The Gargle - Man vs horse | Sweaty robot finger | Shrinking penises

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

Tiff Stevenson and Charlie George join host Alice Fraser for episode 66 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast - with no politics! Man beats horse in a race Workers fall in vat of chocolate Mass frog burial mystery Sweaty robot finger Pollution shrinking penises  ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

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Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. This story is about something that happened to them when they were sent away from London during the war because of a satirical news comedy podcast known as The Gargle. The only satirical podcast that brings you all of the news and none of the politics. This is The Gargle. I'm your host, always winning, never Christmas, Alice Fraser.

Your guest editors for this week's edition of the podcast are the talking lion who's secretly Jesus, Tiff Stevenson. Welcome. Hello. I'm secretly Jesus. I like secretly Jesus. And the sugared confectionery you'd betray your family for, Charlie George. Confectionery.

Yeah, I like it. I feel like a flump. That's good, I'm a flump. Before we gather together and finger our way through the chocolate selections, it is this week's gathering of stories. Let's first have a look at the front cover. The front cover this week is Rebel Wilson posing sassily and successfully next to a pride flag and just in front of the threats by the Sydney Morning Herald to out her. These threats made by nominative determinism champion of the year, middle-aged whinger and columnist Andrew Hornery.

Did you follow that story? No, was this about, they kind of like, they released it before she had posted or something on Instagram about her relationship? Was that they were doing yeah so she she posted about her relationship on instagram because andrew hornery said we're going to publish a story about your relationship do you have any comment in the next two days and then she posted about on her instagram and then he wrote a column complaining that she'd quote unquote gazump gazumped him and that he shouldn't have warned her after he'd so kindly approached her for comment. I don't know.

I just think that hornery sounds like a combination of horny and ornery, which he definitely is. Well, that's his business. Yeah, he sounds jealous about the whole thing. He does. The satirical cartoon this week is a self-justification disguised as an apology in apology form for the original apology, which was actually just an attempt to shift blame. The whole thing is tucked into a twisted anus and labelled turducken,

but the emphasis, there's a separation and the D is at the end of the turd rather than at the beginning of the ucken. Which brings us to our news stories for this week. Top story this week, man v. horse news now. It's a tale as old as time, a battle whose origins are lost in the mists of memory. Who was the first aggressor, man or horse? We don't know, but it was definitely man. Charlie George, you've been an athlete before.

Can you unpack this story for us? Sorry, did you just ask me equestrian? I've got a lot of horse pants. did you just ask me equestrian uh i've got a lot of horse pants basically are you ready yes uh for me to be the centaur of attention okay yeah no i've um i've this is so gross um yeah this is man v horse and i've been waiting for interspecies races for a long time uh i don't think we've had enough of them and that's what i thought it was I thought it was just man versus horse. But it turns out that it's man versus man on a horse, which is a very different thing. But yes, they've been running this since the 1980s. I don't know why we've been covering Ascot and the Grand National and not man versus horse. Like it

sounds so much fun if this was on telly. But, yeah, this guy, this very sweet guy called Ricky Lightfoot, who sounds like the panicked name a child made up for a good runner, he was awake, apparently, for, like, 29 hours on a flight from Tenerife, which sounds like he was up, like, partying hard, which might have helped him win the race. Like, maybe he's had some, you know, chemicals. And then he, like, won against someone on a horse and i just think it's mad i actually think they should have the next step should be like iron man

versus horse where like flying's involved uh and then they end like maybe a bit of swimming and then they end with dressage like that's i'd love that i feel like this is a slippery slope it's like can you outrun a man on a horse can you outrun a man on a horse with a bow and arrow? And then all of a sudden we're in that game again, the most dangerous and the most fun game. I was like, well, to make it really fair, the men who don't have a who aren't on a horse should have to piggyback another species or their own species, because then they've both got something. Do you know what I mean? On their back, that seems like that would be a better way to do it. And I think I actually discovered that in 2009, this race was marred by controversy because someone who won had time deducted. Like, I think a horse wasn't going to win, but they had time deducted due to vet checks.

And I just thought, like, it's kind of like in, like, Formula One racing or something. Like, they must have just stopped and just quickly gone through all of the horseshoes, changed everything over. Tiff, you could have outrun a horse in heels, couldn't you? In heels? Yeah, I mean, maybe. I do manage to get around Edinburgh in heels, and that's quite a feat, isn't it?

