The Gargle - Sheen | Viagra | Techno

Episode Date: December 10, 2021

Fin Taylor and Tom Neenan join host Alice Fraser for episode 40 of The Gargle - the weekly topical comedy podcast with no politics!🎭 Not-for-profit Sheen🍆 Viagra for dementia📚 Mispranournced ...words 🎶 Spotify AI defence tech🎚 Berlin DJs Unesco status🤑 BTS crypto disputeThis episode was produced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Subscribe to our Ashes Urncast now: http://pod.link/Urncast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. from the vagina of a human woman. Don't ask for details. And like, son of God, not in the wishy-washy, oh, we're all the son of God kind of way. The literal son of God. So you all better know that when we say we're all God's children, it is a lie to make you feel better. Though, spoiler alert, given how he treats his actual son, you're probably better off as the weird stepkid.
Starting point is 00:01:57 It's like how doctor's kids never get a day off school, but way worse. Anyway, hark to this, good tidings. Lo, this is The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the bugle's audio newspaper for a visual world. I am your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition are Finn Taylor and Tom Neenan. Welcome to the show.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Hello, thank you so much. Hello. You've both been on But Not Together, right? That is correct. I've known Finn a long time, and it's an absolute joy to meet in this venue. What an absolute treat for me. Yeah, I actually had it expressly written that I wouldn't appear with Tom, so this is a surprise and a shock. Well, you are going to be our guest editors for this week's edition of The Gargle. We're
Starting point is 00:02:40 going to plunge into the content, but first let's have a look at the front cover. edition of The Goggle. We're going to plunge into the content, but first let's have a look at the front cover. The front cover of this week's edition shows a heavily pregnant Jennifer Lawrence glowing in Gucci with a headline that says, is this any of our business? Experts say no. And China has warned the US that they will pay a price for boycotting the Winter Olympics. The price is not getting to watch The Luge. And the satirical cartoon this week is Tesla CEO Elon Musk saying that Chief Executive Officer is a made-up title and that many corporate titles don't mean anything at the Wall Street Journal's CEO summit
Starting point is 00:03:15 before he went home to his son, whose name I can't pronounce. And let's get into our first section of this week. It is the art section. Michael Sheen, the actor, has turned himself into a not-for-profit actor. Tom, can you unpack this story for us? Yes, gladly. One thing that is nice is that I'm on this scene with people who I know have gone to the Edinburgh Fringe, so have gone one step further than this.
Starting point is 00:03:40 They have gone from being a not-for-profit actor to being a completely for-loss stand comedian so i think if he really wants to put his money where his mouth is that's what he would go for i mean he can afford to give up the money because of all the you know of all the the profits he makes from his cleaning products but um but yeah he's um thank you very much thank you um it was just sitting there and i was like it's got to be said but yeah so he's decided that he's going to give away a lot of money from the stuff he does, which must make his agent's job difficult. Like, trying to negotiate a fee up when everyone knows that that fee is not going to go
Starting point is 00:04:11 to him is quite, I don't know, it's going to be quite difficult. But personally, I think it's just a way that he's trying to make David Tennant look worse. So, you know, everyone likes David Tennant, and Michael Sheen's going, how can I make him look like a money-grabbing arsehole? And I'm thinking, well, well done. That is a way of doing it.
Starting point is 00:04:29 So specifically what he's done is he's funded the Homeless World Cup and then been inspired to do other things. He was involved in the organisation of it and then the funding fell through and he sold his house in America and his house in the UK in order to fund what is being called here a $2 million project. And I don't know if this is just me living in Sydney as a millennial looking at housing prices, but, like, that is not two houses worth. You're lucky if you can get an apartment in Sydney for $1 million. The irony is that he's now eligible to play in the Homeless World Cup. I think it's why he's done it.
Starting point is 00:05:04 I think he's gone gone i want to be a not-for-profit actor because he's trying to save face from the fact that he all he wanted to do was play football for wales and the only way he could do that was sell his houses become homeless just about qualify for the homeless world cup oh imagine being on the bench at the homeless world World Cup. Hey, I bet it's covered though. Yeah, that's true. You get oranges at half time. Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Crazy prices are just the beginning. Come on down to our unmarked warehouse for Mad Matt's Bonanza sale sign. Sale Bonanza. Need a sale sign? We've got it and we want to sell it to you. And for genuinely irrational prices. 20% off our 50% off signs. 50% off our 20% off signs.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Double the regular cost of a 4x3 piece of core flute in what we're calling the first ever reverse sale. $800 for half a glass of water. Prices are slashed. And if you can find something the same for cheaper, tell us about the competition and our crazy warehouse staff will go and burn it down. Sure, you might suspect that the machinery of capitalism keeps suggesting we adapt to climate change rather than stopping it, but I'm here to tell you they're right. Hi, I'm John or some similar
Starting point is 00:06:15 name and I'm here to put the positive spin on the seemingly unstoppable pillaging and corruption of the precious life support system we call everything on earth. That spin is money. Of course we need to technology our way out of the problem we caused with technology. What else is an extreme weather event but an excuse to sell you extreme weather gear and three new couches a year when your first couch gets flooded, the second is burned and the third is eaten by a plague of mice. Hi, I'm a neoliberal and I'm here to tell you about my online course, How to Money and Why
Starting point is 00:06:45 Can't I? But yes, you can find out online and how with me, John, probably, or whatever my name is. It's $800 for what I'm calling an interactive PowerPoint presentation, but isn't. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of'd like to forget. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Your health section now. This is a deep dive into Alzheimer's research. Finn Taylor, you're a scientist of sorts. Can you unpack this story for us? Yeah, that's what it says on my degree, of sorts. MA of sorts.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I only did the first couple of months. Well, what's happened is that doctors have discovered that Viagra, having big old stiff dicks, apparently takes the edge off the old dementia, which is what dirty old men in care homes need, isn't it? Bigger dicks apparently takes the edge off the old dementia which is what sort of dirty old men in care homes need isn't it bigger dicks now i i have some personal investment in this story because my uh lovely dear old grandpa had uh alzheimer's and uh the issue i have with this treatment is that you know my grandfather was always a very skinny man lean sort of beanpole
Starting point is 00:08:44 and then uh towards the end when his alz Alzheimer's had sort of taken over, but what would happen is that he put on loads of weight for the first time in his life because nurses would go, oh, the puddings, treacle sponge, have you had any? He'd go, oh, no, I haven't, I love that. And he'd had three in the last hour. So my issue is that if a man with Alzheimer's looks down and sees an erection he'll go oh look at that and i'm worried they're all going to wank themselves to death what a way to go well just slowly disintegrating yeah exploding out maybe is that the treatment i didn't read the whole article is that what they're saying it's going to happen well, I mean, it does confirm my long-held stereotypical belief
Starting point is 00:09:28 that men keep their brains in their penises, and if you can improve the circulation to one, you can improve the circulation to another. But it doesn't necessarily lead to the best decision-making. Yeah, it was originally designed as a heart drug, so the side effect of boners was, I think, like how post-it notes are from weak glue have you heard that story is that true or just something i heard it was someone was trying to make good glue and they made shit
Starting point is 00:09:52 glue and then they turned that lemons into lemonade and just had post-it notes oh so viagra was meant for your heart yeah and then the side effect was it gave you a boner and then they started selling yes so it's your circulation system does that mean that it's that some people who don't have a heart problem take the acro and then their heart exposed so basically um if yes uh but basically you think of the saying sorry i'm an ma of sorts i don't know if i made that like it's like the saying with the dogs cold nose warm heart so how to post it to come into this by the way because ironically i do write memos to myself on the erect penises of old men. But that, I feel like you wouldn't have known that. It's like balloon writing. Have you ever done that?
Starting point is 00:10:32 Where you write small on it. Yeah, sure. Makes you feel very dexterous. You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? Will there be sort of a sexual version of that going on? I'll tell you what, I'm not going to elaborate. That's all I'm going to say on that. I'll let you fill in
Starting point is 00:10:48 the rest of the blanks. I mean, if I get into a room and forget why I went in, the answer is always I came here to f***. It's never the wrong answer, is it? No. I mean, like,
Starting point is 00:10:59 it's going to be right like a third of the time, so just go for it, I reckon. Yeah. Like a stopped clock. Yeah. Aren't old people's homes already rampant hotbeds of syphilis and gonorrhea how old are these people syphilis we cure syphilis like 400 years ago no it's having a resurgence because people don't use condoms among the youth oh no it's a cool new up-and-coming disease it's like
Starting point is 00:11:26 a it's like vinyl right I see it's an artisan STI nice no this tick-tock super gonorrhea I'm going that's all the time we have for our health section because now it is time for your reviews as you know every week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars uh let's start with tom neenan what have you brought us into review today i'm here to review cold pizza which i'm i'm devouring as i speak right now it must be strange for pizza chefs to know that the the apex of the food that they're cooking won't be reached until at least 24 hours after they're finished and i don't think there's many people who believe that so so yeah so I am at the minute I've got mine
Starting point is 00:12:08 from um from yard sale I don't know if I'm allowed to say that but uh but that's what I've gone for for this cold pizza I mean given that that brand name doesn't exist in Australia and what it is is an actual yard sale it just sounds like fair enough i mean that is a very cold pizza yeah this is a pizza that's been in an attic for like for four years and i am i'm very much enjoying it at the minute i'm gonna give it three stars nothing beats the first bite so basically you start at five and then it goes down to one basically as you feel sad and depressed yourself but right now i'm halfway through so i'm gonna give cold Pizza two and a half stars. Thank you. Thank you, Tom.
Starting point is 00:12:46 And Finn, what have you brought in for us? Well, as I mentioned earlier, before we start recording, I'm a new dad, and so I decided that I would review the other babies in my NCT WhatsApp group. I've never met any of these people because all the NCT class was over Zoom, so I feel absolutely nothing in judging them objectively. Iona, beautiful smile,
Starting point is 00:13:06 too much hair, six. Dylan, big chubby cheeks and a haunting thousand yard stare, seven. Albert, lovely smiley baby, but his mother consistently chips in with content unrelated to the child, minus five.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Leo and Donny, twins who are already laughing at each other sounds unbearably cute 10 deirdre an angel with a disgusting name one colin c above and emma wrigley babbling a blessing from god but i'm 90 certain her parents voted leave for now it's time for our language section where the language learning app Babbel has commissioned research to discover which topical and trending words we've had the most trouble pronouncing over the last 12 months. So let's yassify this story if we can. Finn Taylor, do you know how to pronounce words? Yeah, I thought so. I mean, I thought, because it's the last 12 months, that the words we'd be struggling to pronounce
Starting point is 00:14:06 would be epidemiological in nature or, you know, B11347 or something. But no, it's Dogecoin and Chugi and Kareem. I'll be honest, I'm learning a lot of these words as I read them now.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I'm not in Gen Z. I'm more on the syphilis end of the UTI spectrum than I am the super gonorrhoea. Well, I'm also a big believer in common usage. If it's a neologism, how it's pronounced is how people pronounce it, right? Didn't we go through this with the jif-gif argument? Or argument, if you prefer. I might as well be reading Japanese. I've got no idea what people
Starting point is 00:14:46 are saying. Talgona, a Korean treat made with sugar and baking soda. Right, yeah. Well, you see, have you seen Squid Game? I have seen Squid Game. I don't remember that. I remember the... It's the thing that they lick. People being shot for getting hopscotch wrong. That's what I remember. My big takeaway wasn't the snack they were
Starting point is 00:15:01 eating. Well, if you do pronounce Talgona wrong, you will get shot in the head. That is the risk that you run with that. That's one of the games. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you said Babel. I thought it was Babel. So there you go. I've already started. I'm already at a loss with pronouncing things wrong.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Well, there is a language learning app called Babel, and there's another one called Babel. I feel like the world is working against me there, I'll be honest. Use the fact that you don't know how to pronounce Dogecoin as a way of identifying good people, is what I'd suggest, because I think the only person who says it correctly
Starting point is 00:15:31 is Elon Musk. And, you know, keep well clear. I'm quite excited because there was reference to... Now, I've got to be careful. Is it Nusret, which is a salt-based restaurant that people have been pronouncing wrong? Yes. And he deserves that.
Starting point is 00:15:45 He's a man whose entire personality revolves around a condiment. He pronounces steak wrong if by pronounce you mean makes. And then he very sort of overly flamboyantly displays it which is just needlessly annoying, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, he doesn't know how to sprinkle either.
Starting point is 00:16:02 No, no, no, no. All goes down the forearm, doesn't it? Yeah, ridiculous. If I'm a soul, but when he's making hundreds of thousands for cupcakes, it's an absolute nightmare. Oh, with Tabasco, don't even get me started.
Starting point is 00:16:16 It just seems unhygienic, the salt bae thing. Yeah, you'd hope that if you're paying, what is it, like 30 quid for a Coke, that it would be the best there is. But the trouble is, I i've learned is that there's sort of an upper limit on how good a coke is and that's from a glass bottle on a hot day that's that's the best it's going to get the cost of coke is inversely proportionate to how much the coke costs like if you think about the most expensive coke it's the one at the movie cinema which is watery and bubble free whereas the best coke you will ever get is one in a third world country which uses
Starting point is 00:16:46 real sugar and costs like two and a half cents Oh yeah that's true isn't it? There's a special is it Brazilian coke or something? That's meant to be amazing I've never had it. I think it's Colombian Tom Oh See I've ordered that. That was very expensive. Yeah That's the trick though. Bloody hell on a hot day
Starting point is 00:17:01 Oh blimey I've waited for four days. Yes, please. If Viagra is good for dementia, does that mean that coke is bad for it? Cocaine? Seeing as it's sort of the opposite of Viagra. Interesting. Just a callback. Callback to the human circulatory system.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I don't want to scroll back through the magazine, but it's just struck me. What is the heart, but the callback of blood? That is all the time we have for the language section because now it is time for your pop-out section, the tips on how to pretend it isn't Christmas yet section, which is, dear f***ing God, I can't believe it's December already and I want to pretend that it isn't Christmas. So if you also want to pretend with me that it isn't yet Christmas,
Starting point is 00:17:43 follow these tips. Tip number one, no matter what anyone tells you, no matter the temptation, even if the demand is accompanied by bells, do not hark, especially not at good tidings. Number two, try keeping your headphones on in public spaces. Once you've harked at something, it's all over. You might as well put on some green stockings and volunteer as an elf at the local Westfield shopping centre. Tip number three, what do shepherds know about anything really? Like, would you get your vaccine misinformation from a shepherd on Facebook? I think not. Which brings me to another quibble I have with the Bible, which is its lack of media literacy.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Who are we citing as an authority in the Bible? A burning bush? Why is that more convincing than anything else? No one's going, going oh that's nonsense oh a burning bush told you I don't get the burning bush thing I don't know are you really I just I guess it was the desert it was either a burning bush or a burning rock those were your options to be honest I would believe the rock more my point is shepherds and also what do shepherds dress up as at Christmas is it children because fair's fair tip number number four, is everything in the pear tree? Like is everything in the song in the pear tree? Is it cumulative or subsequent?
Starting point is 00:18:50 Are the lords a leaping in the pear tree along with the other? This is why we need the Oxford comma, which is to say tip six is be pedantic about the specific and rational meaning of Christmas song lyrics. Drive that shit into the ground like a man on a roof in a sleigh strapped to some actual real life actual reindeer. And tip number number six tell your family you're doing a no consumption christmas which is good for the environment so instead of gifts you just all give vouchers promising to do nice things for each other and tip 6b don't then do those things tell you something that blew my mind recently is i never realized in the 12 Days of Christmas that obviously the singer is the recipient
Starting point is 00:19:25 of all of the gifts. For some reason in my head I've always got this singer as the giver of the gifts, not the recipient so it's actually someone talking about this hell they're living in with all of this stuff as opposed to someone like suggesting gifts, which gives it a real dark edge. See I always thought it was
Starting point is 00:19:41 sort of a flex, just a hey look at all this great stuff I've gotten. always thought it was sort of a flex, just a, hey, look at all this great stuff I've gotten. I thought it was an impartial observer being like, what the f*** is going on over there?
Starting point is 00:19:55 Oh, God. That's an absolute, lots of DPD vans are pulling up outside this person's house and it's just getting more and more chaotic. Yeah, no, it's just a
Starting point is 00:20:02 guy at the back of the Secret Santa being like, bloody hell, Colin's really overshot. He's really gone in too hard for an office get round. I've got a 2022 diary. Well,
Starting point is 00:20:14 it's also my true love. My true love gave to me. Like, this is a very burdensome courtship, I feel. Get to know the person. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:20:23 it's a bit sort of me too, isn't it, actually? It's a bit like, do you know what, can you stop giving me this? I'm not asked for know the person. Yeah, it's a bit sort of Me Too, isn't it, actually? It's a bit like, do you know what? Can you stop giving me this? I'm not asked for any of it. Yeah, and it's the same character who sings Baby It's Cold Outside. Do you know how problematic they are?
Starting point is 00:20:36 We have a music section now, and this is the news that the Spotify CEO has spent 100 million euros on AI defence technology. Tom Neenan, you're a scientist of sorts. Can you explain this story? Basically, there's a lot of money that's been spent from the person at Spotify whose name is... He's got an odd name. I'm going to try and remember what it is.
Starting point is 00:20:58 Daniel Ek. Daniel Ek. I'm sorry if that's offensive. It was odd to me. I think it ends too soon. You're getting into the name, you're settling into it, and then suddenly you're whipped out of it again. It's like, OK, Daniel Ek, that's offensive. It was odd to me. I think it ends too soon. You're getting into the name, you're settling into it and then suddenly you're whipped out of it again. It's like, okay, Daniel Ek, that's done.
Starting point is 00:21:10 He spent money on this thing which is like AI apparently to assess battlefields to be used in military combat. From what I understand, this tech assesses battlefields in the same way that your Spotify shuffle accurately assesses your seasonal depression.
Starting point is 00:21:29 It's a lot of Adele, a lot of that kind of thing you're like okay yeah things have been really rough but what's happened is that a lot of artists have actually taken against this because you know they're the musicians and musicians and war don't go together except obviously Carl Douglas uh who celebrated the fact famously that everybody was kung fu fighting uh he's the one he's sort of stood out against this but everyone else is very much well Carl Douglas, who celebrated the fact, famously, that everybody was kung fu fighting. He's sort of stood out against this, but everyone else is very much... Well, and the Venga boys. The Venga boys as well. People don't know that the Venga bus
Starting point is 00:21:53 is short for the Vengeance bus, and it's coming for you. The Venga boys are coming is quite a sinister walk-on. Yeah. The Venga boys are coming. Hide the women and children that's the rest of the song they're just trying to treat their oncoming alzheimer's it's fine and also isn't the company that he's been vested in called helsing ai yes i mean you have
Starting point is 00:22:15 to sort of ask yourself was evil omnitech taken because that is a terrifying company name under anyone they're not pretending to be nice they're not calling themselves like green pastures this is just an overtly terrifying sounding company if it's a kind of partnership between the military and spotify i'd like that because the thing i've always wanted in the british army is at the end of the year they do an army unwrapped and it's the uh you know the amount of war crimes they've committed the amount of civilian casualties drones you know i'd like that in a kind of digestible email form at the end just see what i've got for my tax dollar this is the thing this is the almost universally negatively received piece of news 95 percent of tweets about the news were negative in response um because people don't like the idea that their
Starting point is 00:23:04 money that they're paying to spotify to get music is going into into arms stealing it kind about the news were negative in response because people don't like the idea that their money that they're paying to Spotify to get music is going into arms stealing. It kind of makes Adele having beef with them because they sometimes put albums on Straffle seem sort of slightly small fry now, doesn't it? It's like, oh, you're annoyed that people can't listen to your album in order and everyone else is sort of angry
Starting point is 00:23:21 about the fact that you're funding the mechanism of all wars. Kind of puts it in perspective, I guess. What about, what happened to was it Jay-Z who had his own streaming service? Yeah. Is he now tooling up? Is he now feeling like he's got to go to Christ? Are we going to have the streaming wars? Is that what's going to happen next? Yes, please. Yeah. That's what's going to be happening in the care homes.
Starting point is 00:23:41 We have more music stories. Berlin's techno DJs. So this is, I think, a theme of the music stories for this week's music section is music things oozing their way into non-music areas because Berlin's techno DJs have applied for UNESCO heritage status. So, Finn, you look like someone who's danced at a Berlin techno nightclub. Well, I have, actually.
Starting point is 00:24:05 Do you feel like this is worthy of preservation? One of my good friends lives in Berlin, and when we go to visit him, sometimes we go to one of the places mentioned in this article, Berghain. Now, the only rule in Berghain is that you can't take a camera in and take any photos. That's the only rule. They have some sex rooms, like quite dark kind of German stuff going on in there. And it makes me laugh the idea that this is suddenly going to turn into a National Trust property
Starting point is 00:24:32 with a little velvet rope around the fisting area. You know, I can't... People sitting in a cafe, you know, listening to the little audio tour guides while, you know, men are f***ing hanging up in gimp suits. Yeah, don't do anything tantric or they'll put a plaque on you. Exactly. Stay still, there's a blue plaque nailed to your dick.
Starting point is 00:24:52 It's a good night out, but I don't know if we need to verify it in that way. Yes, they want to memorialise it as intangible cultural heritage which will allow them to get grants from the state to support clubs and give them lower taxes, as well as affecting building and trading laws
Starting point is 00:25:11 so that they can't be built out by more profitable ventures. But I don't know. I don't know about... I mean, techno clubs and sex clubs clearly have some crossover in the Berlin nightclub scene. It's a hotbed of filth, and they should be shut down, if anything. I have a friend
Starting point is 00:25:26 who's sort of into the into the sex scene you know like sex party scene and the way that they talk about it sounds like a lot of like Excel spreadsheets.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Really? What is that because they always end up in cells? No. No. It's like there's a lot of admin about consent beforehand. Fair enough.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Who's wearing what and what brand of lube and is anyone allergic to it? Surely you're getting into the sex scene to get away from admin, isn't it? You go, my life is so dry, it's just spreadsheets. I want to go to a padded cell and f*** everyone. Isn't that what it's all about?
Starting point is 00:25:59 And then you're faced with more admin. You go, oh, God's sake, this is charade. I mean, the problem is that I think the reason they're having to apply for UNESCO protected cultural status is because you can't put your hands in the air like you just don't care because of COVID you have to wash your hands for at least a minute before you put your hands in the air
Starting point is 00:26:16 and that implies a level of care that sort of undermines the whole spirit of the project. We all care too much We all care too much. But to give you a context about my frame of reference for clubbing i've written the phrase hey boy hey girl superstar dj unesco that is the sort of that is my the frame of reference for the music i mean the last time i went into a nightclub i was wearing a backless top and a gentleman who I did not know ran his thumb across my shoulder and then licked his thumb and I left.
Starting point is 00:26:47 It was like the creepiest. Oh my goodness. He was just trying to see where the wind was blowing. That's chilling. Yeah, I think the most upsetting thing about it was it didn't feel personal. It could have been any back. Anybody, oh that is
Starting point is 00:27:03 yeah, we can get that in a care home. We probably would now. That's the terrifying thing. Well, you'd feel them coming because you'd get the tip of their dick first, wouldn't you? Early warning system. That's all the time we have for our music section
Starting point is 00:27:18 because now it's time for our money section. And this combines so many of my interests or the interests that i wish i had but don't um which is a crypto bts scandal uh tom neenan you're a massive fan of k-pop can you unpack this story for us i'm scared to last time i was on the garg it was lovely i had a lovely time i happened to mention in passing that maybe the millennium Bug wasn't the big disaster everyone thought it would be. And you know what? People online have been very forward in coming forward
Starting point is 00:27:51 and saying, actually, a lot of people worked very hard to make sure the Millennium Bug didn't happen. So I want to say now, I'm very sorry. But now all I know is that Twitter is alight with people who, whenever BTS are mentioned, are very keen to say how much they like BTS and how much they do not like people criticizing in any way BTS. One of the things that happened when you mentioned about the Millennium Bug and that it wasn't all it cracked was cracked
Starting point is 00:28:15 up to be it was that people came after me for allowing misinformation or for propounding misinformation I was like you know I don't write the script of my guests. Yes yeah yeah we are the editors that's been established so it was like a war of pedantry they're like you were wrong about the millennium bug and i was like it wasn't me yeah yeah so listen i'm saving you i'm saving you here by saying i am going to tiptoe around the subject of bts who i i'm sorry to say i don't think i've ever heard a song by bts i'm not saying they're bad internet please please don't hate me all i'll say on this is that basically what's happened is someone
Starting point is 00:28:47 has got a form of currency that they've based around BTS, from what I understand, not with BTS's permission, which is important. And that now there is a legal case to stop this BTS coin from being used. Personally, I think the only person who should be properly agreed by this is the Queen, because
Starting point is 00:29:03 for ages, she had dominion over being on coins, and now anything can be a coin. It was her and lions, basically, could be on coins. And now it can be bits and dogs and BTS as well. So I think, let's get back to basics, coins are now just a picture of someone's head who's probably dead by now. That's my way of skirting around this anyway. Let's not speculate on the Queen's health. Oh God, there wasn't a comment on the Queen's health dead by now that's that that's my way of skirting around this anyway let's not speculate on the queen's health oh god there wasn't a comment on the uh on the queen's
Starting point is 00:29:28 health by the way oh no it's happened again oh i'm not i'm sure she's very basically i'm saying but you know like how you look at coins and they have roman emperors on them and stuff like that then that's what we should be doing the queen god god save the queen that is my uncontroversial opinion on the queen truest thing you've said all recording, Tom. Thank you. So what's happened is that the regulator in Singapore has suspended a crypto exchange called BitGet, which had been promoting this digital currency,
Starting point is 00:29:55 a made-up currency known as ArmyCoin, which was named after the South Korean boy band. And the whole premise of this ArmyCoin is that it's sort of saving for the retirement of bts members uh the whole point of the coin is to is to provide lifetime financial support to the members of bts as though being the most popular band in the entire world what is it of a retirement plan is it the most popular band in the world? Yeah. Yeah, they spoke at the UN. What? How do I not know?
Starting point is 00:30:27 I mean, I know I'm out of the loop, but... South Korea, the cultural footprint of South Korea has gone through the roof. What with people, like you say, killing people for hopscotch and BTS and, you know,
Starting point is 00:30:38 Parasite winning all the Oscars. They are absolutely nailing it. And people realising that kimchi is really good probiotics. Yeah. I tell you what, though, it is interesting that they're saving for their um their retirement because i genuinely don't you could tell me that the members of bts get paid like the equivalent of about sort of 30 quid a week or something or you could tell me that they're multi-billionaires
Starting point is 00:30:58 and i believe both of them because i have no idea how the economy works for sort of the popularity of bts like i get the thing they're very well drilled and they are they are very well looked after let me just say that i tell you it's well drilled yes people in the north is that where they started out those parades yeah probably marching next to huge missiles fair play come for me Fair play. Come for me, fans. We're pulling a ripcord on this section. Come for me. Come for me.
Starting point is 00:31:28 I like driving internet traffic. It's good for my algorithm. Come for me. Truly, the Piers Morgan of the Gaggle. That's all the time we have for our show this week. We're going into the ad section at the end, flipping through the ads. Have you got anything to plug, Finn? Yeah, I've set up a cryptocurrency for a North Korean band. It's called Bomb Coin. No, I
Starting point is 00:31:54 just filmed a special and it's probably going to be coming out on my YouTube channel. So subscribe to my YouTube channel. Excellent. Go check out Finn Taylor's YouTube channel. Tom Neenan, have you got anything to plug? I've just filmed a normal, which is... I haven't. But I always like the idea that a comedian would release a normal, which is like some pretty shonky stand-up that they're sort of a bit happy with, but not really.
Starting point is 00:32:17 No, follow me on Twitter, at T Neenan, you know, and complain to me when I sort of disparage scientists from the turn of the century, because that's... I always like hearing from you thank you so much for coming I'm Alice Fraser I'm your host you will have just missed me doing a stand-up hour called generation that's gonna be happening on Thursday the 9th of December and what made me agree to do a brand new show six weeks after having a baby I don't, but that will have been extremely special. If you want to see it or any footage from it, sign up to my Patreon, patreon.com slash Alice Fraser.
Starting point is 00:32:51 It's one-stop shop for all of my stand-up special podcasts and blogs. You are listening to The Gargle. It's a co-production between The Bugle and Alice Fraser. Our executive producer is Chris Skinner. Your magnificent editor is Ped Hunter. I'm going to see you next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including
Starting point is 00:33:07 The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle wherever you find your podcasts.

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