The Glass Cannon Podcast - Ascension Part 7 – Kingdom Come (Ann Arbor)

Episode Date: June 28, 2025

A retinue from the Crown comes to Rosewood Vale. Watch the video here: ⁠⁠⁠https://youtu.be/FlBkT6KzqIg Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country. Get your tickets today at ⁠⁠⁠https://hubs.li/Q03cn8wr0⁠⁠⁠. Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at ⁠⁠⁠jointhenaish.com⁠⁠⁠. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit ⁠⁠⁠https://hubs.li/Q03cmY380⁠⁠⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. I'm a man who's got a gun. Finally, Glass Cannon Live has come to Michigan!

I just got a warning on my phone about my hearing. Hey, Go Blue, huh? See what they say out here? Let's go Blue! We'll uh... Let's go Blue! Oh that's pretty good. That's pretty good! We will raise a glass to the Wolverines

and everybody raise a glass if you're drinking one to the largest single attendance in Glass Cannon Live history. Michigan! Wow! Michigan! Wow. Michigan, baby, we did it! We did it!

Ann Arbor, you will never hear me say a bad thing about this state. Wow. You won't. If I had no aspirations beyond raising a family, I would move here in a heartbeat. Like that. I love a suburb. You Google suburb, you just see a random picture of Michigan. But nothing beats Midwest nice, you know? I like a Midwest nice.

I grew up on the East Coast. The way we show love is by being horrible to each other. You would never guess. Yes. You would never guess. Everyone on this stage at this point should know how much I love them by years of making fun of their intelligence. You've heaped on us over the years. Age. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it? Physical shaming.

Yep. How stupid you are. And then on the west coast everybody seems nice but they're all bootlicking Wow, I didn't know that. You know it's true. Fucking weirdos. My dad agrees with you. I like that guy. But in the Midwest, everybody is hospitable and nice and kind, and it feels at least genuine. It does. I'm actually honestly surprised how many restaurants I've walked into, restaurants, bars, doesn't matter.

Every person that works there, just like, hey, how are you? Hey, how you doing? Hey, I'm just like, oh my God. Don't come up behind me like that. We're not used to that. You pull out your knife. I don't want any trouble! Speaking of restaurants, your cuisine is a little silly.

You eat like Buddy the fucking Elf. Not everything needs to have marshmallows in it, but you guys are cool. Um, anyways, I've loved Michigan since the first time I ever set foot here over a decade ago. I probably mentioned this on several shows before. My friends have heard this story a few times now. But I used to have this gig working for CBS Sports where I would fly around the country every Saturday and cover a tailgate with my comedian buddy.

And it was just a real joke of a job. I'd have like my producer notes in my back pocket, camera in this hand, tall boy in nachos in this hand. But that's where the first time I came to Ann Arbor was to see a Michigan, Ohio State tailgate. And it was amazing. I actually got to go on the field. I sent you a picture. Do you have this picture of me on the field here?

Look at that guy, huh? Before life wore him down. That's right. He has so much hope in his eyes. Definitely hiding some Invisalign's in there. We started making some money, but my thumb is actually pointing to Desmond Howard's anus. I was that close I could stick it right up there. Wow.

Feel the high spin. It looks like they get they get really good attendance at these games. Yeah, it looks packed in there. Yeah, it was awesome. I left at halftime because I don't give a shit about it. I have to say I went to Michigan State as well and covered their tailgates. Oh, we got some Spartans in the crowd. I hear them in there. Well, it was a better tailgate.

Wow. Oh, you have to understand, there's a billion people there because they don't deny admittance to anybody. Just like, it's so fun when you have the most hospitable people in the world, and there's a million of them. Uh, but you guys are cool. Kate, your thoughts on the Michigan-Ohio state or Michigan-Michigan state rivalries? You know, I think you shouldn't make fun of me about, about Bravo Housewives. It sounds the same, but different words. I feel like I get it.

So we're on team Michigan? Yes, yes, yes. This is a university town. You have to apply to get into this school. It is a town of learned doctors. Not nutritionists, but no. Maybe a couple doctors. Skid, you must be fucking psyched.

Yes, I have. Two of my great grandfathers went to University of Michigan. My grandfather was a big Michigan fan. I spent my summers up and around Petoskey. I said so when I was a kid, and I've loved the University of Michigan, I've always loved the University of Michigan, but I really got into it with the Fab Five. I was like, yes, this is fucking awesome. And yeah, this is a dream come true.

I also want to point out that we have at least three friends here tonight. I want to shout them out. One is our buddy, Mark Beasley. Mark? Yeah. Former collections editor at Marvel. We told the story recently about going to see Todd

Barry at the comedy club. And we mentioned Mark because he was my comedy buddy. We hit all the clubs all the time. So I got to see him. That was awesome. There's also Ari Rubin. Ari Rubin. I know.

From Gendley Doran. He's an Ann Arbor guy. He's an Ann Arbor guy. I completely forgot he lived here and so I was like, Arnie's coming. I was like, oh, oh shit, awesome. So the voice of Dr. Pol himself is here. Give him a shout out if you see him. And also our friend Chris Hart, who until recently was a team trainer for the Detroit Pistons and the guy who got us all the like Pistons tickets when he come into town but he is he is now between between gigs so if anyone out

there owns an NBA franchise I highly recommend if like if your players are getting injured more often than you'd like I highly recommend hiring Chris preferably an Eastern Conference team that visits New York a lot. But yeah, thank you all of you for attending. Great to hang out with all of you. Woo! I consider all of you friends, not just three of you. But I thought- Well said, Troy, well said.

I thought adults shouldn't have friends. Well, that's true. Shut up, Matthew. Shut up. You're here one day a month. Ha ha ha ha. Sydney, what sort of Mr. Magoo-like shenanigans did you get into in Michigan?

How does he know? How does he know that I got into Mr. Magoo-like shenanigans? Because it happens every time. Every time. It's your brand. Well, we got into Ann Arbor and I had called us a lift. We got out, walked about 10 feet, and I had left my phone in the lift.

And then the lift driver was very sweet. He was like, excuse me, did you leave this behind? And Matthew and Skid could not stop laughing at me for the rest of the day. It was pretty funny in our defense. It was very funny. It was very funny. Kate and I had a great time

We went and got dinner together and we found a photo booth Store, it's okay. So, you know You get it. It's just a storefront and it's very confusing It doesn't look like anything and if you look through all these like Polaroids in the window You're like is it just photo booths in there And you go in and it's just photo booths and they have all these like props you can use. So Kate and I went in.

We're like, hmm, what props should we grab? Guns. So we took a lot of photos and we had a great time. I don't know if we really did like the Ann Arbor sports thing, but we had a great time. We had our own experience. Sounds like you didn't. This is the...

They were supposed to meet Skid and me at a bar. And we checked on them to see, because they had not shown up in a long time. And this is the text that Sydney recently sent us. Uh, new text. We got held up. New text. Kate saw a gun. No explanation.

No explanation. No explanation. No explanation until they did finally show up to the bar. We like to panic Matthew. It's very funny. Matthew, how you doing? I don't really see you that much anymore. You're too busy with your Netflix writing game. Yeah!

Yeah! Surprised he remembers our name. Yes! Did you use that unicorn idea? I think it's a keeper. Sadly it didn't make it past the pitch stage. No. Appreciate you pitching it. Yeah, no, I'm super excited to be here. My grandparents met here. In this very building. Were they performing on the stage? No. Like an old Vaudeville act? They met doing Vaudeville. When the moon hits your eyes.

They went to the University of Michigan. My grandmother's from Flint. She went here and they met. Nice. Was your grandfather a teacher and she was a student and it was a licit affair? No, he was a law student and she was an student and it was a listed affair? No he was a law student she was an undergrad so I guess. Oh I need you to help me clean the erasers after class. On my ass.

Oh the drops are back! The drops are back baby! The drops are back. I want to say I the Dropbox obviously is back. I did hear it get wind of some rumors that people were not big fans of the Dropbox. Some people said, some people even said that Troy was secretly told me not to use it anymore. Not true.

And that's why I wasn't like, that would work. But yeah, but I did see a lot of people on the message boards, I guess, just like, we don't like the Dropbox. So I want to be conscientious about that. So as a result, I'm going to use it twice as much. Because fuck you. It's not for you, it's for them here in the audience. And most importantly for me. Not liking skids drops?

That sounds like an Ohio State kind of thing. The We will probably not be playing Pathfinder this evening. That's going to happen at least 10 more times. I went to, many, many years ago, I went to an NIT final at Madison Square Garden where University of Michigan played in the final and I had seats the first row behind the band. Oh wow. Behind the net, I had this huge tuba dude in front of me and I heard that song a thousand times in a row.

But mostly the tuba part. It was like. Vroom, vroom, vroom. Ha ha. Kate? Do you have anything bad to say about this town? Sorry, I forgot I was here. Yeah, there you are.

Oh, Katie Stamets! Oh, hey, everyone. No, last time I was here I told this to a bunch of people in VIP was in 2018 for Electric Forest. Not this town, obviously. The state. And what I remember was great. I'm sure what you don't remember was great too. Yeah, the trees were amazing.

Never been to an electric forest. Joe... how about Joe O'Brien everybody? Old Motown Joe. This is our side over here. Is that the Joe Sidney side? The Joe Sidney side! So that's the Michigan State side. Is it Jidney or So?

So! So! I like Jidney, it sounds like a bus. It is, it's a bus in Atlantic City. The Hampton Jidney. Take a ride on the Jitney. How are you doing? Say something funny. I'm fantastic. I'm not gonna say something funny because I'm not very funny. I'm gonna say something genuine. Oh. Because I speak from

the heart. Do we have any genuine music to kind of underscore this? I do. Earlier tonight we did a VIP meet and greet. We met a lot of amazing people and it was phenomenal. Truly because for the first, and I'm not pandering because for the first time in a very very long time it feels like we are not going back to the same city and so everybody I met was new everybody all almost everybody and that doesn't really happen anymore because we return to same cities and people come back and it's great to see them again I met so many new amazing people tonight that have been listening to us for so long and I love you guys. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And a lot of folks who this is their first live show that they've ever come to. So hell yes.

You can't argue with loud screaming. Yeah time to do 2d12 damage to those cherries. screaming yeah time to do 2d12 damage to those cherries like people started cheering that some of them stopped halfway like I don't think I should do that no now listen I like to think it 24, 7, 365. However, tonight when I heard that this crowd was, actually I gotta check the box office, we might be sold out. We had like a couple tickets left, largest attendance in history.

I took my script and I threw it out the window. While I was on the plane, we had to make an emergency landing in Pittsburgh. But when we got back up in the air, I furiously said, this is what we're going to do tonight. We're going to blow your asses out. Yeah. They earned it. They earned it. Collapsed rectums for all.

Yes. Oh no. No. I have to have my first colonoscopy soon. Oh! I'm a little late, because I don't want anything up there. You also hate being knocked unconscious. I don't like that either.

They put you out for that? I asked the doctor if I could do it myself. He said no. The doctors don't like that. No. We have all these cameras out around the studio like surely you could put them to some use. Which part did you want to do yourself? I wanted to just make sure everything's alright. I just have this weird fear that I'm gonna knock down the doctor's gonna be like yeah, party time. No, no, no. You know that it could happen. You'd never know.

You'd never know. I think you'd know. If I know, I don't know that you would. Don't tell him that. That's his fear. If at any time I'm like, have the propofols like go and I just hear, party time. I will never be the same. I will never be the same.

I will never be the same. I'll never enjoy another party. Anyways, let's have some fun. We should do a slight recap of last session, but you Joe, I feel like you really know what's going on. There's so much going on here. There's a million NPCs. We'll make it up as we go along. However, last episode in the great city of

Portland, we got a real bird's-eye view into Oswin's character. Ho ho ho ho! Oh! Oh! It appears that old Oswin used to belong to this sort of gang, this gang of who knows what. Tufts, tufts, sinister folks. Bandits. Bandits.

Murderers. Bad, bad men. Bad men, that much is clear. They show up at a bar and everybody in the bar, medieval record scratch, as they come in, in this flashback and Oswin. The bar stopped short.

The bar. Oswin sidles up to a young lady, and maybe they've met each other before, maybe they have something going on, who knows what, but he is basically told, warned, knows, not supposed to really have relationships. Do what you want. You can't fall in love. Your loyalty is to the band. Well, Oswin lets his heart get the better of him and he canoodles with this young lady

of the night and is awoken by his band holding her. And he has to watch as they saw off her fucking head as a warning to him don't do this again now it's years later Oswin has clearly moved on but maybe hasn't we don't really know too much about him he's murdered two people in six episodes and not like the Pathfinder we got in a fight and he killed somebody no No. Murder. Yeah. Straight up homicide. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Woo!

Woo! Woo! Unsurprisingly, Ann Arbor's a big murder crowd. Yeah, I love murdering. I love murdering. Woo! Woo! I told you a joke about it earlier.

It was just like, I just want to make it clear to the jury. This was planned. Like, I intended to do this. I planned this for a long time ahead of time. Like, don't get it wrong. Like, I... Premed this I planned this for a long time ahead of time like don't get it wrong Like I pre meditate fully meditate We see We see the band of outriders arrived to Rosewood Vale because there was a retinue of the kingdom

Coming to basically fetch the daughters of the newly appointed Baron of Rosewood Vale lady will Willow and Lady Beatrix, who are being taken away to marry the second and third sons of the king. It's caused a bit of a stir. You guys are always fucking talking during my recap. Always! Didn't say a word.

Yeah, actually we didn't say anything. You're always miming during my recap. What's it miming? Is that a tip cup or is that a cup full of pickles? Oh, god. I lost my train of thought. The kingdom is coming to fetch the daughters that the whole thing. Listen to the previous episodes.

But the point is, the kingdom is coming tomorrow. The king's outriders arrive early and Oswin spies a member of his former band, who has now, not unlike him, moved on to a new life. But Oswin remembers what this man did. And at the end of the episode, we see Oswin sneak into the tent of this man, hold a hand over his mouth as he wakes up, and he fucking kills him and saws his head off. Little Retribution. Yeah, we call it justice.

Call it justice. Here in Michigan. That's one of a million things that went on. I was reminded during the VIP that a tarp was a big part of the episode. I forgot all about the tarp. I don't want to talk about the tarp anymore. I know I'm the proud owner of a tarp. Yeah, you got a tarp.

It's always funny when people latch onto, but the tarp was a big hit. I think I even asked at lunch, like, is Andromeda still watching that tarp? And everyone went, oh oh my god the tarp I didn't remember the tarp either. I open my notes and I have back to the tarp OMG Obsessed with the tarp it was a clandestine meeting clandestine You just made my brain go Does anyone say clandestine no clandestineine. Unless there's a Scottish clan that's named Destine. Yes.

I belong to clandestine. Would the British say clandestine? Oh, no. I was doing the British pronunciation, was that not clear? Did you just say pronunciation? Pronunciation. What is wrong?

I took a very clandestine lift to the Bobby. Did you forget your phone in it? Clint, a secret meeting. Beneath the Mockingbird Inn and Tavern or whatever I named it in episode one. It doesn't exist anymore so it's alright. It's burned down, who cares? Shut up about the tarp. It burns down.

There's spirits coming out of the walls, these flaming skulls. A lot of people die, they come up, and they go and kind of search the ashes afterwards. You find bones in the walls, you find headless corpses that are like buried within the walls, but the Outriders of the King are coming so what do you do you throw a tarp over it and Andromeda is tasked as a civic wizard to guard the tarp with her life we end the episode with Lady Helena priest priestess of Sidonah, sneaking into the room of Sister Violet DeWitt. Sister Violet DeWitt is the sister of the newly appointed baroness, Lady Montrose, but she is a holy sister of Sidonah.

She works intimately with Father Selwyn Borbus and with Helena. Helena wants to go there because Helena spoke to the daughter, Lady Beatrix, who is about to marry this man that she doesn't want to marry, that she's being sent away just so Rosewood Vale can become a barony. The daughter is very stoic and is like, this is my duty. I will do what I have to do. You want to press and talk to Sister Violet DeWitt. Knock, knock, knock. No answer.

You hear something shifting in there. So like a scumbag, you sneak into the room. No. Nobody answered. I better just force my way in. And you skulk around the corner. You feel the presence of someone else, and you see Sister Violet De Dewitt nude in front of a mirror

admiring her pregnant belly WTF I'd like to pick up today with a blast from the past. We call it a flashback. We invented the term. Let's all jump into the imagination copter. Do do do do. Dude, you have the mash theme yet?

Uh, oh wait. Get it for Toronto. No, I replaced it with Hail to the, the Hail to the Victors. I feel like the mash theme ties in well with the Imagination Company. I'll bring it, I'll find it, I'll bring it back. Just put it in your notes. Oh wait, here. There, sort of Great Lakes themed. Nice. Pandering. It gets them fired up. It's the great Panderoff of 2025.

Nothing fires up a crowd more than pandering. We see the edge of a forest. Can you picture it? Yeah. Somebody's there. Awesome. I like that guy. He went there. Weeds legal here.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is not the electric forest, guys. Out of debt. There are no kigurumi suits in this forest.

We see the thickly settled trees of this forest sort of give way to an open field in front of it. Do we see a man in a laser suit just like scampering through the bushes? Oh! Oh! Takes a bastard sword to the face. Forest, field. I have the music now. Oh, you do, okay.

Okay. ["Forest, Feel"] Thanks again for coming tonight. Yeah, sorry. Even though we're not gonna play. Especially you guys back there. Forest, field, we zoom in slowly. Like an Andre Tarkovsky film.

Francis enjoys that reference. And no one else. But it's like, it's very slow, wide shot. You don't see anything in the forest until you do. Ladies and gentlemen, Troy LaValley. Ladies and gentlemen, Troy LaValley. This is the kind of GM you can't just get at home, you know what I mean? And what do you see? You see a man.

A man that you... More and more detail and texture. He's not wearing the livery of the Knights of Sidonah, and he's a little younger than the man we've come to know thus far, but we recognize a younger Sir Norval standing amongst the trees here. What? Maddy Cat flashback. Maddy Cat flashback. Now we switch to his view, and we see him sort of looking through this field at a like manor house, a nice manor house. There's two floors. It's pretty large. It looks like it's there's a lot of hustle and bustle going on.

And we go back and forth between his eyes and the manor house. It's like he's looking for a point of entry, doing reconnaissance. And as he's doing his recon, he spies a door open. Okay? Maybe someone in servant scarps comes walking out of a back door, and they have a bucket, and they're walking over to a well to fill it and it's away from the property closer to where you are and away from everybody else. Looks like a member of the kitchen staff perhaps. You've seen several of these people

milling about since you arrived. You start thinking, it'd be pretty easy to blend in. What do you do? Sir Norville starts to approach the man with the slop bucket or whatever. Slop bucket? It's a water bucket. He's going to a well. He said he was going to a well before. To fill the bucket.

Sorry, I missed the well part. He's going to the slop well, obviously. Let's prepare the piece. Time to get more slop. You know, does Matthew hate water? I just love- He has rabies. I just love pigs.

There you go. He does love pigs. Let's make it a slop well, because that's fun. It's a fantasy world. We can do whatever we want. This is a really fancy house. If they have a slop well, wow. Your house doesn't have a slop well?

I thought everybody did. He approaches the man, he approaches him, until the man sees him and he's like, Lawrence, Lawrence, Lawrence. The guy looks, just hitting me slop, guvna. That was a good Sydney impression. That sounded like my Hubert audition, which is insane. Hoy, mister! To honor you!

And he's approaching, he looks like he's worried for man. He's like, careful, Lawrence, careful, be careful now. Did you see? Did you see? See what? And by the time he's up close to him, he just grabs me, snaps his neck. Swap falls on top of his dead body. Not yet, because I need his clothes. It's slop falls next to his dead body. He's just lying there, his neck completely twisted backwards. What do you do? I take off his clothes and I dress in his clothes. Okay. And I dump his body in the slop well. Oh man. And I take the bucket and

then walk back and back to the manor house and slip in through the door that was open. Dressed as a servant with slop bucket in hand. You walk into the kitchen. There's probably a dozen or so kitchen servants milling about preparing food. You hear like a cook say, War Tide makes men hungry. We need more mutton than that. They're all talking and you're disguised as this kitchen servant and you see like a door swing open.

There's a hallway up ahead and no one's really paying attention to you. I, uh, as I walk past, like, the butcher table, I just... Wow. Wow. It's like I'm there. Yeah. He's trying to fill up the chop bucket. This is hurting my hands.

And as he walks past, he just slowly just takes, like, a boning knife and just slides it off and slips it on my sleeve, This is hurting my hands. And as he walks past, he just slowly just takes like a boning knife and just slides it off and slips it on my sleeve and then... ["Boning Knife"] Yeah! A boning knife! Sweet boning knife!

Yeah! We are children. We really are, we really are. What are you gonna do with that boner knife? You just called him boner knife. Boner knife? No, Joe. I'd be a child.

Grow up, grow up, grow up. And then I pick up a tray of food that looks like it's supposed to go out, and I just pick it up and just walk out the door into the hallway. You walk out into the hallway and you see there are several doors leading off of it and it sort of like goes down and then wraps around to a stairway leading upstairs. You hear voices in the distance but you don't see any people and as you come out a man just sort of appears out of another doorway maybe he's the major Domo of the estate and says excuse me what do you think

you're doing here the help does not come out until they are called take your unwashed face back to the kitchen her ladyship demanded this immediately. I'm sorry, sir. I don't know what to do. I'm new. Her ladyship and he turns his back to you. And I drive the boning knife into his kidneys. Yeah! Holding his mouth closed.

Oh my god. Somehow I do that without dropping the tray. Yeah, it will. Wow. Like Spider-Man. You must have catering experience. Three-point carry. And then I drag him to the nearest closet.

Close the closet, throw the second body in. And then I make my way to the stairs. It's like a hit band missing. Yeah, I was just thinking, I was like, this is like Splinter Cell. You turn the corner and there are a couple of nobles, maybe, maybe a couple of people that are armed and they're just chatting and talking.

Maybe you hear one of the women say, oh, this is a big day for our little lord. He's upstairs with his nursemaid getting ready night, night, now. I do hope he makes a good impression. He has big shoes to fill, especially at this tumultuous time. And they're all like, m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m.

And they don't even give you a sideways glance. I just walk like I was destined to be in this hallway and up towards the stairs. You walk up to the stairs. You reach to the top of the stairs and it's like a pretty large Atrium there are a series of doors to the east and the west and then a beautiful ornate double door in the center From your reconnaissance, you know This is your destination I had that I

Again, I don't try to be stealthy. I act as if I'm supposed to be there bringing this food. You start to walk towards those doors. Another door opens up and two men come out and they look at you and they're sort of surprised to one, see a servant appear right now and two see a servant of your size up here, and they're like, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm sorry, sirs, is there something wrong with your room? With our room? I'm sorry, I was sent right away. Let me look, and he kind of like pushes his way past them into the room with the tray.

What's wrong with the room? And they come into the room with you. I don't see anything wrong with our room. It has all the... I don't see anything wrong with our slice. Slice, slice. They fall. Close the door. Leave the tray. Leave the tray.

You approach... Take the cannolis. Take the cannolis. You approach the double door and there's a large... Well, what do you do with the door? I listen. I knock. Dong, dong, dong, dong. Ah shu, ah shu. Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong. The door opens and an older woman answers. You look past her, you see like a four-poster bed.

You see like a divan and there's a young lord, maybe 18 years old. There are paintings all over the walls and your eyes are immediately drawn past this old woman to a painting of like a lord His wife and a young boy and you know that this young boy is this 18 year old new lord And the old woman says What what do you want? Are you new here? Sir Paul needs you needs you right away, ma'am. Sir Paul? And is this someone you know? Is there or are you just bullshitting?

He says it's an emergency. He sent me for you specifically. I don't know Sir Paul. I don't want to have to say it, ma'am. He leans in real close. He's like, he's, he's just, and he, into the stomach. Oh, whoa. And he like carries her into the room. And the Lord stands up and looks at you and looks at his nursemaid, now dead on the ground at your feet. Who, Who are you?

My lord. You can do what you want, but I do advise you not to scream. What does that mean? He, like, grabs a shitty little sword off the wall like a fencing sword, but it's sharp, and he's like, Get back!

I'm trained with this! And he just knocks the sword out of his hand. Oh, fuck! Flashbacks are awesome! It is! It's like, my lord, I have been instructed to offer you two forms of death. One is

the dirty way, and one is in accordance with your rank. Why me? I've barely accepted the position. We have gold, we have money. Whoever's paid you to do this, we can pay you more. The Duke of Laval sends his apologies, my lord. The Duke of Laval? Yes. That glorious soul. It's pronounced Laval.

He...what quarrel does he have with me? That glorious soul. It's pronounced Laval. He... What quarrel does he have with me? I'm sorry my lord, I need you to make your choice now. What were the choices again? Easy... Easy or dirty. Neither!

And he reaches out to like try and attack you. He just grabs him by the neck and covers his mouth and he's like, I am sorry, my lord. Can't have you making much noise. And he's like this 18 year old kid and he's just like totally unmoved by this and just strangling him to death with a single massive hand. He shits himself.

I guess this was the dirty way. This is the dirty way. Hold on, that's a great episode title. The dirty way. I guess this was the dirty way. And then he looks down at the body of this 18 year old kid and he's like Just like he's just like staring at him, but expressionless and then he takes the boning knife out and he puts it in In the Lord's hand and then he like uses it to like as if he disemboweled himself. Oh

My god saws and from And then he and then he gets away so like he killed his own nursemaid and then themselves two guys Oh my god. Just saws into him. Oh my god. And then he gets... So like he killed his own nursemaid and then himself. And these two guys, the two other guys and then himself. Does he rub shit on his face like Martin Sheen? Apocalypse Now? I can't believe I'm still at Canopris.

And you what? Sneak out? Jump out the window window and you sneak out and we fade out. Sir. Badass. You know Oswin, Oswin doesn't seem so bad. I was just commenting to Sydney that I didn't realize we were the only two non-badass losers in the party. You're lumping me in with them? No, actually, wait, hold on. I think we just need to write some epic thriller murder backstories.

Yeah, just like current cannon destroy your backstory and you have to keep like taking it up a notch it'll be like on top of a skyscraper following a guy like yeah do your own stunts climbing the Burj Khalifa yeah you knocked the thing off center with all your role play I'll have to fix it now. I can't handle it. Oh, I'm sorry. Fix it.

Do you want me to? You got it. You want a good flashback? Fix it. This is the cost! I improvised with what I have and I have a hero here. This is a table of heroes. Yeah. And this is the Joe Sidney tip. That's the U of M table.

Yeah. We fade out of there, maybe, you know, focusing in on this poor little shit-covered lordling. God, I love lordling. And we fade back up on the headless body of this man that Oswin just brutally murdered. Oswin, you have snuck into this camp of the king's outriders and murdered one of them

the day before probably the most important day in Rosewood Vale history. It's fire day, tomorrow is star day, the nights are coming, the guards are coming, the soldiers are coming, I'm sure there'll be some nobles and they're coming to retrieve the children of the Baron and you just you let your passion get the better of you. What do you do? Well, it's funny, I was talking to some people in the VIP before and I was saying the difference between,

there's definitely some similarities between Oswin and Nestor, for example. But the main difference is that Nestor enjoys killing, like indiscriminately. Oswin does not, but he will not hesitate to do so if he feels that he has to. So this is what's happened. Like he thinks like he had to kill this person in this moment. And so he's like sort of coming back to himself and he's like he knows that like who his lifetime of trying to survive He has to be decisive and so he's like I

Got I have to cover this up This is the second murder that's this taking place they could we could have all the time, but We could have all but so he's got first thing he does is like thinking quickly he like takes the the man's bedroll and like bound binds him up in it like wraps him up in it and he knows that like there's there's blood everywhere but in the instant he's like in this moment his idea is that he knows who this person was. Whether they've had reformed or not, or tried to reform, pretended to reform, this was a bad person. This is a known douchebag.

So, it shouldn't, if these people that have hired him know him at all, it shouldn't come to any surprise that this is the kind of guy who would light out at the merest provocation. So he's going to try to cover his tracks and make it look like this guy deserted. He wraps him up in the in the bedroll and he is takes it that I'm going to hope that there is a lantern in the tent Okay Don't forget. There's a head and a body. Yeah So you squish the head in there? I'd like to push back on that on the body. Yeah on the head in the body It's not necessarily canon

That he stopped at the vertebrae. Yeah, I didn't I didn't saw through the Oh, he killed the shit out of him He stopped at the vertebrae. Yeah, I didn't saw through the neck. Oh, he killed the shit out of him. But he did not decapitate. So it's still dangling there. Yeah. How very gross. It is gross.

How very disgusting. OK. Let me get a die out here. Let's roll some dice. Is there a way? You know what? Fuck that die. Let's get a dice. Is there a, you know what? Fuck that die, let's get a D100. Okay.

Oh. Real die. Yeah. You know what I mean. What does that even mean? What does that mean? There is a lantern. Okay.

So he is going to pull the wick from the lantern. He's going to take the fuel, the oil in the lantern, and pour it over the center of the lantern. He's going to take the fuel, the oil in the lantern, and pour it over the center of the tent. He's going to lay the wick down along the ground with the one end of it in the puddle of oil and the other further away. And he gets this body, this corpse, like wrapped up. He's going to take a tinder twig and light one end of the wick, which should take a while to burn down to the end of it. So it just starts like the fire just starts slowly walking slowly like burning down the wick and then he lifts the body up onto his shoulder and he looks out the flap of the tent to see if he has

a clear path to darting out of the camp. You see there's like a campfire, there's several campfires but there's a main one not too far away, maybe 20-25 feet away and there's a couple of these soldiers, these tufts that are in their cups and they have their back to you and they're drinking and maybe singing tavern songs. Okay so if I think I have an opening I am going to try to stealth my way out of this encampment and into the darkness. Okay. Give me a roll. Give me a stealth roll. I'll give you a stealth roll.

I'll give you a stealth roll. Okay, let me find my character. Remember him? Also, you're taking the body with you? Yeah. Huh. So are you encumbered? I'm very strong.

That's not what I meant. Matthew, no one likes that. That's not what I meant. I found out in the VIP. What don't they like? Bringing up rules at all. You remember how fun the flashbacks were? Bringing up rules at all. You remember how fun the flashbacks were? There were no rules there.

Exactly. Hey, Sir Norval, how about you roll for every easy assassination you had the whole way through? No one was wearing armor. Okay, I got a 16, no, sorry, 26 on stealth. 26. Michigan! Woo! Michigan crowd seems to like that role. You wait, you bide your time, you make sure, or at least you think you make sure that no one can see you. You could even give me a minus two

because I'm carrying this heavy burden with me. He's confident. I got a lot going on behind the screen here. Don't you worry about your minuses. Just want to be honest. But you feel as if you get into the night with this corpse. No one's coming after you. Okay.

I want to stash the body somewhere in the woods. Okay. I want to stash the body somewhere like in the woods. Okay. And then I want to make my way back to the camp. Very dangerous. Very dangerous. But I want to assess the chances of my stealing something valuable tonight. Okay. Stealing something valuable. Alright. So you come back, give me a perception check.

You're looking around the camp. Kate is making such a confused face. You didn't put it together yet? You did? Yeah. It's going to make it look like this guy stole something and left. Exactly. Like he's a real penis. Yeah. It's gonna make it look like this guy stole something from last. Exactly. Like he's a real penis.

Yeah. Bottle cap. Dude, thank you. Yeah. Yes. That's a skid cap. You can use it in legacy. Yeah.

Remember that. Nick, if you're watching at home, put that on the screen. Yeah, don't write it down. Don't write it down. Write it down on the Google Doc. All right. All right, perception. Wait, I didn't know that was a road available to us.

I got a 23 perception. That's a good perception. All right, so you're looking around. There is one of these tints that seems to draw your eye more than others. It's hard to kind of figure out the hierarchy is here. Obviously Sir Norville presented a bottle of whiskey as a gesture of friendship. And they were really rude about this. And they were real dicks.

It's hard to know if the guy that he presented the bottle to was even the one in charge, but it's clear that they look down upon you lowly rosewood valience However, there is a tent that seems I don't even want to say a little more ostentatious But it it it jumps out at you and you're like if there's anything valuable here. It's gonna be in that I'm looking I'm looking for payroll. I want I want to pull an Aldani ice Yeah, okay Mini Aldani so give me another stealth check. I'm going to make this easy for you. 24. Goddamn. It's late at night. It's dark. You slip into this tent and there is a woman asleep.

Her armor is hanging up on a little dummy, basically, a makeshift dummy, so that she can don it in the morning and she's just sleeping. Behind her head is like a pile of sacks and you spy like something glittering. Okay, I'm gonna make my way over to the sacks and see Whatever honestly, it's like it's not even like whatever the most valuable thing is It's just like what what the most apparently valuable thing is, okay? You go over to the sack and you see What appears to be a

Like a short sword that that gives off an aura. Okay, I am going to gingerly lift the sword up. Grab it. Is it like Cindy Lou Who and the Candy Cane? Yeah. Oh. Santa? Yeah.

Oswin Claus, why? Why are you stealing my short sword? Why? Gets me so fired up for Christmas. I know. It's almost here, Troy. It's almost here. I'm sure you should.

It's almost June. You guys think it's a bit. It's almost sort of Troy's Christmas. You would think it's a bit. I do almost the start of Troy's Christmas. You think it's a bit. I do that, and I'm just fired up. I know. Whatever you want to do now. I know.

So I'm going to take the sword, and I want to retroactively say that I take some, while I'm disposing of the body temporarily, I want to take some personal effect from this person. And leave it behind. And just leave it behind it. So I'm going to drop that. Toe ring. Toe ring.

It's toe ring. Somebody was just like, hey, that's that guy's toe ring. And I take the sword. You took his boots off before you buried him? Oh, yeah. Wow. He had to check for his sicko. Maybe he had really nice boots.

Sicko. So I do that and then, yeah, I take and I just lift the sword off of its hook and I'm going to try to sneak back out of the camp. Out of the tent and out of the camp. Okay. I'm gonna have you just sneak out of there. Okay.

Because I wanna keep the show moving. Great. And you're a badass. You rolled well. You get out of there. You get back to the body with this short sword. You have this nagging feeling, though, that you forgot something. It kind of just itches at the back of your mind, but you don't really have

time to delve into it. You're just kind of, did I do everything right? You just did a lot in a short period of time. So maybe it's just you're nervous about leaving a trace behind. But now that you get back to the body, what do you do? I take the body, like I'm assuming there's some sort of like a creek or a brook or something nearby. Yeah, it's a creek that leads into the mistwood. There's a waterfall that they call Cydana's Tears leading into this creek. Okay, so maybe I get to the base of that waterfall.

I'm going to take some of my rope. Do you have some waterfall music? Or sounds? Fuck, I actually did. Don't go chasing the waterfalls. That was his favorite song. I had that on there. Shit. Alright, so I take him and I take my rope.

I saw some segments of it. And tie it to some heavy rocks, tie the rope around him, and I just want the body to stay submerged, not forever, but just long enough that my tracks are covered. So he does that, he weighs down the body and he like wades out into the pool at the base of this waterfall and boom splash like dumps it in. Shh, we see the body slowly sink.

It's gnarly head hanging off as it submerged. The perfect crime question mark. Hey, how's it going over here at this table? The perfect crime? Question mark? Hey, how's it going over here at this table? You guys having fun? Yeah. Yeah man, you hear that waterfall? Yeah. Oh, it's nice. A little late, but I'm glad it came in. I wanted to check in with you because I'm going to roleplay with Kay now.

I'm loving this. This is like watching a movie. Keep doing what you're doing. Okay, good. What are you drinking over there? Pickle martini. Okay now. I'm loving this. This is like watching a movie keep doing what you're doing What are you drinking over there? Pickle martini That's not a pickle martini that's vodka and pickle juice on the rocks with 19 pickles Sounds like a pickle martini exactly Cheers have fun role playing. I'm gonna we could get vermouth. Yeah, we get a little vermouth. We don't need vermouth. Vermouth in a martinis for babies. All you need is just vodka. That's a different drink. That's for adults. Dude, when I went to Poland a hundred years ago, I was doing a theater thing and we got to the end of the night and our host was like oh would you like a drink and they brought out a bottle

of dry vermouth and we just started drinking dry vermouth. It's fucking delicious. It's confusing in Europe because it's like a different vermouth. Martini is the name of vermouth. If you go to Europe and you say I'd love a dirty martini one they look at you crazy and then they bring you out just a glass of vermouth, and they're like, that's what you want. They put dirt in it. No, they don't understand. There's no olive in it.

Is this correct? They don't even understand. The concept of an olive in it, they think you are a disgusting American. Yes, and they're right. And they're right. They're not wrong. Kate, you filthy criminal have snuck into the bedroom, the boudoir of Sister Violet DeWitt, holy sister of Sidonah, just as you are as well. You had a bit of a weird, awkward situation with Father Selwyn Borvis who basically said, hey, you're not gonna have much worth here anymore,

but I could perhaps help if you do me. And you didn't take the bait. Tempting as I'm sure it was. Despite that incredible charm. Classic. Selwyn charm. And now you sneak into this room here when Sister Phyla Dewitt doesn't answer, you want to like talk to her and you see that she's standing in the mirror admiring her naked pregnant body.

This is a very precarious situation. You should not be here So you tell me what you want to do? Yeah, I feel like I Mean Kate's afraid I feel like there's no reason for Helena to be afraid of I'm playing sister. Violet the wind admire. I see that Wow I see that. Wow. You're making like high fashion model poses like sucking in your cheeks. I feel like she wouldn't be afraid of Sister Violet, but like yeah, she shouldn't be in there. She's nude. So maybe she like sees this for like a glimpse of a second.

And then there's just like, like throws herself like back against the wall, like around the corner, like, oh God. And maybe tries to make it seem like she's walking in, being like, hello, Lady Violet. Okay, interesting. Cause she wants to come in and be like, what the fuck girl, but like not rape this moment.

Didn't think you'd do this. Got him. So she's like, oh, please, stay there, hold on, I'm not decent. I'm not decent. She gets behind a screen and you just hear a lot of shuffling and whatnot and then she comes out with this really thick, heavy robe on, and she's like, I didn't hear you knock, you walked in?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't remember how Helena talks. Oh my god. I just got out of the bath. She's British, no she's not. She's borderline British. She's an elf. She's an elf, Seidana, right. She's British? No, she's not. She's borderline British. She's an elf. What do I British? She's an elf, Cydonna.

Right. There's the right. Um. There she is. Where did Kate go? She's so good at that. I just got out of the bath, you almost caught me. I'm sorry, I was knocking and you didn't answer.

So you just came right fucking in? I mean, I was worried. I haven't heard from you in a long time. Closes her robe. Well, I know there's a lot going on, a lot of moving pieces here in the veil, as you know. Is everything all right? What brings you to my chambers at this hour? I'll bless you. I'm trying to remember why I wanted to come in here. I think I wanted, Kate wanted to come in here to be like, let's go find some bullshit. But like, Helena. Do you know why she came?

Yeah, you wanted to talk to her. You wanted to ask her about the... The uterine. Yeah, the sisters. The sisters. And the daughter, and yeah. And what she thinks about it, but I don't know. I feel like she's just like flustered now.

Seeing all of this and just forgets why she's here. Um, oh. Is there anything else? I just, I wanted to talk with a friend about everything that's happening with the girls leaving. Oh, well. Did you find anyone? You had to have known that was coming. Smelled that one a mile away. Do you need help finding a friend? You know what? Fine. If you don't want to talk to me about anything, you want to keep things to yourself. I'm just tired. It's very late and I just got out of the bath.

Like everyone else does around here. Everyone's taking a look out just for themselves with all the changes happening. I see how it is. You're worried. I thought we were friends. You're worried. You're concerned about your place with the young ladies leaving tomorrow. I've had a place here for a long time. I'm sure I'll find one wherever the chips may fall. I just thought that I also had friends here. I apologize if I have been distant. It's just, you know, my niece is leaving.

I'm sure you can imagine that affects me as well. There's a lot going on that even you don't know about. And she just so slowly, so carefully looks down at her belly and then looks back up at her eyes. She shifts her clothing. Like what? Lady Helena, if you bear me any love, as you say you do, you should leave now. Leave your room? Yes.

Oh, okay. All right, then. I guess I'll be going. Good. All right, bye. See ya. Just, I mean just scintillating roleplay. It's just, this is like sold out crowd level roleplay right now. They love it.

Hey shut up over there from the peanut gallery. I'm literally eating peanuts. It is like watching a movie. Having a great time. I want some peanuts. Christmas boner. It is now star day. We're moving on. It's Star Day and this is Saturday. Yes. Yes. Get with the program, dude. Yeah, man. I kept like three parts of the Galarian lore intact. This is the day that the crown is coming to Rosewood Vale.

The barony of Rosewood Vale. A little town that was founded by people with a dream and a love of the goddess Sidonah. I imagine we see knights, maybe half a dozen or so knights on horseback, several other noble looking people, maybe they're soldiers or maybe they're just nobles that have come along for the ride and they're all on horseback or being pulled along in carts or wagons and they're all kind of encircling a single carriage in the middle. The knights all bear a golden key emblazoned on their armor. Behind the furthest wagon, there is a, uh, it's like pulling something with a tarp over it.

I didn't mean to- Big mistake. A blanket, a blanket, not a tarp. Praise tarp. No, no, no. Is that what you want? No, no, it's not. It's not a tarp. I never wanted it. Never wanted it. We see a shot of Rosewood Vale and Baron Montrose is standing there with his wife, the Baroness.

These pieces of shit. Hey, can you do a cool scene where you just go murder them real fast? Want to use saw to the vertebrae, stab up the sternum. They've never done anything to you. You haven't seen the Baroness since F1. She's looking better than the last time you saw her, you know, when she was vomiting black bile on the dais during the Founder's Day Festival. Father Selwyn Borvis, your erstwhile lover, is there along with Sister De sister Dewitt who once again is wearing

very thick robes and now you know she is hiding something they are there as representatives of the Church of Sidonah sir Lehman quints that little penis is there with sir Norville and maybe some other like recruits I've been working hard you were working working hard since yesterday. You found some people, but it's all in the early stages, but you're sort of there as representatives of the Knights of Sidonah. Leemon leans into you, Sir Norval, and it's like, someday, see them?

The Knights of Sidonah will command a presence such as this. Look at them. You can almost taste the regality. Taste salty. Killian, you're there with the city guard and Barvis Tonk, the dwarf captain of the guard, sort of stationed around the area. It's all very ceremonial, all very regal as this retinue of knights and nobles and carriages arrives.

The carriage door opens. A cell phone goes off. I mean... Lord Montrose is like, sorry. I told you. You should have killed him when you had the chance. Anybody that would leave a cell phone on in a moment like this. I'm sorry, I gotta take this.

The carriage door opens. A knight opens it. Badass looking knight. Golden fucking key. And out steps a young man, very handsome, dressed to the nines, perfectly quaffed hair, 18, 19 years old. There's not a stitch out of place in his garments he approaches the Baron Baron and the Baroness bow and everyone else bows and sort of a wave it all comes to you and Prince Harold Payne speaks right

after this quick intermission. Oh, this fucking dude. Oh! Harry, Harry Payne. It's time. Get some drinks. Get some merch. We'll see you in 10. Hey, so what did you want to talk about?

Well, I want to tell you about Wagovi. Wagovi? Yeah, Wagovi. What about it? On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you. Oh, you're not? No. Just ask your doctor.

About Wagovi? Yeah. Ask for it by name. Okay. So why did you bring me to this circus? Oh, I'm really into lion tamers. You know, with the chair and everything. Ask your doctor for Wagovi by name.

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Play that waterfowl sound effect again Don't worry the ladies room is wide open My god the only like downside of playing on a night like tonight is I could fucking play till 1 in the morning I know I know With this crew with my friends and in front of this amazing audience like you guys Feed us feed us And by the way shout out to The Ark where we're playing tonight. This is a very storied venue, even though it's mostly known for folk music, which as you all know I despise. This is a really cool place. The staff has been awesome. I saw backstage the motels played here. I love the

motels! I was so fucking excited. So yeah, this has been awesome. Yeah, this is great. I think we have to come back next year. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I think so.

I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so.

I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. Everyone of you has to come back! Everyone of you! We are truly blessed to be able to do this. This is how I pay to make my... for my food! No, I pay for food! This is how I pay for my food! No, I pay for foods! This is fucking shit! This is fucking awesome!

That's the simplest way of putting it. This is how I pay for my food! This is how I eat! What is this beer that we were just handed? This is the Monkfire IPA. Holy shit! We just bought Miller Lights. This is so... Holy shit! Yeah, so we were... we just bought Miller Lights. We just got like a...

Stadium style Miller Lights, which, you know, garbage. Whatever, fine. And... He's had five of them. Garbage. Garbage. I've had five. I got three of them down here. Don't look at my floor. And yeah, the wonderful staff of the Ark came back and was like, you guys want a draft of a real fucking beer? We're like, yes please. Handed it up to us and we said let's get out there. Let's get back to it. So yeah, we're ready to rock. Thank you. We've stalled long enough for the peers. The carriage opens. Be careful. Like a flower. And out walks the Prince. We heard about him in episode one. Harry Payne. Harry Payne. Harry Payne. Harry Payne.

Prince Harold Payne. Harry Payne. Sounds like a Guy Ritchie villain. No. Harry Payne, he's one of our own. He's one of our own. Harry Payne, he's one of our own. That's right.

Sorry, Tottenham just won the Europa League a few days ago. I was like, that's either an old Monty Python sketch or a soccer thing. Harry Payne! Prince Harold Payne, just to catch you up. He is the second eldest son of King Mortimer pain of bendeth fucking King King second son Not in line for the throne, but as you know lady in line right now Hey, lady Beatrix was like sometimes first sons die or what did she say it was very she said I'm gonna fucking hire Sir Norval to murder the king's son. It was very dark Apparently he's a killer for hire and hire Sir Norval to murder the king's son. It was very dark. Or Oswin, whatever. Very dark.

Apparently he's a killer for hire. You've heard sort of- You don't know anything about Sir Norval. You're not wrong. We learned a lot today. There were very little details. ["The King's Son"] Bravo.

Bravo. Bravo. ["The King's Son"] ["The King's Son"] ["The King's Son"] ["The King's Son"] ["The King's Son"] I think that says it all.

That was a perfect timing, yeah. Yeah. Nailed it. Nailed it. I think that says it all. That was a perfect timing, yeah. Nailed it. Nailed it. I really don't understand why people don't like that. I know. What's not to love? I know. What's not to like? Let's go!

This is a big deal, you know. Lord Montrose the First came here with Killian, with Helena, with a bunch of other people. Founded this town in Cydonna's name. Seems like he always wanted to turn this into something else. He had a knight at his side, the Dawnblade. Used to be the Nightblade, he dubbed him the Dawnblade, the first knight of Cydonna. He sent a retinue of these men south when the king of Mendeav sort of ignored him. That retinue got destroyed by an orc raid,

and Lehman Quince was the only survivor of that missionary position. No, it was like a mission. Not a missionary. You know what I'm talking about. Was he a penis before then? He's always like a mission. Not a missionary. You know what I'm talking about. Was he a penis before then? He's always been a penis. He was a penis in a missionary position.

But basically, you guys all have your original caps. Nobody's tapped a cap yet. You know Lord Montrose this is what he wanted. When the King of Mendev sort of ignored them they were like well let's go south maybe they'll show us some respect down there. Those guys all got destroyed by orcs. Now the new Lord Montrose, his son made a deal. He has now become the, but in return he is giving his daughters to the young prince's second eldest son, which is now here, and the third eldest son who is this sickly

child who has this disease that makes him look way younger than he is. It's a horrible situation for these poor young girls, but this is their duty, as Lady Beatrix said to Helena. So this guy comes out, you find out there's rumors that, like, he may not even prefer the company of women. It's not a great situation for Lady Beatrix, but she is going to do the honorable thing. Out comes this guy. Handsome as fuck.

Whoo! And it's all very ceremonial. You're all there. Out comes this guy, handsome as fuck. And it's all very ceremonial. You're all there. Oswin, you're probably like in the background, whereas everybody else has nice seats. Andromeda, you're with Riddian Silverfraund nearby watching this. And the prince comes up to Lord Montrose and says, My father the king and my mother the queen send their utmost regrets for not being able to leave the capital on such an auspicious occasion. And Lady Willow, he turns to the youngest daughter of the Montroses.

He says, My brother Prince Brutus wishes he could have made the journey to see you in person as well, but he is currently unable to. He is very much looking forward to meeting you in person. Lady Willow gives a little bow, and then he turns attention towards Lady Beatrix. And to you, Lady Beatrix. Tales of your beauty have reached far beyond this humble village, and yet even they did not do you true justice. I am honored to be not only your prince, but soon your husband as well. Yuck. And Lady Beatrix. Joe is convinced. Love this guy. That was Andromeda quietly under her breath going, yuck. Is Andromeda there or is she at the tarp? He literally... She's off tarp duty for ten minutes.

Yeah. Silverfron said she could leave the tarp for now. Lady Beatrix smiles, bows, and then steps up to take... Hold on a second. I'm sorry. hate to interrupt you're I got a text from a number I don't know it says hello are you still single lol Joe, you're all at the opportunity., it's probably somebody from high school. What's the area code? It's that girl in high school who you always read up the crush on from afar. This is Debbie Pinson!

What is the area code? It is fucking 215, which is Philly. Wow! Wow! Dude, let's send them a dick pic. You... Did you say let's? Yes. As in let's? Yes.

As in let us? Are there any volunteer dicks in the audience? Oh! Yeah. Let's send three different dicks. Yeah. My god. Guess which one's mine.

The dick. The center pic of Father Dick Bubbles, the one with the fucked up abs. Yeah, and then just say like, yup. Yeah. Are like yep yeah are you still single yeah yeah this is why and then block yeah sorry I just wanted to see if I should have responded no yes you should just cut to the chase and send them your social security number and your credit card obviously we had a show to do yes Stage right now shut up. Are you still single and are you looking to sell your house in the next seven days?

We'll get the those pictures later stick around after the show Cheers line up she just made a bad choice. We're about to see some weird Michigan dick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Woo! Woo! Show me on the dick which part of Michigan you live in! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Ha ha ha! How are we not more popular? We're so fucking good at this. Alright, so. Baus, and all that shit. She takes Prince Harold's hand after the curtsy, and Prince Harold says may the union of our houses provide wealth and abundance to the future of our kingdom and everyone claps very good like I'm there very good the Prince motions towards one of his knights

and says sir Donald and this night sir Donald, and this knight, Sir Donald, maybe you've heard of Sir Donald Kane, he's like one of their... Donald Kane! Donald Kane! Donald Kane, he's one of our own! Ha ha ha ha! Donald Kane, up the middle!

The sort of, you've heard of him, you've heard of him, he's not like the head knight, but he's a badass, badass looking motherfucker. Is he a striker. He's not like the head knight, but he's a badass. Badass looking motherfucker. Is he a striker? He's... stop. Not gonna talk about... Do you look like a striker? Nobody cares about soccer here.

Sir Donald Kane Walks over to that wagon that had the blanket on it. The bed sheet. Yes contour No, it's a contour sheet of Elmo Now we have to fold it He uncovers rips off the contour sheet and there's a covers, rips off the contour sheet, and there's a statuette of a golden key, the same golden key that is emblazoned on the armor of the half a dozen or so knights. He lifts this statuette with

ease and places it before Baron Montrose and bows ever so slightly. Prince Harold says, as a token of our alliance and union, my father the king has sent you this statuette of the golden key. It is clear that Sidonah has guided you well in the creation of Rosewood Vale. If there is perhaps room in your hearts for our faith as well. We hope that Saidana and Abadar could work together to turn this veil into one of the great cities of the world.

Baron Montrose, haven't seen him, haven't heard him talk, since Ep 1. He steps forward, bows towards the young prince. Prince Harold, you and your family honor us by your presence. I look forward to thanking your father in person for this lovely gift. May the union of our houses prove fruitful

for generations to come. We fade out of there. We fade up on a feast. You want to see the best map situation. Oh. Yeah! I don't even know if you're ready. I don't even know if you're ready for the amount of work I have done on this map.

Oh man. The best Foundry virtual tabletop map situation I have ever unveiled in glass cannon history. Just give me 45 minutes while it loads. Don't touch my table. You're not there, sir. This is the same map as before. This doesn't look like a feast. Not it. I updated right before the session. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

You piece of shit, come on! Yeah! Fuck! ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] My tab just crashed. Oh no. Load in. It's not working. We want to thank our sponsor, Foundry Virtual Tabletop.

Their slogan, it works on my machine. It works almost all the time. I'm going to cry. Why did I update this right before that? This map also looks good. Oh jeez Don't worry buddy like isn't these mushrooms can stand in for the benches Guys, let's all run around the map looks great. Oh Look at how the light moves as I move look at me dance at the feast. I'm dancing.

I'm dan- I'm dancing! Wait! Oh! Yeah! Yes! I'm on that map! It's an enormous map. Our ponds are so small. Yeah.

Wow. This room is so massive. Holy shit. This is a massive place. It is a feast in celebration. Where are we? You're in the fucking keep. I found us.

It's like where's Waldo? The Great Hall. We're in the Great Hall of the man. Oh, here we are. Oh, we're all at a table together. Oh, wow. Look at that little serving wench. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I thought that was Killian. Sir Norval. He just called you a wit. Sorry, I don't want to split hairs here, but these chairs are gigantic. I know, but it looked like Lily Tomlin like sitting in these chairs. Sir Norval needs climbing rope to get up to his chair. Come on, don't ruin the chair moment! Wait, let's pull out a little bit. Pull out. I put a lot of effort into this map. Clearly not enough. I will waste... shut up. I will waste the rest of the show showing you what I did. Joe, can you go to the bar area? There is a real cast of characters. That's not a bar, it's a deus, Sydney.

Oh my god. The Baron is not serving drinks at the feast to honor the union of his house with the kingdom. Sorry, your map was very clear, that's on me. Clearly a deus, not an L-shaped bar. This is just, it's literally just. It's an L-shaped dais with bar stools aligned along the next to it. It's a fucking saloon. I thought there were like 12 bartenders. Yeah, they got 12 bart, somebody gonna kick in the doors? Give us a curious glance. It is a repurposed tavern, man.

Okay. Troy, so. But I felt like it appropriately set the scene for a keep that is not that old. It's a very egalitarian day. It's where you can come up and sit at the bar and converse with your leaders. I forgot there were chairs there. Troy, I have to ask that everyone who's on the faux bartender side, those are all very

important people. Yes. Well, it's obvious. They all look like complete pieces of shit. Yeah. Like every one of them. You know who's number one on my shit list already? This one. That's Sister Violent to Win. Oh!

Why, you know what? You're getting ahead of this. I have to... Hold on a second. Before we move any further, like... It's a Rosewood Vale tradition. Are these, by any chance, like, knight guardians? Those are Knights of Albadar. Yeah, those night guardians of Albadar. You know, not that intimidated because they're smaller than a stool. That is a table? That is a table. That is a giant table. That is a... It's not a table! That is a... It's a giant table. That is a four top? That's a four top.

How dare you? How dare you? That is a four top. I just think it's a Rosewood Vale tradition that in times of occasion, the nobility just pulls at the bar. Are you going to tell us all the pawns or can we guess? I'd like to. I found the prince.

But you're too busy talking about my stools! I'll talk about your stool'd like to. I found the prince. But you're too busy talking about my stools. I'll talk about your stool all day long. I know. You're talking like you've already had your colonoscopy. Oh. Party time. All right, shut up.

We're never going to get anything done. OK, OK, OK. But I'm ready for Toronto. All right, look, I, Andrew, the owner, creator, CEO of Foundry Virtual Tabletop, sent me this sick package of Pathfinder. Yeah, Andrew. NPCs.

We love that guy. Thanks, Andrew. Oh my God, he's so great. Proud Clemson grad, by the way. Proud Clemson grad. Oh, Clemson, that's fun. Nowhere's near here. Go Tigers.

Uh but so I took some time because you guys made fun of the having Harsk and a gunslinger at the meeting beneath the tavern. I took some time and I looked through like a thousand photos to find photos that I thought

matched the people in this town. So here... Fuck my ass. Why won't this work? This is... Fuck. Stop yelling fucking in the microphone. I can't show you. Anyways, those...

Again, this is not your colonoscopy. Can you... Can you just zoom in? Zoom in on the dais and I'll tell you who everybody is. Okay, from left to right, oh there's a sweet dwarf. That's Barbis Tonk. Oh yeah that dude's cool. There's a creepy dude right next to him. Is that Laman Quinn?

That's Laman Quinn. Oh look at that penis. Silverfron. Riddian Silverfron. She is intimidating next to Riddian Silverfron someone you haven't met that's holy mother Yolan Meeks She is the a priestess of Abadar. Do they call her Buzz? Do they call her Buzz Meeks? Come on man LA Confidential humor

LA Confidential come on LA Confidential, come on! Come on! Nobody got that joke. Disappointed in all of you. Anyway, she's a priestess of Avedar, and she's sitting next to? And she's clearly Brother Ramious. Father. That's Father Selwyn Borvis. Yeah, what a penis.

That's probably right. You're probably right. And then next to him is Sister Violet DeWitt. OK. Yep, she's mean. No, she's just pregnant. She's just pregnant, she's mean. Nope. She's just pregnant. She's just pregnant. She's just hormonal.

She's just hormonal. Yikes. You asshole. That's very sexy. Joe, that was so rude. That was so rude. I didn't do it. It's not my fault. It's not my fault.

No light speed. No light speed. All right. I started to run out of pawns, but that's willow Montrose You know that guy is next to her the Baron the Baron damn right Wow look at that That's cool I mean isn't amazing that I found spots? Like they all sort of match. Yeah, this is the vibe.

That's Beatrix. You're very talented. Alright, alright. This is Beatrix. Right. That is Beatrix now. And this is Harry Kane. Prince Harry.

Harry Kane. Harry Kane. He's extremely heterosexual. Yes. Would you just look at how heterosexual I've got is? Can't wait to bang chicks. And then who? Yes. Would you just look at how heterosexual Echo is? Can't wait to bang chicks!

And then who... Who is that? That is Sir Donald Cain. Oh. Yes. Oh, the knight. And then standing in front of the dais, sort of like in front of Donald Cain and in front of Lady Beatrix and Prince Harold are these two knights of Avidar.

There's lots of other people in this room. Some of them have been copy-pasted. No, let's go one by one. Nope. This one. This one! Who? What's her name? That's, uh... Sir Norville can tell you.

That's, uh... That's sentious. Sentious? Sentious? You know what? I'm not even going to write that down. I was going to write it down. There's no point.

Sentious, yes. Why sentious? She's just a serving girl. That's what I said. Okay. She has no family. I would like Andromeda to speak once during this show, so let's continue. Sydney, let's not get too ridiculous.

Sydney, I'm gonna give you, Sydney, I'm gonna give you a little insignificant scene here. A server comes up to you. That's, that's Helena. Oh, hello, yes. Oh, sorry. I went to the more attractive woman.

The master told me to start with the most attractive woman at the table and then make my way around. Would you like some mo- I can't help but notice you stepped into my aura. Oh yes. I felt a tingle in my understuff. That's just- that's just the goddess. This is Lady Andromeda's scene.

I'm sorry, Sydney, would you like to talk? The only thing she's going to get to do today is roleplay with this server. Andromeda's been holding the menu the whole time. Yes, could I have a beer? Oh, just... A beer! Get him, tiger. Get him, tiger. A beer! No, we're out.

The feast just started! Just the water, baby. Ask one of your twelve bartenders. No, no, Kylian, it's okay. Just the water. A water? Oh, none of that here. I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, I'm sorry. We're fresh out. You'll have to go poop in the hole outside.

What time does the feast start? The feast has already begun. This was great. Thank you so much. I'm... Wow. I'm stuffed. Save it. Ask Sydney about the jerseys she's wearing. What is the jersey you're wearing, mistress?

This is Torque. Yeah. What is the jersey you're wearing mistress? This is torque Fucking first baseman really coming up this year. So yeah doing real well this year am I right? He's batting 244 on the season It's pretty good. It's coming up Can I get you anything else or can we move on? I'm done. Alright. I'm not glad we had this talk. And he moves away.

Bye. What's his name? Oh, I forgot. Wait, what's your name? His name is Crewsmith. I don't care anymore. You're sitting at this table. There are a collection of nobles, guards, town guard, you know, not many nights of Sidon.

They're still trying to figure that out. It's a rebuilding here. There are nights of Abadar, about half a dozen I said. Some nobles, some soldiers. It's easy to be a night of Abadar. Oh? No, it's easy. If you're a knight, it's easy to be a knight of Abadar. Oh? If you're a knight, it's easy to be a knight of Abadar. Why would you say that?

There's a lot more worshipers of Abadar. I'm a rare breed. Are you saying this out loud, loudly at the table? No. Oh, okay. Are you in your cups? What are you guys talking about at the table here? And make it quick.

We don't have to talk about the tarp. The tarp is fine and I secured it. Let's move on. You really are a model of civic wizardry. Thank you, Sir Norville. I have taken care of the tarp in such a way we will never have to talk about it again. That's how good of a civic wizard I am. Yeah, Andromeda, this is not a prank at all, but it is tradition, Rosewood Vale, to go order a drink from the dais. Oh!

Is that true? Yes, of course. And she looks at Killian and Helena. Killian is looking at the horrifying old woman that just approached the table. Whoa! Oh no! He draws his great sword. Holy Mother Yolan Mik sidles up to Helena. Sorry.

Oh God I was just speaking with your priest and priestess and they said that you were a holy sister of so close side Donna how do you pronounce your god? Abba Fart. Abba Fart? Noice. Noice. Fucking goddard. Yeah. Nailed it.

This goddess, you were born into worship of her? I'm very curious to learn more about your goddess. Oh, no. Um, Cydonna found me. She, uh, I just say that she showed me the light. Oh, how quaint. Mm-hmm. You know, among the many things that Abadar is heralded for,

it was his work that allowed people to create great civilizations on their own that he cherished the most. Were you born into following Abadar? Oh yes, my parents were Abadar worshippers. Their parents were Abadar worshippers, for Abba Da worshippers and so on and so forth. Perhaps when I look at your fair veil here, Saidana, am I getting that right? Yes. Saidana and Abba Da could work together to watch over us as we move forward together.

I'll be sure to give her a call and let her know that. I don't understand that reference. Do you mean prayer? Yeah. Have I offended you, dear? No. No, not at all. I love when a new god comes to my town. Oh, yes. Well, Abadar is an old god. I believe yours is the new one. Enjoy the feast! I feel a flashback coming. Did she just make me feel bad for not being old?

What? You know, Abadar is... I'll take care of this. Flashback. Oswin. Senor Bill. Freeze frame flashback. Freeze frame?

Abadar is a wonderful god. Abadar is the god of money. flashback. SAM and TALIESIN and SAM and LAURA and SAM and that bad? He's a god of the rich. That's all you need to know. My parents were followers of Abadar. Oh, I'm sorry. Abadar is fine sometimes, but he tends to be something that the rich launder their bad feelings with, with their money dealings and such. Yeah, that's how Iings and such. Yeah. That's how I feel about it.

Sorry. I thought it... I thought it was to help people. Huh. Perhaps I don't know much about Avatar. I'm an adult. It's okay. Just sheltered.

It's okay. I doed. It's okay. I do like that they showed up with their like PLEASE! Jesus! I mean, Abba- That was the wrong button. I understand. The people who like hate this shit, I- okay. I could see. That was terrible. You're gonna take a my B on that one?

One mistake. My B. My B don't make sense. Well, she does have my B on that one. One mistake. My B. My B dog. Well, she does have lightning scars on her face. Lightning. You bet. The feast continues. We have a curfew. I'd like to keep a, maybe we talk quietly at the table after what's her face leaves.

What is her name? Holy mother Yolan something. Meeks. Yobaba. Y Mother Yolan something. Meeks. Yubaba. Yubaba. Yolan Meeks. Maybe we do talk quietly about keeping our eye on the dais, just kind of watching everyone's interactions, purposefully paying more attention to them. Just to see if we see anything weird.

The feast continues. There is revelry, good food, good drink. You have formed a sort of bond together, the five of you. In a way you probably feel like you know more than everybody else but know nothing, really. You just get the sense. We know what it is to take a man's life. What? This pervading sense that something is wrong in the town, but no one is addressing it, being honest about it.

It feels like a town full of secrets but you know for Killian and Helena you've been here for a while and you never got that sense but ever since Lord Montrose died the first things have been weird you've had a bad relationship with the Sun that goes back to a flashback we saw where he was acting like a wiener to you yeah it's so weird I didn't stab him to death he was acting like a wiener to you. Yeah, it's so weird I didn't stab him to death. He was six, seven years old. It's the mark of an inexperienced role-player, Joe. You're right, I should kill more children in my flashbacks.

He was 18! I mean, I'm with what Sydney's saying here, like that's exactly and only what Killian is doing, is just watching, particularly the Baron and the Baroness, just trying to get a sense of, Killian's been around a long time, he knows how to read a room, he knows how to read people, and he's just trying to get a sense if they are uncomfortable, or if they are really happy like they scored a sweet deal. Give me a perception check. No. How about in mine we also don't roll dice and I just succeed at whatever I make up. They seem fine then.

Here we go. My man Alex gave me a sweet die tonight, so I'll try that one out. My man Alex, this better not suck. 90-17! Yeah! Two, two! That is 26. Perception. 26 Perception.

He's trying to read, particularly the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron. And the Baron 26. Perception. She's trying to read, particularly the Baron and the Baroness.

Alright, so you're watching them and you get the sense that... Also, question overall, I think this is something we should kind of know. Is she not pregnant anymore? Oh no, she's still pregnant. Alright, so she seems totally pregnant. Yeah. Okay, she's totally preggers. Are you gonna be mean to her too?

Wow. This got twisted around into some shit. You watch them throughout the night, making polite conversation with your weird friends. And you get the sense that even in front of you know these Knights and Nobles without really knowing what their station is in the kingdom these like low-level soldiers You know that the Outriders have not been invited to this feast. They're outside. I don't know Now

But you're you you see the Baron and the lady, they seem very tense, and you attribute it to them trying to appear worthy and regal. Okay. Like they want to appear like they know what they're doing. But it doesn't appear like- You make fun of their shitty tavern turned keep,

but like- Yeah, it's a shitty tavern turned keep. So they're not, it doesn't appear like... You make fun of their shitty tavern turned keep, but like... Yeah. They want to... It's a shitty tavern turned keep. Right. So they're not... It doesn't look like they hate what's happening here. No. It looks like they're trying to play the part. Yeah.

I mean, maybe you notice a little bit of a... A stoic nature of the Baroness. She doesn't want this. But she understands... Things must... be done. You do see that Lady Beatrix and Prince Harold seem to be getting on well. They're like...

they be smiling at each other. Look at his fucking mustache! Ugh! You can't even call it like a goatee. Seems like he grew the mustache that the Baron could not. Oh. Scroll over a little bit. Other way.

Conspicuously mustache this. Look like he's about to raise a barn. Harrison Ford passes him up a glass of lemonade. I'm just gonna say real quick side note. I don't think it needs a perception check. This guy is gonna kill everyone in the room. To the fine barn, English. To the fine bond English choice no sure is just no pool there's no pool the feast continues maybe there's a little drink and a little pop flip cup little flip cup going on the fairness one again The Baroness won again. She's pregnant. She just crushed her Miller Light. Sister Agnes' record is also conspicuously great.

Who's Sister Agnes? What? Sister Agnes de Wit. You mean Violet de Wit? Violet. Sister Agnes was her mother. What? Who's Sister Agnes?

I don't know. You just made that up. You're embarrassing yourself. You sound like a damn fool. I knew her as Agnes. Maybe you didn't know her as well as Matthew did. Can I get some like Tabern music? They start, they bring a bard in, the only bard I'll allow in this adventure. The bard is like, Oh the bar decide

On the bar, I mean the day is and they fiddle through his legs Choice not allowed to get on the table anymore because we spilled beer broke his laptop I had to buy after the Nashville show. Yeah You don't have it. I don't care. I'm not gonna waste showtime if you don't have a good bard song. That's too bad I'm not playing a bard in this campaign takes time. There's could really not loading really embarrassing yourself in front of eight Oh, I think I almost got it. I'm so close So close. Stop looking at my screen. There it is.

What are you talking about? I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Perfect. Don't worry about it. That's right. They should start blasting Peebo Bryson. They just start like. All right, so third level bard Peebo Bryson they just started. Alright so third level bard pibo Bryson.

I did my best. Batman is at least an eighth level bard. It's like it's gone from a weird awkward thank you so like kind of somber situation. People start drinking, you ever feel bad and you start drinking and then you feel good happens at this bar

alcohol and everyone's kinda having a good time you've've had some wine. You've had some mutton You have made some new friends. Maybe some awkward situations and then there's like record scratch Screams coming from the entryway. Just started music Stop the music stop the music. There's a big commotion you hear sheen sheen swords being unleashed and you all look over towards the entryway and swords being unleashed and you all look over towards the entryway and it takes like a second to try and figure out what's going on because people are up and they're dancing they're doing this and then like all of your eyes dart back to Killian and Killian you you don't see yet from where you're sitting

or standing you look out and you hear your wife's voice Kill Killian! Killian! Killian! Sir Norval draws his sword. Swing. Andromeda's... He jumps up. I mean, looks toward that direction. Andromeda's what? He also kicks back and jumps up. Hands flayed, fingers splayed.

Yeah, and Oswin obviously jumps, like, kicks out his enormous stool from behind him. Dude, that stool... Helena... It's like the size of a shiv. With a Herculean effort, he kicks the stool out from behind him, whips out his longbow. Helena finishes her wine and stands up calmly. Overstanding that. What was that?

He starts walking past Helena. Is it coming from the west? It's coming from the west, the west. You start moving to the west. You push forward through the throng. Joan! Her name is Joan? Right, you hear Joan's voice.

Joan! You push forward through your friends, and you see Joan. And she's like, Kelly, help! And you look and she is staring at Eldrin, the young half-elf who organized the gathering beneath the inn. The one that you found out may be doing all this not just in memory of his father who passed away, but because he had a love of relationships. Where is he? He is standing at the entranceway with your youngest daughter, Finneas, and a knife to her throat.

What the blue fuck? Killian! What the blue fuck? Killian! He's just standing there. He runs up, he doesn't have a blade in his hand yet, he runs up and he's... That's far enough! What the fuck are you doing? You madman! This farce ends tonight!

I will not stand idly by while this town disgraces itself so. Point blade pushing against your young daughter's neck. The same daughter that was sick at the beginning of this. Not Bave, but Phineas. Lady Beatrix stands up from the dais. Eldren, what are you doing standing next to her betrothed? Eldren says, my lady, I'm sorry. I loved you. I still love you, but this is larger than our love. Your father dishonors himself, dishonors you, dishonors the memory of his father and all the people who made Rosewood Vale what it is.

Baron Montrose stands up and says, guards, bring me that man's head wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait and killing is just trying to like hold everybody back while he's got his daughter in a position like this fucking ready elder ready dog Eldrin she's never Eldrin this is the way. She's never going to love you if you do this. She's never going to come to you if you kill a child. No, no, I have to do something drastic so you understand. Well then take me, take me, slice my throat if you need to, send a message, leave the child you fool. I'm not a bad man. I know you're not a bad man. I know you're not I know what you think is happening here, but this is not gonna solve it It's not

Maybe it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be alright, and he's looking at video Just stay still just stay still He's like slowly walking toward her so you walk toward You let her go You let her go and perhaps what you want to happen happens. Perhaps it happens tonight. What do I want? And his eyes widen. What do you want? What do I want? Perhaps we say no to the whole damn thing. Perhaps we say no. Perhaps we say we're not done with they say. We don't do what the baron says perhaps we say that this is our town perhaps we say we take back what's ours what's rightfully ours perhaps perhaps you let her go and that's the most

heroic thing you've ever done because you did what needed to be done to take back the town to do what's right and he looks back at Oswin he just like gives him a look yeah I've got like hunter's aim I'm doing like I'm preparing like hunter's aim hunter's friend and he's just like shaking like he wants to give us one a nod but he's also like any accident can happen you you never know. Any fool can move in a weird way at the last moment. And he's not talking about fool Oswin, he's talking about fool Eldred,

who could just move at the last minute. You know, things are unpredictable. He knows Oswin's an amazing shot, but he's kind of looking back at him, and he looks at him wide-eyed, and he just thinks about it for a moment, and then just nods. Knowing that Oswin will make the right call. and he starts slowly walking forward and he's like,

come with me brother, join me. You look towards the dais and you have now spoken out against the baron, against his decision in front of the prince, in front of Sir Donald Cain, in front of the nobles, in front of the soldiers in front of sir Donald Kane in front of the nobles in front of the soldiers and the Knights of Abadar the retinue of the kingdom and He says all right You're right Yes

You're right You have finally seen the truth But they haven't and now they will know he releases take the shot and he stabs himself in the chest as your shot hits him in the eye Achillean runs to Phineas and he falls to the ground and the dagger is right in his heart, the same dagger that he held at your daughter's neck. And he's just, the life is going out of his eyes.

Sir Donald stands up. What is the meaning of this? You damn fool! Has the young lady suffered, given her maidenhood to this cretin? And Killian runs up. He takes Finneas, pulls her aside. He's like, take her! Take her! To Joan. And he turns and just goes into his pouch to try to grab a healing potion for Elvyn.

He's got an arrow in his eye and a dagger in his heart. Wait, wait, wait! Not a consumable! Save the consumable! You start to administer first aid or do something, but as you go down, maybe the quick movement to go down, like an old man, your blood pressure starts to get fucked up. And you get a little... I know what it's like. It's so weird, I know exactly what it feels feel so I start to get a headache out of nowhere yeah so I went to kneel down and I got dizzy yeah hey don't know what this is like you made

stuff you made your body made such strange noises that you didn't choose yeah yeah there were like three clicks. You get down. You'll find out soon enough. Click, click, click. Click, click, click. You try to, you're like, your goal here is to maybe pour a potion, maybe administer first aid, but like, you get dizzy. You get dizzy in such a way that like, you feel like a thin haze has started to fill the room. But it doesn't just affect you.

It affects Andromeda and Helena and Sir Norville and Oswin as well. You're standing there and as Eldrin bleeds out on the floor, you all feel like the room itself has this like film over it. This film over your vision or something that's happening in the room but you notice that everyone else in the room seems affected by this they're like grabbing at their heads the nights are like some people are dropping to their knees some of the older folks are falling out of their chairs you're taken back to that moment in the mistwood when you saw that

dead you on the edge of the world. Oh, where everybody turns on everybody? And you felt compelled to start killing each other, and there's this blood rage for a moment that enters your veins. And then that blood pool from Eldren just spirals out very quickly. And from this pool of blood, spirits start to emerge. Three knights sort of rise out of the floor where Eldrin's pool of blood is. They're like hovering inches above the floor, covered in this sickly green hue.

the floor covered in this sickly green hue. They point around the room. Lee man quince. Your treachery will be known. And as they say that you hear this sickening sound from somewhere in the room like And you turn towards that sound and you see one of the city guards has stuck their short sword directly into the back of one of the Knights of Abadar And it's like come out the other side Right why these spirit nights no

Fuck! Wait, one of these spirit knights? No, no! No, no! A city guard! Regular ass! City guard, dude! Regular ass! Ass!

Ass! Another ass! From the other side of the room you hear, whomp! And you see one of the kingsguard, one of these knights just, whomp! Lops the head off a serving girl.

Oh my god. And the serving girl's head just kinda rolls towards your table, looks up at you where you didn't even know her name and then just carnage sounds of carnage throughout the room as these Phantom Knights approach you Wanna go a little bit long? Yeah! Do you wanna go a little long? So curve your lines cause we're going long We're going long, going long So curve your lines cause we're going long Rover Initiative!

Let's fucking go! Rover, rover, rover, rover, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, I'm tired. Let's go home. On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It's a silly place. Let's go. Helena, what did you get? Oh, me? Yup. Holding a glass of wine, she got a natural one. Oh, no.

Oh, shit. For an 11 total. Oh, no. Andromeda, queen. Andromeda was not ready for this. She got 10. She got a ten. I rolled a natural ten. Oh no.

Miss you guys. Sir Norville the Pious. Because Sir Norville was advancing upon Eldrin in a very athletic and sporty way, could I roll athletics for this initiative? Youse, youse. Sure. What? Poor beard.

16. Oh nice! I knew it was shitty. Natural 4. Jesus, that's a 1. Oswin. 19. Nice.

Killian Donwall. Let me explain something to you about Killian fucking Don Juan, who gave me the anxiety die. Hey-oh. This is a die with such rounded edges that it rolls for eight minutes. As I watched it bip and bop around my table, I saw a 9 come up and I was like huh okay and at the last second it went boop, natty 19. 28 bitch. Yeah. Let's go.

Gilead is ready. He knew something was fucked up was gonna happen at this thing. Probably because there was a map. Telltale sign. Round one! Killian Donwall. Oh baby! Killian! What is this sweet D20 behind you? Does that mean you're going first? I have no idea.

This is the update. Oh! This is the update. Oh, oh that's awesome. Look at that. That's fun. Look at that. There he is. God, he's such a stud. Okay, so, you know, obviously just moments prior to this he had made sure his daughter was okay and put her into the arms of his wife. The ghosts rise. Joan. What? No, I'm saying Joan or wife Joe oh yeah yeah his wife Joe I believe it's pronounced Joe and you know I think it's Joe WNE John I forgot about that

it is filled j-a-w-n oh yeah That's what you're fighting. They're floating just above the... Wait, we're fighting them? Yeah. Maybe I'm not. What? Maybe they're on our side. All right, tell me what you want to do. Hey, it's your turn!

I would be very interested to learn of Sir Layman's treachery. Yeah, exactly. Let's play a game. I mean, like... Can we just... can you just tell us? Your daughter is about 15 feet away. She had a knife to her neck moments ago. The man that tried to, you know, that kidnapped her just killed himself these past few days.

And he's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still away. She had a knife to her neck moments ago. The man that tried to, you know, that kidnapped her just killed himself. These phantoms have risen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Don't be a hero. I get it.

Don't be a hero! Shit! You know what? I'm not gonna be swayed by what you said. I'm going to go with my initial instinct. My instinct in this moment, when they rose up, I felt like these were the original knights of our town. I felt like these were the people that were betrayed in one way or another. The Lehman Quints, sort of like your betrayal, he fucking hates Lehman-Quintz. He kind of like, he sides with these things in the moment. And so the first thing that

he's going to do is obviously he's going to draw his greatsword. Shwingy pulls that out and then he, my god, I'm having technical issues, but he pulls that greatsword out and then he- You don't think your greatsword was already out? I don't want you to handicap yourself in typical jokes. No, because he was like, he didn't want to have a weapon in his hand when he was trying to talk down the guy. And so... Oh, wait a minute.

This is interesting. Sorry, just give me a second because this came... Oh, this is fucking interesting, man. Isn't it? Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do a quick flashback. Let's do a flashback, kill them all before they became ghosts.

I think that actually did happen. It might have been. Why don't you just do something? Do you want to hold? Do anything. Want to delay? want to hold? Do anything. Want to delay? He's so mad.

Yeah, shit. Alright. So, yeah, it's... It's your moment, man. This is my fucking... I'm just gonna shoot myself. Sometimes I hate high energy. This is what you all paid for. Yeah, exactly. Just want you to know, Sometimes I hate high initiative. This is what you all paid for. Yeah.

That's what I remind you. Just want you to know, he's going to pull out his greatsword. Oh wait, I had an image of Eldrin. You had an image of Eldrin? Yeah, I forgot to reveal him. He's kind of fun. Anyways, that's him. He's him. He's dead, man. Oh.

What do you want to do? He is going to draw out his greatsword. He's going to look at these ghosts, and he's going to say, let's kill them all. And he's going to turn around, reach into his pouch, pull up a potion, a quick fucking elixir thing, a quick alchemy elixir, and he's going to shake this thing. It pops into this greenish color, and he drains this mutagen.

And he's going to, and all of a sudden he starts like, kak kak kak, and his skin starts to turn into dragon scales Oh, I start to sharpen into like dragon eyes And he cricks his neck and blinks and looks back toward Lehman quints and turns his back on the ghosts kind of trying to make them think he's on their side at least for the moment and this this Kind of trying to make them think he's on their side, at least for the moment. And this Elixir is going to give him a huge boost to AC, and when he needs to use it, a huge boost to speed, which in this big open room I think could really help.

So that's what he's going to do. You guys haven't seen this before, like he just changes shape almost. It is one of the Phantom Knights turn. Kill them all! Yes! He strides up to you and strikes. Oh! Real clever, Troy.

Did you think it was going to go any different? Way to roleplay with the ghost. I thought he'd make an interesting choice. Maybe we can join the baddies and kill them all with them. Oh, you're fucked. 30. Oh. 30.

Yeah, that's a hit. Not a crit. All right, not bad. Just almost maximum damage. Oh no. 14 points of slashing damage. So wait, and how do they... Do I have a reaction at this moment? If you want it, what are you thinking? Okay, so that triggers my Retributive Strike.

But you haven't gone yet. Trigger is an enemy damage that damages your ally and both are in my aura The effect is you get resistance six to this damage And I would get a strike if it's against it if it was in my range, but I do not okay. I so might Take six off that damage what I say 14 so you get take eight eight points of damage, okay eight slashing and then you know what for shits and gigs I'll strike you again. And the, I'm sorry, like they're ethereal, are they incorporeal and they can just hit

me like that? Yeah they can just hit you like that. They have like a phantom sword in their hand and they strike you and you feel it like it almost slices straight through your body. So does it do spirit damage or slashing damage? It's spirit damage. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, it's called spirit damage. Yeah, just because I didn't know, does it feel like I can hit them back is my question. Yes, but you feel like they're probably going to have some sort of resistance. I don't know how many phantoms you've fought. And it misses with its second attack with a 13. It strides up to you, and now it is Ozwin's turn. Ozwin, you just put a arrow in the eye of this young man who is threatening your new best friend's daughter's life,

but he killed himself at the same exact time. Right. Yeah, he's frustrated at being robbed of a kill and the resulting XP. He pulls, he's like, shwoom, like immediately, like, whoop, like draws another, like, arrow and, thump, fires it. He hunts prey at the one that just attacks, kill him. And he's gonna do a hunter's mark on them. That is a 25 to hit. That is a hit.

Nice. Yes. Oh, yes. That's 19 points of damage. Woo! Nice. Is your bow magical? Yes.

I believe you. No, it is. I think actually it might. Yes! Plus one longbow. All right. Very important. Very important. All right, so you said 19 points of damage. It doesn't look like all of it gets through, but a lot of it gets through. Are you done? Yeah, because I hunted prey and then I did Hunter's Aim. That's three actions. It is another Phantom Knights turn. It strides. It floats over to Ser Oswin and attempts to strike you with its phantom sword. I'm using a Christmas die that somebody gave me. 28 to hit!

That hits. It sure does. Son of a bitch. 13 points of spirit damage. Then I'll swing once more. Here comes the nat 20. I can feel it. I lied. But now, Sir Norval, it is your turn. Sir Norval is going to take a step to focus fire here. And he's going to swing at the one that is medicine killian. I'm going to dab the cap. You're're gonna dab that cap? Dab that cap!

There's not been a lot of cap-dapping. I mean, it's better. No, better. No! 15. Oh, gross. So sorry the way you embarrassed yourself in Michigan. Yeah, me too.

Okay, and then I will Rave Shield. Rave Shield, wham! Brings up his shield to try and then I will raise shield. Raise shield. Wham! Brings up his shield to try and stave off these horrible phantoms! Actually you know what? No. I'm gonna cast Shields of the Spirit. Oh! Which effectively raises my shield.

Is it a one action, Jon? Yes. And all of a sudden as I raise the shield, all these spirits kind of spring out of the shield itself, Spirits of Nights. You might say they're holy spirits. Oh, and they kind of start swirling around us to defend me and killing it. Oh, that's fun. I like it. You get a plus one status bonus to AC. Nice. That's awesome. What a cool contextual. It is the third and final, question mark? Phantom Knight's turn. It first action draws a bow.

Second action fires at Oswin. And you take some damage. Phantom bow. You take 1d4 spirit damage. Because I did, I fired it in your face. You attacked an ally and you are... Wait, and it gets Oswin? Never mind.

Matt's not the...never mind. You really embarrassed yourself tonight. I would...I would just go backstage. We'll tell you how the rest of the fight went. Matt, you know... Thank you. No! Oh no!

Do do do do do... Phantom Bow! I can't go. 26 against Oswin's AC. That is a hit. Here comes some spirit damage. Poop! Six points of spirit damage. Yeah, I can withstand that.

Try one more. Nope, miss. So these guys are only getting one hit off. It is now Helena's turn I Want to pull a Joe right here. Just go this sucks This sucks you guys are so far away from me. Yep So I have 30 feet of movement. I want to cast bless

I can only move like kind of pretty much right up to the edge of move pretty much right up to the edge of Sir Norval's aura, which bless for the first round is only a 15-foot emanation, but I do want to cast it in case you guys want to take a step back or something, and then also sustain it the next round to make it bigger. And to do that, you need to start it. So she walks up like, wait, wait, with her wine glass. And she, wine glass in one hand. I feel like your emotions aren't quite fitting the scene. Wait, wait. And then holds out her other hand like, wait, I'm going to help.

I feel like Andy Cohen should be jamming this to counter it. I'm going to help. And then, bless. It affects nobody. I'm helping! Helena's got her own thing going on here. Andromeda, que! Andromeda is ready for action.

She is also going to move up, seeing that Helena is casting. She's going to stand next to Helena and cast as well. Her hair, her short black hair, starts to frizz out as she shoots out an electric arc. First I'm going to hit the northmost... Attempt to hit. Good. Well, I'm probably gonna hit. Reflex!

Most of the time to hit. Reflex save. Switching my dies up. No, don't. Alright, reflex save for the first dude. Oh, that might be a critical success. 30. He's rolling rocks.

Damn it. Yeah. Yeah, you. Absolute. Nothing happens. Do I roll for the next guy or no? No, it has to hit the first to leap to the other. Well, hold on. An arc of lightning leaps from one target to another so I don't think it

Actually it doesn't say it needs to succeed or fail is it electric arc yes No, both of them make saves so then make the other one make a save the one to the south. I'll bring this die back out Natural one 24 okay, that's a regular success. So you're gonna take half damage. So this is the one that was attacking Killian, the second one. Yeah, the one to the south. So that's gonna be 8, 9, half of 9, 4. So 4 electric. Electricity damage. It's electric. Boogie woogie.

Boogie. Oh, I actually fucked up. Electricity damage. It's electric I actually fucked up. Oh my god. You one-shot it, dude Anything else no I moved and that's my stupid turn is the start of round two Killian you're standing there and it's this very horrifying feeling, right? Like you wanted to go after Lee Minquins, you've already spoken out against the Baron, you've gone through this moment of haze and you've had this bloodlust that seemed to subside, this feeling that you felt when you were at the edge of that lake and the mistwood you see around you just Knights and soldiers and city guards killing each other servants nobles are getting killed people are like do something and we'll see you in Toronto

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Tell your friends, come join yourself, and see what everybody's talking about when you join the Naish today. Welcome to the ultimate social deduction game, Blood on the Clock Tower. The evil team must stalk the streets at night, hunting down members of the good team one by one. Meanwhile, the good team must out-man members of the good team one by one. Meanwhile, the good team must out-maneuver the evil team using their unique abilities. I'd like to kick things off by telling you all that I'm possibly the demon.

Our players can mislead and manipulate others with absolute freedom. I didn't like hearing my name in the same sentence as demon. That was very upsetting for me. Emily and I will be your storytellers, guiding you through every labyrinthian twist and turn. How are there so many evil players in this game? What's happening? With guests from No Rolls Barred, the Pandemonium Institute,

and Oxventure, you won't be able to stop listening. Go to realmspod.com slash clock tower to find out more. The Warning Woods has haunting horror stories that are sure to linger with you long after listening. I'm Miles Tridle, writer and narrator of The Warning Woods. Each week I write an original the Bye.