I mean, it's quite a painful feat. With the cobbles and everything else. Eh? For going for puns? Eh? But not for Ricky Lightfoot. A great bit of normative determinism as we were speaking of it earlier.

I think I should have been called Tiffany Quickwit, actually. Oh, very nice. Yes, I like that. That's such an experience to me. I like that. I keep wondering why didn't they publish what the ponies names were like was there a pony soprano a david hasselhoof a maple stirrup what about a forest jump or my personal favorite john bond pony or nightmare nightmare i like a lot i mean the problem is that horses don't ever have fun names.

Like, they should have fun names, but they don't. They always have names that are sort of a little bit too fancy for them. It feels like a PR exercise, and I'm not sure for who. Maybe for humans this year, because they won. Maybe there's something in it, like, because the horse normally wins, that we should respect horses more. I do feel we respect horses. we respect horses more than women as in there's more commemorative war statues for horses than there are for women so do you remember the time that they tried to

rebrand shark attacks like it was a pr thing they want to call them negative encounters or i prefer bitey wet times like i prefer bitey wet times bitey wet times sounds fun yeah no you weren't um you weren't savagely attacked you were lovingly lacerated let's please reframe this um because because obviously there's a negative image around sharks so I'm wondering maybe this is like maybe this is PR because it's was it just men in the race I think it was just men versus horses men versus horses but the horses could be either either sex so that's okay that's right okay that's feminism right is it i'm just i'm wondering if this is pr for men just

because they've been having a bit of a shit run uh recently the only way i'm going to be invested in the outcome of this race is it's for of this race is if it's run by horse race rules which is to say if anyone trips over and breaks their leg you shoot them in the head there's some stakes off to the glue factory Ricky yeah yeah break them down I think it actually started when I looked at the history of it from a conversation of two men in a pub talking about it and it's like and then they've made this whole thing out of it and basically like um the prize started is quite low and then every year it's been accumulating uh by 500 quid until someone wins it basically and so this person won like 3 500 pounds and he is a firefighter um who can run faster than a horse i'm like he just serves the cumbia area

and i think like this is a great way to find out about like people's skills because i think he should be asked to do some other stuff like if he can run faster than a horse like we need to hire him wider than the cumbria area if it's for pr it's definitely for pr about wealth inequality because for 3 500 pounds you probably couldn't buy a very good horse actually i don't know how much horses cost. Your ad section now, because you can't be what you can't buy. Are you the Airbnb I was at the other day? Did you have about a third of a small pump bottle full of hand soap left? Try covering your shame with half a glass of water. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by the shaggy vegan who just invited you around for mushrooms. What kind of mushrooms does he mean? Find out.

And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by hair. Hair, the self-generating hat. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Now we are out of time for ads because now it's time for our Augustus Gloop section. Workers have been rescued after being tumbled into a vat of chocolate at the Mars Wrigley factory. Tiff Stevenson, you're Willy Wonka.

Can you unpack this story for us? Apparently, two people were rescued after they fell into a partially filled chocolate tank whilst doing maintenance work at a candy factory in Pennsylvania. The sticky situation unfolded on Thursday at the Mars Wrigley plant in Elizabethtown. Trouble started around 2 PM. Officials did not say how the people became trapped in the vat. You know how they got trapped in the vat. They were leaning over trying to lick the chocolate.

And that is how they were literally over the side of it. Like you say, Alice, a full Augustus gloop. Don't dear children be alarmed. Augustus gloop will not be harmed. Scooping up handfuls of chocolate and then they couldn't get out they were they were in it apparently it was waste i would have

eaten my way out i would have eaten my way out i would have drunk my way out of the chocolate soup i definitely i would have been fine there's some questions i need to know are they ditching that barrel or are they going to sell greedy employee flavoredoured bars from it? Well, I'm thinking about this. Maybe both of them were on their period because that would be, that would explain it to me because that's the only time I get uncontrollable around chocolate. Like I'm fine around chocolate, but my period and chocolate are like secret lovers who meet up once a month and then just like

**** the shit out of each other, then feel sick and full of self-loathing, then we both walk away for another 28 days. I I get so obsessed around that time of the month with chocolate I've actually investigated if it's possible to inseminate a mini egg so it hatches breeds and makes more chocolate so I I'm thinking I'm thinking no one has asked you know about uh about whether or not they're on their periods so i think i think we should take that into consideration i mean definitely emergency workers freed them by cutting a hole in the bottom of the tank which seems to me like if they could get in you could probably

get them out through the same hole that they got in and you wouldn't need to like cut a hole in a tank but who am i i'm not an emergency rescue worker chocolate specialist it was only waist high so that makes me think when they cut the hole in the bottom, I'm like, did it set? Were they wearing sort of like chocolate waders at that point? Like, was it like, did it go all hard? Because, you know, sometimes hot chocolate could set. And I thought, oh, God. So it's sort of like maybe grouped around them. I was thinking the other thing could be like slushing. Like maybe isn't there that sex thing where like people are into like doing it and getting messy with food I don't even know if you do it or if it's just the messiness of food that turns you on but I was like

why why else would you get get in there surely that's not their process of making whatever chocolate like what involves them leaning over an open vat like I just like it's so mad I mean it seems stressful to me to try like the food and sex thing seems stressful to me because either you're someone who's really into messy sexy food times uh or you're someone who feels compelled to like lick all the chocolate off just to get it clean and then that's like a really stressful and upsetting like if you've got someone who just can't stand to have a mess they're gonna end up like quite ill by the end of the process you'll end up with some kind of infection candida yeah like you're gonna get thrush from like having chocolate around your nethers i just it's gonna it's gonna end badly it's not gonna go well some kind of sugar coating infection yeah

the only other thing i could think of was that they they just there was something else that they didn't retrieve that's been lost in the chocolate and maybe they went in for it do you know what i mean like there's an object or something else they leaned over the side to get it and then ended up like they went to wade in to rescue something what worried it was going to spoil the vat you have asked if it's hardened but i'm thinking it's like quicksand like if they're like it's waist high but they're unable to get out like what they're doing laps did they swim to the side was it warm is it smooth is it warm i need to see a picture of the vat i think there's a moral obligation for the rescuers to at least take a

photo of the two people before they got them out like it sounds like they weren't in imminent like it wasn't up to there they weren't bubbling and drowning in chocolate so i think it's a moral obligation of the rescuers to take a quick photo and say come on guys come on let's go viral on tiktok guys yeah your reviews section now as you know each week we ask our guest editors to bring something to review out of five stars Charlie George what have you brought in for us I'm gonna go for the sea I'm gonna review the sea um I've recently moved to Margate in Kent. It's very Kenty.

One of the great things about it is the sea. Are you overwhelmed and drowning in your own self-absorption like me as you struggle to maintain an online presence that's rapidly outgrowing your real personality? Try the sea. It's wet, wet, wet and saltier than your ex-girlfriend in a fight about star signs hope floats and so do you so it's it's pretty great feeling my nervous system loves the sea

um you can wee in the sea I know you're not supposed to but I kind of feel like it's you know in Margate there's a lot of other things floating in there that you think it's okay to wee in there's a lot of stinky seaweed near where I am so I'd have to mark it down a little bit for that but yeah it's the best feeling ever really I know it's not original to love the sea I'm sort of like half and half I think the getting out part is hard getting in is a bit hard but floating um and realizing how small you are is pretty great I'm gonna give it 4.5 out of 5 can I do that 4.5 out of 5 4.5 out of 5 is great it's also you know if you're worried about weight loss going to the ocean you'll feel really tiny yeah it's all about comparisons right yeah tip what have you brought in to review I'm gonna review

big boobs in hot weather so I am not enjoying so what happens at this time of year is that I I have big boobs everyone thinks it's great but I want to say that during the summer I get athlete's foot tip which is I think you get between your toes but like between my boobs so it smells like I'm baking bread constantly which I can knock out a sourdough in like half an hour it's really great it was great during lockdown because everyone was looking for sourdough starters not so good now no man has ever looked at a woman with big boobs and gone well she looks like she's got great ideas so I don't like how people perceive me because of them I don't like them in this hot weather so I'm gonna say during the summer big boobs i'm gonna give them a two

out of five do not enjoy do not enjoy do they are they so they're seasonal they're a seasonal pleasure the boob winter it's not so bad even during the winter i'd still be like could do with like my lower back not hurting so much so yeah in the winter i'd bump them up to maybe a three and then just feel what's neutral i'll have body neutrality around them in the winter, I'd bump them up to maybe a three and then just feel what's neutral. I'll have body neutrality around them in the winter. But during the summer, we're down to it. I mean, yeah, Charlie, if you're going to 0.5, I could even go 1.5 to a two. Really? In the summer? Because they're like sweaty baubles or something.

Yeah, sweaty, sweaty orbs. Have you ever thought about helium balloons attaching to your bra? Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Oh, do you know what we could bring back? The hand bra from the 90s. That was big in the 90s, remember? The hand bra where people would just appear on album covers.

Someone else's hands or your hands wrapped around the hand bra. Janet Jackson had it on an album cover. Madonna had it. It was a big pop phenomenon. Just get someone to walk around behind you. Yeah, holding them up, yeah. Actually, you don't know whether it was a handbra or some of them just had awkwardly hand-shaped nipples.

Yes, they could have. And I don't want to shame them for that. That's all the time we have for our reviews section because now it's time for our mass frog burial news. An Iron Age site near Cambridge has unpacked just a huge number of frog bits. Don't know how else to put that. Charlie George, you've been involved in paganism in the past. Can you unpack this story?

Oh, yes. Many a ritual with those middle-class hippies out in Glastonbury. It's like eye of frog and then eye of frog and then eye of frog and then eye of frog. Yeah, and then like small bit of white dreadlock. I think it's either like an Iron Age home full of witches but apparently, when I was reading

about this, it says that it's not unusual to find frog bones at ancient sites, which is also the unknown reprise of the tom jones song um one ditch many frog bones uh apparently ancient civilizations like egyptians mesopotamians greeks and remnant also frog the frog is a symbol of fertility so the other thing i was thinking is maybe there was like you know there's just like a really horny couple trying to shag at this place and they just kept getting through frogs and uh i don't know whether they licked them or what they did with them as their

aphrodisiac um but you know it's like one small erection for man one giant loss of life for frog kind maybe is the vibe i don't know but it's a place called bar hill uh and they also discovered when they were doing it that, like, these frogs, it was unlikely they'd been eaten, they'd said, because they weren't cut or burnt. But then they said after that that, like, they could have been boiled, though, in which case they'd have no marks. So I don't know whether... I was thinking aphrodisiac, maybe.

Do you have any ideas? Cold, disease or sexual ritual? It's sort of like snog marry kill but for like frogs i think they were saying they could have drowned but win or lose sink or swim one thing is certain they'll never give in bum bum bum bye yeah i'm the oldest person on this podcast so i'm the only one that gets the reference to the frog song but uh yeah they were saying that they discovered them in the iron age i think it was the iron age not even my favorite age uh favorite ages uh triassic jurassic rebot classic they're officially my three favorite good ages good ages yeah so they're saying was it frog rain was it

witchcraft what what do we think could have them because they were studying the bones and they were saying they hadn't been cut but they could have been boiled anecdotally and this is not funny but the only thing that i can think of that might have happened was once we drove to scotland and i refer to this as the great frog massacre of 2013 because it must have been like a migration day and we were on an a road and we drove along and and honestly for an hour frogs were just flying out in front of us obviously trying to get from one pond or something from one side of the road to the other and like we killed hundreds of them like we don't have any choice we just keep driving and they're smacking off the car we're going over them it was really quite disturbing um i've never witnessed anything

like that before or since sounds very very biblical. It is quite biblical. And I'm a very biblical person. My name does mean manifestation of God. So, you know, it could have been, they were all just like throwing themselves in front of me saying, she's here. But yeah, so that's the only time I can think of like these weird, you know, there's supposed to be frog rain, isn't there?

That's supposed to be a phenomenon. Yeah. So it could have been that or they also said about on their way to somewhere. But sometimes I think what if it was just a young, young, like a person who lived in that time, who was really bad at keeping pets, but just didn't want to give up. And they loved frogs like it could be, you know, but they just kept trying over and over again it could be a very charismatic frog cult leader waiting for the end times uh that's all the time we have for our mass frog death iron age news because now it's time for our slightly sweaty robot finger news slightly sweaty robot finger news a japanese of course the Japanese invention has come forth and

it is a robot finger that is covered in artificially made but human skin comes out of a vat it's slightly sweaty and it is the solution to who's going to scroll my twitter when I'm not looking Tiff Stevenson you've been slightly sweatily fingered before can you unpack this story for us have I have I been slightly sweaty? How would you know that Alice? Just a guess Slightly sweaty robot finger is what I'm going to call my production company and that's a great

name for a production company Yes, oh yay, we all want this, I mean joy, they've covered a robot finger with skin and the skin's supposed to be able to heal itself. It's seen as an impressive technical feat that blurs the line between living flesh and machine.

