The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 13 - Drunkards & Flagons

Episode Date: August 25, 2015

As the battle rages, the companions face off against inebriated bandits pillaging a local tavern! Will they triumph in time to save a little girl from a fate worse than death? WARNING: This particular episode deals with dark and mature themes. As we were discovering the voice of the show early on, our improvisation led us down paths exploring the horrific nature of orc society. Please be assured that we course corrected to stray away from these themes as the podcast continued. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. So this is the first time that Galabras has killed a sentient being. This is the first time he's like looked into someone's eyes and watched the light go out. Galabras faces the horrors of war as Skid faces the horrors of Troy. Hey Skid, remember that thing you were really happy about? Dude, are you ready to have Troy shit all over it? I knew before he even rolled, I'm like, this kid's not going to like the result of this roll.

The innocent people of True Now come under attack. You catch a quick glimpse of an orc, like, grabbing a young girl and pulling her into the house. Will Skid stay to save them? I'm going to head down to the seedy little convenience store by my apartment where everyone sits around playing Keno all day. What a game.

What a game. Oh, state-sponsored gambling. The Battle of Bloodmarch Hill continues now. Hello, listeners, friends, gloss Canadians all over the world. It is I, Galabras, Chiric of Desna, otherwise known as Skid. This is my actual real voice. That was my Galabras voice. Welcome to the show. Thank you for listening. Before we jump into episode 13, which is a really good one, I think, I wanted to address quickly a criticism we've received from a couple of different places, and that is that we don't have any female voices on the show. And I just want to

say for myself and the rest of us, we agree. We wish we had at least one woman on the show. That would be fantastic. There's a couple of different reasons why we don't, and the primary one is we just don't know a lot of women who game, who would want to game with us. I mean, we all moved to New York from elsewhere, and we've kind of found each other here, and we're not as immersed in the gaming scene, I guess, as we would like to be. We'd meet more women who do it. The women who are in our lives, our wives and girlfriends,

could not be less interested in what we're doing. They tolerate us, our gameplay, our hobby, and this podcast, and that's about the extent of their involvement. The other thing is that chemistry is really, really important. It's important to find the right group, the right group of people. When I first moved here, when I first moved to New York and I started gaming, it felt kind of like a chore at times. It felt like an obligation and I wasn't really enjoying it. And it was because I didn't, for whatever reason, I just didn't have great chemistry with the people I was playing with. But now that I found these guys and others, I'm loving it more than I have probably since I was a kid. So if we were to incorporate a woman,

we'd have to make sure that she would be a good match for the chemistry. There are a couple of different candidates. There's a couple of people that we do play with that would really be fun, I think. So hopefully we can incorporate them at some point down the line, either by bringing a new character into the show or if one of us dies in real life and there's a seat empty on the couch that would be great um so look forward to that hopefully for now

enjoy episode 13 drunkards and flagons all right you got all that i think that's how it should open Skid singing Lil Adele Nothing goes better with dragons Than Adele Adele So Is everyone still alive?

Barely I need to keep track here Yeah actually could everybody So okay so we're we're a little break here right we're we just got out of the burning building which has collapsed behind us yes we will take a meta break um but yeah there's pandemonium okay so not at all so no no break okay put down that flask we're not there's no there's no orcs like trying to immediately kill us right now right now there is a bit of a break.

So we can take a nap. Galabras is going to scan everybody, take a little poll, see who's hurt. Who needs healing right now? I'm more of a glass half empty type at the moment. Okay. What does that mean exactly? Just tell me, Baron. We don't have time. There's no time for metaphor

I reckon I reckon I've felt better In my life before Alright so you're hurt If I were to put a number on it I'd say I have That's what I was avoiding 16 points of life

Left And what is your normal 23 Okay I'm 7 of 19 Okay My favorite Borg character. Gomli.

How are you feeling? Witchy. I've been better. Thanks. Okay. So, I... Yeah, I'm hurt. Delabras is going to...

Let me just whip this out. Whoa, whoa. Put that away. This, meaning my... The wand of tear light wounds that we found. Is that what we're calling it now? Yes. And, okay, so first on Baron, I'm going to...

Oh, nine points back. Max healing for Baron. That's awesome. Fuck, yes. Expending one charge. Much obliged. How many charges are there? There are seven left.

Okay. I'm just going to... We got to use all our expendables now I think Because we're in a lot of trouble I have one potion left Okay Cure light wounds I think I need to

And Gormley I'm gonna heal you For again Max healing nine points Nice That is awesome Six charges left And for our frontline fighter

One point of Right exactly Minimum And again Max healing Get out of here Charges left. And for our frontline fighter, one point of... Right, exactly. Minimum. And again, max healing. Get out of here! I rolled three eights. I rolled three eights in a row. I confirm.

What? That is... Let's take this guy down to Belmont. Yeah, man. We're waiting for our time. With some money on the ponies. Galabras, that's quite a wand you have there. I'm going to head down to this seedy little convenience store by my apartment where everyone

sits around playing Keno all day. What a game. What a game. Oh, state-sponsored gambling. Yeah, man. That's great. Does anyone else need any more? Are we good?

I'm full. Okay. I'm full. I'm one shot full, so I'm good. All right. Gormley is going to cast a little Mage Armor. Oh, how timely. How timely.

What a great idea. Was it your near-death experience that enlightened you to this? Gormley's a little shaken, not going to lie. Shaken, not stirred. And now Mage Armor, how long does that last? It's one hour per level, so I have two hours. All right, that's pretty solid. level, so I have two hours. All right, that's pretty solid.

That's a lot of battle time. We could be dead or something by then. All right, so that happened. Two hours later, one hour and 58 minutes later, the walls fall down. You're unbothered for exactly two hours. Suddenly, through the wall.

Now, let's reassess the situation here. It's been a little while since we played. Obviously, you just had a very harrowing situation where you saved Sarah Morninghawk and Agrit Standisgar from a near-death experience in the burning building. And now, remember what your goals are. Your goals are obviously to slay orcs on your way across the inner quarter to get to the Hope Spring outside of the inner city walls

to light that beacon. But I would say probably your main objective, the way the curse told you, was save, secure as many areas as possible, and rescue townsfolk from danger. Because they're busy kind of working for... They're making their way to that beacon. Yeah, well, they're making their way to the barter stones where the catapult is like shooting rocks,

flaming rocks, and you saw this giant creature over there. They're making their way over towards there. You guys need to secure the inner quarter, save people, and eventually make your way to the Hope Spring. And we've been kind of, I was just remembering, we were kind of bossed around uncharacteristically by Cursed. He was kind of like, get moving. Yeah, he took the leadership role.

He finally grew up here. A little, yeah. He always brings it out in you when you get on horseback. He's taller than everybody. Unless you can't ride. I'm not speaking from personal experience. Now, it's a very interesting moment here. You're standing, and even though there's all this pandemonium going on,

you're a little bit removed from it at the moment. Like, you just dealt with that, and it's this odd kind of stillness in the air. The stench of death hangs over this small square that you're standing in, in Trunau's inner quarter, and there's just bodies of all kinds laying around. Orcs, humans, men, women, children, elderly, just dead. They're lying scattered across the cobblestones

where they fell. There is a well standing in front of you and veins of watery blood crawl from the base of the well in the center of the square, spreading from the limp body of a slain Trunowan guard

draped over the side of the well. You kind of all take this in, and there's this rare moment of silence on the battlefield, accentuated by the sounds of crackling flames in the distance and the steady, hollow drip of blood into the well. Oh, God. I take a drink from the well. It's quite refreshing.

You're now a level 10 pit bull. I've decided since I found that holy symbol, I'm going to worship Nelgryth, the blood god. This is my first, my baptism. You're just going to drink the blood of the fallen? I'm just going to drink all the blood. No, I'm not going to do that. I will go over to the body and like pull it like away from the well and like check check it make sure he's dead um yeah you pull

it over and uh it's uh starting to get a little bloated from half of its body being in the water and it just kind of falls to the ground um he has a long sword, a heavy steel shield, about 10 crossbow bolts, a healer's kit, 50 feet of hemp rope, and 15 gold pieces. Shanks, pal. Let's make sure we rob this guy. Strip him down. He's wearing scale mail, but it's broken, because there's a long gash running down his side where he was stabbed straight through.

Never buy Chinese scale mail. So, you also find a potion and a ring of keys oh well yeah we'll take that ring of keys in the bloody mud at the like at the base surrounding the well is he peter coyote from et he he is i knew it i don't know i don't know that reference one person got that reference i got it and it was me he's the head scientist oh right he's the guy and that's how he identifies him as they show the ring of keys on his belt come on in the novelization they actually call him mr keys you read the novelization of et uh when.? When I was nine, yes. You know what I found out the other day? That the Darth Vader reveal was revealed in the novelization of Empire Strikes Back,

which came out two months before the Apple movie. I saw that too, but there was no internet back then, so nobody knew. No one knew. No one could tell anyone. Wow. And no one read back then. Yeah, no one knew how to read. Let me ask the question of the group.

Does it make sense for me to pick up a melee weapon? You should be hanging back. I mean, you should always have a dagger on you. I have a dagger, but I'm wondering if I... No, a dagger's good. I don't think I'm proficient in the longsword, actually. No, no. Yeah, the problem is just that you probably have very low strength,

and that affects your ability to hit anything. Yeah. Well, it doesn't affect your ability to hit. Well, yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. I actually have a minus one strength modifier. Right, so all your damage would take minus one to whatever you rolled. You know, so it's not exactly.

You should just get out of there. Glomni, you stay here in the back with me where it's safe. Hide in the well. All right. Let's hide in the blood well. I did have a suggestion because we have that scroll of bark skin as well that we found.

I think Lork is the only one who can use it safely. Okay. Does it give you a natural armor bonus? Yeah, it gives you a plus two natural armor bonus. How long does it last? It lasts for, I think it's 10 minutes per level. I think it's a second level spell, so that would be third level. It would be a half hour.

Yeah. And do you or Gormley have the ability to cast that? Yeah, it's 10 minutes per level, so it would be a half hour. Yeah, a cleric can cast Barkskin, right? It's a ranger spell. Oh, it's a ranger spell. Yeah. Okay, so I could do it.

I just got to roll on it. Yeah. Sweet. Sweet, sweet. Alchemist, Dru Yeah. Okay, so I could do it. I just got to roll on it. Yeah. Sweet. Sweet, sweet. Alchemist, Druid, Ranger, or Summoner. Okay. Did you guys get all those things that I read, or I can always tell you later? No, I got it.

I wrote it down. Okay. Oh, the healer's kit you should grab. I got that. And it has ten uses remaining, that healer's kit. Okay. I'll grab the potion. Do we know what it is?

You have to identify it. Yeah. Spellcraft? A little spellcraft. I'll grab the potion. Do we know what it is? You have to identify it. Yeah. Spellcraft? I'll do a spellcraft. Well, that's not going to help too much. Eleven. That's a potion of cure light wounds. Alright! Who wants to hold onto it?

I have one on me now. I'll grab it because I think I used mine. Okay. I am a potion of cure light wounds. You're a walking potion of cure light wounds. Someone else should use it. Look I am a potion of cure light wounds. You're a walking potion of cure light wounds. Someone else should use it. Look at this tall glass of cure light wounds. So let me give you an idea. It tastes great over ice. Give me an idea of what you're...

Please check out our cocktail ideas on glasscanonpodcast.tumblr.com. So obviously I have a little map here that I drew of the town for you guys to see, but it's not to scale. But to give you an idea, this is where the general area where you just saved a greet and Sarah,

which is like kind of right when you walk into the inner quarter to the right. The well is right here in this town square, and it's much bigger than in real life. This is what you see. To your right, the well is right here in this town square, and it's much bigger than in real life. This is what you see. To your right, you see a number of buildings, like three or four apartment buildings, and there is a crude cart in front of them,

and you can see orcs throwing stuff into the cart, and they're scavenging these buildings, that you, Lork, know people that live there. You know that. That's a little farther away. Beyond that, you see one of the towers of the city walls, and you can hear this drum beat. And you could swear you see some creature up there,

like, banging. and you could swear you see some creature up there, like, banging. Is that the drum sound effect? You can see some sort of creature up there, like, banging a drum. That's a little farther away. The thing that you notice that's closest to you is to your left, just a little ways away,

is the bar known as the Killing Ground, which I think you guys went to a few days ago. I remember Baron ordering a beer somewhere. Yeah, I got my brewer's kit. Yes, you got your brewer's kit. It's an appropriately named bar. So that place is the place that's nearest to you right now, and an orc is standing outside of it and sees you

and he's just like, Oh, look! Look at you! You useless fucks! And he's just slurring at you and yelling and saying, Good luck! Good luck saving your shitty town!

And it's a regular orc? Not a half orc. Yep, full on orc. Regular orc. How far away would you say he is? He's probably about 25, 30 feet away. You have a terrible British accent. All orcs speak in a British accent, Troy.

Oh, I didn't know. Like cockney. Yeah, they have like a cockney accent. Your shitty town sucks! Go fuck yourself, heroes. In an uncharacteristic bit of pride, Grumly is going to shoot at him with a crossbow.

Whoa. Oh, that's awesome. How far away was he? 25 feet. Oh, alright. Do it. Go for it. She's not taking any shit. That's a 22 to hit. Whoa! The opening salvo. Well, that'svo well, that's a few of those already Five points of damage awesome. It's awesome roll for initiative

Wow nice work. That's what you are mouthing off to a witch. I was not expecting that. Shut up. That is great. No, you suck. And therein lies the benefits of the surprise round. Right. Because now you get to roll and still go in your turn.

Wow. Okay. Anybody over 20? 21 for Baron. Hell yeah. 20 for Gormley. Nice, guys. 21 Baron, 20 for Gormley.

It's you next. 18. And then Lork. 18 for Galabras. And 5 for Lork. Lork. Killing it. He's still stretched a little after that. He's getting rid of the smoke. He's coughing out the smoke.

He actually has a pencil pusher's negative ten trait to initiative rolls. Would Sarah or Ygritte have picked up the longsword? Did they leave and go to the longhouse? Or the Medical You escorted them

Back to whatchamacallit Got it Okay So Okay Over here In this Situation here that I've drawn on these maps,

we'll take pictures later for our tumbler, the creature that you just hit, like, pulls the crossbow bolt out, and then ducks inside of the killing grounds. And now it's Baron's turn. Um, and there's no visible, where are we? You guys are 30 feet away. 25 to 30 feet away. So...

And where are the orcs that are pillaging? They are farther off. They're off the map. Far enough away to be off this map. Yeah, far enough away. This is a single thing. You saw this one orc. What would you have to chase him doing?

I guess. And then. Well, it's up to you, Baron. I like to finish what others start. Oh, I take it back, Troy. It was six points of damage. I'll talk to that. You son of a bitch.

I can't believe Gormley just shot a crossbow for six points of damage. That's awesome. Yeah, that's pretty sweet, man.

That's so awesome. Uh, you know, we're in a combat round. I'm not gonna run away now, so I'm gonna approach the door of the tavern. The killing grounds.

Okay, and, uh, I can't see through the door. Uh, you Can I see through the door? You can... The door's closed behind. It pulled the crossbow bolt out and kind of limped in

and shut the door. So it took three standard actions. Just want to make sure we're clear. It took three standard... So he has a feat? It's some kind of super orc. Called flavor? Let's run.

Let's run. He's invincible. I want to get the flavor feat. It just lets me be like, it just sounds cool. I backflip over the building, I move 60 feet, and I stab him in the back,

and I don't have to roll to attack. It's a flavor feat. It's a flavor feat. Can I have my own? That's good flavor feat. It's a flavor feat. That's good flavor. Can I have my own free standard action and kick the door open just to see what happens? Yes. There you go. Kick it open. You kick the door open and you see

inside this orc and two humans. Oh. The orc we hit? Yep. You see The orc we hit? Yep, you see the orc you hit standing over here. And then there are two humans, and there are just bodies everywhere. I'm going to shoot my gun at the fucking orc.

Fuck yeah, man. How about that? Roll to hit. How about that shit? Rolled an 11 on the die. This kid's doing play-by-play. 16 on touch AC. Using a 9. Ah, that is a hit.

Ooh, baby. Kill this mouthy fuck. Four points of damage Holy Cannoli Gormley Gormley's gonna Move up behind

Baron so she can see in To the bar And she's gonna evil eye The orc Okay now The orc. Okay. The orc's AC. Do you have line of sight on that?

I'm just curious. It's up to you if he has line of sight on that. Is this the orc? Yeah, that's the orc. So the orc's just kind of to the side of the door. Yeah, I think you would be able to do that to one of the guards, or one of these humans. Who seems to be an enemy? Yes. Oh. Oh. Oh.

But that guy, but the orc is kind of around the corner. That would be a tough that's a tough sell. Well, if the humans are enemies then I'm going to evil eye the human directly straight at the back of the, at the bar. Okay, and that does. For his for his AC. Alright,

now is that a will save or will save yeah what is your will um 12 that fails fail city okay what uh what is its new ac it's minus two to its ac for six rounds. Ooh. Nice. That's really awesome. Debuff City. Okay. It's a terrible city. Take me down to the Debuff City where the AC's down and nobody's pretty.

Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen. You're right that nobody's pretty. Axel Rose has really lost his higher end range he's getting old that that human

that Gormley just evil eyed stumbles up to Baron Baron you smell the stench of alcohol on them

these trunks and yeah so basically while everyone else is out raiding and pillaging. Please tell me he's going to try to make a pass at me while he's drunk instead of attacking me. Yeah, you're really pretty good looking

for a dwarf. And he attacks you with his long spear. Twelve. Does not hit. Does not compute. Okay.

And then the other dude comes up and does an attack with his greatsword. Through the corner of a door? 13. Well, you get partial cover, I think. Misses anyway.

But it misses anyway, yeah. All right, Galabras. Okay. Galabras. Where am I? Galabras is going to step up. To the streets. Behind Baron and touch him with a bit of luck.

Oh, fuck yes. And say, here, grace of Desna be upon you. Fuck yes. All right. Do you feel lucky, punk? All right. Do you feel lucky, punk? I'm a Western character, not like a modern-day detective type.

I meant to talk to you about your dialect. I don't recognize it. I'm from the Five Kings Mountains. There's a lot of kings in the mountains. Five of them, you see. And they all talk different. Well, we can talk about it later. Okay.

We're not being attacked. I reckon the heat of battle might not be the best time. Just a bookmark for later. I do actually, I have a theory. Remind me like when we're out of combat. I have a theory about what's happening here. So remind me. I will. I want to hear said theory.

Now it's Lork the Orc. Sergeant Lork Irontusk. Lork the Orc, Chicago, Illinois. Lork is going to try out this falchion that he got. So he's going to switch out to the falchion and just move up. That'll be his turn. Okay. That'll be his turn.

Okay. Scooter-doop-doop-doop-doop-ba-doop-ba-dee-ba-da-ba-da-bum. Okay, and now it is Baron's turn. Baron is going to take a five-foot step to his right to open up that doorway a little bit, and he's going to shoot the shit out of the fucking guy that's drunk and has low AC. Bonus. And roll twice.

Twelve on the first roll. Nineteen on the second roll. Looks like the bit of luck saved the day. That is a hit on the second one. Four. Four points of damage. Four points of damage.

It's only on the two hit I roll twice, correct? Yes, correct. That'd be so cool if it was damage. That would be overpowered. There's a word for that. It's overpowered. That's always touch AC, right? Yes.

Unless it's past the normal range of my weapon, and then it goes against standard AC. Got it. So does Gormley's EY lower its touch AC? I would think so, yeah. So it lowers both regular and touch AC by two. Yes. I rolled a 24, so it should still be good.

Yeah. All right, speaking of Gormley, you're up. Can Gormley see the other human that came up to attack Baron? From where you are, no. Okay. You could move. You could move and do it. You could take a five foot and do it.

I was hoping to do more, but oh, yeah. So Gormremlin will take a five foot step and evil eye the other human okay and that is a damage or attack or something i don't want to die we'll save was a 14 uh that's a safe that's a safe so for one round you have a minus two to your attack roll thank you and that's the's the greatsword guy, which is good. You don't want that shit hitting you. No. Minus two to attack. Roll a perception check, Gormley. 19.

You notice that that did especially help because they're already sickened from being drunk. So now their attack is all the more weak. What the fuck are these guys? This makes no sense. They're just raiding the booze. I can't wait to hear your theory. I have a theory.

Okay. This guy steps right into the middle of the fray. Drunk asshole. I can't wait to blow. Making himself immediately flanked. And doesn't he get, for the reach, don't you get attack of opportunity? No, I switched to the falchion,

but I wouldn't anyway, because he just took a five foot step. And he goes to stab Baron with his long spear. There's a giant orc there. He's so threatening. Fifteen. It fucking hits. What's the matter with you?

God damn it. You're the one shooting a gun at him. Yeah, I'm going to shoot it even harder next time. It's the first gun he's ever seen, and it's shooting at him. He stabs you for, oh, wait a minute.

Did you subtract? What'd I say, 15? Yeah. It's actually a 13. Does not hit. That's right, because he's sickened.

This is the greatsword guy? No, the greatsword guy is the one that has a minus two to his attack, but he already has a minus two, so now he has

a minus four to attack. I forgot that. Awesome. You picked the right four to attack. I forgot that. Awesome. There it is. Take the right people to lead. This guy sees that all go down and starts to back up a little bit. What a bitch.

I can't wait to blow this guy away. And now it is the Galabras Finn's turn. Okay, I'm going to back up five feet and fire my light crossbow at the drunk in the middle of the jerks. Okay. I believe that's a minus four. Or it's engaged in melee. Animus.

Pew! Tonk! Wouldn't it be great if some asshole yelled at you on the streets at, like, St. Mark's or something And you just shot him with a crossbow I would love like right outside of grassroots where all these drunk 20 year olds are That's how Gourmet rolls I would love to shoot an NYU student with a crossbow once in my life

And now we're going to get sued One of us was an NYU student and I can certify that that is an absolutely deserved reaction. Yeah, right? I have a whole new outlook on existential crises now that I'm dying. All right. It is lorkstered. All right, let's take this falchion out for a spin. This guy's flanked, so... 21 to hit.

That is a hit. Eight points of damage. And you kill him. Yeah! He dead. Stabbed. Dead. Don't fuck with Lork.

Lork. Okay, and now it is Baron's turn. I can still move. Oh, wait, you want to move? I might get up in this business. Just don't block my shot. You're in my shot. This guy's got a great sword.

I took out the long spear guy, so I'll close right on that guy. All right, so you walk right into the room and walk right up to the other human. Right into his face. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to protect my friends here. You've got to protect your friends. Baron, swift action, rapid reload his weapon,

and he is going to step into the establishment and hopefully live up to its namesake and kill something. He is going to draw his pistol on the orc and I say, squeal like a pig boy. That'll do it. 20 against his touch AC. Oh, up close and deadly. Sorry.

Yeah, that's a hit. Eight points of damage oh that's 18 total on that guy holy shnikes uh okay that's a tough bastard yeah he's taking two bullets in addition to a bolt yeah he's still standing yeah he's not joking he's still standing No wonder he was Never there's ever been Alright so now Did I get a little bit of luck on that? No Or was that just the last one?

No that's Just for one round So now this Orc Is finally going to take a turn Moves in And Goes to swing

His greataxe at Lork. Good choice. And misses. Thank God. Nice. Great choice. A greataxe and a greatsword back to back and around. I can be done with the take.

Not that great, turns out. Gormley. Gormley. Gormley. So Gormley is going to... Can I see the human that Lork is in melee combat with from where I am? The greatsword guy? No. There's just too many people in the way.

Well, I don't know the rules with evil eye. Do you need a clear line of sight? Yeah, because he's... I'm short. I'm four foot tall. Yeah, she basically just... I'm short. I'm four foot tall. Yeah, she basically just has to see over Baron. Because there's a... There's a direct line.

She should be able to see him. Yeah, if it's just line of sight, and you can definitely see over Baron, then I think that works. All right, you know what? I'm going to take a five-foot step in so I can see the orc over Baron. Okay.

And I'm going to evil eye the orc. Ooh, boy. All right. It's Just gonna roll a will save Oh yeah Made it 20 Okay so for one round You have minus two to your attack roll

Okay Loving it I would cackle but I moved I'm loving witch Okay I'm amazed at our restraint For not singing witchy woman At any point during this podcast

Not yet It'll happen though The podcast is still young Okay I hate the fucking eagles man I do too I had a rough night And I hate the fucking eagles

Does this If I take a five foot step there Does it provoke Dan Henley No Alright so the The human Takes a five foot step

To try and It's trying to work work its way around Lork and drunkenly swings its greatsword. And now this is... Minus two. But it was just for one round because he saved, so now it's, he got the minus two last time, so now he's back to just minus two instead of minus four.

Right. I couldn't cackle to extend it. Because you had already moved. Yeah. You fool, I couldn't see him. Swings it. Because you had already moved. Yeah. You fool. I couldn't see him. Swings his greatsword at Lork and misses. Yes!

Oh! These guys are wasted. Galabras. Finn. All right. Galabras is going to step aside, Gormley. Step right past Gormley.

Oh, wait. No, never mind. He's going to stand, put, reload his light crossbow and fire at the orc over the shoulder of Baron. No, over Baron's head and over Gormley's shoulder. Just a little right off the top, please. Headshot.

Gormley is very agile, so she makes the slightest adjustment. 16 to hit is that with the minus four no he's not a melee yes he is no he's not Lork oh did he attack him yeah Lork the orc he was attacking Lork the orc okay then no sorry thanks thank you pointing that out would have been a real bummer if we didn't get that right

hey skid remember that thing you're Pointing that out. Would have been a real bummer if we didn't get that right. Hey, Skid, remember that thing you were really happy about? Are you ready to have Troy shit all over it? I knew before you even rolled, I'm like, Skid's not going to like the result of this roll. Alright, it's Lork. Alright. Lork is... He'll go after the... He's going to go after the orc.

Okay. With the falchion. Critical. Threat. Falchion City. Natural 19. Falchion City, that's a city. Falchion City is a city.

I would live there. Falchion City. Natural 19. Falchion City, that's a city. Falchion City is a city. I would live there. Falchion Punch. 15 to confirm AC. 15 confirm AC does not confirm. Does not confirm. Shit. That would have been nice. I enjoyed your Captain Falcon reference.

Thank you. Nine points of damage to the orc. The orc falls. Yes. Fuck you. Think about that next time. And it's got blood seeping from his chest. Oh, yeah, by the way.

And it's just looking at Lork like... So even though it's dying, it's got a little fight left in it. Well, just to give you a... I mean, I don't think he has to go prone. I mean, that's not part of Orc ferocity. Oh. Yeah. That's right.

It's a nice flavor, though. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It certainly makes it easier. And how racist is this? Skid knocked my mini prone because I look like an Orc. You are an Orc.

Wait, where's the, oh. This guy? And I will take a He'll stay standing I'm going to take a Five foot step So this guy doesn't Get around me

Ah okay So you're going to Get away from a Possible flank Flank position Alright Round Three

Baron Baron's going to Rapid reload He's going to Walk directly up To the orc And he's going to Say

I thought I told you to squeal like a pig boy nine against touch ac uh miss miss uh how much how much damage did you do by the the way? Nine. Nine, okay. Just trying to remember what he's at negative, because if you could straight up kill him if it goes below con, I think that doesn't matter for ferocity. I did not get a good confirm roll there. All right, so this thing, with its dying breath, it swings at Baron, because Baron's right in front of it,

the orc, with his... I could have stayed further away, but I thought it would be cool. Hold on, hold front of it. The orc. With his... I could have stayed further away, but I thought it would be cool. Hold on, hold on. This is the orc's turn? Yeah. That's on orc ferocity right now? Yes. Alright, let me... I'm looking up disabled because we do not know what this means. It says he gets to act disabled. Well, what I've read with ferocity

you get one move or one attack. And then you die. We read it just the other day. Yeah, you get one move or one attack, and then you die. We read it just the other day. Yeah, yeah. A move or an attack. Yep. Swings his greataxe, and must have been from too much whiskey, misses Baron and just falls in a heap on the floor and is dying.

That was his last dying attempt. And now it is Gormley. And it did have a minus two to attack as it was dying, so that made a big difference. Sweet. Nicely done, Gorms. Gormley is going to step in so she can see the human. Through the door.

Through the door so she can see the human. She's going to yell, keep him alive! And then she's going to evil eye the human. Keep him alive. That's so creepy. She's going to have her way with him. Fails, it's save. That is to AC for six rounds.

Oh, baby. Because I already did this guy. This guy is a great source, but I already did his attack roll, right? That is correct. But he saved. I don't think I can do it again, can I? Yes. Once it wears off, I can just evil eye for the same thing again.

Well, read it. I thought you could, but I haven't read it in a while. Let me read it. I'm going to do AC regardless. Okay. So now the last remaining human in the room is going to go and swing its greatsword at Lork and misses. Oh my god.

Cannot catch a break. With the adjusted, because of drunk, he rolled a zero. A witch cannot select an individual hex more than once. So yeah, I think once per target, I can only do AC once, or attack roll once, is the way I'm reading that. Okay. Okay, it is Galabras' turn. I don't think you're ready for this, Galabras. Yeah, I think I'm just going to reload my crossbow and

stay put where I am. All right. Okay, Lork. Lork will attack this guy that's right in front of him. Lork! Hit. Hit. That was 21.

Yeah, especially with minus to the AC, that's definitely a hit. Here we go, 11 damage. And he falls. Fucking Falchion. Awesome. The man is dead and dying and you are out of combat.

Sweet. Alright, let's make sure we adequately rob these guys. What? I was supposed to get plus one damage against orcs. I forgot about my dwarven hatred, which is what I was role-playing with this wheel like a pig. And I hope you picked up on how fucking racist I was against those orcs.

And how, like, you're a half orc. Yeah, I'm almost there. Nice work. I didn't pick up on it. I don't really hear much when I'm in my blood rage let's get drunk we're here we're here

yeah man Baron's gonna rub his grubby little mitts all over their bodies and look for things should I do a perception or something

no you get a you find on each of the men on each of the humans you find a potion of cure light wounds. Nice. Excellent.

I'll take one. One has a long spear and one has a great sword. Each of them have two gold pieces. Hey, big spender. And then on the orc, you obviously see the greataxe. Two potions of cure light wounds. Wow. So that's four?

Four, yep. So we each take one? Yeah. Sure. I'm holding two now. Yeah, I'm holding two now. Yeah, and you should be holding two now. I'm holding two now.

By the way, that's a masterwork greataxe. Dope. Oh, all right, I'll take that. That's nice. How much shit can you carry? Well, I have to dump something, so I'm like, the Falchion's crit range is so awesome. But I think the damage on the greataxe...

Oh, is it just 1d10? It's 1d12. 1d12. Plus your strength bonus, and it crits times three. You should take that. No, no, it's two-handed, so it's 1.5 times your strength bonus and it crits times 3. Remember it's two handed so it's 1.5 times your strength bonus. I know. What a cool weapon.

Lorc, why don't you hand me your long spear and I'll carry that. I can carry the long spear and the greataxe but not the falchion. I'll ditch the falchion and take the greataxe, whatever. Just keep swapping it around. You also find 59 gold pieces and

yeah what's in the till I go right for the tip jar so Calabrus goes over to the tip jar and you see

it's a kid's college fun you see a man behind the bar like shaking cowering and shaking as you go to steal tips

do I know who he is do I know the barkeep here um does Lorcan Baron does there's a man here Baron approaches and says to the barkeep

sorry about the mess sir are they gone are they all dead they're gone why don't you have a have a little sip of your own supply here and calm down a little bit. I was wondering if I could get some spirit of wine and some urea and some brimstone from you, from your brewing area.

You look and all the bottles are shattered and there's dead bodies all over the place. There's blood everywhere. And you're whipping out a shopping list. Do you have a cellar by any chance? What are you talking about? What's going on? Baron, now's not the time. Let's go. God damn it. I'm trying to make you an ice cap

ale. Doesn't that sound great? Just not a time for crafting. You know, you recognize him. His name is Rabus Clarenston. You guys remember? Lork will get him up and tell him to go to the longhouse. Now's not the time, but he'll tell him to go to the longhouse.

Have you guys seen Glenn Ross? A, B, C. Always be crafting. Jeepers. It's been a few weeks since we've recorded the podcast. He's like, thank you, thank you so much. I don't know what happened. all of a sudden these horns started blowing these drums started beating

and then these half orcs and orcs that were standing here drinking with the patrons just started murdering everyone I got hit in the head with a blunt end of a greataxe so I just feigned death luckily they didn't check me but they drank, they ruined my bar wait, wait, wait

so people, ordinary patrons, all of a sudden went mad and started killing each other. Is that what you're saying? Or they were plants? What is your assessment of the situation? I would think that they were plants. Plants? I would think that they were plants.

They were definitely plants of some sort. Are you mocking my Absalom accent? I'm sorry, I just woke up. Absalom? You know, I don't know what happened. It looked like it was a setup, because all of a sudden I heard this stuff, and then certain people in the room stood up

and started killing other patrons. Patrons that I've known my whole life. And you don't recognize these men? No. No, I mean, there have been a lot more half-orcs in town recently. I knew there was some infiltration happening. I wish I had more information for you guys, but... Look, calm yourself.

Make your way to the longhouse. Okay, the longhouse. Is it safe to get there from here? Maybe? Well, if we send him back through the barricade. Yeah, back the way we came. Maybe take a sword? Really?

Have you ever wanted to use a falchion before? I'm not proficient in it. I'd have to take that feat. Now's the time. But please, thank you so much for saving me. I'll make my way to the longhouse. You have free drinks for life at the Killing Grounds. Oh, and here, take these, please.

And he gives you two potions of remove sickness. Ah. And two vials of soothe syrup. What is it? Simple syrup? Soothe syrup. What is it? Simple syrup? Soothe syrup. Yeah, we're going to make old-fashioned for a second. He's like, yeah, this could come in handy.

If you ever have one night where you're out and drinking a little too much, and you get the nauseated or sickened condition the next day, this will clear that right up. And that was one thing of soothe syrup? Two potions of remove sickness, two vials of soothe syrup, and I don't know how you would write this, free drinks for life at the killing ground. Awesome.

Awesome. Thank you. Thank you so much. You are good, good men and true. I think he should turn this into kind of a TGI Friday situation and chop the orc head off and put it on the wall with a giant pair of novelty sunglasses. It'd be really good for me.

Great idea. I'll think about it. All right. Let's keep moving. Yeah, let's go. Great. Gormley turns to Glabris and says, the nobles outfit we found, maybe they've infiltrated all levels of society.

Yes. That's a fair assessment of what's... Are you saying there's more plants around here? Many plants. Plants, as far as I can see. Roll a perception check. Everybody? Yeah.

15. 16. 9. 9. 9. Gormley and Galabras, the wise among you, just seem to notice that the two humans that attacked you are dressed in a similar manner to the... Assassins.

Assassins. They're in the same garb, so you would assume that they are probably also from Freedom Town. Freedom Town. Right. And they were sent by Screed who i guess is running this this outfit screed the tattooed faced yeah made it look like scars is uh freedom town close to debuff city just curiosity welcome to debuff is the grass green and are the girls pretty uh so yeah do you want to hear my theory about what's happening here yeah

yeah yeah so i think that there is some kind of artifact buried under the town that screed is trying to find i think that they went into the plague house and they were trying to find it that's what they're digging that tunnel in the plague house. They got some kind of information that it wasn't there, and they have information that it's somewhere within the town. That's why they're attacking now. They want to take over so they can find it. Curious. So what's the church of Iomadai in town?

Is there a temple to Iomadai in Trunau? The sanctuary, right? Oh, the sanctuary, right, right, right. Maybe it's in the sanctuary. Yeah, or under the sanctuary. You remember that there, in the back of the sanctuary, there was also the big stone wall had one of those

graffiti swords on it as well. Oh, right. Oh, maybe they're marking locations. Yeah, for digging. So this sword marks the spot. To get to the sanctuary, we would have to get out of the inner corridor. That's not

going to happen now. For right now, we've got to stick to our job which is getting civilians safe. We've also got to light this beacon that's in the inner corridor, don't we? No. The beacon's been destroyed. But luckily, the trees are on fire. So that's a good sign. Close enough.

I think they know we're under attack, what these beacons are for. Those true diamonds are lighting their trees on fire again. Those crazy teens. They're smoking the reefer. All right, so you go outside, and the nearest thing to you you see are these orcs ransacking houses. Roll perception checks. Another one. Let's go.

23. 14. 17. 10. Okay. So you all get the sense that there are three houses off in the distance, and behind it is one of the towers. So there are some houses here,

and then there is a big tower that stands alone. Like a guard tower? Like a guard tower, yeah. And in the distance beyond these houses, just beyond them is where you see the guy drumming. But these three houses, you noticed earlier that there's just this crude cart and these orcs are coming in and out

and throwing stuff in them. Gormley distinctly hears women and possibly children screaming inside the houses. And you catch a quick glimpse of an orc grabbing a young girl and pulling her into the house.

Do you share this information? I immediately share this information. Let's go. Let's go. All right. Then I run at the house. Okay. Me too.

All the doors are slightly ajar, but there are no orcs outside. So there are three houses. We'll call them left, right, center. Which one did the orc pull a girl into? Center. Okay. Center. And which one did the orc pull a girl into? Center. Okay, I will try to... Can I try to actually roll a stealth check? Absolutely.

Move to the house, but try to not be seen or heard? Absolutely. A stealth check with a great axe. 15 to stealth. And I just want to move up to the door where he drug her in and see if I can see in. Okay. One moment here.

You sneak up to the door, and you look inside, and there are what looks like three, maybe four orcs, and they've all got their back to you. Two of them are pulling stuff out of cabinets and stuff, like searching, and one of them is rifling through drawers, and then another one is bringing a little girl onto a bed. Oh, Christ.

So at this point, only Lork has seen that, right? Yes. Lork's skulked up and They do not detect your presence Do you wave us forward? Yeah I'm going to be like come on up I'm going to have to go in but it's very deadly I'm going to stealth up

I'll stealth up to where Where Lork is I'd love to get a surprise round here Oh 24 stealth You get up Same thing you see it and they're not even Looking at you I'd love to get a surprise round here. As will Gormley. Oh, 24 stealth. You get up, same thing. You see it, and they're not even looking at you. All right, well, hold off a second, Gorms.

This kind of thing has a special, makes Gormley especially furious. Yeah. She's chomping at the bit. Whereas it's romantic to Lork, because that's how he was born. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Really? Wow. This is where half-orcs come from. Yeah, it's true. romantic to lork because the uh that's how he was born oh god jesus christ really wow this is where half orcs come from yeah it's true uh unfortunately it's true now uh is she is this

little girl is this little girl look like she's old enough to have gone through her hope knife ceremony uh no this is fucking horrible. That's bad. Yeah, it's really bad. All right. So we're outside the door and there's, uh,

there's two orcs immediately, um, inside the door. Uh, yeah. Like right in front of me and Baron. Uh, you're looking in,

uh, there's, there's two means of entrance into this house that you can see. You are over, uh, looking here. Okay. All right.

Then I think we should bust the door down and try to get a surprise round on these guys. The houses are pretty close together, too, so you're kind of like maneuvering down these tight alleyways. Baron can fire. Yeah, I can fire from range, right? Why don't I shoot my gun at him and scare the shit out of him? Yeah, he'll leave the girl alone for sure.

I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm going to use my gun a lot in this battle. That's a good idea. Well, the problem with shooting at the one with the girl is that you're going to... Oh, I guess you don't take a minus four because it's not combat. It's just... She just happens to be combat. No, I... Yeah, I mean...

But is she really threatening him? The only time I take that minus four is if one of your allies is engaged at all with melee combat otherwise you never take which you always

gotta take it as long as there there's some sort of attack so in this situation you would say we wouldn't take a penalty if he

tried to shoot at the guy who was dragging the girl to the bed absolutely yeah cause they're not it's different you know what I mean

like if Baron is currently attacking an orc and Galabras wants to shoot a crossbow, that's a minus four. But if he's just trying to rape a girl,

that's totally cool. All right, I'm going to shoot... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, sorry. Hey, I'm going to shoot... Phrasing. I'm going to shoot the pederast with my gun.

How about that? Let's roll for initiative and you get your surprise round. Okay. Come on. 23 for Gormley. There we go. Oof.

It's pretty dark. Dark shit, huh? Yeah, man. An orc raid is it's not going to be pretty. It's not pretty. It's not like

I suppose all of other raids. Who knew this orc raid was going to be hard? I wish it was an elf raid. Let's have tea. It'd be so much more reasonable. You said Gormley's got a 21?

23. 23. Baron? 9. Galabras? 8. Lorky? 18.

All right. You guys get a surprise round in the following order. Gormley, Lork, Baron, Galabras. Awesome. So for the noob in the corner over here, can you explain to me how a surprise round would work in this situation where all of us get to go? Sure.

Basically, you were... We'll say that because Baron and Lork rolled successful stealth, normally you'd all have to roll it, but the fact is they were able to sneak up to the building and get the jump on these guys. So they rolled a stealth check. It beat their perception check, and their perception already took a minus

because they were busy doing something else. Once that happens and you guys choose to attack, you get one free round to attack them, and then combat begins. So, for example, your 23 is high enough that it beats all of their initiatives so you're going to get to attack them twice before they even get a chance to attack you and would it matter that after like so the first person in our round shoots or attacks that doesn't end the surprise in the rules of the game nope nope you that surprise round happens.

Yeah. It's all happening. Boom. Yeah. All right. So Gormley is going to shove her crossbow into the house and shoot the, and shoot the orc that's with the little girl. All right.

13. 13 hits. Get out of here nicely done Gorms 3 points of damage don't forget your bonuses to orcs I will not my hatred is real

he turns around and like throws the girl to the bed and turns around his fangs are dripping and he's looking at your tusks as Lork likes to say so that was a stand. Can I take... So do I get a standard and a move? You already had to move to get there.

Lork! To get in the door. Alright, boom! He kicks the door in and steps in and swings his greataxe at this orc right up front. Oh, baby. Come on, buddy. Oh, yes! 24., buddy. Oh, yes. 24.

That's going to be a hit. I think maybe as a player, my first ever 1d12 roll. I never roll a 1d12. Oh, this is your new Masterwork Radex? Yeah. Seven points of damage. Kills him. Oh!

Excuse me. Of course, since they're orcs, I remember to say that. Puts him below zero. You put him below zero. Damn. Awesome. Wow. I like this new greataxe.

Yeah. Okay. How many points of damage did you say? Seven. Seven, okay. Okay, Baron. Baron's going to step in through the door, and he is going to, yeah. And he is going to shoot at the

orc next to the girl. Okay. Okay. 11 to hit. Against touch. Against touch is a hit. Yes. Love that gun.

Three points of damage. He also is now at or below zero. Oh, great. I get a grip point back. Yeah. Okay. Baron. Excuse me, that's Baron.

I already went. Galabras. Finimaker. I think there's another door here, Galav. You just go in alone to the other side and take on the other guys by yourself. Such a good idea. Didn't you have an awesome combat round a while ago, though?

I did. I killed a bunch of things. You should give yourself a bit of luck. I can. Okay. I'm just going to hold, actually. I'm just gonna I'm gonna hold actually I'm just gonna hold

Okay Hold And now Combat begins Gormley So real quick though That took like The place of two seconds

And before they even knew It hit them Two of them are like Fucking dying Right That's incredible Two of them are like fucking dying right that's incredible two of them have one it's like a rainbow uh rainbow six raid yeah don't forget call me ding chavez uh the two that have one action left have either a move or a standard

action so it's not like they can run at you and attack like that was uh it was good to get the jump on them uh okay can i gormley see thatley see the orcs rifling through the bookcase from where she's standing? Or would I have to move into... Because I could see the orc on the bed. Right. You are in the room, no? Was that right? I just shoved my crossbow in through the doorway.

Yeah, you were outside. Oh, yeah. No, you'd have to enter the room. But you can move through an ally space, so... All right. So Gormley will... It would provoke, I think, to hear. If he's on Ferocity, though, would he not be able to do that?

Yeah, he can. Oh, that's... He can. He can. I specifically looked it up. Well, it doesn't say you can, but it does not say you can't do attacks of opportunity. You can do a standard action or a move action. You can do immediate, swift, and free actions.

You know, it sounds like he could do an attack of opportunity. Right, and that would be his final thing to do. Right. Because he only gets one more thing to do. So it's risky, but you could get into it. You could roll an acrobatics check to avoid it. Yeah. And you have acrobatics, don't you?

You're the agility patron. Yeah. You know what? It's a risk, though. I'm going to role play and decide that Gormley is not going to. Give him a grid point if it succeeds. Gormley's going to move in, roll the acrobatics check to avoid. All right.

I like it. Bold. I like it. Why do I have to wait to see if he does the attack of opportunity? No, you roll, and if you succeed, he doesn't get to do the attack of opportunity. Fortune favors the board. 16 on the acrobatics check. Gormley flips into the room.

Nice. Beats the CMD of the orc and gets by. And she's going to evil eye the closer orc at the bookcase. Very good. Okay. For his AC. The one I refer to as two in my notes. My father was a two, I was a two, and my gran...

And it fails. So it gets a minus two to AC. For six rounds. Oh, baby. All right. Nudius. Lork. Lork.

I'm trying to think if I want to cover Gormley here or take this thing out before it can ferocity me. Hey, you know what? I'm giving Gormley a bottle cap, too. Oh, nice. Excellent. That was awesome. You earned it.

Well done. Thanks, Troy. Bold actions deserve rewards. Yeah, all right. I'll just try to put this thing out of its misery. Make it unable.

All right. Let's take a swing uh hit it's like 21 and 16 damage it's i love you 1d12 which which one is it the one the one right in front of me that was on its last legs it's dead dead and now it doesn't get its ferocity. It explodes into chunks of orc meat. Just chunks of meat fly all over the room. Well, that's exactly what I wanted. All right, now I'm going to move into melee with these guys and cover Gorms.

Okay, the two rifling through the bookcase? Yeah. Nicely done. Good teamwork. All right, and it was going to be his turn. Good teamwork. All right. And it was going to be his turn.

But now it's the one at the back of the room who was going to have his way with the girl just chucks a javelin at... His final act of life. Yeah. At Lork. And misses! Yeah. And crumples over

as his hand slowly releases the girl's hand. And she cowers at the edge of the bed. We're heroes! Yeah. And then crumples over as his hand slowly releases the girl's hand. And she cowers at the edge of the bed. We're heroes. Yeah, we're now officially heroes. We could be heroes. We're like Charles Bronson in all of the Death Wish movies. Death Wishes?

Death Wish. Death Witch. Death Witch. This is Death Witch 3. Now the one that Lork just stepped up to stops looking through the bookcase and this is the one you call two

what's he got in his hand he's got a falchion fuck he was reading Combat for Dummies misses misses that's like my fifth two in a row

two row bleh haven't even started drinking yet my fifth two I've rolled in a row. Now the other guy in the bookcase steps up and he also with a falchion

falchion misses. Can't hit the broad side of a barn. All right. I was going to say boner. Baron. Boner. That's a great new nickname.

Baron. Baron. Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron

Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron Baron And he looks like a boner now. So I'm going to move into flanking position on the other side of that orc. I don't know if I need to roll an acrobatics. I don't think you have to. Yeah, you can make your way around. There is a route around. Okay, then I'll do that. And I will fucking shoot him up close and deadly.

Is this the one that Gormley eyeballed? No. Or is this the other one? The other one. This would be one? Yes, this would be one. Oh, can I get in flanking with the othered? No. Or is this the other one? The other one. This would be one? Yes. This would be one. Oh, can I get in flanking with the other one? No.

Okay. His back is covered by the bookcase. They're just foaming at the mouth, these orcs. Fuck. Calm down, boner. Flew right out of the dice. If I haven't already, I'll put a picture on the Tumblr with these bastards. Wow, look at that.

Check it out. Oh, man. That's a falch on the Tumblr with these bastards. Wow, look at that. Check it out. Oh, man. That's a falchion, I'm assuming. Nice. Yes, that's a great sword. 17 against Touch AC. That definitely hits. Just put a bullet in his back. I say, one of these days, one of y'all is going to squeal like a pig.

Okay. 13 damage. Is that plus the one for orcs? Yep. Yeah, he's... I think I might have to take damage

from that on the other side of him. As chunks of orcs fly in Lor's face. Yeah, and the bullet just comes right through. Okay, he is below zero. And now it is

Galabras' turn. Grip on. All right, I am going to step through the other door. I'm happy for you. I'm happy too. Aha! I've arrived! Tricky, Galabras.

And yeah, I'm going to run right up to the orc that Baron just shot. Is that the one Baron just shot? Okay. So there's another orc that hasn't been hit yet, right? Correct. But he has the hex on him.

Right. All right. So I'm going to, it's like, ha! And like attack him with my, oops. Sneaky, snuck him behind, yeah. Yeah, snuck him behind. Aha! Is this a dagger or?

My mace. Okay. Nice. 18. That's a hit. All right. Mace Windu. B. Nice. 18. That's a hit. All right. Mace Windu. Bunch of heroes here.

Two damage. Two damage. All right. Next round, we got Gormley. Get back away, you brute. So we've got... One guy on his last legs of Orc Ferocity, and the other guy has taken two damage in the back from Gormley,

or from Galabras. Gormley's going to evil eye the one that Galabras just clanged with his mace for his attack roll. Okay. Sounds good to me. Ooh, it... 20. So he saved.

So one round. It's not going to live longer than one round. And Gormley, just for insurance, is going to cackle madly to extend it to two rounds. Do it, do it. And that was attack. Ha ha ha ha ha! Alright, let's get a little work in there. It's coming along.

You said, I'm sorry, attack? Let's workshop that guy. That's the one that Galabras just hit with his mace. Alright, Lork. Lork is going to attempt to finish the one that is on Orc Ferocity before it can even act. Fair enough. And he's flanked. 12 to hit. It's because of the AC.

This is the one that had the AC. No. Nope. The other one. Yeah, the other one has both down. AC and to hit. The other one. Yeah, the other one has both down. ACN to hit. The other one has nothing down. Oh, I'm sorry.

So you said 12. Yeah, so I missed. I missed. All right, then I'm going to take a five-foot step and flank with the one that is still healthy, quote-unquote. Okay. Traditionally alive. So the one that has ferocity Can it still hit you?

Yes I'm still alive Alright so he swings With his dying wish Swings his falchion And misses And then crumples to the floor And then the last one

The one that Is minus two to hit Minus two to hit Pees himself Hits Who? is minus two to hit. Minus two to hit. Pees himself. Hits. Who? Baron.

What? What the fuck? It's become very obvious that Troy as a person dislikes Grant as a person. It's not fair. He hits Hey look, it's me, Troy.

I'm gonna hit Grant all the time. See, man. I'm just spreading it's me, Troy. I'm going to hit Grant all the time. I'm just spreading the wealth. This is what I sound like. So the one that has been left untouched until lately hits Baron for nine points of damage. Oof. Damn, bro.

He's falchions. Falk! Yeah. Almost crit, too. Okay, it is Baron's turn to retaliate Fuck you dude Swift action reload and I'm gonna

Get up close and deadly with him Yeah kill him man I don't take kindly To your kind Yeah That's a 19 to hit Against touch and I'm gonna fucking kill him touch, and I'm going to fucking kill him. Blast him.

And I'm going to fucking kill him. I'll see you in hell, boy. 13 points of damage. He is below and close to death. Below zero. Finish him, Galabras. All right. Mace him. All right. Mace him.

All right. Mace Windu him. Remember, he's flanked now. Yeah. It's like, Galabras is like, I don't like you either. Oh. 20. 20 to hit.

That's a hit. All right. Could kill him. Could kill him. Six damage. Kills him. Yay. And that a hit. Beauty. Could kill him. Could kill him. Six damage. Kills him! Yay! An axe ferocity. Alright, so he

falls to the ground. He's just ready to strike out at you next, too. Yeah, he dies. So this is the first time in his life that Galabras has killed a sentient being because he killed the ghost rat before and the gelatinous cube.

He put the killing blow on the gelatinous cube. But this is the first time he's looked into someone's eyes and watched the light go out. Yeah. You took a mace to its head. Yeah. I say, it's all right, Galabras. They ain't people.

He's kind of like hyperventilating. So he's like, I's kind of like i've got a hyperventilating ventilating right now and like i'm shaking with the blood all over me baron's gonna mosey on over to the little girl and he's going he has some uh candy in his pocket it's not a creepy thing it's like a calm down here's some candy nope it's a creepy thing i know you just got raped but uh no it's something here's a sucker here's a dwarf that looks like daniel day lewis is gonna give you a gobstopper here's your gobstopper hopefully she's not creeped out she says uh thank you thank you thank you for saving me he almost did things to me he was saying horrible things that i didn't understand, but I knew they were vaguely sexual.

Thank you. Thank you for saving me. I'm glad you're alive. Do you know where your mother and father are? They're in the building next door. You'll have to go and help them next episode. Damn you, you little girl. Little girls in your cliffhangers. Outro Music