The Gargle - Marzipan E.T. | Bald tribunal | Tic-tac-toe

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

Tiff Stevenson and James Colley join host Alice Fraser for episode 62 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!👽 Marzipan E.T. saved👨‍🦲 'Bald' man sexual harassment 👵 Granchild-less couple sue son 😵 Murderer heart attack karma🧫 Bacteria tic-tac-toe murder🎸 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. Hello, this is a message. Hi, this is a pre-recorded message from The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for Visual World. I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition are James Colley and Tiff Stevenson. Welcome to the show.

Hello. Hello. In just one moment, we will link arms and dance the Hava Nagila of this week's stories. But first, let's take a peek at the front cover. The front cover of this week's edition of the magazine is Blelizabeth, the body double of Queen Elizabeth, telling all in an exclusive spill for this magazine only, all the hot goss and wrist RSI from the wavering chief's chief stunt queen. Will she be sacrificed in the grave of the regent

to accompany her majesty as a stunt ghost in death, should the time come? Find out inside. And hamming it up, the torment of a Jewish actor asked to do a Christmas pantomime. And move over Movember, it's May I Take a Dick Pic for Men's Mental Health Month. Inside this week's magazine, a glamour kit with pop-out googly eyes

and tiny moustaches for men's mental health. We supply all the props and toothpicks you need to jazz up or prop up your dick pic. Feel beautiful and confident in yourself by entering your most creative pic with the hashtag DongForWhat'sWrong to be in the running for an exclusive professional sexy boudoir photoshoot of your penis. Put the stud into studio lighting. The satirical cartoon this week is a congressional hearing about UFOs. The sign above the hearing says,

Hey, look, a distraction from issues of material well-being among our citizenry. Do you know they call them UAPs now? That's interesting because here UAP is a political party made up of people who almost strictly would claim they were picked up by UFOs and dropped back into the polling booth. Oh, I thought it was unidentified airdrop penis. I thought that was going back to the dick pics. I just think changing the name of UFOs is political correctness gone mad.

I'm not a big believer in political correctness gone mad, but I think changing the unidentified aerial phenomena, just call them a UFO. Apparently the Pentagon's established this UAP office, which is, this is the title of it. It's titled the Airborne Object Identification and Management Synchronization Group. And I think that's that name. I think we can all, as conspiracy theorists,

agree that that name is deliberately difficult to make sound fun. Come on, flying saucers. We love a flying saucer. Yeah, but you can't say the IOMSGA is coming for me. Yeah, IOMSGA is trying to shut me up. It doesn't work. You want the FBI or the CIA. They've made a deliberately unpleasant acronym

in order to turn us off the scent. That's what I think. Well, now it's time for our top story. Speaking of aliens, alien marzipan news. This is the story of an extraterrestrial marzipan model that was rescued from its inevitable demise in St. Albans. Tiff Stevenson, you love a pasty almond. Can you unpack this story for us? I thought you were going to say

because I'm very close to St. Albans, which I am. I would just like you to say marzipan again, though. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, can we drill down on this? Can we just pick up on that? What did I say? You can tell us. What did you say? I tell us what the cake's made from again. Marzipan. Marzi? Marzi? Oh, come on. I learned German as a kid. This is not one of those. That was the Marzipan.

Yeah. I was introduced to Marzipan by my German teacher, Frau Freinger, and she gave it to me, and she is the god of all of it. I've got a soft spot for anything sweet with nuts. Wink, wink. She's both true and an innuendo. This is a cake that was purchased in 1982 at a baker in St. Albans. An E.T. marzipan cake.

And it was given by a daughter to her father as a present because they'd gone to see the film together. And he's not eaten it. And I get never wanting to eat those marzipan fruits because they look so realistic and you know they're disgusting um no that's that's that's actually not fair i did love marzipan as a kid but also i would down three sherbet dib dabs for lunch so my palate wasn't particularly refined back then um now i prefer my almonds crushed into to milk uh but i i i i think this this marzipan has some kind of embalming fluid in it

because basically the cake is sort of still the cake. It's melted a bit and sort of looks a little bit more like a spray tan bodybuilder now with long fingers rather than the classic ET body. But yes, it's a cake from 1982. It hasn't been eaten. They're now trying to say, is it an artifact? Is it worth anything?

