what we could have done. The corridor was slightly cooler. Did you get any sleep at all?

Did you get any sleep at all? I don't wish to pry into your private life. We checked out. Did you check out? Yeah, you couldn't stay there. And they didn't refund you the night stay? No. Oh, well then they did.

He wasn't authorised. Oh, OK. It might yet happen. Where did you go and stay? Sandy Mason's. And Sandy Mason's was cooler. Sandy Mason's was perfectly cool and that's just a little house. Anyway I don't want to complain too much. I did have one fabulous experience. I don't want to complain I'll just let my PA get on with it. Why the fuck, you'll like this Emily especially, we got on a regional bus in Cheltenham. Oh how cute. But I love getting buses in the countryside and stuff, it's an adventure. I like the white and green ones. And also my freedom pass is national.

So I got on the bus and... Mr. Boss. Strange flex. national. So I got on the bus and the guy said it's a pound for the dog. I said what? He said what? Pound for the dog. I said I got a pound for the dog and he said yeah that's a pound. For the dog? That's a new penny for the guy. Dog pound? I said to him, perhaps that's what he meant. That dog deserves to be in the mouth. She was frothing at the mouth. She hadn't been in room 22 but it was a hot day. He was calling the RSPCA. Yeah, so I'll show you, you'll like this. Pound for the dog. That's not a thing, surely. I took a photo, let me show you this. I'll put this on. He must have, he can't have meant that.

I don't like it when you query something and they just repeat what they said. No, it's the real, I've got evidence, look at that. I've got evidence, I've got evidence. It says here, Frank is absolutely right, it's got the name of the bus company, are we allowed to say this? Well I'm not condemning them, it's their rule. And it says, cash price, one pound, and the ticket says, dog single. I mean, I think Poppy's marital status is none of your business.

It's your own business. Yeah, she's not on a... Miss, Miss Poppy, we call her. You get a dog return? What I like is dogs. I suppose you can get a dog return. And then it says, paid by Visa card, as if Poppy paid for this. Poppy had a visa.

But I love dog single. Who took American Express? No. I'm sorry. Dog single. by Visa card as if Poppy made for this. Poppy had to make this. And I love dog single. You took American Express. No. I'm sorry. I- Dog single. Oh my God. Is that right Frank? That's so, cause I don't believe that's the case in London, is it? I said to Kath, if I put her on the seat now, will they be all right with it? Because she

has theoretically paid for a seat. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You don't have to pay for a dog on the train. I mean, I should point out she's covered in shit. Well she wasn't. It doesn't stop anyone else on the bathroom sitting on seats. Exactly, especially the night boss. You're not allowed on if you're not covered in chairs. There's plenty of bare bumholes attached to those seats at the night boss. I absolutely love that story.

There's something so fabulously League of Gentlemen about Pound for the Dog. It's sinister. It's so sinister. Delivered from behind a Hannibal Lecter style screen. Oh, it's... I do love a regional boss. That's great. Well, I do, but I don't like it if they're going to charge Pound for the dog. I don't mind paying a pound for the dog. It becomes universal. I like the name Pullums, maybe a good leash brand. It's not a great advert for a boss company. Poems. Talking of dogs, we've heard from Emily Milson who's got in touch to say a while ago we visited the shrine to Greyfriars Bobby. Oh yeah. You remember because I was saying I was somewhat

disappointed a little underwhelmed by Greyfriars Bobby. Oh yeah. Well no because I went first as a child and my dad was doing the Edinburgh Festival and we went up there and I did a project on it and it was this magical place in my mind and then having gone back it was a magical place in my mind. And then having gone back, it was a little disappointing. A little cigarette strewn and sleazy. But I was gonna say, do you mean- If you're gonna be on your owner's grave day after day, you're allowed to smoke.

Oh, Frank. Well, Emily continues. I should say we got to this because one of you maintained that the Copenhagen mermaid had got very shiny breasts from over touching. It was me and we've got news on that. The very next day, you know when you get those featured photographs on your phone, was me with the mermaid. You could see her breasts, matte finish. That's all I'm saying. I didn't know he was involved. We've got news on that because

I was absolutely right, if you've got a correct Sione on that maybe you could show this. But anyway Emily Milson says she visited the shrine to graefriars Bobby and like Emily we found it a bit fly-blown, love that word, and smelling of wheat. Now does she mean... Well again if you're going to live there for years. But the most depressing moment was when we saw the sign by the entrance railings, no dogs. How SHIT is that? Now, I think she might mean the actual owner's grave as appeared opposed to the Greyfriars Bobby monument.

She means Greyfriars Cemetery. Right, where the owner's grave is in there. Yes, but the Greyfriars Bobby is the statue. Yes. That's just on its own. Yeah, I think there is, I think there's a plaque of something in the cemetery. I would agree that both it sounds like then we can conclude from this from my research and hers, both Emily's working tirelessly for the, on the research at the front here, both are, have seen better days. I think Bobby's buried in the cemetery, isn't he? I don't know. Could be any dog. I think so.

Yeah, that's so horrible. Could be any dog. You had to say that about human beings, couldn't you? How much does it cost to bury the dog? Well, they're not going to take it to another cemetery. That's a pound that I've to spend. Even for a dead one. That's two pounds. Yeah, we had a correction on the boobs. Yes, we had a couple, but Stephen from Dublin.

Well, of course it was a couple. Stephen from Dublin, and we love his green, don't we? Good afternoon, Emily, Frank and Pierre. I love the show. I'm sure whether this will be reacted, I should have redacted that. I should have in advance. Anyway, read the Little Mermaid's shiny boobs. Perhaps you're mistaking the shiny boobs of Molly Malone. Oh, I think we had this before.

