The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 21 - Lorc Out Below

Episode Date: October 20, 2015

With the final beacon lit, the party turns their attentions outside the walls to an unseen siege engine lobbing fiery death upon Trunau! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. Go to the barter stones! Go! We have to take out the siege engine! The heroes take the fight beyond the walls, an attempt to strip the enemy of their most powerful weapon. I'm getting an insurrection right now just thinking about this combat. Oh! Hey! But imprecision in combat. Oh, man.

Something's wrong with Lork's bow. Your arrows are not true. We're fucked. We're dead. We are very likely fucked. precision in combat will lead to disastrous consequences. And an intelligence leak may be to blame. They're not buying it. Maybe we shouldn't have shared our strategy with the GM. The adventure continues now. What's up, everybody? It's your old pal, Troy. Hope everyone's enjoying the episodes thus far. All 20 of them up until number 21 today.

It's crazy! I can't believe we made it 20 episodes without anyone killing each other in real life. This week I want to talk very briefly about starting your own Pathfinder game. I know a lot of people have been listening that have either never played RPGs or never played Pathfinder, and I'm here just to give you a little brief on what you can do if you're even slightly interested in playing this game on your own. First of all, find three to four other friends that are interested in doing this. You can play a game with four people. I'd say five is an ideal number with one DM and four players, but, you know, as a kid, I played with one DM and two players, so there's really no hard and fast rule on how to do this. Just find people that want to play. Then, if you buy only one book to learn how to play this game, buy the Pathfinder Core Rulebook. You can get it

at paizo.com, P-A-I-Z-O.com, or on Amazon, but just get that to start. Now, when you start flipping through it, you will most likely immediately get overwhelmed, and your eyes are going to roll back in your head. Just don't stress out. There is way more information than you would ever need in there, and it's not meant to be read cover to cover. Instead, think of it as like a reference book that over time you'll come to learn more and more about. Look at us. Most of us have been playing again for years now, and we still constantly make mistakes. All you need to do to get started is decide who's going to be the DM, the dungeon master or the game master, and who are going to be the players. The DM should be someone who's okay with running the game and spending time outside the session

to prepare. The person most OCD in the group would probably be best, like me. Then the players need to start by creating a character. The core rulebook will help walk you through it step by step. You choose your race, your class, you roll your ability scores like strength and constitution and dex. You allocate your skill points. You choose your starting feats. You buy some equipment, and if you're a caster, you choose your spells, and then boom, you've got a character. I can't recommend highly enough the completely free character sheet program called PCGen. Just Google PCGen, P-C-G-E-N, and you can go to their website and download the free app. It will literally walk you through each part of the character creation process

and check your work for you to make sure you didn't miss anything or did something wrong. I highly recommend also, if you're new to the game, starting with one of the base classes as presented in the core rulebook. Yeah, as cool as it sounds to be a ninja or a gunslinger like Baron, those are advanced classes, and you should learn to walk before you learn to fly. Okay, so you've got the nuts and bolts of your character put together. Now, he or she needs a backstory and a personality. This is where you, the player, get to really be creative. What was this person's childhood like? What made them

become an adventurer? What do they look like? What's their name? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You can Google how to create a great Pathfinder character backstory, and there are questionnaires galore that will help you flesh your character out. Now, to get things started, the DM has to prep the story that these characters are going to go through. I would suggest, rather than committing early on to doing an entire adventure path, like the one that we're doing with Giant Slayer, you can go and spend $3.99 on Paizo.com and purchase a one-off module that will take the players through about a four-hour session with a beginning, middle, and end,

and that's the end of the story. Now, the players still progress and gain experience, and they can level up if they do enough of these over time, but it allows everyone to practice learning the mechanics of the game, the DM and the players alike. Now, we've mentioned this before, but Paizo publishes tons of one-off modules under the banner of their Pathfinder Society. This was mainly created so that anyone could create a character at home, then go to a gaming convention in any major city in America, and bring your character to a Pathfinder Society game run by a professional DM. There's a whole online system built for people to play conventions, and you track your progress online as your character levels up and plays more scenarios.

The DMs literally mail in chronicle sheets after each game, and your progress is logged into the Pathfinder Society database. But if you've got a group of friends looking to play, start your own Pathfinder Society, and do a bunch of these single-story adventures on your own, so you can get a feel for the game and learn how it all works. You're going to make a million mistakes, and often be totally clueless as to what you're doing, but eventually you start to figure things out and really learn that at the end of the day with a game like this, you can't really make mistakes. This is a fantasy game limited only by your imagination and the results

of dice rolls. Yeah, you gotta learn how swinging a sword, shooting a bow, casting a spell, or doing a backflip over a goblin works within the mechanics of the game, but just take a deep breath and dive right in. Oh yeah, and speaking of dice, buy your own. If you're gonna do this, have some respect for the game and DAMN IT for yourself as a player! As you're listening to this, I want to give a big shoutout to the man behind everyone's favorite half-orc lork, Mr. Joe O'Brien, who just got married this past Saturday. See? Even nerds can find love. Now, in Joe's wife's defense, he had to cast charm person on her every morning because there's no way anyone could ever truly love Joe.

He's the worst. All right, thanks for listening, and please take a second to just pause the episode after my intro to go leave a quick review on iTunes for us. It'll really help push us up the charts so even more people can find us. But no rest for the weary, though, as the battle rages on in episode 21, Lork Out Below! Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but an episode or two ago, Lork drank a potion of bark skin? Yeah.

But if I'm correct, you never had a potion of bark skin. but if i'm correct you never had a potion of bark skin it was in fact a scroll was it yeah minus four constitution for life no lork is dead what i am retroactively killing lork that seems really he's dead the fans asked for it and they're gonna get it oh man i can't believe you guys asked for it and they're going to get it. Oh, man. I can't believe you guys asked for that. Wow. It was just someone

who went by Mrs. O'Brien. Oh, Joe's mom. Yeah, your mom said that. Damn it, mom. Your mom's on your ass all the time. Stop telling my dungeon master to kill my character.

No, she didn't say that, but you are adopted. I completely forgot that. I didn't realize it was a scroll. Yeah, you know, we could be wrong. Call in if you think we're wrong. Call into our 800 number.

1-800-JOE-SUCKS. Oh, man, we're starting off shitting on Joe. This is how you know it's going to be a good episode, when you start off just taking shots at O'Brien. That's seven digits. That's a legitimate 800 number out there. So we need to buy it. Dial it.

Dial it. So you guys just went through a lot of hell. You fought off the orc raid running through the inner corridor of True Now. And then you ran to the beacon and realized it was covered in alchemical bullshit. So you backed up. What happened? You shot an arrow? Spark or... Spark, that's right. Gourmet spark. The beacon lit

and then the guy said, go! Go to the barter stones! Go! We have to take out the siege engine! So you guys arrive. You find your way outside of the city. So you now, this is the first time in this adventure that you have left the safety of the walls of Trunel.

Well, we went to the plague house, if you'll recall. Damn it, why do you have to correct me? Also, it hasn't been all that safe anyway. That's right. With walls like these, who needs friends? Literally, there was an insurrection inside the walls. Yeah, it was like we fought the worst battle in our lives. We fought our way out of those walls.

I'm getting an insurrection right now just thinking about this combat. Hey, penis jokes for all my friends. All right, so you guys get to these barter stones, and you would know all of the native Trinalians, so everyone except Baron. Although, Baron, you probably walked by here on your way to the city. You would know that this is— I'm not from here.

Yeah, but you've been here long enough to know this is where you get a good mead and a good sling for your... You just get stuff here. Knickknacks and paddywhacks. Stop giving them a hard time. Joy buzzers from the magic shop. No, you get those at the magic shop. You get them from a little

lesbian dwarf. Alright, so... But it's not that way anymore, is it? No, so you guys arrive here now to see the beautiful shops that you've come to know and love all destroyed. And you stand before one gigantic rock

directly in front of you. And then off to your right, you see a collection of smaller rocks. And then in front of all that are the destroyed shops. Now, you know from that boulder that you just saw flying over that this siege engine, this catapult or whatever it is, is on the other side of this giant rock. So what you can tell right now, you can't see what's over there. But there are, you would think, three different ways to get over these rocks.

Well, maybe four if you want to fly over or climb over the rocks. If you go to your left, you see what's left of a barricade. It's very small. You could easily climb over it to get to whatever's going on over there. There is a small passageway between the large rock and the three smaller rocks. It looks like there's some sort of wood pile there as well, like another makeshift barricade. But again, you could sneak through there as well. Or you could take what I'm going to call the long route around to the right, around those three smaller rocks to get to whatever is on the other side. Around the northern edge of the smaller rocks. Right, around the northern edge.

Did you say we saw the catapult before? Well, you just saw a rock careening over like- So we couldn't see how many orcs were manning it or anything like that? No, you do not have that information as of yet. Do we see any orcs in or among the broken down stalls or between the rocks? Where we're standing right now, we see

no orcs in any direction. You see no immediate threat. You see off in the distance, you can still see fighting. Militia going after orcs. Orcs running. Sounds like you're looking for some sound effects. What? Do we have something like that?

If only there was a program. Just give me 15 minutes. If only there was an app or something that could provide us with live, dynamic sound effects for our tabletop role-playing experience. Skid, I think you're in luck. Am I? Do tell. Little thing called Sirenscape. S-Y-R-N-S-C-A-P-E.

I don't spell fast. What does that word? I don't spell well fast. Were any of those letters in the right place? I don't know. I don't think so. Anyway.

Continue. Continue. No, that's all I had for today. Oh, that's a wrap. Okay. That's it. We'll see you next time. The Rock Files and Kills Lord.

Damn it. Really getting picked on early. No, so you guys- You're welcome, Mrs. O'Brien. You guys obviously have a moment here. You can take as long as you want. Obviously, these rocks keep flying, and your job is to destroy the siege engine

and whoever's manning it or whatever. But you have a second to, if you want to drink a potion, if you need to cast a scroll, a spell, a this, a that. But you guys need to get around here, and you know that the threat is far from over. So take that into account.

Gormley has a question. Question from the back. Gormley's going to recast Mage Armor. The young lady in the back? Can you do that? I don't think you can do that. Can you do that? Yes, I can. We got our spells back. Oh, so you haven't cast it since we got our spells back. Yes. Got it. Got it. I'm going to take your

word on that. Yeah, right? I think that my Shield of Faith has depleted, so I'm going to cast that on myself again. However, that leaves me with only one first-level spell left, and I have only one channel. Really? Yeah. We're fucked.

We're dead. We are very likely fucked. Do you use, like, four channels since we leveled up? Well, I didn't get... You got all your channels back. I don't remember you channeling at all in the entire barricade fight. Oh, no, I did a lot. Yeah, he did.

Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. When I got hit real bad, I ran back. Oops. My bad. Oh, yeah. You guys have...

The last time you, quote unquote, leveled up, well, actually leveled up, was before the barricade fight, right? Right, yeah. Everyone's pretty depleted. You can cast Mage Armor twice then? Because you would have cast it before the battle. I cast it back before when we went to Sarah.

I cast it after Sarah Morninghawk. Remember, I died because I hadn't cast it. Oh, right, and it was still going through the battle. battle yes and two hours two hours and now it's three hours okay so that makes sense for you but Shield of Faith

doesn't last as long as Mage Armor Shield of Faith Shield of Faith lasts three minutes at my level which is not that long

okay I still have Burning Hands though if we encounter the other Flood Troll we can also like oh yeah I just realized we could have just got a we can also like oh yeah i just realized

we could have just got a torch out and like put it on him and like lit him on fire as well it might have taken a little longer but the flood troll galabras no the flood yes um that would have also killed me i'm going to drink uh my potion of medium spider venom no no no no no, no. Is that, what does that do? Roll a fortitude save. Uh, cruel, cruel world.

All right, take eight. I just see, I just see a skull and crossbones on my, no, I'm going to drink my potion of mage armor. Uh, would you?

That's good. Yeah. It's, it's, uh, I have a plus three on my studded leather armor, and that's going to go away and be replaced with my plus four from the potion. So I'm going to have armor class of 18. Let's talk a little bit about that, about how certain armor cannot stack.

Skid, do you want to give us a little download on how armor works? Yeah. Let me explain that to you. Do we have a drop for that? We have a drop for this. Nerd. Skeet's got something explaining to do.

It is time for Nerding. That was worth it. That was worth it. Pure gold. Big shout out to our buddy Nick Lowe who created that drop for us.

Yeah. Musical genius and consummate weirdo buddy Nick Lowe Who created that drop for us Musical genius and consummate weirdo Nick Lowe Who also, it's worth mentioning Is the editor in charge of Spider-Man At Marvel Comics He's so multi-talented He's got quite a voice Big fan of the show

So yeah, so there's Different classification There's different classification there's different armor types different armor bonus types that you can have so for example like a magical item like a ring of protection might give you a deflection bonus um and there's like a different kind of magical item that i designed for my friend from my other game that has a luck bonus so if you have a deflection bonus and a luck bonus say those two can stack so it's a plus two deflection plus one luck you get a plus three total but um different armor types different armor boosts of the same type do not stack so if you had a plus one deflection and a plus two deflection you would only get the plus two deflection so i

don't know what kind the it's just armor armor. So in Grant's case, he has armor, just regular armor bonus. He's wearing regular armor. This magical spell gives an armor bonus, not a magical deflection bonus, but just an armor bonus. So it replaces his former armor bonus, doesn't add to it.

And there's a lot of different things like that throughout Pathfinder. Like both your armor, it's also like you can get a bonus to hit, but it's a lot of different things like that throughout pathfinder like like both your armor it's also like you can get a bonus to hit but it's a morale bonus because you're super psyched up or it's a um insight bonus because you're very insightful or whatever and two or more can't stack on right so you've ever hear of us hear us say uh well those bonuses don't stack no you know what it means this has been talking stacking bonuses with the gcp crew nerd edge um okay so you guys have taken your potions you take you've done your this and that uh lork's going all natural

he's going in all natural except for the bark skin no that's gone that's all it's gone yeah all right so how are we how do we want to stealth in through the crevasse there? Well, you guys are a pretty stealthy crew. Shut up, Troy. With Lurk's chain mail. Real stealthy. I want to do a quick perception or survival check to see how high that rock is because I'm intrigued in kind of an alternative of climbing. It might not be a good idea, but I'd just like to know.

Sure, sure. I would say it's about 40, 45 feet high. Ooh, that's high. Is it like sheer walls, or does it sort of like slope up to a small peak? It's like a craggy, climbable rock that has probably a pretty small but flat base, and then goes back down.

We all have ranged weapons. We could see if we could. No, we're not going to pass. It's like that big rock in Central Park. I'm a terrible climber. I can, however, levitate over it, but that would probably be worth saving. I can wave from the base while you guys climb and levitate.

I say we go around to the left to where the barricade is the makeshift barricade and see if we can do a little recon because it looks like from the barricade we can maybe see what's over at the catapult maybe see around the rock can anybody sneak?

I have stealth I'm wearing heavy armor I'm plus three stealth Troy, I'm also going to cast, because I don't know when I'll get a chance to do it otherwise, I'm going to cast True Strike on myself. Oh. Which will give me a plus

20 insight bonus, I think it's insight, to my next attack roll. So it almost guarantees that I will hit whatever my next attack roll is. Right, unless you roll a one. Unless I roll a one, which I almost certainly will. Which is the worst thing that could possibly happen. Well, you're pretty stealthy, and I'm pretty stealthy.

Do we want to stealth around to see if we can see over there? My mama told me you better stealth around. You guys could always, it's always a good idea to split the party, too. Yeah, that's a great idea. Maybe one go up the middle. Yeah, Lord climbs the rock. You guys stealth around to the left, and we'll sing a laver to split the party, too. Yeah, that's a great idea. Maybe one go up the middle. Yeah, Lor climbs the rock. You guys stealth around to the left, and we'll send Galavrus solo to the right.

What do you say? I'll burrow under. Galavrus, you have the right. I just want to know. Wait, what? What? We'll stay on the other side. What are you talking about?

So those broken down barricades look like they would give us no potential cover. I know the edge of the rock is there, and we can kind of sneak around the edge, which might be an idea. But if there is a hole or any kind of clearing underneath the wood in the middle of the clearing that we could maybe sneak up to and look through or crawl under or something like that? So the way the rock juts out on the barricade, it looks like someone would have to – well, you can go up to the barricade. You can stop at the barricade it looks like someone would have to well you can go up to the bar you can stop at the barricade see if you see anything otherwise if you don't see anything you'd have to cross over the barricade and kind of sleek along the right side of the rock until you can peek around and left side of the rock yeah left side of the rock and uh do another stealth check to peek around if you can't see what about if we go through the middle of the rock that was my

question the middle of the rock you would think uh based on where you see the rocks the the flaming boulders coming from you would think that's going to lead directly to where the siege engine is so you would obviously see who is manning it if you went through the middle is there something to be said for a diversion we have two wooden structures here i mean if one if we is there a way we can set one on fire to distract whatever force might be around the other side? Well, like the same way when we try to light those logs on fire, unless they're treated or we have... Or yeah, loaded with gasoline or all chemical stuff. It would be like... We don't even have any crumpled up newspapers.

We do, however, have gunpowder. Oh, I've got a gazette from earlier. That's a good use. That's a good use of that incredibly rare resource. With the only supply on earth. Light up a barricade that they can't even see. Yeah, light a barricade that they might not even see. Oh, I can feel

mean skid coming at us. So close. You see him just pounce on Matthew there? Matthew's just offering suggestions. Let me get another couple scotches in the real special no scotch in the green room all right i think we should all right i think somebody should sneak up the middle um dive play up the middle um check out what's going on okay for that off tackle uh what's your stealth bonus plus four uh you're welcome to do it you're more fragile i'm also plus four

well i think with your armor so why don't you well then we have a we have a bigger range than baron does with our range weapons you have a bigger bigger range than i do yeah so maybe you should go uh sounds sounds dangerous you go first all right look first Lork is more than happy to go up the middle. Just to look. Lork has failed every stealth roll so far. You know what? Let's just do it. Let's get going.

He's going to move up to see what he can see. He'll try stealthily. We'll stay back far enough to where we don't have to do any stealth checks. We're not at risk. How many bit of lucks do you have? I have one left. Oh, fuck that. Save it, save it, save it.

Here we go. No, I have two. I have two. Do you want one? it. Save it. Here we go. No, I have two. I have two. Do you want one? No. Save it. Uh, Lork is going to stealth up the middle.

20 even. Oh, to stealth. Kind of, just kind of sneakily moving through the broken down, uh, shops and shit like that. Trying to not step on any of the loose wood.

And so you're in like holding onto your armor. So it doesn't go. Yeah, exactly. Like pulling it sort of taut so it's not. So you kind of make your way through the. Oh, as I'm doing it, can I roll a survival check for tracks in between the rocks? Sure. Just to see if there's I can identify a species or anything like that.

Ooh, 23. Survival. You see another gigantic track. Which way are they headed uh this one is heading towards uh the direction that lork was coming from so where you guys it would have been coming towards where you're standing and lork it's facing you so towards the city yeah so lork sees that and he just starts like he grips his uh his uh bow a He's like, oh, man, fucking giants. And Lork makes his way through these broken-down shops.

You see old Mr. Smith's apothecary shop. You see the haberdasher. The herbalist. The herbalist, not to mention the herbalist. And you make your way through, and you skulk your way through this tiny... These burning herbs are making me high. Opening between the rocks, and you go up to this wood pile. And it's burning herbs are making me high opening between

the rocks and you go up to this wood pile and it's not even a barricade it was just kind of like hastily stuffed in there uh oh but it was designed to block it was designed to block and you peer over and you see at least two uh orcs manning the siege engine and do they look like the first orcs that came through the barricade? More like that? No, these guys look a little bit hardier than your average orc. They're in a cross orc. They're like loading

a flaming boulder onto the catapult. And you hear another voice off, like barking orders. And it's an orc shouting an orc. and you hear another voice off like barking orders like put it on there put it on there go put it on there

and it's an orc shouting an orc can I do that? you know that it's not the two people so there's no way to get over this barricade without making a fucking scene

like I'd have to climb over and be like like scrambling over it you could climb over it and then you're going to be pretty close to the action right without any way out, really. Right.

But you do see two orcs, and only Lork hears that. It only seems like two of them are manning the thing, but it sounds like a third voice is giving them commands, and I can't see him. He's behind another rock. All right, I'm going to come back and suggest that we take the long way around and flank them. I take the long way around. And try to get the... I concur. Are you guys cool with that?

Yes. I say we take the long way around. Take out the captain. I'm with the ranger. Sure, whatever. Normally noncommittal as usual. Morale seems a little low What say you, gunslinger?

I'm no yeller belly But I always like a means of retreating When the going gets a little too tough So is that yes or no? So yes I think that was a yes Yes Louis L'Amour strikes again

Alright, so you guys are going to take the long way around the three smaller rocks to the north. Are we stealthing? Are you guys going to go in single file, kind of back to the wall, sneak around, and have the front guy do the stealth check? That's what I'll do, is have the front guy do the stealth check. Yeah, that sounds good. Okay, so tell me your party order as you move around the thing. Set it up. All right, so Lork will go first.

Bold. I'll bring up the rear. Galadras will bring up the rear. Baron will bring up Lork's rear. I'll go behind Baron. Oh, I'm sorry. Your butt looks kind of big today. I brought it up.

His son just died. Stop bringing it up. He's so sensitive about it. Stop bringing it up. Oh son just died. Stop bringing it up. He's so sensitive about it. Stop bringing it up. Oh my god, Gormley. Look at Lork's butt. Gormley is seen better. The four musketeers

come around the corner here and Lork, I need you to roll an important stealth check. Oh, quiet this music check. For the team. This is the least stealthy music possible. I know. 15 stealth. Shit.

15 to stealth. Shit. You come around the corner, and you see a third orc, and he's the one barking the orders. Blah, blah, blah, blow it up, blow it up, fire it. And then all of a sudden, they send another rock into the air. Shit, man, every second we wait is like destroying, killing more innocent people.

And in the background, you just hear like, one of the, perhaps one of the crenellated towers got hit, or perhaps it was a... Our precious crenellations. It was a woman and her child running. Oh, God. Could have been anything. Does he seem to have seen me?

No, he did not see you. All right, then I would like to take a... Surprise round. I'd like to do a full round, what do you call it? Rapid shot and shoot him twice. Do you want me to try to lower his AC? Or how far away? No, he's too far away.

Look, I'm not going to... Lork comes around the corner. He sees that guy barking orders. He sees a cannonball or a flaming ball going. He's just like, fuck this. Gotta save the city. Well, it looks like someone's going to get a surprise round. Oh, shit.

Roll for initiative. All right. Question. Yes. New ability, favored terrain. Am I in a hilly region now? You know what? You are.

Yeah. It is. I mean, outside the wall. Two point initiative bonus. It's not as manicured, so in a hilly region now? You know what? You are. Yeah! It is. I mean, outside the walls, it's not as manicured, so it is hilly. I would like our listeners to know that I apologize to my friends and family for the atrocious dice rolls I had last episode. And I've invested in new dice. And I did not. Apologize to us.

We're the ones affected by it. Apologize to Joe's mother for once. I heard your new wife almost left you. It's true. For buying the dice, actually. Hope you don't roll a one in the bedroom. Critical. So immature.

So who's got over 20? Apparently Lurk is not used to his favorite terrain. He did not get 20. I'm down low. Who's got over 20? Apparently Lork is not used to his favorite terrain. He did not get 20. I'm down low. Who's up high? Wow, any 19s? 16. All right, talk to me.

16 for Baron. 15 for Gormley. 15 for Gormley. 9 for Lork. 13. Ooh! Oh! 13.

All right, so the way surprise rounds work, very briefly, if we haven't already covered it, is if you stealth in, you roll your stealth check, and I roll my enemy's perception check, and your stealth check is higher than what I roll for a perception check, you catch the enemy off guard, and you get a free bonus round, which is a surprise round to act.

So, Lork, you get the first attack, and then it goes into regular combat. So this is the bonus round. All right. So I'm going to fire twice, taking a minus to both rolls. Does anyone say anything to Lork as he aims? Shh, quiet. Can I reach him?

No, I can't reach him. May your aim be true. Here we go. Shot number one. Miss. Chet flies right over the guy's head, and he fucking sees me. God damn it. Maybe I get it with the second shot.

Miss. Oh, fuck. Terrible opening salvo, Lord. Terrible. Those stealth checks were great. And they just all turn. And they see all of you. Oh, that's them.

That's them. Okay, so the first dude, the dude that you fired at, fires straight at Lork with his composite short bow. 11 to hit. I'm going to assume that's a miss. Goes right off the shoulder armor.

The other two guys Start One of them The guy in the back Who is the farthest away From the group He comes up And also

Just so we're clear These guys all rolled over 16? Yes Wait wait wait I thought you said Only I got the surprise round Understood Don't ever question me again

I forgot how that works Only one character Sometimes gets the surprise round I just forgot The other dude One of the So the guy that's farthest away Who on the other side

Of the siege engine He comes up And also fires A composite short bow At Lork And And misses All right

And then the other Let me stress there for a second The other guy is just kind of hanging back. He's hanging back near the siege engine. Okay. And now it is

Baron's turn. You're pretty far away. I'm real far away. Would you say you guys are now about 30, 40 feet away? Yeah, we're like

40 feet away. Yeah, you're at least 45 feet away, 40 feet away from the first guy that Lork fired at. And then the other guys are even farther away, one of which you can't see.

He's behind the rock, but Lork knows he's there. Orc? Orc. Baron is going to double move over to be behind the rock that is between the orcs and us. Okay. Oh, I see. So you're going through A little passageway

Between the rocks And you're going to Come up from the rear Is that a single move For a 20 feet If I go diagonally That would be a double move Okay

So I'm going to Double move there And So you're going to Squeeze in between The two of the rocks Yeah So they can't see them

For the moment Looks like someone's Between a rock And a hard place But This is two rocks Oh it's just two rocks. Oh, it's just two rocks. You're quite mistaken, Troy.

It's clearly just two rocks. So Baron's maximum movement speed is 20 because he's a dwarf. So he's got little tiny stubby legs. But he's slow and steady so he's never encumbered

no matter how heavy his load. And he does often win the race. And his load is heavy. So he can move. He moves 40 feet, sneaks in between a crevice between these small rocks, moving towards that first log pile

that Lork came up to. This music kind of sounds like he's sneaking between two rocks. Yeah, yeah. And Baron, I wish I had taken my thief level so I could sneak attack them from behind. Oh, that would be so cool.

Is that a Baron's future? A little rogue level? A little multi-class? We've talked about it. Yeah. I think that would be so cool. Is that a Baron's future? A little rogue level? A little multi-class? We've talked about it. I think it might be... I'm nervous! But I want to get to fifth level so I can add dex bonus to my deck. And I want you to shoot locks open. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Alright, who's next? Speaking of pretty cool, Gormley. Okay, so Gormley is going to move up so she's not that close. She'll move him right next to the orc. Right into the jaws of hell. Trying to kill off Gormley. I stab at thee.

She's going to move up just so she's in range of, so she can evil eye the first orc. So it's probably, would you stop? No, no, he's just counting out. Visual humor is really killing it for the orcs. Translating really well. And she's going to evil eye the orc that Lork tried to shoot. So it's a DC 14 will save.

DC 14 will. And that is the head honcho orc. I want to just give a little nickname for our orcs as we kind of talk about it with our audience. Head honcho. We'll call him Honch. So this is a fear-based attack or no? I don't believe so, hold on. Even I?

No. It's mind-affecting, right? No, it is not. It's mind-affecting. So it would be a 16. So he saves. So he saves. So for one round, you have a minus two to your AC.

You son of a bitch. Okay. Very good, Gormley. Galabros, you're up. Galabros, for his part, will come up behind Lork and touch him on the shoulder with a bit of luck. All right. That'll improve those arrow shots.

One would hope. One would. He's like, now don't miss twice in a row. You fool. You feeble green man. All right, Lork, you got your bit of luck. You got your favorite terrain, which gave you what, an initiative bonus? Yeah, just initiative.

That did really well. Actually, it does give me, actually, it would give me a bonus on a perception check, too, and I'm wondering if there's anything. Is there anything I can glean from these guys, or is it like they're the same as most of the guys we fought? Do I worry if any of them has any special abilities? Do they look bigger or different, or are they pretty much just your standard orcs? I mean, they can be tougher, but they don't look...

Why don't you roll a perception check? They all have nicer bodies than you do. Can I also roll perception? They're younger. After the fact, so... Sorry, you can't... 27. He gets the bonus.

What you do notice is on the belt of the foremost orc, you see one of those grenades. Fire, thanks. All right. Shooting at that shit. Then I'm aiming right for him. I'm going to aim right for him. Okay.

With Galabras' bit of luck, I'm going to do a full round rapid shot. First shot. Miss. Really? I rolled a shot. First shot. Oh. Miss. Really? I rolled a one and a three. Oh, no.

Something's wrong with Lork's bow. Arrows are not true. Second shot. There we go, baby. There's a hit. 21 to hit. I'm sorry, 20 to hit. Hits him right in the arm. For four points of damage.

Nice job. Way to go, Lork. Okay. And then I'm going to take a five-foot step forward. And that was the guy that also had a minus two to his AC. Gormley and Lork, as usual, working together. So you took a five-foot step forward. Yep, just to get a little closer to Gormley, because I know shit's going to get dicey

for her. Right. Now, Gormley is in front of you, right? Pathetic fallacy. This is crazy. Right now, Gormley is in front. She's our vanguard

against these orcs. That's a good sign. She's bold. Like we talked about last episode, she's just kind of high on the battle right now.

This is crazy, man. Like, I can't believe he missed three arrows in a row and with a bit of luck. I can't believe he missed three arrows in a row. And with a bit of luck, I think. Yeah. I might have to ditch the bow.

Something's wrong. All right, so the guy up front, your friend and mine, the one with the minus two to his AC that just got an arrow in the shoulder. Haunch. His name's Haunch. His name's Haunch?

He has a name, Troy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. As a move action, he lights that bomb on fire. And then as his move action, he lights that bomb on fire. And then as his attack action, he chucks it at Gormley. Of course. What's new? Vicious.

This is probably the third bomb that's come your way. Yeah, basically. And it misses. And it lands nearby. Splash. It actually lands right in front of you to your left and does three points of damage. Splash.

Splash. Ah, splash. So basically it hit the rock is what it did. It hit the rock and then splashed into you from the side. Baron, where you're standing, you just see sparks come up and you see Gormley get smashed by it, but you can't see where that came from, what's going on, but now you're like, oh, these guys got bombs.

Great. The dude in the back, he... There's nothing I hate more than the smell of singed witch. He takes aim at Gormley. Misses. Oh, and it hits Lork.

Hey, hey. No, just misses. And then. Hey, hey. No, it just misses. And then the other dude in the back, he steps forward a little bit, makes himself seen, and he also fires his composite shortbow. At? At poor Cornley up front. And misses!

I rolled four, four, four. Wow. Excellent. Not with that mage armor, four, four. Wow. Excellent. Not with that mage armor. That's not going to hit. I didn't even ask. All right. You have gotten through that, Baron.

You are up. In Chinese, four sounds like death. So that's a very unlucky Chinese roll. How do you say it in Chinese? Yum yat sam se. That doesn't sound like death. It sounds like Chinese. It sounds like regular old Chinese. Sounds like regular old Chinese. Sounds like a delicious treat.

Can I take a five-foot step and... I'll have that. I'll order that. Does that come with rice? All right. All right. That'll be $45. Can I take a five-foot step and ready an action?

Yes. So I'm going to take a five-foot step closer to the edge of the rock towards Gormley, and as soon as I see an orc pass my way, I'm going to fucking get up close and deadly with him. Yeah. All right. There we go. What a fella. Gormley.

All right, so Baron moved in, saw the shit go down, and now he's coming back, but he's still completely concealed by the rock, keeping himself safe. How do you think I stayed alive out here on the range this long running into battle like a goddamn evil eye and fool? Gormley slowly extends a very

long nailed middle finger. Just to the side. The no look middle finger to the side. That was an internal monologue. Get out of my head you dumb witch. Don't do that to a witch. That was my God. That was, that was an internal monologue. Get out of my head. You dumb witch. Don't do that to a witch.

They can hear you. They can hear your thoughts. Lork. I kind of see you like Morgan Freeman and unforgiven right now. Like that scene when they're trying to shoot the guys and he can't, he can't do it. Shoot him. Will come on,

shoot him. Will. Ah, all right. Gormley, you're up the Vanguard. Gormley, you're up. The Vanguard. Gormley's going to evil eye the guy again. Again for AC.

Five foot step back, man. Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it. Now, wait a minute. You're evil eyeing the same guy? Are you allowed to do that? Haunch. Haunch. I'm going to evil eye Haunch. No, you can't.

Yes, I can. No, you said that you can't attack the same guy with the same... And then in a later episode, I revised because I was wrong. Oh, okay. So you can, or if it fails, just no matter what, you can always do that. I can evil eye as many times as I want. So that particular hex isn't restricted or all hexes. However, misfortune, I can only cast on a creature...

Oh, sorry. Attempt to cast on a creature once per day. Very interesting. Okay. All right, so you're just going after the haunch. Again, he rolls his will save, and 15 this time. All right, so he saves, but still another round, minus two to his AC. And then I'm going to get...

You can cackle, too, right? Except I'm going to get out of the way. Okay. I'm going to go... I was going to go into the crevasse with the crevice with... All right. Oh, hopefully they'll chase you, and I shoot. So Gormley ducks into the crevice as well

to hide. Okay. A fucking bomb exploded in my face. Yeah. I'm not running away. I'm just being smart, guys. Yeah.

No, I don't blame you, man. It's old Gale's turn. Gale is going to stand where he is and fire his true strike imbued crossbow at the rearmost orc.

Ah, yes. Ooh, nice. We're going to call him Caboose from now on. Honcho Caboose. That would be a 35 to hit. That's definitely a hit. That is a true strike. That was indeed a true strike.

Yeah! Maximum damage, eight points of damage. Whoa! Fuck yes. All right. To the Caboose. Whoa! Fuck yes. All right. To the caboose. Gross. Really gross.

It sounded like that one hit and kept traveling into him. It did. It went right through him. Really deep. So now he's got one arrow in one arm and one arrow in the other arm. He's like, ah! And that one went really deep. No, no, no, no.

I wasn't shooting the one. Oh, I'm sorry. That was the dude in the back. Yeah, yeah. Because I did want to hit the guy with the lowered AC. Because he had true strike. I wasn't shooting the one. Oh, I'm sorry. That was the dude in the back. Yeah, yeah. Because I did want to hit the guy with the lowered AC. Because he had the true strike, so I wanted to hit a different guy. I gotcha. I gotcha.

Okay. Oh, wow. Alright, so now two of these guys Two of these guys have been hit. Nice. You've been pretty good with the crossbow lately. Yeah. But it's magical, yeah. I do really well with a magic crossbow. Lork, you're up. Okay, Lork is, he's going to fire again,

because he wants to try to draw them to where he sees, so he sees Baron sort of like come up, slide up along the rock. He's gun ready. I like, I nod at you. Yeah, so he nods at me, like draw him to me, and I pull out my longbow and I say, I could do this all day. Come at me, you fools.

And, oh, baby, there we go. What is it? 19 to hit. 19 to hit, and this is haunch? This is haunch. Head haunch, oh, okay. Yeah, four points of damage. Is he still?

Well, it doesn't matter, I guess. He's still kicking, and I will fire again. And that's a 13 to hit? Sails over his head. Shoot. Even with the minus two, the AC? Yes. Would you say 13?

Yes. Still a miss. Still a miss. Round the third. Okay, so we got Haunch. We got his buddy behind him, about 10 feet behind him, and then the other guy who came up. Okay, so we got Haunch, we got his buddy behind him, a little about 10 feet behind him, and then the other guy who came up. Okay, so Haunch.

So Haunch is the guy in the front, Caboose is the guy in the back. I think we should call the guy in the middle, middle child. How about he's got issues. Haunch fires his crossbow at Lork and misses! And then he moves back to the siege engine. Oh, fuck.

Well, he can't fire it by himself, I'm assuming. No. The guy behind him... Middle child. Middle child. So not the guy behind him, the guy 10 feet away from him. Middle child. He lights an unerring grenade and throws it at Lork.

The same thing that was hit you before. It's called an unerring grenade. The irony being, it constantly airs. Fires it at Lork and misses! Yeah! Yeah! It lands right to Lork's left. So you just see, hits the rock,

and actually does splash damage to everybody except Galabras. You all take three points of splash damage. Just, explosion. Celebrate good times. Come on. I'm uninjured.

You are all not. The third dude fires Caboose. Middle child. Oh. Middle child. He fires his crossbow and messes Lork again. These guys are lame. This is awesome.

So then he uses his move action to go back to the siege engine as well. So now there is only one orc within sight. Caboose. Caboose. So I'll look at Baron and just shake my head like, they're not buying it. Maybe we shouldn't have shared our strategy with the GM. Fuck you. I know their descriptions of what they do.

They drop their bows eventually. Asshole. You're totally veering away from what Giant Slayer intended. Well, Baron, you're up. Baron is going to just give a sideways middle finger to the GM, just like Gormley did to Baron. At the sky. At the sky.

Raise his finger to the sky. Damn you, gods. By the sword of Yomadai. A horse just ran by. Yeah. Riderless. Bane on fire. Baron is going to move around the rock and shoot at Honcho.

Shooting at Honch. And he is going to get up close and deadly. Oh, man. 19. 19 to touch AC is a hit. Roll the dice. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.

Two points of damage. Lowest damage possible. Minimum damage. So this guy has an arrow in his arm, and now he just took a bullet, kind of grazed his forearm. Bridge of his nose. What the fuck was that?

Big mosquitoes out here today. That ow! That stung! That really hurt! I was expecting... I'm really pinched! Who does that? How did that hurt so much less than the noise it made? So now Gormley, it's your turn,

and you cast, in round one, you did Evil Eye, right? Yes. And that lasted to round two, and then you cackled to last it to round three, so now Evil Eye is over, unless you try and do it again. No, in round three I just cast it again. I never actually cackled. Sorry.

Yeah, so Gormley's going to step out Unless you try and do it again. No, in round three I just cast it again. I never actually cast it. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm going to, so Gorma's going to step out and shoot her crossbow at, I believe that's middle child left, or is that caboose? That's caboose. She's going to shoot at caboose.

That is a 21 to hit. Whoa! That's a hit. Nine points of damage. Yeah! Oh! Wow. New dice. Nice. You hit him Nine points of damage. Yeah. Oh. Wow. New dice.

Nice. You hit him and just. Yeah. Takes him down to zero hit points. Oh, nice, Gorms. How many damage did he do? Nine. Oh, my God.

What a man. How did you do that? What a lady. How did. I rolled an eight on a D8. You get plus. How do you get plus one? Point blank shot.

Oh, oh oh cool okay nice job gorms uh go well i would have done go labris i forgot to mention um that doesn't really matter but with this move action last time he reloaded his crossbow um and uh he's gonna fire at you're you're more than 30 feet away from him by by the way. Am I? Yes. You're way more. 8 points of damage. So is he not below... I did... I technically did 3 points of damage to him

because... Oh, no, that's Hancho. So you... Only did 8 points of damage. You filthy liar. But you shot Caboose with that one? Yeah. Okay, then I also will shoot Caboose with my crossbow. Okay. That's pretty good.

16. 16 hits. Yes! Man, all these ranges. Seven damage. Seven damage. Now he's definitely below zero. Nice, nice, guys.

You fools, why did you leave me? And I reload. You guys are showing up the ranger, big time. All right, speaking of the said ranger. Big time. All right. Speaking of the said ranger, you're up, Will. The said ranger. Well, it's been proven that he can't hack it at the moment. Something's wrong with the longbow.

He's got to check it. He's looking at it. The sight's off. Yeah, so he's going to sheath it and draw his masterwork greataxe and move up. And is he going to double move as close as he can to... You're going straight for the siege engine. I'm going in, baby. And that's your quick draw, right?

Yeah. Yep. Pretty sweet. All right. Round four. Shit's about to go down. Oh, no. Round four Shit's about to go down Oh no Honcho grabs Lork And attempts to grapple him

I didn't see it coming Oh he's gonna try to put you in the catapult Oh fuck yes please do that 23 to your CMD Yeah he got it He grabs Lork And I looked this up He is grappled.

So I think that's all he can do this turn. That's a standard action. That's a standard action. So, oh no, he didn't take a move action. So he grapples Lork and moves him into the bowl of the castle. That's insane. You don't have to make, no, no, no way. No, no, no, no, no.

You can't just move someone at will just because they're grappled. Well, here's what it You don't have to make, no, no, no way. No, no, no, no. You can't just move someone at will just because they're grappled. Well, here's what it is. Attacker controlling both parties grappled. He has to maintain, if he, at the beginning of a turn, he has to maintain a grapple and he gets a CMB plus five

to the defender's CMD. But he already made the grapple. The grapple's already maintained. He has to maintain a grapple. That means it's a round after he's already had a grapple for a full round. Right?

Alright, so keep reading. And then, if it happens, he can move his self and the defender up to one half of the attacker's movement. At the end of the attacker's movement, the attacker can place the defender in any square adjacent to the attacker. If the location is hazardous, the defender receives a free

attempt to break the grapple with a plus four bonus. Okay. Okay. Well, that makes sense. I'm saying you can't do it for free. Right, right. Well, I'm saying, you know, let me finish.

You jumped right on. I think that the cup of a catapult is a pretty hazardous place. Yes, it absolutely is. Now, what I would say is if I had to move with you or move to get to grapple you, then I can't do this until the following round after I maintain a grapple. You ran up to him. Where I was able to. Yeah, I ran up to him. Is grappling a full round action?

No, I think it's a standard action. I'm pretty sure it's a standard action, too. Yeah, it's standard. So with the standard action, he grapples you. With his move action, he attempts to put Lork in the, what would you call it, the bowl of the catapult? I guess. What's the technical term?

I don't know. All right, Google it up, friends. The bad part? All right, so you get a plus four against the orcs' CMD to break out of this grapple as you're being put in the bowl of the catapult. This is a pretty massive roll. Could it be a giant D20? I am literally sick to my stomach right now.

Giant D20 roll. Do you want to use my giant D20? Yeah, yeah. It's a massive roll. It's a big roll, so it's a giant d20 roll. Do it on the table. Here we go. This is literally for Lork's life, I think.

Oh, fuck. You rolled a three. Well, it's the last time I used that big die. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. That's 13. I feel partially culpable. So you rolled a 13 That's 13. I feel partially culpable. So you rolled a...

13. A 13. Fuck. He puts you in the bowl of the catapult. It's actually called a bucket. A bucket of the catapult. Oh, my God. And now it's his friend's turn.

I'm going to make sure, was this Caboose, or was this the other guy? Did Caboose get hit? Caboose got... My heart's beating so hard. Oh, my God. The other guy fires the catapult. It's going to stop beating in a fucking minute if you do this. With Lork in it.

And Lork sails over the rock and takes 5d6 points of falling damage. Fuck no. I'm speechless. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is ridiculous. No I'm speechless Oh my god Oh my god This is ridiculous I can't believe I've never had

Anything Remotely like this No So let's Take this back Oh my Lork That's what you get for bravery

God damn Lork's He's like I got the surprise on these guys Miss Miss Next round Miss

Hit And then Miss Miss again I think Nothing. Hit. And then miss. Miss again, I think? Nothing. Just miss and miss and miss. Throws his bow to the ground. Rushes up into the action. Double moves to get right in the face of this orc standing right next to

the feed section. I thought you were going to leave five feet away or something. This guy's like grabs you. Rolled an 18 before I even had it. The die make it happen, man. Tries to move you in, you get the plus four bonus. He puts you in, fires you 50 feet through the air. Oh my fucking God.

Lorik's like, ah! You land, you actually land just on the other side of the rock, and you take nine points of falling damage. What? Oh, wow. Five D6 and it was nine? I rolled shit. I rolled a one, a two.

Lork is a hardy orc! Look at this. I rolled three ones, a two, and a four. Wow. Wow. That could have killed you instead. Yeah. It just put you out of the fight.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Wow, Lork's going to go up and dust himself off and fuck that guy up right now. We'll say Lork landed, obviously would have landed on his back. He's not a cat. I would just like to...

Yeah, he's not, he might be a hero. He's not a superhero. He didn't just land on his feet. I want to hear this back to know if you could hear my heart beating. With my mic. With the mic, yeah. This close to me.

My heart was pounding right through my chest. I would just like to describe the scene in the recording studio area of everyone's heart was pounding right through my chest I would just like to describe the scene in the recording studio area of everyone's face was just like agape including Troy

I thought Skid was going to punch me I really thought Skid was going to hit me well I can't you launched him out of a catapult I've never heard of that

yeah I thought for sure I was going to end up in Sarah Morninghawk's house yeah I was I've only I love what you did with the blaze! I've only seen

that in the Simpsons. Oh my god. In the Rex Banner episode. My hands are sweating. Alright, let's keep it going. I couldn't even... I was hoping I could feather fall you. Well, actually, to be fair, I mean, to really get in this story, none of you guys know that I'm alive. Oh, we assume you're

dead. Yeah, you just saw... you just saw disappear over the rock. And here it's flat. Not even, probably. Yeah, that could have been a hell of a lot worse. Fuck me. I rolled three ones on five d6s. You know why? Because he was meant to live. He was meant to live another round.

Why didn't he roll better on the resist move? Come on, all right. Good story. All right, so Caboose with his final to live another round. Why didn't he roll better on the resist move? Come on, all right. Good story. All right, so Caboose, with his final move, or action as a player, fires at, who's up front there, Baron? Fires his composite shortbow at Baron, rolls a 16.

Miss. That ain't gonna be good enough, and the orc dies. And as far as you know, two orcs are dead right now. One and a half. One and a half. One and a half orcs are dead. At least 1.5 orcs could be dead.

Where's Charlie Sheen when you need him? Baron, you're up. Baron's gonna fucking say, no one puts lork in a basket. Bucket, bucket, bucket. Bucket. God damn it, I'm so angry. Bucket, call it a day.

And the orc's like, it's a bucket. Rapid reload, he is going to fire. Ooh, 21. That is a definite hit. Up close and deadly. And he is going to do eight points of damage to Haunch. Eight points of damage to the Haunch, the one that launched your friend to his death,

as you would assume. Gormley. Still up? He should actually move, too. I'm just going to move his piece. Because he has to be next to the ball. Right, my dude. Yeah, the one that put you in the bucket. He is now at the head of the siege engine. Gormley, you are up.

So can I see him, or is the rock in my way? I don't have a line of sight. You have to move to the right of Baron. The rock? The rock is in his way? If you smell what Gormley's cooking. You can't get around the rock. I can't get around the rock.

All right. He's a box office draw. I loved pain and gain. Gormley's going to step up an evil eye honcho. Evil eye honch. The old honch. Attack roll this time. Failed.

Failed! Six rounds, minus two to your attack roll. Excellent. Oh, boy. Well done. By the way, that evil eye, I mean, he just launched a work out of a fucking catapult yeah that is the most foul or Gormley has perhaps ever yeah into somebody probably horrifying evil I how was Gormley secretly in love with his pride

like kissing oh no stay tuned to find out more of the battle Calabasas you're up only just weeping on the back only Gormley doesn't need a man. That's right. She's a strong, independent witch. That's true. Galabras, as a free action, is going to yell, Look, no! And then he hasn't had a chance to react to the catapulting yet.

He's only six seconds around So He's gonna take like Step like No it's gonna like step to his Right like 15 feet To get a clear shot And he's going to shoot At Caboose

That's Caboose in the rear right? Middle child He's the guy who actually pulled the trigger to shoot you got haunch is up front yep that would probably be the guy you would want to go for no but i don't want to shoot him because he's got the hex on so okay so you want to go after uh yep you're keeping a real level head after seeing your friend launched out of a catapult uh that is 21 to hit fuck Fuck, yeah. And maximum damage, eight damage. Fuck, you are on fire right now. We should kill Orc more often. It gets us all fired up.

Oh, yeah. Shit, and that's definitely within range. That is another big hit by Galabras. You should release a live album called Galabras Comes Alive. The old cleric with the bow. It's recorded at Budokan. A tale as old as time. He's still up?

It is Lork's turn. I can't believe this guy's still alive. Dude, he cross-orc. I told you. All right, so you got Lork face in the mud. It's just like, opens up his eyes. Can't believe he's alive. Checks, not even that hurt.

Just like pushes himself up. Maybe you landed on an awning. You're like Wile E. C like pushes himself up. Maybe you landed on a... You're like Wile E. Coyote right now. Yeah, exactly. You are flattened by a boulder and you're like fine, but you're coming up like an accordion. He pushes himself up and... Like stands up and cracks his neck.

Just cracks his neck and just in his head he's just... Not him, but I'm like... Puts his thumb in his mouth and blows. I'm like no fucking stealth check this time He just like Screams To let his friends know That he's still alive

And he just starts Barreling through The like Broken down shops and shit Right through the middle of the rocks And he's just like Running like a madman Into battle

And he gets to About the wood pile Right Where he runs out Where he stealthed right where he's stealthed to earlier. Where he's stealthed to earlier, and then next round, his plan is to, like, he freezes in time, so when we get back to him, he's going to leap over that fucking pile. Yeah. And he's going to close and kill some motherfuckers.

Son of a B. Speaking of B, it is one of the bombardiers' turn. All right, so the guy up front, he. Haunch? Yeah, Haunch. We'll call him Haunch We've been calling him Haunch for 30 minutes So you might as well continue doing so So Haunch rolls up to Baron

And swings at him with a falchion Jesus This big gross weapon Don't crit Critical threat I don't know Baron is critical magnet. He's a critical magnet.

Oh no, this is a falchion too. Oh, they're so fucked up. They're 18 to 20, but I rolled a natural 20. He's minus two, oh fuck. Minus two on attack roll. Yeah, but he rolled a 20. Did not confirm. Rolled a two on the confirmation.

But it's a definite hit. That horse was very upset about it. Yeah. So he comes up and he like, hits you square in the chest with this thing. And it does 10 points of damage. Ow. That's gotta hurt.

Man, those things hurt. And then the other dude from behind lights a bomb. The last one of the group throws it at Baron. I want to be put in the catapult now. This is fucking bullshit, dude. Minus four, minus four. It missed.

And it lands. It lands on the orc. It lands. It would land behind the orc. The orc would take all the damage. It lands right. It's going to affect the orc And Gormley And Baron How's it gonna get to me?

It does three points of damage That's bullshit It lands basically right behind you So it's gonna Everyone here is in the effect So that's Baron Gormley And the orc too

All take three points of damage And the orc is still up I don't fucking know And the orc is now at zero Oh, okay Which orc? i'll take three points of damage and the orc is still up i don't fuck and the orc is now at zero oh okay which work uh the one that the one that uh haunch that came up and hit you oh haunch is at zero haunch killed by his own bomb okay baron you're up baron's gonna take a five foot step back uh he's going to rapid reload uh actually no i'm gonna just use gunpowder for this instead of my old chemical cartridge because I'm not taking a move action. I'm going to say, you fuck with the bull, you get the horns.

And he's going to shoot this fucking orc right in the goddamn head. The guy that's below zero. Okay. There you go. That's a 24. That's a hit. You got both the first and most accurate gun ever made Seven points of damage

Right in his fucking head And I put it right in between In the center of the T-zone Between the eyes and above the nose I put it right fucking there Because he hit me with that falchion That could kill him And he drops to one knee

But stands back up on his feet. I thought he was below zero. He is. These guys are sturdier than your regular orc, so this one is still kicking! And now it's Gormley's turn. Five foot step back. Oh, shit. Nope.

Reload the crossbow. Fire. You're He can hit you. So you think I should move? Five foot step, yeah. Reload the crossbow Fire Uh You're He He can hit you So you think I should move? Five foot step yeah I can't Reloading the crossbow

But it can't reload I can't reload She can't reload Well here's the thing If you take the hit Just get out of there And let him die Like you don't have to kill him

Yeah yeah yeah You don't have to You see he's like dying Right in front of you Alright I see it Okay I'll pull a drop Okay Uh so you move back To there And Okay dying right in front of you. All right, I see it. Okay, I'll pull a draw. Okay.

So you move back to there. And, okay, it is Galabras' turn. Galabras is going to use his move action to reload and fire again at Middlechild. The guy way, way in the back behind the siege engine. Bing! 11. Missed. Sails away.

Galabras' days of luck. Perhaps they're over. We'll find out. And now it is Lork's turn. You guys still think he's dead. So you have to maybe, this is all very emotional. So Lork, what is the wood pile here? Is it just difficult terrain?

Is it two spaces to move over? Yeah, you can get up to the guy. Well, you can get near the last guy. Near the last guy? Yeah, you would be at the foot of the siege engine. So you'd still be about 10, 15. Alright, so Lork is going to come over the woodpile and go right up next to the siege engine

coming right at this guy, looking him dead in the eyes. And I just like, he's got a picture and he's just basically kind of just walking sort of like fast with the battle axe or the great axe just sort of like out to the side just like frustrated you know like this guy just shot him and he's coming at him he's like and he walks out to a blood trickling down his face and the guy's like what

the fuck like where did he come from yeah but he can't quite get to him like jack nicholson in the shining yeah exactly just walking up and uh he can get about 10 feet away. Yeah, if you launch a guy out of a catapult, you probably don't expect to see him again. In 12 seconds. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like, whoa. That's unexpected. The orc looks at you, and his...

Oh, can I, actually, I wanted to roll an intimidate check. Yeah, do it. Because I wanted to see if I could, like, freeze him. Give yourself a plus four bonus to the intimidate check. It's because he would not have expected you to lose. 22. Yeah. Yeah, now how does intimidate work again?

It's up to you. Basically, you can make him staggered for a round, a minus two, or you can make him freeze up, or you can make him just run away. He sees you coming and immediately looks momentarily defenseless, takes a minus two to his AC. How is he alive? Leaves himself open. And now it is

the orc's turn. He steps up to try and kill Baron and dies right at Baron's feet. The other one, standing five feet away from Lork, drops his, whatever he had in his hand, grabs the falchion,

swings the falchion at Lork. Die, die! Misses. Oh, of course he did. He hit Lork right on the chest of his armor, and it just bounces off, and Lork is now holding the masterwork greataxe, two hands, ready to finish

him off Baron Baron's going to walk within shooting distance of middle child Lork holds up his hand and says this one's mine in all due respect you did just get shot out of fucking crossbow so I don't think you're a master

tactician by you come around the corner and you see Lork alive. Oh my God, Lork! I turned into a real... I do declare! I got the papers! That is

a plus eight, seventeen. Seventeen against touch. Minus four. Is a hit. So seventeen minus four. Thirteen. Thirteen. He still hits. Because a hit. So 17 minus four. 13. 13 still hits. Because he has minus two to his AC. Because you're intimidated. Right. Oh, so it definitely hits.

Oh, it was 13 hit? Yeah. I had a 13 with the bow. I guess that was the big guy. All right. Five damage. Five damage. Boom, this guy is now afraid And has a bullet wound

Gormley Reload the crossbow, fire That is a 15 to hit With the minus 4 Wow What's your bonus? 15 to hit with the minus 4 And you're not doing point blank shot

With the minus 2 to the AC from Lork's intimidation I'm sorry, it's a 14 to hit With the minus 2, it AC from Lork's intimidation. I'm sorry, it's a 14 now. With the minus two, it hits exactly. Yeah. Four points of damage. So Perrin steps up, boom. You step up, crossbow.

Galabras, soften him up some more. All right, probably not going to hit, but just the hell of it. Kill him. Galabras reloads and fires. Kill him. And misses. So Lork, you just see bullet, arrow hits. Another arrow hits and Hold on. So, Lork, you just see bullet. Arrow hits.

Another arrow hits. Didn't you roll a 13? No, I rolled an 8. Alright. Going to get out that. Masterwork Greataxe. Two hands comes down. Power attack?

Oh, yeah. See? Power attack. I've been meaning to do this. I'll keep the same roll. Power attack? Power attack? Oh, yeah. See? Power attack. I've been meaning to do this. I'll keep the same roll. Power attack is minus one to hit and then plus three damage. Oh, nice. So that is a 15 to hit. 15 hits because you intimidated it and it would not have hit otherwise. So 15 to hit and then plus three damage.

18 damage. Yes! Dead. Dead. Dead. Lork just walks up, intimidates him, bullet, arrow, or bolt, whatever, and then just... Give me a score.

With his orc ferocity, that gave him an extra 13 hit points in the negative, and he had three left, so he had 16 altogether, and you went 18. Lork just angrily, like, fucking grabs his corpse, puts it in the bucket, fucking turns the thing so that it's facing point-blank into the rock and can't go over the rock, and then just pulls the thing, and it's like, directly into the rock.

It's arms and head and legs go everywhere. I, uh, Baron, uh... Ease down, buddy. Ease down. Just grinding metal. Baron turns to Lork and says, we gotta put you in a catapult before every battle. It's not funny. So now you have to destroy the siege engine.

It's kind of funny. So can we disable the device? Will disable device help us, or... Can I hack at it with my axe you can you can disable device um burn it with a couple times it's gonna take a couple a couple of disabled devices you can just start just all hacking it yeah let's just start hacking at it all right so you all just like bam bam pull out my mallax everybody take a swing at it anyone have a melee weapon i can borrow you have have your hope knife. I hand you a long spear.

Ooh. I mean, that's a 23 to hit. Just tell me your modified rolls. How many times do you want us to roll? Do you want us to roll damage? Just roll one. I just want to... This is for all for flavor.

I rolled seven. All right, sorry. I rolled seven damage. Seven damage? I didn't roll damage. Okay. I'll do a power attack. Oh, 18 again.

Same roll. 18 damage. I rolled a three, so I don't think I do any damage at all five damage five damage okay so after two rounds all that's left is just splinters and orc guts and orc guts everybody roll a perception check 15 11 19 for Gormley 11 for Lork Lork is he's too like out of it right now I can't believe

he was shot out of a catapult how are you so alive 24 doesn't make any sense alright so Baron always the the tiny one

sees sort of nearby but he's he's crafty he can see sort of hidden underneath the siege engine

was a bunch of explosives. Holy shit. Any area of effect fire spells, it would have just exploded and hit everybody. Fuck yeah. That's a good thing we hacked at it. So you see that. You also see an alchemist lab

leaning against what's left of the catapult. I want that shit. Along with three bags of flash powder. You're getting this, Joe. Six fuse grenades. I'm fucking making you guys so many grenades. And dwarven ale. Two pellet grenades, one of which is cold iron,

and one of which is adamantine. And a tangle burn bag. Oh, I remember that fucking thing remember that Baron so are these would any of us be able to use these or yeah they're not oh I'm sure yeah somebody maybe not all of you will be able to use all these things but they will

come in handy people with high decks can throw that tangle burn bag badass cause you can throw it to tank trip somebody up and it can also do fire damage can I do a perception check on the bodies before we leave here? Sure. 16.

You see they each have some alchemist fire. They have some smoke sticks. They have regular tangle foot bags. They're all wearing hide armor. They all have a falchion, obviously. And they all have composite short bows. God, I would love it if one of them had masterwork leather armor. They do not.

That's the armor you're craving? I want masterwork studded leather so I can get my plus three bonus, but also have no armor check penalty. Oh, really? That's why when I did the stealth check and you were like, with your armor? Because it's a masterwork breastplate. That removes all? No, no, just one point. So you'd have a higher one with

nothing on? What? You would have a higher stealth bonus with nothing on? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I have high decks and I have high and I put points and stuff. I don't know if I put points and stuff. Anyway. You can hear people yelling from atop the crenellated towers. They're still up. They're still up.

Look how crenellated we still are. The Truenowan guards are yelling at you, like, get back to the city. Get back to the city. What? And you hear, all of a sudden, you hear a gigantic crash, like a loud thumping and then a crash of rocks. And it's coming from the direction where you guys just lit that final beacon. It sounds like an avalanche.

And you see the guards atop the towers yell, Come! We've got to get back to the Hope Spring! It's a giant! See you next time. Oh, fuck me! There he is. Well, at least we know where he is. Ta-da!

I want to kill a giant. Outro Music