The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 200 Part 1 - Viva Lost Magus

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

The past and the present collide as the #Marchto200 reaches its conclusion. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Previously on the Glass Cannon Podcast Let me ask you, what do you think happens when you die? I've seen you live. I've seen you die. What? How? When? Oh, come on, Della, no. Second attack. Della, no! Natural 20.

No! With a times three critical. Della takes 55 points of damage and is permanently dead. Oh my god. I've lived a long time. Oh, Della. Too long.

He grips Della's lifeless body in his claws and flies out of the cathedral. Oh my god! Lork, are you familiar with the goddess Burgothoa? A thin man, dressed all in black, is coming up to sort of the head reaver and bargaining for Galavris' life. It's Brander Willamette. So good to finally meet you. My name is Dr. Forsythe.

Did you know you were a very, very special young man? And then Dr. Forsythe lays his hand atop Benric's head to muss up his hair, letting his hand linger there just a little too long. Oh, man. This guy. This guy. How evil do you have to be well dear boy i told you we would meet again and he lays his hands on galabras's head you take and take and take you just want to steal

more life don't you my father was like you you You're fools. I've always wondered myself. Your father is no more, but hope lies in a mother. That maybe death is not the end, but rather a true beginning. The adventure continues. In the middle of the inner quarter, she stands up and you see that her skin is like translucent white balloon. She says, where is my daughter? No. Well, here we are. Episode 200!

Well, here we are. Episode 200! Grant, Joe, and I came in on a red-eye this morning from an absolutely unbelievable Glass Cannon Live weekend in Portland. I think we're all sitting on about 90 minutes of sleep each, and we're just hours away from a three-hour live Twitch Episode 200 release party, which hopefully you just tuned into before listening to this. Even though I can't think straight, and my body and soul are on their last legs, 200 release party, which hopefully you just tuned into before listening to this. Even though I can't think straight and my body and soul are on their last legs, I couldn't be happier and more excited to share this very, very special episode with you all.

This week's intro isn't about announcements and pushing merch and tickets. It's about celebrating a true milestone, a true milestone in the podcast biz, in the podcast world, and also just a true milestone for the five of us guys. You know, when I was in my 20s, I was really into self-help books. The Secret was blowing up at the time, but one that I started to cling to, it was called The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, which is basically The Secret, but a lot more involved. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, all of Tony Robbins stuff. All these books are essentially expressing the same things, the law of attraction and whatnot. Anyway, I can remember one of the early exercises of The Success Principles was to write down

your life purpose. That sounds easy enough, right? 25, what's your life purpose? I don't know. I can't remember the exact wording of what I wrote down, but I think it had something to do with, you know, I want to use my unique talents as an entertainer and a comedian to bring joy to people's lives, while also challenging and inspiring them to chase the life of their dreams as well. You know, as I got older and I couldn't get an agent, no matter what I did, and I couldn't get the TV auditions that I wanted, and I couldn't

stay consistent with stand-up or writing spec scripts or staying in shape, all my index cards with my goals on them, my little piece of paper with my life purpose that I would keep in my wallet, they all disappeared. And that's what happens with goals sometimes, when life just punches you right in the gut. They just, they get lost in the fight. But I realized the other day that at least for the past four years, I had found a way to live my life purpose all along. Every week, I get to entertain people, make them laugh, sometimes make them cry, make them truly feel things, visceral feelings. But I also get emails and meet people in person who thank me for inspiring them, whether it just be getting them back into RPGs or hearing what we've done to inspire them to follow their passions as well. I get so caught up sometimes in always wanting more, more, more,

that I didn't even realize that I found a way back to my purpose all along. So I went down and I tracked some of my old life goals I had set for myself. And lo and behold, without even noticing, I had checked dozens of them off. Fall in love. Marry the woman of my dreams. Have a beautiful baby. Buy a new car. Write, produce, and star in my own series. Pay back my college loans.

Now that last one hasn't happened yet, but thanks to going full-time here at the GCP, I am happy to say I made the first three payments on my college and grad school loans in over 19 years recently. And in just another short eight years, that 150K albatross will be off my back. Anyway, the list goes on. I just, I didn't even realize

I had been checking off all these goals all along. So I guess I just want to say, I want you all to know how much you mean to me and to all of us. You're the reason that we're able to live the life of our dreams, whether it be your kind words, your support, your Patreon subscriptions, your downloads, your recommendations of us to your friends, your attendance at our live shows. You have allowed us to do things we never thought we'd achieve when we were recording episodes in sweaty apartments hoping someone out there would listen. It is my hope that we can continue to entertain you

for a long time to come. But I also hope that something in what we're doing strikes a chord in you and inspires you to do those things in your life that you keep putting off, rediscovering your life goals that got pushed aside. This is something that's important to me. This is why community building is such an integral part of what we do.

I said it 100 episodes ago, and I'll say it again. We love you gals and guys. Everyone here stepped up and worked extremely hard on this very special installment of our podcast. So I hope you enjoy listening to, as much as we enjoyed recording, episode 200 of the Glass Cannon podcast. Viva Las Vegas. Lost Magus.

The time has come. The time is now. The walrus said. Ladies, gentlemen, Grant, welcome to episode 200. Oh, baby. Oh, man. I'm sitting here looking out the window. It's a Saturday night. Trying to come up with something to say.

Trying to come up with something to lead things off. I'm looking at the skyline of Manhattanhattan perhaps the greatest city in the world and i think of where we started they they know it's the greatest center of the universe with you you think antwerp belgium is better don't knock antwerp i'll knock antwer. I got a bone to pick with those Antwerpians. Bunch of Antwerps. Antwerps, if you ask me. Can you say Antwerps? Yeah.

