The Frank Skinner Show - Wolf Snout

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

This week Pierre went to a Halloween Party and had a problem with his costume. There’s also chat about 67, scary movies and lying to Elvis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Conditions and exclusions apply. Get no frills delivered. Shop the same in-store prices online and enjoy unlimited delivery with PC Express Pass. Get your first year for $2.50 a month. Learn more at pceexpress.ca. It's Frank off the radio featuring him and that posh ladyo and the one with the French name who from South Africa came. They're all here open brackets to rain. Close brackets today. This is Frank Off the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pia Navelli.

Followed the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Offeradio, Avalon, UK.com. You can WhatsApp us. Get up. Oh, 7457474-17679. Leave a voice, no trouble line. It's Frank off the radio, gold every time. Love so strong, they should be a crows.

Lovely. Laugh so strong, there should be a crime. Did you just throw something at the beginning of the podcast? What was it? I didn't throw anything. I thought you just threw an object. Not frank. Oh, okay. That's not very you.

You're not a very throw-it-in-the-bin. You're not that type, are you? I once made a tour manager wait for, I think it was somewhere between 25 and 35 minutes. Because I really wanted to get a rolled-up piece of paper into a cop at the other end of the dressing room. Really? Yeah. Before or after a show? After a show.

I'd started before the show, but then needs must have a break to do the gig. And then I thought, soon I'll be back throwing that bit of paper. But I don't do that now. Apparently, it's that way madness lies. Really? They're not so bad. I've never been very keen on them. You've never been a Suggs fan.

No, not. Well, he's, I'm sure he's a nice man, but I find madness, a big comedy. Yes, but you know what? I read his culture questionnaire in The Times last weekend, and he's very cultured. Fave play. They ask you Fave play. Yeah.

His was waiting for God, oh. That explains a little bowler hat. Yes, but the problem is for those questionnaires. I thought you were a bit more craps lost tapes, I thought. What if you challenged them when they said waiting for Godo? You said, really, I thought you were a fan of Beckett's earlier work. When he was working with Joyce,

what if you really dug deep? I think what you're suggesting is a bit Ramon's T-shirt. I'm not saying he's Ramon's T-shirt. I'm just saying, with that whole culture questionnaire, how do you know? I think no one has ever done a questionnaire in the paper based on what they actually think, based on what I want people to think about me is what it is.

And all the kids are walking around now with their Primark Harold Pinter t-shirts on. Name a single pause. I told you. That I would buy. A journalist said to me, what's your guilty pleasure? And I said, I love watching those military parades in North Korea

with the big missiles and stuff. And he said, okay, what do you think about Abba? I said, well, I don't particularly like Ava, but you know, you have to admire their songwriting abilities. and then when it was printed it said guilty pleasure as Abba. Did it? Yeah.

What do they say what's your guilty pleasure? I'm pro-capital punishment. Yeah. I think you should say that. I take an air rifle to the park and I shoot squirrels. I feel awful about it, but I can't stop. Snuff movie.

Who actually feels guilty about liking Abba? Nobody. The Taliban? Yeah. Guilty pleasure is like shoplifting or someone like that Also as we've discussed it ceased to exist Now that popular culture has become the dominant culture And there's no guilt anymore

Because people don't believe in God More's the pity As it GK Chesterton said On Celebrity Big Brother I believe He said when people stop believing in God They find it much easier to believe in anything else Now we're not.

Christoles anyone? Once we had Godfranc, now we have 6'7. Sixth? Does not say 6'7? I'll say he does a lot. And if 6.7 should randomly appear, he'll laugh for 10 minutes. Does he? Really?

Does he laugh if it's on strictly or something? Anything, yeah. When was it 6-7 one week? He just said 6-7 and laugh to himself. It's so weird the way they love it so much. It's creepy. It creeps me out. the 6-7 thing.

I don't understand it. Well, I do understand a bit. What is it? What's his name? What do you say his name, how do you say this name please? Skilwix. Skrillex? Scrillex. That's it. He can tell us about. Scrillx. He's back. Do you know him? No, who's that?