Because they've discovered this cake. It's a slow news day in St Albans, I've got to say. A sleepy, slow news day. But it's a very old cake. A cake that's nearly as old as me. Yeah, I'm a little sceptical on this. Like, firstly, E.T. at the best of times looks like a desiccated testicle like i don't know if you can look at an et and be like this is great it looks as good as the day it was made

because it's already pretty shockingly bad looking also don't save it you have other memories you have other memories surely of your dear father like it's not this isn't the thing that makes it i don't think i i keep getting back at this. You save a cake like this if this meant a lot to you and this film meant a lot to you and you saw it together and you both cried and it was a beautiful moment or it was given to you and you forgot and you put it in a cupboard and then one day you died and everyone thinks,

well, this must have meant a lot to you but honestly it was just there and at no point were you like oh i'd best throw out that marzipan cake but so this my favorite detail of this story is the bakery director said they wouldn't recommend eating it to which i'd say you i am eating it if you find this eat it et go in my stomach that is what is happening here you don't find this thing and we're already sick if we're considering keeping this we're sick on some level or another eat the damn cake yeah at least find out what it yeah it tastes like lick it taste it you don't have to eat a whole fistful just sample it have a try maybe you'll see et too i always think that about

people who uncover like honey and mummified tombs that's 2000 years old it's like come on, you liked it a little bit didn't you Yeah it's a vintage, it's a classic vintage And what, it's going to taste worse than the marzipan you have every day? It's at least going to be neutral. I won't hear a word Your ad section now because you can't

be what you can't buy and this episode of the podcast is brought to you by shoes socks for your socks and this episode of the podcast is brought to you by the vast majority of political satire would you like to see your own opinions reflected back at yourself through the flattering instagram filter of an articulate team of university educated comedy writers try the vast majority of political satire, the opposite of a conversation with a taxi driver on the way to the airport. You're on a train or in a public space. The crackers you ate half an hour ago have somehow left a crumb in your throat. You're holding forth on an important topic and all of a sudden you know you have to cough. But COVID, you think, desperately trying

to contain the violent explosion of throat shouting by muffling it with your own brain. COVID, your eyes water, your face breadens, you choke, you've missed your window to warn people that you were about to cough and it isn't COVID. So now when you cough, they will think it is. That's when you need half a glass of water, half a glass of water. Without it, you'll know exactly how it felt to have the accusing gaze of a village fall on you because your nose just fell off and this episode of the podcast is brought to you by me alice fraser i am running a dancy lagarde literary tribute competition and it will end at the end of this month a 200 pound prize i'm putting up out of my own money for the best chapter of a dancy lagarde book find all the details including the email address where you should send your sample chapter at patreon.com slash alicefraser. You do not have to join my Patreon to enter the competition.

There is no entry fee for the competition. The entry fee is your delicious literary tributes to Dancy Lagarde, bestselling romance novelist. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era.

Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. Now it's time for your employment tribunal news. This is the news that calling a man bald may be considered sexual harassment, at least in West Yorkshire. James Colley, you've got a fine head of hair.

Can you unpack this story for us? So worried about where that one was going to go as well. Firstly, so the first thing to note on this story is that this was claiming and the basis of this this successful tribunal claim was the idea that baldness is strictly a male issue and to that first point can i just say did chris rock die for nothing obviously this is not a strictly male issue um this row began because this man was referred to and i trust this will be bleeped as a bald and the bit that he took objection to was the bald bit he took such objection that he took it to court which is a real move again i hope that is bleeped

can i just say given the amount that women spend on waxing services a bald is a highly desirable state of affairs apparently though in the making of this judgment all three men at the tribunal bemoaned their own lack of hair now firstly great use of bemoan love to bemoan something but more importantly that's a horror tribunal cast isn't it like the moment you walk in you know you're done you want at the very least one person with an afro or lacking that in some crazy upside down world. Maybe a woman or someone who has experienced sexual harassment personally. That's crazy. I'm spitballing here, but this is definitely the worst panel you could have.

This court ruled that commenting on someone's bald head is equivalent to commenting on the size of a woman's breasts. That is not fair. It is at best, at best equivalent to commenting on the lack of hair on a woman's breast, which I would still claim not appropriate for work. Don't try it. Very bad idea. And the thing I like most about this, this incident took place at a company known as the British Bung Company.

And look, I don't know if this is a Britishism that I should know, but this has thrown me off again because I would have presumed in this story the worst insult to be called is a British bung. And if you don't agree with that, it's probably because you're a massive British bung just bunging about all day, cramming stuff up your bunghole. Look, I just think, I mean, the equivalent of commenting on a woman's breast, I mean, a bald head will be the equivalent of commenting on a woman's breast, I mean, a bald head will be the equivalent of commenting on a woman's breast if somebody regularly walks into the office and goes honk honk on your bald head.

Then you're allowed to complain about it, I think. What about if they do... I reckon if they do it with real spit, then it counts. I reckon if they offer to pay to have your bald head enlarged because that's a thing that they're into. Yeah. And they make it seem like it's your idea. Like, what about for your birthday?

I've just been thinking. Like, it's fine as it is, but if you want to go bigger, I will give you some money towards it. It'll make you feel more confident. It'll make you feel more confident. It's so ridiculous because it's... So, so firstly how is calling a man bald sexual they've they misunderstood what the sexual in sexual harassment means i think they mean it's sex-based harassment in that it's to do with the protected characteristic of sex no i read it and they said sexual it says sexual in all of it it doesn't say with regards to sex it must strictly be

bruce willis then i think that's the only time it's sexual is bruce willis it's ridiculous because you talk about use hair as a descriptor all the time don't you short hair they had long hair they had curly you know blonde brunette whatever you'd say someone is bald so obviously the person used it as an insult because you know there was the other word following it up but it's not it's not sexual harassment like again if it was if it was about his arse or you know maybe even his abs or his pecs it's just not a set your head it's not a sexual part of the body well okay saying head and sexual in the same sentence i realize it's not um what i'm saying

is it's not sexual it could be considered harassment and it could be considered an insult um if you're if you're using it as a with a bad word attached to the descriptor but it is a description of someone he was short he was tall he was bald yeah well certainly men are not asked to cover up their bald heads lest they be objects of lust. Yes. That's because I like to look and I would never ask them to cover up that sweet, sweet bald head. I want to watch that thing glisten. Oh, God.

Now it's time for your review section. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to come in and review something out of five stars. Tiff Stevenson, what have you brought in for us this week? I'm reviewing Being Serenaded. Oh, hello. This is an old review because this happened to me a while ago, but I've not reviewed it for the gargle before,

but I was once serenaded, so this is going back, this is going back about 15 years, 16 years, by a guy I was seeing, and it's the most painful musical experience I've ever been through. Because if you've ever experienced a one-on-one serenade, it's excruciating. He maintained eye contact with me the whole time. You know, like how a dog sometimes does when it's having a poo.

It just looks at you and you're like, I don't want you looking at me. You don't want to be looking at me, but somehow it's happening. So the song that he sang was the the song more than words by the band extreme by the end of the second line so i think it goes saying i love you is not the words i want to hear from you and by the time he got to the end of that i knew he was going to do the whole song and something inside of me died this is like three in the morning and you can't i'm in his flat you can't leave it's just you can't leave it's just going to happen at you so you can maybe try and dance a bit get into it or you can just stare at a knot on the floorboards which is what i did whilst my vagina slowly but

surely healed over anyway one out of five stars would not recommend oh maybe maybe you're just waiting for the right man to serenade you tiff i mean if paul does it at the wedding i will be a runaway bride james colley what have you brought in for us to review so usually when i am reviewing things on this show i like it to be a kind of esoteric a conceptual thing something like that is is more a concept than a physical thing or artistic medium or anything but then this afternoon at the time of recording uh there was footage from Tasmania of the Prime Minister of Australia a week out from an election accidentally crash tackling a child so I would like to take you through my review is of the footage of the Prime Minister of Australia a week out from

an election in a game of football and i mean that in the way that you english people see football where the foot and the ball are the only things that's supposed to be in contact crash tackling a child with a shoulder to the head knocking the child down and then weirdly hugging him on the ground hoping that would make everything better as he could see the election disappear like that child's eyes into the back of his skull as the prime minister's shoulder a week out from election crashed into a child at a press gathering it is the most remarkable bit of footage i've seen remarkable enough that the every news network and i checked every news network played it from at least three different angles so we could all see this happening now the child is fine that is okay that is beside

the point maybe it would have been funnier i'm not here to discuss that all i'm saying is it is as bad as an election could go and alice can attest to this all we've heard about this prime minister for years is he is a master campaigner he is a genius of electoral campaigns he might be terrible at governing i will go so far to say he is but he's a master campaigner and i would say if there is one political truth that you should stick to it is where possible do not crash tackle a child in front of the cameras and drive your shoulder into their head. It's a big no-no. Nixon did it and it cost him the election.

Five stars. That's a truly delightful piece of footage. If you haven't seen it, do. Remember, the child is fine. The child is fine and will now be able to dine out forever. And also, due to an obscure piece of Australian law, now gets one free hit at the Prime Minister. Now it's time for your family feud section.

This is the news that a couple in India are suing their son for not giving them a grandchild. Tiff Stevenson, can you unpack this story for me? Yes, a couple are suing their son and his wife for not giving them a grandchild after six years of marriage. Sanjeev and Sadana Prasad, 61 and 57, I like that you've got their ages, say they used up their savings raising their son, paying for his pilot's training, as well as a lavish wedding. And now they're demanding compensation if no grandchild is born within a year. So we used up our savings raising our child

who totally asked to be born and have ridiculous expectations placed upon him. And the son and the wife have not said anything, but it's filed on the grounds of mental harassment. You not having grandkids is mental harassment to us. I mean, I'm pretty sure that, you know, my mum would like to, to file this. Like, I want more, I need more grandkids. So, you know, she only has, she only has two. So she would love, she would love more. It's a bizarre, a bizarre story. They were hoping that they would have a grandchild to play with when they retired.

So basically, it's two old people that got bored and went, Oh, no, no, no. Now it's your job to fix this. Do a crossword. Do a crossword. Do a Sudoku. Find something to fill your time because your kid obviously doesn't want to have kids or maybe he's waiting i don't know how old the son is it doesn't say how old uh he is it just says they've been

married for six years um and the marriage was arranged so that's the story they want 650 000 pound if no grandchild's born i mean their lawyer said it's a dream of every parent to become a grandparent i think it's meant to be the dream of every parent to become a grandparent i think it's meant to be the dream of every parent to be a f***ing parent if you're bringing up your child from its earliest days in terms of its like breeding possibilities it doesn't seem like you necessarily did a good job and no wonder he's withholding his seed yeah i just like as you know alice i've both just had uh investment opportunities sorry children children i keep i keep mixing those things up yeah it's very straight it feels like focus on this one uh i do get the idea though that like that they dropped pilots trading in there as as an extra like just bit of detail is interesting

to me because it says to me look we knew he didn't have a personality you have no idea how hard we've worked for this this was an arranged marriage we tried to make him as interesting as we could and it has not paid off i i understand i sympathize them with them a bit but i also know for the couple themselves it must be so hard to talk to your parents your in-laws and say mom dad we are finishing elsewhere we are coming where we want when we want in the circumstances we want and i will give you as much detail as you want but frankly it is up to you i you can tell me when you stop but i will describe as much as you want about this situation until you decide to drop the charges well the parents are saying that they're paying for they paid for the wedding reception the five-star hotel a luxury car worth eighty thousand

dollars and a honeymoon abroad they are putting their money in the wrong places they're not slipping viagra into their son's food they're not sending the daughter-in-law copies of twilight or other things that women find sexy. Twilight of all the things. I don't know. Fifty Shades of Grey, which is Twilight fan fiction. That's the one. That's the one I was thinking of when I was thinking of things that might turn on a wife. Simply, like all good parents do, don't teach your kids sex ed and let nature take its course.

Yeah. Tell them they can't get pregnant on the full moon or whatever. You know. Yeah, exactly. Isn't that werewolves? Werewolves can't get pregnant on the full moon or whatever you know yeah exactly isn't that well they're wolves can't get pregnant on the full moon because they're wolves my favorite uh here's a story that uh dropped into my mind just then uh sex ed at my school was not a particularly great class in any way it's always whichever pe teacher is free takes you through one class just goes over what they can remember and

you move on but I do remember our class started with the teacher being like all right we are talking about sex today so Josh you don't need to listen to this won't be an issue and then continued on from there I thought what a devastating drive by to drop in a health class to my knowledge he was correct certainly not a mental health class am I right Josh Josh he can't even get his hand up health class, am I right? Josh? Josh? He can't even get his hand up at this point. A nicer person would have changed Josh's name, but his name was Josh and he did cop that.

Now it's time for our murder news. A man has died in, I think, possibly the least sad way ever in the process of burying his murdered girlfriend's body, he had a heart attack and died. James Colley, can you unpack this story for us? Yeah, I would love to tramp some dirt down on this sad old f***er's grave. This guy sucks, Alice. This guy sucks. This is, and I will say this knowing it is harassment,

a bald c*** of a man. He was burying his murdered girlfriend's body at this point which has to be the fastest anyone has lost sympathy for a dying man they found on the ground like their poor neighbors be like oh my god my sweet old neighbor has had a heart attack oh what's what's the oh well enjoy hell prick like i don't think there is much more to this guy i did find uh the detail of the story that did interest me was that tragically uh the people at the morgue whose job it was to bury this man has also suffered a heart attack it's a very rough soil in this part of the country very hard to dig anything i would recommend hiring an industrial digger or if at all possible, don't do a murder because these are just going to be piling up if this is the

case. But to this man who I'm sure is looking up from us now, enjoy hell. Yes. It says that McKinnon, I think that's his name. They believe he may have died of natural causes. And I think it's fair to say karma is a natural cause.

Yeah. but they immediately suspected foul play i hope those last minutes were awful clutching his chest thinking oh i can't even call for help because then they'll all know what i did i also think it would be amazing if like his whole thing is uh she always says i never finish anything, I got the last... It's also weird to hear the words. They were described as 60-year-old man suspected of strangling his 65-year-old girlfriend. It's just weird to hear the words boyfriend and girlfriend with regards to people in their 60s.

And that's not just 60s. That's any age, even now. Like, I just... We've got to find something better, really, for, like, fully grown adults. Can we not... I mean, I don't even know what to say about mine because technically he's my fiance. But that word makes me feel ill.

I don't like saying, I can't say boyfriend. I'm too old to say boyfriend. Partner. I would say, I suspect this man has commitment issues. Right. And at the risk of defaming him, I suspect he has commitment issues. Well, he's dead, in fact. Yeah, in terms of what we should call our partner, spouse,

I call them my fiduciary. Now it's our second part of our murder news section because this is the news that bacteria have learned to play tic-tac-toe. And I know that sounds like a feel-good story, but unfortunately they've trained them to play tic-tac-toe. And I know that sounds like a feel-good story, but unfortunately they've trained them to play tic-tac-toe by punishing wrong moves with a dose of antibiotics. So essentially, if these people get their move wrong, when I say people, I mean bacteria,

if these bacteria get their move wrong, they are murdered and the next ones have to learn to do better. Tiff Stevenson, you've trained someone to play tic-tac-toe in the past. Can you unpack this story for us? Sure. Let's make diseases smarter. That always ends well. I don't know what we're playing at here.

