The Gargle - Wanking walrus | Ex-Benedict | Incel in cell

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Cerys Bradley and James Nokise join host Alice Fraser for episode 94 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!🎆 Wanking walrus✝️ Ex-Benedict🍕 Incel in a cell📆 2023 predictions📱 Cancer text🤒 ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

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Everywhere. Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. know, but as I sit here in my comfortable castle, I ask myself if I'd rather have the easier life with fewer throats slit, if it meant I'd miss out on this. Then I stretch my back, dip my quill in the inkwell and turn to The Gargle. This is The Gargle, the sonic glossy magazine to the Bugle's audio newspaper for Visual World, the podcast that has all of the news and none of the politics. I'm your host, Alice Fraser, and your guest editors for this week's edition of the magazine are Keris Bradley and James Nokise. Welcome.

Hello. Hello. How are you in the new year? Is there a new you? Yes, I transformed. It is Be More Chill 2023. So I'm literally the opposite person that I was three days ago, four days ago. Do you think it'll stick? Yes, because it's been more chill 2023. So even if it doesn't stick, it's fine.

We'll just go with the flow. But yeah, this is the year where I dramatically changed my personality and everybody likes me. James, what about you? How's the first three days gone for you? Well, I've been going to the gym with one of my old bros from back in the day because we're both 40 now and we've really just gone to just see all of the hardcore new year new me people in the gym and then we're just trolling them by not doing any weights like we

just use the bar and then just oh and then every time we look at us we go oh just working on our form just working on our form but then we just do like go really intense with the and it's literally just spending 90 minutes a day just trolling gym junkies it's very fun that sounds like the best new year's resolution i've ever heard of just go and be really obnoxious and overcrowded gym we go for coffee and cake afterwards it. Well, before we lie down on the bench and spot each other through the presses that is this week's top stories, let's have a look at the front cover of the magazine. The front cover of the magazine this week is a reflective piece of foil

inside the drawing of an elaborate gilded frame. The headline reads, New Year, same old haggard you. Inside, ghosts of New year's past predict the new year's future sub headline people in the past didn't know anything about reddit and a pop-out section 10 toxic people you should cut out of your life in 2023 number eight will shock you and that's exactly why you need to put that boundary in place right now i don't know i is this just me in my Instagram, but I keep getting fed

self-help off everyone who annoys you inspo. Does anyone have that? Like cut toxic people out of your life. Your job isn't to make people like you. And I find it really inspiring. Genuinely, it's so brave. I have never cut anyone out of my life because I calmly decided that they were a toxic person who was limiting my self-growth. I cut people out of my life because I calmly decided that they were a toxic person who was limiting my self growth I cut people out of my life for the normal reasons and in the normal way out of cowardice shame or rage and sneakily in the hope that they won't notice and if they do notice they'll still like me anyway or sometimes I just forget to text for a few years and think oh god the friendship's probably gone moldy like it's mysterious tupperware in the back of the fridge do you get fed this inspo I get a lot of the uh like it's become to the point where now there's a lot of TikTok,

which is like, cut toxic people out of your life. But the people are like, your child, your child is asking you to do things for you without taking any thoughts for your feelings. Therefore, you have to cut them out of your life. Because you can't have people like that in your life who just take take take and don't give anything back like if you look at every relationship through that lens every relationship is is toxic so you should just just get rid of everybody that's how far down the rabbit hole i am i only ever wash 51 of the dishes because that's what i feel like is female representation it's still unequal but it's un it's representatively unequal james do you get inspo no i i think i'm the one people cut out i come from a very practical immigrant community and i'm home for christmas

uh and it's it's striking how many of them are catching up at parks and i'm i'm i'm indoors no invites a lot of a lot of weddings taking place while i'm back in new zealand that i've seen on instagram no james i have this too and i have to assume this is because people don't know what country i'm in mostly yeah yeah absolutely and to any of my dear friends who are listening to this episode um no not your wedding uh it looked great though the satirical cartoon this week is a worn out millennial talking on the phone saying these last three years have been the weirdest year of my life they are holding a tabloid magazine in the picture which has one of those nostalgic retrospectives masks where are they now now it's time for your top story top story this week

are we all excited about our top story this year? This is the top story of the year and it is a good one. This is walrus wanking news. This is the news that a fireworks event was cancelled because a walrus decided to take a break from his journey and masturbate in the street. Keris, you sound like you had a good new year. Can you unpack this story for us?

The news is that Scarborough cancelled their New Year's Eve fireworks because they didn't want to kill the mood for the walrus. They thought it might be too distracting for him. And so instead, they set up a barrier so that like thousands of people from Scarborough could just parade past and watch whilst he was doing his business. thought that would be totally fine and I just think it's pretty typical of the British press that they have been posting about the fact that Thor has been polishing his hammer like on every single newspaper oh yes the walrus's name is Thor we should be very clear oh yes sorry should have said before I made that excellent joke that I was really proud of. But yeah, that was a private piece of information. I think we need to understand what is acceptable to say about celebrities these days.

Thor did not give them permission to tell everyone what he was up to. And then the sort of less reported news story is the fact that in response to this, all of the dogs of Scarborough have come together in protest because they've been petitioning for that fireworks display to be cancelled for years and nobody has listened and uh they're just really cross because they've wanted the firework display to be to be cancelled for absolutely ages but then one celebrity walrus turns up for a wank and suddenly it's cancelled within in seconds um and all of their petitions have been ignored all of their notices to the council

to say that fireworks displays aren't acceptable for dogs. Nothing. One walrus is gone. They're fuming at the moment. I mean, it's less of a perverted thing than it sounds if you think of the walrus as a different species. I'm sure there's been many a lonely scientist who's masturbated on a beach full of walruses

without blinking an eye. And the turnabout is fair fair play is what I say. You're saying you think the walruses have learned this from scientists and upon engaging with society, human society, they have greeted us in the language that they understand humans to greet people with a cheerful, lazy wank. Hello, I come in peace. I'm just trying to figure out which song is more ruined by this new story.

Scarborough Fair or I Am the Walrus. Whenever I hear either one right now, all I can picture is it. Because he looks comfortable. I have to say, as someone doing a public wank, the walrus looks like, you know, he's very relaxed. But you have to understand, it's not a public wank. He's a walrus. As far as he's concerned, people aren't, you know,

if there were a lot of other walruses around, now that is an exhibitionist walrus. This walrus might as well be, we might as well be fish. Right. I mean, I thought they only wanked an ice oh that was the do you think do you think attenborough is being summoned to deal with it is that they roll him out for situations like that attenborough feels a ripple in the force every time a walrus masturbates i think the the walrus has gotten now hasn't he he's come and gone yeah this was a very much an end of 2022 thing to do so i think he had

a 2023 new year's resolution next year i will stop masturbating in british sea towns gotta get the last one out of the way so that i can survive the next year without doing it that is my personal theory about for the Masturbating Walrus I mean we all developed some weird habits in lockdown I think and everyone's seen fireworks like I don't regret the cancellation of a fireworks display at all nobody ever sees

15 minutes of mind blowing fireworks and then goes yeah that was really worth it you know? Isn't a brilliant thing Alice there's no science behind that at all is there like no one's done a study on where fireworks affect walrus masturbation they just had a vibe you just assumed you just assume i wouldn't like to be in public having a wank and then having explosion i mean i would actually to be honest play by the valkyries and bring it home yeah i love the smell of what

there's no need to complete that i don't think that they cancelled the firework display because they thought it would disturb the walrus i think they realized they couldn't compete with the spectacle of a masturbating walrus they were like no one is going to come to our fireworks display it's not it's not going to be profitable except Except the walrus. Just move him. Put it behind. Just put it behind. Yeah, exactly. And I mean, this is the thing when a walrus comes,

you might not know this, it comes out in like showers of like sparks that look like a fountain. Its own fireworks display. You're at section now because you can't be what you can't buy. And this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Magpies, the charming but violent, pickpocket-minded maniac of the air, a black and white gentleman with an air of ethical flexibility. The Magpie always has a cheeky wink for a passerby,

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Hatchets, for when something needs chopping. And if you have a magpie, you'll know it's tough to keep them clean. Try hurling half a glass of water at your filthy bird and see what happens. Warning, side effects may include bruising, blindness, a wet bird, regret and thirst. Half a glass of water, the tool for some occasions. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships,

houses divided, corporate rivalry, and a performance enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate. Available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com. Now it's time for ex-Benedict news. This is the news that the ex-Pope, the Pope Emeritus, retired Pope, the first Pope to retire in 600 years, has now done the traditional Pope-ly retirement of dying, dying off the job, unlike most Popes. James Nwokise, you have crosses behind you.

Can you unpack this story? Yes, cause for celebration here in the Presbyterian Church, as it looks like we've knocked a pope down. There was already too many. And Pope Benedict, hashtag Nazi Pope, but strangely known for more controversy as the pope who may or may not have covered up all of the Catholic sexual abuse that we were definitely not joking about in the 80s. Because everyone knew it and still stayed quiet.

Hashtag spotlight. A Christmas movie. Anyway, Pope Benedict is dead. And they're going to do a papal funeral for him. Even though he retired as Pope. Because a papa always a papa there's like I said a lot of controversy about what his legacy is apparently he died of delayed guilt it's a very catholic sickness um that rarely infects uh the clergy but um weirdly is taken up a lot by teenagers yeah i was concerned about whether to do this story or not because it's sort of a you know i don't want to make fun of people's religion and and also you know it's quite

a people respect the pope but i just want to list a few of uh of pope benedict's achievements and i think what is traditionally in the bugleverse called a f***ulogy. Among other things, he refused to reverse the excommunication of a mother and doctors who provide an abortion for her nine-year-old daughter, who was pregnant by her stepfather. That lady was excommunicated by a Brazilian bishop and Pope Benedict stood by his pal. He didn't favour interfaith encounters with Muslims

and he had a conviction that Islam could not be put on an equal footing with Catholicism. In 1992 he made official Vatican policy that homosexuality is an objective disorder and a tendency ordered towards an intrinsic moral evil. He also suggested that condoms helped to spread AIDS which you know fun. He lifted the excommunication of a traditionalist Holocaust denying bishop, just in case you were worried that he couldn't reverse an excommunication. And he was in the Hitlerjugend, which I blame him less for than I blame him for what happened to other innocent children under his watch. Keris, how do you feel about it?

So he excommunicated the nine-year-old as well in that story? Yes. The Brazilian bishop excommunicated the nine-year-old as well in that story yes oh the brazilian bishop excommunicated the nine-year-old and the mother but importantly not the stepfather who did the raping yeah and uh pope benedict did not reverse that excommunication though he did reverse the excommunication of the holocaust denier so cool cool cool cool cool cool cool is not what he'll be saying when he's in the place that he goes pope benedict is the pope who calls into question the rhetorical question is the pope catholic it was just a very confusing time under him he's the pope whose papal actions were so oh they're so terrible they're funny that they were not funny anymore um apparently though i heard his last words were i hope my queue is longer than the queen's because he's currently lying in state there's a nice queue there the

weirdest thing about pope benedict is he's not the worst pope like i really like the implication that when we die what you get given when you die is just a list of all of the people in the order so that we can finally find out which one is the worst oh i assume it's sort of like a photograph at school that you have to line up in height order but it's the height of your sins until you find out where in the line you stand that's my theory i wonder when they decided he needed to retire like i wonder like what was it when he like was, was like, the guy's a Holocaust denier, but he's a good Catholic. No, like,

maybe we need to push this guy out. Well, I feel like you never want to speak ill of the dead because people have, like, a family who loved them. But, like, if you're a Pope, you don't. I mean, a lot of people did speak ill of him when he was alive.

So, we don't have to speak ill of the dead. We could just quote the bad things that people said when he was alive because there's just, loads of those now it's time for your reviews as you know each week we ask our guest editors to bring in something to review out of five stars uh what have you brought in for us this week james i've brought in um high school mates you haven't seen for years who's done an open mic comedy gig. I think this is something that all comedians experience over the Christmas break as we catch

up with people and inevitably someone we know who we were quite fond of catching up with has done one open mic and suddenly wants to tell you all their jokes and none of them are good. A few of them are actually cause for you to call up other friends and organize a meeting. And it's just a really weird experience where you suddenly realize the coffee that you thought you were getting is a meeting and you are being asked to give notes. So I'm not saying that's happened. I'm just saying it's a possibility for comedians. And Simon, if you're listening, I still think, you know, there's a good five minutes there. I don't know where it is, mate. Probably drop the stuff about your cousin or at least wait