I thought he would be old now, wouldn't he? Dropping big booms in his old folks home or something. I don't know what the name is. It's not Skrillx. No, I thought he was about 60 now as well. Dubs. I don't know what you're talking about. This is where 6-7 is from. I feel I'll wake up in a minute in bed.

I know, but it's good for you. Blubly blubid it just sounds. We need to teach you things. This is where six, seven, from. We need to know where it's from. I don't need to know where it's from. Oh, I thought you said you wanted to know. No, I don't care.

It's scrilla. Oh, I thought he wanted to know he has zero interest. Let's move on. There's all this stuff like, he really likes Italian brain rot. Yes, I know what that is. Yeah. Well, six seven is brain rot, isn't it? It's all brain rot.

I told you. know where it's from, I'll tell you later. That's the verb. I told you, my, he was going to Halloween as Vins Clotho, the possessed Louis Tully from Ghostbusters. I think I dated him. And he wears a colander with all these wires on it because it's like, you know, electrodes in his brain type thing. So he bought a colander bars and he's been decorating it with bits of wire and it looked great.

And then on Halloween night, there was lightning. He was too frightened to wear it. It had like electrodes and stuff in it as well. Great news, though, for anyone who was being the Frankenstein monster. Yes. Because that's, man, that's his Red Bull, lightning. It really is. It could cure your hay fever.

Yeah. You get zapped in the bolt. I think he used it as another. long clock in the original Frankenstein films. Remind me. Well, he didn't carry on screaming as well, which is, yeah, saves you reading the

the novel, I find. I think so. Frank, you were, I'm so sorry, interrupted with six, seven, and took us down a strange road, but you were in the middle of telling us something. Was it? Yes, I feel you were. I interrupted you, didn't I? What could have been? Okay, well, I've taken a... Oh, it doesn't matter.

There'll be other good stuff coming along through. Let's hope so. I've had a couple of, sort of Halloween experience and a Halloween adjacent experience, speaking of Halloween. I saw something that I found unsettling. It was quite Halloweeny and I don't think should be allowed. Was adjacent in Halloween? He was the, um...

What's the summer called Jason? Jason. Jason is in, oh God, what are they called? The one where they're at the lake. Friday the 13? 30 years. Oh, okay. Mike Myers. It's a bloody good try now for an old man. Mike Myers was in Halloween, before he was in Austin Powers. Jason always seemed like a bit of a, like the kind of guy I would have dated or something

and grown up with Jason. Pocky mask. It's not really a monster's name, isn't it? No, it is like the Steve thing from... It's a bit Steve. Who did the murder? Michael as well, isn't that? Yeah, Mike Myers.

Halloween. Yeah. That's the character's name. And the white mask he wears in Halloween, Mike Myers, is a painted white William Shatner Star Trek mask. Is it? Wow. Yeah. Once you know that, you can't unsee it.

Do you like Halloween in the film? No, I don't like horror films of any kind. Do you like William Shatner? Oh, okay. Do you like Friday's 13th? No. I won't watch them. Why?

No. I've told you, I don't want... Anything to do with. The dressing gown hanging on my door to suddenly become a hovering corpse at 3 o'clock in the morning. There's no way to speak about your partner. I know. I can't live with the fear that remains.

if I watch a horror film. I think it's so adorable that you're a bit frightened of the most. It's one of the things I love most about you. I think it's, as Jokoski said, Patateek. Patateek. Yeah? What's the closest to an actual horror film you've seen then?

Oh, yeah. What's the top of the scale? Well, I have seen, the top of the scale was, you know, Day of the Dead? Day of the Dead, yeah. There was a sequel to that. George Romero. was dawn of the dead then day of the dead

oh well it was day of the dead if it's the right one it was zombies pulling people eating intestines oh yeah were they sort of at an air base with the chain link fence and things yeah well that could be any film

yeah it was a bit like an old it was a bit like an old MTV video there was one of those chain link fences and I think there were zombies playing basketball so I've got the two all mixed up together I'll tell you what I am here I can only like horror if it's something that would happen So if it's killers, I'm fine with that, because that could happen.

