The Frank Skinner Show - Year of the Colander

Episode Date: August 21, 2026

Frank is joined in Edinburgh by comedians Rhys James and Cecily Hitchcock. It’s the Year of the Colander! Frank remembers the time he was on the same bill as a horse, much to Rhys’ amusement, and Cecily’s living a double life. If you want to message the show, email us at [e-mail] or WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. It's Frank off the radio It's the Franks' going to podcast, don't you know

Once there was a way to get back homeward Once there was a way This is Frank off the radio I'm joined by Reese James and Cessley Hitchcock Crowd Noise We'll put it on after, we won't I'm just going to make you feel Do you mean clapping by crowd noise

Or sort of touring and jeering? Yeah, exactly. Just talking amongst us. We've got some chants, some... Footsteps. Yeah, some derogatory chants using your name. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via Frank Off the Radio, Avalonukuk.com.

But when it comes to WhatsApp... [phone]. Okay, so welcome. Ciao, Frank. Thank you for having us. Guys, I should say at the beginning that Cecily Hitchcock and I have forever joined spiritually.

And journalistically, because we were recently on the cover of the Guardian's culture section, a name which they have completely stolen from the Sunday Times, they don't care. It's like Times Radio, which I think you said you did some stuff for Times. I did a thing on Times Radio.

I said before, I think Times Radio is only called Times Radio because they're trying to, people were thinking, oh, that's like a Radio Times thing. Oh, I see. I'd never even clock that. I didn't know where you were going with that. People are thinking, oh, yeah, that's like an establish. That's a stamp of approval from a time on a long-lasting periodical. Yeah, it's cheap.

But, you know, we all have to do what we have. do. I noticed on the way here today that we are, we're at EH3 studios in, in Edinburgh, run by two eight-year-olds. It's a very, it's a very odd thing. They're very articulate eight-year-olds. They are, but it's, they are two of the youngest people I've ever worked with in, this is modern media. This is what you need. I know, but honestly, I'm three boys under a trench coat these days. I'm just thinking if this is a development of a crash. that was here. It was those two sitting with jigsaws. They've set up a podcast studio here.

To you what, let's get it. You leave teens alone long enough. They'll do one of two things, won't they? Well, exactly. Thank God they went to the studio. Otherwise, we'd be sitting here right next to it. Just doing it ourselves. Oh, no, I couldn't live with that.

I couldn't live with it. So just around the corner, I don't know if you noticed as you walked in, is the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Centre. Okay. You know who that is. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Yes, yes.

Obviously, it's the bloke that wrote Sherlock Holmes. And I thought, oh, I might, you know, get a pipe from the gift shop or something. Yeah. Nice me a shum, I thought to myself. But it says underneath a picture of a mind-body spirit. And it's like a sort of wellness. Sort of a live laugh, love sort of thing. Yeah.

Live laugh, love for men. But Sherlock Holmes, I cannot see, being a big fan of mind-buddy spirit. He's not really a mindfulness guy, is he? No. I've seen Sherlock. There's a lot of stuff going on in text in front of him in his mind. Also, he's doing little bumps of coke all the time.

So I don't think he's really that much in his own mind. Probably in his spirit quite a lot, just jittering. I don't know. I always feel quite present after a bomb. I find it takes the edge of There was a point in his life where he thought All right Coke or

Whale sounds Yeah I'm going to go Coke Yeah I think it's more Is it morphine he does Yeah He does it he does little

He's got a little snuff box He does little bumps of coke Yeah But he sort of if it's between Coke and whale sounds It's sort of just like any man that works in Canary Wharf Oh really Just deciding to go from doing coke

To doing high rocks now Well I'll take you your word for that We'll find out why in a minute. Nothing I say I can be attributed to my actual job. Arthur Conan Doyle was a big spiritualist guy. Did you know this? No. And he fell for one of the early scams.

