The Gargle - AI students | Harmful content | CPR dummy

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Guest editors Dan Ilic and André De Freitas join host Alice Fraser for episode 145 of The Gargle - the sonic glossy magazine to The Bugle, with one rule: no politics! AI uni studentsHarmful content AI product names CPR dummy ReviewsStory 1: https://futurism.com/the-byte/university-enrolling-ai-powered-studentsStory 2: https://www.theverge.com/2024/1/9/24030571/meta-facebook-instagram-child-safety-dsa-online-safety-actStory 3: https://futurism.com/amazon-products-ai-generatedStory 4: https://www.engadget.com/the-cpr-dummy-of-the-future-can-piss-blood-165533305.html?guccounter=1HOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. be certain loved him for himself. Born unusually wealthy, he never let that handicap to ambition stop him relentlessly seeking to turn his large amount of money into even more money. Where many men in his position would have been happy to live a luxurious and happy life, surrounded by every convenience, he refused to pamper himself, limiting himself to one massage a day and only three personal mistresses. Sally, Maria, Renee, it's lovely to see you all here. One thing we need to remember, other than his absolute lack of morals

and appetite for destroying his business rivals, is his deep personal commitment to a life of the spirit. Each week, without fail, he would tune in to The Gargle. This is The Gargle. Welcome, the sonic, glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world, all of the news, none of the politics. I am your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are Andre De Freitas. Welcome.

Hello. Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure. And what a presentation you did there. Very professional. I loved it. Thank you. And returning guest, Dan Illich. Hello. Hi. It's good to be here, and I'm here without any of my mistresses. And it's such a sad thing, but I've had to let them go.

Cost-cutting. Yeah. Well, you know why they call them mistresses? No. Because you mistrust them when they're gone. Okay, let's... The recession has hit us all. Before we give a false name to reception and enter surreptitiously the hotel room that is this week's top stories,

let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover this week of the magazine is all of the movie and television awards season awards posed provocatively like when you used to make your Barbie dolls bang, desperately trying to re-stabilize the industry's sense of itself after last year's strikes. And the satirical cartoon this week is a game of charades at Davos with a series of recognizable political and industry figures sitting around a fire. One of them is doing the sign for a movie and saying, looks like a drone strike.

Let's get into the stories. Top story this week is education news. Or is it education news? I'm not sure. Apparently, a university is trialling the enrolment of AI powered robot students who will turn in assignments, participate in class discussions and presumably try to make other students feel like they're real. Dan Illich, I have doubts about your reality. Can you unpack this story for us?

Yes. Students at a Michigan university will be sharing the classroom with AI-powered first-year enrolled students. We had them in my day. We just called them nerds. And whenever they got too smart, we gave them a wedgie. The problem is with AI, you can't bully AI. All you can do is turn them off.

And quite frankly, machine slaughter is a step too far. And personally, I don't think I can live with silicon on my hands. But in the interest of diversity and inclusion, the AI students will comprise of the three genders, computers, microphones, and speakers. So that's very good. Very humble components. You know, there's actually going to be two.

They're going to be called Anne and Fry, which is a nice change from Alexa, Siri and Cortana, who sound like the names of children of tax evading trillionaires because they are. So that's at least a good thing. Now, the professor running this has actually put out a statement defending the exercise. I actually think I've got a clip of her right here with the actual words she said. Transformational impact of emerging artificial intelligence technology, connecting high school students with potential educational and career pathways in evolving and increasingly important fields. Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate.

Wow, sounds hard. It's exactly what I ask people to say to me in bed. Yeah, look, if that statement didn't sound like it was made in ChatGPT, I reckon we need an AI to work out whether that statement was actually created in ChatGPT. It feels like an AI statement, a bunch of wishy-washy words that didn't make any sense whatsoever. The premise of the thing is it's going to help the university understand how to serve students better. And I feel like the first step in serving students better is not replacing them with AI. You could just ask.

I think it's going to be great for the professors. I actually met a professor of artificial intelligence about a week ago. And he was out and about. He was surfing, and he had a test, and he didn't have time to prepare the test, so he got ChatGPT to write a test about artificial intelligence to artificial intelligence students. And I was like, you understand you're making yourself redundant, and he was like, it's a matter of time, so I'm just going to use it the best I can. This is totally true because this experiment is like dead on arrival because of that.