Anything to do with zombies and ghosts is ridiculous. I cannot believe in that. And I just see an actor getting paid minimum wage. I feel sorry for them with all this makeup caking off them, going back to a bed sit. Twelve hours in the chair. I can't do it. Anyway. Someone dressed up like a goblin saying, it's a living, darling.

I see them smoking a cigarette afterwards. I've just found out. I'm afraid the Richard the third has fallen through. Absolutely devastating. It's a bloody shame as well, a bloody good little theatre that. Jason with a hockey mask smoking thing, I'll never plough the day from behind it. It's a shame. You know, it's a lovely actor.

Lovely little actor. I just can't the pathos of the actor having to be reduced to dressing as a zombie. Depresses me too much, Frank. And you know, there aren't take 17 of having to leap out of a hatch. And you think, God, what a long day. Well, how hot it is in that hatch. Yeah, that is fair.

Love, love, can you give me some water down here, love? Absolutely pot. It has to be in a straw, the lips are cracking. It must be weird on set when there's sort of people eating intestine. Yeah. They're sort of trying to make an intestine out of all melted hairy-blow or something. It must be blow, some blow, Candacea, with a big carrier bag full of intestine, having to top it up at the end of a new take.

Yeah, and they've got fake blood because Kenny's cousin knows how to make it. Yeah, oh God. And a big jelly can. Yeah, then you find out Kenny's a bag full of intestine. cousin works on an abattoir two months later. I think you'd smell it. Anyway, your Halloween, I do apologize to, yeah. During Halloween week, I saw a fairly Halloween thing, which I didn't like, and I don't think

should be allowed. I saw, I walked past a parked hearse, all done up, with all the fancy stuff, the flowers on top, and the drivers all formally dressed. with the top hats, you know, on the dashboard and da-da-da. And they were clearly getting ready for their work. But the guy was dressed in the Victorian finery and he was on his iPhone. Oh, no. I didn't like it.

It's the ghost in the Reeboks all over again. Exactly right. I think if you're dressed in Victorian finery with a very sort of done-up hearse or something, you don't get to have an iPhone. No. Not for the day. What do you stand on that thing? Oh, I think that.

Yes, I'm with Anthony Scherner. Cher who, when he played Richard the 3rd, he wouldn't get in the lift to get to the stage. He had to do the stairs because Richard III wouldn't have got in a lift. So you do the, and famously, of course, you know who I'm going to mention. Your friend of mine, David Soucher. Why did he do? He insists they speak to them in, he will only speak in... He kept his little accent.

The old time. No, he would go to the catering truck and say, I would love Zy Broccoli and Zyrgyz, please. Is he the Tajine again? Mowing about the cuisine every day. Chomping it up into little bits. Well, I read his autobiography, Souchay and C.

Oh, Frame. Come on, that'd be good with me. He should have gone, you know, sushi. Oh, that'd be great. That would be good. I would have done that. As an autobiography, a lot of Poirot. He did that show for a long, a big, thick Poirot bit in the middle.

And I was born and now I'm retired. Did I tell you, I work with the makeup artist that did his moustache? Oh, and what did they say? Any news? I'm doing that, because the last time I said, moustache on here, I was roundly criticised. You got in trouble. What did she say, any news? She said on the last show that he arrived with a version of the moustache.

that was about four feet across, which he gave her as a memento of her work. I quite like that. Yeah, I thought that was good. Who's your favourite Poirot? I don't really watch that. I like Peter Euston off. I don't like puzzles much.

Do you not like murder mystery? They're more puzzles than programmes, I think, detective. Do you like anything, then, Doctor Who? Is that the only thing you like? And Martians as well. I like... Martian films. Things that involve either.

Aliens or Gonslingers. Ideally made before 1956? No, I don't mind. I like the modern style. One of my favourite films ever was Cowboys and Aliens. I was about to say,

you must have seen Cowboys vs. Aliens. It's very much the Ron Seal of Films. Is it? It's Cowboys versus aliens. And I like it? No. Okay, thank you. We don't need to discuss it anymore.

It was my dream ticky, Cowboys and Alien. I particularly like the sequel as well. Knob jokes and Catholicism. Thank. There's book three. Book four. So this troubled you.

I see the iPhone with the period costume. If he had to be on the phone at all, I would want it to be a Poirot era, two-hand. You've got to, the periods have to align, whatever age you've gone for. I mean, I say this, but our trick-or-treat sweets range from bought last week to bought almost three years ago. No.

You must have been busy. Were you very busy? Time to whice them. They're so durable, the young. I can't risk them. You fed them these hairy green chocolate. It texted 10 minutes to separate the sweets. I've got the ice pick.

How do you do it with the sweets? Do you just have a bucket and they put their hand in it? I have a bucket and they put their dirty hands in. Oh dear. Best costume that you saw? I saw a young girl in a sort of a Victorian. mourner outfit and she was about eight which made her look like some character

from Dickens you know and eight and she looked really fantastic I said to her mom that's a brilliant outfit and she said and your house she said because we'd really gone we'd put a big spider web and a glowing ghost

looking out the window yes you guys go quite American on these seats and all decorations like fine they like a Halloween in a Christmas. Well, we see, I won't let them celebrate bonfire night because obviously it's about the persecution of Roman Catholics. So I'm all right with the dead.

Well, Frank, I'm with you for different reasons. Obviously, I won't celebrate bonfire night because it's about the persecution of my dog. Yes. And your dog and all our dogs. The dog seems all right with fireworks. Well, mine isn't. There's so much shouting in the house.

She's been tough and not. She's very noise-tolerant, Poppy, I find. She's, because she's listening to either arguments or heavy metal all day. You've gone for the Guantanamo dog training program, haven't you? People bellowing and death metal being blasted. That's what I need to play. Yeah, white noise, white top level. Waterboarding the dog.

I need to play thrash metal. That's going to make very much that. Maybe I'll do that on Bonfire night. His hair's long enough that he could get along with the death metal crowd, right? Yeah, he looks a bit more drummer in white. snake, I think. Yes. But he could join the metals.

Maybe more bands where half the songs have phrases like have a good night or it's going be a good night or things to do with what a good night we're going to have. I love to sing about that, don't they? Some execs want Gen AI everywhere. Others think it's basically a shredder for intellectual property. And your people? Yeah. They're already using it.

Okay, picture this. Someone paste the Q4 strategy doc and client list into a free AI tool and it's no longer yours. Harmonic security warns people before they paste insensitive data. So you can say yes to Gen AI and still protect what matters most. Visit harmonic. Security before your crammed jewels end up in a chatbot. I went to a Halloween party and I had a problem with my costume. What did you go?

Frankie. I wish, I wish. My partner and I decided the theme of the party was either dress up as something that happened this year or classics. So if you can't... So you were Prince Andrew. Yeah. Yeah, it just came dressed as him about the, I slowly throughout the night removed various medals and sashes to represent the time. The USP TV show called Branded and it was Chuck Connors and it was about a man who was in a battle for the US cavalry and was found guilty of cowardice

and at the beginning of it you see him ripping off his buttons his epaulettes and everything all his finery from his uniform and that must have happened last week to Andrew that on pay-per-view pay for a few more refurbishments

He'll recreate it on the... In the jungle. It'll be done with leeches from his bare skin. Do you think anyone's approached him? I'm absolutely certain he'll be in the jungle. There's nothing to stop him now, is that? And you're right? He's not got the title anymore.

As many bugs as he can eat. Yeah, exactly. And he will need the money, won't he? Yeah, and the rice. And as we said before, somewhere to stay. You know, he's always relied on the kindness of strangers that have. And I think someone will, as it were, let's not talk about those strangers. And I think someone may well step in and give him a helping hand.

Yeah. Pop off to the Middle East. Do you think? Yeah. Oh, he's got Middle East written all over him. Yeah, jet skiing along the Dubai coast. Why not? I didn't go as him, by the way.

No, okay. For clarity. So my fiancé and I, we couldn't. think of a good this year one. So we went classic. We went red riding hood and wolf dressed as a grandma. I think he was going to say Red Rock. Went to my horse. Yes.

We thought it was topical. Wow. That would be great. You can do that thing. You know when people get to Halloween parties and they just wear a standard fancy dress and put a bit of blood on you? You could have done that the death of Red Rock. And Red Rom as we know of course is murder

written backwards. So it's quite Halloween. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but that, and you know what? If you've got social anxiety, being the rear is great. Because you don't have to come out or sit. You can say, well, I went to your party. Did you not see me? Well, I think...

You could just have a Game Boy in there. I think out of respect to Pia's fiancite, we would assume that he was the rear. Yes. Let's hope so. I could have had a bottle of some red rum and dispensed it out the bag. I would have thought you could do the rear of a soft punch. Oh, God.

It's a shy horse. Oh, right. A Suffolk punch. It's a technical name of it, yeah. I've never heard that. I thought that was one of your strange strings. I've said something that Pierre hasn't heard of. Suffolk punch.

Sounds like a terrible slang term. Yeah. So hang on. Like a Chinese burn. Yes. Sorry, I've lost sight. So you didn't go as red rum. And a Norwich Union, which used to be, I think, a term for incest.

Oh, Frank, don't be disgusting. You know, contrary people. Frank, stop it. You can choose. A despicable practice or a form of attack. Can you not encourage him? Yeah. You went as Red Riding Hood.

Well, I went as the wolf. No, you did. I think I'd make an absolutely terrifying Red Riding Hood. I mean, you'd make quite a terrifying wolf. Did you wear the big furry... What did you wear then? So, I bought my costume on the internet. First of all, full credit to whoever made it,

that I managed to get a big, long, floral nightie that actually fit me. Well, I think we know Timu made it. Yes. If you're listening, Indonesian children, 10 out of 10. Yeah. Well done. Good on you.

That was astounding. But on the way to the past... If they were working on the opposite ends of your 90, they probably never met. It looked like those engravings of Gulliver's travels, just ropes on big legs. Yeah, exactly. Oh, were you furry, though? I mean, furrier than usual. Frank, that's very...

I thought my own natural hairiness would substitute for a great deal of it, but I had a sort of wolf... You know, Pierre did the advert, should have gone to neck shavers. What did you wear on your feet? That's important, not trainers. Oh, you did.

It was trainers. Oh, Frank. Of course it was. Of course it was. Why did you remember there? Because people's feet don't go. to fancy dress fart, it's true. Do you know?

People have to feel grounded lest they should become a wolf. I've always taken the Beryl-Reed approach. Always start with the shoes, dear, with the character. I believe Lord Olivier always started with the nose. Oh, did he? Once he got the nose right, he felt he'd got the character. Was that him when he was colouring himself in for playing Othello?

Start with the nose, darling, and work out from there. That was an unfortunate period we'd choose to gloss over in Sir Larry's career. I spoke to someone. He didn't know. I spoke to someone who'd seen there. And they said, well, I spoke to it. It was something, some actor they spent.

Apparently, he got blacker every night. Oh, God. Just I kept adding more and more. So I know. Different times. Well, there was none of that. It was a great performance, apparently. Well, I mean, I suppose it's still Lawrence Olivier under there. Funnily enough, I was on the Overground today.

And with wambles. Then they went off to the underground. I left them to me. There was a woman sitting next to me, and this made me wince. I'll be honest with you. She was reading the playtext of Othello. Oh, yeah. Not the play text, bra, the play text.

Yeah. And making notes in Blue Biro. Oh, I wouldn't have liked that at all. Pencil at the very much. Pencil. Pencil always. Oh, but what can you? with her notes any good?

I couldn't even look at someone writing in a book in Byra that to me It is defacing. I couldn't bear that from it. It's burning books, it's the same. It's up there with when people split the spine down the middle of a book. Or fall, I don't even

like fold in the corner of a page. Nor do I. If you're not nice to books, you're not going to be nice to people. Wow. You're an animal. These people are animals. Talking of animals, the wolf then, were you pleased with your look? Well, I was when I was on my way there, so I had a big snout, which kind of wolf-snout-nose thing, put over my face.

So hang on, you had a fur-bodied suit? Have you got photographs? Yes, somewhere. A fur-body suit? No, no, no. Would you be prepared to put one on social media? Yes. Okay.

A fur-body suit? No, that's just me. What? You're naked? No. I didn't say that. What do you mean? You've completely made up a fur-body suit.

You just said that's just me. I said I got a long floral gown. So you're just wearing a floral gown and nothing underneath? Oh, come on. No, I was wearing stuff underneath. Oh, come on. No, I was wearing stuff underneath. Okay. Big long kind of cartoon old lady nighty gown thing. Yeah. It's like even like the kind of white ruffle thing like you'd draw. Oh, I like that. It's classic. That's sort of Kermit the frog. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. I love that. Big snout, wolf snout thing that you put over your face. And it's a bonnet of the same material that came with wolf ears sticking out.

That's good. It worked out. So a bit first set, Lowe's. I love those bornets. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Love that look. A bit, go and call in all nine children from the prairie.

It's milking time. And your fiancé was in the red hood and looking... Did she have a basket? I find that women generally won't go all the way with ugly horror, will they? They like to still look quite hot at Halloween. It's still about nice. Even if they got blood on them. I've sometimes gone all the way with ugly horror.

What did you go? I don't remember that. Well, let's not talk about him. Okay. That could be a Middle European name. Yes. Ugly horror. Ugly, those were the days.

Well, I've got some greatest hits photos of my Halloween moments. I've even got one of you in Kath. Maybe I'll dig that out to go up. Do you remember when you and Kath came to Jonathan Rosses and she looked amazing? She went as some sort of cyborg or... Oh, her and her sister went to Cyborgs. That was the year I went as U. Hefner.

Dr. Who cyborgs or Cyborgs back to the general? The great thing about going as you Hefner, you get home, just gets around to bed. You look so cosy that night. Oh, I was close. Oh, you look lovely. Cozy. I like a pipe. I wish I could smoke one, but every time I've tried to smoke one, I've thrown up.

But I like having one in my mouth. I think you can have... Don't isolate that as a trailer. No. I think you can have a pipe just in your general day-to-day. The first thing he puts that in his pipe and smokes it. There used to be a chrome green bowler who always had a pipe

and then they had an indoor tournament and he still had the pipe but he wasn't allowed to put tobacco in it. It's all psychologically. He said it through his balance if he didn't have the pipe. Just that little weight. Frank, I have a question for you.

Well, Beth of Devon. I like that she calls herself Beth of Devon. Beth of Devon. Beth of Devon. Carry on. Just quickly, Beth of Devon, hey friends, just wondering what you all think about Emily A-Tac dating monkey

in the latest PG-Tips ad. Oh, yeah. Have you come across this? No. Because I know you've got views on the animals. Inter-species relationship. Well, he didn't like, was it Boddington's dog and Melanie? No, no. It was...

Melanie Sykes and the dog? It was Churchill. Churchill. It went on a sort of... A whole dirty weekend with Melanie Sykes in the office. He was sort of still a cartoon dog going, no, he was very real. I wouldn't call him cartoon.

Oh, is he been me too? He looked in the things that were on the beach and stuff. They replaced him with a taxidermid dog. No, it was still him, but it was too real for my liking. Like Scooby-Doo in the film, that looks real. Anyway, do you have any views on that? Okay, maybe you should have a look at it. Is Monkey still Johnny Vegas?

I believe so, yes. But I think what they're doing is associating Monkey with different talent now. I can't watch Johnny Vegas. He makes my throat hurt. Yeah. I get a sore throat with two minutes into listening. I can honestly feel it.

It's like when I'm in the room with a cat. Anyway, sorry, Frank. I feel I interrupted you, did I? No, I don't think. there was a problem with the costume oh yeah go on oh we arrived you interrupted him

you were right to feel you'd interrupted someone it was the wrong one I went as monkey and Kath went as Emily A-tack we arrived and I said I thought I'm not going to go around dressed like a wolf in a big dress

on London public transport life's hard enough right so I thought I'll get dressed upstairs at the house when I get there if only that's not some Yeah, well, yeah. I opened my bag, my little plastic bag, that we'd been carrying all our costume bits in.

Just the dress, no wolf nose, no hat, no ears. So just a big old ladies knighty. That's my costume. And a moment of such despair. I just went, I just come as an old lady at night. I'm just an old lady at night time. That's happened this year. I'll say to people, they say,

and everyone else at the party had made a hundred out of ten effort. And did your partner had her full red riding? Old lady at night with a travelling companion. With her carer. Yeah, exactly, yeah, my woodland carer. And also, slightly weird. You didn't have the caps of slightly weird bearded old lady at night. And someone who's dressed essentially like Hollywood-level costumes.

I'm dressed as. I like the wood. An old lady went to bed this year. The woodland carer. with a basket with morphine bandages. We found her in the woods

behind the home. Very confused. Bearded too. It happens a lot. Yeah. So despair. Confused old lady with beard. But this is a strategy

for anyone who can't think of a costume in future or gets stuck in a position like this. I let people guess what it was. Right. And I said, exactly to whatever they said and they were always delighted

because it was their idea and a lot of them said Norman Bates, psycho because it was very Norman Bates, psycho dress. He does wear a dress at some point isn't he? I said exactly thank you and they went oh great and I went ha ha ha ha

and then obviously harder to get away with if my fiancé was next to me dress like and red riding hood which is separate to me you could have been Donald Sutherland in Don't Look now and she could have been the dwarf that they followed around Venice.

I would have played that role for you. Oh, but see, if you could... In the red coat, thank you. You could have suggested that at the party. And you'd have gone, finally someone gets it. You could have also been, as a well-built man in a dress, you could have been Bernard Bresselaw in any carry-on film at some point. Yes, that's true.

What about if people had just got that you was the wolf without the snout? The wolf without the snout. No one got that. And then, at one point, I stepped outside the house to wave at someone who couldn't find where the party was and and it was on the floor outside the house the nose and the hat ah so did you then put it on yes

and all was Halloween was saved and I went back in with the nose and the hat and everyone cheered the wolf was here because they all knew the story by then how terrible yeah but weren't the people saying yeah but you tell me you said you were normal and I said that was that was in the party let it go we live in Halloween of now

no but you don't you don't get it I was really pleased and I'd guess normal back now you're telling me And I said, trick, trick-or-treat. Yeah, they gave you a three-year-old sweet, which I'd got from my house earlier that night. I cracked my molar on a dairy milk. Children, at most, around my house,

just covered in child vomit from eating old sweets. We had to get out and hose it down the next day. Handing out stuff that Mary Beard would be delighted to dig up. Exactly. Poor old Mary Beard. Poor old Mary Beard. That was your costume the other night. Yes, yeah.

Mary Beard at 11pm. I'm glad you didn't say that you were Mary Beard. No, that would have been wrong. You can't be doing that. You can't do that, Frank. You could do some pun, Mary Beard? So it sounds like a mistranslation of Father Christmas. Would it be inappropriate to go to a Halloween party as Father Christmas?

Would it be sort of a horrible clash of costumes? Well, I'm sure there's horror Father Christmases, aren't they? No, yeah. Just put a bit of blog. on the beard and everything's all right. It's so horrible the way these horror and feck lovely traditions. Have we got time to hear from the outside world? Oh, sure.

Ben has got in touch. Ooh, Ben, the two of us need look no more. We didn't know then. No. Sorry, carry on. Who was that one? Michael Jackson.

It was about the rat. Do you remember? No. He had a best friend who was. He was a rat. He was a rat, yeah. It was pretty chimp. Slowly working as a human. Well, he told me he was a chimp. But then he found the rat head outside. What happened to bubbles? Bubbles attacked someone, I think, and he had to be re-honed. I think it's like Elvis's chimpanzee. Did Elvis have a chimpanzee? Elvis had a chimpanzee and apparently that it started to grow very long head, which is a bad side with the chimpanzee. It means they're

going, and I think they had to shot it in a room. It means they're going what? You have to finish that? No, it means they're going feral. Oh, when they grow long hair? Yeah, their hair gets shaggy, and then it'd start, it'd bit someone, I think. Why didn't they just cut it? Well, they had to... Like Samson? Have you ever tried

grooming a chimpanzee? Anyway, they locked it in a room and then someone had to come along and kill it, I think it was what happened. I bet it wasn't just some Texan going, yeah, you'll come here with a gun. I bet it was very humanely done and responsibly.

Different times. Talk about the 70s. Oh, this is true. Yeah. Ben. Okay. No, yes, Ben. I imagine they just let it put its head out of the door and then all leaned on the door.

Oh, Frank. Terrible sight, wouldn't it just a chimp head steadily being seven? Frank, don't say that. I don't like it. It's really a horrible. It was dangerous. It had gone dangerous. I know, but don't talk about animals being crushed.

Somebody pick up that chimp head. Stop it. Don't keep them as pets. That's my advice, chimpanzee. No. You don't have to kill them on the door. What's that screeching noise coming from that locked room?

Elvis, just mind it. Leave it to us, were you? Stop it, you two. You encourage each other. This is from Ben. I'm very surprised. How can I shut this door? Stop it! It's really horrible and upsetting. Have you stopped?

He's got a sick sense of humour, so he's laughing. He's got no feelings on the back. I've got a sick sense of humor. It's like the idea. for them having to lie to well this. I see dead chimpanzees. You said he wanted to live on a farm.

You lie to me, boy. You lie to me, boy. Don't lie to me boy. I found his ear in the... Fank. In the door jam. Oh my God. Colonel told me it was open to be fine.

You get your new chimpelbit. A better one. It's very expensive. A blonde one. It cost me a lot of money. So that's a great tour. Chimp outfit you got this Halloween. Where'd you get from? It doesn't matter. We've had to spend all your royalties on the...

Chimping shoes. Yes, that's it. That's what we do. That's what to do it. Well, it's for expensive, Colonel. It's an exotic creature, I understand. Not surprised the premiums have gone up Okay Yeah Last of my son is in an automobile

With Emily A-Tec Anyway Oh God Okay Ben says I was very surprised to hear That Frank was more than happy To dance in the aisles

Whilst enjoying Buennavista Social Club Well you'll say more than happy I was trying to impress a younger girlfriend but refuses to dance on Michael McIntyre's The Wheel. Yeah, well, now I'm trying to impress anyone. It's one rule for Cuban music ensembles and another for Saturday Nightlight Entertainment. It's true.

It is true. I spoke to him recently about that. What did he say? He said there's no dispensations. Everyone has to dance. He said some people dance without any real enthusiasm. I said, Jim, I don't want to be that guy. Oh, David Badale was enthusiastic.

I know he was, yeah. And Jonathan, what? They all do it. Yeah? I think you could be great on it. It just frustrates me because you're so clever, and I think you'd be brilliant on that show. You have a wealth of knowledge.

I ain't dancing. Oh, come on. We've got to make this happen. I'm not in the mood for dancing or romancing, or a carry a bag with my pants in. So, the next episode of Frank Skinner's radio days is out on Wednesday. We're at the end of 2010 now, and Emily has an invention she wants to take to Dragon's Den. Oh, I wonder what that was.

Come on, I'll not have a listen and find out. Well, yeah, listen and find out. It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio at Avalonuk.com.