Of course, scams now. They're thick on the ground. But in the 19th century, scams were still quite unusual. Have you ever seen the pictures of fairies in someone's garden? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. doctored pictures Yeah And they got in with one of them

He absolutely Believed in Ferris in the Garden Wow It's sort of like the first AI Images people getting Yeah It's a deep fake It was

It was like It was like It had Photoshop Before Yeah I think they had shops They put They didn't have photos

They must have photos But they never Never the Twain had met At that point It's those two little girls That got very famous What do you mean, Mark Twain and Sarath Conan Dahl? Would not meet.

Twain was really into heroin, not coke. You know, different parties. Yeah, completely different parties. Different scenes. No, but I didn't know that. Imagine going to, I couldn't go to an Arthur Conan. There'll be people in there like getting massaged in a dear stalker hat. That's what I'm feeling.

So is that actually what it is? It's a, like a spa. No, it says, I wish it was a spark. That would be brilliant. It'd be great if there was a spa where you worked out a mystery. Yeah, yeah. It's like the opposite of an escape room where you have to solve something to get into the massage room. You have to earn your way in by Sherlocking your way.

It's just a matter of time, really. True crime has really got one over fictional crime, I think. I think it's really won it over, unfortunately. The horrors of reality are just too poignant these days. Apparently it damaged his career quite a bit. I'm going, being out with the fairies, as it were. Yeah, I mean, he might as well be a flat earther. I lose a lot of conviction in your work.

He was the Kanye of the 19th century. No one has ever made the collaboration. No, probably. Of Garnier, where's an Arthur going to do. Maybe not, but maybe we should nip in and see what happens. We've got to go. I think we have to. I say it just says mind, body, spirit.

I need more of an explanation than that. But I can't understand what it is. I'm trying to get my head. Do you pay to go in there? Can you just go in? I haven't, I wouldn't have the courage to go in on my own. We'll go in as a group. Okay, we'll go in as a gang.

Yeah. We'll get these kids to take it. They're confident. Mrs. Bridges or whatever she's called will come to the door and say, well, I'll just not go and see if the master is out of his fucking bonds. You know, I'm not saying that, and Arthur Cowan Doyle did drugs of any kind, just that Sherlock Holmes did in case allegedly.

In case his family are listening. Okay. So, Cecily, as I hinted, you've got a proper job. I know. I've been answering emails on the sofa just outside. But that doesn't make any sense because you're doing really, really.

Your show's selling out. You're on the cover of the Guardians plagiarized. Very original culture section. With Frank Skinner. I know. Semi-national treasure. Some guy.

But I'm good at... Yeah. Well, the reason why I'm doing so well at comedy is because I'm doing really badly at my job. No. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm actually balancing these two, like, worlds. But I'm basically pretending to both worlds that I do the other.

So, like, no one in comedy really knows that I have a full-time job in finance and asset management. And really no one at my company knows that I am becoming a famous comedian. I think it's a fabulous, like, double life. And also at my workplace, I'm completely opposite to what I'm like in real life. I'm really dull. I'm really boring. I'm not vibrant.

Real life? This is my real life. This is my real life. But I actually had a phone call with my boss on Monday who, I think they just think I'm like an open mic, stand-up comedian. And they just think I like go to the top of a pub and dalych and like up and do five minutes. And they know that I'm doing the fringe. And you'll get it out of your system. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They go, oh, yeah. Look at you with your little thing. and then you come back here and you just waste your life,

just working here, you have your two weeks holiday in August, and that is what you do. And on a phone call on Monday, my boss was like, just in the middle of talking about booking him various things to do in Paris and Dublin, all these things to take over the world and have a monopoly. Sorry. He said, and by the way, I totally,

are you on the front cover of the culture magazine of The Guardian? And I thought, oh my God, you're not supposed to know any of this. And I went, yes, and he went, you're on it with Frank Skinner. You went, are you, are you, that you obviously doing really well at comedy? And I know that if, if I actually succeed at this thing and get a name for myself, that they will 100% say, you've got to leave because they need these sort of unnamed people to be running the stuff forward.

I like that. I know. I know. Very, yeah. MPCs. Yeah, they need their MPCs to be doing things. Are you worried that now they've got an association of you with Frank Skinner, that they will also listen to this podcast and hear everything you just said for the last two minutes?

I am becoming less and less concerned. Okay, that's how well the fringe is going, folks. That's how well the fringe is going. Great news. Yeah, yeah. And, no, but I did, in a moment of panic, I told him that I'd want a competition. To be on to interview Frank Skinner. That'd be a great competition.

Not just to meet me, but to be on the cover. To pose back to back, like twins. Like twins. I was thinking like Anna Fried and Agnator. I kind of felt like I was your child that you'd had out of wedlock. Yeah, well, that we'd reconened. connected as adults. The age would have been right.

And coincidentally, we both dressed in clad all the time. It was a complete coincidence. Yeah, there was a family bond. It was amazing. We both just love Vivian Westwood. So how was it? You wouldn't expect, though, that the CEO of an asset management company would read The Guardian. If I'm picking a newspaper, you'd think you'd be safe with that one.

If you're on the front cover of the telegraph. Know thine enemy. Yeah, exactly. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I sometimes do corporate gigs that are like the asset. management awards and I host them. Do you have to go into their work? No, no, it's like,

it would be like a ballroom of a fancy hotel. Oh yeah, in the White House. It'll be in the white house ballroom and yeah, I do two roast jokes about Donald Trump. I get a red sniper 100% dot on my forehead and make you make a racist joke about the red sniper. Exactly. And then they forgive you. And then they forgive you. But I've done lots of sort of asset management awards in these hotel sort of like function rooms. Yeah. Would your company have been there? Nearly 100% yeah, I think that they probably would have been. And they, you know, there was one that I did. It's really funny to think because I will also do like corporate gigs basically within

companies. And there was a one. You can end up accidentally doing. Back at your own company. Yeah, one probably. I mean, I had to do a training video not long ago and I thought, my God, this could actually be shown in my company of me being at some of the training video. But I did one not long ago for this company, which I can't remember what it was cool,

but I actually might be able to dox it right now. but the year prior my friend Kira O'Connor who's very very funny comedian she was then seeing it and she'd done the year prior and she gave me a warning beforehand because she said

what does FRP stand for and a man at the back of the room shouted fuck rape pillage Jesus Christ and she said who said that is Scandinavia it's taking all your fit ladies back to where we're going from

and then she said who said that and it turned out it was one of the senior partners so the year after they were quite quiet, I'll try to be quite well behaved. Well, one of the first corporates I ever did, when I got there,

there was someone else on the bill, but it was Red Rom, the racehorse, the famous racehorse. So it was just me and him. He was a him, you can trust me on that. And he just went out and stood on some matting

and people had their photo, took with him. Tough act of follow it. Yeah. Well, I mean, he was... That's basically what Cessaly did with you on the Guardian. But yeah. He, like, he won the Grand Nationals at three times.

He was a really famous horse. And, you know, fair play. No, no, no. You can't try and big it up now and say, this horse is proper famous. So we deserved equal billing. I'm just saying it was a top-end corporate. It wasn't any... It wasn't just a horse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't think, okay, do you want your photo with a horse? And then I said to the guy, I'm thinking of doing like 20 minutes. I think that's what we agreed. He said, look, you needn't do any. You can just stand on the matting. People would really just want a photo. That is the dream, isn't it?

Like Madame Chesaw. Yeah. Yeah, but like I was exactly at the same status as the horse. Yeah. And did you count the number of people queuing for you versus the horse? No, you won't believe this. I said, no, I'd rather do. Oh, you'd rather, yeah.

I just want to. You have some dignity. I want to differentiate. myself on the beast if I might. Because before you know it, people are put in their palm out flat trying to feed your carrots. Yeah, well, they're stroking your main. I draw the line at the sugar lump.

