The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 192 - The Eyes Have It
Episode Date: January 29, 2019The horrors of the mountain tomb begin to come into focus as the heroes parlay with a visionary cyclops and her necromantic cohort in a chapel dedicated to Urgathoa. For more podcasts and livestreams,... visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, the heroes parlay with two nefarious necromancers.
The prophecies spoke of a four-headed beast who would enter this hall and leave as one single instrument of destruction for the paladin princess.
Yes, we shall go to my lover and he will create what you are to become.
But relations soon grow cold.
Who is this lover you speak of?
I just wanted to know who we should return your remains to when this is finished.
And the heroes leap into action.
When you said you were going to piece together this great ugly beast, you forgot to mention my sense of humor.
Even as dark magic envelops them all.
In the back corner of the room, the Cyclops, she casts a glance over the room, looking at each of you in turn.
And then just...
Casts some sort of spell on all of you.
The adventure continues.
The outsider approaches with key in hand.
Now the Pallid Princess's great work begins.
Now. What is going on, nation?
It's your good pal, buddy, friend, Joe O'Brien here to say thank you for joining us for what is presumably the 192nd time.
Now that is commitment.
If anybody ever tells you you have problems with commitment or that you don't see things through, send them my way.
I will give you a glowing recommendation.
I only have one order of business this week, one focus.
I'm whittling it down to one.
week. One focus. I'm whittling it down to one, despite all the orders of business I'm supposed to discuss, such as the fact that our Portland and Seattle shows are both officially sold out,
and if you have any hope of seeing us in Dallas or Brooklyn, you better get on it right now.
But I just don't have time for those announcements this week. This week,
I want to talk to you about what the Glass Cannon Network means to me.
Maybe I should start by telling you that after four years of recording the Glass Cannon Podcast,
on Friday, January 18th, 2019, I resigned from the company I worked for for over 15 years
to commit to working on the Glass Cannon Network full time.
And my good buddy Troy has done the same.
During the intro that released on Christmas Day,
I hinted that we had been working on something behind the scenes
that forced us to put cannon fodder on hiatus
and to stop new recordings of disorganized play, among other things,
things that upset me greatly.
The truth is, the reason I sort
of disappeared from GMing especially was because for the last four months, I have been knee-deep
in the business of making the Glass Cannon Network a business that could support not just Troy and I,
but many more employees down the line. And during that time, it occurred to me that
if we're working on pre-production for something like Androids and Aliens or Raiders of the Lost
Continent, you guys know that it's coming. And the work is eventually published, obviously.
So it hits your mobile devices and you can see or hear the fruits of Troy and Skids labor in those examples as they run those adventures.
The boring business side of the Glass Cannon Network is far less sexy, but it's my specialty.
I don't build effective characters. Obviously, I can't do an Australian accent,
and I don't come up with good names for anything.
But if you need a budget or an application for an emerging business program or somebody to really sort through that tax law, I'm your guy.
It is the not fun part.
It's the stuff that isn't good for radio.
But the thing is, the business stuff is sneaky important.
It's the foundation that everything else is built on. And just like everything we do at Glass Cannon, we downloads next week and we're not going to be releasing a new adventure next month but for those of you that are in it for the long game like we are we have
just set ourselves up to do this for a long time and to us that means the possibilities are endless
the glass cannon network just leveled up get ready for some upgrades
so what are those it's all well and good to talk a big game about uh it doesn't pay off right away
you got to stay in it for the long term uh to talk about media empires and egots upon egots but what
is really going to happen here right out of the gate? The short
answer is a ton of things. But just to highlight a few upgrades, how about expanded merchandise
on the Glass Cannon store, faster shipping times, and just better customer service all around?
Our top priority for a long time had to be releasing quality content on time every time.
But now we can expand on those goals. How about new Patreon products, faster and more efficient
Patreon fulfillment? Just more Patreon presence in general is so important to me. More social
media content on several different fronts, Facebook, Twitter,
Instagram. Have any of you ever heard of the Twitter handle at Joe O'Brien's brain?
I bet you haven't. That's because old man O'Brien never had any time to do Twitter.
Well, now it's a whole new Joe. Give me a follow at Joe O'Brien's brain and come along for the ride, man. This stuff is just what we can do now.
It's just the tip of the iceberg.
The list of things that we can do to improve the entire experience for our listeners gets
longer every day that Troy and I are in the office together.
And now we're going all in.
Our lives and the dental work of my children literally depends on it now.
Speaking of which, this is when I actually have to get personal for a second and say that I hope you guys know that I know that this opportunity has only been afforded to me because of your incredible generosity.
of your incredible generosity.
I've said it in dozens of intros,
but frankly, I don't really care,
and I will say it again because I mean it every time. Those of you that join Patreon or buy merchandise from our store
or grab tickets to live shows
or even just tell a friend to listen to the podcast,
you are all chipping in to make one nerd's dream of playing games for work
instead of after work a reality. I am eternally in your debt, which is why I quit my job two weeks
ago, because you all deserve that level of commitment. And I would say that this is a dream come true. And in some ways it is,
obviously, but it doesn't feel that way right now, to be honest. This week, today, now,
it feels like I've got a lot of work to do. But for the first time in my life, I can't wait to do it. I love you, Glass Cannon Nation.
Thank you for indulging me. I know this was a really long one, but you only quit your day job
once, unless you're my friend Dave. Then you quit your day job once roughly every 14 months. Okay,
that is it. Enough from me. On to the show. please enjoy episode 192 of the glass cannon podcast
things are a little tense right now in the studio oh my god um i've never heard the elevator
as many times as it has in the last 10 minutes.
I'm so nervous.
We're pretty sure there is a situation going on in our building.
I think the start of this episode is going to end up being our black box.
Oh, my God.
There it is.
You can hear it.
You can hear it happening right now.
Wait.
Matthew's going to go defuse.
Oh, my God.
Matthew, just look through the peephole, please.
Matthew's going to check this out.
But basically what we've surmised with our wild imaginations is there's at least three to four active shooters in the building.
It's not something to joke about.
But there are definitely cops that came to our door.
There are cops.
With a shield.
One had a shield.
Like a plus one shield.
Skid, you have a firsthand account.
Human Bane.
Yeah, because earlier, there's been a lot of activity on the hall. One head of shield Like a plus one shield Skid you have a first hand account Human Bane Yeah I kept
Because I earlier
When we were
There's been a lot of activity
Out in the hall
That says we're trying to get ready
And
There's so much room for it
Like 10 minutes ago
15 minutes ago
Like I heard something slam
And I thought I heard somebody scream
But I wasn't sure
And then
Just as we were trying to get our silence
Before we started
We heard someone open the door
Yeah And I went over there And it's like four cops And they're like just as we were trying to get our silence before we started, we heard someone open the door. Yeah.
And I went over there, and it's like four cops.
And they're like, hey, did you see anybody in pajamas
running around screaming?
Covered in blood?
Hey, Skid, why wasn't your first response,
do you have a fucking warrant?
Am I being detained?
Yeah.
I don't have to answer your questions.
Am I under arrest?
Hey, Miranda, ever heard of him? it'd be funny if you answered the door with like a handful of blood-soaked pajamas no no i haven't seen anything that's an important detail because
uh you know just i don't have time for this i have a podcast to record i really hope this
turns out well since we're making i do too because about it yeah someone
yeah yeah but listening to this podcast people don't see what happens here i mean they do on
some of our twitches right but skid oftentimes has a bathrobe or some pajamas on he likes to
relax with those true and the cop was like have you seen a man in pajamas yeah and you were so
lucky to know i really yeah i could have been wearing my comfy pants and my robe.
If you opened that door in what you normally wear,
that guy with the shield would have taken you out
before you could have said anything.
He just would have been like, poof!
We'd just hear, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
Let's get what's going on over there.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
But yeah, there's still stuff that sounds like
there's still stuff happening out there.
So this could be the shortest episode of Glass Cannon Podcast ever.
It's weird because we're in a security building.
You have to have a key fob to get in.
And it's not a weird neighborhood or anything.
It's just, I'm really curious.
You know, they're going to catch the bad guy.
And he's going to be like, I wasn't locked in here with you.
You are locked in here with me.
Oh, that'd be fun.
Yeah, that'd be good.
Fun?
Grant, you said you could just scale down
from the fourth floor.
No, not scale.
I would fall and still live.
Oh, you'd fall and live.
Yeah, because my...
Like a cat.
I'm not sure what your argument was.
I made out of it.
My bones are coated in adamantium,
like Wolverine.
Ah, okay.
So you were playing pretend.
You don't have a real plan.
Joe, you said you are trained
in being able To bar the door
That's true
That's true
My old job
Right you're old
Man it's been a long time
It's been a long time
I worked the old
Office job
So yeah
I worked on the
26th floor
Of a downtown
Financial district building
And I was a
Deputy warden
For my floor
And so I had to go
Twice a year
Of course you were
For training
Of course I was Did you volunteer Or did you lose a go twice a year of course you were for training of course
i volunteer well you lose a bet yeah i still have to volunteer i sort of yeah i sort of had to
volunteer it was it was one of those situations uh also looking around at my co-workers i was like
yeah i want to know how to get out of here because none of them were going to help
and so uh yeah they train you how to deal with a lot of these situations obviously not just fire
but also police actions and horrible weather a falling crane or there's a million different things that
can happen in manhattan my favorite thing they're like not to scare you not to scare you but this
happens all the time yeah they always say this like no i don't want to scare you but here are
five terrifying things that will probably happen today right it all happened last month you know
a couple blocks away the uh the fire training is great because they always say things like,
if you touch a door to see how hot it is, use the back of your hand
because you don't want to be crawling around on your palms that are burned off.
That's correct.
I don't appreciate how you're making fun of it, but that is true.
He is, after all, a deputy warden.
I am a deputy.
Do you realize you're talking to a deputy warden?
I'm so sorry, sir.
When you left, did they make you hand in your badge?
I had to hand in my orange vest.
Your gun and your badge?
Whenever they did
a fire drill,
I had to wear
my orange vest
and everybody was like,
you fucking geek.
But I was like,
I want to make sure
they know who
the deputy warden is.
It's Casual Friday.
And then I would report
on my coworkers
that did not have
proper paths of egress
from their offices.
Yeah.
No, that's not,
I'm just kidding. That's why you got kicked out of Philadelphia and you live in New York City now because you offices. Yeah. No, that's not. I'm just kidding.
That's why you got kicked out of Philadelphia.
And you live in New York City now because you're a narc.
No, but I told the guys, I was like, if shit went down, I could barricade that door and
have a shelter in place.
With what?
What would you use?
Yeah, what would you use besides Matthew?
I'm not a very good barrier.
Grant would be a way better barricade.
When they shoot me, I fall down.
That's true.
I'm way more ornery.
I mean, chairs would be great.
Just have a couple of chairs and put that metal between the bar with the handle to open.
Not our fancy, expensive chairs.
Yeah, you never hear those cracking or creaking on the podcast.
So we have some options.
All right.
Good.
We'll be fine.
We're fine.
You seem really nervous.
I'm nervous.
I'm a little on edge.
You know, we don't someone if a guy in bloody
pajamas is gonna come knocking through the door i'm just now i i mean who knows what happens we
could actually be legitimately hurt it's very true the cops are gonna come in and hear me like
looks like you guys got a lot of sound dampening i don't know what that's about what's going on
here what are you trying to hide all the screaming in pajamas i just think it's one thing it's like
hey do you see a guy about this tall, blah, blah, blah?
But when he's like, did you see a guy running around in pajamas?
Screaming?
That's not good.
No.
That's not good.
No.
That's not a simple mistake.
Yeah.
When it's not even bedtime.
It's not a misunderstanding.
It's not even bedtime.
Right.
That's the scary thing.
The weird word, a child?
Do you mean to say a child running around in pajamas?
This kid hasn't said this yet, but when the cops came up to the door and said,
have you seen an ICP member running around and saying clown posse,
he didn't mean to correct them to say a Glass Cannon podcast member, GCP member.
That would have been more awful.
Well, speaking of frightening.
Oh, man.
We're in a good mood now.
I've got to be honest.
I'm frightened.
Right. Should we hit the lights? Nope. No, that doesn We're in a good mood now. I got to be honest. I'm frightened. Right.
Should we hit the lights?
Nope.
No, that doesn't seem like a good idea at all.
You are deep, deep into this mountain tomb.
You crossed this chasm, which you saw a few episodes back.
Possibly new construction.
Possibly, I mean, who knows what?
You really didn't take a lot of time to try and figure out what type of engineering made this happen.
And then you became fascinated with this dark tapestry that was blocking off even more new construction.
As you're kind of looking around it after disposing with those gold tacosos, those milky forehead eye weird creatures.
Dacos.
Goldacos.
Goldacos.
You are looking at the tapestry,
and you hear a voice on the other side,
a female voice welcoming you in.
Please enter.
Let us parlay.
She knows who you are.
She knows your names.
The gunslinger. The one
they call Ashpeak.
The giant slayer
rushing towards his end.
Oh.
Oh, man.
