The Gargle - Influencer tourism | LinkedIn | AI ghostwriters

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

Dan Ilic and Tiff Stevenson join host Alice Fraser for episode 132 of The Gargle - the glossy magazine to The Bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world.All of the news, none of the politics! Influencer tourism Teens love LinkedIn ChatGPT ghostwriters Fake kidnapping ReviewsStory 1:https://www.nbcnews.com/news/vermont-town-banning-influencers-tourists-visiting-fall-foliage-rcna117413Story 2: https://www.thecut.com/article/why-teenagers-love-linkedin.htmlStory 3: https://thewalrus.ca/chatgpt-ghost-writers/Story 4: https://edition.cnn.com/2023/09/28/australia/australia-man-fake-kidnap-meet-mistress-intl-hnk/index.htmlHOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateCONTENTS00:00 Start02:03 Front cover02:13 Satirical cartoon03:40 Story 1: Why Vermont town is banning influencers and tourists from visiting its fall foliage 11:30 Ads13:38 Story 2: Why teenagers love LinkedIn 20:59 Reviews23:29 Story 3: How ChatGPT is putting ghostwriters out of work 29:26 Story 4: Man who faked his own kidnapping to spend time with mistress ordered to pay police 34:16 Bye / Anything to plug? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. but he seemed dubious and you'd lost confidence. Just the usual, you'd said, and then kicked yourself. You shift uncomfortably. The faux leather squeaks in a sort of flatulent way and you try to shift again in the exact same way to make it clear that the noise was made by the chair and not your bottom but it doesn't make the noise again and you worry it just looks like you're shifting uncomfortably

because you did a fart. The artiste steps back, gathering a hand mirror to angle into infinite reflections of the back of your own head, a thing man was not meant to know anything about. You marvel briefly at the technology that has brought us to this point and glance perfunctorily at the reflection. You stop, arrested. It's beautiful. It's perfect. It's the gargle. Welcome to the gargle. This is the gargle, a sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper. For a visual world, I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine our returning champion tiff stevenson

hi hello a returning champion i like the idea that i've won something sure i'll take it yeah i'm in london where um where yesterday i dressed as if it was october and that was very stupid of me i like put winter boots on, and the shops are playing. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I think it's beginning to look a lot like global warming. You guys are supposed to have the hot Christmas, not us. Yeah, there's nothing more Australian than plastic snow melting in 40-degree heat. And new champion, Dan Illich.

Thank you. It's good to be here. My head is sore from the weight of this crown. Thank you. Thank you. I sort of like the idea that you enter a championship already with a crown and then someone has to like... Yeah, you've got to knock it off. That's the aim of the game.

The aim of the game is to take my crown. Come on, come get it. game the game the aim of the game is to take my crown come on come get it and the front cover this week is a 1000 grifters rushing to the front to figure out how they can make the middle east situation uh pay out their rent this month the satirical cartoon is a slender yet busty babe tearfully accepting a crown with various current controversies swirling around her and a sash that reads misinformation. Lol. I mean, look, I know this is a politics free zone, but I was I had to do the bugle yesterday. And it's always just a horrifying confrontation between like your dream of doing the bugle, which is always so much fun.

And the reality of a news week in which some horrifying global news is breaking. And you think, oh, how do I write jokes about this? There is nothing funny about this. And so what I ended up doing, because it turns out I can't read news about the Middle East because I'm too pregnant right now. And all I end up doing is reading a news story and then like weeping uncontrollably and going like, but they're all someone's baby. And so the only angle I've been able to take is like finding the worst grifters. Like my favorite ones. They're hot takes.

My favorite one is the evangelical Christian who thinks that this is like great because it's the next step towards the apocalypse. That was fun. Oh, God. That makes us, what, second or third tier grifters by commenting on grifters? Is that how the grifter industrial complex works? We're grifting from the grifters now? Trickle down grifter economics.

Yep. We're the flea on the back of the flea. Our top story this week is Vermont news. Economics. Yep. We're the flea on the back of the flea. Our top story this week is Vermont news. And this is the news that a small town in Vermont has banned social media influencers from coming and taking beautiful, beautiful pictures of its beautiful fall foliage. Dan Illich, we don't say fall in Australia, but you've fallen over. Can you unpack this story for us?

Oh, yes. I mean, I'm surprised that this is actually happening because I can't imagine anyone wanting to go out to the middle of the bush to take photos of leaves. Leaves exist everywhere. It's an extraordinary story. There's a small country town in Vermont and there is a private farm that all these influencers have all seen together on Instagram. And they all flock to this farm to take the exact same shot of them frolicking leaves in this bucolic kind of setting.

They bring their own dressing rooms. This is extraordinary. They bring their own dressing rooms to get dressed into different outfits, and then they have to decide where in this farm they will drink their pumpkin spice latte. That is what's happening here. It is extraordinary. It is so bizarre. It's turned this small town or this small farm into a global tourism

destination. into a global tourism destination. And it's so strange the way the Americans kind of articulate fall or autumn, as the rest of the world talks about it. They say that all the tourists have turned up in peak foliage season. Peak foliage season. I'm pretty sure in Australia we don't have peak foliage season. We've got peak spider season, peak moth season.

And there's one season that does draw out the Australian influencers, which really annoys me, particularly at my old neighbourhood in Bondi Beach, when influencers make their way down to the sand to take thousands of photos of beached backpackers from Britain. They're there in all the shades of pink you can imagine, salmon, rose, flamingo, magenta. This is what we have to deal with in Australia, beached backpackers. We're talking peak beach backpacker season. That's what we've got to deal with. Tiff, would you go to a remote farm to take the best leaf picture?

I don't know. We get pretty good foliage here. I mean, autumn foliage is the nickname for my pubes, by the way. This is the new NIM nimby isn't it but literal not in my backyard do not take photos in my backyard um make like a tree and just get the hell out of there guys they're calling them leaf peepers which is um which is which is cute it makes it sound a little bit like a little bit saucy look at these leaf peepers i i've been to the sex in the city apartment in new york because it's around the corner from where my friend lives.

And that is a very kind of touristy hot spot for selfies. And there is a big sign kind of going, do not get on the steps. No trespassing. And they've had to put a chain across it. But I do kind of think that goes hand in hand with going. You rented it out for this iconic TV show. Like this is going to happen now. Maybe sell it if this is too much. kind of think that goes hand in hand with going you rented it out for this iconic tv show like this is going to happen now maybe sell it if if this is too much but here's here's my thought

a the town should start charging a toll if if like it's it's mucking up the area and no one's there the rest of the time like start charging a toll to come into the town that'll put off a bunch of them uh but do you really want to i mean i would say for me if i was the person in the photo do you really want to be photographed next to natural beauty anyway because it's only going to show you up you can learn this as a lesson like i don't look as good as an immense sunset i cannot compete with that like when i was in norway i once took a photo of myself next to a fjord and i was like i was sure it made me look fat i was just convinced so next to a lake you're always my lovely lady lumps or do you love these rolling hills the

rolling hills the peaks and the valleys the problem with the fjords is you know they're losing weight every year yeah yeah it's it's um it's not it's bikini season all year round in the fjords uh and next to a lake you're always going to look unmoisturized that's it's it's not it's bikini season all year round in the fjords. And next to a lake, you're always going to look unmoisturized. That's just how that's just how it is. But but but Dan's right. People are turning up with changing rooms and different outfits, which did. I read that and I just went, oh, I hate everyone.

Like because if you're doing it, if you're doing it to that level, if you're bringing a changing room and a photographer and everything else, that means you have sponsorship and you're getting paid to like do the decent thing and hire a place to take your photos. And then you can live stream your fashion show while cow shits in the background and no one cares. But like, this is, this is someone's house that they're like, ah,

this feels a little bit like we can't, you know, and all the locals are like, I'm just trying to get to work and I cannot even drive down the road. I think the thing I find most offensive about them bringing changing rooms is the hypocrisy because they're willing to peeping Tom at the leaves, but they're not willing to let the leaves have a look at their bum hole. Fair's fair.

Either I can look at you and you can look at me. Yeah, that tree over there is a right curve. It wants to see what's going on. What kind of outfits are they doing? Are they doing a full year of a fashion parade? Are they doing their summer, winter, autumn? They're sort of doing their autumn outfits, just autumn. Just autumn, just autumn, yeah.

You'd want to do it all at once, particularly in foliage season. You want to do bikinis in foliage season. You want to do everything in foliage season. I mean, the thing about Australia is we have very few, if any, native deciduous trees. So in our autumn, which we don't call fall, but the occasional tree will drop a leaf, and I quite like to walk around in foliage season

and point at the trees that are dropping leaves and go, imposter, intruder, go back to where you came from. That's my favourite. We do something very similar in Sydney with jacarandas. Jacarandas are a beautiful pink flower, purple flower from South Africa, I believe, and Sydney is full of these jacarandas. And there's a couple of suburbs when the jacarandas are blooming, people go out and take photos of themselves in certain streets

with the jacarandas. But the thing is, jacarandas themselves are also an invasive species. And how all these jacarandas propagated themselves throughout Sydney was this. I don't know, this could be apocryphal, but it's still an interesting story. There's no facts on this podcast. Apparently there was an obstetrician who whenever they would deliver a successful birth, they would give the parents a jacaranda

that they cultivated at home and they would plant that jacaranda in their in their garden so she eventually kind of could one day look upon sydney and see all these jacarandas and see where all of her babies have been i like it i like the ego behind that yeah no it's she's a maniac the most benevolent form of colonialism yeah but also can i just flag i could be wrong here foliage season doesn't make sense because foliage is you know pretty much 75 of the year until the leaves fall off and there is foliage just means leaf so leaf season is

there's leaves in the summer there's shoots there's blossom beef season is technically once the leaves have come out and the flowers have blossomed all the way through to i don't understand foliage season doesn't make sense tiffany if you can't name it you can't market it you can't make a buck off it that's why peak fall you need to buy a peak foliage season pass that's the that's the next thing people are going to be selling season passes to peak foliage season like sky it's like saying sky season like oh it's sky season yep all year round it is i mean it's it's different shades but it's definitely sky season all year definitely sky season your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy do you want to inculcate a love of horses while failing to represent any of the things that are genuinely part of the lived experience of being

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who was doing erotic fan art of Twilight Sparkle, I think, and saying that, no, you can't do erotic fan art because she's my wife. I think, could you use her full name? Princess Twilight Sparkle. Let's be respectful on this podcast. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by podcasts. Podcasts, when you don't want to be left alone with your thoughts and feelings, but you also don't want to deal with other people.

You're welcome. And are you tempted to express an opinion online? Do you feel like all the subtle signals are telling you it's urgent that you first formulate and then articulate an understanding of a complicated situation? Try just not. See what happens. Instead of telling people what you think, try calling a friend or a loved one and telling them you miss them. If you have no friends or loved ones, try drinking half a glass of water.

Half a glass of water, as profoundly impactful as a social media post, and 500 times as effective at hydrating you as a loved one. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate.

It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com This is the news that teens love LinkedIn, which is not a sentence I ever expected to say. This is the counterintuitive news that

teenagers are flocking to linkedin uh presumably because it's too uncool even for boomers and isn't that the coolest thing uh tiff stevenson you're you're in touch with teens can you unpack you're about to say i'm a boomer because i'm just going to leave the podcast i'm just going to leave i would never say such a thing um yeah apparently to some high schoolers burned out on fomo and thirst traps the networking platform is the way social media should be so there's a little quote here from a guy called zachary clifton which come on uh zachary clifton is a place for connection and a place for celebration he's a high school senior and unabashed linkedin evangelist it's such a celebratory positive uplifting environment it's a place for connection and a place for celebration he's a high school senior and unabashed linkedin evangelist it's such a celebratory positive uplifting environment

it's honestly more wholesome to celebrate people's professional or academic success on linkedin than to post on facebook which errs on the side of gossip or speculation all right zach chill out mate in case you need some generational translation wholesome is high praise from Gen Z. Look, I don't claim to know much about this site, apart from the fact that it's been unrequitedly chasing me for at least 15 years. And I've just been saying no, no, and it chases harder.

Like, I've played hard to get with LinkedIn and it's really gone for it. I just, I got relentless requests and I was like, LinkedIn, babe, I'm just not that into you. really it's really gone for it um i just i got relentless requests and i was like linkedin babe i'm just not that into you um but since reading this article i found out the only reactions you can use on a post in linkedin are like celebrate support or funny which frankly are the only responses desperate comedians need um so we should all be on linkedin for the likes the support or funny um but uh apparently there's, you know,

teachers are encouraging it kind of good. It's basically a safe social media space, but the risk is not zero. A couple of teens shared that they've encountered grown men who had no qualms hitting on young girls, even with their full names and employers visible because rule number 542, if a website is this, there will be men being creepy on it.

Dan? I'm a bit of a LinkedIn person. I love LinkedIn, Tiff, because of those only responses. And I am a desperate, needy comedian. You are correct. For those of you who don't know what LinkedIn is, it's a social media network for professional narcissists who primarily work in business. And their main business is basically projecting how good they are at capitalism.

People who love posting on LinkedIn are never not achieving. And the sad twisted inverse of this is that if you're actually reading LinkedIn, you're probably unemployed looking for a job. This is the yin and yang of LinkedIn. In fact, the great dirty secret of LinkedIn is that hardcore posters often pay ghostwriters to churn out think pieces about how they're achieving daily. It's so weird to think that you're actually achieving, what you're only actually achieving is that you're basically a wanker and you're kind of projecting to potential employers that you will be a suitable wanker to

hire them also to write more LinkedIn posts on behalf of their company. That's it. And for those of you who don't know what teenagers are, they're like toddlers that are horny. And they all used to have jobs down the mines and cleaning chimneys, but that all stopped for some reason. So now they've just got idle hands wondering where can they put their achievements, and this is why they've turned to LinkedIn because it is a quote from this

article, an irony-free zone. Now, Tiffany, you brought Zachary before. Yeah. He was saying it's a place for connection and celebration and we should celebrate our academic achievements. What are you celebrating? Another wedgie-free day, Zachary? Is this what's up?

You're hiding from bullies. That's all. You don't face your bullies. Go back to Facebook. I don't know if you know this, Tiff. You definitely wouldn't because you don't saunter around LinkedIn as much as I do. But people just love telling you how honored and humble they are in their posts. I can't imagine how this will translate for teens in school.

Like, I'm completely honoured to become bus prefect this month. I'm happy to share that I'm sitting in a new position in Mrs Madigan's English class. I'm so thrilled to announce that I'm in the top 20 percentile for maths in society. And I'm so humbled to be buying a meat pie and sausage roll for the year nines who didn't bring lunch to school. As a matter of transparency, yes, I am in the pocket of big lunch. I mean, what do these kids do? We need to relax.

Are they thanking their fellow classmates for getting them there and supporting them along their journey? You don't do that on LinkedIn. You say how humbled you are, followed up by how amazing you are. That's all that happens on LinkedIn. That's all that happens. That's all that happens on LinkedIn. That's all that happens. That's all that happens. The article also kind of mentions that, oh, you know,

Gen Z are turning to LinkedIn. I think this is the indictment on journalism because Gen Z, the eldest Gen Z, they're 25 now. They should have jobs. So just relax. So I run a weekly writer's meeting on my Patreon and this week, so people come in with like a musical or they're working on poetry or they're working on some academic stuff.

And it's really lovely because it's like a super diverse group of people. And then we workshop with each other's stuff. And this week, somebody brought in their LinkedIn profile. And it was some of the most like productive analysis of like meaning making through words that I've ever participated in because like what are you trying to say and what is the language available to you it's just like uh what an extraordinary thing I don't know that I want our teenagers to um have access to HR speak because they've already got too much access

to therapy speak and I feel the combination of much access to therapy speak. And I feel the combination of the two is so toxically meaningless that teenagers will be completely incapable of communicating with each other in the future. That's so true. This is just like, if you get on LinkedIn as a teen, you are only destined to become a HR manager. That is it. You could be working in the bakery and be like, what I feel like I'm bringing to my role today in serving you is my tenacity and my skill with figures. I just want wedding vows to be a combination of HR speak

and therapy speak. You know, I'm honoured and humbled to be taking up this new position, setting boundaries and healthy relationship goals with you So disgusting, you know, I know Alice I'll tell you offline who does this, but we have met we have a few friends in common who ghost write LinkedIn posts for high-flying advertising executives and I can never ever take it seriously. Everything in my body prevents me from replying

to an advertising executive post knowing that a comedian has written it. And I just want to go, this is bullshit, but I can't. I just can't do it. But, you know, I'm close. I'm close to doing it. I mean, does this count as misinformation is the real question because you think it's an executive doing it. Actually, it's a comedian.

What are you, some sort of clown? Yes, actually, I got an award for it. And now it's time for your reviews. As you know, each week we bring in something to review out of five stars. Tiff, what have you brought in for us this week? I would like to review the sloth from the movie Slotherhouse. Spoiler alert, I'm in this movie. Extra spoiler alert, the sloth is a girl.

This sloth, so I'm just going to give you a quick, this is a very short-parted review. This sloth is a three-toed hoe who tears apart an entire sorority. She drives a car. She sunbathes. She slays. She is the moment. She is a slow burn in a fast world.

She has fur for days. She is dead body positive. She is the moment. She is five stars. Alpha the sloth, five stars. Go see my film when it comes out in whatever country you're listening. If you're in America,

it's already out. And yeah, so it's available. so you should go see it tiffany you had me at fur for days she is her suit in pursuit dan what have you brought in for us this week this week i'm reviewing walking um the humble act of putting one foot in front of the other to ambulate from point A to point B. I think it's grossly underrated. I recently had ankle surgery and it came to a shock to me

that I wasn't allowed to walk for about two weeks. Walking is a bit like oxygen. It's only after you can't have it for a period of time do you truly appreciate it. Walking in 2023 may seem quaint, but it is still a reliable everyday form of transport, especially from getting to bed, to the toilet, or to move you closer to snacks. And for all the benefits I thought of walking to get you closer to things,

it's also extremely economical for distancing yourself from things like responsibilities and toxic relationships or commitments. In fact, walking away from things is often better than walking right into something. I give walking four stars. Four stars for walking, five stars for the homicidal sloth. Also, if you're not in America, I'm sure you have some sort of VPN situation and can get into America and figure out how to. I cannot endorse that, Alice, but it is being,

it was out in cinemas in the state so um and i think it's on various platforms and cinema in various other places i'm not sure if it's if it's going out in cinema in australia but yeah you will um it's it's coming it's halloween so you know just you've got to be when it comes to a sloth you've got to be patient because it's going to take its time. Halloween season news, and it is ghostwriting that we are talking about now. There hasn't been a writer here in 30 years, says the writer with imposter syndrome. This is the news of people who are ghostwriting college papers, people who are paying to have their academic credentials basically written and completed for them.

And it's a continuing problem and we are going to address it now in great seriousness. Dan Illich, can you unpack this story for us? Yeah, apparently there's a whole billion dollar industry of people who are paid to write other people's essays for them for university i had no idea this was a legal thing that you could do it's legal in canada and i guess the reason why i had no idea it's legal because in australia it's illegal you could go to jail for

it and i think well that's well that's a real bummer that really nipped my ambitions in the butt to go ahead and start an essay writing business but you know it does say that chat gpt is taking all these folks' jobs. You've got to really feel for them. This article could actually have been written by ChatGPT. We don't know. They did say that the contract cheating, which is what it's called, it's called contract cheating when you write someone's essay,

is worth $21 billion. Now, if that figure just plucked out of the air isn't a figure just plucked out by ChatGPT I don't know what there's no way it could be worth $21 billion but apparently it is, according to this article I just think you know, who cares at this point

there's so much misinformation everybody's a dummy you can go to university all you like but you're just going to be beaten by some guy who read something once on a PDF dug up in Freedom of Information Act and will completely gazump you with a thousand harebrained schemes anyway.

There's no point in learning anything anymore. You might as well just get your GPT to write your essay. And, you know, we're all just going to become heads in jars anyway at some point. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Information is over. Forget it.

Learning things is done. We're living in extraordinary times, the ghost in the ghost in the machine, the ghostwriter who ghostwrites for the ghostwriter. This is just going to eat its own tail. We might be achieving the singularity through sheer irony. And once you achieve the singularity, you can go on LinkedIn and say, I am so humbled I've achieved the singularity, but not you do it.

Obviously get your ghostwriter to write that for you. Oh, it's rage inducing. Like, am I supposed to feel bad for this guy? It's this guy called Bruce Ross, and then brackets, not real name, no shit. Like he was getting 20 pound a page to do this. Then he set up a business at a website called my essay writer um that promises students high grades and he's like

oversees a team of 20 full-time writers and i was supposed to feel bad like firstly how is this even allowed like it's it is just straight up cheating it's teen movie, I'm paying a nerd to do my homework vibes. And so he was sort of saying that, you know, I've got this team of 20 now. And like, it's worth a lot of money. And here's what I find interesting is that you've got academic ghostwriters. And they're like saying that their work is fair game in a world where post-secondary institutions are failing their students with false promises of prestige following the completion of their degrees and he's like colleges are basically business and people look at what we do as a no-no but they don't really question the ethics of what the school system is doing to a lot of the students by making these promises to them like colleges

are a business and you're not sir what. What is the ethics of landing a job than not being able to see through a single bit of the work because you can't be bothered or don't understand it? You'll probably just pay someone to do it for you. You'll pay them less money. Oh, I get it. He's teaching them capitalism. I've got it now.

I've got it. Just pay someone less to do your work. But the quote on the website is you shouldn't be spending your best years stressed out over assignments that have nothing to do with your career goals. Yeah, spend it getting drunk and f***ing everyone. Like, you know, waste an education is what he's saying. This reminds me a little bit of the story in which people

who were being asked to help program and train AIs were using AIs to help them and that this was seen as, you know, not fair play. But it does seem to be a little bit fair play in a world where AI is taking your jobs to get AI to do the job of taking your job. I love the last paragraph of the story where it kind of delves into his own personal story where he's like,

oh, I was once a rebellious teenager and then I got into a car accident when I was 21 and I changed my ways and I really knuckled down and I really took learning seriously and I went from being what a teacher thought I was, an English as a second language student, to winning second prize in a provincial newspaper writing contest four years later. And now I'm a professional criminal.

And he goes on to say, you know what what i think i can help other kids achieve their goals just like i did okay well done ross this he says in it he says ross acknowledges that the ai tools such as chat gpt could be a threat to his work no and he's seen a slight drop in demand in recent months in anticipation this is this is chef's kiss in anticipation of these changes ross is already diversifying his business for example he's hoping to launch a tutoring division to help students approach their assignments more effectively rather than simply producing papers for them you mean like teaching you mean like the thing that they're already paying for? Well, I mean, the way that this man's logic works, I think we can only be glad that he's decided to help them by helping them cheat on their exams

rather than by putting them into car accidents so they get the inspiration that he did. Fake kidnapping news now. This is the news of an Australian man who faked his own kidnapping in order to be able to spend New Year's Eve with his mistress. He is now having to literally pay back $10,000 for the police hours used trying to find him when his partner reported him missing. Tiff Stevenson, can you, you've done...

I've been in a relationship. ...serious things on New Year's Eve. Tiff Stevenson, you've been in a relationship. Can you unpack this story for us? Well, his name is Paul Learer, which is a great name because it's got the word Lear in it, but also, you know, Italian tender. And he's got to pay a lot of that as a fine not italian

but ten thousand ten thousand dollars australian dollars for 200 hours worth of police work so here's here's this is men being shits news really that's what we should that's what we should call this section men being shits uh 35 year old tradesman went to meet his mistress on december 31st but lied to his partner about meeting with his financial guy. Like, there's the first flap. Like, it's New Year's Eve. Who's meeting with their financial guy? Like, at the very least, you should be like,

that's code for Coke dealer, right? What's going on here? That's it. In a moment of desperation, the pair sent his partner a text to buy time, but the message blew up. So I'm not sure about this euphemism here are they saying while they were coming like what do you mean by a moment of desperation yeah i don't know but that like it's time for you to go home i know let's send a hostage so that this was the text it said thank you for sending paul to me

now payback is a bitch bye bye we'll keep us with it we will keep him with us until morning when he gives us his bike we'll call it square like how much is this guy low status himself i like how much do you reckon we can get for me on the open market babe i don't know maybe like a push bike and a couple of lamingtons thank you for my australian accent you're welcome um but like that's the level i'm afraid i'm gonna have to end this podcast that was incredibly offensive um but that's that's the kind of low ball that he's gone in at but but still there was no flag from his partner going they want a push bike for i should just go to the police rather than going this guy is clearly cheating on me um he's a real piece of shit he's gone to meet his drug dealer slash financial guy

um anyway so um yeah so they basically set up a whole thing and then even when the police found them he he claimed to have been taken by a group of unknown middle eastern men who later let him go just because they just let him go so like we don't need the bike yeah well as a semi-known middle eastern man myself i uh i would i would let them go yeah i would let him i don't want that guy in my house yeah yeah just something like he's to go why won't you leave my house keep your bike mate i know nothing about finance please please go away. Tiff, I totally agree with you. If I'm telling my partner I'm going to go see my financial guy,

the only way I'm telling him is with a wink and a touch to the nose. That is it. And I'm sure if my partner said that to me, she's going to see her financial guy and be like, yes, you are going to see your financial guy. It is New Year's Eve, baby. I've got some see your financial guy. It is New Year's Eve, baby. I've got some money to invest. Let me give you $700.

Please. Don't come back without anything wrapped in foil. That is it. The funny thing is this guy got caught by the police barricade and got questioned. He's like, oh, yeah, you're looking for me. Oh, of course. That's the dumbest thing. It's amazing.

Yeah. Anyway, what I did enjoy, the best thing about this story was the statement that the lawyer gave to the press. It said, Mr. Lira continues to enjoy the support of his family partner and wishes to move forward with his life as a productive member of the community i'm like that is not true uh i'm pretty sure his family and his partner and his financial advisor not supporting him at all it said that he'd made tremendous rehabilitative progress, which is like, what's the rehabilitation?

Like not being a lying, cheating, f*** it. Yeah, he said, I have stopped, in my defense, Your Honor, I have stopped f***ing this lady. She was too bad at making up excuses and it killed my boner. In my defense, Your Honor, it turns out she was an accountant, not a financial advisor, which is a whole other set of regulatory paperwork. And that brings us to the end of this episode of The Gargle.

I'm flipping through the ad section at the back. Dan, have you got anything to plug? Yeah. If you like things like The Bugle and seemingly like the gargle, I guess, but you'd like to think about more, but you'd like to kind of talk a lot more about Australian politics and climate change, please listen to my podcast, A Rational Fear.

You can listen to it at arationalfear.com or wherever you get good podcasts. Rational Fear is a brilliant podcast, a multiple award-winning comedy podcast, and I have guested on it before. If you want to start with episodes that I'm on as a way of easing yourself into the glory that is Australian politics.

Tiff, have you got anything to plug? I'm going to plug Old Rope on the 13th of November is the next one. And then the December 11th show. Two more for the end of the year. So if you like watching stand-ups, do new material. And you're in central London or you could get to central London. There's two shows there.

And I'm also on tour with Very British Problems. So you can kind of see me around the UK. That's going into next year. So, yeah. And listen to all the episodes of Catharsis that are still available. Thank you to both of our guest editors this week. And thank you to our roving reporters this week. It was just Dan who sent us in the LinkedIn story.

But if you would like to be a roving reporter, tweet us at HelloGogglers on the app currently known as X. I'm Alice Fraser. You can find my book, The Dancy Lagarde Reader, available on unbound.com. I've handed in the first draft and we're just putting together illustrations, so it should be in your sweaty little hands fairly soon.

Unbound.com. Type in Alice Fraser because I guarantee you if you type in Dancy Lagarde, you will not spell it correctly. Mine's on pre-order. I've got a pre-order. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I spoke to my financial guy. He's on pre-order. I've got a pre-order. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I spoke to my financial guy.

He's going to send me a copy. Covered in white powder. You can find me on patreon.com slash alicefraser where it's a one-stop shop full of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs as well as my weekly Tea with Alice salons and my writers meetings. You can get all of that. But at the moment, it's still just a dollar a month.

It is, I would say, insultingly cheap for all of the things that i give you and it's mainly insulting to me so get on board before i uh figure out capitalism this is an alice fraser and bugle podcast production your editor is ped hunter your executive producer is chris skinner i'll talk to you again next week you can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, Catharsis, Tiny Revolutions, Top Stories, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts. Thank you.