The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 247 - Critty Critty Bang Bang

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

Lives hang in the balance as the enemies continue their vicious onslaught. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Oh, come on! The sheriff can do nothing but wait. Whew! I'm nervous for you, buddy. And pray. You know what's funny is... Well, no, I think even a 17 would hit your AC. The adventure continues. This is absolutely insane.

Now. What's going on, folks? It's your old buddy, Troy LaVallee here with another exciting episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast coming up. I feel like shit right now. I really don't feel well. But you know what they say in show business. The intro to any random episode of your podcast must go on. So here we go. There is a lot happening in the niche. If you're the type of person that skips intros, don't be a fool and back to my hometown again and during PAX East. Last week, middle of last week, that show was sold out, but we added 50 seats to the balcony last Friday,

I think. So I don't even know how many of those are left. You might want to get on that immediately if you want to come check that out. Bring your buddy that's never listened to the show. Get them into the nash and come see Glass Cannon live. And if you can't see it in person we are going to try and stream it live on our twitch channel twitch.tv slash the glass cannon instead of doing androids and aliens live that night and running against our own show we are going to try and stream it live from the paradise rock club i mean joe and i have been working for the past month and a half with our agent and the venue to see if we can even pull this off. It's a big maybe, but we're really going to try and make this happen because that would be so cool and we've never done it before.

And if it works, maybe it's something we can do in the future. So I think you should try and get there in person. But if you live in Alaska, then this is probably your only option unless you're rich and can take a private jet to Logan. Speaking of androids and aliens, oh man, are we having fun doing that show live. We have a new cast member. We have new crew members. It is, it's just been a blast. We've only done two weeks, and like I said, we're not going to do next Friday because we want to run against ourselves, but it just so happens that the next live episode is episode 100 and 101. So we're going to do that on a special night.

We're going to do that Monday, March 2nd at 9 p.m. Eastern, live on twitch.tv slash theglasscanon. This is a big one. This is episode 100. I mean, we only have one other show that has made it past 100. So we're pretty fired up about doing that live. that has made it past 100. So we're pretty fired up about doing that live. It's going to be episode 101 happening Monday, March 2nd,

9 p.m. Eastern on our Twitch channel. A special night for a special episode. If that wasn't enough that week, Glass Cannon Podcast episode 250 is going to air that Thursday night, 8 p.m. Eastern, March 5th. Three hours live! Oh my God, what am I doing to myself? An episode 100 and a 250 in the same week, live? I do it because I love you guys. I can't help but give.

So man, just clear your calendars. If you're planning on going out of town or having a baby, cancel it. You need to watch those shows. Androids and Aliens live, Monday, March 2nd, 9 p.m. Cancel it. You need to watch those shows. Androids and Aliens live Monday, March 2nd, 9 p.m. Eastern. Glass Cannon podcast, episode 250, three hours live Thursday, March 5th at 8 p.m. Eastern. Cannon fodder came back last Friday. Oh, baby.

Cannon fodder Friday is a thing now for all of our subscribers at the $10 tier and up on Patreon. I know some people had some technical problems with the program that we're using, but figure it out on your end because it worked fine for the majority of people. So if you take the time to check it out before we go live next week, which is actually this week, this Friday. We're going to do it every Friday. You should be fine. So take some time now to, first of all, bump up your pledge to 10. I mean, you don't want to miss the FOD. And then take some time this to, first of all, bump up your pledge to 10. I mean, you don't want to

miss the FOD. And then take some time this week to get it all set up so that when we go live, you can watch it. It was great. It was just like the old FOD, but just covering the last week's worth of episodes, talking a little business, giving a little insider info. So check it out. As usual, there's just too much going on. This is why I'm sick, because I sleep four hours a night and I work the rest of the time. But you know what? We do it because that's what's going to grow the niche. Amazing content, as much as possible, no sleep, and Matthew dying of the coronavirus. Speaking of dying, let's go check out this new episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast.

I don't feel good. Did you guys have any nicknames growing up? One prominent one. Yours? Skid. Skid. Skid. They didn't call you the big S?

No. No. Just Skid. It really took over. skid skid skid they didn't call you the big s no it really took over did they ever call you by your real name no they did i actually when i was a when i was a kid when i was a little kid i was too shy to correct like teachers because in the books like my name was a patrick uh-huh so like is it patrick and i would just be like okay i guess my name is patrick and then i would then I would get called Skid at home. Mm-hmm. And then it would always get shortened to Pat, which I hate. That was my dad's name, and I was like, I hated being called that.

But, no. So, a lot of times, like, I was too shy, so I just wouldn't say anything, and I would be called Pat or Patrick. I feel like that would lead to an identity crisis. No, not really. I don't think so. Like, am I Patrick or am I Skid? Who am I?

Well, it's funny because, like, at school, I was normally Patrick. At home, and my friends all called me Skid. And then at my dad's house, he called me Patrick. Ah. So, yeah, it was a little confusing. That does get confusing. Have you ever revealed the origins of Skid on the podcast? I don't know that I have.

I think he's on beer pressure. I think he told us. I actually don't know. It's on my original beer pressure. Yeah, I talked about it. Beer pressure, yeah. The prequel to the Glass Cannon podcast. It's an intense story, Matthew.

Yeah. It's an intense story, so maybe for another time. Maybe for another time. Yeah. I never knew that Joe, you were called Joey by your family. Then I was hanging out with your family family and they all call you Joey. And it's just... Because he looks like a baby kangaroo.

Yeah, I was going to say, it's a real... That's exactly the reason. It just sounds like a child's name for an adult. I love it. To me, it makes perfect sense. Joey. But when you've been called that your whole life, you don't think of it any other way.

But if I hear of like an adult man called Joey, I'm like that's weird that guy's got something going on when they call i have a good friend whose brother is named joey and he's really like italian and i'm like yeah that makes sense yeah he's real italian yeah joey that's just weird right and yet all my family calls me joey it doesn't sound weird to me at all. It's like, oh, that's my childhood name. My dad grew up as Ricky, and then he changed it to Rick as soon as humanly possible. I love it. Like, my aunts and uncles, they all call me Joey. My cousins call me Joey.

Yeah. And I love it. It makes me feel like home. You know what I mean? That's not an invitation for anybody else to call you Joey, though, right? It would be weird. No, no. Every one of you can shut up.

You never call me Joey. Shut up, Joey. I call you Joey- though, right? It would be weird. No, no. Every one of you can shut up. You never call me Joey. I call you Joey-O once in a while. Joey-O. Joey-O. I was called O'Brien a lot as a kid in OB. By my friends at school, they didn't call me Joey. I'm just going to call you Joe when I'm mad at you now. Joe.

Joseph. I'll tell you. I said before the show, I was like, what's going on, Matty Caps? Yeah. Did they ever call you Matty Caps? You got a funny name. No, little known fat. Matthew's childhood nickname, which I know because I hung out with his buddies, T-Bone.

It is so funny that you say that. The reason I brought this up is because I wanted a nickname, and so I started making people call me T-Bone. Get out of here. Because I wanted that to be my nickname, like that episode of Seinfeld. You can't give yourself a nickname. T-Bone. I out of here. Because I wanted that to be my nickname, like that episode of Seinfeld. You can't give yourself a nickname. T-Bone. I know.

I learned it the hard way. They called me T-Roy, and I was like, that's pretty good. I wanted to be T-Bone. They called you T-Bone. Imagine Matthew being T-Bone. Why do they call you T-Bone? They didn't actually call me T-Bone. It's a bit that Joe is doing.

I just made it up. Oh, that was good, though. I'm a T-Bone. Imagine Matthew as a T-Bone. Yeah, my buddy T-Bone. He writes plays on Broadway now. It's like the opposite of calling a big guy tiny. Matthew's more of a petit filet mignon.

Yeah. Not a T-Bone. Hey, salad. That was my answer. Hey, side salad. Side salad. Hey, side salad. Old Matty side salad.

House salad hold the onions. You know Grant's nickname. I have a couple. We know Grantee Panties. Yeah, that's one. Berg's is a boring one. Berg's. What about Berg Dog?

A couple friends call me Berg Dog. Berg Dog is good. That's a good one. Berg Dog. A couple call me berg dog is good that's a good couple berg dog a couple call me granimal uh but the first nickname that my sister still calls me my eldest sister elizabeth because she was around when i was just speaking nonsense right uh one of your middle sister was also around yes yes yes but she didn't she didn't adopt this sobriquet. When I was a little baby, I used to say just Gwee all the time.

