The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 20 - We're Off to Feed the Lizard

Episode Date: October 13, 2015

Troy makes a shocking admission and a giant monitor lizard tries to make a meal out of Barron, as the battle at the gates of Trunau comes to an explosive conclusion! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rogers Days to Save event is back with our most incredible deal yet on our most reliable internet. Enjoy Rogers Ignite internet now starting at just $50 a month. Backed by our Wi-Fi satisfaction guarantee. Visit rogers.com. This week on the 20th episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. Guys, I think we need to raise your glass and a quick toast to episode 20. Episode 20. Cheers. Episode 20.

Sláinte. The guys reach a milestone, but there's no time for celebration. You fools, stop drinking and smoking. Get to the homespring bacon now. A powerful new spell turns the tide. Oh, my God. You have to be shitting me. And Galabras pulls off one of the greatest moves in the history of the show.

I recently became an uncle, and that was really a proud moment for me. This is great. This is a really close second. Will it be enough to survive the charge? Now you hear the loudest sound you've heard yet. Hooves, horses. The adventure continues now. Hey guys, welcome to another week of the Glass Cannon Podcast. This is Grant Berger, a.k.a. Baron Redheart. I just got back from a wedding in Asheville, North Carolina, which made me think a lot about beginnings and endings.

When I was a kid, I used to try to hide any semblance of a Texan accent or anything Southern because I thought people would think I would be stupid. And then I moved up North and everyone said I had no accent. Great. As soon as I got into the drive-in for Bojangles Fried Chicken in North Carolina, I said, thanks so much, ma'am. And my wife said, a switch turned on. And I turned to her and I said I didn't even notice. And everyone at the wedding also told me that, you know, I had it and I just didn't notice it because we're used to how it sounds. And so that made me think about making a character in a role-playing game like Pathfinder a lot of times you want to be everything you could never be something incredibly fantastical

a six foot six 260 pound orc like Lork a crazy witch that can hex people with a pet scorpion a hostage um like uh Galabras and I wanted to be something I could never be which is a dwarf I'm a six foot four very large man um so I wanted to know what it would be like to be able to buy a Ferrari. Basically what I'm saying is that at the same time I embraced the fantastical and the new and the things that I could never be, I also wanted to embrace the things that were always a part of me that I tried to hide away. And I think that's something that you can always think about in making a character. And it's fun to embrace parts of your own persona and identity and enhance them to a level that you can kind of, it's kind of like being a psychologist with

yourself as you play and thinking about what makes you tick, but inserting that into another character. So when you're making your characters, you know i was a kid i wanted i hated myself wanted to get away from myself but always think about a little bit of yourself that you might want to put in because i think that'll make it more enjoyable for you anyway onto this episode we're continuing the battle of blood march hill hiding behind barricades trying to kill every last wave of work out there let's see how we do in episode 20 guys i think we need to raise your glass and a quick toast to episode 20 episode 20 uh omass won't be drinking uh for obvious reasons all right so we finished last episode with uh with uh these three gigantic beefy pro, they look like

middle linebackers or linemen. These big fucking orcs with their shotels and the pillums coming out of their back. And what's the shotel again? It looks like a sickle but it's just like a handle with a hook and it's the kind of thing you would use to get around someone's guard, someone's shield. Oh my god.

I remember, it's from Dark Souls. The shotel, yeah. It would get around your shield. It was so annoying. Yes. Welcome to the showtel, California. Nope, okay. Nope. Possible name of the episode.

Think about that. Think about that. Showtel, California. Skid's laughing. You can't see him, but he's laughing. Nobody loves a pun more than Skid. King of all puns. Okay, so you got three of those bastards,

and then you got the orc beast tamer with a bag full of heads of orcs' buddies, probably, his old poker pals, and a giant monitor lizard. Can you give me a perspective on the monitor lizard? How big is the monitor lizard? I would say, like I said, it's like the size of Omas. So it would come, like, standing. If it goes up on its hind legs, it is as tall as Omas.

And how long is it? Is it like 10 feet long or something? Well, the tail makes up its length. It still only takes up a five foot space, but like the tail whipping around in the back. And it's got those kind of like gills that come out from the side. From Jurassic Park. I never saw that but uh yeah that movie oh that makes sense i think it was in the trailer you're fucking ridiculous fucking garbage oh dinosaur wait well the well-known failure wait wait wait wait wait

are you serious yeah i've never seen it you've never seen jurassic never seen jurassic park all right let's let's cut the episode and just watch Jurassic Park. We'll click back on in a second. Nothing could interest me more. Or less, rather. Oh, my God. You're such. It's full.

You're a fool. I've never seen Jaws, but that's just because. That's much worse, because that's actually a great film. Jurassic Park is a great movie. Jurassic Park is a movie. No, it's a great. How are you saying you've never seen it? It is a great movie. I is a movie No it's a great How are you saying You've never seen it

It is a great movie I just can't I can't get into it The movies you reference That you say are great movies On this podcast Pale In comparison to Jurassic Park

Well you have to fight One of these things Except that It's a Dilophosaurus In the movie It's not CGI Right Thank you

It is a Dilophosaurus Thank you It kills Wayne Knight In the movie Yes's not CGI Right Thank you It is a Dilophosaurus Thank you It kills Wayne Knight in the movie Yes Well he doesn't know who Wayne Knight is So that's fine It's Newman

Oh fuck Alright I ruined Newman I ruined the end of the first act I'm sorry The Wayne Knight rises Hey look Jurassic Park

Fucker You You're stealing all Skid's puns We're having a great time Jurassic Park is not as good as Troy's favorite movie, Paul Blart Mall Cop. No, I like the second one better than the first. Mall Cop harder. Still copping.

All right, so. So three offensive linemen. Three offensive linemen. From the Denver Broncos. Orc Beast Tamer. Go Broncos. Orc beast tamer. Go Broncos! With a bag full of Trinauan heads and a monitor lizard

that is resembling a CGI character from a shitty movie. So, first things first, the orcs, and as you can see, they've all come up and as far as you can tell,

none of them have seen Omast, who is standing about 15 feet away from the monitor lizard and the beast tamer and he's just got like hands against the crevelated tower. Oh fuck.

And he's giving you and Lork and Baron a look like get over here we need to do some tactical battle. He is behind enemy lines. I'm totally okay with him dying. I know you are. You and Galabras have no love for Omas. The shield breakers,

one at a time, they each throw a pillum at Galabras, Lork, and Gormley. Wait, wait, wait. We had ready to action. We were staring at the door. We didn't even roll initiative. This is still active combat.

This is round 13. Okay, all right, all right. Sure, whatever you want. You cheating fuck. You had readied actions to fire. Yeah, I had my longbow. He gave me a bit of luck, remember? Okay, feel.

Then yeah, go for it. All right, I'll just fire at the lead dude. You normally had a ready action with the crossbow as well. So this is going to change you in the initiative order. You're shooting two, right? Double arrows? Yeah, yeah, two arrows. You're shooting two, right? Double arrows? Yeah, yeah, two arrows. You could ready two actions?

Rapid shot. Yes. No, no, no. No, no, you're right. I cannot. So I can only shoot once. Nice try, Brian. Yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah, well, you can only ready a standard action. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I'll shoot it in one. That's why, that's the whole reason

it gave me the bit of luck. Yeah. Well, I mean, I could just save it. Yeah, I'll save it. I think you why That's the whole reason That gave me the bit of luck Yeah Well I mean I could just save it Yeah I'll save it I think you're better off Saving it So basically

The idea is like If you're using Yeah he figures out He realizes that like If he sets himself Aims for another second He can get a better shot But while he waits

They throw Makes sense I'm never getting back These two minutes Baron did you have A ready to action I did not Gormley you you have a ready to action? I did not Gormley, you did have a ready to action

Do you choose to use it or do you choose to accept your fate? I choose to accept my fate Perhaps Alright, here we go Last decision Pilum one Thoom! Comes straight at Galabras

Twenty to hit Uh, yeah, it's a hit With the cover? Ah Yeah, we're right up on it. Yes. Still standing behind his barricade. Okay, here is the cover. 65.

That's the same as last time. Oh boy. You guys are standing right there and you just see Galabras get hit maybe inches from his heart. Gets hit for 11 points of damage. Ow. Oh, fuck.

The next one comes at Lork, I believe. Yep. Lork, iron tusk. And it misses. Yeah. And then the next one comes at Gormley. 22. That hits.

The two casters get hit, of course. Let me roll for cover. They make cover. 98. And hits you. You just pulled out the arrow wound. It hits you directly in the same arrow wound for seven points of damage. I thought you were going to say 98 points of damage

And he just exploded Lork is covered in Gormley Gormley is hit by a mini nuke For 98 points of damage Fallout 3 where are you The beast tamer Kind of steps to the side here Notices

Omast, and chucks... Wait, wait, does he get a stealth check to try to avoid being noticed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I rolled all these checks between episodes. So as she takes a step over, she notices Omast

and starts making her way towards him. And the monitor lizard, meanwhile, rushes up towards the barricade. Just like... And now it is... The pompadour's dead. It is Lork's turn. Okay, Lork will fire at the lead

big dude with the spears at the throne. Double, double, double, double, double. Standing in the middle. A block. That is a hit. It's a 22. That is a hit. And it's four points of damage.

Four points of damage. Four points of damage. And he goes again. Yes. 17 to hit. Also a hit. And that's six points of damage. There you go. So you've done seven altogether?

Ten altogether. I just did four and three. No? I just said six. Four and six? Didn't I say six? Yeah. Okay, sorry.

Again, he is Omas Frum. He just... So how many altogether? You said ten? Ten altogether. Two arrows. Swoom, swoom, swoom, swoom. Okay.

He's still standing. Bring him down. Bring him down. Right, that's what I'm thinking. Baron. Just like a mother's womb. That doesn't make any sense. Baron?

Baron's going to ready an action. What? I had time. A mother's womb is by definition not Baron. No, not if you have like some messed up. All right, let's not start explaining the biology. Okay, all right. All right.

Action. Roll the heels. Skid is ready to be an uncle, by the way. That's right this is this is stupid you can totally say no can I do a retroactive free action knowledge on these guys is it knowledge local just to know of like they're weak to something or one of your abilities or whatever too late it's knowledge local yeah you can roll it I have such a shitty knowledge look well fail yeah I

just excited cuz you have no you No, you can roll twice. 19. 19, yeah. One piece of useful information. They are sensitive to light. Good to know. Thank you. I load a flare cartridge into my gun as a swift action,

and I'd like to do a survival check onto the lizard to see if it has any weaknesses or anything like that. Is that knowledge niche? That's going to be knowledge nature. Knowledge nature. Knowledge nature. Knowledge nature. Nature. Knowledge nature.

Okay, so I read an action then to shoot a flare at a group of people once they get within 20 feet of us. Fair enough. At a group or Yeah, I only want to do it to a group of orcs or a group of enemies.

So I say if two or more, for example, get within range, you're going to go shoot a flare gun. Alright, so you are readying that action. Gormley. Gormley is going to... How far out of range are we? Can I do an untrained knowledge... It's 50 feet away. Can I do an untrained knowledge nature

because you let people do untrained knowledge local or earlier? I'm going to untrained knowledge nature because you let people do untrained knowledge local or other. I'm going to do a knowledge nature right now. Fine. As a free action, I'm going to roll knowledge nature on the lizard. Put you on there. That's not

really going to help us that much. It's a 11. 11's not going to tell you anything, buddy. You're so stupid. All right. Clearly there were no monitor lizards in that tell you anything, buddy. You're so stupid. All right. Clearly there were no monitor lizards in that cave you call a home. There were scorpions. There were scorpions and a rock. I don't know if you know this.

The scorpions are not related to lizards at all. Gormley's going to evil eye the monitor lizard then. Okay. It won't work. No? Oh no, will it? We haven't tested it yet. We haven't tested it yet on an animal. It should work. Oh, it worked on the

wolf. That's true. Yeah, it's worked on animals. It worked on the spider too, I think. No, it didn't. Insect brain sucks. So give it a shot. Evil eye the monitor lizard. We'll save there, Troy. Okay. It fails.

It will save. So minus two to its attack roll for six rounds. Ooh! Thank you, witch. Actually, she's going to cackle and make that seven. Go for it. Fucking go for it. Might as well. Oh, no, you can't. You can't. You can't. It's got to be withinle and make that seven Go for it Might as well Oh no you can't

It's got to be within 30 feet And it is not So I can't roll the Didn't you say the cackle has to be within 30 feet So does the UI Oh really No you're not within 30 feet Then I'll ready in action

Yes you are I'm sorry I tried to eyeball it You're good Seven rounds It was right at the end of 30 feet I'm a bitch. All right, then I'll ready an action. Yes, you are. I'm sorry. I tried to eyeball it. You're good. I'm good. Yeah, you're fine. Seven rounds. Seven rounds. You can also move.

It was right at the end of 30 feet. Minus two to attack for seven rounds. Nice job. Okay, Galabras. Galabras? Galabras is going to use a spell. First level spell. Whoa. Galabras is going to use a spell. First level spell. Whoa!

He's not cast a spell for quite a while. But he has a spell called Murderous Command. Oh! I don't like the sound of that. So he's going to focus on the orc next to the orc that got shot with the arrows. The guy behind the guy? The orc shot with the arrows. Fix him with his gaze

and say, kill him. DC-14 will save. If he fails, he attacks his companion. Okay, and this is the guy to the left of the guy? Yeah.

That lork shot at? No, closest to him, right next to him. There's another guy right next to him. Oh, the guy to the left of the guy? Yeah. That Lork shot at? No, closest to him, right next to him. There's another guy right next to him. Oh, the guy in the middle, the one that Lork attacked? No, the guy next to, yeah. Okay, okay. The guy closest to the guy that Lork attacked. All right, so it's a decent...

Before you roll, I'm going to throw in a bottle cap on this. Oh, yeah! When did you get that? I got it for my acrobatics check. For acrobatics, for sliding between the guy's legs. Remember at the, I think that was round, like, wave one of the arms. Oh, that's right. That's right.

It was a daring move. He, like, dragged his fingernail across his thigh. Oh, that's right. Weirdo. All right. Disadvantage to you, Troy. Disadvantage to Troy. So it's a will save DC 14.

I got to roll twice and take the lower result. Oh, boy. I rolled an adjusted 14, which would be a save. And an adjusted 11. Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes. Oh, thank you, Beth.

That's awesome. I love when we do shit like that. Thank you. Thank you. That's teamwork. What is when we do shit like that. Thank you. Thank you. That's teamwork. What is that spell called again? Murderous Command. And this is what it sounds like.

Murderous Command. This is what it sounds like. As it rips through the air. So it's like the voice of Saruman. So how many rounds does that last? His next action, his next round, has to be devoted to trying to kill. Oh, so that's just one round he has to attack his buddy.

Yeah. So what happens if he had saved? If he had saved, he would have negated it. Yeah, nothing. That's a lot of those spells. It's like a 50-50 shot. That one worked, thanks to your disadvantage. So you guys hear this, like, his voice, Galabras' voice change.

Like, you hear this, like, eerie, like, booming sound coming out of him, like, as he casts this spell. And you hear this change in his voice, like, kill him. I was thinking today how great it was that we had a buffer and a debuffer because normally clerics are the go-to kind of um support support that heals you and buffs the characters and normally the other caster is a damage dealer um and and uh gormley will get there obviously but for the time being her main role is to give terrible status effects to our enemies, and that's awesome. So the fact that we have, Joe said both ends of a magnet in another episode,

but two sides of the same coin is pretty awesome. Yeah. All right, so... I'm going to cackle to extend it around. It's Omas' turn, and Omas takes a swing I'm going to cackle to extend it around. It's Omas' turn, and Omas takes a swing at the orc beast tamer who's up in his john, and he rolled a two, so he missed the orc beast tamer. It's going to be the end of the round unless Baron,

oh, you're still readying this action. Okay, so that holds until it comes to your turn again. Round 14! 14. Insane. First thing that happens, you see the orc shield breaker in the back just kind of look completely strange, and he swings his showtel out at the guy in the front.

Critical threat. Oh my god! Oh my god! You have to be shitting me! This is the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Please let him confirm. Galabrus, Galabrus, Galabrus.

Confirm. Yes! Yes! And you know what? Since it's under your control, we'll do the critical try. Even though it's not a named character. Do you want me to read it?

Sure, I'm assuming Showtel is a slashing weapon. Slashing. Oh, I think it's a good one! Okay, this critical is called Swing Through. Double damage and one free attack against an adjacent foe at the same bonus. So he attacks him again.

Yeah, it would be him again. Okay, so how much damage? Oh, wait. Oh, that's me. I know the damage. Never mind. No, no, no. It's if the other guy.

Yeah, there we go. Yeah, okay. Joe just moved the piece on the board. Well, he had to move up to swing at him anyway. I know the damage. Never mind. No, no, no. If the other guy... Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Okay, Joe just moved the... Well, he had to move up to swing at him anyway. He wasn't Jason. It wasn't him. It was the other guy. Okay. No, no, no.

It's just double damage. It was just double damage. So it's double damage. Yeah. Double damage? 18 points in damage. Yes! There he is.

Kills him. He kills him. Yes! He outright kills him. Yes! Kills him! He kills him! The outright kills him! Yes! That takes him below his con. Bow to the will

of Testa! He literally swings through him. That is insane. So, you see the orc shield breaker that Lork was

shooting at, he's all ready to take his move and then all of a sudden the guy behind him is like, takes his chotel and just rips his arm off

and the guy bleeds out and dies. Lork looks to his left past Gormley, or I'm sorry, looks to his right. Galabros is right next to him. He just heard this creepy voice

come out of him. He looks to his right and just, he doesn't even have the words. He just gives him this look like this inquisitive eyebrow. Don't worry, Grant's taking a picture

of his eyebrow right now. No, it's video. So you just look like a total asshole. I have to say, like, eyebrow. Don't worry, Grant's taking a picture of his eyebrow right now. No, it's video. He just looks like a total asshole. I have to say, quickly, I recently became an uncle and that was really a proud moment for me. This is great. This is

a really close second. That's awesome. This is amazing. I think there's a good chance that was the best use of that spell in the history of Pathfinder. In the history of that spell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any game. It's a new, I think it's a new. It's like ultimate magic, so it's a new spell anyway, so yeah.

All right. Insanity. Insanity. Okay, so the one remaining orc there, he double moves over the barricade and is coming at you guys. He is now in between the east and the western barricade. And now the lizard climbs over. Does that activate Baron's ready to action? It sure does.

As the monitor lizard runs by the other guy. As the monitor lizard runs by, that puts two people within range. Yep. Okay, so the monitor lizard goes up as far as it can, and then Baron, you get to... Baron fires the flare. Right before the lizards move, Baron. Baron's going to fire at the person further away. Okay, that may work.

And he is going to roll a goddamn 22. Nice. That is a hit. And he is going to do four points of damage, do a DC, I want to say 14 fortitude check. The orc passed. Let me see about the,

now does the lizard have to roll that? No, it's a DC 15, actually. He still passed. Okay. So they are both dazzled. They're both dazzled. That's minus three to the monitor. Speaking of dazzle, we got DJ Splash Dazzle in the ones and twos over here.

Bringing you all a siren scape. Bringing you all a little siren scape. So they're both dazzled for how many rounds? But we can figure it out. Yeah, keep on going. I'll tell you in a second. Okay, the lizard, the dazzled lizard. What is that, a minus one to attack?

Minus one to hit. And he already has minus two to attack. So he's a minus three to attack. And this is, I mean, just great. Great work on you guys' part. It's going to try and bite Baron. It can do a melee attack through the barricade because it's only

three feet tall. Is that the idea? Because the barricade's only three feet tall? Because the barricade's only three feet tall. Okay. He's going to like

try and get over, but he's got a minus three, so it's going to be a tough one. Definitely missed. All right. Beautiful. Perfect teamwork.

You guys are playing this like champs. Lork, you're up. Omas is like, get over here! Okay, Lork is going to shoot at the same orc that Baron shot with the flare cartridge. He's going to shoot twice. Shoot twice. What are you, just get a minus AC

to enact this? Minus to hit. Joe, do you want to hold and I can give you a bit of luck again? Yeah, I'll hold until Galabras gives me a bit of luck. Okay, so you are delaying. And it's Gormley's turn. Gormley will evil eye that same orc.

The self-same orc? The one who is currently, who just got hit by the flare cartridge. What do we call them? Because they're not regular orcs. They're orc shield breakers. Let's not let anyone forget these guys are badass. And he succeeded. 18. So for one round, he's got a minus 2

to his AC. And I'm going to cackle to extend that to 2 rounds. 2 rounds, minus 2 to the AC. Yeah. Okay. And I'm going to cackle to extend that to two rounds. Two rounds minus two to the AC. Jeepers. Okay, all right. And now it's Galavris' turn. Galavris will slap Lork on the back.

Slap Lork on the penis. Kill him. I love it. Bit of luck. All right, so you give him a bit of luck. So at that point I just go right away. And now Lork, you are moving the initiative order now to after Galabras. And I'll fire at the guy who just

Gormley just evil-eyed, who Baron just hit with the flare, who's dazzled. And that's 20 to hit. That's a hit. Four points of damage. And then again. There's one die. Four points of damage. And then, again, there's one die missed. Second die, natural 20.

Get out of town. I love you, bit of luck. Love you so much. Natural 18 to confirm. Confirmed crit. Times three, longbow. Oh, yes, that's times three. Oh, man.

Oh, my God. So the times three we're saying is the criticals for weapons like a sword or a general critical is you get double damage. We use cards, but you get double damage. With anything like a longbow, anything

with precise pinpoint accuracy like that, the idea is if it's an arrow, you probably put it right in his eye or something, so it's triple damage. The way we equate that in cards is you get to pull two and choose the better one. Is this

piercing damage? Yeah, piercing damage. So I just... This is what it sounded like. And I just lodged an arrow in his bone. Double damage and two points of bleed. Yes!

So bleed damage means he takes two every round until he dies, unless he gets a DC 20 heal check. I don't think the monitor lizard is going to heal him. Am I right? Am I right? Oh, okay. The monitor lizard is actually a registered nurse. Right.

So this is very dangerous. You have a chance to outright kill him, depending on your damage roll. Right. I rolled it. So it's eight. Eight damage. Eight damage, okay. And two bleed.

So that's actually ten for the round. So he did not die from the original damage, but it hits the bone, and he like... Lodges in. He crumbles down to one knee, and then all of a sudden, he pulls the arrow damage, but it hits the bone, and he crumbles down to one knee, and then all of a sudden, he pulls the arrow out, and you can tell that the arrow hit a vein, because all of a sudden, it just shoots blood out,

covering the monitor lizard, and he dies! Yeah! And that was, the first D20 in that roll was a three. I rolled it again for a bit of luck, and it was a natural 20. Bit of luck. You know what, Skid?

You get a bottle cap. Yeah! You've been doing great over there. I am feeling my best I've ever felt in my life. Show me the bottle cap. Hey, look at the bottle cap. Look. And now your old buddy Omast is going to try to attack the orc beast tamer.

He misses again! He misses again and rolled a three. Come on, Omast. And you don't understand, he has a huge bonus to hit. So Omast is struggling. And now it is round 15. The orc shieldbreaker that was under Galabras' control, he like shakes out of it.

It's like, what is going on? Why did I kill my friend? He sees his friend who has his arm chopped off, completely dead, bleeding out. He looks up and sees another orc, his other buddy who just squirted blood all over the monitor lizard is now dead. And he's alone. He's got the beast tamer

behind him and Homass and the lizard dead. And he's alone. He's got the Beast Tamer behind him, and Homass, and the lizard. And so he charges through the opening, because don't forget, the barricade broke down here. And he charges straight at Orc. Now, granted, there is a fence there. So I'm going to give you the cover bonus where you're behind that. But he's coming straight at you with a show-tell.

The show-tell California. Show, don't tell. 23 to hit. That hits. Okay, let me roll for cover. Made the cover with a 40. So he comes running up. Ah! You killed my

friend! I say, you killed your friend! Does he change his mind? Oh, well then, perhaps we should get some tea. running up. You killed my friend! I say, you killed your friend! I don't remember anything! Does he change his mind? Oh, well then, perhaps we should get some tea. 11 points of damage. That shotel cuts you right across your bare skin that's showing through your armor.

What's a shotel? Could you describe what a shotel is? It's like a sickle. It's like a hook, almost. You just hold the... What would you call hook almost that just, you just hold the, what would you call it, the handle, and then from the handle is just this fisherman's hook. The idea is that it swings around a shield. Right, okay. So you can swing straight laterally at a shield and it'll go around and cut the arm that's

holding the shield. Kind of looks like a half moon. It reminds me of what Lobo used. You remember Lobo from the DC universe? Sure. Okay. It's a weapon from the DC universe? Sure. Yeah. Okay. It's a weapon of Abyssinian nature.

Is it really? Yeah. Oh. Abyssinian. Do you have any other Abyssinian culture facts to share with our listeners? Phil K. Dick facts

will not be replaced by Abyssinian culture facts. Do not usurp my fact moment. I still have Phil K. Dick facts ready to go. I'd like to hear them

I know maybe not it's gotta be the right time right time post battle Troy I have a question for you go for it sweating

yeah I need to know if from the time battle commenced have we passed a half hour of time from the time

these waves of orcs started coming you have not okay you have not. So I chugged bull strength and bark skin. It's been 15 rounds. Oh, so you're technically keeping me by rounds, so then I should still have bull strength,

which is three minutes, right? So I'm in the second minute. Yeah, you're good. Wow, this all happened so fast. So Lorik is really is Groot right now because he's super strong. Super strong and bark skin. Yeah. It's crazy to think this is like three episodes of the podcast,

but it's really all happening in like two and a half minutes. Right. It is. That is the way D&D is, you know? Pass finder. So who's fucking turned? Oh, the Beast Tamer. So the Beast Tamer attacks Omas from...

And misses from... Nice. You'll be glad to know. They're having a little standoff out there. A little tete-a-tete. Baron. Did you know that Philip K. Dick was buried in Riverside Cemetery, Fort Morgan, Morgan County, Colorado? You know what?

USA Pod Section K, Block 1, Lot 56. Grant, I'm not even kidding. You stole my exact fucking dick bag. Stole it! I have never been angry in my life. He was so happy! That's a swing.

I'm happy to sad. Of all the dick facts that you could have stolen from me, the one that I'm too prepared you took half of my dick facts that you could have stolen from me. I'm too prepared. You took half of my dick facts that I have prepared. You chopped up half of his dick facts. I feel I've been circumcised.

So Baron takes a five foot step back and he rolls a 17 against Touch AC. Up close and deadly sorry uh and you also have to roll the barrier uh so cover 20 do i roll it or does he roll you roll it do we have the because the lizard is behind i got it right here for you just roll it just believe me he rolled it you got it 71. okay so i do seven points of damage plus five I do 7 points of damage plus 5. I do 11 points

of damage. 11 points of damage? That's 12. God damn it again. I mean, it's a fact. It's not an opinion. Who's counting? And I say there's no thunder without lightning. Do you just have a list of things to say?

No. He just comes up with these spontaneously. All right, the lizard jumps over the last barricade. This is the first creature that has gotten past both barricades, and it now goes to bite with a minus three to attack. Or no, just minus two, I think. What gave it the extra minus one last time? Dazzled.

Dazzled from my flare. Oh, dazzled. Is it still dazzled? It's one round. It's one round. Oh, it's one round? So minus two to attack, goes to bite you, critical threat.

Not even mine. It swings both ways. 20 on the die. Swings both ways. You pick up the die and show it to him. There is no way to prove that you rolled a 20. You could roll it to whatever you want on your fingers. I confirmed it with a one, so you did not get it.

It's just a hit, which is just as bad. Okay, a couple things are going to happen. Yeah, here we go with the 42. So it bites you. Sinks its fangs in for max damage. Does 12 points of damage. And it... Does it immediately...

If it has grab, does it immediately grab or it immediately gets a free chance? It gets a chance to grab. Okay, so then it goes... So Troy's going to roll another die right now to see if it actually grabs him and then will limit Baron's movement next round. So it tries to grapple you against your CMD.

Got a 21. Oh, fuck. 19. Yeah. All right, so it just jumps on you. Wait. The, uh... Oh, it's still...

The Shield of Faith boosts your CMD, too, I think, but it's still... And now I need you to roll... I think that it's taking that into... A fortitude save. Hold on. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

You're grappled. All right. So this thing jumps on you, bites you, sinks its fangs in, and is like totally wrapped around your body. I am showing Skid my apt to confirm my fortitude save. 17. You seem to be okay. All right. you seem to be okay for the moment alright

we had somebody ask about fortitude saves about how like what they're for why that's happening yeah I think it's basically like if something bites you

that could be like poisonous that's when you roll a fortitude save the idea is that does your body reject the poison and if you get bit by a snake you roll a fortitude save

you know if you get bit by a spider you roll a fortitude save it's almost like your vitality and your hardiness. And dwarves, as you've seen in Lord of the Rings, are extremely

hardy creatures, and the reason earlier in the episodes I tried to get brewing capabilities is because dwarves also drink a ton. Yeah. Just like me. And they can drink you under the table

and keep on going for like 10 hours. So they have really high fortitude saves and checks. They get a bonus to their con. Yeah. So they normally pass. So this thing did max damage and it's grabbing you. But you don't feel any weird effects for the moment.

Other than being in a lizard's mouth and unable to go get set free. Just another day in the life. Gormley. Gormley. Am I considered in melee combat with that orc on the other side of the barricade? Yes. Yes. All right.

Gormley is going to take a five-foot step back, and then she's going to shoot her crossbow at the orc. You take a minus four to that. I know. All right. That is an 11. That would be a miss. Actually, it's not even an 11.

It's a seven. It sails past, hits one of the crenellated towers. Galabras, the hero of the party, has a blaze. Galabras is going to drop his crossbow to his side. Pick up his mace. Ooh. And spray it. And swing it.

Get away! Get away! You nasty, filthy orc! And swing it at this orc Who is attacking Lork And miss Boom Hit the barricade Hit the barricade

Splinters of wood Fly up Lork Lork is gonna This thing's right up in his face now He drops the longbow Draws the masterwork battleaxe And swings

And you're a big dude Oh yeah This guy's bigger than you Oh yeah Well I'm coming Yeah yeah. We're both basically, our fighting area is well over the size of this barricade. Right. You know, we're both, in Melee Ranch, we're just like

It looks like a child's gate you'd put on a door so they don't climb up the stairs. Exactly. He swings at him. Ooh, it definitely hits, like 25 to hit. That's a hit. He gets 36 on the barricade, so that is a hit. And then he gets 16 points of damage with the Masterwork Battleaxe.

Describe to me what happens. Like I said, the guy came right up in his face. He screams, pouring rain, it's dripping down. He's got blood all over him. He's got his son's blood on him. He drops the longbow, draws the masterwork battleaxe off of his back, just pulls it straight up over his head, which is well over the barricade,

screams, and just brings it down straight between the guy's eyes, right on top of his cranium. Splits his head right in half. Kills him. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, man.

I rolled a 10 on a D12 for damage. That is so exciting. I mean, who's standing right next to you? Galabras. Galabras. You just see a creature's head get completely cleaved in two. Blood and brains fly all over the place. Covered in chunks of brain matter. Omas. Omas.

Omas is struggling over there. He sees what's going on and is like, you know what? I'm going to draw this thing to him. So Omas does a full retreat back to the barricade. Or at least as far as he can go back. And because he's doing a full withdraw, he does not

provoke an attack of opportunity from the beast tamer. Now, what you didn't mention before in a full withdraw is you don't provoke the first attack of opportunity, but you would provoke other attacks. If you ran by other enemies, they could attack you. But you guys have killed all the other enemies. Everything between him and us, yeah. With the exception of the lizard that is eating Baron. So, Omas runs up the blood-stained, muddy slope back to his companions.

Right, just running past orc corpses back to his buddies. Tripping over so many orc corpses. Hoping to draw the Beast Tamer up towards you guys. Round 16! And it is, oh, no, he's dead, so I can't have his turn. It is the Beast Tamer. The Beast Tamer looks around the battlefield, sees what's going on, and follows, because they're

idiots, and gets as far as she can up to Omast, and is still about ten feet away from him, and she chucks something at him. She throws a javelin. Double move and javelin?

Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. That was a double move, so she cannot throw a weapon. So she just starts closing the distance. Trudging up the slope. Still holding a bag of heads. And, Lorke, you can see from a distance, like, it's Steve. Steve!

It's your old buddy Steve. Steve-o! Oh, Steve. Oh, Steve. He always reminded Oh, Steve. Oh, Steve. He always reminded you of Brent. Brent Brent. Brent Brent. And now it is Baron's turn,

who is currently grappled. So what can I do to get out of this grapple? You can roll an escape artist check. You can roll a CMB against its CMD to break the grapple. Minus five, I think. Or you can try to pistol whip it at a minus two to hit. Escape artist

it is. Okay. I'm confirming. This is against his CMD. 23 escape artist check. Against the lizard's CMD? Yep. Yes. For escape artist check. Against the lizard's CMD? Yep. Yes.

For escape artist. Failed. I failed? Wait, no, I'm sorry. I was looking at the wrong guy. You succeeded. You're out of the grapple. Whips out of it.

Get this thing off of me. He like peels the jaws of the thing off of his skin. So can I move five foot now? Yes. Okay, I'm going to take a five foot step back. And your turn's over. That's it. It's a standard action to escape.

So you basically like, get this thing off of me! You throw it off, and it just like, goes to bite you again. Can I still swift action? Sure, why not? Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to reload. Alright, so you step back, reload, and then it's right on him again. Right, it goes right on you again. Jumps after you. Another 20. Oh my... Not even joking. This thing is tracking you down for death.

Another 20, and please don't kill me. 21 to confirm. What the fuck do you think, you asshole? Joe was just rubbing his hands. It's crazy. All right, it does 16 damage. Attempts to grapple you again.

Oh, it... Yeah, it grappled. 27 to grapple. It grappled you, so it just... Crits, gets you right on your neck. This thing is brutal neck maybe inches away from your jugular to do 16 points of damage

and now it's grappling you again and they need you to roll another fortitude save. He rolls a 19. Everything seems to be okay. For now. Baron says,

Gosh, I'm hurting a plenty. He maintains an impressive calm while he's completely wrapped up in a death-dealing monitor lizard. He's bleeding from the neck and he still can come up with those one-liners. I mean, this thing jumped on you. It was mad that you threw it off

and it is inches away from the jugular. And it's kind of interesting, after all you guys have gone through, this is actually the most brutal, I think, brutalization any of you have faced. Brutalization, what the fuck does that mean? Brutality in Mortal Kombat 3. Gormley, you're up, you son of a bitch.

Finish him. All right, if he's grappled Baron with his mouth, am I still considered in melee combat with it? Yes. Yes. Uh, okay. He's in melee combat with it? Yes. Yes. Uh, okay. He's in melee combat is the thing. You should tackle the lizard.

But you take the range penalty because he's mixed up with your ally. But I could move without incurring an attack of opportunity is what I'm asking. Well, this is, again, this is like advanced rules. So basically, the monitor lizard is grappling Baron right next to Gormley. Can Gormley get away without getting bit? If he bites, he releases him. Right. So I think the lizard should have the choice.

I think you make a decision, and then I decide. No, it's a whole thing, because he's essentially grappling. You can always release a grapple as a free action. Yes. Right. So it's up to you. He may release it and go after you, or he may give you the... And if you take a five-foot step, it doesn't matter. You don't incur. But if you want to move further, it's up to you. He may release it and go after you, or he may give you the... And if you take a five-foot step, it doesn't matter.

You don't incur. But if you want to move further, it's your risk. My thinking is that I'm not much use against the Modernary Lizard. No, you're not. I'm going terribly, so I'm going to get out of there. So either draw him away from Baron, or I'm going to evil eye the Beast Tamer. Okay, all right. So you bucked out of there.

The Lizard didn't flinch, still just... Stayed on Baron. Going on Baron's little neck. And you go to the other side and go to Evil Eye. You can't. He moved more than 30 feet from where he was. Well, move me six feet. Move 25 feet.

And you're within range of the woman? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And what is it? A will save? 14. DC 14. Will save.

She's got better will than her friends, but not enough. Minus two to your AC for six rounds. Yeah. Jigras. It's got to be a bitch playing a witch as a DM, playing against a witch. Oh, yeah. And I play against a witch. Not only because your monsters all get weakened,

which is really frustrating, but because you have to do so much more math. For nine orcs, you're tracking all their AC. It's the bookkeeping. The bookkeeping. Right, the accounting. I'm sitting in ball soup right now because I'm sweating from your brain power.

Just trying like, how many hit points? This guy's got minus two AC. This is 15 orbs. Or ferocity. Ferocity. Don't forget ferocity. God.

All right, so now it is Galabras. Galabras is going to, without any better options, take a shot at the Beast Mistress. I'm so going to die now. Oh, no, no. Okay. Yeah, she's not in melee range

with Omas. Who else is hurt? Is anyone else hurt? I mean, I'm pretty hurt, actually. I'm below. I'm down 11. I'm at 11. Labrys is just going to

silently pray to Desna and channel positive energy to heal. Come on, gold dice. Come on, gold dice. Four. Four total? Yeah.

It's two dice. Yeah, I know. I know. Son of a bitch. I like that you have the channel sound effect ready to go. Okay, wow. A couple of, what did you roll? Two twos?

I did. Two twos. The hard Two twos The hard way Two through the hard way For the hard way Yeah If it was just craps I'd be Yeah

I don't even know I don't know how craps works You'd be making 12 to 1 Seven hit points Actually it's probably higher than that Wow Wow Wow

Lork Lork, what are you going to do? Please kill the lizard So Lork Lork, what are you going to do? Please kill the lizard So all of a sudden Gormley shifts away And then it becomes obvious to him He looks to his left Now with Gormley not there

He can see this monitor lizard Basically eating Baron alive He turns to his right He looks over the barricade And Omos is five feet away From this orc beast tamer Who's like bearing down on him He looks to the left Looks straight in front of him Heade, and Omos is five feet away from this orc beast tamer who's like bearing down on him. He looks to the left, looks straight

in front of him. He's like, Omos! And he goes to save Omos. Wow. No, I'm just kidding. Grant was about to flip the table over with the map and everything. No, he'll move to the left. Game over, man! Game over! He will attack the open part

of whatever is exposed on the monitor lizard with his battle axe to try to get its attention away from Baron. Great. So what do you take for when it's grappled? You probably know better than I do. I don't think there's any penalty. It's for range. Baron takes a minus two to his AC

and loses his dex bonus to his AC, but you don't take any penalty because you're just attacking this foe. Right. That makes sense. 20 to hit. 20 hits. Fuck. 19 damage.

Whoa! Yes, yes, yes. Maximum damage. I am... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 18, 18 damage. 18 damage. It's still alive.

It's still... Fuck. Oh, wow. Well, at least I took its attention. You fucked it up. You bloodied it, as they say. I, uh... Cut open its flank.

I think everyone might want to take a shot at this lizard now. Yeah, who knew? Who knew that this guy was, like, yeah, the boss of the group? I mean, seriously. I mean, it's not that crazy. He's an extremely hardy animal that is very dangerous with his natural weapons. Why else would they have tamed him? Omast hits the Beast Tamer, steps up, swings his greatsword, and annihilates the Beast Tamer.

Yes! 13 points of damage against the Beast Tamer. And the Beast Tamer is also on its last legs, bloodied. But still above in positive hit points. Round 17. It is the Beast Tamer's turn. I just want to go on record. This is the longest consecutive rolling round combat I've ever had.

17 rounds I've never played in any game I've ever played. I hand-waved a couple rounds. We were like, a round here. Actually, no, you were like, what do you do? I heal, I do this. It was one round, yeah. So literally a couple rounds is all you hand-waved. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, now the orc, you see she brings out a double axe and swings at Omast, misses, and then on her second attack with it. No, no, no, she can't. It's a full attack action. And she has quick draw? She has, just trust me, she can on her second attack with it. No, no, no. She can't. It's a full attack action. And she has quick draw? She has, just trust me, she can go. Got it. With ferocity?

No, she's not on ferocity. She's still above her. She has X amount of hit points left. She's still conventionally alive. And she hits Omask on the second swing as the axe comes around again. See, that's the kind of badass shit that I need to get Lork to, is two physical attacks in one round. Don't be so self-centered all the time.

I'm trying to help you. So she just swings. Omas ducks out of the way, but then he's too slow on the draw as the double axe comes around and grazes him right off of his, between his neck and his shoulder blade, and he takes 11 points of damage. And again, you can just see blood is

coming out of this dude. Obviously you've healed him, but he's beat up. And now it is Baron's turn, who is still grappled, in the throes of grapple. So my options are escape artist check or what else?

You can do CMB minus 5 against the CMD. Oh, fuck that shit. No, straight up CMB minus five against the CMD. Oh, fuck that shit. No, straight up CMB. CMB against CMD, or you could try to melee attack him. I'm pretty sure if you're the grappled, you take a minus to your... If you do CMB? Yeah.

Again with Skid. Escape Artist? Nine. Don't get out. Still grappled. And it is the lizard's turn. And while grappled, it just does automatic damage. It does seven points more damage.

Yeah! So when you're grappled, if you're the creature that is, or the person that is grappling someone else, and you maintain the grapple, actually, I got a roll to maintain the grapple. First, made it. Then you do automatic damage, and it's just your base damage for your main.

Is it called constrict? Is that what it, for this monster? No, constrict is something else. Yeah, it's a different kind of. Like, if you succeed on a grab, you actually do damage. But when you have an opponent that you've grappled, on the next round, if you maintain the grapple, you automatically do your base damage.

You don't have to roll to hit. Yeah. Baron is unconscious. And dying? Unconscious and dying, yeah. Zero points of health. Oh, no, you're staggered. If you have zero, then you're not unconscious.

Oh, perfect. Great., you're staggered. If you have zero, then you're not unconscious. Oh, perfect. Great. You're in great shape. So this lizard just did more damage and Baron is like crumpling and the lizard is still like It's so hideous.

And it's gross looking. Check out the tumbler. Shit, Gormley. Kill it. Gormley. Kill it. Gormley has to shoot the crossbow at the lizard. Okay. Take the minus four. Fair enough.

What else are you going to do? What else are you going to do? Go up there and punch it. This is a tight, tight window. Or you can hex it against hit rolls, but no. Just kill it. Ten. Ten does not do it.

Throwing everything against the wall, seeing what's going to stick. Galabras. She'll cackle to extend all the hexes. Okay, so it still has a minus two to attack, but as long as it's grappled. It won't matter if it stays grappled then. Fuck. This thing is going to kill Baron. Galabras, again, is going to summon the divine power of his deity, Desna.

Channel positive energy, try to heal what's left of our group. That's a smart idea because the lizard is going to just keep doing damage on Baron and a successful roll could kill him. Eight. That's better.

That's great. That's more than one die. Eight points of healing. Ooh! Baron is back to normal. points of healing. Baron is back to normal. Lork, what do you got? Lork is going to try to finish this

thing off. This is so, I don't want to miss. I hate missing. I hate missing. 19 to hit. Hits the lizard. Hits the lizard. He's just standing next to it hacking at it's like hind

it's exposed hind quarters hind quarters as it's grappling Baron lays into it for 14 points of battle axe damage so this thing

grapples Baron does damage and eventually Baron pushes it off and then it really gets pissed gets on again grapples him crits

holds on tight holds on tight Baron tries to escape a second time it doesn't work the thing bites him again knocks him to the ground knocks him unconscious

Lord looks like he's chopping down a tree Galabras heals everybody Baron comes to life just as you chop its head off and kill it

yeah release that bite now, bitch. And then Omas steps up and swings at the orc beast tamer. Critical threat on the orc beast tamer for Omas. Critical threat. That is insane timing. Does not confirm, but it's a definite hit. Kills the orc Beast stable!

Yes! Oh my god. Phenomenal. Yes! Oh my. Now you hear the loudest sound you've heard yet.

Hooves, horses, and everything. Horses? Oh. And all of a sudden, a bunch of Trunowan guards

charge in. Arcade brand! Arc and brand! Mork just holds his battle axle off, covered in blood and guts and orc brains and monitor lizard in kidneys. And he's just like, rawr! You can see in the distance, they're chopping down orcs on their way to break through. And there's probably half a dozen to a dozen of them that come

storming through the portcullis uh they jump off their horses and some of them start retaking the the towers the two cretelated towers uh they jump in there and then a bunch of others start working on the broken portcullis they're trying to fix it trying to bring it down um you guys all have

a moment to catch your breath is there anything you need to do while this is happening? I Stand up, Baron stands up And he walks over to Lork He hates doing this And he looks up at his face

And says You know I ain't got time to bleed And that lizard took my time Away from me. I want to thank you for getting it back. He then walks over to Calabrus and says, You're my huckleberry.

Lork says, Baron, how about a pull on that whiskey? Baron says, I'm going to do you one better. He gives me a bottle cap? Pulls the whiskey out with one hand without taking out the cork. Throws it at Lork, who I assume catches it. And then pulls two cigarrillos out of his pocket.

Lights them both up after striking the match on the bottom of his boot, inhales, gets them smoking, and hands one of the cigarillos to Lork. Is this, uh, am I allowed to smoke this, Dieb, or is combat still continuing? Because I'm not going to smoke for my round.

As this conversation is going on, three guards are sitting on their horse looking at you guys, and they're covered in orc blood and guts, and they're like, What are you doing? What are you idiots doing? Lork flicks the cigarette away and gets back at that guy.

Drinking and smoking! You have to light the Hope Spring Beacon! Baron says to the guards and his party, Smoke them if you got them yes yes go smoke the hope spring beacon you need to smoke that

you fools quick run is the hope spring outside of the gate that's what I thought you notice just at this moment a giant rock hits one of the towers, and the other tower comes crumbling down.

So you can either climb over that tower to get outside or go through the open gates. You can see maybe 200, 100 feet away, a football field's length away, more battle going on. You can hear the battle cries now happening outside of the city. So 100 yards or more outside of the city walls, there's battle. And Cursed is probably out there, right? Cursed, you assume he's out there leading the charge. And you remember when you were on top of that tower where you fought the guy,

bang the drum, you could see rocks being thrown, you could see siege engines, you could see catapults and all that shit. But right now, as far as you know, you have saved the inner quarter. All right. But they're like,

you fool, stop drinking and smoking! Get to the Hope Spring bacon now! Go! Go! you know you have saved the inner quarter. All right. All right. But they're like, you fool, stop drinking and smoking. Get to the homespring beacon now. Go, go. Get there. Get to the homespring.

What do you do? What do you do? I'll run to the first. I mean, I need healing. Yeah, Galabras goes over.

I mean, we can channel positive energy. No, no, no, no, no. Galabras runs over with the wand. He pulls out the wand of Cure Light Wounds from his cloak

and uses it on Baron for seven points. And you want another hit, I assume. Yes. Another five. And I can do it again. Yes.

Nine. Oh, that's a good one. Who else is hurt? Lork is good. He's fully in the fight. Omask is hurt. He comes up, and he's got his shirt wrapped up on his neck.

You guys were great. You did amazing. I'm going to go check out the triage tent, make sure everything's all right there through the other gate. A channel would probably... No, we're good. We don't need a channel. You can take another wand, him.

We need no two left. Do you want the wand? I'll give you the wand again. Yeah, that'd be great. Do you have any potions? Do you want to keep the wand? No, fuck it. Seven. I am great now. Omas was praising you, and he... And he leaves?

He pats you on the back and says, Thank you. Thank you for writing me. It's been a tough couple of weeks. I'll grab his shoulder. Omas, you fought bravely. We shall all remember this day. But the battle is far from won.

Godspeed. Omas. I... I begrudgingly respect you, even though your breath smells like a pile of adult diapers drenched in paint thinner. Perhaps someday we will share a drink together. Gormway takes Omast's face in her hands and plants a big sloppy witch kiss on his forehead. Yes, yes. You guys know I have a problem with drinking. Olmas' face in her hands and plants a big sloppy witch kiss on his forehead. Yes! Yes! You guys know I have a problem

with drinking. I'm going to go to the triage tent. So he hobbles off and is everyone fully healed? Yeah. So do you make your way to the beacon? Yeah. Okay, you're going to climb over the rubble

of that broken tower. I don't know how people's climb checks are. Are you're going to climb over the rubble of that broken tower. I don't know how people's climb checks are, or are you just going to go through the open gate and hope for the best? Go through the open gate. Hope for the best. All right, so you rush out of the open gate. Are you guys running, or are you kind of just moving cautiously? No, we're at a light jog, so we're not going to get winded.

Right, you're kind of just saving our energy. You just see bodies everywhere. Lork also grabs his longbow, by the way. Lork, you're kind of like... I grab my crossbow. And the crossbow bolts as we go. Are the potions we took at the beginning of this combat still working?

He'll tell us. Has it been two hours since we escaped Sarah Morninghawk's house? Between now and the Hope Spring Beacon, your potions will wear off. So a full 30 minutes. A full 30 minutes. And it's been two hours since that point in the battle? Since Sarah Morninghawk.

Since Sarah Morninghawk, yes. All right. I normally cast Mage Armor before we leave. Okay. So you recast Mage Armor. Okay. So you guys are rushing through. You just see bodies everywhere.

Lork, you're kind of doing your own thing. You're very focused on this, but you can't help but notice from time to time out of the corner of your eye, you see dead friends. You see coworkers, you see shop keeps, like good people that you bought your cheese and bread from every day. Sorts to plowshares. And not only dead, but their bodies have been desecrated.

Like half eaten at certain points, like really gross stuff. So you see this on the way to the Hope Spring Beacon, and then you, as you get closer, you hear the sound of rushing water, and you see the beautiful Hope Spring and the waterfall coming from the upper quarter down into the lower quarter, because as you guys exit, remember, it was sloped down going outside of the inner quarter, so you're on a lower plateau as you head to the Hope Spring. So there's a waterfall coming down, and it's kind of beautiful for a moment, and you can see in the distance the pile of wood waiting for you guys to light it. There's battle all around you, but it's not anywhere near you.

You are safe for the moment, and you get up to the wood pile for the beacon. It looks to be still intact and ready to be set alight. Now, remind me, I'm sorry, why are we lighting this? Who are we alerting? So the people from outside of True Now.

So there's other settlements of people that are allies that could help us? Yeah. Last Wall, Freedom Town. So they would be able to,

people in Freedom Town are close enough to see the beacon. Yes, that's the whole point of the beacon. They're strategically placed all over True Now. I thought it was just

like the True Now and guards that are outranging but no it's whole town there might be some of that too sure but there's whole towns okay and so the hope spring beacon you guys have already lit one i believe right yeah we yeah we lit one uh up by the the commons yeah when you save brinia right but then we got down in the inner quarter and that one was destroyed and if you remember i i may be misquoting myself but i think cursed said like you got to do all this get to the hope spring yeah that's what that's the key that was a long time ago so you guys get there and everything looks to be intact everybody roll a perception check uh 15 23, 16. I forgot I'm level 3. Hello. So you guys get there,

and Gormley is a little preoccupied with checking on Howie, the green-stained scorpion, but Baron, Lork, and Galabras notice on the wood there is a yellow-white powder coating the logs and stones of the fire pit. Oh, no. Can I do a craft alchemy check to see what that is? Yeah, it's going to be poison. We're going to poison the whole area.

24. It is some sort of alchemical substance that if you were to light this, it would explode. Oh. Y'all, this is a powder keg. I don't think we want would explode. Oh. Y'all, this is a powder keg. I don't think we

want to light. Shit. Yet, you have to light this. We could throw something. I can spark it from a distance. How far? How far can you throw a cigarillo? 30 feet. So, if we get

Gormley to stand 30 feet away and spark it The rest of us should stand 100 feet away To save ourselves That's smart So your range is 30 feet So you could all stay Outside of a 30 foot radius you would say Yeah alright let's go

Boom A flaming boulder Hits maybe 15 feet away from you guys and explodes, and you notice that it's very close to hitting the woodpile. It's very close to hitting the few remaining houses that are still standing outside the city, and it almost hit all of you guys.

Boom! These flaming boulders are coming. All right, you guys, back up! Back up! All right, so we'll back up to outside of Gormley's range. And Gormley, with her long fingernail fingers, snaps her fingers and shoots a spark flying at the wood pile. You guys all see in slow motion this...

And then starts backing up. As the flame just kind of... Like a Stallone movie. And it just... It hits the wood pile. There's a second, and then a gigantic green explosion of fire, like the fucking Battle of the Blackwater

in Game of Thrones. Ba-boom, and you all just like, in an action movie, just fall backwards and land on your ass, and you're all unhurt, and the Hope Spring Beacon is lit. Yeah! Well done, Gourmalet.

Nice job. Gourmalet! G! Well done, Gourmalet. Nice job. Gourmalet! Gourmalet! Gourmalet! I owe it all to Howie. Couldn't have done it without Howie. Literally. Howie, however, is dead. No! Wait, no, no! In about a couple minutes later, as you guys are like

gathering yourselves together, all of a sudden, more guards come up. You've let them. Is everything all right? Is the inner quarter, is it safe? Yes. Yes. We've cleared it out.

All right. We need to get to the barter stones. There are bombardiers, and you have to take out the catapult. And you guys remember that this is where you saw the giant throwing boulders, and you know they have a catapult over there, because even though you've secured the inner quarter, this is like the last siege engine they think they have, and they're fucking throwing boulders right into the city,

so you guys have to go to the Barterstones and eliminate the bombardiers and destroy their siege engine. Okay. Sounds great. I think I'd rather rest. There's no time for rest! No, I'm just kidding. We'll do it.

We'll take out the catapult. Can't someone else do it? There's no time! They're driving the giant! They're driving him out of town! You have to go over there and kill the Bobbittians! Lork hears this and immediately his shoulders tighten up and he's just like, Point me to the giant!

And you guys, what do you do? Do you make your way to the Barterstones? Yes. Lork wants to immediately start looking for giant tracks and follow where the giant is. So you make your way to the Barterstones, which are even further outside. I believe they're outside of the city walls. And so you go and you see these giant stones that are normally used as like an open air market is usually held atop these flat rocks. But as you get closer, you see all the stalls and shops have been completely destroyed in the orc raid. shops have been completely destroyed in the orc raid.

And now in the background, behind the stones, you can see a catapult is just launching these flaming boulders. Lork, to your right, you see the largest footprint you've seen in 20 years. Oh, shit. And a trail of them that just kind of get mingled in the bodies and the blood. Oh, man, I love that! And you can't see anything beyond the stones. And next episode, you gotta go

see what's behind the stones. I wanna know! Just tell us right now! Alright, I'll tell ya. Certain death. You're such a dick. You're a dick. We're having a good time. fuck you joe there's a term it's called a born asshole it's like someone who never had a chance and you be an asshole. And you can chop all of this out later.

I keep it in, man. Let's start over. I agree, let's start over. I think we should just roll. You know what? Guys, I think we need to raise your glass and a quick toast to episode 20.