The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 253 - The Queen's Speech
Episode Date: November 24, 2020As the Queen clings to life, the heroes are presented with an unexpected consequence. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subsc...ribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This episode is brought to you by Secret.
Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection,
free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda.
It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils.
So whether you're going for a run or just running late,
do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't.
Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today.
Previously on the Glass Cannon Podcast.
And he'll reach out for the map and we'll kind of unfurl it.
It seems to indicate what appears to be
a dormant volcano
in the southern
Mindspin Mountains.
What? Shut the front door.
Along with a bunch of writing
in giant and you see it's kind of written
all over the map. There's a pair of names.
Blofeld. The names are
Titerian and Quivixia.
And then you see the words Elite Training Academy.
Oh, shit.
Accompanying the map are two lists of giant names.
One is designated to advance to elite training and includes a scrawled note that reads,
The Atox graduation is not an option.
The second list is titled titled Competency Course Passed
Needs Reassignment.
Lastly, though,
at the bottom of the map,
directly underneath the volcano itself,
is a single word in giant
that sends chills down Baron's spine.
It just says,
Ashpeak.
Oh my god.
I'm going home, baby!
I just have one question here.
You say your name is Ashpeak.
My guards were joking about this earlier,
as the Ashpeaks are extinct.
Baron will take his hat off and say,
My name is Ashpeak,
and I believe I have been chosen
to lead a group of adventurers
back to my homeland
and grant it its former glory,
emancipate it
from the giants
that are currently perverting its use.
As we stand here on trial
for murder of your comrades,
I venture and I put forth that not only are we not guilty,
but your clansmen out there in the woods are not victims of murder.
Your eleven comrades in that forest are merely the first eleven casualties
of a war that's coming up from the south.
They died bravely defending the city.
And it's time you start thinking about who else is going to arm up and get ready to defend it as well.
If there is a greater war at hand, the dwarves of Kragadon will be there to serve.
Perhaps we should dig to the sky.
Perhaps.
Well, Ariel, jaunt.
Yeah.
And you fly out, and in the distance, you see a volcano.
The top, you can't see because of the winds and the clouds so low covering the peaks of it.
But you know it's a volcano, and you know it's Ash Peak because surrounding the volcano are hundreds and hundreds of giants.
We've got to move fast.
Yeah, I said, Jim, let's get deeper in
before they know the guards are gone.
So what's beyond that portcullis?
What do we see?
Just a tunnel leading deeper into the mountain.
One of the orc slaves comes forward.
And I mentioned to you that they all look like half-starved.
This one looks like it's in even worse shape than the other ones, more battered.
And as he's walking up to you with his hands up in a show of non-aggression,
he's dragging this huge weight behind him and speaks to you.
It doesn't sound like any orc you have ever come in contact
with and he says i am thun i was captured and enslaved by these giants i do not wish you any But I must confess to you, I am not an orc.
So Thun swings again.
Natty 17.
Thun hits.
Finish him, Thun.
And Thun kills him.
Oh!
That is amazing!
So as it's running, Thun is able to kill it.
All the elementals are gone, and the room is eerily quiet, except for the sound of this rolling lava.
There might have been an altar at one point.
Let's flip through the boxes.
All right, so you open up the boxes.
What you got there?
You open one up, and it's empty but for the impression of where a gun would be held.
Oh, okay.
And you keep looking through, and all the boxes are empty,
but you can tell they all held different kinds of guns.
Jimmer, yet again, you're able to escape the maw of this flaming lungfish.
What do you want to do?
He yells out, where the hell is that fire coming from?
I don't know.
Can't see a damn thing.
Metra, I want you to roll a will save.
Oh, no.
What did you roll there? I saw his face. My will save is my will save. Oh no. What did you roll there?
I saw his face. My will save is my
best save. But natural ones are no good.
Oh my god!
Terrible, terrible business.
We're all dead!
You are no
match for the mighty
Tesseract.
How you found
yourself this deep into Ashpeak will be a story no one will ever know.
Lay down your weapons and surrender, and I will spare the dwarf's life.
Surrender, and I will spare the dwarf's life.
Anything else, and I will destroy him in front of you before doing the same to each and every one of you.
All of you will breathe your last breath in Tesseract's lair.
Choose.
Metra, you awake first.
You look around and you see that you're in a small cage by yourself.
Surrounding the cage, as far as you can see, are hundreds and hundreds
of giants. Oh my
God. And as you look around
at the various types of giants,
you see another cage. There's
a human man inside.
Excuse me
for saving love.
Get the fuck out of here!
Fuck!
What? But there is just something so familiar about your eyes.
What's your name?
My name?
There's a coin.
Coin by name, coin by nature, as me old dad used to say.
God damn it!
This massive gathering of giants look up and see a huge army crest the horizon
and begin to charge down the mountain into the giant encampments,
their voices screaming in unison,
For Kragadon!
Slowly the sun goes out for a moment.
You look up and blotting out the sun is the silhouette of a gargantuan
dragon, nosediving
towards all of you. What?
Sitting astride the back of this beast
is an enormous giant
with violet-blue skin, a
long, grayish-white beard,
and he seems like he's clutching something
in his outstretched hand, as together
they dive headlong at the
dwarven army, raining down fire on all of them and burning them alive.
You just see small charred bodies fall to the ground
as the back lines begin their retreat back up the mountain,
going the opposite way, fighting their way up the hill
as the dragon just keeps sweeping and burning them.
The entire camp is in pandemonium.
Metra will fly down and grab everybody and teleport us back into the mountain.
What's your plan, Metra?
My plan was to escape certain death and then regroup and come up with a new plan.
Let's head to the west.
You see two giants.
One of them looks just like the giants you were fighting in the chapel.
just like the giants you were fighting in the chapel.
The other one is a towering fire giant,
clad completely in steel.
Fiery hair raining down from her head,
and a crown on top. Whoa!
It's the queen, dude!
What?
Oh my god!
It's the queen!
Oh my god! She looks amazing! A 15 and a critical three! Do it for initiative. Oh, my God. It's the queen. Oh, my God.
She looks amazing.
Wow.
A 15 and a critical three.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
99 points of damage.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Points of damage.
She buckles down to her knees and just like blood squirting out of her neck.
Blood squirting out of the holes in her arm
and she's like, stop!
Please stop!
And she's like
coughing up blood out of her mouth.
This is horrible!
And she just looks up to the sky and she's like,
what have I done this time
my prince?
What have I
done to deserve your wrath again in this lifetime?
Whatever it may be, I am truly sorry.
I beg for my life under your watchful eye.
Spits more blood.
And promise, promise to spend the rest of my days atoning for whatever sin or sins have caused you to frown upon me once more.
My faith and my dedication have never wavered, my prince.
Please, I beg you, show me the way.
The adventure continues now. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, what is going on, Glass Cannon Nation?
In case you weren't 100% sure, it's your old buddy, Troy LaVallee, and I want to welcome you back to the Glass Cannon Podcast.
Back to the Giant Slayer Adventure Path.
Back to life.
Back to reality.
Oh, man, it's been too long, my friends.
Too long.
Who knew that a global pandemic would be the thing that crushed my obsessive compulsive need to stay on schedule? Who knew? It has been a wild eight months, hasn't it? I think we put out more content while in quarantine than we could have ever planned going in. But man, oh man, is it good to be back doing this show. It's the flagship, baby. It's our bread and butter. It's the show that launched a thousand ships. And now that we're back, there's gonna be a couple changes coming at you as the GCP
makes its triumphant return. Number one, you asked for it, you get it. The teases at the beginning of
the show will now all be last week on the Glass Cannon podcast instead of this week on the Glass
Cannon podcast. This is something we wanted to do for a long time, and this break has actually afforded us the lead time to be able to pull it off. So no
more will there be minor spoilers of what's to come in the episode. Just a nice little teasy recap
of the previous ep. Number two, intros to episodes are pretty much going to disappear. After today,
you might hear from me or one of the other guys from time to time before an ep starts,
but for the most part, I want to get you into the ep right away.
We're still going to have all our banter up top, but there's so much story left to tell.
I just want to jump in and get playing.
However, there's still a lot of information out there that we want you to get regarding all the stuff that is happening in Glass Cannon Nation.
Other podcasts and shows that we'll be releasing, live streams, the return of the live
tour, hopefully, merchandise, you name it. Every day, there's more and more stuff that we're cooking
up. So if you want that info, you can either follow us on social media, Twitter, Instagram,
Facebook, or if you don't like social media, that's fine. Just sign up for our newsletter.
We've got a newsletter now. It's quickly becoming our one-stop shop for all the up-to-the-minute
news on what's happening in the nation, as well as first dibs when limited edition stuff goes on sale. So if you want to sign up, just go to our
website, glasscannonnetwork.com, click on our contact page, and enter your email. Hell, if you
go to the website, a little pop-up might even come up and just prompt you to do it. I set up that
pop-up, so occasionally it works. I cannot tell you how happy the guys and I are to be
bringing this back. The show that started it all. The show that has literally changed all of our
lives. And I think you're really going to feel that excitement in every episode you're about to
hear. This is a crazy time to be alive. I don't have to tell you that. So I hope the return of
this show will do as much for you as I know it's already done for us
so thank you for listening
thank you for being patient
and supporting us through all this
whether it be on Patreon
subscribing to our Twitch
buying merch
or just sending messages of thanks and love
the Glass Cannon Podcast
is back
with episode 253
The Queen's Speech.
We're back.
Back in the New York groove.
We're back.
Back in the New York groove.
We're back in the New York groove.
Look at this place.
What does that mean?
It means we're back in a groove that is based in or around the New York metro area.
What else don't you understand about that statement?
I guess it's the word groove.
Well, groove can be something
different to everybody.
For you, it might be
a warm glass of milk before bed.
For many, it's
role-playing games.
Yep. Some prefer
black tar heroin.
Grant raises his hand.
Must take a lot of heroin
to bring you down.
That's how I go to sleep every night Just one little eight ball
It's your melatonin
We are back
We finished
Episode 252
What nine months ago
I don't remember how long it's been
But there was no feeling
When we finished that ep
That it was going to be a long break.
We didn't think that.
It was our last up in the can, but we were like, oh.
We were scheduled for a recording the following week.
252, I think.
See you next week!
No, we didn't.
We didn't see you next week.
Not with this show.
It is good to be back.
It's petrifying because we've been in the office now for about five hours, not even,
three or four hours, and we've been in the office now for about five hours, not even, three or four hours,
and we've had masks on the whole time. We've been
eating soup through masks like weirdos.
And we just took
them off seconds ago,
and I feel a little
scratch in the back of my throat immediately.
I can't help but feel it.
Just spaz. I hate you
so much. I know. Matthew's
way too close to me
I can't help but feel it
Grant's taking his temp over there
What's the reach on that?
Can you give me a pop?
Hold on, let me try
So I got a 97.6, feeling good
It's classic
Low, it says you're low, Troy
That's okay, I run low
We have changed the studio around a bit uh which is difficult with our uh
androids and aliens set our live streaming set but we've we all have our own little islands now
and it it kind of works i like this way better i don't know why we weren't doing this before
i have my table and i love it how do you like your table i love my table i love my they say no man is an
island but a man can own one and i i have i have one now it's great it's it's amazing it's a real
good looking table it's a good setup look at me matthew's got a little tiny table yeah we gave
the tiny one like the kids table i didn't notice it before. But you know what?
My island has my computer, has my dice, has my water.
It's everything I need.
Fuck all of you.
He's got a 15-inch laptop and everything else is stacked on top of the keyboard.
Oh, now you look cute.
I'm honestly so happy.
I was just texting my dad it was like and my sister
it's like i can't believe like we're doing i just this just put me in such a good mood just
feeling so isolated for so long and not having seen any of you guys physically for half a year
it's crazy yeah and this is just i'm just so happy right now this is so great it's so strange to actually be in like physically
physical proximity to people and that you know and that aren't your spouses and i yeah it's very
overwhelming and i cannot believe it's the five of you i know we could have picked anybody yeah
this is the group of people that you know that you end up sequestered with after six months it is crazy
skid because i feel the same exact way like there's tension there's nervousness about
jumping back into this campaign that we've been off from for a while which even if this was like
our home game that we were recording it's like where are we on the story like getting back into
it plus like you gotta fucking deliver when it's been this long. We can't limp out of the gate with a goofy episode.
It's got to come out hot.
So there's all this pressure, but I feel the same thing you feel,
just like excitement to play.
Yeah.
In person, too.
Yeah.
You know, because we've been playing plenty over the break,
but to get together in person the way it's intended is awesome.
It's been great playing remotely, too, and we've had a great time doing it. But just that not having that split second delay between hearing someone and being able to respond is such a massive difference. It's like why I despise talking on the phone. Even it stresses me out, just like being able to see all of your faces and in real time and know when I can talk or when I should listen.
It just makes a massive difference.
Even now, like my blood pressure is like 20 points lower recording because I'm in the same room with you guys.
You know?
It's just this huge difference.
And I agree with you.
I think the same thing.
And to me, it's also just the audio, like the audio quality.
Oh, yeah.
To me, it's also just the audio, like the audio quality.
Oh, yeah.
Being back in here and listening to this, it's so much better than listening to you guys coming through internet protocols.
Yeah.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
And I also like my blood pressure is constantly going up because if there's any blip, if there's
any k-k-k-k, you know what I mean?
I'm like, our entire media empire is going to collapse on this awful internet audio.
I have children.
And I'm always worried about how things are going to sound and if there's there's so many loose ends in the machine when you're doing that you don't know if something's gonna drop out or
whatever and here it's like i'm looking at this gorgeous computer right behind grant i can see
all of our audio going right into it it sounds amazing in my headphones it sounds so good to
be back yeah so good to be back. Yeah.
So good to be back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It really is nice.
Like, I just like hearing the sounds of our own voices.
Yeah.
I know.
That's a little bit of our trademark, it seems.
Yeah.
It's just like somebody taking a gob of peanut butter and rubbing it on your ear.
Yeah.
Totally. Oh, not to mention, by the way, that in those final whatever uh it was like maybe four
weeks or eight weeks or so it wasn't that long that we had this current setup that we have now
before covid hit oh that's right and we spent pretty much the entire time complaining about it
yeah i know and now with this i'm like this is this is amazing. That's what I was about to say.
Now, sitting here now, it's like I can't help but feel that I took it for granted what we had before being able to do this all the time. It's just I can't believe that I would ever not think this was amazing.
Yeah.
Yeah, it makes me appreciate you, Grant, even more than I did before.
Because you just whipped this together with your eyes closed in like two hours.
Yeah, yeah.
It sounds great.
I kept on like looking around and like, oh, I don't remember how to do this.
And then.
I hope they don't know.
I don't remember how to do this.
But I looked at the microphones like, oh, wait, I printed labels on all of these.
Oh, and all this is labeled.
Oh, and I took notes. Oh, I found my notes. Oh notes oh i went in and then it all just like oh yeah i know how
to do this i just haven't done it in six months it's like you were preparing for a pandemic it's
like i knew the whole time oh man amazing foresight mr f the only the only bad thing
grant is when five minutes ago you were like let let me see Baron for the first time in eight months.
Yeah.
You couldn't look at your character sheet a minute before we went live?
I live and breathe Baron.
That's true.
Chief Defender, true now.
Oh, well, man, it is just great to be back.
And I'm thinking, like I i said i want to come out of
the gate hot but like there's just so much to talk about i feel like we're gonna go along
we stopped at a crazy time you know i keep talking about how we're reaching the end of book five
how book six is right around the corner and how the end of this show of this story this iteration
of the glass cannon podcast is is, the road to the end.
It is beginning now. It began at 200. It continued at 250. But like, when you take eight months off,
you jump back in. It's happening right now. Hopefully, if you're just listening to this
for the first time, don't just stop listening and go back to episode one. Do yourself a service and
listen to the whole story. That is the only way to listen to the glass
cannon podcast i think i see all the time people like i wish they just had synopses up so i could
skip it just listen to the whole thing that's why we don't have the synopses to force you
uh to listen to the whole thing and and hopefully you will but to force you to have an experience
you will not enjoy exactly if you don't enjoy it if you would have just enjoyed those synopses that's
on you i mean i've been i've been logging and uh taking down notes on every person that's ever
contributed to our wikipedia and has summarized anything i have your home addresses and i'm
coming for you go in and delete them you have our permission um that would be amazing you look up
glass cannon podcast on wikipedia and it just says by mandate
go to episode one and listen to learn anything about this available you know we actually are
on real wikipedia now we have a wikipedia page are we really yeah we exist on wikipedia the glass
canon in parentheses podcast oh get out of here we're on on there. Did you write the entry? No, I did not.
I'm assuming it was Sir John Wikipedia himself.
Curator of all things all.
Mr. Richardpedia.
Wiki to his friends.
It's already incorrect.
Oh, no.
Right out of the gate.
Does it have your height
the same as mine?
I'll change it.
I'll send a note.
It's still up for debate.
It consists of actors and comedians. I'll change it. I'll send a note. It's still up for debate.
The cast consists of actors and comedians.
Okay.
And also Matthew, Joe, and Grant.
Hey.
Hey.
Matthew went to school for acting.
I did.
It's true.
They kicked him out and said,
Go write something.
And he said,
I will, by God, I will.
Also, it says the length approximately 90 minutes.
Yeah, the whole, all 260 plus episodes.
Wow, that is a very helpful article.
Does your old buddy Joe O'Brien have a link there?
Does it go to a Joe O'Brien page?
You know the only person that gets linked on here?
Kevin MacLeod.
Oh, man.
Well, he did earn it. He did earn it did we didn't do shit no he's done a lot
he has composed over 2 000 pieces of royalty-free music so that's that's currently larger than our
library although we're catching up on him yeah we're nearly at 2 000 hours of content i would
think he's laughing all the way to the bank. Yeah, Kevin MacLeod is really...
He's the most generous, amazing freaking composer out there.
Love that guy.
The production quality of the podcast is considered high.
Considered by who?
Why isn't it just high?
This article needs citations.
It really does.
It actually does have citations.
But the second paragraph about the coronavirus the coronavirus and whatnot that was added
recently so there are people working on this page if you're listening i don't know how this
shit works go flesh this out a little bit but no synopses and uh then make us all individual
you know at least it's there now for the longest time we were just a footnote in nick lowe's
wikipedia right It's true.
He appears occasionally on the Glass Cannon podcast.
It makes it really shitty to have your ex-roommate to be a link,
like a footnote in your ex-roommate's
Wikipedia page.
It's your empire,
but it's mentioned on your ex-roommate.
Lowe is also well-known for making
audio drops for the popular The Glass Canyon podcast.
Oh, my God.
Based on a Pathfinder role-playing game.
And doesn't even link to it.
That's amazing.
The citation is our website.
Okay, okay.
Skid, that reminds me of a buddy of mine.
When I first moved to New York,
I knew this guy in college,
and I connected with him.
He was living in Brooklyn,
and he was acting.
He was trying to act.
He was doing the hustle. He was doing the hustle.
He was doing the whole thing
and he tells me this story
about how he moved to New York
with a buddy of his
that he went to college with
and they lived together
and that buddy became Steve
from Blue's Clues,
Steve Burns,
who I know really well now.
He went out with a friend of mine.
Yeah, and he's a great guy.
I really like Steve.
I got to know him
because he was represented at my agency, like coincidentally.
But at the time, I didn't have that job at that agency.
And this guy was like, we're having beers.
And he's just like, so then he goes and becomes a millionaire.
And he's like, my low point of my trying to be an actor career was when I got a temp job boxing books at a factory and down the
line came his book and he was boxing his ex-roommate's books with like his face on the
cover and shipping them out he's just like i have failed my career is that's the feeling
there it is yeah can you imagine back in the day i auditioned uh to be
the uh like his buddy steve's buddy on blue's clues get out of here really he's like what's
going on kids get over here blue you son of a bitch so was it like what was what was the part
steve's boston trash parts. Steve's Boston trash cousin. Keith's slash master.
Keith's slash master.
Steve's garbage man.
They needed someone to finish up Blue's leftovers right
on the pole, so they hired Troy.
Eat out of the bowl, Steve's friend.
Get over here, Blue, you son of a bitch.
I hate dogs!
Kick him.
Yeah, little known fact.
Joey O, why don't you give me some music?
What kind of music?
Why don't you just hit me with your best shot, DJ Splash Dazzle?
Oh, God.
We're doing this.
We're doing this, and there's no reason to wait around and fool around anymore.
It is time to jump in.
The four of you left Skirkotla's tomb,
and you knew your destination was the dormant volcano of Ash Peak.
After a quick and hilarious stop in Krakatan,
you make your way to said volcano.
You get into Ash Peak
and it's just fire giants after fire giants
after fire giants after fire giants.
You're going, there's caverns.
Every time you walk to the end of a tunnel,
it branches off five different ways
and you're just like, which way do we go?
Which way do we go?
You make your way through the first level,
the second level, the third level.
Finally, you make your way into a dragon's den,
where a dragon is seconds away from killing Baron,
and you would assume the entire party.
But the dragon makes a deal with you and said,
lay your weapons down, surrender, and I won't kill you.
You agree, obviously, knowing you've been beat.
Giants come in, bag you,
take you outside, lock you up.
Jimmer and your new buddy
Thune, by the way, a changeling
who was like snuck in there
in this guise of
an orc slave
and been like doing a little
recon on what's going on
in Ashpeak.
He's your new bud.
Him and Jimmer get taken away.
So now you're in cages outside of the volcano
with an old friend, Nestor Coyne, also captured in cage.
Skirkotla riding a Doolahan comes up
and you have combat with them.
You defeat them.
And just when you think, well, great,
we killed Skirkotla and the Dullahan, but there's
a giant army that's now going to kill us.
The dwarves of Krakatan
come marching down. They do have your back.
They're right there for you.
Then all of a sudden, an enormous
giant riding a dragon comes
and wipes out the entire army.
You get away.
Where's Jimmer?
Where's Thune?
Later on, you hear something to effect.
They belong to the mountain now.
What does that mean?
Grant's taking a new note.
Belong to the mountain.
Belong to the mountain.
I'm actually just drawing the ash peak symbol.
Who could forget?
It might be easier if you do that with a pen and not a knife.
I'm carving it in my arm, as did Baron.
I mean, we're getting to the point now.
You get back there, you're like, we need to figure out what's going on.
You get to another level, and it's very sacred up here.
There's a temple.
There's symbols
of Zerzvatar everywhere.
There's these fire giant
priests that are attacking you.
And we
ended our last episode
with you
sneaking up and attacking
the queen.
Nestor comes in.
Boom! Crits., boom, crits,
and then Baron crits
and then hits again with the second barrel.
She's loaded with bullet wounds.
And she begs for you to stop.
And that's where we ended.
I mean, I wish I had that sound bite queued up
from the end of the episode of what she says to you.
I was listening in the car on the way here today.
We listened to it on the drive,
and it just, what a crazy way to end.
I just assumed we'd be doing next week,
but we have to touch on it.
I got it if you want it.
You have it?
I can bring it up.
We are technologically advanced now.
You could just drop clips in.
Let me ease down that atmospheric audio.
Then I gotta just do one more
tweak here to bring up the
so you hear it nice and clear.
Here we go.
Should be it. Points of damage
on the other shot. 35 points of
damage on the other shot. She buckles
down to her knees and just like blood
squirting out of her neck.
Blood squirting out of the holes in her arm.
And she's like, stop!
Please stop!
And she's like, I'm coughing up blood out of her mouth.
This is horrible!
And she just looks up to the sky and she's like, what have I done this time, my prince?
What have I done to deserve
your wrath again in this
lifetime?
Whatever it may be, I am
truly sorry.
I beg for
my life under your watchful
eye.
Promise
to spend the rest of my days
atoning for whatever sin or sins have caused you to frown upon me once more.
My faith and my dedication have never wavered, my prince.
Please, I beg you, show me the way.
And we'll see you next week.
No, we won't.
No, we didn't, as it turns out.
Fact.
It's the first time I ever lied to you guys.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Definitely.
So she's littered with bullets.
She's not addressing you, though.
She's looking to the heavens
and addressing her prince.
Still, blood coming out.
She's just, like, holding her wounds so that she doesn't bleed out.
But she casts her eyes downward, like, to no space.
Like she's looking past you.
But you see her, like, deep breathing, putting pressure on her bullet wounds
and trying to gather herself,
even though there's a wild fervor in her eyes the whole time.
And still not making eye contact with you.
She's like, uh,
I am Queen Guivixia of Clan Raven.
But my title means nothing, for I am but a servant.
A servant whose life is dedicated to Zersvata.
Hmm.
Are you destined to take another away from me?
Now she meets your eyes.
That depends on what you're going to tell us there, Kavixia.
Who's your prince?
Are you just praying to Zerzvater?