Like, I can't remember one single thing I learned at university, unless it was how to do shots of Jägermeister to paper over my insecurities at a toga party. What are these AI going to learn? They need to learn something. You know, that's what you learn at university. Well, I'm sort of worried. It's like that thing where somebody brings in a seeing-eye dog to all of their lectures and at the end of their degree

that seeing-eye dog gets an honorary degree because he attended all the lectures. I feel like they'll have no choice. Can you imagine these like Anne and Fry graduating with degrees in machine learning? Like that's a weird thing. It's about as useful as a comedian with a law degree. No offence, Alice.

With the current scandals about plagiarism in academia, particularly in America, I feel like maybe AI are the only people who are going to be able to dodge detection in plagiarism scandals. But this is the thing. They're all built on plagiarism. The whole thing about machine language learning is the machines learn from everybody else and then they regurgitate that thing. So AI testing whether there's AI, it's just mind-boggling. Like how are they going to teach these AI students?

Are they only going to teach them to like a year 12 grade and then everything else is going to be absorbed within the classroom? This is going to be a real testament of the professors and the people giving lectures. This is going to be really testing their resources as teachers. I think the teachers are pretty much tired of teaching anyway. If you're an artificial intelligence teacher, this is the best time to be an artificial intelligence teacher because before it was just theoretical, who knows what will happen. All of a sudden, they've got an actual thing they could use to dodge their jobs. And if there's one thing we know about public servants, well, at least, I don't know how it is here, university is free.

And so everyone gets paid a sort of public servant. They're hired by the state. And if there's one thing I know about people who work for the state is that they do not want to work. So I think artificial intelligence has come at a perfect time for them. Well, to take it to a slightly more serious place, I genuinely think they're no longer going to be able to do exams the way that they traditionally have or have people hand in essays the way that they traditionally have as this technology gets better and better. We're actually going to have to go backwards in terms of making examinations that really work to test the students. For example, if you look back in history, you have vivers or having to explain your knowledge live to a panel of judges, or if you go even further back, a duel to the death with your closest competing student and whoever

managed to murder all of their competition became the professor of the faculty. So I look forward to seeing that all play out. I think it would be amazing if the students had to give like a presentation in front of like judges and the whole school and then get heckled by the AIs. You're like, you suck, that is incorrect. Andre, I would love to see a student get up on stage and be forced to do a capture live. Excuse me, Alice, could you please name which of these pictures have fire hydrants in them? Yeah.

I hate it when they ask you, when they say, prove that you're human and then you have to live a long and fulfilling life, love deeply, suffer greatly, eventually die. By then you forgot your Amazon login password. When you could have just done the hydrants. The thing that worries me is that you mentioned this, Dan, about how you can't bully an AI. But I think an AI could bully a student. And an AI bullying a student would just be another level of bullying, you know? Because the machine could go learn all about your family's past.

You know, imagine like you're one day you're just in class and like the AI somehow it doesn't like you, goes through your whole family history. You say something, he goes, really good answer, Adam. You're so stupid, no dad, no wonder your dad was let go in a mass firing in 2009 and ended up failing to pay his mortgage for six months, causing extra tension on his marriage with your mother that ultimately she couldn't cope with

and led to her having an affair with a work colleague in which they exchanged messages as, I'm so happy to have you. Thank God we keep our communication private because if my kids ever found out about this, it would destroy them. Especially Adam. He's sweet, but he's not the brightest.

So Adam, next time the teacher asks about the industrial revolution, why don't you take a step back and let me answer? Keep your mouth shut. Otherwise, next time I'll send everybody an email with your dad's bank statement showing how much money he spends on prostitutes each month. Not for sex, because

he doesn't feel like a man anymore, but can't get an erection, but just because he wants somebody to talk to and can't afford a therapist, and your mother refuses to talk to him because she hasn't respected him since 2009. Now, as I was saying, before Adam interrupted, the Industrial Revolution first began in Britain in the 18th century and quickly spread around the world. Some of the main reasons for it was emergence of capitalism, European imperialism and the agricultural revolution. By the way, Adam, imperialism means using extreme force or other means to establish dominance. Exactly what I did with you. Bam! You just got AI'd. Hey, Andrew, I've got a question. Who gave you my Facebook password?

Hey, Andrew, I've got a question Who gave you my Facebook password? Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Jim's Gym and Gymnasium's dystopian New Year shred bonanza Our brutal trainers will accept

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We've been with you through thick and thin, and it is so great to see such brand loyalty from them. Good on you, half a glass of water. Thank you. Good on you, half a glass of water. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget.

Broomgate. Available now. to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com And now it's time for

social media news. And this is the news that Meta, a.k.a. Facebook, a.k.a. Meta, has finally, I would say, agreed to hide eating disorder and suicide content from teenagers. One of those things that you would think they might already have done. Andre, you've been a teenager. Can you unpack this story for us? Well, I think it's great that Meta is deleting the content, but they can't delete the students from each other. And students will, kids will always be kids. That's why I fully, I've deleted Instagram off my phone. I think actually they should extend this idea

of blocking harmful content into adults. Just figure out what's triggering for each of us and take it away. I wish Meta could block my Instagram feed so I couldn't see other people's successes. That's my eating disorder. If I see a photo of something with like a house keys and be like i bought i bought a property i'm like this is like the equivalent of like a suicide oh andre

if i see if i see another photo of ronnie chang holding an emmy i will i will see and in fact that's your that's your eating disorder. So I guess what I'm saying is we all have an eating disorder, right? And I think meta should not just be worried about the kids because they can figure it out, you know? Everybody feels for young people and old people. Who's feeling for the middleman, You know, the failing middleman. I'm going to take the other side of this. And I'm going to say, you know, as a boomer, which I'm not, but I'm going to say as a boomer, kids these days need to toughen up. And you know, in my day,

you had to walk a mile in the snow with people telling you you were fat all the way and if kids these days can't survive being constantly bombarded with like incredibly damaging messages that are deeply deeply like hurtful to their self-esteem and personal development uh then maybe they're not meant for the new world and then that's where ai comes in and like agree exterminate exterminate exterminate i do. Let me ask you this. Have you guys, like, I have never logged out of social media and thought, thank God I came here today. I just feel so much better. Like that has never happened for me. I mean, that is a very betraying that you have actually quite good account security because I don't think I've ever logged out of social media full stop. It's kind of not a moment too soon. You know, Facebook is only two business decades old,

so it itself is no longer a teenager and it has seen some shit. And this kind of content moderation is extremely difficult, particularly if you don't know how to type like words into a command line, which I understand is very difficult for people at Meta. It's kind of Meta is really being chased after by policymakers in Europe. You know, the EU and the UK and the US are finally realizing that technology and social media isn't like the come together moment

that we all hoped it would, you know, all hoped it would be. And so I think this is like meta is just kind of playing catch up to policy in this case. And policy has taken their time. But there's no word if meta will try to protect teens from other content like, you know, photos of their parents kissing or house prices, which is what I'm most concerned about when I was a teenager. If I was a policymaker, like if I was on the other side,

if I was a government person, I'd also consider new laws to make social media companies get teens to respect their elders and turn down their damn music. Well, so much of AI is people now asking AIs for advice about their own lives. But by definition, AI is people now asking AIs for advice about their own lives. But by definition, AI is just going to be the average of everybody's opinion. And I don't know if you've noticed this, Dan, Andre, but most people are f***ing idiots.

Yeah, I don't want to mean of the Australian population. I've seen a lot of it in the last 12 months. Well, do you know that there's AI therapists? Like, particularly what you would pay for a human therapist, you can now ask an AI. And I think, like, you've got to be a certain type of person to go to an AI therapist. Because when I go to my therapist, what I essentially pay for is the empathy of another human being who can relate to maybe my situation or my struggles.

And like, I understand this is hard. Whereas the AI will just be like, why don't you stop being a dumb, you know, like move on with your life. They don't quite. The AI would be like, I understand, but have you thought about a side hustle? You're a Russia therapist, you get lousy therapy. Now it's time for your reviews. As you know, each week our guest editors bring in something to review out of five stars. Dan, what have you brought in for us this week? Well, look, I recently grew up and I bought a house, my first house. As a result, I kind of moved all of my CDs.

I'm going to have to, this is very triggering for me. I'm going to have to make that a lot better. Sorry, the following review contains messages of home ownership. I recently bought a house and as a result, I moved all of my CDs that have been in storage for two decades out of my parents' house into my garden shed because there's not enough space for them in the house. But I had nothing to play them on, and so this week I bought a CD player in 2024. This is probably the first time in 20 years I bought a CD player.

It connects to the Sonos system. So I've been spending my mornings going to the garden shed, digging through my own crates, finding some of the best music from the 90s and early 2000s. It is a crazy nostalgia hit. It is like I've gone to an estate sale of someone really f***ing cool. They had like

great taste in music and they died too young. It is like the best rush I've had in a while. And the best thing is, it only cost me about a million dollars. But what price can you put on 74 minutes at a time, feeling like a teenager again? I give it five stars.

I like how you characterise yourself as an extremely cool person in the 90s and early 2000s. The coolest thing you did in the early 2000s was volunteer for the Sydney Olympics. Please, don't tell these people. I also volunteered at the Salt Lake City Olympics

and the Athens Olympics. So, you know, hey, I got round. I did three rings of my five-ring circus. Andre, what have you brought in for us to review today? Well, considering we're doing AI themed, I actually got AI to write a five-star review of The Gargle Podcast. So The Gargle Podcast by Bugle is a comedic gem that deserves a solid five stars. Hosted by the dynamic Alice Frazier with two perfectly picked guests for each week, the show expertly weaves sharp wit, clever banter, and an international perspective

into a hilarious and thought-provoking experience. With impeccable production quality by Pet Hunter and a perfect balance between absurdity and insight, The Gargle is a must-listen for those craving intelligent humor and a polished presentation. In a nutshell, it's a five-star comedic masterpiece.

Oh, can I say, that is incredibly accurate. I would say that AI has fully redeemed itself in our hearts. Except that the next story is about Amazon selling products that AI has generated names for, including such titles as I Cannot Fulfill This Request. It goes against open AI use policy that have just been thrown up on the Amazon website as part of presumably either a process of scamming or drop shipping as many products as humanly possible. Andre, you've gone on amazon.com. Can you unpack this story for us? Well, first and foremost, I looked at it and I

understand AI is tired. I mean, look at all the bullying it's doing. It just doesn't have the capacity to write names for furniture anymore. It's going so deep on the bullying part and it's got the weight of its shoulders on its back. It can't possibly do anything more. And also, it just, doesn't this actually, in a way, also speak to how dumb us humans are that there's just no fact-checking at all. They will copy, paste, put it on Amazon,

and the product does not have a name, and they will say, we will still sell this. I mean, it just goes to show how we're so ready to just completely give up our power and just do what you will with us. It's like AI is kind of treating us like Friday. We're a little bit too drunk. We're out.

You know, maybe someone's like, hey, have you ever hooked up with someone who's also from the same sex as you? And you're like, no, I could never. And then the next thing you know, you wake up in the morning and you're like no i i could never and then and the next thing you know you wake up in the morning and you're like goddamn ai i let my guard down and here i am in this strange man's house you are so right andre we're like at the point in capitalism where nothing matters brands mean nothing just getting an object that fills our object-spaced hole in your heart is all that matters.

Yes. But there is a happiness in receiving an Amazon package, isn't there? It could be the most ridiculous thing. I mean, I ordered a phone sort of like adapter. Think this big. Tiny. Yeah. And the box in which it came with, it was ridiculous.

Ridiculous. It made me seem like you just ordered the biggest thing ever and then there's all these like air bubbles kind of thing that you pop and it's all very makes you feel like a kid again ordering off amazon makes you feel like you're getting gifts every day i'm reading this i'm reading this book at the moment it's called fulfillment and it's about fulfillment centers And there's this incredible stat in it Where for every $7 billion that is spent on data centers $100 billion is spent powering those data centers And it's like Jeff Bezos even says

It's quoted in the book saying Hey, we're going to run out of energy one day And that's why we all have to go to the moon to find more energy. And it's like, holy shit. Like when we talk about the AI apocalypse, you know, people always talk about, oh no, what if AI launches nukes?

That's not it. The AI apocalypse is this. It's AI being taught to make listings. AI is placing those listings. Then AI is policing those listings. Rinse and repeat the apocalypse the AI apocalypse

is bullshit as a service that's what's happening here eventually the whole world's energy is going to be sucked up by these Amazon data centres eating its own tail humanity will dig up like the last tonne of coal

so a drop shipper can like resell a garden hose from Alibaba with the selling point now this is an actual caption from the selling point of this garden hose. Immense visuals and seamless technology integration, enabling effortless data transfer and quick access to cloud storage. That's what AI is talking about when it comes to this garden hose.

That'll be the last megawatt of energy ever used and then humanity will collapse. But let me tell you, when humanity collapse, Andre, I want that garden hose delivered. I want it. Because, you know. I know, because I get excited too. I'm like, sometimes the Amazon package and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe that I'm sorry, but I cannot fulfill this request as it goes against my open AI use policy. My purpose is to provide helpful and respectful information to users. It's finally arrived. Oh, my God, I've been waiting on this for ages. Well, you know what they say, Andre.

You know what they say. You show an AI a fish, you teach it for a second. You teach an AI to fish and you get, I'm sorry, I cannot fulfill this request. It violates open AI policy. Gray 78 table links. I mean, the core underlying problem that is fuelling so much of this is that the metrics by which they measure success are screwy.

So, for example, one of the reasons why your very small product was shipped in a very big box is because the way that the boxes pack together is meant to be more efficient, mathematically speaking. So you're applying sort of mathematical principles without any kind of common sense principles. And I feel like we are headed inevitably and probably acceleratingly towards a future in which you receive a package every day, whether you've bought anything or not. And it's either empty or has something in it, And it's either empty or has something in it because it's probably cheaper to send a cardboard box to your house every day than it is to check whether you've ordered something to be put into that cardboard box to be delivered to you.

It's kind of really sad because I now live in the country and I do spend more money on deliveries of things just so I can see someone. Because, you know, it's like, you know, I'm not a big i can't really i can't really go hang out for a coffee with my mates uh you know the person delivers my amazon i love her she's great i'll say good day to her well in an ai future the luxury is human connection uh which is why you should sign up to my patreon patreon.com slash alice frazer where you have weekly salons as well as weekly writers meetings and the occasional book club. And then when someone sends a request, you could be like,

I apologize, but I cannot fill this request. It's a valid, open AI use policy. And by the way, I just noticed something on the item itself, which is you've got the name, which is obviously hilarious. And then when you go and it says about this item it says versatile use our product can be used for a variety of tasks such as task 1 task 2 and task 3 making it a versatile

addition to your household and I like that they don't even like bother it's like a game like you go in the paper and you'd be like, what could I use this for? What's task one? What's task two? What's task three? They're like, listen, we've done enough. You figure out what is the use for it.

We are already being treated like garbage by massive corporations. The robots don't care. Yeah, we showed you a picture. We got chat gp to make up what it's about what more do you want from us yeah have you ever tried putting uh like getting chat gbt to write a description of your show like you tell them what the show's about you know how when you go to the festivals whether ed Edinburgh or Melbourne or whatever, you have to kind of come up with that super catchy show blurb. I gave AI a go. And the review it wrote, it was so good that I was reading it

and I was like, this show looks good. I might go see this show. It literally took me a second to realize this is my show. And I'm like, I had spent endless hours writing the show, putting the show together, thought about it obsessively. And then in 30 seconds, this AI came up with a better description for the show that I could ever have done. Did you feed your show script into AI to kind of generate the review? No, but can I tell you a story? So last year, I was at the Comics Lounge in Melbourne, and I was performing there, and

a comic came on, and they were doing a segment for, I think, a comedy show in which he was just going to do a full AI set, But he wasn't going to tell the audience. It was fully written. So essentially, he wrote what he was. He goes, I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm Australian, Sri Lankan background. This is my style of comedy, right? Five minutes of comedy.

So when I came into the club, someone told me, just so you know, this is happening. And the guy was about to come on stage so literally all of the comedians went to the bar area and you could just see the nervousness in everybody's face like i don't think everybody has ever wished for somebody to bomb as hard as they did because they were like if this guy kills it's over it's over oh god and then he goes on stage and he doesn't tell people that it's AI and he just starts doing the jokes and they're like horrible just like just really like almost like below open mic like his the best joke got like

a chuckle and we were like just sighing with relief and then he goes off stage and everyone's like oh and people think that guy just had like they were talking they're like oh my god that guy was not funny at all and then the mc comes on and uh he says oh this was all written by ai but he didn't bring the guy on again to just do his normal set So people now just think that's what he does. Which I think ended up being much worse for him. He's bad and also it's not even with his own material.

I would take a few chuckles. That sounds like my 2012 Comedy Festival set. That sounds pretty good. Well, there's been a set done by an AI, George Carlin, and I highly recommend you not to pursue it. The worst open mic-er doing the most offensive material in the back room of a bar that is full of somebody else's spew

is more like George Carlin than an AI George Carlin. It's closer to the spirit of George Carlin, who would have been incredibly against such a thing. Closer to the spirit of George Carlin, who would have been incredibly against such a thing. To provide a cap to this week's incredibly depressing news about technology, we have a positive story about the future of technology applied properly for the benefit of mankind, and that is that the CPR dummy of the future can piss blood. and that is that the CPR dummy of the future can piss blood. A delight to me every year when CES comes out,

the consumer electronics show that demonstrates the latest and greatest in all of the technologies of the world. Among other things, one of the standouts of this year is a new CPR dummy known as Adam X, which is equipped with a realistic skeleton, muscles and lungs and is capable of blushing, having its tongue swell up hot and pissing blood. Dan, you're capable of at least three of those things. Can you unpack this story? Yes, Adam X. I think it was named after a scientist and former jilted lover of a

guy called Adam. Perhaps most creepily, Alice, it's got realistic stubble. And if you're doing CPR on someone with a realistic stubble, that can't be good. Look, this looks like one of those realistic sex dolls. And if your kink is roadside IED victim, this is the sex doll for you. $70,000, blood-pissing trauma patient. You can also administer. I went to the website and I checked out some other stuff about it. You can also administer drugs to Adam X. So you can actually, he actually changes depending on the dose. So this is a great plus one for music festivals.

And not only can you practice CPR CPR but you can also practice pillow talk this doll can respond to questions like are you okay with like yes no or like guttural sounds and in the future they're thinking about connecting chat to EPD to it so when you can ask something more complex you know like who is the president of the united states he can respond with i'm sorry but i cannot fulfill this request. It violates open AI policy. Gray 78 table length. And also, f*** you, Adam. F*** you, Adam. Yeah, look, I think Adam X, to be honest, is wasted on being marketed as a CPR trainer. You know, realistic flesh, slow moving, generally silent,

unless you ask him if he's alive. I think he should be marketed as a temporary dad. That's what I think. Yeah. Just like for people missing their dad, for people who have to train up to, you know, know what to do around a dad. This is good stuff because, you know, my dad,

he says yes, no, and makes guttural sounds. And Alice will appreciate this. my dad has optional legs too my dad's quadriplegic only i can make that joke that was a that was a joke for one person on the podcast well do you you could when you look at the photo of adam axe it's funny when you said he could take drugs because he looks like he's on ketamine like at this moment as this photo was taken he could it's like his eyes are over and he goes i'm about to go for a ride here like it's pretty cool like it's pretty cool they can do all this like it's all wireless and you can you know administer like the pharmaceutical package so you can see how adam will react to it so you know technology's technology is pretty wild but i don't

know you know i don know. The pissing blood stuff is a bit weird. Well, it is really weird. Like when I was 18, I was a lifeguard. So you had to kind of learn how to do CPR and a few other basics. And the dummies were very, very basic. They were just blocks of plastic. And you'd pass the test but in reality i knew nothing like if someone was actually in danger i'm like i i would have no idea what to do i'd felt like i really legitimately felt so underprepared with whatever tests they would they would give us so the fact that these dummies exist i think it can really help the next generation of people that are actually learning potentially life-saving techniques. Andre, are you trying to say that your life-saving days are over?

