The Gargle - Beauty special

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

Tiff Stevenson and Sami Shah join host Alice Fraser to get into the latest in beauty news, featuring:🗿 Chad facing💄 Tween makeup 💐 Miss Universe🌎 Climate cosmetics💋 Beauty tipsRemember to click Follow The Gargle in your podcast app to make sure you get every episode.If you enjoy the show leave a review, tell your friends, and share us on social media.To watch video versions of this and all other Bugle podcasts, head to the Bugle YouTube channel and hit subscribe.Would you like to help support The Gargle and other Bugle podcasts? I certainly would!You canMake a one-off donationJoin Team Bugle to get ad-free podcastsOr become a Super Bugler to also get exclusive podcasts and a limited edition episode of The Bugle on orange 12" vinyl. YES PLEASE!This week's stories:Story 1: https://www.gq.com/story/chad-facing-gen-z-lip-sync-faceStory 2: https://mashable.com/article/sephora-tweens-teens-drunk-elephantStory 3: https://amp.abc.net.au/article/103387806Story 4: https://www.premiumbeautynews.com/en/trends-how-climate-change-will,23244This episode was presented and written by Alice Fraser, Tiff Stevenson and Sami ShahIt was produced by Ped Hunter, with executive production from Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

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Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. The best-known early version of the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast was written in French by Gabriel-Suzanne Barbour de Villeneuve, which is French for My Parents Knew How to Start Naming Me But Didn't Know How to Stop. It's the tale of a prince who's cursed to be a hideous beast by an old crone until he can achieve sufficient inner beauty to be worthy of true love. At the end of the story he's returned to his princely form and learns that real beauty was actually always in the gargle. Welcome to The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world special beauty edition and your guest hosts for this edition of the magazine are sammy shah welcome hello how

you doing i'm well and tiff stevenson hello hi i'm good you didn't ask me you're the expert of the beauty expert yeah i haven't even got the beauty filter on the zoom which is what i should have done heaven for fend people see me in my natural visage. Well, before we put the cold cucumbers on our eyes and lean back for the relaxing massage that is this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover this week is an actual drunk elephant posing provocatively with an expensive face cream. And the satirical cartoon this week

is oscar wilde pitching to a modern day publisher and the publisher says shouldn't it be the other way around and the oscar says so he ages while the image stays young forever and the caption is the instagram account of dorian gray if you don't like that satirical cartoon we have a backup satirical cartoon this week which is a decomposing zombie in front of a makeup mirror filming a Get Ready With Me Skincare Secrets YouTube video. Because you've got to be f***able forever these days. Top story this week is Chad facing. This is the trend among young men

that is sort of optimising masculine vanity, I would say. Sami Shah, you've been working on your jaw edges. Can you unpack this story for us? So if you thought Chad facing was a story about the world getting more and more concerned about the food crisis and food insecurity crisis taking place in the African country of Chad, where 16 million people are at the risk of starvation due to post-colonial problems caused by the French. You're wrong. It's actually about something far more depressing. So I had to look up almost every word in this story. And I feel like I'm a very like with it and a hip kind of 45 year old. But good Lord, did I feel old.

So apparently Chad is a thing that means like an alpha male with a very cool jaw, like a very strong, like a strong jawline to the point where it stops being a jawline and becomes something you can land planes on. And young people, Gen Zs, who, by the way, I just want to point out, there's a long period where everyone was like,

Gen Zs are the future and Gen Zs will save the world and aren't Gen Zs amazing? And more and more we're discussing they're just as f***ing stupid as every generation in the history of humanity.

So it turns out gen z's are being influenced by the chinese app let me remind everyone the owners are chinese government tiktok um where they are now chad facing which means they want their jaw lines to look more like uh and a some ukrainian or belarusian model um whose jawline looks like you'd imagine a Belarusian model's jawline would look like and so they're doing something called subscribing to looks maxers that's with two x's looks maxers which also had to look up which is basically influencers on TikTok who tell you how to look good and those guys tell them to start mewing which is something I had to look up which is basically when you press the top of your tongue

to the roof of your mouth to straighten out your jawline and when they do this apparently they think that their jaws will become bigger and bolder and thus make them more sexually attractive to everyone I remember when I was young

I will do anything to avoid having a conversation with a woman basically or just listen to her man like or just work on your personality i don't know read a book that wasn't a youtube video by jordan peterson for five seconds and and try to have something more to say but it is basically there's an entire generation of young men now who are trying to it used to be we were trying to look like arnold schult of young men now who are trying to. It used to be we were trying to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or we were trying to look like Jean-Claude Van Damme. They're trying to look like a drawing of a Viking's side profile is what their current aspirations are. And and the most dangerous part of this trend is that some of them are even taking hammers to their faces to break their bones in their facial structures so that they'll heal into the form of a bigger jawline. And I'm suddenly okay with the climate apocalypse. I have never felt more okay with the

heat death of this planet coming imminently. Because, yeah, where else do you go from here? Well, it's sort of an extraordinary thing. I think it couldn't exist without COVID isolating young people from one another because if you have never seen an incredibly beautiful, like it's a subscription to the idea that beautiful women or what they call high-value women are drawn only to sort of the most hyper-masculine-looking dudes and the jockeiest jocks and that means that you have never seen an incredibly hot babe go home with the hideous guitarist

of a terrible metal band yeah like that's how art that's why art was made that's why music was made was so that unattractive people could get attractive people. You don't bash your face with a hammer and then try looking like a meme to get some. No one's interested in hot men. Hot men don't get women. Hot men don't get other men. Hot men just die alone looking at themselves in the mirror. Don't you remember the Greek myth of narcissist?

That's what this is all about. Stop lying to yourself, Sammy. Listen, I am living for you. I'm all for this. Listen, it's about time. This is finally equality. You lot sit around all day feeling insecure about yourselves, that you're not good enough. This is the equality as women we've all been hoping for.

Get yourself looks maxing, 24-7 mewing. It's so insane that there's articles about guys going, Oh, it's horrible. I go to a restaurant and I have to stop mewing for five minutes to actually eat my food. It's hilarious. Like,

because women we've had this forever. We've had these weird, like kind of, you know, there was this phase where everyone in a photo, like every young woman in a photo would like pull a face, like trout sucking algae off the side of a pond there was this like like sort of face that went for ages so it's just it's it's

your turn now but I I I agree that I do like the fact that it's like I don't know when Chad became the epitome of like American jockness when it is a when it is an African country and why didn't it just follow on so that you had like this is my mate mozambique he works on wall street oh and the legend democratic republic of congo bit fighty at the weekends but what an absolute lad uh yeah i i feel like i feel like this is in a way it's it's it's sort of seeped out of i mean i think what people are saying is the chad or the giga chad and all of that that sort of talk came from like online forums that were kind of sort of in cell forums or something and that this idea of a man was the perfect idea of a man and the only man that could ever get near a woman and um as we all know that's not true yeah

the kind of guy that says no women want to sleep with him is often the kind of guy who only counts a certain kind of woman as a woman. If you know what I mean. Yeah. Well, also, it says here that the term has, yeah, the term has roots on incel message boards in the manosphere, which heavily attribute romantic success to the perceived genetic advantages held by tall and muscular men.

Several of the message boards devoted to looks maxing hold that sex is complicated game of persuasion and subterfuge to be won through special chicks and hidden knowledge. It's basically the game for Gen Zed, right? So just wake me up when they get to negging. We all know that eventually this whole process leads to you negging a woman. And then there's soft maxing as well we've there's soft maxing and hard maxing so it's important to a lot of the influences are about soft maxing which is just like exercise and skincare you know um and for for sweet facial gains get those sweet facial gains happening guys um and so that so that's the soft maxing and then the hard maxing

would be having surgery and doing other more extreme kind of i've seen videos of guys going full uh joan crawford as in they're like dunking their faces in buckets of ice and strapping bits of it up which is what she did so it's like full mummy dearest um and the maxing part just means to do something to it's from gaming culture it's to do something to the to the to enhance that part of your personality to the front so looks maxing it means that you're maximizing your looks but you can apply it to anything so i think we should start off politics maxing where politicians actually do their job when a politics maxing uh kindness maxing just being a good person you know it's not all bad this is not all bad is what i'm saying you have to get

this to start from an incel message forum though most of the 21st century seems to be starting in incel message forums at this point everything from donald trump to the rise of isis to now you know giga chattingchatting, it seems to all come from incel message forums. They have more cultured influence than Hollywood. I don't understand what's happening there, but they're very, very powerful. There is nothing more powerful in this world than blue balls, Sammy. I find it ironic that the term looks-maxing,

which is meant to sound more masculine than like a vanity, which is what it is, which is characterized as feminine. They've tried to make it sound more masculine by putting a double X chromosome in the middle of it. So I even went down a bit of a wormhole looking at it because this is all new to me. I am 45. I have two children. so i even went down a bit of a wormhole looking at because this is all new to me i i i'm 45 i have two children i don't have the time to look smacks myself all right like i barely i did a crunch once and then my stomach hurt for a week and that's the most i'm willing to commit to self-improvement but apparently one of the big influences in the soft looks maxing or soft maxing right that's what you said yeah soft maxing um soft maxing industry is a guy named syrian psycho um which is just and he's not it turns out the the leader of the syrian part of the islamic jihad he is just a young guy in america of syrian origin

who watched and i'm not exaggerating he watched the movie cycle and then in the movie cycle was inspired by the makeup and self-care routine and thought that's how i want to live my life oh wait hold on it's important to flag up at this point that we are talking about american psycho and not psycho yes because the makeup and skin routine in that is his dead mother which wait look how far are we away from that happening here? But, yeah, it is the American psycho skincare routine was what inspired him. And this is what happens when you take away literary analysis and just, you know, in-depth reading from school curriculums. As people watch a movie which is all about the bad side of consumerism and how it leads to psychopathy. And they go, well, the guy's skin looks good yeah who needs critical analysis of film and text and then you see the people who

think that he pledges the joker is the hero of the batman movies and you go okay your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy this episode of the podcast is brought to you by beauty they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder so why waste time making yourself beautiful when you can spray beauty directly into their eyes beauty mace beauty that will make him cry and you can put lipstick on a pig bringing bringing you pig stick. Lipstick for your pig. And are you pregnant, postpartum, a woman, still subject to the ridiculous beauty standards that ooze through every part of society and mean that you're made to feel unbearably

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shortcut to a bit more beauty in your life try half a glass of water half a glass of water it'll refresh everything ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. baseball has its steroid era curling has broom gate it's a story of broken relationships houses divided corporate rivalry and a performance enhancing broom it was a year i'd like to forget broom gate available now now. Acast helps creators launch, grow,

and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Drunk elephant news now, and this is the news that there's a wave of teens. Not only are men look-smacking, but teens are getting in on the beauty industry game too now, with a run on particularly expensive skincare brands in public chains like Sephora and Ulta all around the world, but mainly in America.

Tiff Stevenson, you judge the youth often. Can you unpack this story for us? I'm happy to be judgmental. So over the past few weeks, creators on TikTok have bemoaned the growing presence of young girls in Sephora, with some of them claiming that they've encountered pushy and rude tweens in the store and that they drain, steal or trash the store's sample products. And then they're asking, should they be buying pricey creams at all so it's a discussion around the fact that young girls are attracted to products that they see older girls or women using in the beauty sphere and it's just this has always existed why

we what's this new outrage for something that you know when it was my age it was body shop we had body shop and we would go in and jab our fingers in every single one of the flavored lip balms and be putting them all over our lips and smell all the perfumes they had this thing called jubilee which went around honestly like an std at my high school it was like you couldn't walk into a room and not smell jubilee by the body shop being it was like quite a high, sweet smelling. But you used to go in there on a Saturday and they had these bottles. They had it almost in like oils with pipettes, glass pipettes that you could just like kind of sniff them. So we just like be trying that on.

Like what else a teenage girl is going to do? You're just like kind of going around the, you know, the town centre, just just walking in and out of shops like I also I was a stationary slut so I was obsessed with getting smelly pens and new notebooks and whatever else so it's just you know tiktokers are doing these videos the get ready with me videos you know and uh younger girls are watching this and kind of you know trying to ape that I mean it's um it's kind of reached this nadir on TikTok where Bethany Frankel came out and said something about it. I don't know if you know Bethany Frankel. She's a real housewife.

She's not one of those fake ones like other housewives. She's a real one. But she came up, she was like, there's a lot of talk about teenage... She's one of those real housewives who has time to have a career in the entertainment industry. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of talk about teenage kids in Sephora. It's psychotic that kids think they could spend $50 on a blush or hundreds of dollars. And then she goes on about the fact that her daughter's friends are like, what do you think of the Dior? Do you have Drunk Elephant? Do you have the Charlotte Tilbury? And I'm like, bitch, you're 14.

We're not on the same level um which sounds like you're like just like getting into it with a teenager for sake but she is kind of right it is sort of it's sort of on she sort of ends up saying this is about parenting like are you raising a spoiled brat so if you're taking your child to Sephora and showing them drunk elephant which is you know I've had I don't buy drunk elephant i get the free samples of it but you know a lot of it is like retinol it's anti it's like anti-aging products so it's like a 50 pounds or like 40 pounds bottle of retinol which maybe these influencers could be like listen don't use this if you're a kid unless you want skin like a peeled tomato you know but i mean this is the

big concern right because a lot of these uh i mean the modern trend in skincare is to have a lot of very heavy active ingredients because people are now researching online and they know what things will work to you know peel all the skin off their faces and reveal a new fresh face but the problem is if you've 12 you have the new fresh face that everyone's trying to peel their way back to yeah there's not much there's not much peeling is it too much to ask for parenting like how about tell your daughter she's beautiful like your child doesn't need under eye concealer they need a bedtime story in a nap that will fix whatever that is well they don't need bronzer you know but little girls always going to be

one around smelly things and like sparkly like cool packaging and stuff that's just we're drawn in so you you know the idea that this is somehow a new thing also sort of feels mad it's just this generation's version of it you know and and if you're a decent parent you can be like no i'm not giving you a hundred pounds to go and spend in sephora you're nine years old also i feel like this combines two of the the traditional young girl interests one is like making sparkly potions and the other one is being like your big cousin so I feel like this is a this is an arrow aimed straight at the heart of any 12 to 13 year old girl who's still not quite over like sparkly dolphins but also wants to wear a push-up bra it's that that intersection. And there's

also a third element, which is that they're complaining about these young girls being rude to the staff and everything. And this has been a universal thing. There's nothing more intimidating than a group of 13-year-old girls. They are. They're the alpha predators of the savannas when it comes to picking off the weak.

I could be walking down the street right now. There are 13-year-old girls, three, four of them them walking up the the street i will cross to the other side i don't want their judge i don't want that look where they give her like and i'm like i hate my body now like it's just it's a thing that they do that's a power they have and don't take that away from they too are inspired by christian bale in Yeah, exactly. Why shouldn't they be? But yeah, it's this whole, you're right. It is everyone complaining about generations doing what generations have always done. It's just that now the people, you know,

doing the complaining are writing articles where previously they used to just tell each other. Well, also, I guess there's no legislating TikTok as well. I guess that's one of the concerns is that people are like, oh, well, I read it in beauty magazines and there at least had to be some kind of accountability. If a magazine said, do this, take a piece of sandpaper and like vigorously rub all your skin off to get a new layer,

like that someone would be held accountable. But I do remember me, I remember reading about exfoliating in my beauty, like in my teenage magazines. And they never said, like, don't do it every day. So I'm sure when I was a teenager, I was like sloughing my face off and it didn't need to be like blasted, sandblasted in the way that I did it. But, yeah, I suppose it's the accountability of TikTok. And they're like, please, come on, these influencers can say something. accountability of TikTok and they're like please come on these influencers can say something but then the other side of that is well these influencers are sort of just teenagers themselves and why is it their responsibility so you know I guess it just again it comes back to the parent

you've got to you've got to take it and uh and teach them and let them know what's acceptable and okay the parents are too busy launching their own TikTok careers as well, like the real, real housewife. So, yeah, they don't have the time. And that brings us to our beauty tips section. In our regular editions of The Gargle, we have a reviews section, but because this is a special edition of The Gargle, this is our beauty tips section. Sami Shah, do you have any beauty tips

for our listener if you're the influencer guiding them? Well, as a giga chat myself, I feel like the beauty tip I want to pass on is aging. I find that it is fantastic. If you can apply just some amount of time to your face, you will find that actually you do improve a great deal. And if you want evidence of this, go back and look at your teenage photos. Because everyone thinks that they want to look young. But when you look at yourself when you were a teenager, you look like an absolute monster. It's just a grotesque creature.

I look at my teenage pictures and I feel like Chad facing genuinely applied to me when it meant, you know, Chad, the starving population of a third world country. And so, so for me,

yeah, aging has been wonderful for me. I look better today than I ever have before, which isn't saying much, but it still says something. And I feel like that's what I recommend.

If you, if you aren't happy with how you look now, wait 15 years. It can only get better. Tiff, have you got any tips for our listener? Yeah, I have a few. First beauty tip, don't have your photos taken to any natural beauty.

You really don't want to be photographing extra natural beauty because it's only going to show you up. Like, oh, I don't look as good as an immense sunset. I can't compete with that, you know. Or when I was in Norway, I took a photo of myself next to a fjord and i was like i think this makes me look fat i can't be certain but this fjord is making me look fat um and was it horizontal yeah it was horizontal so that i mean looking at climate change is the best weight loss that fjords can have, really, isn't it?

And also, next to a lake, you're always going to look unmoisturized. That's just how it is. But, you know, you need all the creams. I mean, basically, I have so many creams in my cupboard now. I've got one to get rid of wrinkles, one to get rid of spots, one to get rid of bags. I'm basically aiming for no face. No face is the beauty ideal. Also, you want to be at war with your face at all times.

That's why it's referred to as a beauty regime. You have to be at war. You have to fight the seven signs of aging. You have to battle with your oily patches. Also, wear mascara. It's like trousers for your eyelashes. So I like mascara. And also, wear lip gloss, especially when it's windy.

Not so that your lips are kissable, but so your hair sticks to your lip and you know where it is at all times. Those are my beauty tips. Those are great beauty tips. Thank you all. I feel like I'll add them both into my regime. I had a conversation with a lady in a baby supplies shop where she was talking about how she plans to get a postpartum body surgery

mummy tuck makeover thing. And we talked about it for about 15 minutes and then I went home and went to sleep and had a nightmare about death. So I feel like... So you booked the tummy tuck, is that what you're saying? The mummy tuck. No, I did not book the tummy tuck. I'm also having a lot of people coming up to me and being like,

oh, you're walking around with your belly out, you're so proud. I'm like, I'm in Queensland, I'm just hot. I'm just too hot. This is not like some statement about the beauty of the female form. I'm just a sweaty lady. Also, genuinely, I feel like, you know, this might be the last time I get to have my tummy out in my life, socially acceptably, because I'm not in my 20s anymore,

not allowed, might be judged. And that brings us to the death of Miss Universe, speaking of mortality. The death of Miss Universe. Speaking of mortality, the death of Miss Universe, the Miss Universe competition for so many years, the highlight of at least three teenage boys' lives is apparently going under. Sami Shah, you follow beauty politics.

Can you unpack this story for us? Well, I want to make sure that everyone understands we're not talking about Miss World here. Miss World is going fine. That competition is healthy as ever. Actually, I have no idea. I haven't even Googled Miss World. But Miss Universe, unfortunately,

this great franchise that has been owned by previous such notables with impeccable character like Donald Trump is apparently now not doing so well. Who knew after Trump's Midas touch that it would not be thriving, much like America. So basically, it turns out

that the Miss Universe pageant has been... The Miss Universe pageant is currently owned by a Thai businesswoman, Anna Jakafong Jakar jackar juta tip i practice this it's anna jackafong jackar juta tip and um she is a trans activist and a businesswoman very successful she bought it for 200 for 20 million dollars which isn't that much i thought the franchise to be honest would be i'm not look i don't have 20 million dollars which isn't that much i thought the franchise to be honest would be i'm not look i don't have 20 million dollars i don't even have 20 dollars but i would have thought the miss universe

franchise was worth more um anyway so it turns out viewership numbers are abysmal half the countries don't want to take part anymore because they're realizing more and more it's largely just entire thing is a trap for male judges to sexually harass the female contestants um and and it turns out that it wasn't always then leading to a great career in anything because you know you i don't think any of us have heard of the miss universe contestants one miss universe and then went on to dash other than arandhndhati... Sorry, I was going to say Arundhati Roy. No, that's the writer. Aishwarya Rai, who became a famous Bollywood actress

after Miss Universe. Nope, that was Miss World. She won Miss World. So that's the best of the franchise still. And so the moral of the story is it's a thing that apparently people still think, discovered is still out there. They were more surprised that it's dying because it meant that it hadn't died already.

I think the big shock. I once did a gig that was like a private birthday gig for the husband of a lady who had booked us. And she'd been in Miss Universe and that had been her claim to fame. And she, at a 16-person steak dinner in a butcher's shop, got drunk and heckled us. She booked you, though. Yeah. Oh, she booked us for her husband, who was a big fan.

And he enjoyed himself. And the 15 other people eating their steak dinner in this fancy butcher's shop did not enjoy us. And, I mean, Tiff, you know, Sammymy you know how bad it feels to bomb can i say it feels worse to bomb while there are cold frozen carcasses rotating yeah and a former universe level beauty is heckling you yeah i'm just the last one dying here many things have died here but i'm just the current one i feel like every year a story comes out about miss universe and i'm like is this still going like how is this still going

personally i'm more a fan of miss galaxy uh who is just a giant chocolate bar uh but i think i think if i was to enter this i would maybe be misconception or actually misspelt i would be misspelt and then that would be my hidden talent you know like you have to display a talent I would just come on and spell things wrong um but yeah like they were like oh the low point in this history is Donald Trump and you're like is it just not the whole competition at this point like every year this competition becomes mired in controversy they were like oh Donald Trump was actually the high point. Like now when you look back, but like it's last year, Venezuela accused the organizer, the Venezuelan organizer of treason because they said that the winner of it.

So so Venezuela won and they were like the the organizer like tried to get back in the country and then they accused her of plotting a coup because they were planning manufactured provocations under the pretext of celebrating Miss Universe. So like celebrating Miss Universe, but they were saying this is also a coup because you can't protest in Venezuela. So, um, you know, you know what it's like one minute you're like, gosh, she's pretty. Where's she from? Ooh.

And then you're right into some manufactured provocations. Oh, but what brand of underwear is she wearing? Is it Agent Provocateur? Victoria's Secret is an uprising. You would definitely watch Miss Universe if there was a chance that the winner would then mount a coup in the country that they represent. It would be so much more interesting for everyone involved.

The award is this bunch of flowers, $100,000 and 10,000 strong militia. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's probably true, right? This Miss Venezuela, becauseuela is under a dictatorship and we all know that any every beauty pageant contest what do they want world peace so very true maybe they're right to be pretty dangerous but uh but now it's been bought by that this business woman who can't pay the loan back so she's already like she borrowed money and then then she had to pay 12 million of it back and she hasn't so you know it could be that that

Miss Universe is on the outs and what will we do what will we do if there's no Miss Universe who buys Miss Universe if no one in the universe is willing to pay for it is the real now we're getting Miss Multiverse where we get different versions of humanity from different timelines. And all the competitors are just the same lady, but from different dimensions. Yeah, there's Victorian version, the Aztec version, the, you know, whatever. Exactly. Yeah. More interesting, again, than what currently exists. And that brings us to our final story of this week's edition of the magazine and this is the news of how climate change will transform cosmetics and the beauty space uh tiff stevenson

your waters are rising can you unpack this story for us my waters are yours waters are rising waters are breaking pretty soon. Something's happening with water and you're in with big water, Alice, as we know. So it says apparently this is like climate cosmetics. Contextualization will be developed for consumers with like climate tracking cosmetics, including a limited edition by Clinique associated with an application

that forecasts the weather and environmental factors so how climate change is going to affect the kind of products that we buy you know like that that's there's going to be air quality index is going to come into it do we need a higher SPF because of global warming and stuff so basically what this is about is skin for the apocalypse you know it's nuclear winter you're going to need to think about whether or not to go subtle or bold with your eye makeup you know and i say bold so people can see them through the goggles that will be permanently worn by everyone or what color goes best with apocalypse you know you need to make your wardrobe decisions i always find that with all the trees and plant life gone if you opt for floral you're really

going to stand out you know um and then think about what you're going to wear in your bunker you know you want fabrics that are breathable when you're slowly running out of air so maybe some light cotton or something with moisture wicking uh you don't want the embarrassment of sweat when it's the end of the world and then also during an apocalypse you should accessorize um accessorize accessorize like any human body parts you took during the purge can be fashioned into a nice earring like a literal earring so you can wear an ear on your ear um and you can mount the ring pull from your can can goods that's how you put them on so this is just about adapting to the end of the world this whole article is about

how we adapt to climate change and the end of the world um and so i'm saying all in just think now about what your look's gonna be for the apocalypse i think i look great already for the apocalypse yeah i think you know as far as apocalyptic features go i've giga chatted it's up to the looks max is what i've done i don't know what any of that just meant well i'm pretty sure hitting yourself in the jaw with a hammer would be a pretty intimidating tactic if you're facing an enemy yeah that is true that is that is the only self-defense technique i know to be honest hurt yourself yeah before they do before they can yeah exactly and that brings us to the end of the show i'm flipping through the ad section at the back sammy

have you got anything to plug? I have a podcast as well. Of course, who doesn't? But I also do called News Weekly. That's W-E-A-K-L-Y. It is a 15-minute news satire podcast. It comes out every Saturday on your podcast feeds. So you can find that.

That's News Weekly, W-E-A-K-L-Y. And Tiff, have you got anything to plug? I will be at Leicester Comedy Festival on the 25th of February doing a show at one in the afternoon because reasons. So get your tickets to that. Also Old Rope at the Comedy Store once a month, second Monday, which is where we all go and try out our new material. So try and get onto that.

And if you want to find out any other dates, then just head to my Instagram or Twitter I'm still calling it that I don't care and you can find me online

at patreon.com slash Alice Fraser it's a one stop shop for all of my stand up specials podcasts and blogs you can get my stand up specials

all there for free including my two most recent ones Twist and Kronos you get a special code if you're a Patreon subscriber so you can get those for free I will be slightly less active

on there than I usually am over the next little while because I'm on maternity leave but patreon.com slash Alice Fraser I'm still doing stuff there even in my maternity leave there will be stuff coming out there, otherwise listen to our sister

podcast the bugle that is that that will continue to put out uh content as will we this is a bugle podcast and alice fraser production if you would like to subscribe to the bugle family of shows you can be a voluntary subscriber by going to the bugle podcast.com and clicking on the voluntary subscription button and giving your hard earned money there. And we'll spread out to the bugle family of shows. Your executive producer for this show is Chris Skinner and your editor is pet Hunter. I'll talk to you again next week.

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