The Gargle - Wild boar picnic | Pope Metaverse | Penis arm

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Sami Shah and debutant Craig Quartermaine join host Alice Fraser for episode 61 of The Gargle, the weekly topical comedy podcast from The Bugle - with no politics!🥪 Wild boar cause picnic ban✝️ Pope to enter Metaverse?😤 Cocaine seized in Nespresso factory💪 Penis attached to arm🧛🏻‍♀️ Celebrity vampire blood🤷‍♂️ ReviewsProduced by Ped Hunter and Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's producer Chris from The Bugle here. Did you know that I have a new series of my podcast, Richie Firth Travel Hacker, out now? It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series, we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground, and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels

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Everywhere. Acast.com. This is a podcast from The Bugle. your relationship with him peaking when you were ten. A schoolyard bully arrives bedecked in gold and symbols of extreme sexual potency. Her childhood dentist reveals that the braces were never removed. A beloved family pet says it never loved you. And just as you succumb to the green slime that pours from the face of your long-lost childhood sweetheart, you remember, this isn't real.

This is The Gargle. The sonic glossy magazine to the bugle's audio newspaper visual world, this is The Gargle. I am your host Alice Fraser and your guests for this week episode are Sammy Shah and Craig Quatermain. Welcome. Hello. Okay, how are you doing? I'm not bad. We're going to take hands and try to raise the ghost of the seance that is this week's stories but first let's have a look at the front cover. stories, but first let's have a look at the front cover. Today's front cover is a glitzy, ritzy, shintzy, terrible spread about the Eurovision Song Contest, which aside from war, has spent the last 66 years being the most offensive thing countries in Europe do to each other. Headlines include a

breakdown of all the ethnic stereotypes you won't understand unless you're from that exact bit of the Balkans, and a map of all of the military build-up between each nation in case you want to bet on where each country's votes will be going. Are either of you Eurovision fans? I'm going to guess and say, look, I'm definitely not. I've never watched a single episode of it, never watched a single season and have a weird and unexplainable amount of aggression towards it where when I find people,

I genuinely, I find people that I love and care about and have great respect for and I discover that they love Eurovision, I lose respect for them, like a tremendous amount, like more than if they were, I don't know, racist or something horrific. When I find out that they are massive Eurovision fans,

I'm like, oh shit, I thought you were smart. I really did. What a shame. I don't know why. I have no idea why. And I'm willing to bet an unexplainable amount of money that Craig Quatermain's point of view is not that different from mine.

I'm always, I find the people, the Australians that are into Eurovision, that is their attempt at having a diverse circle for like one night. What I do like about Eurovision though is just how staunchly aggressive other countries are when it comes to voting. You could have stuff that happened a thousand years ago when it's time to vote in Eurovision,

they're going to remember that slight and it's going to come out in the voting. I kind of admire that. Today's satirical cartoon is a man obsessively watching coverage of the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp defamation case while his own wife leaves with the kids. The caption reads, hey honey I reckon their relationship is toxic! And that's a satirical cartoon. The caption reads, hey, honey, I reckon their relationship is toxic! And that's a satirical cartoon. Our top story this week is Italy news.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do and ban picnics in order to combat wild boar incursions. Craig Quatermain, you're living on the land. Can you unpack this story for us? I was going to say straight up, I'm living in Queensland. A picnic without wild boar, they wouldn't go. That's how you get it started. It's kind of interesting, though, because to be banned in Rome, I'd never pictured it as a picnicky sort of place. That's Paris to me.

Yeah, Queensland, that would actually encourage people to bring the utes and go shooting. That is a picnic. Here's what happens. You suppress the galls. Obelix doesn't eat all the wild boar. And now you've got a problem. Now you've got a problem.

Here's the thing that no one is noticing, by the way. What scares me about this story is it's called African swine fever. And apparently it's spreading amongst the pigs and the wild boars. But it's harmless to humans, right? That's what they're saying. Now, it's a big problem in Italy. However, if you remember back in 2020, when COVID started, Italy was the first European country where COVID became such a problem that they had to go into lockdown. And I feel like Italy is now the canary in the coal mine or rather the feral pig in the park that is going to warn us of the next impending pandemic apocalypse which will be wild boars running rampant through the world

and killing and skewering all of us and um and kind of i'm here for it i'll you know i i'm i'm on board i'm on the boar side this time i don't want to sound too much like an australian come on they're not that big look at them they're little piggies. Soft, soft European boars. Apparently 23,000 wild boar live in and around Rome, which is more than I expected. I don't know how many wild boar I pictured living in Rome, but I didn't expect 23,000. The Italian health minister, Roberto Speranza, has said that the situation would receive maximum attention. And a health ministry undersecretary said that the government is discussing a quote unquote slaughtering plan to reduce the wild boar population, which is an aggressive way to put it. Usually, usually I got to say governments are more euphemistic about, you know, things like culling.