Guys, are we just going to pretend the rampant rabbit doesn't exist? Like, we all know it's out there. We all want to know about blurring the line between living flesh and machine, although I don't think anyone's going to pick up the sweaty finger in Anne Somers. No one's going to love honey.

Who's going to love honey? Ordering the sweaty robot finger. Slightly sweaty. They said the fingers are a work in progress and the skin is much weaker than natural skin and it has to be kept moist because there's no circulatory system. I mean, there's a line. Hello. Yeah. Must keep moist. But also then we're just going to have if this does develop further we're

just going to have to have robots that constantly miss themselves we're going to have to put them live in live in the bathroom like your plants you know like a chinese evergreen or a majesty palm you've just got this robot sat there waiting for the steam from the shower so that they don't dry out um i've killed every plant i've ever had so good luck with that house robot of mine with full living skin on it i mean it's it i was repulsed by it which is what they refer to as uncanny uncanny valley isn't it where you kind of have that sort of like seeing a sort of finger in a petri dish looking a bit like a tampon with some wires coming out of it was i was it it made

me feel a bit ill um so i'm not sure this is a development that we should be keen on to be honest yeah they're sort of trying to pitch it but all the things they say to pitch it sound a bit dreadful like you know it's really interesting to watch something that looks like a human finger it makes clicking robot noises when it moves and you're just just like, oh, no. Yeah, and it's like they were kind of like, oh, you know, it will help people sort of interact, like it will help a robot interact with people more naturally. And I'm thinking, like, the bit that we miss about human interaction when we're engaging with a robot is not being sweated on.

Like, when you shake someone's hand, you're like, oh, I really wish there was sweat on this robot hand. And they pitched it as, like, useful for, like, nursing care or the service industry. And I'm like, have they ever done those jobs? Because I used to work in a care home. And they were like, oh, how it would be great for personal care because the person would feel like they're being touched

by sort of more human skin. And I'm like, you do know gloves are worn for most of what you do in those jobs. Well, there's the question, would you rather be touched by a human with gloves on or a robot with slightly sweaty fingers? Sweaty finger! No human contact, but all of the joy of clamminess. That's all the time we have for Slightly Sweaty Robot Finger News,

because now it is time for shrinking news. Apparently one of the worst upsides of the environmental degradation of our planet is the shrinking of human penises, according to one scientist. I always am worried about stories that are just like one scientist says because as we've discovered in recent times, one scientist will say f***ing anything if they think it will make them go viral on Twitter. But this is Shanna Swan, Dr Shanna Swan who's written a book called Countdown

arguing that the modern world is altering humans reproductive development and threatening the future of our species. Tiff Stevenson how do you feel about this? Is this the resurgence of the tiny penised Greek statue as like a an example of civilization? Is it a more civilized penis that we're looking for? I like that we're Mrs. Pepperpotting penises. And again, these are childhood references that not everyone gets, but Mrs. Pepperpot used to shrink and get herself and go on adventures. I feel like penises are always shrinking or growing one way or another. Yeah, I feel like maybe these penises just want to shrink and go on adventures.

They want to go and rescue something from the forest and it's all good. I mean, yes, these stories come up relentlessly. She's saying in some parts of the world, the average 20-something today is less fertile than her grandmother was at 35. It's a global existential crisis is it we're overpopulated i mean you know in many ways plan b needs to start thinking of itself as plan a uh like we've got a lot of so maybe it's just maybe it's it's it's not a bad thing i don't even know though i don't understand the i you know obviously haven't read the science i don't

know what the correlation is between you know the the size of the penis and erectile dysfunction and fertility decline. Obviously she explains it in the book, but I just, you know, like you could have a pocket rock, it could be a small penis, but it could pack a spermy punch. So I just, you know, it doesn't necessarily mean because they're smaller, they're going to be less, you know, less potent, powerful. because they're smaller they're going to be less you know less potent powerful yes I don't know I don't know I mean imagine imagine researching this book that's all I have to say like imagine like two to five years of research or whatever being put in of like studying penis size and there was a thing recently where they said there was another study which was like penis size is linked to nose size if there's a big nose hello it's a big you know which is um good to know and it just invites the the image of a penis with a sense of smell which let's

let's not no or a nose that jizzes. Sorry. With hay fever, all noses jizz. That's all the time we have for our shrinking penis environment section because now it's time for our summer beauty section, the time when an interesting coat is no longer a substitute for a human body. What are your summer beauty tips for our listeners? Charlie George? I think if you're a bit sweaty stand next to a sweaty robot finger and you will always seem nicer than it i've been doing this thing where i

sort of um because in summer there can be like a lot of oppressive need to look really good and if you're not feeling that good about yourself carry a dog i've got a dog at the moment uh no one will remember you because the dog is really cute. Recently, we had to take a selfie for something and I just sort of guided that person to get further and further away until they left the room. And that's how you can look really great in a photo. It's just not be present in it. And I also think the revival of the bucket hat is great.

Good for sun protection and it also has contraceptive qualities. I genuinely think anyone who wears a bucket hat is just boasting that they can wear a bucket hat and not look dreadful. Like, if you're wearing a bucket hat, that's just a sign that you have tabs on yourself, really. Oh, one of my favourite things, and I've been seeing it a lot, and I had my first holiday in many years recently, is I love to see a little baby, you you know when they've got that really comfortable with

themselves super confident belly and and they've got either a bucket hat or an old man's cap on and they just suddenly look 50 no matter what even if they're a toddler it's great it's such a joy i'm living on a boat at the moment and i'm bathing my baby in a little bucket um and it's a little sort of a bath shaped bucket it folds down so i can put it in my suitcase and it's exactly the proportions to her as it would be if a little old man were having a bath in a normal size bath oh put your baby in a bucket in a bucket hat oh womb explodes love it tiff stevenson what are your summer beauty tips i would say fashion wise don't wear tartan in the summer because people will try and picnic on you. So that's always a risk.

I am actually having a hot girl summer, but it could be perimenopause, so I'm not sure. Those would be my tips. My summer beauty tips are the classic 90s Australia advice of slip, slop, slap, which is to say slip over in a pool of water, sloppy drunkenness, and slap a stranger for looking at you funny. That's summer beauty tips from the gargle. That's all the time we have for this week's episode.

Flipping through the ads at the back. Tiff Stevenson, have you got anything to plug? I have some previews coming up in Birmingham at the Fat Penguin. I have one coming up in Leeds. I'm doing the Edinburgh Fringe. I will be on at the Pleasant's Courtyard at 8 o'clock every night during the Fringe. Charlie George, have you got anything to plug? Yeah, I am doing a night this Sunday at 21 Soho.

I'm going to be part of the return of F*** It Up Comedy, which is femmes of colour comedy. And there's going to be like a live podcast recording and a bunch of women of colour doing sets which would be really cool and we'd love to have your support for that one I'm also doing the fringe I've been sponsored by the lesbian elite to go I'm going to be doing two weeks on the free fringe in a queer triple bill called clandestina comedy and that's at the Liquid Rooms Annex. But you can find out my gigs on my website

at charliegeorgecomedy.com. And a big thank you to our guest editors for this week as well as a big thank you for our roving reporters, Bella Hahn, who sent in the Man v Horse story, Miss Otis, who sent in the Chocolate Factory story, Bella Hahn, who sent in the Mass Frog Burial. That's a double byline for Bella Hahn this week. James Fieldson, the Happy Pill

Academy, Miss Otis Mulderat, all sent in the sweaty robot finger story. I don't know why they thought that would be up our alley. And Abdo, who sent in the shrinking penises story. I will be in Edinburgh myself with Kronos. I'm also all around London and the UK.

Find out at Alliterative on Twitter and Instagram. That's A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E or patreon.com slash Alice Fraser, which is a one-stop shop full of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs, as well as my weekly Tea with Alice Salons, which is where we get in a Zoom room and have a chat, almost like this, but it's not recorded and I do less prep.

This is an Alice Fraser and Bugle Podcasts production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.