The Gargle - Penis implant | Litter spies | Misplaced mines

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

Joz Norris and Alexander Bennett join host Alice Fraser for episode 191 of The Gargle - all of the news, and none of the politics.🦅 Penis implant🚯 Litter spies🧑🏻‍🔬 Reproducibility crisis💥 Misplaced mines🐵 ReviewsWritten by Alice Fraser, Joz Norris and Alexander BennettProduced by Ped Hunter and Laura Turner, with executive production from Chris SkinnerWatch on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@BuglePodcastSupport Bugle podcasts here https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateSubscribe to Realms Unknown - a brand-new fantasy, sci-fi and speculative fiction podcast from Alice Fraser and The Bugle! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/news/realms-unknownHOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a podcast from The Bugle. Captain Jonathan Hale stood in the dimly lit study, his broad shoulders tense as though he were bracing for battle. Across from him, Lady Amelia Crawford sat near the hearth, the firelight painting golden hues across her soft features. She looked away from him as he spoke, her wide, intelligent eyes reflecting the flickering light, trying to hide a mixture of hope and trepidation. trying to hide a mixture of hope and trepidation. Amelia. Jonathan began, his deep voice unsteady. I faced cannon fire, crossed seas that threatened to swallow me whole, and stood against enemies who sought to strike me down. Yet here, before you, I find myself utterly defenseless.

He stepped closer, his calloused hand reaching towards her, then dropping to clench itself at his muscled thighs. You are the axis upon which my world spins. Every choice I've made since that dreadful day we met, and I had to capture you and semi-ravish you, while in disguise as a pirate has been shaped by the thought of earning your trust. You are the axis upon which my world spins, every choice I've made since that dreadful day we met, and I had to capture you and semi-ravish you while in disguise as a pirate has been shaped by the thought of earning your trust. Without you I am a shipper drift, rudderless and lost. Amelia's breath caught, but she said nothing.

Behind her, on a modest bookshelf, Jonathan's eyes briefly caught sight of a crimson spine bearing the title, A Passion for Passion. The momentary distraction nearly unraveled his focus, but he pressed on, determined that he could seek it out later and buy it online. He knelt before her, his voice now a whisper. I am not a perfect man, but I will spend every day proving myself worthy of you. All I ask is that you let me try. Tears welled in Amelia's eyes as she reached for his hand.

Jonathan, she murmured, her voice trembling. All I ask is for the gargle. Welcome to the gargle. Sonic Glossy Magazine to the Bugles audio newspaper for Visual World or the news, none of the politics. I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the gargle are Jaws Norris.

Hello. I'm afraid I'm now too invested in the story of Captain Jonathan Hale and Amelia to pay any attention to the rest of the stories we do. I'm fully immersed, I'm in. That's what I call product placement if the product is good. And Alexander Bennett, welcome to the show. Like Jaws, I am too immersed and I now believe that I'm part of that story and that that is my true reality. Which one are you, the captain? No, I'm a sort of first mate, sort of.

Right, right. Or sort of crow's nest. I'm observing from above. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A third party. Absolutely. A voyeur. Yeah, I'm the captain, I don't know. Before we lock in and start perving on the next door neighbours that are this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine.

This week the front cover of the magazine is Melania Trump's hat at the inauguration. Not political, just a hat. And the hysterical cartoon this week is TikTok TikTok drawn as a Christ-like figure returning from the grave after one day of being dead. I don't know if you were on board, but I quite enjoyed watching the spectacle of America speed running the process of farewelling TikToks, Booktokers, Timu Peddlers and Makeup Gurus rushing the lifeboats in the hopes of evacuating to YouTube reels or Instagram reels or Snapchat reels or Facebook reels before TikTok immediately returned from the dead.

For those not up to date with the story, the US government banned and then immediately pardoned and rehabilitated TikTok. Nobody worse off. No one was worse off. No one was suffering, except for the National International Trust and the stability and honesty of the foundational institutions on which the country relies. Everyone happy to see TikTok gone and back in America? I had quite a nice day not having to worry about TikTok. I thought it was quite nice to just be like, oh, that's one less thing to look at. I try not to look at it that much anyway, but a whole day of like, oh, if there's no Americans on it, then why go on? I don't know why I thought that would change anything anyway.

I feel like it just sort of, you know, on one hand, TikTok was sufficiently a threat to their national security being exploited by hostile national enemies that they needed to, I don't know, whatever it was, snatch the money out of the mouths of innocent tween beauty influencers. And then the next day they decided, actually it's fine. It's fine because it's fine.

No further questions, it's fine. I think we should it's fine. No further questions. It's fine. I think we should briefly ban more stuff. I'm not really in favor of banning stuff, but just giving dislike, just ban Instagram for a week and just let people miss it. Yeah. Little holidays from the content. It's like, um, you remember New Coke where they invented some New Coke for a bit because everyone said they preferred Pepsi. But then as soon as they introduced new Coke, everyone was like, oh, I like Coke. And then they brought back old Coke. They should do that with all social media platforms. So everyone's

like, oh, Twitter was good, actually, wasn't it? Let's get back on that. I mean, I think we should. Yeah, like rolling brownouts. If you've ever been in a country that has rolling brownouts, it really makes you appreciate running hot running electricity. Sounds disgusting. A rolling brownout. Sounds horrible. It's like a blackout, but controlled. I see. Oh, I would love that as well. Not only is your social meter off, you can't use anything. You just have to sit in a dark room. Well, apparently blackouts are extremely associated with like little peaks in fertility. Really?

Oh yeah, because yeah, that makes sense actually. Yeah, f***ing was the original TikTok, man. How are the brownouts doing on the fertility? If you roll just right. Which brings us to this week's top story. This is Falconer news. The center cannot hold news now. This is the news that Italian soccer club Latio has fired their club falconer for posting

photos of his penis implant, which is the first that I knew that they had a club falconer, which is the best news I've had all day, only to find that he's immediately been fired. There's TikTok all over again. I thought I had something in that slip from my grasp. Jaws Norris, you like hunting birds. Can you unpack this story for us? I can. So yes, this is the story of the Lazio Football Club's Falcon handler. They have a Falcon that flies over an eagle, I think. They have a massive eagle that flies over the stadium before every game. And the thing I most enjoyed about this story was just trying to work out the stages they went

through before eventually having to dismiss this guy, because it says that they first dismissed him in 2021, when he did a series of fascist salutes at a game, and then shouted, do che do che, which is a slogan that was shouted under Mussolini. And they immediately dismissed him. They said, we can't have that because there are some organizations that will fire you if you do a fascist salute at a public event, which is great that some will do that. So they got rid of him. And then at some point after that, they decided to rehire him. Don't really know why. I don't know what the thinking was there, but they went, oh,

we only did it once. Let's get him, let's get him back in. And then he- They just put out a Craigslist ad for another Falconer and then he's the only one. Yeah, they were like, oh, there's none. He's the only guy. So they got him back, but he then- He was the least. What else could he do? Why else would they have an eagle? I mean, there is nobody who's walking around with an eagle on their forearm, elbow popped out at that right angle, that is thinking, the middle classes.

Yeah, socialism. There's that kid from cares and then everyone else is a fascist. Yeah. So they got him back. And then he posted photos of his prosthetic penis implants online. Just in the muse posing eagles back to back and taking snapshots of them. Originally I thought it was a vase but there's actually two eagles standing back to back. So he rehired him and then he posted photos of his prosthetic penis implant online. And then I sort of imagined that they were like difficult conversations internally about, oh, should we dismiss him again for this? Because we've got a wide audience. There's lots of families that enjoy our club. We probably

shouldn't be hiring somebody who posts explicit stuff online like that. But they were probably waiting to see how it, how it shook out. And then he went on a podcast and talked extensively about how much he loved his prosthetic penis implant, because it made him feel very strong and virile and he said that the other thing that makes him feel strong and virile is being the eagle handler for Lazio Football Club. So I think after that they were like okay our name is now being directly brought into discussion about this penis implant thing he's probably got to go and then my favorite bit is in the same podcast interview he then started talking about how much he admires Mussolini.

So they then sort of went right back to the thing of like, no, we already, we sacked you for this already. So I think they were left with no option, but to be like, he's gotta go. Much like his penis implant, he's double sacked. The thing I felt really sad about with this article is that the eagle's gone as well. The, because of course it's his eagle,

it belongs to him. But I didn't really clock it while I was reading it. And then there was a bit where the head of the football club went, I know we all love it when the eagle flies over, but we're just going to have to do without it for the foreseeable future. And I kind of get it, but I feel like they should ask the eagle who it wants to be associated with. Like who does the eagle want to work for? If they go, do you want to stay with the football club where everyone goes, yeah, when you fly over, or do you want to stay with this fascist who posts pictures of his penis implants on night? And I think, I think the eagle should have a say in it.

I miss it. I didn't know about the eagle. And then I found out about the eagle and I immediately began to miss the eagle. I mean, there's a few things that I find quite confronting. First of all, he stressed that it was not for medical reasons. It's not at all medically necessary. He's really owned it as a thing, which I think is admirable in a way. No, it was just very small. So everyone knows entirely my call. I mean, who needs a penis implant when you've already got an eagle? Yeah. Why, who needs a penis implant when you've already got an eagle?

Yeah. Why do you need a penis implant when you already have an eagle? The penis implant of the skies. Yeah. Alexander? Well, one of the things I liked about the whole saga was he was very insistent that he'd publish the pictures on his own private social media. And I think it really brings up that maybe we should have a debate about what the word private actually means. Because if he's saying, no, no stranger saw my prosthetic penis. It was just my close friend's family, people I used to work with and a guy I sold a fridge to once. It's like, is that private? Also, this guy, he loves Mussolini. He's an eagle handler. He's got a robotic penis. And people say that men don't have hobbies. Okay, this guy's got a

lot going on. Some would say too much going on. But I was also, like Josa, I felt bad for the eagle being removed from this situation. I think sometimes this is what happens when you remove a fascist from the head of any organization, is that people on the lower lines get affected and it breeds resentment and I think they might have to contend with some pretty far-right eagles in the future getting together, maybe with their own robotic penises. It's a new dawn for free speech we here at the Gargler putting facts checking back where it belongs in the hands of the people of the bugle. And damn right, we just spelled the wherein that where it belongs completely wrongly.

We spelled it like the wherein werewolf, which is not like the wherein beware wolf. Sucked in cucks, no one can tell me what to say anymore, except for the advertising department executives for the following goods and services. This is the ad section, because you can't be what you can't buy. And you've tried microdosing mushrooms, you've tried microdosing ketamine, now try microdosing

accountability. Doctors hate it, which must mean it works. With our pharmaceutically contraindicated doses of carefully balanced blame, shame, painful self-awareness and slow-release restitution, you can slowly build your immune system until you can face actual exposure to sorting your shit out. It's like ice baths of harden the fuck up and stop blaming other people for your problem. Micro accountability. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by zero calories, zero effort, zero

limits, zero everything, infinite swagger, half a glass of water. Half a glass of water. Watch me monetize this. And here's our gargle promise to you if you come see me on my official a passion for passion tour in February in Leicester, Bristol, Brighton, Edinburgh, Birmingham or Leeds, I will sell you a badly printed iPhone photo of you and me drinking half a glass of water together. That's that's what I call the moist essence of commerce. Is that a good

ad? Good. I'm gonna buy that. essence of commerce. Is that a good ad? I'm gonna buy that. I'm a simp for my own artistic productions, which brings me to the final ad of this section, which is the launch of a new podcast in the Bugleverse. For those of you who watched this podcast online, you might have noticed that the set behind me has become slightly more has become slightly more book oriented and will soon become increasingly fantasy oriented because we are launching Realms Unknown, which is a sci-fi and fantasy speculative fiction podcast

hosted by me with a small rotating cast of excellent co-hosts. You can download it in your feed right now and we will be bringing out episodes in the next few weeks. So strap your eagles on. This is going to be fun. It's coming now. Information is available on BuglePodcast.com. And in garbage news now, this is the news that New York City is considering employing spy drones to make sure people put their garbage out. Alexander Bennett, you've been a drone before.

Can you unpack this story for us? And still am in many ways. I am so annoyed. Why does every piece of technology that we as a species create, why are they all grasses from the first opportunity? Everything we make wants to dob us in at the first available opportunity.

And I think this is a long history technology wise. I think the reason Charles Babbage never put the difference engine together is that he feared it might rat him out to Ada Lovelace. There's a long history of us being grasped up by technology and the history of technology being about grassing people up. Alan Turing, a hero, yes, but undeniably a grass. And I worry about where it's going to end. You know, you can't even sort of make a biochemical hazard in New York City anymore without, you know, some drone flying above you. And I just

think we're being surveilled, we're being grassed up. What happens? You get to prison, you meet your cellmate, he's a robot. What's your name? Oh, I'm Snitchbot 4000. Oh, brilliant. Okay. And then you spend the rest of the week shuffling a toothbrush, only to find he's got shank proof casing. I'm against it. It's sort of heartbreaking because it feels like it's something that's so close to something that would be wildly useful. If you had a drone that would help you take out your trash. I mean, life is on easy street. But no, no, no, these ones are not helping you take out your trash. They're just snitching on you. If you don't take trash. It's like a personal trainer that gives you no advice just like makes you feel guilty.

Just rocks by when you're eating a sandwich and says drop the carbs fatty. Like that's not a drone that taps at your window and says you need to take the bins out, you need to take the bins out. Like, like the vampires in pet cemetery or whatever I'm thinking of just to sort of eerie sort of noise, just to sort of tap tap, take your bins out, tap tap. I could live with that. But it doesn't actually do it for you. It just says you've got to do it. It's an alarm clock really. You've invented an alarm clock that taps at your window. But it's outside. It's outside. Trying to get in. And it has a life.

It has a life of its own. But it doesn't even tell you to do it. It just tells other people when you haven't done it, which is the worst version of all the world. What I want is like a drone that is optimized for medieval trash disposal units and you just chuck your rubbish out the window and it'll catch it. Yeah, that would be good. That makes sense. It's there to grass you up. All technology is there to grass you up. This guy earlier with the robotic penis, he got dubbed in by his own cock. I mean, men's penises always tell on themselves. I just find it very sad, this story. I was reading about it and I was thinking like,

I'm sure it might not be anybody's dream job to be like a community sort of litter officer, but I actually think it's probably got a lot of civic pride in it. And I was thinking about what would that job be? And it made me think of Postman Pat. I kind of felt like the idea of like walking around New York and then going, that's a lovely clean front step. Well done. And then going up to the next one and going, oh, there's some rubbish here. Make sure you clean up your rubbish. And everyone goes, oh, thank you. Thank you for coming. I think that's adorable. And I think we're trying too hard to just like replace everything with, I imagine Postman Pat if it was all drones. If like Ted was a drone and Mrs. Goggins was a drone and Pat was a drone. And the whole show is

just drones delivering drones to more drones. It wouldn't have lasted for as long as it did. I don't think. I think it's a shame. Jaws, I hate to draw your attention to the fact that of all of those characters, none of them are real. Oh yeah. What?

They already are empty shells that we've projected personalities want to make our lives. No way. No, they're my friends. These are my friends you're talking about. I did notice there's a bit in the article where it says they're also considering using drones for snow ploughing, but drones fly, don't they? That's like the main thing drones do.

So I don't know whether that means that they're thinking about like ploughing the snow while it's in the air, like before it lands, which I actually think would be quite cool. If they could make it so that the snow never falls because it's already steered to where you need it to go. That would be great. Yeah. I just see this being the new leaf blower. Yeah, basically. I've just Googled, does Postman Pat use drones? And he doesn't, but he does have a gyrocopter and a snowmobile. So in a way he was a precursor to where we are now. Now not only Pat, but the gyrocopter and the snowmobile are going to be out of business.

My other thing about this story that I really like is just the names that New Yorkers have for their like kind of petty community crime. There's a bit where it says, this could be useful for boosting quality of life in neighborhoods dealing with scoff-lore dumpers and people who leave ghost cars on the streets. Yeah, that sounds great. There's a great bit where like the local mayor is like, nobody

wants to see a ghost car on their road. And I was like, I do. That sounds incredible. A ghost car? And that brings us to our reviews section. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars. Joss Norris, what have you brought us this week? I have brought in a karaoke experience that I had recently, because I thought that I finally

worked out how to do karaoke right and then it turned out I was slightly wrong. But I went to see Robbie Williams's Monkey movie. I don't know if you've seen it. It's quite good. It doesn't deserve to have lost $102 million in my opinion, but nonetheless it has. I think their problem is that they haven't really served either of their core audiences right, because I think Robbie Williams fans will come, and Robbie Williams is in it all the way through, but he's a monkey, so they'll be like,

I know my Robbie and he's not a monkey, so who's this? But I think monkey fans who go to see the film, although there is a monkey in it all the way through, he doesn't do any monkey stuff. So I think monkey fans would go to the film being like, I hope this guy eats a banana, swings on a vine, but all he does is sing and dance Robbie Williams songs. So monkey fans will also feel let down in that way.

And I think that's why it's flopped as badly as it has. But I loved it. And I came out thinking, I've not really thought about Robbie Williams in about 25 years, but I came out thinking, I don't like him as a person. He seems quite unpleasant. But I love his music. I've forgotten how much I loved his music. And then I listened to an album of his and I was like, all right, his hits. I love his hits. And I never know what to do at karaoke. I always second guess myself and I don't know what people want to hear. And I assume it's Sledgehammer and then I'm wrong.

I'm very wrong about it. So this time I went to a karaoke and I was like, I'm just going to do Robbie all night and I think everyone will love it. Like I'm finally like back in touch with current musical trends. I'm into Robbie again and I think that's what people want to hear. So my plan was I was going to do rock DJ and then let people sing some other stuff for a bit do let me entertain you then let some other people sing for a bit then do angels and then immediately do feel that was my plan. I would I would I would win basically, but I did rock DJ and it got nothing. And afterwards when I came off it, why did you why did you do that? That was so slow. Why did you do that? That was so slow. Rock DJ is not slow. He raps. He's rapping. Me with the floor show, kicking with my torso. It's fast. It's a fast song. But I was confused by that.

Went back, did let me entertain you. Again, everyone was like, that was slow. You got to stop doing these slow songs. So my confidence in Angels was shocked because that's slow. But then I did Angels and everyone lost their minds. They thought it was the best thing they'd ever seen. They were like, that was amazing. I went, but that's the slowest.

What is your malfunction? I got very confused. So I didn't even do feel. I was so confused by the whole experience. I thought, I can't do feel now because I can't get the gauge of this room. So we just all did a chapel run. So I found the whole experience quite confusing. I'd give it two out of five,

but I did enjoy singing angels. Two out of five. Yeah, I feel like that movie may have slightly underestimated how many Robbie Williams fans are Robbie Williams fans because they want to f*** Robbie Williams and they feel weird about wanting to f*** monkey. Yeah, it's quite confronting.

What if he was an animal? Alexander, what have you brought in for us? Well, I have Robbie Williams related, not gossip, I suppose, but the last show I made had an extended thing about Robbie Williams in it and I was previewing that show So the last show I made had an extended thing about Robbie Williams in it. And I was previewing that show. And a woman sort of about my age came up to me after the show and said,

have you ever seen Robbie Williams live at Nebworth? And I said, of course I had, it's a masterpiece. And she said, you know, come on done in live at Nebworth. And I went I do because I was using the song come on done in the show. And what happens in live at Nebworth is that Robbie brings one of his fans on stage to sing it directly to her. But they sort of start groping each other. And it's sort of a bit 90s lad, but you can sort of see that there's sort of a conversation about consent going on. So it's kind of half okay, half not okay. I was like,

yeah, yeah, and I have seen it. And this woman went, well, that's my mum. And then she walked out of the venue. I've never been starstruck before, but I've met the daughter of the woman that Robbie got off with. Was Robbie her dad? Or is that too, too long ago? When was Live at Nebworth? No, no, the dates. The footage is framed sort of chest up, so I can't confirm or deny. We don't know what was going on. We don't know what was going on. Thing to review. I'm reviewing being injured. I've not been injured for ages.

About six months ago, I was in Brussels. And there's a fascinating thing that they like to do in Brussels, which is completely tear up the street to do roadworks on the street and not put any signage anywhere saying that this is happening. Really interesting thing that they do and what happens if you do that is that you trip on a pipe that's just sticking out of the ground and land fully on your face and arm. I was falling over and I knew I was about to hurt myself.

So I sort of did the right thing and the wrong thing, which was I turned into my shoulder, which is the right thing to do, but I also put my arm out to take all of the weight, which is the wrong thing to do. And I immediately knew I'd bruised all the tendons in my arm because I did it when I was like a kid. And surrounded by Cathay's, not a single person even said, are you okay? Or even laughed at me to acknowledge that they'd seen me. They just saw me and let it happen. The deepest cut.

Yes. We find that funny, but we're not even going to give him the laugh of laughing at him. And, and the next day I woke up and my arm was completely stiff and I had to make a sling to get on the plane back to the UK. And I've not been injured for ages. And it's awful. But also sort of quite good when you stop being injured. There's a sense of sort of, I don't know, sort of completion for being able to use your arm again and I'd sort of recommend getting injured. It's like healing. It sounds like you enjoyed the healing more than the injury.

I think you're like healing. It sounds like you enjoyed the healing more than the injury. I think you're reviewing healing. I think that's a fair statement. I think that's entirely fair. And out of five stars, how would you rate? Out of three. Three stars for healing. Three just for the healing. I give five stars for healing.

Yeah, one for injured, five for healing. That's about three. Thank you, Five Cards for Healing. Yeah, one for injured, five for healing. That's about three. repeatedly get back. CBC News brings the story to you live. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most.

Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca. Now it's time for Academia News. And this is the news that apparently taking a culture of learning for the sake of learning and slapping a bunch of KPIs on top of it and trying to have a metric for academic success has led to a reproducibility crisis in science. Jaws Norris, you have a crisis about reproducibility in your art. Can you unpack this story for

us? I can. Oh, well, can I? I found this story quite confusing, because I was reading it and it never really explains what it means. It keeps saying there's a reproducibility crisis in scientific biomedical research at the moment, which I think my understanding of that is that all the research that's been done recently is wrong. And people have tried to repeat it, and then they haven't been able to produce the same results, because it turns out that the research that was handed in the first time was inaccurate because of pressure

to hand in more and more research and quantity over quality. But it doesn't really say how wrong or what sort of inaccuracies have been made. And I'm not a scientist, so I don't know how big a problem this is. Like, is this a thing about like small, like small data sets are off? Or is it the entire like theories have been handed in where then people look

back at it and go, Oh, we, we messed up. And I feel like, if it's the latter, then there really ought to be some kind of filtering process quite early on when they're handing things in where people can go, do you want to go back and check like somebody handed in a thing and it said like, crabs are actually walking forwards, but it's the rest of the world that goes sideways or whatever. You'd think there should be somebody that goes, do you want to be sure about have you checked? Do you want to just really check that? But if it's very granular stuff, I don't

know if it matters, does it? I think it does matter, because there's a pressure for people to get results. And actually most of science should probably just be boring and not, mostly you should do science and be like, oh, well, that didn't work. Yeah, great. Yeah. But because they're going for a grant, they have to say, well, that

worked to prove that this thing and try and get it into journals, because then they get, you know, extra citation points, which means that then the next time they apply for grant money, then they get the grant money. So basically, you're selecting not for good scientists, but for good liars. Right, for people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just feel like it's, I mean, I know this is a non-political podcast, and I don't want to make a point that strays towards anything political. But I do feel like it's a very bad time for them to have come out with the story like, oh, science might be wrong, actually. Like, all the science that we've kind of been collecting for the last 50 years might all be wrong. I feel like they could have sat on that for a bit and been like, I think now is not the moment to announce

that we might have got all this wrong. Let's wait a bit until things are a bit less febrile. And then we'll tell them that we might be wrong about everything. Alexander? My understanding is because reproducibility is about doing the same test again and again and again with the same sort of metrics so that you can because anything that is proved with the scientific method has to be done over and over and over again so it can be established as facts and you can change different data points to have a meaning. It's fundamental to the scientific method, which is our only way of determining what is real and what is not in so far as we can. And I think if we've established that there is only one way of determining what reality is, maybe try and do that properly or well. I think it's quite, quite

important for us to use the one grip we have on what the world is, and to actually go, no, we should concentrate when we do this. And it's this problem of, you know, people having to, because everything's got to keep moving, you've got to publish, you've got to publish. It's the same problem that everything has now. It's content over quality and content over care. And I think that people think that sort of misinformation is going to come from bad actors. I think it's just up with a perfect analogy. I think this is perfect.

If I woke up this morning and then, and there was a non-zero chance of some scorpions being in my pants, and I had a device that placed within my pants would tell me how many scorpions there were in my pants in three minutes. But if I'm under pressure to put my pants on within two minutes rather than the quiet three minutes,

and I just take the data set the device has provided me, I think you would have to question my larger circumstances. And I really do think that is the perfect analogy for what's happened here. I'd just put the pants on, I'd take the risk. You got to live life. And that brings us to our final story of this week's Gugl, which is IKEA news. This is the news that dozens of misplaced Polish anti-tank mines have been recovered

near an IKEA warehouse. Alexander Bennett, you've used an Allen key before. Can you unpack this story for us and put it together in under 45 minutes? Um, this is just one of the many amusing consequences of war. If you have a sort of an armed military and you want them to have stuff that can hurt people and buildings, then sometimes they're going to leave some of it lying around. And it could be anywhere, Ikea is a place, it's near there. This actually happens quite often. If you're ever inclined to read about how many nuclear weapons have

been misplaced or lost. I think the US military has currently got six lost nuclear warheads, which are somewhere, and they don't know where. This actually happens quite a lot. I was once in a car share going to a gig on a big multi-lane motorway in the UK, and we were stuck in a traffic jam. The closer we got to the sort of head of the traffic jam, we realized that people were being sent to drive the wrong way back up the motorway to get onto a slip road that we'd passed. And when we got to the front of the traffic jam,

there were soldiers there. And my friend who was driving went down the window and said, what seems to be the problem? And the soldier sort of with a wry smile said to us, well, a little bit further up the road, there's a truck full of rockets and it's on fire. So we really strongly recommend driving in the opposite direction. So we did. Wow. driving in the opposite direction. Wow. Jaws, have you ever lost anything as important as 240 anti-tank mines near an Ikea?

I lost my notebook once and it was like an old notebook. I'd left it at a gig and it was a notebook that I used very early on when I was starting out comedy and then I left it on a shelf, didn't use it. So I found it years later and it was a gig. And it was a notebook that I used very early on when I was starting out comedy. And then I left it on a shelf, didn't use it. So I found it years later. And it was half empty. So I was like, Oh, finish this up. I'll use it as my as my main notebook for a bit. But the first half of it was full of rubbish, really bad stuff. And I left it at a gig. And then the venue didn't have it. So I thought one of the comedians I think has gone off with my bad notebook. And I felt so sick about it for about a week, I couldn't think about anything else because I was like, they'll read all my

terrible old jokes. Couldn't stop thinking about it. So then I read this story and my just my heart went out to the people, the sort of military personnel involved, they've all claimed they're not guilty. And I can understand why because I think if you if you magnify that feeling to the size of 240 anti-tank mines where you're like, oh, God, I've lost 240 anti-tank mines, I think my notebook sort of pales into insignificance. But on the other hand, I'm so pleased it's been found because you know when you lose something, the other day my girlfriend lost her AirPods and they're like

AirPod Pros, they're like 200 quid or something. So she was very upset about it, very anxious. And you know, when you sort of, you kind of deal with the loss in your head. So then when you find them, you're like, Oh, I've sort of gained 200 pounds, because I thought I was going to have to spend 200 pounds on new AirPods. So now I found them, I've got 200 pounds back. So that feeling of like, wow, I've just gained 240 anti tag lines. Having resigned myself to the loss,

that must have felt great. Like imagine what you could do with that. I mean, that would feel incredible. I think a friend of mine once found the notebook of a fellow comedian on a lineup. And it was just full of like, really aggressive, like, mantras about like, I will win, I will succeed, I will kiss five girls. Hey, that's my notebook. Kouros is like, you are strong and powerful and like all written line after line after line. But we all go into an Ikea thinking we know what we're going to come out with. And then sometimes you just get turned around

in the office section and you leave with 240 anti-tank mines. I do question the military terminology of the anti-tank mine. Is any mine pro anything? Anti-stuff. It's just anti whatever. Tanks are going to hate treading on these. Anti-tank mine versus pro tank mime. A man who pretends he's in a tank and that it's really great. I'd watch that.