That's all. But then did you, when you did your set, did you talk mostly about the horse? Well, I met an error because I started from the premise. How do we know this is red and red, right? It's getting close to Christmas. There must have a lot of bookings. It must be very tempting to say.

send Charlie out no one no one's going to know as long as we put the thing and they the red rom people look furious which made me think hold on a minute and had they called him red rum after the reference to the Shining

well red rum all I knew is murder backwards I guess so when was the Shining I guess 1980 oh no that's I think that's after Red Rom really

Red Rom incidentally was the first horse that Lee Mac ever rode. Which, by the way, it's a critic, it also gives the consensus that Lee Mac has ridden a lot of horses. No, Lee Matt worked for Ginger McCain stable, and they trained Red Rom. And the first horse he ever got on was Red Rom, which was amazing. So this horse is part of the comedy industry. Yeah, it does. This is a big part of the comedy industry, really, yeah.

Yeah, but he didn't. any material on the night. No. Just saying that. You can lead a horse to you can't make a tell jokes. Yeah, lead a horse to that.

The Groverner Hotel. You can lead a horse to a double glazing salesman of the year, which was what the event was crying. Love it. Yeah. God, it was quiet in there.

Because of the double glazing, you couldn't hear of course. Yeah, lovely. Lovely. But it's so it's going, your festival is going. Do you know what? It's going so well.

I was, I had come thinking, you know, maybe seven people will come every day. I should say the premise of us being on the cover was that I was like a scarred battle war. I was at Red Rock. You were Red Roe. I was Red Roe.

I was Red Roe. And this was your debut at the French. You were Le Mac. Yeah, I was Leamack. Can I say I was not her first ride? We had the mat. I mean, they had the matting and everything. I said, no, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just holding hands.

Yeah. But it's going great. It's going really well. I mean, it's been selling out every single night, which is bonkers. That's why I would define that as going well. It's going really well. It's going really amazing interviews off the back of it, having loads of really lovely responses.

At the end of the show, I play Gordon Brown, and I have a cardboard cut out of Tony Blair. Is she you want to tell us to him? I do, yeah, because because Gordon Brown, I know that you live in Edinburgh, and I really want you to come, and I know that his wife has inquired about coming. Sarah?

Sarah Brown apparently has... So what word has got out to the Browns? Word has got out to the Browns. That must take that line doing a show about Gordon Brown. And do you think Sarah Brown wants to come in a this will be brilliant way or in a... What the hell does she think she's doing? So my concern, Sarah, if I can talk directly to right now,

is that my concern is that you think this is going to be a sort of love song to Gordon Brown, which it is. But it's also kind of a love song to Tony Blair on behalf of Gordon Brown, who when I was a child, I thought they were gay together. That was my interpretation of my dad losing his job in the financial crash. That would explain the sort of brittle nature of their relationship.

Well, absolutely. Also, they were having that big sexy date at the Grenada in 1993. And I thought, well, you know, all those roses all around them for the labour. I thought that was they're having a lovely day. What did you think that Clegg and Cameron were? I thought that they were some sort of like duo. They'd done like a fringe show and then split ways. And that's kind of what I had interpreted with the two of their. Okay, okay. So not romantic.

Not romantic, no, but deeply flawed. But Gordon Brown, I've always kind of had like a thing about him. But unfortunately, at the end of my show, I do seem to have some sort of like vigorous sex with a cardboard cut out of Tony Blair on a skateboard. By the way, he's strapped to a skateboard and I keep calling him Tony Blork, like Tony Hawk, but Tony Blork on a skateboard. And so my concern is that she'll come in hopes that it's a sort of swan song for Gordon Brown and actually be like, oh, this is a really bad look

that Sarah Brown has come to the sex show about, it's bad if she's sitting there. Sometimes you see someone in the audience you have material about and you do change it, but you're sort of quite tied into that ending, aren't you? Do you know what it is, is that I think that I need to know when she's coming so that I can change the ending just for that run. And also, my intention is the house that I normally stay in Edinburgh and I've been staying for the last three years is now being sold.