But the slaughtering plan is like... Who would have thought that cull was the gentle term for what's being done here when slaughtering plan is the other option? Here's my favourite part of the story, is that one woman suffered a minor injury after being pushed to the ground by a boar when she was putting out the rubbish and therefore they have imposed a nightly curfew. What

the hell happened to the Italians? This is a place where they hung Mussolini on a spit when they were done with him and now they are imposing curfews because a woman got gently pushed over by a boar? Toughen up! You used to eat guanciale! Yeah,

but have you watched them play in the World Cup? They fall over so easily now i'm not surprised too soon craig too soon well in other italy news or does the vatican count as its own city uh in italy its own principality i think but they are entering the metaverse. Apparently, I always thought of religion as fairly fungible, but in this instance, they are creating non-fungible tokens to represent all of their art because, as you know, the Catholic Church owns all of the art,

and they're about to launch this offering with the assistance of Sensorium, a Swiss-based metaverse company that was founded by a Russian oligarch. It's all extremely sus, if I do say so myself. Sami Shah, you know about sus money. Can you unpack this story for us? Well, the first thing I'm wondering is what the metaverse's rules are around molesting children, because that might explain a great deal of the Catholic Church's interest in moving into that space. Fold entry into the space, Sammy.

I was just thinking about the money side of things. Go hard or go home. The Vatican, Switzerland, and the Russian oligarchy does not like healthy monetary policy make. But, sure. Yes, I did take it to the wrong areas. However, in my defense, the Catholic Church

did start that. So, okay, here's the first thing. There's a really interesting article about this published by Vice, which spends a great deal of time just talking about the correspondence that they had with the Vatican Church, which sounds more and more, as you read the article, as if the journalist Maxwell Strachan was just a jilted lover and is now deeply, deeply wounded by the fact that the Vatican Church church won't just hang out with him anymore it's a very strange article but the whole focus of the article is that the vatican church is now going and they're going to be the pope is going to be on the metaverse um no one gives a shit because no one is on the metaverse i have never met i have met more people on second life still or still playing world of warcraft than anyone who's ever been on the metaverse.

I don't know why the church thinks this is a space they need to be on, other than the fact that a Russian oligarch is backing them. I know why the church is into it. They've never met a verse they didn't like. So here's my question. And this is a genuine Christianity question that I don't know anything about.

But do the rules of Christianity, you know, like thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. Do those extend to the metaverse or is that only for this universe? You know, can you covet thy neighbor's wife on the metaverse and get away with it? No, you can right click her, though. You can right click and save the JPEG. No, you can't. That's an NFT. And can right-click and save the JPEG. No, you can't. That's an NFT, and now you're breaking NFT rules or something. Depends how fungible your wife is, Sammy.

Hey, hey, hey. Actually, I'm divorced. Why am I getting upset? Craig, you got any opinions on the Catholic Church entering the metaverse? I'm just stoked that they are finally going to be able to protect their assets. All these years, people have been coming after the church trying to take you know stuff that was obviously you know just acquired innocently over hundreds of years um yeah no let them be let them be actually be kind of cool if they had to start finding different ways to protect the stuff because of the payouts that we're finally having to make.

But somewhere that's supposed to be this holy city, it's dodgy as hell, man. Even the word oligarch, even though it has an actual legitimate definition, that's not someone you want to have a meeting with. We're going to go have a cup of tea with an oligarch to discuss some business arrangements, and you're the church.

It's very Empire Strikes Back. Craig, let's be honest here. Oligarch invites us to do a comedy show on a yacht. You're saying no. I'm saying yes. I'm just saying right now. Any oligarchs listening? I'm an Aboriginal guy from Western Australia

and I've done gigs for Reinhardt. So yeah, my moral ground is pretty low. There we go. So who are we to judge the Catholic Church is my point here. For those of you who are listening from outside Australia, Gina Reinhardt is our particular distasteful billionaire. She wrote a poem on a rock. And if you read it, you can get a generally good

sense of her personality. William McGonagall for the modern age. As I'm afraid that's all the time we have for our Italy news section because now it's time for your ads. Your ad section now because you can't be what you can't buy. Has this ever happened to you? You're typing angrily on the internet because a video game you like might potentially have girls in it. Maybe you're obsessively tweeting because you're angry about the historical accuracy of a fantasy show about wizards. If this is you, maybe you need a job. Big day being a stuffy businessman in an old-timey film? Has your unnaturally handsome underling run in and delivered a lecture about the beauty of humanity?

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Everyone's screaming about it. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big, juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong.

Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships houses divided corporate rivalry and a performance enhancing broom it was a year i'd like to forget broom gate available now a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. And now it is time for your coffee more like snorty news. Swiss police have seized more than 500 kilograms of cocaine from a shipment of coffee beans delivered to an espresso plant. Craig Quartermain, you drink coffee.

Can you unpack this story for us? I drink so much coffee that it has lost its edge a bit. This sounds great, a bit of cocaine. It'd be nice to get an erection with my coffee in the morning again. But I'm not surprised, man. Nestlé trying to own water nestle said that water is not a human right and these guys i'm not surprised that there's going to be a bit of cocaine i'm a bit disappointed actually because in nestle like they used to have more bites than

this and now suddenly a little bit of cocaine in the coffee and they're all up in arms like that's very um they've gotten soft everyone's gotten soft i feel like i'm ready to say that seems to be the running theme when they stopped calling um chico's when they changed them to cheekies i mean that was just cowardly we know what you mean that sort of thing they're just renaming their labels so this is the thing this is the thing that's interesting about this story is that 500 kilograms of cocaine was just found they just unpacked the coffee beans at the nestle factory and there was white powder in them and they discovered there was 500 kilograms of cocaine presumably to be sold

in the European market. There is at this point an underling in some sort of crime organisation awkwardly scuffing his foot in front of his boss and going so the receipt like this has been sent to the wrong place.

Who sends 500 kilograms of cocaine to the wrong place? There is now somebody on the street trying to sell someone some really nice coffee instead of the cocaine that they asked for. I reckon it was on the way to the Vatican for their launch party. Also, let's keep in mind the alternative here is the Nestle N cafe coffee pods which are more damaging to the environment than 500 pounds of cocaine so we actually were better off with 500 pounds of cocaine on the streets of europe than more nest cafe pods which now would probably kill more seagulls or anything but also yeah right you're absolutely right alice i feel so bad for that poor innocent drug smuggler uh who now has to suffer the consequences of a mistake any of us

could have made any of us who among us has not sent 500 kilograms of cocaine right wrong address how long do you wait how long do you wait to report it like you open those doors it's a c container and you suss it out like i mean this is the equivalent of sending a text to the person you were thinking about when you were sending the text but you wrote the text about them yeah this is kind of like... I mean, and there's big sacks and it's probably good stuff. I don't know. How do you dispose of £500 of cocaine?

You can't flush it all down the toilet. No, but... Huh? I'm sure the workers at the Nestle factory will figure something out. Yes, exactly. I mean, it's been a long time since they had cocaine in the Coca-Cola Nestle factory will figure something out. Yes, exactly. I mean, it's been a long time since they had cocaine in the Coca-Cola. Maybe this is a relaunch of that. Sell it to people on crypto yachts, libertarian people in the middle of the ocean.

I'm sure that would be a marketable resource. Yeah, because I'm sure otherwise, normally they're lacking in cocaine resources. This is their only option. You're always thinking of the little man, aren't you, Alice? Yep, it is. That's all the time that we have for our stimulant news because now it's time for your reviews. As you know, each week we ask our guest editors

of this magazine to review something out of five stars. Sami Shah, what have you brought in for us to review? I want to review the concept of apathy, Alice I basically, for the last few weeks In the run-up to the Australian general election The federal election is on the verge of happening We're a few days away from it I did something that, which as a news satirist

I should not do, but I found myself compelled to do in an attempt I checked out Like just, you know, like the I did that thing that we always complain about the average person doing, is they don't care about politics. And I just stopped caring about politics. It is amazing.

Oh my God, I slept well. My eyes, like this is a podcast, so you can't see them, but there's no dark circles under there anymore. Normally they're ringed like a koala's asshole. And it's just been a refreshing time where I've been introspective. I've been working out. I eat more vegetables suddenly in my life.

I kiss my child every night because I realized that it doesn't matter. The democratic process, whether it's a dictator or a democrat, whether it's someone you agree with or disagree with, who gives a shit? I don't care anymore. The world will go to hell to handbasket and I don't care because I didn't put it there. So it's not my fault to stop making my responsibility to fix it. I am not going to drink from a metal straw. I didn't put the straw up the turtle's nose. Stop looking at me that way. I am apathetic to the state of the world. The only thing I want now is for a meteorite to strike the planet and wipe us all out the way it did the dinosaurs. Because you know that there

must have been at least one dinosaur who was thinking, oh, thank God. Now no one knows I don't separate my plastics. And I am that dinosaur. So this is what I'm here to say. am that dinosaur so this is what i'm here to say five star review for apathy stop giving a shit because it is not worth it and i mean apathy is worth it but you know what care about apathy if you're going to care about anything care about apathy five star review cannot recommend it enough but i wouldn't and i won't because i'm apathetic to recommendations yeah this is the most enthusiastic recommendation for apathy i've heard all day uh cra Quatermain, what have you brought in for us to review? The Craig McLaughlin defamation trial case is taking place right now. And while it's awful that all these accusations are going forth, it's all in the courts right now.

What I'm really worried about is that we know that Kylie and Jason are coming back to the Neighbours reunion in the final episode. Is Craig McLaughlin going to make it back? This is the part I'm actually concerned about. So is there a chance? Is there some sort of legislation where we can drag the trial out a little longer? You don't want him back? I mean, no, no, no. So he can make it.

So he can make it and then get convicted later and then it's all gross. You're sure that he's going to be convicted? Yeah, yeah, that's all. Just to stretch it out a bit. That's all. That going to be convicted? Yeah, yeah, that's all. Just to stretch it out a bit. That's all. That's to be innocent. Okay. Yeah, that's all.

I mean, who really knows yet? But it is taking place right now and I think Neighbours deserves it. And then we can feel icky about it later like we did with the Cosby show. So how many stars out of five? That's Craig McLaughlin's defamation trial again. I'm giving it. out of five. That's Craig McLaughlin's defamation trial again. It's potentially a fiver, but let's go with three where it is at right now. It's still

murky. Developing. Three with the little ellipsis in the speech bubble on your iPhone. That's all the time we have for your reviews. And now it's time for your penis arm news section now this is the newest in penis arm news uh man has finally had his penis put in the right place

after having it on his arm for six years samisha nothing up your sleeves you've done some amateur magicianship in the past can you unpack this story for us so it's it's the puppetry of the penis but without the puppetry and just way too much penis and basically what happened is according to the news story a man named malcolm mcdonald and i really feel they shouldn't have given his name nor his picture because he is anonymity would have helped this poor fellow he basically lost his penis when a few years ago and i'm quoting from the story here whose old penis fell off in the toilet following a blood infection how does no one talk about this more why the hell do i know about covid when this is the only illness that anyone should ever be talking

about all the time that your penis can just fall off and not aware of this is the problem anyway luckily science stepped in and decided to save him by reconstructing a penis and growing it on his arm where it then stayed for six years and here's the reason why it was stayed for six years. And here's the reason why it was there for six years, because apparently it was ready to be removed from his arm and reattached to the space between his legs. However, and according to the story, once again, their surgery was delayed by the pandemic and his repeated failure to turn up for appointments.

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you too busy to turn up to have the penis removed for your arm? What the f***? What is so interesting? I want to know what hobbies this guy's into because clearly he is obviously more interested in keeping it there than removing it.

But my favorite part of the story is other than the fact that he at one point was in a shopping mall and waved at something on a shelf and the penis flopped out of his show his sleeve and hit an old lady in the face um my favorite part of the story is and that was a part of the story but that's not my favorite is the part where he then starts trying to make this sound relatable to everyone um and he go and he keeps saying things like hang on i'm gonna look for the

quote give me a second. Here we go. All right. Can you imagine six years of a life with a penis swinging in your arm? It's been a nightmare, but it's gone now, the little bugger. No, I actually can't imagine that. No one should have to imagine that. F*** you for trying to make me imagine that. The fact that he hasn't showed up to appointments is not surprising,

given the fact that he had a blood infection so bad that his fingers and toes were turning black and his penis was turning black and then his penis fell off onto the floor. Like none of these things happened in a hospital and therefore this is not a man who takes his medical condition seriously. So the fact that there was a non-urgent penis on his arm I think explains why he didn't show up to appointments. Craig Quatermain, where's the worst place you've had a penis?

In my eyesight is really the worst place I've seen it. The thing is, right, if I was in really bad health and still was jerking off to the point I ripped my own dick off, I would say it fell off in the toilet as well. I don't believe this dude for a bloody second. Come on. This this is the thing even when we're at our worst and our most sick we can still squeeze one out whatever strength we've got this dude clearly pulled his own dick off when he was when he should have been going to the doctor um but i have to say the doctors the doctors have stitched him up i mean by i mean literally as well. Below the elbow.

Come on. You can't even roll your sleeves up full. Put it on the back of your tricep. No one's going to see it. They're going to be impressed. You can flex a little bit, but below the elbow, that's just a prick of a move. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Definitely put one on the back of each arm. Have a backup. Why not? You know what I want? I want three growing out of each hand like wolverine's claws just six penises on my fist yeah as long as you promise to go and fight crime i don't know if you would you wouldn't be frightened of a man running at you with pieces hanging off of his knuckles come on exactly screaming like h Hugh Jackman absolutely the absolute worst part of the story though isn't the black

penis that fell off because he didn't bother getting a check no is it the fact that he had six years of a penis going on his arm is the fact that it says over here as a keen darts player he also told how he learned to tuck his arrows under it. Please tell me he's bringing them from home and he's not then handing them off to other people to use. That is, can I tell you the phrase they use when you throw your darts and it hits the dartboard and you're supposed to remove them for the next person? Yes.

It's called pulling your wood. There we go. That is the real name for removing your darts from the dartboard. And that is the end of our Armwang news. Now it's time for your vampire community issues news or your celebrity vampire blood news. This is the news that Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, who reputedly share blood in that way that Hollywood people

who want to be quirky do, have been warned against bad blood practices by a genuine, quote-unquote, genuine vampire. Craig Quatermain, you live in Queensland where vampires can't survive because of the hot, hot sun. Can you unpack this story for us? Yeah, I don't know how Megan Fox did it because Machine Gun Kelly legit looks, I don't think he has blood, I think he's just full of vape.

James is just, that's what he looks like as a person but you know um that's where they get vape juice i always wondered they just milk machine gun kelly that's that's what he looks like just the shell um i don't know like isn't that a thing to be injecting blood into your face it's a youthful i mean i i don't really pay that much of attention but angelina and billy billy bob did it first i mean that was the whole amulet stuff you have to wonder if um they're trying to convince themselves that this relationship is real they look like characters on a deck of cards like just elaborate shiny weird things i i can't take any of these people seriously but anytime i see massive displays of affection it really is feeling like they're just trying to make their friends jealous

and convince themselves they're in a relationship this will be over in about a year which would be great oh yeah oh it's a deeply upsetting sort of spectacle i think if you love each other that much you don't need to tell people about it. Or maybe you do. Sami Shah, you've been divorced twice. How long have you? How often did I drink my partner's blood and vice versa? I think that was the mistake. We didn't do that.

Clearly, that's the true bonding thing, ritual that is required to make a relationship last. I like the fact that the warning to Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox to be careful about drinking each other's blood came from the co-founder of the New Orleans Vampire Association which means that more than one person had that terrible idea of creating a vampire association basically it's the ex-members of the Anne Rice fan club

let's be very honest here because the name of that vampire quote unquote is Bfazar ashantism why is there never a vampire named bob like why is it not todd or bob or or or or or those are the only white names i can come up with i literally just tried right now and i'm a tauren ball that's the extent of my improvisation i i just as far as how do you even register a vampire organization like the offices would only be open during the day you'd have to go in we can't show photo id yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a few holes in this in this application guys also he says belfazar Ashantizan says that Fox and Machine Gun Kelly need to be careful of blood potential diseases and bloodborne illnesses because, and he's saying here, he clarified the vampires are not immune from such diseases.

What's the point of being a vampire? Like, literally the whole point of being a vampire was you are immune from everything and you live forever now it turns out you can get hepatitis c from sucking on megan fichelli's neck that shit i'd much rather be a zombie then to be giving actual medical health uh advice on how to be a better vampire i i i want to see this guy's um i want to see him i want to see this guy's... I want to see him. I want to see Balthazar. Isn't the name actually Balthazar?

With a TH? Okay, here's what I'm going to ask you right now. I have Googled him. Yes. I have Googled the co-founder of the New Orleans Vampire Association. I want you to, without Googling him, tell me what you think he looks like.

Machine Gun Kelly, but he's eating a steak. Okay, you're right about eating the steak part, but more than one steak was consumed at some point. Goatee or not goatee? Goatee. Is it a goatee? Absolutely.

Almost definitely a goatee. Oh, of course. Exactly. And ponytail or non-ponytail? I think obviously ponytail. Well, there we go. And it's settled. You have an accurate picture of him oh you can't cut

your hair because you can't see yourself in the mirror again you're forgetting your basic vampire logistics although the goatee is an interesting one you'd have to do that by feel or have someone help you i was sort of vaguely upset with stories about uh megan fox come out because she seems sort of like a nice lady um and she's done some good work in her time and I feel like she got objectified unnecessarily. But she seems to have been re-reputationing herself. You're right. You're 100% right.

That is exactly the word that has always been used in the English language. She was re-reputationing herself with sort of the redemption of Jennifer's body and various other things like that. And now she sort of has lunged right in the way of the culture war bullet and made of herself this kind of public love slash blood drinking spectacle, which feels a bit sad. The fact you were referencing a career that was 20 years ago almost.

No. No, I will stand up and defend Megan Fox's honor right now. I will do it right now. Also, I want to correct. I think I might have called her Megan Kelly once or twice in the course of my rant. And that is a Fox News presenter. Now there's someone who could have been a vampire.

It's Megan Kelly. Absolutely. Yeah, I think the married name is Megan Machine Gun. That's right. Sorry, Megan Machine Gun. And Kelly, he keeps that part. Or just Megan, I think. Megan.

How has she not done that? I will defend her current film career and say Till Death, a movie that is on Netflix, I think probably the last good movie that was on Netflix before everyone at Netflix died horribly in that tragic accident, which completely gutted the Netflix headquarters, apparently, is a damn good suspense horror kind of movie. Cannot recommend it enough.

It's very good acting and it's a really good plot. So Till Death, I recommend that. If you like Jennifer's Body, which was the last good movie she did, this is the next good movie she's done since then. All right, I apologise for ignoring that 15-year void in between those two movies. My bad, I apologise for ignoring that 15-year void in between those two movies. My bad. I apologise. Well, that's all the time that we have for our show today.

That brings us to the end of the show. I am now flipping through the ads at the back. Craig Quartermain, have you got anything to plug? I do. I have my show, Historically Accurate, that is coming to the Brisbane Comedy Festival on the 28th and 29th of May. Yeah, hopefully people will come and see it. Struggling because a lot of people

are finding it very hard to get back out to festivals and get rolling again, but give it a crack. And Samisha, have you got anything to plug? I do indeed. It is my podcast, News Weekly. It is a news satire podcast that is basically losing its mind right now because the run-up to the election

has driven every Australian batshit crazy, my podcast notwithstanding. It's called News Weekly. There's W-E-A-K-L-Y. I've also done a few editorial editions with really cool guests on, one of them being Ali Mustafa, who is a TRT wild journalist in Ukraine,

in Kiev, reporting actual life from Kiev. I know that doesn't sound like a news satire podcast, but Ali's very funny, and he tells some great stories about life in Kiev reporting actual life from Kiev. I know that didn't sound like a news satire podcast but Ali is very funny and he tells some great stories about life in Kiev these days and a whole bunch of other cool interviews like that have also happened. So yes tune in and listen to News Weekly that's News W-E-A-K-L-Y

It's a good listen, I listen You can find me online at alliterative on Twitter and Instagram that's L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E or patreon.com slash alicefraser which is a one stop shop for all of my stand Twitter and Instagram, that's L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-V-E, or patreon.com slash alicefraser, which is a one-stop shop for all of my stand-up specials, podcasts and blogs, as well as my weekly Tea with Alice salons, which is a blast.

If you would like to be a roving reporter, tweet us at hellogarglers on Twitter. And our roving reporters for this week, a big thank you to Oliver Pattenden for the wild boar picnic story, Michael Truelove for the Nespresso cocaine story, James VT for the arm penis story, and Birad for the vampire love story. If you would like to submit your submission to the Dancy Lagarde Literary Tribute Competition, the post is up on my Patreon, patreon.com.

You don't need to subscribe to find the post. That has all of the details for submitting your chapter of a Dancy Lagarde novel in this dimension. So do that. Submissions are due at the end of this month, beginning of next month. This is an Alice Fraser and Bugle Podcasts production. Your editor is Ped Hunter. Your executive producer is Chris Skinner. I'll talk to you again next week. You can listen to other programs from the Bugle, including The Bugle, The Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and The Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.