And that brings us to the end of this week's episode of The Gargle. I'm flipping through the ad section at the back. Alexander Bennett, have you got anything to plug? I am on tour doing my show Emotional Daredevil in Bristol, Leicester, Cheltenham, all sorts of places. Follow me on social media to find out dates. Follow me on YouTube because I'm out dates. Follow me on YouTube, because I'm gonna put a full show on there soon.

And I have a podcast called Born Yesterday with comedian Andy Barr, which is worth listening to. Excellent, Jaws Norris, have you got anything to plug? Yes, next week on Tuesday, Miranda Holmes and I are curating a show called Egg Box at The Pleasance in Islington, where we're screening new short films and giving live readings to scripts

by amazing comedy writers. Come on down if you like the sound of that. And then after that, I'm starting to take a new solo show to a bunch of festivals. So it's on at the Bill Murray in February, and then it's going to Leicester, Glasgow, Macon with a few places like that. All the dates are on my website.

What date is February? 23rd of February in Leicester. When are you there? You're there as well, right? I'll be there. I'll come and see. Oh, great. 23rd of February and Lester, when are you there? You're there as well, right? I'll be there. I'll come and see. Oh great. Oh thank you. When's your show on? My show? Well, I have a number of shows coming up. Thank you for the, thanks for the feed line. I will be doing a launch party for the Passion for Passion book, which will be on the 5th of February at the Bill Murray, but it is already sold out.

So you will have to buy tickets to my other shows, which are on my website, alicefraser.com, and you'll be able to find them there. They're in Leicester, Leeds, Edinburgh, Birmingham, Bristol, the hippie one with the Rock Beach. What's that one? Brighton? Brighton.

And various other places. Go to AliceFraser.com to find the dates. Go and subscribe now. You're in your podcast feed. I know you are because you're listening to this. Go into a search bar and write in realms unknown Alice Fraser and subscribe to that so that you can get the newest and latest in sci-fi fantasy speculative fiction games movies books and all of the fun of realms unknown availability now subscribe there and it will start coming into your ear holes

as ASAP as possible if you go to patreon.com slash alice Fraser you will find an expression of interest form for my swiss writers retreat which will be in september this year if you go to patreon.com slash Alice Fraser, you will find an expression of interest form for my Swiss Writers Retreat, which will be in September this year. If you want to come to the Swiss mountains and work on the thing that you're working on, whatever creative project you want to get done, come and spend a week in the mountains with me helping you work on it. The expression of interest form is available now and I will be doing that. I think that's all the things I have to plug and I'll see you on the road. Also you can buy my book A Passion for Passion if you want to. This is a Bugle podcast and I was Fraser production, your editor is

Pet Hunter, your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week. Oh hello strangers, friends I haven't met yet, enemies I've not yet engaged in revenge quests against. Let me put down this sword, put this wet dragon away and welcome you in. This is Realms Unknown where science fiction and fantasy collide in the imaginative imaginarium that we call a podcast studio. I'm Alice Fraser, your guide to the galaxy's goblins, dungeons and dystopias we'll be hurling ourselves into in a weekly hero's journey through Realms Unknown into the dark but sensual

heart of all our favourite speculative fictions. But it's not all fun and problematic dwarven games. With you, our trusty band of ruffians and a cast of regular guest questers, we'll navigate the wild realms created by brilliant authors, filmmakers, game designers and more. We will share emerging sub-genres, old passions, tropes, trends and all the big questions like which elves are the sexiest elves? The answer is space elves. Why does this TV adaptation suck?

Why do dystopian city planners always choose quadrants as the subdivision? Why do authors never call coffee coffee even though the drink they're describing is clearly coffee? And why are wizards and Terry Pratchett the only men in hats we'll ever trust? So whether you're a seasoned adventurer or you've never blown a week on a series about orcs who f***, join me for Realms Unknown. New episodes drop every week on your podcast app or on YouTube. Do not resist the call to adventure, chosen one. Join me for Realms Unknown.

to adventure, Chosen One, join me for realms unknown. Pull up a Hume log bench or a hover stool and pour yourself half a crystal goblet full of water. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not.

Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned. The protesters repeatedly get back. CBC News brings the story to you live. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca.