The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 24 - No Egrets

Episode Date: November 10, 2015

Delving deeper into the caverns beneath Bloodmarch Hill, the party encounters a very different kind of danger. Will the pursuit of their quarry continue, or will they succumb to a fate worse than death? For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. So you go over this bridge and you see on either side of the bridge a ravine of water that's trickling down from the ceiling of the cave. The heroes delve deeper into the mysterious cavern and must rely on Troy's geological survey. Stalactites are a muscle in the butt that clenches when you fight Shadow Rats. All right. Little-known fact. Google it.

Google it. Deeper into the darkness, an encounter with a strange new creature. We'll test Calabrus' mettle. Calabrus, can you still make water? I'm making water right now. Not in your pants, you damn fool. And threatened to change him forever. Are you all right?

No, no, no. I've never been less than all right. I've never been less okay my entire life. The adventure continues right now. Hi out there in glass cannon land. Matthew here. I want to talk for a few brief minutes about everyone's favorite subject, math. Now I'm no mathematician, but I did go to math in high school occasionally. So I think that qualifies me to talk about this. But no, seriously, you know,

since math is, you know, a part of the game so much and, you know, we've got chance and everything always at play. And also because Gormley's low level Abilities in combat Are basically Evil eye cackle Evil eye cackle Evil eye Run away

Run away again Anyway I thought I should Actually take a look To see if I was Actually contributing To the combat In any meaningful way

I actually And actually Gormley Is contributing By giving an enemy A minus two To his AC Or his attack rolls Gormley's actually

Upping his chances of hitting him or Or him not hitting one of us By 10% which isn't bad And actually can be the difference between More likely missing and more likely Hitting so let's say for example There was an enemy with like a 17 AC And Gormley wants to shoot him with her crossbow

So her two hit bonus On a ranged attack is plus five so if I roll A 12 or better, the bolt hits. So that's a nine out of 20 chance or 45%. But with Evil Eye who is AC, I just have to roll a 10 or better. So I have an 11 out of 20 chance or 55%. Could be enough to make the difference. The other time this kind of debuff buff statistical stuff comes into play is with advantage and disadvantage when someone Rolls a d20 twice and takes the better or worse Result depending so like when

Galabras gives someone a bit of luck or Troy Danes to give out a bottle cap Or if Gormley could for once Get a misfortune hex to land This can make a serious difference mathematically So let's take the same example Gormley's rolling to hit with a crossbow Enemy's AC is 17, 45% chance

Of hitting but if for some strange reason Gormley had advantage and got to roll twice, the chances of rolling that 12 or better shoot up to 69%. That's huge. And it can be the difference between life and death in combat, which is probably why Troy won't give out more fucking bottle caps. Anyway, there are a lot of fun scenarios to play around with here, but we didn't come here for math. We came here for some make-believe fantasy.

So let's get to the episode. And by the way, if you're interested, we'll post a link to an article on onlinedungeonmaster.com, which has a chart of the advantage, disadvantage, success percentages, and other fun thoughts on the idea. Nerd out as you will. But for now, please enjoy episode 24. No egrets. Please enjoy episode 24. No regrets.

Okay, as you approach the stone bridge, 17 more shadow rats come rushing. Only 17? Oh, no, I'm sorry. 18 more shadow rats come rushing at you. I'm kidding. I knew that was too easy. Two shadow... Yeah, all right, so, yes,

your chickens came home to roost, and you fought your old friend the Shadow Rats. And I love how we went back to that lockbox, I remember, and we found that scroll of Ghostbane Dirge in the lockbox. We were like, oh, that was the answer to all of our problems. And now we have it, and we cast it on it, and it's completely useless. Nothing. A quarter damage from slashing and piercing weapons.

Now, that's because it was a swarm. That's because it was a swarm, yeah. You know what occurred to me from last time? I think I remembered that if they get wet, they're corporeal. That's true. That was just Troy being aoreal. That's true. That was just Troy being a cool dude. That wasn't... I am the best.

I think so that... Okay, whatever. We could have created a puddle of water. Yeah, I could have created water. I actually thought about that during that fight, and like one of the first rounds, and I was like, I'm going to say that as soon as he's done talking, and it went right out of my head for something somebody said. It seemed like it was a deus ex machina when it happened the first rounds and I was like I'm going to say that as soon as he's done talking and it went right out of my head for like something somebody said.

It seemed like it was a Deus Ex Machina when it happened the first time. Yeah. That's what I thought. It just got distracted by this water.

A Deus Ex DM you mean? Deus Ex V. DM Ex Machina. Troy Ex Ex. Okay. So I mean you guys seem like you're fully ready to go.

No. No. Things are not good. So I believe Galabras used three channels. I got four strength taken away. So basically what that does for Lork is it means he takes a minus two to hit and damage across the board on everything with his axe. And he also can no longer fire his short bow that he got from those big tough orcs that we uh killed last night all right so because he can't even pull it back he's so weak strong

enough yeah so uh you know we started heading down the bridge at the end of last episode and i had this image uh before we we started recording this and i was just like imagining lork like walking down this all occurring to him and him was just imagining Lork walking down, this all occurring to him, and him just putting up the fist, like, hold on a second, and turning around and be like, we can't possibly go in here.

I can't use my bow. I can't stab anything. He's totally useless. So I think that we, at the very least, I need to go back out to town, and I need to get my bow, like my old longbow, my crappy old longbow. Maybe you could talk to the guards at the head of the tunnel. And just like intimidate them into giving me a lot of what they're worth. Well, I mean, people know you now in the city.

It's like, oh, these guys saved our ass. I'm sure word has at least passed through the Trinidaditia that Lork's not your average paper pusher anymore. Right. Well, I think the first thing that we need to do is cast Lesser Restoration. Yeah, I'm going to give that a shot. Now, the problem is with Lesser Restoration, it will restore 1d4 ability damage. So I have to roll a four-sided die and hope for the best. If he gets four, I don't even need the other bow.

If he gets four, everything's cool even need the other bow. If you get four, everything's cool. We can keep going. So you have to get a four to get the bow back, or a three would do it? No. It has to be four, right? Well, that was what was so exciting about those bows, is they used my maximum strength. And I was like, they're exactly my maximum strength. But then here's the downside.

You lose any strength, you can't even use the bow at all. If you lose one point of strength. you can't even use the bow at all if you lose one point of strength I can't do it that wasn't quite the image I had but that's fine that is

exactly what I had in mind I can't do it it's too hard so I have you can do it I have a bottle cap left over

from some point I can't remember when something you just drank yeah it's from a Corona that I had I think you got it

for correctly deducing that this cave existed yeah that's right ah Matthew you get a bottle cap no

yeah you're right no I'm not that nice a memory bottle cap so I'm going to you talked about this you're going to allow me to cash it in normally we just use it for 20 sided rolls but I'm going to cash've already talked about this You're going to allow me To cash it in

Normally we just use it For 20 sided rolls But I'll cash it in So I can make Two D4 rolls And take the better Totally And add them together

Especially where Troy you're so generous Where I'm so stingy With ball caps This is an opportunity Where you would have to Yeah yeah yeah And he rolls an 8

And I go up 8 strength Just like I'm all jacked up. You can't restore what is in there. Are you rolling two at the same time? As a side note, in our other game this week, one of my players did something so stupid, I requested to take a bottle cap away from him.

Good inside joke, Troy. You give me a bottle cap. All right, here we go. I want to see this. I'm rolling my baby blue four-sided die and grant's brand new giant red four-sided and we're hoping for a four here one four i'm nervous come on come on baby papa needs a brand new something all right nope well you got you got a three out of the red one uh yeah three so three that's good that's good

i mean i can't use the bow but but at least I get one point back. Well, like one point of two hit back. All right, so. What about going, I mean, we're still in town. We can't go to Tiare and request to give a donation and get lesser restoration I don't even I mean we are doing this on behalf of the town

we were specifically ordered honored to help you totally can you're just you're only concerned about if there's like a secret escape route

or something right you know the time is of the essence you've already spent eight hours you know you feel good about it the tracks you've

seen they look fresh you know that within 24 hours so it's not you don't i think you you don't have the eight hours to rest but you can absolutely go uh make it back to tayari um okay well then it would be a guaranteed i could get it because she just needs to roll a one yeah so well can we just send a guard to bring her here so we can like totally i mean the guards are only 150 feet away yeah let's just do that okay so you guys stay in the cavern yeah can we sit tight for like it might take her like a half hour to get back or whatever and we'll just like listen for any sounds

down that way sure well then that would lead me to ask the question Galabros can you use this hour oh boy no okay you had to do it Matthew I want to know I really want Skid to come to my wedding and you do stuff like this

And now Him and I Are going to get Into a huge fight Alright well If we ever Prepared for Our favorite sound drops

Oh boy Skid's got something Plain to do It is time for Nerdy Okay And a thank you To Nick Lowe

So what we found out Because in the book it says That a cleric needs an hour Of meditation To restore his spells For the day Restore their daily allotment of spells But upon closer reading

The text says that The cleric picks one hour of the day in which to do his meditation. And so the text implies that even though it only takes an hour, you can only do it once per day. The problem with that is if you can't restore your spells twice over a 24-hour period, even if you rest eight hours two times. Oh. So we still have to figure out how we're going to work that. But the upshot is I can't just wait an hour and restore all my spells, which is fair.

That would probably be overpowered. So we just got to find some middle ground. A lot of it comes back to the whole idea of spells per day you know you could sleep 16 hours but like your your per day allotment is your per day a lot and that's bullshit and i agree like i don't know and that obviously there's no such restriction on on arcane spell casters there isn't no i have spells per day well yeah but it's like you You require like Eight hour rest

To like Get your spells back So like You could Rest eight hours Party for an hour And then rest again And get your spells back

Right but But it's still per day But they also No that's still Happening in the same day But they also Only have access To a very limited amount

Of spells Like scrolls he finds You have access Clerics have access To all of the spells that they're, you know, God allows them to cast. They're also, most of the spells are a lot more powerful than the cleric spells. At earlier levels, yeah, for sure. I will say, you don't think that we're going to ever go to sleep, wait a party for an hour and go to sleep again, do you?

No, no, but it's just like, it just doesn't seem... It was a really good party. It doesn't seem fair. There definitely has to be something fun. I looked into this whole idea of spell points, similar to grit points. You kind of can recover them and whatnot, but I didn't do enough research into it. But we should look into it. Yeah, we should definitely

look into it. That sounds fun. And hey, you know what? If you guys have ideas on how you have tackled you guys, meaning the listeners, if you have ideas on how you have tackled, you guys meaning the listeners, if you have ideas on how you've tackled this subject in your own home games, we would love to hear it because we're all about homebrew stuff. We homebrew rules all the time. We have house, not homebrew, but house rules.

Yeah. So not the rules we should know surrounding Shadow Rats. Right. No, those rules are all by the book. They play by their own rules. That rule is only whenever possible add more shadow rats

to any campaign, right? Right. You give a shadow rat the rule book and he throws it out the window. All right. So then if we can do that,

let's send a guard to go get Tyari since Galabras shot off a very powerful three out of four lesser restoration. I just need one point. Okay.

If we can bring down Tyari. That's very nice of Galabra to do that for you. That's one of his second level spells for the whole day. Yeah. And then if we can give her

you know like a ten gold donation double our donation from last time. So yeah you go out there and the guard's like how goes it in there? I smell a lot of vomit.

Just wafting from the mouth of the cave. We were set upon by a swarm of shadow rats. Don't go in there. They're horrible. You can't hit them with any sort of physical attacks. Do you have any magic weapons on you that we could borrow? I've got this plus eight longsword. I'll take it.

My father gave it to me. No, what do you need? Could you please go back to the sanctuary with all haste and get Tayari Varvedos. Bring her to the cave here and tell her we need her aid greatly with a restoration spell.

Yes, yes, absolutely. I'll be right back. Half an hour later. Thank you. He comes running up with Tayari. Look, what seems to be the problem? We encountered a foe within the caves that sapped my strength. I'm unable to shoot my own bow, Tayari, and I need the help of your lesser restoration.

Galabras has helped me, but he's drained his ability to cast the spell again today. Well, luckily, I already did my morning meditation, so I can be of help. Thank you for taking that hour. Alright, let me just lay my hands upon you.

Wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom. And you get back all your strength. Awesome. Does she have more than one of that? Because I could use it. Miss Barbados, you got any more? Let's see. She says, I can do that once more per day.

It just saps my strength to do it, but I can do it once more. I'm down two. What are you down? I'm only down one, so you give it to me. Although I'm the only one that's using melee attacks. Oh, well, give it to that guy. Are you here, too?

Yeah. Well, I have one. And it affected your bonus? Yeah, because I was a ten and now I'm nine. Okay, give it to this guy. Calabras, I can't believe you've become an adventurer. You look bloodied and beaten. Covenant. No, no, I'm just a little weaker

than I was before. Oh, well, please, let me lay my hands upon you. Please. And you recover four points of strength. Wow. I'm a mighty superhero. Thank you. You were only down once. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Tiari. Thank you, Tiari. I feel my old strength

coming back. Good, good. I probably could have done 2d4, but I don't want to take the time to look at my character sheet. Perhaps someday you will give a donation to the sanctuary, but this is neither time nor place. Are you a cleric of Yomadai, or are you a cleric of... Damn it. Cleric of what's the other one?

Abadar. Abadar. I just want to build new pews. But if you're going to be rude. We are actively trying to save the town. Right, right, right. Yes, yes, yes. Yomadai be with you

as she runs off. Well, that answers your question. Perhaps one of us will die in the process. Yomadai will have donated our lives. If you do die, make sure you come to the sanctuary. Cast gentle repose on my body.

For all your burial needs, visit the sanctuary. Just because we're bereaved doesn't make us saps. The website has a quote from Lork. They did wonders for my dead son. Five stars. I love how this keeps coming up as a joke. You guys are awful alright

Lork is happy to now continue back over the bridge following the tracks okay so you go over this bridge and you see on either side

of the bridge a a ravine of water that's trickling down from the ceiling of the cave and you enter an even larger cavern a ravine of water that's trickling down from the ceiling of the cave,

and you enter an even larger cavern. Oh, wow. Troy just laid down a huge map. Wow, that is big. So, yeah, show me the party order here as you cross the bridge. All right, I'll be behind. Laura will be out in front. Gormley will bring up the rear.

Oh, God. There's enough room for people to stand to abreast if you'd like to do that. Yeah, sure. You want to bear and get up there and I'll get behind you? Sure. So the bridge was about 50 feet long And it's Oh, just about 10 feet wide And you guys come to the end of it

And you see this large cavern How about a little flavor description, huh? Yeah, please Let me sit here a while Dark water, thick mud, and silt Cover the floor of this cavern Separated from the rest of the cave By steep cliffs And muddy escarpments.

A trickle of water. That's the old fuck. That's not even the right one. Damn it, you already read that one. I was like, this sounds exactly like the last cave we watched. You see an identical cave to the last cave. Oh, man. Cave, the final frontier. You go back in time and you to the last cave. Oh, man. Cave, the final frontier.

You go back in time, and you see the same room. Same room. Same room. You walk in, and instead of that, you see tangles of thick white webbing fill a ravine. Oh, great. At the eastern end of this cavern. A thick, flat slab of dark gray stone forms a bridge across the ravine.

So you just crossed one ravine, but on the other side, you see another stone bridge crossing over another ravine, and just these thick white webs like below the ravine. Spider webs. Spider webs like below the ravine. So if you fell off the ledge,

there would be spider webs. Sorry. Thank you for further specifying. That's a poet. So if you look over the edge. A real wordsmith. Spider webs. The gospel of the webs.

So if you look over the edge. A real wordsmith. Spider webs. The Gossamer webbing of the webs. DM UI. And you also see a number of stalagmites poking up from the floor of the cavern. Big ones, little ones, all around. And if you didn't know,

stalagmites are the ones that come from the floor, because stalactites hang tight from the ceiling, and you might trip over stalagmites. What are stalactites? Stalactites are a muscle in the butt that clenches when you fight shadow rats. Little known fact. Google it, Google it.

Real question. Little known fact. Google it. Google it. Real question. Relevant comment. You in the back? We seem to be at the end of the man-made parts of this. This is all a naturally occurring cave. There's another bridge over there. I mean, it's definitely... You're surrounded by rocks.

But there's stalactites and shit. The caverns in between these bridges are naturally occurring. Well, remember, you yourself noticed right upon entering the tunnel that it was not the craftsmanship of a dwarf. So whoever did do this did not do a good job. Okay.

And that's been pretty consistent throughout. But at the same time, there are bridges, and they've cleared stuff out, but the larger stalagmites, they've left. Excuse me, Mr. DM. Yes, Gormley? There is no such thing

as a stalactite. It's stalagmite and stalactite. That's right. That is right. Stalactite. Any Philip K. Dick facts while we're on the subject? Philip K. Dick.

Now, it was, Grant pointed out that he's buried in Colorado. Buried in Monument Colorado in February 1983. He was classmates

with Ursula K. Le Guin in high school. If you steal his dick fact, he's going to punch you. Grant already stole both of those dick facts from me, but he was buried in February 1983, little known fact, he didn't die until the second week of March 1983.

What? So presumably he spent the last two weeks of his life clawing desperately at the inside of his coffin. Wait, is that real? That's true? No, it's not real. But see, Grant steals all my actual dick facts. I have to start making them up.

Wow, he really was classmates with Ursula K. Le Guin They didn't know each other Wait was that really the dick fact? Yeah Thank you Grant I didn't know that Motherfucker My dick fact

My dick fact Get your hands off my dick fact Get your hands off my dick fact Okay Let's do it My dick fact, my dick fact. My dick, my dick. Get your hands off my dick fact. Get your hands off my dick fact. Okay. Okay. Let's do it. All right, Lork, we'll keep following tracks.

Do you want me to roll? Do you want me to, are they obvious? Is it? It's pretty, you know, you rolled, I think you only rolled a 12. I did, I did. So the tracks seem to fade in here. Okay. You're not getting the same scent. But there really is no other path

than over the other bridge, right? Visible. Yeah, everything, you're surrounded by rocks and bridge. Okay, then I would like to, can I roll a stealth check to move towards this first sort of large stalagmite in front of me?

I want to go up and kind of see and make sure there's no danger right behind it before my party here walks by it. Okay, so you guys are going to hang back while Lork skulks up to this large door. Yeah, because this strategy has always worked well in the past. Let's do it. Let's do it. Split the party.

Alright, he's just going to kind of come up next to this stalagmite. Stalagmite. God damn it. This is going to suck. Alright, that's good. 18 stealth. 18 18 stealth you say um you walk up there and you don't hear anything or see anything and i look around the back side of it i don't see anything no could i do a perception check up by the bridge and off into the distance there just to see if I see any signs of danger?

21. You don't sense any danger. Can I do a perception check on the webbing around us? The majority of the webbing is coming from that you can visibly see is coming from the other side of the room on those other ravines.

You would have to get a little closer to it. Lork is going to sort of quietly, um, do a hand signal to motion the group forward. And he's going to be, yeah, he's going to be ready for, uh,

look over here to, to, to move forward. All right. Should we stealth up with him or should we just, we could just depends on what you want. I'm not going to, I'm not going to,

my, my, my strength reduction has made my encumbrance go up to a point where my stealth goes lower now. So I'm just going to walk up. I mean, I could. I'm minus six stealth. Clank, clank, clank. Look, I'm coming to the stalagmite.

Here I am. Right here behind this rock. All right, so everybody's going to move up. Anything jump out at us or anything? Everything jumps out. No,

your stealth check, you got up there and, you know, they come crumping up and nothing happens. Okay. Can I see the webbing better now?

Or do I need to get even closer probably get have to get up to the edge of the ravine or within 10 feet of it so because it's down you know what i mean like the ravine goes you can't tell how many feet down because nobody's inspected it um but it goes down you have to kind of look over the edge uh can i do a perception check on the ceiling right where we're standing like just up above us or straight up did you count that with the 21 that i rolled like that i was looking all around? No, I thought you were looking in the back. Yeah, I was.

Yeah, with the 20. You're still rolling the 21 over. You don't see anything above you. Can you see the ceiling? Yeah, the ceiling's about 20 feet high. Okay. But again, it's pretty dark, but you do not see anything directly above you.

Okay. Do we still need our light objects to see anything directly above you. Okay. Do we still need our light objects to see in here? Absolutely. Okay. We've got to cast it again, because it's been a half hour. Alright. Should I just cast Dancing Light so we follow around by four? Sure. I'll do that.

How long does that last? It has a limit, but I can only have one of them active at a time, so I can't cast it. They follow us. Gotcha. Okay. That's a beautiful image. A couple of dancing lights following us through this horrifying cave of death.

So Gormley turns her fingers upwards and waggles them, and four dancing lights spring out and hover around us and light the room. Okay. Here we go. Just as you bring four lights into the room, you hear like... And you see... Calabrus, be careful!

Calabrus fell into the ravine. Sorry! You see these two creatures. They're about the size of a hawk with six legs, and they almost look like a stork, but they're the size of the hawk, with greasy feathers and razor-sharp beaks,

come like, running at you from the other side of the cavern towards these lights. Roll for initiative. Oh, God. I'll show you a picture of them in a second. Oh, it's like a disgusting egret. Yeah.

With lots of legs. They're known as griffs. Griff, griffs. Like the bad guy from Back to the Future. No, that's Biff. But didn't he have a son, Griff, in Back to the Future 2? It's Biff, it's Biff. But there was Griff, and when they go to the future,

his great-grandson was Griff. Oh, yeah, you're right. Guys, Google, tweet us. Okay, what everybody roll for initiative? Anybody over 20? 12 for Lork. 17 for Gormley. 17 for Gormley.

Okay, Baron? Nueve. Nueve. Nueve. So six. The old flipsy doodle. This man's a professional comedian. Gormley, what'd you say again? 17.

And Lork was? 11. 12. 12. And Galabras? Three. Oh, boy. Oh, my.

All right. It is Gormley's turn How far away are we? Uh What is that like 30 40 35 feet Ish

Give or take Well it's 6 If you do it with like a diagonal It's probably like 40-ish 45 Alright so Gormley will step up behind Galabra

So she's within range And will hex the foremost Griff Hmm Hex and Griff Evil eye Uh You know what? No Behind Galabra, so she's within range, we'll hex the foremost griff. Hmm. Hex and griffs. Evil eye. You know what? No.

Fuck it. Roll in it. Misfortune. Ah. Right off the bat. Oh, okay. The one on the left or the one on the right? The one on my left.

Okay. And what is that? A will save? DC 14 will save. Made it. Damn it. All right. Rolled an 18. And that's it. So DC 14 will save. Made it. Dammit. Rolled an 18. So that's it.

That's it. I can't hex that one again. Whatever. Next. Next! Man, I really love that hex. It laughs at you in an avian language you don't understand. In some avian language.

I'm going to take all your strength away. Orc. In some avian life. I'm going to take all your strength away. Lork. Lork can barely sort of see these things because he's on the other side of the stalagmite. So he's going to roll a stealth check and hide behind the rock to try to prevent them from seeing him. Okay. All right. 13. So you kind of like stealth behind the rock,

but that light above you is still, you know. Cast a shadow on the floor. Yeah, so you can't tell if they're intelligent enough to understand that or not, but you don't feel like, got him. You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. That's the sensation you get.

Okay. What is that? A swift action or free action? Stealth? I actually don't know. I could speak about it, but I don't know. You can still do an action. All right.

Then in that case, I'm going to kind of peek around the rock. I think stealth is part of a stealth. And shoot them with an arrow. So basically what I was trying to do is like if you successfully stealth, from what I understand, then you can hit them at their... Flat-footed AC. They're flat-footed anyway because they haven't acted yet. So I guess it was pretty relevant.

But that's the idea. That's okay. I'll cut all that out. I also did not want them to see me. All right, here we go. Taking a shot. You know some people think birds are bad luck? Critical fumble.

Critical fumble. Glad we spent all that time restoring your strength so you could use your bow you're so good at. Guys, I've never felt better. Oh, God. Fumble card with arranged left. Please be gentle, fumble card gods. I was just going to say, this is just the start of the combat. It's such a bad time for critical fumble. I was like, when is it the good time for me dental fumble card guys I was just gonna say this is just the start of the combat

it's such a bad time for critical fumble I was like when is it the good time for a critical fumble I'm glad it happened now

I would laugh if it's like you take 1d4 strength damage oh this is interesting so in the darkness lost the target you take a minus 4 penalty on all attack

rolls for one round. Wow. So yeah, I'm rendered basically a nerd for a round. At least you didn't hit yourself in the face with a battle axe. Yeah. That was a lot worse. You know what? These fucking birds have a catapult around the corner

and they're going to put them in it. I can feel it. And I'm going to take a five foot step back again and hug around behind the rock so they can't see me. Okay. Gunslinger. Can I ready an action to where when they get within 20 feet of me, I can shoot them? Absolutely.

Just remind me. Here's the thing, though. This is something that I looked up recently when we were trying to do cover more correctly. With Galabras in front of you, they get a plus four to their AC on a ranged attack. So you have to have a clear, uninterrupted shot to not give them a bonus to their AC. Oh, so it effectively gives them cover

because he's trying to shoot through a creature. Oh, wow. It can be ally or foe, but it's a creature. It's plus four for every one, right? Yeah, so if there were two people between you and your target, it's plus eight. It makes sense. So if you're standing in the back of a crowd and you fire your gun, you're going to have a lot less chance of hitting the target.

Right. But it's not a subtraction to your roll. It's a bonus to their AC. Because sometimes their AC might be damaged and you blah, blah, whatever. Right. And a crit's still a crit. Right. Exactly.

Could he move and ready an action still? Didn't we establish that's okay? Yeah. right exactly could he move and ready an action still then we establish that's okay yeah yeah so you can you can definitely ready an action

but I'm just letting you guys know to start coordinating so that Galabras you get out of the way of his I'm going to say Galabras

get down as I ready this action or get out of my way and I'm going to wait for him for his turn to take a five foot step

or something and part of my ready to action is I will wait for a clear line of sight. Okay. There you go. Great. Just, again, remind me when that happens.

Okay. Okay. The foremost griff comes running up at Galabras. That's Gormley. That's Gormley. I'm sorry. I can't tell my men and women apart. Is that clear shot for you, Baron,

or are you good? Nope, nope. Okay, so it comes, this tiny thing, and these are small creatures. You know, imagine, it's so gross, they're like little storks with six, you see their greasy feathers,

and it goes to claw you and misses. The other one in the back, we'll call him back, does the same thing to Galabras. That's me. To Galabras. To everybody's favorite cleric. Oh, right, you rolled a three.

Fuck, I thought you were going to be able to go first. Sorry. everybody's favorite cleric. Oh, right, you rolled a three. Fuck, I thought you were going to be able to go first. Sorry. And 12. Miss.

Misses. So it goes to claw you as well. Misses. And it is Galabras' turn. Galabras will do, oh, fuck. Okay, yeah. Galabras will take a five-foot step back. Bam!

I'm shooting him. Okay, so Galabras steps back, and Baron enacts his action. They are in melee with me. Yeah, so it's the same thing as cover, basically. They're not both in melee with you. The one I'm shooting at was in melee only with Galabras, not with him. It's threatened by Gormley. All right, well,

I still rolled a 21. Ooh. Okay, so that was, against touch, that is a hit. And I got up close and deadly and said,

it's hunting season. I do kind of like that one. That was a good one. I rolled nine points of damage. Oh, boom! Shot one of its legs off. It's got five one. That was a good one. I rolled nine points of damage. Oh, boom! Shot one of its legs off.

It's got five more. That was the one on my right, your left. Yeah. Stage right. Okay. They're next to Gormley, but he made a very accurate shot. Nine points of damage. Great job.

So you move now in the initiative order to right before Galabras. Galabras, you stepped back. I'm going to... I'm just gonna hold. Gormley? Round two. Gormley's gonna be daring, and can I roll an acrobatics check to try to move out without incurring attack of opportunity? I'd be mad if you didn't.

18. Against the CM Dazoo? Yep. Doesn't list here You made it Nice So Gromley dips and dodges back behind Galabras And is going to hex the one that Baron did not shoot, Evil Eye Okay, you're going to try an Evil Eye

Will save 20 So for one round You have a minus two to your attack roll Nice Attack until round three Very good Lork

Lork is going to move around The stalagmite Hugging it on the opposite side where they can't see, and he's going to switch over to his battleaxe and just prepare to attack next round because he's not going to be able to get there in one round. You don't have enough room to get over there?

Movement speed? I have a minus four to hit. I want to wait until I can charge and they don't see me. Oh yeah, so I want to roll a stealth again. That condition goes away is what you're saying, right? Yeah, after one round. So I want to roll a stealth again so they don't see me, and I got an 18. 18, okay.

They appear to be totally focused on the rest of the party. Okay. But as you round the stalactite, roll a perception check. Ooh. Interesting. You find treasure. Another natural check. Ooh. Interesting. You find treasure! Another natural one. A nine perception.

Everything seems to be okay. Oh man, that would have been... That was another really bad time to roll a one, I think. I think so. Don't worry, next time will be the perfect time. Alright, it is the griff's turn.

Somebody might want to roll a nature check or something, too, to figure out what these things are. That's a good point. I should have done that on that turn. I always forget to do that. They both continue pressing the casters, and the first one goes to claw Gelabrus. Gelabrus.

Do they move together? Well, I'm just saving time. I'm pretty sure, yeah, it got Galabrus. So it claws you, and it doesn't do any damage, but it attempts to grab you. And it is a 15 against your CMD. Oh. And it is a 15 against your CMD. Uh, yep. Alright, so this

thing comes up and it's just like locks its claw into Gladys. Don't actually touch me. You like it. What are you doing? Stop actually touching me. Keep this all at the feet of the mind. I got really into it. Sorry I scratched you. Uh, so it starts It really hurts. It starts, it claws into your leg and starts climbing up your body and like resting its torso around your stomach.

Oh, man. And the other one attempts to claw a Gormley. And claws Gormley. Attempts to grapple Gormley. And grapples Gormley. So the same thing. With all of its six legs. And it's just like wrapping itself around you.

Have you guys seen what duck penises look like, by the way? Because this is terrifying. Like corkscrews. Yeah, it's awful. This is what's going to happen to you guys. I do not want to be attacked. Speaking of duck penises, Baron, you're up. It's a delicacy

in the Five Kings Mountains. So what does it seem like based off of my years of training and combat? Could I attack them? Is it a negative four? Do I run any risk of hurting my compatriots? I think you can

attack grappled creatures, right? But you take a? when we did it for the monitor lizard there was no penalty for a melee attack I don't think we've shot a ranged attack into a grappled creature a ranged attack it's still threatened you could swing your axe at it

and take no penalty except that he has strength damage so you would take a penalty but could I just like stand in a square No penalty. Except that he has strength damage, so he would take a penalty. So that's neither here nor there. But could I just stand in a square adjacent and put my gun on its head? In the real world. Yes. But yeah, I think it's...

So what do I take, a minus something? Minus four. What am I going to do besides shoot this motherfucker? I'm going to go towards the one that I already shot that's on Gell, but also partially because I like Gell-Averis moreley i was in the game i was in the game you notice this he goes out of his way to protect calabras and gormley he's like middle finger straight up i enjoy the friendly rivalry between the two of you. That is a 16 against touch. That is now minus four. Twelve. Bullet. Sales.

Right into Galabras. When the griff grappled me, did you count the minus two to its attack roll? I rolled a 19. Natural 19. 99s. Never mind. But thank you. I do have it here. Here's a question.

Here's an advanced play question. Joseph O'Brien? Does that minus two count on the CMB roll for the grappling? If you have a penalty to your attack roll, is that the same thing on a CMB? A grapple is effectively an attack. It is. I mean, if it's a penalty to your base attack bonus, then yes, it would be.

Because that factors into your CMB. I mean, it seems to be, you know. I mean, it seems like, you know... I've had that question before, but I've never voiced it. In the case, because I'm assuming the casters have the lowest CMDs of the group, and they roll pretty high, so they have a huge bonus to their CMD.

But, interesting thing to look up later. Alright, so Baron sails away. Do you want to move Baron, or did you move to get into that position? No, I was already. All right, so Baron sails away. Do you want to move, Baron, or did you move to get into that position? No, I was already in that position,

so I think that I will back up. Sheldon just moved his token into the water. So you back up closer to where Lork is? Right. Roll a perception check.

There we go. I'm going to use my Clifford the Big Red D20. He's going to get a Right. Roll a perception check. There we go. I'm going to use my Clifford the Big Red D20. He's going to get a 20. My prediction's 23. I rolled a... 16. Everything seems to be fine.

Oh, God. All right. Galabras. Evil bastard. Can I move with this thing latched to me? Yes, I believe you move at half your speed when grappled. It's like... Unless I use agile feet. Ooh.

Is this difficult terrain, though, or is it just... Well, I don't... I mean, what else is he going to use it for? What else am I going to use it, you know? As a free action, you gain increased mobility for one round. For the next round, all difficult terrain, and do not take, I don't know. Well, all right. Yeah, I mean, I have the grapple chart here.

It's the defender's turn. You can attempt to become the controlling grappler as a standard action. You make a CMB check. You can attempt to break free, so you can then act normally as a standard action. Or you can attempt any action that doesn't require two hands. By the way, you and you, Calabrus and Gormley, you take a minus

four to your dex, can't make a dex opportunity. You can't move. You can't move, although you may still take move actions. You take a minus two on your attack rolls and CMB checks, et cetera, et cetera. Wait, how much damage did he do? He didn't do damage. He just climbed up on you.

I'm sure they're not going to do anything. I'm sure it's going to be horrible. Horrible. Is anyone else thinking about the facehuggers from Aliens? Exactly what I'm thinking. Yeah. Okay. Except they're kind of scarier when they're like a six-legged greasy stork.

That's the name of the episode. I guess I'm going to try to break free. A visit from the six-legged greasy stork. See, I know Joe knows what these are, but he's been very good about not like... Do you have knowledge of nature? Joe the player knows... Well, he... I do. I should roll knowledge of nature. good about not like... Do you have knowledge of nature? Joe, the player, knows... Well, he... I do.

I should roll knowledge of nature. On his turn, I don't have knowledge of nature. Someone should do that. I haven't. But I know he's been gesticulating wildly about how horrible these things are, whatever it is they do. I don't know what he's saying,

but I do get the sense. What I'm saying is, get away! Yeah, I get the sense that I don't want this thing. I'll give you a hint. They vomit shadow rats i guess that's a bestiary five creature why can't they lay golden eggs like god you know it was like on the edge it was like 19 19 19 then tipped over because it's on a slanted couch and three that's uh yeah that's five so Gala versus like it and next round at this moment God damn it Above Lork

Spider A spider Fucking spider Comes down From its web And uh Attempts to I mean what do spiders do?

They be spider people They bite They be spider people? They do Well and now's a chance to get another new disease. Good. Working your way to that degree. Can I interest you in an exciting new opportunity to get a disease?

Right, exactly. First spider comes down. We'll pay you three copper pieces a day. First spider. Lands on Lork's head. First spider. And misses. Funny you should mention that, Baron. First spider.

Because then the second spider comes down. First spider. And lands on Baron's head and attempts to bite Baron. And these are big, right? They're like. And fumbles. Ooh. All right.

Natural attack. The web breaks and it lands on Lorcan. Pinched nerve. I think we've seen that before. If you had reach greater than five feet, it is reduced to five feet for three rounds. So nothing. Nothing.

Yeah. Unless it has reach. It does not hit nor poison either of you. Sweet. Which is pretty sweet. Gorm Lay. I'm going to do a Knowledge Nature on the grifts. Classic.

It's a 15. 15, you say. Okay. You. Is there anything specific you'd like to know? Weaknesses? No, attacks. Like, I don't know if they have any weaknesses, but like, what do they do?

Right. It has, as far as you know, it does not have any weaknesses. But you can see in front of you a sexual organ. I fucking knew it! They're ducks! Like starting to get hard. And making its way towards your torso.

This is a family podcast. A Manson family podcast. Check out Skid's post On Tumblr About the connection Between Dungeons and Dragons And Charles Manson

Yeah please Somebody read it Because I Absolutely no one Has read it I've read it I've read it Well you guys

Thank you for reading it Read everything you write I thought I I don't know I thought I Please Yes please read it Do me a favor

Thank you very much Alright See that's what you see, Gormley. Great. Thanks, Troy. Oh, man. All right. So if I were to try to escape, it would be a move action?

Is it an escape artist check? Yes. You could do escape artist or you could do CMB check. Either way, it's a standard action just to try to break the grapple. A standard action or move action? Standard action. All right. So here's what I'm thinking. The thing is they've grappled the two people that are least likely to be able to break the grapple. A standard action or move action? Standard action. All right, so here's what I'm thinking.

The thing is they've grappled the two people that are least likely to be able to break free. I know. I mean, I have a plus three escape artist, so I could roll that, or I could try to cast Ear Piercing Scream. If it's dazed, we'll release the grapple. You're not going to be able to cast a spell

that requires any movement of your hands. Does Ear Piercing Scream require movement? I'm sure it does. Does it have a a spell that requires any movement of your hands. Does ear piercing scream require movement? I'm sure it does. Does it have a somatic component? Almost all of them do. Do you see a little S or a V next to the... Here, let me see it. Let me see your sheet.

I can... A V and an S. Yeah, somatic. So that means you have to do a certain movement with your hands, and when you're grappled, you're not allowed to do that. It says you can't do anything that requires two hands. If it was a mental or verbal thing, you'd just have to roll a concentration check. Which might be fucked up by a bird's dick

about to impale you. So you might not have a great concentration roll. How can I concentrate? Look at that thing. Breeze of pressure. I mean, I'm going to roll the escape card just to try and get out of it. Okay.

Fire starter. 14. Against its CMD? Yes? Yeah. You break free. Oh! Oh, that's huge.

What'd you roll? A 14. Oh, sweet. Okay. Yep, so you break free, and it's just sitting there with its heart on, staring at you. All right, so that was a standard action.

Now I could take a full move action. Yeah. Yeah. But if you, it gets an attack of opportunity. If you do anything, but I attempt to break free. So you can act normally as a standard action.

You make your CMD. Yeah, you did that. And then defender escapes. Both parties lose the grappled condition. Yeah. So you can move now, but he can get an attack of opportunity.

But if you take a five-foot step, you're fine. But then he'll just come at you again. Right. Now he's going to have blue stork balls. Yeah, I'm going to try to acrobatics. Ooh, I could levitate. Yeah, that's what you want to do.

Oh, and then the bird's going to fly, and then grapple him here. It's just a move action do You should do that Oh no that's Oh then the bird's going to fly And then grapple in the air It's just a move action It's just a move action You don't have to concentrate You would still provoke I would still provoke Unless I roll the acrobatics Right

But they can probably fly Yeah I'm not going to Not going to waste the Alright I'm just going to I'm going to roll the acrobatics And try to get away They could be flightless Six legged greasy

Stork rapists I failed the acrobatics trick well wait did you do a five foot step because you could just take a five it's a seven on the it's a seven on the acrobatics uh okay it attempts to claw you again and misses there you go now you can move your speed so you take a step back and it just just out of its reach so yeah i'm gonna move six or whatever however many squares i can possibly move uh Uh, send me towards the, send me towards the party. Yeah. Oh, great.

Between me and Baron right up by Baron. Yeah. Uh, okay. Lork. Oh good. Now I'm safe. Oh God.

Spiders. Uh, all right. Lork is going to, uh, he's going to ignore the spider and try to save his friend. So he's going to leave the spider and provoke. Oh, actually I'll roll an acrobatics.

Check. Failed. So I bite you? Yeah, you can try. You can try. From hell's heart, I bite at thee. Okay, it goes to bite. 14, I'm assuming, misses?

Misses. Alright, so I'm going to come up to the one that's latched on to Galabras and try to hack at it with my axe without hurting Galabras hack off its sexual organ yeah hack off its sexual organ natural 19

26 to hit now let me ask you this this was the one that already took damage right 9 damage 8 points of damage that already took damage, right? Yes. Okay. Nine damage. Yeah, nine damage. All right. Eight points of damage. And you come up with your,

what weapon are you using? Axe. Masterwork Great Axe. Masterwork Great Axe. You're like, get off my new friend! So boom! And you kill it.

Yes! And it falls off of Galabras. Oh, thank you. Buy you one more round of not getting belly raped. Yeah. Awesome. But now the next one, since everybody left him, now goes after Galabras. And it goes to claw.

Poor Galabras. Goes to claw Galabras, claws him, attempts to grab, and grapples him again. And you just get... That's great. That's like 0.5 seconds of not being sexually assaulted by a bird. Oh, thank God. It's now the wrong time to mention that up until this moment, Galabras is still a virgin.

Oh, hey, hey, hey. I would like to try, Lurk would like to try a knowledge nature. Of these things. Natural one. Wow. I am rocking and rolling, man. You're like, get that dog off of Galabras. Somebody get that celestial German shepherd off of him.

It's Baron's turn. Baron turns, this is fucked up that he's doing it, but he's going to hope that Galabras understands it in the heat of battle. Galabras, can you still make water? I'm making water right now! Not in your pants, you damn fool! Can you still make water?

Yes! Ah! It's a corkscrew shaped like a... Ah! I take a five foot step back And I throw my tangle burn bag At the spider directly in front of me Ah

Ah Okay so you step back And you throw it at the spider Roll to hit 23 It hits And so So you get a DC 15 reflex save.

DC 20. First DC 15 reflex save to be glued to the floor. All right, so DC 15 reflex save, or the spider is stuck to the floor. So you can hack away at it. Fails its reflex. Awesome. All right. So it hits, and it's just, it's stuck in place.

Yeah. Like a spider trap. The bag comes flying at it. It explodes in this glue and the glue goes all over its, was it eight legs on a spider? Yes. It's eight.

Like I said, I rolled a one on knowledge of nature. Is there eight legs on that horse? You're in real life. That's amazing. I was thrown off by the six-legged, greasy stork rapists. Lork's like, on that horse? Carried over in your real life. It was amazing. I was thrown off by the six-legged, greasy stork rapists. Lork's like, get that horse!

This horse is coming after me! Look at all these horse webs. Alright, so it's glued to the floor, and then... DC 20, reflex save, or catch on fire. Yeah. 20. Yeah. 20. Exactly. That means it fails then, right?

No, it means it passes. Wow, so just, it's stuck, but it doesn't burst. Yep. And this was the same thing that Doc Tani was chucking at you guys. That didn't hit Mary. God, I was so excited to have Galabras get free of that duck penis and then just make it rain on that spider and explode it.

Because it explodes as alchemical fire. The problem is I'd have to get directly next to it to do it. Oh, really? Yeah. But you get a grip point back. Make sure you check out the Tumblr. I might throw up a picture of a duck penis.

Please do. Please. It's my screens penis. Please, please, please do. Please, please don't. It's my screen saver. All right, Galabras, are you moving back? Are you moved to shoot? I'm moving. You're already moving. Oh, I take a five.

Throw that. All right, Galabras. You just see this thing coming at you. Let's make it that noise. It's like it's face to face with you, coming at you. Let's make that noise. And it's like, it's face to face with you and it's salivating. I'm going to smack it

right in his noggin with my mace. So what, minus two to attack? Why? Because you're grappled. I'm not grappled. Yeah, you are.

Remember you said you had.5 seconds of... Oh, that's right. It's only minus two, though, so it's not... Do it. It's not the end of the world. Do it. Yeah, I'm not going to hit it.

Sure don't. So you're like, please, please. You graze its erection. All right, spider... It is engorged further. Spider number one is just, it's stuck there. No, the one that Baron Tanglefoot. It's stuck there, so it tries to just,

Spider-Man at Baron shoots a web at Baron, or attempts to. 16. What, to hit? Yeah. That's a fail. All right, so the web just sails over you and lands on Glabbers.

He and the duck live happily ever after. And the other one comes up to, follows Lork, and goes to bite Lork. 16. Nope. All right. Gormley, you're up. Gormley's going to cast Command on the griff that's grappled Galabras.

So you get a DC 14 will save, and I'm going to command it to release Galabras. Well, now wait. It has to have intelligence. Well, it has to understand what you're saying. He speaks Griff. It has to understand. I thought it was just if it's subject to a mind-altering effect. No, you have to be able to speak in a language that it understands.

All right. Well, then I won't do that. Instead, I'll just shoot my crossbow at the spider who's glued to the floor. Okay, go. Oh, and he has like a minus four to his dex. Yep. Oh, yeah, AC goes down. Well, it doesn't matter because I rolled a 10.

Well, it might. Is it flat-footed? Yeah. Yeah. So it's flat-footed and a minus four, or it's just flat-footed? yeah so it's flat footed and a minus four or it's just a flat footed AC I can't remember

it was a while ago you rolled a ten or it's ten total? I rolled a five oh okay entangled creature takes a negative two penalty on attack rolls

and negative four to dexterity and must make yeah so a negative four to dexterity is a minus two to the AC

so it does not hit. Okay. Okay, that was Gormley. Lork. Kill my duck. Yeah, Lork is going to try to kill this duck. So he's going to try to do an acrobatics check to avoid an attack of opportunity.

It fails. So you get an attack with the spider. It goes to bite 17. Miss. What's your AC now, 18? 18. Nice. And he will swing at this thing that's attached to his buddy.

Girl, get away from that thing! 16 to hit. That is a hit. Beautiful. Beautiful. 15 points of damage. Whoa! 16 to hit. That is a hit. Beautiful. Beautiful. Oh. 15 points of damage. Whoa. Whoa.

Has yet to be hit. Was about to do something awful. Total hit points, 15. Yay. So you step up and just... Well, wait, to be fair... It's staggered. It's still up.

If it's exactly zero... It's still up. If it's exactly zero... It's exactly zero. Yeah, then it's just staggered. It can still do one more action. Oh, so it can maintain the grapple and then try its thing. It can maintain an erection. No, it can do either or. Like, you can do...

Maintaining a grapple isn't a standard action. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Sorry, man. No, no, I know. I know. So it has to be in the negative for it to be unconscious and dying. But zero, it's got one last.

Oh, this is. No, it can keep doing it as long as, unless we knock it down. Oh, right, because it's not. It's not ferocity. What it is right now is it is technically it is disabled. So it can move or act. And if it does, I believe, take a standard action, it does lose one hit point for taking a standard action.

Oh, that's right. Right, right, right. So that would... I don't know. You know what? As it's dying wish, maybe it will keep the family alive. Oh, God. This is awful.

And that was Lork's turn, and it is now the Gryff's turn. No! I have failed in my mission. Lork steps up. Boom! And just as its claws are starting to come around, its rock-hard spiral penis

tries to enter your stomach. Oh god. Fucking awful. Come on. 22 to hit. So you just feel like... Oh wait, I have a buckler! I have a buckler!

You should have forgotten I have a buckler! So you just feel like... It breaks the surface of your stomach, and you're like, oh my god! Oh, man. This really is like Alien right now. Like an erection that pierces a chain mail shirt. Man.

It tells you it's a corkscrew. For the record, Galabras probably said no. Yeah, I certainly... No means no! I've been screaming no for the last four rounds, I think. You take one point of damage, and you just feel like... Two things being implanted inside your stomach. Holy shit, this is crazy.

And then the griff falls unconscious. Oh my god, it's it is aliens! Oh man. I've been hurt! I've been job hurt! And and and typical male, he falls off Galapagos and falls asleep. You weren't even going to cuddle.

You didn't even maintain the grapple for five minutes. Just as it passes out, it says, I'll call you. Baron, you're up. I'll totally call you. Did you shoot the spider yet? Have you damaged him? I have not. I missed. Since this guy's stuck there, I want to flank

the other spider with Lork. So I'm going to say to Lork, let's flank him, buddy. And I'm going to move into position behind him. And I'm going to say to Lork, let's flank him, buddy. All right. And I'm going to move into position behind him. And I'm going to shoot him. That's a 25. 25 hits. This is the spider that was going after Lork.

That's five points of damage. All right. No, six. I'm sorry. I'm up close Or point blank shot Point blank Alright

Galabras This thing has fallen off of you You just felt two Land inside of your stomach You gotta kill it man Coup de grace Oh no it is dead It's dying

You should keep on hitting it Even though it's dead Yeah I think Just for role-playing purposes, I am just going to try to crush it on the ground with my knife. Okay. I hope you hit for role-playing. Nope. No, no, no, no, no.

It's a coup de grace. Yeah, just... It's just for fun. No, you're right. It is. You automatically hit. It's a critical. It's an automatic critical.

And it rolls a fortitude. Draw a critical card. It rolls a fortitude. Well, not yet. He's going to roll damage. an automatic critical. And it rolls a fortitude. Draw a critical card. It rolls a fortitude. Well, not yet. He's going to roll damage. So you roll damage, double it, and then he's got to do a fortitude save. Yeah, DC 10 plus the damage dealt. It's at negative 1 right now. Alright, so 10 damage.

And he kills him. He just goes, just smashes and pulls the mace up and it's covered in blood and feathers. And semen. No, it's all inside of him. Sorry. it's covered in blood and feathers. And semen. No, it's all inside of him. I'm sorry. It's all in me.

Yeah, yeah. And Lork just kind of, out of the corner of her eye, is like, that's the father of his children. At least someone's going to have children around these parts. Dog! All right, spider time. The one, this is round five, the one that's stuck to the ground

attempts to shoot Gormley with a web. Minus two to attack. Why? Oh, because it's, yeah. So it's going to be 19. Excuse me, 22. That succeeds. Okay, so it hits you, and you're entangled in this web.

So when you're entangled... You're just going to shoot them to death. You can both be entangled, but you can keep on reloading, right? You can move, but you only move at half speed, and you take a minus two on attack rolls and a minus four to dex. You have to make concentrations checks to cast all spells. So basically, at the risk of telling your own business, you're going to want to try and get out of this web.

But you can still move around. It's just like... Can I escape ours to get out of it? Yep, that's one of the things you can do. Okay, and then Spider 2. I guess that's Baron it's up next to. It's close to Baron. Because Baron just shot it with a gun.

So it tries to bite Baron 15 Miss Gormley I'm going to escape artist to try to get out of here 11 No I'm sorry 9 Like that 70's Spider-Man cartoon

I can't get out of this And remember your escape artist goes down by 2 points Because you have a minus 4 to dex right now. Right. So you'd be even worse than that. So I'd be even worse than that. Yeah. Yeah, so it was seven.

You're terrible. Hey, remember that time you hit yourself in the face with an axe? Can't pull your own bowstring back? Hey, remember when your son died? Who's laughing now? All right. So was that my standard? Was that a standard action or move action?

Uh, that was your attempt to escape. So now you can move at half speed. Uh, I'm going to waggle over to Calabras and be like, are you all right? No, no,

no. What a motley duo they are. I've never been less than all right. I've never been less. Okay. My entire life. The cave of fluid shooters. That's what this is. I'll work you up.

Okay. I will. I'll charge the spider and I'm going to do a power attack. Oh, now again, power attack is what? A plus two to attack minus two to AC or it does damage. No power attack is minus two to hit. two to attack, minus two to AC, or it does damage? No.

Power attack is minus two to hit. Right. Oh, minus two. No, minus one. You're right. Minus one to hit, plus three to damage. So power attack, you're substituting accuracy for damage. Right. But I'm charging, which gives me a bonus to accuracy.

And he's flanked. And a decrease to AC. And he's flanked. And he's flanked. So you want to just roll for damage. And he's flanked. And a decrease to AC. And he's flanked. And he's flanked. So I'm going to get plus two for the charge, plus two for the flanking, and then minus one. So a total of plus six over top of my already existing. My head just exploded. Just not roll a one.

17. Hit. I roll a four on the die. And then so another three damage on top. That's 16 points of damage. Oh, yes. And that one is completely dead now. Yeah.

There we go. So you're just like, ah! Screw it! You cut it in half. I reached a high five, Lurk, through the dead spider. We did it, buddy! Through the giant hole in the spider. A moment of camaraderie amongst

friends. Alright, Baron. Baron is going to just turn about face and shoot at that spider. Okay. The one that stuck to the ground. Minus two to his AC. Oh, boy. I kind of fumbled.

I rolled two dice on accident, but it's up to you if you want me to roll Roll again What just happened? I don't know what just happened 22 Wait wait wait so he rolled a one

And he was like I don't want that And he rolled again? No he rolled a one and a twenty He had two dice in the thing Oh okay One was a ten-sided die. Oh, one was a 10-sided die? Oh, no.

So you fumbled. Yeah, you fumbled. I thought it was two 20-sided dice. I thought you rolled two D20s. But they hit each other. Bro, I don't do that. First everything was fire. Confirm.

Confirm. Oh. Well, I didn't. I hit him the second time. I rolled a 15. 22 total. Oh, it was not my pony again. Not my pony.

Don't fucking ate me. You know, it's a good thing because a listener pointed out that not my pony... Shouldn't we have killed the off thing? The fumble hits an allied animal or mount. It would hit Howie. Because he's only like... a listener pointed that out that's awesome wait so it's hidden somewhere on my person though can i try to

not confirm again so i can kill howie please it also you know what he was saying with the listener uh here we know the name yeah i don't i can't remember it was a while ago a long time ago but it basically uh sorry basically they. Basically, they said, if Troy was feeling particularly evil, and this is what I would do if I was GMing, it's like, have it hit Howie. But Howie is neither an animal nor a mount, for the record.

But he is an allied companion. Right, he is a companion. Imagine that. It's just, he misfires, and it grazes Gormley's pocket. And you just hear... Yeah, no it grazes Gormley's pocket. And you just hear. Yeah, no. That was Gormley dying.

Not Gormley. Howie. Okay. That was Baron's turn. Galavris. Can you like reach in to yourself and rip anything out? I'm just going to like up my shirt and just frantically scramble at the wound there. Heel check or something? Yeah, I'm going to do a heel check to see what's happening.

Sure. I can see by choice, he's like, there is nothing that you can do to help yourself. 2023 heel. Okay, so as a full round action, you need to do this heel check. And you move away your chain mail and you see this opening in your stomach and you can just see it slowly pulsating and you stick like two fingers inside of your chest cavity why and you can't you don't get too deep. And you pull out one egg. Oh.

But you still see your chest pulsating. Oh, no. Oh, my God. And the act of pulling out that egg deals one point of damage. Okay. Jesus Christ. And you're just like. I'm just picturing that the art of your character,

how beat up his face is. Oh, yeah. How scarred he is. The giant scar. As if enough hasn't happened to Galavris. For a guy who's in the luck domain, that's some really bad luck. It's good storytelling.

It's ironic. Okay, the one remaining spider there, the one that's still stuck to the ground, tries to shoot a web at Baron. And misses. stuck to the ground, tries to shoot a web at Baron. And misses. The web sails over your head and lands on a stalagmite.

Okay, and it is Gormley's turn. So I took a minus two to attack if I try to shoot from my entangled state? Yeah, minus two to attacks. You take like a minus last in time four because it's an attack minus and a dex minus oh and here's a question troy um is this like a rock wall to gormley's right there or is that a that's a wall so then so then the spider

has cover from you you'd have to move out around you know what he's still glued to the floor i'm gonna try to get out of this again. So I roll a 12. My escape hours is plus three, but I lose that for my dex damage. You lose two of it. You lose two of it. Plus one.

So 13. To break out. 13. And you wriggle free of the web. Right. Get off me. And then can I... It's like all wet and sticky, and you get out.

Well, I like that. Can I shoot with the cover? I believe the escape artist check was your standard action. In this case, yes. Then I'll take a... Yes, both are standard actions. I'll step to my left to get it so I can have a clear line of shot of the spider just in

case. Okay, so preparing. You now have a GM decision that is a clear line of shot. Okay, and it will be Lork's turn. Lork, seeing this happen to Galabras, would like to try to... I mean, it's not perfectly... His hands have not been sterilized, but he'd like to try to do a heal check and rip the other egg out.

Do you want to... Okay. Oh, by the way, Galabras check and rip the other egg out. Do you want to? Okay. Oh, by the way, Galaver, you have the second condition. He's looking like Woozy on his feet and Lork is like, hold still. I'm going in. I'm getting it out. Oh, giant

23. Oh, yeah. So Lork just like doing minor surgery like he used to do on the battlefield. Ranger, man, ranger. You pull the other egg free. Calabrus takes another one point of damage because you just reached into his chest cavity. And the stomach no longer seems to be pulsing.

And you just drop that egg on the side of the ground. That's another point of damage? Yeah, one point of damage every time we're moving. I'm sorry, Calabros, but... Thank you. I think we got them all. So shaken. And you're no longer sickened.

In terms of the game. I believe I'll be sickened for the rest of my life. There is one spider left. Baron? Baron's going to move back towards Galabras, and as a standard action, he is going to clear his firearm with quick clear. He's not going to do it ultra quick,

because he's not going to use a grip point, and he's going to do it as a standard action. Okay. So doing a quick clear of your broken weapon. It regains non-broken. And now it is Galabras' turn. I think you should just rest for a while. I'm going to hold.

Hold your action. I'm going to sit in the fetal position In the shower Chantel positive emotions Okay Galabras is going fetal The spider Shoots a web

At Gormley again standing right up front And misses Excellent So now it is Gormley's turn in round seven. Crossbow. Misses. Misses.

Lork. Lork is going to move forward and attack with his axe, the spider that can't move. Okay. No bonuses this time. 11 to hit. 11 misses. Baron. Baron.

No bonuses this time. 11 to hit. 11 misses. Baron. Baron is going to swift action rapid reload and move within 20 feet of the spider. Yeah, right there. That's fine. And he's going to shoot at it.

All right. Oh, have we hit him yet? No. 25 to hit. Hits. Damage. It's not critical, is it? No, it'd be a 27. Okay. Hits. Damage. It's not critical, is it? No, it'd be a 27. Okay.

Seven damage. Seven damage. And over the course of the next couple minutes, you killed a spider that can do nothing. Yeah. It's completely not unmoving. As much fun as it would be to roll, you would definitely kill it.

I didn't kill it on that first shot, did I? No. Fuck. I want that crit point, baby. We'll imagine that collapsed. It could have diseased us, though, for the record. Only if it bit you, but it stuck to the ground, and I assume you guys would stay far away. Let's say, for story's sake, Galabras comes up and is like...

Smashes him. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I could lay the killing blow. Wow. Fuck off! Whoa. Two minutes later, the eggs blow. Wow. Fuck off! Whoa. Two minutes later,

the eggs hatch. And two little, tiny, distorted, mutated versions of the griff with Galapagos' face fly away.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Yeah, that's, that's what happened. Oh, my God. Wow. So, what would what happened. Oh, my God. Wow. So what would have happened if we hadn't gotten those eggs out? Would they have hatched?

It would have hatched inside of them. Yeah, they hatched inside of you and then burst out very quickly in two minutes. Wow. So what's the DC just on the heel check? And we're sure it was two. It's a DC 20 heel check. Oh, wow. And I forgot Galabras is second, which would have given him a minus two to his heal check,

but he rolled a 22, and it was DC 20. Right. So he still got it. But yeah, DC 20 heal check, and it takes a point of damage. And do they implant like 1D4 eggs or something? Yeah, 1D4 eggs, and so it rolled two eggs. And it draws nutrients from your flesh. Yeah, these things are

horrific I've never heard of these yeah I've seen them once before in another game and uh wow can't they also are

is that all they do I thought that they could like lift you up like fly you up in the air maybe I'm thinking of something else um not these ones yeah

no these things just that's why you know it's bad when yeah the claw attack hits doesn't do any damage. Right, that's what I was thinking. You're like, I just want damage. Just give me damage. Where's the other shoe going to drop?

Awesome. Awesome blossom. Okay, what are you guys thinking? Well, I mean, I don't think we, does anybody want to take a hit on the wand? I didn't take any damage in that fight. I didn't take damage. I took two points, so I'm going to hold off. I think we're good.

Probably just a general heal check to bandage yourself up, I guess. Oh, I should say, if they had hatched inside of you, you would have taken four points of con damage. Oh, that's not good at all. Yeah, so good thing you got them up. Per egg? Egg two per egg. So imagine if four eggs went con damage. Oh, that's not good at all. Yeah, so good thing you got them up. Per egg? Two per egg. So imagine if four eggs went in there.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I would be dead. Eight points of con. Is your con eight? It's ten. A ten con. Oh, no.

It's not a good place to be. But still then, at negative two, you die. Permanently. At negative two con? No, at negative two below zero, you would die permanently because your con bonus. Yeah, because your con. Right. Your total con would be two.

His total con would be two. Brutal. Brutal. Oof. Okay, so I guess we don't really need healing. I think that we can just keep moving forward. It looks like there's only one route out over the bridge. Yeah, we can cross the bridge.

Unless we want to check the outer walls for any secret... Yeah, can i look for unusual stone stuff kind of around the room every roll perception check okay 20 even 20 even for gormley as well 15 uh 15 okay so gormley and Lork, as you guys start checking out the walls, you're like, stand back! Because you notice that along

a lot of these stalagmites in the back are like gossamer-thin, sheer webbing that you would have walked right into that are connected from stalagmite to stalagmite in the back left corner of the room and on the other side of the ravine, closer to where you guys are. Like, on either side of the ravine, there's stalactites.

And so if you had walked into that, you would have become immediately entangled. Oh, okay. So you're like, stand back. All right. I think we just probably go over the bridge here. I mean, can I do a perception? I just do perception, but...

There's nothing on the floor here. There's nothing like strewn about. There's no like piles of... No, you think that like... You've got to imagine this has been untouched by the public for centuries. So these creatures that live in here are just creatures that like crawled in through crevices and breeded

and came about. Bread. Like this is it, bread. Thank you. I could use some bread. And so, this is it. so those, these like, duck,

six-legged things are probably using the spiders as their hosts. Right, and you know what? I think a good way for me to end this episode

is to say that even though you murdered everything in this room, there'll be two more griffs that live here for centuries to come with Galabras's face the happy father no we'll see you next i don't want to pay the alimony

i don't want to pay the child support Outro Music