The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 214 - Treacherous H

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

In the depths of Ashpeak, the heroes receive an intriguing offer. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. Oh man, wow. I was not expecting that. No. The heroes receive a most intriguing offer. Jimmer would like to do a sense motive. Yes. Baron's going to cast Detect Alignment on him.

Dalgrith just wants to like come up real close to him and smell him. That may be too good to be true. Hold on here, Mattree. You're getting a bit quick here. We'll try to... Let's talk this out. You've got to be careful. I don't know why we're rushing into this. Sheriff, is this... Is this something you want to do?

But their choices are limited. I don't trust it, Baron. I don't know what's going on here. But it seems like some orc triggerates me. And time is running out. I have befriended half-orcs and orcs alike on my journeys. But at the same time, I've also killed orcs that have crossed me. The adventure continues now. What is going on, everybody? It's your old buddy, Troy LaVallee, and I have a special guest with me today.

Who is it? Would we say special? Well, I wasn't meaning you. I thought I had another guest here. Damn it. Well, I have a guest. I have a regular guest here. What's the opposite of special?

Just not special. I think it is. I have a not special. I have a mundane guest here today. This is out of control. I have a mundane guest with me today. Mr. Joe O'Brien. What's going on, buddy?

How are you, man? I'm good. You were sitting down. You were like, can you be quiet? I have to record my intro. And I was like, no, I will How are you, man? I'm good. You were sitting down, you were like, can you be quiet? I have to record my intro. And I was like, no, I will not be silenced. You cannot silence me! Well, welcome to the intro. Thanks, man. Thank you very much. It's good to be here. Good to be here as we get ready to celebrate the 4th of July. It's 4th of July week this week. Are you a big griller? A big outdoorsman? Oh, I love me some griller! I mean,

I don't think that comes as a surprise at all what's your go-to grill food vegan hot dogs no no you know there's so many there's so many but i think just a standard hot dog is one of my favorite things you like a regular old school hot dog but if you're getting fancy uh i like a good pork loin on a grill oh a pork loin yeah pork loin on a grill cooked properly is so juicy and amazing with that crispy exterior. It's really, really good. If you want to up the level of your July 4th barbecue, pork loin. Pork loin?

Yeah, like a three-pounder on the side of the grill. Seems like a lot of work. Yeah, I mean, it's actually not that much work at all. Okay. It's like a really big hot dog is what it is. You just get one big bun and go to town. I'm really thirsty after eating half a pound of pork. Yeah, just get like a loaf of Italian bread, cut it open.

Just slap some applesauce on there and you're good to go. Applesauce is really good on pork. Oh, it's a no-brainer. No-brainer. Remember the old Brady Bunch? Pork chops and applesauce. No, I do not recall that at all. It's classic.

Peter was like practicing his lines like, Pork chops and applesauce. No, I do not recall that at all. Peter was like practicing his lines like, pork chops and applesauce. My mom always used to, when she slow cooked pork ribs in a crock pot with like sauerkraut, applesauce. Just a little bit. And it cuts the, I think it cuts the sourness of the sauerkraut or something. I don't know, but she's always a little bit of applesauce. Give me applesauce any day, every day. Let's talk about cannon fodder that was a good time buddy yeah so one week ago one week ago yeah last monday uh we did the live cannon fodder i think that it was

man we just put everything out there that we have been working on what's coming up that we're working on it's basically like 2019 in review, both back and forward. Yeah. So if you haven't listened to it yet, definitely go check that out because there's a lot of news dropped in that, some of which was not intentional. No, some of it was just like, well, they had a couple pops and had to say what we had to say. You know, I've been wanting to do another State of the Nation address all for the past six months and just we've been so slammed with stuff. I don't need to do it anymore. Everything about what's been happening with the company and what's what the plans are for the future is in that canon

fodder yeah i was doing on patreon the happy hour posts on uh some fridays when i had some things to talk about about what's going on in the office and everything like that just to show our backers like what we're working on what we're doing i sit down on friday and i was like what could i possibly write right now that was not said in that massive two and a half hour cannon fodder? So definitely go check that out when you get a chance. Yeah, you can either listen to it on the old cannon fodder RSS feed or head over to YouTube. We posted the video from Twitch on there as well. As a bonus, if you go to the RSS feed, you could also get updates on the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Yeah, that was a real, real F up. I don't know what happened and then like i i contacted blueberry and they're like we've never seen this before yeah for those that don't know there's a columbus blue jackets podcast called cannon fodder which somehow like as if they are broadcast over the radio like a radio signal got crossed their episode started showing up in the cannon fodder feed randomly right after we posted our 93rd episode. That was a fun four hours on Sunday trying to fix that shit.

Anyways, you know, lastly, I know it's July now, but I wanted to wish a belated happy Pride Month to all of our LGBTQ plus listeners out there in Glass Cannon Nation.

Yes. We see you. We are your allies. Thank you for making the world and Glass Cannon Nation a better place to live in. Joe, thank you for being my mundane guest. But we got an episode to get to.

And I love this episode. I don't even understand what that cliffhanger is. What do you mean an orc that doesn't talk like an orc? He's just going to come out. Hi, everyone. I'm an orc. Or am I? Catch you off the wait and see in episode 214, Treacherous H.

Now, normally when we record this show, probably for the last 200 or so episodes, we try very, very hard not to mention things that are happening in real time. Because sometimes we record the show weeks earlier, months earlier than the actual release, so we don't want to be like, oh, can you believe that the king of Prussia died yesterday? I can't believe it. That's true.

Sometimes we record episodes 120 years in the past. And we don't want people to be like, oh my God, they recorded that a long time ago. Yeah. The King of Prussia died, and they recorded the next day? It's a pre-World War I recording. That's so foul.

Yeah. I mean, the town in Pennsylvania died? The whole town? The whole mall just died. We don't want to do that because it lets everybody You know feel like We recorded it that morning

That you're listening to it However I'm going to make An exception for today Because yesterday We had our first company party Yes our first ever Official company party Which you know

We've been sitting here For half an hour Just bullshitting with each other I think it was A resounding success Yeah It wasn't Terribly difficult

It was just us Hanging out Drinking beers It's easy to party Yeah You're all still alive though Which I think Is an accomplishment

Well this is What I'm getting to We had our Most of our VIGCP club members Flew in To come to this party Along with some

Of our other friends Nick Lowe was here Ellie Randy Made an appearance And Matthew In Matthew fashion I think you took off along with some of our other friends. Nick Lowe was here. Ellie, Randy made an appearance. And Matthew, in Matthew fashion, I think you took off about, what, 9.30, 10?

10.30. 10.30, he was out the door. Mind you, Joe was like, we should probably get out of the studio and go to a bar by like 8 p.m., right? Yeah. By the way, the party started at 3. Started at 3. So Matthew's leaving at 10.30.

Extremely reasonable. Yeah. Yeah. Seven and a half hours. You put your time in. Not so for the rest of us. I think it's fair to say we don't know when we left. I have no idea. Literally, I asked all of them and they didn't know what to say.

The film cut at a certain point. However, we were all back in the studio the next day at 8.30 a.m. And now it's a little after 9 after a long, long night. So this has the makings of the greatest episode. Yes, I'm operating at about 20%. You slept here. I slept here. And we were making a joke because Joe cleaned up the entire place.

That was a disaster, too. I can't believe the cleaning service came in so so early on a sunday morning i'm like i cleaned it they're like man that cleaning service is really great gave him a tip joe like does anyone hear me i cleaned it it really does look nice it looks like there was never a party it looks like there's never a party yeah i didn't really want to settle in to our 8.30 game with just like nine half-full glasses of scotch. Just the aroma of scotch just like reeking over the table at 8.30 in the morning. Oh, God, that's making me feel bad. Why would you say that, Joe?

Just a dose of 8.30 peat. 8.30 peat. It wasn't very peaty scotch. It was. I'm still tasting it from last night. While Skit and I were coming in, I was just thinking back to the email exchange of rescheduling, I think, what was originally a Tuesday night recording to 8.30 the day after a party. And I was like, you know, I think we all know ourselves pretty well and how honest we are

with how much we imbibe and how much we like to stay out. And why in the world would we say yes to an 8 30 a.m recording because none of you are honest about what you're about with yourselves we always have the best intentions like yeah we can do that hey and you know what we did do we are we're doing it and i brought some munchkins yeah i was talking before about how there's a there's a theory about how you can sort muppets into two kinds of muppets there There are order Muppets and chaos Muppets. Like Kermit is an order Muppet. He always wants to maintain control and keep things running in order.

And Gonzo is a chaos Muppet. He always says chaos. And I started to realize this yesterday at the party that Troy is the biggest order Muppet there is until about two or three beers in. And when he goes full chaos Muppet. That's true.

It is a chaos Muppet, but he just becomes like a pure distilled chaos Muppet after several drinks. Oh yeah. Skid was very unhelpful. We're supposed to be writing down clues and he continually like wrote down before he had too many drinks, we were playing code names and he kept on saying, I don't know.

I think it's ham. And none of of the clues anything to do with ham and he just spiraled into it's like how we discussed playing overcooked the cooperative multiplayer game he's just so unhelpful after a couple drinks yeah i just keep coming back to ham it's gotta be it to be ham right It spiraled Into ham Did you guys Did you guys know That the munchkin boxes Now say Donut hole treats At the bottom

That seems unnecessary Yeah I know what they are Yeah don't tell me It's in a different font And it should have An asterisk by it I was expecting To open a box

Of Lilliputians Oh no These are the Donut hole treats Where are the donut hole treats. Where are the tiny men I ordered? All I see is this box of fried pastries.

Open the box, I might tie you down. Yeah. Well, try as we might, I think we should play some Giant Slayer today. We are, I don't know what episode it is,

who cares? We are deep into book five now I think we're almost Three quarters of the way through Are you serious? Nope Okay We haven't even cracked the surface

I'm actually really excited to play Like I'm still I've been looking forward to this for a while And even though I feel terrible I'm still excited Yeah I personally enjoyed That you have taken the time To do the strategy before the fight.

Obviously, you know, you can't do that for every episode. You're going to have to just make decisions on the fly and then make mistakes. But I think you're going to find that the talks that you're having for strategy are going to help you along the way, even as the game changes. the game changes um and the game did change last time when you came into a room and saw there were four fire giants presiding over you know uh more than a dozen orc slaves and you realize that like trying to take on four fire giants at once probably not a good idea yeah not toe-to-toe not toe-to-toe you wanted to try try and draw them out one by one as best you could before you go in and start chopping and burning. And so you were able to do so, and you defeated all four of the giants.

Is anyone really beat up? I didn't take a point of damage. No. I took several. Jimmer took the brunt of it. That's pretty much going to be the case, I think, if Jimmer's going to stand toe-to-toe with these things. They're going to hit.

What's your con? It's really high. Pardon me while I vomit. Did you come prepared to the session? Oh, I didn't bring my character sheet. Oh, wait a minute. 18. Okay.

Yeah. Nice. 18. I think that's accurate. I don't think that's being a... Give yourself a couple points. Okay. Yeah. Nice. 18. I think that's accurate. I don't think that's being... Give yourself a couple points. Okay. Thank you.

You're still righteous-minded, or you're still... Heroism. But that doesn't affect the Constitution. But you're big. That doesn't affect it either. Okay. But you're big. I am big.

What else you got, Capitacazza? All right. So you've got almost an 18 con. That's very, very high. No, it an 18 con That's very very high No it is 18 It's just 18 18 Almost

17.3 17.8 You've got almost an 18 con No 18 con All right that's great You'll live forever So very hardy That's a good name for you

Jimmer Hardy As the fight ends Just put that together Yeah Maybe that's not his real name He just goes by that Yeah That's his nickname Yeah As the fight ends just put that together yeah maybe that's not his real name he just goes by that yeah that's a it's a nickname yeah as the fight ends and the final um fire giant falls one of the orc slaves um comes forward and i mentioned to you that they all look like half starved um and and beat up uh and very very frailil. Like they're shaking throughout this entire fight.

They would not join in to help you in any way. This one looks like it's in even worse shape than the other ones, more battered. And I think I said to you it wears a leg shackle that is like attached, like burnt, seared right into the flesh of his leg. And as he's walking up to you with his hands up in a show of non-aggression, he's dragging this huge weight behind him, which seems crazy. Even though he looks beat up and half-starved, that weight looks pretty impressive,

and he's just dragging it towards you, arms up, and speaks to you. It doesn't sound like any orc you have ever come in contact with. And he says, I greet you. I am Thun. I was captured and enslaved by these giants. I do not wish you any harm. But I must confess to you, I am not an orc.

Though you may distrust me if I show you my true shape. Free me from this shackle, and then the choice is yours. I will leave peacefully, if that is your preference. Or I shall help you kill these giants. For it is unmitigated death that they deserve. Oh, man. Wow. I was not expecting that.

No. Want to see what he looks like? Yes. Shut up. It's true form. That's what he comes up to you looking like. Holy moly. Thune.

Wow. He looks pretty strong. Yeah. He doesn't really look emaciated. I got to say. He looks pretty Jimmer Hardy. Oh, boy. He does look pretty beefy

He looks like the abomination In dwarf Oh go ahead Sorry Just big green Super muscly Yeah He is pretty ripped

I wanna do I'd like to do Jimmer would like to do A sense motive Yes I think It's called for here 15

14 15 14 He seems to be called for here. 15. 14. 15, 14. He seems to be completely honest. There is a lot going on underneath, but you don't feel like he's

trying to trick you. Baron's going to cast Detect Alignment on him. Nice. And it's at will. And I'll just cycle through until I get it right. Ah, yes. Cast any spells you may need to determine my worth. But once again, remember, let me go or I will join you.

So you start spinning through alignments on him And he is neutral Neutral Can I detect magic on him? Sure So I'll do it for You know For three rounds So eventually I would know if there was any magic

The number of auras and the power And the strength Do I get to know what kind of magic? Yeah, so I can tell you right now my understanding of detect... There's nothing magical on his person. If he's a magical being of some sort,

that's not something that detect magic can determine. But his appearance has not been altered by the effects of a magical spell. No. This really seems like a devil. Or, like, I found other magical creatures that, like, have you make a bargain with them. And, like, we found a pit lord or something in Rune Lords that was really creepy.

Yeah, oh, the pit fiend, yeah. That was crazy. That's what I'm worried about here. It's like supernatural math, dude. Oh, okay. Um, I mean... I just put my hands up. Oh, I thought you were calling him.

I put my hands up like soon. I wasn't saying stone talk. Oh, I thought you were going to stop. I'm just getting into character. Oh, I see. I'm going to roll a diplomacy and say, I'd sure like it if I knew exactly what I was dealing with. I don't like getting into bargains whose terms I don't understand.

Would you be willing to show me your true form? And he's going to roll a total of a 20. Perhaps I would. But you all seem very hesitant. I can

understand. You probably were not expecting this. Perhaps I should tell you about myself first, and then you may judge accordingly. I have looked into your minds, I will admit. And I have seen that your purpose is just, and your motives appear to be true. I came here to explore the lair of the fire giants in the guise of an orc to see what these giants were up to. Word of the fire giant king's charisma and zeal in battle intrigued me. Sadly, my ruse failed and I was captured and thrown in with the other slaves.

Watching how the fire giants treated their smaller allies and minions, I decided against revealing my nature, decided against trying to serve this king, and instead plotted my escape. A run of bad luck with the roaming patrols and a well-placed exploding magical ward

left me as you now find me. When they discovered me trying to escape, they twisted a red-hot iron bar around my ankle. As it is seared to my flesh, I knew my time had come, as even changing my form to a smaller size would not help to remove this accursed thing. They know I am hardy, so I have been abused more than most.

They slap me around to the brink of death to scare the others into submission. These creatures that you killed, and the others that lurk within these caverns, are truly horrific. Yet they are also highly organized, and lethal, no doubt a byproduct of a king known for his battle prowess. If unleashed on the world, it will be theirs for the taking. Truly, I had almost lost all hope until you four arrived. As I said, I looked into your minds. Your motives are just. So I am yours if you'll have me, or I will walk away if you can help free me from my

restraints. What are the other orcs doing while this is happening? They're just kind of like c, cowering and watching. Like, they're watching a play. Galgraith is going to reach over and grab one of the orcs. Like, without kindness. You know, like, without being gentle. Kind of roughly.

He's like, you stand up! And he, like, grabs one of them and, like, pulls them up. Even though he's, like, taller than him, he's in this weakened state. He's able to manhandle him a little bit more. And he's just like, this orc here, you've seen this orc for a long time.

Yes. Do you know what he is? Do you know who he is? Another orc. What's his name? I don't know. June, what did he say? How long have you seen him?

Yeah. I don't know. He's been here as long as any of us. How long you been here? Since yesterday. It's alive! Hits him with the heel of his short side The stench in here is terrible I've lost track of time

A month Three I'll push him back down to the ground I don't know about He lands on a rock Breaks his neck and dies Ah, serves him right Oh, scum

He'll turn He'll turn to Baron Jesus Seems like some Hands on a rock, breaks his neck and dies. Ah, throw some rock. Oh, scum. He'll turn to Baron. Jesus. He was going to be released yesterday. Yeah. He was going to be released yesterday. He said, no, I'll stay for one day more. One of my friends has this.

He's got a couple of days. I want to wait. So I'm going to ride. It's a good ride. I don't trust it, Baron. I don't know what's going on here, but it seems like some orc trickery to me. Though I've got to say, he doesn't sound like any orcs I've ever spoken to before. Yeah, this ain't like no orc I've ever seen. To be honest, fellas, I think we've been careful,

we've been cautious, we've been lucky so far, but I think we need all the help we can get. And I'm intrigued by the offer. What would it take to free you? You would have to help me remove this shackle that has been seared into my leg. Perhaps

it is impossible to remove it from my skin, but if you could break the chain somehow, at least I wouldn't carry this hundred pound weight. I was once told by a woman to never break the chain. I don't like this at all. Oh boy.

It's early. I think I want to leave him here But that seems cruel But I also Could be a powerful ally Could be a powerful ally Could kill us all

Can I do one more thing Before we make a decision Yeah sure Uh Dalgrith just wants to like Come up Real close to him And

Smell Him Like just to get a sense If he has like an Orcish Nasty Sweaty Gross

Smell about him Or if that's Suspiciously missing. It's kind of racist. That odor. Ugh, fucking orcs. They smell awful. Yeah, you smell him, and he stinks as much as any orc.

Okay. Yeah, he has a very orcish smell. If he's some sort of magical creature, then it's pretty powerful magic that's going to make him pull off all these levels of this transformation. I don't know. He smells like an orc. He looks like an orc. I will say this. If I join you, if you choose to have me join you, I can show you my true form. But I do not wish to offend you.

So if my true form does offend you, I can take any form you please. Something you may like. And though I currently identify as male, to blend in with the other male slaves, I could easily assume the form of a woman or whatever you please. If I for one don't offend easy. So what kind of form would offend us? Well, looking at the four of you, I am quite different.

This is so strange. He just turns into a huge dildo. He's so offensive. I was wrong. I'm very offended. All right, all right. Go back to the other pool. There it is.

Okay. Can we do, like, a knowledge local before we make the final decision? Yes. Thun. Natural. Twins out! Ow! 25.

Thun is the original king of Kragadan. No, he's nobody. You've never heard of him. Thun's nobody. You're positive you've never heard of him. Nobody and everyone at once. I am no one and everyone. Can you tell us of what species do you come from?

What are you? There are those who would refer to my kind as a doppelganger. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Whoa. Wow. It is a term that I do not consider kind. What's your preferred purgage? Thun. You are Thun? I'm Thun. Thun Thun? I'm Thun. Thun and what else?

Just Thun. Just plain Thun? Yes. All right. I will change my appearance, but I would not change my name. I am forever Thun. Can Dalgrith do a knowledge check on doppelgangers, see if he knows anything about them? A psychic doppelganger.

Has he ever come across them? Yeah, go ahead and roll. What are they? Are they magical creatures? They are... Shapeshifters. Yeah, they're considered humanoids, but yeah, they're shape changers, shapeshifters. So it would be not local.

Not local, yeah. 23. 23. Knowledge Thune. Knowledge Thune. Knowledge Thune. 23. Knowledge Thune.

Knowledge Thune. Knowledge Thune. Yeah, so doppelgangers are known to be treacherous. They're known to infiltrate society, to steal wealth, to gain positions of power. Sometimes they are known to take the form of people's lovers just to fuck with, so they can sleep with their lover and then get out of there. Break up relationships. Break up relationships.

Yeah, they're known as tricksters. They're also responsible for the Dominion War. Are they? Almost exclusively in Star Trek. Sorry, go on. I didn't get the reference. As in not in Pathfinder? Is there a Dominion War in Pathfinder?

Yeah, no. The Great Dominion War of AR-12. That one. The Great Dominion War. Of AR-12. That one went over like a turd. Yeah, that was great. Well, maybe there's a Deep Space Nine fan out there that really... I mean, I... Watch you save your Star Trek jokes for... My first thought was like...

Nerd Night at the Regal Beagle. Watch you save your Three's Company jokes for Nerd Night at another place. Wait, so is that the security guard? Are they doppled? What is their race? He could change shapes, right? On Deep Space Nine? Odo, yeah.

Odo, yeah. He was one of the... Rene Auberjonois. Yeah, Rene Auberjonois. I want to free this guy. I want to free this guy. I do, too. Yeah.

But as a Metro site, we're considering freeing you. But you must please allow us a backup plan. Do tell, my dear. You understand we don't know you from anyone. You could be out to harm us. We might be more gullible than we'd like to believe. So we shall free you, but you must take

my hand. All right, yes, if you want to cast spells on me that will not affect me in a negative way, you are welcome to, to see if my motives are as true as yours. I will tell you if I join you.

I have seen many of the rooms on this level, and perhaps I could help you. I'm just going to, I don't know how we want to get rid of the chain. I can use a spell, but I have to use a pretty powerful spell to do it. I'm just going to hack it. I'm still large. Great. I'm just going to swing. I'm still large. Great. I'm just gonna swing down and sever the chain. Metro's

gonna hold on to Thun's hand as he does it. With Terminus Est. He reaches out with this big paw that just like dwarfs your hand in his and holds on. And you hack at the chain and you're able to break it. Oh, man. Perhaps at some point

we will find something that can remove the shackle from my flesh I can remove it Oh And we shall leave that for another day Very well Until you prove Prove your loyalty Prove your friendliness

What have you That is fair And you are Maitre, yes? friendliness, what have you. That is fair. And you are Metro, yes? Haven't you looked inside of our minds? I have. Are you doing it now? Yes. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop.

It does. All right. I agree not to look into your minds. Is this also something that's normal with doppelgangers? That they're mind readers? They can detect thoughts. Okay. So that's normal with doppelgangers? That they're mind readers? They can detect thoughts. Okay. So that's common. Yeah, and so he would have heard you, like, talking to each other in the battle, like,

Metroid, Baron, go this way. Does he make any kind of sudden movements? Does he seem like he's pretty friendly? No, he's just, like, rubbing at his leg and... Cast Remove Itch. Oh, thank you. I was trying to stick a pencil down there, but it wouldn't fit, as it is seared directly to my flesh.

Thank you. I must truly thank you, whatever you choose to do with me. As of late, it seemed very hopeless, and now I am but a tunnel or two away from freedom. Are the other orcs also chained to weights? No, just him. So we could send them out. I guess they only have a lot of places to go, but they could run and hide.

Oh, you are going to free the others. That is very noble. Well, did you clear the passageway through with the portcullises? The portcullises? The portqueelises? Did you clear the room with the portqueelises? The portqueelises? Yes. Yeah, we killed the guards out in the outer area.

They're gone. Of course, there's the entire giant encampment between here and freedom. Yes, they'll be as good as dead the minute they exit. Again, a noble decision to free them, but perhaps there is another way. I do not know what magics you possess, but there are other ways out of this mountain. Now, hold on here, Metri.

You're getting a bit quick here. We're trying to... Let's talk this out. I don't understand why we're talking about freeing all these blasted orcs, letting this thing roam around as it wants. Now only could it not be... Well, even if it's not an orc and it's just

this doppelganger, they're equally mischievous and deadly. We've got to be careful. I don't know why we're rushing into this. Sheriff, is this something you want to do? I don't like it. But, there's really nothing else around these mountains that these orcs could cause trouble with. Orcs always find a way.

They always do, but right now they're helping our greatest enemy with whatever slave work they're doing down here. So I say we let them free and weaken our main enemy. I'm just saying we don't have to make the decision now. We can leave them down here while we explore a bit further. We don't have to make the decision now. We can leave them down here while we explore a bit further. We don't have to let them go now. What if one of them doubles back on us, stabs us in the back while we sleep? And leave them to die? We're talking about hours here, Metro.

We're not talking about weeks. I don't know why we have to let them go now. If I may, these orcs will not hurt you. Now, if I may, these orcs will not hurt you. They are fragile creatures that have been defeated in their minds as well as their bodies. However, freeing them in any capacity would alert the rest of the guards to your presence if they don't know already. They are highly organized, as I said. Every moment you spend here is a closer moment to them discovering you.

May I ask why you are here? I told you what my initial motives were to join this king. But now, seeing what they are all about, I have no interest in that. Why are you here? We're here to level the playing field for the small folk of the world and to stop what you yourself said would happen if they were to remain unchecked in their power. We're here to make sure that anyone out there who lives by the law can make a life for themselves and not have their home, property, or livelihood taken away from them. So do you mean to search through this mountain, find the king, and defeat him? If that's what the greatest power in this place is, that's what we aim to do, unless

he wants to entreat with us, and I doubt he does. Hmm. I have not met the king. I've only heard tell. And there is another. Another one they speak of that seems even more powerful. Volstis, I believe

is his name. They only speak about him in hushed tones, but he seems to be the true threat. He's here? I do not know. I've heard tell of him arriving, coming and going sometimes, to watch over this area. But I have not seen him. over this area. But I have not seen him.

You said there were many ways or entrances and exits to this mountain. How do you know so much about this place? Well, I have seen much of this level. The paths on here are winding, no doubt formed long ago as magma

coursed through the insides of this mountain seeking a way out. Though most of my time has been spent right here in this cavern, I've seen the other rooms. You said you entered through the portcullises, yes? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, the

portcullis. The portcullis, sure. Yes, there are other ways in and out, though safer ways, no doubt. They have grazing areas for their livestock hidden on the mountainside through passages towards the south, I believe. It is very easy to get lost in these tunnels. There are two caverns with such means of egress. This entire lower level is used to farm enormous edible fungi, to raise pigs and goats for food,

and to give their officers-in-training opportunities to learn to handle the relatively small and fragile slaves working in this level without accidentally killing them. I believe it is their plan, once they take over the world, to enslave the small folk. So learning how to handle them without destroying them is an important part of their training. I will tell you I've seen firsthand that not all of them have learned the proper techniques. Down here there are animal pens, slave pens, fungus farms, not to mention a wretched

room solely dedicated to collecting their waste. Almost all are under heavy guard, and there are constant patrols as well through the passageways. One such patrol ended my pursuits. This level is full of all

manners of giants as well as other creatures that I've only seen in the shadows. There is a definite hierarchy here as well. Fire giants at the top, of course. Stone giants next. Then ettins. Then slaves. That's so great, by the way, that you just explained. I i was like are fire giants vegans why are they what is this mushroom stuff about but the the that's fascinating and the fact that it's in a

i can't wait to explore the rest of this place this is so fucking weird i'm so wary of leaving the slaves here i don't think it i don't think it serves us like are you do we think a bunch of beaten broken slaves are really going to be like, nothing happened when there were four dead fire giants in their cavern? I say we have to make a decision here because if any patrols come along and they see all these fellers cowering here and two dead fire giants, they're not going to be long for this world. They're going to slaughter the slaves.

One way or another. I'm not saying what we should do, but... You think 20 slaves are going to be like, oh, it was an avalanche. They're not going to lie for us. Yes. They can't... If we let them go,

we can't control anything they do. And they could easily trip a million different alarms. Even if their intentions are to be quiet and get out of here. Well, we can lead... I mean, we can lead them to safety. We should endeavor to control what they do. Turn them into slaves, one might say. Yes, obviously they were

enslaved, not by their own choice. They are in the poor position of not having control over their destiny. But at the same time, they now have seen and know too much. You mentioned another way out of here. Is there a way for them to get out unseen? Not without some sort of magics. What kind?

It is a cliffside where these grazing areas are to the south If you can find a way to encapsulate all of them in some sort of invisible space to send them down the mountainside, it is possible Well? Do you have any magic like that, Metro? Otherwise they'll be spotted as they try to go down the cliffside. How many are there? Oh, in this room? 32, I think he said.

22? Something like that. Something like that. I need to know exactly. There are one more than you're allowed to do what you want to do with. Ooh. Metro, I'm personally authorizing you to pull any spell you have Anything that you know to help these slaves

Even if it's from a third party rule book I'm personally authorizing Well, I know the numbers here are correct I just don't want to individually count them But I will But I will I will He just I will. But I will. He just became Mr. Bill.

Oh, I loved Mr. Bill when I was a kid. Poor guy. He got killed so many ways. I just like the image of this doppelganger. We ask him how many orcs are here, and he just stops and begins counting. A one, two. We could have done that. We could have done that. A one, a two,

a three. How many orcs does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of the Tootsie Pop? I think there are 22. Okay. Let's call it 22. Let's call it 22. Alright, so... Well, 21, because Thune doesn't count you're 21 because Thune doesn't count.

Oh. 21 because Thune doesn't count. All right. So with teleport, I can do four creatures, right? Because I'm 13th level every three cast levels. So I can do four medium creatures per trip. So that won't be very efficient. If we decapitate them all, perhaps you can just teleport their heads.

I mean, we could throw a bunch in the bag of holding. That sounds a little crazy to me, Metra. I think if we don't have... You authorized me to use any and all magical means to get these slaves out. You did? I heard it as well. Metra, I'm rescinding said authorization at this point. When the plot thickened to the point you suggested, we throw orcs into a bag of holding. Sounds reasonable.

From what you told me, you've done it before. Yes, it was a very silly episode. Don't forget, every moment we spend here... I know, that's what I was going to say. I have a dogger to say. We can't keep standing here talking about it. Patrols likely to come through here any moment. I know, that's what I'm saying. I have a dogger to say. I keep standing here talking about it. Patrols likely to come through here any moment. I have another plan.

I have a wand of shadowy haven, which basically allows me to create an extra planar space for people to hide in. Up to ten creatures. So I can do twenty of them with two casts of the wands, or we can do three. Can we hide them here, though, and then

move on? Yeah. Okay. I mean, somewhere in the shadows, because we can do three. Can we hide them here, though, and then move on? Yeah. Okay. I mean, somewhere in the shadows, because you can see it. You cast down a five-foot square part of a wall, and it creates an extra-dimensional space adjacent to the plane of shadow. Creatures in the extra-dimensional space are hidden beyond the reach of spells, including divinitions, unless those spells work across planes. The space holds as many as ten creatures of any size. The entrance to the extra-dimensional space remains visible as an area that is darker than that of the ambient illumination.

Ooh. So, they're not hidden, you know. But there's plenty of shadows down here. That's what I'm saying. We find a dark corner somewhere. Shove them in there. They take a mushroom with them to feed themselves, and then they'll be safe until we return for them. Baron, is it?

I don't like it. I don't like it. I also have a trait as an Inquisitor. I don't know if it would be applicable here, but it's necessary lies plus six. So I get plus six to saving throws against, like, Force of Truth or Zone of Truth or Det truth or detect lies and i know this isn't quite in that area but i just i just feel like baron just hates that this guy and he also hates for someone that likes to detect alignments he hates just the smoothness the smooth neutralness right that comes back to him there's like no edges and it's like a choice It's trying to grab on. Yes.

Tell my wife I said hello. I prefer you refer to me as Sheriff Thune, if that's all right. Why would I call you Sheriff Thune? Sheriff comma Thune. Sheriff Thune? If that is your wish. I kind of like it It's going to be a legend To battle by Sheriff Thune

Even the name Even the name Thune It like is deceptive Like it has a T Which should be a hard sound And then it goes into Thune You can't

It sounds really You can't grab onto it It's got that treacherous H In there That changes everything Treacherous H I'm going to make a band Called Treacherous H

It's got like a rapper name Yeah Treacherous H? I'm going to make a band called Treacherous H. It's a rapper name. It's a gold chain. What up, it's your boy, Treacherous H. That's a really long chain. It's your boy, Treacherous H. S.T., if you wish to hide them in the shadows,

this is obviously a short-term plan, not a long-term one. 26 hours. 26 hours. I'm not saying it is a bad plan. That is not my point here. These slaves have been mentally beat down. In order to get them to comply, you're going to need to talk to them

And rouse their spirits Otherwise They may think it is some sort of trick Even though they saw you come in here And defeat these giants There is no reason for them to think That you will not just turn on them as well That's fair

So you must speak to them I'm pretty good at dealing with orcs Let me have a crack at it. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, God. Listen to me now. Though you may be orcs, I have befriended half orcs and orcs alike on my journeys.

I've sailed down the river Esk with Ragblood Tusk. He is my friend. Who? But at the same time, I've also also killed i've never heard of him i've also killed orcs that have crossed me man by the name of screed before but i am i am just if you cooperate and the best way for you to live in this situation right now is to allow this woman here to cast a spell. I need all y'all to gather up and wait. Because we know if the rest of the giants come through here and see what happened, they'll kill you indiscriminately. I'm giving you the choice to survive.

But you gotta work quick. And you gotta get in this corner. He points at like a shadowy place roll uh diplomacy can i aid by somehow doing some prestidigitation to prove my backflip yeah we're just end it with the backflip yeah go try and aid i aid okay uh 25 and what do you do uh i'm gonna cast I'm gonna cast When he says like this Sorcerer or this woman With the spells and everything I'm gonna cast prestidigitation And just do a

A quick Oh no I don't have Oh yeah I do I just do a quick kind of Magical shadowy Like I'll create a Wisp of shadow And kind of make it dance

In front of you And then make it disappear Okay 25 Mmhmm One of the orcs Kind of limps up You say rag blood Bloodtusk?

I did. I fought with a man named Bloodtusk in the fighting pits of Ergir. Oh. He was a good man. He still lives. He does. He's still the captain of a ship. That type of life could exist for all of you if you cooperate with us.

I may be a dwarf, and we may have a lot of problems in our shared history, but I'm not going to let that past control what happens for tomorrow. And you look into the face of this orc and you think back to the war-torn streets of True Now and that battle fighting toe-to-toe with those orcs. And there's no reason to think that this orc in front of you wasn't a part of that battle. But these ones are all emaciated and just bruised, cut, looks like they've been tortured, and this is the one standing in front of you. And he just nods, and he turns around to the rest of the orcs, and it's like, let's listen to them.

It's our only chance of survival. Cast your magics, and if anyone steps out of line, I'll kill them myself. All right. Cool. So we'll pick three separate shadowy corners out of the way, and Meshra will draw a wand, and basically she'll whip it,

and it will create this kind of shadowy door that they can walk into. And we'll send them in with some mushrooms and some water so they can eat and drink. What's it called again? Shadowy Haven Very cool So they just disappear into the shadows It's like rope trick but not up in the air

And you just hear in the shadows Like Have a problem eating mushrooms Yeah so it'll take me three castings of that Because we got 21 And we can but we can we can always return there to ourselves so you hide them just so you know the time is not going to be 26 hours it's going to be the whatever the lowest level is it's a fourth level spell oh right yeah so what's it going to be is it set seventh level eighth level when can you start

casting fourth level spells i can start casting anyway itth-level spells. Anyway, it's going to be high. It's going to be like 18 hours or something. It'll buy some time. It's going to be 26, yeah. 8th-level. 8th-level. So it's 16 hours, yeah. Yeah. It's a temporary solution.

Yeah. But at least, if any fire giants come in here, are they easily detectable? They'd have to look for it. They'd have to... I mean, it's just a... It looks like a dark square. It's slightly darker than the illumination around. But if it's already in darkness, then I don't know.

Yeah. You're giving yourself a better shot than just leaving them out here, but it's not that great. Right now, it could look like the orcs rose up and killed the fire giants and then ran off. I mean, I think it's the best alternative I can come up with. Either they're gonna have to they have to try to backtrack the way we came which would lead them directly through the camp or they'd have to follow us which would compromise our position yeah and if we get even if i were to teleport them out a few at a time we're wasting a lot of time and burning a lot of

spells and i can't do all i think this is a good compromise yeah and uh i don't think like i feel like the scene is set in a way where like maybe someone would be like, oh, my God, what the hell happened? And then run to the next room and try to see someone not necessarily investigate, you know. And what are they going to do? They don't know how to do this stuff. They just know how to tell people whatever gets done in this room. Yeah. All right. I am obviously unarmed and unarmored. If it is your wish for me to join you, do you have such things that could help me be more effective in combat than just my bare fists?

We might, Thune, but I need to understand how you intend to aid us. You have the ability to change your appearance into anything. aid us. You have the ability to change your appearance into anything. You have means outside of combat in which you could help us get further through this infernal place. Well, I

believe myself to be a capable fighter, but no, my magics are more mental than physical. Well, if you can just direct us around here. You say you know this level at least. Tell us where to go. Yes.

We can give him some half-plate. We don't have to give him a weapon, but we can give him some armor or so. That would be a step in the right direction. I understand that I must earn your trust. But at some point, a weapon would be helpful. I mean, Dogwraith can give him a dagger. Let's give him a dagger. I mean, we have some weapons.

Are they all giant-sized, though? We have two large greatswords. We're not giving him that plus one large greatsword, but one of the regular large greatswords we took from the fire giants. Can you turn yourself into a giant partner? You can use one of these swords we got here. We took off of them. A fire giant?

A fire giant. Do you have large armor? I mean, it was taken off the fire giant, so... Yeah, it's the largest there is. All right, then. I will take your armor and your greatsword. And now we're talking. You do sneak attack damage, yes?

Points are talking. That is some insightful detection. You have quite impressive. He did watch you fight them. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I can do that, too. Ooh. I'll get y'all two flanking on one enemy.

Boom, boom, boom, boom. All right, orc. He's going to keep calling him orc even when he turns into a giant. Yeah. All right, orc, we'll give it a try. I like the sound of that. All right. So he's wearing half plate and he has a great sword.

Hold on a second. Did we talk about the light in this place right now? Didn't you say that it was dark before? Yeah. So this spell has that paragraph at the end that is pretty interesting it can only be cast in dim light or it can only the entrance is only open in dim light so let's say we create some dim light cast the spell put them in unless we leave the source of dim light there when it's darkness it closes so they cannot get out and if the spell expires and they're in

there they have a fit each one of them has a 50 chance of being shunted into the shadow plane oh my god oh man fucking oh it's not one by one there's just a 50 chance that creatures in it are ejected into the shadow plane at the end of the spell at the end of the spell's duration so if like we get trapped and don't get back here unless we leave a light on they wouldn't be here it's a fate better than probably the one they face right that's pretty cool though that is awesome so actually now you're really on a chicken clock yeah and if it's over i mean we could leave the dim light or we could put out the dim light and leave them in darkness where they'd be totally safe but also really much in a different kind of danger.

Yeah. It's funny how far you've come from fighting orcs to now saving them. Yeah. Well, you know what? Dogwraith hasn't. Dogwraith hasn't, which is one of the reasons why I'm having him be a little bit more aggressively anti-orc, because he hates orcs. He has a bad history with orcs. He doesn't have baron's

experience oh yeah i'm thinking it's taking me it's giving me like a weird blast from the past vibe because i remember how much baron like it was important for my character just hate orcs not trust lork and everything and just slowly over time he still doesn't like trust him just by chance but he's right but it's cool seeing that evolution that your experiences Will give you Lork is dead Okay Let it go Jesus Christ What the hell Matthew You left at 930 And you're still

Encourageable Don't worry I think I'm going to have A 13th munchkin That's good Lucky 13 You're so sick You're

You're You're going to have A donut hole treat Or a little appusion Oh no Don't eat that little man No Come on Come on Come on Um You're going to have a donut hole treat? Or a little opusion? Oh, no. Don't eat that little man. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Stop, Joe. Stop. You got to be careful on the bones. I choked on my little opusion. He spit in my mouth. I don't think the people listening to this podcast are that gulliver. Oh, man. Get him a coffee.

Kindly go. Kindly go. He's so bummed about that joke. Get out of here. He's flexing right now. Get out of here. He's showing us his biceps. Thun says...

Now he's laughing at his own joke. I love it. I love it. I can't wait to have kids because I'm ready to do dad jokes all day long. So much training. If it is a fire giant you would like me to assume the form of then a fire giant you shall have. And he

just like as you're standing there just and alters his shape to look like a fire giant. Grabs the, is it just regular half plate? Regular half plate. And a non-magical greatsword? And just clanks it off his armor.

Oh, yes. This will do nicely. Does he look like the people we fought now? Could we do subterfuge by having him pose as someone who was... Sure. Yeah. One of the people we just killed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, I... Did you know one of their names? Did you hear one of their names during your time in here? No. Damn it. You didn't detect their thoughts. I did, but they never spoke. They never called each other by name.

They never thought about their own names. They never thought about their own names. They never thought about their own names. You're waiting for them to think about their own names. Number two doesn't think about number one. No. Weeks on end, I thought, once they must think about their own name. Number two didn't think about number one. Weeks on end, I thought, once they must think of their own name. Do you just sit there going, Joe, Joe, Joe.

No, but one of the other three might have been like, that Troy, he's the worst guard here. It must have been happening when I wasn't detecting their thoughts. The one time Wow Yeah, every time he detected their thoughts I was just like, I really like that other fire giant I do know the king's name What is it? Titerian

That's a cool name That's such a cool name I think I had a huffy Titerian It was a great bike It's like an Armenian giant Cool name. I think I had a Huffy Tytarian. It was a great bike. Tytarian. Tytarian. It's like an Armenian giant. Yes, his name alone was what made me come here. Such a cool name.

I have to go. Wispowed. And he has a queen. Oh, that's interesting. What's her name? Her name is cool. They don't speak of her name. The king doesn't even think it. I have not met the king.

I'm sure he thinks often of her name, but I'd have to be in the same room. By then, maybe we'll have already met her. Who cares? He got real despondent all of a sudden. It's all pointless. What is this, a session with names? Names will not get you what you wish. Well, Thune, it seems like you're attracted to power

and the pursuit of that, regardless of what it is. You've just made four of the most powerful allies you could ever have. But if you cross us, four of the greatest enemies. Are you ready to go forward? I am indeed. I still want to see his true form. I want to see, is it gross?

He would have had to pass through it to become the Fire Giant. Did you come to your regular form in that transformation? I would have to pass through it, you think? Yes. Okay. That is my recollection of playing doppelgangers. Oh, you played one? I GMed them.

Oh. All right, so before he turns into the Fire Giant, you see a vision of that. Oh, whoa. Oh. All right, so before he turns into the fire giant, you see a vision of that. Oh, whoa. Oh. Yeah. That's not a traditional Goblin. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so cool.

Very cool. So it just kind of looks like an alien. Very unsettling. Stick-like legs. Does it have two joints in its legs? Yeah, yeah. Looks like an action figure. Sometimes my arms bend back.

Oh, God. Yeah, so he looks like that seconds before turning into a fire giant. Hello, I'm Thun. He's a lot less creepy. I'm a lot more creepy. You wouldn't want to talk to this guy. No. He's only got four fingers.

It haunt my dreams. I can change into any form or sex you choose. We. He's only got four fingers. It haunt my dreams. I can change into any form or sex you choose. We could change it every day or episode. In the meantime, you must tell me

where you would like to go. As I mentioned, there are grazing areas for the livestock which would provide you another exit. I do not wish to tell you

your own business, Sheriff Thune. But I think you'll agree that coming and going... Call me Sheriff Thune. Call me Sheriff Thune. Okay. Sheriff Thune. Where would you like to go? Coming and going from the entrance is probably no longer an option for you.

We don't require an entrance. Oh. We ain't going nowhere. Well, then perhaps you don't need this other means of escaping the mountain. Well, we might eventually. Well, we might if I die. Well, anyways, that is one option. I believe I can lead you to one of these grazing areas.

Again, these tunnels turn back on each other. They go in every which direction. Some just lead to dead ends. There are also barracks as well, sandwiched between this level and the next. And recently, I heard them speak at length about a weak spot in the ceiling of the tunnel leading to the barracks, something it seems as if they haven't gotten around to mending. If I was with you when we

reached that room, I believe I could find and show you the spot. Though they did not speak of their names, they spoke of this weakness at great length. If this weakness does exist, a collapse there would cut off their reinforcements, thus buying you more time in your mission here and in the levels above this. So we can cut off the barracks from the other rooms, is what you're telling me? Yes. Wait, and where was the barracks? Is it to the left where we went, right?

No, it's up a level. So it's like sandwiched between this level and the next. So we have to travel a little bit before we get there. Dogwraith wants to, you know, we should figure out what's behind these doors before we move on. Do you know? He asks the orc. Yes, I believe it is their quarters. Nothing of interest then.

I have not been in if they leave. Let's check them real fast. Let's check them. Yeah. Explore them real quick. Alright, so you go up to the one on the left there? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Open it up and you see a giant room. Anything of interest when we search, and you see a giant room.

Anything of interest when we search it? You see a giant-sized table, chairs, a stone basin for water that looks like it's almost empty. There's plates, utensils. There's a flat space on the ground to lay a large-sized bedroll. Some other minor amenities. It appears to be devoid of anything useful. There's no magic in here? Detect magic, nothing.

And you go check the other one, same situation. All right. Let's get a move on. Let's get a move on. To the north. Is that where we should go? There are numerous exits from here. There is the way you came.

There is an exit to the north, one to the south, and one further east. Right. The exit to the south leads to the cliffside. I believe, yes, one of the areas for the grazing is to the south. And in which direction will we find the barracks with the weakness of the wall? It is further east, but to the north as well. Right, I see we're going north.

Yeah. Just picking away. Agreed. Let's go north. North it is. North it is. I'm with you, Dalgrith. We'd better leave Thun. I feel like something's interesting up there. Alright, to the north it is. Why would we leave Thun. I feel like something's interesting up there. All right, to the north. It is.

Why would we leave Thun? Thank you. I thought you were putting that out there for me. Let's move on. All right. All right, so you start traveling north, and everybody roll a fortitude save from the stench. Oh, jeez.

Are you kidding me? Oh, done. 30. Natural 20. Baron? Natural 20, 38. Oh, man. And Joe, you're good too? 16. You're good. Oh, wow. I forgot about the handkerchief thing. Yeah, so you're good.

You're not second. You continue going through this uh passageway traveling north you go another 10 minutes just start roll another fortitude save oh oh so it's all through here oh yeah you're covering your mouths so give give yourself a plus two bonus. Natural one. Four. We said before. 18. All right, so natural one, Jimmer just becomes overcome by the stink the deeper you get into this north thing,

and you're sickened. Actually, with a natural one, you're nauseated. Oh, my God. That's awful. That's really bad. So you're straight up sickened, but you're nauseated for six minutes. Okay. We wait six minutes. I could also

use a little bit of healing. I'm down about 60 points. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, yes. I should also mention I could use some healing as well. Whatever. Nobody asked you! All right, so you heal up Thun and Jimmer, and you continue forward. You wait for Jimmer to shake off his nausea, but he's still sickened from just the stench in this area of, you know, fertilizer.

And up ahead, you can see that the cavern starts to open up. What do you do? Should we have Thun lead, or do you want to go stealthy, Dalgris? Do you think that would be good as it opens up? Thun, how do you feel about leading and I'll stealth behind you? If anyone comes across you, just say that you're... Just ride his back. A fire jet. Just ride his back. Yeah. Literally stealth behind you. If anyone comes across you, just say that you're... Just ride us back. A fire jet. Just ride us

back. Yeah. Literally, stealth behind you. He's like, hold on to the back of his armor. No, I'd rather stay on my own two feet, thank you. Yeah, let's have him lead the way. That way we can buy ourselves a few seconds if we

come across an unexpected patrol. I'm trying to remember what room this is. If I am seen, what would you like me to do? Pretend you're a fire giant. I'd actually like you to play like you got dizzy in the head, maybe fainted a little bit, had some sort of... fell over, confuse them, and then we can see what they do. We'll come to your aid.

You want me to fall and play dead? Yes. I don't know about that, Sheriff. All right, we'll be right back. Hold on, hold on. We don't want to start fighting in a prone position. It's not exactly an advantage if it comes to fighting. I think Grant is suggesting he be the decoy that draws them in,

and then we can ambush them. Yeah, yeah. I get that. I'm just saying that once combat starts, he'll be on the ground. Not a great position to start in, but... Okay. He can do something else, whatever he wants. He can stagger against the wall and slowly start to slide down, but use his quad muscles to keep himself actually standing up.

The disadvantage of having me as a fire giant is you're not taking advantage of my stealthiness. We have stealth for days. All right. I mean, do we want to get some intel on who's in this room before we send in a fire giant? That may be wise, Medford. Insect spies, go. I'm happy to go. Insect spies, Go. Insect spies.

Go. I'm happy to go. If you want to stay back here, let me sneak ahead and see what I can find. See what lies in wait. Alright, roll some stealth there. Alright. Dogwrith will stealth up. Let's see.

That is a 41. Let's see. That is a 41. 41. Okay. So you walk up to the edge of the opening, rather, of the tunnel into the room. And as you're approaching where the tunnel starts

to open up, you see like red flickering on the walls. Shadows. Shadows. And you see like red flickering on the walls, shadows kind of ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and you see into the room there are these glowing red crystals and maybe a half a dozen flickering torches

lighting the cavern, so there's dim light in here but the stench is awful and it's pig manure, and you know it's pig manure because you see a small herd of domesticated boars wandering around the cavern and it looks like each boar has a crude symbol branded on its flank like either a sword or a hammer a helm you see a circle each of the boards has a different symbol. Different ones? Yeah. Huh.

There are board droppings everywhere. Are any two the same? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. There's a handful. There's a bunch of different symbols, but there's multiple pigs of each. Yeah, you know what? We should just go to the map.

Let's go to the map. Oh, let's see a map. Why talk about it when I can show it to you? It's a Rocko's Modern Life reference. I love Rocko's Modern Life. Laundry day is a very dangerous day. Yeah, there are... You see all the boars in there, right?

Whoa, look at... Oh, shit. Oh, there's ettins in here. Oh, we got ettins. We got some good ettins. In addition to... There's ettins and nine different eggs. Oh, we got ettins. We got some good ettins. In addition to... There's ettins and nine different eggs. Oh, God.

Twenty of these boars, there are four ettins watching over them. Some of the boar are green. Some of them are red. Some of them are green-red. As you're standing there, there's like a slight breeze coming from the cavern

as well. It's just wafting this pig smell right into your nostrils. And again, you feel another breeze waft through. And you haven't felt that in the other rooms. And the boys are just walking around, just eating stuff on the ground as the Eddins pace back and forth throughout the room. Standing where you are, Dalgrith, you see that there are, yet again, three exits to this room. One around to the north and back west, because you're coming from the west to the east.

Okay. But you see to the north, there's one that's going back in the direction you came, but now it's to the north. And then there's two on the opposite side, one on the northeast and one on the southeast. So we're on the southwest, in the southwest tunnel? Right. All right, Dog Wraithful. The ettins, are they all similarly outfitted, weaponry-wise, armor-wise?

Yeah. Okay. And they're, like, talking to each other, like the heads are talking to each other. They're not talking to the other ettins like the two. Some of them are arguing and some of them are having like philosophical conversations

about pig shit, about pig poop. The fine opponents of pig poop. And what are they wielding? Clubs, spiked clubs, axes? It looks like most of them have a flail in each hand.

Okay. Dalgrith will double back to give everybody all this information. Size of the room, Ettin's. It's the Ettin room. Alright, I have been here. Freaking me out. I don't like this. It seems so, it seems like too easy. Maybe he got mean maybe he got in like pretty deep and then

they brought him yeah okay i'm i don't like it how do we want to approach this room well uh jimmer certainly cannot sneak through here unless he's invisible um um i could dimension door you with me if we wanted to avoid the fight. Yeah, I mean, I'm all for that. Yeah, because the thing is, if we get past this and just bypass them, get up to the barracks, cause a cave-in, and then get up to the level above that, they'll be cut off too, these ettins will. Or anyone else we run into down here.

So any fights that we can avoid i think we would be behoove it would behoove us to do so yeah i just now that it winds in every direction the the just desire for me to know everything on the map and see it is overwhelming me right now but i'll go that route too can i dimension door yeah i don't but i don't know how we're going to get past them like dimension door don't you have to... Do you not have to see your target? I mean, if I can see where I'm going, which would be the other tunnel, I can go up to 400 feet plus 40 feet per level.

So it's within range. It's just kind of would have to get up far enough in the tunnel that I can see where it is, and I'd be like, let me just go. Yeah, but... Okay. I'm just thinking that for Jimmer to get close enough for you to see through is, you know, Dalgrith had to roll a stealth check. It's lit.

So even just getting there might trip them. As you're standing there, you hear, and a pig starts running towards your direction. Maybe it smelled Dalgrith, and you just see the Ed and come over and, like, stop it from going down the hallway. Huh. And then ward it back in. Yes, they have these stupid brutes watch over their pigs. That is all they're good for, though they would probably just prefer to nap. This is a situation where we could utilize Thune.

Go in as the fire giant. There's a charge around here. Tell him to do something. I don't know. Kneel down. Close your eyes. Don't open them. Send him Thune.

Tell him to go investigate a problem down the corridor and then sneak past. Well, he did say they might want to take a nap, so he'd be like, you're relieved of duty for a while. Take a break. I don't know if that would seem super be like, you're relieved of duty for a while Take a break I don't know if that would seem super crazy And they could just go somewhere else for a while

It is not a bad plan They would have to listen to me As I outrank them Fire, Giants, Stone, Giants, Eddins, Slaves Where's the pigs in that hierarchy? Pigs are just above the slaves I thought they were really going to be running the whole thing I mean, I like that plan

Hey, Thun, tell them you want some private time with the pigs Don't say why Whatever you do And for them to skedaddle for like 15 minutes All right Remember this, Sheriff Thun I hate it As the moment you trusted me

and Thune walks forward into the next room and we'll see you next time oh shit Sheriff Thune why did you why did you The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated.

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