The Gargle - Salmon hats | Bald support | Tradwives

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

Tiff Stevenson and Andrė de Freitas join host Alice Fraser for episode 185 of The Gargle - all of the news, and none of the politics.🐳 Salmon hats👨🏻‍🦲 Bald support🧹 Tradwives ��️ ReviewsWatch on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@BuglePodcastSupport Bugle podcasts here https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateWritten by Alice Fraser, Tiff Stevenson and Andrė de FreitasProduced by Ped Hunter, with executive production from Chris SkinnerHOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a podcast from The Bugle. Cinderella spat out the window. Fairy tale endings weren't her style. Solving crimes was. Knock on her door came heavy and urgent, an errant squire with legs up to here and a sweat-dued brow. Wild-eyed, he handed her a velvet envelope sealed with the royal crest. The prince needs you, quietly. Cinderella raised a brow. The prince? This is a pretty downtown operation to be servicing a pretty uptown boy like that. What's he hiding? A body, the squire said, disappearing into the night. At the palace, she found the Prince Charming, they called him.

If she'd heard of a red flag more flaggy than calling your son charming, she couldn't remember. Some serious TikTok boy mum bullshit. He was leaning against a marble column. So you're the detective, he said, sharp eyes sizing her up. So you're Prince Charming, she drolled, doing a bit of sizing up of her own, breathing vape smoke into the pristine air

of the Palace Hall. Their eyes met hotly, sexy arrogance on his side, sexy suspicion on hers. He might be a prince, he might be charming, but tonight he was just another down-on-his-luck example of The Gargle. Welcome to The Gargle, the Sonic glossy magazine to the Bugles audio newspaper for Visual World.

I'm your host Alice Fraser and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine. Andre DeFrites, welcome. Thank you very much. By the way, I am totally enthralled and enthusiastic with that story. I felt like I was an old school PI listening to that intro.

All PIs are old school, even if they're smoking vapes. And Tiff Stephenson, welcome back. Hi. Yeah, I'm a gum shoe detective. I'm enjoying listening to the story as well. But I got to get the cuffs on this guy. Let's get the bracelets on him, check him downtown. We all just want to be detectives. All women over 40 are secretly

detectives for the amount of true crime they absorb. I find it very odd the amount of people that I've met that fall asleep to true crime. It's soothing for us to do our research on the biggest natural predator that women face. Before we plug into the terrifying research this is this week's top stories. Let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover this week is Daniel Craig relaunching himself in the post bond era as a slightly longer haired Daniel Craig.

The satirical cartoon this week is a bunch of story executives tasked with refurbishing old IP with a modern twist, one of them saying, look, if Die Hard is a Christmas movie, I'm saying Cinderella is 100% a Halloween story. Think about it. Pumpkins, Midnight, My sin disguises footmen. She does a treat, she gets a trick. And that is how satirical cartoon for this week. It's a fashion themed week for us this week and our top story is the news that as all fashion is cyclical so too is orca fashion apparently.

Orcas are wearing salmon as hats, which is not a new fad. This was around in the 80s. Salmon are the mullet of orcas. It's stressful because mullet is also kind of a fish. You're our fish head correspondent. Can you unpack this story for us? Sorry, so salmon is party, business at the front, party at the back.

Is that what you're saying? I think salmon is party at the front, business at the back. The unofficial slogan of the mullet in the 80s. Yeah, apparently it's salmon on the head. Salmon is head gear. Listen, it's Orca Fashion Week. They're having a whale of a time. Are they doing it on purpose?

Grav-a-lax everyone. It's just a salmon hat. There we go. I did all the puns. Putting the O in Omega 3s. It's a sea life catwalk. Listen, there's plenty of marine life that like fashion. We know that dolphins love fishnets, little sluts. They're always getting caught up in those and oysters are into pearls. Apparently the motivation for the Salmon Hat trend remains a mystery. According to a woman called Deborah Giles, who's an orca researcher at the University of Washington,

who said, honestly, your guess is as good as mine. Well, it's not, is it love? Because you're an expert. So I was hoping you would have some kind of insight into the how is my guess as good as yours, Marine biologist? Yeah, it's they're saying the best guess is that there's too much salmon around at the moment. So they're saving it for laters. And they said they've seen mammals, you know, mammal eating killer whales carry large chunks of food under their pectoral fin. And that's kind of like me when I find leftover biscuits in my bra. So it's just like bonus food for later on. You know, you take your bra off and you're like,

oh, biscuits. That's, I didn't know I had a treat for later on. So that's basically what it is. I think they're storing, you know, like squirrels keep nuts in their mouth, not just squirrels. Yep. If they had more pockets in women's clothing, we wouldn't have the scenario

where I keep all of my loose change in my bra and then late at night, I'll pay out like a slot machine. Wow. You're like the shittest stripper. You didn't even get any notes. You just got pennies. Yeah, don't take bills into my underpants. I'll just shell out dollar coins. That's something that would be quite embarrassing if all of a sudden strip clubs just had those little coin machines you've got at the supermarket. Imagine you should show that with you're just dumping your bra on a thing. You'd be like, oh my God, I've made $17.82. Big night for me. But just diving into it like Scrooge McDuck.

This story, by the way, was sent in by Sean Doxey, who is both a regular Gargle guest and one of our roving reporters. So if you would like to send in a story to the gargle, send it to us on bluesky at hello garglers.bluesky.etc. Andre, would you wear a fish as a hat if it were the fashion? Well listen, I don't know. I've got a mullet. So immediately I felt very triggered when you said, you know, by the way, I just want to make it clear to the listener that I'm wearing a mullet, not the fish, the hair, the hairstyle, very influenced by my Australian friends.

And I think the mullet, much like the hat is making a comeback. The mullet is mainstream now. And I think, like you said, this is a perfect example of cyclical fashion. The hat, like the Converse All Stars, the baggy jeans, the salmon hat was due for a return. And I think it's very cool because in the news it said that they were wondering if these were the same whales who first started the news, it said that they were wondering if these were the same whales who first started the trend, were now returning to it, which I think is very brave, because these are older whales, just trying to make a comeback. Now, this is the equivalent of like our parents now

rocking up with like the original Jordans, you know, like imagine, you know, like some 70 year old be like, listen, I found these old school original Jordans. And I think I could get them to go into mainstream fashion. Now I think this is incredibly brave. I, I wonder, what's the human equivalent of an older orca trying to bring back fashion? Would it be something like, do you know those very cool New York style older ladies who've got like, you know, the sort of Anna Wintour kind of glasses, you know, they sort of dictate fashion in a way?

These whales, if they're the same whales who originally started the trend and 40 years later kind of got together and were like, listen guys, I think we could pull this off. We just have to do it together. Well, I mean, there's only one way to tell if these are the same, the same orcas, which is to see if this time around, they're wearing what look like the same fish, but this time they're elasticated fish and they're much more comfortable. Or are they not elasticated? Are they actually constricting? So they're the whale equivalent of Spanx. They need to be like holding in salmon. But also I want to know, Andrei, are you telling these whales

that they should dress age appropriately? Or are you on board with the idea of a whale being able to wear whatever it wants in any time of its life? Listen, I would never dare to whale shame. But I also wonder, could this be that these older whales are using these as toupees? Could it be that the salmon hat is actually, it didn't come from fashion, it came from

necessity because these older whales, you know, their colors just isn't as bright as they used to be. They've lost a little bit of their shine and they're just like, hey, I just want to jazz it up. You know, this is the comb over equivalent of the whale. Or they're like fascinators at weddings. Maybe they're all going to a wedding. They've got all the races.

They've put a fascinator on. Or things are starting to get pretty stinky in the ocean and this is the equivalent of having like a bottle of smelling salts or flowers under your nose because that's where their blowhole is, right? On top of their heads. Maybe it's a sex thing. They're just trying to cover the hole. That's upsetting.

They're like, oh, maybe there's just a group of kinky ass whales who are just like, I just... I refuse to make the smells like fish joke here. This is not going to happen. Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Yeah, that's right. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by the new reality television Christmas sensation, Jingle Bell or Rock, by the people who brought you Duck Duck Goose and Is It

Cake? Jingle Bell Rock, six singles on an island. They're nude, they're afraid and Santa is watching. They're here to play Jingle Bell or Rock. Streaming now on Channel Thing. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by a new crypto startup. This crypto startup is called Doge. It's re-revolutionizing sex. It's disrupting the sex economy. So instead of doggy

style, it's called Doge style. And in it, you dress up as the Prince of Venice and your partner poisons you from behind. And then once a month you get a subscription box of the antidote. That advert's very upsetting. You're welcome. of the antidote. That advert's very upsetting. You're welcome. Wow. Elon Musk has really branched out. How many more side projects can he take on? He's already got government jobs. He just calls them all Doge and X and I think variations on Doge, anyway we can't talk about that because it's become politics. It's very stressful that because it's become politics. It's very stressful that Elon Musk has become political because he was a solid source of

comedy for the gargle, but we can't touch politics anymore. Maybe that's why he did it. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. He just didn't want us to make fun of him on the gargle anymore. Now he's bought America. Bring the bell, Ped. And keep ringing those bells, cause it's Christmas Eve and Uncle Larry is showing off

by taking the world's largest bite of fruitcake. Moments later, he's choking, chaos erupts, Aunt Martha screams, Grandpa panics, and someone shouts for the Heimlich maneuver. But eight-year-old Emma calmly grabs half a glass of water, hands it to Uncle Larry, and watches as one sip saves the day. Christmas Dilemmas, brought to you by half a glass of water, hands it to Uncle Larry and watches as one sip saves the day.

Christmas Dilemmas brought to you by Half a Glass of Water. Half a glass of water. It is always the season. It is not. I don't want to hear about water at Christmas when there's eggnogs and other exciting drinks to have, Alice. Stop bringing big water into ruining Christmas, the corporatization of Christmas. It's not big water, it's just half a glass.

And also dare to dream. Yeah, I mean, why not a full glass? I mean, call me a dreamer, you know. Because you always have something to hope for. Because if you fulfill all your needs, you only see the next mountain. Humans are incapable of being fully content, so give them half a glass of water and give them room for hope. That brings us to our next fashion story, which is the news that there is one nice place

left on the internet. Andre, you've got a mullet, so you're very aware of the hair scape out there. that there is one nice place left on the internet. Andre, you've got a mullet, so you're very aware of the hair scape out there. Can you unpack this story for us? Absolutely. First, as soon as I read about this piece of news, I immediately went to this thread,

and it made me very happy. Just to give some context to the listener, is there's a thread on Reddit that essentially is slash bald and it's just a nice place for men to go when they're balding or are bald and they just support each other. It's so beautiful. Exactly. I think bald men get a bad rep. You know, there's all this idea of, you know, Joe Rogan and toxic masculinity of bald men. But this was just, they're soft boys. They're soft boys. They're soft men. Soft balls. Soft balls. Exactly. Soft balled eggs. They're beautiful. And I think this is where you probably get the best deals to Turkey. These people

are on it. They know the best all inclusive packages. Hold on, aren't you isn't it banned from mentioning hair transplants on there? Yeah, it's it's quite strict the rules of this forum. It's so it's it's astonishing because men get a bad rap, particularly insecure men get a bad rap, particularly insecure men who feel strange about their own bodies get a bad rap in society as being the source of all problems. But here on Reddit, there is one place where it's just men going, I've decided to get the snip and then people saying, you look amazing, bro. Oh, it brings out your eyes.

I don't want them to confuse the, I've decided to get the snip. You can't confuse the bald Reddit and the vasectomy Reddit with each other. Because I think... Oh, vasectomy Reddit, real toxic, man. Real toxic. Yeah, yeah. Just men putting up pictures of their balls and people telling them they're horrifying. Some guy who puts his balls in and they go, it really brings out your eyes. I like this men need a version of the women's toilets. It's nice for men to have a place where they can just go and compliment each other. It's the blue sky of Reddit. I really think it's lovely for men to have a space where they can just go, I'm thinking about

taking the plunge or posting photos and kind of going, is it time and people going, it is time and we support you. And just posting the top of their heads. And I, I think, yeah, I think that's lovely. I think it's nice to have a what one of the one of the quotes was, bro, you look utterly reborn. Bar posting like a baby head coming out of a vagina. Barre posting that hair to his head coming out of a vagina. I don't know. Crowning.

He's posted himself crowning. Bring back medieval beauty standards, I say. In the medieval times, it was considered extremely attractive to be bald. On the premise that you were thinking so hard that your hair burned off from the inside. I think that was the medical logic at the time. But, you know, women were plucking their hairlines back to give themselves that beautiful egg head. And it was considered that you were very smart if you had a bit of a baldness going on.

So I feel like we need to bring back some medieval, like a little bit less of the kind of building up a healthy stink part of the fashion then. And the lumps of wood for teeth, that was around as well. They were like replacing teeth with wood because they thought that it would last longer. I would like, just off the basis of what I've seen in the comments, I feel like I would like to have a bald dude

as my emotional support animal to just travel with me. Just one of these members to just come with me and whenever I'm feeling down, they go, you my man you look utterly reborn you know wouldn't it be nice after a 12-hour flight to just have some someone tell you hey you have never looked better okay she's like okay I'm ready to take on the world could I ask a question to the both of you from your perspective as women? Are bald men attractive? Yeah, there's like tons of attractiveness.

They're not attractive because they're bald, but they're not unattractive because they're bald. Yeah, yeah. I tend to like kind of look at a full package and then, you know, like hair is not an essential part of that. I think the only thing that is unattractive is somebody who is delusional about the thing, whatever the thing is that they have going on. Someone who's just rocking whatever the thing is.

Yes, is it the confidence in which you work? Yeah. Although I will say that there are people who have hairstyles that they rock with a lot of confidence that I totally disagree with. I mean, listen, if you are bald on top and you've got a ponytail, you should not be confident about this. If you own an old rock bar and somehow, you know, you've got just a ponytail that comes out from the sides, but you're all bald on top, you need to go to this forum and you need to take the plunge.

I choose to believe that's not a choice. I choose to believe that's just a parasite that looks like a ponytail to disguise itself and the man is unaware of what's going on. I don't know. Have you seen Love Lies Bleeding, the film with Kristen Stewart and Ed Harris is her dad and he's a bit of a gangster in it and my husband has promised to fully transition into that once it goes here, which is just, it's entirely bald back to about here, then very long, thick grey hair and like big old pedo glasses and quite quite frankly, it's an astonishing look. It's a decision, it's a real decision. And so I think from that perspective,

sometimes I think it's almost like become like retro, because that was around a lot in the 80s, wasn't it? There was a lot of that kind of 80s and 90s of that version. Like a little turtle popping their head out of a sea of hair. Yes, yeah, yeah. And you know, listen, you've got to, you've got to make your mark in the landscape. And if that is the hairdo that's doing it for you, why not? I don't think I've got enough self-confidence in me to be able

to rock that look. I would probably, if I'm honest, wear a salmon hat. I'd say, yeah. I would wear a hat. No one's looking at whether you're thinning if you've got a salmon on your head. Maybe that's- Yeah, exactly. Andre stinks, but his hair looks great.

Exactly. No one's like, look at that bald guy. They're like, look at that guy with a fish on his head. You know, it's the old switcheroo. The old misdirection, you know? I like the fact that on this, though, it's like a place where they go, Wib, it's bald and it's acceptance of that.

Rob, and so therefore they've banned anyone coming on talking about hair transplants. They're like, there's another thread for that. So the people aren't coming on offering advice, going, have you tried this? Have you tried this? Have you tried this? Have you tried this? Have you tried rubbing rosemary paste on your head?

Have you tried going outside at 3 a.m. and moonbathing with some crystals on your, on top of your head? Like, yeah, you have to assume that if they're on R slash bold, they have looked up all the remedies and done what, you know, most insane and intelligent men do, which is ignore the problem as hard as they can until it's irrefutable. Right? Yes. That's right.

Yeah. I, I, when men are like right on that verge of balding, they become, they become like the equivalent of people who are really into astrology. All of a sudden they're like, no, but if the planets align, I feel like my hair might grow back. I feel that if it's a full moon, actually, my follicles look better. Because we're just, I think it's so your hairstyle or your hair is so attached to your identity as a person. Because I think there are people who've got great personalities for bald.

You know, there are people whose personalities actually fit not having hair better, you know, like, could you imagine Joe Rogan if he had hair? It just doesn't make sense. I do think if you don't have hair, it's all the better to see the cigar you're smoking. You know, hair's interfering with the cigar smoking. I feel like if you see a bald man with a cigar, you're like, yeah, that works. Yeah, that makes sense. He doesn't have to wash the stink out of his hair. Exactly.

Joe Rogan is bald. With hair, he's just Joey Tribbiani. You know, it's just like a whole different vibe. Donald Trump isn't going to that podcast if he had hair. I guarantee you. And that brings us to our reviews section. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars.

Tiff Stevenson, what have you brought in for us this week? I'm gonna review of my journal. I have a journal, I carry it around with me. It's like a sort of a plan. It's a five-year planner, because I think I'm Stalin. And in the back of my planner, there's a section marked hopes and dreams. And that is why I can't lose it. I

could lose a joke book and not care, but I cannot have anyone knowing I have hopes and dreams. It is way too exposing. I would literally rather you look directly into my anus than know that about me. So yeah, I've given it a little review and I look through and I've got to, I've got to start writing it like one day it's going to be published. Because obviously when I'm a historical icon, this is, this is going to go out into the masses. And at the moment I'm not, at the moment it contains stuff like I'd like a holiday. And also I felt bad today because I haven't finished my script. And in the gratitude section, it just says cat and supernatural.

And I mean, if anyone finds this tragic tone, like what are we doing? Imagine if my husband finds it, he's like, I didn't even make the gratitude section. What is this? So I'm gonna say two out of five, it needs work. I have a friend that's, I mean, that's an incredible review of the journal.

I have a friend in the comedy scene who discovered one of her fellow acts journals backstage, opened it to see whose it was, and it was full of affirmations, but just line after line of like, you're going to smash today, you're going to sleep with a hundred women, just like kind of on and on and on and on, entire journal filled with these affirmations of how good he was. And then he was looking for the journal backstage and he asked anyone if they'd seen it. And she thought, I can't, I can't confess to this because you'll have to murder me if he knows that I've read it.

I have to pretend I haven't found it because there's no way I'm going to survive if he knows I've seen the glimpse into what is clearly deeply upset. Which by the way, that would be the name of the book, Tiff. The name of the book would be, I'd rather you look at my anus. A Sunday Times bestseller. Jokes of lies, bad taste, disagreeing with my takes, knowing that I have some kind of regulation, absolutely disgusting. No.

That journal that you just described, Alice, is I think such a perfect combination of... Do you guys remember this book called The Game? Yes. It was this... Yes. Neil Strauss. Yeah. A bald man, by the way. I met him.

Who would have thought? Because you have to have a lot of testosterone to write that book. That book's fully written on testosterone. You know, I think he actually jizzed the writing into the book. Are you nagging Neil Strauss? Is that what you're doing, Andre? Well, you know, I'm going to probably get a DM now, be like, hate what you said about me, want to meet up. I just like that journal that you've said

is the perfect combination of the game, but also like someone who's open to new ideas and like journaling and meditation and like putting them both together is just a guy writing affirmation after affirmation. Like his mantra is like, you're going to get laid bro, you're going to get laid bro, you're going to get laid bro. Yeah, you're going to get laid bro unless someone finds this journal.

Andre, what have you brought in for us to review out of five stars? I weirdly, this is crazy, but I weirdly also, it wasn't my planner, but it is a journal. So I got, I've gotten into journaling a few, few years ago and, and I do this thing called the six minute diary. And so essentially is there's three questions when you wake up and there's three questions right before you go to sleep. And the questions when you wake up are like three things for which you're grateful for today. One good, you know, how are you going to make today's day great? And then a positive affirmation. Of course, my positive affirmation is you're going to get laid, bro. You're going to get laid, bro. Just every day.

You want to get laid. And then there's like a sentence that's supposed to kind of inspire you for the day. And then at the end of the day, it says three good things that have happened today. One good thing you've done for somebody else. And what could you have done better? What I could have done better is always, I didn't get laid. So it's start the morning with so much self belief

that I'm like, it's gonna be the day. And then by the night you're like, all right, let's give it another crack tomorrow. And then I write, so it's very hard because you get to a point where you do it on like automatic mode because it's very hard to find three things that are different for which you're grateful for today. So it's like, I'll be right, you know, grateful that I still have my hair, you know, grateful that I'm not in the salmon hat community yet.

Salmon hat community. Yeah. Simon Hat community. It's hashtag Simon Hat community, which I feel like we could start a fashion brand off of this, you know, just as a side note. And then I, and then also like you try to find things it gets, cause I've done this for two years. You got to the point where it's like, I haven't told anybody to f*** off today. That was my good deed. My good deed today to like keep my thoughts to myself. And my review of the journaling, and this is what I would say to people, is the one great thing about doing this journal is that it's made me aware of

being trying to be a nicer person on a very selfish level which is I want to write something good that I've done for somebody else so then I go out of my way to do something good for somebody else not because I want to do something for somebody else but because I want to ultimately feel good about myself and I want to write, look at you, you are such a good boy. You are a nice guy. Look at what you've done. And how many out of five stars? I would say four out of five stars and it would be five out of five if I just got laid

every day. If every day I just got laid, instead I fail. So I would say four out of five stars for self journaling. Self journaling and self improvement, not for your own self, but so that you can feel good about yourself. I think you may have just invented religion. The faster money and data move, the further your business can go to a seamless digital future for Canadians.

Let's go faster forward together. In Life, Interac. And that brings us to our final story of this week's edition of The Gargle. This is the news that as salmon hats are coming back in fashion for the orcas, so too are aprons and submission coming back into fashion for the Ladykins. Tiff Stevenson, I've not seen you in an apron. Can you unpack this story for us? I did wear an apron the other day for the first, like my husband was actually in shock.

I said, he was like, I need photographic proof because I cook to Sunday roast. Cause we have, my husband is the main cook in our house. So we like to subvert all of the gender roles, you know, like I'm the one who farts constantly, you know, luckily he lost his smell during COVID. So it's like we're evolving together. And he complains about it, but I can't hear because I think I'm going deaf. So it's all good.

It works out. By the way, that would be that that would be the follow-up to your first book look at my anus and then I'm the one who farts constantly. Listen all I have to say is women get so uptight about like farting in front of their boyfriends and everything else and like I maybe like in the first couple of weeks of us seeing each other I let one go and then 15 years later we got married that's how long it took the smell to leave but the point is believe in yourself ladies believe in yourself we all have bodily functions apart from trad wives

uh they are just the perfect wives so apparently just before the presidential election there was a a woman called Hannah Bell Frias who posted a photo of small children making cookies in a cozy cottage core kitchen overlooking green fields. I want to live quietly and be content going against the current. This world is changing quickly and I don't care to keep up other than to educate myself and confidently say,

no, I want to live by the word. And the word there is God. And so there's a lot of these women sort of popping up and in this article it says, they call themselves many things, warrior mamas, wild and free homesteaders, Christians, Mormons. I didn't know homesteader was back in parlance. It's a bit manifest destiny, isn't it?

Remember when we just came and stole some land, but look, I'm wearing a pretty prairie dress. Like, I didn't know that was, that was back. I totally understand in a context where like particularly Gen Z is coming up into a world where it looks like, you know, non-trad marriage is two people working incredibly hard, very stressed out, you still have to do the childcare or whatever it is. And the idea of just giving up on all of the progress that feminism has made and just being looked after by a man and hoping that he's the

only one who beats you up is, it seems like, you know, a better gamble than the corporate ladder. There are a few lies in feminism, let's be honest, you know, because there's that have it all kind of thing, and that, you know, we believe that everything can be done according to our timetable, and biology is like, no, babe, I don't think so, you know. And so you can, because you can't, you can make choices where you wait or you do both, but generally you can have,

you only really have it all if you're very rich, and even then you're just paying someone else for the joint privilege of raising the kids that you wanted or Bafflingly when this happens in a lot of these rich conservative Families who espouse trad values is you know, you can't wait to get them sent out to boarding school for institutional bullying So the idea is like family is all but like a lot of these super rich traditional families are just shoving their kids off to someone else anyway. So I do feel there is a bit of a lie in modern feminism that it's possible to have it all and juggle it. And then the only thing that happens there is an incredible amount of guilt from women feeling like they're not achieving all of those things, or able to do them all. And I can see in the modern world with the pace

that everything is at, the idea of a slightly simpler, because people had a taste of it during lockdown, didn't they, of going, oh, here I am. I'm baking my own bread. I'm making banana bread. I've got a mother. I am mother. I am the mother.

I create the bread. I have the mother. I'm here. We're growing vegetables in the mother, I create the bread, I have the mother. I'm here, we're growing vegetables in the garden and it's a kind of slightly post-apocalyptic idea of like restricting the keeping it smaller. Let's retreat from all of the stress and retire to a content farm where we can use our children

to monetize our Instagram stories into the sunset. Andre? I saw my mom growing up, she would work all day and then get home and cook, take care of the children, everything like that. Those are two full-time jobs. I understand 100% someone just going, you know what? I'll just do one of them.

I get that 100%. I read this and I was like, I would like to be a trad wife. I would love this. This is what I want for me. I went on a date with somebody recently and this girl was so impressive. She had three businesses, you know, construction company and a hotel and an interior design. And the more she talked about the businesses she had, I just thought, well, I should probably go buy a mop then. That's going to be me. That's me. I can't compete with that.

What am I going to be like? Am I silly little jokes? I'm a comedian? This is an actual business person. She goes, we're talking. And then she goes, sorry, I just got to take this quick call. And I'm like, oh, sorry.

I was like, oh, do you want something? Should I go get something while you call sweetheart? You want to take it in the study? I would love to be taken care of. Not worry about the bills, not worry about the rent. I think what it means to be a trad wife now means that we can, in today's world, we all can be trad wives. I want to be a trad wife. You're pretty enough, Andre, I believe in you. You're pretty enough to just be looked at like an ornament and adored.

The unfortunate thing is that we can all understand the appeal of wanting somebody to look after us in the modern world. And then what happens is that these young ladies go into a relationship that seems really lovely at the beginning. And then 10 years later, they are out on their ass with zero qualifications and no savings.

But I think being an artist is exactly the same thing. You know, you go in with it with a lot of hopes and dreams and then 10 years later, you're out in the street with no qualifications, you know? But yet here we are. The audience never promised to love us until we died. And that brings us to the end of this week's episode of The Gargle. I'm flubbing through the ad section at the back. Andre have you got anything to plug? Yes I would love to plug my socials and my YouTube as I've got a comedy

special that's going to come out soon. I'm on Andre comedy on Instagram and check that out I'm gonna have a special come out soon. Fantastic. And Tiff Stevenson, what have you got to plug? I also have a special coming out. So if you go to Tiff Stevenson comic, that's my Instagram. I am still on Twitter.

I refuse to call it whatever it's named now. I don't know for how long, because every single post is just like, porn spammed now. But yeah, I'm on there. I've told you to stop following me. If you don't like it, just stop following me. Andre is posting photos of himself wearing nothing but a salmon hat. And a sexy apron and holding a mop.

Exactly. Yeah, so check that out. Also I'm in Edinburgh on the 29th of December doing my show Husband Materials, so at the Monkey Barrel. But if you follow me on the socials, you can get all the info for that. Brilliant. And I'm Alice Fraser. You can find me online at patreon.com slash Alice Fraser.

I am running a creative reboot in the gooch of the year between the 27th of December and the 7th of January, my birthday. It will be 10 days of meetings, lessons, challenges, workshops, whatever you need to get a creative practice going that will have you in a good habit before you start the new year. I don't know about you, maybe you're very busy between Christmas and my birthday,

but for me it's always an aching chasm of regret. So why not use that time well? Come over to patreon.com slash Alice Fraser. There's a form up there now. You can sign up to do the retreat. This is a Bugle podcast and Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner.

I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from the Bugle, including the Bugle, Catharsis, Tiny Revolutions, Top Stories and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.