And I think where it all began, episode one in Joe's apartment. That's right. We started recording. I mean, we launched this show in, what, June of 2015. We must have started recording it in February or March. February. February. So it was cold. Yeah, it saturday saturday afternoon saturday afternoon yeah yep yep it wasn't cold in the apartment to be clear no he was off quite comfortable within the apartment it was always

off temperature wise there was a lot of interesting things about those episodes of you go back including like there's no we'll see you next week not for like dozens and dozens and dozens of episodes like that those first couple episodes they just shut off they just end it people were talking and music just started well you know it's funny because i was i was re-listening to some in preparation for this and like it might have been episode four or five and i was like you'll find out next time so that's when it started to begin but then the we'll see you next week didn't really start for a while. A long time, yeah.

I remember saying, I can't remember who I said it to, but I was like, I feel like Troy's making himself crazy trying to come up with cliffhangers. Yeah. You don't have to make every ending a cliffhanger. Well, here we are.

This is crazy. Now, are we doing, I feel like we got to do some champagne. We've got to do a little champagne. Oh, man. We did champagne at 50. I feel like we did it at 100. We've got to do it for two hondo.

I think we did it at 100, right? We did. Did we do it at 183 as well? We might have done 183. Every few episodes, we always pop some Dom. Didn't we do 50, too? Didn't we do... 50, you brought champagne.

I brought champagne for 50. Yeah, and we drank it, and then Bella and Barry Connick Jr. did. And you've never brought it since. Not Barry Connick Jr. And you're Ben Vereen. Yeah, Ben Vereen. Ben Vereen. Yeah, I always confuse those two because they're both useless in my mind.

And both dead. And both dead. Both very, very dead. What are we drinking here tonight, Joe? I don't even know. It's called Lambrusca. Ooh. Is Lambrusca champagne?

Lambrusco, yeah. Lambrusco? Yeah. Well, it ends in an A here. Oh, no. It's called Lambrusca. Is Lambrusca champagne? Lambrusco, yeah. Lambrusco? Yeah. Well, it ends in an A here. Oh, no. It's sparkling wine. It's called Lambrusca, and then underneath it says Lambrusco Russo. Oh.

It's sparkling red wine. Oh, no. It's red? Yeah. Yeah. That sounds great. Let's get a nice sparkling red. There will be blood.

It's kind of perfect. Are you re-gifting? Are you re-gifting? Yeah, it was a gift. God. I just brought it from my apartment Well, I'm going to open it anyway Alright, well

It should still pop I guess this is a new tradition Red or white Every 200 episodes We drink sparkling red wine To the new traditions To the new traditions To the new traditions

Oh Oh We have a champagne room Motherfuckers There we go Oh god It looks disgusting Yeah, nice pink

I wish you didn't tell me That it was red Because I would have poured it And been like Oh my god It's demon's blood Yeah, it looks disgusting. Yeah, nice pink. I wish you didn't tell me that it was red, because I would have poured it and been like, oh, my God! It's demon's blood. Yeah, it looks like blood. I mean, yeah, it... Some relations believe that.

It looks like Merlot and 7-Up. It really does. Don't knock it until you've done it. It really does. I mean, like, it's like... You had Sangria. Oh, is it going to be like Sangria? Because that's good.

We'll find out soon enough. No, but... Is it going to be better or worse than Malort? I think is the question. Oh, man. Grant's been drinking Malort like before every episode. He's just sipping on it. He's like, I've got to grab a drink real quick.

And he comes back with a bottle of Malort. It tastes great to me. I walk into the kitchen and he's like furtively like pouring himself a shot of Malort. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, nothing. This is new warm-up juice. I'm not ashamed. Wow, Joe, seeing it in that clear glass, it looks like a Protestant communion wine.

That's what you get with consom statiation. Guys, to a new tradition, to a new tradition, to a wonderful, to a great first 200 episodes, and to the next 200. Cheers to my good friends, my good buddies. Let's do it.

Let's keep it going. I can't reach all of you. It's better. We're cheersing with plastic. Let's do it Let's keep it going Cheers guys I can't reach all of you It's better We're cheersing with plastic That's why you're not hearing it Cheers It's a really great audio I don't know why we can't invest in good champagne and glasses

We really do need more glasses We're drinking sparkling red on plastic cups We saved the glasses for the beer Which is more important tonight More important Regifted sparkling red wine in plastic cups that's how we do it no that's we keep our overhead low we pass the savings on to the listener oh my god it is it is a an episode 200 uh a historical example of o'brien rolling a natural

one that's true that's what i was saying you know i brought four bottles four bottles of champagne i've seen those in the fridge because it just had a label on it it's dark i can't see what's in there i assume they're all champagne nope this is sparkling red why am i still drinking why aren't you seeing this as a gift this is a gift this is this is so on brand for joe it's not even that's a good spin i know it's true though it really does extend beyond dice rolling it's like if i can screw something up at somebody's party or like catch on a on a cord and pull off a glass shatter it in the middle of the party this is like a perfect this is like a failed uh profession sommelier check like like totally badly failed Badly failed. Yep. There is a lot to get to.

When we recorded episode 100, I had no idea because I'm terrible at planning things out and how long things are going to take. I just figured it'd be a long episode. And then we must have been over two hours in when I was just like, just keep going. Let's just, we're not there yet.

And then at the end of it, we said, well, we'll just release it as a three-parter altogether. I have no idea how long today's episode is going to be we have a story to tell together each of you know your parts and the other people at the table do not know uh what the other person sitting next to them is doing even i am in the dark about certain things and then there is always this right here. Oh. Which changes everything.

The best laid plans of any player or GM can be changed in a moment by that. So I think it's best if we just raise a glass

one more time. I'm not going to drink this again. So I'm going to wash this out with a little uh pognephilia from our friends of wooden legs ah beard lover trying to run away from your mistake yes beard lover i would love some of that yes i'm going to it is uh that's not open it is a it is

it is oh and it's not that was wax i pulled off it is. Another failed. Poor water check. Poor liquid. Poor liquid. It is a bourbon... This is high C. It's a bourbon barrel aged Russian imperial stout. Ooh. Thank you so much to Seth and everybody at Wooden Legs. Very excited to have this.

Yeah, yeah. And Skid's got a nice bottle of rum over there. I mean, this is going to get out of control. We may actually record this episode or maybe not. Part three will be recorded from the emergency room. That's where you get to go. Some expense. What is this gross pink bubbly stuff?

There's no clean glasses, huh? I just got to pour it on top of my gross red sparkling. You know, Troy, you can go to the sink and wash a glass for yourself. Yeah, right in the middle of the app. Guys, I'll be right back. Vamp. Or just drink out of the bottle well you guys pour some more and i'll uh i'll get there i want to i want to just jump right in oh i just want right you know there there's no easy way to do this um we've talked about nothing for six seven minutes straight do that well. It's time to get into this story, to get into episode 200.

Imagine, if you will, we're in a forest. It's late at night. It's winter. Snow falling, snow on the ground, snow weighing down the boughs of trees. It's absolutely silent, idyllic, beautiful. A man trudges by, his footfalls muffled by the deep snow. In his arms, firewood kindling. He pauses to shake snow from his heavy dark cloak. As he does, his hood falls back, and we see a man in his 40s, his face wearied but not broken by the years,

a man whose eyes burn with purpose, unrequited vengeance perhaps. He's played by Tim Roth. Oh, this is good already. It's Stella's father. Yeah. Yeah. It's Stella Dawn! He takes a breath

and listens to the quiet of the forest for a moment. Poking its edge out of the snow, he notices a chunk of branch and crouches down to reach for it. Just as he does so, the tree behind him explodes into flames.

Whoa. The man drops the firewood, the snow, swallows it up, he jumps back, fingers splayed, ready to cast. Then he sees it. The shadows, shimmering, a distortion in the air, an outline thickening,

a figure slowly emerging from the darkness. It slips from the shadow and into corporeality. Quicker than you look, the figure says, a woman's voice. Aren't you?

The man blinks, squints through the darkness, but doesn't lower his hands. Come out where I can see you, he says. I found Gideon. This figure says. What was left of him. Stop hiding. I found Loreline, too. And Yark.

And Quigsall. And Jaquies. I could barely make out his face he was so charred the figure steps forward shakes the cloak off of her head to reveal the pale translucent skin of a kyle she's played by uh what would you say matthew i'd probably say isabelle hubert isabella hubert i know her she's isabelle hubert I don't know her Who is she? Oscar nominated actress Isabelle Huppert

I will not She is French But I will not be doing A French accent by the way I would prefer it if you did I Nobody Nobody agrees with you

Then say her name As if you were not Doing a French accent Isabelle Huppert Isabelle Huppert Oh I like how you said that buddy That was good Isabelle Huppert Don't call me late for Huppert? Oh, I like how you said that, buddy. That was good eating.

Male Huppert. Don't call me late for Huppert. You know I want to eat on time. She steps forward, shakes off her head, and it's a Kyle. What have you done, Mark? Those people. They betrayed us. They wanted you dead.

They wanted her dead. I'm settling accounts. No. She's settling accounts for you. I'm protecting her. She needs guidance. I'm showing her the path of good, the path of light. The Kael just shakes her head at him.

As you well know, what's in the light isn't necessarily good, and what's in the shadow isn't always evil. The man's eyes flash at her. Do I know that? You're here to kill me, aren't you? I'm here for her. Just like everyone else. You betrayed me, just like all the others tried to take what's mine. She isn't

yours. The Kael steps forward, raises her hands, and a small current of electricity dances across her fingertips. Where's Delva? She's safe. No. But she soon will be. After that, everything seems

to happen at once. Warwick mutters a few words, and an inky, blotted ray shoots from his palm while the electricity from the woman's fingers gathers into a single lightning bolt. The ray misses, but the bolt strikes Warwick's leg and passes straight through, igniting the tree behind him. He screams and begins casting once more. It doesn't have to be this way. She's not your weapon. All of a sudden, three polar bears

phase into existence behind the woman. What? She whirls around, sees them, and takes off into the air to escape their charge. Oozing black tentacles erupt from the ground, ensnaring the bears, but Warwick manages to dodge them. He mutters a few words and rises into the air as well. The battle rages

on. Rays of energy just lighting up the night sky. The two spellcasters whip around each other, driving through trees, skimming just above the ground, leaping straight up into the air. I imagine like a fight from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon with spells. They are well matched

and they know each other's strengths but if you look into the man's eyes, Warwick's eyes, it's clear he's not accustomed to this reckless abandon that she is displaying in this battle. The entire forest in this area is on fire now, flaming tree limbs falling into the snow. Warwick dives down straight into the blaze, but the woman is right on him, right there in the inferno,

and she grabs him, pulls him in close. Enough. I'm protecting her! You're using her. She's just a child. He looks into her eyes, the pupil-less, sheer whiteness, and sees that she will not stop. He wrestles himself free and onto the ground,

and without turning, he just starts running. The woman touches down and, whispering an incantation, grasps the air with both hands. She pulls with all her might. The man's body freezes. Mid-step. He just hangs there. His body entirely unresponsive

to his will. Around him, fire. The forest ablaze. He hears her walk forward into his field of vision before he sees her. This has gone on long enough, Orc. The whole time she's still grasping the air, maintaining the spell's hold on him. You're a very sick man. Look at who you've become. Look at what you've become. You talk so much about evil. You know so well what it is,

you never stop to consider what it might be. She steps back. He can't even move his eyeballs to, like, follow her in his periphery. Goodbye, Warwick. I wish, truly, I wish this story had a different ending.

I wish... Warwick sees her body light up with electricity. The current leaps throughout her body, lights up her skeleton through her pale, translucent skin. She turns her head ever so, like, forcefully to look down in horror to see a 12-year-old Delanarn. Oh! Grasping her arm, Electricity flowing from her body into her mother's.

She yells her daughter's name through the pain. Her concentration breaks in that moment and Warwick collapses into the slush. From the ground he summons all of his untapped power and focuses it. A wind whistles. The flaming trees

shake and the air directly behind the woman tears open. The opening, dark, shadowy, empty, full of nothingness. The flaming trees start to bend towards this singularity.

Oh my god! And then young Della just looks to her father as he's lying prone on the ground. And he looks at her and says, Evil does not belong in this world. Young Della nods and turns back to her mother, the electricity still racking her body. Della leaps into the air,

spins valetically, and lands a kick in her mother's midsection, sending her stumbling back toward the portal. Della, no! The portal's pull tugs her mother in. The nothingness enfolds her, and she disappears. Full of energy, the portal grows in strength,

and the fire from the trees leap from the branches and into its dark center as well. Warwick stands, begins a new incantation, twists his splayed fingers, and the tear in space reseals itself. And the forest is suddenly silent once again. Young Della stands there and just looks up at her father.

Well done, he says. She nods. Come, Della. There's still so much to be done. Della goes to her father, helps support him, helps him walk on his wounded leg. And together the two of them walk deeper into the forest as snow continues to fall.

Now you hear the sound of water lapping against wood, followed by the creaking of boards. It's dark, very dark, but slowly we start to see a room from floor level, and the room is swaying back and forth ever so gently. Even from such a low vantage point here, you can see that the room is full of foodstuffs. There's meats, dry goods, a few sacks of potatoes lying in the corner. Are those holes chewed out at the bottom of the bag? You can't tell. It's dark. Above this room, we hear the muffled noises of people yelling Maybe they're fighting or cheering each other on over games of chance

A single candle illuminates the room What? Somewhere off to our right Stop it I will not Stop it Let's say in episode 197 Who is it?

Oh my god! Let's say in episode 197. Who is it? Oh, my God! And our eyes are drawn to this source of light. So we follow up from the floor and over to where a person is lying on a hammock tied underneath the staircase leading to the loud room above.

Next to the person on the hammock is a table with a candle resting on it. A couple of pieces of burnt popcorn lying around. Oh my God! And in the hammock is Galabras Phil. Oh boy! Oh, boy. By the very little light in the room, we see that he's writing a letter. Dearest father, if you are reading this, I have met my end.

Life has been hard since I left Absalom. But after some travails of which I will not speak, I found good friends and a home in Tunau, a small town in the hold of Belkson. I think often of the disagreements we have had. I know your feelings toward the church, and I realize how badly you wished me to inherit your mantle of leadership over the Fin stock mercantile concern.

But please know that I have taken up what I believe to be a good and worthy cause and I have joined the company of heroes every bit as valiant as those in the stories mother read to me as a child. Yeah, we are. Please know...

Sorry. Sorry Sorry it's good I had to mock I had to not get my mocking in Look Look what you made me write He erases it Damn right Anyway

Butch has scribbled And it says anyway Please know that despite All that has happened I still love you with all my heart I only hope that you may one day Think better of me Yours in the light

Galabras Finn Now it's early morning. The brilliance of the blue cloudless sky slowly becomes obscured by plumes of ash and smoke. What? Our view widens and we see that these plumes are emanating up from the crater of a volcano. We see that these plumes are emanating up from the crater of a volcano. And lying at the lip of the treacherous peak is a child in a makeshift bassinet. For a moment, we think the child is alone.

A familiar scene we've seen before. But as our view widens further, we see there's a small group surrounding the child. A cantor leading a ceremony around the bassinet speaks up. May Torag smile upon this boy, so that he too may toil at the forge and be hardened into steel, as all ash peaks must be. And should he be too brittle in ingot, may he shatter into dust rather than live in ignominy. As it is said, it is forged. And a small group of robed figures gather their courage to join the refrain. It is forged. It is forged. It is forged. A hood falls from a congregant's head

as he attempts to comfort the crying woman next to him. There is no time for tears, Syrah. He has been chosen and we have been honored. He is the product of your own forge and he is blessed among dwarves. The man places his hand on the woman's belly as they descend the mountain. Hours pass. The baby wails and wails. Day turns to evening, and no one breaks tradition to show mercy on this poor child.

Not a soul stirs for a long time. But then the air does. At first it sounds like the volcano is ready to erupt, but the rumbling sounds more steady. All of a sudden, black talons alight mere meters away from the child nestled in the bassinet. Twin cries crescendo from the mountain's peak as the child and this drake scream in unison. Where are the baby cries on Siren's Gate?

Probably in there. I have strange Eon sounds here. Hold on, I have some on my phone. Give me all of two and a half seconds. Yeah, yeah, I want to hear one more second of that. That's why you come here for the afternoon. This Drake just skulks towards the baby with a murderous glint in its reptilian eyes, its hot breath exuding from its nostrils envelops the child.

Saliva trickles from the tips of jagged, razor-sharp teeth as the drake opens its mouth and the jaws clamp shut. Blackness. What? What? I think you missed a sentence. Something about moving away from the child before clamping shut? Nope.

Move towards it. Jaws clamp shut. Oh, my God. We'll see you next week. Oh, no. What a weird episode you were. It really was. You did it, Troy. We'll see you next week. Oh, no. What a weird episode you were under. It really was. You did it, Troy.

I'll tell you this. All right. I'll tell you this. You never know what to expect from those guys. They didn't see it coming. They didn't see it coming. There were a lot of theories out there. None were, it's going to be 19 minutes long.

We'll end with the baby being eaten. They are innovators. More time passes. And now we see the tale of a lava drake whipping through the air at altitude. And you can feel the rush of flight as this massive creature defies gravity amongst foreign mountaintops. Then the drake plummets down in a perilous arc like an avian predator hunting earthbound prey. Instead, though, it lands safely on the ground

in front of an old dwarf, his graying beard full of rings. We move from the rear of the drake over its massive wings towards the dwarf, and we see that in the drake's mouth is the handle of the bassinet, with the ash-peaked child resting safely inside.

Wrinkled hands reach out to secure the precious cargo, and the drake releases the bassinet so that it may be placed safely on the ground. And we're off the volcano now. We're off the volcano. Yeah, he flew it down. He flew it somewhere else. Wow.

The dwarf is like, Ah, Adriel, you have come. Of course you have come, as it was seen prior. But, ah, what a beautiful boy you are. Now, Wendril, shoo, shoo. The elderly dwarf swings his hand at the lava drake, who lets out a shrill cry, and then takes off. The old dwarf continues his hand at the lava drake who lets out a shrill cry and then takes off. The old dwarf continues addressing the infant.

Young man, my name is Crandall and it is a pleasure to meet you. The baby coos in reply. The first calm sounds to come from his mouth since the ceremony. Crandall swoops the babe from its bassinet and holds him close, very close, cheek to cheek. Then he holds him out to look at the valley below. He's like, look at the valley below, child. It shall be under your custody one day. But that is not all.

Oh, no, no, no, no. There is more. That is not all. Oh, no, no, no, no. There is more. With surprising agility for a dwarf his age, Crandall spins on a pinhead and struts away from the cliff's edge only to find another chasm. A sharp and dizzying fall,

leagues deep, ends in a pool of lava, ever churning, radiating heat, and suffused with incandescence. Keep up, Joe. It's so hard. There's so many scene changes. Give me the lava burning. Give me the bubbling. With no warning. Connor's like, this lava

that burns deep from within the core of Galarian. This is the power you must grow to understand. And you will with time, child. It is also seen. It is not simply destructive in nature, no, as many believe.

Torag's grace spreads this lava across the surface of the world to forge the lands all life inhabits. Just like we dwarves, lava too had its own quest for the sky. You will learn all of this in time. As it is said, it is forged. And on the subject of time, it is time

to meet your master. He turns with the babe and walks into a cave with stalactites and stalagmites with the babe and walks into a cave with stalactites and stalagmites lining the ceiling and floor. It's reminiscent of teeth. Like they're walking into an open mouth.

And the dwarf just walks forward into the darkness and eventually places the baby down on the rocky floor. He speaks up ahead into the darkness. My liege, he has arrived. Meet Adriel.

A low booming growl emanates from somewhere in the darkness, followed by the glowing fire of some eerie floating furnace, perhaps. And then above the fire, two yellow eyes. Now, we see a city that we... God damn it! Joe is very stressed. There's no lava in this city, Joe. I'm sweating. You really are.

Oh, no. It's like Dante's Peak. Joe, there's no lava in this city. Fix it. Dante's Peak is a deep cut city. That's a good one. Or the other one that came out that summer. There were two volcanoes.

With Tommy Lee Jones. Right. And Gabby Hoffman. And Pierce Brosnan was in Dante's Beacon. Yes. What goddamn city is this? Well, I'll tell you. It's a city that we, and I'm talking about the collective we, not just the people sitting around this table.

But it's a city that all of Glass Cannon Nation has come to know quite well over the years. New York. Antwerp. Antwerp. It's Antwerp. Oh, man. It's picturesque Antwerp. Where my twerpers at?

Where my twerps? Prep, prep, prep. Please. Guns were outlawed in Antwerp years ago. You can no longer fire into the sky in Antwerp. Ow! In celebration. Falling bullets kill.

It's true fucking now. Oh! Oh my goodness. True. True it is now as it was then. And we see a crowd has gathered in the inner quarter, where not so long ago, there was a battle. A woman coming out of the smoke with hounds.

Yeah. People, toxic clouds. Toxic clouds, rocks flying over the walls both ways, just... Mass hysteria. Mass hysteria. Cats and dogs. But now this crowd seems a little more reserved, and it seems as if they're slowly forming, coming out of buildings,

coming out of their homes or other establishments, and surrounding a person. We move through the crowd into the middle and see a woman, clad in mostly rags with white, almost translucent skin. And she says, Where's my daughter? Where is my

daughter? Troy said it the first time. I sure did. Little did we know we would end up here. That's the reason I'm not doing a French accent It was already canon A voice pipes up From somewhere in the crowd

Right here I'm here We'll see you next week I found her Great Really didn't deliver What a let down Hell of a quest

That was easy No Everyone in the crowd Is pretty silent Like shocked Because this woman Just appeared Out of thin air

Like And there's Yeah nice crowd sound. And there's, there's, there's stuff, maybe her belongings like lying all around her on the ground. And everyone is kind of in shock, but you hear a voice somewhere in the back say, you look just like that deputy we had for a week. I'm sure she's still alive and well.

Troy, you must be so excited. He's been waiting so long. You know he's there. Oh, man. He's always where the action is. He is. Old Tommy X. Yeah, apparently the action is only in true now.

Only in true now. It's just such a hotbed. Tom X position never leaves nice clothes after this idiot finishes his quips his quips and callbacks there must be a lot of story skip over that that's your bread and butter. He just keeps going. I'm like, huh? Take it right back to the Shadowblade. Someone else starts to cut their way through the crowd, maybe a couple of people,

and the crowd parts and out walks Patrol Captain Cursed Grath and Sergeant Omast Frum. Oh, man. Cursed has a short sword unsheathed in his hand, and Omast has a bow drawn but pointed towards the ground, and they're walking tentatively once they finally get to the front of the crowd towards you. And Cursed is like, Who are you?

My name. My name is Metra Narn. Where am I? Uh, this is the city of... True now, in the holds of... Balxen... No, no, no, what plane? What?

I don't understand. And Metra, like, grasps at the dirt on the ground and, like, lifts it up and lets it run through her fingers. Oh, I'm back. The dirt plane? The material plane. Oh!

But a simple ranger. He's drunk! This is off the wagon! Hang drunk. This is off the wagon. Almost. Couldn't you just see him? Just loaded, being like, the dirt plane? You on the dirt plane?

Sometimes I drink too much and I get really well acquainted with the dirt plane spent a lot of nights in the dirt oh man let's go down uh spent a week there one night chris he he looks confused to the material plane, like, they don't understand about planar activity. I don't understand. People are saying that you just materialized here. How did you get here? I don't know. I was... It was a pull.