Pembroke. Really? Met that guy. Just met that guy.
How do they know? That's what makes it really
scary.
I didn't mean to expect him to live this long.
Penbrook.
You would think they would say, and then you.
You're new. We don't know you.
But they didn't.
We left a four-star review on your iTunes.
An old man looking for one final triumphant journey to end his life
as if a deathbed contrition will erase the man he's
been.
And the one who walks
across time,
Feyerazael said.
She introduces herself as
Onanfexia, this
cyclops,
one eye,
staring at you, very calmly
talking, and her associate, another female, giant, looks eerily similar to the one that killed Lork.
That milky face, almost devoid of flesh under a black robe.
Her name is Zoya Beta.
She mentions
Urathash's gift to them.
Orphos Norki.
You start putting two and two together.
You remember the note
that you found on Urathash
signed X and O
and you realize
that's who you're now talking to.
We end last week
and she's going back and forth
to each of one of you.
She says something about
and this dwarf
who just really wants to know
who he is.
And what a shame,
what a pity that he was so close,
so close to finding out.
She continues,
You all detest what we stand for, yet you enter our chapel, our holy ground, seeking to bathe in our blood.
Ergotho has done well to bring you to us.
The prophecies spoke of a four-headed beast who would enter this hall
and leave as one single instrument of destruction for the Pallid Princess.
Zoya Beta, what do you think?
She looks over at the other giant.
She's like, yes, yes, we shall go to my lover,
and he will create what you are to become.
I imagine he'll use the old man's brain,
so full of intelligence and wisdom through the years.
Perhaps the nimble legs of the giant slayer,
the dexterous hands of the gunslinger,
and the subtle flesh of the woman
to create something
truly
magnificent
Onan Faxir
continues she's like yes yes
I bet I can see it now
once constructed
together
you will make a proper consort for our queen
It seems like so long ago that portents and visions
Guided me to the Mindspin Mountains
When I came upon the gathering of the armies
Night after night I spent listening to Urathash's sermons,
listening for her to speak to me,
until I made my way independently to Skirgard
and obtained an audience with Skirkadla,
who accepted me into her service.
Yet after all this time
searching
only now
seeing you
do I feel as if I've found
my true purpose.
Each of you
have sown destruction
everywhere you went.
But do not be foolish now.
Lay down your arms.
Do not cast your spells.
Swallow your temerity and sacrifice yourselves to Lady Despair
so that she may take you into her loving arms tonight.
Know this.
This tomb will consume you, one way or another.
She closes her eyes, and Zoya better, or her eye, rather, and Zoya better closes her eyes, and she just starts speaking.
It's like the outsider approaches with key in hand.
Now the Pallid Princess's great work begins.
And as she says this, a body on the slab nearest, looks like Pembroke, starts to rise up.
The body of an undead cyclops rises up from the table and stares at you.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, no.
I can't even negotiate?
Oh, no.
You can talk.
I had a counter proposal.
Please.
Seriously.
Seriously.
I got things to say.
Talking is a free action.
Well, I guess we'll have to do it in initiative order.
Oh, damn it.
I'm not going to get to say anything.
I'll be over by the time I get to talk.
Exactly.
Multiple attacks will have been unfurled.
Oh, boy.
Roll, Rick, a roll.
Oh, yeah.
Hold on a second.
Hold on a second.
Everybody stop.
Nobody's allowed to roll initiative.
Actually, that's not true.
You guys do whatever you want.
But I...
Don't say that.
Grand Ole Red Roll is true.
That's true.
That's true.
I just want to give a big shout out and a huge thank you to my friends kevin and aaron i met kevin at pax unplugged and uh he and his son
aaron i think it's kevin's father and aaron's son listen to our podcast in the car together
and his son bought these dice for me a set of uh transparent green dye uh that i'm
going to use for this full episode so thank you so much guys i didn't get to meet aaron on sunday
i just missed them and then they sent it to me in the mail they were going to give it to me in
person but i missed them so uh did they she says p.s i'm the guy who gave troy the beer uh beer
care package at the philly meetup oh oh my my God. That was a collage package.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, those were really good.
Oh, my God.
Those were good stuff.
Yeah, I had some of those.
So what do you think the name of the son is?
I think it's Aaron.
Oh, so Aaron, earmuffs for the rest of the episode
because Joe's going to roll, if you know what I'm saying.
Your eye's going to end up on the floor.
Did they give you green for the Eagles?
I think they did.
They said go Eagles right in this letter here.
Go birds.
Aaron, thank you so much.
And for good or ill, it's on you, Aaron.
It's your fault today.
All right.
All right.
All right.
What do you got there, Feyraza?
What are you sitting on?
I am sitting on a 20.
20?
Okay.
What's your niche, Bellum? Plus 8. eight plus eight okay uh what about you baron baron has the lowest possible roll he can do oh no 14
you were gonna re-roll
pembroke uh pembroke also has a 14 14 14. I'm assuming that's a lower 14. I believe his bonus is lower.
You have a plus 18.
Then you have a negative 4.
Yeah, I rolled a negative 4.
Okay, good.
I mistakenly bought my minus 4 to 20 side of die.
It's like a die that you roll in another plane.
Yeah, it has 25 sides to it.
What about Dalgrath Deathbringer?
Dalgrath is 19
19
See
19 going on 20
My hero
I'll save you Pembroke
Faye Raza
You already talked to me
Please
Oh
Speak to the room
It's my turn
Yes it's your turn
And I want to hear
What you have to say
I have a counter proposal
I really just want to get you
An initiative order here Oh okay You want me to what you have to say. I have a counter-proposal. I really just want to get you an initiative order here.
Okay.
You want me to fill the air for you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Got it.
Well, now that I know the assignment.
Fill it up.
Really fill it.
Explore the space.
It sounded weird for some reason.
Put on some pajamas.
Go run around.
Were you the one wearing pajamas earlier, Troy?
That was you.
Wait, has the call been coming from inside the studio?
Oh, my God, it was Troy.
What a twist.
This was one time we were driving to Lake Placid,
and for some reason the radio started playing.
It was Casey Kasem who was like,
it's today's greatest hits from 1981.
But it sounded like it was happening now,
and so I tricked my wife that we had went through a time warp.
And I had pushed it so far
that she was like,
all right,
now you're starting
to freak me out.
Coming in at number five.
In my mind,
we're going to go out,
we're going to hear gunshots,
we're going to go out there
and it's Matthew sitting there
in pajamas.
Oh, man.
Even though he was
just here a second ago.
Wow.
Because it's already
happening in the past.
What a twist.
How fitting
that it's Feyre's turn.
This doesn't make any sense.
It does in my horror film mind.
I'm sorry.
Are we all married to you now?
Yes.
Are we all your wives?
Yes.
That you tricked us?
And here's the number one hint.
They already saw the man in pajamas.
How could I have died in the past?
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand so, don't stand so so Don't say so close to me
Coming in at number two
To everyone out there running around in bloody pajamas
God, I really hope whoever is listening to that is okay
I know, I hope this is
I'm sure they're fine
I'm on edge
Yeah
We'll report back next week
Or not
Or not
Will we?
Alright, Faye Rossi, you did so well saving the chosen one
Let's see what you got.
Who is this lover you speak of?
My lover?
My lover?
My lover?
Oh, you mean my lover?
His name is Nefandros.
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet him, but he will enjoy you after your demise.
I just wanted to know who we should return your remains to when this is finished.
I have a counter-proposal to yours.
That's cold.
No, Farazan.
We won't be returning any remains anywhere.
You're right, Dalgry.
As soon as these ones go down, they get burnt like all the rest.
You're going up in smoke so we don't see you again,
alive or undead or whatever you call yourselves.
Of course I defer to your judgment, Dalgrith Deathbringer.
Classic Dalgrith.
Classic.
Much like your speech to the quivering lich of Marybone Bog.
I can't believe you heard of that.
Oh, I memorized it.
I read its account in the record of the day.
Charizard turns to the three enemies and says,
You sure you want us still?
When you said you were going to piece together this great ugly beast,
you forgot to mention my sense of humor.
I think that's going to be important in your build.
But I think now you better be a lot more concerned
with what this one's going to do to you.
And he looks at Pembroke, and then he's like,
and what this one's going to do to you.
And he looks at Baron.
I don't think you understand quite what you're dealing with.
But by all means, do what you must.
She bows her head to you.
Perasa, as if to say
let's dance
oh okay
pas de deux
very well
and Farazza snaps her fingers
and becomes dust
whoa
whoa
she still
she left us
she retains her form
she left us
she cast us
she disintegrated
right before our eyes
with only a bow
see I told you
we would destroy you
that was me that did that to her take my body now
your disembodied voice just like my form is still there i'm just entirely made of dust sure sure
sure um well and i will and i will move into the room It is now Zoya Betta's turn.
Zoya Betta.
And Zoya Betta is which one?
Zoya Betta is the one in the center of the room, the strange-looking giant that is of similar make to the one that killed Lork.
That reanimated Orphus.
So whatever type of giant this is, you can surmise at this point that they are
involved in the reanimation
but not even the reanimation of
corpses. The sort of
reconstruction.
There's a very Mary Shelley vibe happening
here. Yes, I mean, you remember that room you found
of just parts? It's all
starting to come together and
Zoya Beta is
perhaps the one or one of the ones behind this
it's like voltron but fucked up but fucked up she is going to rush charge if you will
and i won't at dalgrath's deathbringer drawing a scythe as she does. Ooh, brutal.
Come on, man.
Ten feet away with one attack.
Here it is.
That is going to be a 30 to hit.
That is a hit.
Wait, are we...
This is going back a couple weeks now.
Do we have stone skin?
That is a good question.
That's a really great question.
Let's check my hero.
How long did it last?
We do have it.
I think we should have it.
10 minutes per level or until discharge.
We zipped in, and so it was...
What was...
Yeah, so it's 200 minutes.
So it's hours.
Yeah.
So we zipped in, had that first combat, didn't heal, moved through the tapestry.
So yeah.
So you've lost...
You've all lost various chunks of it, but you still have it.
Not all of us.
I never hit it.
I didn't take a hit either.
I didn't get hit.
Oh, no, I did get hit, but I...
How many hit points did we have on it?
150.
150.
150, yeah.
So I did lose a chunk of it.
And I think it's trackable on...
And remember, it's trackable.
And remember, you only lose ten at a time
so you still take whatever's
over ten in a given hit. Right.
Troy just got really
sad. Yeah, no, no. How long does it last?
It lasts 200 minutes.
We used the forge. And you guys went straight
into here. Yeah, we used the forge to cast it, not our
hours. Right, right. Yeah, so we teleported
straight in, did the fight, and then
went into this room.
You take 21 points of damage.
Okay.
And immediately, one negative level.
Oh my god.
No save?
No save.
With energy drain, when you get hit with energy drain, you automatically take that level right away.
Yeah.
And then you get the save after 24 hours.
So you
have energy drain.
Did you say 21 points of damage? And 21
points of damage. But Dalgraith,
you can answer back because
you're up. Okay.
Answer back immediately. Your speech to
them was a standard action, but you still have a move
action. Alright, that was worth it.
Let's see.
He's going to get himself.
Ooh.
Beep.
This is dicey.
Dicey.
Yeah.
He's going to try to get himself inside the scythe range of this guy.
It's a female giant.
A female.
Can I do a knowledge check?
Yeah.
So knowledge loke.
Is that what we're talking about?
Sure.
Knowledge. All right. Is it or is it not? Yeah. Yeah. So knowledge loke. Is that what we're talking about? Sure. Knowledge...
Is it or is it not? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Damn it. Uh,
17. 17.
Can't tell you anything.
You've seen a lot of giants in your time, I'm sure.
Yeah. You've never seen a giant like this.
I've seen none of this before. Never heard of it.
Um, but I know how to stay away
from a scythe. You get inside the swing.
So he's gonna jump, run into the creature. Uh, and...the. You get inside the swing. So he's going to jump, run into the creature.
Closer.
Yeah.
Closer.
He's going to roll a acrobatics check to avoid an attack of opportunity.
Right.
Because he's moving past.
He's not taking a five foot step.
He's jumping onto the creature.
I feel you.
To climb up it.
So quick acrobatics check.
Oh, and it's hurt
by the thingy
there we go
Kevin and Aaron
Nettie
oh my god
I can't even do the math
43
40
wow
47
that's high
that's a high number
that beats at CMD
yes
are we done
complaining about Baron
avoided
are we done
you're gonna get a lot of heat.
For the record, that was a natural 19.
That was a natural 19.
Hell of a roll.
Still better than anything I've done.
All right, nice job.
Yes, it like swings and misses.
Off the floor.
No, it doesn't swing and miss because then I would have used my attack of opportunity.
Oh, right, right, right.
It's too fast.
So I'm just too fast.
So it doesn't have combat reflexes.
Flavor swing.
As I said that, I'm like, let me look to make sure it doesn't have combat reflexes.
So you don't know.
Flavor swing.
Flavor swing.
I'm going to trust that you prepared well, Troy.
I kind of want to sit in a flavor swing.
That'd be great.
I feel like this space was occupied by a lot of flavor swings before we moved in.
I think they were very, very real.
They're flavorful.
They don't make those type of starbursts.
Okay.
He will jump onto the creature
and then he's going
to...
As he's moving, he pulls out this short sword
and so he'll take a stab.
I have to do the climb check. Sorry.
Climb check is
34.
What is the DC?
What a terrible roll.
It's a CMD?
Straight up CMD?
Yeah.
You're okay?
Yeah.
Probably just barely.
The CMD is 34.
Oh, wow.
So just got up there.
It's that scythe, man.
Yeah.
So he gets up there, hangs on, gets within the swing of the scythe, and then he'll take
a quick stab with this holy short sword.
Quick stab with a holy
short sword that's an 18.
That is a
miss.
Can't quite get it in there. He knows
that he does better when these creatures are slightly
distracted. But you're on top of it.
But yeah, he's on the creature.
He's physically on the creature right now.
Okay.
It is now that strange undead cyclops that rose off the slab right near Pembroke.
So bad.
So bad.
It's just placement.
Pembroke just happened to be to the north.
This thing rises off the slab and will do two slams.
It looks like it's made out of pastrami, by the way.
As it stands up, though, the one eye looks right at you, Pembroke,
and just, like, shakes its head at you and uses Flash of Insight.
Oh, no.
It is an automatic natural 20.
Can I make an argument?
Sure.
I believe that it should not be able to rise up and take two attacks before Pembroke does anything.
Like, seeing this thing rise up, I believe he would take some sort of action to defend himself.
It would not be flat-footed, per se.
Yeah.
I mean, well, I know technically he's flat-footed.
I'm just saying, I think the creature's action was moving to get up.
I think it was flavor that it got up without us, like, fighting back.
Right.
That's what I was doing.
So then it wouldn't get to it.
Oh, right.
Right.
Well, here's the thing.
It just has a special power called Quick Strikes that allows it, on a full attack action, to make an additional attack.
Oh.
So it would take three attacks?
No, in this case, it only takes two.
It only has one attack.
Oh, okay.
All right.
But the first one is a natural 20.
To confirm, 26.
Yeah, that'll do it.
It's not too bad.
It's a...
Uh-oh.
That sounds bad.
When it takes you that long to add it up.
21 points of damage.
Okay.
It's just a slam.
It's just a gentleman slam. Okay. 11 points of damage. Okay. It's just a slam. It's just a gentleman slam.
Hit you.
11 points of damage.
Okay.
And then the second slam, 26 to hit.
That's also a hit.
Will be a hit for 12 points of damage max.
Is it second attack at its full base attack bonus, or does it go down?
Or is that quick strike?
This quick strike, you get it at your full.
That's cool.
Yeah, highest base attack bonus.
I've never heard of this.
It's an exceptional ability called Quickstrike.
Yeah.
It's like Rapid Fire, but for melee.
So it's just right on an unguarded Pams.
And it is Baron's turn.
Baron looks at Dalgrith, bearing down on this creature, climbing all around him, and then
failing to attack and thinks, that's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
And then he does a targeting attack, but before he does,
he wants to do a perception check on how the scythe is being held.
Ah.
He gets a total of a 26 to see, like, is there anything special holding the scythe?
No, it looks like it's just being wielded
with two hands all right
then Baron is going to
question I just wanted to clarify it you were just being
really mean to Dalgrith in your head
in my head not noted
Dalgrith doesn't know no no noted
Joe by Joe
I am noting it he's even writing it down
I am I'm writing the date and the time
I have a list of all my enemies I wrote about it in He's even writing it down. I am. I'm writing the date and the time. I have a list of all my enemies.
I wrote about it in my diary later that day.
So, Baron is going to roll to hit targeting.
Targeting.
The arms of this creature.
Misfire.
Misfire.
12 on the die.
And 29 to hit.
All right.
Now, is that against AC, Touch AC, CMD?
Touch AC, baby.
Against Touch AC.
Really?
To shoot its weapon out, it's still touch?
Yep.
Positive, Grant.
Absolutely.
100%?
I'm going to read it again because you guys are in my head.
It's going to be 98.
There's a chasm between 99 and 100%.
You know what?
Troy, I'm going to give you a way out.
Okay.
If the creature does not have one of the body parts, does your creature have arms?
Yes.
Okay, then it can be targeted.
I've tipped my hand.
I've tipped my arm.
I've said too much.
You know, there's nothing inside of targeting that says it does not hit against touch AC from what I can read.
All right, then.
So, atyp typically forthcoming from Troy.
You hit the arms and you knock the weapon out of its hand?
Is that how it works?
Yes.
Even if it's wielded with two hands, it gets knocked out.
Items held in a locked gauntlet are not dropped on a hit.
I need to start populating locked gauntlets.
That's why I was doing a little perception.
And before Baron ends his turn.
Where does that scythe go?
I think it's a 1d8.
It doesn't say in the rules, but I think it makes sense.
How does gravity function in the room?
All right, so it goes straight up and sticks to the ceiling.
It actually goes to the northeast in this quadrant right here.
What would be the three spot if you're looking around here?
Yeah, between him? Yeah, between him and
and our boss.
Onanfixia.
Onanfixia. And Baron just wants to roll
a knowledge check on these creatures
in the room if he can. What would you like him to
roll? Uh, what do you
want to roll? Dungeoneering. Why don't you just tell
me the name of the movie? Religion could work.
Uh, yeah, do local.
Uh, damn, 17.
You don't know either, but you've seen this before.
It's not like Dalgrath who hasn't seen it.
You've seen this.
You've seen it kill your friend.
I think they're undead.
That's what you think, but you do not know.
That's what Troy said about the other one.
Not.
Okay, that's the end of Baron's turn.
Matthew knows because you said it.
There are two combatants left.
Pembroke and Onanfexia.
It is Pembroke's turn.
Oh, thank God.
Good.
Okay.
So, Pembroke is going to take a five-foot step away from the Cyclopes.
Smart.
Without reach. Smart. With that reach.
Yes. He is
going to use his
metamagic rod to quick cast
magic missile
on himself.
Wait, what? He's going to shoot missiles
at himself? I mean, sorry, mirror image.
Hands off the pod.
So he gets seven images.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
And then he's going to start casting Sun Monster 5.
Start casting.
Oh, please get it.
Sun Monster 5.
What is this, a Cialis commercial?
You just start some crazy incantation moving around after casting.
Mirror image. I after casting mirror image.
I always like mirror image because I always picture myself like the guys on the boardwalk with the Jackson 5-like puppets on rods.
Yes.
That's what it looks like.
It's really bold, though, because you're going to put it in the hands of two random die rolls to see if it hits an image to break up your spell.
Right. It's bold.
Yeah, it is bold. Bold choice. But with seven images, Joe.
There's a great chance. Yeah. I love it.
In the back corner of the room, the
Cyclops looks
that one eye
just, she casts a glance over
the room, looking at each of you in turn
and then just
cast
some sort of spell on all of you.
Everyone roll a will save.
Is it a poison spell or a spell-like ability?
It is a spell.
Yes!
Did you say will save?
27.
Will save.
27 for Pem.
Whoa!
18 for Farazza.
Yes!
Damn it.
21 for Dalgrith.
Okay. 32 for Dalgrith. Okay.
32 for Baron.
All right, so, Farazza is the only fail.
Thank God.
It was Forbid Action Greater.
Oh!
And she forbids you from casting for 10 rounds.
Oh, 10 rounds!
You cannot cast any spells for 10 rounds. 10 rounds. You cannot cast any spells.
Wow.
For 10 rounds.
Well, just turn into a penguin, finally.
I mean, I'm safe in the corner.
I can just hang out.
You're dust.
Do you have any supernatural abilities?
I'm exploring my options right now. Do you have any exceptional abilities?
Are you exceptional at anything?
I can craft some wondrous items.
Well, you've got plenty of time because round one's over.
It's now round two, and it's your turn.
Okay.
So, I mean, it's check one thing right now.
Go, go.
Five, four, three, two, go.
What about Flurry of Blows?
Yeah, do you have Flurry of Blows as an 11th level druid?
I thought you took a monk dip.
You didn't take a little monk dip.
I swore you did.
Dude, the druid monk dip.
That's what happened.
The druid monk dip.
It's a classic.
Classic.
Cast a druid monk dip.
Dip.
I believe Wild Shape is a supernatural ability, right?
Should be.
It's not a spell.
It's not a spell, so I'm not casting anything.
Oh, boy.
I can just hear thousands of nerds across the country.
I know what you can do.
No!
No!
Target, oh, this is what it says, the text of the spell.
Target cannot cast spells or use spell-like abilities.
But I don't think it's a spell-like ability. I think it's a
supernatural ability. Supernatural is
where Grant knows all about
supernatural abilities. Just go to your character sheet. Twisted.
Future. It doesn't say.
Wild-shaped.
Supernatural. Supernatural ability.
The little Sue. The little
Sue. A boy named Sue.
So Farazza will become a wild
cat made of dust. A wildcat made of dust.
A wildcat made of dust.
That is horrifying.
Cool.
That old hat.
Do something new.
And she will move towards the other side of the room.
All right, so you are. What does that mean?
I just walked to the other side of the room.
Is that a large creature?
It's a huge creature.
What's the huge creature?
Towards Onanfexia.
Oh. So you're going to close Towards Onanfexia. Oh.
So you're going to close on Onanfexia.
Yes.
You choose to close on Onanfexia?
Can I have control of the wild king?
I'll think about it.
I will certainly consider it.
Ferasa!
It is Zoyabetta's turn.
Zoyabetta!
Now, Dalgrith, you are on her.
I'm on her.
Would you care to, as I'm passed by, I provoke several attacks of opportunities.
Would you like to take an attack of opportunity?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was waiting to see where that movement was going to go.
I didn't realize you were going to run directly through her.
Does she want to take an attack of opportunity?
Attack of opportunities!
I mean...
Dunes!
Oh, man, that kind of do.
Yes.
Because she's
going to have a
turn before you
can get another
one, so you
might as well.
Yeah, I'm
going to go
ahead and attack
you with her
scythe.
Wait, wait,
wait.
Who has a
scythe?
Own Infectia.
Own Infectia.
Yes.
And she can.
And Zoya
better.
They both have
scythes.
Okay.
And it's cool if
she AOOs two handed in a round where she just casts a spell
yes, because you can take your hand off the cast
and put the hand right back on as a free action
it is going to be
a
39 to hit
is that weapon magical?
it is
that was your
insurance?
whether or not these characters have magical weapons. Well, it'll still be half damage, right?
I believe, yeah.
Yeah, it's half damage.
It is 16 points of damage.
That's half damage.
So then have it and then put on stone skin.
Yeah.
Zero points of damage.
Oh, wow.
I wonder if you still get stone skin when you're in cool Chlorio.
That's a great question.
Oh, that's a good question.
Is your skin stone?
Oh, that's a good question.
Oh, stone dust?
Let's not worry about it. You're just a bunch of pebbles rolling across the? Oh! That's a good question. Stone dust? Let's not worry about it.
You're just a bunch of pebbles
rolling across the floor?
Yeah, I'm stone dust.
Stone dust.
That's what the kids used to throw at me
on the playground.
I think we should err on the side
of you not taking any damage.
I agree.
I agree.
Why don't you Google that?
I'll Google it.
All right.
We are going on to...
Oh, no. It's Avedis' turn.
Yes.
So you are on her, Dalgray.
I am on her.
And to attack you is a minus six to attack, correct?
That's correct.
Can she move with you on her without, like, how does that work?
Do you slow down her movement?
No, not that I can see in the rules.
Okay.
So you just move with her.
Yeah.
And the scythe is behind her.
All right, so move action.
She's going to pick up the scythe and provoke an attack of opportunity from, uh, the panther.
A fair answer.
From the rock dust panther.
And Dalgrave?
Uh, you tell me.
Does it provoke when they take actions like that while you are a client?
I mean, I'm threatening her.
If you're threatening, then, uh you both get a tax of opportunity.
And we're flanking.
Oh, yeah.
You sure are. So,
this is going to get dicey. Yeah. Gotcha, babe.
That's my
that's my
All right. Well, quick swing.
We still have to hit. So, plus
two on this. Come on, Matthew.
Come on, Joe. Joe 26 for Feyraza
There you go
Alright
Feyraza mit
26 total?
Yeah
With the flanking
Oh 28
Fuck you
I should ask
You shouldn't ask
Yeah that's a hit
And so Dogwraith
You definitely hit
Dogwraith definitely hit
He rolled an 80
18
I Is She evil? And so Dog Wraith, you definitely hit. Dog Wraith definitely hit. He rolled an 80, 18.
Is she evil?
Yes, she is. Yes.
Yes, she is.
Okay.
In that case, he does 30 points of damage.
Oh, yeah.
It's a crunchy.
I recommend not picking that up.
You left yourself open.
And what do you get there, Feyraza,
with your fang or your claw or whatever stupid
thing you're using? It's a bite.
Thank you very much.
And I love cats.
I love cats, too.
Why else would I become one?
Why are we even fighting?
It could have became anything.
You take three points of damage.
Oh, no.
But here's the thing.
Wow.
However, I get a free attempt to grab.
Oh, crap.
Except I'm incorporeal.
Yeah, that's fine.
Incorporeal?
What do you mean, that's fine?
I mean, this episode's already long enough.
You can't grab anything.
I missed my attempt to grab.
You missed your attempt to grab.
Okay.
I'm sure he 22'd his not-
Man, you got a lot of stuff to look up.
Yeah, that was complicated.
Incorporial grabbing.
And you can't cast anything.
All right, so-
Whose fault is that?
I don't even know whose turn it is now.
Oh, it's me.
I have my scythe.
You have your scythe now.
Dalgrith laid out some solid DiMaggio there.
Some justice.
Man, you really taking away my full attack action.
All right.
I've done one level of energy drain here to Dalgrith.
Should I go for two?
Oh, God.
I sound like such a total asshole this episode, but really?
A scythe?
Like it's a reach weapon, like on your person?
Right, just swing it at me.
It's a back scratcher.
You take a penalty to the swing, so it's not that crazy.
Right, right, right.
I don't think you can even do it if I'm five feet away.
It's complicated.
It's not considered a reach weapon.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Oh, then no. It's not like a spear. If I, okay. Yeah. All right. Oh, then no.
Then you're fine.
It's not like a spear.
If I had a spear, I would accept that argument.
For some reason, I thought it was reach.
My bad.
You'd have to have a long spear, by the way, Troy, to be clear.
Another negative level.
Oh, no.
Come on, Dolgrain.
I'm going to still take one swing.
This is at a minus six, you said?
Dodge it.
Dodge it.
Oh, it was sitting on the 20.
Sitting on the 20
Fell to 19
And you said it's a minus 6?
Minus 6
I missed
All right!
Nice
I definitely missed
Nice
It went from a 20 to a 2
That's the thing with these wormwood trays now
Like, I put it down
I don't know if I mentioned it on the show
But I got a wormwood tray for my anniversary
And the dye just keeps rolling
And then it stops
It just drives me nuts i gotta
like hit it against the wood did you tell you're right they really make crap products uh all right
it is dalgrate's turn come on bringing the noise bringing the pain huge gotta get another one in
here while the war cat is threatening um yeah he'll go ahead and take another stabby stab uh
so with you on top of me you anyone next to me, you're considered flanked?
Is that how it works?
No, I mean, I make it based on where I am on the map.
I think it's complicated mechanics that the GM and the player kind of have to, like, agree on.
Bip and bop with.
Yeah, but it's basically, like, if the war cat was in a different position, I would say I need to move and, like, roll a climb check.
Because I think that you still maintain the square you were in.
Uh-huh.
But you also are in the giant square for anything that would be bad for you, basically.
And then for the some things that are good for you.
Where you climb, the area where you climbed from, I'm assuming you're there, and that puts you in perfect flanking position.
Exactly.
If you were a step to the right, we'd have a little bit of a talk.
Yeah.
I would just have to move.
Take your flanking. All right. to move. Take your flanking.
Shut up.
Take your flanking.
He's an angry elf.
All right.
Here we go.
Come on, Kevin and Aaron.
Oh, probably a miss on that one.
24.
That is a miss.
Oh, no.
That is what we call a miss.
That is a miss, and that's all he's going to do this time.
What were you thinking?
I just thought of something.
Okay.
Next round, if I'm alive.
I told you not to do that.
Okay.
Well, it is the creature that came off the slab.
It sees seven Pembrokes and wants nothing to do with that.
in Pembrokes and wants nothing to do with that.
So it charges at
the cat
and makes one
slam attack.
And
misses. Nice!
Yeah! Came from the slab!
It moves pretty
fast for this clearly undead
aberration. It just like runs
up to it. It doesn't seem to be like Voltron together.
It's just a Cyclops.
I mean, it's made up of parts very clearly.
From different giants.
Yeah, it's got the chunks.
It doesn't have the same like sort of awfulness
that you saw in an Orpheus
or that other thing that was laying on the altar
when you came back after that Orpheus fight.
But you can tell that they're definitely
doing some experimentation on it as well.
But now it is Baron's turn.
Baron would...
Onanfexia is the creature currently engaged with Dalgrith Deathbringer, correct?
No, that is Zoya Betta.
Zoya Betta.
I apologize.
I apologize.
Zoya Betta with an X.
I'm so sorry.
Baron's going to go for a full attack action against Zoya Betta.
Nice.
First attack.
Don't you roll a natural one, Zony.
Roll it.
Roll it.
Okay.
Is it giant subtype?
It'll affect everything.
That's an excellent question.
It is.
All right.
So that is a 20 against touch AC, and that's an additional 2d6 damage die.
Yeah.
That's a hit.
Saw that.
There were so many sixes. I know.
I see a lot of...
He has so many sixes.
38 points of damage on the first attack.
Okay.
Okay.
That's fair.
Second attack is also going to get up close and deadly.
Okay.
Oh, that's a misfire.
Oh, no!
Oh, Grant! But dofire. Oh, no! Ranch!
But do you do your grazing damage?
No, for the up close and deadly, I do.
I always do on up close and deadly.
Sure, give it to me.
These two were my die for up close and deadly,
so that's four points of grazing damage.
Thank you, Matthew.
Shades of Capitacaz's cat.
Do you get the giant bonus damage on a graze as well?
No, it doesn't make sense on a graze
The graze is just for that
It goes to a 1 to 7 if you were to fire again, right?
No, it's actually
I've messed up misfire many times
It's normally fine
But I get
Give me one second
Gunslinger's training
Which reduces my misfire It's 1 to 5, I believe I'll tell you in one second I Gunslinger's training, which reduces my misfire.
It's one to five, I believe.
I'll tell you in one second.
Okay.
I'll get back to you.
All right, but you're not going to take another shot.
Exactly.
It is Pembroke's turn.
Pembroke, you have been casting and nothing interrupted it.
That is great news.
Amazing.
Amazing.
On the battlefield, I get one D3 of these.
Oh. I get one D3 of these. Oh!
I get three.
So there are three celestial lions up here on the battlefield.
Beautiful.
And their names are...
I wrote them down.
Are they large creatures?
They are.
They're large.
Okay.
While you look up the models for Roll20.
There is
One is named Striker
The second one is named Kim
And the third one
Is named Aluminium Jerry
And those are the three
One of them
Sounds like the names of a punk band
That's right
One of them is a very chubby lion
I just want more chocolates That's right. One of them is a very chubby lion.
I just want more chocolates.
Troy has stretched the image to make them fit into four squares.
It's a good thing they only last 12 rounds because otherwise they'd die of diabetes. Troy, you've got to take a screenshot of this.
One of them, I want one of them behind Olifexia.
Okay, it's a little tricky over there because of the pillars.
And the altar.
If you don't want it to move...
They have reach.
I just want it to be able to...
Yeah, I'm going to put it in the one spot where it's going to have to squeeze to get out of there,
but it can attack.
Put it on the table.
Put it on the table.
Oh, yeah.
On the slab?
Okay, that's kind of fun.
Yeah, that's great.
All right.
And then I want Striker to be right on the behind.
Oh, Onanfexia.
And then I want Aluminium Jerry to be between Striker and Dalgreath Deathbringer.
Okay.
There we go.
Right there.
He's flanking there.
Wow.
Okay, so you've got three lions basically surrounding Onan
Fexia. There are four cats now
with Feyraza surrounding
Onan Fexia. Yes, and they let out
enormous meow
roars from heaven.
Do you want them to be right up in her business?
No, they have reach, so if they
can be five feet away, that's good.
Alright, so you want to attack with them.
Yes, they do want to attack.
And so, let's see.
All right, so Kim on the table, she's going to take the first attack.
And she's going to smite evil as a swift action.
Okay.
All right, so the first attack is a bite.
That's 24 to hit.
Miss.
Okay.
Claw.
Come on, baby.
25 to hit.
Miss.
Oh, God.
We'll figure out what that is.
Last one is a miss.
Okay.
Miss, miss, miss.
All right.
Striker is going to do the same thing.
Smite evil also.
Yeah, on an infection.
On an infection.
On an infection.
That is 26 to hit. 26 is a hit. Okay. All right. On an infection. On an infection. That is 26 to hit.
26 to hit.
Okay.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
All right.
So that is 12 points of damage.
12 points of damage.
And second claw, that is a miss.
Oh.
All right.
Okay.
So Aluminium Jerry is flanking.
And he is going to bite.
Natural 20.
Okay.
There's one.
Okay, roll to confirm.
All right.
There's one.
Oh.
That is not a confirm.
Okay.
Exploding dice.
Okay, but exploding dice.
Is that a smite evil?
So that's, uh, and smite evil, yeah.
So that's, ooh, that's... And smite evil, yeah. So that's...
Ooh, that's 19 points of good damage.
Okay.
And he gets a free attempt to grab as well.
That is a 27 against CMD.
Not grabbed.
Okay.
So he's going to strike with the claw miss and another claw miss
oh boy and pembroke he still has flight active so he's going to fly up uh he's going to use
his standard action this turn because he has to he spent a swift action and a move action last
turn he has to do a full round action to do the summon. So he's going to
spend his standard action
to fly up and
over between Aluminium
Dairy and Striker on the battlefield.
He's flanked by these two lions.
Like the New York Public Library lions.
I like the library, right.
You are the library.
I'm going to do a religion check on these guys to see if there's anything I can learn in addition.
Okay.
You want to do it on Onanfexia?
Yeah, that's probably good.
We don't know anything about her yet, right?
Yeah.
It's actually just going to be Knowledge Local.
Oh, Knowledge Local.
Okay.
So that is 23.
23.
Yeah.
I can give you one piece of useful information.
Is there anything in particular you want to know? Give me something good. Turn on. 23. I can give you one piece of useful information. Is there anything in particular you want to know?
Give me something good.
Turn-ons.
I don't care.
Turn-ons.
Let's see.
She is a very high-powered spellcaster.
I will tell you that she also has ferocity.
She does.
Yes.
Oh, wow.
She's a high-powered spellcaster with ferocity.
And it is her turn.
Oh, dear.
Surrounded by three lions.
The San Diego Zoo.
And a panther.
It's like Joan Embry visit on The Tonight Show.
It's Barry Sanders,
Matthew Stafford, I can't name any other
lines, and a Panther, Cam Newton.
As an incorporeal creature,
what can I do? I can touch you with
a magical spell, right? Spells are
unaffected. Spells are fine, right?
However you would provoke. Sure, I would provoke unless
I cast defensively, which is almost
a slam dunk for her to do.
Could always roll that natural one. Could always roll that natural
one. Could always roll the natural one.
Could.
Okay. Now, I believe
though, if you want to try to touch me with
a spell, that is different.
Let's check the rules on that one.
The way I'm reading it here is that
magic is magic, so even though
it doesn't seem to make sense, like how can you
touch nothing? Like a magical weapon, if it hit, could
slice through. I think a spell is a spell
and spells can affect. It's like your
hand is a magical weapon at that moment. Right.
It just, it's so, so she sticks her
hand in there. First I will roll
to cast offensively.
Made it. Barely.
I made the DC by one.
Thank you, combat
casting.
She sticks her hand into the ether of this rock dust cast.
That's an option?
No, thank you.
I want a pass.
And I am going to use Flash of Insight on this as well.
Oh, no.
She has it as well.
Oh, no.
Is that a once per day situation?
The other creature used it.
No, no, no.
I know.
I'm just saying for her, is it once per day or is it like once per round?
That's an excellent question.
I'll discuss it after the fun.
Okay, okay.
So I'm going to say it's a natural 20 with a spell touch attack.
Oh, my God. That's times two? If it confirms. If spell touch attack. Oh my god.
That's times two? If it confirms.
If you confirm this.
The magic crits that people write in
are so horrifying.
They never happen.
I'm going to roll the confirm on the table.
On the table. It's so horribly bad.
Put it on the glass, baby.
Is it going to be the end of...
Be rousing?
You're not going to use neon green, though.
Oh, I got to use neon green.
Oh, no.
That's not fair.
That's like using Joe's father-in-law dice.
Malcolm?
What's his name?
That's like Barry Bonds using PEDs for almost his entire career.
Alright, here we go.
Ooh. Low roll
21
My AC exactly
Oh man
I'm not voting for you for the Hall of Fame either, Troy
Oh my god
I need you to roll
I need you to roll
A fortitude save
How's your fortitude save these days
fine okay nothing special
let me just make sure
yeah that's a hit okay
takes that go ahead and roll that
fortitude save
natural one
oh my god
no automatic fail
no
I cast a spell called slay living Oh, God! No! Automatic fail. No.
I cast a spell called Slay Living, and I crit.
Oh!
And we'll see you next week.
Oh, no!
Oh, my God!
Oh, what?
No!
Why?
You knew what you were doing!
You knew it!
What you were doing!
You knew. Oh were doing. You knew it. What you were doing. You knew.
Oh, my God.
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