to dare an adult. It's not it's not ready. It's not ready at all. I'll give it two. But one of those is for friendship. Years past which one and caris what have you brought in for us to review i have brought being sick at christmas which has become my new christmas tradition i would also like to give it two stars uh because it is terrible but also uh it does give you an excuse to not have to spend any time with anyone for at least one day over the Christmas period so there is a silver lining but yeah I got Covid last year silver lining was didn't have to go back to my mum's got to spend Christmas with my partner but also that was really sad because I didn't get to go back to my mum's and then this year Boxing Day I was so sick so

it's sort of swings and roundabouts I haven't decided how I feel about being sick at Christmas is whilst it's actually happening, it's terrible. But on reflection, it was quite nice. And in-cell, in-a-cell news now, because this is the news that Andrew Tate, professional arsehole, I think is the term for what he is, has been arrested. Andrew Tate ran a number of cam

girls over the years and has said boastfully in many of his podcasts and videos a lot of really nasty things about women. Basically, he has a real kind of survival of the fittest attitude towards the relationship between men and women. And he will tell you about it at length and for money so a lot of uh desperately uh insecure usually young men become his pay pigs in order to fund his telling them how to be men um and he does that by sort of cosplaying masculinity in an extremely fun camp way by smoking a cigar and calling women whores. He's been arrested for allegedly human trafficking. And although we do not know why it happened, my favourite part about the story was the rumour that Greta Thunberg lured him out of hiding because he tweeted at her showing her a picture of one of his cars and said, I'll send you a list of all my cars because pollution is masculine and caring about the environment is the pussies.

And she said, email me at smalldickenergy at getalife.com, to which he replied, I know you are, but what am I? And sent a picture of himself with a pizza box, which allegedly was the last piece of information that the police needed to arrest him. Now, I don't think that's true. I think that is just made up because it would be very cool that immediately after he tweeted a picture of himself trying to own Greta Thunberg, he got owned by the authorities. But it's given so many people so much joy that I hope it's at least a little bit true. Keris?

Even if you take out the pizza box thing it's still a wonderful story because of how long it took andrew tate to respond to greta thomberg's burn so she was like oh yeah send me these photos at this email address that i cleverly wrote so that it would make it look like you're a loser and then like hours later he was like oh no if that's your email address that means that you're the one with the small dick oh i've got it i've got it i've cracked it guys here we go um and he made this big video of him like in his fancy nightgown to tell tell her that he'd come up with an excellent response just hours and hours and several workshops later which i found really entertaining and then my

other favorite thing about this story is the fact that elon musk has decided to commentate um so nobody asked for his opinion but the independent wrote an article about what he said about this because that is news now and he uh said look look, Andrew, mate, I know I reinstated you to Twitter, but don't don't make fun of Greta. I actually think she's pretty cool. He said, the sheer amount of brand awareness that she has achieved within a few years is astounding. I think she's pretty cool, to be honest, because that's clearly why Greta is doing all of this for the brand recognition. This year, she's going to be like, oh, I really care about climate change. I'm going to tell you why in my new partnership with Amazon, because she's just secretly been an influencer this entire time.

That is Elon Musk's read on it. So stop tweeting, Elon. Twitter was so slow today. Twitter was so incredibly slow today that there was literally a trending topic that had your name in it. And I couldn't find out what it was because your stupid service doesn't work fast enough. so incredibly slow today that there was literally a trending topic that had your name in it and I couldn't find out what it was because your stupid service doesn't work fast enough. God bless Elon Musk. You have better things to do.

God bless that man. Twitter lost 55% of its value in just one month. I've always gone back and forth on Musk, like partly out of contrarianism because I don't like to be agreeing with everyone too much. But now that public opinion is turning against him, I think I'm in the pro-Musk camp, like quite firmly. What is the point of having historically unprecedented quantities of wealth if you're not going to throw it around recklessly in insane vanity projects? James, how do you, I mean, you're professionally

a man who educates other men on how not to be cockheads. Do you think you could do something with Andrew Tate? Well, I think we don't give Andrew Tate enough credit, Alice, because you'll notice in the news stories he was mentioned with his brother, but I don't think there is a brother. I think the brother is the actual Tate, and I think Andrew is a penis that has come to life and mastered a martial art.

Now, my penis has not had that kind of physical capabilities ever, and yet it's mastered a martial art. It can hold a cigar. What man's penis can hold a cigar? And yet here we have video proof being sent to a 19-year-old girl of a man's penis, a 19-year-old young lady of a man's penis, eating a pizza and smoking a cigar. And I just don't think we credit Andrew Tate enough

with just being a fully functional penis out there in the world, doing things that we legally cannot discuss on this podcast, and wearing a gown. Where's a good gown? It's extraordinary. The number of things that he has said and the way that he speaks about men and women and the way that men and women relate

just has nothing to do with how I've ever seen anyone relate to anyone else. It's like a deranged 14-year-old's fantasy about conquest and ownership. But it's like even when you see a deranged 14-year-old in company with women, at least he has the grace to vomit out of nervousness. What's amazing to me is that I watch on YouTube basketball videos, the intros to 1980s cartoons and occasionally a late show from American television. a late show from American television. And yet Andrew Tate will show up in my story about every fourth video telling me

about how a woman's place is somewhere beneath him. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong in my life that Andrew Tate keeps haunting my YouTube. I had one conversation with my brother this Christmas and that conversation went you know who i think is taking a lot of talking a lot of sense right now and i already knew the answer and i didn't want to hear the answer and he was like it's that jordan peterson guy and he's a primary school teacher who lives in yate jordan peterson could not say anything that will in any way positively affect his life,

but he has somehow made his way to South Gloucestershire and is talking sense to people who have the potential to be very nice young men if, yeah, they did not have to watch those videos every... I say have to watch those videos as if my brother is like sat down in front of a screen and is being told you will. You will watch Jordan Peterson videos. I think Jordan Peterson does talk a lot of sense. He says things like pull up your socks and clean your bedroom and look after the people around you. And then he says things like women represent confusion and despair.

They are the dragon in Lacanian myth. Like you're just like, hmm. Well, obviously, Alice, as the female host of this show, you would have that point of view, but I think you'll find if you eat enough steak and the gout settles down, you'll be able to come around to what I'm saying. That's because mythically I represent darkness,

whereas you represent light and order. I represent the fecund, creative dragon myth that haunts us all with its massive vagina. I don't know. It's just Age of Aquarius on beta blockers, right? I'm not wrong about this. Now it's time for our 2023 predictions thread because no one could have predicted this.

This is just a fun little pop-out section, which is predictions that were made about what would happen in 2023 from far in the past. Keris what's your favourite one? Well a lot of them were actually very accurate. I like the utensils and houses will be made of pulp prediction because you can now get utensils that are made of of pulp. Utensils and dwellings will be manufactured largely of pulps and cements so as to utilise vegetation and stone in every stage of decay, ordinary waste or unfitness. I was just surprised to see such a mundane and accurate prediction. But I did like them all because for the most part they were all all so positive. Like now when we predict the future, it's how long will it be until the world is literally on fire and we are all dead?

What is the massive world ending event that's going to happen in the next 50 to 100 years? But these predictions are all like, oh, oh, how are men going to style their hair in 100 years? Or what's the magic thing that's going to make it easier for us to do these things? Or we're only going to have to work four hours a day. It's going to be lovely in the future. It's a very different time. James, what's your favourite prediction of the future from the past?

I mean, I'm sort of the same, I was fascinated by some of them, like the radio watch screen fit, which is almost like an eye. There's little predictions where you go, oh, man, that is kind of like what we've got now, the wireless connections. I did love Curls for Men. for men curls for men by 2023 predicts anthropologist bases his statement on trend of masculine and feminine styles only because it made me think of my my Samoan grandfather and the fact that I mean I'm half Welsh so my hair is curly like my grandmother from Wales there was curly hair back then but there there was also Brylcreem. That's why it made me think of my grandfather because all it's really saying is men will stop devastating their scalps with Brylcreem and just hard steel brushes, which is what happened to me when I was a child every Sunday

before we went to church. Or Vaseline if you're from the Pacific and don't have access to brokering but I think that's my favorite is men will have curly hair and this is the future I think the premise is that men will curl their hair deliberately not just that they'll naturally have curly hair but they'll actually curl their hair like like women do and that women will wear trousers. I like that because it's true. In reading a forecast of 2023, when many varieties of aircraft are flying through the heavens, we do not begin the day by reading the world's news,

but by listening to it, for the newspaper has gone out of business more than half a century before. I mean, not wrong. I like the no more hard work by 2023. As Dr. Charles P. Steinmetz, the electrical expert, which is my favorite job title of today, believes that the time is coming when there'll be no long drudgery and that people will toil not more than four hours a day owing to the work of electricity. which I think is so hopeful about the uses of electricity given that we spend hours a day toiling over our electronic devices and people in Amazon workshops are being chased around by robots who are counting how many times they breathe between package liftings. But I think it's very nice.

I think it's a shame that the prediction also the maidens may pronounce at the height of style and personal pimping to blacken their teeth has come true but it's actually that you should brush your teeth with charcoal to make them whiter so that you will be prettier that's one of those like you've got to think very carefully what you ask the genie for because the genie's definitely gonna do some kind of trick so that you get the letter of exactly what you asked for but not in the spirit of what you asked for i like the prediction that beauty contests will be unnecessary as there will be so many beautiful people that will be almost impossible to select winners because i think that

is so true if you look at instagram now people so beautiful. Like that's not how people used to look when I was young. It's just astonishingly, every time you look at Instagram, they have one fewer human feature. I get just managed to blur out one more imperfection. I figure in four years, we'll just be looking at sexy noodles, trying to sell you a subscription service to HelloFresh. Like you just lose every single, it's no no eyebrows like it's truly extraordinary i like that by 2023 the average life of man could be increased to 100 years which uh i mean only if you're a pope that protects pedophiles is the rule of thumb there breaking news your Your Christmas was not as bad as some people's Christmases, even if you had a pretty bad Christmas.

At GP surgery this Christmas, accidentally told patients that they had aggressive lung cancer instead of wishing them a Merry Christmas. The text message read from the forwarded letters at Redacted has asked for you to do a DS-1500 for the above patient diagnosis, aggressive lung cancer with a metastasis thanks immediately followed by this text please accept our sincere apologies for the previous text message sent this has been sent in error our message to you should have read we wish you a very merry

christmas and a happy new year in case of emergency please contact the nhs and i mean budget cuts is one thing but i guess you managed to cure a lot of people of cancer very quickly uh with that text it's all about the stats i think it's a sign of the times isn't it how hard the austerity measures have hit all public institutions um because no one was able to be visited by an individual spirit this year to be given the meaning of life and the sense of Christmas. They just had to send out one mass text tricking people into thinking they had cancer and then telling them that they were fine so that they really appreciated the life that they had

and just got to imagine for themselves what the world would look like without them in it. What's going to be really awkward is next year when the nhs has been deconstructed and everyone is developing lung cancer from the pollution in london and they have to send out a mass text you know tell me i have cancer once shame on you that's all the time we have for the show this week i'm flipping through the ads at the back. Keris, have you got anything to plug? Yes, I have a new show which I am going to be whipping in London, Leicester, Glasgow and Brighton, which is called Not Overthinking Things 2019. And I desperately need audiences to come and tell me

which of the bits are bad. So people need to go to my website and find the nearest town to them where they can come and tell me which of the bits are bad um so people need to go to my website and find the nearest town to them where they can come and watch it definitely go see keris i saw their show this year in edinburgh it was great last year i saw their show last year in edinburgh and it was great james what have you got to plug uh i i have a new podcast which was meant to be coming out in September on rugby and corruption and the Pacific nations. And then the Rugby World Cup officers got raided by the police and the vice chairman of World Rugby got arrested for corruption and charged. So now it's coming out in February

because we had to do a lot of rewrites on the end of the series. That's extremely exciting. Check that out if you can. Is it only in New Zealand or will it be everywhere? No, it'll be everywhere. It's called Fair Game, the Pacific Rugby Against the World. It's really become a true crime podcast in spite of me trying to make it a rugby podcast. I'm Alice Fraser.

You can find me online at atalliterative on Twitter and Instagram. That's A-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E or patreon.com slash Alice Fraser. It's a one-stop shop for all of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs, as well as my weekly Tea with Alice salons and my weekly writers' meetings. If you want to sign up at patreon.com slash alicefraser, we can write together. That'll be fun. Our roving reporters this week were Dean Whittington, Anthony West, Paul Hibbert and Abdo, who all sent in the wanking walrus story, and BT who sent in the cancer text story. If you have a story that you think would suit the gargle tweet us at hello garglers. This is a Bugle podcast and Alice Fraser production

your editor is Ped Hunter your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from the Bugle including the bugle catharsis tiny revolutions top stories and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts