The Game with Alex Hormozi - Success is the best Revenge | Ep 129

Episode Date: June 4, 2019

“No pain, no gain.” Today, Alex (@AlexHormozi) discusses strategies for mental resilience, including how to deal with anger and become successful. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and channeling anger into something productive and shares personal anecdotes about overcoming anger and finding success.Welcome to The Game w/Alex Hormozi, hosted by entrepreneur, founder, investor, author, public speaker, and content creator Alex Hormozi. On this podcast you’ll hear how to get more customers, make more profit per customer, how to keep them longer, and the many failures and lessons Alex has learned on his path from $100M to $1B in net worth.Timestamps:(1:12) - Dealing with anger: understanding the causes and how to manage it(2:45) - Reflections on overcoming adversity and growing successfully(3:57) - How to diffuse anger and find closure(8:11) - Forgiveness and understanding in difficult situations(10:02) - How writing a story helped me overcome rage(11:46) - Dealing with stressful situationsFollow Alex Hormozi’s Socials:LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter | Acquisition

Hello, everyone. Happy Sunday. Hope you guys are having a great start or end, beginning of the end or end of the beginning of the weekend. And so I wanted to make a video for you today or a podcast, depending how you're consuming it. I was going to originally call this How to Deal with Shit, but instead I'm going with no pain, no game. And so I wanted to outline two of the strategies that I think have helped me become more resilient in the face of like mental strife. And I think that as we continue to grow in entrepreneurship and the size of our countries grow and impact, et cetera, like having strong processes, mental processes in place in order to safeguard yourself become more and more important. And so one of the ones that I wanted to bring up is around anger.

And so I think whenever anything bad happens, right, there's typically one of two responses, either you become angry or you become sad, right? sometimes they happen in different order. You know, like some people never get sad. Some people never get angry. Some people get both. You know, it's just kind of, it's a mix. I can really only speak to the anger side because I'm just not, I'm not like a sad.

Like, I just don't go that way. Like when something bad happens, because immediately, even if I have a feeling of sadness, I get angry with myself for feeling that way for feeling weak and not taking control and then I get angry. You know what I mean? So it's almost immediate. But then what happens is, What do you do with that anger? And so, for I dive into that, I'm going to say, like, why do we get angry, right?

We get angry because typically we feel wronged, right? And so that immediately comes from a place of elevation. Like, you feel like you were above something. How dare someone do something to you? And it's typically someone who you've brought into your circle who then betrays you in a certain way, whatever that be. Now, in a business context, there's lots of different types of betrayal and relationships. There's lots of different types of betrayal.

But usually it's just you feel wrong, right? It's typically when a promise is made or an unspoken promise is made and then it is broken. And then that is where you feel like justice is warranted, right? And so since you don't see that person suffering for the feeling that you have, you want to make them suffer, right? And that's kind of where the anger comes from, at least to my understanding of it. So how do you deal with this, right? Because the bigger you get, the more times people are going to break things or break what you

perceived to be relationships and do things that are wrong. Like the amount of times we, I mean, just, I wish I could give you a laundry list of all the things that have happened. You know what I mean? To give context. But like, any partnership stealing money. Like, I mean, like, like literally, you know, like employees going behind your back, trying to tell people to refund against you and that they're going to do something for, like everything you can possibly imagine, right? You know, just everything you can imagine has happened. Right. And so the thing is, like, I think that in order to continue to grow, you need to have really strong processes in place in order to process these things where they will destroy you, right? They'll destroy you. And so there's two corners of those stories

that shape my life that I wanted to share with you. So the first one is from when I was in high school. When I was in ninth grade, I had a teacher named Steve Givens. He's the one who stayed with me after school. A lot of the after school donation stuff that we do is a big part because of that. And he worked out with me after school every day. And so when I was in ninth grade, I remember I was such an angry kid, but I think a lot of people are. You know what I mean? In ninth grade, like you're confused, your kid, whatever. But I was a pretty angry kid.