So she calls me Gwee Gwee or Gwee. Gwee? I'll say, hey, Liz, how are you doing? She's like, oh, how are you, Gwee? Wow, still to this day. Wow. You're Gwee. Hmm. Gwee, how's salad hold the onions?

Skid Joey and T-Bone. Yeah. He called himself T-Bone. Oh, T-Bone. It's T-Bone. Don't play games. Stop trying to make T-Bone happen, Troy. Let's call him Coco the Gorilla.

Coco the Gorilla. T-Bone. T-Bone. Is that how you did it? Did you just walk around school, like, just, like, surreptitiously? No, you know, T-Bone's got to go out and do T-Bone. T-Bone's getting upset. I hear about that T-Bone, right?

T-Bone doesn't like that font. All the cheerleaders in the corner going, gosh, I just don't know how T-Bone stays so cool. I went to an all-boys school. Oh, yeah. All the male cheerleaders in the corner. Do they don't do cheerleading at your sister school uh they did but they are there was a they cheerleaded for their own parents um that said they didn't want to have cheerleaders they were like this this is

no good stop and so they stopped and so there are no cheerleaders the school that school did not your school no my school said no more cheerleaders and they shut it down your school of all all all catholic teenage boys said we don't want to have cheerleaders anymore. Yes, yes, there was an uproar amongst some of the teachers. They were like, shut this down. Oh, the teachers. Yeah. Shut this down or else T-Bone's going to have a fit.

Yep, T-Bone's getting upset. T-Bone is like, what era are we living in? Yeah, yeah. For the record, I was called a variety of things. Yeah, tell me what you were called. Not Matty Capps? I feel like that got thrown in there every once in a while. There was a lot of...

What did Rachel Bloom call you? Didn't Rachel Bloom come up with a nickname for you? Yes, Rachel Bloom came up with a nickname for me in college. She called me Coppa Da Cocksuck. That's right. Rachel Bloom from My Crazy Ex-girlfriend yes gave you thank you thank you skid thank you matthew don't thank me thank you my wife my wife's favorite show by the way let her know it's wonderful oh it's a great show love that show it's absolutely wonderful

well crap at a casa was the was the the story sounds so fruitful but it's like that was the that was the standard and she found that objectionable because it was too easy yeah right um i got i got something like cappy cap capo i'll make you feel better though there was one mean kid uh who was a skateboarder so he was just like uh always wearing like ripped black jinkos and like a fucking my chemical rober and c-shirt in class and shit uh one one time he called me turd burglar well one time i mean that's so adaptable you could you could put anything and then say burglar and it would be fun yeah i like burg dog burg dog it's like i'm a bird dog yeah burg dog i like uh burgdorf good man that's he's an all right guy he's a burg burgdorf Goodman. He's an alright guy. He's a Bergdorf Goodman. Yeah, not Bergdorf. He's a good man.

Bergdorf Goodman. A friend of mine, his last name was Feynman and his older brother's name was Adam, so we referred to him as a damn fine man. That's good. But if Troy gets to go by T-Bone, I want to be known as Iceberg.

That's good. Now we got Cabin of Cocksuck, Joey Skid, Iceberg and T-Bone! Iceberg by T-Bone, I want to be known as Iceberg. Ooh, that's good. Now we got Cabot of Cocksuck, Joey Skid, Iceberg, and T-Bone. Iceberg and T-Bone. You make a great team with the side salad. Iceberg. Oh, an iceberg wedge salad. No one could drive a wedge between your friendship. I'll tell you that much.

Got to start with the house sale and move on to the team up we got a whole steak dinner here and joey and joey hey my buddy joey just put a pat of butter on the joey potato we could just call you potato hey hey there was there was a really really kind uh cook that worked at the restaurant that I worked at in high school when I was a busboy where I really loved to eat the dinner rolls because I'm a fatty and I love rolls. And he was like, have another roll, bread boy. And then everybody started calling me bread boy. That's better than

Captain O'Cox How did you bury the lead like that, Joseph? I didn't remember it until this moment Old Joey bread roll I was 16 years old, busing tables At a country club And for years, my teenage buddies were like Have another roll, bread boy

They loved it They loved it oh that's good i love bread so much joey bread boy oh my god oh the other one when i this was not when i was a teenager when i worked at the advertising agency i was alternately capo madness capodine madness Madness? And then also Madness. I like Madness. Madness and Madness Capodine. Wow. Wow. That shows your age. That movie came out 20 years after I got nicknames.

Yeah. 20 years after I was known as T-Bone around campus. 20 years after T-Bone was banging. You know that thing where you go to college well i when i was called matt my whole life but i actually prefer matthew and i when i went to college i was like i'm gonna introduce myself as matthew to everybody and then i was just so in the habit of being matt that i forgot um but i was like i just imagine you walking around campus like writing writing letters to the editor at the school paper just so you can sign them t-bone the valley oh boy well what are going to be the nickname uh of the new party after uh

grant gets taken out and you don't have a primary doubt damage dealer um i say we call them the awkward segue that'll be the party that's all i had um this is bad news here i want to talk about metra's decision to eat their step obviously um it would have cleaved and probably hit you yes not too unconscious or worse left you low no it would have left me low that way and i so i knew if the you were probably going to hit and that meant you were going to cleave. Yeah, I gave away that cleave. I do that a lot. I tell more than I should.

If you didn't know about cleave, you wouldn't have done it. You shouldn't have done it. Have some honor. I was going to ether step when the other giant stepped up to me. So I just did it early. Yeah, but the cleave would have hit. But yeah, when the fire giant gets up to me, I mean, I don't have Baron's AC.

I don't have the defensive training. It was going to hit, and if I had already taken damage from the cleave, I was probably going to die. If it hit a crit, I was definitely going to die. Instead, it now is going to lay out a vile strike on Baron. Now, Baron, I assume, is in bad shape. But okay shape. Okay shape.

Obviously, a crit here is what really could hurt you because of the vital strike. I think, I don't know if I said it on air. I think I did. Yeah. 12d6 plus 62 damage. Oh, my God. Crit 17 to 20. Oh, my God.

Now, obviously, your defensive training is going to help out here. Yes. But I'm going to leave Power Attack on. It didn't work that last time. I think it's going to work this time. Oh, my God. Let's just see what happens. I'm going to stick to the die that I was using last week because it's my new favorite die.

If I'm going to die, can I get some tense music, Joe, please? I'm looking for it. Some tense. I was trying to bring up some tense. I don't want to die to the sounds of it. There it is. He did it. My life is flashing before my eyes.

He did it. Grant leaned back in his chair and looked off into the middle distance. Here comes the great sword. All right. Let's just do this You've been waiting a week You were in this I'm nervous for you buddy Listen I just hope it's Troy rolling

And not T-Bone You know what's funny is Well no I think even A 17 would hit your AC So let's just see Well, no, I think even a 17 would hit your AC. So let's just see. Natural 2. Oh!

Oh, my God. Had to wait a whole week. Man, I'm feeling cool as an iceberg. Should have known Bergdorf was going to get out of this one. Bergdorf. Bergdorf, good man. You know, one. Oh, Bergdorf. Oh, Bergdorf. Bergdorf Goodman. You know, you work for a podcast and media network now. You could just tell people your name is T-Bone.

You could introduce yourself on live shows as T-Bone. Watch your mouth when you're talking to T-Bone. Tell him what to do. I definitely think we should have shirts made with our nicknames on them. Let me tell you the story of Troy A. LaValster sometime. Troy A. LaValster? Yeah, I don't want to tell it on story of Troy A. Lavalster sometime. Troy A. Lavalster? Yeah, I don't want to tell it on air, but it's a really funny story. What a tease. Yeah.

Troy A. Lavalster. I like that one. I don't want my son ever to listen back to this. It's too late. I've already said too many horrible things. I've already revealed the Troy A. Lavalster story. I'll save it for another time. I mean, just what a horseshoe up your ass. A natural two.

If that was Dalgrith, it would have been a 25 on the die. No doubt. No doubt. How did that happen? A 25 on the die. Paint would have fallen from the ceiling, landed on the die, and turned the zero into a five. Instead, natural two. Unbelievable.

So we just move on to the next round. He is the luckiest fucking guy in the world. Always. I mean, we're not out of the woods yet. Yeah, you're not out of the woods. No, no, I'm just saying, like, these pivotal moments, it seems that die rolls go as well. Well, you know what?

That's why 247 episodes later, this guy is still sitting here. He's around and kicking. His fate and his destiny is too great. He's touched. Now, it looks like, Baron guy is still sitting here. He's fading. His destiny is too great. He's touched. Now, it looks like, Baron, I'm helping you out here. You are able to five foot step and not be within reach. All right. It is my turn now.

Yes. I was so concerned with, I was torn. Okay. So we have dealt damage To both of these creatures Correct? No the skeleton has yet to be touched Oh boy And the fire giant is in pretty good shape

Jesus I think I'm going to go after the Regular giant because of that Vital strike action it has That kung fu grip Troy Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. And it crits 17 to 20. We gotta take that shit out. Here comes the first shot.

Natty 14. That's gonna be a hit. Big old hit. Ooh, looking good there. That is 30 points of damage. You probably be fine.

Second attack is also a hit. 33 points of damage. Okay, Larry Bird. Am I the only one that microwaves all their food for 33 seconds in honor of Larry Bird? I think so. Okay, because I do. It's such an anal retentive thing.

Or a minute 33. You know, I do the same thing, but I lick all my french fries in honor of Larry Bird. That's good. We'll explain that one after the show. That was really funny. 29 points of damage. 29 points of damage. The final attack. The ninth attack.

Come on, the final countdown. Natural fucking 20! Oh shit! Whoa! Bam! Bam! Bam! God! That is a hero.

That's what it feels like to bring a hero to the table. Very heroic. A hero to a knife fight. The return of Granny Panties. You know, and you could sit there, and that's what he always does. That final strike hits. I mean, it could have knocked you unconscious,

maybe killed you. Could have killed me. But it would never hit. It would never hit. Well, a natural two I rolled. It would have hit. I think I'd have... No, just because of his luck.

I mean, it would never have hit. I'm saying mystically, it would never have hit. Mystically, yeah. Into the mystic, baby. Great song. Torag has protected both Baron and Grant. I prayed to Torag. That's what feels great about this.

It is Nestor's turn. Nestor, you got Metra and Baron kind of blocking you there. No, he doesn't. Oh, Metra's not there. Metra, no. You've got a nice, clean shot. Yeah. Nestor is going to slide in one little five-foot step to get a little bit clearer shot on this skeleton.

Okay. And start firing away. Finish it. First shot knocks two arrows into, oh, Jota. That is a 32 to hit. That is a hit. All right. Nice.

And let's roll. Ooh, baby. Dimash, 57 points of damage total. Does it matter? Oh, yeah. Dimash, 57 points of damage total. Does it matter? Oh, yeah. And six of that is electricity. 57 and six electricity. Okay.

57 total. 51 regular damage. Six points of electricity. That is big boy damage, by the way. People talk about Baron, but that is big boy damage. That is really, really nice to have. Okay. All right.

That fucks him up. Second, many shot is really, really nice to have. Okay, all right, that fucks him up. Second attack. Natty, 18. Almost a crit. Oh, my God. Okay. That's 16 points of regular damage, four points of electricity. Okay.

Still up. Final attack. Big attack here. Oh, Natty's 16. Uh, that is a 28. That is a hit. Oh, wait, no. 28? That is a miss.

Oh. Wow. I thought that Natty's 16 would go, but that was your lowest attack bonus, right? That was, yeah. Okay, so that misses. You know how there are words that you read and you understand and you're reading a book and you get it, but you never really see it in real life? I never understood what a rueful smile was

until Joe smiled at Skid's last roll and they were all double digits. Double digits, double digits, double digits. It was just so rueful. What an amazing feeling that must be. Boom, boom, boom. One after another. And at an important moment, too.

Yes, exactly, like in vital moments. Well, you're up, bread boy. Let's see what you got. All right. Have another dice roll, bread boy. They're all going to laugh at you, Bread Boy. If you don't think you're going to be called Bread Boy by every person in every live show, you're out of your mind.

There's going to be Bread Boy posters in the audience. People are going to hold up signs that say, have another roll, Bread Boy. People are going to be throwing Hawaiian rolls at you. Have another roll. I would love it. Have another roll of the dice, Bread Boy. It's going to be throwing Hawaiian rolls at you. Have another roll. I would love it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Have another roll of the dice. Yeah. Red boy.

Red boy. It's going to be a Nick Lowe drop. I'm going to make a song about it. Red boy. All right. Dog Wraith is just going to damage. Left me behind. I'll get up there.

And he's just going to start. He's going to double move toward the combat, but he's hundreds of feet away. He's like limping, like trying to run down the hallway over this mask on the floor. Last match they should have taken me with you. Do you want to stay adjacent to the pit? What? Where are you? I'm all, I'm so far away.

It doesn't matter. I'm irrelevant. Can move on. I just wanted you to move right up to the pit and then roll a reflex save and fall in. No. You can run though. I'm wanted you to move right up to the pit and then roll a reflex save and fall in. You can run, though. It's like two rounds from the pit. No, I'm flavor not running because I don't think he's got it in him. Okay.

Well, it is Metra's turn before the skeleton acts. So Metra blinks back onto the material plane, but can only take move actions. Ah. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting.

That's amazing. So she will take a five foot step to get outside the reach of the skeleton. Okay. And then take another move action to get behind Nestor. Okay. There by leaving Barret open for another multiple. This would be a full attack action now.

He's not... I'm going to reiterate that that dead corpse is difficult terrain. It is. By the rules, it is difficult terrain. I will look it up. This is what I need you to do. I need you to roll damage for the hungry pit. You're right, I do.

I forgot. I forgot that was still going. I forgot. I forgot that was still going. I forgot! Hey, Mr. Cotta! 17 points of damage. It only had 7 hit points left. Oh, yeah! The hungry pit feasted once more. Mommy hungry! Alright, it is the

skeleton's turn. Some creatures, particularly very large ones, may present an obstacle even when helpless. In such cases, each square you move through counts as two squares. Oh, pie roll. May present. You and your mays. Well, that's because they want GMs to run their game.

Well, that's what I'm here for. Yes. Old bread rolls. Particularly very large ones. This is the language I heard. Now you're just fat shaming. Yeah. It's bread boy I'm sorry I'm a bread man now

He's a carboholic Well here's the thing look at the five foot step that I want to take here Look on the map It only would overlap with one of the four Squares It doesn't matter His whole step is a ten by ten square Right but this is a 10 by 10 square.

Right, but this is a large creature. Now, if I say, if one of you guys tried to occupy the space of a fallen giant, guaranteed difficult terrain. But that old may there. Capita Casa. How salad hold the onions. That leaves it up to perhaps a roll of the dice. Leaves it up to T-Bone. Since this is going to be a full attack on Baron.

By rules as written, if any part of the terrain a creature moves over is difficult terrain, then the extra movement is spent. I'm going to go find the actual rule. We're deciding whether or not this is difficult terrain. That precludes your statement.

Even Grant agrees, and he's the one that's going to be in the line of fire here. I'm going to say there's four squares. Because I'm not a crap at a... Well, I'm not going to say the rest of it. I'll let it... You're a Bergdorf good man. Yeah, thank you. There are four squares that this dead giant takes up.

I'm going to say that if you roll a four on a D4, it's difficult terrain. One, two, or three, full attack action on your ass. That is both fair and wise. Is it just? Dos. Dos Equis.

We're gonna do a full attack action here. Leaving power attack on. Odds are in your favor. Ever in your favor. Isn't that right, Katniss? Oh, so you rolled and decided that he didn't have difficult terrain. That's what you said. Correct. I mean, it makes sense.

Like, if we were to walk through a medium creature, dead creature square, we wouldn't call that difficult terrain for us. So it's large. That's why I get to another level. The only argument I would have against it, and I'm going with this rule now, is like if you put like one of your feet into like on someone's thigh on a football field. Yeah, but then

any dead creature would count as difficult to run. Yeah, also the person on the field is five feet wide and five feet long. You know what I mean? Just because they're in that square doesn't mean there isn't ample space to step. But as you are fond of pointing out, Joe, there is no such thing as facing in Pathfinder. Facing?

Yeah. I don't know how that comes into play here. Because he's saying they occupy every part of the square and nothing of the square all at the same time. Shroud and Deer Square. And I'll tell you, if this five-foot step had occupied two, we would have had a different conversation. Got it. Instead, we're going to do three attacks. Power attack is on.

Those second two attacks are going to be tough to hit. Actually, the first one might be tough to hit. Crits 19 to 20. Let's see what happens here. First attack. That is going to be a 32 to hit. Miss. Oh.

All right. Giant subtype, correct? Giant subtype. All right. All right. Giant subtype, correct? Giant subtype. Yes. All right. All right. It's going to be very hard to hit. Don't mess with Baron.

That would have been a hit if I had not taken the blessing of Torek. The sacred protection. Okay. All right. This is going to be. Final judgment of the day. Second attack. 31.

Miss. Okay. Final attack. It's going to to have to be a natural 20. Because even a 19 wouldn't hit you. And even a natural 20 probably won't confirm a crit. Miss. Yes!

He's so blessed. Swah, swah, swah! It's like in Fellowship of the Ring when the cave troll is attacking Gimli. And it's just like swinging over his head, like smashing the sarcophagus, and it's flying around. It just keeps moving. Just enough. Ducking and weaving.

Ducking and weaving. Bobbing and weaving. Absolutely huge. And Baron, it is your turn. Holy moly. Going to take a convenient five foot step back. Toe to toe with Nestor coin. Yeah.

Shoot him right in the fucking knee. No, I'm going to do a full round. First attack on coin's knee. Bam. Misfire. First attack is going to be on this fire giant. Come on, baby. Come on, baby.

Almost a misfire with an 18, but didn't quite misfire. So let's see what the damage is. Ooh, nine. That is 31 points of damage. And the final skeleton is dead. Oh, yes! How the hell did we get out of that combat? Wow.

Metra. Metra is how we got out of that combat. When we finished the last episode, I was like, that was one of my favorite combats that we've had so far, and it lived up to the hype. It felt really evenly balanced. Like, you were definitely doing damage to my guys. I was laying out significant damage.

You weren't, like, throwing the house at them, Metra, especially with your once-a-day powers, but you were being very smart. That could have easily gone a number of really horrible ways if I just rolled a couple more 19s or 20s. Huge, huge. Give yourself a round of applause. All right.

Good job. Good job. Well played. Particularly Dogreth, I think. Really stepped up and made the difference. Yeah, if you've got to throw an MVP out there, it's definitely Dogreth. Look, I'm not looking for compliments. I'm just saying. He's a great character.

Don't want a medal of freedom or anything. Wow. What do you do here? You assume Dalgrith is dead. I don't assume that. Yeah. He's limping back up to everyone, you know, towards the door. Yeah, we head back to the doors. Yep. Head back to the doors. Yep.

Head back to the doors. Okay. Baron, she left me behind. I wouldn't have left you, brother. Is the mask... It was my choice. ...still on the floor? It sure is. It is just, you know, stretched all the way across the room and sitting on the floor.

It doesn't seem to be affecting you at all, but it's very ominous can i do a knowledge check on it yeah you want to roll on knowledge religion oh i'd like to join on that can't do it can't do it ain't got it give me a religion mother puss bucket 28 bam zoni this is the holy holy symbol of zirz water oh but but but why did it happen and what effect does it have did we remember what triggered it yeah because once we were all in there it fired off um yeah you don't quite know. Even with the 28 knowledge relish. You walked into the room, and it didn't immediately happen. But as you got deeper into the room, it appeared. So maybe they triggered something, or maybe you triggered something.

But you're not quite sure. And why it appeared with the 28 knowledge religion. It isn't tied into a religious reason. There's something magical happening. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe it's just me being nervous. But there's something sort of unsettling about that giant menacing head that magically appeared on the floor underneath us.

I think it's just you. You afraid? No, just unsettled. Unsettled. No. I think it's just you. You afraid? No, just unsettled. Unsettled. No, I'd say if I was, you'd know if I was afraid. By the way, were you, uh, did you think we weren't going to come back for you? No, I knew you would. No, you can't resist me, can you?

You can't resist my charms. Runs in the family. The charms? No, runs, uh, the, uh, runs the inability to resist my charms. My charms, unfortunately, skipped a generation. Poor dad. You talk about your father sometimes. What happened to him?

Oh, it's a long, sad story. I don't think we have time to relay it now. It's not important. Anyway, what we do now, eh? Search the of course there we go woman after my own heart and uh yeah i definitely start doing that give the old bodies a search all right so the skeletons have just been uh reduced to piles of rubble and uh the bodies of the fire giants um still lay there let's talk about the skeletons they both have uh all four of them uh have masterwork great swords obviously one of those uh is trapped at the bottom of a hungry pit it rises to the top when the pit expires shut up

and they're all wearing masterwork uh plate. These are giant, large-sized. That's all they have on their person. You wonder about their story. How did they come to be? How did they come to join these fire giants as guardians of this area? Now, the fire giants, there's two of them. They each have magical greatswords. Obviously large size.

They each have two potions on them. They have magical armor. And they each have a magical ring. Oh. That is nice.

Pretty, pretty nice spellcraft yeah give me um give me a spellcraft anybody wants to aid 25 25 do you need more uh because i can that's fine uh plus one great swords plus two half plate hmm uh they each have two potions of Cure Sirius. Nice. Nice. And they each have a ring of minor cold resistance. Oh, okay. Oh. Fire Giants.

It's a good thing I didn't hit them with the cone of cold. Oh, yeah. So we should each take a potion of Cure Sirius? Yep. Sounds good. What are you going to do now? This is a new area of the mountain. Obviously, you've been going up, up, up, climbing.

You went to this area, and the first battle you get into is one of your toughest. You could argue that, obviously, the dragon fight was more difficult, but that was unwinnable. This was more difficult than Skirkotler on the dual hand at the end of the day. But timing and luck is everything. I am very badly hurt, and I know some of you are as well.

Yeah, should we do some healing? Yeah. We've got the jump on them now If there's any way to continue forward, we should try But we do need to be healed I'm not particularly Well stocked on spells right now But

I have a little What have you got, Matra? Could you teleport us out In an emergency? I've got three level 5 spells left, so let's teleport right there. Actually, I could even use a level six or level seven slot for it. We could always peek ahead and then teleport out. We could. See what we're looking at.

Get into another combat like that or worse. Yeah, I mean, if that's what they were guarding, just think about what it is, and we had that much difficulty against them. Well, you did. Just think about what it is they were guarding. Ah, but we'd like to see it, though, before we leave, so we know what we're up against. Yeah, I mean, I'd like to satisfy my curiosity, sure.

I could go take a look, if you'd like. Hold on. We got a sense, right, when we were forced to battle right after that giant Pete Oliver bear, and we were in the cages. We were told that teleportation magic wouldn't work or just that they would kill our friends? They would kill their friends. Yeah.

Okay, so I wanted to make sure. So what is the danger that faces us if we peek in and teleport real quick? If there's some situation that prevents us from teleporting. I mean, I could also cloak of etherealness. Just do it once. The last time we tried this in a mountain in a particularly well-guarded

area, Troy gave us... I didn't want to go down this road, but yeah. Not the most helpful intelligence. It's the metagame road, which is like, he just won't tell you what's actually there. You're on a different plane. I give you a little flave.

A little flave. I want a little flave of love. Right, but you see living creatures when you're on the ethereal plane, don't you? And even unliving creatures. Right. You see things. You see the things on the material plane. So, I don't know if it's a waste of the garment because of Troy's interpretation of how it works.

I don't think it's a waste. If there's any things on the other side of that door, it's a waste of the garment because of troy's interpretation of how it works i don't think it's the way if there's any things on the other side of that door it's a huge win yeah all right i'm yeah once we do our healing i'll i'll i'll jaunt over all right so you do your healing whatever that's going to be how are you guys doing on wands if you burn through all this healing we now have one full wand of cure light wounds remaining we burn through everything else we burn through two partial wands okay on the way to get here all right so after the healing you mean you'll have one yes one left okay cool uh so you want to do your stupid ethereal jaunt yeah i'll activate the cloak

and i'll slip through i'll wait till we get up to the door. Let's all go up to the door. Yeah. So you all walk up to the door. It has the same image on it that is stretched across the room. An image of the Holy Symbol of Zerzvater. The room lit by those magma-like

looking rocks on the volcanoes and the alcoves. And you jaunt on through. I'll be back in a bit. And you see that the next room is oval in shape. And the walls of this oval cavern are carved in a way that resembles a volcanic mountain range. It's almost as if this room is made to look like it lay in the center of a miniature mountain valley. Wow.

Flickering flames behind the volcanic calderas give the appearance of flowing lava throughout the room on the walls, and the walls between the peaks of the mountains are painted to look like looming, shadowy mountains. You're seeing this all, obviously, in the ethereal plane, but it's illuminated enough for you to be able to get the sense of light and dark. On the northeast end of the room, right where you're walking in, you see an image on the floor in the shape of that fanged helmet

that stretched across the room, but it's smaller. It's like a 10-foot square. It's inlaid with red and orange tiles. So even though everything looks gray and ephemeral, you still get the sense of the beauty of this room. Maybe it's not beautiful to you, but you can tell it's beautiful to some people.

There is a large brazier lit standing in the center of the room, surrounded by four chairs, probably steel chairs. four chairs, probably steel chairs. You can see the gaps between the mountain carvings on the wall look like they're partially concealing three exits from this room. How far in do you go? I mean, how big is the oval? You said I can, my site site what's my site limited to in the ethereal plane like 60 feet i think yeah um it is like i see the walls i mean it looks it goes

on hundreds of feet so to the brazier from the door is about 75 80 feet so it's like a giant oval i mean i go in pretty far i got i got ten minutes. So you go past the brazier. Yeah. All right, so you go past the brazier, and as you do, you see a large, very large shape that almost looks like a pile of corpses. But it's undulating oh god in heaven as if it's as if the entire

pile is breathing and it's just whatever this is is hunkered down and just you just see it pulse every once in a while and it just looks like corpses piled on top of each other with nails

and bolts and sheds. Come on, LaVallee. It takes up an enormous part of the back end of the room. Wow. Does it look like a bunch of individual corpses that are just piled on top of each other or they look like there's somehow

one organism that's breathing together? More B than A. Okay. each other or they look like there's somehow one organism that's breathing together more b than a okay like a giant mountain of corpses i'll proceed a little further to see what's on the other side of the pile uh you go around and it looks like some sort of creature but it is like the way it's hunkered down you can't see if there's a face uh what arms and legs it may have it's hard to tell it looks like some sort of single unit but the way that it's sitting there it's hard to it's hard to really figure out what's going on with it. However, going past it, you do see these exits now. Clearly, there's one to the northwest, one directly west, and then one to the southwest out of the room. And the one to the west looks like there's a door.

All right. I return back to my friends, and I report the horrors I've seen. And I come out of the ethereal plane once I'm through the door. That sounds really horrible. It was truly horrific. I don't know how we fight that thing, if it is something we can fight at all. Oh, no. It appeared to be on the ground.

Did it seem like it was sleeping? Did it seem like it was inert? Hard to tell. Why were they protecting it? Why were they guarding it? Were they guarding it or were they just keeping it from getting out? That's a good question. Or is it some kind of creation or pet?

Maybe it's like two groups of guards. One's guarding one sort of gauntlet that you get through, and then that's a second gauntlet that's guarding something further along. Based off of the descriptions we hear from Metra, is there any type of check we can do to cross-reference it with, you said it was Zerzvater on the floor? Yes, she saw in like a glyph on the floor that looked identical to the one that stretched out in the room that you're currently in, but it was small. There's no other meaning we get from anything else, like a ritual or whatever? No, I mean, obviously the area you're entering

holds some religious significance and this iconography of Zirzvater seems to be prominent. Man. And Zirzvater doesn't have any connection to undead stuff, does he? To your knowledge, no. It's like the fire giant god. The first time

you heard of Zirzvater, I believe was in in minderhall's valley when you came to an old temple uh before you but only baron would have seen that and that was before you even spoke to uh nester tenna when she told you uh that you were the heroes reborn and you had already found the uh the important thing there whatever it was the ruby they're like the wasn't the glowing crystals or god i can't remember but there's a statue and one of your old uh knowledge religion might have been sir will or i i feel like baron your religion wasn't as strong back then might have been pembroke no that's pretty coin and della oh sir will and baron and baron and, it was a temple, and we found the secret entrance,

and we found the fire crystals in the back. Oh, yeah. It was the fire crystals, yes. Yeah. The geodes or whatever. That's back with the, what's his name? That all killed the... Yeah.

Umlo. Umlo, yeah. No, not Umlo. The, what's, Fungfar, right? No, that was later on. I think this was pre-Fung Farr, yeah. No, this was pre-Fung Farr. Early Mid-North.

We fought like a plant. Yeah. Fung Farr was in the, was in the cave. Oh, the plant that had Swallow? It basically, like, drank the blood of people that died there and shit. Came to life, yeah. Fung Farr was in the network of, um, tunnels that led to the map room where we could find the location so crazy this game how long yeah all right we can't even keep track i need like george rr martin's uh assistants

yeah know the story better than we do yeah you know i went back to that exact episode in that exact location uh when we were doing episode 200 because there were details about Sir Will's family and stuff like that that came out in that episode in that temple because we rested in that temple. Oh, wow. That's right. Was there a flashback? Oh, that place.

Oh, now I remember. Yeah. No, there was no flashback in that scene, but he spoke to Della about his family in that scene. And so I had to go back to that for research. Wow. But it was in that temple of Zersvater.

Zersvater. Wow. So long ago. That was a long time ago. It was the fire giant god. Yeah. And I remember you describing him as being

like dwarven in sort of build. Yeah. Looked like a giant dwarf. Yeah, looks like a giant dwarf. That ruins, yeah, we were so confused because we were like, are they emulating dwarves?

And it was the same when we saw the caves where we saw the ash peak symbol for the first time. Right, where the dwarves were clearly enslaved by the giants. Right, right, right. Is there, this might be, if it's not German and you want to move on from it, that's fine, but I'm just curious. It's Tito. Is there antagonism between Zerzvater and Thremir? Oh, that's interesting.

Because they're like frost and fire and whatever. There's, generally speaking, animosity between the giant tribes, right? So it stands to reason there might be. Give me a little... I'm just thinking of that because of my Thremir's beard going off. But they're both evil, right? Give me a little Nodra Lich. Okay.

22. because of my Threm years, but they're both evil, right? Give me a little, uh, Nodra Lich. Okay. Uh, 22. They don't get along. There's Vodder, uh, despises. Threm here. Oh shit.

And I'm walking around. It's like weak or, um, there, because their elements are opposed. and I'm walking around. As like weak? Or? They're, because their elements are opposed, I think it's, you know, you gotta imagine

if you're like really superstitious or uber religious and like this, like no, this is not right. Yeah. Their way of doing things is wrong. Our way of doing things is right. Yeah, it looks like they're actually both on opposite ends of the uh the evil side of the spectrum so uh zirzvater is lawful

neutral lawful evil neutral evil and thremir is on the other side chaotic neutral chaotic evil neutral evil so they're on the bottom end wait so zir, wait. So that means Zersvater is lawful evil? Yeah. That's what fire giants are? Yeah. You could also be lawful neutral and worship Zersvater. Right. No, I know.

But for the most part, they're lawful evil, which is shocking to me. It's purist of them. Different ballgame. Yeah. Whatever prototypical, stereotypical things, I would think that just uh by rote the fire side would be the chaotic right lawful would be that's always been i think that's always been true like even going back to first edition like they were always fire giants were lawful evil wow when you say first edition you mean dnd a dnd yeah yeah i mean that's so interesting. It is.

You know, and this isn't really, it doesn't matter what you roll. Sure, man. I just think this isn't really Tito, but I'm just going to try that one again, huh? Sir Spodder finds Gorham's warlike disposition pointless and considers Minderhall a pale imitation of himself, like stone giants are merely components of fire giants.

Wow. That's rude. Ser Svater considers Torag's dwarven followers persistent pests but grudgingly respects him as a smith and encourages his followers to enslave dwarves. Oh, because I'll make great weapons

for them. Yeah. And this goes back. Now, you just said that you found those caves where dwarves were being enslaved, clearly, by giants. And there was a temple to Zer's Vater not far away. Wow. So it makes sense. I respect you. So we're going to enslave you and steal your secrets.

Yeah. Well, Metro's going to make the case that since time is still of the essence and we are still missing our friends and the chaos outside might be our only chance to move forward, we should tackle this room now. Yes! Yes! Now, if you're feeling confident, we've got the great door grief.

Hi, you're in good hands, friend. Yeah, no, he's famed across the inner sea. And, of course, we've got the great Dorgreith. Hi, you're in good hands, friend. Yeah, no, he's famed across the inner sea. And, of course, we've got Baron. So we know what he can do. And then there's me. So, yeah, I think we're in good shape. Shall we stage another surprise? Baron, as long as you've got all your judgments for the day, I think we're fine.

Well, hold on. He pulls out both of his side pockets and flies fly out. He's like, I'm straight out of Judgment, brother. Uh. Keep using that spider. I'm happy to go on, but as soon as there's a side of trouble, you get us out of there, Metro. All right.

Should we stage another surprise, or do you want to just kick in the door and do it the old-fashioned way? I think that would be pretty surprising. Yeah. What about a dimension door? Is that too... Reluctant to use those spells? Too valuable to use?

Especially as I might have to use them to get us out of trouble once we're inside. Aye, I understand. All right. Perhaps I give it a go? Or do you want to do it, Nesta? A stealthy opening of the door? Yeah, if you could give me

like a moment and i can make you both invisible yeah i insist if it's locked you gotta let dow griff go first he's real no no he's the real expert so absolutely i would always defer to him in matters of the lock yeah no matters of lock. He seems to always run out of those lock picks. I don't know what happens. Yeah, I don't know. He always uses a fresh one. I don't know. Yeah.

No. I guess if you're a real expert, you know, you sort of lose patience. Maybe it's a specialty one for each type of lock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it must be. So, what's the plan? I'm going to make Dalgrith and Nestor invisible.

Okay. Regular invisibility. I'm going to mirror image myself, and then we'll kick open the door and guns blazing. All right. So we're not going to try and stealth open the door. I mean, I don't know. What do you guys want to do? Like, I mean, invisibility, but you're going to be moving.

You're going to take a penalty to that. So whatever's in there is going to be able to perceive it. What do you want to do? Dalgrith wants to sneakily open the door. And I would like to cast See Invisibility in order to see where my friends are as we go in there. Okay. All right, so you're going to try and stealth open the door,

and you get a bonus to your stealth based on invisibility, but you're moving, so you take a penalty to your stealth. I think you get a plus 20 and then a minus 10. Do you know offhand? No, that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. I would just say ignore invisibility. I'm opening a door.

So, like, there's any number of things that have nothing to do with invisibility would factor in. That's right. Invisibility doesn't make you silent. Plus 40 on stealth checks when you're invisible. When you're not moving. When you're moving, it's reduced to plus 20. When you're moving. All right.

What's the light situation in that room, by the way? Well, lit, as far as you can tell. Shit is lit. So he's just going to try to... I don't know. Whatever. Stealth check. That is a...

There are now eight metros. 41. Eight metros. 41. Stealth Eight metros. 41. Stealthily opening the door. He's invisible, so the door is opening. Door is opening. He can't see anything.

Whatever it is can't see anything there, but if they sense the door opening, then we can start combat. And if they see it and they're scared of ghosts, they have to run away. Okay. You open the door and that pile in the back that metro describes you does not flinch oh 40 perception against your 41. Oh, wow. Wow. It does not flinch. You just see it whatever it is still breathing. Oh, my God.

Is there a knowledge check we can do on this thing? Yeah. Oh, that's a good thing to do before we get into combat rounds. The door is open. You now see the room. I've revealed it. You see that fanged helm on the floor.

And then in the back, behind the brazier, is this big pile. It's so gross. All right. Dahlgraith is going to move at a plus 20 to stealth. Just start going into the room along the wall. Okay. Trying to close on it. All right, so you move into the room.

Who moves next? And show me where. Dalgrath, don't move past your available movement. In one round? Yeah, you're moving like 70 feet. Metra will stay close to Baron and Nestor. Or Baron, because she can't see Nestor. Okay.

Where do you want to go, Baron? I'm also going to cast Protection from Evil on myself. Okay. Not a bad move. I'll do the same. Should we stick together and let... two people are invisible now, right? Yeah. Should we let them infiltrate and then we can zippity zoo around?

Sure. Just understand I don't have as much range as I used to. It's 20 feet. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't, and I don't have an odd ability to zippity zoo us around, but only, you know, once or twice. Yep.

Understood. Especially since it's well lit in here yeah i mean i can stealth a little bit but since it's well lit it doesn't make sense for me to try to go in so metra and i will be kind of in the back station looking around checking our sixes luckily though outside of whatever the giant screamed or whatever the fire giant screamed my gun's not making noise anymore nester's bow is quiet outside of whatever electricity maybe not makes noise. Dalgrith

never stabs anything, so no noise there. So do the two of you walk into the room? Yeah, we'll stealth in. Yeah, we'll stealth in. Alright, so move onto the map and roll stealth check. Okay, I'll move here. I'm going to be careful not to step on the symbol on the floor. Metro, you're going to stand here next to me? I was going to go in about

that far. Alright, I'll stand next to Metra there. We're going about 20 feet into the room. So you're both flanking out to the left, following behind Dalgrith. No, we don't know that. Baron does. Baron does. I might be like, oh, I could be, you know what I'll be doing? I'll be using the gloves of Whisper to message to you how to follow. What did you say

last week? I still don't know. Secret. Damn it. It didn't happen in the battle. I'm not going to tell now. Stealth of a 26. 25. Okay. And Nestor, what are you doing? Once Baron

gets into the room, he's going to come in right behind him to the east of the helmet on the floor. he's going to come in right behind him to the east of the helmet on the floor. He's right behind Baron and Della. Metra. Metra. And down the length of the wall from

Dalgreath, who's further ahead by about 15 feet. Describe the helmet again. Is it painted on the floor? Yeah, it looks like a glyph on the floor. Of the same exact image that was stretched out. Fang steel helm with fire emblazoned. It's like red and orange tiles on the floor. Metra couldn't see this on the ethereal plane, but now you see the brilliant colors.

And the walls. Like I said, it's beautiful. It looks like a museum, the way it's painted um but there are three exits that you can see one two three northwest west and southwest we're gonna get that knowledge check by the way i'm gonna have nester roll a stealth check and then i'll give you your knowledge check uh that is a 56. 56. The good news is Dalgrith and Nestor definitely passed their stealth checks. I knew we should have waited. However, Metra and Baron both failed. Matthew, I didn't forget your knowledge check.

However, as you two enter the room, the figure on the floor stands up. the figure on the floor stands up. And this pile that was already taking up a large space stands up to full height and turns to look at you. And you see the eyes of this gargantuan creature open wide. And if you didn't know any better, it looks like it smiles behind

its patchwork skeletal and empty carcass, like muscular carcass face. Roll for initiative. Oh my god! And while you do that, please refer to the map

and look at this creature. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. And while you do that, please refer to the map and look at this creature. Roll for initiative. Oh, wow. Oh, come on. Look at that thing. Gross. Wow. Jesus Christ.

It has, like, nails pounded into it. It looks like a flesh golem with, like, bone armor on it. It looks like the boss of Mutant League football. Yeah, yeah. It looks like Bones Jackson. Yeah, Bones Jackson. Mutant League Football. Yeah, yeah. It looks like Bones Jackson. Yeah, Bones Jackson. Mutant League Football. Wow, that thing is huge.

That is not how you described it. It sounded like an ooze the way you described it. It actually does look kind of like Bones Jackson. It does. I love Bones Jackson. Yeah. I'd hate it when we got injured and his whole arm would fly off. It was the worst.

I love those games. Those were good. Motherfucker. How'd it go when we got injured and his whole arm would fly off. Yeah. That's the worst. I love those games. Those fucking mother... How'd it go, Joe? So shitty! Natural goddamn two. So what's the total? 14. Not great.

Metra? 23. 23 for Metra. Nestacon? That's a natural 20 for a 31. Oh, there's a guy you want to see go early. Looks like everybody did good, Baron. Oh, damn it. I got an answer

one. I'm Joe. Oh, did you really get him one? Yeah, but I got a 16 so I still beat him. Joe. Joe has left the table. He left. He's gone. But Joe has left the building. So mad. Round one. Big ass room. I mean, we're

talking in terms of length, 165, 160 feet across, and then at least 100 feet wide. You have this burning brazier in the middle surrounded by chairs. Dalgreath snuck into the room furthest, followed by Metra, Baron, and Nestor, one by one, a little bit closer to the door,

just to the southeast of that fanged helmet glyph. It's round one, and it is Nestor Natural 20's turn. Uh, okay. God, this thing is 95 feet away from you. Does this thing have, does it have giant subtype? Good question. No. You know what?

I think it does. Yeah, it's weird. Like, in the parentheses of all the things that it is, it does say giant. Yes. So then, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Pretty clear. clear yeah but usually it'll say yeah okay so yeah if it's yeah humanoid anyway i'm gonna do a knowledge local okay on it oh oh yeah uh that's a 35 this is a creature known as a hell gigas

gigas it is an extraplanar, gargantuan, giant creature that is composed of like the bones of its victims just twisted around this weird, obviously humanoid body covered in angry red burns and the jagged scars of hundreds of crippling battles. It's very strong. I don't know if it's extra planar.

I don't know if I would actually know this. If it's humanoid, if it has a humanoid subtype, then I would know this. But if it's like otherwise, this might be a humanoid subtype, then I would know this, but if it's like otherwise, this might be a knowledge plane situation, I'm not sure. Sure, but it is humanoid. Okay, alright. Yeah, it is. Alright. Yeah, it's a gargantuan humanoid that just also

happens to be extra plane or giant. It also has the outsider? No, it doesn't have outsider. Oh, okay. Okay. But, yeah. You rolled a 25, so I'll give you one piece. 35. 35, excuse me. So I'll give you maybe two.

I want to give you... Okay, it has damage reduction that only chaotic weapons can bypass. Okay. And that would mean you would need to have a plus five weapon to beat that. Wow, that's so funny that we just figured out all that stuff. So it's like a purely lawful creature? A purely lawful, evil, chaotic creature. How perfect to be in a Temple of Xur's fodder.

Wow. How perfect to be in a Temple of Xur's fodder. Wow. But, yeah, chaotic weapons or a plus five weapon, and obviously spells, but, like, abilities and energy damage, we'll get through that. And then it also has energy resistance against Sonic. Okay. Interesting.

So Nestor relays all of this, and... against Sonic. Okay. Interesting. So Nestor relays all of this. And... No, he doesn't. Oh, actually, no. Yeah, he doesn't. He will at the end of his turn.

But now, being that he is invisible, he is going to take his first shot. Many shots. Deadly aim on. Ooh! Sneak attack.

And that is a natural 19 for critical threat. Yes! Wow! And are you out of your range agreement? No. For a 19. Okay. Wow.

Hell of a start. And that is a 32 to confirm. That is a confirmed Chris Oh my god amazing I mean huge So ridiculous An opening salvo of great renown Yes

A great opening salvo Wow I've been waiting so long Joe what do we got here fan crit Simon from Melbourne Australia Melbourne International Waiting so long to break the sound. Joe, what do we got here? Fan crit. Simon from Melbourne, Australia. Melbourne. International. A little bit of thunder from down under.

Crippling accuracy. You aim carefully and manage to pierce the target's leg or wing if flying. Severing several tendons. Triple damage. severing several tendons triple damage and the target must treat all movement as if traversing difficult terrain oh that's huge wow

for 2d4 rounds reflex negates thank god I get a save what is the DC it's Nestor's AC Nestor's confirmation roll 32 wait yeah DC 32. Reflex. Fail.

24 rounds is difficult terrain because you're crippled. I mean, that is so absolutely insane that that was. That's the pull. Five rounds. Five rounds! It is difficult to

remember. Oh, Nestor coin, baby! We're so far away from it, too. It's perfect. So coin hits it. Triple damage. And it is crippled. My god! So that's actually times four damage for me. Right.

So that is a 99 points of regular damage. for me, because it's a times three print. So that is a 99 points of regular damage and 6 points of electricity damage. Whoa! So you see that obviously not all of the regular damage went through and none of

the electricity went through. However, an absolutely absurd crushing blow, and this is how PC survives the end of books. Wow. With an opening move like that. Amazing. And you still have more attacks.

Yes, I do. Second attack. Unbelievable. Another crit. Second attack. Another crit. He just appears out of nowhere and shoots these. Did you do many shots?

I did. He shoots these multiple arrows. Yeah, these two legs. From 100 feet away. Yeah. Yeah, these two legs. From 100 feet away. Yeah.

So that is a 34 to hit. That's a hit. Okay. And I appear. I cease to be invisible. Sure. That is 19 points of regular damage and 6 points of electricity damage. Okay, same thing.

Didn't really all go through. None of the electricity went through. Okay. Final attack. Natty, 19 for another critical threat. Wow. Going to be a tougher confirm here. That is going to be a very tough confirm. But it hasn't acted in the round, so it is flat-footed.

Pringle, Pringle, Pringle, Pringle. That is a 26 to confirm. That is its flat-footed AC. Oh! Oh, shit! Yes! Amazing. Oh, my God.

Amazing. Unbelievable. Wow. Two freaking crits! He's just basically a sniper. He's like a hitman. All right. Oh, let's keep it international.

This one, Mark from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Hi, Mark. Lucky for some, of course, your luck is undeniable. Double damage and roll a d20. If you roll a 7 Your projectile exits the target Ricochets and hits one of the target's allies Blah blah blah it doesn't matter

Yeah so it doesn't matter It's just double damage Triple damage Triple damage again I think we saw this crit in a live show I think Second time it's come up Okay so that is 59 points of We saw this crit in a live show, I think. Second time it's come up.

Okay, so that is 59 points of regular damage. Okay. And seven points of electricity. It is so insane how much damage you just did to this thing. Two times three fucking damage. I'm not even going to have to become un-invisible. One times four. Yeah, well, yeah. One was times four.

Yeah. Okay, it's Metra's turn. Okay, Metra's, well, yeah, one was times four. Yeah. Okay, it's Mettra's turn. Okay, Mettra's turn. And Nessar just starts laughing. He's just, oh, my beauties, did you see that? Did you see that? Have you seen this creature? Look at this thing.

It looks so cool, and it's so dead. The only thing you fought of this size, I think, has been the wicker man. Dude, I wouldn't worry about it. Like, it's just round six and your difficult terrain is done. You just gotta wait until round six. Metro's gonna roll a knowledge.

And Nestor, he shares all that information. Great. And Metro's gonna roll a knowledge, planes, because she wants to know a specific piece of information. Please. But I rolled terribly, so I don't think I'm going to know with a 10. No. No you don't know. This is way out of

your purview. Okay. So she's just going to roll the dice on this. Okay. And she's going to extend a long kind of slender finger and flick out a little red pebble that goes flying across the room and explodes

on the sky and it's a fireball. So we'll see if he has... He's immune to fire. He may not be immune, but he's extra planar, so he's definitely got resistances. He'll have a bunch of resistances. Okay, so you... It's still 10d6, so something might go through. Throw this thing across and it automatically hits?

He gets a reflex save for half damage. Okay. 17. That's a fail. Okay. So 32 points of fire damage minus your resistance. Okay, so you see it explode, and it doesn't even flinch. Nothing, okay.

Not even, like, you don't even see the fire flicker off of its body. I thought I could finally get to use my fireball again. And now it's its turn. She's going to move, actually. Straight toward it. Full speed. You can't run, but you can... Metro's going to position herself so she can touch both Baron and Nestor.

All right, so Metro moves back towards the glyph right next to Nestor and also five feet away from Baron. It's its turn. It grabs one of the chairs on the floor and picks it up. And as it picks it up, it lights on fire and hurls it in the direction of Dalgrith. Let's see if it hits Dalgrith. Dalgrith is invisible. Oh, Dalgrith is invisible.

All right, so throws it at Baron. Bear, Bear. Come on. Come at me, bro. No, fuck that. Metro. Yes. Let's throw it at Metro.

Oh, boy. Okay, let's see what happens here. Oh, yeah. 30 to hit. Yeah. Okay, a couple things. Flaming chair? Flaming chair.

What was the chair doing there? It's like a stone chair. What was it doing there? There were four. Oh, no, steel chair. It's a steel chair. There's four. What was the chair doing there? It's like a stone chair. What was it doing there? There were four... Oh, no, steel chair. It's a steel chair. There's four steel chairs around the brazier. What are they doing there?

Is it like a meeting chamber or something? Maybe. So they're giant chairs? Yes. Yeah, they're giant chairs. Did this giant play for the University of Kansas basketball team? Indiana. Indiana.

Indiana. Excuse me. 31 points of regular damage. Damn. And. Indiana. Excuse me. 31 points of regular damage. Damn. And then it explodes with fire. Everybody roll a reflex save. Ooh. I'm assuming not Dalgrith. Everyone. I'm assuming not

Dalgrith. I rolled such shit. 30. 30? 33. 23. 22. Okay, so Nestor and Dalgrith fail. And you take 18 points of fire damage. And Baron and Metra take 9 points of fire damage. You say 33 for the original hit, right?

Yes, 33 regular. And then you take another 9 fire. This thing just explodes. And then it doesn't. Oh, wait. No. You have evasion, too, don't you? I do. I rolled a 3. You have what? I have mirror image on. You've got to it doesn't. Oh, wait. No. You have evasion too, don't you? I do. I rolled a three. You have what? I have mirror image on.

You gotta roll a three. Oh, wait. No, this is area damage though. The fire is, but the hit is the hit. Oh, the hit. Yeah, yeah. That's right. There are eight of me, so roll a D8. There's eight of you? Oh my god. Okay. I haven't used a D8 in a while. So we'll say eight hits you. Sure. Whatever you want.

Okay. Four hits you. No say eight hits you. Sure. Whatever you want. Four hits you. Eight hits you. Six. So it just destroys one of your images. So you don't take that damage. You do take the AOE damage. And then, obviously,

it's crippled by Nestor's times four crit. So instead of moving, it's amazing speed. It still moves 40 feet towards you. It has 80 feet of movement? Mm-hmm.

Wow. That's bad news bears. Wow. That's complete and utter lunacy. Yeah. You know, it's funny. It says one thing on the book, but it says another thing on Hero Lab. I'm going to go with the one that...

Is bigger? Higher, yeah. It says 60 in the book, 80 on Hero Lab, so I must be missing 60. Oh, yeah. Come on. You got to go with the book. This is such a shit. I don't know.

I feel like the Hero Lab really nailed it. Yeah, they never made a single typo transferring these things over to digital files. It knows. Not one. It knows what it's doing. Not one typo. So it moves. It moves.

It's still very far away from you guys, but maybe within one move of at least getting up on the invisible Dalgrith. Speaking of invisible Dalgrith, it's Baron's turn. Baron sees this thing barreling down, understands the limitations of his current firearm. He's not a feared. Nope. He's got the power of Nestor's old jolter. He's got the spellcasting acumen of Metra and the invisible

dagger wielding Deathbringer in front of him. So he is going to reach out and cast a spell he's never cast before on himself. It's called Wrath. It's time to get angry. Oh, I love that spell. That's a good spell

It's going to add plus 2 to my I think damage and to hit I'll double check that real quick because I'm level 7 now I focus my anger against an enemy and I get a plus 1 morale bonus on attack rolls

and weapon damage against that designated creature for every three caster levels you have. At level seven, it's going to be a plus two to each. I've only ever had that spell in low levels. I never got to use it past level seven. That's a very cool spell.

At level 12, it's cool because it also improves your crit range. It doesn't stack on top of effects, but if you have a feat that gives it to you, it would increase my crit range. I had that in our short-lived Wrath of the Righteous campaign. Oh yeah. Coming soon from Owlcat Games.

Maybe, now we get to play it. Dalgrith, you are invisible. This thing is now closest to you. It is absolutely enormous. Gargantuan, if you will. What do you do? Oh, this is tough.

He is in a tough position. Oh, can I move too? Yeah, sure. Baron is going to kind of skirt around this mass because he doesn't want to step on it. Okay. It's just so brutal. I'm so

tired of playing this character. Because it's like you were complaining about this before we started the episode. You really, you don't deal damage. Right. Well, the missing Jimmer is tough, but this is a unique situation too because just the sheer size of the creature is like

I'm always just like five to ten feet away from being able to flank it, like from getting around it. So I'm trying to like move up to it, leave an illusion, and then move around it with haste. You're invisible, so you couldn't leave an illusion right now. Yeah, I could. I can leave an illusion. I could just have the illusion pop up, right? Yeah, I could. I can leave an illusion.

I could just have the illusion pop up, right? And obviously, I would still get the sneak attack anyway on hitting it, but having the image there gives me a chance in the next round that it would hit one or the other. And I'm just short of being in that range. But I think he's going to give it a shot just to try to do something. So I'm going to trigger it a shot uh just to try to do something so um bold i'm going to trigger my expeditious uh armor okay while also triggering the phantasmal uh aspect of my armor so he's going to move quick and my uh speed boots for haste so i'm going to haste and leave an image okay uh

and uh oh sorry uh and leave an image and come around the side of the creature. But I'm not perfectly flanking, but it doesn't matter this round because I'm invisible. So I still get an attack against his flat-footed AC. Okay. And was it greater invisibility or regular? Just regular invisibility. So he becomes visible, but there's two Dalgriths. So this thing, there's a Dalgrith.

I'm leaving a Dalgrith between him and the enemy, or between him and my allies. Okay. And then I'm kind of coming around near the brazier, near the fire. Okay. Are you going to be really upset if you don't hit? Yes. Okay. No, no.

That's a matter of course. That's to be expected. Right. This is your only chance to do damage. I know. I just get really upset when evasion is so painful when you fail the roll. It's like natural 4

and then you take full damage. You know what I mean? I feel like with evasion you should take half damage if you fail. Yeah. Alright. Show me what you got. Show me what you got. Show me what you got. He's going to pull out, as he moves, his holy cold iron short sword. So maybe some of this holy will go through on an evil creature and stab away.

Okay. So here we go. That'll do. That'll do. That is a 35 to hit. That is a hit. Oh! Oh, wow.

There we go. There we go. That'll do. Now, I don't believe Holy bypasses Chaotic. I don't think it does. Yeah. Yeah, but, well, well i mean it would but anyway the it like it's still it's gonna have dr from the damage right but then the rest of it all goes through

so whatever it doesn't matter what you're financing it off of um just a fun thing to say i know what you're saying uh oh that was good good. That was 40 flat. So, 40. 40 points of damage. Wow. I'm sorry, 44. 44 points of damage. And you're on the... No, you're not on the creature.

You just struck it while invisible, hit its flat-footed, and dealt... Exactly. And dealt 44 points of damage. Okay. And then, yeah, you're going to subtract the DR. Yeah, I did. This is absolutely insane, and it is Nestor's turn in the top of the new round.

Could you do a Fortitude save? You'll probably make it. It's a DC 19 Fortitude save. Okay. Just checking my things here. Yeah. All right. DC 19 Fortitude. Let um just checking my things here yeah all right dc 19 fortitude let me get my other die oh yeah uh

made it okay this is something i always forget whenever i do sneak attack damage i have painful strike because i'm a sarnie executioner ah so if you fail then you're sickened for 1d4 rounds but it's crippled and second come on yeah uh I don't want to be unfair.

Is this creature undead? When Nester did his knowledge check, we would know if it was undead, right? It was extra planar. The extra planar, you don't get the sense. Although it's covered with the corpses of creatures, it follows a different law from the plane it comes from. Which would be hell. And sorry, that reminds

me as well. I have Befuddling Strike. So when I land a sneak attack, the creature takes a minus two to hit against me for 1d4. Oh, nice. Might save your life. Might. Might. You have plus six to your AC right now. Any guesses as to how many rounds?

One round. God damn it! One round. One round. God damn it! One round. So my first attack with many shot is natural 19, another critical threat. Yes!

You are the men's shot. On the most amazing shot to Kurt Arnott. And my confirmation roll is another natural 19. I mean, you have to be kidding me. What is it like to... You have to be... How do you... It must be so nice every day.

It's pretty great. Just wake up. Okay. All right, Russell from Northern Virginia. Hi, Russell. And you're to blame. You aim a vicious shot straight at the target's heart, deal double damage to the target,

and you make a free intimidate check to cause enemies within 30 feet to be shaken for one round. But there's no other enemies. Per the demoralized opponent rules in the intimidate section. And this creature doesn't get inseminated? How many did I hit? I mean, you can try it. It's, you know, the demoralizer rolls. Do you have a good intimidate?

Yeah, pretty good. I believe it's 10 plus the... No, I didn't make it. I got a natural 3. Okay. So, yeah. Just double damage. Or triple damage in your case. Yes. That is 62 points of regular damage and 12 points of electricity damage.

This is a CR 15 creature worth 51,200 experience points, and you killed it in a row. Yes! Yes! One down! We'll see you next week. Yes! Yes! Holy shit. Many shots.

That's exactly what we needed. Oh, God, we needed that. Who needs rest? Who needs rest? My only. The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated. Giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo.

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