And just because everything I've ever manifested has come true, I have a really deep believing that like the Browns are going to like my show so much that they're going to let me stay at their house next year that's what I think will happen When you say manifested is that Do you do that thing when you write a list of what you want And then it happens?

Frank Like Noel Edmunds Who by the way God, I don't know, everything he's ever wanted has come true So you kind of have to give it to him He wanted to befriend a big pink man didn't it And he got everything he wanted

He's got everything, clumsy pink freak. He's got just himself in a mirror. You're talking about Gordon Brown? Everything I've ever said I wanted to happen has Sam for some reason happened to him. Well, that is, but what is it called that thing when you write the list and then it happens? Is it called a... Delusion? To-do list.

So wait, you just sort of think it. You go, I wish this would happen. I know this sounds really crazy. Do you say it out loud? So my parents are here. here they just came to see my show. And they said, I'm from like a really normal, really like, I'm from like Stokeon Trent, I'm from like a really normal, I'm born in Birmingham, Stoke and Trent and lived in

this other little town. I'm like, I'm really not from like a very, I didn't know any actors or comedians or anything growing up. And I was just like, I just know I'm going to be a really famous comedian. I've always said it. And it's just sort of come true. So they were saying, we've just not always known you to be like this. But I also manifested having huge tits when I was a child because I was obsessed with Katie

Price. I used to steal my brothers. my brother had these VHM magazines and like Nuts magazines were under his pillow and I'd peel the pages apart and I loved... I don't like the use of the word peel. Yeah.

Oh no. But they were like my Enid Blighton books when I was a child and I so love looking at pictures of Katie Price. She was, to me she looked like a Disney princess and I'm and I would... My dad used to come in to my bedroom at night and he'd go darling you're going to grow up to be a zoologist, aren't you? And I'd think what I ever wanted to be is a glamour model

and which my mum's always really supported. I once had a career's day at school and they've always really supported me. I had a career's day at school and all these children were coming up and saying what they wanted to be when they were older, like little boys saying, I want to fly a drone. And I went on stage and said,

well, I want to be a porn star. And my mum at the back of the room went, darling! Oh God, darling! Sessal, you don't mean a porn star, you mean a glamour model six years old. But I did actually end up growing huge boobs I'm the only person in the family that's married to do that. So I firmly believe anything that I can make happen.

You have the spirituality of Sir Arthur Cohn Doyle. I really do, yeah. And the Coke addiction. But yeah, just think I can make it have happen. Wow. Well, that was enlightening. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters.

On September 19th, joined thousands in terms. Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. I'm going to read out some stuff that people have said here. We can't just move on that quick. We can't just be regretting.

Okay, well. I'm taking the one show approach. Thanks for telling us a perfect way to make a Christmas pudding and Nobel cancer. Here's some people that we heard from. Ken Pepper in Balamori. What's the story, Balamore? I'm about to say it counts like a character from Balamori.

Dear Frank and Distinguished guests, I've had an idea for a cockney, will I am, tribute act, Will I ain't Yours in sport Ken Pepper What do you think Okay well it's not as current as it could be Yeah he's not already gone to that

Yeah Will I'm you know the will I am options Will I am works because it's William Is there a name that's Williant Williant? There's not a name though called Williamt is there so No but you're not there's a name called Will I ain't

Yeah exactly Oh I see Will I Am works because it's William with dots in it. I like the idea of a Yorkshire one called Will I Ecker's Like. Well, you've got an even bigger problem there, Frank. You have to invent the name first and then... He didn't invent it though, did he? No, what I mean is you need to start with a real name.

You're like Cheryl. No, but Will I am. The name is Cheryl. Didn't Will I am steal it from Dr. Seuss? Oh, yeah. Isn't it green eggs and ham? Isn't that character called? Sam I am.

