The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 1 - Introducing Tom Exposition

Episode Date: June 16, 2015

A group of unlikely heroes meet at a coming of age suicide festival and decide to share a hotel room as most strangers who meet for the first time often do. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On the series premiere of the Glass Cannon podcast, five friends will gather around a table to play a make-believe story of epic proportions. Let's jump into the world of imagination, if you will. You're such a loser. That's going to be said a loser. That's gonna be said a lot. In the war-torn village of Trunau, four strangers will be brought together by fate.

To Trunauans, earning your Hope Knife is a mark of your place in the community. Do I know you? No, I just... Good to meet you. My name's Thomas Exposition.

And bound together by murder. Bloody Hope Knife was in his lip hand. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. The adventure begins now. What is going on, everybody? My name is Troy LaValle, and I want to thank you for checking out the glass cannon podcast i'm actually uh re-recording this intro for a second time from the future we started this show back in 2015 it was just a bunch of buddies sitting in a sweaty queen's apartment uh recording

their playthrough of a pathfinder adventure path uh and flash forward many years later and it has become a full-on business with several employees we've all quit our jobs to do this full-time and we put out more shows than anybody else that does this it's very very exciting and uh it has a lot to do with so many people who started right here at episode one and kept going all the way through to the end and started listening to our other shows, followed us on tour, bought our merch. We have so many people to thank. We call those people the Nash, which is short for Glass Cannon Nation. We like to shorten words unnecessarily. You'll hear a lot of that.

You're about to start our first campaign, which was the Pathfinder First Edition Giant Slayer Adventure Path. This goes on for over 326 episodes. It takes us about seven years to finish, thanks to a pandemic. And also, we just play really slow. And now I'm speaking to you about a week before Campaign 2 launches, September 14th, 2023. I don't know when you're listening to this, but on September 14th, 2023, Campaign 2 launches, or has launched, depending on when you're listening to this, where we have switched to Pathfinder's second edition to play their three-book Gatewalkers adventure path. I mean, so much has changed, and you're

starting right here at the beginning. And it's important that I rerecord this intro because we learned a lot doing this and we learned it luckily pretty quickly. We're an edgy group and I think sometimes our humor got a little too edgy early on and we scaled back. I've gone through and I've edited certain things out and had to leave other things in for various reasons. But 10 years ago, we certainly took a lot of jokes for granted. Casual sexism, like, oh, you run like a girl. You know, we just never thought like, oh, that's an asinine thing to say. Now I have a daughter and if someone ever said that, I would knock them out. So, you know,

I do feel bad that some of that stuff may have snuck past the goalie and stay in there. But I think you'll find over time, not only do we course correct very quickly, but we're also known as one of the most accepting, loving, open groups out there in all of gaming. People from all walks of life flock to the niche because of who we are as people. So I'm excited to have you jump in. And if things seem a little off from episode to episode, stick with us. I promise you it is a journey of a lifetime.

And if you really like what you hear, we have so much content that's out there for free. We also have a subscription service. If you go to jointhenash.com, that's jointhenash, N-A-I-S-H.com, we have hundreds and hundreds of hours of exclusive content that is only available via subscription. Thank you so much for giving us a chance. I'm so excited to continue to grow this project.

My entire life, I dreamed of being able to entertain people. It's all I wanted to do, acting, stand-up, and nothing ever popped until the Glass Cannon Podcast. And it has been life-changing for me and so many other people who have come together to form the Glass Cannon Network. Thank you for listening. Be sure to check out glasscannonnetwork.com and jointhenach.com. In the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy episode one. Man, this takes me back. Of the Glass Cannon Podcast, and enjoy episode one. Man, this takes me back of the Glass Cannon Podcast,

Introducing Tom Exposition. But that being said, let me introduce my co-hosts, starting with Mr. Joe O'Brien. Joe, welcome to the show. Well, thank you very much, Troy. Pleasure to be here. Joe, tell me a little bit about yourself. Troy. Pleasure to be here. Joe, tell me a little bit about yourself. My name is Joe O'Brien. I am a co-creator of metagametheory.com, and I'm a big nerd, play a lot of Pathfinder, and looking forward to starting this giant slayer campaign. And now, Joe, what character are you playing? Tell me a little bit about this guy. I'm going to playing a ranger he's a half orc um sort of an aging uh ranger in the militia he's a he's a sergeant he goes by sergeant lork iron tusk

lork lork that's l-o-r-c right don't put any k's in there uh He is basically for, he's sort of discriminated against as a half-orc and doesn't really get the job opportunities a lot of people would get. And he's got a bum knee, so he sort of has been sitting at a desk job for a really long time. But he used to be out in the field long ago, but an injury sort of put him behind a desk and that's where he's been for a while. He drinks. He likes, likes drinking. What's his drink of choice? Whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. Half Ork whiskey. They brew it great up here in Belskin. Uh, and next we have Matthew Capricasa, which means captain of the house. I believe we say head of the house. All right.

Uh, Matthew, tell us a little bit about yourself. I am a playwright and a fiction writer, and I'm getting my MFA right now, finishing up this semester unless they kick me out. For this, they might. For this, they might, actually. I'm sorry. We just can't let you write plays. Listen to your podcast. I'm like, guys.

Your friends are idiots. We can't allow you to represent our school i'm like guys but the storytelling possibilities are amazing uh but yeah so i'm also a big nerd but i had never really played any rpgs before and then good friend joe o'brien here converted me and so i'll be carrying the idiot ball for this podcast because i'm a relative newbie but hell yeah that's right that's what that's noob sauce we in the biz call a noob yep uh now matthew tell me a little bit about your character uh my character is a human witch her name is gormley call gormley gormley gormley yeah interesting sounds pretty she sounds really pretty and i I'm positive I spelled it wrong, but continue.

So she's a native of True Now, but there are rumors swirl around about what happened, but she was cast out as a teenager and has been living in the mountains for decades. She's now middle-aged, and she's been kind of living alone, hanging out with the rocks and artifacts and her trusty green-stained scorpion familiar, Howie. So she hangs out with a scorpion and the rock.

He prefers Dwayne. She's in the scorpion. Yeah. So she's kind of a little wacky and wild and very lonely. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. Now I think you and Joe both mentioned True Now. I'll just let our listeners know that is the setting for this adventure.

They all start off in the city of True Now, which exists in the area known as the Holds of Belzkin, or Belkzin, which is a big orc territory. A lot of orcs ravaging the land in this one little mostly human settlement is rising above it. Next up we have Grant. Grant, tell us a little bit about yourself. I am Grant Berger. Also a nerd, obviously. I work in video for a large non-profit here in New York City. And I'm excited to do something that's bad for people instead of good for people, this podcast.

And, yeah, I'm very excited. This is my second paper and dice, paper and pencil RPG, playing Rise of the Runelords with the person you'll hear from next. He's our DM in that game and really enjoyed it. I am playing as Baron, who is a dwarven gunslinger. Awesome. As we know, dwarves and orcs

are kind of super hatred enemies of each other. My ancestors have been fighting against orcs for forever. So much racism. We'll see what happens with the filthy green skin to my left. And basically, I am in the Belks and Hold because I was traveling in a caravan with my parents. We were overturned by orcs.

I escaped. And now I'm kind of a wandering vigilante saving people beset by orcs. And I go to True Now to kind of sell what I plunder from them and their scalps and that type of thing. Sort of a dwarven Clint Eastwood man with no name. Right. And,

I basically look like a four foot or so Daniel Day-Lewis with a really haggard beard. Four foot Daniel Day-Lewis. I have my child. I have, I have a bit of a Napoleon complex. So we'll see how that plays out. Will we be using CGI in the movie like that movie Little Man with the Wayans Brothers? You clearly could have just said Lord of the Rings with Gimli, but you went to the Wayans Brothers.

I love that. It was on Comedy Central last night at like 2 a.m. Little Man. Classic American film. I'm glad to see you're getting your rest before podcasting. I was up all night. He's actually texting me

and letting me know, by the way. Thinking, oh, I'm sorry. Did you get to see white girls after that? It was a Wayne's block. White chicks, right? 2 to 6 a.m. White chicks. And last, and by all means least,

we have our resident, what would you call him? King of all nerds. King of all nerds. Thank you. He, whereas most of us stopped playing, Skid never stopped. Ladies and gentlemen, Skidmar. Tell us about yourself. Thank you.

My name is Skidmar. I work for a large pharmaceutical concern here in New York City, and I'm writing also. I used to be an actor until I realized I'm not that good at it and I don't like it that much. Not true. No, I started playing in, I think it was 1979. My uncle gave me the red box of the basic Dungeons & Dragons red box. And I was third grade and I just fell completely in love and i played pretty much until

i went to college and i stopped and then i started playing again when i was like 27 so i've been playing this is my my second life as a role player for the it's like oh 20 years i donate yourself um so i'm old um my character's name is uh galabras finn um he is uh heir to was the first son and heir to a very wealthy family mercantile family in absalom which is like the rome or paris of of galarian of this world um but he had a religious awakening as a young man and decided that he wanted to join the priesthood of Desna. His father became very angry and threatened to disown him, cut him off

if he did this. Galabros went through with it anyway, and his father went through with his threat. So he went out as to spread the good word to the frozen north, to the lands of the Linorm kings in this world, which is like Vikings and shit. And he went up there.

Ship was blown off course. He was captured by backwoods like Scandinavian deliverance type farmers. And enslaved basically and made to work the fields and beaten and everything. Can you go into more explicit detail?

And I won't get into the sexual stuff. I was going to say, did you squeal like a pig? I don't know what the Norwegian equivalent of a banjo is, but he heard it a lot. And then he was sold to a traveling merchant who carried him, carted him halfway across the continent to the town of Trunau. And once he got there, he realized that he had an opportunity to escape. And I'm taking his inspiration, the Dred Scott decision, the Supreme Court Dred Scott decision. So he approached the leaders of the town and said, I will pledge myself to your service if you'll free me from this guy's – from slavery from this guy. And they said, oh, cool.

Okay. So he's been working in the sanctuary as a healer basically. His faith has been shaken very badly because he chose – I don't want to go on too long. He chose the luck domain. He sees luck as uh evidence of like divine providence from desna but everything that's happened to him he's like well this is the unluckiest fucking collection of shit that's ever happened to somebody so this is i i don't really believe anymore he still has his powers but he's not preaching he's decided like i'm not

gonna like try to convince anybody else to worship Desna when I don't even really believe myself anymore. So that's where he is. Wow. Great description. And that's the podcast for today. That's all the time we have. Thanks, kid. And we are, as an actor playing him, it would be James McAvoy.

Oh, yeah. Matthew, who's playing Gormley? I have no earthly idea. You'll have to just discover. She doesn't even know. It just hasn't been cast yet. It hasn't been cast yet. We found some offers.

I think you'll see a press release soon. Helena Bonham Carter might be good. Oh, she would be good. That would be a good one. Oh, yeah. Well, this is the pilot. We can always recast her.

That's true. That's true. That happens a lot. That actress we cast as Gormley just was not working. Matthew, we'd also recast you, so please don't show up.

Damn it. And what about Lork? Lork would be Liam Cunningham from Game of Thrones. Davos from Game of Thrones. Oh, I love him. Awesome. So a little gritty, a little older, but you know he can kick some ass if he came to it. One other thing I just wanted to set out about mine uh i love long walks on the beach i just thought i'd give some more exposition like skid did but wait your character does yeah yeah the character um no but uh in all

seriousness um i kind of wear a duster as well over my studded leather armor and i hide the fact that i have a gun and i'm a gunslinger because it's kind of an emerging thing will cause probably more trouble than it's good in town. Yeah. I've never played with a gunslinger. Me neither. I can only imagine that any reasonable character in the world that wasn't the gunslinger would just be like,

the fuck is that? And then just be like, I want one immediately. Everyone would just want one. Which is kind of exactly what happened in the real world. Exactly. And look how good we all turned out. Well, what's nice now at this point,

all of our friends and family that don't like role-playing have stopped listening. So now for the true fans that have stuck by, I guess we just jump right in yeah I'm ready I'm ready we've spent

an ample amount of time working on these characters let's jump into the world of imagination if you will you're such a loser that's gonna be said a lot

this is like an Epcot ride we all have girlfriends and wives we do this is crazy yeah that's going to be said a lot. This is like an Epcot ride. We all have girlfriends and wives, but we do. This is crazy. Yeah, that's true. Very happy.

I was going to say that we're all sharing the same woman. She doesn't walk too well. Deborah, Deborah is very lovely. It is. I love her very much. Naturally as D and D players, we all share the same woman and we're all devil worshipers.

We all commit suicide if our characters die. As is tradition. Lost a lot of friends that way. Lost some good men out there. Just checking to see if my mute button worked because I just threw up in my mouth. I just like threw up

three munchkins. I take issue with your term. Munchkin. Ooh, sorry, sorry. But it looks like we've already started. This is on the record. So, shit, yeah, all right. So here we are in True Now,

and our story takes place in an area known as the Commons. So you're in this big open-air amphitheater, sort of in the southern part of town. Right in the center of town, really. And it's a typical amphitheater. It's got a stone floor, a raised stage at the southwest end. It's normally used for, like, militia training, lessons, ceremonies, and whatnot. And today, there is a very special ceremony going on. Basically, the chief defender of the Blackened Blades, kind of like one of the main council

people of the town, her name is Halgra, she is holding a ceremony to celebrate the birthday of her daughter, Ruby. Aww. It's her 12th birthday. And what happens in True Now is on your 12th birthday, it's kind of like, it's like a bar mitzvah in a way. It's like your coming of age where you get to receive your

very own hope knife. And what's a hope knife? Well, you're about to find out. She's standing there on the stage, and she's being assisted by, uh, two of the, uh, most prominent members of the town militia. Their names are Roderick and Cursed Graff.

They are brothers, and they're the, uh, eldest sons of the patrol leader, Jagren Graff. So lots of fun names, and, uh, stuff to think about there. patrol leader, Jagren Graff. So lots of fun names and stuff to think about there. And just to be clear,

my dude knows these guys. If they're in the militia, he would know them. Oh yeah, you know Roderick and Curse very well. Okay. They're kind of a big deal, especially Roderick. And is it G-R-A-F-F Graff? G-R-A-T-H. Graff Search Graff. G-R-A-T-H. Graff, sorry.

You should enunciate better. Oh, I'm sorry. Got a lot of mucus from those munchkins. And jubilation fills the evening air in the normally stayed town of Trunau

for it is the 12th birthday of the chief defender's youngest daughter, Ruby. And the townsfolk have been preparing all day for the ceremony and the festivities to follow. A throng, a veritable throng of spectators has amassed at the town commons, and then the buzz of the crowd subsides as this rather weathered town leader, leader, leader, as the weathered town leader, Halgra of the Blackened Blades, takes the stage and begins to speak.

Think about like a really beat up looking Melissa McCarthy. And she says, thank you all for joining us this night. And she's a big presence. You know, she's seen some shit. She definitely, everyone quiets down and then she starts talking. Thank you all for joining us this night, and she's a big presence. You know, she's seen some shit. She, definitely everyone quiets down and then she starts talking. Thank you all for joining us this night. I take immense pride in my responsibility as chief defender, especially when it comes

to the honor of the Hope Knife Ceremony. It is always a great privilege to bequeath Trunowan youths their Hope Knives as they come of age. She stops speaking long enough to open this beautiful ornamental case and retrieve a slender, ornately decorated dagger that is hanging from a silver chain. And she says, but tonight, oh, tonight, is a special occasion for the recipient of this hope knife is none other than my youngest daughter.

She pauses, and by this time she turns to the child beside her daughter and says, Ruby, by the traditions of our town, you have come of age. This hope knife represents your responsibilities as an adult and defender of True Now. You must be willing to use it on yourself, your fellow Trunowans, and your family. Even me. Jesus. Just like a bar mitzvah. Yep.

What the hell? I'm pretty sure that's what they're saying in Hebrew. I think that's a bris, actually. I'm not Jewish, but I assume that's what a bar mitzvah is. It will be a far quicker death than that which the orcs will offer, and providing it is your duty. Do you swear? I love this town. Do you swear to guard through now?

I think I found a home. Do you swear to guard through now from all comers and to use your hope knife only for its intended purpose? Killing yourself or anyone else. Not like preparing a lovely cheese cake for your friends.

I pledge not to use this to spread mayonnaise on any sandwiches. Even when there's no knives available. Caught in the wild with mayonnaise

in a sandwich use that to kill yourself I told you so then Ruby this painfully shy dusky skinned black haired child she nods her head

like yeah I'll do that Halgra goes on if the orcs come and there is no other option this is where you cut here here

and here and she demonstrates the exact arteries to sever while Ruby just watches and nods. Now here's the thing. If you've lived in True Now long enough, you've seen this a million times. If you're a True Now native, you have your own hope knife.

It's pretty standard fare. It just seems rather barbaric to tell a 12-year-old. So this is how you kill yourself. You want to cut this artery, this one, and this one. That's what she does. And when she's finished, Halgry sheathes the Hope Knife and places the necklace

around Ruby's neck before turning back one last time to address the crowd. And I can finish this exposition. Tonight, people of Trudau, Ruby becomes a full member of our community.

Let us welcome her and celebrate her passage into adulthood true now forever and then the whole crowd's like true now forever and then like the music from the end of return of the jedi comes up careful that's copyrighted. No, it's not. That's fair use. That's fair use. So yeah, everybody's having a blast, and all four of you people are there as well.

Now, as is tradition in these ceremonies, there's a bunch of lighthearted games that happen. And Ruby, of course, is the key player in all these games. And the first such game is A Tug of War, which traditionally pits the Hope Knife receiver, in this case Ruby, against Trinow's best defenders. So for the past several years, Roderick and Cursed have taken along this role along members of the two.

Can we bet? Well, it's not like one on just like Ruby and the True Now Militia. Yeah, I thought it was Ruby against the True Now Militia. So basically, on one side is Roderick and Cursed and a couple other Militia guys. And then Ruby, she gets to choose from the crowd

who's going to join her team. So she looks around for a bit and then she walks up to this character. What does she see? She sees a six foot four green tusked, slightly drunk man who looks very strong. That's probably why she picked you. Right you sir she grabs you pulls you upstage all right then she went she keeps waiting through the crowd and she goes up to this rather ugly looking witch she's not scared at all rude you should see me 20 years ago i was a great beauty. And what does this witch look like? Her hair is wild.

She's got crazy look in her eyes, haggard look. The kind of look that would draw a 12-year-old. She's the cat lady from Simpsons. You know, everything you want in a babysitter. The exact kind of woman her mom told her never to talk to. Just make sure when you're in a crowd, don't talk to women like that. So for some reason... She's entering her rebellious years.

You know, but maybe she feels bad for this woman who clearly is sticking out like a sore thumb. So she says, I'm going to choose you. She wants to make her part of the ceremony. And then she sees this rather strong- looking dwarf in a duster what does this guy look like uh he looks like uh probably four foot something daniel day lewis as i mentioned earlier haggard beard kind of mysterious has a hat that covers his eyes with a little bit of a brim uh wearing black tan studded leather underneath his duster.

I like that. He shoots a suspicious glance at the half-orc that's been chosen. The half-orc hasn't noticed the dwarf yet. He's too short. Yeah. That does not please. Yeah, that's the thing about True Now. It's right in the middle of orc country,

so everyone hates orcs because they kill everyone that's not an orc. And then you have a ton of half orcs living in the area as well, and they're pretty much accepted, but the older people in town are still a little wary, like, mixed blood. All right. Oh, the bowling alley upstairs is just open for business. But yeah, oftentimes.

Joe lives above a bowling alley and Noah below another bowling alley. The rent is real cheap. And then lastly, she can pick one more person. She goes over to this James McAvoy-looking guy. And what does he dress like? What does he look like? He looks like James McAvoy but really like drawn and gaunt. He's got

he's wearing a chain shirt and he's got like a blood stained like cloak and like he's got a smear of like dried blood across his forehead. It's not his. Did he just arrive today?

No, he's been working as a healer in the sanctuary. So he's got like, you know. Yeah, looks real happy. Really wants to take part in the tug of war. It's like, I just got off an 18-hour shift.

But unfortunately, as is tradition, you cannot refuse the Hope Knife recipient. So she pulls everybody up on stage and it begins. So basically,

who has the highest initiative between you clowns? Modifier? No, full... Should we roll initiative? Who has the highest initiative modifier? Plus five. That's Who has the highest initiative modifier? Plus five. That's higher than me.

Plus seven. Oh, Jesus. That's a fast witch. I'm zero. That witch is scary fast. She's embraced the agility patron. Quick witch. Gormley, what's your initiative modifier altogether? Seven. Seven. Oh, so you have the highest. Alright, so you roll

initiative for the group to pull. So with my modifier, we get a 17? 17. Oh, no. No. Other way around. So we get a 13. 13.

I can read. He's a screenwriter, not a mathematician. All right. Now, what are all of your strength bonuses? Once again, zero zero zero minus one coming in strong with the plus three oh so two is your strength uh okay uh one of you guys roll a strength check plus two you don't get the bonus because they had a higher initiative. So you just roll a straight strength roll, and my guys get the initiative. Oh, no.

All right. I'll roll it. Should I lie, or should I tell you what this really is? I would like the truth. It's a nine. A nine beats them. You guys pull them. It must have been the girl.

Five feet over, yeah. She's stronger than she looks. She's a handsome young lady. How old is she again? She's 12? 12. Yep, today is her 12th birthday. Is she human or is she?

Yeah, is she human? Is she half orc? No, she is human. Okay. At least that's what I've decided because I don't feel like looking it up. I forgot. She has a strength modifier of minus one, so you've got to count that. But you still win and pull it forward.

All right. Okay. Next round, roll initiative again. So roll your plus seven to whatever you get. Ooh, 17. You guys get the plus two bonus. Nice. Nice.

Roll another strength. Can I roll for this check? You got it. All right. Thank you two bonus. Nice. Roll another strength. Can I roll for this check? You got it. All right. Thank you. Oh. Twelve plus two is fourteen. They pull you guys back.

Oh, boy. All right. I'm really glad I have extensive longbow training. This is really coming in handy. It's really coming in handy. It's really coming in handy. Roll initiative again. Third round. Oh, God.

Nine. Nine. They get the bonus this time. Now roll your strength. I'll roll it. Nine. Uh-oh, they pull you one step closer to the water. We're all going to die. I'm going to die. you one step closer to the water. We're all gonna die.

We're gonna die. I release the rope and run away. Ruby falls in the water, thereby embarrassing her. She's no longer an adult. Happy birthday. Bon anniversaire. All right, next round. Roll initiative again.

Come on. Oh, God. 11. That's enough. All right, you get the Roll initiative again. Come on. Oh, God. 11. That's enough. All right, you get the bonus this time. Strength check. 12. They pull it forward one more time.

14 beats a 12. No. Uh-oh. Roll initiative again. Initialize. Are we one away from the water now? You're one away from falling water now you're one away from falling in

25 beat that dungeon master you get the bonus plus dose alright who's rolling the strength you haven't rolled strength yet yeah do it

finish them oh almost a 19 11 11 you guys pull it back oh oh god

alright next round roll it So 11. 11. You guys pull it back. Oh, snap. All right. Next round. Roll it ish. Oh, there you go. 25. Oh, man. Now we're starting to feel it. We're getting into a rhythm.

Okay. We're really coming together as a team, I think. Yeah. Yeah, ultimately. I think perhaps this is foreshadowing of things. All right. You get the bonus, so plus two and then plus your strength is another two, right? 12.

14. Oh, 14, yeah. 14. 14. You guys even the odds. Yes. Yes. Back over the middle. Next round.

16. You get the bonus again yes do it strength check I'll do it oh man 13 you guys entered

one step closer yeah Anish ooh is that is that 2 is that 7 I don't know how to read this

it's a 2 so 9 9 they get the bonus these elvish dice are so stupid oh they rolled low I'll roll Is that a two? Is that a seven? I don't know how to read this. It's a two. So nine. Nine. They get the bonus. These Elvish dice are so stupid. Oh, they rolled low. I'll roll. Let's do it.

Do it. Let's do it. Do it. Twelve. Twelve is enough? Yes! All right. You guys are one away?

One away. Get them. Yeah. 22. You guys get the bonus. Make it count. Strength. Joe.

Joe. Joe. God. Strength. Joe. Joe. 12. You see Roderick look at you, look, and kind of wink. And you guys pull them. We all slosh in the water. I always liked that, Roderick. They don't want to make Ruby look bad on her birthday.

Sorry, can we have some ambient sounds? Joe, do you have any crowd sounds we could hear? Let's see. Let's see if we can get this to work. Oh, that's beautiful. It's just everybody milling about. Yeah. Cool.

Sounds like a beautiful day. Do you have tug-of-war sounds? All right, hey, cheers. Everybody's like, ha ha! He turns around and sees the dwarf and he's like, didn't even know that guy was behind that. I spit on the ground.

It's not clear if I'm spitting because my mouth is salivating. That's one sexiest orc. I think I know why so yeah I did that dumb little game with tug of war just so that a year from now

when you're fighting hordes of giants you all look back and say hey remember when this all started with tug of war yeah we were so naive then and it'll be a totally different party because most of you will be dead. I'm actually going to make my second character a giant.

That'll even the odds. Oh, I should have done that. Much better thinking. Much better thinking. Oh, why didn't I think of that? So now the ceremony continues. These are the little silly games, and you guys are just mingling throughout the crowd. Everybody roll your choice of a Diplomacy or a Knowledge Local check.

Nine Diplomacy for Galabras. Gormley gets a 14 Knowledge Local. Nine as well for Baron. 13 Diplom diplomacy for Lurk. A high of 14. It's been a rough go so far. We've not rolled well. So you guys are walking around,

and someone comes up to Galabrius, and Baron is nearby, sort of overhearing this, and they're just kind of talking, and he's like, you know, the Hope Knife is more than a weapon. It's a symbol. To Trunowans, earning your Hope Knife is a mark of your place in the community. When you earn your Hope Knife,

it means you're wise enough to make adult decisions, old enough to know what it means to fear, and strong enough to protect your neighbors, even if it costs your own life. Do I know you? No, I just... Good to meet you. My name's Thomas Exposition. All right, so it's Thomas Exposition. Oh, that's right. You're tracking Thomas.

There's a Thomas. It's a Hexposition. The H is stylish. Oh, there's the crow. Rooster. All right. You hear somebody else say that rumor has it that Roderick Grath is next in line

for the position of patrol leader after his old man Jagrin retires Jagrin's a good commander but he's getting old and it might be time for some new blood

in the militia's leadership and then lastly you keep hearing people talk about this graffiti all over town really only Gormley and Lork pick up on this

but you hear everybody keep talking about this graffiti. They think the militia should stop cleaning it up. They've got better things to do than clean up the youngsters' messes. But they're also surprised at how long it lasts, because they see people out there doing

all these cleaning with soap and water, and all the graffiti still remains. What is the graffiti? What is it? Is it symbols? Is it words? Is it a Banksy?

People don't quite know what it is. It's like they can't make it out. Is it cool or is it like lame? It looks, it's big. It's really big and obnoxious. Can I see it right now? Is it hip? Is it a language?

Can I, is it all? No, it looks Is it a language? Can I... Is it a... No, it looks like it could be a symbol or a drawing, but... But it's not words. No, it's not words. Okay. You're not quite sure what it is, because you really haven't noticed it. You just see people trying to clean it up, and you've never really thought too much about it. Don't tell me what I think about.

Don't tell me what my character thinks don't tell me what my character thinks you can't speak for my thinks and at some point during the evening you guys after having that tug of war have kind of huddled back to each other because you know for some reason or other you end up kind of keep bumping into each other.

So at one point when you're all kind of hanging out near each other, Cursed and Roderick come over to you guys as the night is worn on and festivities are dying down and most of you guys are just kind of over it. But now they come over and be like, hey, that was fun.

Did you enjoy the tug of war? I should say, before this happened, I slipped away and gave Ruby ten silver pieces. I'm friends with her mother. Oh. Really? Yeah. Oh. Not in a creepy way, I hope.

No, no. No. So, like, as a gift or for a favor? Hush money. Just as a gift. Just take this and keep quiet. Well, that was nice. That was nice. That was nice of you.

Did you record it on your sheet? Mark it on your sheet, man. You've given away ten silver pieces. Oh, they were counterfeit. It doesn't matter. Some friends.

So they're like, you guys enjoying the ceremony? Yes. Well, I'm rather exhausted. I wish I hadn't had to participate in the tug of war on stage. But yes, no, it's lovely. I'm not much for merriment, but I'm hoping that we can get a drink later.

You've seen one, you've seen them all. These true now traditions annoy me. So you all enjoyed it. Why are we here? You guys get the sense right away and Lork would already know this that Roderick is the man.

He's just like, everyone around town is like, oh, Roderick. He's kind of like the Robb Stark of the group. And Cursed, he's fine, but he's, you can immediately know. This is his brother. Yeah, his younger brother. Without anyone telling, you know that he's the younger brother. While still likable, he's shy and kind of drawn back. And Roderick kind of drives the conversation.

And everybody knows him and loves him and you guys immediately like you know even if you're even the more ornery among you are like that guy's alright so you can talk to them if you want and if you don't know them find out some more about them I approach Roderick and

I ask how are the patrols lately? Thankfully, things have been quiet. Which you always like to see in a town normally besieged by orcs. But, yeah, no, things are good. Thanks for asking. No one

ever asks. Gormley says, Roderick, been a long time. How's the family? They're fine. Good to see you. Gormley.

You know, you look like a Gormley. I don't even know your name, I would say. Gormley. What's that supposed to mean oh just just making some some Trunowan humor we Trunowans are known

for our crappy jokes true true it's good to see you in town though I know we don't usually get you out to these festivities so I'm glad you could come and celebrate with us.

Wouldn't have missed it. Lork is going to buy a round of drinks just for the squad here and Roderick. That's nice. Is Roderick drinking? Is he, like, off duty? Roderick's like, thank you. Even though I am technically off duty, I have to... I'd like to keep my senses sharp's like, thank you. Even though I am technically off duty, I have to... I'd like to keep my senses

sharp tonight, but thank you. Thank you for the offer. Please, you guys, drink up. This is a celebration. Yeah, seriously. The whole town is here for a 12-year-old's birthday party. Let's get wasted. Any

excuse, any excuse any excuse alright so shots of whiskey all around courtesy of Lork who doesn't even really look for your

approval or appreciation he just sort of puts it down in front of you and then just drinks it thank you my massive friend you're welcome

thanks drink it Kirst is like so did you guys like the tug of war oh Roderick already asked about that anyways

yeah glad you guys are having fun Roderick's like sorry this is my brother cursed he's uh he's a good dude

gives him a noogie does he give off any sort of a creepy vibe he's a good dude. Gives him a noogie. Does he give off any sort of a creepy vibe? No, he's just like, he'll never be his brother. Will he ever stab his brother in the back? Do you get that sense that he's like... Roll for that. No, I'm kidding.

No, no, they love each other. Okay. Yeah, you get the sense they love each other. He's just, he's the not cool younger brother. Yeah. Like if you had an older brother, you'd the sense they love each other. He's just, he's the not cool younger brother. Yeah. Like, if you had an older brother, you'd be the cursed. Totally.

Hey. Hey, guys. So, after, anything else you want to ask these guys or talk to them about? Gormley asks, what's the deal with all the graffiti? Oh, I don't know. It's one of those things that I try not to pay too much attention to, but we like to keep the area clean, and people just keep drawing this stuff everywhere.

I like it. Oh, you like it? Gives the town a little bit of character it never had. Classic Gormley. You know, the patrol... Omas is on it. He seems to have taken an interest in it. Who?

Omas. And you know, as being one of the members of the militia, that he's talking about Patrol Sergeant Omas Frum, who is kind of like a surrogate father to the cursed, no, excuse me, the Grath brothers. Patrol Sergeant Omast From. So he says, yeah, Omast has taken a real interest in it,

but for the most part, we're not too worried about it. Heck of a thing, though, that doesn't seem to come off with soap and water. Is Omast in this little tavern right now? we're out in like town square you're in like the giant amphitheater right but there's a bar

so it's basically like a beer tent yeah there are like little little kiosks set up all over and Omas should be there but you also roll a knowledge local little kiosk set up all over. OMAT should be there, but you also... Roll a knowledge local. You can all roll it.

Four. Oh, I rolled a 20. Oh, I rolled a 20, and I have no ranks in it, but yeah, so 20. Do you get an intelligence bonus even if you don't have ranks or no? I don't know.

Okay, 12. 12. So, for some reason, Galabras, who just got to town, is like, oh, he's, uh... He found out somehow in his travels that Omast is a recovering alcoholic.

Aren't we all? But he's like on the wagon. I probably overheard somebody mention that yesterday. Yesterday. It's like, that old drunk Omast. I wish him luck in his recovery. Someone came to the sanctuary to burn a candle for Omast.

I don't know. Baron walks over to the music makers in the bar and asks them to play the equivalent of Little John's shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots to antagonize him. A drinking song of some sort. And they're just on their woodwinds

like, come on, Omos. Don't be a little bitch. You're way more fun when you're drinking. There's so many people there. You don't specifically see him, but knowing that he's a recovering alcoholic,

he probably politely excused himself a while ago. You know, it's hard to be around the drink. Right. But yeah, afterwards, they're like, sorry, guys, we's hard to be around the drink. Right. But yeah, afterwards, like,

sorry guys, we just want to say thank you for taking part in the tug of war. I know it's not, some of you are new here and it's probably not your cup of tea,

but it meant a lot to Ruby and it always looks good to have the Hope Knight recipient look good on her name day. So thank you for that. Enjoy yourselves tonight and, you know,

we can always use some help from the militia if you ever find, if you ever feel the calling. And they just... See you later, Roderick. Excuse themselves. Bear that in mind. Gormley is already super creepy.

Bye, Roderick. Be seeing you. Just then, you know, a little while later, or just then you know a little while later or just then a a little halfling

woman comes over little pointy ears and does she's clearly had a couple she's like oh hello if it isn't the the heroes of the day

the old tug of war winners where are you boys staying tonight the heroes of the day, the old tug-of-war winners. Where are you boys staying tonight? At home. I'm a girl. I'm sorry. I'm so small, I couldn't see up that high.

I couldn't see your genitals. Where are you? I was just staring directly at your flat crotch. I couldn't hear it. Where are you boys and girls staying tonight? Oh, so you'll be staying at home. I insist you stay at the Ramble House tonight. I have a special room all picked out for you guys. Can I sense motive on why she's offering?

Sure. Me too. I want to try that as well. Oh, rogue. Ooh. 22 for Galabras. Sure. Me too. I want to try that as well. Oh! Rogue die. Ooh! 22 for Galabras. I'm going to do it as well.

12 for Baron. 6 for Gormley. 6 for Gormley. So Galabras, you just get the sense that she is just a real fun-loving kind of innkeeper. Okay. She's a little eccentric and she just thinks it'd be fun if you guys stayed there because

where everyone saw you take part in the tug of war it may like help business to see you guys hanging out together even though it was just like a silly tug of war these kind of events ritualistically important. Yeah.

And so if they see you, they're like, oh my god, it's the poor guys from the tug-of-war coming out of the Ramble House. It's the tuggers. How often does the Hope Knife recipient win? Is it like every year because they just let them win? Yeah. Yeah. All right. But it's like an honor.

I just wanted to make sure. I knew. But it's like a 12-year-old going against the militia she gets to pick it or he or she gets to pick anybody they want right uh but still the odds of her finding people that could actually overcome the best militia outside of lork over here she picked very poorly she did this withered old witch and an exhausted doctor she's 12 she an idiot. Maybe she's exceptionally kind. Could be. She had kind eyes.

Or maybe she's touched by fate. You ever think about that? Fate, get your hands off her. Told you before. It's her birthday for crying out loud. Fate needs to get on the wagon. Sorry. Fuck you, fate.

Fate, you can't stay at the Ramble House tonight. Well, Goliathus is up. Well, I was planning on spending the night sleeping on a blood-stained patch of straw in the sanctuary, but that sounds nice to me. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I insist a blood patch, a blood-stained patch of straw,

not on Cham's watch. What about you there, little man? I'm taller than you are. No, you understand. I don't know how inebriated you are right now. Sorry, I'm tired. Lork does a spit take. He's like... I roll my eyes and I say

it's better than sleeping on the range tonight. I'll join. Oh, it's better than sleeping on the range tonight. I'll join. Oh, wonderful. Yes, sleeping on blood-stained patches of straw on the range. No, no, no, no, no. You must come to the Ramble House. And you, oh, flat-crotched one.

What about you? Where are you lodging? Gormley's scorpion familiar, Howie, skitters out of her robes and across her shoulders and then back into her robes. Oh, that's creepy. Wouldn't miss it. I'll be there. Sheep! Oh, there'll be an extra fee

for pets. Oh, okay. She's already regretting this, like, greatly. Now, Lork, Lork, I know you have your own lodgings, and you're welcome to use them, but if you'd like, you'd be my guest tonight

at the Ramble House. Well, my place is real, real shitty, too. I'll stay. Oh, wonderful! Oh, you've made me such a happy... I don't clean a lot. I don't clean. It's an odd thing to say.

We have maids that will clean up the rooms, but... As long as you don't Johnny Depp the place, it should be fine. Are you going to shit on the floor? Like, what do you mean you're not clean? I've been drinking. Sorry. I'm drunk. I'm off to a night's get.

Okay, all right. You're getting a little handsy there, Lork You're adorable Lork has his hand Right on her side So close to her little halfling bosom That kind of awkward John Travolta touch Okay, okay, Lork Please welcome Adele Nazeem halfling bosom, that kind of awkward like John Travolta touch. Okay, okay, look. Please welcome Adele Nazim.

Alright, so, you know, and by now the festivities are winding down, and eventually you guys make your way to the Ramble House. So, you know, the Commons is in the center of town, the Ramble House is up closer to where the inner quarter is. You know, the whole is in the center of town. The Ramble House is up closer to where the inner quarter is. You know, the whole part of True Now, it's kind of built on its hills. It's various slopes and hills.

And it's a gated community. Walled and gated. So you all... It's a Portcullis community. It resembles a prison colony. You can never leave. Can you tell us what number on the map Bramble is? I know this isn't helpful to listeners.

Well, you can post the map on the Tumblr associated with the podcast. Be sure to check out our Tumblr, which will exist by the time this goes live. It is B on my map, which doesn't help you at all. All right, do you see the inner walls there? Yes. At the top of the topmost tower right up from that

is... Yeah, it's 8. Oh, 8. Matthew said yeah. That one? Yeah, that's the Ramble House. That's the one. Refer to your maps, listeners, it's 8. Or B, depending's the Ramble House. That's the one. Refer to your maps listeners. It's eight. Or B, depending on which map you upload. Please go to Paizo.com and download the Giant Slayer player, guys.

So you guys, she takes you up there and she's like, all right, guys, here's your room. And it's a little squat room that's, while not super impressive, it's better than any of what you guys had tonight. Even nicer than your home lork. It's got four beds, a bunch of windows. And she says, you're welcome to stay here as long as you want at a discounted rate. And, yeah, so you guys are all in the room. What is the rate? The discounted rate?

And we'll see you guys tomorrow. I don't know where you're at. She closes the door. Outside the door. Charge him double, Tom. Give him the discounted rate. Is that Tom Exposition again? Oh, damn it.

God damn it. He's everywhere. Shut up, Tom. All right, so you guys are all in the room. And do you have a chance to... This is like a common room for the four of us? Yeah, yeah. There's four beds, four sleeping cots.

Well, this is the nicest place Galabras will have slept in in probably a year. So he's very happy about a real bed. I'm going to... Lorca's going to talk to the uh to the witch just because um he um doesn't uh you know he knew i he knew her at some point i mean if you were born in trinow then like he would have known of you and then you would have left and then just suddenly come back so he's just kind of you know wondering like where you are in the mountains i rove i find little caves a place

to stay i uh why are you offering a place to stay in town oh no no i'm not i i'm sorry i started this line of conversation get a room you two you two. Oh, wait. You already did. Gormley is very uncomfortable with the walls and goes and opens a window. So you're sort of like a nomad? Like a bit of a nomad? A bit of a nomad. I think Gormley loves artifacts, especially magic artifacts, so I think she's been kind of roaming through the mountains and exploring

whatever she can find and staying out in the wilds. She's a little claustrophobic. Got yeah that's right this is this is no mountain cave what uh what's going on with uh baron baron uh ask elaborous what he's doing in town? Well, I sort of found myself here, really. I was brought here in chains, honestly. And I find myself a free man, and I have nowhere to go, so I try to make myself useful in the sanctuary

who enslaved you? a bunch of of Swedish rednecks basically essentially, half a world away and I was brought here by a travelling merchant

who probably regrets his purchase now no one should live in chains i agree thank you finally someone agrees with me i shouldn't be a slave ah what a relief i like you a lot uh baron does not understand sarcasm no i know i was totally he was genuine see baron's just... I really am happy to talk to somebody. I shouldn't be enslaved. This is your happy face?

Baron, your guns are concealed, correctly? No evidence of it whatsoever. Right. They're underneath my duster. I have a battle axe on my... A dwarven battle axe on my back. So, you would probably assume that that's how i protect myself yeah wandering around cool yeah i didn't mention that before i have a spear like a long spear do you have a that's like

part of the throwing spear type of thing no like a are you part of the black and blades uh or the militia no i'm part of the militia okay yeah i don't really do active patrols I sort of am a patrol Like a Shift manager No I'm like a desk cop I monitor the patrols I match up guys, I dispatch I do that kind of thing I'm an inside cat

So I turn to Lork and I say How's the paper pushing? It's getting old. Like me. If you had any courage in you, you'd be out there with me. Oh, I've got plenty of courage. I've got plenty. I'm not quite sure how to play a half-orc just yet.

I think it's a lot of... I like where he's going, yeah. When in doubt, growl. Does Lork have a hope knife? Well, I think it's more like... Yeah, he does. And I think it's more along the lines of like... If that fuck, Jagrin, trusted a half-orc to go out on patrol, he'd let me out.

I just wonder whose side you're on, orc. I'm on my side. I'm on Trunau's side. I swear to defend the town from all orcs. Blasted orcs. And he's just basically like an orc sitting in front of him. Right, as he rubs sweat off of his green skin. I have to ask, honestly,

why do you all stay here? It seems like the worst place on Earth. Sure. Basically, it's basically Mordor. And you're in the middle of a shitty town in the middle of Mordor. If I had the chance to leave, I would leave.

The summers are gorgeous. Oh, well, it is still. It's winter, I guess. What is this Mordor? No, you should go with it. I said, what time of year? Do we know what, well, it is still, it's winter, I guess. What is this mode? No, you should, Gorm is- I said, what time of year, do we know what time of year it is? Or are we completely out of our minds? It's late fall.

I mean, I assume our characters know what time, it's late fall, okay. Winter is coming. And I reserve the right to change that when I find out what season it actually is. Okay. Gormley says this is an interesting place with lots of mysteries if you know where to look. Ooh. I've unfinished business. Wherever orcs are, they must be fell, fallen, killed.

Killed. Lork's never had another home. Don't know where to go. By the way, is Lork like a french name for an orc like l'oreal l'orc and did he just say don't know where go don't know where go well uh you know i have to say you're all much braver than I am. It's admirable, really. It seems a little foolish. I ask Calabrus what his skills are.

I'm a healer. I've been touched by divine power, it seems. Well, I can channel energy. How many times per day? Five times per day. I can use energy five times per day. I can use the bit of luck ability for six times per day. That will give you advantage on any role. Did Baron roll a knowledge for Galabras? No, I say, Galabras, you could be useful here in town with your skills.

Yes, well, I hope to make myself useful. Is Galabras, you could be useful here in town with your skills. Yes, I hope to make myself useful. Is Galabras celibate? I think he's a virgin, but I don't think he's celibate. All right, anything else you guys need to discuss before you go to bed? The whole line of questioning is making Galabras very uncomfortable.

Incorrect sound there no I think I'm good nice bed covers, sheets it's nice the windows open the chill autumn air is coming in because Gormley doesn't feel comfortable in this closed off room

and you awaken the next morning to a warm summer's day. All right. Oh, God, we're asleep for almost a year. What was in that whiskey? I have a shackled Galabras and chains in the middle of the night. This is funny. This is not funny. You guys awake, and you're kind of in your bearings and you just hear like,

downstairs. Does it sound like fighting? No, it just sounds like commotion. Voices. Yeah. No thumping, I appear is it downstairs or outside downstairs in the like common room I hastily Don my chain

shirt and pick up my mace did you put it on backwards because you were so hasty? Is the tag in the front? There is actually a rule. There's a rule for hastily donning armor because it takes a certain amount of time to do properly. But I don't know what it is. So anyway, but I put it on.

Let's stop so we can look this up in the Corvo book. Okay. By all means, let's get bogged down by really fiddly books. Is Lork awake? yeah ok so I say time to prove your mettle but he spells metal M-E-T-A-L I am a dwarf I love minerals

ore, mines yeah so I'm gonna keep the old I'll don my studded leather, put the long spear on the back and, uh, I'll don my, uh, studded leather, put the long spear on the back and grab them. I have a mace as well. And just small quarters.

I'll have the mace on hand and, uh, go downstairs. I mean, I'll, I'll open the door and start going down and seeing what's, what the commotion is. Grumley follows.

I followed. Yeah. I, Grumley follows at a distance. I followed. Galapagos is coming down the stairs Still feeling it How does this damn thing work

Just get it on man I follow directly behind the orc Knowing that People will hit him Before they hit this tiny guy behind him Yeah I also have a little bit of Of a limp

First thing in the morning It's a little sore He's an old man So you guys go downstairs and it's just a little bit of pandemonium everyone is in a state of dismay and there's the town militia is like

guys I need you to come outside please and they kind of usher you outside not violently just like please this way and as you get outside you see that the whole building is roped off and Cham Laringfass

the halfling innkeeper that you guys spoke with last night the owner, she's like, his wrists they were lacerated and his bloody hope knife was in his limp hand oh god, oh god oh gods, oh gods which gods? Bloody Hope Knife was in his limp hand. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, gods. Oh, gods.

Which gods? And she's just like almost hysterical. I can't believe this. Who? Who? Who? Who? And she says, Roderick.

No. Roderick Graff is dead. Where? Where? Where is he? Where is he? Not Roderick? No. I found him in his room. Dead. All right. Roderick Graff is dead Where is he? Not Roderick? No

I found him in his room, dead Alright, calm down I run over to the room It's all roped off, you're outside Let me in, I can help Let's just stand back and put your half blade on right I'm a healer, dammit Not an armor guy

Ah yes, armor guy I turn to Lork and say Help a brother out Get him in there You're a militia man Yeah, so I mean, basically They know me What are they going to tell me?

Lork Just keep the crowd back? Lork, what are they going to tell me uh look just keep the crowd back or look what are you doing here you you work you live downtown Jem gave me a room

for that I felt I wanted to sleep in a room with a dwarf I guess just want to sleep in a room with a dwarf a witch and a healer

I've done that before and once again it's I was drinking. Outro Music