The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 216 - The War on Nugs

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

As fire giants close in on the party, Jimmer's sword Terminus Est is hurled into a pile of shit surrounded by hungry otyughs. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, unarmed and misfired. Guess I gotta wade through a river of shit. The heroes face down the remaining fire giants. This is brutal. I had such a great plan. While their new ally waits to make their move. He also doesn't know that Thun is in that tunnel. Oh, right. Just to the left, about 40 feet away.

Thun is just like, arms against the left, about 40 feet away. Thune is just like arms against the wall with Dalgrit's dagger in his hand. But the giants aren't holding back. Yeah, he's going to get right up in his business here. Hopefully he's just going to boom with the great sword. And you know what? Do I want to turn in a bottle cap? Power attack on or off, Troy? The adventure continues.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Now. What is up, everybody? It's your old buddy, Troy. And I got my good buddy, Joe O'Brien. You're back. I'm back, baby. We're back.

Yes. We're both back Look at us In the office Yes we've been on vacation We took a little I've been calling it Our summer sabbatical

Our summer sabbat Our summer sabbat We stopped recording For a week Yeah And went away Got away Got out of the city

With the kids Yeah together Together yep With Niccolo With Niccolo yeah And his family And our buddy David the Woodsman Woody.

Yep. All the wives. Creator of We're Having Fun. All the kids. He showed us some fun. He did show us some fun. It was a great time. And now we're back here.

It's Monday. And I said, you know what? Let's do another tandem intro because they're a lot of fun. And the other guys hate doing intros, so we might as well just bang them out together. They just hate talking to people. Yeah. So much. They're not people people

And everyone knows that I am the most Peopleest people person in the world You just love people I thrive on it No we're back here We got in We got in this morning Into the office as it were

And we've got I don't know what do you think Seven weeks worth of work to do Yeah About that. Before tomorrow night, yeah. Which is going to be rough. Yeah, this is a big week.

Obviously, the fun is over. We're back to a different kind of fun. But man, busy week. We've got GCP coming out tonight at midnight. Well, if you're listening to this now, this is it. This is the new ep. Yep. New A&A.

Raiders is back. People were going crazy over last week's ep. Wait till you hear this week's ep. I've already said too much And that's just That's just the The beginning Of what we got going on

This week Joe It's so insane It's so ridiculous Why do we do this To ourselves Oh man Well I mean I think we're doing it

Because we're just so excited About second edition Yes You know there's a lot There's a lot going on With it It's swirling around and i'm obviously steeped in it right now and it's all i'm thinking about yeah day to day so why

don't you tell the people what we're thinking well first of all we've got a twitch coming up tomorrow or today if you're listening to this intro you and i 4 p.m eastern time we're hitting the old twitch tuesday july 16th this was the the 40K goal. Yeah. If you're available, stop in. We definitely want to see you there. We're going to try a new stream from our loft space in the office here. We're getting the band back together. Old Joe and Troy on the Twitch box. Except this time we're not going to be sharing a single Yeti and knocking your cat away from the wires.

Right. It'll be a little more professional. A little more professional. Only slightly, though, when you see this set up. But it looks like I put up a Twitter poll yesterday, and it looks like we're going to be playing Marvel's Spider-Man. That may change. Oh, is that what's in the lead?

Yeah, there's three hours left, but it looks like Marvel's Spider-Man has run away with it. Well, I know it's supposed to be a fantastic game. I think the first thing we should do is just try and find our office in Long Island City. Just sling our way over to Astoria and then find our office. You have to be able to sling over the 59th Street Bridge, right? It has to be in there. I would assume the bridge is maybe Glass Cannon Studios.

Definitely the bridge. I mean, if they drew the bridge, why wouldn't they draw Glass Cannon Studios? I don't know. Do people still draw it? How does it work? But that's just the beginning because, as you said, this Friday, we're going to do another Twitch. Yeah.

We're going, because we really want to Twitch more. We think it is an important part of- We want to stream on Twitch more. We want to stream on Twitch. Sorry, I don't know how it's supposed to be said. We learned recently it's stream on Twitch, not Twitch. Yeah, which is much more accurate. I can't use Twitch as a verb.

Because it's not, there's so many other ways to stream. And because twitching is a verb, and it means something completely different. Well, I like to party, and I also like to go to parties. Oh, you mean do drugs? Yeah, I like to do heavy drugs before each recording. I say I like to party. I like to party. Joe, do you like to party?

Hey, Joe, you want to twitch? Let's go in the bathroom and twitch. Yeah, I guess it does sound better. Stream on Twitch. Well, we're going to be... It's more accurate is all. We're going to be streaming Pathfinder 2nd Edition this Friday night, 8 p.m. Eastern. I think we're going to start at 8.

We're dying to play 2E. It doesn't come out for a few weeks, but we've had access to the core rulebook for weeks at this point. Joe's already read it through twice I was just Gonna say don't tell people that I don't Know anything in there I can't be held To that you're gonna be our only Resource because I refuse to open it I'm In the midst of printing out the entire

Core rulebook in black and white it's a Massive tome because like I can't deal With my iPad live on air it's the Loading screens are just too much it's It's a lot of info for a book that size How many pages is it? 640 some Oh my goodness

I just can't wait to get that hard copy in my hand But for the moment I'm not even going to crack it We're just going to play A Pathfinder Society scenario That has been converted to second edition And basically by converted Just the monster stat blocks have been updated

By the one and only Eric Mona He's helping us out He'sic mona he's helping us out he's doing this stuff for us uh he's really excited about it um it was his idea we were going back and forth i was like i really want to stream some 2e before gen con because we have access to it i want to i want to do something uh so he's like what if you did the first ever pathfinder society scenario silent tide and he's he's like, we'll come up with the monster stat blocks converted to 2E for you. And you just gotta play. I was like, absolutely. And I read it.

It's great. It's like, it's so weird because it uses like 3.5 terms. It's like, roll an open lock check. Roll a search check. So we'll be updating all that stuff. And we're gonna play 2E. The boys are gonna be here.

And should I tell them about the characters, Joe? Am I saying much i thought you were i didn't know i thought you were saving that for social media no i want to get them excited right now they're going to be reprising or reprising reprising they're going to be reprising we're going to be reprising the reprise i'll sing the reprise they're going to be reprising their characters from paizo con so that means exthelion orphan puncher pimmale Slider, whatever Grant's character's name is, and Hawk Raven Eagle Crow are back. Are back. Well, it's a prequel. It's a prequel.

It's a prequel to the meeting of these amazing characters. We're kicking them down to second level. We're playing second edition. Pathfinder Society scenario. Season zero, number one. Silent Tide. It's going to be a good time i'm really excited too because i just wanted to play something and we had talked about this that wasn't so much of a commitment that we

can't possibly finish it and here is a case where it's a nice tight little scenario and we're gonna we're gonna knock it right out what do you think two streams total no more than two streams yeah yeah two streams on twitch two streams on twitch yeah Yeah, I think with our normal antics, like a really good group could probably bang it out in one session. Yes. But we have a lot of antics. We also don't know the rules. No.

And we goof off a lot. We do a lot of goofing. A lot of straight goofing. Straight twitching. But I'm going to say two sessions, which is just more streams. Yeah. So I'm excited. I'm really excited, actually.

You know what I'm excited about? This week's episode. This week's app. So I'm excited. I'm really excited, actually. You know what I'm excited about? This week's episode. This week's episode. So I'll stop talking. In the meantime, I want all you beautiful folks. The ending of this week's episode. Come on, man.

You're spoiling everything. I'm sorry. I want to talk about the beginning of this week's episode because it's happening right now. Here's episode 216 of the Glass Cannon podcast, The War on Nugs.

canon podcast the war on nugs i have the best taste in my mouth right now and i should i don't want to hear anymore no i shouldn't and i'll tell you why i uh for dinner tonight i just brought a banana and a key lime chobani yogurt. Trying to cut back on the last meal. It's a lot of sugar, bro. Just FYI. I know it's a lot of sugar, but it's not a lot of calories. That's true. Calories are all that fucking matters. But I don't know if you know this about Matthew.

He is a man that's full of vice. Yes. Yes. Inherent vice. Inherent vice. He likes candy. He's got candy around here like a seven-year-old. Are you kidding? A seven-year-old. Are you kidding?

A seven-year-old would never be so organized. This is highly rigorous, right? Yes. Alphabetized candy everywhere. And then these other things you're really into are these Popcorners. I brought those for Joe because I ate some of his the other day. Wait, was that a fresh bag when you came in tonight? Yeah.

All right. So we've been hanging out for about a half an hour before we started recording. The bag's gone. There's just crumbs left in the bottom of it. I finished my key lime yogurt and I saw these stupid things. It was the nacho cheese flavor. Matthew's choking. And I was like, well, this isn't going to mix well with key lime, but I got to try it.

And they're amazing. Yeah. I think it's spicy queso. No, it's a jalapeno cheddar No it's spicy queso Real jalapeno cheddar is phenomenal That's my favorite That's a different flavor

Do they have those at the deli next door? They did and they ran out Fuck Yeah We gotta give an advertisement real quick For the deli next door Who sells us sandwiches for like 30% under market value

Yeah the Lavallee special is like 4 bucks It doesn't make any sense I think it's 5 and a quarter Well let's see what the name of this deli is. I feel like it's 1997. Troy has gone to look out the window. Oh, yeah. Like all New York delis, it's called Deli and Grocery.

It's not like Tom's or Jimmy's. That's not what it's called. That's what it says from here. When I lived closer to the Upper West Side, a little 137 in Broadway, and I would go all the time to Columbia to visit friends and stuff and do stuff around there. Every bodega around there was Gourmet Deli. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Or Best New York Deli. New Gourmet Deli 2. It's called the Lunch Stop. I have the receipt in my pocket from when I bought the popcorn. It's called Lunch Stop Deli and Grocery. We have been in this building for over a year. I never knew that's what it was called.

Yeah. Lunch Stop Deli and Grocery. It has a stop sign on the corner. Oh, that's fun. It's like a stop sign a year. I never knew that's what it was called. Yeah. Lunch stop deli. It has a stop sign on the corner. Oh, that's fun. It's like a stop sign. Oh, I have seen that. Back to the popcorners. I looked at Matthew very seriously and I said, why even eat Doritos?

And Doritos are amazing. These are really good. They're really good. Are they healthier for you? What's the calorie difference? I mean, they're not fried. Okay. They're baked.

Have you ever had baked Doritos? I have. They're fucking garbage. They're terrible. Terrible. All that big shit. Baked Cheetos are a scourge from hell on this planet. Get out of here, baked snacks.

But Popcorners. Popcorners. You can say Popcorners. Game change. Popcorners. Popcorners. That's where the inflection is. Do you think now when you have a key lime Chobani That you'll like

Maybe like Crumble up a chip On top of it Like a berry bottom Because I think That'd be really good It's a really good taste And it shouldn't be

Or The sweetness of the key lime I would love somebody Spicy queso Or do you think You're going to have A Pavlovian response Every time you eat

A key lime Chobani That you're just going to be like You'll finish it And then your mouth Will start watering For some spicy queso That was a spicy key lime I feel like I'm

back in the keys. As I'm speaking, Grant just left the table to go freshen up his beer at our brand new kegerate. It's not that I freshened up Troy. It's that Joe saw the end of this process. I was pouring a beer and I

got distracted and I looked away and I turned and the tap was still on. And I haphazardly like on one foot leaned over to get a little extra length to flick the tap back up. And I got to say, the keger we got has very easy cleaning accessibility. You can take out the little tray and you can put it in the washer. He made that sound way more normal than it was. He pulled the tap. He was filling a beer and then he just walked away without undoing the tap.

And beer was just pouring in the top. It was as if... It taps pretty quickly, too. It was as if I was Joe O'Brien trying to use Instagram. It was that incompetent. It was that level of incompetence. There was far less sweating. Joe, you pour his beers from now on, and he'll post your nudes.

Send nudes, please. Please don't. Before we get into the episode, I want to interrupt. I've got to do a few thank yous. People have been sending us amazing stuff left and right, and I just wanted to highlight a couple people. How many of their names are you going to get wrong? Oh, man, that was another one. We cleared that up last week.

This is Tommy by Britain. Britain, yes. Yes, Britain. I'm so sorry, Britain. But no, just a couple quick thank yous. Oh man That was another one Oh this This tie by Britain Britain Yes I'm so sorry Britain But no Just a couple quick things This is a while ago Do you guys remember That amazing box

Of chocolate chip cookies That we got from Jobster Jobster yeah Jobster on Twitch Thank you so much For sending those They were phenomenal So good

Absolutely delicious They didn't last very long No we ate every single one of them So thank you for sending those over I wanted to thank David Lankford From Angola Indiana

Oh Angola I thought you were going with that Coming out to the Gen Con shows there Angola I sure hope so We have to do a show there We have to do a show in Angola GCP Live Angola

GCP Live Angola He sent me very kindly He said dear Joe now you can really Blame the dice and he sent me something I've never Seen before it is and I Lost it was just here oh here it is It is a one-sided dice And it just has a one on it

That's amazing And he's like yeah you can just Yeah now you can just blame the die It looks like a wedding ring for a giant It's weird it's like a twisted ring and then it has blame the die. It looks like a wedding ring. Yeah. Giant. It's weird. It's like a twisted ring, and then it has a one on each side. So thank you so much, David.

Or like a thumb ring for someone who shops at Hot Topic. But I'll keep it around whenever I need to confirm a fumble. I'll be like, all right, I'll definitely confirm it. That's nice. And then this book, I don't know if you guys read any of this, but this was sent to us by Rob Mc mcfadden in cherry hill new jersey hey what's up cherry hill uh rob basically philadelphia basically philadelphia uh rob and a teacher and uh some seventh and eighth graders uh put together a campaign uh that they played uh which was inspired by the glass cannon podcast and they recorded everything they recorded the whole campaign and

they printed us this great book with uh images and everything it's all in color sent us the whole story of the campaign they got some nice binding on that joe that makes me want to go back and do a school project trifold display it is it is legit and uh they just said that you know they had such an incredible time the adventure is called trouble in sweetwater and they said it would not have happened without the glass cannon podcast Podcast So thank you guys For listening And that is awesome And thank you for sending us

This awesome campaign record Of your story I appreciate it That's nice You know we really need Someone on staff To just thank people For all the gifts

That come in I know We do We get so many This is just tip of the iceberg It's on me That defeats the purpose Thanking them?

Outsourcing your thanks. Right. I'm far too busy to thank you. As the President of the United States? Come on. You can make the time. Yeah. Well, you just did.

Yeah, exactly. But you ignored a lot of other people. I did. I did. And that was purposeful. Yeah. I felt we're not up to snuff. They're sitting there like, oh, I can't wait until they thank me for that really nice thing I sent.

No, there's so many. I'm sorry, guys. You did a great job. I just wanted to get some in there. I wanted to get some. And you know what? The thing is, I've had these in my spot for weeks, weeks and weeks. And I keep meaning to bring it up.

And then we just get talking about chips and stuff. And the next thing you know, the combat is starting again. And I just forget. Yeah, you Start talking about chips And then all of a sudden Terminus Est Is in a pile of poop Oh my god

I forgot I forgot about that If I had a nickel For every time I heard That sentence That was one of those things That right When I made the decision

For it to happen Because it didn't When you dropped the sword I didn't think of it right away I was trying to think Actually of doing Something else I don't want to say it

And just in case I get the opportunity To do it And then I was like I think actually of doing some something else i don't want to say it and just in case i get the opportunity to do it and then i was like i started googling as as baron was talking or as granted whatever your name is sheriff thun was talking i started googling about like can you take an uh attack of opportunity if you're unarmed like what if i just take that sword and throw it away but i knew that would make skid really mad so i was like should i do it knowing it's going to make skid mad uh or should i try to increase the difficulty of the uh combat and i and i did it but i felt bad about a skid if

it makes any difference i felt bad about doing yeah you really seemed like you were having a heart attack we shut down i really struggled when you were laughing dancing dancing that was just for the cameras got up got up from the table dance his way to the bathroom well i hadn't done a cart wheel in a while and i wanted to see if I still had that. Spoiler, he didn't. I didn't, no. I went straight through a table. I looked like Chris Farley.

Question. Yes. I can't help but look at the map and notice that the path that that fire giant has to the pile of poop is between two outhouses. Did you roll an attack to see if you could get it between the two goalposts there? If I could AC5 it into the... You know what? I didn't. I'm going to roll it right here.

All right. In front of... It's based on his decks, you know. In front of behind my screen. It's based on his decks to... Yeah, yeah. It's a range to... Okay.

You roll a natural one. I could roll a natural one. Do you have the throw anything feat? Then it's a minus eight. I have the say anything feat. It's about romantic comedy look at his face gives you an ability to hold i rolled a 968 i'm gonna be i think you're fine i threw it actually i threw it so far it went over the pit and landed on the other side

uh no oh good that's that's excellent so it's a much better situation it's just in the poop and you can you tell you see just sink where is it like where where in the uh you know let's get a little sword tag up here. Let's really see how this is going. We're really having fun tonight with this sword tag. A little sword action. Boom. There it is.

Okay. This guy can toss some stuff. So I'm going to say it landed right there, right on a chunk. Oh, come on. What did I call it before? Choice nug? But yeah, no, that thing was thrown pretty well, about 15 feet away or so from one of these otiugs.

That's a really big sword. It takes up a whole five foot square diagonally. It is a long sword. That's a big weapon. It's like a fucking gutsword from Berserk. Yeah. Gutsu! I love that gutsu.

I like that. Let's just jump right in here. Moving from Popcorners to Fire Giants. The other Fire Giant up north, he's been going, Let's go to the north. Let's go to the south. Let's go back to the north. I fucking hate these guys.

What is this white hot lead inside of my stomach now? So he is going to try and make his way south here, but he realizes that you have some sort of ranged weapon, you meaning Baron, and so he's going to take cover behind the outhouse, we'll call it the 10 o'clock outhouse, on his way down. So he's behind the 11.

That's clearly 11. And he's just going to go, is that 11? It is 11. He's at 11, but I'm saying he's going to go down to 10 and like hide directly behind it, kind of making

his way along. Little does he know, though. Are you going to give him total cover? From where Baron is right now, he has total cover. He doesn't know that Baron is also misfired. That's a whole other problem. However, he also doesn't know that Thun is in that tunnel. Oh, right. Just to the left, about 40 feet away.

Thun is just like arms against the wall with Dalgoth's dagger in his hand, just waiting. And it's an amazing situation, but I was thinking about this last week. Sometimes after I would lose a game of chess to my dad when I was nine. Well, let's be honest, 19. 19, yeah uh i would play against myself and i could never i never got to the point where i could make that a fruitful experiment because i always wanted one side to kind of win or i would play to a stalemate or there'd be something weird about do you feel that at all playing as soon with us i know he's unreliable and like you said the stuff about the doppelgangers being treacherous but

you know in in the entire time that i've been a gm uh playing active npcs that join the uh the the the pcs in combat is like one of my least favorite things to do that's why when it happened with um it's been so long i'm low i passed it off to you guys after a little while and thought that it'd be a fun experiment um but then you guys got tired of it as well because then you can't really focus on your character when you're trying to worry about another thing. Well, I feel the same way. When I was starting to play Ingerhild, now I can't focus on all the other things

I gotta do. But she had multi-weapon fighting and it was a pain in the butt. Yeah. But I felt very early on that if you guys met Thun and befriended him and he joined your party, I really wanted to give this a chance to stretch this muscle because it's not something I have ever enjoyed doing, but I think he's there for a reason, and I want to make sure we give Thun his due.

Anyway, so that giant is just going to single move there behind the outhouse and maybe do something else. You don't know. It now goes to Metra's turn, who has, what, 50, 60 spells left? Less than that. I wish. I had such a great plan. You were doing well. You've been doing well since you came into this cave.

Thanks. Appreciate that. A lot of people have been saying you're the MVP of book five so far. Absolutely. I'm one of them. I was one of them as well. No one I know. Well, if I had been able to do this,

it would have been... Wow. If I had been able to do this, it really would have got your goat, Troy. Do you want to tell me or do you want to say it? Yeah, because I can't do it. Okay.

I was going to mage hand the sword right back into Jimmer's hand. Oh, that would have really stung. The object has to be non-magical. And Terminus S is most definitely magical. It doesn't get more magical. It's a pretty mundane weapon. And it only weighs four pounds.

And I had the range to do it, but it has to be non-magical. Let me ask you this. Do you have a spell that can make a magical item non-magical? Because I would say go with that and make it permanent. So set up this three-action plan that you now know about. You know, I'm telling you too much. I don't want to tell you how to play your character, but that's what I would do. Okay.

So instead, let's just make sure I want to do that. Yes. Swan dive into the poop? Pass. Metra is going to take a... Oh, he's doing a jackknife. But she's going to take a five foot... Or, you know, she's going to move.

Okay. I can take more than a five foot step. Take as many steps as you want. And then she's going to cast a spell on this fire giant. This fire giant meaning the one that is toe to toe with Jimmer? With Jimmer. Okay. So first things first... I should say that after he threw that thing, he took a five foot step. Oh no,

Dalgrit's there. Yeah, he's just going to stay right there. Okay, so Metra is going to first I got to roll to hit you. What are you doing? I'm casting Disintegrate. Oh, there we go. Okay. Wow.

Make sure you take minus four to the attack. Yes. That's probably going to miss because I rolled a natural five. But it's a touch attack. And it's AC's eight. So that is a 12. Against touch? Yeah.

Yeah. That is a yes. Yeah, see? It is a gigantic target. Let me ask you this. Do I get any sort of save? Of course you'd save. All right. Okay.

I've got good for it. There you go. Why do I feel like this isn't going to be a good roll? I feel like that, too. I hope so. Okay. It wasn't. Oh, disintegrated!

Because of the fortitude, it's going to be a total of a 20. That fails. Yes! Yes! Yes! I have a dice roller ready for this purpose But it's still going to take me a minute to do it Because it's 40d6

No it's not It's 26d6 It might as well be 40 Are you fucking kidding me? Wow Oh my god I was all ready for next round to be able to stand and bang with Jimmer Because I have not swung a greatsword against you guys in like six weeks

Yeah Okay So Metra shifts out to the side and points her finger at the giant. Uh-huh. And this little green ray just goes... and touches him and he takes 101 points of damage.

Oh my god! He just turns into a pile of ass. Yeah! I can't imagine He just turns into a pile of ass. Yeah! Woo! I can't imagine if you just one-shotted him. Oh, that's amazing. Holy shit. Okay.

Okay. Well, that's what he gets for throwing the weapon. Yeah, I learned my lesson. I was just going to do a Scorching Ray, but now I was like, why not? Why not go for the Disintegrate? Oh, fuck! All right, well, it is jimmer's turn jimmer you see this this giant is like lumbering over you smiling after it throws his weapon like it got the jump on you a little one up on you and then it just He is, like, he looks back at Metra and, like, salutes her.

And then he's like, guess I got a way through a river of shit. And he moves over to the pit. Let's see. And then he's going to try to climb down into it. All right. So let me tell you about the rules of the pit here. So all squares inside of the pit count as slippery floor, so it increases the acrobatics checks. DC's by five.

I don't know how many acrobatics checks you're going to be doing, but keep that in mind. Underneath where the toilets would be, it's a steep drop so that the shit just goes straight down. But where you are, where there isn't an outhouse right there, you're not going through the outhouse and like ducking through the toilet. It's just a climb DC of five. But of course you move at quarter speed. If you want to move half speed, then it'd be DC 10.

How deep is the pit? How far down? How deep is the pit? We use that all the time. I think it's five feet deep. Yeah. All right. Yeah, five foot.

So he could just hop down into the ship pit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to hop down. I'm going to double move, actually. Is it difficult terrain, I assume? It's just a slippery floor. Increase the acrobatics DCs by five, but I don't think it's difficult terrain.

Can somebody look up slippery floor if you're slippery? Okay. In the meantime, are you injured at all? I am. You are. So as you start wading through the shit, some of it starts seeping into your open wounds. Oh. And you need to roll a fortitude save.

Oh, no. Against disease. Natty 19. Oh, there you go, buddy. You're going to be all fortitude save. No, against disease. Natty 19. Oh, there you go, buddy. You're going to be all right. Yeah, you are fine from what was obviously filth fever. Yes, it does not appear to say

that a slippery surface is difficult terrain. Yeah, the book here says increase acrobatics DC by five, usually say like, and it's considered difficult terrain. So yeah, you can move at normal speed now Alright so I'm going to double move And I can get right up to the sword

Get right up to the sword Alright It is Baron's turn Baron this giant saw you and jumped behind But you have a misfired gun I do so I'm going to spend yet another Grit point to quick clear my gun.

It's been a while since I've quick cleared. So I'm just going to make sure one more time. I'm going to spend that grit to use it as a move action. I'm going to move 20 feet closer. Okay. So let me move 5, 10, 15, 20. So I'm immediately next to the outhouse at 8 o'clock. I could step in and relieve myself.

8 o'clock outhouse. Instead, I'm going to end my turn. Oh, interesting. That's it. Move, move. I can't really do anything else. Curious. All right.

Jimmer is one square away from his sword As that thing hit And hit the poo and started sinking You see the odiug that's nearest it Is like chewing down And just kind of like lifts one of its three stalks Notices something shiny sticking out of the pile And starts lumbering towards it

And Jimmer So it's just bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh. So gross. Doesn't attack Jimmer, just starts chomping on the sword. Okay. The choicest nug of the bunch.

And then as that Otiak does it, all the other ones start to converge as well. Like, I want some of that nug. Stop saying it like that. Mama wants nug. Oh, God. They're closing in on both Jimmer and the sword. But this thing is just...

All right. It is Thun's turn. Thun is going to ready an action. If that giant gets within striking distance, he is going to come out and try and give it the business. Oh, dear. That is Thun's turn. This is the top of a new round with Thun making that decision,

and now it is Dalgrith's turn. This is brutal. Question, Baron. You cast Shield of Faith on Thun making that decision, and now it is Dalgrith's turn. This is brutal. Question, Baron. You cast Shield of Faith on Thun. Correct. That should be a plus three AC bonus. Right, but how long does it last? Okay, that's a great question.

Because I think that was, it's been a week now. It's been several rounds. It's minutes. The game time didn't work. If it's minutes, we're good. I'm pretty sure it's minutes. Shield of Faith is, yes, seven minutes. Okay.

That greatly affects what this unarmored Thun can do. Okay, great. So now Dalgrith. Dalgrith is... What's the opposite of an MVP? Yeah, he's done nothing but run around from place to place. You want to just stab at the dead fire giant? The pile?

Pretend I killed it. This will go down in my tails. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what to make of the situation. Basically, he can either go in with Jimmer or he can try to help Baron with this fire giant and they're in totally different directions. Yeah, well, you're a lot closer

to the Otiag situation, but you don't know what the Otiag situation is. I know. It's just... You know what? I'm gonna hold. I'mTOG situation is. I know. It's just... You know what? I'm going to hold. I'm going to hold. I'm going to delay. See how this plays out.

I want to see what an OTOG does, and I want to see where the Fire Giant moves. Then I'll start my turn. Okay. That's fair. Well, the Fire Giant feels like it has figured out a good move here to just sneak its way around. And so it is going to attempt to do so again however it gets in front of the 10 o'clock

warehouse and that's within striking distance of Thune Thune 5, 10, 15, 20 25 runs up to him obviously he can't charge because you can't ready a full round action runs up to him you can ready a charge you can ready a charge yes oh you can okay well then he I don't know if he wants Obviously, he can't charge because you can't ready a full round action. You can ready a charge. You can ready a

charge? Yes. Oh, you can. Okay. Well, then he I don't know if he wants to charge. He could just walk up there and lower his AC even further. Yeah. He's just going to kind of like sneak, sneak, sneak and boom! Stab at him. And we're going to say flat-footed AC so he's going to get his sneak attack. Oh, boy. Oh, okay. On top of it.

I'm going to let Troy play my character. Troy's so generous with his own sneak attack. I can't help but give to myself. Oh, okay. I'm on top of it. I'm going to let Troy play my character. Troy's so generous with his own sneak attack. I can't help but give to myself. All right, so here comes the... Come on, Thune. Come on. This is the first time you've seen Thune in action, right? That would be awesome if he hit it.

Come on. Get that sneak attack. Natty 14. That is a 28 to hit with the dagger. Nice. So that definitely hits the giant. That's going to be 1d4 plus 5, because all you gave hit with the dagger. Nice. So that definitely hits the giant. That's going to be 1d4 plus 5, because all you gave him was a dagger. But then...

If you have sneak attack, it does not matter. All right, so 7 points of damage regular, and then plus 2d6 sneak attack. Another 7, so 14 points of damage. He just comes up and just buries it right in the guy's thigh. Nice. So Thun is helping. All right, then I will act. Seeing Thune get into combat with this guy,

I'm going to start heading that way because I'm not optimistic about Thune surviving. I think Jimmer can take care of himself. So I'm going to run over next to Metra. Okay, you're going to run over next to Metra. Are you using any hasting, any expeditious? No, I'm literally going to run over next to Metra. Okay, you're going to run over next to Metra. Are you using any hasting, any expeditious? No, I'm literally going to run. Okay.

Now, that fire giant, his turn was interrupted by that, so he still gets to act. And now, seeing Thun there, he swings down at Thun, who has now a 22 AC, unarmored, but with Shield of Faith. That is going to be a hit. So he does hit Thun for a lot of damage. I actually don't want to lose Thun. He's giving us directions into this place.

I rolled a 3d6. I rolled a 4, a 1, and a 1. That's still going to end up being 21 points of damage to Thun. But the giant moved, so that's all that fire giant can do. Dalgrit Still going to end up being 21 points of damage to Thun. Oof. But the giant moved, so that's all that fire giant can do. Dalgrith has taken his action. Thun has taken his action. The other fire giants are dead.

It is Metra's turn. Metra, you see that Thun is now maiden attack and been attacked. Dalgrith has rushed up to you. Jimmer is alone without a weapon still against three ODX. And on foot, we are realistically about, oh, 120 feet away from that fire giant. Yeah, that Thun situation is very, very bad. That Thun situation is very, very bad. So... Courageous Thun.

So Courageous Thune Metra is going to reach out To Dalgrith And grasp his arm and say Why you fool It's actually Dalgrith by the way It's not Dalgrith And then Joe proceeded to say it three different ways

It's like Feyraza and Feyraza Feyraza You guys found very inventive ways What was it? What was it? Faraza Faraza The sky looks incredible tonight, by the way, Grant If you haven't had a chance

Yeah, we had an incredible sunset It's really, you know what? Being in Skidfields this way, too, I think We miss thunderstorms and good sunsets That's a good sunset Yeah, that's a good one The bridges are beautiful Outlined across it

Can't wait to cover it up with a set. All right, what are you going to do, Metro? Never look at it again. So I cast Fly on Dogreef. Oh, I like it. Excellent. Tick to the skies. So that will effectively give you, what, a fly speed of 60 feet?

60 feet. And he can go directly there, so, you know, because he can go over the outhouses. Or I could go to the Utyugs as needed. As needed. Oh, and not have to step in the filth, because you can go over the outhouses. Or I could go to the Odiogs as needed. As needed. Oh, and not have to step in the filth, because you can just stab down at them, maybe flank with Jimmer. Awesome. And then I will move my 25 feet in the direction of Baron.

Metra, you're full of nifty tricks. I need to stand next to you more often. Oh, 25 feet? Oh, 30 feet, yeah. Oh, okay. That's like, what's going on there? Uh, alright. It is jimmer's turn jimmer the uh odiog has effectively grappled the sword okay so it has in its mouth and it's just like trying to get the okay magical goodness out of it uh i want to try to grab it. Okay. And take it away from it. Alright, go ahead and roll. Drop it. Drop it.

Drop, drop, drop. Go ahead and roll a CMB check. CMB? Yeah. Ooh, yeah. 29. Jimmer! Very easily yank it out of the rest of the way. Give me that, you old varmint. And it just looks

at you. Those three. Two have like thorns on the world. Give me that old varmint. And it just looks at you. Those three. Two have like thorns on the end and one is just this eye stalk that's hovering over you. This is a large creature and it's mad. Okay. Well, that's mad. I feel bad that it's

angry. Give me back my dog. I'm going to move. Okay. Let's check out its reach here uh it has a reach of 10 so uh it will provoke that's fine uh i will take i will step away five feet you're gonna attack me if you want okay uh it is going to attempt to grab you and pull it in. Okay. This is going to be fucking impossible. It thought it had the choicest nug before. Sweet nut. Natural 20.

Oh, come on. Fucking Christ. So is it grabbing me or grabbing... Yeah, no, it's trying to grab you as you're going away, like, give me back my nug. I had a plus 3 to the tentacle attack. Jesus. 20, so I doubt that I'm going to confirm. I have the box. Yeah, I mean, 11 to confirm.

Yeah. However, a couple things are going to happen. First, you take seven points of damage. Okay. Then it goes to grab you. Yeah, I don't think it's a gimme grab here. You have a really, I'm assuming, a decent CMD. But if it grabs you, it's going to be bad.

Natural one on the... All right! Perfect. Awesome. You just feel it just reaches and tries to grab around you, but you're so covered in this filth now, it just tentacle slips off of you back into the filth on the ground. So you seem to be okay for the moment

uh but there are two more of those uh baron your turn my gosh so i i pre-calculated i'm sorry i'm sorry uh were you just did i get to you know you need to finish your move yeah you can finish your okay all right so i just i keep moving um towards nine o'clock. Okay. Yeah. So I'm still heading toward the fire giant. Yeah. I'm a ways away.

I'm still quite a ways away from the edge, but I've got another OTIG incoming bearing down on me. Yeah. They're down. They're all, well, you've moved away from one, but you're still 15 feet from another one. All right, Baron. You saw Thun live up to what he said he was going to do, but you also know that he's in a really bad position over there. What do you want to do?

Baron is going to move 20 feet forward, which will put the giant within one range increment of his gun. Tell me about the cove. You are okay here. No cove. Alright, we're going to go again. I'm going to give him partial coves.

I'm going to pull that. Plus two. I'm going to pull both triggers. We're going going to go again. We're going to... Partial cuffs. You know what? I'm going to give him partial cuffs. I'm going to pull that. Plus two. I'm going to pull both triggers. We're going to see what happens. We're going to use the double-barreled nature. I also realized I didn't take off the last two. I'm going to tell you that currently I have 110 rounds of ammo. It might be wrong, but that's about where I am. Pretty sure it is, but that's okay.

And here we go. The first attack is going to be a 21. That's a hit. That is certainly a hit, my friend. Nice. 28 points of damage. Okay, good opening shot there. Second attack.

Yes, fire. 18 on the... Oh, yeah. That'll do it. Yeah. Justin Dabble, do ya. Oh, yeah. That'll do it.

Yeah. Just a dab will do you. 33 points of damage. Okay. Gross. That's it. That's it. That's great. All right.

So you moved up and took two shots? Yeah. I took a standard action to pull both triggers of my weapon at a minus four penalty to each shot. Okay. Did you say that you were going to do that? That's what I said. Okay.

I didn't hear you say it. I thought that's what I said. Did anyone else say it? I didn't either, but in fairness, I wasn't each shot. Okay. Did you say that you were going to do that? That's what I said. Okay. I didn't hear you say it. I thought that's what I said. Did anyone else say that? I didn't either, but in fairness, I wasn't paying attention. Right. Well, I mean, that was... Do you want to pause it and roll back the tape? No, I mean, I know you didn't say it, but obviously that was your idea, so I'm going

to let it go. Just in the future, please be clear about what you're doing. And it is now the Odiog's turn. Odiog takes a five-foot step and goes to do a full attack on Jimbo. Let's see here. This is just going to be miss, miss, miss, I'm assuming. 11 on the bite. Tentacle is a 6.

Second tentacle is a 16. So it's just flashing out. Nothing happens. The other one. Ain't going to touch. Knocking Jim. Deflecting them all with my shield, all these attempts. 30, 35.

The other one gets right up in Jimmer's business with a double move, but can't do anything beyond that. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. The other one double moves as well. Now, you've got three odiugs all right up on top of you with this curving arc. They're at your 12, 1, and 2 o'clock. But the other two had to double move, so they cannot attack this round. I can't imagine you're very afraid of them at this point. Not really.

No, they're not very... They're gross. They're more gross than anything. Yeah. Thune's turn. I actually would. Like, if I felt like I had the time, I would stay here and just kill them all just for fun.

Right. Yeah, hanging out in this pit. Now, I'm wondering with filth fever, is this something you have to roll, I think, once you save? Four to two to save? Yeah, you rolled it already. I don't know if you have to continuously roll it or not. It's usually one of those things where you're immune for 24 hours or something. Yeah, I'm fine with that.

All right, then. So it is Thun's turn. 24 hours or something. I'm fine with that. All right, then. So it is Thun's turn. Thun knows that he is not in a great position here. So Thun is going to full withdraw back into the tunnel here just to gain some space between himself and the giant.

He's able to make a pretty good distance. So now he's equidistant between the fire giant and Baron. If the fire giant chases Thun, there's a good chance he could just straight up kill Thun. No. Because not Thun. Yeah, this is dangerous. But that's what Thun is going to do. Thun is just thinking, like, keep myself alive.

I can help more alive than I can dead. Dalgrith, you're flying. What do you want to do? I should act after the fire giant. I should move to the initial order. I'm sorry, yeah. The fire giant acted, and then it was Dalgrith, then Thun. Oh, what?

Yeah, because you... Basically, the fire giant went to move, and then that enacted Thun's action, and then you acted before the fire giant. Technically, I think the Fire Giant was supposed to finish its turn. Yeah. So now it's your turn. Well, shouldn't the Fire Giant have gone before he could have withdrawn? Shouldn't the Fire Giant have

gone before he could have withdrawn? I don't know if you interrupt an action, if your initiative goes before that creature that triggered it, or after. I think it might be after. Yeah, I feel like, so the Fire Giant started his action. That enacted Thunes uh readied action yeah um and then you were like now doubt that's gonna go but you needed to wait till his turn was over right so technically the fire giant would have gone first before thune could get out of there yeah uh no thune could still get out okay

it would go thune then fire giant, so now it's the Fire Giant's turn. Exactly. Yes. Okay. Now I got you. This is why I need an assistant. All right here. You act immediately ahead of the character whose action triggered you already out. Perfect. So we did do it right. We did do it right. Thun should have been able to get away.

Right. But what are we going to do here with the Fire Giant? Fire Giant wants to be able to get up In Baron's business Does he have the movement for it Does he have the movement for it 15 20 Sure does

Steps up to Baron Right up in his business Maybe Yeah he's going to get Right up in his business, maybe? Yeah, he's going to get right up in his business here. Oh, boy. And he's just going to... Boom! With the great sword.

And you know what? Do I want to turn in a bottle cap? Power attack on or off, Troy? God, I hate using power attack. Power attack on or off. It's such a significant difference in damage. Yep. All right.

I'm going to go power attack. Here it comes. Oh, God. Boy. This could be. Crits 19 to 20. Oh, God. Oh, that's so bad.

High five, Darren. Natty 17. Total. That is going to be a 35. You beat it. You beat it. Oh, come on. Not by a ton.

3D6. Not by a ton. 3d6 plus 24 damage. 651. So 11, 12. What did I say? 3d6 plus 24. So 36 points of damage. Brutal. In one swing.

He just boom. 36? 36, yeah. He couldn't charge because he had to kind of maneuver around these outhouses. Because of that cover. That sweet, sweet cove. But now he is right next to Baron. All right, moving along here, I might as well just take my other fire giants off the initiative track

because they didn't do anything in this fight. The dead. Not true. The dead kid. Getting other disintegrates in your back pocket there? Do you want me to pull one out? No. I can.

No, it's fine. You should never use that spell again. We've got to keep it fresh for the show. I can't believe you failed that fortune save with a fire giant. I know. Obviously, I've got a very high fortitude, but I rolled very low. What was the DC? 22.

Yeah. I mean, more than a 50% chance. I've got like a 75% chance of making that. I assumed it was just going to be 46. Well, you're still wrong! Okay. Sorry, I yelled just going to be 46. Well, you're so wrong! Okay. Sorry, I yelled. He's so pissed.

Do these odiogs look like... It seems like Jimmer is not particularly concerned with them. It also seems like they're not particularly concerned with Jimmer so much as they want. I mean, they... Well, they're trying to kill him, but you would see from my demeanor that I'm not bothered. I'm bothered by the fact that i'm standing in four feet of giant shit but right not so much by the fact that these things are attacking as one would be yeah uh i mean you feel like jimmer can handle himself it looks worse than it probably is i'm

all right get get that last one however things could go bad quick if those things grab a hold of him it could be bad news hold on before we get we get into it, it's my turn, right? Didn't we just say that after the fire giant dog race? We did. We did. I was too busy deleting the fire giants to move you in the initial order. The tone of the reprimanded email we send to Troy's assistant is going to be off the charts. I'll get forwarded.

The assistant needs to get fired, dude. I actually am pro-Troy having an assistant. That way, when I receive emails, they'll just be at a much more polite tone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can filter Troy's pure vitriol. I email like I talk. Troy's email has a setting in it that's like snark level 11 and he has it checked up. It's amazing.

I don't know. And I always reread them like three or four times. I'm like, I think it sounds fine. Oh, my God. This is as diplomatic as I could be. You're getting the most edited version of that email. That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard. You should see my first draft.

Oh, God. You know the iceberg graphic that shows like id, super ego, ego, like that you learn in Psychology 101? Like I feel like your iceberg is much less submerged than a lot of people's. I get fired up. It doesn't take me much uh what do you want to do there dog uh all right dalgrith is going to kick in the jets and uh all of a sudden he goes speeding at top speed speeding at top speed, short sword in hand,

right over Baron's head. And you just hear, Strike Team Delta! And he just zooms in and grabs onto the fire giant. Oh, nice. Awesome. I needed this save for my buddy. Yeah, so he just flies in

and grabs the fire giant. Unbelievable. You were exactly 60 feet away, weren't you? No, I was 100 feet away, but it's a double move, so I'm going to do a double move. Oh, I'm looking at Metro. Okay, so you fly at it. Yeah, if you'll allow it.

I'm just going to move all the way up to it, crash into it, and try to grab onto it with a climb check. Oh, so it's a climb check for you. It's not a grapple check. Yeah, it's a climb check. And it doesn't provoke because of your... It would provoke. Okay. Yeah, I'm absolutely going to take that provoke.

What the heck is this gnat coming at my head? Power attack is still on for this guy, don't forget. Yes. It's going to hit, but when he's toe-to-toe with Baron, like, Dalgrath is not hesitating to go in and put himself at risk. You know what? I'm not going to take the attack of opportunity. Hmm.

Curious. I'm going to hold on. Oh, I thought I was going to draw it out there. I was trying to draw it out for you. Also, I thought more about the power attack still being on thing. That would be like me saying, you know what? Rapid shot's still on, so I'm going to take four shots. It doesn't really make sense.

No, no, no. Power attack has to stay on. Okay. By the rules, yeah. Got it. But I understand what you're saying, too. All right, yeah, I'm not going to take that attack. He sees you, starts to wind up, and then looks down at this thing that just lit him up and thinks better of it.

He made a terrible mistake. It is Mettra's turn. No, no, no. Can I try to roll to get off? Oh, you want to try and climb. Yeah, I want to try to climb. And I am sickened, so there is a slight penalty here. Sickened from that stench.

Sickened from that stench. Oh, shit. That is a 36. Against just Sticking from that stench. Sticking from that stench. Oh, shit. That is a 36. Against just straight up CMD? Yeah. That's enough to get on top. Oh, beautiful. All right.

So he latches on, and he's got his sword in his hand. I don't know if this guy will survive the round, but taking some attention, I hope. Okay. All right. Not a bad move. Now it is Metra's turn. Baron, have you acted this round? Yes, right?

No. Not this round. The round starts with Thune. Okay. Thune, Fire Giant, Dalgrith, Metra. I rolled terribly at the beginning of this combat for my initiative, but still better than almost everyone. We all rolled terribly.

Ooh, well, then that changes what I was going to do. Okay, so then instead, Terribly. Ooh, well then that changes what I was going to do. Okay, so then instead... I can't really get involved in that fire giant combat right now because of where I am and... Two dwarfs. He's got two dwarfs right on him. So instead, Metra is going to step up to the lip of the cave...

Lip of the pit. Okay. And she's going to shoot a fireball behind the Oodiox. Ooh. So roll a reflex save for each of the Oodiox. Reflex times three. All right. Not very spry, these Oodiox.

What is the DC? I shall tell you. It is DC 19. Okay. First one, fail. Second one, natural 20. Oh, third one, pass with a 19. You said 19?

Yeah. Yeah. All right, so fail, pass, pass. Shocked me. I had a plus two to my reflex save. I rolled 10d6 on the old dice roller here. Uh-huh. Of those 10, five of them were ones.

Oh, my God. Jesus. Come on. Oh, my God. And three of them were tw. Oh, my God. Jesus. Come on. Oh, my God. And three of them were twos. Oh, my God. So the one that failed takes 22 points of damage. Come on.

And the others take 11. Oh, that is brutal. They're all still alive. That's so terrible. Let me ask you something, Troy. What does the room smell like now that a fireball has been exploded over a cesspool? Something you leave on the gym teacher's doorstep. You know, like a flaming bag of poo?

Oh, the gym teacher. We call this shit poop. Sorry, I calibrated gym teacher to be like my current 34-year-old self, and I was like, my soul cycle is stuck. Why would I leave a bag of poo? He has a family. Did I ever tell you about Poop Dollar? What?

Please do. All right, so my buddy went to... Yes, I know this. You know Poop Dollar? Oh, yeah. This is a stupid story. Oh, God. It made me think of this.

I think they went to University of Miami in Ohio, and he was in this frat. This is a horrible story. Do we want to hear it? But it always makes me laugh. They were just a bunch of meatheads sitting on their front porch and they would take a dollar bill and put

it out on the walkway where all the people would walk by going back and forth to class and they would rub poop on the dollar. And whenever they called... Who's poop? Someone's poop from the frat. And they would just sit there just boozing, watching people. And they would do this all day, just put more dollars out there.

And whenever someone picked up the dollar, they would just all sing, there's poop on the dollar. There's poop on the dollar. There's poop on the dollar. And not say anything besides that. And they'd take it off and be like, ah. Some of them would drop it. Some of them would just put it in their pocket.

And then they'd put another poop dollar out there. Ow. Poop dollar. Tell your friends This is just like The UCB sketch What? Play with your kids

This is just like The UCB sketch Butt pennies Ass pennies Anyway we'll talk about it later Poop dollar I'm going to leave a Surprise they had time

With all the studying They must have had to do At one of America's Top universities Miami of Ohio Hey we might have Some listeners I'm sorry

I'm sorry I know it's good school And they're sitting there With three poopy dollars in their pockets. Ron Hartley. That's not going to their Patreon. Okay. All right.

They used their own poop? Their own poop, yeah. They couldn't have found like a dog at least? That's what I said. They're not uncouth, Matthew. No, they're straight up revolting. Whose turn is it, poop dollar? Who just went?

What game are we playing? Who's the president? Metro just went. Metro just went? What game are we playing? Who's the president? Metro just went. Metro just went? It is Jimmer's turn. Okay. Jimmer is going to double move to get to the edge of the pit. Okay.

And so he has enough movement counted to get to the, and enough movement to, if he makes the check, to climb up to the top of the lip of the pit. Okay, great. And because of the way you were spaced here, it doesn't provoke from that double move. Wow. So roll the climb check. Do you have to hit the DC 5,

or are you trying to move at half speed to get the DC 10? I will actually, yeah, let me go, let me try to hit the DC 10. Okay. Natural 20. All right, let me try to hit the DC 10. Okay. Natural 20. Oh, there you go. So I jump up over the lip. Just one-handed up.

And now you're right next to Baron Dalgrith and the Fire Giant. Yeah, and I'm going to move, I'm going to get diagonal to him, like get within five feet. And I'll incur, actually, if he hasn't used his attack of opportunity yet. To move from that space into that space. Oh yeah, because that's within his reach. You're going to give me one of these days, you guys. No, he's not going to swing at you either. He knows that he's dead soon, but he

wants to make it count. It is Baron's turn. The two things in life that are true. Well, actually, let me ask you a question before I say that. Wait, I want to know what the two things in life are. I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Poop dollars are always funny. No. False. I've seen... I've fought enough fire giants to see them move in a turn. Do I get a sense of if they move 30 feet, 40 feet, 60 feet?

They seem to move normally. Like, you feel like if they weren't so encumbered with all of their armor and weapons, they could move even faster than you. So they move like 30 feet a turn is what it seems like to me? That's what it seems like, 30. Okay. Well, even with that knowledge, with their reach, because they have reach, there are two things true in life. You're going to know what they are right now, Troy. I want to know.

One. One. Honeybadger don't care. Baron don't care. Let's get ready for a full round attack. What's the other? Action. All right.

Honey Badger and Baron don't care. Oh, see, I thought they were both the first thing. All right. That's what I thought, too. It was one idea. I apologize. Honey Badger don't care. Semi-co-win.

I apologize. I was waiting with bated breath for the second truth. I had the same problem with Sheriff Thune. I need to put full stops in my thoughts. Hold on to your poop dollar for two seconds while I take this attack of opportunity. Okay. Come on. Leaving power attack on.

Blowing on the dice. Not allowed in the casino. It's allowed here at the table. Come on! 19 or 20! Fuck! I think you missed straight up. 26 ain't gonna hit you.

Here it comes! Hold on, let me just make sure. I've been so far away, let me turn on rapid shot and point-blank shot. Me on green. Here we go. Bye. Bye, you've forsaken me. Here we go.

Oh, and let me also turn on one other thing. I've got too many things to turn on. You're turning me off. Oh, boy. That's a 31 against Touch AC. Hold on. Yeah, it's about to hit. Oh, that is looking good.

33 points of damage. Okay. Still alive. Next one is also going to be hit with a 24 against Touch AC. Are you waiting for a response? Are you waiting for a response? Are you waiting for a response tonight? 30 points of damage? He's dead.

Yeah! Yeah! I'm sorry. Hold on. Bear, bear! Let me just get rid of these. Oh, chemical current. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Dead. Gonzo. And the OTAs give Chase to Jimmer for a little bit, and then when they realize he's taken their beautiful nug, they just go back to their older nugs. Great. Are they really stupid? They're really dumb, right?

They have to be dumb if they poop. You don't know. Can I roll a check? Yeah, roll knowledge dungeoneering, I believe. I got it. Why would they be dumb if they can complete that job of the ecosystem? Then I say... Cockroaches.

Do you think they're intelligent? Or do you think they're evolutionarily equipped to deal with the difficult circumstances they're born into? Did you say cockroaches? Cockroaches. I was going to say something. Cockroaches. I also say surveillance. I have been saying surveillance.

But God damn it, I can't do it. I can't say whooshes or shushes. What's your roll on Dungeonary? The Dungeonary was 18. 18. So, wanting to know about their intelligence, they are intelligent. Not super intelligent, but oddly intelligent and wise. And wise?

Wow. See, why are you so discriminatory about the magical ecosystem? I mean, they're all mouth, Matthew. I just assumed they didn't have much room. They eat shit, Grant. They have to have a mouth. Sure, but there's a direct correlation, oftentimes in nature, between the size of a brain and intelligence.

They also say that the dinosaur, when we talk about how dinosaurs had such small brains, they must have been really dumb. They had exactly the size brain they needed to do the things they needed to do. Wow, Matthew. Thank you for that life-affirming statement. I appreciate it. You know what they didn't have? Popcorners.

They really didn't have popcorners. There's pop on the corner. Dog Wraith is going to come over and give Baron a big hug, slap him on the back. Brother, I'm not shooting. I can't believe how well Strike Team Delta is doing down here. I contributed greatly, I think. You didn't take a point of damage. By the way, while that's all happening, he's still, like, floating above the ground.

It's, like, kind of a weird scene. Like, he's probably still excited, and, like, I'm, like, looking up at him. It's almost like a Spider-Man kiss. Thune comes out. Is everyone okay? Thune, that was very brave what you did there You didn't need to put yourself at such risk Honestly, we had it in hand

I felt as if I had the attack and I took it Well, it was very bold of you But I'd appreciate it if you were a little more careful with your life We could use your expertise in this place It's already proven to be quite valuable Yes, well, the sooner I am armed and armored, the better. I wish we were able to resize this giant armor for you, but we're going to have to keep on looking.

Well, we could. We could. You want to pop over to the cathedral? I mean, that all depends. I want to ask all of you how you feel. Do you need a rest, or do you feel like you could keep on going through your time is of the essence, I should say. I feel like I could go for days and days. I'm ready to go.

Well, sorry. I do. I think I'm going to smell like the underside of a pig farmer's boot for about the next week. But I could keep going as long as y'all don't mind. Metro. I can keep going, but my usefulness will deplete soon. How much Metro? How usefulness will deplete soon. How much, Metra? How much will it deplete?

I have no fifth level spells. I'll have no fourth level spells left, and I'll have no sixth level spells left pretty soon, too. I mean, I can get through another combat. What's the role-playing version of that? Fuck off. That's what you say to Doug. Boone, how much more

of this dungeon do you know? How much more I should have called it dungeon. I better never have called it dungeon. How much more of this infernal mountain do you know? How much more of its depths can you lead us past? Can you take us in the right direction down this treacherous path? We got three different exits to this room.

Yes, four. Four. I was not zoomed out enough because this is the biggest map we've ever played on. Yes, I must admit this is the farthest that I've been in this direction, although I don't even know where we are. I have been to this room,

but I have not exited any of the other corridors from here. Are we still on the right track to the structural weakness? Yes. I believe we are. I must ask, how long have you been in here before you came to the slave pen? How many other rooms had you been into? Just the antechamber and the entrance, and then we wandered down a hallway and found the slave chamber.

So there's a good chance. They have not discovered you as of yet. We have not seen patrols walk our way, though they may have been walking through the other tunnels. Do you know any idea of their schedule? I have a feeling that with twelve of these here outhouses, the giants must come here often in order to relieve themselves. Is there a mess hour

or a supper time? I do not know of their schedule, but looking at the contents of the pit, it does seem to be well used, and often used. Well, I'll tell you what, one of them we don't have to worry about. One of them's a pile of dust,

but we could drag these other two in there and bury them. They wouldn't be noticed for quite a while, I would think. Or put them in the outhouse. Put them in the outhouse. Just prop them up in the privy and then... Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I see another giant opening the door. Oh my God. Yes, they'll just think they died

like Elvis. Waiting to get out a bacon, peanut butter and banana pool. We can't go on together. He's hanging out of order sign on the door handle. What could go wrong? What mechanical issue could happen?

I do think we can do either of those things. I think we'll take the time to do either of those things and I'll leave it take the time to do either of those things, and I'll leave it up to the rest of the group to decide if we prop them up in the outhouse and maybe draw something on their face, or if we put them in the dung. However, these creatures down in the pit, they are watching. And you look up and you see them, their weird little eyestalk just kind of observing you i get a sense that they could report on us boone do you think it would be wise to eliminate them before moving forward or would that draw even more well that's the other thing i've been thinking about this ever since

we got here so you you had a bit of a a prologue uh to us uh going into skiergarden you were like uh you know there's a it's a big camp, you gotta screw up stuff, you gotta sabotage things, that became a big part of the campaign here. Would it behoove us to disable their sewage system, basically, their sanitation system? I mean, it's so

primitive. I don't know what we could do to sabotage. Well, we would kill them and then they couldn't get rid of it, so they'd have to at least find more OTIGs, that's what I'm saying and then they couldn't get rid of it, so they'd have to at least find more Otiugs. That's what I'm saying. Oh, you mean get rid of the Otiugs. Yeah. I was like, board up the holes in the outhouse.

Oh, no, what do we do now? That was my plan. All right, let's leave Ashfeek. We'll find another volcano. This took weeks to build. Weeks. Sheriff Thun, if they cannot be... He's so mad.

If they cannot be befriended, then yes, it would be wise to close all eyes that have seen what we have done here. And Baron just rolls his eyes and doesn't even correct him. All right, then let's go ahead and take that task on. So, yeah. Jimmer, you've already been in the shit. Yeah. I can try to hit him with some spells first.

I think it's my turn as well. Hey, look, I haven't put my time in on this fight. No, no, we don't need. I don't get my stinkier than this. I'll go ahead. And he just sighs and lowers himself down. And the pit draws his sword and just kind of ambles toward them. Do you have a wand of flying or anything like that?

Or just flying spells? I can cast spells. I don't want to... If you said you were low, I don't want to waste them. How am I doing on third? Yeah, don't use another spell. I'm covered up in shit all the way up to my waist already. Yeah, and then Dogwraith can just fly down there.

I mean, it's minutes, right? Yeah, so Dogwraith can just fly down there. I mean, it's minutes, right? Yeah, so dog wreath can just fly down there and flank, and we can cut these things to pieces. Jimmer, say something real nasty to them. Say something mean

about their mom or something. Bring them closer to the lip so I could shoot down. I'd love to join you in the shit, but, you know, look at this.

What am I going to say? Your mom smells like roses? I don't know what the hell to kind of insult to use on a creature that eats feces.

Your mom eats regular sandwiches. How dare you? How dare you? Your creative mom. Your mom doesn't eat feces? You're a genius on the battlefield. What kind of feces does she eat? All right.

Well, in the interest of just moving things along here, even though two of them saved against that fireball, these guys don't have a lot of hit points. You could take care of them easily. There's no reason to play out this combat. So just describe to me, those of you who are taking part in the combat, what you would do.

Jimmer goes in and just slaughters them like livestock. Slash, slash. The other one comes ambling out. Slash, slash. Dogwraith flies. Yeah. Flanking with Jimmer. jimmer misses that four times i'm sorry every shot critically fumbles flies back out sheathes a sword

that's his hands that's a job it was well done he didn't hit a single shot a single stab well done jimmer that's a team effort i've ever seen one uh all right so yeah you are able to easily dispatch of them there's no reason to play that out um cover their wounds with poop you know we we all do it we all do it to some extent but i i really do have to take a moment and give joe some props in the beginning of this podcast when when he failed terribly, it was a nightmare. He would have a meltdown. And now, he can laugh. He can laugh.

Sometimes. That was part of the dog-wraith build. Oh, okay. It's like now when I miss, I can be like, yeah, but I'm famous anyway. It doesn't matter. Yeah, you're already famous. You're not building a legacy. Your legacy has been built.

I've hit a lot in the past. You've got to trust me. You're the Kylie Jenner of this podcast. That's right. You're literally... Kylie Jenner has millions of dollars billions billions you're born on third base like that's what we're saying pathfinder equivalent exactly the uh the one of the fire giants has been completely uh incinerated obviously you can just blow that pile of ash away uh jimmy you could, as you killed the first one and the second one was coming up, the third one started to come up

and actually started to bury itself, like hiding in the filth. Oh, man. And you came and just killed it, one-shot it. So they can easily be buried in the filth. No one's going to be like, is there a dead body in here? What does that smell?

Something smells weird in here. What died in there? No, this isn't right at all. That wasn't like a family unit, was it? Was it a mom and a dad and a baby? We'll never know. But the other one, you could definitely hear it weeping. It sounded like a baby crying as it buried itself in the shit.

I just saw Toy Story 4. Don't say anything. It's covered in poop. Don't say anything. It's just, it's covered in poop. All right, all right, all right. That's what it sounds like. But there are two bodies of fire giants in here.

I don't know what you want to do, if you want to do anything. As we already talked about, I think these things weigh 1,600 pounds or 4,000 pounds. Something absurd like that. Yeah, something absurd. Four tons. What did we do to move them last time? Well, no, I can, I'm as strong as a rhinoceros. Oh, right. Like, I can drag it across.

We just had Jimmer do it. Yeah. Put it in the outhouse. Yeah. Dog Wraith will open the door. Stuff it in, and they won't be able to open the door. Who's sick right now? Oh, I'm sick.

Dog Wraith. You're sick. Okay. Does that go away? It does, but the longer you stay in here, you have to keep rolling against it. Oh, okay. So, presuming this takes Jimmer 10 minutes or so to get these bodies in, let's have everybody roll another save.

You're like, feel good, but then it's starting to overcome you again. I got it. I failed. DC 15 for it. Failed? 35. You made it. I made it.

Okay. So I was sick, and am I no longer sick? You're no longer sick. You were starting to feel good, but then overpowered again. But we'll say that's enough time for you to maybe a little bit of help if you need it to kind of maneuver these guys inside of the outhouses and close the door and just put on the occupied sign. Okay.

So our plan is to push forward and leave Thun unarmored. Well, we could at least take a look. I think we need to keep moving to the northeast. If we could cut off these barracks faster, I think that would be great. We could also leave after we do that. I will not take any unnecessary risks. However, I was hit pretty badly.

If you have any healing capabilities? Alright, so Baron will pull out the old healing wand and we'll do that. Alright, great. We'll do the healing and whatnot off air. But assuming everyone's able to get to full, what do you want to do? One, two, three, four different

ways out. Five if you include the way he came in. Well, we turned to Thun. He said he didn't know, right? Yes, I have not been beyond this chamber. I think we keep heading northeast. I always forget, can dungeoneering help you determine where the most logical place is next? No, you can tell, like, north and south underground. Right, but that's it.

Oh, I think the quest is over there can we do dc 30 to know exactly where the boss is oh let's do a survival check to see if we know where like footprints are coming from maybe that might be wise i would say survival plus perception in each of the hallways to see if maybe we hear the sounds of a barracks this started off by uh dalgrith yeah i was doing his way around. on the tunnels. You went to the southeast, then you made it northeast,

and just darkness. And just darkness. Let's just walk northeast because that's where he said it was. Shouldn't we do at least a detect magic on the cesspit to see if

anyone pooped down the magical pool? That's really smart. While you're already down there. Well, if someone, like a fire giant, accidentally swallowed

a magic ring or something. I do detect magic. I walk around the pit and detect magic across it nothing and there was nothing of note on the giants themselves that we could have

pocketed while we were putting them into the different outhouses the same stuff they have the what is it half plate and the great sword hold on a second actually this reminds me of something did I miss something or do we have a ring a magical ring that we don't know what it is oh we did yeah found something and you haven't you were you failed to identify dog wraith is going to put it on oh damn is it a ring i have i have plus one large great sword um some sort of large half plate that's magical, a magical ring.

Yeah. I'm going to put it on. Okay. Let me make sure I can. You lost all his fingers. You did lose fingers, didn't you? They were hanging by a thread. I would actually have to take a ring off, but I will.

I'll take a ring off and put it on. Okay. Do I feel any effects? Give me that ring. I'm going and put it on. Okay. Do I feel any effects? Give me that ring. I'm going to try it on. You feel warm. Oh. You feel like a very light tingle of warm feeling enveloping your whole body.

And it's comforting and nice, not disturbing. Yeah, you feel safe. Okay. It's a ring nice, not disturbing. Yeah, you feel safe. Okay. It's a ring of Higgy. Did I say that right? No. I figured it was a crapshoot no matter what. How do you say it?

I don't know. I feel this nice, warm feeling. Okay. Let's... I say we go northeast that's it's my jam if we see something we don't like we can turn back and go to another one okay let's do it all right if there's anything better than joe ranging ahead it's pronounced hygge hygge h-y-g-g-e pronounced huga huga stank huga um a ring of huga should we make uh if this is the plan joe invisible in order to scout ahead or dalgrith i should say let's make joe invisible just be better if joe was invisible the smell will stay uh i can do that if you want

i don't think it's necessary let's save it for something much more important yeah let him die if Joe was invisible. Ah, the smell will stay. I can do that if you want. I'll play it up to you guys. I don't think it's necessary. Let's save it for something much more important. Yeah, let him die. I'll never be discovered. You want to drag us in? I was just a stroke of bad luck. He happened to be coming out of the shitter at the wrong time.

Come on, give me a break. I had to burn like 16 spells to save your hide. We had to kill them all eventually anyway. We just got to jump on it. Jump start. Sorry. This is a good thing. Prest good thing uh precedent do metagaming here does uh metro have presto digitation she does because i think that can be used to clean something you're right remove remove filth yeah or make something to uh i mean yeah this isn't something jimmer's thinking but skid is saying this maybe maybe it would

occur to my travels right yeah seen it in your travels. Right, yeah. I just watched the first two episodes of Good Omens, and there is a little bit of magical cleaning that goes on. Spoilers. Well, now I can't watch it. Yep. Metro's like, Jimmer, come here. I don't want to get too close.

I know I'm a little bit rank. That's all right. I smell worse. I don't want to get too close. I know I'm a little bit rank. It's all right. I smell worse. And then she'll kind of wave her hands and curl her fingers and then kind of blast all the shit off you.

And Baron's standing directly behind me. I can't follow Baron. Will you feed me? There's no time. I take it back. There's no time. She runs off. I'm sorry.

I actually have to do it in rounds. I can only do a one-foot cube per round. Got it. So it might take me about a minute. All right. Let's do it. It's well each one. All right.

You go to the northeast. I'm assuming same thing. I also want to say chill, warm, or flavor one pound of non-living material. Oh, my God. We could have given those OTX the tastiest nugs they'd ever had there's no chance for that day i was just thinking whatever we made as he executed them heartlessly this man has a father now still he's joking about killing babies as dark as possible it's twisted man um all right we'll move up to the northeast

making that sound. All right. You're scouting ahead again. And I should say, I'm not turning down invisibility from a metagaming standpoint because I'm going to save the spell. I'm turning it down because I think Dogwraith is so confident in his own abilities that he believes he'll never be found. I'm just wondering if the rest of the party is beginning to doubt said abilities.

Exactly. I don't know what I have to say. Baron might be like, I kind of think that there might be an off. I mean, I know. What's that? Sorry, I didn't hear you. Speak up. I'm just one half of strike team Delta, and look at us as equals.

The better half. Oh, no. Yes. Don't. Dalgrith, your name is known in way more corners than that of Baron Ashpeak. And we're in Ashpeak, and no one knows my name. But I'm just saying, I just think, you know, sometimes even the best need a little bit of help, like Troy with his assistant who's useless.

Well, would you like to go ahead there, Baron? Do you want me to take – hey, I'll take your orders there. If you want me to take the spell, I'll take it. I just think it's a waste. I won't need it. Well, I just think, you know know we could use a little bit we're let metra's a little tired but you know this could be one spell that helps to save a couple um metro just makes you invisible she's tired of listening to you we'll save yeah i'm not willing all right so roll your stealth check

with the invisibility. What did you roll on the die? I rolled a natural three. Obviously. So that's a 45. Oh, it took me 200 plus episodes, but I'm finally leading this party. And your stealth bonus is less when you're using it while moving, right? Invisible while moving? No.

Yeah, it's plus 20. No, it's just... Plus 20 is close to plus 40? Yeah. Okay. Okay. You slide along. And this tunnel is not as long as the ones that you've been in because you see that it opens up after about five, six minutes

into another wide room that is lit. Oh. You don't see any sources of light, but there is just like an eerie glow over the whole room. How far can you see? I can see, you know, for miles in light. By the who? Well, then let's just go to the map. Let's go to the map. Let's do it. I can see for miles it's uh in light by the who well then let's just go to the map let's go let's do it i can see for miles i believe it's uh 1440 feet by pathfinder rules and in light

i looked this up a while ago i think it's 1440 feet really yeah in light strange Strange. Let me tell you about this room here. Wow. Big. Big. Oh, shit. Whoa. This is a big one. Another rough natural cavern is just lit by this magical light, because you don't see any source of light.

There are tunnel exits to the southwest, which is where you guys are coming from, the northwest, and the northeast, which I have purposely hidden right now on the map. Let me reveal that. Oh. Stair-like natural ridges climb towards this exit to the northeast, which is blocked by a pair

of large iron doors and a pair of fire giants. One looking significantly more badass than the other. Oh, shit. There is another fire giant you see patrolling the room of this enormous cavern. I dare say this is the largest, maybe the widest one that you've been in so far. You see those steps going up like there's a, you're basically, you're walking into a depression in the floor to the northeast there's like a little mini cliff like it would be a little chunky to get over and then to the south there's another one of these uh cliffs that leads to a platform that has two doors

leading out of this room most importantly though you see near the northeastern exit, stout wooden beams hammered in place with iron spikes supporting a cracked ceiling. The ceiling is right out in front of the iron door that they're guarding? It sure is. Yeah. And we'll see you next week. Oh, no! I don't want to start right now! Oh, man. Looks want to start right now.

Looks like you made it. Woo. The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated. Giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo. All Pathfinder images are property of Paizo and are used with permission.