Sam, oh, but come on. Ah, but then he's must to be. Is he climbing to be the sibling of Sam? I've never trusted me either. Yeah. In the song Fergalicious, sorry, yeah, in the song Fergalicious, with Fergie,

just so you know, that's her full name, Fergolicious. He goes, T to the A to the S-T-E-Y-G-G-Gol-U-T-E-T-E-Y-Gol-U-T-E, and that isn't how you spell T-E. He chucks an E in it. T, the A, the S-G-E, the S-G-E, will I am?

So I was thinking it was Dr. Seuss. And I thought, Oh, you tasty. That's the worst thing Dr. Sues has ever done. Yeah, that was his dark period. He shouldn't have done that. Alde, I want to read another thing. I was listening to your iPod.

Now, your pad, not my iPod. And you spoke, I can't read out loud, I've realized. You're doing a really good job. I'll never be a newsreader. I was listening to your pod and you spoke about names that are being phased out like Raymond. In terms of names that are being phased out,

I remember having a reunion with some colleagues from MTV. Oh, MTV, I miss it still. By which time a few of us had kids, when I was about, when I was asked about my son, I said his name was Farris. And I named him after the lead singer

from the indie band, The Horrors. And in Arabic, it means a nine. or a guardian. When I asked my friend Anthony what his son was called, he said, Alan. I asked if it was after a family member or something and he said very straight face. Now, just Alan, I'm bringing it back. I like it. I like that.

Do you know there's an Alan in, there's a very weird moment in Treasure Island when there's a bang and a scream and Long John Silver says they've killed Alan. And you think there's someone in Treasure Island. called Alan? How did they get this? When I did, on my last tour, I was in Hull and a man, I got chatting to a man in the audience about a subject that had nothing to do with his identity and it got interrupted by his wife who said, stop asking about his work, ask him his name, it's Alan Key. And this guy was called Alan Key.

That's amazing. And then, I mean, it was great fun, but it ruined the show because every time I then tried to go back to material, they were like, more Alan Key jokes, but is, but the Alan key, it's not called, it's not Allen, is it? A-L-L-E-N, yeah. But it's still pronounced Alan key, is it? Oh God, I thought it was alum. I've been saying A-L-U-M for years. No, I feel awful for breaking this to you. That's just about the worst thing that can happen. Don't worry. I thought, Alan Key. Al-I honestly thought it was, what hell are you on about? Al-M-key. The people are being cute, we don't know what you want.

Alam is a word though, isn't it? Alam is a mineral. I think alum is the short, is the nickname for aluminium. No, there's no nickname for Aluminium. It's a nickname for Aluminium. What do you need a nickname for Aluminium? What if you're saying it all the time?

What if you're working on aluminium? Boss me that alum, would you? Popple that alum, would you? I'd call it Ali then. I'd call it Minium. Of course, Steele, Stee. I, uh, Ste. I just made out of steve.

Jet fuel can't melt stee beams, can it? One of my, this last week, I think has been a turning point for the colander. Is this the colander's QR code COVID moment? I think the colander will be looking at the sun through colander's forever. Yeah, because the colander, which is, I think, you'd agree is one of the sort of least loved of the kitchen appliances. Depends if you're Italian. Oh but do they, do they, I think of them with a sieve.

They don't even use them. No. It's very boiled potato, isn't it? It's a bit Brexit, the colander. It is actually, yeah. It is. It's like you think of a housewife in the 50s using it. It's no good with pulses and things.

I've tried putting rice in a colander and it really doesn't. No, but it'll make its way out. Very thick. It did make its way out. Yeah, that's hopeless. But honestly, the eclipse, so we got there in the end. It's my second horse racing reference of the thing.

There is an eclipse steaks, which is a massive, right? The eclipse, which is, it was the most analog event that's happened in Britain three years. Did you see people using a game? Well, I was doing a gig, so I completely missed it. Me too. My son went. Some people had bought expensive glasses. But he took two cereal boxes and a colander and had a brilliant time.