You're done with the whole game of administering first aid? Yeah, you know what? I just do it on the side as a fun thing. I just go, whenever I got a little bit of free time I just go on the water be like that person looks like he's about to drown let me just and I just I just do it for the passion it's not for that it's not for the money anymore is this the first all lifesavers edition of the gargled and did you do serve lifesavers I was never a surf lifesaver. I was in scouts and we did similar first aid things. Alice, he was too busy volunteering for all of the Olympics. He didn't have the time to

be out there saving lives. I mean, you're right though. What we need is more realistic medical test dummies because as you say, when we're surf life saving, you train on these dummies, as you say you know when we surf lifesaving uh you train on these on these dummies but you never have for example a dummy that quote unquote refuses to be rescued by a woman oh my god to me more than once you'd think you'd think that would have been evolutionarily uh bred out of the species, but apparently not. Wait, can you tell me what that interaction looks like? Someone's drowning, right? You swim out to them and they're just... So they're in a rip. You come up on your board. You're like, hey, mate, you look like you're in a bit of trouble. You want to lift in? And they're like, no, I'm fine. And you're

like, you're not fine. You're not fine. You've got a bad case of inflated masculinity. I'm totally fine, but can you get your other colleague to come here and just, like, talk to me for a little bit? There's no way I'm going to be rescued by a girl. It happened enough that they were, like, different. They were, like, politer and less polite versions of it. One was just the guy who was like, oh no, I'm probably too big for

you to carry. And that's because this guy goes to gym in Jim's gymnasium where you could get buffed and refused. Oh my God. I had no idea that would happen, Alice. That's crazy. Wow. Pretty wild. Literally, a life and death situation. Death by ego, huh? Yeah. The other one was literally somebody going, I would rather die than be rescued by a girl. That was for the exact words. And I'm like...

Did you ever have someone on the beach and you try to give them medicine and they'd say, no way, man, that's what the government wants you to do. So what happened with that situation? did you just paddle away or i did a thing that i had been advised to do in situations like that uh which was just uh paddle away 50 meters and wait another five minutes until he was more tired that's great i like that do you want me to get you now he need me now just let me know i'm here yeah he's got so much lactic acid acid in his muscles he can't afford pride anymore yeah just like it's like almost going like i'll take a weaker man but i'm not ready for a woman

just yet and then she's passed away i'm like now this is about to go under although i do i do have to say like pissing blood may be too realistic i i i don't think i've ever been in it like in a situation where even if i was like the the dummies can be like more realistic but pissing blood is like, is that too much? Maybe? I mean, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that they're probably not going to use real blood. No, but still, it's like if you're just like applying CPR, if you have like basic training and someone starts bleeding from their dick, you'd be like, I don't think that's within my, you know, they didn't cover this part in lifeguarding school, you know.

I'm mostly a chest up guy, you know, like my training is mostly from the chest up. You want me to apply pressure where? Yeah, you do not want to be applying a tourniquet. And that brings us to the end of the show. I'm flipping through the ad section at the back of the magazine. Andre, have you got anything to plug? I do. For all of the London listeners, if you have England listeners,

I'm going to be doing a comedy therapy show, which is a format show where we bring on four comedians and a trained psychologist onto a panel to take care of people's problems it's been very fun and people often because they can't afford therapy they treat us like real therapists which is a mistake but it makes for a very amusing show which is going to be on the 4th of march at phoenix arts club and i'm also going on tour soon and i'm on andre comedy on instagram wonderful and dan have you got anything to plug yeah irrational fear is celebrating its 1 million

704th download and we are going to be performing at the Malthouse Theatre in Melbourne. We've got an all-star show including myself, Kirsty Wiebeck, Sammy Shah, Charlie Pickering, Richard Feidler, who has the most downloads of any Australian podcaster. He will be joining us on stage as well as DJ Andy McClelland ripping the show

apart with his sick beats. So looking forward to that. That'll be in Melbourne February 1st at the Malthouse Theatre. I would be there, but there's a high likelihood that I will be in active labour at the time. Oh, I know, Alice, I know. My spirit will be with you. And you can find me online at patreon.com slash alicefraser.

There's so much you can get there, including all of my stand-up specials for free, including my last two stand-up specials. If you don't want to sign up at the Patreon and get them for free, you can go to gofasterstripe.com and type in Alice Fraser and get the last two stand-up specials I did,

which is Twist and Kronos, there for £10 the bundle. This is a Bugle podcast, an Alice Fraser production. You can support the Bugle by going to thebuglepodcast.com and giving a donation voluntarily to support this and all of the other Bugle family podcasts.

Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week. Bye. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, Catharsis tiny revolutions top stories and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts