The Gargle - Sunken cars | Whale poo | Meth onions

Episode Date: March 11, 2022

Alison Spittle and Laura Davis join host Alice Fraser on episode 52 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!🚘 Luxury cars sink off the Azores🐳 Fake whale poo to revive oceans🧅 Meth disguised as onions🥽 Workplace VR wank pods🙉 Loud sex complaints📦 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.

Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. Ladies and ladies, on this, the week of International Women's Day, we will celebrate what it is that we love about being a woman. I, for one, most enjoy the crisp, fresh smell of an apple during the autumn harvest. The scent of the fear of my enemies crawling from beneath their skin as we stand together in the battle ring ready to fight to the death as a woman I thrill to the beat of the drum solo in Toto's Africa as do we all

on this the week containing International Women's Day we celebrate the most ancient feminine darkness bringing life and destruction and its most primal form girl power the inherent toxic power of teenage girls to destroy the very spirits of their enemies. Also on this, the week of International Women's Day, I would like to inform you that I wrote both the preceding and the following jokes while breastfeeding my infant daughter, who contains within her tiny ovaries the eggs that will be my grandchildren. Depending on how you feel about that, this is The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for Visual World. I'm your host, Alice Fraser.

Your guest editors for this week are Laura Davis. Welcome. Hello. Thanks for having me. It's my pleasure. And Alison Spittel. Hello, hello, hello. It's me back here again, ready to kick stuff. That is literally not the thing we hire you for. Okay, I'll take my boots off. It's fine. Very hard to convey on a podcast. Yeah. Well, we'll plunge together into the body of the magazine, but first let's have a look at the front cover. The front cover this week is a picture of the Endurance, the lost vessel of Antarctic explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton,

found at the weekend at the bottom of the Weddell Sea in the Antarctic. Typically for an International Women's Week front cover, there's a headline saying putting the she into ship. Also in the magazine this week, a sex pullout section including a guide to optimising your dick pic, including tips for lighting, props and how best to convey your personality frenulum first. The satirical cartoon this week is a picture of America in the form of that recruitment poster of uncle sam pointing towards a gaggle of flirtatiously giggling non-russian oil producing

nations in short skirts for example iran and venezuela the speech bubble reads uncle sam needs you also he has a massive boner also the oil producing nature of the flirty nations is represented in the cartoon by depicting them leaking. Don't ask from where. And now into our SpongeBob motoring news. This is exciting news coming out of the Azores. Is that how it's pronounced? I think that's one of those words that I've only ever seen written down before. I want to read it as Azores.

Alison Spittel, tie-break us for this. Let's go Azores. Well, for now they're the eyesores island because a ship carrying luxury cars has sunk after burning for weeks. Laura Davis, you've seen things burning for weeks. Can you unpack this story for us? I don't know. The fact that this ship has been on fire for weeks, I haven't known about this because so much else is on fire i think is the context that we're forgetting about that in the grand context of everything being on fire it's a very small part of a world that is you know doomed to burn any second now but apparently it's from the

uh lithium iron batteries from all the priuses on board. So environmentally friendly. They burn for weeks. What kind of weirded me out about it was that the ship's name was the Felicity Ace, which I think is really representing for International Women's Week that we're having here, that a ship named after a woman can really damage the environment. We're girlbossing it in regards to destroying our resources and everything like that.

I mean, there's so much about this story that's wrong. First of all, that it's taken so long to go down as a disaster for something that carries so many fast cars. I mean, in the article, let's start at the beginning. In the article, they call it an abandoned ship. And it's not been abandoned and then caught fire. It's been burning for two weeks. If it weren't abandoned by now. Yeah, it's like your friend is with a man that like, it's not great to her. And you're like, leave him already. He's on fire. You're in the middle

of the sea. You can't fix him. Yeah. The violinist left a long time ago. The timestamps are all off. The tense is all off in the way that they're describing this. It's described as an abandoned ship carrying an estimated $401 million worth of cars, including Porsche, Audi, Bentley, and Lamborghini models. But if it's abandoned, it's been on fire for two weeks those are not

estimated at 401 million dollars in value now they've been on fire for two weeks well yeah the scrap value is gonna even gonna be bad and you have to get it out of the sea yeah yeah i mean i have to say like the seabed it must look like elon musk's aquarium just a load of like burning teslas like i feel like he would have that in his mansion like a a large fish tank with loads of burning cars in it yes the insurance experts uh have uh were are working to replace every car quote unquote affected by this incident and again why use a euphemism when on fire for two weeks is right there? It's very hard to think of the cars that have been affected. My heart really goes out to the cars.

But imagine if there's like one car that, you know, it's just maybe a bit of smoke damage. I think I would buy that car for whatever price you have because it feels like the luckiest car ever. Yeah, that is the luckiest car ever yeah that is the luckiest car i mean the big fear in this article is that authorities fear that the ship could quote pollute the ocean yeah it's already done the air yep and you know arguably the economy but i don't know i think they're worried about the the oil because the cars have

petrol and and there's oil in the ship and they're just going to plunk it down onto the seabed but they've said they're going to watch the oil watch for oil and that they're breaking up the oil with hoses like i reckon if you're pointing a hose at the ocean you're not on the winning side of things I for one I'm glad that the octopuses are finally having access to a fleet of luxury cars I can't wait to see the next little mermaid we'll be like Fast and the Furious just be Triton, Shelton, Family all the time at Ariel I don't know what it says about me, but that sounds really good. Your ad section now, because you can't be what you can't buy.

For sale, baby shoes never worn. It's the most tragic short story ever told. Don't worry, it's not that tragic. Just actually, that previous baby didn't wear those shoes, because I don't know if you know this, but babies can't walk. Also, people buy you heaps of shit you don't need when you have a baby. So if it's a tragic story, it's a tragic story about consumer capitalism. I mean, try for sale, baby shoes worn out.

That's a creepy story. Is it a dancing baby cursed to dance for a thousand years like the baby in Ally McBeal, which I should clarify is a show I've never watched, but I assume has a cursed baby storyline. And in deference to the Sydney floods and the fact that I had to evacuate from my flat yesterday due to a big tree falling down, there will be no half a glass of water ad this week.

And if you're disappointed that you can't get the ad you wanted, try half a glass of water. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Flunch. By the people who brought you Slurm and Glub, Flunch is a nutrition-adjacent meal replacement for the person on the go at home. Unlike Slurm and Glub, whose patented semi-sentient slug matrix would only slowly make its way into your mouth through the course of the day, Flunch takes the tight-lift slowness out of that agonizing process.

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the only end to an agony beyond its rudimentary comprehension. Flunch. It's glob, but worse. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy.

Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom.

It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com

Now it's time for your environment section. This is the news that fake whale poo is about to revive the ocean ecosystem. Alison Spittel, you know your fake whale poo from your real whale poo, I assume. Can you unpack this story? Yeah, when I first heard this story, I was like, fake whale poo? This is a very, very niche joke shop. Basically, scientists have made up artificial whale feces. Feces? Feces!

What's a feces? Feces. It's International Women's Day. Yeah well it's women international women's day yeah it's like whale shit right disgusting whale poo it's girl boss whale shit is feces yeah she sees feces by the seashore the feces that she sees is feces for sure and she's happy the environment is getting better guys if you see feces on the seashore you know the science is right basically they're trying to reboot marine ecosystems that

the fishing industry have destroyed and uh you know it's very hard to stop capitalism so what we're doing it's it's a weird i think like i'll tell you the story then i'll tell you my thoughts sorry about this whales they eat tiny crustaceans right called krill and they're typically about 300 meters below sea level and um what they're doing is they're they're recreating the whale shit so that other kind of uh species can live off this and kind of uh make the make the environment in the sea bloom there's not nothing about uh oil spills in this i think uh that's a that's a bigger problem they have at the moment but to to save the to save the uh environment within the sea they've made fake whale poo uh in order to reboot uh some life uh within it so it's exciting it's very exciting but it does seem to me like you know the way

scientists have made um fake trees that take in carbon dioxide and then bring out uh oxygen and it's like what about trees you should just get trees and plant it feels like we should just let the whale shit on on the ocean yeah plant trees on the ocean guys laura you have an ambition to become a kelp farmer maybe you're the expert we need in this On the ocean? Yeah, plant trees on the ocean, guys. Laura, you have an ambition to become a kelp farmer. Maybe you're the expert we need in this scenario. I have so many thoughts on this whale thing. This whale thing has really upset me.

But firstly, there's such a clear solution between these two things. We need to start putting the fake whale shit in the luxury cars before we put them on the boat. So when it sinks, the whale shit goes into the ocean instead, or at least as well as all of the toxic oil and lithium poison. And then if the boat doesn't sink, what you have is a millionaire in a luxury car full of whale shit. Yeah, which seems fair. But fake whale shit, which I feel is more insulting somehow.

Look, they don't have to. They can take it out. It's like the air freshener, you know? Like, you know, you don't keep the little tree, but it's there for transportation purposes, you know? That's surely all you need. Do you think if someone, like, smells a whale's butthole, they're like, mm, new car smell.

I've never considered that, but I don't mind if they do. No, I think that might be the only way that we can repopulate the oceans is by convincing billionaires that they're a luxury item. Yes. Yeah, like oxygen and stuff.

Rather than super yachts that need to be serviced by other yachts, they can, you know, farm a herd of whales. Why not? Well, it's so weird that the whales, by the way, did you read in the article that they can't, when they process all of this krill and stuff,

because they're so far underwater, the pressure of the water kind of holds onto their bowels and they have to go up to the surface to have a shit or a fart. And when I was reading that, I was like, this is, it explains so much to me about air travel because you know you get off an airplane and if you ever go into a women's toilet of an airport straight after a flight it sounds like the percussion section of a of a orchestra just like boom boom boom everyone's farting and they're massively loud farts and now now i kind

of will go on a plane with the knowledge that like i am essentially a whale you know and the pressure on my bowels is not my fault or whatever it's the science i mean the reality is that they're doing that all the way through the plane flight as well you just can't hear it because the plane is loud sorry spoiler alert no the farts were coming from inside the plane this whole time. Yeah. You thought that's what was keeping the thing up in the air? Laura, what would you do?

Would you dust the Indian Ocean with fake whale feces or would you have a better solution than this? I mean, surely there's a better solution. Surely. I was very surprised and very disappointed in humanity learned that there's only five percent of the whales that we had 400 years ago wow and we're still killing them and dragging them out of the ocean and then we're going hmm we don't have enough whales let's get rice dust and put stuff on it and scatter it or like it's so much

work to go to to just not kill a whale like that's the solution is don't kill i mean this is the ecological equivalent of people who have curly hair who straighten their hair and then put it in curlers so they have more conformable curls. That is sick. Yeah. Or we need the 5% of whales that we do have to shit like 95 times as much as they are shitting. Have you tried feeding them some luxury cars? That's the only other solution.

And I don't think that's the right one. Well, that's all the time that we have for the squid and the whale news because now it is time for your reviews as you know each week our guest editors bring in something to review out of five stars allison spittle what have you brought in for us this week well this week i thought i would go as semi semi sincere with my review there's an album out by an artist called Seema and uh she is an amazing lady her name's Kira May oh Jesus I don't know what our DA stands for anus let's say anus Kira May Anus Thompson uh Seema for short and uh she's got a new album out called If My Wife Knew I'd Be Dead and all of the songs are like based on different podcasts that she's heard or just feelings like she has

this uh song called peter bogdanovich which is about the the polly platt peter bogdanovich situation and sybil shepherd i think did you have you heard of this he's a bastard he's an he's a very good director but a bad husband he left his wife i think it was for sybil shepherd i might be defaming her it was someone like her sybil shepherd adjacent yeah it's a great album uh peter bradanovic is a great song uh she's she's loads of great songs uh she mentions people like robbie williams and marion keys in her lyrics and uh i really like her she's like a cross between Michael Flatley and a bog body as in incredibly Irish and red

and yeah I think she's amazing so you should go listen to her album I got it on cassette and I don't even have a cassette player but I just wanted to financially support her while I streamed on a very bad platform

so it was my way of apologising to the music gods by paying for something that is useless to me in the physical form. She's great. Out of five stars, how much? Five out of five. Yeah, five out of five by a mile. It's a brilliant, brilliant album.

She's amazing. I think she's the best thing to come out of Ireland since Samantha Mumba. She's amazing. i think she's the best thing to come out of ireland since samantha mumba she's amazing that's my sincere review that's i can't eat it deeply disappointing that's not what we hire you for maybe i'll eat the cassette eat the cassette i will eat the cassette next week and tell you how it tastes i'll tell you how it tastes uh like a bad format like an outdated a blast from the past yes laura davis what have you brought in for us to review? I have also quite a sincere review

unfortunately, I am going to review fruit boxes that my supermarket gives you for free if you want I'm going to rate them 5 stars if you don't have a suitcase and you want to go away for a weekend, you can put all your shit in

a fruit box that the supermarket lets you take for free if you want to go away for a weekend you can have put all your shit in a fruit box that the supermarket they should take for free if you want uh i haven't had a bedside table i haven't had uh drawers in my cupboard i haven't had a little stool in the toilet to put my knees up to a comfortable level for pooping i haven't had under the bed storage I haven't had a table to work at, I'm currently working right now on not one, not two but three fruit boxes

that my supermarket lets you take for free if you want one, and I've set up a microphone and my laptop and one is my desk over in the other corner of the room, and two are the bedside tables and some of the under bed storage. So five stars. Whoa.

Who needs a house? Fruit box that your supermarket lets you take for free if you want. Is it made of cardboard, the fruit box? Oh, yes. Oh, my God. That's incredible. They just keep letting you take them for free. There's no limit. They don keep letting you take them for free. There's no limit.

They don't expect you to take this many. It feels like you're in The Sims and you've put in a cheat code going everything is fruit boxes. That's an incredible life. When you really put your mind to it, they can sub in for quite a lot of things. That's a wonderful review. I'm going to keep my eye out for fruit boxes

and see if my supermarket will give them to me for free if I want them. Speaking of our five a day, our next section is about the crossover between vegetables and drugs. This is your meth slash onion news. Laura Davis, can you unpeel this eye-watering tale? This is authorities seizing nearly $3 million worth of meth in onion shipment and they bundled the meth up into little bags and made them sort of not really look like onions, sort of definitely look like bags of meth in bags of onions. Yeah. Yeah, $3 million worth of methamphetamine.

Also thinking of how easy it is to hide something in an onion. It's not that difficult. There's all these different very easily separable compartments within an onion. It seems like they haven't really tried very hard. And if you've got the meth, you've got the energy. An onion is a perfect natural defense. Anyone who tries to investigate whether the meth is in the onion is going to weep. It's your first port of call i feel like if i was a drug dealer with that kind of situation that i

i would love to go like i know my onions and i know my meth and this is meth and those are onions personally not as a drug dealer but imagining that i was a drug dealer, I think I would rather go to jail than take 1,200 small bags of meth out of a giant shipment of onions. That just seems fiddly. Jail's probably quicker. Sydney Aki, who's the CBP Director of Field Operations in San Diego, said this was not only a clever attempt to try and smuggle in narcotics, but also time-consuming to wrap narcotics into these small packages

designed to look like onions. And again, if you do look at the picture, they look like the packets of meth look like what someone on meth would think would look like an onion. How much money was it again that they said that the shipment cost? Because I never trust policemen when they talk when they get a drugs haul uh for things it feels very overpriced do you know like three million quid worth of meth in that onion shipment and there's a part of me that wants to go where

are you buying your meth from because i can't see that being worth like three million because that's quite a lot of onions there yeah people always over quote uh plainclothes cops for their meth yeah it's like the tourist in the bad part of town you always get double the price I want to know how much the onions cost yeah how much does that much onions cost I have bought drugs off someone at a festival where they had to retrieve the drugs from the back of their balls and I still bought them. So I can't judge

the onion people, you know? Probably smells the same. But at least they weren't cunningly disguised as a penis. I didn't get apples at the supermarket today because a woman picked one up and put the back. Oh, because you didn't want it because it touched oh i'm maybe maybe yeah and i didn't see which one she'd touched it's quite

funny because at the start of this podcast i was going to you i don't know why i'm sick all the time i'm quite ill maybe it's because i don't mind if someone has a packet of pills down their pants. And I'm like, yeah, okay. Legit. I'd rather it better than W&O, though. Do you know, I was like, any time that I've ever bought drugs, I'm like, I'm pretty sure this has been, like, near genitalia. Has to be.

You know, just like pot noodles. You're consuming stuff. No, I don't know just like pot noodles. Please explain how it's just like pot noodles you're consuming stuff no i don't know just like pot noodles please explain how it's just like pot noodles well i once watched a documentary where they were talking about ramen and they said that like over your lifetime you will eat like uh processed food that will have like 80 spiders in it or whatever like i'm at peace with how many spiders i'll eat like I'm at peace with how many spiders I'll eat and I'm sure I just if someone has genitalia near the food in the processing stage of making the food I think I don't mind because I think I've made the deal you know with myself for convenience that I'll just consume whatever it is and uh

that's the same with drugs. Maybe not specifically pot noodles. There are other brands available and other types of genitalia. But have I made sense or have I just incriminated myself for no reason? Like, I am a person that will eat batteries. They've got to send you into that ship that's gone down. That's their problem.

You've got to get in there. I've got to get in there and there and i gotta shit it out and save the environment i mean allison you can make that sound like a very hippie-ish philosophy if you just eat the ball apples while saying something like we're all made of stardust now it's time for our sex pullout section which begins with the story of a company that is offering its employees pods to masturbate in, complete with virtual reality headsets. And I mean, before we launch our way into this story, if there is anyone out there who designs virtual reality games,

could you please design me a three-dimensional cork board? That's all. Don't play games. All I want is three-dimensional virtual reality for admin. Wow. That's the most Alice sentence I've ever heard in my life. I'm really sorry that I've given you that impression of me. Laura Davis, as someone who works from home,

how do you feel about companies offering wanker pods for their employees? Well, you know, it's no box that the supermarket gives away for free if you want, but I guess it could be a nice upgrade. Look, what is a house if not a pod to masturbate in? What is reality if not virtual reality? I think this article has a bit of a weird spit on it because they're sort of saying, you know, this is in offices. I'm like, yes, but these are in the offices of porn editing,

like suites, like this is... This is a hazard of the job. It's essentially danger pay. Yeah, this is a porn production company. I mean, my big problem with this is with the uptick in productivity measuring apps with work-from-home situations. Are they going to measure how many times you wank while editing a particular porn film

and will they get offended if you're not turned on by the porn film you're... Is that like a bad review? I feel like this is kind of like capitalism at its worst, really. It's like those types of workplaces where they have like a table tennis table and uh dress down fridays but also don't want you joining a union like uh i feel like if it's that stressful a work environment that you have to wank it says that it says that it takes down stress and uh if it's that stressful a work environment that you have to go into a little pod to have a wank maybe you should uh why don't you let them have flexi time and work from

home i just want to make sure that they're looking after their uh their employees with everything yeah why did they go to wank pod first yeah did you see they said it as health benefits such as like if you got a stuffy nose, apparently wanking helps. And I'm like, I think you're wanking wrong. You know? I don't know what to tell you. But if you've had a wank and your nose is cleared, you're using it in the wrong place. Look, I don't know. All I know is that this idea that masturbation makes you feel better is a direct contraindication to every piece of open mic stand-up comedy

I ever heard from a young man ever. Yes. And also, like, who cleans that place? Definitely no one. Yeah, definitely. It's just like, you know, it's like having a dishwasher in the workplace we're all like wow this is great that they've given us the opportunity to have a dishwasher but then weeks later when the dishwasher is dirty and like people put stuff in the wrong compartment

again and again and again it just creates animosity there's just gonna be someone walking in going who's taking a shit in the masturbation part? Yeah. Like, John, is it you? There's going to be notes on it. Yeah. Heaps of notes. Can you imagine?

Passive aggressive posters. Yeah, exactly. Please, for the seventh time. And you know that when you go to HR to complain about it, they'll just suggest you have a wank and get over it. You're like, if Jill from Accounts hugs the lube once again, I swear I'm going to put in a complaint. Laura, what passive-aggressive note would you leave in a wank pod?

I don't know. I can't imagine anything more stressful than having to go have a wank in a pod in an office. Oh, my God. And then go back to a pod doing my editing. I think this is a stunt by the porn companies to go have a wank in a pod in an office oh my god and then go back to a pod doing my editing i think this is a stunt by the porn companies to go hey we make porn please look at it i think it's just advertising i think you may have gone to the heart of the matter here but imagine if you're like having a wank and then there's a queue outside. I feel like, for me, I would just fake it and leave as soon as I could.

I mean, isn't that just what we all do anyway? Yeah, like, get this over with, you know. I feel awkward. The last thing I need is corporate pressure on that. Like, I don't need a keen being HR employee leaning over my shoulder asking me if I've taken full advantage of the employee benefits. No, and women take longer. It's sexism all over again.

We're at a disadvantage. Could you imagine the corporate videos of like, here at Google HR or whatever, we take masturbating seriously. And then they pay some really Jack Whitehall or someone like that to come in and voice over like wanking corporate videos or something I think it would be I've really turned around

to this idea now I think there should be as many wank pods as possible if it gets comedians money and you should have one in the home a wank pod yeah you should I call that my balcony but the police have asked me to have one in the home. A wank pod? Yeah, you should. I called out my balcony. But the police have asked me to stop. Just the cupboard under

the stairs? What, like Harry Potter? I'm going to have a wank like Harry Potter. Yeah. Speaking of being asked to stop by the police, the city of New York's 311 system has been flooded sort of almost permanently by calls of people complaining that their neighbours are having sex too loudly. This is just a true terrible thing that's going on. Laura Davis

you've lived in places with cardboard walls that you've probably met out of fruit boxes yourself. Yes. Can you unpack this story for us? Well it sort of makes sense because there is so much overcrowding in you know let's let's be honest, most cities. But these calls are not very productive because there's absolutely nothing the police can do. So most of the reports apparently come back with, ah, they were gone when we got there or they had stopped having sex. sex but like the police have to hot foot it to the door of the apartment that presumably they can only guess these noises are coming from and and and arrest you can't be arrested all they can do is say oh please shush like that's probably mean, it's not the worst waste of police resources in the world. Like, if that's all they did, then maybe, you know, the world would be a better place.

But it just doesn't seem to be an effective system. No, if anything, it would serve as a sort of a trophy of sorts if you'd finished sex and then you get a knock on the door from the police telling you that they've been called because what you did was so epic. Well, I've sort of been the police because I worked at a hotel on the night shift and so people call me. I'm sitting at the little desk eating my pizza and someone goes, they don't say Laura, they don't know my name.

They're like, you, there are people and they're having very loud sex in I think room 112, I think, room 112. And I go, okay. And then I eat my pizza because what am I meant to do? You're supposed to knock on the door and go. It's not actually illegal. It's the horny police. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

It's a hotel. Some would say it's compulsory. All I can do is be like okay do you want to talk about how that's made you feel like it's a support line at best there's a niche in the sex therapist industry the other people's having sex therapists what was your upbringing like what i love is the next morning at the breakfast buffet where you're like trying to find a couple that did have loud sex by the way that they're feeding each other pancakes or whatever and then you're like, it was them.

That's all the time we have for the magazine this week. We're flipping through the advertisements at the back. Alison Biddle, have you got anything to plug? Oh, I've got an Edinburgh show coming up. It's either going to be called Wet or Silent Wetness and I'll decide on that maybe this week. But it will be in the Pleasance I mean call it silent wetness but have the silent

be silent wetness is good what is it wetness? wetness so yeah look these are so many options that I'm really torn by but it's going to be in Edinburgh it's going to be fun

I'm doing a guilty feminist tour going to be in Edinburgh it's going to be fun I'm doing a guilty feminist tour going to be in like Glasgow Newcastle, Manchester, Birmingham and I'm doing loads of previews so have a look at my social media at Alison Spittel on Instagram and on Twitter and I also present Wheel of Misfortune which is a podcast

that BBC sounds and I love doing this podcast and thank you so much for having me Alison letting me not only laugh at shit but then promote my stuff at the end feels like I'm robbing you Laura Davis have you got anything to plug? I

have my show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and then it will go to Edinburgh Fringe it's called If This Is It and it's in Hardway Lane at Campari House. And I'm pretty excited because we get to hang out at Melbourne Festival and haven't seen each other in over two years.

Yes, over two years ago we sat down at Soho and said, I'll see you in six weeks. And I feel very sad that that hasn't happened. You can find me online at alliterative on Twitter and Instagram or patreon.com slash alicefrazier, the one-stop shop for all of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs. I will also be in Melbourne with my show Kronos and elsewhere in the world, including in Edinburgh.

Find out by following me on Twitter or again, Patreon. I would like to thank our roving reporters. Mosota sent in a story about luxury cars sinking extremely slowly into the ocean after being on fire for two weeks. Stephen Bowden sent in the story about fake whale poo. And Froggy Villius sent in the meth onion story. If you would like to be a roving gargle reporter, tweet us at HelloGogglers. This is a Bugle podcast, an Alice Fraser production.

I'm your host, Alice Fraser. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.