The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 224 - Statue of Limitations 2: Mural Plasticity

Episode Date: September 10, 2019

The party comes upon a strange room full of familiar looking statues. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. What does this mean? What are they pretending? Oh, shit.

Oh, man. Hold it together. Come on. This is what they want you to do. Come on, now. They're just standing there. Everybody roll a perception check. Oh, no. The adventure continues. In this fair time, I prep adventures for my friends. So let's play, Giants.

You don't prep these adventures. Sure, I may want to set this up. No. Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. My name's Skid Mara. I'm on the Glass Cannon Podcast. And in fact, this is the latest episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast that you're about to listen to. is the latest episode of the glass cannon podcast that you're about to listen to uh just wanted to give you guys a heads up uh that we still have some tickets available for the la show at the

bootleg theater on october 5th uh if you're going to be in the area check that out also check out our merch store we've got some more dice that have been released along with more praise log shirts in all sizes and our new satisfactory shirts highlighting that infamous scene from Androids and Aliens that you all love so much. And that's pretty much it. Enjoy this latest episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. I am excited for this episode. He's back! I'm episode. He's back. I'm back.

He's back, baby. You know, I was sad last week. I'm excited this week. I'm excited. I'm also a little nervous. What's changed? Why? Well, it's hard.

I can't get into it now. But maybe the end of this episode or next week episode, I can get into the nitty gritty of why my excitement is tempered by a little bit of fear. Fear? Wow. Yeah. There's just a lot of moving pieces. Chess pieces? Perhaps? Chess pieces? Pieces Perhaps Checkers

Pieces You know obviously We ended last week On a real juicy cliffhanger That I don't think Anybody saw coming Certainly not Especially when

Most of the episode Was just Hard rods And collapsing walls Sandwiches Sandwiches Grinders Hoagies

And rods God I love sandwiches sandwiches, sandwiches, grinders, hoagies, and rods. God, I love sandwiches. And then, uh, invisible Metro goes into a room full of statues and a mural sees her daughter crudely drawn on the wall, looks up to her right,

sees a statue of herself. What is going on in the grinder? I don't know. Um, but there's just, there's sees a statue of herself. What is going on in the grinder? I don't know. But there's just a lot happening here. And I'm excited, but I'm nervous. I think this is a moment. This is a special episode. It's 224.

So we're getting really close to 250, which to me is a real important episode, I feel like. Is 251 the beginning of the march to 300? I know we're on it, but is it like a... I don't want to say it, Grant, but yeah, it is. It is. Oh, wow. That's the official start? The official march to 300 starts at 251.

I got my boots ready. In a short 26 weeks, half a year, we will begin the march to 300. half a year we will begin the march to 300 but uh right now uh we're on the the mini march to 250 which i'm excited about and i know i've been looking forward i've been looking forward to the march to 250 for so long i don't know what i've been told troy sucks a mighty load sound off one two that's not nice that's what i mean there I'm sorry Troy I don't know about you guys But I've been enjoying The march to 224 Which has culminated today

Congratulations Congratulations everyone Thank you Matthew Happy birthday Matthew He's 12 Arbitrary milestones Hey I think it's I think it's something to be

250 episodes Is no joke man Neither is 224 Well Neither is 253 Those are both jokes Matthew When you turn 30

You'll treat that As an important milestone That's right I turned 30 some time ago Yeah Six months ago Yeah When you get your driver's license

You'll be excited I mean I had it for a while You're right I was really excited Yeah. Six months ago. Yeah. When you get your driver's license, you'll be excited. I mean, I had it for a while. You're right. I was really excited after the end of last week's episode. Why? Really, really. Tell me why. Why?

Well, because, I mean, my head just started spiraling down. Tell me why. Thank you, Troy. Don't want to. You guys just want to sing. What? Grant, you don't know the lyrics? I know. And that's a Backstreet Boys song, right? Grant, you don't know the lyrics? I know.

And that's a Backstreet Boys song, right? No, wait, Joe. Continue on your thought. First of all, Angel's favorite band is the Backstreet Boys anyway. Sorry. Sorry. I'm shaking that off. What was I saying?

No, it was just partially because it's Metra. And I love that story. And I love the Della story and the Metra story. i love that story and i love the della story and the metro story and so that's just awesome uh but you know you take that a step further and what is happening that they're doing this as like a mural you know what i mean like it's one thing to have like dummies set up on top of a mountain that you're throwing rocks well that's the thing like we have run into this before yeah but this is a way more elaborate yeah almost as if someone is like doing like a prophetic sort of like like trying to culminate some prophecy but that's the thing too is like

this is something that we've kind of ignored or glossed over in other at other points but in lore wise like in galarian prophecy like the art of prophecy died with the god eridan like 150 years ago so there's no there's no there's no prophecy per se anymore like extant right now so well uh viable prophecy or or real prophecy right there are still people that could claim that they have the power of prophecy but and they're people that do right yeah. Remember going all the way back to book one, the cave under the Bloodmarch Hill? Yeah. The skeletons and the tomb. You found things that seemed connected, destined to you.

And, you know, there's nothing to say that this isn't an older prophecy. Right, right. So. Right, yeah. It could be not, not yeah curated by the fire giants or no but you know they could be looking to it i mean this could be why they came to ash peak mountain but that's what's you know that would be crazy they could also be misinterpreting the prophecy altogether sure if it is a real prophecy it's that they could be thinking that

they're going to be here to stop us but you know we could be the ones that are the heroes who knows right everyone thinks they're the chosen people right um and either way my point is that i was very excited about it uh because i think there's a lot of potential for really fun story but now now i'm you've got me nervous about it i wasn't nervous at all walking to this episode i was like this is exciting but now you're doing something weird and it makes me feel like you're gonna like have no choice but to start killing people. I mean, as much as I love the curveball of seeing Della or someone that reminds us of Della on the wall and her mom right there, there is something archetypal about...

Archetypal? Archetypal? Archetypal. Listen. Typical. Troy recently said...roy recently said something had a patent on it instead of a patina no one said shit uh anyway it was it was this you knew you knew where it was all right thank god uh and he had a written down this was off the dome

extemporaneous uh the point is is that there is something uh very very tropish about a room full of statues in a dungeon. Tropical. Tropical. Tropical. Yes. Tropical thunder. It's the room of tropical thunder! So I'm excited to see.

But yes, you're right. I'm excited to see what we have to do to deal with it. I've been thinking. Personally, I've been thinking about the show. Have if you guys watch the prisoner the show the prisoner the original show yeah um i mean i was a huge fan growing up it was my one of my dad's favorite shows used to watch together on sunday nights on pbs um it is it really like and i just it's on prime now anyone has prime who hasn't seen it or has seen it in the past, like, please, like, go check it out.

It's really fucking good. I hear it's excellent. Oh, it's amazing. It's so, it's so good. And, by the way, the star and one of the co-creators wrote and directed the last episode, Patrick McGowan. From who? Irish actor, born in Astoria.

Wow. So, yeah, right by here. We truly walk in the footsteps of giants. I've always wanted to like do a campaign in a setting like the island yeah yeah and it's so great it's one of the things that i love which is like the secret agent stuff yeah but it's like combined with this kind of like weird psychological be seeing you yeah be seeing you um but this is making me think of that again that and the book the magus which is which is like kind of inspired uh the uh the prisoner or vice versa camera which

was which but it's like this kind of like the chess game like that was one of the features in the show was like this living chess game right right right um so i but it's it's one of the things that i'm also watching legion now like i don't know if you guys have been watching that have you ever seen it but it's it's really it's pretty good it's really good too and it's like it's a kind of like psychological kind of like kind of torture kind of like manipulation that's what this feels like too it's certainly not what you were expecting no it's it's not it reminds me of teenage mutant ninja turtles three turtles in time yeah I was wrong Sorry I just had a player Jesus Christ Archetypal

Archetypal Sorry Just wanted to make Absolutely sure There was a third Archetypal This is the original Teenage

The original movie There was a third One of them Yes And the original The original April came back And Elias Koteas

As Casey Jones Came back And they traveled Back to feudal Japan Did Vanilla Ice Do a song for that, too? No, that's number two. That's two.

You know what fucking bugs me about Teenage Mutants and Turtles? What grinds your gears today? Well, what really grinds me? When that launched as a comic back in, I think it was 86. It was gritty. It was very gritty. Yes. Raphael was a psychopath in that book.

He was a violence-loving murderer. was a psychopath in that book. He was a violence-loving murderer. Casey Jones was basically Jason from the Friday the 13th franchise. It was very different, and then they sold it to have Fox Kids or whatever. Fox. Fondue Namco or something.

Yeah, and then it turned into a kid show. We love pizza! And it's just like, no, they love murder. You go back, they love murder. It's oftentimes, in terms of talking about the intersection of art and commerce when you discuss the role of the Medici's and the Renaissance. But you're talking about Hasbro. Was it Hasbro that bought the Ninja Turtles or who was it? Yeah, I think it was Hasbro.

Yeah, but they brought the Ninja Turtles and they took them away from the murderous, psychopathic. It was beautiful. Psycho-pipple? Psycho-pipple? I believe it's psycho-ppipple But there was a great That was a thing too It's like It took me 224 episodes

But I finally learned How to shit on myself You got it Feels good You finally He's growing You're in it Well done

But there was There was a great Tabletop RPG Based on the comic book Franchise also Back with Palladium That did the Riffs RPG franchise But there was a great tabletop RPG based on the comic book franchise also. Back with Palladium, they did the RPG franchise, the Robotech, like all those things. It was really good.

And it was based on that. And it was very weird, very violent, and really cool. And they made it all super dumb by turning it into what they turned it into. And God bless Eastman and laird for getting paid but fuck them in the same uh breath wow wow yeah i didn't mean to incite that i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry that i i i can't help myself i was gonna follow up just asking who everyone's like favorite turtle was a donatello uh michael angelo he's a party dude leonardo i'm a donatello guy fuck all. Who are you, Joe?

Michelangelo. Oh, nunchucks, dude. Come on. So front door. This kid would be a Donatello. It's like being a Yankees fan. Like Michelangelo. Oh, come on.

You watch one game a year with a brand new hat on. Those are the Michelangelo fans. Dude, Michelangelo. Nunchucks? Dude, he liked ice cream on pizza. And he was a psychopath. Most people that like Michelangelo don't even know the Dude, he liked... It's all about the weaponry. He liked ice cream on pizza. And he was a psychopath. Most people that like Michelangelo don't even know the names of the other three turtles. Oh. Moving on.

I just realized Thune has evasion, so he gets those hit points back from last night. Oh, all right. That's awesome. Give it up for Thune. Nice job. Good job, Thune. See, that guy, he just takes a licking, keeps on ticking. Who was Raphael's weapon?

Size. Damn it. Come on. Please. I used a sprint home from church to catch it i was like i can't i have no time for coffee i will see the turtles and run and stippy i used to it's ironic that the renaissance painters would paint scenes of christ and his story and you would run home from church to watch anyway you know has a really hard to have a katana yes two two sam rockwell has a small role in the in the first turtles movie is that true yeah he's one of the he's one of the foot clan like like really in training guys he's like he's the one who tries to like he has the two different he has two different cases of cigarettes and he's like

menthol or and then they're like and they're like menthol and that's him wow wow want me to tell you my meeting sam rockwell in central park story i mean just hanging out a couple old friends man but listen we're gonna move on out in central park with bill murray yeah central park with sam rockwell busy guy but uh in my spare time I prep adventures for my friends So let's play Giants You don't prep these adventures Sure I make most of this up Alright

Metra You know what Let's just go to the videotape here Let's take you to the map Oh This map is large Oh that is a big map Wow

Look at Metra That little P Beep Where am I? Oh this is not looking this is not looking holy crap that's huge it does not look like a chest set no no it would be uh you see those nine statues there and there's more leaning against the wall right now there's just like three there but imagine there's more um you guys uh meaning everyone that isn't Metra are back in that tunnel,

um, 30 feet away or so. But Metro, you look up as we ended last week's episode, you look up and you see a very, very crudely forged statue of you. And you know, it's you,

even though it's like got armor strapped to it. Very awkwardly. Yeah. Which you're not wearing. I don't know. I don't think you're wearing armor as a sorcerer. I'm not telling you. But you're not wearing half plate like this statue is wearing, but you know that it's you.

Is this some kind of idealized version of Metra? No, no. Like a heroicized... It looks like it was made by someone who's clearly not an artisan, but was directed to make a statue that looked like her. And these statues

aren't fixed to the floor, are they? No, they're on pedestals. Small pedestals. And the armor is an actual armor hanging on stone. It's actual physical armor

wrapped around the statue. Oh. I wonder if they're, like, practicing on it or something. Or worse. Can I do armor wrapped around the statue. Oh. I wonder if they're like practicing on it or something. Or worse. Can I do a perception on the statue? What's worse? Matthew, what do you mean? Fucking him? Jeez!

What do you mean? Jesus, this has gone off the rails. I mean they're going to come to life and destroy us. That would be worse. Well, don't think of J. Edgar Hoover. What brought that up? If you think of J. Edgar hoover j edgar hoover will appear and destroy us so just clear your minds we only have one shot at this i try to think of the most innocent time of my life my time back at camp ray what did you do ray what do you do matra

uh i would like to roll a perception on the statue of me and try to understand what's up with it okay do it uh 30. of me and try to understand what's up with it. Do it. 30. Roll perception on the statue. Sorry. You look at the statue. And it's very, very

surreal because it's like, not grotesque, but it's like a statue that would be made by a child, like a cigarette tray or an ashtray. Remember, you used to make an ashtray? At camp? Yeah. Summer camp? What an odd gif now. I know.

Hey, child, make an ashtray. Make an ashtray if you change smoking parents when you get home. But I mean, it's got that kind of like awful look to it. The teacher has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth while she's helping you make it. Now, let's get the glass blower. I make a brandy snifter for your dad. Make a switch for your dad. Beat you in.

You'll look forward to this you look it's just kind of looking at you like with a really strange uh look on its face uh like but you know it's you um it's not moving or anything right no it's got armor and like one of its arms is out like it's casting the other arm behind it. I'm going to slip back towards the others. Okay. And as I'm going, do I recognize any of the other statues as I pass by? So you walk by the one down here in the lower left. You don't recognize it.

It's a larger male human. And then the one in the middle is also one you don't recognize. How tall these statues again? Uh, they're about anywhere from, you know, five and a half feet. Cause there are some dwarfs,

uh, even smaller to, uh, you know, but they're like, they're like life size to the, Oh, they're not oversized.

No, they're not oversized. Oh, that's not what I was picturing. They're humanoid sized, but they look, they're not humanoid. Giants are humanoid. Right. I mean, small, they're not oversized. Oh. That's not what I was picturing. They're humanoid sized. Giants are humanoid. Right.

Small, medium humanoids. Got it. Medium humanoids. Sorry. But they look... Sorry. On the map, they look pretty big. Yeah, they look huge. Are the pedestals really big that they're on?

The pedestals are... Yeah, I mean, imagine that the size on the map, those those are the pedestals, but the actual statues are just regular size. Yeah, medium human size. Life size. Life size. Good work. Metra, if she can, will get to the gate and she'll make a small noise, like, signal them all to come in. Okay.

If the room is empty. Metra, what do you see? You'll have to see it for yourself but the room appears to be empty sorry got real ominous real fast yeah you'll have to see for yourself you'll have to see are you still daddy's little girl? Jimmer is going to come out and start making his way. He's going to look at this, the middle statue closest to us. There's a row of three. He's going to look at the middle one.

It's a man, a human man, looks like. And he has a bow and arrow drawn, but you don't recognize him. I don't recognize him? Mm-hmm. And he all know who this guy is. Turn for us. Baron will walk up to Jimmer and take a look.

And at any of the other statues he can, and he wants, Grant wants Baron to see what Metra saw, basically. So he's maybe trying to angle towards that. So perception? You don't even need to. You're there. It's visible. The big hulking statue that you walk by appears to be four bears.

Oh, wow. And the one that Jimmer just walked up to looks like Nestor. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Baron just his knee sinks down and he kind of grabs his head and his whole bandolier goes back.

They've been prophesizing all of us. They've been predicting us coming. They've been telling us. We're reincarnated from old giant heroes and then we strike them down and the further we go down here they... I'm sorry, y'all. I'm not making... Baron, here.

Jimmer puts his arm around him. Hold it together. Come on. This is what they want you to do. Come on now. What about the ones up against the wall? You're saying you know these people? Yeah, I do. That man there, that's four bears.

He fought with pride and power like I'd never seen. He told me. I'd just never seen him myself that one there is the devious Nestor Coyne he took a man's life away from us before it should have gone and now he's gone who else do I see?

anyone else so far or do we have to move in further? you gotta move in a little further we'll move in, let me show you to move in a little further. All right. We'll move in. Let me show you. Let me tell you who else is in here. I have a sinking suspicion that it's all people, but on this path. So you continue walking in, and sure enough, you start... It's like walking down memory lane.

You see Gormley. Oh my god. Over here in the middle. If Jerm is walking around, you're drawn to the middle one. You see Calabras. Oh shit. Oh man. Whoa.

What about the ones leaning up against the wall? Leaning up against the wall leaning up against the wall um you see a half orc that you don't recognize one statue that looks like it's been completely beaten and cut up you can't even recognize what it was anymore um like destroyed chopped at beaten and um and the other one appears to be a dwarf. They ain't talented enough to get these up this fast. And Baron just mutters to himself, and he wants to see how old they are.

Yeah, good question. So what should I do for that to determine the age? Do a carbon dating. Carbon dating, literally. Yeah, so I pull out my carbon dating kit. Nerd age. You can do profession stone cutting. Okay.

Cunning. It's been a while. It is time for nerd age. 29, 31 if it's stone cunning. Okay. And where are you in particular uh so who do i see so far uh that i've been able to see i've seen four bears i've seen nester i've seen galabras in the middle here where jimler is gormley i think i would have stopped my tracks

at gormley with dalgryth by my side and been like now this woman's hair looks crazy but she had a mind about her in a way to to control our enemies and i i wouldn't be standing here next to you dalgrith if it wasn't for gormley okay you have howie on your person right yeah and how yeah i think how he comes out of my jacket And like looks up at it and... Yeah. Look up at Gormley. And it appears to be less than a week old. Wow. Hot damn. These are less than a week old. He mutters to himself, do they look like they're strong and made solidly out of stone?

Or is this like a Ghostbusters, I can hack through the empty body and Sigourney Weaver's inside? No, they look to be pretty strong. Now, Metro, you're over there near the ones leaning against the wall. Like I said, you saw it looks like a half-orc, a dwarf, and what was the other thing I said? Something that had been hacked away. That's right, hacked away to pieces. The one that's been hacked away and beat up looks a little bit older.

You can tell, like, it's not a week old. I don't know. Baron's yelling out, like, this one looks like a week old. But, yeah, they all look to be of varying ages. But, for example, Gormley looks to be less than a week old. Wow. Yeah. Baron, do you recognize these?

I'll walk over there you'll walk over there and uh you see lork and i'm realizing now that you see baron so metro you would have recognized that it's baron baron uh leading i can't even recognize you anymore you've gained so much weight it's a real fat baron that's just mean. I was going for like, Baron pulls out a hammer and chisel and starts cling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Oh, it's

because the statue is played by Daniel Day-Lewis. That's why. That's good, Matt. There we go. That is pretty damn good. Dalgrith, you came up there to look or you're staying no no when he walked away i'm staying back and sort of walking over towards this like altary thing here what what does this mean what are they what are they pretending i mean sorry

baron spins around and looks for statues of jimmer metra and dalgrith to see if there are any of those um there's metro you don't see dal oh there is metro that's right but but a different metro of Jimmer, Metra, and Dalgrith to see if there are any of those. There is Metra. You don't see Dalgrith. Oh, there is Metra, that's right. But a different Metra. Or what about Della? We saw Della on the mural. Is there a Della statue?

Roll a perception check. Okay. 29. Okay, middle top up here appears to be Della. Oh, my God. There are two more statues that you haven't looked at

Neither of them appear to be a dwarf But you see on the far side Up top here What appears to be Sir Will Where's Sir Will? Top left Top left, ah okay And then the one on the pedestal

To the top right is unrecognizable That's the one that's been Well to the top right is unrecognizable. That's the one that's been... Well, one on the wall is unrecognizable, and then this one that's still standing here is unrecognizable. The armor, all these statues have the armor wrapped around them, similar to the Metra statue. This one, however, the armor is cracked and split and laying near the pedestal.

Do you guys walk up there at all, or are you just looking? I want to check the one that's cracked and laying at the pedestal. Do you guys walk up there at all, or are you just looking? I want to check the one that's cracked and laying at the pedestal. That's right. I'm thinking particularly, or Baron is as he walks up to it, the deal that Brander wanted to strike by giving him the armor. And the fact that Baron, in his moment of weakness and perhaps poor leadership, And the fact that Baron, in his moment of weakness and perhaps poor leadership, did not demand that that armor be destroyed. And now it's out-havocing all sorts of destruction on the world and just thinking about armor, armor, armor as he's walking up to it and what could be broken and cracked inside of it. side of it. Meanwhile Thun as you're walking

over to that one is on the other opposite side of the room just staring at this mural. Just like looking at this story. It looks like it's being told across the wall. Is the unrecognizable one Thun

because he's a shapeshifter? You don't know. You're over there now and you can tell like I mean you can't tell what it once was. Are there any PCs in our story that are missing? So far? Not playing. I was like thinking who do they hate the most?

Lork's other form. Elf Lork. Elf Lork. And all the animal companions you have. Right. Yeah. That's everybody, right? As you're standing there.

I think that was everybody. As you're standing there, everybody roll a perception check. 15. Adriel. 26. 27. Or 37, I'm sorry.

Okay. Baron, you're the first one to hear the shuffling of feet. Oh. Towards the northwest portion of the room. You're the one closest to that area. You're obviously to the northeast. It's the northwest. Out of an opening in the door, you see a frost giant walk out.

And he's got like a long bluish-white beard that comes down to a point. It looks like he has braided blue and white hair that's braided into a mohawk on his head with the sides of his head shaved. He's wearing a furry cloak that comes up to his, covering his ears, and he looks right at you and says, look at you. He's just calmly walking. I thought it so strange when Quivixia told us to shape these dummies into such particular forms. What difference does it make, I said in the most reverent tones

of course. Just slap some armor on wooden logs, and I will make legendary warriors out of giants who have never wielded anything but a club. I didn't, Skirgard. I've done it here.

And I will do it for the front lines of the Storm Tyrant's army when called upon. But no. No, she insisted. She insisted that the great oracle of the mountain had seen things. the mountain had seen things. That legendary warriors on the opposing side were destined to make their journey here, here to Ash Peak, and here to this very room. She said that some had already fallen, and yet live While others still exist on the fringes

Unaware of their connection to the wars that are to come As he's walking forward you see Other giants entering the room behind him Oh shit I was instructed to step away. And step away I did from this room so that the great oracle could come here and paint

what you see before you, what your friend seemed so interested in. So I walked away because one does not disobey the queen but I had to stifle laughter as the iron workers came and studied these drawings and then forged for me statues like that aging half-orc. This old woman,

pointed to Gormley, and what was once a young boy who looked barely able to carry a mace, let alone swing it, pointing at Galapros. These were the legendary warriors destined to face off against Volstis? But I will admit,

the dwarf who wielded a weapon I had never seen before gave me pause. And now, that dwarf stands before me. I am not a pious man, but I believe in this moment. I have found my faith. I've always preferred the cold, but perhaps the mysteries of the volcano are worth warming up to. of the volcano are worth warming up to. He continues just slowly walking forward

but keeping his distance as several other giants come up from behind him. Do you know what this room is used for? I don't. Combat training. The best and brightest

are brought here for me to train them. The problem is, these dummies never fight back. Sure, we'll strap some armor on a slave from time to time, but they are target practice at best. I have been ultimately limited in what I can teach, you see. Time to time, but they are target practice at best. I have been ultimately limited in what I can teach, you see. But now, here you all stand. A perfect opportunity to see how the training has been going.

Let me stop you right there, Fred, and introduce myself. You may not be a pious man, and I might not be a dirty fiend, but right here in this room, we're the ones in between. And I'll tell you one thing. You talked about the best and the brightest. Well, my name's Baron Ashpeak, Sheriff Baron Ashpeak. I'm the best, and these three are the brightest. So if you want to get down to brass tacks and stop talking around the issue, we can get to it. We can

give you the fight you've been waiting for. If not, you keep on blabbering in your mouth. You'll be more tired by the time I kill you. He like cracks his back and neck and it like echoes throughout the cavern.

Alright then. Let the cavern. Alright then. Let the training begin. Oh, fuck. Roll for initiative. Oh my god. Baron! Oh my god.

I'm so nervous. I'm actually terrified. Let me show you what this dude looks like oh geez i should have had him up the whole time yeah you should have i just i i lost myself in the moment in the zone uh how awesome is that he looks like allister black on wwe anyway i love his hair he's got good hair he's got good hair uh all right this is this is huge oh boy oh boy this is huge he looks exactly like alistair black grant showing a picture right now like he really does look like he looks like alistair blue there are there are 12 people Listening right now Very excited

I'm very excited 12 Let me rearrange These young Men and women Here So there's Fire giants

And frost giants Now you'll see Why I was I was slightly nervous About this episode Oh boy As you see Behind him

Are a crew of Three fire giants and two frost giants, making it six giants against five legendary warriors. And this map is so huge. So Baron's behind the northeast statue, and he is currently 50 feet away from his closest teammate. Looking at the... How far is Thune away? Thune's's gonna have to

use the run action to uh get him thune to baron is as the crow flies 185 feet holy moly well it's only 190 feet away from dalgryth yeah luckily thune is also about that that far from the giants so oh boy they might be giants. They, they certainly are. Um, all right, let's go over, let's go over initiative.

This makes me nauseous. Okay. Uh, Baron, what do you got? Could not be any worse. 16, a one on the dog.

No, he could talk the talk, but he could not walk the walk. No, it wasn't ready. This combat for you to do that to us is really really frustrating yeah we're gonna take that personally you you think he would have negotiated this guy all right let's keep going wow wow okay uh what about metra not great either 15

Dalgrip. You got those boots of haste. 27. 27 for Dalgrip. Useless. Useless without Metra and Baron. Thune rolled a solid 12. What about Jimmer?

Here we go. I'm going to save it. Natural 20 for 25. Jimmer! Jimmer! Jimmer! Jimmer is the best. Man, I can't. I want to get into this. It is round one.

Oh, boy. It is ugly. And it is Dalgrith's turn. Oh, man. Dalgrith, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? I don't know, man. This is awful. I don't want to have a 27 when metro has a 15 i don't live in a world serious problem uh i mean there's a way to fix that i know i know i

know uh so dog wraith is just going to this map is huge he's just yeah i mean he is hundreds of feet from these giants so i'm'm just going to move to Metra. I'll move over to Metra in case she has something planned and just part myself there. All right. What's the plan? He looks at her wide-eyed, halfway terrified. And that's my action.

So you just stay there? Yeah, I don't really know what else to do. I'm not going to double move into the middle and let them charge at me. Did you have to move to Metro or were you already there? I had to move to Metro. Okay, I wasn't sure. Okay, it is Jimmer's turn. Jimmer's in a very similar situation here.

Jimmer is going to make eye contact like two great NBA players. Like Kobe and Shaq. Yeah, what does Jimmer think in this moment? Like, are you fired up about the prospect? Or are you a little like, fudge? This is something, well, it's something I'm thinking about. Like, Jimmer is not a guy motivated by, like, rage or revenge or even, like, a great great cause he's just a guy who does the work yeah like he's a guy who drills constantly like in the morning in the night footwork shield work

everything just basics basics basics like all the time yeah and so he's just like he sees a threat and he's just like just trying to think like what's the best way to you're like the john stockton of the crew yeah exactly and so he tried he makes eye contact with metro to see like if if she is thinking about like shooting us over into the middle of all this or what classic stockton malone connection that he has. We're going to start calling Metra the postman. She always delivers. It's the mailman. Yeah, the postman. Same thing.

The postman. The movie, the postman. Are you delaying your action? Or do you want to... Metra, I can speak out of turn, right? Sure. It's like, if we're going to... Matthew can't, but Metra can.

I'd prefer if you didn't speak out of turn. I'll try to keep it... If we're going to be moving around, you better get close. All right, so Jimmer is going to act. He's going to take a five-foot step. Well, you know what? Actually, I could easily, if I just shortened my move by five feet, which would make perfect sense to do, then you can delay.

And then Metrican move and move less. And then you can still have your action. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool. All right.

So Jimmer will delay then. It is the cool-looking fire giant's turn in the back. He looks lame to me. The, uh... Dude! He takes his pocket protector out, throws it on the ground. He calls me not!

He's got tortoise shell glasses. Go back to pre-cast, loser. Your glasses are lame, dude! He, uh, he double moves to, uh, stand... Bear, bear! Bear, bear! Up, kind of, like, protecting his, uh, boss man. Um, although, I mean, he looks pretty badass in his own right. So he's just going to double move there.

And now he's so... Obviously, Baron's behind a pillar, but he's what? 40, 60, 45 feet away from Baron? Give or take. Give or take. And it is Baron's turn. Baron is going to swift action call down a judgment of sacred protection on himself. He is then going to go ahead and take a pot shot at the ringleader,

the guy he was jawing with beforehand. It's going to be 60 feet, so it's going to be outside of his first range increment. He's going to go ahead and spend the grit points to resolve against Touch AC at a minus two. Everybody's looking at you like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is important, though. It's one shot, so he's still going to be able to move a bit before anything happens,

which might just give us enough time to deal with stuff. Everyone looks so nervous. Y'all are a little terrified. Here it comes. Lawbringer. Everyone, let's put a little bookmark in this moment. When we look back on the history of the show. Uh-oh.

Misfire. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Troy, you were probably feeling pretty upset about how your combats went the last couple of weeks. But I got to tell you, the law of averages is finally catching up with all. It's really it's really that's the God I worship.

The God of math. The God of average. So Barron's wisely, I would say, saved his move action, spends another grit point to quick clear his gun, and he will stay where he is. Okay. So your gun is clear. Yes, it will no longer explode if I misfire again. Oh, good. But I'm down two grit points, but that's not bad

because I've killed some giants at the end of episodes, so I'm doing pretty good. It's Metra's turn. What? Gosh. Wait, what did you roll again, Metra? 15, I believe. Ah, it is not Metra's turn. It's his turn.

The king of all the giants. Oh, goddammit. Oh, damn! He's got a comment to be like, if you come with the king, you best not miss. What is that line? Come with the king. That's it? That was one king, you best not miss.

That's it? That was one. Thank you. That was it. I just messed up postman earlier. How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss? All right.

Sorry, I was just readjusting here the initiative. Okay. It is his turn. And Baron just shoots and misses. A weapon I had never seen before. He is going to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm so excited. I don't even know what to do.

And you just can't hide it. I don't, I don't, I don't. Okay. He is going to He is going to Um He is going to Move Oh dear Um

Oh man I want to see how I'm going to play this out Which is really interesting I've never been in this position Here with you guys You guys have always got the jump on my guys Yeah especially in this Book Like everything we've been able to jump Right in the middle of you You guys have always got the jump on my guys Yeah, especially in this Book Like everything we've been able to jump

Right in the middle of you He is actually going to move Up to Behind the pillar That is opposite Baron So to his north Is a fire giant And to his west

Is a fire giant Grant is his west is a fire giant. Grant is frantically texting something. Texting Matthew. I think Grant has some designs on how I can save him. I'm sure it isn't the most effective combat maneuver. He saved himself last round. Grant is the Steve Rogers of this

group. He is the best tactician out of all of us. I wouldn't make light of it he he moves there and that's all he does that's all at least you see that he does and it is

now it is mattress turn I'm gonna share the text that Grant just sent to me I said to darkness in all caps exclamation point in all caps, exclamation point, and then concealment, exclamation point. The radius on darkness is 20 feet. This room is much, much larger than that.

What is that? The locus of battle. I mean, I don't want the whole room dark, Matthew. Jesus Christ. I can't help you with darkness, my friend. No, later on. Anyway. All right.

When this shit goes down, we'll get 50% consumer. Yeah. Yeah. I have other things in mind, Granch. I'm trying to manage a battlefield here. Disintegrate against a fortitude. Great. Oh, shit.

It's already getting TPI. I know. Nothing goes bad when there starts to be infighting in round one. You're an asshole! You're an asshole! We haven't actually had any combat yet. Already.

Backfighting. Metro's gonna take a five foot set. Maybe if you met a character that had any mechanical relevance, it would be

the situation! Oh, man. I wish I had said that to Forbears. Oh, man. Hey, he killed the that to four bears. Oh, man. Hey, he killed the wicker man. Digging into the past. Metro's going to take a five-foot step.

First, she's going to use her quickened metamagic rod to cast Fly on herself. Ooh. Wait, let me ask first. How tall are the ceilings in this room? Five feet. How are the giants standing? That is excellent news. Oddly enough, wherever the giants happen to be standing it's 20 feet okay i know the ceiling moves with them uh no it's uh 20 feet high 20 feet high no uh

giants are like 20 feet what is it's the norm whatever i've been saying so far i think 23 is what you've been saying is it what i've been saying oh far. 23 is what you've been saying. Is it what I've been saying? Oh, well, then I would not. Pretty much. Well, how about this? If it's 20 feet, they couldn't walk up those platforms and still be standing. Yeah, so it makes sense to be 30. Unless the ceiling was elevated there. Yeah, yeah. Because it's a natural cavern.

But, you know, if it does, basically the way the book says it is like, all the caverns are this unless it says differently. And it doesn't say differently. So if I've been saying 20, it's 20. But I may have been saying 30. So, well, let me, you tell me what you want to do. If the ceilings are that low, the fly doesn't make any sense at all.

So instead... Oh, how long has it been since we came into the room? I'd say however long it takes to discourage you from doing what you want to do. I just want to know if it's been less than 13 minutes. It has been... You know, it's less than 13 minutes. It has been. You know, it's funny you mention that. It has been 13 minutes and 20 seconds.

Yeah, I had a feeling. You just. That's such bullshit. We saw like two things. In all honesty, like you've been in the room exploring. I would say. So I'm no longer invisible is what I'm trying to figure out. No, you're no longer invisible. Okay.

Okay. So my five foot step and then I will dimension door the three of us. Dog, Wreath, Metro, and Jimmer. I'm very interested to see where you end up in this. Yeah, I thought you might be. This big old mess of giants. Yeah. Baron changed the calculus on this a little bit.

Couldn't believe he stayed there. Yeah. So we're going to hop over to the far, far fire giant. Oh, my God. You're going to kill over to the far, far fire giant. Oh, my God. You're going to kill him. Oh, wow. That's where I thought we would go. And I was like, but Baron.

I don't have any way to help him. Yeah. I can't help him and us. So I couldn't even like I had a backup plan if he was within 30 feet. But then he moved out of that range, too. By the way, Matthew, you already established this. You could talk out of turn if you wanted to. I was just letting you play your own character, buddy.

Wow. And then you were mean to me, so I didn't really feel that bad about it. That's after the fact. That is some post-fact editing. You're pretty much mean to me all the time, Grant. Your hatred is well established. Oh, come on. post fact editing uh you're pretty much mean to me all all the time already it's not a good time to have infighting so that just cast a mention door that's the dimension door yeah and then I'm gonna use the quick and meta

magic rod to cast cast shadow trap on the closest frost giant. So if you will please roll a will save. Will save. This is shadow trap? Yeah. It's what I used on you before. Okay. Here comes my will save.

Oh, man. That was a bunch of different numbers, but it ended up on a 15. That's a fail, my friend. Yeah! That it is. Yeah, okay. So what happens? I don't remember. You are pinned to your current location. My shadow! And you're entangled and it prevents you from moving farther than five feet from your original position. Yeah!

It's like Peter Pan! I have the entangled condition? Yeah. Okay. I can keep reading. once I float up again. Each round on your turn, the target can attempt a new saving throw to end the effect as a full round action. Okay. None of your creatures are flying,

so that really won't apply to you. Wow, so move at half speed, can't run or charge, minus two on attack rolls, minus four to dex. Except that you are pinned and can't move more than five feet away. Oh, in this case, I'm pinned.

I can't move at half speed. Yeah, like the the shadow trap that spell just holds you to your extra i pinned your shadow to the ground away from it uh okay and that is my turn all right did i drop us within where i want the map is so big uh yes i think that's the best we're gonna do okay uh Uh, yes. I think that's the best we're going to do. Okay. Uh, moving right along. Also, Jimmy, you want to jump?

I'm going to take my turn. Uh, Jimmy would like to have the floor here. Uh, Jimmy's going to take, I'm nervous now. Run! Run! Oh, God. I've been having such good luck lately. I'm very nervous now.

You've been red hot. And you've already used both of your re-rolls today. I've used my re-rolls, so this could be trouble. Let's see. Natural 17, Critical Threat. That's one shot. One shot him, bro. Critical! Critical Threat! Natural 19 on the confirmed confirmed i believe that will do it beautiful

all right this one from jeremy in wisconsin unbelievable hi jeremy uh split in twain oh that's gonna be a slashing weapon only but you have a sl. I do. Your blade finds its mark on the side of your target. Target must roll a reflex save. Passing reflex save results in normal damage, and the target is no longer at risk. If the target fails the reflex save, double damage, and now the target must pass a fortitude save or be split in twain and become permanently dead. Whoa. What?

Yeah, so you get two. You get two saves. It's a death effect, essentially. All right, should I roll my saves first? Yeah, you get a one reflex save. And what's the DC? 42. That might confirm, right? Oh, you rolled a 90, 19 on the confirm?

It's actually 44. So I have to roll a natural 20 to confirm on the reflex save. Yes, and then you're going to have to roll a natural 20 on the fortitude save. Wait, this seems insane. Read it again. If the target fails the reflex save, double damage, and now the target must pass a fortitude save or be split

in twain and become permanently dead. And the DC is always the confirmation roll, so that's insane. I mean, he did roll a natty 19 on the card. Natty 17 followed by a natty 19. Yeah, it could have been. And you get two saves, but it's still so high. This might be straight up permadeath. Jesus Christ.

Come on, Jimmer. This is awesome. I'll roll the reflex save. Okay. 12. That's a fail. 12 on the die. So you get at least double damage even if you roll a natural 20.

And now, oh my God. Should I go back to neon green? I'm so excited. Oh my God. LaVallee green has been rolling well oh my god uh man i i'm gonna stick with la vallee green here oh my god this thing has been chained in 20s it has been all day all day uh another 12 that is shades of like ingrahild yeah you know what i mean that's i think that's the only

only the second time we've had a crit with the death uh yeah yeah so That was on a card. Wow. So in one action, the odds have been evened, at least in terms of bottom. Jimmer! Holy shit. We just blink out of existence, blink back in. In the same instant, Jimmer just swings his sword and just cuts him in half. And cuts a fire giant in half. Right in front of his trainer. Amazing.

It's like berserk. It's like guts. It is. I got you. I think I hit guts It is You know the blood is spraying Yeah yeah I think he I'm like I think he cuts

He like reaches up And like slices down Like cuts him like right Like underneath his sternum And like right down Through his I think It might get stuck

On his sternum And then just like A little bit more First And then All the way through Spray of blood Isn't it isn't it good

fellas isn't he in the shower and he's like jimmy oh yeah that's right that's just screaming that didn't really work out well for everybody else after that though well but that was ways that's a way down though they got a lot of fur coats before that. Those are the good days. What did I tell you? What did I say? Okay. Okay. And he feels the natural one coming.

Natural 17 followed by a natural 19. Yes. Permadeath crit. Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm done.

You're done. Yeah. All right. Time for some giants to roll here. Oh, God damn it. We have, let's see. There are two frost giants left, two fire giants, and the other frost giant, the one that was talking mad trash.

But he went already, right? He moved. He moved. He did not take standard action, as far as you know. Or maybe he did. Don't worry about it, Matthew. I'm sorry. I'm going to get to that.

In the meantime, the frost giant nearest... Well, let's do this here. Man, I'm like legit nervous. This is Dalgrith here? Yeah. Okay. So that frost giant is going to... He's pinned. He's the one that's pinned, so he can't move at all.

He can take a five foot step, or he can spend a full round action to... He's pinned. He's pinned. He's the one that's pinned, so he can't move at all. He can take a five-foot step, or he can spend a full round action to attempt another saving throw. And that's reflex? Will. Will. Oh, it's Will? You sure? Yeah.

Sure, Will. His reflex is garbage now because of the entangled condition, so... Because of that penalty to his dex. His dex is now five. God, okay. five. God. Okay. Positive. Yeah.

And each round on its turn, the target can attempt a new saving throw to end the effect as a full round action. It's not a tough save. It's a first level spell. Yeah, but these guys aren't super spry.

It's a will save. Oh, that's right. They're not super willful. Yeah. Why couldn't it be a fortitude save? They're not smart willful Yeah Why couldn't it be A fortitude save They're not smart either Alright Okay

Man Just roll the die Troy Yeah I mean It's worth Him just trying at least Spending the whole action Oh 18

That passes Okay Alright I didn't think I had a chance. I figured at this level, your DCs are pretty high. That's a first-level spell. It's a first-level spell. I was using the quick and mad magic.

I'll give you credit where credit's due. You get more mileage out of low-level spells than a lot of people that I've played with. That's the nicest thing you've ever said about me. You're welcome, you pasta-eating jerk. I had to say something mean right after. Can't let it keep going too long. All right, so that's his full round action. He can't do anything.

Okay, so he's just going to stay there. He unpinned his shadow from the ground. Unpinned his shadow. The other frost giant's like, Charlie! You all right? Talk to me, Charlie. Charlie! Charlie! Charlie! You all right? Talk to me, Charlie! Charlie! Charlie! Charlie! Say something! He is going to, uh...

Say something, Charlie! He's going to create a unified front against Dalgrith, Metra, and Jimmer there. Come up to his buddy and just take a move action, and you see he's, like, ready to fight. Okay? Uh, let's move on to the, uh, remaining ready to fight. Okay? Let's move on to the remaining fire giants. Okay?

Let's start with the lieutenant, who I think is going to have the movement to get right up and barren situation. 5, 10, 15, 20, 20. Oh, yeah. Oh, didn't he already move? Diagonal? I staggered the diagonals. I thought that guy already moved. I thought he was the first one to go.

You might be right. I think you are right. You are right, Matthew. You are right. Matthew, I take back everything I've ever said about you. Oh, save your life. Everything? Also, if I'm not mistaken,

Last night at a man's, he saved my life. Do you know that that's how the movement rules work for sure? I thought that your second diagonal doesn't matter when it is. No, no. As long as you, if you intersperse diagonal movement with lateral movement, it doesn't count extra. If you go diagonal, diagonal, the second diagonal counts extra. Oh, I didn't think that was how it works. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. I'm gimping myself. I'm 99% positive about that. Okay, let's see here now, though. I think this fire giant is going to have the legs. You know what, though? He might not. He might not be able to get up in Baron's situation.

Let's see. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. And with his armor, that's as far as he can get. Yeah, you have to put two non-diagonal moves in between your... Well, no, it would still cost... Your third diagonal is actually five. Your second diagonal is always ten. I think Joe's right.

I'm not... I mean, I said 99% sure. I've looked this up a number of times. Anyways, it's not going to matter for what we're doing right now. Sure, sure. So this guy's actually just going to double move and get right up in your business, Baron. But he cannot... He cannot take an attack. However, he puts you in a really bad position.

Sure. All right, so that is everyone, with the exception of Thun. Thun. Oh, no. Thun, I said, is just staring at the murals. Sed is just staring at the murals. He's staring at the murals and he's just like lost in them. He's obviously aware of the fight, but he's so far from the fight. It's going to take him a second to get over there and he's just looking.

Looking at everything on the wall. And he sees a young dwarven boy digging in the ground. And all of a sudden it comes to life. And yet again we see Baron as a young dwarf digging in the ground, looking for something. That crossfades into Dalgrith facing down the orcs of Urgir. And then Jimmer losing his eye, just being gouged out by Krixtus. And a scene of Metra falling in love in the shadow plane.

One by one, these scenes fade into and out of one another. And as they play out, we move slowly backwards, and we're no longer in that chamber where all hell is about to break loose, legendary heroes against the best and brightest giants. We move out, and we see that all these scenes are playing out in the face of a mirror. And as the metro scene ends, the mirror becomes filled with clouds.

And then winks back into just being a reflective mirror. And we see a reflection of a young, young girl, standing there, looking back at herself. It's a young Feyraza Alsae We'll see you next week What? What is going on? What is happening in this fucking place? Oh my god

Hello my friends Hello my friends This is the Volcano of Mindfulness. The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated. Giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo. All Pathfinder images are property of Paizo and are used with permission. Thank you.