And he, I was like, man, I can't wait to come back at the high school reunion. I'm going to show everyone, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, that doesn't actually work in reality. And I was like, what do you mean? It isn't where I was like, I'm going to show them. And he was like, if you actually come back 10 years from now and you go up to somebody who's who, like, bugged you and you tell them that like, look at you now, he's like, you're going to look like an idiot because they're going to know that you've been thinking about them this

whole time and they didn't even think about you like they forgot you existed he's like so there's you can't do that because then you'll actually have already lost and i was like shit like what am i like how do i mean how do i get this out you know what i mean how to get this this rage out what do i do right and so you let me with a statement that um whenever i get really angry about something um i turn to which is success is the only revenge and so um that's been something that's always cycled in my my head whenever I get really upset about something like really angry where I feel like someone wronged me is success is the only revenge because it's the only thing you can do if you think about it there's nothing else you can do right you can't go hurt people that's not going to serve you you're

going to get hurt in the long run right there's a lot of people who've said this statement but I like it a lot which is like being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die right and so all it is is you just brood and get angry and you become less effective Right? And so then and then sometimes it starts turning towards yourself. You start becoming self-destructive instead of destroying the other person. And then it's like then they went even more and then it makes you more angry. You know what I mean? It's so it's a cycle. And so the only way that I've been able to break that is by understanding and continually repeating that, which is like success is the only revenge, which then allows you to supplement, which is taking a negative emotion and getting a positive outcome from it. And so I learned about that what that is sublimation. It's like when you are upset, go for a run. And then all of a sudden something that was negative in your life becomes a benefit, becomes a positive. right and so for me and it obviously depends on the on the level of the grievance that you're going through how much anger you have and how much you need to expend in order to kind of come back to baseline right is with the initial burst of rage um and i think i would describe it more as rage or at least that's how i i experience it um just like fire you know what i mean um but for me

it's the only way that i've been able to get around that stuff and the thing is is the the longer in the game the more things like this will happen just because you're exposed to it by the nature of time, right? You're going to be wronged more times. The bigger you are and the longer you stay in, right? The more beat up you are in the arena. And so the only way you can stay in is to keep yourself in is to keep your head straight. And so success is the only revenge. And so channel everything into that, into the thing that's going to be the only revenge you have, which is continuing to succeed. And yeah, that's it. So that's like cornerstone story number one that has helped me deal with anger.

And that's in the immediate. So how to diffuse it in the moment when you want to go and write some nasty Facebook poster, do some really mean live or blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. Whenever you have that feeling and you type it up and you're like, I shouldn't send this, like you probably shouldn't. Right. And just remembering that is like being ingrained in my mind. And maybe it was because it was such a young age that I heard it.

But it was like, I was so angry at that time. And then that's when I started lifting harder. You know what I mean? She's like, take it out on the way. weight, man. And so he helped me push that in the right direction. And so, and I'm always grateful for it. And obviously, as you get older, sometimes, like, you can push it into the weight. I am going to go work out. But sometimes there's still some leftover, you know. And so what do you do with that? And so when you have the leftover anger or the anger after the, after the dust settles,

you're still enraged about something, right? What do you do? Hey, if you're a return listener and you have not rated or reviewed the show, I want you to know that you should feel absolutely terrible about yourself and everything else in the world. I'm kidding. But it would mean the absolute world to me if you guys would go ahead and do that. You don't even have to pause the show. You can keep listening and you can just do it with your thumb right now. It'll take you less than 60 seconds. And like I said, the only way that podcast grows through word of mouth and this is you joining hands with me and helping as many entrepreneurs as we possibly can because no one is coming to save us. It's just us. All right. So please go do that now. And let's get back to the show.

So for me, I was, I mean, obviously we've been. maybe more times and once in your life. And so a deeper anger was towards a parent I had. And so I still have. And the way that I dealt with that was I actually had a paper that I had to write in college. And it was on mental disorders. And so we had to pick someone we knew,

and then look at what potential disorders they might have. It was a weird kind of paper, but it was interest to psychology or something like that. So anyways, I took it and you had to look at all of the person, because you have to look at psychology, in terms of how people development. You know what I mean? Like, you know, where were they at each of these developmental stages?

What things were they going through based on what you have? You can interview them, asking more questions, so you get more insight. And then you write a paper, you know, about that person and what factors may have potentially created who they are, their identity, their personality, their value system, right? All of that stuff. And once I wrote this, the person that I was extremely upset with was what I wrote it about. And by the end of finishing the paper, I was no longer upset. set with them because I understood them and I understood why. And so the second kind of big quote,

so the first one is, success is the only revenge. I think the second quote is to understand is to forgive. You can't understand and be angry at the same time. It's actually really difficult. And so the moment you really truly understand someone or truly understand where someone is coming from and see their perspective truly, not just say like, I, I get where you're like, I get your side, but not like what they're saying, but what experiences they went through to create the value system that creates that worldview. Like true deep understanding. Once you have that, it's really difficult to be angry. And so I think in like the 911 urgency moment, you have to like channel it into something that's going to supplement, something that's going to be a positive benefit to you from the initial rage. Right. And then after that, after you have your, you know, your big adrenaline rush or whatever.

whatever and it's gone, then you have to look at like, okay, what experiences do this person go through? What upbringing? What things have happened? What things have happened recently? What things have happened long term that might have created an environment inside of this person where they would think this was okay, right? And so a lot of times thinking about it like, and like really get in there. And so I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say that. So I was heartbroken once in my life. Not by a girl, but by my best friend. And what I mean by that was I had dated a girl for two years, and then I had split up with her. And it was a hard split up for me. I mean, I was the one who initiated that, but like it's still, you know, like you break up with anyone,

it's still, it's a hard period of your life. And so I leaned on my friend, right? And then he was kind of nowhere to be seen. And I was like, I don't really get this. And a year later, I found out that like basically the moment that I'd split up, he had started dating her in secret for a whole year. And then they told me. And they kept it like private from everyone, like the entire school. Like they only met in secret. It was like this really super dodgy thing to show you kind of like how fucked up it was. But anyways, the moment I found out about that.

It was like pure rage. You know what I mean? That like how dare they do like keep this for me and be, you know, do this in secret like so deceptive and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? Like just rage that I was experiencing. But I knew that as soon as it happened, that I was going to be able to grow a lot from it. And so the way that I was able to get over that rage, right, and not do something really stupid was I wrote a story, their love story from his perspective. And so I wrote this to try and understand, like, how would, if I were him, how would I explain this? How would I tell this story of when people were like, oh my God, how did you meet?

Right? How would he see this experience through his own lens that would allow him to be okay with making that action in secret despite us being best friends and all this kind of stuff? Right. And then once I went through that whole thing, I understood. And then I was no longer angry. I'm not saying that I thought it was right. But the emotion that was associated with it diffused. And then I was able to continue to function and then go back to the primary.

which is success is the only revenge. And so that's been kind of the one, two pillars of dealing with like massive emotional issues in short periods of time because you have to have that, those tools, you know what I mean, in your arsenal, that kind of armor because the higher up you go, the harder it gets, it doesn't get easier. It gets heavier and thicker. You know what I mean? And the attacks get more direct and more personal and more whatever, right?

That's why, like, I have no idea why people want to get into politics. It's like I mean, like maybe sometimes, like, I have no, I have no clue how they go into it and just like, or like, this is worth it. I think that's really it is. Like, I don't know how they're like, this is the tradeoff. I'm going to get destroyed publicly. And like, everyone's going to hate me for the rest of my life. Half the universe is going to hate me for the rest of my life. Like, that's rough, you know.

But anyways, those are two of the cornerstone stories of my life that have dramatically shaped how I deal with very stressful things that happen. And I hope that that helps you. if you ever have to deal with stressful things or things that anger you. I don't have one for being sad because I, that one's not, that one's not super real for me right now. Maybe if I get really sad about something, I'll let you know how I do. I do. But right now, whenever I get sad, I get angry about the fact that I'm sad and I get right back to angry. So anyways, guys, have an amazing day. Hope you guys have a, a, a, uh, an S word. All right, be easy. Bye.