Because I do remember I got it wrong, but we haven't shared. No, no, but I think we've had the correct year only before. Have we? We're always getting our boobs mixed up. But there was another one about Verona, the statue of Juliet in the little courtyard in Verona. Oh, they haven't. Also has a shiny left breast. They haven't been touching Juliet's breast.

Yeah, they haven't. Well, people are terrible. They're not Shakespeare literate enough to know that she's 14. And also a Vains Ron with poison. True. Yeah. Again, what's mine? Roll in this nursey. Yeah. I'll be Friar Lawrence. Oh, wouldn't you? Do you know you'd be a lovely little Friar Lawrence?

Who would be Pierre? He was essentially a drug dealer. I'm seeing Pierre as a Tybalt figure. Oh, do you think? Yeah, he's masculine and a bit of a warrior. Spearman 2, I think, is my main... Spearman 2. You're not is my main... Spearman 2. You're not a Romeo. I didn't like the first one that much. Do you think he's a Romeo? No. No, no, no, he's not a Romeo.

Imagine if he climbed up your balcony at the front of the fucking house. Pull it down. It'd be like King Kong. Little planes would come and cheer you. Exactly, yeah. It was beauty. Beauty killed the South African. Look a JCB arriving out of something. I wouldn't mind him climbing up the front, please.

Oh, Frank! Anyway. Oh dear. We've also heard from Stephen in Howdon, East Yorkshire. Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, regarding the... Have we, because like... Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, regarding the recent discussion on famous wearers of string vests, we've been discussing for a while, people weave in string vest wearers we have loved. For me, there's only one resident in a string vest chair and I was surprised they'd slipped Frank's mind. I am of course referring to those aquatic enemies of Doctor Who, the Sea Devils.

Oh yes. I've included a picture for the edification of Emily and Pierre, who may not be as familiar with the water-dwelling cousins of the Silurians? Silurians, yeah. Long time reader, first time writer. Praise your redacted in advance. Are you familiar with the sea devils? Oh yes, the sea devils. In fact, I went out with a lady. I went out with a sea devil.

And I have been out with a sea devil. I've just seen this string first. Sort of wearing fishing nets. We should put a picture of this up online so our readers can see. Remember that's a picture of the Pertwee era when the monster, you know we had no CGI then. Oh it's not the sophisticated of there it is now. Just a bucket of latex and some dreams. But what I like is the acting is still the same. I went out with a lady who's granddad had filmed that actual series that you're showing there. You went out with the granddaughter of a sea devil. Sea devil, yeah, with John

Pertwee. So she was, he filmed it all, he was the DOP as they call it. Why did the sea devil wear a string vest? Was it meant to be a Neptune? I think it's aqua-dynamic. I don't know, I suppose if you're going to swim you might as well catch some fish while you're at it. I mean, while we're here, why does the sea devil wear clothes and where does the sea devil buy the clothes from? Well the sea devils have got a whole, they were here first, I should make that clear, before humans. Oh they're from Earth?

Yeah. Like your Faraj. Oh, so it's a sort of mole man thing. Sea devil wearing a tweed suit. Yeah. Who was it first, after all? There's actually a spin-off series on the way about, which will include the Sea Devils, Russell Tovey.

What's the spin-off? Is it Doctor Who? It's called, let me get this right, the Battle Between Land and Sea. Is it Register nurse who? It's a spin-off for when you can't get a hold of the main series. Nurse practitioner who? NHS helpline. Yeah, 111 who. That'd be good.

What's it called, that NHS? NHS helpline, is it? No, it's got something catchier than that. Is it? Oh, I don't know. It's triple one, I don't know. It's triple one I think. But the idea that Doctor Who's not on your phone up and get maybe a bit of a storyline. Yeah, it's a great idea. It's called Frank Skinner's Poetry Pod...

Oh no, I've just been handed that as a readout. It's very confusing, you're asking for information and somebody passes something else. Anyway, so that's on soon with Russell. We don't know when. Oh that's a shame because I'd love to have watched it. I think you should watch it. This will be a modern one, it will be CGI. I tried with that last episode. I really went in hard for you and Anyway, no like it's not that I know likey, but just you know I just can't no you don't have to I've tried with the Superman film. It's just the Zygons. You know I can't do it Frank. No well I've it's NHS 111. I'll put a bit of cream on them, they're all right. It's NHS 111, just FYI. Okay.

That's not the name I'm thinking of. Is it not? Urgent Care? I'm talking about the app. Anyway, no matter, I should say that Frank Skinner... Who? Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast is back on Wednesday the 23rd of July. Episode 1 is RS Thomas. Do you

know RS Thomas? No. He was a Welsh poet who was also an Anglican vicar and he was sort of famously difficult bloke. A quote from him was, the last vicar here had no brain whatsoever. Everyone loved him. But I went to the church where he preached in, if there's any Welsh listeners, forgive me, but Egwysfac, just outside Aberystwyth. And what he did, this is in the podcast. I'm slightly preempting but he Him and his wife stripped the whole church out and painted it black and painted all that They took all the varnish off the juice paint It's just like a sort of theater and they got rid of all the fancy Stuff and got wrought iron crosses and shot. It's still the same. They've kept it the same

They didn't get any permission from the Church of England or Church of Wales, just did he. They just thought we're gonna goth us out. Wow. So I actually stood in the pulpit and read some of his poetry to the locals. It's very exciting. Anyway, so he's brilliant. So check that out at Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast, when is it? The 23rd of July? Wherever you get your podcasts, Dr Frankenstein. Thank you, Igor. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, it's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode and if you want to get in touch you can email the podcast via

frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com