The Gargle - Tesla layoffs | Titanic PCP | Robo dogs

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

Pierre Novellie and John Robertson join host Alice Fraser for episode 153 of The Gargle. All of the news, with none of the politics.⚡️ Tesla layoffs 😵‍💫 Titanic PCP🐕 Robo dogs😤 Anger venting 🍫 ReviewsStory 1: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-68818113Story 2: https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/titanic-film-crew-drugged-in-1996-halifax-police-told-to-release-more-details-1.6844997Story 3: https://news.gatech.edu/news/2024/04/03/good-dog-lassie-spirit-learns-walk-moonStory 4: https://www.bbc.co.uk/reel/video/p0hqff54/feeling-angry-venting-doesn-t-actually-helpWritten by Alice Fraser, Pierre Novellie and John Robertson.Produced by Ped Hunter, with executive production from Chris Skinner.HOW TO SUPPORT THE GARGLE- Keep The Gargle alive and well by joining Team Bugle with a one-off payment, or become a Team Bugler or Super Bugler to receive extra bonus treats!https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

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Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. Nobody goes out of their way to listen to you. And then, one day, you come across a meteorite glowing with strange alien light. Without thinking, you reach out and touch it. Incredible power surges through you, fills and transforms every part of you. Suddenly, the cool noises want to join your gang. The wise noises start going to you for advice. Everyone wants to listen to you. You're no longer just a mild-mannered noise.

Now, you are the gargle. Welcome to the gargle the sonic glossy magazine to the bugles audio newspaper for a visual world all of the news none of the politics i am your host alice fraser and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine uh john robertson welcome hello and pierre novely hello hi hi uh before we put our hands on each other's shoulders and start shuffle stepping to the tragic music that is this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover of this week's magazine.

The front cover of this week's magazine is the giant mechanical spider that Grimes rode into Coachella on, promising a tell-all interview and a double-fold nude spread in the middle. So if you've ever wanted to see a nude mechanical spider with its legs more spread than usual, have a look at our special sealed section in the middle there. Our satirical cartoon this week is The Fellowship of the Ring

Hiking Through the Wilderness. And Aragorn says, you've already been to Coachella. And Pippin says, but what about second Coachella a lot of Coachella chat out there at the moment I've never been I have no desire to go uh but I I very rarely open the social media these days to read I usually use it as an outpipe but I saw three tweets this morning uh or x's and one was about coachella and the other one was about a lamborghini and how quickly you can earn a lamborghini for yourself as as sort of you know the metric for success yeah that is by a very particular kind of sort of tate-pilled hustle bro yeah i don't know i don't know you've got a car and women hate you you're successful you've done it yeah it's also a number of lamborghinis it's never one there seems to be

a kind of dragon's horde aspect to the cars that has to be followed they all say yeah that's my first lamborghini that's the one yeah ah yeah okay very very you've got me there you've got me there sir first one i see you're in a man of ambition yeah yeah maybe it's just because i'm not a nubile and luxurious high value female but if i met someone who represented their value to me by the quantity of lamborghinis they had acquired i would find it confusing and depressing rather than arousing. I'm not like I just, it would upset me. Fortunately, those women find everything confusing in these men's minds and aren't allowed to have the emotion of depression because that would be complicated. It would only be good if you were a Lamborghini dealer, then you should have quite a few.

I wonder if a Lamborghini dealer has to have like long, boring conversations with junkies, because I always hear, right, I always hear in stand up from people who have dealers that you have to go to their house and have long, boring conversations before they'll give you your illicit drugs. And we've spoken last week about my, my experience with illicit drugs, which is zero. But I've heard this in stand-up a number of times, that you have to have long, boring conversations with your dealer. How do you know that they're not just being polite and they resent being in a long, boring conversation with a junkie?

Oh, yes. So you get a sort of like Jane Austen-style level social tension between the junkie and the frightening dealer. Just staring into the eyes of Mr Darcy, knowing that there's a myth behind that facade. But you're going to have to dance at least two gavottes before he'll hand it over. Oh, his palms twitching in what we had assumed was a side effect,

but was actually just repressed emotion. Also, I don't want to be gauche, but I won't forgive myself unless I say this. What? Grimes riding a giant mechanical spider? That's not the most unappealing thing she's ever ridden. There we go. Thank you. I'm happy with what I've done. Speaking of which, that brings us to our top story this week.

Top story, Tesla laying off more than 10% of its global electric vehicle workforce in news that is meant to be heartbreaking and surprising, but is depressingly predictable given the Jack Welchian style of corporate malfeasance that generally seems to be underlying a lot of these businesses' share prices. John Robertson, you've been electrocuted.

Can you unpack this story? I certainly can. And even though I was electrocuted, I still wielded less toxic power in that moment than Elon Musk has. The story is that he's fired 10% of the workforce, which is 14,000 people have been let go from their jobs. And the quote that he's given is, this will enable us to be lean, innovative and hungry

for the next growth phase cycle. And I admire anyone who can fire 14,000 people and then say he's the one who's about to be hungry. And yeah, of course they're about to be innovative. They now need to fill 14,000 jobs with an existing workforce. Horrific, horrifying. But on the plus side, he probably thought of them, you know, less. And you just know there'll be some poor woman in HR called

Sandra who now has to do 14,000 people's work for no extra money. Imagine if Tesla had an HR department. The very notion. Elon probably is the HR department the real tragedy is that uh when you get the employees got laid off they get locked out of their company email accounts and that means that they've lost access to what must be the most amazing library of hilarious uh cat memes that Elon has been sending around for the last few years god God, yeah, it's incredible because what you're watching is some guy who was clearly on 4chan in the early 2000s now has money.

And we're all getting what we deserve for not having beaten that nerd to death when we had the chance. Pierre, how do you feel about this massive firing? Well, I resent as a fellow, I guess, immigrant South African, I resent that Elon Musk isn't...

Two things about him I dislike. I wish his accent was stronger, and I wish he was more evil than this, because if that was the case, then there would be a kind of cultural revival of the only movie roles that South African actors really get which is some sort of bad guy and we had a little we had a little window there in the 90s in that little interregnum between Russians and Al-Qaeda where they sort of went well

who it's lethal weapon too we need someone So then we got in there a bit. There was blood diamonds kind of, but that was still a bit too intellectual because it was something to do with Africa and smuggling and already America is not watching anymore. But see if Elon just put his back into it, you know, then maybe I could have a shot at playing some, some era of him in a biopic someday.

And that's, that's the only way I'm going to get anything out of him, really, I think. Yeah, it'll be very hard to find an era that isn't somehow weirdly post-divorce. But yeah, you know. Yeah. Part of the reason that they fired all these people was because of competition from China. And in terms of the ruthless exploitation of Africa's mineral wealth we could be in a sort

of alien versus predator situation here because you know in in that context Elon is very much the local shopkeeper trying to sort of keep his charming business open against the tidal wave of Chinese Walmart you know just we maybe maybe he's the guy we need. We'll try and support him against China. And then when China is less of a threat to Africa, I guess we throw him in the sea. I don't know. It's not good news for anyone really involved in lithium mining.

Pierre, I just remember earlier in the conversation where you actually used the words, I wish Elon Musk were more evil. And at that moment, I thought to myself, good Lord, those Greek people are going near that box over there. I think Pandora told us not to touch it, boys. Now it's time for your ads because you can't be what you can't buy. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Gargle Premium.

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And this is the news that the Titanic crew were fed soup laced with a hallucinogenic drug back in 1996. Halifax police have been told to release more details, which makes this news rather than history. Pierre, your heart will go on. Can you unpack this story for us? Yeah, it's good news for people who were worried that the weirdest thing about James Cameron was that he was at the Titanic in a submersible when 9-11 happened. Which is true, by the way. He had to come back up and get the news. Anyway, there's a new sheriff in town.

In 1996, the entire crew, including James Cameron, the director of Titanic, were fed lobster chowder that had been spiked with PCP. Street name Angel Dust for any Law and Order SVU fans watching. That's the kind of thing they like to hear. Street name Angel Dust. And they all had to be rushed to hospital because they initially thought it was food poisoning. Fair enough. And then when they were in hospital, they were sort of crying and laughing and marching up and down the corridors in a conga line.

Some of the grips apparently were doing wheelies in the various wheelchairs up and down the corridors. I'll be honest, when I started reading the article, I thought, oh, no. And then they've really sold it to me. I don't feel bad at all for them. The crying people don't sound like they're having a good time. But overall, from a utilitarian point of view, it sounds like spiking the lobster chowder was the right call

from whatever sociopathic film crew member did that. Well, I mean, I feel like lobster chowder is always a risk. So you sort of shouldn't be surprised. It's sort of the eggshell skull rule. If the lobster chowder is always a risk so you sort of shouldn't be surprised it's sort of the eggshell skull rule if the lobster chowder is more hallucinogenic than you anticipated you it's not like you didn't expect it to do something to you yeah if anything you should be pleased that what you're seeing is uh colors beyond the normal range of human optics as opposed to firing out both ends uh fully nude in a bath then you, that's of the two options. You know, you let me know which one you'd prefer. But it is strange because the article doesn't say

who is digging this up after all this time. And that's what I'm interested in. Who is so interested in a mass PCP spike trip from 1996 that they're going to Nova Scotia, Halifax police departments and hassling them. It's got to be a true crime podcast, right? Yeah. Or who among those people goes on long, boring journeys to strange places in the middle of nowhere just to be slightly more interesting? This is James Cameron. It's a new, yeah. I mean, do you think he played the long game and spiked them all himself

so he could do a documentary about it now as if it was a mystery? Yep. And also just quietly, I've got the tagline for it. Here we go then. Titanic, first ice destroys the boat, then PCP destroys the crew. It's very strange though. It is an extraordinarily strange experience and also i feel like i should i feel like there's a joke here about jordan peterson and his obsession with lobsters but i can't find it oh yes some sort of uh he would do quite a squiggly diagram about how eating a lobster is a sort of sacral act that makes you the omega man okay there's a lot of just random greek sounding things to throw in there that's perfect and good and while he's eating the you know this drug laced you know chowder he'll just be mostly going the wokies are too weak

too weak to do this like well it's because it's full of angel dust but okay good on you you're a man write into us at hello garglers on uh x or on blue sky and let us know whether you would prefer to uh eat bad lobster chowder and end up with the runs eat bad lobster chowder and end up with a film crew doing wheelies down the hospital corridor on pcp or eat bad lobster chowder and become Jordan Peterson. Those are your options. Yeah, I wonder, what do you think is in the mind of someone who can get access to that quantity of PCP? Let's not forget that that's enough to make an entire film crew high. That's a lot of drugs, I presume.

I assume it's not like some sort of infinite capacity drug, right? They're having to get like a trowel full into this bubbling cauldron of bisque. I've got to assume that it was someone who had a crush on a drug dealer and spent a very long evening having a very long conversation with him, at which point he handed over far more drugs than you intended to use. And you thought, what am I going to do with this? All I wanted was to find the... Yeah, a lot of harpsichords in the background.

The love of my life and here I am And that brings us to our reviews section As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars John, what have you brought in for us this week? Well, what I've been doing to pass the time I'm currently in a new house so I've been setting that up

is I've been putting on interviews with members of various star trek casts uh and there's the ones where they have the live star trek convention audience and then all the ones they did in the pandemic where they don't have any crowd at all and it's fantastic because in if you're a comedian there's nothing quite as horrible as an unearned laugh and watching a Star Trek actor get up at a convention where they already love them and they all tell stories that aren't stories. It's just a shared understanding.

So it's things like, well, the trouble with Dr Crusher is she was always dancing. And on dancing, there's basically an applause break and then you watch them try to bust that out with no crowd during the pan you know during the pandemic when they're being interviewed by people who actually don't like star trek or them you know or being or interviewing people they've just fallen into this and it dies and it feels wonderful so um four out of five stars for the removal of unearned laughter

for star trek casts there we go go. Speaking of Star Trek interviews, I think my favourite Star Trek interview of all time is Captain Kirk interviewing Captain Sisko in the documentary Captains, in which he sort of does a weird spoken word jazz interview and they're both way too into it. Yep, that is. William Shatner, a man who has never listened to anybody, talking to Avery Brooks, a man who hasn't touched Earth in 25 years.

I highly recommend it, even if you're not a Star Trek fan. It's better than taking PCP during a lobster dinner. And, Pierre, what have you brought in for us this week? I'm giving one star to the concept of ambient chocolate i uh after after easter and also because um i live with my partner and she's a she's a snacker and i i know a lot of good people who are snackers people who i admire but i don't respect their snacking i think you have the meals you have and you have to make the best of it when that happens. And there's enough of this fiddling around in between meals. Anyway, she's a snacker,

I made my peace with it. And that means that there's a lot of ambient chocolate just kind of around the house. And if you're trying to get in better shape, like I am, it's sort of like the diet equivalent of those 70s parties where they people just had dishes of cigarettes in a sort of spiral around the place for you to sort of pluck and um i'm finding it extremely irritating to have such quantities of ambient chocolate and i'm a binge eater as well so the idea that you would sort of like erode the chocolate gracefully over months like a sort of marvelous uh respectful wind is um is anathema to me the whole thing is anathema to me so one one star from me for ambient chocolate i mean i think that's a beautiful turn of phrase for a thing that we're all aware of and yeah i think there are two

two schools of people approaching chocolate there's the people who like just a little bit of chocolate probably every day and there's the people who see whatever chocolate there is as a task that must be immediately completed um correct and it's a very unfortunate situation when they're both in the same house if you're in the first category you just need to move to continental europe that's the only place where they deal with people like you i've never met anyone in that first category i don't believe it exists it's just the french and the italians oh yeah this is the problem if i'm in a housemate situation with someone who is a eat all the chocolate person i find it very distressing because i buy more and more and more and more chocolate in the hope that they'll leave some

because i like to have some around just in case my wife would send me to the garage to go and buy us family blocks of chocolate. I used to have to buy two because one wouldn't make it the 20 minute walk back. Correct. Yeah, and then I'd still eat my half of the one that I bought. It was great. It has to be dealt with or it will still be there. Just staring at you with its judgmental chocolatey eyes. Just staring at you with its judgmental chocolatey eyes.

Speaking of the dangers of leaving chocolate lying around, dog news now, sort of dog news now, and this is the news that they have figured out how to send a dog robot to the moon. John Robertson, you are a good boy. Can you unpack this story for us? Thank you for the compliment and in a very real way, no, I'm not. But, yeah, the story is that a lovely group of researchers have been just experimenting with three types of transformer robots

just out in the mountains, in the wilds of America, so that we can have kind of like the article is very excited to give the robots a real sense of fun personality. So it finishes with the phrase, like WALL-E with friends, which is both adorable and also, why are you attacking WALL-E? He had a friend. Oh, but yeah, it's incredibly bloody lovely. Also, if you think if you use the phrase dog robot on the moon, it sounds like the title of a whimsical Japanese novel. So I'm 100% here. Well, following in the footsteps of Laika, the wonder dog, I think it's better to have a robot that isn't going to suffocate in the vastness of space.

I think it's better to have a robot that isn't going to suffocate in the vastness of space. Pierre, how do you feel about this? Sending a dog to presumably go fetch the moon in its mouth like a tennis ball. I think it's another chapter in one of my favorite categories of stories, which is companies pretending they've invented something for a whimsical purpose like the moon as opposed to clear military applications it's uh it was smiling as it shot me yeah we've invented a type of grenade uh for the probably for the moon probably for blasting a moon rock uh it's a sort of long-range sniper rifle i guess for sniping stuff on the moon and a lot of other stuff we've invented definitely for the moon. Yes, laser targeting that specifically hunts down screaming children. There's a lot of them on the moon.

Yeah, a lot of people don't know this, but the moon looks just like the mountains of Iran. And it's very important to train for both at the same time. It's an odd coincidence. Astrologists aren't sure how

astronomers rather. Yeah's uh i i like it but it is very much just sure of nothing yeah they're sure of nothing yeah they think it's a good time to build a gun killer dog robot for the moon um yeah i like it i like the weird robot dog it's headless though which i understand aerodynamically but i feel like you know if military history's taught us anything it's that you've got to put an intimidating sort of dragon prow on your i think they'll get around to adding little mascots and stuff fun little little gnomes or those trolls with the hair like for an exam for good luck they'll sellotape one of those onto the prow if the norwegians were making it yeah exactly or a viking long dog a viking long dog yes exactly the last thing that

that someone in a foxhole sees before it presumably barks a laser beam at their head well there's there's two forms of military decor one is the scary looking dragon face and the other is the nude lady yeah if you if you think of any form of the prow of a ship painted onto a missile, it's either got to be scary and angry or it's a naked lady. So these dogs are either going to have little angry little fangs painted on or possibly just have a fleshlight. Or just a great rack, just a great pair of breasts on the front of the dog to arouse and confuse the iranian menace that's what i think we should be doing

i just want to see the fleshlight dog bark have you guys seen that this is puerile but have you seen that that horrible clip of the Jack Russell? Every time it barks, its bum hole opens. My God, think of the military applications. I know. Yeah, exactly. Deploy for the moon. It could deploy two sets of munitions at once on the moon. On the moon.

On the moon. On the moon. On the moon. Where the oil is. On the moon. On the moon. On the moon. On the moon, where the oil is. On the moon.

And that brings us to rage news. Rage news now. And this is the news that in contradiction of many years of people telling you to just let it all out, it turns out that venting doesn't make you less angry in fact it may make you more angry and so we all need to get back on board with the repressing your emotions train uh pierre you have occasionally met an emotion can you unpack this story for us yep um a bunch of smug nerds have collated a whole load of studies about rage and anger and therapy.

And their sort of macro analysis of all this data is that venting doesn't actually help. It can, in fact, make it worse, which it made me annoyed to hear. And I then had to keep watching their little video about their study to find out what to do correctly, in their opinion, with my irritation. So venting doesn't help, they said. Jogging doesn't help because you're on your own and it's sort of meditative and you can ruminate on what's annoyed you. But things that do help are ball sports, which is not a a euphemism that's not what they mean they mean like basketball because there's a team element of play um unfortunately for me nothing annoys

me more than the phrase introduces an element of play i find that i find that a repulsive phrase i really find it a disgusting thing to say i'm not sure why just it's the sort of thing that like a robot would say as it learned to the difference between things that you're allowed to pet and things that you're allowed to kiss it's a horrible sort of emotionless phrase anyway yeah so running is bad because you meditate on what made you angry venting is bad ball sports are good and yoga and calming techniques are good which are also very irritating and it's an irritating thing to hear so there's a lot of contradictions in this study um and what i don't like about it is that they don't accept the fact that from a fun from a

purely pragmatical pragmatic kind of logical point of view if someone says venting makes them feel better than it does like yeah i don't understand how they've been measuring this i would like to see the data that they're analyzing i don't i don't really believe what they're saying um and if you're venting about something that is changeable in your environment and then it changes as a result of you shouting at the person saying hey stop doing that and they stop well then that has worked as opposed to saying god i hate the way you do that it's so offensive to my sensibilities let's play basketball yeah it made me so furious because it for a second i thought well here's something you know we're going to maybe learn a thing. And then when they just went, well, no, team sports,

I was like, I played rugby at school. No one ever came out feeling better. You've got your face down in the mud like, God, I'm one with the world. Horrifying. Yeah. And this was the part where they went, well, you know, like there's a communal aspect and maybe you're receiving encouragement from your coach.

Bullshit! When? What coach? Yeah, exactly. What are you saying? They're imagining some sort of pickup basketball game that would be played in a heartfelt scene at the end of a movie set in a rehab.

Yeah, exactly. What they're imagining is a musical theatre production of sport. Then we all get together. Come on, coach. Woo! Jeez. I do think the solution to rage is musical theater. Well, it can make more of it at any time.

As a listener note, may I recommend watching this on YouTube? We put up the goggles on YouTube now, and for John Robertson's beautiful uh facial expressions throughout the beginning of this story i just highly recommend the visual element of this particular podcast just never seen anyone rage gun before well james cameron fed me some chowder it's uh it's strange though isn't it because i think it depends on what you measure as an effective way of dealing with your anger and to be honest one crucial fact they left out is that calming and soothing techniques and meditative techniques might calm you down but they really only work

if applied internally by you to yourself i don't think someone else going shh shh shh shh and counting backwards from 10 when you're annoyed tends to help. I got the impression that the study could be summed up as this. A lot of people are angry with me. I wish they'd stop. Why can't they go and play tennis? It makes sense that running on your own doesn't help, though. Because that is in the same line of angry exercise as push-ups in a thunderstorm from Cape Fear.

A kind of furious, like jail cell kind of grudge-maintaining exercise. Consular. Yeah, that makes sense. It's very dangerous to go on a run while angry, particularly if you've just hit rock bottom, because that is a recipe for a montage, you know. You start off just running and then before you know it, you're pounding a side of beef and getting ready for the championships.

Yeah, dragging chickens through the snow. Have I remembered that, Rife? Yep. No, that's exactly what he was doing. Yeah. I don't know what film that was, but yes. And that brings us to the end of this week's episode of the gargle I'm flipping through the ads at the back John Robertson what have you got to plug uh I'm on tour I'm on tour for the rest of the year uh we've got uh the UK the US and Australia it's all at the johnrobertson.com

and I'm streaming on twitch.tv slash robotron r-o-b-b-o-t-r-o-n Excellent. I highly recommend going to John's shows. They are very high energy and the solution to your anger. Rage. Have you got anything to plug?

I'll be on tour in the autumn around the UK and in Dublin. I've got some extra London dates for anyone who missed the Soho Theatre run on my show 22nd of June in Bloomsbury Theatre and I've got a book coming out

on July the 18th which is Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things? A Comedian's Guide to Autism it's sort of an attempt to do a kind of very basic guide to the autistic spectrum with anecdotes and sort of analogies and humor and stuff. Because when I got my diagnosis,

a lot of the books I read were either very, very interesting but very specific memoirs, or the books that were like a kind of 101 were very dry, quite expensive medical textbooks. So I thought if I could do a kind of funny observational comedy version of this, maybe that would be useful. So that's out 18th of July, but you can pre-order it now. And for slightly corrupt publishing industry reasons, if you pre-order, it makes me seem more powerful and successful. So that will help me more for reasons i'm not

clear on but they were very clear with me that i should say that uh please pre-order pierre's book i saw the show on which it is somewhat predicated and it's excellent so uh i'm alice fraser you can find me online at patreon.com slash alice fraser it a one-stop shop full of my stand-up specials, which you get there for free, all of my podcasts and my blogs. You can also buy my book, which is called The Dancy Lagarde Reader, at unbound.com. It will be coming out at some time.

I've handed in my bit, so I'm just waiting for them to tell me when I can tell you that it's coming out. Also, despite having given up live stand-up, I will be appearing at the Guilty Feminist in Brisbane at the end of next month. And if you are going to the live Bugles in Leicester Square, I may appear there as a giant head on a screen, possibly while breastfeeding. This is a Bugle podcast, an Alice Fraser production. Our editor is Ped Hunter.

Our executive producer is Chris Skinner. i'll talk to you again next week you can listen to other programs from the bugle including the bugle catharsis tiny revolutions top stories and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts