The Glass Cannon Podcast - Ascension Part 1 – The Rose and the Blight (Dallas)

Episode Date: March 8, 2025

The village of Rosewood Vale prepares to celebrate its inaugural Founder's Day Festival. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/C99ViV5Fjeg Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country. Get your tickets today at glasscannonnetwork.com/live-tour. Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Choose how you move in the all-in-one Escape. And right now, get a $3,000 rebate on the Escape Plug-in Hybrid and all 2025 Escape models. For details, visit your Toronto Area Ford store or ford.ca. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role playing game entertainment. I'm gonna go get some I like how they didn't cheer for Joe. We're setting a good precedent for the new year. I like it. How we doing Dallas, you sons of bitches? Folks, this is a very special night. You don't even deserve it.

What? No, you deserve it. You guys are cool. This is a very special night because tonight we are kicking off the 2025 Glass Cannon Live Tour. Tonight! Let's go! And we are also starting a brand new adventure with brand new characters and a brand new story written by... Oh! Wait!

Wait! Wait! Oh! Yes! Oh! Wait, wait, wait. George Jams, Green Falls, Kate and Sydney, we get $5 from Joe and Skid. Yes! Wait, really? Yes! Skid owes me $5 and Joe owes me $5.

We bet on nearly every aspect of this show tonight and Kate and Sydney are already up. I've got a spreadsheet. I can't believe it happened like seven minutes into the night. Were you guys just gambling backstage on my new show? Wait, have you really? Did you, this happened like last night? Did you really like, induct these two? You came in late on your flight, so...

I don't want any part of this game. I wonder why the Game Master's screen company went bankrupt. So you owe them five bucks each? Well, I owe Sydney five bucks, the skittles, Kate five bucks. Did you just hop in on that part? No, I don't even know what's going on. Wow, incredible. As if someone messed with the screen before the show.

Which didn't happen, is what I'm saying. Nobody messed with the screen. Yeah, right. Well, you ruined the show. We are starting a brand new adventure, brand new story. I say written by me, but that's not really fair because there's no show. I have nothing. My notes say once upon a time and the second line says roleplay sex

stuff? Question mark? That's all I got! We did offer you earlier, you're like I don't know the show could go a lot of ways and we're like well if you need to vamp just tell us and we'll just fill in an improv smut. We got you. Yeah I know you can do that. As we as we start start this new show tonight in the Lone Star State, all I can think is, what a terrible mistake we've made. This is a real bad idea. That's how I feel going into this. I'm like, we had a good thing going for seven years,

and now we're just going to ruin it by making shit up. Am I right or am I wrong? There's nothing more horrifying than like telling a crowd to boo you like actively that feels weird Thank you. Yeah, keep it coming. Yeah Yeah I hear that sound bed at night Boo, yeah, keep it coming. Yeah. Boo, yeah. Boo, yeah. Boo, yeah. Yeah. I hear that sound, bed at night. Yeah.

Yeah. Boo, yeah. Boo, yeah. Boo, yeah. In all honesty, I'm only half joking about this. I've been in Dallas since Tuesday. I flew out here with my wife and three children a few days ago.

My babies are just a couple miles away. Couple miles away from here. They don't know what dad does for a living. Do you ever try to explain? I tell my son, I'm like, see all the people daddy has to talk in front of so you can thank your grandmother! I don't yell, but they have no idea what I do. Why is daddy only here 20 days a month? My daughter refers to this as speaking into microphones.

It's very cute. She's so smart that's exactly what we're doing. I've been I've been out in Cedar Hill last couple days. Anybody from Cedar Hill in the house? Yeah! Keeping Allegra alive. There's a lot of allergies out there. It's horrible. But I've been out there at my father-in-law's home slash retirement fun house and we had a great week. We went to the Perot Museum, which contrary to popular belief, my father-in-law kept saying, go to the Perot Museum. I'm like, I don't need to see a museum about Ross Perot.

That's exactly what I thought. That's what I thought. He never explained it. In two days, my wife and I were like, we don't care about Ross Perot. What is it? It's like a natural science museum. It was awesome. It was amazing, yeah.

So it's not like a Ross Perot presidential candidate library? No, no, no, no. His name and the Perot family, they didn't even say Ross Perot. But it was awesome! We played with robots and shit. Some billionaires try to do good in the community We went there we went to the Dallas World Aquarium Had some awesome Tex-Mex had some great barbecue at Terry Black's

I like Terry Black's is there's no line I like Terry Blacks because there's no line. But I've been taking in the normal Texan calorie count of 8,000 calories a day. I feel like if I sneeze, a wet bag of laundry is going to come out of my ass. That might be the grossest thing you've ever said. Look at Kate's face. I pictured it so vividly when you said that I've been eating a lot drinking a lot

but I I woke up this morning and I My initial thought was like oh man. I don't want to do this And that's how I know that this is exactly what we should be And that's how I know that this is exactly what we should be That's the sign yes the team got in yesterday And I I met up with them at lunch today and as always I wish we had recorded our lunch Though it would have had to have been heavily edited The lunch are we gonna talk about the lunch? No we can't talk about the lunch. We should talk about the lunch We can talk a gonna talk about the lunch? No, we can't talk about the lunch. We should talk about the lunch. We can talk a little bit about the lunch.

Yes! What do you want to... Did you give the waiter tickets? Yeah, we have to check. Mark? Mark? Are you here? No. Oh, I forgot to put his name on the list. Oh, did you really? Poor Mark is outside the theater right now.

Mark! Mark! Somebody let him in! Someone let Mark in. He served Kate Water begrudgingly. Yeah, I didn't get any water actually. No? You know what Mark, stay outside. Matthew didn't get any water. Water shortage in Texas is landlocked.

The lunch was lovely and our waiter was great. We were talking about the most nonsensical shit at the table and it wasn't even about the game I think somehow we got on the subject of turtle like how turtles bang right I said that at the aquarium I saw a turtle situation up close and I didn't see a penis or a vagina so then because we're smart people we're like let's talk more about this yeah I was like how does it figure out the answer and we all started like saying what we thought we're like, they lay eggs.

So turtle stuff is probably inside. And we're like, let's Google Image Search what that looks like. Yeah. I went to incognito mode for that one. And just as Matthew is talking about how it works, he's like, well, actually, this is fascinating. So a turtle penis on his phone, our waiter walks up and looks at

Matthew's phone and goes... And I said, couldn't think of anything else to say, I said, it's for work! Yeah! He said, it's for work! The waiter was like, okay, and then later came back and was like, so what do you guys do for work? Also, Kate at the same exact time was sharing a picture around the table of all of us, of basically Father Dick Bubbles, but there were seven of them and each had our head on it. The waiter comes up and sees a turtle penis and a shirtless priest. All of our faces.

And he's like, what is going on at this table? And it gets worse, though, because then he's like, what do you do for work? And I think Joe just went, do you know Dungeons and Dragons? That's how that conversation always starts. And he goes, yeah. And then we invited him to the show. So that's how it happened.

We failed to actually bring him. Unfortunately, he couldn't get in. Let's move on with the show. Let's move on with the show. So that's how it goes. And then we failed to actually bring him in. Unfortunately he couldn't get in. Let's move on with the show. Let's move on with the show. Sorry Mark. Sorry Mark. I don't know, maybe it's because we started drinking at noon today, but I feel great.

I feel pretty good. I feel great. The post-holiday doldrums have started to subside and pitchers and catchers have reported. Yeah man. It's a great time to be alive. Gold rooms have started to subside and pitchers and catchers have reported. Yeah, man! It's a great time to be alive! Maybe cold in Texas, but it's warm in my pants! Yep. Because of the laundry.

Yeah. That's like warm, wet laundry on a cold winter day. How do you feel, Joe? I feel like you're sort of the, not your pants, but like how do you feel emotionally? You're the emotional heart of any show you're on. And I feel like you set the tone for... Joe is the heart. Troy is the ass and you're the hearts.

You're the heart of the class camp. I'm the brains. Yep. Okay, now this metaphor is going out of control. I was fine with ass, but you're no brand I feel oh man. Well. I'll tell you this I came into the show feeling the same way that you do very very nervous new show new character Starting to play a new character is very stressful.

You don't really know their voice yet. I don't even know the situation. I don't know how we're going to interact with the other characters. There's no player's guide. I don't like improving. It stresses me out. It's all like, should I like script some stuff? Troy's like, don't script anything.

We'll just, we're going to wing it. It's going to be great. And I'm like, ah, but I'll tell you what, the VIP hang pre-show was wonderful. Thank you everybody. I couldn't have had more people be like, no matter what you guys do, it's going to be awesome. It was very meaningful and awesome and gave me a lot of heart. So thank you so much. The heart is the audience, Troy. The heart is the niche.

Except you, madam, you're the ass, too. There could be more than one ass. Except you, madam, you're the ass, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There couldn't be more than one ass. There could be more than one ass. Sweet. So if the heart is the audience and Troy is the ass, what does that make the rest of us? Arm or a finger?

Eye? Tits? Somebody goes, the tits. Somebody keeps going, just tits. Skids the tits. Skids the tits. That makes sense. All right. Skid, you are the tits! Skid's the tits, that makes sense. Skid, you are the tits.

How are you? You love Texas. I do, I love it. There's not enough museums in this town to keep you busy. I know, we did. I was very excited. We've been planning for a while. When we get here, we were... Because we found out... It sounds a little complicated to describe it.

Yeah. Because we found out that of course, people here probably realize, but maybe for people watching later, that this is the theater that Harvey Oswald fled to after he shot President John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Allegedly. Allegedly shot John Fitzgerald Kennedy. And then allegedly shot Officer J.D.

Tippett. He came here to watch about maybe 20 minutes of War Is Hell and then get arrested and get a shot. So we're really excited to is like, I want to walk in the footsteps of Lee Harvey Oswald. So we went to Dealey Plaza and and I'm showing up because somebody was like, I hadn't been here before. And I was just like, there's the first, we got shot first, the governor is like, there's the shot to the head. And like, it was crazy. I was like, I was like, where's the grassy knoll? And they were like, you're standing on it. I was like, they were like, that's the grassy knoll.

I'm like, that looks like every shitty bridge apartment that like everywhere in New Jersey. Like, I know, I know. Ooh, very protective about the grassy knoll. How dare you, big grassy knoll crowd. Say what you will, it's a great vantage point. Really great line of sight. Yeah, so then we took Lee Harvey Oswald,

who famously took a bus and then a cab to get back to his boarding house. We just took a cab. We went back to his boarding house. We just took a cab. We went back to his boarding house, which is now a museum. And we stood out front and we sort of timidly wondered if we could go inside. And I rang the doorbell and no one answered. It was a ring doorbell, which I don't think was historically accurate. I don't think it's original.

But then, I don't know, a tour group showed up and we were kind of racing them. Well the sign was like, make an appointment. Which we tried. Which we tried to do. We tried to make an appointment. I called, they didn't answer. We called, nobody answered, they didn't answer the door. Seems like they didn't really want us there.

But anyway, we walked the way he walked after that, on the way to shooting this officer, and I was like, is this a path? He walked and Skid was like, I have chills. This is the exact way he went. It was like, just one, and it's not, I was trying to explain this to my therapist, because you can tell I was getting really excited. I was just like, why are you this excited about like falling on the footsteps of a murderer? And I was just like, no, no, no, no, no. It's not about the murder. It's just, it's about being in that close place where an event of this kind of significance took place.

And it was ‑‑ I spent so much time reading about it and watching movies and everything. And to actually be in the place is just ‑‑ it really did give me chills. It wasn't just the lethal subzero temperatures. It was also ‑‑ I walked by today's walk because our hotel is really close by and I saw the statue of George Dealey. And all I could think was like, do you think his family is happy or sad? Everybody knows Dealey Plaza. Everyone always leaves out George Dealey.

Why is nobody talking about George Dealey? The second shooter. I know. No. Everyone always leaves out George Dealy. Why is nobody talking about George Dealy? The second shooter? Well, no. I don't think so. Ooh, tough crowd. Tough crowd. But it is really cool to actually be in this theater now.

At lunch they had a drink named after the grassy gnoll. We did. Grassy gnoll. Mark recommended it. Thanks, Mark. Anyways. It had little bits of Mark recommended it. Thanks, Mark. Anyways. It had little bits of head in it. George D. Lee had been dead 15 years by the time this assassination happened.

Troy? Sorry. If you're listening on Discord, I said the drink had little bits of head in it. We're streaming this to Discord tonight. Very, very poor taste. And they didn't like that string. Thanks for welcoming us. They're still smart from that death. Yeah.

Back and to the left is where I wanna leave right now. Again, I didn't really wanna focus on the act itself as much, but it is cool to be this close to history. Sadly, that's all the time we have for show tonight. No, we'll make up stuff for a couple hours. We're going to do something a little different tonight. We, new tour, new year, new story, something that people have asked for for a long time, including Joe's small bladder, is an intermission.

So we are going to do an intermission tonight so that you can go and drink more because we're a lot funnier after a couple of cocktails and buy some merch and then we can pee and refresh as well. So get ready for a mid-ep cliffy. Yeah! Part one, part two. McDermott, bring me a bag of five bottle caps

at your earliest convenience. That sounds good for us. It is something I may use this evening. That's how many there are of us, guys. Wow, what a coincidence. You are the brain. And I did that all in my head. That's as many as there are of us. They say she can't do quick math. That was amazing.

Thank you. New year, new me. We're going to show in Austin tomorrow night. Who's coming to Austin? That is wild. Amazing. That is wild. Incredible.

Hell yeah. You guys are awesome. Well, we're going to do this. I don't know why I drunkenly agreed to this, but we are going to do this and it's going to be great. I think we're all nervous. We're all very nervous. Well, you know what it is?

Would you agree with that? Yes. I'm nervous. I'm not. Okay. I'm not nervous. I feel like we could read from the phone book and make it imminently funny. Oh, McD, ladies and gentlemen, Brian McDermott.

Oh, McD. McD! make it imminently funny. Oh McD, ladies and gentlemen, Brian McDermott. Oh there's only four. No I'm kidding there's five.. You may share with your table or not. Joe, perhaps you and the ‑‑ the chairs are a little unstable. You look like you're going to fall again. I'm worried. I give you two. Feel free to give one to the brains. Thank you for calling me my title. You all get one cap. When you tap your cap, it's done. I will probably not give out any more caps. But you will get one cap an episode. Yeah. You got to do something really good for me to untap your cap. And if you ever get two caps, check my temperature. Okay?

Because I must be sick. Can we do it? Oh, like we keep this and like it's like tap? That's your tour cap for the year. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, we get one? We only get. You were too busy talking to your friend.

And you missed how the caps work. We were talking about how cool the caps are. Yeah, and you missed it, so now I'm not gonna tell you again. The relevant information is that we will have to take Troy's temperature rectally. If you... Well, he is...

So... T-D-L-R. You have to... Just be careful what you wish for. He is the ass. I don't know how else he would take his temperature. So true. You get one cap per episode.

Once you tap the cap, the cap has been used. Maybe, very rarely, will you get to. Once you tap the cap, the cap has been used. Maybe, very rarely will you get to untap the cap and you will almost never get two caps. Oh. I see. I like it. Tapping the cap. I like it.

When we tap it, you want us to like turn it over or something? Don't worry too much about how it works. OK. Tap, by the way, is trademarked. Yeah. Isn't that a magic thing? It is a magic thing, that's what I said. You're not allowed to say that. No, no. way, is trademarked. Yeah. Isn't that a magic thing? It is true. It is a magic thing, that's what I said.

You're not allowed to say that. No, no, no one out there used that. Pop, pop your cap. No, but tap rhymes with cap. Pop your cap. Yeah, dap the cap. Well, dap the cap. Dap the cap.

Dap the cap. Dap the cap. I won't immediately. Trademark, we just trademarked it. Forget about this. That's how it works. TM, TM, TM. When you're doing a recording, no trademark things.

Dap the cap. Dap the cap. Dap the cap. Alright. I want you to all take a ride with me. In an imagination copter. It's taken off! 2018. 20.

No, excuse me. 2017 we did this in LA. Some of the people in this audience were at that LA show, right? Was it 2017? 2018. 2017, well... 2018. October 2018.

I don't know what happened yesterday. By the way, I think the timer just started on the first bit on this. Yes, I said mark the time. Don't worry about it. It's happening. There's another bet going on? Is it how long until someone else gets to speak? Troy, I have a spreadsheet.

I have a spreadsheet. An hour of exposition. All right, so. It's not the spreadsheet. Can you guys feel it? Can you feel the wind in your face? Don't stick your head too far out of the copter. You could get your head chopped. You got a duck when you get out.

And then you die and not hear the story. I want you to picture this scene unfold as you were flying through this imaginary land. Okay. Done. I'm ready. Check. Pause for edit. What's next? Shut up. Shut your mouth. We see a peep, a group of people, a peep. A little peep that you get at Easter. Shut up. Taking it back. Here listen on the discord. Shut up. The camera closes in on a peep. On a peep. Yes.

Ominous music plays in the background. I am a marshmallow representation of Christ rising from the dead. Easter weekend, 1963. How much time you got left, Private? Oh my God. That's so funny. We see a group of people traveling over land from far away.

Lord of the Rings type shot. When we get in close and we start to see the details of these people, some of them are armed, they're not like walking around with their weapons, they're on their back, some of them are armored, but they're mostly dressed in simple, humble, peasant garb. Let me close in on one of these travelers, a middle-aged man. He's walking near the front of the group and he's holding hands with a woman of similar age. She's pregnant. It's probably a few dozen people altogether, men and women, some elves, some dwarves,

maybe a couple halflings as well, only a couple, because halflings and gnomes are stupid. And I don't want them in my stories. All right. And I don't want them in my stories. Ha! Oh, right? That's what I think every time I read and watch Lord of the Rings. If only these hobbits weren't here. I know. This is so stupid. They're the worst part of the movies.

Hot take. Hot take. Hot take? You removed the hobbits. Much more watchable. One and a half halflings. No gnomes. They all died. They all died at the end of Giant Slayer. As this group enters, they kind of turn a big bend and they enter a valley. When they do so, the landscape changes dramatically. We see that the valley floor all around them is just rock and soil.

The earth almost looks charred and black. The group continues to walk for a while in this wasteland and we see the faces of the travelers taking in their surroundings They appear tense the man at the front stops and Pulls down the cowl of his robe to take in the scene. He's you know, 30s 40s. He's handsome enough He's got a quiet air of strength about him, piercing blue eyes which scan the land around him. One of the other travelers notices that he's stopped and speaks up.

He says, Lord Montrose, what is it? Lord Montrose, this man says, are you familiar with these lands, Brother Finock? Brother Finock says, No, my lord, I cannot say that I am. The older man says, Well, then you should study your histories a bit more. We will need to know the history of whatever land we choose as our new home so that we may add those stories to the stories that we create. Though I have never set my eyes upon it, I know of this land.

It was once called Keswick, I believe. A castle called Highbury stood on that hill over there where only stones now sit. By all accounts the people who lived here were good and just, but some tragedy struck, as tends to happen to people who are good and just. The land became cursed. Legend has it that specialists from all over were brought in and they believed that nothing would grow here for a thousand years, and that even anyone who would inhabit the land would be dead within a year. Something about the land would be dead within a year.

Something about the land hastening their passing. Brother Phenoc says, then perhaps Lord Montrose, we shouldn't linger. And others around him are like, yes, Lord Montrose, perhaps we move forward. Lord Montrose just smiles and shakes his head at the group that's like gathering around him. He says, my friends, fear not, for we have the light of Saedana guiding our way, watching over us, protecting not only our hearts and minds but our bodies as well. He points to a symbol hanging around his neck. Maybe he lifts it off. It's like a light emerging from a pool of water If this land is supposed to be infertile and cursed then explain that

And he points off in the direction of this thin Brackish looking river that's scribbling its way across the landscape Just on the edge of the river is a single rosebud about four or five inches off the ground. Lord Montrose same fucking rose. The titular rose. Lord Montrose walks over to it, stoops down, and gently places his fingers under the petals like he was cradling a small animal. He then stands and addresses the whole group. My friend, Sidonah urged us to leave our old lives behind and find new ground with which to establish a new life,

not only for us, but for future generations who will also bathe in Sidon's cleansing light. Yes, this water may yet be unpotable. These fields in need of a proper tilling, but in this rose, I see a sign. Whatever tragedies befell this land happened less than a century ago, and yet life has found its way to the surface to bathe in Saidana's life. Perhaps the light of Saidana is meant to cleanse this land as well,

where others have failed and her hands meant to guide us in the creation of our new world a world which we will shape in her name and that my son He places his hands on the stomach of the woman standing next to him And that my son will rule over and your sons and daughters will help to shape as well. They embrace the husband and wife. Then we just close in on this single rose. Breeze comes in. It flutters ever so slightly then like an over eager

teenager on prom night we pull out and we look at this scene from above and the scene changes the black fields slowly begin to turn green. Where only stones and rubble and dirt was lying, small buildings start to take shape. The river, once dark, becomes blue, powering a nearby windmill. It's like a waterfall coming down from the mountains, cascading down a small temple next to a new keep on the hill where Castle Highbury once stood, flying the banners of a yellow light emerging from a pool of water.

We, the audience, hear a sound as we take in this beautiful scene. It's like a buzzing of insects Ascension Parlay I want to live in a world without GM screens! Jesus! Fuck them! Oh my God! If that's true, you just saved like 20 pounds from your luggage. I hate carrying it.

Do you want me to pick it up? No! Is it time for the intermission? No. Your characters live in this city, this village, this town. It's called Rosewood Vale. I think some of you have probably spent your whole lives here. Any of the humans among you were probably born here. Maybe your parents were born here.

Either way, it's expected that both of you will die here. Some of the non-humans among you, some of you with longer lifespans may have been a part of this original party that founded this village. It is a close-knit community of people who are united by their faith, their love of the land, their love of family, and their deep sense of community. Today is a special day here in Rosewood Vale. It is a festive time because the village is preparing for its first Founders Day Festival. The current ruler of Rosewood Vale, Lord Percival Montrose II, wanted to commemorate the founding of the village, and especially his father, the previous ruler, who led the group who claimed the land here.

So today's a big day. It's a big day for each of you. And while we are playing Pathfinder Second Edition, my goal over the year is to do justice to the beauty of PF2E, while also incorporating things from other systems that we like. And something that we love from Delta Green, our home scenes. Oh.

I have not asked you to prepare these home scenes. Nope Kate are you all right? I'm nervous now Got her, but I want to know what life is like for each of your characters in this world And I want you to think about it without having prepared beforehand. So mad. Can't we just fight some giant rats or something? How about a tug of war? Oh no. Joe, you seem Oh no.

Joe, you seem eager to speak. No, no. You jumped on the mic. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, you. Wait, are they saying Texas Joe or Texas toast?

Red boy. Either way, it sounds delicious. Yeah, I fucking love Texas toast. As you can imagine. I didn't plan on starting with you, but you jumped on that mic. Shitski. All right, Shut up. All right. Let's start early, pre-dawn. In the early hours of the morning. Oh, sorry, it's pre-dawn. Go back to bed. Go to bed. Go by the fucking bar.

Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking bar. Go by the fucking booster. Stay like savings. I'm showing you the news for you. Continue. All right, I'm gonna go with

We come into a small and modest home in this Rosewood Vale, is it? Not Dale. Yes, Vale. Vale. In rosewood veil, is it? Not veil. Yes, veil. Veil. In rosewood veil, a small and modest home, and we see a few, we see somebody sleeping in a small bed. We can't really see who it is, covers over them.

Another small body sleeping, again, also nearby. But then we hear awful sounds. We hear the sounds of... Retching. Yes. Those are awful sounds? Please stop. Yeah, wait.

No, you hear the... You're going to be sad when you find out what it is. Oh. You hear the sounds of retching. You hear the sounds of, it's a nasty sound, but then you hear a deeper kind of male voice saying, it's all right, it's okay. Get it all out. Come on. Camera comes around the corner and we see a little girl, maybe seven years old or so,

and she's getting sick into a small wooden bucket. And this elven man, you can see the girl has small elven ears, but they're kind of she's a half-elf kind of you know They're not fully elven and you see this elven man kneeling on the ground behind her and just kind of like slowly rubbing her back and he's like wiping the tiredness from his eyes and just kind of Gently coaxing her to feel better and she brings her head up gently coaxing her to feel better and she brings her head up and you see the paleness in her face. He's just like, let's get back to bed, try to get some

sleep. It's gonna be a long day. You may have to stay here with your mother but I've got work to do and I don't really. And he looks out and sees the first glimmer of light coming through kind of the edges of the window and he's just thinking, oh no I've got to go now and I'm not rested and I'm not ready so he takes her and he sort of gently takes her back to this small cot on a floor and just covers her up and says there rest now you see him walk over and he starts taking these Now you see him walk over and he starts taking these weapons off of the wall, strapping them on, putting on armor, grabbing this dented helmet that he puts onto his head.

And all of his stuff is ruddy and rusted and just kind of beat up and he gets dressed and sort of like bleary-eyed walks out into the dawn. Let's take a look at said character on Foundry Virtual Tabletop! Son of a bitch. From the pen of renowned artist Matt Forsythe, stalling while I look at the reflection of the screen. Let's do it again. You're gonna have to do it again. Oh, let me tell you about Matt Forsythe. This son of a bitch can draw. There he is.

Oh, there we go! Look at that! Alright, he's hot. Oh! Do I hear wedding bells? But yeah, you see as he was putting stuff on, there were so many weapons. A large sword, a bow, and you see this satchel that he grabbed and put over his shoulder that hangs on his left hip. And you hear the tinkling and clinking of some things inside. Obviously in the artwork we see a small glow coming out of that bag.

What's in that bag? What's in that bag? What's in the bag? I have an answer. Joe asked me this question before and I figured it out. Oh, wait. It's condoms. Ohhhhh. It's a sack of magical condoms. Oh. It's a sack of condoms. Magical condoms. Is there any other kind? Plus one striking condom. Oh my god. Wait, wouldn't condoms have an AC instead?

Actually, yeah. A hardness. A hardness of five. You don't want the condoms to have a potency rune though, because then it defeats the... It should be less potent, I guess. It's gonna be so hard. We can workshop this after the follow-ups. Alright.

Interesting. So, wife and daughter. And there was another child as well, yeah. Just trying to keep up here. This is a lot of new information. You could have asked them for it earlier. Yeah. No, this is to keep up here. This is a lot of new information. You could have asked him for it earlier. Yeah. No, this is part of the dance. Caitlin Stamos, if that's your real name.

Is it? Ooh. Ooh. What is going on with your character? So my scene that I came up with right now is you see a young girl sitting at a table with like a very complicated place setting in front of her, just like forks, knives, spoons, dishes, cups. She's just sitting there with a scowl on her face slouched over and behind her walks the hottest self you've probably ever seen.

She's got long red hair, fair skin. She walks up behind the young lady and is like, sit up. And the young girl's like, she's so boring, I don't know why I have to memorize all this stuff, it's just a bunch of forks. They all look the same. And she's like, they're not the same. One is for salad, one is for fish, one is for meat, I don't care!

And she like, whacks the forks off the table. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Cockadoodledoo! Ah! Shut that bloody boat up! A maid closes the window. She's like, why do I have to know this? Who cares?

And the woman's like, why do I have to know this? Who cares? And the woman's like, you must know this because one day you will be a high lady and perhaps more. And unfortunately that comes with social expectations. So she picks up the forks, puts it back, starts going over it again. And yeah, that's Helena.

Like you see it kind of like mutter out there like talking back and forth. The child is still kind of like sitting there and not wanting to do it. Maybe scenes of Helena helping her mom plan parties, social type of interactions like yes put the place setting here for her. We can't see them at the same table because you know what happened last time. And yeah that's kind of like the introduction maybe to Helena. Let's take a look at oh, I mean if you're gonna set her up as being the hottest elf you've ever seen

She better be real hot bet Smoke show smoke show okay, I know it might be the most cleavage in Glass Cannon history. Yeah. I wish you guys told me you were making hot characters. Yeah. Fuck! Wow.

We really did you dirty there, didn't we? And you have a hot accent coming up, right? Ooh. Yeah! You guys are doing hot accents with hot characters. Let me check my notes. I mean, yeah Definitely gonna do that. This chick is smoking. She's awesome. If that sickle could talk the slits On this dress go up way higher They don't I practical I was just gonna say. I was just going to say, wildly impractical clothing.

You're a light breeze away from showing the town your pajamas. I thought we were playing a fantasy game. Yeah. This is my fantasy. People can shoot magic missiles or force barrages out of their fingers, but we can have a dress that can stay in place on a windy day. Come on. Thanks for bringing us back down to Earth, Matthew.

That neckline is plunging deeper than Greg Louganis. Ah! Oh, no, you broke Matthew. Oh, no. Oh, Matthew. Hey-o! OK. Hey-o!

Did one of you just win $5? We can't affect the... We can't be involved in the... How long until the first Greg Lugana's show? I mean, how are you not going to end up with 50 bottle caps? Anyways, so funny. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start laughing at that Gregory Davis joke.

It's just for many reasons. So the young girl that you're tutoring or acting as handmaiden for in this case we'll say is Willow Montrose, the 12 year old youngest daughter of Lord Percival Montrose II. She's young and she's still trying to learn these courtly ways and you're just doing your job. What about old Matthew Capitacaza? What sort of mafia gangster type have you brought in to this Italian dream of yours Will Troy make a comment about Matthew's Italian-ness? Yeah, we thought it was too easy. So close. It was too easy.

You did not... Everybody took yes, so we couldn't bet on it. We couldn't bet on it, yeah. We all win. So I imagine, like, just silence, black, and all of a sudden, the cock crows, cock-a-doo-a-doo And the sun rises and we blink into the brightness of day and I feel like a song like Walking on Sunshine will start to play.

I'm walking on sunshine I'm walking on sunshine I'm walking on sunshine Thank you. And as that is happening a I'd say a 6 foot", 310-ish pound man wakes up in his bed and smiles broadly. And then we jump ahead and he's donning full plate armor, just enjoying the experience of it.

And then he's walking down the street and he sees a cat stuck in a tree. And he reaches up He doesn't have to reach that far and the cat can just walk down his arm And he waves goodbye the cat And then we jump ahead and he's at the local school and he's showing the children how to embroider still wearing his full-plate armor I used to think maybe He looks not unlike a young John Goodman a big young bearded John Goodman to think maybe you love me. With his giant hands. Just his giant hands. He looks not unlike a young John Goodman,

a young bearded John Goodman. And so he's showing them how to embroider, he's very delicate about it. And then he's walking through the market and a pickpocket grabs a melon off a stand and starts running by and he draws his longsword and just bops him on the top of the head and catches the melon and throws it back to the shopkeeper.

Are you starting a Disney movie? And then it's night time at the tavern and he is chugging a beer out of a giant boot. Just is fun. And then we jump ahead he's just the center of the party he's dancing like crazy and then this beautiful lady is up dancing with him and then we cut to the outside of his house Which is shaking for some reason. Oh Wow, the whole house is shaking. It's not a big house. It's not a big house. Did you just pass the main event of the day over? What? Banging?

Troy was like it's a very big day. We started at dawn. You're already at night banging. That's beautiful. He did a lot of things. He did a lot of stuff. And then we go inside the house afterwards and he turns to the lady and he's like, that was beautiful. I felt our souls reach out and hold hands in the light of the goddess. Thank the goddess for bringing us together on this glorious evening. Would you like to join me in prayer? She says yes This is sir Norville month, yeah, let's see you are bold a pious. Let's see this linebacker Yes! Senorville! Yeah.

Look at that, he's got the symbol of Zidane on his chest! Must take you forever to get out of that armor to bang. Or maybe not. I don't know why it says that. You've got a little slit. Alright brains, what do you got? Okay. You see a small bedroom that almost looks like it would be like a dorm bedroom. There's a small twin bed. It's kind of sparsely decorated, but there's a desk, and the desk

has shelves above it covered in books. The desk is covered in papers covered in books. A small rug. There's some like little clippings on the wall. Some painting. And as the sun rises and the cock crows, whatever, you see a bleary eyeyed young girl, human, with short black hair, kind of, opens one eye, opens the other, takes the covers off, putting water on her face, looking at her eyes, puts on a blue robe, slips on like little slippers and gathers

a ton of papers from her desk, neatly organizes them, grabs a big tome and then walks down a long hallway to the main, the arcane advisor. Oh, so you're staying in the same place as your your master. Yes, yes. I'm living in like a annex of the building that the arcane advisor lives or works in or lives in, not sure. Uh, but she enters into the library. Sure! We'll make this up together. And you see an older female elf.

She has silver hair that goes all the way down to her back. She does not have the looks of Helena. Uh, she's a little bit older, a little bit wiser. Nobody does. And she dresses modestly, not like this. Oh, okay. Thank you. Sorry. Somebody's jealous. does and she dresses modestly not like this okay thank you sorry somebody's jealous see it and she's just sitting there reading a book and she doesn't acknowledge your presence thank you for including me in your home scene yes

andromeda Quinn looks to reading itian Silverfron. Rydian Silverfron, and she says, good morning Rydian Silverfron, I'm here for the normal day. I'll set, I'll. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. First time. First time. First time. I'm going. First time we're hearing this. I'm going. I'm going. You know you have to do this for a bunch of shows, right? First time we're hearing this.

You know you have to do this for a bunch of shows, right? I'm going to take the tomes and I'll place them over here on the library tables. I'll just get to work. Whatever you need from me you can tell me. But I'll continue my studying of the arcana and to be making fireworks for the shows later. And if you need me, ask, do you need anything? Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there. Were you talking to me? No.

No. No. You're grossed in this tome. Go clean my bathroom. Okay. Sorry for interrupting of the tomes. Andromeda just walks back out of the library with all her stuff and closes the door and then goes back to her room and then you see her studying at her desk for the rest of the day.

So she doesn't clean the toilet? She's prestidigitator. No, no, no. You see her, she walks by the bathroom, looks at the bathroom, flicks a hand, prestidigitation just cleans the whole bathroom, doesn't think about it. Do you clean it or do you just hide the shit stains? Is this your poop stain? You can clean with prestidigitation. She cleans it actually. She's a very good student.

And yeah, and I shouldn't say, Andromeda is not not hot. She's no Helena. She's very cute. She's very cute and small. She's like five foot five five foot four And she's 20. I think she's like 24 years old. She's a young human and very excited to be here Let's take a look at and drop it up And you got some splaining to do I should mention on the left side of her face and then down through the right side of her body she has scarring and it affected her eye a little bit. She was struck by lightning. Spoilers. Not really. Spoilers. Joe cover your ears. She was struck by lightning. So she has very specific scarring that lightning does to people. It like branches

out on the skin almost like a tree branch. So she has this, but it doesn't affect her vision or anything. Sometimes she wears a hood if people are particularly judgmental. But for the most part, she doesn't mind it. She thinks that it makes her unique. Andromeda Quinn. That is my name. And I'll be doing this. And that is your voice. Really trying to hone in on the Bjork voice. We'll get there. I think we'll find it. No, you're doing great. I approve of the voice. Thanks guys. Appreciate it. Might change. I worry about you having to do it. You sound like my parents. I worry about you having to do it. You sound like my parents. Yeah.

She just called you her parents. Don't be silly. I'm much older than your parents. I love you, Skid. We've met Killian, Helena, Sir Norval, and Drabada. Skid, what does your character's morning look like on the day of the Founder's Day Festival? This is not actually, well yeah, okay,

we could see him in the morning. He awakens in sort of a hunting blind out in the forest. And he sort of like leans back and stretches and he peers out and we pull back and we see that he, as we get like a few feet back, he is completely hidden from view. And he just, as far as we can tell, he just sits there waiting patiently. And then we cut to the evening and he walks into perhaps this very same tavern that Norville Munt was

entertaining with his antics. Maybe he's in the background. Yeah, he's in the background. You hear the strains of walking on sunshine as he walked in the door. Yeah, see in the background you hear the strains of walking on sunshine as he walks in the door. That's the sound of Sir Norval's aura. And we see this human man come through and he's clo and like he there's a just an immediate pall is like cast the minute he walks through the door like on the fringes of the the fiesta that's happening with Norville and he just sort of like edges his way past the crowd and makes his way to a corner table and pops his feet up on a chair and like sits back against the wall and a serving

woman comes up and she looks disdainful. It's just a disdainful look on her face. It's just like, do you have coin tonight do you ranger? We don't take anymore butter. And you see this flash of a grin under his hood as he throws it back. And you see this strawberry blonde frizzy hair, close cut. He reaches into a pocket in the cloak with his right hand and he pulls out a pair of coins and tosses it in the server's direction. And we can see for the first time that the two fingers, his index finger and his middle finger

and his right hand are missing. Tosses the coin at her and he says, same as usual, you know me so well, don't you? And he leans back in the chair, pulls a pipe out of a pouch at his side, and flint and steel lights it, leans back, and at a distance watches everyone having fun with Sir Norville until his drink arrives arrives and he gets drunk Quietly and alone quietly and alone quietly and alone the best way take a look at this son of a bitch I'll do you one better here. Let's take a look at the party. Ooh, together?

Oh, look at that! This is your party! Oh my gosh. Until I inevitably kill one of them. What happens if you kill one of them tonight? We just fade out, disappear. Stranger things have happened in first episodes of live shows. Eugh. Who could forget that half-orc? We just fade out, disappear. Stranger things have happened in first episodes of live shows.

Ehh. Who could forget that half-orc? As you're sitting there drinking alone and Sir Norville, is it Norville or Orville? Norville. Whatever. You'll be dead by Portland. Maybe there's a, not a ruckus per se, but there's like the bartender will say you're at the Mockingbird Tavern. It's a very popular tavern.

There's probably only two taverns here. How big is the town? Like how many? It's growing, right? It's growing by the day, but they haven't been recognized by any formal governments, so they're kind of like a rogue city in a way, on a land that had been forgotten.

It's like unincorporated. Unincorporated, like a few hundred people. There's a place to buy weapons, a place to get armored, there's taverns, there's an inn. There's, you know, it's got enough to be self-sufficient, but they haven't really engaged in trade or whatnot. It's very insular, so if you came from the outside, you're probably getting that similar treatment

from many of the people as you are from this tavern winch. But the owner of, or the barkeep, guy by the name Preston Smyke, says, there's a rider, there's a rider on the hills. And a couple of the people in the tavern like look out the window. And in the distance, any of you who may peer out, see a lone rider, just kind of riding down into the valley and going right up to the keep and if you follow His trail is or her you can't quite tell it stops at the

gates of the keep Open the doors and the rider is let in Wonder what's going on there says the park Sure surely you have some kind of inclination. Well you work there, don't you? Were they expecting a rider? I'll go find out. Well it's not that important.

Might just be something we all noticed. You could keep drinking. We already know in about an hour your house shakes from sex. What? I'm sorry. You could keep drinking. We already know in about an hour your house shakes from sex. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. I thought I was meant to move the story forward. No. Pay attention to your own scene. Pay attention to your own scene. Lone Rider goes up. And then I can go bang?

Then you can go bang. After the barkeep discourages you from breaking the story you already said. I thought we were on the next day. No, it's the same day. It's the day of the Founder's Day Festival. It's a big deal here in Rosewood Vale. All of you are involved in some small way. Like I mentioned earlier, it's a small insular community. It's a big deal. Even if you're newish to the area,

you get caught up in it. Now, some of you have told me behind the scenes that you work for the town guard. It would be Sir Norville. You're one of the protectors of the Lord and Lady. I've been sent here to help under the guidance of the light of the goddess. You got 15 weapons on you. I assume that you are ready to murder. Ready to murder. No, I'm the reason for the town guard. No, yeah, he's he is town guard. I imagine No, yeah, he is town guard. I imagine Killian, if this is a festival of some kind, he's sort of on the outskirts of it, on the edge of it. And you see him just sort of literally standing guard and he's just kind of patrolling back and forth, making sure everybody inside is safe. You know, at some point you may see another little girl, one who's about 10 years old, 10, 11 years old, and daddy, daddy, you know, and he's just like,

oh, sweetie, go with your mother, go with your mother. Can't talk to me now. And he's just watching and patrolling back and forth, making sure everybody in the festival is safe. So we're at the festival. It's, uh, the sun is setting, the cock does not grow. You sure? No, that came later in your story.

That's not, we haven't talked about that yet. It's sun is beginning to set and you're all a part of this festival. Are you, uh, you're on duty sir Norville and? And Killian yeah, and he's just like like I said bleary. I didn't get much sleep last night So he's just walking back and forth and trying to stay awake Looking out. Are we married? So what is this? Yeah, when does this rider come? Is this come now? This is earlier in the day. Earlier in the day. So we know maybe he took note of it. He'll walk up to Sir Norville. He's like, Sir Norville, did you see the rider earlier?

I did. Go to the keep. Our friend the bartender at the Mockingbird told me it was not important to the story. That's not what he said. That's what I heard anyway. I felt the exact opposite actually. I felt like something we should be looking into. I tried, but I was discouraged heavily. By the forces of the world, you understand.

Matthew wasn't listening. If you don't mind me saying so, Killian, you look a bit tired. I was up all night, yeah. Unfortunately, little Janey, she's got the stomach sickness. She's throwing up all night. And I didn't get much sleep, but I can see through to the end of this just fine. Well, I want to make sure you know this is available to you. You do not feel any obligation, but if you wanted to come stand within 15 feet of me

and bask in the light of our goddess, that's an option for you. Might give you a little bit of a... Right, Sir Noble, yes, I could use a boost. our goddess that's an option for you might give you right sir noble yes I could use a boost shine your light upon me it's not my light you know it's the goddesses of course I'm a vessel heresy sorry also available to you again not forcing you to take this no obligation but, but hugs, pats on the back, 30 to 60 seconds of positive affirmations. Just you let me know. And he looks at you and he sniffs.

Are you drunk? Believe it or not, no. It's just how I am. He just has this amazing life, just every day, just wakes up. I live in the light of our gods. Should we go check out the rider thing and see if? Yeah, can I do a check? Yeah, I mean, I think if you went to work this morning for the town guard, you either

saw or heard tell that there was a rider from an outsider that came in and was admitted to speak with Lord Montrose and it was held in private and the word has not reached even your commander, the captain of the guard. Or if it has, he has not instructed you that it matters. Well we could speak to Captain Tonk, see what he has to say. That sounds like a great idea. Start there. Alright, so you go off to speak with the captain of the guard.

I've told you your boss is a man by the name of Barvis Tonk, a dwarf fighter. He's the captain of the guard. Very well may have been around at the founding of the town as you were. Um, as you go off we see young Andromeda Quinn buzzing about the festival. Are you on the footsteps of Riddian Silverfrond or are you given free reign tonight? I think Advisor Silverfrond has sent Andromeda to deal with things that she didn't want to deal with at the festival, but made them sound important. So I'm doing like fireworks and making it smell good by the latrines and...

Thank you. Which is really like child's play to Andromeda. She's a very skilled wizard, but she knows that... It's a skilled janitor. It's so far beneath me. She's the best. I, but she knows that... She's a skilled janitor. So far beneath me. She's the best. I mean, it really is. It does speak to an overlooked aspect of this world.

Why aren't we employing the magic users for public good? They really should, yeah. Clearly, they are. This is Andromeda's job right now as this sort of, you know, apprentice. She's like an underling studying to become an advisor herself is her dream. That's why she came all the way out here.

So she does it without complaint. But she's out there like figment, figment, prestidigitation, figment, figment, prestidigitation. It's very easy. She's happy to do it. And she's trying to make a really good impression. So she's standing there and like... Jazz hands. Mostly jazz hands.

You don't have to do it as a wizard, but she's doing it. And then she starts casting spells. Yes. That's not part of the spells. Right. And then she casts a spell. She casts the spells. You having a good time? Who are you talking to? I think maybe.

Literally anyone. I think maybe Helena comes up with Lady Willow at this point. I think she's walking around this fair with her and she's like. You're just asking her, you having a good time to this cleric and a little girl? I know she walks up and she goes, Oh look, Lady Willow, fireworks.

Do it again, Andromeda. Of course, Helena, hello, Lady Willow. Hello. Excellent night we're having for the Founder Festival. Yes. The fireworks. Ooh, hello. Lady Willow. Hello. Excellent night we're having for the Founder Festival. Yes. The firework. Do you want to see a dragon Willow? Could you make green ones? That's her favorite color. Green, no problem. I like green. Yeah, of course. This is green dragon mist. Fun, right? This is for everyone at the festival to enjoy, to celebrate. And Helena's kind of just like nodding and like uh-huh but just like

looking around and watching people and just like surveying just socially. Andromeda is drooling a little bit at Helena nodding. The holy priest of Sidonah, the one who is sort of the highest ranking priest at the temple, a guy by the name of Father Selwyn whatever. Cheese steak. Father Selwyn cheese steak. Horvus. Horvus. Horvus.

He... Selwyn cheese steak. Father Selwyn cheese steak. I'm not a master of improv I just like that you have only so many words to reach for He needs a name like and I just went through everything I could think of It's like cheesesteak, cheese, beef, steaks, John, John, John, beef related. How'd I do, Doc?

I'm very sick. I think you're hungry. I think you're really hungry. I'm going to prescribe you a... Father Selwyn Borvis comes up, sees you having this conversation with the apprentice wizard and says, What's your last name? Um, I have this written down. Her last name is Felethel. Hey you! He says.

Hey you. Hey. Hey. Have you seen Sister DeWitt? Oh, Father Sel Selwyn she like bows a bit and yes, it was right of you to bow. I'm your superior Glad we've established this yes Sister file at to it. I would know this is a Sister Violet DeWitt, you would know this is a nun basically, a sister of Sidon that works alongside Father Selwyn Borbus, who is also the actual sister of Lady Montrose. Oh, I think I saw her at the pony tent. She loves ponies. The pony tent? She loves ponies. this is news to me I will surely look into this she was at the pony tent who are you I'm sorry I should not have interrupted I am Andromeda Quinn. I study under Silverfront.

Good. A pleasure to meet you. Keep making it smell nice. Where is Lady Beatrix? Lady Beatrix? Yes. Who is that? I've never heard of her. You would know that that is Lady Willow's older sister. Oh, oh yes.

She's up in her room. She just did not want to come down today. I think it's, she's having a rough morning. Very well. I'll go to the ponies. So that's time of the month. Talk to, I don't understand all that mumbo jumbo. It's the work of Satan. I don't understand all that mumbo jumbo.

It's the work of Satan. Satan exists in this world? It is the blessing of Seidana. It is how we create families and create life. Yes, the cleansing light can only go so far. I'm off to the ponies. Good day. And you, keep up the good work. Thank you so much father, have fun at the ponies. Boy, he's intense. I do enjoy when your NPCs walk away and they seem to get a tremor that's just at their

whole upper body. No, they're always like puppets. Marionettes. Marionettes. Marionettes. Marionettes. I don't know why I was worried about this. We told you. Let's say there's a pop-up bar here.

Don't forget about the pony tent. You could go to the pony tent. Yeah, I was gonna say. Quite thrilling. Might be intrigued by the pony tent. Ale, craft ale. This is all righty. And the way before I check the wee ponies, I'm going to have another wee pint of ale.

Sir, I think you're over-served. No, no, no, no, no. I always talk like this. Good mind, barkeep, let's see, out of like a small pint of, has she got anything like an know, anything sort of a reddish. You see, perhaps. He pours the one beer he has on tap. Oh, lovely.

Slides it to his face. There you are, just as your doctor ordered. Ha ha ha ha. Here. And here's one for your missus as well. And he slides a magic condom across the bar. And he takes the mug, and he starts sipping on it, and starts sort of wandering.

Now, he's sort of generally mistrusted in the community because he's been here for a little bit, but because of his profession and mostly because of the fact, and I guess to go with the artist, I'd say that his left two fingers have been excised. Because of this, he's definitely like a a source of suspicion like people definitely like are wary about him but so he just sort of wanders around the periphery of the party try it because he

wants he wants to be a part of it like it looks like everyone's having a good time it's a personable guy, but everyone hates him. You see a couple kids playing hopscotch or something. And they look over in your direction and they're like whispering and pointing fingers. And then one of them seems like he's being dared by the other one, comes up to you and says, Hey, mister, what happened to your fingers?

Joe! Oh, what? Did you just lose a bet? Joe! Joe! Damn it! Oh, fuck! Oh, no!

What is this? Ice-based! Troy plays an NPC 17 years old or younger, one dollar to Joe. And they said, they said, you can't force it. You can't say, oh, there's a child. I said, nope, he'll do it on his own. I lost two, fuck.

I know Troy so well. So he is just like, oh, are you curious about these? And he holds up his right hands with his fingers gone. It's just like, oh wait, I feel some divine light. And his fingers pop up again. It's just like, I'm healed, it's a miracle. And he runs. Did you show him the other hand? Yeah, I showed him the one with the fingers that aren't cut off. Kid runs off. Meanwhile, you come over to the ponies.

Sure enough, there's Sister Violet DeWitt. She is the sister of the lady, Lady Montrose. She is known for her beauty, but she is unmarried. And she's wearing this like really unflattering robe, this big heavy robe, and she's standing there talking to the pony wrangler. And she sees you and she says Helena Where is Lady Beatrice? Oh She's she's up in her room. She wasn't feeling well today well, you need to get her and willow to the dais Lord Montrose and

Lady Montrose are coming down soon. Okay, I I will try she's very strong-willed do Okay. Yes, I'll be right back Oh, okay. I will try. She's very strong-willed. Do. Okay. Yes. I'll be right back. She's more beautiful than you. Wow. Not possible. And you know it. Wow. She's the fairest in all the land.

Oh my god, Snow White. You head in the direction of the keep, but as you do you see a guard coming down. Have we established you at this place yet? Yeah, Killian and I were going to... You're talking, alright. So there's other members of the guard. He's basking in the light of the goddess. Bringing down Lord Montrose, Lady Montrose, and you know, Beatrix. So maybe you catch up with this retinue and kind of slide Willow in. And everyone, applause and cheers.

Wonderful. Founder's Day! Founder! And eventually everyone settles in around the dais as Lord Montrose takes the stage and says, My friends, today is a celebration for many reasons. I don't know where to begin. This was originally intended to just be the Founders Day celebration in honor of my father and the people who came here to settle our new home, but we have news. As many of you know, we have been petitioning King Payne of Mendev for some time now to recognize Rosewood Vale as an official city and I am pleased to announce I received news

earlier today that we have finally come to terms with the Crown and Rosewood Vale is now an official Barony of Mendeth. Yes, I know you see his wife is pregnant and she is smiling, but she's not as excited as he is. And even he seems a little reserved. The good news does not stop there. In exchange for this great honor, my oldest daughter Beatrix. Beatrix step forward and the 18 year old who we haven't seen yet steps forward. She will marry Prince

Harold Payne. We will join our houses together. Yes, thank you. Thank you Yes in addition Doesn't stop there young willow will be sent to court at new nearest in to learn from there much more accomplished tutors and When she comes of age She will be married to Prince Brutus pain and when he says that there's this like weird murmur in the crowd. I set off fireworks anyway accidentally. And also young Willow who you've been walking with breaks down cries and rushes to her mother and the mother just kind of like holds her

in her robes while also holding her stomach. And you can see Lord Montrose is trying to keep an air of respect. My father gave his life for this place we now call home. We must all make sacrifices to protect Rosewood Vale. Sidonah's light watches over all of you, just as it will watch over my daughters in their new home. Speaking of my father, this is why we're here, right? To commemorate Founders Day, the first of its kind,

one of our finest audisons, you all know him, Warren Fedge, where are you, Warren? Oh, there he is, Warren Fedge. He has been working on a new statue for our town square. Mr. Fedge, please. And he motions over in the direction of a dwarf standing near this sheet that is covering something in the town square.

And he says, thank you, Lord Montrose. Or should I say Baron Montrose, right? Ha ha ha ha ha. Everybody, ha ha ha ha ha. Lord Montrose, or should I say Baron Montrose, right? Everybody? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that justice, though no stone could ever be worked enough to capture his light. And he pulls the sheet down and there's a statue of the father kneeling down, cupping a little rose in his hand, but he's looking up in the sky. Those of you who are there know that's more of an idealized version of what happened. But it's very religious.

And everyone's, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wow. It's a fucking great audience. Well done, well done. Who needs sirenscape with a live audience of a few hundred? Baron Montrose steps off the dais walks towards the statue in awe we still hear young Willow sobbing into her mother's dress he walks over and he places his hand on the statue and he just looks at

it in silence those of you who have been here for even a week would know that his father passed away. He puts his hand on the sculptor's shoulder and he says, it's beautiful, it's beautiful, truly, truly beautiful. My father and many of your family who is no longer with us today, they are watching over us and smiling with Cydana. My friends, let us feast and drink, play games and celebrate! Your Baron commands it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And we'll see after this quick break. Intermission. I like it.

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Play on the Tim's app until March 23rd. Rules apply, Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Did everybody freshen their drinks? How'd you all like the first intermission? Alright, we'll never do it again. This is amazing. We all got bourbons. This is perfect. Yeah. You guys got bourbon? Wait. Oh

This is awkward. Some of us have to drive this show home. We've talked about for a long time doing a little intermish just because it's a two and a half hour show and we're always leaving to pee at the shortest. Yeah. So we tried it and we'll see. If it sucks we won't do it anymore. Kate, did you enjoy the intermission? Yeah, yeah I did. Kate enjoyed it. What else do you need to know?

I did. I had some candy. I had some chips and salsa. I have a cold drink now. Now you're ready to go. And you got some Makers Mart. Matthew, big Intermission fan, I can tell from your beard. My beard is the giveaway. That wasn't there pre-show. I think the mission was great. You all got to pee, get a drink, and now we get to surpass expectations with the second half. Or at least meet them.

Alright so we've been introduced to these characters a little bit. We've been introduced to not only the history of the town in a little bit, but the current goings on. The celebration for the Founder's Day Festival. Lord Montrose, very proud man, loves his dad, loves Zidane, wants to make a festival to honor his sacrifice in many ways. And so they have a statue built in the middle of town,

but it seems like they've been petitioning Mendeb for a while to be recognized as a real city, maybe this began with Lord Montrose the First. And so this is a big deal that it happened today that they got recognized, but in exchange for being recognized as an official barony of the crown, he has to send his two daughters to New Nearsun. His 18-year-old daughter will be marrying Prince,

and his 12-year-old daughter, who we've seen trying to learn about forks and spoons. Etiquette, Troy. Etiquette. Etiquette. Etiquette. With this hot elf dressed inappropriately while she's tutoring this child. That could be the style of the court. Perhaps the style of the court.

It is not all the priests dress. I'm being a prude. Why do you think we're all followers of the gods? Why do you think people love this religion? Well, she is being sent away too, to be tutored by the much more accomplished tutors at court. And when she comes of age, she will marry one of the princes as well.

And that caused a reaction amongst the crowd, murmur, murmur, murmur. She started crying into her mother's skirt, broke decorum. A good etiquette teacher would have told her never cry during a Founders Day festival. But that information was never shared, evidently. Thanks for being the reason this whole story is happening. You are the catalyst. Statue unveiled of Lord Montrose the First,

holding a rose, looking up to Sidonah's light. Definitely thought there was going to be some penis graffiti onto his face or something. That would be weird. And he says, all right, let's drink, eat, be merry. Your baron commands it. He's got a title now. His pregnant wife is the baroness. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What do you do? Sir Norville would like to go talk with Killian if he wants to, to go talk to the captain of the guard to ask about that rider. Is this connected to the news? Yeah, also like this, we don't know anything about this at all.

No, like if they were seeking this, that they were petitioning? No, you would know that this has been something, and actually you would know even more than Sir Norville, that like Lord Montrose the first had like Started this discussion and they were constantly denied. Maybe there were even some threats that like stopped Trying to be a real city or will come and squash it. They left it alone. Blah blah blah, but The new Lord has finally made a deal with the crown. This is just like Deadwood Yeah, it's a lot like Deadwood. Yeah.

It's a lot like Deadwood. So, yeah, I think, uh, just even walking to talk to the captain of the guard, Killian will go to Sir Norval and just be like, what does this mean for us? Does anything change? I don't know. I'm here. I'm the directors of our order Well, I mean we both serve at the pleasure of our Lord Montrose so

By his wisdom. Do we have a job? Do we have the money to pay for what we have at home? I? Sent some worry and discomfort coming from you And I just want you to know that that offer the standing basking in the glory of our goddess is still available to you but let's go talk to the captain. Well I'm glad you're always so positive and then... The goddess will provide. I want to know what's happening here. I want to know if the captain knows about it. Hey, what are you guys talking about? Along comes another member of the guard. His name is Mick Steele.

Oh no. member of the guard his name is Mick Steele. What are you guys talking about? You seem like you're really engaged in thought. Mick! What the fuck? Do you know about this? Did the captain say anything to you? Does it have something to do with that rider this morning? Is that why we're doing this? You saw that rider too? Oh did you? Did you see that eagle eyes? Yes. I saw him walk. He rode right up to the gates. They let him in. He spoke to Lord Montrose. I didn't ask any questions.

You were at the gate and you didn't ask who the rider was? No, I wasn't on gate duty today. Who was on gate duty? Jim. Can we talk to Jim now then? Jim's, he's working third shift so he's probably sleeping. Go to his house. Let's go to Jim's house.

No, there's no time for that nonsense. We're not going to the door of Jim's house. Just start pounding on the door of Jim's house. To start pounding on the door of Jim's house. What? What? Mick, do you have any concerns about this? I mean, this barony, suddenly out of nowhere, what are we supposed to do about this? I think it's good for us.

I think we'll probably get paid a little more. We're official now. Oh yeah? We're official. More money. Once you're recognized as a barony, the crown starts sending you money, trade, you know? I barely have a one bedroom, now I might build ever two bedrooms. It doesn't come for free, Mick. They're gonna start taxing you.

They're gonna start taking our money to do something in some other city. That's elf talk. No! They mean... Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ehhh! Whoa! Sorry, sorry,! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Sorry, sorry, that's my dad talking. Ha ha ha ha ha! Now Mick, I do believe you may have, your words may have cut Killian deep, so he might owe him an apology. I'm sorry man, I just, I think you're worrying about the wrong things.

Like a typical elf. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm sorry! Sorry! Oh, and you know so many elves, do you? Just saying, stop looking at the big picture and look at the small picture! You could call them the big picture, man! More money.

All right, well, we're going to go talk to the captain and find out, see if there's any more official word on this. You're going to talk about this? Yeah. Tread lightly. Why? What have you heard? I gotta go.

And make steel. Big steel. Out of here. Goodbye, Mick. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm. Outta here. Goodbye Mick. I'm glad.

I got a feeling we'll be seeing Mick again. I have a feeling. I like him. I don't like him. Too bad that member of the guard will never be useful in a combat. No, he won't, but let's get some artwork from Mick Steele. He just sounds like a badass Let's go to the captain. Let's go. Let's go to talk

All right, so you can see Captain Barbus talk this Dwarf and he sees like talking to a couple of the other guards and he's like just make sure I don't expect any trouble and he sees you and he waves Captain Oh, my captain. We were talking and we don't find it to be such a coincidence that we saw a rider approach the keep this morning and then now the news that we're a barony. Do you know what happened there? Yes, no I was

just informed about it before the announcement was made to the village. This is all news to me as well, but I think our jobs are secure. If anything, now that we are recognized as a barony, it could mean... Well, anyways, just... Could mean what? Well, all of a sudden you're recognized by the Crown. We could, if they have enemies, those enemies could be our enemies. You just... you think we might be sent to war? No, no, nothing like that. But should Mendev get in trouble, now their troubles are our troubles. I haven't had a lot of time. Mendev does have troubles. They spent the last hundred years fighting a war. A war we wanted nothing to do with.

Well, the word is that with the establishment of New Neersun, that is in the past. I'm just looking at all the options. And I think that it is something to not get too worried about, but to be aware of. You just do your job and I will do mine. What do you know of this? Westie. What do you know of this question? He's off being racist over there. Wait, but I have a question. What do you know of the Royal Family?

There was that reaction to one of the Prince's names. Can I actually do a roll? Yeah, you want to roll the first die? Of As ascension? Old Killian is, uh, he's got some society. Oh! Yeah, I'd like to roll a society check on this name. Was it Brutus Payne? Harold Payne and Brutus Payne.

Sounds really thoughtful. King Mortimer Payne. P-A-Y-N-E. Major Pain? The movie? Oh yeah. Yes. Like major pain. Yeah, I'd like to roll a society check to see if I know this name. I feel like as a town guard, he has maybe not, doesn't have any kind of close relationship with the family or the daughters specifically right but he had a close relationship with their grandfather yeah right and so he's kind of yeah by the way I don't know if it's if it's clear but in those early scenes when we see all the settlers moving there were some elves in the background and Killian was in the background yeah

so he's been there since Wooken F yeah this whole thing started you were there and you were there yeah yeah you and you but no halflings are known all right here we go they're all dead wiped off the face of the earth society check yeah fucking Society check. Yeah. Fucking natural five. First roll of Ascension! Why is it always five? Alright, that is a fifteen. Fifteen. Society.

Alright, it's not a great roll. All you know is you're trying to... No shit. You're trying to recall, like, you know that neither Harold nor Brutus is the heir to the throne They are younger siblings, so it's like You start to maybe piece things together and you're like wow he he really gave up the farm Be like trading away your best basketball player for a bag of rocks basketball player for a bag of rocks

You'd have to be a real Shitty NBA team. I'll do something like that Man, I don't know why any general manager would do anything that's stupid And that's what happened here Lord Montrose like, you know gave his daughters away to non-heirs For a chance at a barony. If you look at like the cut-and-dry situation you could see why people were upset but there was a much larger reaction about... And I don't know anything about this Brutus. All right so we'll say to the captain, do you know something about this Brutus? I just asked him the same question not 30 seconds ago. She melts it down in tears. I don't know. I'm not, I have a very low society.

But I know he's not the heir. Well, what can we do? What can we do? Do your job. We're doing that. All right, we'll continue to do it and do it well. This shouldn't change the day to day operations, but when it does, you will be informed. In the meantime, just make sure that there's a lot of drinking

going on. Make sure that people don't get out of hand. And, you know, have fun. Also have fun. It's a celebration. But not too much fun! Have an appropriate amount of fun! I have to go talk to other NPCs. I'll say Killian walks off with a bit of a pensive look. I mean, running through his head, he has a long history, a long knowledge of the history of Mendev. And he's concerned. It's a very war-like nation. And he might not know all the nuances. War-torn nation. War-torn nation. And obviously we've always been close to it, but we've never been necessarily allied with it and thus allied against all their enemies or any of their enemies. And he's thinking of his family and his job as a guard and you know he doesn't, it's less about money and more about like will I get sent somewhere

or will some much more dangerous force come looking for what we have? Yeah can I roll a warfare lore to see if like, what might happen. Yeah, sure. Where we might get sent. Natural Three. Hot start to the campaign. You feel like if shit went down, you'd be sent to war. And you feel confident about that. All right.

Now keep in mind that the events of this story take place outside of sort of the printed history of Galerion. Well this is like more than a hundred years after. Right, 120, 130 years after. So the fiction that I'm setting up here is that there is a new king of Mendev, Mortimer Payne, Neresen has been dubbed New Neresen. It seems like that there were various wars that took place, but they've reestablished the crown. And now this is a big deal for Rosewood Vale. Right, right.

And in not too long of a time, we will here in our world be a hundred years from World War two right and everybody that grows up at that time is not gonna have the same feelings that somebody who lived a hundred years ago might have right right and so that's sort of where that's kind of like his concern it's kind of like Dracula the Coppola Dracula when you you see Dracula fighting in wars, you're having those kind of memories,

whereas a human is like, what's the big deal? That war was forever ago. Carpathia, what? Can I have Helena try to talk to Lady Abigail? Because I feel like when everyone disperses. You want to talk to the Baroness? What? She works with her daughters.

You better check yourself. I feel like she sees Beatrix and Willow run up to their mom, and as everyone disperses, they go have fun. Beatrix is cool. She keeps her composure. She's older. She's more trained. She is very stoic when the announcement is made. Obviously not happy. You know her. You can see it in her eyes. Whereas Lady Willow, a little more prone to emotion, she's young, she sobs, at a certain point they are taken, they're both taken off the dais while the celebration is happening and you go to Lady Abigail who is very pregnant and she's sitting and kind of smiling and she sees you.

Lady Abigail, may I... may I sit? Yes, please. How are Beatrix and Willow doing? Oh, they are... they are... they are good. As good as they can be. It is difficult news to receive, obviously, but... news to receive obviously but they will handle it as we must all handle it. Do a sense motive. Well yeah I want to ask her how she's doing and I just want to try to either get information from her or maybe roll to see if I may already know again I'm an elf I've been around for

a long time too. Right you're I, I mean, it's gotta be crazy. Like, she's human. You saw her when she was a baby. And now she's your Baroness. Are, are, are you all right? Yes, yes. Did you know? It's a celebration.

What's that? Did you, did you know this was going to happen? My husband informed me earlier today there was a rider from New Nearsome that delivered the news, yes. But it shouldn't be any concern of yours. I'm sure we can find some use for you. Yikes. Can I roll any knowledge about the pains? Sure. Or like our relationship with them?

Knowledge pain. Knowledge pain. Lore pain. Lord pain. Lord pain. Lord pain. Lord pain. Society? Talk to him too.

Question mark? Here comes the third fail on society. Uh, oh my god, it's so big. 19. 19. Still not great. You know that Harold is the second son. Okay. And you know that Brutus is the third and youngest son. But there are some, 19 isn't great. There are some questions about Brutus' health.

You've heard, perhaps you're like trying to put together, like why is everyone so upset? You've heard that he has some sort of ailment or frailty. There's something off with Brutus. So promising the youngest daughter to this man, you're not quite sure what the deal is, but sounds like a weird backwards way of imprisoning the daughter, you know?

She's being sent almost, in your eyes, it feels like she's being sent as a hostage. Wait, so Willow, Willow is marrying Brutus? Willow is marrying Brutus, Beatrix is to wed Harold. Harold, okay. It's interesting, because what does the king of Mendeb have to gain by marrying two of his sons off to this brand new baron? Well, they're two of his younger sons. But he could use them for an alliance.

But they could be used for any number of things, yeah. So yeah. Will that be all? Lady Abigail, I would be... Oh, there's more. I would be... Oh, there's more. I would never forgive myself if I didn't try. Willow, she has so much potential.

Scorning in the labor! No, sorry. I had a taco earlier. You can't have tacos while you're pregnant. That's happened the last time. I know. I know. There's a gas station that sells them.

Not the gas station. The chefs here can cook you tacos. I loaded up on gas station tacos. It had really, really good reviews. Oh my God. Eight and a half months praying to load it up on gas station tacos. Choice. Please continue.

I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. Eight and a half months pregnant loaded up on gas station tacos. Choice. Please continue. I just... Willow has so much... Willow has so much potential. It's a waste if she's going to be married to Brutus.

You know that. She could have been... She could have been heir. Mind your station last name I can't pronounce. I think it's falafel. Madame Falafel. Fala-fel. Mind your station. Sorry, sorry. Fala-fel, Fala-fel?

Classic butchering elven names, get it right. I know that you have grown close with my daughters, but understand what I must be going through. Is that all? Yes, yes, I'm sorry. Have you seen my sister? She huddles away. She's by the ponies again.

She's still at the fucking ponies? She's still at the fucking ponies? She's been at the ponies. She loves them. Literally the entire festival. She pets them and when they trot on by, ponies she's still at the fucking she's been at the pony she loves literally the entire festival she pets them when they trot on by she just cries a little bit years old no that her sister her sister was a full adult I'll make an NPC tree for you on the drive to Austin all, cut to. Get out of here. Andromeda is at the ponies. What are the ponies' names?

They have names that are from the stable boys, but I've renamed them. The sherbert. Sherbert. And this creamsicle for the little circle on the head. And this, of course, is midnight. The horse is black black so this has to be midnight as this tradition otherwise bad luck and she turns to the

sister that is there she's talking to sisters she's just staring at the ponies and I like to imagine if I were to own one which one I would ride which one would you ride? Oh? I'm sorry were you talking to me? It's just lost in the majestic grace of these tiny horses No, I was not talking to you. She looks around she sees Oswin Aswin Aswin it was amazed that anyone is calling him by name She looks around, she sees Oswin. Oswin! Oswin! It was a maze that anyone is calling him by name.

Oswin! It's Andromeda! Ha ha ha! Right, okay! All right! She walks over to him. She walks over to him. All right, now!

She walks over to him. Hello. You're Aswin. Ah, that's right. Aswin, that's right. Sorry for interrupting. You get the herbs for Silverfront. No, that's right. I go out in the wilderness there.

I go out to grab a gather of herbs for various medicinal and magical purposes as rates These two accents and conversation is making my night She talk about herbs for? If you have herbal needs? No, no, I just recognize you from what the Bariser Silver Front has said and I realized we've not met. I'd like to make a note to meet everyone who helps. I've seen you from afar. I've seen you walking around the village and so forth. Did you see the fireworks?

No, it's great. It's spectacular. That was me. Oh, that was you? That's blood. It's amazing. It's great. Some of the best fireworks I've seen in the world. It's great. Phenomenal. Your herbs are fantastic. They work wonderful. Oh, no, stop. No, I say herbs. What's that? I'd be fair, I don't make them. The gods make them.

All they gather them up. So it's like, no, it's impressive. It's like making fireworks. Well... It's... It's a living. I turn back to the sister. Is she still there? Look at their tiny legs. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just amazing to the curves of these beasts. And now Lady Helena had seen the sister. You see the sister. She is known to be like the most beautiful woman in this little city. but she's a sister, she's unmarried and she's just sitting there in her very unflattering robe staring at the

ponies. I'm sorry, I was ignoring your game of ridiculous ping pong. Ridiculous accent ping pongpong what what were you saying oh I just that the ceremony was quite surprising yes yes it was sorry if that is hurtful to you no no no it, it's a day of celebration for Rosewood Vale and we should all be pleased. And Cydanna would be pleased? Of course, yes, Seidana makes all things the way they are. We must trust in her. If you'll excuse me.

And she leaves the ponies for the first time. I made her leave. That's like a big deal. Four and a half hours. I made her leave the ponies. I turned to Oswin. I don't think that was a good introduction for me. Can you believe that Marion Bruget, the sickly child, you hear a couple people talking in the distance. I don't think that was a good ceremony.

Did you hear it or were you in the woods? No, it's not here at all. I was doing my job out in the forest. It was bad. No, the fireworks were wonderful. Well, I heard the fireworks, like I see them from the canopy, but the rest I can't speak to. There seems to be... And she looks around, she does not like to gossip but... There seems to be a problem. No, it's like getting a bit of a...

Yeah, there's like a strange sort of vibe like around, you know? Shhhhhhhhhh Sorry, I've had like seven of these ailes. There is a bit of like this uncomfortable, you know, sort of... I'm telling you, Lord Mantros has sold his daughters to own the land. This is the truth. There is no hiding it. It's wrong.

He sold his daughters? Rubebark, Rubebark, Rubebark, Rubebark. Sold? Andromeda starts combing her hair down. No, just don't say that. Andromeda Queen, are you sure? Are you sure Andromeda Queen has sold it? Andromeda picks up her spell book and puts her head in it

and closes the spell book hard. Holy crowned baron has sold his own daughter for the slavery. She runs into a fence post. No. Falls over. Andromeda Queen, are you all right? Why, Andromeda Queen? Somebody help Andromeda Queen. She runs into a fence post, falls over. I'll throw up a queen to your right! Why would I throw up a queen?

Somebody help me throw up a queen to her heart or something! Both of you roll a society check. As you stand up from hitting your head on a fence post with your spell book over your head. Uh, 18. For Oswin. 22. Alright. It's the highest one so far. So Oswin, you know as much as

Helena. You have heard that Brutus Payne is a sickly child. You've heard that he cannot walk under his own power. While he's older than Willow, like maybe 15, whereas Willow is 12, you've heard that he has some malady that makes him look much younger than he really is. You know, he's 15, but he looks like he's like eight or six. I would say that you probably even know that there were these rumors that a lot of the priests believed

he wouldn't even live past a year old, and he's survived, but sending his youngest daughter off to eventually marry this child is it's it's it's a lot how old is he actually he's 15 but he looks like looks like a young yeah and he's sickly like Gary Coleman yeah he's like he's confined to a bed he can't walk under his own power it's it's a a real strange move on the part of... Wait, wait, wait, is it a strange move or is it just a bummer for the daughter? It's a bummer for the daughter.

Well, I mean, that would explain why he might be married off to a lesser noble. Yes. But the other daughter is the tricky bit. Yeah. Andromeda takes Oswin's hand as she leads him to stop talking really loudly by the ponies, which is like the main attraction of Founders Day, as we all know. Yeah. So... There's like 15,000 people at the ponies.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, Sherbet! Sherbet! Sherbet! Sherbet! Walk around again!

Walk around Sherbet at midnight or whatever the fucking other one's name is. You took notes! What are they going to fuck? Sheet-tig. Seismic. Get him out of here! He's ruining the sanctity of the ponies! Alright Mick, I think you've been over-served.

Let's head on back to the barracks. I heard this was the ponies' thing. Hey, hey, uh, Kaleen, would you give me a hand with Mick here? I'm fine, I can walk in the little park. What? I thought this was Benda! I thought this was Benda! It's not Benda! I think you've had enough Mick.

Let's get you back to the barracks. I'm fine. I work tomorrow. Actually Sir Norville would like to talk to the Lord Treasurer of the town who is despite your protestations a gnome? What damn it one survived he is the last gnome survivor Wow, yeah the dreaded gnome apocalypse Maybe this is what makes rosewood veil so special Married off the daughters to try to get the gnome. You, of course, are referring to the Lord Treasurer, Doran Tumblehoney. Yes.

Tumblehoney. He is a male gnome accountant. And he's walking around with a ledger. Oh, that's going to cost money. Lord Treasurer, are you? Oh, hold on. What have we got rid of pennies? Yes.

I am a wise gnome. You're going to save $5,000 a year? Yes. It's like when you go to a museum and put it in that thing that spins it and flattens it. You're worth us. Yes. Sorry, I'm just counting and doing math.

Are you a... Is he an old gnome? He's an old gnome and he's already undergone the bleaching because he knows if he leaves Rosewood Vale he'll be murdered on sight. Isn't he one of my chief duties as a town guard? Does this be a bodyguard for the last living gnome. No, no one really cares about him. Oh.

Uh, uh, uh, Lord- It's just a curiosity more than anything. My Lord Treasurer. Uh, yes, yes. Are you, are you alright? Do you need any assistance? Carry the two? Yes, no, I'm quite good just making sure we don't spend too much.

Ha, now that we'll have to answer to the crown, I'm sure I'll have to send reports, uh, weekly reports. I used to only have to do it monthly and just send'm sure I'll have to send reports, weekly reports. I used to only have to do it monthly and just send it to Lord Montrose and he didn't understand what I wrote. But now I'll have to send them to the Crown. I can't imagine how busy I'm going to get. I can't imagine either.

I'm very sorry to hear that. Oh, another pony. But I know you're very assiduous. It's your job. Yes, sorry. Well, you have a question. I'm very busy counting random things that I see. What have you heard about this deal

that made us a baroness? Oh, well, I found out, as you did during the announcement, I'm not privy to such things. No, I think it's good. I think it's good. Could bring in a lot of coin. We could finally build that stadium. I've always wanted to have a professional sports team

here on Rosewood Vale. We could lure the Phoenix Cardinals here with a little bit of luck. Stadium would bring a lot of commerce, but you know, this deal with the crown should bring in lots of trade and it's good for Rosewood Vale. I'm going to have to hire an assistant. I'm going to have to find a non-no. Well, as a savvy political mind, I guess you might be able to answer the following question,

which is, I see what it gets us. I would say yes. But what does it get the crown? Oh, yes, that is a good question. One I had not considered. Young Beatrix is, of course, a fetching young maiden. Her looks and her prowess, her intelligence, her charm. Any young prince would be interested in someone like her.

Young Willow, of course, is still very young. I wouldn't deign to talk about her looks. But yes, I don't know. I imagine they just needed to marry off their sons or maybe they saw value in Rosewood Vale. Our location is now a good location and so maybe they thought that it was worth it. I don't know, I don't think about these things, I just count ponies. You think the Crown might be interested in the town for reasons other than what we can

provide economically or politically? Frankly, I had not thought much about it until you mentioned it. Why are you so concerned with such matters, Sir Novin? I'm a thoughtful guy. You are? I just want to make sure everyone's safe. Yes. I've noticed from the ledgers that you've had to spend a lot of money restructuring

the foundation of your home. Ah yes. What's that all about? Well if you'll see, if you look into the records I've attached a letter of explanation and a writ signed by our holy priest. Sure enough there it is. Yes, I was just doing the goddess's work. All right well good work son work, Sir Norval. If you don't mind, I must go count another pony.

Nearby, Norval, you see Oswin and Andromeda are talking, and Andromeda is like speaking about the same exact thing you're speaking about, and she's saying, saying maybe leverage to use mantras to use him like a like a part of the crown but separate and to take over if they want to when they want to oh you see what you're saying but like leverage for what? What? What is the value that they'd like to be taking over? It's not very knowledgeable on such things. I'm just looking back at my time playing Crusader Kings III. I just can't picture why this minor noble like this,

giving up, they're valuable assets, like younger sons like that. And like giving them up for, you know, this is a fine town, but... Ashwin, that is the trick. Unlike Crusader Kings, this is not a main sun. This is not an air. I know, right, okay, right, so... And isn't in Crusader Kings the point to do war? Not necessarily, it's more about role-playing and this... I don't want to get into it! I don't want to talk about like... some of the point of Crusader Kings 3. Can someone fucking kill that rooster already?

You say rooster with a trumpet. I'll stop. Sorry, you know. I was trying something out. Just, I was just picking up a night shift. But there is a trumpet and a lot of fanfare and everyone starts to gather back in the direction of the dais and as you do so you're all kind of called forward. You see there are some servants to the crown or another crown servants to Lord Lord and Lady Montrose, the Baron and the Baroness, sitting up an altar in front of the stage area. Kind of look on, see what they're doing. You see Father Selwyn Borvis is there and he's like, he's got a box and he's opening up the box and he pulls out a Like a long blade not quite a sword not quite a knife just like this ceremonial

long blade the hilt is Similar to the holy symbol of Seidana like it has a pool and it's like the blade is the light emerging from the pool and As you watch him Pulling this blade out as the servants are setting up the altar you hear this bleeding sound And you see a couple of the local farmers like dragging a ram The ram is like Trying to fight against the farmers.

Wait, so this is our thing? This is an... So everybody knows, this is our thing? This is what you guys love so much? There have been sacrifices of animals before. So this is normal, we all think this is cool? It's not uncommon, but it seems a little grim right now under the circumstances

You would know that like they believe that if you sacrifice Certain animals depending on the animal there are symbolic significance It is you know in service to the goddess and so a ram would be a symbol of courage and virility And strength to move forward to sacrifice this ram. So this is a good thing. It's a good thing if you are a holy follower of Sidonah you see. I read the scripture differently I believe it's rams milk that is useful in such situations. Yes we will. they will all beat off the ram Get in there sir, beat off that rain

For god that was No So the ram is, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahashes into a nearby stall, collapses the wood stand on whoever was working that stall, then it plows into a group of people. The people fall down. Luckily, all of you are standing nearby. Roll for it. Oh!

Oh, what? This really happened. It's episode one, we gotta have a little juice. It's really happening. It's episode one. We got to have a little juice in the caboose. It's too late. It's too late for a combat. Look at this. Let's go to the map.

Oh, shit, dude. There's a map down there. Whoa, gorgeous, dude. Whoa, gorgeous dude. Wow. Cool. Cute. All right, first initiative of ascension. You could say you were there during the first initiative

of ascension. Woo. All right, don't pretend like you're excited. Ha ha ha ha. Andromeda Quinn, what'd you get? I got a 27. 27. Holy shit ball.

Holy shit.! Holy shit! Kavita Kaza! Phenomenal! 18. 18 for Sir Norville, right? Yes. What's your character's name? That's what you get for making your character backstage

instead of earlier this week. Oh, Oswin. We literally recorded in session zero where I told you his name. Oswin I rolled very poorly I got a 12. Is it Jonathan gave me this beautiful white die is that your first die ever Jonathan Jonathan? Yeah, he goes. Yep very understated Jonathan. Yep, dude 27 Strong start to kill you Jonathan Jonathan as I call Yeah, um is a lepon You probably made a first-level character, know you started fourth right oh I rolled the first natural one

tap that cap Round one, cap. No? No. Yep, you've rolled natural one, you lose your cap. No, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. Just like, wait.

Sorry, I got real thrown off by that because I was very concerned. So we can DAP the cap in a session and we get it back next session. Yep. Oh, DAP the cap. I'm DAPing the shit out of this cap. Dude, DAP that cap. Let's go. Dap the cap. I'm dapping the shit out of this cap. Dude, dapp that cap.

Let's go. Dap that cap. I'm testing this out. I might use this in campaign three. Ooh. Ooh. Which I've already picked, by the way. What?

You weren't supposed to say it. Maybe this is more of an Austin announcement. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Wow. And they're booing us again. No, you're right. It's a Milwaukee announcement. Wow. And they're booing us again. No, you're right.

It's a Milwaukee announcement. Alright, round one of the first combat of a century! Do do do! Bing-a-bing-a-bing! Andromeda Quinn and Killian Dawnwall.

Is it like short, does it have an Irish like Donald? No, it's just Dawnwall. That'd be fun. Killian and Dawnwall. You both rolled a 27. Andromeda. Oh, Killian. Oh, what a gentleman. Alright, fine, I'll go. Because I do think it will be less interesting than whatever you do.

Killian is just going to run at, oh, wow, I literally grabbed everyone. Killian is just going to run at the RAM and attempt to tackle it. Nice. Little RAM tackle? Little RAM, classic opening of a campaign Ram tackle. It's like London Fletcher. Yeah, so he's gonna run at the Ram and I'm going to attempt to grapple it

with an athletics check. All right, against the Ram's Fort Dick. Yeah. Ha ha ha! Against the Ram's Fort Dick! Let's go. Natural three. Woo! Against the Rams, four dick! Let's go. Natural three.

The Ram has grappled you. Well, that was just his first attempt, right? Well, what is the total, though? The total is 13. Okay, that is not a critical failure, but that's a failure. You fail to grab your target, and if you already had them grabbed or restrained, those conditions would end.

So you've used two actions. Yep, and then you will attempt it again. You fail lucky. Before it runs away, natural two. There it is. Oh, that is a fail. Does the ram wish to grapple me? Wait, that's with the...

So that's a seven. All right, so that's a critical failure. Oh no. Your target can either grab you or force you to fall and land prone. So in Joe's first turn, the warrior. Anyone surprised? The 120-year-old. The graceful elf. The hot elf.

You slip and ram poop and fall prone. I said your turn would be more interesting. Thanks for letting me go second. I think that's ram's milk. You slip in the ram's milk and fall prone. God damn it. Amazing. I hate myself.

I'm so sorry. Alright, Andromeda. Okay, Andromeda seeing that happen is like, I will fix. And she's going to cast Grease in, I think it's five contiguous squares? Five? Grease? Yeah. Did you just say five contiguous squares? Yeah.

Contiguous. That's what they use in this spell contiguous squares? Yeah. Contiguous, that's what they use in this spell. Contiguous? Yeah, I didn't know it was a real word. I did Google it, because I was like, I think they mean continuous. Contiguous. Sharing a common border touching, next together

in a sequence. So contiguous. That was the Google definition. Yeah. Thank you. I saw it too. She's going to cast Grease and I'm going to do the two squares to the left of the RAM, the one square under the RAM and the one square to the right of the RAM.

Okay, I wasn't listening but we'll say there's some Greaser RAM. Like there? No, it's four contiguous. Sorry, did you miss when I said contiguous? No, I haven't really been listening. So it's four, this one. Yes. One to the left and two above.

Oh, wow. Or two below. Like that, right? Jesus. There's grease around the ramp. Okay. Can you draw it? Then what happens?

Each creature standing on the greasy surface must succeed at a reflex save or an acrobatics check. Alright so that's my ram. Or they fall prone. No I did not put it on Joe. Alright so the ram is like whoa whoa natural one. Oh wow. Nice. First time I've ever rolled this die. Yeah so you you know where to go, but up you fall prone Shit that's what we needed. All right, so you you grease the ram and the ram just Lands next they're both lying on the ground him and killing and smoking a cigarette She looks at she looks at Helena party. Do you see those ponies? And she looks at Helena and just... Hell of a party.

Did you see those ponies? You get a load of sherbet. She shrugged her shoulders at Helena. That's her turn. She's not doing anything for the third action. She just shrugs. All right, it's the Ram's turn. You've really thrown this ram off.

The ram will scramble up. Does it have to roll? Yes, if you're using an action to move, oh, onto the greasy surface. I think if a creature that steps or crawls doesn't have to attempt a check or save. Alright, it's standing from prone. Okay. Then I'm going to take a reactive strike.

Yeah, there you go. And I'm going to punch this fucking ram in the junk. Get down here! My milk! Give it a try. That's a 28 to hit. That's a critical nut hit. You're crit the nuts! That is 12 points of bludgeoning damage. To it's Johnson! I'll let you figure out how that looks. But now the ram's pissed. Yeah, it would be too.

The ram stands up from prone. I think until it moves across the surface, it's okay. What are you gonna say? Like, he's just standing there punching his ram with a fucking nard. Well, he's like scrambling on the ground. He already fell over. He's trying to get up and he's just like, Sit down, you fucking bitch!

Like, as it gets up. Yeah. I mean, the ram situation has improved. It went from being sacrificed to... Yeah, just being punched in the nuts. The ram will stand up, I mean the ramp situation has improved it went from being sacrificed to uh, yeah this week The ramp will stand up I'm gonna say because it's not moving out of that space as of yet It won't have to roll if you move as an action So if you're just standing up from prone standing up that might be a move action

I'm gonna rule it You can just stand up and then it's gonna try and fucking gore Killian whose AC is lowered That makes sense. It sticks, it's like thorned horn at you. Black fella, black fella. That is a 16 to hit. 16 is a miss. And then tries it again, 23 with the map.

I'm sorry, you said 23 with the map. Yep. So you were lying. I rolled really well. That is a hit. You take nine points of piercing damage. That's for hitting me in the milker. Sir Norville, you see this horrifying scene. About 20 feet away. What do you do, Sir Knight?'re gonna be yeah, sir. Normal's gonna rush. I got a Deborah normal Sir normal is gonna rush up and try to grapple the the ramp Wow another ram grapple

Okay, it's greasy there. You sure you want to do I don't know where the grease is still Sydney only told you three times I don't know where the grease is still. Sydney only told you three times. Four contiguous squares. Two to the left of the RAM. One on the RAM. One next, contiguous. All right.

A line. It's just a straight line? Contiguous. I like how you did it like it was a spelling bee. All right, so it's like a Tetris piece? Oh. So it's like the Tetris L? So it's like the Tetris L? No, like a Tetris John.

It's a line. The three and the one. Like that? Everyone knew what I meant when I said Tetris John. There are four kinds of Tetris Johns. No! What is it? Why do you make an L?

The bottom one. Wait, everybody talk at once. It's a line! I got it. A line. Is this a line? The lid. Okay. A line. A line? The lid.

OK. The lid. So this? No. The lid. The lid. One more square. One, that's no, two more squares.

That? Yes. Yes. Hey! We'll see you in Austin. All right, so you stand right up to the edge of that grease. Oh, and I was given a special d20 from Damon My man Damon that day. Oh, yeah, I met that guy friend of the show

Daddy 17 For a total 29 critical hit on So the Ram is now restrained. Oh Yeah, okay, so sir. Norval's like Yeah! Oh! So the ram is now restrained. Oh! Yeah. So Sir Norval's like, boom, boom, boom, and he moves pretty fast. He's like, doop, doop, doop,

and then just like, woof, woof, and lays on top of the ram. All right, keep in mind, this is a ram, and you're holding it, you've restrained it. Let's see how the rest of this plays out. Helena.

Ooh. Wait, excuse me. Okay. Oswin. Oh! Shut up, Kate. Shut up, Kate. All right, I'll be quiet. You'll have your turn in Austin. So yeah, Oswin is surprised by it.

He is drunk at this point, as I am. Take a minus two to all attacks. So he's a little slow on the draw, but he's sort of like, oh, he grabs his longbow off his shoulder and he, so this is the thing, because what he was caught poaching, his fingers on his draw hand were cut off. So he had to train himself to shoot left handed. So this is what he's doing. So he pulls over, then he pulls back,

he's gonna do hunt prey. So that's his second action, is hunt prey. And then he's going to fire a hunted shot. Nice. Okay. It killed the shit out of this ram. 23 to hit? That's a hit.

Oh, right in the Johnson. Before we resolve it, can I, I didn't get a third action. Oh. Can I try to demoralize the RAM? Of course, yes. How does that play out? What do you say to the RAM as you're holding it close?

What do you whisper into its ear? Let's see how I roll first. I just sounded like natural 14, but rolled over. So it's a 13 to demoralize. I was on natural 14 and rolled over. So I said 13 in the moral eyes. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Meanwhile, you hit the ram with an arrow. And I also get a 1d8 of precision damage. So my first attack gets my 100 prey. So that's 16 total points of damage. Nice, dude! And then my second attack with a mat. That's a crack. That is a miss.

Miss with the second attack. That is a miss. Miss with the second attack. An arrow whizzes by Sir Norval's head. Helena, what do you do? I feel like, so I have some stuff that I can do that is damage, but I feel like she wouldn't jump to do that. Five, ten, fifteen, let me measure here. Yeah. What are you doing with the ram?

Why are you spinning? Oh, because he's slip sliding? All the leaves are brown. Slip sliding away. Slip sliding on the grease? He's rolling around in the ram. So she sees Sir Norval and Killian doing what they're doing, so she moves up 30 feet.

You mean being so brave? Being so brave. She moves up 30 feet and she holds her hands out and just like this glow like the sun comes out and she casts Bless. 15 feet range. So yeah, plus one with a status bonus. I meant to ask you, your aura that you give off, what is that? I think it's a status bonus. I'm meant to ask you your aura that you give off. What is that? I think it's a John bonus. It is not conflict. It is not conflict. Did John bonuses stack? They stack on anything. Yeah, that's the best part about them. Love a John bonus. So yeah plus one status to attack Slide ice. For you two since you're with an emanation.

Alright, stop at round two. You see Father Selwyn Borvis in the back says, bring it, bring it to the altar, bring it! Please, with all haste! And it is Killian's turn. Killian, you are laying in a puddle of ramps. And he's already taken like a massive hit, like, ah, this gore to the, you know,

I'll say to like the upper neck or shoulders, ah, and he's gonna stand up, he sees that Sir Norval has it restrained, but he is going, stop spinning my guy. He's gonna stand up and, uh, and then murder the goat. No, um, I think that's all he's gonna do. He's gonna stand up. He's mad. Just be like, bring it back.

Bring it back. Cause Norval has it restrained, so I think we're good. Yeah. You know what, he'll aid. Yeah, he'll aid Norval. All right, you're gonna aid him in pulling it back. Bringing it back. Yeah, cause I'm gonna have to reposition.

And Andromeda Quinn. This seems like everybody's got it. Tell me if you need me to do something, but I'm going to stand here. Andromeda, you can't try to control the RAM at all. Okay, I can try. You and I are gonna cast command. Command on the RAM. Do you speak RAM? Um, you and I am gonna cast command.

Command on the RAM. Do you speak RAM? Ah! But it's a command that's hard to ignore. It says in the rules, hard to ignore. You can't? So are you gonna come jack off the RAM or something? What? Matthew, come on. That was out of line?

He has to know comments. He's sensible. Doesn't say anything about language. It's true. In the wording of the spell. There's nothing about language. Shout a command that's hard to ignore. You can command the target to approach you,

run away as if it had the fleeing condition, release what it's holding, drop prone, or stand in place. Oh, wait. Oh, it has the linguistic traits. There it is. Sydney read her traits. Yeah, it depends on language. I think that's the second bottle cap.

The brains. Yeah, give her a bottle cap. The brains. You did a bottle cap. The brains. You did the bare minimum. Yeah, so you know what? I'm going to cast Figment again. She's so used to this, doing this all the time for her advisor and for events. So she's going to put a sexy lady sheep over by the altar.

We're talking big udders. Like a big old titty sheep? Big mommy milkers over by the altar. And it's got a little bow so you know it's a girl. Right. So you put a large breasted sheep with a bow on its head. This is why I'm not going to expand further than speaking into microphones with my daughter. See Matthew? You'd be classy about it. An illusory sexy sheep.

Yeah. Sexy busty sheep. You can tell from her hand movements and like she's whispering. This like comes really easy to Andromeda. Has she cast this before? Oh yeah. And why? Yeah.

Alright, fair enough. Specifically the casting for sexy sheep is easy. Sexy sheep. She's a practiced sheep seducer. All right, so you put a hot sheep on the altar. This is exactly how I planned this to go. This ramp is like, got a pierced log. He's being wrestled by a giant offensive lineman,

he's covered in grease, he's like, man, I wanna have sex right now. And he also just got punched in the nuts. And he also just got punched in the nuts. She runs up to Helena as she casts that, she goes, it's the best that I could think of. It's the sexiest sheep I could make. Oh, okay.

What's this? I've never had to do this with a ram, I don't know. I don't know what rams like. I don't know what they're into. I hope that help you. She yells to you guys. The ram desperately tries to get to the hot sheep. Wriggling and trying to break free of Sir Nervil's grasp.

Sir Nervil's powerful arms hold down the horny ram. And it is Sir Nervil's turn. You have control of the situation here. I think with the aid of Killian and the others you can drag this ram over there and honestly when he sees that you're pulling him towards an illusory hot sheet He's like, thank you. He's like, yeah Yes, yeah They're making this easy and he's getting excited

You're making this easy and he's getting excited And you bring the ram over to the altar and father Borvis is like he's standing there with this ceremonial weapon and he looks to you Killian he's like Wait we're gonna kill kill it. So I, help me with the sacrifice. It doesn't want it. And yeah, all right, killing it will just go, give me the knife. I don't think he wants to be killed.

I think he wants to get up on that. Oh, he wants to finish what he started. I'm going to dismiss it, it's making me feel bad that I've done this Hurry up hurry up. I take it away the Rams something's not so black. Wow Should do it now in the name of blessed site on I made this May this Marriage Is This marriage is be well for all of us.

I'm just a city guardsman. Swish! And he'll slice the neck of the ram. You try to make a speech. Over this greasy, struggling ram. And the ram. And the ram... Shut the fuck up! ...spikes the neck of the ram, and blood just pours from its neck.

It goes flaccid. And the ram dies. Like, why? I'm painting a picture here. And father Selwyn like composes himself and says, Yes, I believe what this elf was saying. I've known him for like 24 years. Uh, it's that, uh, we-we sacrifice this ram in Sidon's name to bless not only, uh, the-the-the weddings to come, but to bless Rosewood Vale and-and-and all-all the fi-the future,

the future of our town. Yes. Yes. So, uh, let this be a- a symbol of the future of Rosewood Fair. And everyone is like... I set off another firework. That's a symbol. I put the flag on the town sale? Greased, bleeding ram with a J direction. Arswin! Arswin, don't! Sure I ought to, I know, like a forest man I'm drunk. I think that Killian after, he's just trying to get it over with, the whole situation. And after just slicing this neck and watching the animal die in front of him. By the way, he's also, nature is very important to

Sidana as well and that's why the sacrifice is so important. It's an important thing and it got a little bit out of hand and so he felt like he had to get it under control and just get it done with. But as the life is draining out of this animal and he can feel as he's holding its jaw and its body, he feels it go limp in his hand. He can't help but think of who else might die as a result of the decisions that were made here today. today. The ram, body goes limp, the heartbeat stops and the blood goes from gushing to just leaking and the crowds applause or whatever, die stamp, very good audience, bottle cap for the audience.

Yeah. Figured it. It won't work in your home game. Yeah, you can't use it. Actually no, let them have one for their home game. Yeah. Let them take one home. Tell your GM to shut up.

They were the ones that made the trip to the first session. Now your fucking GM is. Now I don't shut up. They made the trip to the first session. Now your fucking GM is now. Now I don't want him. No I won't give them a figurative ball again. As everyone kind of steps away from this and Father Selwyn is like going through the continuation of the ritual there's a shriek from the dais, and you see Lady Montrose, the baroness, fall to her knees, and she's like, oh, tacos. It's the gas station tacos.

It's the gas station tacos. Farai, everyone. It's just the gas station tacos. She had gas station tacos. She had gas station tacos. Fear not. She says she was feeling unwell from eating something, but you notice that she like vomits on the stage.

And Lord Montrose stands up and looks at her and you all see that she has vomited like black bile. Oh no! Oh no! And then as your attention is all drawn to that, you hear this like... And then you hear Father Selwyn go, Oh! Gods! The ram, whose head has been basically severed Starts to stand up And we'll see Dallas! Thank you Dallas! Oh, San Francisco! Woo! Hell yeah. Thank you guys, we will see you real soon.

Thank you so much Dallas! Thank you everyone! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

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