But what are you looking at if you do that? You're looking at the shadow of the eclipse. So you put the colander against like a wall. Just quick sights lesson, everybody. You're not laughing, you're learning. And when the light goes through the colander, you can see the shape of the sun. But I already know that shape. Oh, yeah.

You love circles, don't you? So I've seen a shadow, I've seen a shadow of a circle before. And then it goes across and you can see the ring around a black dot. Come on that, how is that satisfied? That's brilliant. I would look directly at the sun and it'd be the last thing I look at before I ever look through a column. So I know that you're frank. May I also be frank. I did look directly at the sun.

I looked to the eclipse. I know that's crazy. I would have done that. For this mere moment in time, I was like, I feel like I'm different to your... You manifested not going blind. Cessaly, I'm over here. You're just looking at the blank wall. Did it have any impact for like even an hour afterwards?

So what I did was I was like, I'm not going to look directly at the sun. What I'm going to do is I'm going to wait until I hear people gasp. And then I'm going to look at the sun and open my eyes for two seconds and close them again. And I did see it and then everything went white. And then I had to go and turn around for a bit. And then I had a big glass of water and I was fine. but I did see it that should be the government

so all that talk about how dangerous it is yeah yeah two seconds you get two seconds then turn around I went to my sister's house in Birmingham a few weeks ago

and she was talking about when my mom used to work quite close to her house so she said she always nipped in on the way back just for a cup of tea and a chat and she said she always used to have in her pocket

a mask bar and a four finger kick cat and she would tap them and say I've got I've got them I've got his treats and she said they were for the dog five nights a week fucking hell you know this like can I say don't look directly at the sun because I might be that Cecily just got no you shouldn't look directly at the sun it's unless you're different but we're always told aren't we that your dog will die Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dog lived to 18.

That's amazing. And he was living on four finger kick at some Mars bottle. You've built up an immunity, just like Cecily has, built up an immunity to looking at the sun. I think that I'm going to be able to do it again. Yeah. When they were saying all that stuff, though, and they were being like, it's really important you don't look at the sun. I do remember thinking, have I supposed to have not been looking at the sun later than I? I've been looking at the sun loads.

I look at the sun loads. It's fine, isn't it? There's people in Edinburgh saying, looking at the what? Yeah, exactly. Well, that's the thing is it was mostly covered up by clouds. Yeah, it wasn't a great one up here, I've been told. Do you know what? I did see a video of a woman complaining about the eclipse.

It was bloody rubbish, you know, and I thought you'd have a three-star review to the eclipse. My mother-in-law said it was boring. Yeah, it was a bit. Yeah. But also, someone else said to me, I'll just see the next one. As if it's like a, it's like the World Cup. That is not, I have to say, that is not something my mother-in-law would say, unless she was having a supreme act of confidence.

I do think though When I was younger it was like these things Because this was only a partial eclipse anyway Wasn't it? It was just a little bit of one It was a whip That does now happen all the time When I was a kid I felt like it was like

Comets and Eclipses It was like they're every hundred years And now it's like England semi-finals No it happened They happen all the time They never used to happen when I was a kid And now all this space stuff There's all this space stuff happening these days

When I was a kid in those eclipses The peasants used to rise up thinking it was there God telling us that the world was upside. You had your back on the sacrifice table. Let him off at the time. Exactly. I've been glad of a few eclipses in my time. In fact, you know, that'd be a great way to get out of a bad gig, just to point up.

You know, when you got an audience and you think, oh God, they're just not getting this at all. Then an eclipse happens, you'd feel you could frighten them out of it. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. What's the chances now of it? Stupid druids. I actually turning up. I went to, I went to Matt.

at the Jesuit church on Sunday. And the priest said, is this correct? He said the Edinburgh Festival, Edinburgh Fringe, is the third biggest event in the world after the World Cup and the Olympics. Is that actually true? I think it is. I think I've heard that.

Ticketed event. Is that what it is? I don't know if he said ticket. That's before the apocalypse gets announced. He wasn't speaking ex-cathedra, so it might have just been an opinion. but I thought really It could be

It'd be so funny if it's an opinion If he's saying This is like third best for me I prefer the World Cup in the Olympics But it's pretty good Anyway Cheers for coming everyone Peace be with you

Yeah But I'd like the idea That we're involved in the third biggest event I like that I mean I don't know if he's including the eclipse Well yeah It would be good if they tried to ticket the eclipse given that the sky is famously free to look at.

They would probably do that in London though these days. Well, they do for fireworks. They do for fireworks, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you can just look up. No, I live right near. I live literally next to our bridge nearly. And we couldn't see them this year.

It was so annoying. They literally like barricade. They had these big men being like this. You can't look past the big men. I had a sort of standing in your way wherever you go. Someone really tall standing in front of you. Yeah. It's hard to do that with the son, though.

I know. And that's why you should. should always look directly at the sand. Yeah. This could be a last chance before you have to pay 15 quid. I think there'll be government sombreros that you have to wear all you're arrested, lest you should see the eclipse for nothing. It'd be like Glastonbury.

People say, yeah, I put a hole in the brim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of my government sombrero. Government sombrero sounds like the name of a band. I think it sounds like someone who came second on Rupol's drag right. It does. And I'd like to see that person in concert. Government's a prayer room.

Lipsyncing like the sky tomorrow. And let's face it after the eclipse, there might not be. I'd love to squeeze in one last. Hi, Frank. This is from Craig McVicker, not the priest. Big World Cup fan.

Frank et al, listening to the recent podcast, when you talked about Robbie Coltrane telling a stranger to fuck off for asking for an autograph. Reminded me of a time when I saw him. I lived in a village in Scotland and Robbie Coltrane was well known locally for driving fancy cars. One day he parked opposite the pub in a classic convertible and entered the post office. On exiting the post office, a group of young lads drove past him and shouted very loudly, You're a wizard, Harry.

Robbie Coltrane didn't wave, smile and even crack a grin. instead he launched a torrent of expletives in a booming voice at them before up and into his car and speeding after the pesky youngsters I'm unsure if he ever caught them he actually pursued them that's amazing wow more people should do that there should be more car pursuits I think actually you don't see them anymore do you they're not like eclipses every other week

you don't see the celebrity car chase you never see a car chase involving a colander Yeah, exactly. Just the shapes moving across in shadows. The perfect car. Don't look directly at it, you'll be thrilled. I wonder if people actually bought calendars especially for it. I think they might.

Who's not got a colander? Everyone's got a colander. Because people all use pulses and rice. They don't want boiled vegetables. I want boiled vegetables in 2020. I once said a man that just had a kettle. Yeah. And a microwave.

Just a kettle and microwave. No pots and pans. No. Pastor directly in the kettle. That does do it quicker. I did that at university. It was crazy. Yeah, he seemed like he was...

Why are you boiling a kettle to then put it on the hob and then put pasta in there where you can just put the pasta in the kettle? Boil the kettle and just get it all done in one nice jacuzzi. Fortunately, he just lived off chicken chicken masala from MNS, but I think that was... He just needed the kettle for cups of tea. Okay, that brings us to the end. And for people living on their own, that's probably a healthy life hack. There you go. Right.

I'm just remembering that my son wore a colander on Halloween. He went as Vince Clotho, do you know who that is? From Ghostbusters. Okay. Who did actually have a colander on his head. It is the year of the colander. I don't know if that's official in China. It is here.

It's a Frank Skinner podcast. A new winter change is blowing It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's going Thanks for listening to the podcast Make sure to like and follow So you never miss an episode And if you want to get in touch

You can email the podcast via Frank off the radio Atavonuk.com 2 and 5 Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca.