The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 25 - Assassin Skreed

Episode Date: November 17, 2015

The heroes have tracked the merciless Skreed down to a mysterious cavern deep below Bloodmarch Hill. But the villain has allies at his side in the dark. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast Clabbers is feeling extremely protective now that he's a father. The suspense reaches new levels as the party crosses a crumbling bridge. You walk across slowly, tenderly. Comes upon an intimidating shrine. In a 15 foot tall spire of centuries old bones stands the skeleton of a massive armored warrior.

Oh. Is taken completely by surprise. You hear, the dam breaks open. What? What? And wonders how spooky Halloween would be in true now.

Oh, boy. What would Halloween be like in a fantasy world? Yeah. What would it be like in True Now? It's like you're not allowed to dress like an whore. Everyone just dresses up as human shopkeepers.

That's the opposite. Dress up as mailmen. Suits and ties. Accountants. The adventure continues now. Welcome to Grant's Graveyard, a.k.a. Baron's Boneyard. Now let's talk about Galabras' simply devilish run-in with the griff last episode.

That encounter really stuck out to me in a way that most did not. A grand majority of the time we're battling orcs and half-orcs that are motivated to kill us because they want to destroy True Now and we stand in their way. We also face creatures, supernatural or otherwise, that attack us to defend their territory or in an attempt to sate their hunger. I have never come across an enemy like the griff. The griff's aim was not to kill us, quite the opposite, they needed us alive. We stumbled across their disgusting lair and became unwitting participants in their sexual reproduction cycle. Two-legged, soft, warm-blooded surrogate wombs for their offspring. In fact, grifts are found most often in close proximity to swarms of insects or vermin. This is because they are pathetic

predators. Most of their meal scavenge from the gruesome leftovers of the pestilent throngs they follow. The grifts' sole purpose was to thrust their unctuous and ghastly tumescence into our soft underbellies, rending our flesh, thereby opening a door to a newfound home for its eggs. One of the grifts we encountered found that welcoming home inside our sweet young Galabras. Immediately after the eggs were forced into Galabras, they leeched sustenance from his internal organs and sickened him deeply. It's an understatement to assess this situation as horrific. And since I've thought about this encounter so frequently since this recording, I've begun thinking about horror, terror, and things that go bump in the night. Everyone familiar with Game of Thrones knows that the night is dark

and full of terrors. Anyone who's read Heart of Darkness or seen Apocalypse Now knows about the horror. The horror. But what is the difference between horror and terror? According to Devendra Varma in The Gothic Flame, the difference between terror and horror is the difference between horror and terror? According to Devendra Varma in The Gothic Flame, the difference between terror and horror is the difference between awful apprehension and sickening realization, between the smell of death and stumbling against a corpse. So, terror is anticipating a terrible fate that lurks around any corner, and horror is our mind's shock at being confronted with the monsters come forth from the shadows. Revolgion also plays a role, and while it accompanies horror, it does not reach full

strength until horror has subsided. After the grifts left, we were beset with the grisly and revolting task of pulling the eggs from Galabras's innards. I just got back from a trip to Switzerland, the home of H.R. Giger. He's famous for his book Necronomicon, a positively vile tome filled with perverted, gothic, surrealist, and nightmarish artwork. The work from this book became the basis of the xenomorph in the Aliens film series. Now, I'm part Swiss-German and also from Dallas, which coincidentally is the name of Tom Skerritt's ill-fated character from the film Alien, so I feel uniquely qualified to speak on this subject. The terror and horror that pulsates from the screen as Alien airs is palpable, thick,

and umbrous. Just like Galabras, Gormley, Lork, and Baron, a team of well-meaning explorers thrust themselves heading into the tenebrous unknown. And just like the Glass Canadians, one of the Nostromo's crew is grappled by an abomination whose only aim is to impregnate a warm vessel. In both instances, the character attacked is a man. This is an important distinction that adds a layer of complexity one might overlook on first glance of this horror. Alien screenwriter Dan O'Bannon once remarked, One thing that people are all disturbed about is sex. I said, that's how I'm going to attack the audience.

I'm going to attack them sexually, and I'm not going to go after the women in the audience. I'm going to attack the men. I'm going to put in every image I can think of to make the men in the audience cross their legs. O'Bannon saw the facehugger's forced impregnation and the chestbuster's violent, blood-soaked birth as payback for the many horror films in which women are attacked by men. As a group of white men, we aren't always cognizant of our privilege.

The griff and the facehugger's reproductive process bereaves men of the same patriarchal privilege. This subtle bit of subversion makes this horror much more fascinating to consider. The xenomorph itself is androgynous, equipped with a lithe, feminine body, and a huge phallic head. Alien line producer Ivor Powell once said, it could just as easily fuck you before it killed you, which made it all the more disconcerting. Of course, this is a point of differentiation between the xenomorph and the griff, who could never kill our adventurers.

However, it does bring to mind the morphology of the griff wherein commonality lies. Griffs are hermaphrodites. This explains why groups of griffs are always brimming with eggs. Now that we've dissected the horror we faced last episode, we can now fully appreciate the cyclical nature of horror and terror. The griffs are gone and Galabras is safe. Horror has subsided. But it has not disappeared.

It lurks in each and every one of our hearts and augments the terror and dread we feel as we delve deeper into the grim, frightful world of Belkston. Who can say what evil skulks in the shadow, always around the corner or beyond the horizon? We cannot. And that is truly terrifying. Thanks for listening to The Ramblings of a Madman. If you're still listening, you must like the show, and therefore you're a prime candidate to do the following. Rate us on iTunes, like us on Facebook, and of course, join the conversation on Twitter by following us at Glass Cannon Pod.

Without further ado, here's episode 25, Assassin's Creed. So we started recording a couple minutes ago and for the first time ever we actually stopped and said, nope, no, no we gotta start over because here's the question and I think you should tweet in your thoughts on this. Joe said, Baron can you check out that bridge to make sure that it's safe to cross? Because I had mentioned to them that this bridge seems thinner, at least in width, than the first bridge that you passed over coming from the chamber with the Shadow Rats for him.

That was what Joe said seconds before. Yeah, Joe also said that he thought we would fall into the spider webs. Like, it's all spider webs underneath. Right, on either side of the bridge is like know webbing like you would see at a baseball game basically covering you know that would save you from falling in the water but you'd be in a web if you fell off so joe was a little nervous about that brought that up milliseconds before grant was going to continue his uh uh meticulous uh stone search of every every crack and crevice. I then was going to award Joe a bottle cap for coming up with the idea,

even though without Grant, he would be useless. Sure. I don't have that stone cunning. Grant then punched Joe in the face. Am I remembering this correctly? My mic fell off of the boom. Right. And then Joe jumped over the table, knocking beer everywhere. punched joe in the face am i remembering this correctly my mic fell off of the boom right and

then joe jumped over the table uh knocking beer everywhere matthew is unconscious right now by the way we need to get some smelling salts because he's unconscious and skid has left the podcast forever do that one more time i could this is smart i do have to say at least i actually don't think any bottle cap should be rewarded for wanting to check a narrow bridge over a pit of spider please don't give him more reasons to not give just take the bottle well the reason i thought it was insightful is because you guys walked over that first bridge not thinking too much about it and i gave you a little bit of flavor that there's some webs and stuff like that, and I thought it was insightful.

So I think that bottle cap can only be used in a situation that benefits both Baron and Lork. Wow. It might take a while. Just because that's fun. And you can explain to me why it would benefit Baron and Lork. So it's going to be a team bottle cap. And you know what? Baron and Lork, they've learned to work together.

They've learned to put their half-orc and dwarf differences aside. But can they learn to use bottle caps together? Find out next week. The true question. So, yeah, what did we learn? What did you learn? What did you end up rolling on, Stonecutty? 19.

19. You noticed that if any two of you were to be adjacent to this ravine in any way, there would be a landslide, and you would most likely fall into the webbing. How deep is the webbing? Have we been able to ascertain that? How deep is the web? How deep is the web? The webbing is probably about five feet down or so.

Maybe about ten feet down or so maybe about 10 feet down but you would say the drop is 20 feet down all the way to the water rushing underneath how deep the water is you don't know I'm not a climber of any sort is there any like silk rope tied to one side we could do just in case someone falls over or just walk one at a time

I think if we do wait am I understanding this right we're supposed to walk one at a time over the think if we do... Am I understanding this right? We're supposed to walk one at a time over the bridge. Right. That's the idea? You said get adjacent to it. Does that mean if we're at the edge it's going to collapse? Or on the bridge? If you walked one person at a time

you'd probably be okay. Okay. Probably. So one person can get over there and get picked off by another griff? That's what I'm hoping. Lork will be happy to stay back and wait for everybody else to cross and hold a rope while that person crosses, just in case it goes down.

He can arrest their fall. You're going to brave the bridge by yourself, Zelda. Oh, yeah. Right, yeah. I was going to leave him back. Yeah, right. Now you've got a cartwheel across.

Moonwalk. Lork's cartwheel and days are over. Skip. I don't skip. So who wants to go first? I mean, I guess I can go first and bring the rope and then hold it in the other side too. Who weighs the less? What do you guys all weigh?

I think Gormley's probably the least. Gormley's probably the lightest. Yeah. Yeah. Lork is probably 230, I would think. Gormley can also fly. Gormley can fly, but I don't want to waste that now. I'm 170.

Oh, he's 262 pounds. Lork is 262? Yeah. Stop it. That is big. So flying, real quick, you get like an X amount a day and you can use it in increments.

You don't use it all at once when you fly once. At my current level, my flight hex only gives me one levitation per day. And it's for the number of minutes equal to my level. Got it. In later levels, I'll be able to use it in one-minute increments. Yeah, don't use it then. You're right.

Okay, yeah, so I will... Push Gormley out onto the bridge? No, I think what I'm going to do... Lork is going to stay back on this side. Because if the bridge falls, we want to be able to pull back toward the town side. So he's going to stay back on this side. And because if the bridge falls, we want to be able to pull back, you know, toward the town side. So he's going to wait for everyone to cross. Then he will cross. Okay.

Once everybody's over. Who's going first and solo, I'm assuming? I'll go first. All right. Calabrus. Calabrus shimmies across. Blood dripping from the middle of his chest. Starting to well up underneath his chainmail as the wound heals uh i'm gonna do a perception check when i get the other side sure

uh 20 no 19 19 um you walk across slowly tenderly you get to the other side you roll a 19 on the perception check. And all you see is a little bat flies by. And I think it was wearing your glasses. Oh, no. No. No.

It starts sucking at your teeth. I do not acknowledge my stork children. Who are you, Steve Jobs? Yes, you don't see, with the exception of your stork children, you don't see anything else. But you do make it across safely. Who's next?

Gormley or myself, probably. Go ahead, Baron. That way you can protect the labors if something happens. All right, I cross. He's the big die. 17. It's like a bowling ball. Okay, you get a cross, and everything seems to be okay.

Gormley will go next. Gormley. Nine. Nine. Everything seems to be just fine. This seems great. And then Lork is just going across solo How are you walking across? Lork is going to run across

He's going to try to sprint Roll a perception check 12 And everything seems to be just I hate this Just fine So creepy and everything seems to be just I hate this just fine so creepy but Galabras

rolling over his 19 before happens to notice that the webs are moving ever so slightly alright let's move let's go spiders let's just go yeah let's go let's go

so the moral of the story is we've moved quickly down into the seems like it was a good idea to go one at a time. Yeah. All right, so we'll move as quickly as we can down into this cave that's narrower and goes downhill. So, yeah, it starts to slope ever so slightly downward. It's a slow slope. You walk into the next chamber.

And as you go in, you notice that it stays level with the area 20 feet above the water, but there are stone stairs sort of carved into this cavern that lead down deeper, maybe another 10 feet down. So it's kind of like a sunken living room, if you can imagine that, where around the circumference of the room it's raised up like a sunken living room, if you can imagine that, where around the circumference of the room, it's

raised up to the level that you're on, but as you enter the room, you notice there are certain stone steps that lead 10 feet deeper into the chamber. Makes sense? Yeah. Yep. So whereas the ceilings were 20 feet high before, now they go up to 30 feet high if you were to be down on the bottom

of this chamber. The steps are the least interesting part of this room. You've got these ledges and stairs carved into the stone walls of this wide-open, high-ceilinged natural cavern. Embedded in a 15-foot-tall spire of centuries-old bones stands the skeleton of a massive armored warrior.

Whoa. And you can tell from the way that it's interred, it wasn't, like, you know, mummified or, you know, given any sort of preservation. Like, the flesh has rotted off its frame. But the skeleton still stands tall, proud, and regal amid the trappings of battle and mounds of gleaming treasure at its feet.

What? The skeleton's battered half plate and scarred helmet hint at its many battles before it came to rest here. And in this warlord's hands are clenched

around, they're clenched around a massive stone hammer. And you also notice that beneath his helmet a thick, round rock has been embedded in one of the skeleton's otherwise empty eye sockets. That sounds like a tech magic thing.

Everyone got a clear picture of what this is? How big is it? 15 feet tall. So it's a giant... 15 feet if it's a Yod. It's a giant-sized figure. It's not a human? No, it is a... It's a giant. 15 feet if it's a Yod. It's a giant-sized figure. It's not a human or. No, it is a. It's a giant. A giant skeleton.

That was wearing armor, wielding a stone hammer. Battered half plate, helmet, stone in one of its skull eye sockets. And it's wielding in both hands, like frozen. Like a worked stone, like a smooth stone in its eye socket, or like a damaged eye socket with a rock shoved in? Some sort of geode that doesn't belong there. Okay. How big is this room?

Its hands wrapped around a gigantic hammer. The room itself, and I'll lay out the map in a second, it's pretty wide. It's the largest cavern you've been in so far. So if you imagine, it's similar to the room you were just in. 60 feet, I'd have to measure it once I bring the thing up. Does it seem like the tomb of something that once lived

or does it seem like a fucked up necromantic trap that this guy just comes to life when people come in and that's why all the treasure's here? That's a good question. Yeah, I don't know if that's something you just pick up on. Is it a knowledge fucked up traps? Yeah, do you guys have knowledge fucked up traps?

Can I do a knowledge history on it? So, wait, I want to address Grant's question. I'm just wondering if those treasures look like the amassed fortune of a warlord versus just like people who end up here unluckily. Just to give you a, so this area here is the lowered area, and these are the ledges that are 10 feet above this area stone steps leading down yes this is all water up here and this is so there's only two sets of stairs down the three of the ledges or two of the ledges in the distance to walls they don't have and they and their sheer walls down to the lower level right

and on the far end of the uh cavern it goes out into another room okay um can i look for tracks of our people we're pursuing well let me go back to grant grant you asked me and we're going to walk through these one by one grant and then gormley and then lorik baron what was your question uh basically if it seemed like this person was a real living thing at one point and this was a burial place, or if this seemed... Roll a perception check. Okay.

Fuck. 14. It seems like a monument. Okay. What was your question, Gormley? I want to do knowledge history on the guy. Okay. 15.

This is like nothing you've ever seen before in your tiny cave away from society. Lork, what was your question? I wanted to try to see if we see any tracks of our quarry. You want to know why I'm not going to let you do that? I don't know why. Because you see figures in this room. Oh, okay.

Who needs to look for tracks when you see where the tracks end? Oh. On the, uh, near to where the, uh, this ossuary-like spire of giant bones, uh, rests in the middle of the room, you see two dire wolves skulking around, like, sniffing. And then on the far side of the room, you see two dire wolves skulking around, like sniffing. And then on the far side of the room,

you see a figure frantically searching the walls and looking in cracks and crevices. And as you enter the room, he turns and looks at you, and you can see him from that far away. And the first thing you notice are significant facial tattoos. Screed! Roll for initiative! Shit! He's right here. Wow.

We need some screed music. Those are very large direwolves. Yup. How big are the direwolves? The direwolves are large creatures, so they are wolves the size of... I mean, they would come up to the shoulders of the giant that you fought in the... Jesus. ...couple episodes ago.

These are huge. These are bigger than, like, Game of Thrones direwolves. Okay. How big is... How tall is this room? Like, how tall is the ceiling? The ceiling is 20 feet high And the statue is 15 feet high Wait did I say 20 feet high?

No I guess it would be 30 feet high The ceiling is 30 feet high On the ledge it's only 20 feet high But the ledge goes down 10 feet So if you're down in that bottom part of the chamber It's 30 feet to the ceiling And the statue This corpse

Is 15 feet high, so it takes up half of the room. Oh, boy. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I think we should all be pretty nervous. And let's talk about initiatives. Who rolled, anybody over 30?

No 30s? 29. Okay. Anybody over 20? 19. Oh, man. For Lork. 19. No 30s? 29 Okay Anybody have a 20? 19 Oh man For Lork 19

For Lork 18 for Gormley 18 For Gormley 18 for Baron 18 for Baron And my bonus is A plus 9 right now

Oh Whoa That beats mine How'd you get a plus 9? Gunslinger's Initiative Gives me an additional plus two Whoa For the first time

With a great point And Galabras Negative four? Seventeen Oh So wait So it goes Lork Galabras Baron

No No What did Baron get? No I'm last Oh you guys got eighteen What's What'd Lork have? Nineteen

Yeah I go last Oh man Galabras rolls a seventeen You guys took his good initiative Give me a bottle cap Fellas Uh Okay 19. Yeah, I go last. Oh, Galavris rolls a 17. You guys took his good initiative. Give me a bottle cap. Fellas! Okay.

It is Screed's turn. Please tell me Screed rolled a 29. That'd be pretty great. Anybody over 29? Okay. This is extremely nerve-wracking. Screed pulls something out of his pouch, and you see him drink something.

And then he moves up behind the statue. I can't call it a statue. It is a skeleton that is just posed. I'm going to put a guess out there at rage potion. That's my guess. Could be. Lork's turn. Screech, show yourself, you coward!

I'm right here. Oh, sorry. I couldn't see you through the... I'm going to shoot your wolves. I'm going to do... Actually, I'm going to do Actually I'm going to I'm going to go with I'm going to do a Rapid shot

And you guys Give me a distance For everybody How far are you away? Pretty far You guys came down This very thin cavern Yeah about 50 to 60 feet

From the first The closest one So I'm going to I'm going to 60 feet from the first, the closest one. So I'm going to, I'm going to fire twice at the closest dire wolf to me. First shot, 14 to hit. And mind you, the wolves are, they're flat-footed AC because it's the first river and you're catching them unawares. So you said 14. That is a hit.

Nice. Awesome. Four points of damage. Okay. And then I'll shoot at him again. Natty, 19. Hit. That hits.

And eight points of damage. Wow. All right, so you're just like, put two arrows in him, 12. You and I have to have a conversation. Why are you talking to the wolf like that? Use your words. All right, Baron.

So, so, I'm going to, I think, light my grenade, my fuse grenade. And I am going to see how many rounds it takes first before I say what I'm going to do. But I'm thinking about holding an action. One round. So I guess I'm going to throw it. I'm going to throw it I'm going to throw it At the

I kind of want to land it On top of that giant sculpture And see if I get all of them I'll throw it at the wolf That Joe just shot And how far away that's 60 feet So how many Subtractions am I going to take against what I do

60 feet. It's in 10-foot increments. After 10 feet, so it's minus 5. Minus 5. Okay, total. You notice this room is in the shape of Texas? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hmm. Curious. Curious. Baron will shine. Baron will shine in this encounter. Ooh, I rolled an 18 to hit. 18 to hit the one that Lork was firing at? Mm-hmm.

Flat-footed. That is a hit. Nice. It's a big target. Man, your range is awesome that you can take a minus five. 2d6 of bludgeoning damage and 1d6 points of fire. So, Oh, jeez!

Oh, my God! Hey, it's intense, man man but now our listeners are deaf you have the deafened condition seven points bludgeoning two points fire wow and 10 foot radius burst so if anyone's within 10 feet i don't think so just out of range oh and they get a reflex save for 15 for the fire damage to make it one instead of two uh yeah okay uh made it gorm lee i love how you guys are just standing your ground up in this tunnel like fuck oh by. Oh, by the way, to your right, you know, what's blocking the water, now you're on level with the water,

are just like stones, like a stone dam to your right. Oh, okay. From flooding this cavern. God, that makes sense. Oh, let's just take out the dam and run.

Damn. Gormley's going to hold. Hold. Gormley is delaying her action. Oh, man, I need some more summon monsters. That's what I need. Go, Ab, Roos. Galabras, I'm going to put a cast Shield of Faith on myself.

Nice. Actually, you know what? I made a mistake. Can I I go now I'll hold until after Galabras and go as is tradition alright so Galabras you're casting shield of faith and I'm assuming you're not moving yes yeah I'm staying back there okay buddy alright I'm going to cast web

do I have to cast it on a creature or can I hit the object and make that the center point of the web? It's a 20-foot radius. Look under target on the spell. It doesn't say, isn't there a... It does not say. Okay. Yeah, it's not a target spell.

Oh, so you're just casting it on a point in time? And I guess they get probably like reflex saves. They get a reflex save. Yeah. But then it becomes... All right, let me just read to you. Web creates a many-layered mass of strong, sticky strands.

These strands trap those caught in them. These strands are similar to spider webs, but far larger and tougher. These masses must be anchored to two or more solid and diametrically opposed points,

or else the web collapses upon itself and disappears. Creatures caught within a web become grappled by the sticky fibers. Attacking a creature in the web doesn't cause a web become grappled by the sticky fibers. Attacking a creature in the web doesn't cause you to become grappled. Anyone in the effects area when the spell

is cast must make a reflex save. If the save succeeds, the creature is inside the web but is otherwise unaffected. If the save fails, the creature gains the grappled condition but can break free by making a combat maneuver check or escape artist check as a standard action against the DC of the spell. Yeah, so you won't be able to cast it on the statue because it needs two

different points. So you can cast it between the statue and you only need two points. And this wall is ten feet up, so you can try and do either one of the direwolves. You can do from statue to wall for direwolf one, or statue to wall for direwolf two. But just casting

it on this itself, all you're going to do is trap the skeleton. Okay, so yeah, I'll do i'll trap the the scout the dire wolf that we haven't hit so between the statue and the wall okay so you're going to just cast web and you're going to try and create a web uh between the wall and this giant skeleton okay so it's going to be i'm assuming a reflex save for the wolf that just... DC 15. DC 15. Just saved on Barrens. Let's see. And it saves.

Okay, so it is in the web, but it is not grappled. It's not grappled. And there's a web there now. There's a web there, and it's difficult terrain. Looks like hopefully someone has agile feet in order to get through that difficult terrain. Nobody has it. It also provides cover if you have at least five feet of web between you and an opponent.

Okay, and last question is how long does it last? Ten minutes per level. All right, so that's lasting until you say you don't want that to last anymore. Okay. Curious move by gormley um so wait now the one he's not entangled in it but if he tries to move he's fine there's the webs there basically the webs there yeah okay but it's a 20 foot radius well yeah i'm just confused about how this works but yeah i mean it's basically he he he's not in it but there's web

all over here. So you've created between the statue and the wall a bunch of webbing but the direwolf is not caught in it. But he has to move through it at half speed. It's kind of like he cast an ice thing on the floor or something. It just fucked up to move through now.

Like one of the X-Men. So now it is one of the direwolf's turn. And I'm fucked up to move through now. Like one of the X-Men. Okay, so now it is one of the direwolves' turn. Oh, and I'm also going to move up six squares. Up into the room? Along the ledge. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

This direwolf rushes at Lork. It has a lot of movement. And it attempts to at Lork. It has a lot of movement. And it attempts to bite Lork. Uh, and misses. The second one, seizing on the opportunity, uh,

goes up the ledge. Oh, gosh. And still has room. It can just jump up the 10 feet? That's so badass. Yeah, they're a pretty spry. I think it has to make a check to get out of the web, even though it's not grappled.

It has to move through web spaces. Right, so it moves at half speed. Well, no, it's... Anyone moving through the webs must make a combat maneuver check or escape artist check as part of their move action with a DC equal to the spell's DC. Okay, so in order to...

And you fail, you become grappled. In order to get out of this web, it's going to try and jump off on the... jump up the ledge. If it fails, it's going to be stuck in the web. Right. If it succeeds, it's going to bite you. All right, so it is...

It just pissed. A CMB check Or Or escape artist 16 Passes Okay Jumps up Tries to bite you

And 15 Misses Mage armor Mage armor Mage armor I don't remember hearing you cast. Round two.

Screed's turn. Screed comes out. I'm coming out. Out from behind the statue. And throws a bomb bomb at Lork. Shit. In melee combat, though. Hey, wait a minute.

Did he light it? Did he use a move action to light it? Doesn't have to. Oh. Not this fellow. Bast to. Not this fellow. Bastard. Not my pony. So throws...

And misses. Nice. But it is a bomb. It is a bomb. Oh no. So the bomb. Oh no. So the bomb misses and lands on Baron's space.

And so Baron, Lork, and Galabras have to roll a reflex save. Screed. I failed. DC 15 Exactly 15 Galabras

I'm going to cast Full strength on Lork You have to roll a reflex Oh sorry You threw a bomb, missed Lork You've been burned alive I failed Alright so Lork and Galabras take five points of damage, splash damage.

DJ, splash damage. What does that do for me? You pass. You take no splash damage. You get out of the way of this bomb. All right, and it is Lork's turn. Screed, what are you looking for? Drops his bow and

Draws his Masterwork battleaxe And attacks this Direwolf 17 to hit 17 to hit the direwolf Hits 10 points of damage

That direwolf is not A happy camper hits. Ten points of damage. That dire wolf is not a happy camper. And that was a great axe? Yeah. He just like... Right notes. Very sad. Gushing blood.

Baron. Baron's going to take a quick step to his right and he... Step to the right. Is going to get a quick step to his right, and he... Step to the right. Is going to get up close and deadly with this wolf. Minus four to attack. 18 against touch. Hit.

And then... Six plus... Three is nine points of damage. And the dire wolf falls. That was quick. Its body blocking the stairwell down. Keeping that last grit point. All right, Galabras.

Bull strength. I feel like you already cast that. I did. All right, so you cast a bull strength on? On Lork. On Lork. Just to you cast a bull strength on Lurk. Just to be clear, bull strength gives Lurk plus four strength, which means plus two to hit and plus two to damage

with melee attacks. Awesome. If you could use your composite shortbow, would you get the bonus on that too? No, because the shortbow is designed to do plus three strength. If your strength goes up, it still does the same amount of bonus damage. You have to get a new crossbow.

Gormley. Th. All right. Gormley really pronounced the hell out of it that time. I love it. I'm going to propose an action here that might be considered daring. Guys, he's going to propose. Too late.

Gormley's going to try to acrobatics check to move around the direwolf. What? And double move to slide down into the webbed area. Whoa. So you're going to go around it, so it's going to be two acrobatics checks. Two acrobatics checks?

Yeah. Just move through the square would be one, right? Oh, but then he had attack. Yeah, he's a large creature. He's a large creature. So, man. You know what? First, rather than double move, I'm going to cast Ill Omen on the Direwolf. You also have to do a concentration check.

Yeah. DC 15 plus, what is it? Double the spell level? Well, my concentration is a plus six. Oh. Yeah, but the DC. What's the DC? I think the DC is 15 plus.

To cast defensively, it's 15 plus double the spell level. So what level is the spell? One. So it's 16. DC 16. DC 17. You said 15 plus double the spell, so it'd be two plus 15. Oh, I was doing one times two. I guess it's two. You said 15 plus double the spell, so it'd be 2 plus 15. Oh, I was doing 1 times 2.

Oh, I guess it's 2. You mean 2? You mean 2. That's a 22 on the concentration check. There you go. Nice. All right. All right, now I'm going to try to... You want me to do two acrobatics checks to get around?

Let's start with the first one. All right. Wait, but you cast Ill Omen, which means I have to roll twice? You get disadvantage for your next d20 roll. Well, he gets a save on that, right? No, no save on Illoman. Ooh! That's Joe's favorite kind of spell.

That is a good spell. Okay, so what was the first one? 16 on the first acrobatics check. It failed. All right, so it attacks you. And this is its Illoman roll. Yeah. 17. That. 17.

That hits exactly. But now I have to roll twice. Natty, 20. Oh, well, you have to take the 17. You have to take the 17, yeah. You don't take, you don't re-roll and automatically take

the second result. You take the worst result. That's not actually. Well, the reason he asked is because that's actually a thing. Yeah. It's like you re-roll and you have to take the reason he asked is because that's actually a thing. Yeah. It's like you re-roll and you have to take the second roll,

but I doubt that's what. Wow. Sheesh. Okay, all right. The less favorable. The less favorable. So it hits. And it just tries to bite you.

Don't try to get past me. It can't talk. Nine points of damage. Ouch. So then do I get to move through? get past me. It can't talk. Nine points of damage. Ouch. So then, so then do I get to move through? You do not.

If it fails, it fails the aircraft. You land, you stay right in the space that you originally tried to get through. Ouch. That would have been daring. That would have been so daring.

It would have been. I was ready to go. It was daring. It happened. It would have been. It was ready to go. It was daring. It happened. It would have been. You tried it. I dared and was bitten for it. Right.

Once bitten, twice shy. Okay, and it is the, you killed one of these, right? Yeah, it would have been the dead dire wolf's turn, but instead it's the one that just bit Gormley. And it is still this round,

so it still takes a long time. No, it doesn't. No? It's only the next. Next roll. Oh boy. Okay, so. That's so it still takes a long time. No, it doesn't. No? It's only the next roll. Next roll. Oh, boy. Okay, so.

That's why it doesn't get a save. So here we go. Trying to bite Gorm's 16. Misses. Misses. Nice. Mage armor. Okay. Round three.

You hear. The dam breaks open. What? What? And a flood troll emerges. Oh, no. Oh, jeez. What?

Right next to us. Right next to you guys. And it's split between Gorm. Oh, shit. So it's Direwolf, Gormley, flood troll, then the rest of us. So Gormley is trapped between a Flood Troll and a Direwolf. Oh, this is horrible. Tale as old as time.

Oh, man. Tale as old as time. Trapped between a Flood Troll and a Direwolf. That old adage. That old children's tale from the sea. The dam breaks open, and you see that that water was only like one to two feet deep, so it just kind of trickles into the room and starts going down, but it's not doing any damage.

And then you think to yourself, had you fallen into the ravine, the water wasn't going to break your fall. You would have taken two defense damage. Straight up fall damage. So the water just kind of trickles in. Maybe there used to be more water in here, or they were planning for something else. And I think the deal with flood trolls is that if they're in contact with water, they're

able to regenerate any damage dealt to them, unless it's by acid or fire. I'm so glad I used Burning Hands on all those shadow rats. Well, that's a first-level spell, right? You can do that. You don't have to predetermine your first-level spells. But I can cast it more than once a day? Yeah.

Oh. How many first- many spells can you cast of first level spells can you cast per day? Four, I believe. One of our house rules is once you start casting another level of spells,

like now you're third level, you can cast second level spells. You don't have to prepare your first level spells anymore because it gets annoying to be like having to prepare all these low level spells. You have to prepare your first level spells anymore because it gets annoying to be like having to prepare all these low level spells. You have to prepare your highest level of spells in advance, but all your spells lower than that, you don't have to prepare. So I can

cast them as if they are cantrips? No, they're not as cantrips. You still use the spell slots, you just don't have to prepare them. You use the spell slots, but you can cast the same spell twice, but it uses another slot. The flood troll flanks Gormley. You use the spell slots, but you can cast the same spell twice, but it uses another slot. Okay. The flood troll flanks Gormley.

Oh, this is a nightmare. And just before it claws you, you're like, this thing looks really familiar. Yeah. And it attempts to claw. It took a five-foot step, so it can do two claws. First claw misses. to claw. It took a five-foot step, so it can do two claws. First claw. Misses. Second claw.

Natty 20. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Oh, no. I forgot about the flanking bonus, but to confirm. 16 doesn't confirm does not confirm does not confirm

alright so just hits you for 4 points of damage oh that's not that bad whew could be a lot worse yeah could be worse like if it had hit twice

okay and now it is Screed's turn Screed's turn. Screed, yet again, throws another bomb at Lork's direction, favoring this half-orc. 20.

Hits. Hits for seven points of damage. And then the other Baron and Galabras need to roll a reflex save. 25. You're okay. 16. You're okay too, Galabras. All right, nice.

Now, Lork, you need to roll a reflex save as well. 11. Oh, man. Lork, you take another four points of damage as the bomb explodes on you and you catch fire. Lork. That Lork is on fire! Yeah, no, but you're on fire.

And it is Baron's turn. I'm sorry, it's lork's turn. I couldn't see him because he was a flaming pyre of a man. Yeah, fuck this, man. I'm just going to die. I don't care. He's going to go and attack the flood troll. You don't want to try and put the fire out?

No, I'm just going to die. I don't care. I'm going to attack the flood troll. Fuck you, Troy. I'm killing the to die. I don't care. I'm going to attack the flood troll. Fuck you, Troy. I'm killing the flood troll. He's my favorite enemy. Don't you get an automatic check to put out the flames? Yeah, you have to spend the round putting out the flames.

Nope. I'm attacking my favorite enemy and trying to save Gormley. Okay. And so I'm charging and flanked and favored enemy and bull strengthed into insane numbers. Get your calculators out. And I will do a power attack. 34 to hit. Miss.

Just barely hit this giant target. Ten damage. Ten. That's minimum, by the way. That's minimum. Oh, no. Wow. Okay. Oh, wait the way. That's minimum. Oh, no. Wow. Okay.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. No, it's higher than that, because of bull strength. Twelve. Twelve damage. Twelve damage. All right. And you take four more points of fire damage. Selflessly trying to save Gormley's

life. Baron. Flames just licking off him. Just jump in the water. Can Baron do a quick perception check considering he's been on fire himself before to see if those look like the same kind of alchemical flames on Lork that was on me?

Sure. 22. Okay, so what you notice is this dude is definitely working with alchemy, but you don't get the sense that this is the same rudimentary nonsense that caught you on fire. You feel pretty confident

that Lork could just put himself out or jump in the water um and also lork i i i forgot about catch fire basically the way catch fire works is when you're caught on fire every round you've got to roll a reflex save but it's not a standard action you just have to do it to try and put yourself up oh okay i thought i had to give up my turn to do it and i wanted to save gormley i mean it was definitely more flavorful the way you did it, but you can also not take that. A fiery orc is running through.

That's a madman. Roll an intimidate check. Yeah. Especially if it's a troll. He's got to be scared of fire, so. All right. I just run. I hug him.

Take my fire. So, I think you took four points of fire damage, right? So, roll that reflex save for the hell of it. See if you actually take it. DC 15. All right. DC 15. 15.

Hey! All right. So you are no longer on fire. Oh, wow. All right. So give yourself four hit points back. Okay. And I apologize that I'm the worst DM ever.

If Joe had stayed on fire long enough, he would have looked like Nelgrith or whatever the red-skinned or god is. Yeah. Third-degree burns. Oh, my God. He can go as Nelgrith for whatever the red skinned or goddess. Third degree burns. You can go as Nelgrith for Halloween. Okay. Baron.

True now in Halloween. Oh boy. What would Halloween be like in a fantasy world? What would it be like in true now? It's like, you're not allowed to dress like an orc. Everyone just dresses up as human shopkeepers. That's the opposite. Dresses up as a mailman. Suits and ties

like accountants. Financiers. I'm a naughty shopkeep. Yes. I run a hedge fund. I'm a sexy haberdasher. All right, Baron. Baron's going to get

at a diagonal 20 feet away from the troll so that he can shoot it. Ah, all right. Now you are, not that it matters, your thing is so high, but it is a minus four, obviously. 14 against touch. 14 against touch is a direct hit. Yeah. On who?

On the troll. Oh. Well, wait, Did you take minus four? Yes, he did. That is what did I roll? Five? Six. Six points of damage to the troll. Galabras.

Did you have to move to do that, by the way, Baron? Yeah, I took a little whatever makes me 20 feet away. Cool. So you don't get to move again. Galabras, you're up. What do you do? What do you do. Galabras, you're up. What do you do? What do you do, Galabras? Galabras moves close enough within 20 feet of Gormley.

And I'm going to channel positive energy. Ooh, all right. I'll take it. And I found my special Roman gold-plated dice. So I'm going to use those again. Nice. And seven. Everybody gets seven points of health.

Gormley shouts, thanks, boy. Boy? You're welcome, girl. You're welcome, girl. Come on, girl. Shucks. For the record, Gormley is like 25 years older than Galabras. Yeah.

So Galabras, you're still in the back there kind of with Baron. So you and Baron, just to describe the scene here, Baron and Galabras are still right where you guys kind of came in. In front of them is the corpse, decaying corpse of Direwolf. And then in front of them to the right is Lork. This is like a straight line. Lork, Flood Troll, Gormley, Direwolf. And then

back in the cavern on the lower level is Screed. Just chucking bombs. Chucking bombs left and roo. Okay, and it is Gormley's turn. Gormley's going to full withdraw and run to tell me... Hold on. What? Full withdraw. Gormley's turn Gormley's going to full withdraw And run Hold on

Full withdrawal only allows you To avoid an attack of opportunity From the one square you're leaving On the next square And then The next square I don't know if they have combat reflexes But at least once you'll provoke

Two attacks of opportunity Because you're squeezed up into this now you could like i was gonna run down the stairs yeah so that's the problem you would definitely provoke two attacks of opportunity if you because they're large creatures too like they have their reach if you went to like the water side oh yeah the water is open you could withdraw if you could run into the water yeah i'll run, the water's open. You could withdraw. If you could run into the water. Yeah, I'll run into the water. Alright, what does it act? Is it like difficult to reign? Yeah, it's every square movement is two squares of movement. If only I had agile.

If only. How deep do you want to go? You can do a double move. That's all you can do. Yeah, I'm going to do a double move. Is that right? Run out? Yeah, I mean, the Fludge flood troll's in melee combat with you, so it's presumably not going to chase me into the water.

I wouldn't think so. Well, the dire wolf might, but at least you wouldn't be flanked by a troll and a dire wolf anymore. All right, so Gourmet's like, fuck this, runs into the water, and that's what happened. And the dire wolf does give chase. God damn it And attempts to bite you And misses

Wow 15 Dire wolf just cannot make it happen Alright Gormley Round 4 Flood Troll This episode should be titled Dances with Wolves

That's not punny That's just actually the situation That's not punny at all Flood troll. This episode should be titled Dances with Wolves. That's not punny. That's just actually the situation. That's not punny at all. Okay, so first claw at Lor. It's doing two claws. First claw, 14, miss. Miss, off the armor.

Second claw hits. And it does just four points of damage. Claw, claw. Second one hits. And it does just four points of damage. Claw, claw. Second one hits. But a giant troll claw. A giant troll claw just went ripping across your skin. So yeah, four points of damage. Oh, that's not bad.

But a giant troll claw just ripped across your skin. It's not Lork's first time he's gotten clawed by a troll. Let's be honest. Now Screed has a new target. And it is Baron. I was going to say, bring on the fire while I'm next to the troll, but I guess he's not that stupid. He ain't no fool. Okay, so he

throws a bomb at Baron. Baron, Baron. Baron. Ay, que linda. And hits. Oh, did he roll a 34 or higher? He rolled a 24.

Okay, so he hits Baron for only six points of damage. But you got to roll a DC 15 reflex save, as does I rolled a 16. You did it. Alright, Galabras. How many points did I take? I'm sorry. Uh, six. Uh, Galabras failed. Galabras failed and takes

five points of splash damage. I just love this image of him standing back there just throwing these like glowing blue bulbs. I didn't show you a picture of this dude. He's going to look like the hot. You're going to see a picture of this again. The artwork.

I really should give a shout out on the Twitter to whoever the artist was. I mean, I'm sure they use multiple artists, but maybe not. Maybe they just use one guy because the artwork for this book has been still stellar. Yes. Or girls. Girls can draw too. Woman. stellar. Yes, or girls. Girls can draw, too. Woman.

Woman. Not yet a woman. Booyah. Whoa. Badass, right? He's got, like, blonde locks. He looks like a half-orc Brad Pitt. He looks like... From Legends of the Fall.

He looks like Dolph Lundgren, like, dyed his skin green and grew his hair out. Oh. Isn't that badass? He's got blonde locks, and he's kind of gangly. He's probably 6'6", but only 200 pounds. Yeah, I expected him to be really beefy, like bulky. I didn't know he was going to be like a...

Looks like Noah's Syndergaard. With those facial tattoos and hairy forearms. Well, I got to tell tell you the best way to fight large sized creatures is to each just take one on yourself split up and just

mana mana I think that's in the core rule book alright Lork you're up alright Lork is gonna he's just gonna shout back over his shoulder

Baron Calabrus take out Screed I've got the troll and he will roll to hit. Power attack. Oh, fuck. 13 to hit. Does not hit.

What's your bolt strength? You took the minus two attack, didn't you? Oh, you know what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Power attack, you took the minus. I did, but I forgot to add two for bolt strength. I think, hold on one second. Let me just make sure

Also after my channel Because I have the luck Variance The round after I channel Everyone who benefited from it Gets an additional plus one luck bonus On any attack roll Wait are you kidding me that's insane

Wait that's great but that's not this round That's next round No that's great. But that's not this round. That's the next round? No, that's this round. Oh, yeah. Okay. Actually, it's a 15. Well, after you've fudged all those numbers,

it definitely hits the troll. Yeah, it's another plus two from bull strength and another plus two from favorite enemy. I keep forgetting the troll's a giant. You got him. And would you hit him? You're still using the orc double axe that you found during the battle? The masterwork great axe.

Masterwork great axe. That was wielded by, the, like, urnsouls, like, companion. Oh,

that, the incredible hawk. In that little alley, right before, uh, Jasun. We'll call him the incredible skulk. It was terrible.

Terrible. Um, so you just, good one, Troy. Ah, boom. Well,

he's actually a skulking brute in the Pathfinder thing. It was an inside joke with myself. All right, so you bury the axe in the flood troll. I got to do this again. I'm sorry. I'm canceling the podcast. It's 14.

This is uncalled for. It's too much math. 14 because of the power attack, not 15. Sorry. Are you sure? I am sure. This is all part of your game to find out the exact AC of the fucking flood troll. Wait, did you count his plus one?

No, I didn't count his luck bonus. Nine? Is it actually nine? I hit him. Fuck you. I hit him. All right, so it's 17 points of damage. Oh!

And the troll is bloodied. Nice. Nice. Now we got to get fire on him. All right. Put him down. This music, we may boost get fire on. All right. Put them down. This music, we may boost the music some. This is huge.

I feel like, I think the tenseness in the room is permeating the podcast. I'm sitting here just trying to like do math. Like I'm trying to do so much math right now. Just to distract yourself from the stakes. Yeah. I mean, seriously, we got Gormley alone with a dire wolf, Lork alone with a giant troll, which, by the way, was an enemy we all fought, you know, just whatever it was, 10, 12 episodes ago. Like it was like a boss battle. And now, like, we're facing it one on one.

And we have the actual boss untouched, just throwing things from the cheap seats like this is awful, awful. Look at the frog. All right, Like, this is awful. Awful. Look at the frog! All right, Baron, you're up. That was my Waldorf and Statler impression. I could throw a pell grenade at him and do some fire damage. Why don't you just get in there and shoot him with your gun?

You can get fire damage and get it on the troll. That's what I'm saying. I'm talking about doing fire damage to the troll to keep him down. We can wait for Gormley to potentially not get eaten by this wolf. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?

I do. I do. I'm going to withdraw again once this is my turn. Can you take... Is it a hold? Well, he's going to get up again is what I'm saying. The troll after this round, right? He's not down even yet.

He's just bloodied. What does bloodied mean? It means he's like under half hit point. On his last legs. Yeah, getting low. All right, if you want to handle the troll,

I guess I'm going to cross towards Dipshit McFacetats over there wearing Ed Hardy. 20, yeah. And I'm going to... Oh, look at this

Mexican standoff here. Like Screed bombs in hand and here comes a tiny dwarf. He just like saunters down the steps. Yeah, you can hear his spurs. Yeah, his spurs. Is that a six? Six.

So I did a plus seven, 13 against Touch AC. Miss. This guy's the worst. Plus seven. Thirteen against Touch AC. Miss. Oh, boy. This guy's the worst. And this Scree just... Nice try. Galabras. Galabras will...

He's going to cast True Strike on himself. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, wait, he's an orc. That was one more. Does 14 hit him? It does not. Tut.

All right. I gave it a shot. Uh, and this is where Skid's like, wait, you also get a plus seven. Oh, no. And I got the plus one from, I got the plus one from luck. That's 15. Yeah. That's 15 against touch AC.

Miss. Um, wow. Miss. 16? Hate you guys. All right, Gelly. I cast true strike on her. Oh, you cast true strike, right. So you just, tell me what happens.

You touch yourself like over your insemination wound? No. And just. I just close my eyes and concentrate for a moment As I'm pulling out And as a move action And it just like flashes out I pull out my crossbow Oh baby

Ow Alright Gormley So can I get through that How much of the damn wall has been broken Was broken when the flood broke 10 feet wide Where right there Yeah

So I'm going to full withdraw And get back to Galabras How much of the damn wall was broken when the flood broke? Ten feet wide. Where? Right there? Yeah. So I'm going to full withdraw and get back to Galabras for as close as I can. Okay. Yeah, you can get all the way there. Great. All right. So you fully withdraw. Just to be clear, Gormley has run like a woman the past two rounds, right?

Oh, man. I just want to make sure that's what Gormley has done. After charging a headlong into barrels, Dave, you're sorry. It's just for my notes. I want to make sure I can write Gormley ran like a girl. Okay. Here comes the dire wolf. You can thank Gormley for this. He's not going to be able to flank me without

provoking. He's not attacking you. Oh, well, he's still moving around me to get to that position. He's going to there. And he's attacking Galabras. And again,

I can thank Gormley. Thank you for drawing she runs right behind she now has cover I didn't move my mini for the record Calabrus is feeling extremely protective now that he's a father

he goes to bite Calabrus and extremely protective now that he's a father. Oh, shut up. Oh my god. He goes to bite Galabras and 12 misses, I'm assuming. It does. I don't think my direwolves

have done any damage. I think that he's got some webbing stuck in his teeth. It's possible. Yeah, good job, Gorman. One would hope. One would hope. Literally,

I've failed, all I've done This combat Is failed checks Cast a spell Did nothing And ran And ran You're gonna have to

Change your name to Gary the celestial dolphin There is water here You might You might come back Spoiler alert Okay Round five

Flood Troll The flood troll Takes a five foot step No Okay, round five. Flood Troll. The Flood Troll takes a five-foot step into the water, letting it wash over him, and then does a double attack on Lork. Unlock the orc. First attack hits.

Second attack also, well, you tell me. 19? That hits. Okay, let me make sure he doesn't have rend, because that would be awesome. He doesn't. Oh, thank god. I thought he did have rend. Rend is one of those things where if you hit with both natural attacks, it then does

like, rips and does extra damage. But I'm not seeing Rend here. But that being said, he still does 12 points of damage. What? And you notice he seems emboldened, having gone back into the water. And it is now Screed's turn. Let's see, this is round five, so... Lork is in rough shape.

Screed throws a bomb directly at Baron. He's standing right there. And he hits him. Brutal. For 11 points of damage. Direct hit. Close range.

I mean, Baron knew what he was getting into and just throws it right in his chest. DC 15 reflex save. Yeah, I'm not sure why they came to... Reflex save, Baron. DC 15, or you will burst into flames. Will Baron burst into flames and die a fiery death? Will the Flood Troll regain his strength and claw Lork to shreds?

Will Screed get away with murder? There's only one way to find out. Tune in next week to the Glass Cannon Podcast. Outro Music