The Gargle - False teeth | Batman | Moon

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Tiff Stevenson and Neil Delamere join host Alice Fraser for episode 49 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast - with no politics!🦷 Man reunited with vomited false teeth🦇 Man to miss birth of child to watch Batman🏝 Briton creates 'crypto utopia' in South Pacific🌛 Privatise the Moon!🛥 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts.

Everywhere. Acast.com This is a podcast from The Bugle. invite it home to meet your family, but it's already there, inside all of them, in the spaces between atoms, in the silences between thoughts. The abyss has already met you all and found you wanting. Wanting what? Wanting to bang! Wanting to big bang! And more importantly, wanting the gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the audio newspaper for Visual World. I'm your host, Alice Fraser. Your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are Neil Delamere and Tiff Stevenson. Welcome back to the show, both of you. Hello, hi.

Hello. I feel like I've interrupted a therapy lesson between you and the Abyss to be perfectly honest with you. I like the Abyss. I like the cut of the Abyss's jib. Yeah. I feel, you know, anyone who stares back when you stare at them, it becomes a power play eventually and you've either got to fight or fall in love. I mean, I think the abyss certainly chased you. I mean, you were just minding your own business and the abyss made all the running there

and you eventually fell for its charms. There's nothing wrong with that. I hope you're very happy together. The abyss is deep. We know that much. And I like deep people and things. Yep, yep. Infinitely tall, dark, and I assume handsome. It captures all light and gives none back, dark and I assume handsome.

It captures all light and gives none back, so let's assume handsome. Before we plunge into the body of this week's edition, the front cover this week is an NFT link to a JPEG of a famous Vogue cover of Meryl Streep. Because if you don't know how intellectual property rights work, nor do we. The satirical cartoon this week is a real skeleton in Chinese Winter Olympic garb in a line-up of winter athletes about to compete in the Winter Olympic sport known as Skeleton.

There's a skeleton in the skeleton, and they're at the top of the ice pipe in the Olympic Games. One of the other athletes is asking the skeleton, where did you come from? And he says says the closet probably not as political as it could have been because it's hard to draw a racist caricature in skeleton form i don't know that works as a joke about how caricaturists are often racist do you have that thing where satirical cartoonists keep getting in trouble for drawing racist

caricatures or is that just australia might just be an aust thing. It's just old school, it's Australia. Yeah. I was going to say, if we can blame anyone, we'll blame you guys. Sure. But I need to up on satirical cartoons. I don't see that many. I occasionally see ones from the New Yorker,

but they're pretty good, I think. Yeah, I feel like they're the highest quality. I'm talking about the grubby bottom of the heap satirical cartoons. Satirical cartoons you wouldn't bring home to meet your family let's jump into the body of the magazine our first section is heartwarming news section or only a feel-good story because it turned out not to be the homicide they were clearly trying to investigate a man has been reunited with his false teeth a decade after vomiting them into a bin neil delamere uh you look like you've vomited into a bin before can you unpack this story who hasn't who hasn't destroyed oscar the grouch's sleep in the morning by chundering the

contents of their stomach into a bin this is a fantastic feel-good story so the man was in benidorm and this will come as a surprise to none of you if i had said santa pay there or monaco you'd be like what's the rest of the story benidorm but of course he was out uh from midday i think and he was drinking for 11 hours straight paul bishop was his name there's a fantastic picnic where he goes you know after that point i'd switch to cider because that's going to solve whatever problem is coming down the tracks. And he pukes his denture into a bin. Now, he didn't notice.

You see, he didn't notice after he switched to cider that he had puked his top dentures into a bin, went to another bar. It's only when he got up and started doing karaoke into the bar that his mates went, listen, there's something wrong. There's no dentures. There's a fantastic bit in the middle of this. i mean did his mates know he had dentures the top shelf of his teeth in the course of the night just gumming his way around a pub crawl before he even notices three bars deep committed to that puke all right i mean you carried on with no teeth you know every single denture ad by law for like adhesive always has an older person eating an apple or crusty french bread this is i want to see this i want to see someone puke into a bin his top teeth not move and then them

just go stare a dent for when you really have to go to that next karaoke bar so he pukes up into the bin right now in some ways you have to say he's undone by his politeness here i know it's an unusual attack to take but if he puked onto the street he could have just picked up his teeth presumably puked into the bin forgot went back to the bin he couldn't find him right so then he didn't have the courage to bin dive you know something that is a different way to look at it yeah the chasm looked into him he looked back into the chasm or the abyss and went it's okay i don't want my teeth that much isn't it being literally putting your hand into broken glass because it was in a bottle bank yeah there was loads of bottles there yeah yeah so when you drop

those in they do smash sometimes so i think you're it's a bit of what like one of those i'm a celebrity get me out of here challenges you're like how badly do you want this yeah i feel like a part of months you know i still got something to brush i still like feel part of the society i'm just confused because in my mind dentures are something that you get towards the end of your life yeah i don't i'm not sure that losing dentures in a bin and then finding them 10 years later i just didn't think you'd have that span of time but good on him they used to get rid of people's teeth and gift them dentures ah it's true like not that far back in recent history because they were less problematic than a visit to the dentist in australia that was

a thing that private school girls uh of a certain class used to do, is they'd get all their teeth knocked out and then they'd be put on the boat home, which they'd never been to before, which is to say boat to England, so that they couldn't have an affair with a sailor while their gums healed up, and then they'd get dentures put in

to make them more marriageable. Yep, there we go. If we could add misogyny in, all the better. But we have to go back to this image of there's teeth in the bin, right? Yes. The rubbish is collected. Presumably the rubbish collectors didn't see the teeth in the bin. They're like, that bin looks like Rob Beckett.

So there's just teeth. Sorry, I nearly sprayed water all over my computer because I didn't catch the subtle shade at Rob Beckett. I actually think his teeth are amazing. Anyway, it's jealousy. I didn't catch the saddle shade at Rob Beckett. I actually think his teeth are amazing. Anyway, it's jealousy.

And then they find these teeth like 10 years later because it's some guy whose job it is to go through medical waste, isn't it? This is the idea. And then he traces the DNA on the teeth and then sends them back to Mr. Bishop after 10 years. This is quite a useful story i think in some ways because i think that if you tell your friend about this and you and uh about this whole story and they go oh this is amazing that's mad what was he like that's good if you tell your friend this and they go you can get dna of t that's 10 years then your friend is a murderer and then that's how you

weed out your major crime committee friends i mean i kind of wish that women or children were seen as as important as teeth when they go missing just quite a lot of time and resource isn't it in in trying to find this out like like 10 years and keeping them in a fridge and stuff but i I guess we do need to, you know, which is a slightly more depressing angle of the story. So let's look at the funny stuff. I'm like, Neil, I just don't understand how the teeth can come out and you not know.

Like, because when I'm that drunk, I need to eat because I know it's going to end badly if I don't like put some food in my face. So I'm always ramming food in my face. So I would have noticed straight away, like if I'd thrown up part of my actual mouth into a bin. But once when I was in Paris, I was so drunk, right? I snuck into the function room at my hotel to eat pastries and fruit. Like I gathered it all up, like, and took it back to my room, shoved it all in my face. And then I woke up three hours later with bread still in my

mouth like a slotted up i know the importance of putting some food into my face when i've like drunk an amount that's going to be that's a dangerous amount he's in he's in danger territory so we just have to kind of go like is that a lads thing when you're all out like that you just no we can't even say this is a lad's thing i want to know the karaoke song and on what paragraph he realized that he'd need his teeth to sing the next line something with an r you'd imagine yeah something where he has to he was gonna do elvis wasn't he so So, you know, which are the Elvis ones? You know, the Elvis thing is the curling of the lip. Surely if your top teeth are gone, you excel at that.

And he probably leaned in at that point. I reckon you'd get to an S. I reckon you'd get to wise men say before you realise that your teeth were missing. Yeah. I like the idea you said women and children. I mean, that's a... Sorry, there's a darkness in me there that means that i have this image of him putting up posters of his teeth just around him have you seen these teeth well a picture of teeth on the side of a

of a milk carton just looks like an advertisement for calcium my friend used to take out his false teeth if he was about to have a fight and it invariably ended the possibility of a fight. It was incredibly, incredibly intimidating. There'd be some mid-nature-ass boy giving it loads. He would just go, alright, stay where you are and he'd just take out his top teeth and he would put them, he'd hand them to somebody like he had a squire, a tooth holder. Yes sir, I shall hold the top dentures.

And he'd turned around and he just put his teeth back in again. It was amazing. It's like taking your earrings out if you're a woman. If you see someone take their earrings out or a shoe off, if they're wearing heels, you're like, it's going to happen. So same level of

threat. Threat level, earring or teeth. That is an incredibly intimidating thing. There's nothing more intimidating than toothless gums, as I've discovered with my three month old baby. She's always up for a fight. Now it's time for your ad section because you can't be what you can't buy. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by the phrase, her legs go on for days. I'd like you to really imagine that. I assume the distance of her legs

is to be traversed on foot, which is still a good 30 kilometres of leg if you're going at a reasonable pace. So really a horrifying picture there. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Huoft. That's Huoft with four H's. You guess where. Huoft, a new fragrance by the people who brought you the by Huoft. That's Huoft with four H's. You guess where.

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Etymology made simple. Etymology for dummies. We're bringing you a fact in our ad section. Today's fact is about the word movies. I bet you've always wondered where the word movies comes from. And if you haven't, it's because you already know. And if you don't, I bet you're wondering now. And if you aren't, what a deeply passive and incurious person you must be.

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consumers as your bodies will meld into a horrifying single unit. Slurm, the ghastliest way to cook. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era.

Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com. Now it's time for your film section because this is a cultural magazine. A man is planning on missing the birth of his child to see the new Batman film with Robert Pattinson. Tiff Stevenson, you have a man.

I don't also have a Robert Pattinson. Tiff Stevenson, you have a man. I don't also have a Robert Pattinson yet. So apparently, this is a story from IndieWire, a man is not going to be attending the birth of his child to see the Batman. That kind of sounds like you're taking the piss. I'm going to see the Batman. But this is men doing stupid shit news. It's like our second story of men doing stupid shit. So apparently it first appeared on the am I the asshole thread on Reddit where a woman came on and said, am I the asshole for thinking that my partner should show up to the birth of our child instead of going to see Batman? He said that he needed to see it the same day because of spoilers. What about the sexier kid? Isn't that a spoiler alert? It's not a cape crusader, but everyone else is going to know before you. Do you know what else is going to be at least

two hours and 44 minutes long and incredibly emotional? The birth of your child. And it's obviously too late for this woman to back out of having a kid with this asshole. Like I can't work it out. I don't understand what the logic is. Maybe did his wife had COVID and then he thinks she had sex with a bat. Is this some kind of revenge plot? I don't know what's going on, but I will say this when I was born, I've heard the story from my mom about the trauma of when I was born. And apparently my dad turned up after my mom had already had me and was receiving blood transfusions, multiple blood transfusions. And apparently he came in and declared that's a lot of claret and left. So I don't know, men, maybe if you're not doing the busy work, then just don't bother. Like if you're not, if you're going to turn up drunk, pass out when the baby's born, not get the ice chips

or be useful when everything's happening down the business end, then stay away. So like I am attacking this guy, then defending in the same way. So I'm not sure where I land on this. My maternal grandfather was at the races for the birth of all five of his children. It's a bit of a different era. Yeah, well, he needed something exhilarating to witness yeah i mean if the midwife would go and it's coming on the inside now it's one of the twins the twins is coming on the inside now and

some sort of racing commentary on the birth of of his various grandchildren i think he could probably get on board with that if he could back which child came out first yeah i think that would be something that your maternal grandfather i say your maternal grandfather i i say my that's my dad basically i i know where i stand this i think this guy's an absolute disgrace for for a million reasons first of all right he's going to miss the birth of a child to see to see batman which shows a profound lack of understanding of the character. Because if there's one superhero that will be appalled by the substandard parenting, it's renowned orphan and parent longer Bruce Wayne. So this guy is essentially going, you know,

she goes into labor and then he leaves the hospital. He is essentially, logically he is saying, I'm going to leave this maternity ward where a doctor in ppe is delivering life into the world because i want to watch a man in a mask do something heroic you're an idiot it's like watching the lion king when you're on safari it's happening right in front of you this if i was this woman i would make it my life's mission to ruin everything he has ever done in terms of... I would call the studios and get spoilers and then tell them to him before the movie comes out.

I'm sure they'd make a special exemption for you. Oh, I'd go beyond that. I would go... He's reading the Bible. He dies in the end. He... He's watching... He was his own father.

He was... Oh, that is... Oh, that's a mind... That's a mind... That one, isn't it anything at all i've got a story to tell you about bruce willis it's it's it's the story the boat sinks the pump everything everything have you heard of kaiser so say strap yourself i would ruin that man's life actually well interesting pregnancy fact oxytocin the love and relaxation

drug is one of the things that makes contractions happen faster so what he should do strategically speaking is tell her about the Batman thing immediately before she goes into labor because then the rage of adrenaline which is an oxytocin antagonist will slow the process of the labor so he can probably go and watch the movie and come back and she'll be furious but still in labor i've been sustained this plan to slow the process of labor isn't this i did it for you darling i did it for you the poor woman like she's completely in the right here she's asking the reddit thread am i the there's nobody been less an in the the history of humanity. Unless, unless...

And she's going to have her asshole out in the room and she's going to be the least asshole there. The poor woman. I mean, it is a deeply awkward moment to say, here is your new child. I'm divorcing you in the same sentence. But it's got to be done. Here's your new child.

It's the only one you're ever going to have. Let's be honest. There's only room for one child in this relationship and it's the only one you're ever going to have let's be honest there's only room for one child in this relationship and it's the new baby i like that on reddit it's called am i the arsehole and on mum's net it's called am i being unreasonable which has much more of a passive aggressive like it's almost worse am i being unreasonable in the same way if your dad was on mum's net and he said that's a lot of cloutos, that's not slang. It possibly could be a lot of clarros.

Yeah. Okay. And now it's time for some SponCon, or sponsored content for those of you who aren't in the biz, or as we call it in the biz, the Ness. This is a piece of sponsored content sponsored by the Royal House of Redacted. It's just a section.

It's not political at all a stuff princes in history have gotten away with before section uh just a list of princes who've gotten away with some shit in the past uh svatopolk the accursed the grand prince of russ in 1015 he had assassins murder his own brothers uh called boris and gleb so that's that's handy he got brothers with comedy names murdering them. Christian the Tyrant, who was the king of Norway and Denmark. His most notorious act was the Stockholm bloodbath of 1520 when he executed 82 nobles in the Swedish capital

after promising amnesty to them. And Hamlet, famous prince, gaslit his girlfriend, stabbed his mother and then his uncle in an elaborate double murder-suicide. Would have had a YouTube channel if he was alive in the modern day irredeemable uh just some princes there as part of our sponsored content no further questions and that's time for your review section as you know each week our guest editors bring in something to review out of five stars. Neil Delamere, what have you brought in for us this week? I am going to review my local car dealership

and I'm going to give it five stars. And I'll tell you why, because I am from the country. Now, when I get my car serviced in Dublin, an international city that it is, I say, listen, can I get a car while you're servicing my car? And they go, absolutely. And they say, we'll have to transfer the paperwork. Please give us your insurance.

Show me your license and show me your paperwork. We'll ring the insurance company. They ring the insurance company. And it costs like 40 euro for the day. I brought my car, my dad's car to get serviced in my hometown. I said, can we get a car? He didn't even ask me my name. He didn't ask my dad's name he reached behind him while doing a crossword he picked a random set of keys on a wall he threw them at me and he said

see what they start so I got he didn't transfer the insurance they didn't check my driver's license and when they have never met before who may or may not be able to drive ask for a loan of a car and they went yeah i got into the car right i was pulling out right and the guy runs out and he goes oh i have to go through some paperwork and i'm okay this is the bit and he went can you drive a manual? And I went, yeah. And he went, off you go. I was drawn back when you did it. Five stars. Five stars. An excellent five stars. Tiff Stevenson, what have you brought in to review for us today?

Well, weird things happening to me at the moment. I've obviously gone up in the world because all my targeted ads at the moment appear to be for yachts. Someone watch the Tinder Swindler. Yacht maintenance. Oh, it could be I watched Inventing Anna. There you go. It could be that. Yacht maintenance, yacht insurance, yacht furnishings was the last one I had.

So I thought what I'm actually going to do is I'm going to buy some yacht wax. So here's my review of the yacht wax from Yacht Care. And it was advertised as only the best for your boat, exclamation mark, premium quality yacht care. I expect nothing less. $39.99 this cost me. And it says on the side, it's a hard wax of the highest quality, easy to apply and polish out. The wax results in extremely durable and hard mirror-like finish as long-term protection against oxidation and salt water damage which i imagine is important it's no yellowing due to the built-in uv filter so i bought this yacht one wants a sunburned yacht yeah we don't want i

don't want it no i don't want it going red and then a beautiful tan color i bought this yacht wax thinking it would make me feel like I have a yacht. So, you know, like I would pop it in my handbag, take it out in bars as a conversation starter. Oh, what's this? My yacht wax that just fell out of my bag with a tampon. How embarrassing. I'm not even on my period, et cetera. But it didn't work. All it did really was to highlight the daily absence of a yacht in my life. So for that reason, I'm going to give it minus five stars. Which brings us to a grand total in this review section of zero stars. So I'm glad we've made some progress with the day.

Now it's time for your money section. Speaking of yachts, this is another tale. This is one of those news stories that keeps coming round. Britain has created a crypto utopia in the South Pacific. Tiff, you own Yacht Wax. Can you unpack this story for us? Yes, there's a new island, which is basically, the idea behind it is it's going to, the only currency will be cryptocurrency. And it's named after the inventor of Bitcoin, I believe. The helicopter landing sign is the Bitcoin sign, which is confusing, I guess. Like, are Bitcoins going

to land there? So the B Bitcoin sign. So Anthony Welch and partner try to woo cryptocurrency investors to a regulation-free island on Vanuatu. There's an architect who has a company called Cryptitecture. I think that's how you say it. And he designs crypto-based sustainable living. I mean, the houses, the pods themselves look quite nice. They're sustainable housing pods, and you can put them in different configurations and stuff, and they look very plush.

All pyramid-shaped, weirdly. different configurations and stuff. And they look very plush. All pyramid shaped, weirdly. With a huge eye just lurking over the top. They're perfectly good to live in as long as you have people coming in every five minutes to prop up the bottom. As long as you sell 10 more houses every day, it's fine.

Here's what happens. You buy the plot of land, but you buy it as an NFT. And it was at that point that my brain melted. I was like, is this real or is it not real? Like, are avatars going to be living there? Is it a piece of art? I thought it was an island you could actually live on. But the minute they said they were selling the plots of land as NFTs, I was like, what is this? And I can't. I've tried to get my head around funging and non-funging. I mean, the important thing about an NFT is it does not give you beneficial ownership in the thing to which the NFT refers. Just as somebody who was at one point a real estate lawyer, I just feel it's important to mention that the NFT has to be a complete sideline to the actual contract and cannot be pivotal in the process

so this is like uh being a um is it not a leaseholder versus a um freeholder not at all like that it's like it's like having the yacht wax but not having the yacht right it's like buying the for sale sign excellent well at least you have, at least you have something. At least you have a sign. I'm trying to break into the property market here. I mean, this is it basically seems like these people are like on a scat on a bit of a scam. They're a bit grifty. That could be unfair because, you know, five years ago, the same people were trying to sell the island for nine million as a wildlife reserve, saying we need to rescue these snow crabs which is what you get when you're shagging about in the winter um there's apparently the last haven for these these snow crabs because they've been decimated

and they were like it's actually a wildlife reserve so five years ago they were pushing it as that and trying to get funding to have it as a wildlife reserve and people just don't care enough about crabs yeah bad rep he's you're 100 right on that he is just trying to get rid of an island and he's just like it's a nature reserve no it's crypto paradise uh it's a very elaborate escape room uh it's it's a prison for mermaids it's a sex toy for whales uh just please buy islands. Why is it always these Pacific islands? It's never like Anglesey. No one's ever going to do this in Skye or the Hebrides islands. One of the Shetlands. Just absolutely frozen. Apparently half of Vanuatu's entire tax take is from selling

citizenships. So you can, you don't have to go and you can just get citizenship uh now i know that the two of you might want to hammer them for just handing out passports willy-nilly but as a huge fan of the irish football team in the mid-1990s i feel i really can't criticize them in any way shape or form for this because that was a very successful ploy on our part for a long period of time. There's, if you've seen the real estate videos, there's two videos. There's one for the crypto island. I guess, actually, I probably shouldn't say that they're grifting. They're just, it's a different sales technique.

It's just, that's what it is. It's utopianism. Yeah, yeah. So it was a wildlife reserve. Now it's going to be a crypto island. But the video for it, just trying to sell it when it was a wildlife reserve. Now it's going to be a crypto island. But the video for it, just trying to sell it when it was a wildlife reserve, is a very softly spoken Australian woman going, oh, look, some sun lounges. I'd like to be lying out on those. Imagine spending time here. Like it's a really like like a soft, kind of like showing around the house.

This is just someone with a property up for sale. And, you know, to be fair, that does look very nice. Nicer than having to cohabit my pod, my eco pod, with someone else who has no idea what NFTs are. Anyway. I mean, I feel like the central problem with all of these crypto islands, and there is a surprising number of these crypto utopias for people who want to live outside the rule of law

and have all the money. The problem is that they rely on you building a community of other people. And most of the other people you can imagine buying in are not the kind of people you'd want to spend eternity on a crypto island with. That's not a joke, just my thoughts. And in privatising the moon news now,

yeah, you heard me, privatising the moon. Economists have suggested that we privatizing the moon news now yeah you heard me privatizing the moon economists have suggested that we privatize the moon say it out loud where you are listening to this podcast moon privatization corporatize that satellite get on it pay your monthly moon subscription for premium moon access woo slice up that satellite into fungible tokens get on it i mean this is dreadful yes that was a um a period joke before the monthly moon subscription joke. That was, look, I could have said moonatise. Neil, you've looked at the moon. Can you unpack this moon news?

I have looked at the moon. Yes, so there was a right wing, slightly right, right wing think tank, which is quite difficult to say in an Irish accent, who thinks that the moon should be privatised and that countries should be given parts of the moon and that would lift people out of poverty and you could rent parts of the moon out to businesses and everybody would benefit from this. Now there are several questions in this. How do you allocate the moon would be the first one

I would have thought. Is it based on country size, levels of wealth, population of werewolves there are many things to consider in this i think ireland and australia in this particular um example should get more than say switzerland or austria as we have traditionally been more affected by the moon they are landlocked and they have not been affected as much as us so we should get more of it and there are several islamic countries who have demonstrated their commitment to the moon on their flags so you have to put them um at the top of the queue certainly looking like japan went the wrong way on that one more for you lads um if if countries are allowed parts of the moon i would suggest that fifa will be playing the world cup on the moon by 2040 on saudi arabia's bit

under the excuse of the conditions might not be ideal but we want to spread football to the rest of the universe i don't understand how this is going to work i don't understand how which country is going to get which bit and i don't understand which companies are going to rent which the premise is basically that the uh that people benefit from land ownership that the private uh property is inherently good for the economy but trickle-down economics has never really worked and definitely doesn't work in low gravity so i feel perhaps this is a bit of a reach tiff i don't know i think you just got to sell it in the right way market it to like younger i mean it's not even millennials anymore is it it's zennials maybe is it zennials what do the young

people call themselves these days children please children yeah you just sell it right eat the moon it's made of cheese come on single ladies holla there's definitely a man in it create a party you know that's the kind of stuff you want to do that's how you just got to create a party you know get dj khalid on and you know just get some people down for some sessions i reckon you know sell it as you don't even have to sell it as a party call it a work event as we know those are where the best parties happen ted press the politics button i could see it be being the only remaining title to let prince andrew hold i just duke of the sea of tranquility ding ding ding this is getting political he's not political how is he political he's he's well queen's the head of state queen's the head of state the

definition of politics that you have a constitutional monarchy only in the entire constitution of the politician no the queen's only the head of state in silly countries real countries are republic bike drop out which companies will lease moon land what company avis avis car ready get your moon get your moon buggy you arrive you've got to stand in a queue ryan air is the obvious one isn't it mars south or something they call it oh yeah yeah yeah more south you've got to travel for about a day and a half to actually get to the bit that you want to get to weight watchers that's the one isn't it you're one sixth of your weight ah okay yeah eat what

you want go to the moon happy days give your results fit into that dress go home happy days well that's all the time we have for Privatising the Moon news. And that brings us to the end of the show. Flipping through the ads at the back. Tiff, have you got anything to plug? Oh, yes. I do have some things to plug. I'm doing a preview of my new show,

As a Woman Overthinketh, at the Top Secret Comedy Club. Such a good title. On April the 4th. So come to that. And then there will be an old rope on March the 14th. That's the next one coming up at the comedy store. So find my Twitter and all of my other bits and pieces.

And I'll be doing some dates in Australia, just having those confirmed at the moment. So yeah, just follow me and find out. Or just follow me around australia because i'll probably be with alice so yes uh that's super exciting neil delamere what have you got to plug and i'm doing a little preview in islington the pleasant islington um on february 22nd and i'm on tour all over the place as well so you can follow me at neil delamere comedy on instagram and on twitter and everything else and find me online at Alliterative on Twitter and Instagram.

That's L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E or patreon.com slash Alice Fraser, which is a one-stop shop for all of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs, as well as my weekly Tea with Alice salons. I will be on tour in Australia and then in the UK, starting with Adelaide on March 1st to the 5th. Please buy tickets. I know people don't want to book tickets in advance because of COVID,

but I promise you I will refund you if everything goes south. And money will mean nothing post-apocalypse anyway, so just buy tickets. Or will you? Or will you be living on a crypto island? True. I'd like to thank all of our roving reporters

for sending in stories to at HelloGogglers this week. It was far too many to cover, but keep sending them in and maybe you will appear in this thank you section. I'd like to thank Nick the Guitar for the Crypto Island story and everyone else who sent in stories this week. If you have a story to send in, tweet us at HelloGogglers on Twitter. This is an Alice Fraser and Bugle podcast production.

Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. And I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.