Something I couldn't control Something that Yanked me here I don't Some source of powerful magic I don't know She starts And so she She sees a cloak

Like a Just a dark cloak on the ground She picks it up And swings it over her shoulder And as you do that The crowd's like And they both raise up their weapons I'm just covering myself.

Relax. And it's this inky, inky cloak. It's as dark as, like, the pitch black night sky. And her face, too. It's like she's definitely, like, very pale and translucent. And she has scars across her whole body. Wow. And kind of a shimmering tattoo of some sort of

tentacled creature on her neck that seems to be shimmering or moving almost at the same time. But once she puts the cloak on it's as if she's cloaked in shadow almost. Please. I have been

on a very long journey... I am... No... No threat to you all... I'm just seeking... A bit of understanding... About where I am... And when I am...

And when? Well... Yeah... I... I... You..., yeah, I... I apologize. I'm just a little confused. They said you were looking for your daughter? You've seen her?

Who is your daughter? Her name is Della. Della Narn. His eyes widen. A little. I know her! You know her? You know her? I saw her. Briefly.

She's alive. She is not here. But she was. This is your daughter? I'm her mother, yes I've been searching for her for a very long time Across time and space And many different planes of existence And now the crowd is starting to get nervous

As you start talking like that And so Curse kind of leans in and is like, Would you mind coming with us? We mean you no harm, and it's clear that you have many questions, and I feel as if what answers we may have would best be answered in private.

Very well. And she, like, raises a finger, raises a finger here, raises a finger there, and various objects of hers that have been strewn across the ground all kind of, like, zoom into her hands. All the women say, oh! She picks up her pack and she goes, me the way. That's so cool. People are slowly dispersing and Curse turns to Omas. It's like, Omas, can you send word to my father to reach out to Halgra?

She should be brought before the council. Omas is like, you got it. He had a brief moment of shining glory, didn't he? The hero of the Siege of Trunel A moment of clarity A moment of clarity exactly So Cursed Walks you

Metro through town and you can see As you're looking around that A lot of the town looks like it's of recent Construction What happened here as you're looking around that a lot of the town looks like it's of recent construction what happened here? there was a battle the worst I've seen in my lifetime

but we prevailed thanks to some good people some heroes. You'll find out more. I don't want to speak out of turn. And he continues walking you through town, and you see people sort of ahead of you rushing into this building

that looks to be kind of like a city hall-type building. And they're rushing in. And he eventually gets there with you. And you walk up the steps to the door where you're intercepted by an older man. Who is like, I'll take it from here, son. Oh. Who's this? Jagren.

Oh. Oh, my God. Jagren Graff. Jagren Graff. That racist fuck. Jagren Graff. Jagren Graff. That racist fuck. Jagren Graff. You're fine. Who played him?

Paul Giamatti. Paul Giamatti. Oh, that's right. That's right. I can't believe you remembered that. I forgot that. You know what? Bottlecap.

Oh! That was a deep cut. All right. I'll give him my left and right. Wow. This is an episode 200 bottle cap. I caught that between my knuckles. I can't believe you caught that.

You should get another bottle cap for the way you caught it. Another bottle cap for that great catch. Look at what bottle cap you gave me. Oh, Troy gives a Troy bottle cap. He's very Tom Exposition right now. You could sell that. To whom? On eBay.

He's like, I'll take it from here, son. And he greets you warmly, but also business-like. Hello, my lady. This way, please. Hello, sir. And he walks you into this building that looks very, very old. Whatever happened here, this battle that Curse spoke of, doesn't look like it affected this building, at least. And he starts to walk you down a long hallway,

and there's pictures of old battles that look like, if you look very quickly at the dates, now you don't know what time it is now for you, but as you look at the dates, you see battles that happened long, long ago, and then other battles that are like hundreds of years later so as you're trying to place yourself and looking at these things it's not really helping you you know she i think she like she her hair is like stringy and greasy like she had it looks like i mean she hasn't bathed in years probably she like wraps her like that inky shifting cloak around

her very tightly ingrahild level of filth not quite not quite that she was great she wasn't under she hasn't been under the effects of a spell that made her clinically insane yeah it's true how do we know so she's telling you oh yeah that's a lot of that sounds like what a crazy person would say i'm not crazy at all you're crazy uh as he's walking you down to a crazy world he's walking you down. The only response to a crazy world. He's walking you down this hallway, and he's kind of just keeping his eyes fixed ahead, but he does turn his head to you without actually looking at you

and says, I only met your daughter once, briefly. You met her? Yes. But she seemed a strong, capable young woman. I know what it is to lose a child, and I would never wish that pain on my worst enemy. I truly hope that you are reunited again. I thank you.

hope that you are reunited again. I thank you. And he approaches a ornate door and opens it into a room with wall to ceiling brilliant white walls. At the back of the room is a picture window overlooking

the countryside. It's very beautiful. You can see a bunch of stones in the distance. Looks like there might be a market setting up there. The barter stones. Metro holds her hand over her eyes. It's so bright. Too white.

It's painfully white. In the middle of the room is a table with several people already sitting around it. At the head of the table is an older woman played by a weathered Melissa McCarthy. Another Oscar nominee on the show. Yes. She got nominated for an Oscar? Several.

Really? Oh. Good for her. Before Jagren goes to take his seat, he motions for you to sit at the chair at the opposite end of this long table. He goes around, takes his seat to the left. There are several men and women in the room, either

staring at you or kind of whispering to each other under their breath. The woman in the back raises her hand as if to silence them, and they stop talking immediately. From behind the woman, a figure appears, standing next to her.

A wizened-looking elf, wearing long robes, played by Donald Sutherland. Oh, yes. The woman says, Welcome. I understand that you traveled from very far to get here. We are known as the Council of Defenders. For time untold, since this city was built, a council existed to both run it and protect it.

We are the current iteration of that council. My name is Chief Defender Halgra of the Blackened Blades. This is Counselor Agrit Stagenstar. She points to a female dwarf. This is Counselor and Banker Lessie Crumpkin, as played by Catherine Zeta-Jones. This is, uh, Counselor and banker Lessie Crumpkin As played By Catherine Zeta-Jones One of

One of several Troy For everyone at home Troy has pulled out A weathered Page of notes This is an old Wow, this is an old note

Wow, it's the original page The only page I kept From book one Wow This is Counselor Sarah Morninghawk As played by Serena Williams. Serena Williams!

It's only a matter of time before she realizes that she has a whole acting career. This is High Priestess Tayari Vaivados. That's right. Also played by Catherine Zephyr Jones. Oh, I love Miss Vaivados. She's such an idiot. They're different movies. One is high fidelity, and one is the one with Sean Connery.

Entrapment, right? Yeah, I'll never remember who's who. You've already met Patrol Leader. I think Terry Barbados is high fidelity. I agree. I think. I think you're right, too, but they're both Catherine Zeta-Chan. You know what's so funny?

When I was looking over these names, I was like, I don't think we ever cast Agnes Stockenstar, so I was going to cast her as a CGI Catherine Zeta-Jones to be a dwarf. A mo-cap. All the mo-cap. Such idiots. Such idiots. Mo-Caprin Zeta-Jones. Mo-Caprin Zeta-Jpper. All the mo-caps. Mo-cap. Such idiots. Such idiots. Mo-capper and Zeta John. Mo-capper and Zeta John.

Oh. You are. You already met patrol captain. Patrol leader. Excuse me. Jagren Graf. Such leader. God damn it.

That's played by Paul Giamatti. I work for a living. We used to have a master of stores, but that position is currently unfilled. Master of Coin. Master of Stores. It's called Stores here? Oh, right. All right.

However, we have added someone to the council recently, and he points to a young half-orc or orc, you're not sure. This is Brynja Kelvar. Whoa. We have problems here in our society. Something that runs rampant all over the holds of Belkson where orcs and humans do not get along. Silvermane actually suggested that we add Brynja to the council

to not only add youth, but to show this city that racial prejudices will not be tolerated. Brynja is young, but she has much to offer. She's a halfie! Yes, Tom. She's a halfie. But she's our halfie. Yes, Tom. She's a halfie. But she's our halfie. That's Tom.

He's also on the council, by the way. He is also on the council. Is he actually on the council? Yeah. What is his position? Master of nothing. Master of none. Master of none.

Just without the jack of all trades. Right. Master of none master of none just without the jack of all trades right the master of none he's not he's not as much disfavorous as he's I'm sorry master of exposition

he's the master of cartography he is the master of cartography right that's true yeah he holds many titles right

too many too many to note here what how how may the council be of service to you? We do not wish

to bore you with the long list of titles Tom Exposition holds. We can discuss this at a later time. He has a very lengthy business card.

They are available upon request. Yes. He was grandfathered in. It's a long story. It's a long, yellowed scroll of his titles, passed down from generations of exposition.

She asks, how may the council be of service to you? I'm searching for my daughter, Delanard. You said you know her. You said you've seen her here. Yes, your daughter came here to Trunau with one of our own, a lieutenant of our patrols by the name of Lork Iron Tusk. Among his traveling partners

was a dwarf named Baron Redheart, who we named Honorary Sheriff of our humble town after his impressive deeds did so much to save our city. With them as well was a young man of the cloth dedicated to Desna, who had come here long ago seeking asylum in the church. Before we met your daughter, our city was at the center of a massive orc raid. Now, this is not uncommon for those of us who live in the holds of Beltson,

but this siege was unlike any I've ever seen in my lifetime, and I have seen sieges both here and abroad. The city almost fell were it not for Iron Tusk and his friends. While we worked to rebuild True Now, they traveled north along the rivers Esk and Kestrel in search of a fort controlled by an unlikely partnership of giants and orcs. Somewhere

along that journey, they met your daughter, and she joined their crusade. After they secured the fort and defeated the evils within, they returned here. That is where we the fort and defeated the evils within, they returned here. That is where we, the council, and we, the city of True Now, met your daughter, met Della.

She kept to herself for the most part and spent the few days she was here acting as a deputy to the dwarf Redheart. acting as a deputy to the dwarf Redheart. Following information and clues they discovered at the Fort Della along with Iron Tusk, Redheart, and another man traveled to the Mind Spins in hopes of foiling a deeper plot they had uncovered among the giants for world domination. That is the last we saw of her.

How old was she? Sorry, I do not understand. Strange question. My daughter, how old was she when she was here? Appeared to be 17, maybe 18. And you can see her just like jaw set, like in fury. The mind spin mountains, you say?

That was the last we knew. Yes. If you'll ferment me that will be my next destination I shan't travel your city any further when she stands up from the table I I must say I am I'm sorry that we don't have more answers for you, or any answers, really. We only knew her for a short time. None of you interacted with her? Nobody in this town has had any interaction?

She came to my house! She evidently came to Tom's house. For a map. For a map. He's talked about it extensively. She had blue hair! For a map. For a map. He's talked about it extensively. She had blue hair! She had blue hair, according to Tom.

Metra smiles at that a little bit. I will say, when she arrived at True Now, there were two in her party that are still here. What? A female orc and this young cleric of Desna that I spoke of. Where are they? I must speak to them immediately. Well, there is a problem.

Slight. Sadly, the young man is comatose and incurable. But perhaps the orc can shed some light on your daughter. She is a seer and has become friendly with another seer who has lived here in Trunau for a long time.

They spend most of their days watching over this young man in his home here in the inner quarter, hoping to find a cure or be there if he ever wakes up. Please, somebody leave me there right immediately. I must speak with him now. I'll take you. He's also several decibels over everyone else in the room. I'm looking at the waveform and yes, every time Tom Exposition speaks.

Tom, read the room. You don't need to scream. I get fired up. You're enthusiastic. Are there any other volunteers? Shit. All right, Tom. Tom will take you to Gail's house.

Again, my deepest condolences and apologies. I wish we knew more But she seemed fierce I appreciate you Your empathy And for the safe passage I will not travel this city Any further Good

You really Because I could. Because I really could buck this place up. Well, you really riled up the town. It's going to take weeks to repair the damage. Frankly, I don't appreciate it.

What damage? I live in undirt. You freaked them out. Well. We're not used to seeing you. Didn't you say you were just in a siege? But nobody just appeared

out of nowhere. You saw them coming from miles away. Listen, just do what you need to do and get out. Fine. Fine, fine. I am tired of being polite, all right? My patience is one thing.

Could have danced this dance a different way, but all right. Three different Catherine Zeta-Joneses. Not a two. So creepy. The chorus of Zeta-Joneses. It's like being John Malkovich. Zeta Jones. Zeta Jones.

Zeta Jones. Zeta Jones. Zeta Jones. Oh my God. The CGI one flies at the screen for no reason. Just because they need to sell the 3D movie of this scene. Oh my God. So you walk out of the building with Tom

And He starts to walk you sort of back In the direction of where you first appeared How did you survive the siege? I stayed in my house I hid under the bed Very brave of you Yes

Yes it is I'm still alive very brave of you. Yes. Yes, it is. I'm still alive. Most of the children in this town are parentless. I don't know what to say to that. Well, some people mock bravery by being brave. I mock it by staying alive at all costs. That is the truth.

Now that is the definition of bravery. Survival at all costs. Are you taking care of the parentless children? Are you taking some into your home? No, I'm very busy. I've been trying to add an addition to my house for months. Do you know how much time that takes? I have to build a new wing to keep all these old phone books I keep around.

I heard they were building an orphanage in the upper quarter. I haven't been up there in a while. What did you say you did again? A little bit of everything. Why, do you need something? I might be in need of a map to the Minespin Mountains. A map, you say? Well, you've come to the right place.

How about this? And he pulls out like a New York City subway map. The kind you give out for free. It's got old lines that don't exist anymore on it. It's got the V train. The orange queue. This is BMT. This has been my family for generations.

I don't know where it comes from. Mythical land filled with vagrants and urine. I can't just give away this artifact. But I noticed when you arrived in town, your valuables were strewn about. Did you happen to have any gold? That's very forward of you to ask.

Why don't you just take me to this house and we'll talk later. Alright, we'll talk later. All right, we'll talk later. I'll be just the guy building that wing. You'll have to step over a few orphans on the way to my house. Don't worry. They don't bite. And you arrive at the house. This is Gale's house.

He's been sleeping for a long time. I don't understand science. See ya. And he leaves sleeping for a long time. I don't understand science. See ya. And he leaves. She was just very confused. I don't understand science. She was confused enough when she showed up. She didn't even know what plane she was on.

And then the first guy she meets is fucking Tom Exposé. Do you think he'd be useful? No, not at all. Not at all. And he thinks Gale's just lazy. Right. Get out of your slug of bed. We're all working very hard to rebuild

the city damn malingera this edition isn't going to build itself my stomach hurts you know do you knock on the door sure

you knock on the door and a female orc full-blooded orc opens the door I think she's full-blooded orc, opens the door. I think she's full-blooded. I'd have to look at the stat block again.

Yes. I'm pretty sure she's full-blooded. It's Troja. Hello. She is. She has a name tag that says Troja. Hello, Troja. My name is Metronarn.

How do you know my name's Troja? It's your name tag. I didn't realize I was still wearing that. I just finished my shift at the spa. I thought she just came from an Oracle conference. Is she wearing cactus? Sig Oracle conference in town. This is embarrassing.

I'm on my lunch hour. Hello, my name is... Pleasure. Yes, I'm on my lunch... How may I help you? You knew my daughter, Dela Narn. Dela Narn. Your Dela's mother?

Metra nods. Please come in. And she brings you inside and you see a very humble house. Also appears to be a very new construction. And she brings you into a room where there is a young man lying on the table. Perfectly still. Looks calm, peaceful, and asleep.

There is another man. an old half-orc, sitting in a chair towards the back. Please have a prisoner. And she and her friends saved my life. But when we first met, to show that I was not against them, I told them things about themselves. She allowed me to look into the mists for her. I saw her father. And I saw you.

I didn't even think of that. You seemed... Roll for initiative. ...locked in an eternal struggle for her soul. I saw and told her that her father had passed, but that you still lived and were searching desperately for her. Now you must understand, Metra, is it?

Metra, yes. Sometimes the mists only tell half-truths, but seeing you now, looking into your eyes, I feel as if this time they were correct. Could you do this again? Could you show me where she is? You must understand, I've been searching across time and space

for her I believe we can help you allow me to introduce you to my associate and now kinky orc lover what? associate and now kinky orc lover what she's very open she feels very comfortable with

metra didn't see that in the we don't think it's or do you his name is yeah it is long has he lived in true now and possesses similar oracular powers to me. He stands up and is...

Metronom's at him. He says, hello. I can tell from the aura surrounding you that you have traveled a great distance to be here. A distance measured not only in miles or meters, but also by time. As I've gotten older, my visions have been more seldom, but I always listen when the voices call out. My last vision compelled me to speak to someone in a home not too far from here. And seeing you now, I can't help but feel that what I told that man

had farther-reaching implications than I could have ever foretold and has led us to this very moment. foretold and has led us to this very moment. Just then, an old elf, that same old elf that you saw at the council meeting, steps

into the room from another side room. And we'll see you in part two. Oh! Oh my god! Oh my god! Woo! and we'll see you in part two. It's in the end of part one already? Oh my god. That's it. Oh my god.

Yes, man. Woo! Oh my god. Oh man. The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated. Giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo. All Pathfinder images are property of Paizo and are used with permission.