The Gargle - Twitter | Solar geoengineering | Old sperm

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

Tom Neenan and Tiff Stevenson join host Alice Fraser for episode 86 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!🐦 Musk's Twitter🌞 Solar geoengineering🚋 ...Tram theft💦 Old sperm🍫 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Subscribe to Catharsis right this moment! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels
Starting point is 00:00:22 or tracks or engines of some variety. God, what a hot sell this is. I mean, you must be so excited. Listen now. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. I don't know, this quill is f***ed. The brothers gather in the Great Hall to discuss godly matters, the doings of great lords of the land, and also, as always, the gargle. Sonic Glossy Magazine to the Bugles Audio Newspaper for Visual World, this is the gargle, I'm your host Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine, all of the news, none of the politics, are Tom Neenan and Tiff Stevenson. Hello!
Starting point is 00:02:02 Welcome! Before we wait in line to get on the bus that is this week's top stories let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover of this week's edition of the magazine is Joe Rogan posing provocatively calling for a TikTok ban. Do both of you have TikToks? Are you all over the TikTok? I'm not all over it, but I am on it. I do not partake in any of the trends or do anything. And occasionally I upload a video
Starting point is 00:02:31 and let people argue in the comments. That seems to be the form on there. Tom? I joined TikTok and the following things happened. That's every TikTok video, right? It's like a woman with that voice reads something and then there's like a little clip that you see afterwards that's what i look on tiktok like every man over 30 i don't think it's a woman who has that voice you say she's the most busy
Starting point is 00:02:57 voiceover woman in the world into every tiktok she's great i'm on the gargle. What did Joe Rogan have to say about TikTok then? He said it was Chinese spyware. He said he didn't like it. It's tough. You know, there's this crisis of masculinity in today's society. You know, Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan, which are all very different,
Starting point is 00:03:17 on different ends of a spectrum of providing masculine role models to men who are discontented, yet have no existential problems. You know, I feel like, I feel like there's,
Starting point is 00:03:29 it's just for the man who romanticizes an age in which, you know, might ruled. He projects an assumption that despite being completely ineffectual now, he would be far more empowered and fulfilled if someone were trying to murder him with a spear. Inspired by Jordan Peterson, I have got no problems in my life. So I create them by giving myself a digestive problem by only eating raw
Starting point is 00:03:49 meat that is the uh solution I found it's nice actually Jordan Peterson is self-help it's just no one wants to hear it uh from a woman if you're that type of guy so jordan peterson just coming and doing a bit of tidy your room if your mom says it to you you'd ignore it right if jordan peterson says it oh you're gonna tidy your room i guess it's the weak influence of the effeminate in society he's saying jordan peterson is in the thrall of big mum in which case i'm absolutely thrilled to hear that sorry i i quite enjoy a joe rogan on occasion uh i can't get around jordan peterson because i feel like he's about 80 percent really sane just useful pull up your socks advice and then 20 sort of a youngie and psychoanalysis that i wouldn't give good marks to if it was in a university essay and then completely deranged.
Starting point is 00:04:47 A mad five minutes where he had a complete breakdown over the fact that someone didn't make his dick hard on a magazine cover. You know, we've got to bear in mind that this also happens. What I feel is quite interesting about Jordan Peterson is a lot of the time it's the sort of facts, not feelings. You know, there's a lot of people who are like, are like facts not feelings facts don't care about your feelings and they love Jordan Peterson but quite a lot of his stuff is just moralizing out of his religious beliefs
Starting point is 00:05:15 which is ultimate feeling over fact is it not it's true good point I just feel like for all those guys who think they'd do better if they had a legitimate target for their inchoate rage, unless you're an elite sports person, you would have been f***ed the moment a warlord decided to take your wife. And I'm sorry, but you can't leave warlords a Yelp review, so there's no outlet. I will say that Jordan Peterson does occasionally come out and say that he's wrong, or more recently has been,
Starting point is 00:05:47 so that he gets it wrong. So I think that's quite an admirable... Oh, yeah, I disagree with that. I don't know why I said that, which seems to be harder to have the space to do in, you know. So I will give him props for that. That is a very good quality. The satirical cartoon this week is Mariah Carey
Starting point is 00:06:06 announcing the official beginning of the Christmas Carol season on the 1st of November. That's just a real thing that happens when you give celebrities cultural clout. Mariah Carey gets to announce when Christmas begins. It's not the 12 days of Christmas. It is the 60 days of Christmas. And it starts by her starting to rake in royalties again
Starting point is 00:06:25 for all I want for Christmas is you which to be fair is a banging song 100% I would ask though Mariah where's your poppy we've got to get through poppy season before we get to Christmas season those are the rules it's pumpkin fireworks poppy Christmas that is the order that it's got to be I do like Mariah's anti-capitalist message though. All she wants for Christmas is you. No presents. I mean, that depends on how cheap human life is in the post-apocalyptic wasteland that Mariah Carey rules. That's either anti-capitalist
Starting point is 00:06:56 or the worst kind of capitalism, isn't it? Top story now and Elon Musk news. Elon Musk has the dog that has caught the car, the self-driving dog that has caught the self-driving car. He has bought Twitter. He is now the lord of Twitter, the lord of all he surveys on Twitter. He's unleashed free speech, which has been well and truly proven by the massive surge in the use of slurs, which is always nice.
Starting point is 00:07:25 He's made all sorts of claims, which is his favorite thing to do. His favorite thing is to make big claims. He's brought in programmers from all his other companies to come in and chop Twitter up and fix it. He's doing the kind of inspiring slash terrifying announcement that if you're an employee, Twitter would make you desperately want to run for the hills. Things like, you know, you need to work 24 hours a day until we've fixed everything or else you go down this rubbish chute and be fed to my sharks.
Starting point is 00:07:52 You know, that kind of great HR policy stuff. Tom, Neenan, you're on Twitter. Can you unpack this story for us? Certainly. I think, though, I'm the only... What this site includes is your checkmark. Now, I think I'm the only one today on the go who doesn't have a they call it a blue checkmark. But it's actually a white checkmark in a blue splodge.
Starting point is 00:08:13 So I want to make that clear straight away. Are you both verified? I'm verified. Yes. I mean, not that I had anything to do with it. It just happened. Maybe you're the cooler one now i feel like being unverified is going to become cooler so i feel like this is a historical um sort of timeline here if you became verified sort of spontaneously tiff i had to apply to be
Starting point is 00:08:37 verified after someone was pretending to be me oh no and yes which I don't know why anyone would. It's not easy to be me. I can only imagine it would be much harder to pretend to be me because then you wouldn't even be feeling authentic while you were doing it. So I did have to apply at some point, but it wasn't a difficult application. Then it became more difficult, and now apparently you're going to have to pay $20 a month. So for just $1 a business day, you too could sponsor a needy child.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Hang on. It was 20, but as we've seen from haggling between Stephen King and Elon, like he has literally sprayed his musky scent all over Twitter. Like, you know, he's like marking it like immediately. So he did
Starting point is 00:09:25 say it was going to be 20 alice then stephen king was like i'm out like and then it then must treated it like he was down petticoat lane trying to buy 20 pairs of socks for a fiver he was like oh what about eight dollars what about eight dollars what about crypto and club card points you know like this is where we're gonna get to with it so i mean who knows next week whether it'll be actually he starts paying everyone maybe so this is the problem with billionaires i think which is that they want you to pay to have a kind of elite experience because that's what they do billionaires pay to have a nicer experience of life and the only way to make that worthwhile is to make the normal experience of life horrifying this is why they have airport lounges because the actual airport is unbearable to be in
Starting point is 00:10:06 and they've made it unbearable to be in because they want you to pay for the airport lounge. So this only works if the general experience of Twitter is so full of f***ing ads and micropayments that you cannot bear to exist in it. And so you will then pay £20 just to be lifted above the seething mass of crying children
Starting point is 00:10:25 who are shitting themselves and trying to sell you NFTs. They just want to be landlords everywhere. Yes. Even in cyberspace, whether it's Meta or Twitter, they just want to be the boss who gets to be in the slightly nicer house and the only way to do that is ruining everyone else's house. It is a real case of like he's gone, you know, the phrase if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Starting point is 00:10:44 He's gone somewhere that was broken twitter was not good if it is broken make it worse seems to be his policy so which god you gotta gotta respect it he's thinking more nazis more slurs um have have two tiers at the minute sure there are some people with a blue tick but basically everyone gets the same twitter experience which is awful so at least we all know, you know, when we see Stephen King or when we see Taylor Swift, she logs on Twitter and has an equally bad time as everyone else. And that's quite freeing. I love that.
Starting point is 00:11:13 I mean, the kind of rhetoric that surrounds this purchase of Twitter is the free speech, open market of free speech to open the public square, the free market, the public open market free square, which is a lovely idea until you've been pickpocketed in the open market. And if you've got this kind of evolutionary darwinian idea about how ideas work then you know you have an open fight and then the best one wins people who believe in the like inevitably positive outcomes of evolution have not met cockroaches you say it's like a town square
Starting point is 00:11:41 i've just come up with this amazing joke um You know how like you're in a town square and you see like an advert and it's like for guitar lessons and you're like, but I don't want guitar lessons. Anyway, that's just my idea that I've just had and I hope you enjoy it on the podcast. Listen, for me, it's less about the guitar lessons
Starting point is 00:12:02 and more about the lesson within the guitar lesson. Look at the notes. It's about the guitar notes you're not playing. I got you. Yeah, yeah. It makes about as much sense as me charging Elon every time I get in a Tesla. Like, I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Like, and he was like, I want, like, because I was sort of, I was trying to be open-minded about, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt uh um sort of when he came in i was like okay well like like tom said maybe we can make this a more positive experience and there was talk of i want creators to make money but all you're doing at the moment is you've got these huge you know someone like stephen king who just has no reason to be on Twitter you know he makes millions and millions of pounds there's no reason to give his writing for free and when we do fun stuff and put fun stuff and fun content on Twitter we are doing it for free you know I mean with a
Starting point is 00:12:55 possible down the line idea you know how directly that transfers is to selling some tickets to a thing at some point but once we start charging for that, like, you know, then it just, it makes no sense. It's like me paying to have an article of mine in a newspaper. Well, which is an advert. Yeah. Anyway, I'm excited to see what Twitter becomes under Musk.
Starting point is 00:13:18 I do think he has the best of intentions. I just also think that he does not have the best of logics. So we'll see how those two things emerge and i for one will continue to count my characters uh and see what happens you think he has good intentions that's interesting i uh i'm not sure i think he likes being sent i think he has main character syndrome a thing i've heard about from from the younger people and i think that the trouble is he's got the money to enact his main character syndrome a thing i've heard about from from the younger people and i think that the trouble is he's got the money to enact his main character syndrome and go look at me i'm the main character of everyone's thoughts at the minute which to be fair he is we're talking about him
Starting point is 00:13:53 right now he's not even on the zoom so he's one i mean yeah i mean to be fair everyone has main character syndrome. But especially me. Your ad section now, because you can't be what you can't buy. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Wombats. Pleasantly stubborn, benevolently non-responsive. Wombats, if a nice round rock had a personality. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by the gargle this podcast bringing you itself you can't be all things to all people but you can be half a glass of water to the people who need a little pep up but have already had too much caffeine today the gargle if half a glass of
Starting point is 00:14:36 water had a personality and this episode of the podcast is brought to you by stained glass windows stained glass windows for those of you who want to vajazzle the light. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance-enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com
Starting point is 00:15:53 Solar geoengineering news now this is a story in response to the news that the un has released that we've basically f***ed it as far as pulling ourselves back from the brink of catastrophic heat and climate change so people are looking for the Hail Mary, the pass into the atmosphere. What people hope is going to happen, which is that someone figures out some technology that's going to fix it all and not inevitably be the beginning of a post-apocalyptic story. This is solar geoengineering, which is where you throw some dust into the atmosphere, maybe make the atmosphere a little thicker, maybe put more clouds in the air, maybe stop the sun from burning us all up to death. Tiff Stevenson, you're the sun. Can you unpack this story for us? I am the sun. Actually, solo geoengineering is the tanning salon I use. So we've been heavy on the ecological disasters this year with the hurricanes, the droughts and a plague of billionaires. So we're back to discussing
Starting point is 00:16:42 what causes climate change again which is greenhouse emissions which is what i remember as a teenager the discussion being this hairspray is bad this one isn't i have to make it relative to how i understand it so we need zero emissions and uh apparently if it's not already too late so it could be that we're the last humans to bake ourselves on this rock whilst jabbing at our swipey bricks of discontent or iphones as they're properly known you know how they find the remains of the pompeians in various frozen states of fleeing or holding hands ours will just be holding phones or doing an iteration of a tiktok dance but still holding a phone of course so the discussion is solar geoengineering which alice you did explain a little bit.
Starting point is 00:17:30 It's the intentional modification of Earth's atmosphere to reflect more sunlight back into space with the goal of cooling temperatures on a regional or planetary. You have to say it like that. Planetary scale. Basically, we're going to fry those alien bitches while we have a nice air conditioned time. I'm just going to say it. We haven't asked space how it feels feels about this but it says stratospheric aerosol injection sexy with a thin veil of aerosols into the atmosphere to reflect away sunlight we're back to the hairspray thing again which i think means i understand it basically we need to decarbonize which i'm not happy about because i quite like my diamonds apparently it's they're thinking that this might be this might be a bad thing because countries are going to use it you know
Starting point is 00:18:10 and their material interest will diverge but it might be our only option so basically if it's possible to jizz into the air enough that you don't have to stop uh digging up dinosaurs and burning them to fuel your iphone uh people will like, okay, I'm not going to bother, and they'll just start jizzing dust into the atmosphere. I cannot imagine how this could possibly go wrong. I cannot imagine how deliberately altering the very fabric of our atmosphere could possibly end in some sort of horrifying eternal ice age. Tom Neenan?
Starting point is 00:18:43 I think you're not being positive enough i think it's lovely i think that it turns out the problem that we've been facing can be solved by making the world a bit more camp and i think that's lovely basically you don't need greta thunberg you need rupal is what you need to make everything just a bit sparklier because that's the point right isn't it it's this like this fine stuff that you put in the atmosphere and it reflects. It's like glitter. It's like glitter. And the only downside is that anyone, when you get a card with glitter on it,
Starting point is 00:19:11 Mars will be like, oh great, I've got some glitter on my dark side for the next three months. But I think it's what a beautiful solution. Obviously, yes, we want people to still do the things they should be doing to fix the uh to fix the atmosphere but but why not add a little bit of fun a little bit of whimsy into into it as well i think it's quite nice obviously you know releasing an aerosol into the atmosphere that then reflects the sun and sort of changes composition is is a lot easier
Starting point is 00:19:41 than some of the alternatives which are like use less carbon and plant trees you know hard stuff that it's difficult to get your head around so i'm all for it i think it's a lovely idea and i think it's uh you know we all it's a way of relieving climate anxiety by going p.s there's a secret little thing we can do and it will solve it all but we just don't want to and that that eases my climate anxiety a lot your reviews section now. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars. Tom, what have you brought in for us this week?
Starting point is 00:20:13 Well, slightly late, but obviously it was Halloween recently. And I got a load of those sort of mini fun-sized sweet bags for the kids. No one came round, because why would they? I did nothing to make my house look like it was up for a Halloween whimsy. So I just got to eat them all myself. But what I did is I've rated all of the different bars that you get in the fun-sized Heroes Grab Bag. And so I'm going to review all of the contents of that. Cadbury Dairy Milk Fun Size.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Absolute classic, no notes. Four and a half stars out of five. Cadbury Dairy Milk Fun Size, absolute classic, no notes, four and a half stars out of five. Cadbury Caramel Fun Size, tries to sort of embellish on a classic with some unwanted fripperies. Stay in your lane, Cadbury's Dairy Milk, two stars. Pearly Whirly, overpowers you with its cloying whimsicality, two stars.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Buttons, absolute MVP of the hero's bag, really holds the team together with some clarity of vision. That's five stars. Twirl, no thank you, one star. Flake, a flake as we all know is just a female twirl, see above. And Fudge, Chump and Crunchy are all a solid ballast but ultimately not adding much to the mix.
Starting point is 00:21:20 So I'm going to give them two and a half stars. Happy Halloween. Thank you. I mean, that's a comprehensive review and I appreciate it very much. I think we've learned a lot about your chocolate tastes which is that you don't like anything interesting. Also, I feel like you've uncovered a real core issue with Halloween which is that nowadays it seems like the etiquette for Halloween
Starting point is 00:21:41 is if you've got candy, you put out the decorations. The decorations are your kind of flag that signals to the tribe that it's okay for children to come visit your house i think the problem is only for people who have inherently quite spooky houses if your house is decrepit enough they're coming to get you whether you put a pumpkin on it or not that is true i feel like that's the ultimate critique if you haven't done decor and a kid knocks on your door no you're like really i cleaned brutal tiff what have you brought in for us following on from the halloween theme i came across an advert for pet psychic so i will read the advert because she's from Edgbaston
Starting point is 00:22:25 I presume in the accent it was written and then I will give a review of the service alright Babs been feeling lonely since Mittens passed over to the other side do you miss Polly even though she didn't look so pretty after she flew into the patio doors do you sometimes feel like your leg is being humped by an invisible force get in touch with pet psychics for you it's for you i got in touch i paid a 700 pound
Starting point is 00:22:53 to speak with my dearly departed goldfish fruit salad who did actually pass away due to greenhouse gases this is a true story it was my 15th birthday and all of my friends came over for a sleepover and we went out but they before we went out they went mad in my room with jubilee perfume and batiste dry shampoo and impulse body spray and then when i came back like fruit salad and blackjack the other goldfish named after the two sweets were floating on top of the fish tank. On the bright side, they looked great. They did look great.
Starting point is 00:23:28 And they smelled fantastic. So Fruit Salad said he was pissed off at being chucked down the toilet and he was trapped in some kind of U-bend limbo. So we did a bit of a spiritual flushing and now he's passed on to the other side, the great fish pond in the sea. So I'm very happy with the service.
Starting point is 00:23:45 I would give it five out of five stars. If you get a chance, give them all your money. By the way, the PayPal account is tiffstevensonmerch.com. Tram news now, and this is the news that a 25-year-old man in Poland has stolen a tram worth 7 million zlotys, which is, I think, living the dream. He gave the tram a non-existent line number and he just drove it around picking up passengers
Starting point is 00:24:13 and taking them further along the line. I don't understand how this is a bad thing. He was detained. I assume they set him free with a medal. Tom, you've caught a tram before. Can you unpack this story for us? Of course. It's Tram Fair Forte.
Starting point is 00:24:28 We're having a good time. So, yes, it's... What an exciting thing. First of all, like you say, he gave the completely non-existent number line, 33. I mean, I think all of this just shows a man who is very reserved. He didn't, like, give something a fake number, make it a thousand make it make it the infinity line but he just went no 33 that's good enough for me also as i found out as well that the uh the currency of poland is the zloty's or as i
Starting point is 00:24:56 first read it the zeloty's back to john peters again um but the thing that i can't get my head around is that he just did the job that public transit workers should do like he just picked people up dropped them off, was really helpful he might be the first person in history who if he isn't officially charged with the crime may have already done his community service it's what an absolute hero
Starting point is 00:25:18 this is a victimless crime I mean maybe it's an audition I mean a job interview what do they call it in in non-performers faces like this is the thing where somebody just shows up even though they haven't been asked to the audition they're like hey look what i can do he's like i could drive a tram why not i love him it's a lot of zlotties i can't tell because the pound is you know up and down now so i just i don't know where my base is anymore i don't know how many lotties is as lotty uh it's about a tram's worth of
Starting point is 00:25:53 the thing is everyone knew where the tram was like it wasn't like he sort of properly stole it yeah so he's the son of a tram driver. He wanted to emulate his father. That's positive, right? Yeah. Or it could have been that it was an effective protest about tram ticket prices. You know, I know it's no soup on some sunflowers, but it's something. It could be a protest we're watching
Starting point is 00:26:19 and we haven't given him the due credit or coverage indeed. I'm going to do the same today. I'm going to go out there. I'm going to get a tube.. I'm going to go out there. I'm going to get a tube. You can't go wrong with a tube. There's only one tube. So it can't go too wrong, can I?
Starting point is 00:26:33 And do the same. Emulate my hero, whoever that guy was. Do we name him? Can we name him? It's sort of like stealing a train, isn't it, to a certain extent? You're limited by the tracks. Yes. If you really want to go off the rails, you want to be stealing a car or a bus or a submarine yeah using off the rails in both senses of the phrase yeah i feel like there's not there's
Starting point is 00:26:52 not a lot of freedom in stealing a tram you're just sort of moving a tram either slightly faster or slightly slower than it was meant to move along that's a classic excuse for theft. I wasn't stealing it. I was moving it. I was moving it from your house to my house. It was just moved. No, that's the kind of cat burglar I am. I'll come in, I'll break into your safe, I'll take your diamonds and then I'll just put them under your bed. Just make your life slightly more unpleasant and inconvenient. That's me. The other day, for 10 minutes, I stole one of those horses that's on a carousel. Nobody knew, and it didn't stay on the carousel, but I knew I'd stole it. Miracle baby news now, or old sperm news now. And this is the news that, despite regulations that suggest that old sperm needs to be thrown away,
Starting point is 00:27:43 it might still be good. If you've frozen your sperm, we might still be able to get someone pregnant with it and they've discovered that that uh you can basically use sperm as old as you like so it raises the possibilities that maybe there's some ice age man there with a perfectly preserved ball sack who could impregnate a modern woman uh tiff stevenson, you've seen old bull sex before. Can you unpack this story? I mean, not with my consent. Yeah, I mean, it's sperm pops for the summer,
Starting point is 00:28:13 the icy treat that no one wants. Freezing sperm for up to 55 years so that more babies can have dads that don't stick around. Hurrah! So we can have historic sperm. We can hang on to Einstein. Well, we can't. Like Einstein or Beethoven.
Starting point is 00:28:27 The idiots, they were all freezing their heads. I'm slowly pickling myself over time. So I think eventually I'll be good. Just keep me in a jar with vinegar. Apparently, like, you know, the idea that you could use like famous people from history, they were sceptical of because apparently the world's first Nobelbel prize winner sperm bank closed due to limited demand of course but i bet if they opened an influencer sperm bank people would be queuing up to catch that hashtag load
Starting point is 00:28:54 i hate everyone like the idea that you could have had nobel prize winning sperm but no they just didn't bother and i do think like they were saying obviously there's ethical questions around if it was like 250 years old you know the genomes have changed radically and stuff um but he he said these were science fiction worries given that sperm freezing only began in the 1950s so we'll just have a bunch of biff tannins and richard nixon's or on the plus side, maybe some James Baldwin's, James Stewart, James De... Some good James. Bring me some good James Spunk.
Starting point is 00:29:28 That's what I'm asking. If we're going to use Spunk from the 50s, make it good James Spunk. We don't want any Richard Nixons. To be fair, everyone in the 50s was called James. It was compulsory. Are you going for the Jimmy Spunk or the James Spunk? Well, I mean, it's like, it's like glad show hosts.
Starting point is 00:29:49 It's not Jimmy. It's not in the slot. That's what they say about sperm. Oh boy. Oh, that's, that's horrific. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:57 It sounded horrific as it came out your mouth Alice, and it's still horrific. I love it. As a sperm owner myself, I love the idea that i'll be around thousands of years in the future still causing trouble because this all comes this comes from a um they did a trial didn't they and it was from sperm frozen in 1996 and apparently everything was fine and the the boy that they had was perfectly healthy the only downside was apparently his first words were um which is
Starting point is 00:30:26 very dated apart from that it sounds good it's i'm i'm all for it because you can so is there a point at which uh if ladies freeze their eggs and guys freeze their sperm that we could be having babies born whose parents were a long gone basically and then yes isn't that just cruel aren't we just aren't we then just like genetically engineering a group of sad orphans maybe for the the point of i assume you'd let some parents adopt them you wouldn't do no it's not fair they won't understand our ways they're from the olden days so yeah there is a point where we could just have see the the return of the workhouse and if that as someone who loves nostalgia i say bring it on that sounds lovely yeah this accent i'd be in the workhouse so i'm less i did actually genuinely did a voiceover for the gilford spike
Starting point is 00:31:18 really which were yeah which is like like like yeah, like kind of, he got quadded for a 10. I don't even know what it was. A lot of the words, I was like, I don't even know what this is. Yeah. But yes, basically they'll, you know, as they're walking around the museum, they'll hear me, you know.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Oh, wow. Complaining in Victorian. And that's all the time we have for today's show i'm flipping through the ad section at the back tiff if you've got anything to plug i would like to plug my tour which is of my show sexy brain which is next year and uh it's on pre-sale next week from the 8th so if you actually if you sign up to my mailing list you can get all the details first uh, which is at tiffstevenson.co.uk. I would also like to plug Catharsis, my new podcast with the Bugle Gang.
Starting point is 00:32:12 And this Alice Fraser is on the first episode, so that's out now. To clarify, it's not just the Bugle Gang who are guests. You have other guests. No, you're my first one because you're my favourite. So you're my first guest. Yes, there will be, you may recognise some of the guests and some of them may be new to you, but basically I act as an unqualified therapist,
Starting point is 00:32:33 an angry aunt, which is how I'm describing myself, to a host of comedians where we dive into old gripes that need sorting out, pet peeves, historical feuds. We're all over it, so tune in for that. I highly recommend it. I enjoyed being on the episode, and I can't wait to listen to one that doesn't have me on it. Tom, what have you got to plug?
Starting point is 00:32:55 So I think The Haunting might still be on BBC Sounds, but as with BBC Sounds, they tend to wrench stuff off pretty quickly as soon as it loses relevance. So if you go quickly, you might still catch some episodes of my radio film show The Haunting, please check that out. I did some writing on a show which goodness knows how much of what I wrote will actually make it onto the show, but Prince Andrew the Musical
Starting point is 00:33:14 on Channel 4, I think that's coming soon, the brilliant Kieran Hodgson is the mastermind behind that, and as usual just follow me on Twitter until I leave Twitter, which might be next week it might be five years from now, but at TNeenan on Twitter until I leave Twitter, which might be next week. It might be five years from now, but at Taneen and on Twitter as well. I will be doing a show in Brisbane
Starting point is 00:33:29 on the 12th of November at Good Chat Comedy. It will be the last performance of Kronos. I just haven't done a show in Brisbane, a solo show, and I kind of want to because I want to see if people will come because if people come, then I can come back and visit my twin brother. Come buy tickets, please.
Starting point is 00:33:44 I would like to see my brother again. Also find me online at a one-stop shop full of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs. You get all of my stand-up specials there for free, including Kronos, which will be coming out after the Brisbane show. We have roving reporters on this show. If you would like to submit a story, at HelloGogglers on Twitter is the place to do that.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Robert Allen sent in the tram theft story this week and Sealips sent in the old sperm story. Whoop whoop for our roving reporters. Please do join them if you think of something that you would like us to talk about. This is a Bugle podcast, an Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle podcast and Alice Fraser production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner.
Starting point is 00:34:25 I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from The Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions, and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts. The world today is angry, and not just about the important stuff. I'm Tiff Stevenson and I'm annoyed you're listening to this. And I know something random has pissed you off already today.
Starting point is 00:34:53 So this show is a safe space for me, you and a funny guest to relive, release, unload on all of those things that make modern life so, well, like this. She hated me. And that's the number one thing I don't like in a person, personally. I can take someone that I don't like, that's fine with me if I don't like you. But if you don't like me, that ruins me. No beef too old, no fear too irrational, no opinion too unpopular. First of all, it's not growing out of my brain. It's what are you talking about? I mean, if your hair manifested the internals of your brain,
Starting point is 00:35:30 there'd be a lot of people in mergers and acquisitions with tiny penises for hair. But it's just the worst Medusa ever. From the Bugle, this is Catharsis.

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