The Gargle - Goldilocks otter | Runaway dog | Poop gifting

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Tiff Stevenson and Alison Spittle join host Alice Fraser for the FIRST EVER full in-person recording of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast - with no politics! 🦦 Reverse Goldilocks otter🏵 Runaway dog rosette💩 Poop gifting site hacked🚂 Man wins 22-yr case over 21p🚰 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Gargle. Hey! Welcome to The Gargle, the sonic, glossy magazine to the Bugles Audio Newspaper for Visual World. I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors this week are Tiff Stevenson and Alison Spittel. Hello. I think this is my first ever in-studio gargle.

This is what happens when you start a podcast during a pandemic. Real microphones seem intimidating to you. Oh, and eye contact. This is new for me. I'm enjoying it. Yeah, it's a delightful thing. Tiff, how are you doing? I'm okay.

I'm okay. It's just, I mean, if we all really want to know exactly how I'm doing, I got my period. So I got my period today. And I literally was saying last night, I spent so much time in damp caves, I now have a damp cave. By which I mean I have thrush. Enjoy listening to this episode of The Gargle with very gynecological references throughout. Warning, warning, gyno bombs.

Oh, I wish I had a gyno bomb. They're good at getting rid of the thrush, aren't they? Yeah, I'd say so. Have you ever had a gyno bomb. That would be, yeah. They're good at getting rid of this rush, aren't they? Yeah, I'd say so. Have you ever had a gyno bomb? No. They're like, well, yogurt is, but that's, it's more of a, the gyno bombs are, they're like little mini eggs. Hey.

And you just fire them up there and then they just obliterate everything. A suppository. Yes, like a vaginal suppository. I feel like, I've always thought of suppositories as like wearing a monocle because they're like,inal suppository. I feel like I've always thought of suppositories as like wearing a monocle because they're like a suppository. I suppose we could. You're like oil barons have suppositories. It's like a repository of suppositions.

It's a library of questions in your vagina. of suppositions, it's a library of questions in your vagina. The front cover this week is the Edinburgh fringe posing sexily over the skyline like an overpriced gorilla offering you a flyer for a show you daren't refuse because it looks like if you say no, their heart will finally break. So sad. And the satirical cartoon this week is a gang of babies planning a big night out at a Matt Ford concert.

Did you follow this news? Topical. I did. I did see it on Twitter. I saw it's exactly the kind of conversation that Twitter goes mad for. It was like an instant like, ah, people like crazy on both sides. Inevitably this week's gargler is going to be a little bit fringe focused because we are all here at the fringe.

But the two major scandals at the fringe this year, if you're not at the fringe and don't follow the fringe, is Sadowitz was cancelled, literally cancelled. His show was cancelled because he used an ethnic slur and took his penis out on stage. And the lead in the newspapers is that he took his penis out on stage at a woman in the front row. But I don't think they really understand the spirit of the fringe,

which is that 70% of people will have their penis out at all times. Yeah, I've seen so many dicks at this fringe. It's not noteworthy unless they're doing it in an interesting way. Yeah, yeah. Someone just holding a penis in their hand like the skull in Shakespeare like yeah puppetry of the penis did run for a few in fact I used to open for puppetry of the penis which sounds like a euphemism but not it was actually it was actually the most feminist shows I ever did because I went out and did jokes to mainly women and it was brilliant and then men came on and took their clothes off.

Wow. I knew one of the original guys. He has permanent nerve damage to his penis. What? Don't pop it too much. I am going to say though campaign to make female comics trend at the fringe.

I mean, whose dick do we have to take out to get trending? Tiff's trush. Let's get that trending. Let's get that trending on Twitter. Now it's time for our top story this week, reverse Goldilocks news now, as an otter has broken into a family home, had a nap in their bed and was sick on their floor.

Tiff Stevenson, you've had big nights out. Can you unpack this story? We've all been there. Look, it's a holiday home. This is what happens when you don't properly vet your Airbnb people. He probably left a mess. Look, a vet might have been handy. He's probably left a mess in all the other places he's been in

and not taking the bins out, brought loads of other otters around for a party look i've eaten someone else's food at a party thrown up woken up with a face in an ashtray i feel like i can relate to this story i i need to dig through a couple of details though firstly uh the holiday home is in a place called skin burnis and that has got to be made up right like next you'll be telling me there's a place called Pissed Up Shire or Knotted Hankeyville so uh Skin Burners uh this couple had an otter smash in through the it said through the pet entrance which sounds like a euphemism for anal sex I don't care I'm going in via the pet entrance. I think that means a cat flap, but apparently you can have it. Can you have one that's big enough for dogs?

Because then humans could get through. No, no, no. It's a cat flap, but it's the pet entrance in that there's bars so that their cat couldn't get out, but the otter squeezed in through the bars because the otter is thinner than their cat. So it was simultaneously an attack on their home and a burn on their cats. I got to say as well, I love otters.

I am, I'm a big fan of the otter. And it's, I remember I was having, it was the beginning of 2020 and went down the Pacific Coast Highway and I just kept crying at all this nature. And when I saw the sea otters, I was like sort of crying that I in quite a lovely way of like I can't believe I exist in a world where that also exists and it's so different to me and then I saw it smashing a clam on its chest to try and get it open I was like oh that's like me with a jar of pickles I'm not that different actually like physically we're different but I felt akin to it so I'm a big fan of the otter and these guys should just shut up

and put up. Be grateful you had an otter come into your house. My favourite thing about this story is it's on Wales Online and as a sort of a semi-local paper it has this kind of very charming focus on details that you wouldn't necessarily make the news in bigger papers. Like apparently Peter, who's the man, Linda and Peter is their home, he shooed it off the bed with the help of a man who they'd hired

to clean their oven that day. And then going on, it didn't leave quickly. Instead it hid under Linda's dresser for a while, forcing Peter to get a stick from outside to hurry it along. Poor Peter. Poor Peter. Is this journalist being paid by the word? Who hires someone in to clean their oven?

I didn't even know that was a thing. I mean, I've heard of getting in a cleaner. Yeah. But specifically for an oven. Yeah, it's Mr. Sheen, isn't it? You get him in. It's the witch from Hansel and Gretel. That's the ruse she uses.

Get in there, my lovelies. I would be very afraid, like, if an otter broke into my home with just, like, what they can do with clams and stuff. You know, I'd be worried about Peter's head. They're lucky they escaped with their life. And I feel like it's a real kind of, it's a real kind of show of strength that the otter was just like

yeah I will get out of your house but real slowly like you can't do anything about this you know but yeah otters to me they look like they look a bit like

Bob Hoskins and so I love them you know what I mean they do they're the Bob Hoskins of the animal world. I'd want to keep them in my house for as long as possible. Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Toast with Butter and Jam.

Essentially time travel that says, I wish this had always been cake. I prefer Toast to cake.. I prefer toaster cake. Do you prefer toaster cake? Yeah, cake is a lie. Cake is like a loofah or like a little sponge cake. I hate them so much. They're dry. Oh, okay.

What I need to do is introduce you to some like real continental Hungarian style cakes. My grandmother's approach to cake was if you couldn't beat someone to death with it, it's probably not worth making. Amazing. I've often described tea as cake lube. Definitely. I drink coffee because I like coffee. If I'm drinking tea, it is normally lube for cake.

Fair. And is the cost of living crisis getting to you? Can't afford to feed your family? Fill your belly for long enough to distract your mind with half a glass of water. Half a glass of water. Nature's pause button. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships houses divided corporate rivalry and a performance enhancing broom it was a year i'd like to forget

broom gate available now a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Now it's time for our next story, next story, dog show news. This is a heartwarming tale that if it is not made into a movie for children within the year, I will be furious. This is the story of a dog running away, winning a rosette at a dog show and then going home. Alison Spittel.

Yes. That sounds like a fun weekend. Can you unpack this story? Yeah, well, there's little left for them to achieve. This dog, it's so funny that this, this is from Wales Online again and I love the picture. I'm sorry,

it was just a bonanza on Wales Online this week. It was so, so many adorable, genuinely I had to cut out like four other adorable animal stories. I just felt like we need

some heartwarming animal stories. But it's beautiful because the lady called Eva and her dog is Bonnie and if you can't, of course, we're listening to a podcast. If you can't, I'll describe heartwarming animal stories. Well, it's beautiful because it's a lady called Eva and her dog is Bonnie. And if you can't, of course, we're listening to a podcast.

If you can't, I'll describe what the dog looks like to you. It looks like it has a furrowed brow. Like it's, like it's worried about, it looks like, it looks like a working class mother

in a kitchen sink drama where she's worrying about her 15 year old son getting into shoplifting. That's the dog like it has that face I'm like John

no but what happened was the family were left stunned when their dog escaped only to return later that day with a rosette from a dog show so

they looked all over the house in West Sussex with their two daughters and her neighbours even joined in. And little did they know that John Wilmer had spotted the pet by the side of the road just minutes after she escaped as he took his two dogs to a show in Fellbridge in Surrey. And the family's fears were erased

when Paula spotted a Facebook post by John asking for the creature's owner to get in touch. And once he knew the owners had been told, John decided to enter Bonnie into the competition for best rescue dog. And she returned with it. She got third place. That's a bit. She was freshly, she was freshly rescued.

Yeah. Only temporarily rescued. Only technically rescued. So do you think they've listened to harder cases? So the first and the second. I felt like the X Factor sob story. Isn't that the ultimate sob story? I've lost my family.

I'm still looking for them if you've ever heard of them. Phone is lighting up with messages. Hey, it's your mum. Look, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like this is a heartwarming story and if you try and disagree with me, I'll kick you because I need something good in my life. It's weird. It's sort of my Edinburgh story. I went away from London and then I came back

with prizes. I'm manifesting it. I don't mind if it's a rosette because I actually look, I like things around my neck work. I do really well with a choker. So if anyone wants to give me a rosette, there's Edinburgh. I'll be into it. Well, that's all the time we have for Runaway Return Dog Story News now because it is time for your reviews. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars. What have you brought in for us this week, Tiff?

Oh, okay. Kids' hairdressers. I mean, I went in one. They gave me a terrible haircut. No, just the idea of them they made me sit in a tiny car yeah that was the fun part I did vroom vroom noises

no the idea of them I just I feel like this is not right how will you ever learn about humiliation if you never receive a terrible bowl cut

from your mum and I just think like these kids are missing out on an essential part of growing up. I've got school photos that are absolutely shocking where my mum's cut my fringe and it's in an arc. That's not the style. It's just like a full arc on my forehead. I feel like it's character building.

I just think, you know, you need like, there has to be some humiliation when you're a child. Otherwise, if you just bring them up too privileged and their lives are too great, they're just eventually going to stick you in a care home using your money. I do feel like kids need to, so I'm going to give them, look, I'm going to give them three out of five

because technically the hairdressers are great and that's a job to get a wrestler child into whatever shaped chair you've got going on. But I just don't believe in them as an idea. Bring back the home haircuts. Bring down the lockdown looks. Yeah. And, you know, when you go back to school for the new term, everybody can like sort of go through their hair trauma together.

Look, I think all children's haircuts should be the ultimate children's haircut, which is where the child finds a pair of scissors and has a go. On their siblings, that's always the one that you go, someone's coming. I think maybe it was Paul, maybe it was the other half, said that he had his hair cut by his sister. There's always a story of a sibling coming, getting scissors and then one half of someone's hair, long hair is up round by their ears.

This is the thing, right? It works in disability advocacy. Nothing for us without us. No children's haircuts without children involved. But he ended up with a fringe that looks like the coast of Norway. Do you know what I mean? children involved in it. But he ended up with a fringe that looks like the coast of Norway. Do you know what I mean?

Just like, I'm pouring. Did you ever cut your own hair? I witnessed my sister cut my littler sister's hair. Yes,

this is what I'm talking about. And I didn't intervene because I wanted to see how it was and I was about like 16 at the time. I love seeing how this plays out. I've had some belting cuts.

I mean, if you want to go on my Instagram and have a look, there's a picture of me. I had a full mullet at one point. Oh, wow. And it is exceptional. I cut it all off and started wearing waistcoats because I was like, you know, tomboy. I was like tree climbing.

You sound like a magician. Yeah, a waistcoat. A mullet and a waistcoat. Pockets so I could keep chalk and a yo-yo. Like it was like all the adventures I had. But yeah, the mullet was, I think the mullet grew out of the very short haircut. Because my sister, my older sister got a step and had it shaved up the back so I had it cut very short but then it grew yeah there's a there's an awesome picture of me at some point in the 80s with a full mullet it's like but it's not even it's like

three haircuts on one head it's outstanding. Alison Spiddle what have you brought in for us to review? I'm reviewing meeting gargle listeners at the Fringe. Hey! So I feel a bit like Cisco in a way that like I'm trying to move on with my life but people

want to keep reminding me of the batteries. Like the fog sock. I love it so much. I love meeting the Gargle

listeners. It's great to be involved in something that was on in lockdown and then you're out of it and you're actually kind of meeting people.

And so I'm going to sincerely review it as a five out of five and say thank you so much, Alice, for having me on because I wouldn't be able to meet these people and get people at my show and I'm having a bloody lovely time. That's the heartwarming dog story of a review and I normally wouldn't accept it, but this week I'm tired and I'm busy and it's so nice. Thank you, Alice. No, no problem. this week I'm tired and I'm busy. And it's so nice. Thank you, Alison.

No, no problem. Actually, I'm tired from the fringe. I'm having a nice time and I know all my guards are down and I can't not be sincere, which is quite annoying because like yesterday I went to a deli and they had no relish and I started to cry. That's all the time we have for our reviews because now it's time for our anonymous poop gifting site hack news.

This is the news that is exactly what it sounds like. There is a website called Shit Express. They've not gone for euphemism. They've not gone for thephemism They've not gone for the brown tunnel Or you know Excess expedited Or you know anything like that They've gone for shit express

It's a web service that lets you send a box of feces Along with a personal message to friends and enemies Hasn't been taken down for being clearly horrifying And illegal It's been taken down for being clearly horrifying and illegal. It's been taken down. It's been breached after a customer spotted a data leak vulnerability. A data leak. That's the only leak vulnerability they have.

Alison Spittel, can you unpack this story for us? Carefully, wearing gloves. for us carefully wearing gloves but it's just it's because apparently like

they say the customer is known as a fret actor like what is a fret actor like in Shit Express

it says here like it's a web service that lets you send a box of feces along with a personalised message

this is like we don't want to send your feces anonymously you've got to send it with a personalised message. This is like a... We don't want to send your faeces anonymously. You've got to send it with a personalised message. You're not sending your own faeces. You can do that yourself.

What you're doing is you're selecting some animal faeces of a particular species and sending it with a message. Right. So you're not sending... I don't think you're sending human faeces at all. No, you've got to choose a poop from an animal, which is then interesting because, you know, some animals are naturally more wet storm cycles than others. Oh, my God.

You know, like when you see an elephant, you know, that's going to be a big old dry one. And I don't know which animals do wetter ones, but if I was going to send a turd in the post, I'd want it to be moist like a cake. I'm not an arsehole. I want a rabbit poo because then you can pretend it's Maltesers. Do you know what I mean?

No, no, no, no. There's only one kind of poo that can and should ever be sent in the mail. Think about those square watermelons in Japan. It's the wombat poo. Square poo. Square poo. I would be happy to receive that. Yeah, I feel like it's the only legitimate poo gift.

How do they tax this on customs? Like how do they? With Brexit now, like when I get packages from Ireland, it tells you what's on the inside and the outside on an envelope. So, you know, before you even open it, you see that there's a packet of keys in it or something like that. Oh, well, you can be quite vague. You just have a gift.

It would say medical specimen, wouldn't it, on the box? They'd have to send it with like or science or biological do you have to like I mean biological weapon

biological weapon hate crime statement no one's expecting it the idea that this even exists as a service

is wild like the wildest thing I've heard outside of this is there's a rumor i don't know if it's definitely true so let's cover ourselves by saying a rumor but i think you can google it um shelly azov who is the wife of irving azov who was the manager of the eagles once sent a box of snakes to a rival So FedEx to box and this person opened a box of live snakes. Which is so rock and roll.

I think it's incredible. It sounds like something Cleopatra would do. Yeah. That's the only thing I can think of. The band? Or those kind of

Coming at ya. Coming at ya. What was he? He was the king of Wessex or something who put the Viking in a pit of snakes. Ooh.

Ooh. Yeah. Has there been any other kind of like historical sending of shit or other types of things? Almost certainly, yes. Yeah. We should do our research. Yes, she once sent a live snake to a rival.

And I love that because, you know, that is just a sort like sort of I was gonna say apocryphal is that the word I'm looking for yeah it's like one of those rock and roll stories that you're like this is what you want with rock and roll it's Northumbria it was uh yeah Ragnar Lothbrok was the one who got thrown into a snake of pits right pit of snakes a snake of pits would be good as well though Ragnar Lothbrok's the one that gets chucked into a pit of snakes. A snake of pits would be good as well, though. Ragnar, I love Broxahundra gets chucked into a pit of snakes. That was just an embarrassing way to die. Ow, ow. You can customise the wrapping as well and send a smiley sticker with it.

What, with your poop? Yeah, which would be mixed messages. Yeah. I feel, you know. You're offering someone a shit and then you're like With a smile My granny has like a Santa So for Christmas she decorates the whole house Including the bathroom

She has a little Santa face On the front of the You know the lid of the toilet It's got Santa's face And then the rest of it is a beard So it looks like you're opening up Santa's mouth to then defecate in his mouth. I love that.

Yeah, I know. He's making a list and he's checking it twice. He's going to find out who's constipated or not. How do you like them, Vicky? I do feel like I'm pooping into some poor voice actor's face whenever I get

on a virgin train you know they've got that talking toilet it's like do not flush this do not flush that and I'm like I'm gonna

I'm gonna send something your way I know yeah yeah well it's it never I hate

do not flush your ex's jumper your mobile you're like who wrote this script? God damn it. I would love it, though, if those signs and that script, and I feel this is very common, where you go to a toilet spring or in a basement or something like that.

They never specify that you're allowed to flush shit. You know what I mean? They only tell you what you're not allowed to. Yeah, and I'm like, am I allowed to? I mean, how... So, okay, this is... If you were in Europe, you'd be right to. Yeah, and I'm like, am I allowed to? I mean, how? So, okay, this is, if you were in Europe, you'd be right to question it.

But this is England in which the law, if it's not explicitly against the law, then it is legal. What, are we allowed, I thought you were going to say there's a law in England

where you're allowed to like shit in a policeman's hat if you're pregnant or something like that. Well, it's some oldie worldie rule. Pee in a policeman's hat if you're pregnant, I think it is. I wonder what excuse you could use for taking a crap in. Maybe a policeman's boot.

Well, sometimes you just think you need to pee, but then there's more. So if you're pregnant, you can be like, I'm sorry, mate. Next hat, line up. That's all the time we have for our horrifying poo news because now it is time for our triumph of the human will against the institution news. This is a story that a man in India has recently won a 22-year court battle

in pursuit of an unlawfully taken 21p. So this is the story of Tungnath Chaturvedi, who is a lawyer, of an unlawfully taken 21p. So this is the story of Tungnath Chaturvedi, who was a lawyer. He was charged 20 rupees extra for two tickets that he bought in 1999. Wow. So 20 rupees is about 25 cents American or 21 pence. And he decided that he was not happy with that. He wanted to be refunded with interest and he's just gone hard. He's just gone hard.

He's attended more than 100 hearings in connection with the case. And then he sort of complains a little bit. He says, you can't put a price on the energy and time I've lost fighting this case. Oh, my God. You can't. No, right? energy and time I've lost fighting this case. Oh, my God. You can't. No, right? You made that decision. Three marriages.

Probably. Yeah, that's a, that's, I mean, I kind of like holding a petty grudge, but I think it's probably more damaging to him in the long run. Some heroes don't wear capes. I think this man is fighting for everyone who's been shortchanged by somebody. You know what's interesting? In Ireland, so we have a thing called the Lewis, which is a trend around Dublin. And there was someone did a prank one time because it's quite easy to avoid paying a fare on the Lewis.

They were like, yeah, the Lewis is free. Like it's legally free. And everyone got in on this rumor and it trended in Ireland for like two months that the Lewis is actually free and the poor actual official Lewis people

are like no no it is not free because there was barely any staff that ever kept the rules but now they've gone in

a load of staff because one person tried to make it official that it's free and now more people have to pay for it yeah well this man

got compensated, but he wasn't happy with the level of compensation. He got 15,000 rupees, which is about $200, give or take. It's about $188 or £154. Yeah. You could buy a nice airbed out of that. I don't know why he's... Like an electronic one that you plug in.

When people have that, I'm like, that is luxury. Court also ordered if the amount was not paid within 30 days, the interest rate would be revised to 15%. And it says, he said the compensation was paltry, doesn't make up for the mental anguish. His family tried to dissuade him several times from pursuing the case. And then the last one was like, we're leaving. We'll never be saying it.

And then he came back to an empty house with his 154 pounds um i didn't have to pay money to a lawyer or bear the cost of traveling to court that can get quite expensive i mean yeah i just yeah i know i normally do like a i normally do like a petty but this is i think it's probably taking it beyond yeah like i i didn't think that there would be anyone that would be wasting their time more so than train, like train watchers, like train spotters themselves. Look, as somebody who's currently at the Edinburgh Fringe,

a place in which people pour love after money after energy year after year after year for no return at all. Oh, my God. Stop, Alice. Yes. Oh, no. On the hope that a TV executive will show up one day and pay you £154. I think I can see this man as our mascot.

Oh, I related more to the dog story. Let's bring back the dog story. No, you can't bring back the dog story. The dog story will bring itself back wearing a rosette. And that brings us to the end of this episode. Let's flip through the ads at the back. Tiff Stevenson, have you got anything to plug? Yes, my sexy brain.

It's my show at the Pleasance Courtyard, and it's on until the 29th of August at 8pm. So I'm going to say come because I've had some, the last few days I was like book in advance guys it's really full and then last night not so much so yeah

so hopefully if you like reviews and you're bothered by that there's good ones out there I've shared some of them but I'm not reading them but just come because the show's funny

and it's good and I'm happy with it I'm proud of it so come see it and go see all my friends it's the most emotionally real gargle I've ever been involved in so sorry

lovely Alison what have you got to plug? so I'm going to plug my show called Wet and it's on every day at 4.45 in the Pleasant's Courtyard

in the attic I love doing this show if you're a gargle listener thank you so much to the Gargle listener who gave me Stroopwafels. She was amazing. Oh, I love Stroopwafels.

Yeah, I can share them with you. I think we should, like, get involved in this. And thank you so much for coming. If you're a Gargle listener, definitely come up to me after and give me a shout because it's so lovely

meeting all of you. And also, I've got a podcast called Wheel of Misfortune on BBC Sounds and I have a great episode of Kerry Katona. So she's very good. And that's about it really, I think. Well, you can line up a triple gargle in a show.

Show day. Alison Spittel, then Tiff Stevenson, then my show at 9.15 at the Gilda Balloon. It's called Kronos. It's an absolute delight having podcast listeners in the audience, although you do need to be coached to laugh out loud because these are people who've been spending the last couple of years trying not to laugh at our hilarious jokes because they're on the bus. Yeah.

So we need to train you all to laugh out loud. It's just genuinely wonderful to be here. This is a Bugle Podcast and Alice Fraser production. You can find me online at alliterative, A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V, on Instagram or Twitter, or patreon.com slash alicefraser in a one-stop shop for all of my stand-up specials,

podcasts, blogs, as well as my weekly Tea with Alice salons. I'm doing live salons in Edinburgh every Tuesday at 2pm. And if you join the Patreon, you can come along and have a chat. And that's all I have to say. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. Your magnificent editor is Ped Hunter. I'll talk to you again next week. Yay!

You can listen to other programmes from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts. And good luck to you too, Christopher. Hello. Esteemed Bugle Family producer, producer Chris, is back with a new series of his podcast called Richie Firth Travel Hacker.

It's a six-part series where Chris and co-conspirator Richie, of the name, attempt to visit as many countries as they can in a day. It's part adventure, part just two men passing time in a box, because that's what travel is nowadays. Search for it in all pod apps or go to patreon.com slash travelhacker where you can hear all the episodes at once. Obviously

sequentially rather than simultaneously. Though if you want to do it simultaneously, I am not going to question your choices.