So genetically engineered bacteria have learned to play tic-tac-toe. And its E. coli has been modified to act like electrical components called membristras and they can be set up to act as a simple neural network and trained to play noughts and crosses. We call it noughts and crosses. I think Americans say tic-tac-toe. Anyway, I know there's good bacteria and bad bacteria because good bacteria is called gut flora,

right? E. coli is a bad one. So don't give the bad ones training And guns Don't like train them for war Maybe I can make the good bacteria That's in the sink do the actual washing up Like there could be some benefits Maybe we should teach the good bacteria

We just need to know what's good and what's bad And not help the bad ones along I just I always read stories like this And think this isn't going to end well is it They always talk about bacteria having Antibiot antibiotic resistance at this point you're going to have antibiotic revolution from these bacteria maybe this is the method though they've understood that by making them make the right moves punishing the wrong moves which is it's great it's a great system until the bacteria realize that the ultimate right move is to kill the person punishing them

for making the wrong moves but if they've been taught to play tic-tac-toe well maybe they'll just get distracted and they'll get really into that or what we're trying to do is we know the bacteria is coming whether we do anything or not we're just trying to distract them with a sudoku eventually so maybe they're too busy with that they realize that we produce the sudokus so they better keep us around uh or at the very least make them get a job and then when they're at a job they can play solitaire like the rest of us that's the point when you're starting to goof off don't teach them to goof off at the start you get them with the parents of uh of that kid who's refusing to have children

yeah exactly they'll be doing sudoku the bacteria can do sudoku everyone's happy i don't know why they're teaching them but by punishing them that why don't they reward the bacteria for doing a good job i'm a big believer in positive discipline oh this participation trophy bullshit alice fraser is constantly want to give every bit of bacteria a medal well i'm not standing for it one of the things that always puzzles me is the boomers going on about how our generation are all like the participation trophy generation how we all you know got given all these trophies who was giving us the trophies mate who was giving us the trophies you ruined us also do you know what sucks getting a trophy damn i hate it what a terrible time

whenever i get a trophy i'm like I hate it. What a terrible time. Whenever I get a trophy, I'm like, oh, you've ruined my day. That's all the time we have for this week's news. We're flipping through the ads at the back. James Colley, have you got anything to plug? Yeah, if you like listening to albums performed by celebrities who are not famous as musicians,

you might like the podcast Vanity Project where Bridie Connell and I go through some very poorly made albums. We recently went through Grover Sings the Blues by Sesame Street's Grover. Very ill-advised career move from Grover. Frankly, terrible album, so enjoy that. What terrible things have happened in Grover's life that he can give some oomph to the blues? Do you know what? Here's the thing.

Grover seems super depressed, Alice. There's some stuff going on in Grover's life. Tiff Stevenson, what have you got to plug? I have to plug my preview in London, which is at the Pleasants next Thursday, the 26th of May. Also, I have previews. This is for my Edinburgh Fringe show. I will be at the Edinburgh Fringe, as will Alice. I'm at the Pleasants at 8pm, Pleasants Courtyard. So you can come see

the show or book tickets, book tickets online. Just book some tickets, book some tickets. I like, I like the idea of going up, having people booked tickets. And yeah, so I'm doing a preview and then I've got some previews in July in Birmingham and Leeds and Brighton. So if you want to come out to those, just go check my Twitter at Tiff Stevenson or my Instagram. And there'll be information there. Brilliant. Go along and see Tiff's new show. It's Sexy Brain, isn't it? Sexy Brain.

It's a great name. My show Kronos will be in Edinburgh and also all around the UK in June, July. So look my stuff up on Twitter at Alliterative or Instagram A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E or look me up on Patreon.com slash Alice Fraser. It's a one-stop shop for all of my standout specials, podcasts and blogs, as well as my weekly tea with Alice salons.

I'd like to say a big thank you to our roving reporters, Hungarian Grey Cattle Bre Bela Hahn and Al Smith for the Matsupan ET story, Ali Aim for the sexy bald tribunal story, Miss Otis Mike, Espinos, Craig Humphrey and John McFarlane who all sent in the suing the non-grandparents story, as well as Warren Terra, Mike Espinos and Oliver Padden who sent in the heart attack murderer story

and Mammal of Mystery who sent in the tic-tac-toe bacteria story. If you would like to be a roving reporter for the Gargle podcast, tweet us at HelloGogglers and send us in a story that you think you would like to have in my mouth. I shouldn't have said it that way. I'm Alice Fraser. This is a Bugle podcast and Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter.

Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. And I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.