The Glass Cannon Podcast - Ascension Part 4 – The Gathering (St. Paul)

Episode Date: April 5, 2025

After investigating the Mistwood, the new party returns to town to check in with their families and superiors. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/RRViHv_y2pQ Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country. Get your tickets today at https://hubs.li/Q03cn8wr0. Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit https://hubs.li/Q03cmY380. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, flights on Air Canada. How about Prague? Ooh, Paris. Those gardens. Gardens. Um, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Boom. Book it. Um, how did we get to Thailand from Prague?

Oh, right. Prague. Oh, boy. Choose from a world of destinations, if you can. How did we get to Thailand from Prague? Oh right! Prague! Oh boy. Choose from a world of destinations, if you can. Air Canada. Nice travels. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. The How we doin' St. Paul! Yeah! My goodness!

As many of you know, we're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary.

We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary. Yeah! Woo! Woo! Woo! Yeah! Woo!

My goodness! As many of you know, we're celebrating our 10th anniversary this year from starting the Glass Cannon podcast. 10 years! Woo! This year! Woo!

Woo! And we've been touring for seven of those years, and for the longest time, the Pacific Northwest, the PNW has held the crown, as it were. I keep track of our crowns. Yeah, they suck. They're terrible. Why would anyone choose to live there? It's horrible. They're like rain. They have held the crown though, though they are terrible and worthless. They have held the crown though, though they are terrible and worthless. They have held the crown as the home of the most rabid fans in Glass Cannon Nation.

It's true. It's true. Well, here's the good news. I would like to officially rip that crown off their unwashed heads. De-louse it, de-louse it, give it a job, and plant it on the heads of the Twin Cities. You are the best! For the past four years, you've always shown up for us. We love playing the Amsterdam, but we got too big, and now we're here at the Fitzgerald. This is crazy.

This is fucking crazy. Eight thousand people here tonight. But not only are there people from like the Twin Cities here, there's a dude from Alaska, there's somebody from Scotland, people fly in, people went to all four shows this year. How many people were in Milwaukee yesterday? Yeah! Wow! You are insane.

You are insane. Thank you very much. We really appreciate it. We don't say it enough. You allow us to live our dreams and it's really awesome. It's because of you that we can do this. So thank you. Thank you. This place is pretty cool.

This theater is legit. We usually play CD bars. We sawdust on the floor. This place opened in 1910. Skid was a sophomore in high school. My graduation here. We're all very excited. Drafted in the Great War. Drafted in the Great War.

It's really cool to play these historic venues. Oh, yeah. We haven't played a historic venue in a while. We flew in from Milwaukee this morning. We were in Milwaukee last night. We came in, and this morning we go to the airport. We're all in the same flight, which doesn't happen that often.

We all make our own travel plans. And Matthew, Joe, Skid and I, we went to the Delta Lounge in Milwaukee. But Kate and Sydney couldn't get in because they don't have unlimited access. So they returned. They returned away. They could have gotten in.

They chose. I don't want to waste my time on the shitty coffee in the lounge. Wow. Wow. I'd rather buy coffee. I just wanted to hang out with my friends. We felt embarrassed for them as they were turned away by the women working the counter. I was like, no, no, no, they're not with us.

You know you have free passes. I'm like, shut up. And so we went in and I get a little bite to eat and I notice that Joe and Capita Kaz are at the bar, getting some bloodies. And so I'm like, oh man, I could go for a bloody, it's 8 a.m., my life is crazy, let's do this. And the Whackadoo at the bar there is like,

you guys want a beer chaser with this too? And they were both like, yup. And I'm like, one for me as well. Wait, you're skipping the step where, yeah, the bartender asks us, and I was like, no, that's okay, and he goes, and the guy sitting next to us is like, well, they're clearly not from here.

And then the bartender goes, I know. When I asked him about the beer chaser, and he looked at me, like, I didn't know what I was talking about, I knew everything I needed to know. So at that point, I was going to get beer chaser and he looked at me like I didn't know what I was talking about I knew everything I needed to know So at that point I was gonna get the chaser. Yeah, I've been publicly shamed. It's also sorry Why wouldn't you I wish we did it like y'all do it like why don't we do that? They figured it out. They figured something out here. Well, I felt bad that the Lays had missed out on it

So I took a picture. Do you have the picture, Joe? I do, Troy. Yeah, let's show the picture. What is it? Oh my god. I sent that to them with the caption, how's Starbucks? I didn't know we could do this. I send you guys pictures all the time.

Because I do this in confidence. Look at those handsome devils drinking it. While they ate stale bagels. Actually, the picture Sydney sent back was also very funny. Oh my God. We laughed about it for a long time. I went to get a coffee and names are hard. I worked as a bartender barista.

I get it. I fuck people's names up all the time. But every time I say my name, I get a new unique spelling of Sydney. And that's okay. And I have nothing against this barista, but I sent back a photo of my coffee and I think it said S I D N Y Cindy but with a twist and I said I'm having a great time they know me here so yeah. We've been calling her Cindy ever since. Cindy. Yeah, and on the plane, Joe saw me on the plane and he goes, Cindy! Hey!

Hey, Cindy! You said it really loud too. I know. I never like to draw attention to myself or other people in public. I think it's best to just like fly under the radar. But I had a Bloody Mary and a beer chaser. So I got on the plane and I was like, that's my friend Kate! First of all, first of all, first of all, we're all in comfort plus, by the way, because we have status with Delta.

Joe's sitting there being like, I don't understand. I'm Silver Medallion. Joe, everyone's Silver Medallion. So he's going to the back of the plane trying to say hi to us as he's walking. And what was the lady's name in front of you? Oh yeah, so I'm like, that's my friend Kate. Look, that's Kate, everybody, like trying to embarrass Kate. And she's going like this.

And the woman in front of me turns around and is just like... And then I'm like, and that's Cindy. Hi, Cindy. Ha. And then like something dawns on the woman in front of me. And she's like, oh my God, my name's Kate. And I thought you were an insane person that knew me. Like can you imagine you're just like walking up playing mind your own business, some dude behind you is like,

hi Kate, that's my friend Kate, like a real creepy weird half drunk voice. I hope there's an air martial on this flight. Smells like tomato and vodka. Old Cindy. So, yeah, we flew into St. Paul, we ate some fried garbage, wandered around this ghost town, and now we're here. The Midwest is great, everybody's so nice, but I feel terrible. I feel terrible. I feel terrible. Just the- You feel terrible?

I feel real bad, yeah. The cheese curds. I don't eat a lot of cheese curds. I think it's the cheese curds. And I've eaten a lot of cheese curds. You keep ordering them. Well, they're there. How could you not order them though?

They're fried cheese curds. They're fried cheese curds, they're delicious. The problem is we tour every month, and when you travel there's a mindset, it's like, oh, I'm on vacation. And for us, that means we're on vacation every three weeks. And it's just hard on the body. So I got a plan.

You ready for this? Who wants to join me for this challenge? Oh, no. Oh, god. Is anyone here? I know none of them have read this, because there's not a spaceship involved. But anyone here? I know none of them have read this because there's not a spaceship involved, but anyone here know what 75 hard is?

Yes. Oh, Kate knows what 75 hard is. Who's ready to get hard with me? I know like P90X. No, Cindy. Okay. Quiet, Cindy. Nevermind.

75 hard, you have to do this for 75 days and if you do it will change your life. What is it? Okay, there are fivemind. 75 hard, you have to do this for 75 days, and if you do, it will change your life. What is it? Okay, five rules. Oh my God. They're already easy. I can already tell you, I'm not doing it. I'm gonna opt out as well.

This is like the most, like you, like I said before, what's it was like your susceptibility to joining a cult factor. I feel like this close. It's very high. I feel like that was just happening. They're just gonna skew your algorithms over to Jordan Peterson and like Christine Tate.

Listen, just hear him out. Uh, no. I don't join cults, I lead them. This guy gets it, he's in my cult. So 75 Hard, here's the five rules. I'll start with one that I think everyone can do. You read 10 pages of a nonfiction book a day. Be hardest for Joe.

Nonfiction? It's gotta be nonfiction. You gotta be expanding your mind, not reading about dwarves. This is not where I thought this was going. Now I'm intrigued. Can it be the self-published work of a cult leader? Can it be the Pathfinder player core to-

No, it's gotta be non-fiction. Non-fiction. It's gotta be something that might make your life better, okay? Shut up, that's what you have to do. You gotta drink a gallon of water a day. No. A gallon of water, you're not gonna drown?

Yes. Does anyone, you guys don't drink a gallon now? No. I feel like that's the easiest one. My water intake is so bad, you'd think I'm an alien in the movie Signs. Like my fiance leaves cups out in the apartment and I'm like, none, none for me.

I tried that though, I tried, like maybe I should better myself by drinking more water and all I did was pee more and that's it. Like my body did not feel any different. I think I run this way. I'm dry. It's arrow, arrow jack, by the way, at risk of joining a cult. Is that what I am?

You're arrow jack. No, everyone who believes in me is. Okay, so book, water. Book, 10 minutes of book a day, non-fiction. Joe, no spaceships, gallon of water. You got to stick to a diet and never cheat for 75 days. You can't have a single drink of alcohol, which is gonna be hard. No cheese curds or cheese curds? You got to stick to a diet and never cheat for 75 days. You can't have a single drink of alcohol, which is going to be hard.

No cheese curds or cheese curds are the diet? No cheese curds, no like, you know what, I'm just going to have one Hershey kiss. Can't do it for 75 days. Okay, yeah, I know it's hard. It's not for everybody, it's for winners. Thought this was a town of winners. This is how he gets you. People who afforded the fancy box, that's where the winners are.

You guys are cool too, thanks for buying tickets and merch. We'll have an intermission, you can buy more merch. Fiction, water, okay, you gotta take a picture of yourself every day. No! With just like underwear on. That's where I draw the line. That's where you draw the line, Skins? Water. Okay, you gotta take a picture of yourself every day. No. With just like underwear on. That's where I draw the line. That's where you draw the line, Skins. Maybe text it to me.

No. I added this rule. No, you gotta take a picture of yourself because after 75 days you'll see the progress. Gotta take a picture every day, gotta do it. This is literally P90X. No, it's not P90X. Everything that you're saying is 75 odd.

What did I say? It's Scientology. Last rule. It's what? I think did I say? It's Scientology. Last rule. It's what? I think there's one across the street. I know. Why don't you just go candy corn across the street?

Just get into fucking e-meter reading while you're at it. If anyone is supposed to be there and not here, you're in for a treat. Actually, the mythology is very similar. Yeah. They're going to love it, actually. They're going to love Psydon. We're going to love it actually. They're going to love Sidon. We're going to have so many new subscribers if they believe that. The lore is almost identical.

Three people just walked out. Last thing you got to do is you got to work out twice a day for 45 minutes and one of those workouts has to be outdoors even if it's a blizzard or a hurricane. For 75 days. So I guess you don't want to do it. Hard pass. No. No do it. Hard pass. No, 75, hard pass. Yeah, I can't do it either, but I'd like to.

If the diet was like cheese curds and beer, yeah, I mean, you can make it what you want. Yeah, it just says no cheats and no alcohol. So yes, if you said I'm doing the cheese curd diet, and you could stick to that, that's fine. Follow question. Yep. This is, did you say this was a book?

No, it's just a- Yes, it is a book. You know what it is? It's a tactical guide to winning the war with yourself. What's going on in there? What's going on? What the? Are you okay?

The susceptibility is insane. The wordage, the language is cult language. That's crazy. Aerojack. For 75 days you can drink nothing but black rifle coffee. Fuck them. Troy, are you going to start doing this? No, because the timing's real bad.

Because of the tour. Well, we got Vegas coming up, the Vegas retreat. Anybody coming to Vegas? Ten year anniversary. How can I be in Vegas sober? That's a terrible idea. Probably do better at the tables. But then we got Gen Con later.

We can't, that's a party. That's more than 75 days away though, right? No, between Gen, I've done the math, trust me. And then it's the holidays, forget it. But next February... I might do it. Next February when the tour begins again? Well, maybe we'll wait and start it in May.

Okay. After I get high. Yeah, but then there's Gen Con. I love the positive thinking. You're like starting, you're planting the seed and that's wonderful. I don't know. It sounds fun. Nobody wants to get hard with me? No.

Don't clip that. Francis, don't clip that. Nobody wants to get hard. Any children here tonight? Should ask before we start. Probably shouldn't, probably shouldn't be here. Feel spicy, things might get a little dark. Oh, there they go. Thank you. Drive safely, three-year-olds. Man, we had some fun last night. This is show four of the new tour ascension. Woo hoo!

I don't want to do a recap, but I'm still going to do a tiny one. A tiny one, because not everybody caught the audio that we dropped for subs. So Joe, can I get a little recap music? Absolutely. What do you got? The same thing I play every show. Excellent. Really giving it your all. You wouldn't make it too hard. This is so stupid. Sometimes I just try to make Kate laugh.

It's so easy. Don't even make the audience laugh, just Kate. Alright, is this it? I think this is it. Okay. Whatever you want. Working on it. Nice. So last night in Milwaukee. Chugum, gung, gung, gung.

Gung, gung, gung, gung, gung. Our heroes went into the Mistwood. This is a forest that borders the northern edge of the town of Rosewood Vale, a town that we've seen now a little bit of its past and a little bit of its present. A barony of Rosewood Vale. A barony now! Spoiler alert. They go in there because there was a problem at the Founders Day Festival while trying to sacrifice a ram in the name of the goddess Sidon. The ram got loose and our new heroes had to wrangle it. And then Joe's new character, Killian Dawnwall,

Dawnwall, not Dongwall, killed it. But then shortly thereafter, the new Baroness, who's pregnant by the way, vomits on the dais, and it's like black bile coming out of her mouth, and the newly sacrificed ram rises from the dead, the heroes, rush to try and subdue this undead monstrosity and kill it a second time. The captain of the guard, a guy by the name of Barvis Tonk, a dwarf who has been here like Killian

and like Kate's character Helena since the founding of Rosewood Vale, says, the baroness is fine, she has no memory of what's going on, we're looking into that, but I need you to find some people, go into the mistwood and see if you can figure out what the fuck's going on with this ram.

And so you go out there, you search with Sir Norval, played by Matthew Capitacaza, and Andromeda Quinn, a weird wizard played by Sydney Gale, and a new stranger to the town, who goes simply by Oswin, played by Skidmar. stranger to the town who goes simply by Oswin played by Skidmar. They go into the woods and they find a lake. That was for you Matthew. I'd say I never gave you nothing. It's been 10 years and you just made a deliberate musical theatre reference. Into the woods, into the woods, into the woods.

Sing some Matthew, sing some. Sing for us Matthew, sing. Troy's already done it for us. Already done it. I want to make you happy, Matthew. That worries me for tonight's episode. Go into the forest, into the mistwood, and you find this, like, mutilated ram, you perhaps.

And as you near it, it, like, activates a haunt that makes you see your new allies as enemies. You start attacking each other until the haunt is dissipated, and then you notice there's some sort of monument out in the water. So Killian swims out there like, what the fuck's going on here? Looks in the lake and sees this decapitated statue that Helena recognizes as a statue of Iomadei. But there is a

desecration aura around the statue. Is the desecration aura what caused the ram to come back to life? What caused this you to create this haunt? You don't know but you need to find a way to stop this desecration. However as Killian tries to swim to shore, something grabs his leg. There are these undead swamp knights that rise out of the water and attack you, coming to land, making you feel like you're drowning even if you're not in the water. You dispatch with them, because I ruled poorly. Then you go back to town. You go back to town and you tell Barvis what happened after camping and searching and realizing

there's nothing else out here. Let's go back and tell Barvis what we found. Barvis is like, all right, I'll tell people that I trust. In the meantime, go deal with your own shit. So Andromeda goes back to her mentor, her boss, Rydian Silverfrond, a female elf who is the court wizard of this new barony. And Rydian, who has been very standoffish with Andromeda, is in her cups, drunk, and invites her to join her.

Meanwhile, Helena is told to go check in with Father Selwyn Borvis, the head of the Church of Sidonah, and Sister Violet DeWitt, who happens to be the sister of the Baroness. She goes there and Sister Violet is not there. She's not feeling well. Father Selwyn says, come in. We need to talk. Shut the door. Sir Norval goes to meet with the head of his order.

Sir Norval is a knight, but he has joined the Knights of Sidon. So he meets up with his boss, I guess you could say, the head of the Knights, Sir Leamon Quince. Sir Leamon Quince is wondering what he's doing with the guard, questioning where his orders lie. Meanwhile, Killian invites Oswin to come spend the night at his house, which is weird because they just met.

But it's not sexual. It's not true. We've known each other for years, but just not very well. Okay. You bring him to the house and your wife stands up shocked as she is sitting there with another young man. The man stands up. He's an elf.

First you feel like you don't recognize him. He says, can I speak to you? Is there a place where we can talk? And you go outside with him. Wait, at first I feel like I don't recognize him? I don't know who he is. Or do you? What? The mystery deepens and that's where we ended our show. So we're at the pick up right there. This was a TV show you'd never pick up right there. That'd

be foolish. It's like an amateur hour. So we'll pick up the kind of crap you'd see on Netflix. So we'll pick up the kind of crap it's on Netflix. It's got crap it's on Netflix. Right Matthew? No camera. So we'll go back to Andromeda. I mentioned Riddian Silverfraund is sitting there. She's got books. She's reading by candlelight, a couple empty bottles of wine. Got a half full glass in her hand.

Andromeda, sit, sit. Andromeda looks around the room. It's in disarray. This is unlike silver frond. She's never seen silver frond drinking in her office. So she obliges. Okay. Do you drink, my dear? And she starts pouring you a glass before youes. Okay. Do you drink, my dear?

And she starts pouring you a glass before you answer. Yes, that's too much. Thank you. To wizardry. To wizardry. Yes. That's such a weird toast. That is a weird toast.

It's like a bunch of plumber's like, to plumbing! It's... It's like... To spells weird toast. It's like a bunch of plumbers. It's a plumbing! It's... To spells and magic. A drama that takes the tiniest of steps, to be polite. Advisor Silverfront, I'm so happy to catch you. I wanted to talk with you about them This is one of the one of the few perks of the job I suppose is access to find

Vintage is such as this of course as an advisor What the uncorks a new bottle important position? Are you familiar with Osirian? With what? Osirian. Osiria? Osirian. Osirian. Oh my dear, you're going to have to study your history and your geography. Can I make a roll?

No, you should just know this. Sydney should know this. It's kind of embarrassing, honestly. It's like, it's like. It's like Golarion Egypt. Oh, yes. It's like a... Never mind. Don't say it.

Oh no. You know what? Maybe Sydney didn't know about Egypt. Yeah, right. I wouldn't even know what to compare it to. That was the problem. Yes, it is sandy. Question mark?

Yes, so you do know of it. It's an inhospitable wasteland, if you ask me, but somehow they find a way to make these mind-bending nectars. Perhaps the gods out there are still alive. Um, advisor? Yes. Mistwood! You went to the Mistwood. What's that all about? Yes, um, Tong... Commander Tong sent us...

Tong Tong Tong Tong. It's a fun name. Tong Tong Tong Tong tonk. Tonk tonk tonk. Advisor, I have a question for you. Oh, what? There was a statue that we found in the Mistwood. Oh yes, you're reporting about your journey to the Mistwood. A statue, go on. Yes, it was a statue of Aomade. Oh, Aomade. Well, she isn't much worshipped in these parts anymore. How strange. Well, the stranger part was the head of the statue was removed. Removed? And there was strong, strong desecration auras coming from it.

And we believe that myself and the others I went with, this is the cause of the necromancy. Oh, the necromancy. Yes, ever since you mentioned that, it's been consuming me and my thoughts. Did you use any powers while you were out there? Did your new skills come in handy? Yes. Yes, actually, I... I really helped the Civic Wizardry that I've always wanted to use for good. It's... it's good.

It's... it's helping the people and I believe that perhaps I will get promotion eventually. Can I ask you a question, Andromeda? Yep. Why did you choose this path? To the Mistwood? Or in life? No, not to the Mistwood. The arcane path studying these secrets of wizardry. Well, I chose

civic wizardry because my parents told me that I would get a good job. And school is expensive. My parents told me that I would get a good job And school is expensive so To work my magics. I can have I could Be like you I could be an advisor to an entire town a city Yes, how glorious isn't that why you are where you are? Huh. A century ago you would go off to study at the Arcanarium,

and when you were finished, there were essentially two career paths. You could become an adventurer, maybe join the Pathfinder Society, or you would become a teacher yourself, and spend your life seeking knowledge, reading books instead of killing monsters, or being killed by them. But then the times changed. Kings and queens wanted access to these powers, and wizardry was reduced to mercenary work. All I ever wanted was the ability to protect myself and my own. And I learned those powers, and still everything was taken from me. And my peers went off to advise King, this and Queen so and so. And I was sent here to this backwaterberg.

But Lord Montross is now going to rule more. Aren't you happy? Overjoyed. I say the life of an elf is a gift, but is a curse. Advisor, I don't want two shits about them. Someday you will be sent somewhere, and I hope you think otherwise. Maybe it will be a grand palace, or maybe a dusty old shack run by hill giants, but it will be your duty, just as is his mine, to do what is asked of you, without any question. Don't forget, that is why we are here.

Can I do a sense motive, just on this interaction, having worked with Silverfraun for a bit? What could she be referencing? What I know, maybe. Yeah. Okay. Phil, you're Té. I'm rolling your beautiful hand-painted die. First roll.

Thank you for this die. Fuck. No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have announced it before I rolled it. It was on a 19 and it went to a one. It's funny how they keep rolling like that. She suddenly goes, oh, my Anken. I'm so distracted.

She collapses to the ground. Oh my gosh. Hit my head on the desk. Yeah, I mean you, she's saying a lot while also not saying too much. And she's never given you this much attention. She's never talked to me this much. This is crazy. She just keeps drinking and doesn't say anything to you. Okay, then while she's doing that, I would like to do a quick perception

in the room to see if there is any leading paperwork left out, or books that are out. Yeah. There are lots of tomes around her, but they're like in her little area here. So you'd have to be. She'll walk over. I won't be stealthy. She's going to walk over and fill her glass with the wine.

So while filling it, she's going to slowly pour it and look. You're doing like a spectacular job of sounding and acting like a little bit drunk. Yeah! And I think it's because you're just actually drunk. We have been drinking since bloodies at the office. Bloodies and chaser. Drinking pretty steadily for the last five days, so I think that would. It's the Robert Shaw School of Acting.

That's a 22 on what's around her. You start looking around and it's very strange what she's reading. It's not at all what you expect, though I don't know what you expected. You see books on ovulation. What? And books on intercourse and certain... Is it just like Playboys? It's a bunch of penthouses. Kamasutra.

Just open to the articles. You know, there's like books on ovulation and then there's all these books that they're not like Kamasutra type books, but they're books that like sort of are showing various sexual positions, but like in a medical. Are they medical books? They're like magic. They're medical. Yeah.

You've all read those medical books? They're like magic. They're medical. Yeah. You've all read those medical books. Yeah. They're medical, mom. They're medical. I wanna be a doctor. Close the door, it's a textbook. Close the door, I wanna be a doctor.

I'm learning. I wanna be a doctor. I'm studying. I'm studying for medical school. And then books on various herbs and whatnot. Okay. She finished pouring the wine. Oh, is Lady Abigail doing better?

She was sick. She was sick. Okay, while she's asleep, I'm going to look closer at the paperwork just in case I missed anything. Yeah, you take a deeper look now and yeah, nothing new, just more of that population and like various sexual positions that are meant to sort of produce a certain result. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then tinctures and herbs, maybe some stuff on pregnancy. Okay, she doesn't move anything, she just leaves it and she slowly, quietly backs out of the room and goes back to her private annex room. Grabs a couple nice bottles.

Yeah, it takes one bottle, why not? And we leave that weird scene. And we come to Sir Norville. Sir Norville, you have been called to the office of Sir Leman Quince. This is a man that was knighted by the Dawnblade, who we were introduced to in a flashback last time. And he was part of this group that was going to Ustalov to try and see if maybe Ustalov would recognize Rosewood Vale, where Mendev never returned their calls, and they were killed by orcs in the Tusk Mountains

and Sir Leeman Quince was the only survivor. He came back here. He's the head of the order. We were watching Andor in the dressing room last night. I was like, I got the perfect guy to cast as Sir Leeman Quince. It's the actor Kyle Sola who plays Cyril Kahn. Wonderful, wonderful. The penis.

He's perfect. Perfect penis. And he... You got a picture of that face. He modified your uniform. You modified your uniform? Deputy Inspector. Deputy Inspector. He says he didn't see you at evening prayers.

Do you think yourself above ritual? Asked you about this business in the Mistwood. And then you were like, I had orders. And he kind of took exception to that. Orders? That is what I want to speak to you about. I'm here for the speaking speaking to from you now whenever you're ready go. Tell me, shut up. Tell me of your life before you came to Rosewood Vale Sir Norville. Who knighted you?

novel. Who knighted you? Oh, I was knighted during the, right before the crusades by another knight named Sir Oswald. Sir Oswald. Sir Oswald Honeycutt. Sir Oswald Honeycutt. This was the Mendevian Crusade? It was, yes. the Mendevian Crusade? It was, yes. And what do you think Sir Oswald would say to know that you have joined the light of Sidon?

He was killed on the first day of the war, so I don't think he'd say much. But I think if he were here right now and he was not eviscerated by multiple demons pouring out of a strange portal in a very disturbing swamp, I think he might say that he's glad I found a sense of purpose and duty, and I am serving forces of good once again. Who did you worship before? I don't like to speak of the past, Ser Leemon. My focus now is on Cydana and spreading the good word of the goddess wherever I might

go. You know, before you came to Rosewood Vale, it was the knights of Sidon who protected this place, not the town guard. But when the Dawnblade and the others were slaughtered, the town guard was all that was left. The former Lord Montrose, fool that he was, didn't trust me to rebuild the Knights. But our Baron knows that if we are to be taken seriously, we need more than simple guardsmen as our first line of defense. Would you not agree, Sir Norville? I wouldn't underestimate the guards of this town. Why, I was out with our good friend

Killian and he was quite astute. Anyone can swing a sword, Sir Norville. Not anyone can become a knight. That is true, sir. I would not contradict you. But, sorry, forgive my misunderstanding, but wasn't the Dawnblade, was he not both a member of our order and also the head of the town guard? Did he not serve a dual purpose, much as I do now? Yes, but the town guard was completely comprised

of knights under his watch. He knighted me. Oh, sir, I think I understand your purpose. Oh, enlighten me. Are you asking me to begin a training program for nights For nights of Sedona. Well, I think I could set up a program right now We I can move this Institute of Fitness regimen and a diet thing and maybe I'll require them to read 10 pages of nonfiction a day Yes

So so what you're speaking of would take at least 75 days. I don't want to put a number on it, but that sounds about right. Time is short. Don't have that kind of time. And yes, it would be nice to have a tactical guide to winning the war with yourself. But this is about something bigger, Sir Norville.

Let me get right to the point, sir. Something more real. Yes. If your talents alone are not a waste in the town guard, your station certainly is. You represent something greater. I think you are seeing what I'm about to say. We will soon have enemies, Sir Norville. Now that we are an official, Baron Lee and Cydana forbid, if things go poorly, the town guard will simply

be cannon fodder. The Knights of Cydana are meant for more. So, I would like you to find knights to train. Under my watch. And I've written this missive here for you. Give this to your former boss, Barbus Tonk. Oh, uh, former boss? Yes, I'm dismissing you from your role in the town guard, so that you may aid me in the discovery and training of new recruits.

Ooh, uh, ooh, it's not snag in that matter. Um, do you swear an oath to them as well? It was an, I was, in my understanding it was a non-exclusive oath that I could swear multiple oaths? They're non, they don't overlap. You have but one oath, Sir Norval, and that is to Cydanna. Unless you are preparing to abandon her as you did your previous god. Then we'll have to have another conversation.

You could see Sir Norval's eyes just like flash what looks like just pure fury. But then he like, he succumbs himself down. Norville's eyes just flash what looks like just pure fury. But then he succumbs himself down. Damn it. Did you want me to murder that child? I wanted you to murder him on, he's a penis, an obvious penis. An obvious penis. You can't just go murdering every penis around,

you're gonna be murdering everyone. You're gonna be murdering everyone! Well, I'm gonna have to... forgive me, Sir Leeman, but you'll understand I'm gonna have to consult with the goddess and pray on this before I forsake my responsibilities. I would expect nothing less, Sir Novel. But you have to understand I am saving you, though you may not see it yet. Find me knights, Sir Noirville. Take your time, but understand,

your position in the city guard may not be all that you are stripped of. Can I ask a question, Sir Leemon? You are dismissed. Okay. Yes, sir. Just one more thing. Just one more thing.

You suffered a great trauma in your mission to Ust-Slav. Did you not endeavor to make more nights of Sedana in that time since then? Why now? Former Lord Montrose did not share the baron's belief in what we do. To the former Lord Montrose, a soldier was a soldier, but the baron sees things differently, as do I. But the Baron sees things differently, as do I. I'm sorry you have friends there. Perhaps you can see them at birthday parties and celebrations. But you are a knight!

Birthday. What? Sorry. It's like he's getting grounded. I don't like you hanging out with those friends. You're not going to associate with that riff raff. You don't like you hanging out with those friends. You're not going to associate with that riff raff. You can have time to hang out with your friends after you finish your nightly chores.

But Jessica's birthday is next month! Thank you, Sir Leemon. I will pray on this and I'll put together a report on a training program for you. Very good. You are dismissed from this role play. Sir. You are dismissed from this vignette. You just really wanted to play someone that I had to call sir, didn't you? Come on. I'm just having fun here.

You guys want more of this? Yeah! Careful what you wish for. Kids, good time to go to the bathroom because now we're going to check in on Helena. Kate and I have talked. It's dangerous when you do that. Oh no. You come to see Father Selwyn, Barbra's Tonk made it clear that you were to see him immediately and Sister Violet DeWitt when you come in. He's in his chambers. It's late at night, but you followed orders. You went there and he says, Sister Violet is feeling under the weather.

Weather. Weather. That's how you people talk. and he says sister Violet is feeling under the weather weather weather so you people talk did you guys know that that that's how you talk you got a mouthful of cheese curds she's feeling under the weather but please close the door you know that's gonna be canon for the accent of Rosemary Bale. No, no. Oh no. She's not feeling well. She's under the weather. Under the weather.

Under the weather. All right, he says, I gotta think of a voice for him. I can't remember what it was. They all kinda sound like this. I asked all over for you until I heard that you were helping out the town guard. May I ask what business you have with them? I mean, that goat.

We were trying to find out where it came from. Do you mean the ram? The ram. There was a goat as well? I don't know. I'm not an animalologist. A ram? Animalologist.

Does Saitama care if it's a goat or a ram? Your resume clearly says you studied anomology. I thought you had an advanced degree in anomology. Did you lie on your resume and add anomology? Anomology. You lied on your cleric resume? What's anomology? Anomology. What does this...

Animology aside, it was a ram. So what does this... Who can say if it was a ram? There's no animologist present. Where is the loyal animologist advisor? Far be it from me to discuss the semantics of etymology. But what does this ram have to do with your business with the town guard? My business with the town guard?

I mean, it's anathema to Cydana to have undead appearing within our town. Yes, many things are anathema to Cydana. With the group from New Canabris en route, we cannot hesitate to sort out the affairs of the church. As he walks in your direction, he kind of bumps into the table a little bit. And she gets up from where she was sitting. She's like, yes, I wanted to ask about Beatrix and Willow. If they're leaving sooner rather than later,

I'd like to meet with them in Lady Abigail. Oh, well, there may be time for that. But is expressly what I wanted to talk to you about, your duties with the Baron and Baroness, with Lady Beatrix and Lady Willow prepping to leave for the capital, your work as Handmaiden will obviously no longer be required. Have you given any thought as to what use you may have once they leave? Well, will I be going with them?

No, no, no, they will have new handmaidens, several handmaidens doting on them. But they won't be handmaidens of Cydana. I understand, but it is not my choice. Your duties will no longer be with them. You know, as one of the original settlers here, you must feel quite comfortable, yes? All of your kind walk around with a certain air about you.

And what air is that? The air of untouchability. That's weird. He walks a little closer to you, but times have changed, my dear. With our founders passing, those with lifespans such as yours may no longer benefit from the privileges you had as a close friend of our former ruler. May he rest in peace. With these young maidens being sent away... Two servants in the room just walk away. I just wanted to involve you guys.

Very strong eye contact. Pardon us. With the young maidens being sent away, you are now one step away yet again from any sense of stability. I'll find my way again. Don't you worry. Oh, but I am worried. And he starts to lean in a little closer to you your breath smells I had a little bit of the sacrament see me would you like some?

No You have always been an obedient servant to Saitama. And as the head of the church, I have been granted great powers by the goddess to give someone as obedient as yourself whatever she desires, provided you remain obedient. Like what? He puts his hand on your shoulder. Like what? He puts his hand on your shoulder. She puts her hand on her sickle.

Give it some thought, my dear. I'd hate to see you unprotected in this town. The door to my chambers will always be open. He turns away. You are dismissed. Um, yeah. I guess she ponders about that, looks around the room, spins on her peel and leaves.

The fuck was that, right? So we all work for penises. Every one of us. spins on her heel and leaves. The fuck was that, right? Ew. So we all work for penises. Every one of us. Every one's a dick. Like, fuck that, but also, I'm not closing any gross doors if it's chaos right now, you know?

It's chaos, all right. As now we get back to Killian. Before we do, I think maybe, is this adventure that you wrote that we just have to kill all of our bosses? Is that the objective in the town? What message would I be sending? I have an idea. How about we conspire to kill each other's bosses? Oh, so that the suspicion is not cast on us. That was a movie.

Chris Crump. I don't know. This is a completely original idea. It is a foolproof plan. Like strangers on a train. Strangers on a train, except with bosses who happen to be horrible. Yeah. Killeen, you came back to your home. You brought your new buddy Oswin, you were going to have a little slumber party, and your wife is in the living room with another man.

Maybe your instincts are your blood boils a little bit. What's going on here? It's late at night. Who's this dude and he asked to speak with you you go outside and you're looking at this guy and now you think maybe he's familiar but like you don't know who he is and he says to you I'm sorry to bother you at this late hour this must seem strange Who are you? You knew my father. Dionys Vaboros. And you know this is an elf that founded the town with you. I don't know how close you were, but you knew him.

And he had a child like right when the town was founded. And now the town's big, so it's probably not that crazy that you wouldn't be able to immediately place this kid, this young elf. Huh. But that elf passed away. Do you remember him? What's his name? Dionysus. No, no, no, his name.

The baby's name. Oh, my name. Are we roleplaying? No! And he's not a baby! If I know who he is! He's not a baby in a stroller last would have known him His name would have been Eldrin Eldrin. Yes. Oh

So it gives like a curious look Elge Yeah, you're Elge I'm all grown up All right, I'd heard you'd left years ago. I know, I did spend some time trying to find myself and my place, but I've been back. Didn't make much of a stir. What are you doing here? It's late, Why come here? I'm sorry. Time is important right now.

And he's looking around. It's dark out. He says, before my father passed, he told me that if I ever found myself in trouble to look to people like you, the founders who built this town, he believed that road was a good place to go. And he said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. that if I ever found myself in trouble to look to people like you, the founders who built this town, he believed that Rosewood Vale, as it grew, that future inhabitants may not share the same value as the original inhabitants. He always spoke very highly of you and knew you to be a person of honor. Are you a person of honor? What do you know about it? How can you trust me now? I don't understand. What, are you in some sort of trouble?

Is that why you're coming to me? I think we're all in trouble. Who's we are? Mr. Dawnwall. The village of Rosewood Vale. the barony of Rosewood Vale. Well, yeah, there's strange mysteries afoot, that's for sure, but what do you know about it? I've spoken to others since the festival, and they all share the concerns that I have about the recent happenings in the town. And we are planning a meeting to discuss these events, you know, with this group from New Canobris coming.

This needs to happen quickly. I don't understand what you're telling me. What's your group going to do about this group coming from New Canarbis? What, you're gonna stop the daughters from being married off? I don't know what we're going to do. You can't do anything about that. The decision's been made. Keep your voice down. Keep your voice down. I just don't understand why you're coming here telling me about some meeting, like,

there's something I can do about it. I don't like it, but there's something I can do about it. I don't like it but there's nothing I can do about it. This would be a covert discussion amongst people that we trust just to try and understand the situation from a place of power because right now we are powerless. Are you one to just go along with it? In fact I am actually for a long time I've been, I've done what I'm told and that's, and that keeps my family safe. I'm not much interested in getting into some sort of covert operation to work against the

Baron now. Nobody's working against anyone. Who's in your little group? We're meeting tomorrow night. 2 a.m. underneath the Mockingbird Inn. I've got work in the morning. I can't stay up until 2 a.m. You have to be on post at 7 a.m.

You can't hang out in a bar at 2 o'clock in the morning waiting must be need to you and all your unemployed friends to hang out Come up with plans to overthrow the government, but that's you I'm just imagining a meeting of the young Turks where someone's like I gotta be up early Sir I know you have no light at seven and you will be out at the hotel bar this evening No, I... Perhaps my father was wrong about you. I want to understand who's coming to this meeting. I'm not showing up without knowing who's talking about this.

And also you want to find out more information from who? Who do you know inside the castle? The people that are coming are people like you. People that were here at the beginning, that understood what the original Lord Montrose stood for. If there are people you trust, bring them along. If not, don't come. But I ask you one thing, if you ever had any love for my father, do not mention this to

your superior. Keep it quiet if you don't want to be involved. I'm sorry I asked. If you do, come with people you trust. 2am tomorrow night. The basement of the Mockingbird Inn. Well, I'm... You're right that I did her.

I was close to your father and we had a good relationship. I trusted him. We trusted each other and it was a terrible thing what happened. And I'm sorry you lost him. So young. But I'm not coming to your meeting. I'm not opening my family up to some sort of risk. Sorry. You don't realize it. Your family is already at risk. Come to the meeting and you may be able to save them. I'll say good night. I gotta go and tell your wife.

Thank you. That's all right. I'll tell her for you. That's why I said please tell her for you. That's why I said, please tell her. I said, please tell her. Yeah. Yeah. That's a little. Hey Dan, can I get a little more Troy in the monitor? Yeah. It's just a technical issue. Thank you, tell her.

I said, thank you for the red hot coffee that she gave me while I was waiting. I, I could go. It is a power move to try to recruit someone to your covert organization by sleeping with their wife. Oh yeah. There's more of that adultery. He's going to come into the house. Can we keep the scene going?

Honey, he's pissed. I'm sorry. What's your wife's name? Joan. No it isn't. No it isn't. What? Honey, honey it is. I want to think of the most human name possible.

That's my aunt's name. You can't name your elf's wife after my aunt. It's spelled J-O-W-N. Joan. Joan. Joan. Joan. Joan. Yes, it's a fantasy.

That's how they spell Joan in this fantasy story. J O W N E. J O W N E. Joan. Joan. Husband, it is I, your wife Joan. He closes the door behind him and he keeps his voice down. I imagine the kids are asleep and he keeps his voice down

and he says, when did he come here? How long ago? About an hour ago. That's Dionysus, son. What did he say to you? He just said he needed to speak with you. Did he say anything? I gave him red hot coffee. Let's have a conversation about lines and veils. Kate and I had that conversation before the show. Yeah. You guys did. I'm not interested in role playing this guy hitting on my wife. That's my Joan. Look at me.

You're talking to me now. Joan. Joan. Joan. Um. Let me focus. God damn it. It is I. It is I, your bearded wife Joan.

Don't you know me? Sheddorf? Don't you know me? Do you know me? This is how you like me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm being rude. This is Oswin. Ah yes. I've been standing here in silence for the last 45 minutes.

That's nice to finally be acknowledged. It's great. Nice feeling. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself. I'm Joe. Oh, Joe. Nice to meet you. Would you like some coffee? Oh, don't want to. No, no, no, I'd hate to trouble you, either of you. It's no trouble. He's going to be staying with us just for a bit until he gets on his feet.

Phone call would have been nice. I'll let the girls know in the morning, but for now we've got to find a place for him to sleep. What are our daughter's names? Oh, your face. Get your notes ready. Let's get our notes ready. You're kids, Joe. You made names for your kids, right? I need two names.

You know that I... That is amazing that I never thought to do that. Name a woman. Name a woman. Name a woman. Name a woman. Sorry, I just, you know that I pound absinthe while you're not here.

And I can't for the life of me remember their names. It's of course, it's of course our oldest, Ba course, our oldest, Bate. Bate? Bate? What? Ah! Bate?

Like, Wraith? Bate? Ah! Yes, young Bate. How old is Bate? All right, all we need is one more name. Any name. Bate? Bate is taken.

Bate is taken. So much better than I thought. And Bate Jr. Bate for a second though. Yes, of course, Bate. Bate is sleeping. And the other. Quickly.

And the other one. Phy... Phynia. Phynia. Phynia. Phynia. Phynia. Phynia.

Phynia. Phynia. Phynia. Phynia. Phynia. The other one. Phy... Phynia. Oh, Bate and Phynia. Yes, they were named after my mother and grandmother. Oh, I have to stop drinking Abso. I just like in ten years you've evolved from just son to base

Somebody tell me how to spell base. I Th that's exactly What I thought I spelled it with a knee be a ETH, oh, that's fun. You want it with an eye? I'll change it be AI Th and then finia of course F I N N EA I Yeah, B-A-I-T-H-E and then Finia, of course, F-I-N-N-E-A. F-I-N-A? Oh, I had that totally wrong. You wrote two with E-A. I got two N's.

Alright, I'll throw another N in. That's gonna cost you. You had one N? It's weird to spell that with one N. These are made up fake names! Sacrilege. Yes, which one was sick? Finia?

Finia, the younger one. Yes, Finia had some diarrhea this evening But I it's not funny. It's a kid Guys I had to change the sheets several times. She just she just kept shitting I Went through five rounds of sheets So much it's a wonder you had all that time to make that hot coffee Well, that's why I needed a drink when I was done and then this young elf came in. So to take the edge off, you had a bunch of absinthe until you forgot the names of your children?

Oh, how easy it is for you to say, well, you're out adventuring with the town guard and I'm cleaning up shit. I can't have a little mother's little helper John White. This is every night. Oh my god. Sorry. We have guests. I shouldn't... We shouldn't be airing this dirty laundry in front of our guest.

Literally. Not to mention the dirty laundry outside. Not to mention all the spoiled sheets. I don't have any sheets for you, okay? Can I bring this in? Can we... No, I want to do this all night. I know. Too much of a good thing. Bring it in.

He's gonna bring it in. Do they're middle names? Husband, husband. The figure of composure, Joe. Husband. Stop! Look at me. It's the same Joan. You've always known.

Meanwhile, one of her eyes is wandering. It's bizarre. Honey, I think you've had enough. Yes. I think you've had enough absinthe for one evening. All right, no. I'm going to go to sleep. Let me just take the bottle. Your friend will have to sleep on towels. So we watched in the office after a recording recently, we watched the royal tan and bombs in honor of the late great Gene Hackman which we hadn't watched in a

very long time and Sidney had never seen. So it was really, really fun. And I'm just thinking of that scene with Luke and Owen Wilson, where he's like, sorry, I'm just spaced out, I've been unmescalin' all day. And Luke's just like, did you say you're unmescalin'? And it's like the same thing. He's like, Francis worked on that movie, by the way. Yes, he did.

Francis! Francis! Francis! Freddy Boo Boo! He's like Francis worked on that movie by the way. Yes Quick Francis story I'll tell on his behalf, you know when they have the Falcon fly Like a you know, the Falcon no scene. You don't remember the phone in the movie. Yeah, there's the Falcon. It's his Work I know yeah. Yeah milk. Yeah Mordecai Mordecai Mordecai. Thank you Mordecai. Mordecai. Mordecai. Mordecai. Mordecai. Mordecai. Mordecai. Mordecai. Francis was working that day.

There's a page like downstairs and then they're shooting it at the top of the building. And he just starts hearing over the walkie talkie. After the Falcon flew. Does anybody have eyes on the Falcon? Does anybody see the Falcon? And all these people talking back and forth. We can't find the Falcon. And anybody see the falcon? And all these people talking back and forth. We can't find the falcon. And they lost the falcon. We then found an article that said that apparently someone in New Jersey caught the falcon and tried to ransom it back. Found out that it was

used on a movie set and tried to ransom it back. And they said no unequivocally, turned it down, just said get another fucking Falcon and they brought in the new Falcon and had different coloring different feathers and they mentioned it in the movie. She's like I don't remember if feathers changed so well. That's right. So what happens to a Falcon that was ransomed? They just send a feather back a day. They slit its throat.

Really? No, I don't know. Joseph! We're having a good time. What happens to anyone whose parents will play the ransom of kidnappers? It joined the owl that escaped the zoo in New York and now lives in Central Park or whatever.

There's so many birds in New York City. The parents at Greenwood Cemetery. Wait, Flaco? Is that the name? He's also dead. Oh, did they slit his throat? You don't pay the ransom. That's what happens. Always pay the ransom. That's what happens.

Always pay the ransom. Yeah. I'm going to bed. It's a very small house, Oswin, and Killian starts to just pull together maybe some blankets or something to just give you a place, something to lay on, something to cover you or whatever. I just don't need...

I'm not like, you know, I've got a bed roll. I'm normally like, I'm sleeping under a tree. All right, you're carrying this stuff with you. I've got no trouble at all. I won't bother you. Just as Lee here, you know. All right. And look, it's a pile of sheets a perfectly good pile of sheets like laying there

don't don't touch the sheets I'm actually amazed with our prison status how many sheets we have I know really quite must be rich pretty quite the luxury yeah so very quietly he's going to say, Oswin, I'm not sure how to ask this, but I'm grateful for your help earlier, and I'm curious if you have any... Do you care what's happening in this town? Do you care about the town itself?

The Baron, his daughters... Is there any reason for you to care? I think Oswin has been on the run for so long and I think this is the first place where he has felt any level of acceptance. So I think he might have some level of affection for this place, even though he's like pretty new here. And even still like kind of like mistreated, a little mistrusted by maybe the majority of the people who live here. Like he's finally found some sort of community for the first time in a very long time. So he looks at you and he's like, well, I have to say I'm new here, I wouldn't

fancy myself necessarily a citizen of this place, but I care, I care. Well let me ask you something. This elf you saw in the house, I don't know him but he's the son of a friend, trusted ally who died long ago. I don't know his son but he came to me and he asked me to come to some sort of meeting. A secret meeting. They might be trying to stop what's happening. They might be trying to not become part of the kingdom of Mendev or something. I don't know what their intentions are but would you go to something like that?

I don't want to... I don't want any trouble. No, not at all. I told him I wouldn't go, but he's planted a seed of doubt in my mind. He says my family's not safe. And I was nervous when I heard the news that they were going to change what's happening here. That someone's going to come down and take over the guard or send us off to some war to fight for a king we don't know. I don't know. Well Killian, I think you're a good man. You've taken me into your home when no one else would ever do it. What does your heart tell you?

I feel like I need to go. I need to find out who they are and what they're saying. Maybe I'm not one for intrigue, I'm no spy, but I always felt that, you know, maybe there were other ways to help the town than just the sharpness of my blade. So if they're saying something that makes sense, there's that. And if they're not, and I get in trouble, perhaps I could say I was looking out for the town and just spying on them. I don't know how to do this.

Mate, if you think it's something that you think is right to do, I'll go with you. Support you. I appreciate that. I'll let you get sleep. We'll talk about it in the morning. Sorry about the smell. (*audience laughs*) Cut to Killian's bedroom. (*audience laughs*) I stopped the music. The scene is over.

Honey, honey, I'm still up. Oh, tell me, tell me what you did in the mist with. We had a talk before we went on where Troy was like, you know, we'll do the scenes, you know, we'll see how it feels. Like do what you do, what you want, see how it feels out. If you want to just jump ahead a few days, we'll do the scenes, you know, we'll see how it feels, like do what you do what you want, see how it feels out. If you want to just jump ahead a few days, we'll jump ahead a few days. Tell me in great detail about the battles you fought. Speak Elvish to me. Yes.

Talk in your dumb language. Always turns me on. Now's not the time, we have a house guest. The whole place smells like shit. The whole place smells like shit. There's shit everywhere. I can be quiet. I can be quiet.

I can be quiet. You hear from down the hallway, Daddy! Oh! She can wait, she can wait. If it takes you your normal amount of time, we have time. It's happening again, Daddy! Oh no!

Tell your friend to help. Tell your friend to help. Tell your friend. No, no, I've got to take care of that. You get some sleep, Daddy. Make quick love to me. Make quick love to me. Tell your friend. No, no, I've got to take care of that. Please, you get some sleep. Make quick love to me. Make quick love to me.

Do you want me to take care of this? She keeps calling me and talking about me. I believe I've won Roleplay Chicken with you. I know, this is. I was going to say, I've played a lot of roleplaying games. This is the single most challenging moment I've ever played as a player. I mean, wife wants to bang, new criminal living in the house, daughter has diarrhea, all at the same moment. Ah! I'm going to quote from page 397 of Player Core.

Romantic and sexual relationships can happen in the game, but players should avoid being overly suggestive. Sex happens off screen. One player character attempting to initiate a relationship with another should be generally avoided. Oh... Read the next one. Avoid excessively gross or scotological description. Oh my god, that's the next line? They did it all! Literally in the rules!

They know! They know! Do you guys still want us to follow the rules? They didn't come here for rules! Do you guys still want us to follow the rules? They didn't come here for rules! I feel like they added that after they watched our show. Sure, I feel like they specifically called out on that rule. They called the glass cannon clause. The glass cannon codicil.

GCE, glass cannon errata. They're like, you have to put that in. As your horny wife calls to you and your sick daughter cries for you and your new house guest says, hey, we're going to deal with this. What is happening? We fade out from this scene. Oh, thank God!

And we'll be back right after this quick intermission. Woo! See you in a minute! And we'll be back right after this quick intermission. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan, you know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply.

Details at Fizz.ca. This episode is brought to you by FX's Dying for Sex on Disney+. Based on the podcast of the same name, Dying for Sex tells the story of Molly, who is diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. Determined to feel everything she can before she can't feel anything, she decides to leave her unhappy marriage to explore her sexuality with some encouragement from her best friend Nikki. FX is dying for sex now streaming only on Disney Plus. Sign up now at DisneyPlus.com. Okay Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on.

How's that? A little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal Event. Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active All-Wheel Drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow. That's like $99 a week. Yeah. It's a big deal.

The Ford It's a Big Deal Event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or Ford.ca today. It's crazy when we come back out because I can see all of your faces very clearly. Very intimidating. It's horrified. It's so scary. I'm scared. I wanted to shout out though, I saw when we were leaving, the gentleman in the booth, the Muppet booth up there, you look fantastic. I see suits, I see bow ties. Clearly we are at the opera. I appreciate the commitment to the bit and I respect it. You look lovely.

Are they are Statler and Waldorf? What was that? Are they are Statler and Waldorf? Yes. I like to call it the John Wilkes booth. Oh. I'd also like to say there are many benefits to the intermission but probably the best one I discovered tonight is that we were allowed to find out that Joe was trying to say Beth

when he came up with Beef. We go downstairs to the green room and I was like Beef? First thing. You're so stupid. Sorry you walked away for a second. We were already talking shit. I wasn't trying to say Beth and failed. That's what he said. I didn't say that.

It kind of sounded like that's what happened. I just was trying to come up with something in the moment, and my first thought was Beth. And then I was like, that's not a fantasy name. But Bacey is that bad? Whatever the... I changed the bow slightly. And then I was like, that's not a fantasy name, but Bates is. I changed the vowel slightly. So what I said backstage is we do know Bates' future, which

is Bates must become the tallest and strongest half-elf warrior in the history of the town. Because her name is Bates. Just like her dad. Bates. She says Bates. Bates. So close to beef yes say like that old beef dong wall. It's faith. It's faith.

It's faith. Folks, we're back. Yeah! We're back. Hey, serious question. You guys having a good time? Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Uh, all right. Oh? Yeah! Oh my God! Oh! So good to see them. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure, but I believe you now. Alright, so this is, I've lost track of the days, but we had the Founders Day Festival,

then we had the next day. I thought you meant since the session started. I said, no time pass done nothing We've done everything Founders Day Festival and then we had the skitter Marinky do Which was the into the mistwood you camped out that night. So now it's day three and you come out of five Whatever day four five. Let's have a flashback. Oh

It's night You should be scared madam It's night light of the moon casts a faint glow over the beginnings of the town of Rosewood Vale. Lower third comes up on the screen. Fourth of Rova, 4801. We see a bedroom.

It's dark. In that bedroom is a slightly younger and perhaps slightly hotter, if that's even possible. Not possible. Helena. Um, we might be people here that have not seen Helena's artwork. Oh, that's good. Oh, I should show it. Let me just launch the game. Launch the game real quick. Look away. Pause for edit.

This is live, Joe. People on YouTube don't know that. Shagunk. Yeah! So when she said I put my hand on my sight, that's immediately what I thought and that is terrifying. So we see her

and she's a little bit younger, but elves age weird. And Helena, you stand It's a real academic way to put it. Shut up. Ten years of fantasy role play. And Helena, you stand. It's a real academic way to put it. Ten years of fantasy roleplay. It's an animology term. Thank you, Professor Tolkien.

Professor Tolkien. They age weird. She's standing at the window of her home. I imagine when Rosewood Vale was first beginning, people were living in like kind of makeshift homes before they became like nice little houses. This is 30 something years before our current time, but you were there at the beginning. Were you married?

Did you have a lover at the time? What are you wearing? For the audience, is there pajamas? Silk? No. I don't think she was married. I don't think, I don't know what else you said at the time. Pajamas, I wanted to know the pajama situation.

I wanted to know the pajama situation. So before she ended up at Rosewood Vale, for any of those nerds in the audience, Helena Follethel, Follethel means like cave woman. Oh. In Elvish, I guess. I thought it was a delicious sandwich. So she, like, her earliest memories.

That is the first thing I thought. I hope we get some Follethel after the show. That sounds delicious. You don't get to talk about names for the first thing I heard. I hope we get some philosophical after the show. That sounds delicious. You don't get to talk about names for the rest of the night. Yeah. Yeah. You're in name time out, buddy. At least mine's a last name. That's right. But her earliest memories are like only darkness of like being and growing up kind of in a cave and these like emissaries of Cydana kind of found her and showed her the light so all of her adult life has kind of been building to following Cydana. I see it. It's almost as if Sidonah has called you out of the cave and into her light. You...

Yes, Joe. I see you're confused by a straightforward backstory. Just saying, like, so you were born and lived in a cave. Her earliest memories are darkness because she grew up in a cave. Her earliest memories are darkness because she grew up in a cave. Yeah. So you're like a psychological experiment in the flesh. I mean, no, it is. It's awesome and fascinating.

It's very scary. How does she end up there? I don't know. How does she start there? I don't know. Yeah, it's awesome. Remember your failure at the cave? The cave! As you're standing at the window, maybe you're having trouble sleeping haunted with memories of the cave

You Hear a noise and you look to try and discern where that noise is coming from and you see three figures Rolling a wagon through town. This is middle of the night In the northern direction of the town Do you do anything? Yeah, if it seems odd, I think she would get up out of bed. Oh, what are you wearing again? Come on. For the fans.

For the fans. Got like an open night gown situation. I don't know, if that's what she wears during the daytime. It's just a shorter version of night. Just say it's a slanket and move on. A slanket? It's a slanket. I don't know. It's a blanket with sleeves. You're wearing a. A sn move on. A slanket? Yeah. It's a slanket. I don't know.

It's a blanket with sleeves. You're wearing a- Oh, a snuggie. A snuggie, yeah. She's wearing a- She sleeps in a snuggie. You thought a slanket was like a sexy blanket. Boo.

They're booing your snuggies. Boo! Boo! What's underneath that snuggie? All right, so do you go outside? Or do you just kind of look at the window? She looks out the window, at least first, before going outside?

Give me a perception check I'm going to rule this day. So I got from David so let's 21 21 it's night, but there's moonlight seems like these figures... She has dark vision. And you have dark vision. Okay, great. So you're kind of seeing this all in black and white and it looks like one of the figures is rather large whereas the other two that are doing the majority of the work are average size. And they're moving slowly as if to try

and be quiet, heading north. She wraps her Snuggie around her a bit closely, puts the hood up. And stealth mode. Exactly. Classic Snuggie stealth mode. And tries to stealthily now that she's in stealth mode, go outside and see what's going on. Okay, you wanna give me a little stealth check? A little stealth check.

Stealth John, okay, where's my stealth there? Oh. I wanna dab that cap. You dabbing that cap? You dabbing that cap? A flashback cap dab? First cap dab of the evening. Well, the fuck not. A flashback cap dab? Whoa. Flashback cap dap? First cap dap of the evening. What the fuck not?

A flashback cap dap? Whoa. Flashback cap dap? Same roll. I want that on a t-shirt. Flashback cap dap? Flashback cap dap? 12.

She's not very stealthy. You can't change the past. You don't know what forces you're playing with there, Kate. Whoa. Yeah. It's your kids, Smarty. I guess I can't change the past. All right, so you doing with it, Kate? Whoa. It's your kids, Marty! I guess I can't change the past. All right, so you roll out there and you're stealthy snuggie.

And you creep up on this group. And as you get outside, maybe you lose them for a second. And you start to approach closer. But then as you get closer, you notice there's only two of them, and then you hear a shing of a blade being pulled out. And a voice says, "'M'lady, you startled me. "'My apologies.'"

You turn, and it is Sir Calvin, the Dawnblade, is towering over you. You should not be out at this hour. There are wild animals about, foraging in preparation for the cold months to come. Please, return to your home." Oh. Oh, hey. Sorry, I was just taking a walk. I couldn't sleep. And she looks him up and down. You look him up and down. you turn back to the other guys and they're like, they've got a tarp over this wagon

and they're like adjusting the tarp. And they're knights as well. You don't know them, but you know that they've been appointing a lot of knights recently. But the Dawnblade is standing over you and he has yet to sheath his greatsword. It is fine, my lady. Take your snaggy. And head back to your home.

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Um, that sounds great. I was just about to do that. Um, don't worry, I won't tell anyone about anything I've seen here. It seems like that's what you want. He takes a step toward you and again has yet to sheath his blade. We are doing the Lord's business, my lady. And I'm sorry to say that is not your business. Once again, return to your home. It is not safe out here.

Right, right, thank you. Well, I think you'd be surprised I can take care of myself, but thank you. I'll go back. You go back? I'll go back. You go back to your home. The Dawnplates' eyes never leave you. Maybe you go back to the window and they continue towards the Mistwood. We come back to the present day. You wake up to the sound of explosive diarrhea. What did she eat? Honey, I have a headache.

Deal with that. No, I mean, Killian's already in there, man. He's already in there. Daddy, I'm sorry I messed up another sheet. Please don't apologize, young. I'm very sick. Can't remember your name. Finia.

Finia. Finia. Finia. It's all right. You can't remember my name. Can't remember some stupid name. Can't remember the insane name your mother came up with when she was drinking absinthe while she was pregnant with you.

The absinthe-fueled nightmare of a name that your mother gave you. It was my grandmother's name. All right, that's right. As you well know. Oh name All right, that's right as you well know All right, all right, I think you've got the most of it out there it's about done We'll get you some water you feel better soon, I'm sorry, I'm a disappointment Course you're not a disappointment, stop. Everybody gets sick like this from time to time. You do this in your bed too, daddy?

I have. You know, once long ago, when the town was first created, I was camping out. Where's this story gonna go? I can't wait to see how it ties in. You were camping, yes? I... We were just talking backstage about how we want to get right into the action.

And Joe... And here you are, Joe. I can't believe you're doing this. There was a suggestion to just do a little moment of re-istro. It was Joe's thing! It was Joe's idea! I'm sorry, no. That's gonna take too was Joe's thing, it was Joe's idea. I'm sorry, no, that's going to take too long. Tell me, tell me about your embarrassment.

Okay, everybody can just shit on me, that's fine. I'll tell you this, I was enraged when Troy opened with another fucking back story. I was like, I guess we're not doing what we said we're doing. So now we're off script again. And we'll do another long diarrhea role play. There's no script. Father, please comfort me with your story. And then we fade out of that scene.

No. Father. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I got you. You got me. Once you say it, you fade out. And we fade up on all of the characters together in a room Are you GMing? Talking about the plot. Someone has to around here.

They didn't pay for plot. They didn't pay for plot. I will say that you, I don't know if you said this explicitly in Milwaukee, but when you came back from the Mistwood and you met with Barvis Tonk and you were all like, are we gonna deal with all these things? I feel like you said, let's meet up again tomorrow. And if you didn't, let's establish that you did.

You obviously would have had sort of a rendezvous. Go talk to your people. Let's meet at the Mockingbird. You talk to your people. I'll talk to my people. Right. Yeah. So you're at the Mockingbird Inn and you're sitting at a table.

Who is the first to speak as we join in media's res killian is talking he's looking at everybody he says look when we first set this meeting i thought can i get you some drinks oh my god yes please Yes, please. A local red wine. A local red wine. A carafe of it. All right. Do you wanna hear the special?

No. All right, one red wine. What's your name, young lady? You're laughing, but this is what they do in the Housewives. They have to order on camera. We're just doing that. One red wine and you sir. I'd like to hear the specials. Oh the specials. Of course you do. You don't despise anything more than moving the story forward. It's the thing you hate the most in the world. I'd like to hear her explain them

I've already ordered my I don't understand Opportune moment to give you your dream You were saying I do want to thank brewer Seth from wooden legs brewery for all the nice beer brewers Seth South Dakota zone South Dakota zone here tonight in the house. Thank you brewer Seth. This is awesome. So good Happy birthday Do you want a roleplay? You're slowing things down. Don't even!

You're slowing things down. Uh, so he says, I thought we were going to talk about something different, but after last night... Did you also have explosive diarrhea? It must have been something we ate and they'll miss food. What, are you sick? What? No, I was fine.

So he's gonna say, something has come to my attention that I want to, that I want to mention to all of you. It's got to be in confidence. I think that there's a lot of, there's a lot of interested parties about what's happening in the town right now and I'm not sure who to trust but I know I can trust all of you at least I hope so. Andromeda did like a really weird extra smile that wasn't necessary like like you're playing a game of werewolf, right? And it's just like... You smiled too much.

No, he's like... And so I... I understand this to be a meeting of some folk in the town. It doesn't sound like the family or anyone close to them. It sounds like some of the common folk like ourselves are meeting to maybe try to stop what's happening.

To stop the doctors being married off or to stop the city from being declared a barony of Mendev. And he's keeping his voice low. We can't talk to anyone about this, but I want to ask you if this is true and there's a meeting coming together of people that want to talk to anyone about this but I want to ask you if this is true and there's a meeting coming together of people that want to talk about something like this would you want to go to a meeting like that? You know what yeah. But why? I hesitated myself because I'm loyal to our baron.

I trust their decisions are made in the best interest of the town. At least I like to think so. Why do you think it's not that way, Helena? Listen, you and I have been alive for a long time. Factually correct. And we've seen different, more minor powers come and go. Right now seems like one of those shifts. Yes. So our baron, our lord, whoever they are, that's who they are.

But right now there's chaos and I don't like who thinks they're in power. So. What do you mean, who thinks they're in power. So... What do you mean, who thinks they're in power? I don't know, like maybe... Father Selwyn and... You know... People who see this and... What's wrong with Father Selwyn? He seems like such a nice guy.

You said the same thing about Sir Calvin. Guy walked by. You talking about Father Selwyn, he seems like such a nice guy. You said the same thing about Sir Calvin. Guy walks by, you talking about Father Selwyn? He's a saint. No, who's the? Good day. What do you mean? All I'm saying is, you're sitting here saying we can't trust anyone, we can't. Fair enough.

What about you, Sir Norville? Would you be interested in turning your back on this town, on its leadership, meeting to undermine their choices? Normally I would not even indulge this line of thought. But I had a very strange, disturbing meeting with the head of my order yesterday. Seems there might be factions developing within the town leadership itself. I continue to be very alarmed by what happened on Founders Day. How quickly what happened to the Baroness was swept under the rug. Seems like no one wants to address it. No one wants to talk about it. Even... What's

his name? Her captain. Tonk. Barbus Tonk. Even Barbus, he says, she's being looked after. Who was it that came to you about this meeting? He's the son of a man I once knew. Devarious, Devoyan? Eldrin.

No, no, the father. Dionysus. Dionysus. Dionysus. Dionysus. Dionysus. The Greek god of wine. Dionysus. Dionysus. Dionysus. Was he Greek?

Roman? Greek. Dionysus. Hellender, you remember Dionysus. Did you ever meet his son? He had a baby. Years ago. I remembered that, but I've never had any interaction with him. I thought he left Me did you ever have any interaction with Eldrin? Oh

He's part of this meeting and he asked me to come He said that his father told him if he ever felt like he was in danger He needed to come to us the people that were there when they started the town They needed to ask us to be there. That's my own... I don't know who else will be there. I mean, it rings a bell. Andromeda, I know you're an assistant to Silverfront, and you can't go sneaking around under her eye. It could cost you your job, your position. Is this something you want to do? And if you don't, I understand, but I ask you not to tell anyone about it,

especially Silverfront. She's an outsider. She's a mercenary paid to be here. She doesn't understand how it all came to be. Ashwin, are you going to go to the meeting with everybody? You will go too? I can't see any. Are you talking to me? Yes.

I have my short-range glasses on, so I can't tell. Who's waving at me right now? It's Cindy. Oh, now. It's Cindy. Oh, okay. Cindy. Oh, Cindy. You know me from Glass Cannon. Yeah, Cindy.

Sorry. It's Cindy from Glass Cannon. Are you going to go? Well, I'm a stranger here I'm a stranger here and I don't want to... I've been on the move for a while. It seems I finally found a place where I could take a breath. So I'm loathe to turn the authorities against me. But Killian, you've shown me,

the first person who showed me like true genuine kindness and trust, since I've, well, in a very long time. And I've seen what can happen to a group, a body, when the leaders, the people in authority fall to evil. And what can happen? Is that what you think is happening here? I think our Lord's turned to evil. I think that's what you think has happened, whether you want to admit it or not.

I think that's your instinct. And you're afraid to say that that's what's happening, but I can see it in your eyes. His father was a good man. I trust that he raised his son well, but I'm not in the household. Here's your drinks. Oh, great.

Who had the red wine? You eating today? No. Oh, all right, if you need anything. She tries to like lean around the server as they're putting stuff down. And to Killian. Oh dear.

We just give you your drinks. You can die. You need anything else? It's all right. Mildred. That's wrong, Molly Molly Killian you and I have Oh My first day I'm training What's accent is that?

God he's becoming that dude. Okay. But Killian, you and I have spent what some people would think is a lifetime helping to build this town. And they're, they're selling it out and giving us scraps and taking it, taking it away. Maybe or maybe they're making it stronger. No, they're gutting it and they're leaving us with nothing. You know, I came to Rosewood Vale to help.

I studied about how to build things, create bridges and grow. And I haven't done that under Silverfront. I make fireworks and I clean. I always wanted to work for someone and to grow and to achieve what they have. But I don't want what Silverfront has. I don't... I don't want... I want to help people. And if there is no people here to help, if they change, then I don't want to be here. So... I will go to the meeting, I will not tell. But I have to tell you something.

Helena? What? I saw on advisor Silverfron's desk pictures and books about... Ding ling ling ling! The door opens to the bar and a guy comes in and This big guy comes up to the bar slaps his hand on the bar Hey looks down at the halfling bartender Lillian. Give me a damn He turns around just kind of looks at everybody at the bar Interrupting you for a moment Killian will stand up. He's got his fucking bastard sword on his back.

Let's go, let's go! Walks over, excuse me, friend. What's your name? You're talking to me. What's your name? Barnabas, what's your name? Killian, I work for the town guard, passing through here. What's your name? You're talking to me. What's your name? Barnabas. What's your name? Killian.

I work for the town guard. You're passing through here. Oh, right. Looks like you're off duty. So what's your problem with me? Contrary to what you might think, I'm on duty. I'm always on duty. Oh.

Town this small, someone's got to be awake all the time. Do all the town guards drink ale during the day? I'm not drinking ale. If you go back and check the tape, the server never talked to me. I had a funny role play planned. What's your problem with me? I can't come into this bar and order a drink.

Well, you can't. You don't disrespect the bartender. She has a name. I have no fucking idea what it is. Old Molly. But it's not Lytton, I'll tell you that much. Well, maybe if she was a little taller, she'd get my drink faster. Let's go!

This tall enough for you? And Sir Norville is standing right behind you. He's seven and a half feet tall. Oh. So is this what Rosewood Vale's all about? And he's looking at the both of you and then he sees Killian. Wait a minute. Or Oswin?

You mean Oswin? Oswin, yes, sorry. He sees Killian. He sees Oswin. He's like, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I know you. I know you. I know you. I've seen that face.

Where are you from, boy? Not from Baltimore. Do I know this person? Have I seen him? No, I've never seen him before. He says, uh... Here and there. I've got quick to common face. It's Quite often get me stinking. No, no, no, I've seen it before It is like his upper lip is like sweating and we don't know this guy right now. No

sir In the interest of keeping the peace, maybe let's order your drink politely Move on with our days. You know, maybe I'll find another bar. This place is very unfriendly. Not interested. She already poured the drink. Give it to these guys. He starts to walk out.

Poster. A poster! A wanted poster. That's where I saw your face. Yes, yes! In Nirmathas! Yes! I believe there was a bounty on your head. He goes to pull out a dagger.

You don't want to do that, friend. Not here. Not now. Oh, I see. I see what we have here. Well, puts his dagger back in. My apologies. Enjoy your lunch. He walks out. The books had what in them? You know what in them?

You know what, Kate? Undap that cap. Undap that cap! Hell yeah. Kate? Andromeda's like shaking from this entire interaction. What? What?

What? You, you told me about the books. The books. The books. They are medical of the woman's flower. Flower? Yes. And the time under the moon and Andromeda. What is a woman's flower? It's okay you can say the words it's weird if you don't you're being really weird right now And these ovulations. Uh-huh. And this position. It's about the menstrual cycle. Yes.

Okay. And the positions for sex. What are you on her desk? A book about making babies. Pornography. Yes. No, yes, no no no no no I think I Think I think it is for lady apache There were tinctures medications She threw up

She was sick. I don't think that I think The pregnancy is wrong. Like tinctures for what? Like affecting the gender? No, I don't know. I don't understand it. I don't study medicines. But Silver Throne was studying. I know something about this. There are tinctures you can make.

Tinctures you can drink to. Perhaps hasten... ...conception. Perhaps change or... ...or increase the likelihood of having... ...an heir, a male heir. If that is what the Baron seeks, he's got daughters. Perhaps he wants a male heir.

They get into something... and she becomes sick. Perhaps she was poisoned by her own choices. Silverfront said something. Or the barons. She said that she does whatever, no matter what they demand she must do. See this is what I'm saying. They're selling us out. Something does seem rotten. So the meeting. If you're all comfortable with it, I think we have to go. At least here, find out who these people are, find out what they're trying to say. But if they're talking

about killing the Lord of this town or his wife, we can't let it happen so no. We can't. Can I rule? We're knights of the... What? We're not knights. We're city guards. We can't let it happen so no. We can't. We're knights of the, what? So we're not knights. We're gods, we're city gods. We can't let that happen. I'm a knight. Would you like to be a knight? Side question.

Do you have to do that 75 hard thing? If so, that's a hard no. We'll talk about it later. Can I roll a percent, like a sense motive on Killian? Yeah. And also, I mean, sense motive on Oswin. Yeah. Are you pulling me?

We gotta get back to... Kate's funny moment really was very, very funny. But it fucked up. Like, what actually? We would have assumed. I was thinking, which is like, what the fuck? But we also would have assumed that it would be perfectly logical

for you to be on a Wants It poster for Poaching. We see the evidence of your punishment. Yeah, but I think like, if you did a sense motive on Oswin, like you'll see like, he is tuned out of like what you guys are talking about. Like he is a hundred percent focused on that man who just left. Is it daytime or nighttime? It's like late afternoon.

Okay. So he is plotting. plotting. And once the opportunity presents itself, he wants to excuse himself and go looking for this guy. Okay. So maybe you guys turn to like bring Oswin into this conversation and Oswin's gone. Yeah. And you didn't even notice. Where's Oswin? gone. Yeah. And you didn't even notice.

Where's Oswin? Where'd he go? I... Wait, but I still want to do my sense mode of un-killing him. Yeah, sure. I'm going to roll... We were gifted some beautiful dice from Yenir. Jen, thank you for these.

Oh, yeah. I also want to say these are beautiful earrings made by Jen as well. Check out Yenir, Jen, thank you for these. Oh yeah. Oh, I also want to say these are beautiful earrings made by Jen as well. Check out Yenir, these are so, so, so gorgeous. Thank you. I also want to say I got a fake ham. From my buddy Ken, who was like, he was the first guy that I met at college at UMass,

and he still is one of my oldest friends, and he's here with his wife, Jennifer. Gave me a fake ham, thank you guys. I also want to thank Dave for my nice die. I didn't know I wouldn't roll dice tonight, Dave. Sorry. I rolled a natural 17, which is a 23 perception. Do you think he discerns anything that you're trying to hold back?

I don't understand what you're looking for. I want to. I mean, you came to me. You call us together and basically we're like, there's a meeting tonight about people who want to overthrow the town leadership. I was supposed to see if you're on the up and up. Are you trying to draw me into some sort of trap? What's your deception? Are're on the up and up. Are you trying to draw me into some sort of trap? What's your deception, G.C.? Are you on the up and up?

Are you on the up and up? Yeah, I mean, like, he couldn't be being more honest. In fact, he's being extremely, like, stupidly honest. Vulnerable. Yeah, that's why it was weird. Yeah, he's really kind of exposing himself. Yeah, he's opening his heart, like, up to us. He's exposing himself to a lot of danger,

but he feels like, Sir Norvalval he's known for a while. Helena he's known longer than anybody in the town. Helena. Helena, sorry. Longer than anybody in the town. That's why he knows her name so good. That's why he knows her name so good. He's so good at names. And I mean, could you get a better vibe out of Andromeda? Like, this is no spy.

This is not, yeah, it's not a snitch. I keep thinking of her. I mean, if she is, then man, she's amazing. And good for her. So yeah, I think that he's just like, he's putting that out there honestly, and just being like, if you don't want anything to do with this, I get it.

Kind of as it was presented to him, really. I think Sir Norville sees it as his responsibility as a knight of Sedona to kind of honor, like to recognize that there might be something rotten at the head of the town. And the more holy and responsible thing to do might be to investigate this group to see if they actually have evidence of that.

Right. And that's exactly what Killian thinks, except he doesn't believe they do have any evidence, right? He thinks it's a little bit of a... I'm trying to think of the word I'm looking for. It's just people getting worked up over their speculations about shit they know nothing about. And he's curious to see if anybody at that meeting

is in the inner circle or really knows anything about what's going on in that house, especially if Helena doesn't know and she's the handmaid to the daughters. Like, what the fuck could they possibly at but I'm curious I keep thinking of that scene from death of Stalin where he were Steve Buscemi goes to Jason Isaacs he's like you know I'm gonna have to report this conversation this conversation yeah look your fucking face look at your fucking face yeah Yeah. Anyway. Alright, I believe you.

Great movie. If you haven't seen it, it's amazing. It was really funny for us. Nobody else. Should we go try to find Oswin or? Yes, I think perhaps he... I think that man might know him. Maybe he knows him.

Yes, I mean, it's not surprising. Do you know that he's a criminal? Yes, well, yeah. so he's probably wanted somewhere, but I don't care. I want to protect him as best we can I'm sure he knows how to protect himself. So I'm sure he's Mechanical outbound hunters coming here and disturb the town order Yeah, you're not wrong. All right, let's try to follow him and make sure that he doesn't find Oswin. Can I do survival and try to track you? Well let's cut to outside because Oswin is not traceable.

Oswin, you leave the bar and you follow this guy. You know where he goes, he goes to another bar, you very wisely head to another watering hole and you see through the window he's in there causing trouble, but has not been turned away for business and you're just watching him through the window like what's going through your head as you see him just like blustering in there. The thing is like it's clear that Oswin, it's common knowledge that he's a criminal. What Oswin is worried about is that word could get out to certain people that he is here. And they could come here looking for him. And it could be incredibly bad, not just for me, but for the entire town.

So he's standing there and he's just watching and waiting for an opportunity to get this guy alone and off guard. Night falls. This guy spends a lot of time in there drinking and talking and eventually he is cut off and he comes out of the bar and you see him sleek into an alley, and he comes out of the bar and you see him sleek into an alley, unzip his pants and start pissing. This is drawn from personal experience of Troy LaValley.

How walking out of a bar and pissing on the side of a building. It's what the world's for to piss. The ground is nature's toilet. The ground is nature's toilet. He comes out, he's over-served, they've kicked him out of the bar, essentially in Oswin, you've just been watching, like a panther. He comes out, ducks into an alley alley he's got his hand on the wall

and he's just letting it rip what do you do if anything I'm going to stealthily approach him okay in the shadows shadows. Give me a stealth roll. I'm also gonna use Dave's die. Meanwhile, the rest of the rest of you saw die, you left and you lost trace of Oswin and you think to yourselves like, if you're gonna go to this meeting tonight at 2am, you hope you see him. But he is gone. Yeah, I think he left town. I think it's very possible that he hid in the woods I mean you could be forgiven for thinking that yeah he'd be spooked and just like yeah clear out yeah or goes

into the woods to clear his head and it's just like fuck this that's a 20 20 20 20 There's so much in there And he doesn't seem to hear you coming so I pull my kukri From the sheath of my belt there once was a maiden Come up behind him him She went to school Oh! Put my hand...

Alright, can we play this game or not? Put my hand over his mouth Slit his throat And he just starts choking and holding his hands, blood spurting through his open fingers, and he collapses to the ground. And I come up behind him as he's bleeding out, and I lift my heel, and I drive it down into the back of his skull. drive it down into the back of his skull. I wipe my boot off, like next to him, pull my hood up closer over my head,

and slink away down the street. Slink away down the street to the sounds of dogs barking. Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. It's two a.m. And we see Andromeda, Killian, Sir Norval, and Helena slowly make their way to the Mockingbird Inn and Tavern. What about Oswin? I come back, by 2am. He comes back and he's got a big grin. A big trademark shit-eating grin. Sorry, I take the air.

Ready for this meeting. Where did you go? We turned to look for you in the inn and you were gone. I thought you were trying to get out of town, escape that bounty hunter. No, no, no. Just, I'll declare in my head a bit. I don't like being reminded of the past, you know? Trying to build a future, trying to think about the future. The past...

Just... Just drags you down. That's when I understand your instinct is to run away, to hide. But you don't have to, not anymore. No, if you stay close, if that man shows his face again, we'll make sure you're protected. I'll report him. I'll report him.

To who? Me? What will you do? We just established that everyone is an enemy. To Tonk, I report them to the proper channels. No. I can't? We are the channels. It's so hard when you can't trust who you're supposed to trust.

Do you know what I mean? I really do, yes. And even Tonk right now, we can't rest I think we can but might be best if he doesn't know everything for his own safety okay Aswin I won't report that man yeah don't let you type, that type, you know, these things take care of themselves. You know? You're right. I mean, the way he was blathering on, he's liable to get drunk, piss someone off in some bar, get his throat slit.

Right. No, exactly. He's about to annoy the wrong person and it's... It's all right, you know. I would give it a second thought. He's paid to his page. You had no either own person and it's It's all right, you know, I wouldn't give it a second thought. He's probably moved on already. I'm sure he has Perception to see if anyone is noticing us have this conversation outside this bar to him. Sure I'm rolling Dave's die. That was a natural four. Thanks a lot, Dave. No. Thanks, Dave. That's a ten. It's eerily quiet. There's no one out and about. It's very late at night. Maybe there would be like town guard normally roaming the streets, but there is no one.

There's a lot going on. Shit, I'm so tired. I forgot it was 2am. It was up all day. It looked to be up at 7am tomorrow. Shit, then looking for Oswin. Alright, we'll sneak into this bar. You come up to the door of the bar, and before you can even knock,

eyes come through a little portal. I've brought some friends. We're willing to hear what you have to say, but if we don't like it, we'll even. And that's that. What is the password? Cheese curds. And then he just looks back, and Dromeda, this place is famous for their cheese cookies. They're amazing if you ever want to try it. I didn't even know that was on their menu. I come here all the time.

They don't print it, you have to ask. It was one of the specials. Oh. Okay. You, the door opens and there is an elf there that you recognize. And he says this way, and he leads you through the tavern that you were just in hours earlier to like a back room. You go through a doorway and he closes the door and moves a rug, opens a hatch on the floor and says down there and

He leads the way down and after you've all gone down he goes up and shuts the hatch Let's go to foundry virtual tabletop Wow virtual tabletop. Oh wow. Shadadungdudung. Shagagunkaku. Oh wow. Whoa.

Whoa. Cool map. You enter. So many crates. The cellar. Love a good crate map. Love a good crate map. Yeah, feel free to put yourselves anywhere you want.

You are led down into the cellar of the Mockingbird Inn and Tavern and there are so many crates that you can't even imagine. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar.

You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. You enter the cellar. you want. You are led down into the cellar of the Mockingbird Inn and Tavern. And there are several. All right. All right. Stop goofing off. Sorry, it's just forward and back. Just trying to see the space.

Just stop exploring the space. There are a lot of other people in here. Wow. All right. Before you start talking, I want to see the whole place. The cool thing about foundry is you have to move your token around to see around corners. All right.

Get it all out of your system. Wait. Is every single iconic character from the Pathfinder University atalking? Don't worry about it. Just mix up a lot of NPCs. You would notice as you hastily move about the room. Is that the iconic investigator?

Shut up! He's got a magnifying glass. Ezra is here. Ezra is here? Oh, yeah, dude. Don't overthink it. I could have put nobody in there and been like, there's a lot of people in this room.

Let's try to spice it up. Don't put any more thought into this than Troy clearly did. Maui from Moana is there. Yeah! Ah! Ah! Can I get a,

chee-hoo! That is a copyright violation. Fans of children would know that joke. All right, so stop fucking around. Here's the thing. You notice as you hastily move about the room that everyone there is either an elf or a dwarf, like with no exception.

There are no other humans there. There's no humans? No, with the exception of Oswin, Sir Norval, and Andromeda. Interesting. Everyone else there are like originals. Just like Helena and Killian. Oh. So maybe we're walking up to these people like, hey.

Hey. How's it going? It's alright. Oh shit, I didn't know you were coming. Yeah, no, it seemed important. And you're all making small talk. And having coffee, a bagel. Do you guys want snacks? Yes.

We got beignets. Beignets! Beignets. Yes, all secret meetings are beignets. Six. As you're making small talk and like, noticing that the other people there, it's not everyone that helped found the town,

but everyone that is there was there under the original Lord Montrose. And this younger elf, the son of Dionysus, says, Says I think this is everyone that's coming. Thank you for coming especially Some of you I do not know but if you came with Killian I know you can be trusted Before anything is uttered here this evening. We need to acknowledge The uncomfortable truth, okay

This is dangerous ground that we tread upon to even be here, to even talk. I think we all know that there are many who would call this simple gathering treason. But that is not my intention. That is not our intention. That is not our goal here. Our goal is to collect ourselves, re-examine our roots,

and try to figure out whether or not this deal with the crown is in the best interests of Rosewood Vale. Guy pipes up, sounds like treason to me. If the Baron believes it's in our best interest who are we to question it? You say any of you Yeah, I think Elena says what she said to everyone else the Baron is selling us out Be careful my lady that that is a strong accusation. But it is incorrect. What of his daughters? Helena, I know you're close to them, but it's

a natural progression, isn't it? Is it natural to promise your firstborn daughter to someone who's not even an heir? I'm right. For what? She's right. My father came here with his father. We know this is not what Lord Montrose would have wanted. Lord Montrose, the elder, wanted Rosewood Vale to be officially recognized more than anything, but he would not have given up his family for it.

The baron, the former lord, doted on his granddaughters, and the bar not have given up his family for it. The Baron, the former Lord, doted on his granddaughters and the Baron doted on his daughters. He would not do this. It's a different time, isn't it? It's the only way to get recognized. We have to make alliances through marriage, it's the only way. How else are they going to make it happen? Yes, but surely you've heard the rumors. The young boy is sickly. He looks like a child. And while Prince Harold is a young man who is supposed to be true of heart, the word is he does not enjoy the affections of women. He is selling his daughters for nothing! Lady Helena is right.

We need to think about this. And Eldren is like, please, please, we have to maintain our calm and control our emotions here. Killian, you have been here for a long time. Do you think there's anything we can or should do about this? I don't know if there's anything we should do about it. But I don't think there's anything we can do about it. It's not within our grasp. It's not within our power. We don't control this town. We never have. I never wanted to.

What about the newcomers? You, sir, points to Oswin. You obviously found something here in Rosewood Vale. You found a home, a reason to stay here. Your opinion is as important as anyone else? Do you believe this to be a good decision? And he feels very much out of place here. He feels like very much fish out of water. More than anyone else who's in this room. And just murdered someone. And he just murdered a guy. Like he just like, so self-consciously like...

And just killed him out. Just kind of like scrapes the remainder of the blood and brain off of his heel. He says, look here, I don't want to cause any trouble. I'm not intimately familiar with the political machinations that are going on in this place, but I just feel like Killian. I may be wrong, but I'm a fairly good judge of people. And I think I see that. I've seen the doubt in you. You know this place as well as any of you.

And I've seen, I know, I can feel in your heart that you know that there's something wrong. I know, but what can we do about it? That's the question. It's nice to get together, talk about, complain about what we don't like about this choice or that choice. But what do you actually suggest we do? What do you think is going to happen? We're just talking. We're just trying to see if there's anything we can do. Maybe we leave here tonight and realize there's no hope. But I feel as if we need to at least talk about the possibility of fighting this. Could I suggest something? Everybody turns to Andromeda.

Yes, you are the apprentice to Miss Silverfront. Yes. And Andromeda is sitting on a crate in the corner of the room. So many crates, dude. So many crates. I came to work under Silverfron. Please don't sit on the crates. Sorry.

I promise the owners we wouldn't mess with the crates. She stands very short amongst all of these elves. It's actually so awesome. All these elves, all these dwarves, and this like petite... Very small human. Yeah. Has the floor. I came to Rosewood Vale under Silverfron studying, continuing my studies and I came to help. What I study is building and fixing and finding and helping and I don't think that we are without hope, Killian.

We can fix. That's what my magic does. We can rebuild. Think about Rosewood Vale. To begin with, there was nothing. This is sacrilegious talk. Magic using magic to fix things that is not our place. Sir, Bonnie? Norville. Norville, Sir Norville. You are a man of piety.

Do you think we should be interfering with these things using magic or more? Andromeda sits back in the corner. I'm more concerned with, is there a political mechanism by which we can, or you could even entertain the idea of interfering in the town's leadership? Some sort of vote of no confidence or an impeachment procedure of some kind?

It's crazy talk. It could try but it never worked. It could even try twice, it won't work. Not in to... certainly not in today's political reality. No. Maybe the framers intended for this to be. At the end of the day, this like, awesome Irish dwarf says, at the end of the day, we are speculating on things that we know nothing about. Exactly.

Hear, hear. Until something is done and I don't want to wait and be reactionary I understand the importance of meetings such as this but until something is done we are we are beyond any place where should we should be talking about these things we have no proof of ill will. As he says that, everyone roll a perception check. My first die roll. Baby's first die roll. Come on. Don't suck! David!

Natti 15, bro. Oh! I'm gonna roll my failure, Tay-Di. But I'm not very perceptive. 24. 24. 11. Oh.

Sorry. Sorry, Tay. Sorry. I tap that cap that I got. Oh! You tapped that cap that I got. Oh, you tapped that cap? 29. Ooh. Ooh.

90, 19. Ooh. Okay. 23 on my beautiful Yenir dice. Thank you. Okay. Anybody else? 13 on Dave's die.

Security. Can you see him now? Yes. Sorry. 13 on Dave's die. Security. Can you take them out? Your apologies are no use here. A little late for that, Dave. All right.

All of you, as you're talking and the discussion is getting heated you're you know, some of you might be kind of You know getting a little fired up and as you're getting fired up. Yeah, you feel like you're getting a little warm As you're talking throughout this room But then you realize that like wait that warmth isn't just coming from like inside of you it feels like the the whole cellar is getting warmer and Then at the same time you feel as if it's getting cloudy in there as well and then oh my god oh oh my god and then you notice that it's not just getting cloudy but there seems to be a sound of like a clicking, like a fire,

like a torch or something somewhere, but all you see is the sconces on the walls. But then you notice that the entire room seems to be smoky and there's fire starting to come from the corners of the walls and spreading around the room. The entire room very quickly is on fire from the corners of the walls and spreading around the room. Jesus! What? The entire room very quickly is on fire with all of you trapped in it and with the smoke that's starting to fill the room, you are choking

and can barely see people five feet away from you. But at that moment, you also feel the presence of something small coming out of the walls all around you. And we'll see you next month. Oh my God! This is horrifying! Thank you, St. Paul! Thank you, St. Paul!

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