Are you praying to your king,
who we're also going to find pretty soon?
And how we treat him depends on how you act right now.
Oh, so you are.
You are here to take him away.
Like the others were taken.
It is a story I ruminate upon all too often.
Trying to see the truth as to why I have been tested so.
to see the truth as to why I have been tested so.
And if I live past this day,
I will no doubt ruminate upon our conversation right now.
When I was but a young giantess,
my uncle was king of our clan.
As one of the only females of the royal line,
I was quite a catch, as they say.
Do not laugh!
I'm quite beautiful when not covered in woman's wounds!
I've been shot seven times!
Blah!
Blah!
Before my
womanhood could even blossom, they
matched me off to bolster some alliance.
But even then, I knew, I knew as a young woman, if it was Zersvata's will, my prince...
She looks at you, Baron.
Then I would follow.
The first man I was betrothed to
Died in a fall on the way to the wedding
Sorry about that
It's alright, it was a long time ago
The next man perished in a battle with the dragon
Less than a day after arrangements were made for my hand
It's just bad luck
It really is when you think about it.
The third prospect made it the farthest of them all.
Choking to death on a femur at our wedding feast.
I hate it when that happens.
All right, now you're just ruining it.
Let her tell the story.
She's put her heart into this.
Sorry, sorry.
They said I was cursed.
They said that the Prince of Steel looked disfavorably upon me
and I was destined to remain alone forever.
But I knew better.
I knew that my soul was worth more than a politically convenient marriage.
It was not, says Vata's will.
So, on the evening after the death of my third betrothed,
I painted my face with the ashes of mourning and prayed long into the night.
And the next night, and the night after that
for months I did this
repeating the ritual
losing myself in prayer
until one night
Sosvata granted me a vision
I saw myself
marrying a king
and giving birth
to four strong children
one of whom would be blessed by the god's power.
Secure in this knowledge, I waited, I studied, and I consulted with the other priests.
I researched other clans' beliefs and Zuzvata's history amongst the other giant gods.
amongst the other giant gods.
So when Ditarian,
king of Clan Brandrick,
sought my hand,
I knew the prophecy's fulfillment had begun then and only then.
I washed my face clean,
donned my wedding armor once more
and became his queen,
not only creating a strong alliance between the two clans,
but also having the opportunity to strengthen Clan Brandrick's faith in the one true giant god.
Although ours may have been a marriage of state, not affection,
Although ours may have been a marriage of state, not affection,
I still bore four children, just as the vision told me I would.
And just as that vision predicted, one was a monstrous creature of fang and fire. Fang and fire, you say?
Yes.
So, not a giant?
Oh, she is a giant, but she is blessed by the prince.
She has features unlike any of us, and powers unlike any of us as well.
And whatever bargain we come to
she must be a part of it.
Do not take
my only daughter.
What's her name?
Hyrokin.
I too am a mother.
And I have lost
my daughter.
I feel
for you in this situation.
But you must
understand our position
is very difficult.
This
unholy alliance of the giant
clans cannot stand
but
perhaps
if you are able to help us
in our efforts to bring down
this alliance and rescue
our friends
we know of a safe place for giant exiles.
May I ask,
how did your daughter die?
She was murdered by a giant,
or so I'm told.
Funny. I have a son
that was murdered
by your kind
does that make us
even
in this cruel world
I don't know
about even
but I think it teaches
us a little bit about each other don't know about even. But I think it teaches us a little bit about each other, don't you think?
Yes.
Yes, perhaps it does.
What do you know of my husband?
More importantly, what do you know of the Storm Tyrant?
More importantly, what do you know of the Storm Tyrant?
We know that we are in the domain of King Tartarian and Volstis the Storm Tyrant.
And we know that they've been preaching about a great war to come.
That the Storm Tyrant's armies, if your plan goes as it is said, shall conquer all of galarian that he's promised land and titles to his soldiers
much like your god promised you four children however you have four children his soldiers
have neither land nor titles because we've stopped them every step of the way now we don't have a problem with any of your kind living amongst each other peacefully.
We got a problem with that great war sweeping over Galarian.
He came to us.
When my new husband considered the Storm Tyrant's offer of allegiance,
I saw this as an opportunity for me to spread the word of Zersvatar globally.
If murder and devastation of the small folk was a part of it, that was not my main aim.
For with power comes influence.
So I encouraged my dear
husband to accept and suggested
this place, Ashpeak,
as a place for the
United Clans to settle.
If we are to strike some
sort of deal,
Baron,
then you must know this next part.
For when I was a young girl, I was brought here by my mother
to see the work of her brother and our king.
My mother was pious in her own way,
but power was her true passion,
and she wanted me to see true domination in action.
I watched as my uncle's clan eliminated to the last
the dwarf inhabitants of the lands in and around this volcano.
Down to the last they flushed them out,
and those who were not killed were enslaved to work themselves to death,
mining ore in the mine spins.
I watched as children were torn from their mother's breast
and dashed against obsidian detritus.
torn from their mother's breast and dashed against obsidian
detritus.
I thought, how could anyone,
let alone my mother,
delight in such things?
Those were your people,
Ashbeak.
And you must know that.
I don't think, after everything we've done to kill your people, that we're even yet if we're talking about score settling.
There may be no way to ever set the ledger straight between us.
I didn't know those people.
Even if I came from them.
And I'm never going to see them again unless I cross this mortal veil into the next world.
All I want is for you to return to where you're from.
And leave us alone.
To leave the small folk on their own.
To live the lives that they
were granted by their own
gods.
Not this twisted
filth you've been
spilling out in front of me. Again,
your right to worship him.
Just stay
away.
Perhaps the oracle
was right about you.
Perhaps I
heard
but I didn't truly listen.
And you and I
were supposed to meet
to have this conversation.
Like all kings, my uncle eventually died.
And as others fought to take his power, their interest in this volcano,
your ancestral homeland waned.
But as I grew older, I would make pilgrimages here on my own
to feel the power of Zersvater that was growing in me.
I knew one day I would return a great queen with the power my mother so coveted,
but with so much more.
I did not know I would face this day against you.
As the clans contributed soldiers and priests to Volstis' war effort,
I assumed a position of leadership over the other clerics
and invited my god-blessed daughter to help train Clan Brandrick's new officers in the ways of Zersvater.
All was going according to his will, so at peace was I with Zersvater that even the Oracle
of the Mountain, the great Oracle of Legend, spoke to me, spoke to me of you, and you,
and all of you, legendary warriors of destiny who had come seeking to take away all that
we had built.
warriors of destiny who had come seeking to take away all that we had built.
They told me that they would paint your stories on the walls of our halls,
so that when you arrived, you would know your fate was sealed,
that your free will does not exist.
So I listened, and I lent an ear to my husband. My husband was not a pious man when we met,
but I knew that my faith had found its way into his heart
when he instructed our forge workers to mold statues of the creatures that the great oracle painted
so that we could know you and set our best warriors to train against you.
We knew you were coming.
We prepared for your arrival, and here you stand in my chamber.
And here I stand, perhaps with my fate in your hands.
The whole time I thought it was you that didn't have free will.
Perhaps it was I.
Perhaps it was I.
We've been showing all of you throughout these past month that what we lack in size we make up for in free will there, convictsia.
Why don't we both exercise it right now and talk about where your husband is right now?
What do you plan to do?
We just want to negotiate.
We want to find a peaceful solution to all this.
It's been far too much killing.
I don't believe you.
Whoa, I've got an incredibly good bluff, though.
All right, I believe you.
Okay, yeah.
That's a die roll.
I will roll for you.
First die roll.
That is a 35.
I believe you.
See?
He's very trustworthy.
I am.
I will tell you this. He will not
negotiate with you.
He sees all of you
as the enemy
for what you did to our son. And as he is allied with Volstis,
you are his enemy. Not only do we know about you, Volstis does as well. He cannot let you live, so tell me, sir, when your negotiations fail, is it your plan to kill my husband?
Oh, I'd hate to do it, love. I don't want to. I mean, I can see that you seem to feel strongly
about him. There's some affection for him, yeah? Yes.'ve had so much you've had to put up you
had to deal with so much tragedy i'd hate to pile on top of it but i mean you know if our ends are
tied by circumstance oh i hate to think about it but you know what did uh your oracle say the
end result of our meeting would be all this planning, looking at the paintings, making the statues, training them against us.
Did your oracle say you'd be victorious in the end?
Is your own destiny presaged?
Are you supposed to live past a meeting with us?
Or did the oracle's mists get a little too thick?
Or did the oracle's mist get a little too thick?
Everything the oracle told me has come true, except for this moment.
You should have never made it to here.
So now my world view is crumbling before me.
That must be hard.
It is.
Perhaps then there is a way forward.
And with your assistance, we may change the future.
And find a way to reach your husband.
Ah, sounds to me like he listens to you.
He wasn't once a pious man in that, right? But you turns him around, you got him to understand. You got him to listens to you. He wasn't once a pious man in that right? But you turns him around
you got to understand.
You got him to listen to you.
Get him to listen to you now.
You see what danger
he's in. You can sense it
looking at these lot.
He's got to know as well.
But do you not understand?
You cannot just kill a king.
You kill a king and another will take his place. You can't simply slimp into his bedchamber and hope that the kingdom will crumble when you slip a dagger around for us. Tell him. This looks to me like
you and him.
You're overseeing the faith
and the forgery
of Ulstus.
He needs you.
He needs the soldiers here and he needs
the fires of the deep.
The fires of the mountain to make the weapons
and armor he needs to fight his
war.
You have a bargaining chip. You've got
leverage here. You could use
it to spare your lives and live
on in peace.
And with this one, we
know of a place, as Maitre said.
By this one, I pointed
to Grant. By this one,
Baron, he wants peace, he does. By this one I pointed to Grant By this one Baron
He wants peace he does
And she speaks truly
We know of a place where giants have come
To live in peace with small folk
It can happen
You gotta have faith
You say
You fear that we will kill your husband
And your children if negotiations fail.
Perhaps it will come to that.
So that means that
you hold the fate
of Clans Raven and Brandrick
in your hands in this moment.
Once we see past the mists of the oracles
and their
prophecies,
the only question
is, what
will you choose?
As you're all talking, her head's
like, shaking back and forth like
you're ping-ponging her brain
around. She's trying to wrap her head around
all this. There's also probably a lot of blood loss.
She's really getting dizzy.
A lot of serious blood loss.
Reading profusely.
Multiple gunshot wounds.
She's been shot badly several times.
All things considered, she's holding together really well.
I'm impressed at how well she's able to carry on a conversation.
I certainly would not be able to do it.
She took 99 points of damage in one hit.
Yeah.
But she's a giant, you know?
The one thing they got right in The Force Awakens is Chewie's bowcaster.
Yes.
It's the one thing they got right.
Like, every time he uses the bowcaster, it just annihilates a dude.
Han uses it, sends a stormtrooper like flying across town.
I think it's pretty cool.
And it sets up the moment when he shoots Kylo Ren and Ren just like shrugs it off.
But that's the only reason Ren is able to let Rey and Finn even have a chance against them.
Because they get hit by the bowcaster.
So think about this as her bowcaster moment.
She's just like, she's full of bullets,
but she's a fucking queen of the giants.
So she's listening to all this
and she's like,
like she has an idea.
Perhaps
if it was fate that brought you here, then we will leave the decision to fate.
I can bring you to Dytarian.
I can bring you to him when he sups with visiting dignitaries of the other clans.
And you can face him and most likely his royal guard in combat.
Duel with them to the death.
And prove that you are the strongest in front of his allies.
And then they will most likely abandon their cause.
For if you just kill Tytarian, someone else will step in,
and then someone else.
But if you prove your mettle, if the gods will it,
your god or mine,
then they will know what power you bring.
But you must allow me to live.
And if you win,
I will disperse the soldiers at Ash Peak.
And I will not go to this temple that you speak of.
I will return to my own lands.
And I will take over Clan Brandrick myself.
Rule over my husband's people.
And meditate about all that has transpired here.
And in the Throne Room.
You have my word.
Sense matter.
Yep.
Natural 19.
For a 22.
Ooh, dang it!
29 for Neshtar.
17 for Dalgrith.
18 for Beren.
Okay.
She seems so fanatical
that I think
you believe
that she will accept
the fate of the gods.
It's like Game of Thrones shit.
It's like trial by combat
in a way.
You're given pause
at the idea
that she's just going to go back
to Clan Brandrick
and meditate about all this
because she may meditate
and be like,
well, that sucked.
I'm going to go
attack.
But you do feel like you have leverage
in this situation.
Your deal may be acceptable to us,
but there is one more thing we require.
What?
Two of our companions
now, and I quote,
belong to the mountain.
If you can bring them to us we would be more amenable to your
terms
thank you Dargoth
that's what I'm here for
I do not have them
where are they
huh
it's just a heart attack
oh
we did it there a bit
they were
they were given
to the oracle of the mountain
they
have them.
Behind the throne room, there are
tunnels.
One leads down
into the caldera of the
mountain.
That is where
the Storm King is gathering
his final army.
One tunnel leads up.
That is where the Oracle of the Mountain lies.
These terms are very interesting, Kavixia.
I have a question for you.
We've seen other giant camps.
We noticed a bit of religious infighting there, too.
Half of these giants were worshipping Thramir, which I believe is kind of the ice giant god.
A bunch of them were worshipping Urgathor.
You're bringing in Zerzvatar, trying to get everyone to follow his or her teachings.
I'm not too familiar with giant gods.
What does the storm tyrant worship?
I do not know.
I am not in his ear.
I am not in his ear.
For if I was, I would preach to him the benefits of worshipping Suswata. If I were to hazard a guess, he may be godless.
Now, what was your life like before you came into a pact with him?
And what was your life like before you came into a pact with him? Were you, you know, able to find your own way, more or less?
Be the queen of this beautiful mountain in front of you?
Follow your king? Treat your subjects as learned people to become worshippers of your god?
Wasn't life better before he came along?
Tytarian
is feared amongst
all the fire giant clans,
but also respected.
Our life
was quite good.
Occasionally,
we have four kids, it's hard.
And then, of course, one died.
You sort of put a damper on the whole endeavor, really.
What are the names of your other children, by the way?
Just curious.
I cannot speak such things.
I don't know.
I don't know.
On top of wanting to put you in that situation,
the only reason I was asking was really to be able to compare them to the list of lieutenants we found, the orders of requisitions going forward to.
So I just wanted to see if they were.
Can we go through the names of the lieutenants again?
Can we?
Can we?
Nalvor.
Who is a cloud giant?
And he was requisitioning.
He?
Nalvor, yeah.
We know it was a he? Yeah. And then twin. Requisitioning food for Nalvor, yeah. We know it was a heat.
Yeah.
And then twin...
Requisitioning food
for his rock mountain
is twin
Nalbia.
Twin sister?
Twin sister.
Do we know that?
Yes.
Okay.
And then
Ukrof,
an ash giant,
who
requested hundreds of feet
of stout chains. Which I've never heard of an ash giant, by the way. feet of stout chains which i've never heard of an ash
giant by the way that sounds yeah i haven't cool horrifying horrifying horrifying you know what it
sounds like it sounds like it's immune to bullets yeah it sounds like to me yeah it has uh what is
your spell that makes us immune to crits uh gaseous form no it's uh mist it wasn't called
hold on i gotta go to my character particular form particular
form it sounds like he's a giant they have ashes form yeah yeah their touch ac is 70
whoa imagine touch ac is 70 i love it um and then sirdasa who's a taiga giant and
nalver and presumably nalbia are both cloud giants and we saw a taiga giant in lork's flashback
wasn't that a taiga giant you fought yeah the same one you fought and uh killed the taiga giant that
uh killed or that took off lork's feet gristle crack oh oh gristle crack was a taiga gristle
crack corn and i don't care uh you know who killed gristle crack
so limit keswick yeah poetic justice that's your other character uh avenge the feat of one yeah um
yeah so none of those sound like her children and if you bring it up
she's just she doesn't seem to recognize those names as her children
the mr foggy think carefully now those names as her children. The Mr. Foggy.
Think carefully now.
No, but she'll say she's like,
with the exception of Hyrokin,
my children are not here.
In fact, none of the children are here,
Tartarian's orders.
Where's Hyrokin?
She is in the room to the south of mine.
It's part of our bargain, for lack of a better word.
Please, do not harm her.
We will leave together,
rule Clan Brandric,
and stay out of your way.
If you show true
power in the throne room
and defeat Tytarian, if it is
Zersvatar's will or whatever
gods you worship's will,
the other
giants, the dignitaries, will know
true power.
And I will disperse the armies
and leave.
The Stormtyrant will be without the forces at ash peak and then you do what you must do so who becomes king oh there is no king she said she
was going to make herself queen it's but i thought there's multiple clans she's talking about one
clan yes but uh if you if you ask her that,
she'll tell you that Clan Brandrick,
when they came to the Storm Tyrant,
united all the other Fire Giant clans.
And then you think about how when you first looked over the mountain,
when you saw Ashbeak in the distance,
you saw a bunch of different flags flying.
That was all the Fire Giant clan flags.
So they were all under clan brander i
guess i'm just having a hard time resolving you saying that if we just kill him it won't solve
anything because the you know another king will come another king will come another king will come
but what are we doing differently now i don't understand we're going in we're just killing him
well she's taking over her was like where is he we want to have a talk with him it's like if you
just go in there and kill him that someone else is going to be like, well, I'll be the king.
Right, so what's different about this plan?
If you do it in front of all the other visiting giants from the other clans.
Oh, so like duel him in front of them.
Right, they will, she's saying they will respect that.
And they'll look to her as the leader now?
That's what, basically what she's saying.
Okay, okay, I get it.
What guarantee do we have
that if we are to defeat the king,
you will disperse the armies?
My word just is
I have yours that you will let us leave.
That is all we have at this point.
What happens when Volstis
comes to enslave your people?
When Volstis comes and demands
that you swear fealty and that
all your men are his?
All your giants are
his to use as he will.
What do you do then? You gonna stand
up to the Storm Tyrant?
I wonder.
I wonder... I wonder
if you can defeat my husband.
If you do,
then perhaps
the rest of your journey
will solve
that other problem for me.
Hmm.
Never move fast enough, I guess.
And there's just, like, fear in Dalgris' eyes.
If we are to agree to your plan,
when do you take us to your husband?
This evening.
I'm supping with him.
Every night he supps with the dignitaries.
There are rooms off of every hall leading up to the throne room.
These are the guest chambers.
The one to the south is where my daughter is.
Often she spends her time with one of our priests. He has taken a liking to her and she to him.
The final room at the end is the throne room. These other giants have their own wants and
desires. My husband is as wise as he is strong,
and no doubt he has all of them right where he wants them to be.
He is an unmatched fighter and a brilliant tactician,
but he's just as adept with his tongue.
Why else would the storm tyrant trust him above all to deliver his army?
But I know my husband.
If you fail, he'll have an army ready for Volstis,
while also keeping Clan Brandric as strong as it can be just in case the storm tyrant should fail.
Often has he spoken to me of a future that has him as the emperor of all the giant clans,
and I at his side.
If it is Zosvata's will, then perhaps that will come true.
If it is not, then we will go our separate ways.
Really seems like a win-win for you, Kivixia.
Either way, you're following your god God's will and you're in power right
next to it in either scenario
just trying to see
what it gets for us okay so
if we beat them that'll disperse the clans
and pulses I have one less army
I guess it seems like the
best idea we have right now what do you
say Dalgorth
and he kind of is like working on
chewing at his thumb.
He's trying to hide his nervousness at this plan, but like be a leader at the same time.
But I think it's.
I think she speaks the truth when she says there's no point in just cutting off the head here.
There's too many good soldiers here
They won't disperse so easily
They need the leader to disperse them
If we can place her in the leadership
It sounds like she'll back down
I believe her for one
So it might be the best plan
And I say if you put us in a room with them
I think we take him out.
I think we can do it, Baron.
All right.
Medra, Nestor.
It seems like the best plan we have
and the only way to reach Jimmer and Thun.
Might be a trap.
Could be.
But it will put us where we want to be.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Nestor.
But it seems you enjoy traps.
I do.
I do. Cleverer the better.
Yeah.
Amusing to pick them apart.
Yeah, so I'm all for it
and it does seem she's telling the truth
as far as I can tell
one question though love
your daughter
is she going to take issue with us
menacing her father
is she going to be down with your
with your plan with our bargain
or is she going to be down with your plan, with our bargain? Or is she going to give us trouble?
No.
She will stay out of it.
And if Tartarian falls, if it is the prince's will,
she will listen to me, as will all the others.
My whole life, things have been taken from me. all the others. Hmm.
My whole life things have been taken
from me.
I no longer question
when this happens
for I know
a greater gift
is to come.
Perhaps
as I lay here
full of wounds, somehow, you are my gift.
It is, I find it particularly heartwarming, the special relationship that daughters have with their mothers.
It's lovely, isn't it?
that daughters have with their mothers.
It's lovely, isn't it?
I certainly cherish it,
and hope to cherish it for years to come.
Well,
I think it's about time for you to put us in the room where it happens, Kivixi.
Would you hear me?
So I don't show up to dinner full of bullets.
There'll be something up.
He'll wonder why I'm covered in blood and it's shooting out of my neck.
I'm not saying it'll give away the whole planet.
It'll be suspicious.
Maybe a scarf.
Maybe a heavy scarf? A heavy scarf?
A red scarf.
Not a white one.
A big Versace scarf.
An infinity scarf.
Is there a way in which, by your own laws and traditions,
we could challenge your husband to a duel
that would need to be
respected by these dignitaries
that might give us some sort of cover for
any outside appearance, or are we going to
have to kill the whole lot of them? Yeah, what's the plan
here? Are we just going to walk in behind you so they
don't see us, and then you just step
aside and reveal us, and we do all the talking?
No, I will point you
in the direction,
and you will
come in while I am there with them.
I know, Titerion.
You will not let them get involved. He is too proud.
They will step aside, and then, again, should you win,
I will disperse them and all the giants outside.
Ah, but it's not just him, Ryan.
It's him and his royal guard. We've got a fire.
What can you tell us about them?
And how many are there?
How do they fight?
And do they have damage reduction?
Yes.
They are well trained.
They are his and my royal guard.
We are alive
So they are good at their job
I do not see them that often
They stay with their king
Perhaps if they were with me
We would not be having this conversation
I know my place
I'll ask again.
How many are there?
Sometimes two, sometimes three.
What are the names?
Not Rog.
Not Rog.
Not Rog.
Is that a...
Good start. Is that a... Good start.
Is that a palindrome?
Gordon?
Nut Rock.
Gordon?
Nut Rock.
Gordon?
Gordon?
I'm taking out Nut Rock.
Leave him for me.
Nut Rock, unbustable.
I've got a blade picked out for Nut Rock.
Did you say Nut Rock the Unbustable?
That is a fucking barbarian PC name
If I have ever heard one
Nutrog the Unbustable
We're back baby
We're back baby
That's the New York groove Matthew
Lieutenant Nutrog.
Lieutenant Nutrog, you lost your leg.
Sounds fearsome.
Keep your distance.
That's his chosen name.
He had to choose a name that would strike fear into the hearts of his enemies.
I have never been more excited for listener art than right now.
Would Lieutenant Nutrog be unbustable?
Praise Rog.
Praise Rog!
Oh, my God.
Oh, can you please make him the third and please make him not there tonight
so that he can live on forever?
Skipping.
Nut Rock was taken away, an important business.
He's away from the castle.
Nut Rock is always the favorite of the king.
Let him return to Clan Randric with me.
Be my knight, Sir Nudrog.
Be my Mr. Brown.
There is Captain Hagen.
Hagen?
Captain Hagen.
Lieutenant Nudrog.
And, uh...
Lieutenant Slesbog.
Yes.
Oh, God.
These are common names.
The four of us are just rolling
on the floor laughing.
Very insensitive for you to laugh at them.
They come from a long line of Slesbogs.
I'm bleeding to death.
Stop laughing.
It hurts to laugh.
All right, we'll heal you for 1.1 HP.
Will that close my wounds?
Presumably.
Mechanically, you've not suffered bleed.
I've talked 99 points of damage in one round.
Slesbog, Nutrog, and Hagen.
Captain Hagen.
Captain Hagen.
The leader of them all.
The most dangerous.
The god Captain Hagen.
And his lieutenants Nutrog
and Slesbog.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I should really put a mask on.
I'm spitting all over that place.
I've told you everything.
All right, so we heal her a little bit to stop her bleeding. Thank you.
Make sure you remove those charges from your wand.
Definitely. One charge. her bleeding. Thank you. Make sure you remove those charges from your wand. Definitely. One charge.
One charge. Just close up all the wounds.
I should change.
Turn around.
No, no.
Metra, you watch.
All the boys will turn around. No, thank you.
Hard pass.
She puts on a fancy
dinner gown and says,
All right, remember, the room to the south is where my daughter is.
You'll see her and you'll know who she is.
Do not hurt her if you have magics.
Be wary of your area of effect.
She'll be at dinner as well?
Yes.
She is the princess, after all.
I don't know what kind of family situation you have.
Yes, we invite them to dinner.
We don't give them the smallest table in the studio.
I don't understand.
They sit at the big table with the adults.
Yes, so don't go in there And don't touch her
As for the other rooms, you do what you must do
But they will all be a dinner as well
The last room
At the end
Is the throne room
Time passes Maybe you're We're do anything resting our spell slots back we shoot
the breeze not that much time there's not eight hours till supper no no no it's like i don't know
what time it is but it's an early supper we'll definitely do supper tomorrow you have no more
greater invisibility left um maybe this is your first i think this was your first encounter of
the day and you just came in and lit her up.
It was, but we did use two
greater invisibilities.
And a particular form.
Before we walked in.
Is that 7th level spell, particular form?
Yeah.
The more time you take,
the more chance of you being found.
Alright, maybe we'll do it. Let's just do it tonight.
We can watch a movie to kill time between now and then.
Let's turn whatever's on.
Perhaps before I return to Clan Brandrick, my daughter and I will Netflix and chill with
you.
This is something to do right now.
We could watch Tiger King.
We saw that at the beginning of the pandemic.
Have you watched The Social Dilemma?
It's a little too...
I feel like it's a little too much for us right now.
It's quite disturbing.
I don't even let the princess have a cell phone.
I'm quite enjoying Deaf U.
Oh, I haven't seen that.
Who was in that?
It's a documentary series. Oh, no
thank you. It's about students at Gallaudet University.
Oh, are there subtitles? I don't like
shows with subtitles.
Yes, most of it is
conducted in ASL. Ah.
Not interested.
Wow.
All right, no longer want to have an alliance with this queen.
Shoot her.
Parachute.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's silent.
I know the sign for killing you, and it's this right here.
You're dead.
All right, I'm going to go to dinner now.
You look amazing.
Thank you.
If I were 12 feet taller or you were 8 feet shorter.
Are you guys on Roll20?
Yeah.
I don't know what she looks like here.
I think she's pretty awesome looking.
Yeah, maybe we should, excuse me, maybe we should have asked her to leave the sword behind.
Never seen you looking lovely as you do tonight.
Never seen you being so bright.
She turns around in this red gown of flame.
It's mostly her blood from a gun. No, she looks like a very high level
World of Warcraft paladin
Yeah
Super badass
And now she's all cleaned up for dinner
And she says, alright
I do not know
What your beliefs are
Baron Ashby,
but Sirsvater shall judge you as he judges me.
She nods.
And then she walks out.
Okay.
There's just the body of the dead priest
We just leave him there
Step over him
Alright so we probably don't want to go in
Invisible because we're going to need to do a little bit
Of talking up front
Right
So we're going to have to do that in combat
Initiative's going to be important
More important than anything we've ever
Ruled in our lives
It will be important. More important than anything we've ever rolled in our lives.
It will be important, but another important fact is I think they've been watching us.
I think they know how we fight. Is there any opening gambits we could try to catch them off guard?
I'm racking my brain here.
He scratches his head with his pistol.
Oh, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
You cut yourself.
It's so sharp.
It's so sharp.
It's so sharp.
It's a scalpel.
Can you do another particular form on us?
I can, but it's rounds per level, so I'll have to do it.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was...
All right.
Okay.
I mean, we could go crazy.
I could do something like an audiovisual hallucination.
I mean, we could go crazy.
I could do something like an audiovisual hallucination.
You know, any buff spells that are more than five minutes,
I'll say even if you get into a conversation, I'll let it ride.
If it's a 20-minute conversation, I'll still let it ride.
So the buff spells we cast before we busted in here, gone,
because that was a 45-minute conversation.
Gone, yeah.
And then anything over five minutes, got it. have like protection from evil or i do anything simple yeah i have
protection from evil too we can split it up from energy we have a uh i was just looking through my
equipment today when i was trying to review my character sheet. And I believe we have a scroll of protection from energy communal.
Oh, no, sorry.
It's a scroll of resist energy.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
That's good.
Still worth it?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, so far, I'm not sure.
Obviously, it's been so long since we've played.
But I don't think fire giants do a lot of fire damage.
Oh, yeah.
I think they just slam the shit out of you. Yeah.
Great. I mean, sometimes they light
stuff on fire, but I mean,
I have protection of energy communal
too, if we think that's going to be more useful.
And we also figured out after fighting a bunch
of them that they were equipped with ring of
cold resistance. Some of them.
I have one on my sheet from that before.
So some cold spells might
not be as effective as we wanted if they're as prepared as some of the rest.
Well, why don't we divvy out some protection from evils, because presumably they're all evil.
Yeah, I'll get a little...
Well, for example, I don't think it'll do anything for me unless there's summoned creatures.
Are you reading protection from evil?
Spell war is a creature from attacks by evil creatures from mental control from summoning creatures.
Yeah, so it's a plus two AC.
What kind of bonus?
Deflection.
Yeah, so I have a ring of protection.
Yeah, it's not going to add to my AC.
So it won't add to my AC.
You get a plus two resistance bonus on saves.
It's true.
That's good.
That's good.
Can't turn that down.
Also, you're capable of hasting us all yep i mean but we're all talking buffs that i have to do in combat right because
those are rounds yeah my protection from evil at this level is uh one minute a level. I mean, I'm a caster level 7.
What do I have? I have five level 1 spells left, so I could cast
I could cast
Protection of the Unenviable on the three of you, I guess.
And I have a couple buffs I want to put on
myself, too.
Yeah, but that won't be five minutes then.
You've got to split the duration.
No, I would do... Oh, minutes then. You've got to split the duration. No, I would do it.
Oh, separate spells.
Gotcha, gotcha.
Well, I can do protection from evil on myself.
Okay.
So I'll do protection from evil on myself, Dalgrith,
and I'll kind of reach out to Nestor and look him.
You want this protection, Nestor?
Oh, yeah.
It'll keep me from hurting myself during the fight.
Aaron tries to grab his hand and stop hitting yourself oh protective meal literally does nothing for me i guess i already have a bonus
from saves from my my cloak or something yeah resist bonus yeah uh it'll help with uh if he
summons any creatures yeah that's the biggest that's not gonna happen or if there's just any
kind of mental control that's the biggest thing about mental control i don't think there's probably
that's probably not gonna happen but i mean for the amount of insurance that it gives you against
the worst thing in the world you know for a first level spell all right yeah let's cast it and then
let's just for the hell of it let's do protection from energy fire yeah let's do it and uh just other first level spells i know
these buffs are huge but uh baron is going making sure these last minute will cast long shot on
himself how long is long shot last seven minutes you said we're presumably we're doing this like
right before we go into the door yeah yeah so anything over five minutes. And then the final level one is going to be, let me just make sure I want to.
This one is a target of me and it would be wrath.
So it's a designated creature that you get this bonus against.
You gain a plus one morale bonus on attack rolls and weapon damage rolls against the design that designated creature for every three caster levels would you
let me do that on a creature i can't see but i know will be titarian like i'm i'm praying for
and i'm praying to torag let me strike down titarian in this place could i cast this what is
it wrath w-r-a-t-a do you have to see the creature to cast it i don't think so it says that you focus
your anger against an enemy one enemy creature that you can see oh you can see okay yeah then
i'll wait after that i'll wait on that might be worth it though yeah and it it scales a little
bit um so yeah that's cool that's cool but i think my, uh, short lived cleric in, uh, cleric barbarian in Joe's wrath at the righteous
campaign had wrath.
And by cleric barbarian, do you mean inquisitor?
I had inquisitor, but then I was playing a second character.
Remember I had a cleric that took barbarian levels?
Love that character.
Uh, then I'll cast a weapon of awe.
Oh, um, weapon. Okay. Then I'll cast Weapon of Awe. Awe.
Weapon of Awe.
Okay.
I think that's everything.
Oh, I'll do Mirror Image as well.
Classic.
So let's see how many images I get.
Oh, get them images up.
Get them.
Get them.
Max.
Nice.
That is... Oh, my God.
Seven?
Seven images.
Yeah, four plus one image per three caster levels.
So, no eight.
Oh, eight.
Nice.
But it maxes at a certain point,
so let's double-check the max.
I'm pretty sure it maxes.
Maximum eight images total.
Wow.
That's great.
Phenomenal.
Wow.
That's great.
So, there's nine of you?
Eight plus you?
There's nine of me.
Wow.
Cool. Hi, hi, hi me wow cool is that a first
level spell no second level second i should have done the old two or three level wizard dip
classic gunslinger wizard i see another one of those i got so overdone i mean the only last
thing i would throw on the table is i could make someone invisible
with invisibility because that's minutes now you would become a you'd appear as soon as
but if we're going to be marching in there and challenging the single combat might be useful for
one of you sneak attackers to have a round of get up in the balcony dog and get ready to raid down
well i think it's actually more yeah i think it would be more interesting for Nestor
because he could position himself wherever
he wants. I have to fight a giant on
a giant. Right. Alright, so I'll make Nestor invisible.
So if you could position yourself,
that's kind of cool.
And I always have the ability to get to
you guys to maybe do some greater invisibility later on.
Right. The only other
thing that I would suggest
is, so if you're not going to cast
greater invisibility immediately then like things could get out of hand fast but i think that
darkness could be huge yeah it's gonna be big for me because he may not be able to see in the dark
so if you can catch right but then again we want the other giants to see him die
to see it so that's true but it's like an in case of emergency make it dark yeah um if you're going
to cast invisibility i'm going to cast see invisibility because we are at a tenuous
partnership right now and i know what that coin is up to all right okay all right so nester's invisible
and i'll stay close to you because it's a touch spell right yeah yeah i cannot wait till i hit
my next inquisitor level and i can swap out silence with my whispering gloves what a useless
spell i guess i could do it on a master reach another level baron it's a really good question
it really is a good question it's really good i. I'm looking at this, I'm like, man, I could
use a feat at 15th level, but will he
survive? While you're talking, she comes back
and she's like, oh, I'm stuffed. Oh, you're still here.
I thought you gave up on the idea. Everyone left.
You missed dinner. Everyone left.
It was wonderful.
Nutrog was there. Nutrog
was the lieutenant. Nutrog. He came
back. Don't forget Slevbog.
Slezbog. Slezbog. Slezbog. I't forget Slezbog. Slezbog.
Slezbog. I call him Slez
for friends. Slez, yes.
Slez-iest. Let's go in.
Um, shit.
When you say go in, you mean go to
the tunnel to the south? Guns blazing. Yes.
Alright. Immediately kill
the daughter.
As we agreed.
Immediately. As agreed. For the terms of our agreement. Kill the daughter as we agree immediately that's a great agreement we kill the daughter immediately
i use vital daughter strike you go out of the chamber um you can control your pawns here on
the map you see a tunnel leading down to a set of double doors uh and then uh you those of you with enough dark vision can see that it uh opens
to the east who just zipped down there me uh baron baron and metro all right so you went all the way
to the double doors well then you see that uh to the west is another set of double doors and just
you know if you zoom out here you will see that those double doors to the west
lead to a chamber that is directly to the south of the queens so you would intuit so that is
those are the princesses doors so the doors directly
south of where metro is currently standing will lead to the dining hall. The daughter. No. Oh.
I think that we go west through
the daughter's room, then south into the
throne room, no? What did she say, Troy?
She said, do not go to the room
to the south of mine. Oh.
She said just go straight all the way.
Oh, oh. But the doors are west. The south of the room
she was in. Okay. Yeah. That was a very confusing way
of explaining it. Right. So go directly south
from here. I also thought you said we would see her daughter. Oh, because she's at the Okay. Yeah. That was a very confusing way of explaining it. Right. So go directly south from here.
I also thought you said we would see her daughter.
Oh, because she's at the dinner.
Got it.
She's at the din-din.
Okay.
All right.
Nestor's invisible.
We do all those spells and we open the doors.
Right.
So when they say anything about Nestor or she does, we'll be like, he chickened out.
He ran away.
Yeah. I'm sorry this wasn't for him.
You open the doors and it's another tunnel.
Okay, don't do the spells yet.
Come on, Bear Bear, get in front.
It's another tunnel. The tunnel branches off to the
east about 20 feet in
and then it just continues south.
And we're supposed to go south.
If she, yeah, that's what she told you.
Alright.
This map is enormous.
Isn't this crazy?
Yeah.
All right, so you just keep continuing south,
walking down this long tunnel.
You keep going.
And, you know, I don't know, 175 feet down or so,
you see a door leading to the south,
and then it keeps going.
Keeps twisting down, so you think,
maybe that's one of the dignitary rooms.
Oh, yeah.
Nice to have space in your mountain abode.
Wow, so it's totally, like, wow. I have to say, thisode wow so it's totally like wow i have to say this place
seems like it's designed for giants and not for dwarves yeah for real well a lot of the um
stonework looks new like they widened it yeah we talked about that different parts that look
like they were old yeah you pass that first door to the south.
Those of you who are completionists,
think of them as the middle buildings of this adventure.
No, I told myself I'd never leave another middle building.
Yeah, we should have put that in the contract.
Like, once we win the battle,
you have to open every door
and give us any treasures within any of these rooms we didn't explore.
And you keep going and it starts rising up.
In fact, there's like stairs dug into the stone floor.
And you see it's going up.
You're ascending deeper into the mountain.
Wow.
you're ascending deeper into the mountain wow so i mean it is legit possible to just never even see the queen and just walk from there all the way down here all the way into this room and just be
like whoa yeah dinner sorry sorry uh you keep going i mean look at how far you've traveled just since you left the queen's room
uh we're also going to occasionally be doing perception is for trapsiones okay
when do you want to roll those when you are about to set off a trap yeah exactly ideally
if it could be kind of like in balder's gate where like you just have it on your
your rogue at all times
and then you see a red outline on the ground,
that'd be great.
Go ahead and roll perception.
That is a 34.
27.
Bear, bear.
36 for secret doors.
23.
You don't see anything.
This is where,
at least you haven't seen anything so far,
this is where they're bringing the dignitaries.
They're probably not going to leave a trap for them to walk about freely.
You keep going up, you're ascending up,
and you see a fork that splits to the south with a door,
and then to the north, a kind of winding tunnel to the north
that ends in another door, and then it continues on the main tunnel.
Is the one to the north where the Oracle is?
No, that was beyond the throne room.
Ah, beyond the throne room.
Thank you, Mitra.
So wait, do we go to any of these doors?
What are we doing?
I think we keep going.
She said the end.
But she kept saying south, so none of these southern doors.
We just ignore.
So it's actually to the east?
Well, there is a main road that you're on.
You can see it's like 50 feet wide.
These tunnels to the south and the north are thin,
so you would intuit that she wants you to stay on the main road.
Follow the yellow brick road.
At the end.
So is that what you do?
Yeah.
All right. you keep going and hey dudes there's another set
of stairs leading up you're now crazy deep in this mountain seriously all right All right. And eventually, after going hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of feet,
you reach what looks like an end.
Now, as you're about, let me get the old snap to center out.
As you're about 140 feet away from this big door at the end of the thick tunnel you've been traveling,
there's another tunnel that goes to the north.
It's another one of these thinnish tunnels that ends in a door.
And then just to the south of the door at the end of the main tunnel
is another door.
Not down a tunnel, just another small door.
What do you do?
We just check that door.
Yeah.
Except for one of them.
We could have one as a treat before we go in here wait what
well but we have all right we have an invisible man no we're gonna cast it right before all right
so we'll go to that far door at the end of the hall where we've been walking the whole time
and listen at the door and smell yeah to see if we hear like
dignitaries dignitaries dignitary perception And listen at the door. And smell. Yeah, to see if we hear like, Roll perception.
29.
27.
21.
26.
You smell rich, gamey meats.
Vegetables.
And you hear the clinking of silverware.
Yes.
And glasses.
Oh, man.
And a low murmur.
Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.
I wonder if Tartarian knows
this is his last meal.
Well, listen, we'll work up an appetite
killing these folks, then we'll come back here
for some soup.
Some soup. killing these folks and we come back here for some soup some soup all right i'm ready when you are i'm ready man spells spells spells can you pay my spells sorry
open the door you open the door open the door we're back baby we're back baby and we'll see you next week I thought we'd at least see him
oh man
save me some stuff The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production
and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated.
Giant Slayer is copyright 2015.
Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo.
All Pathfinder images are property of Paizo and are used with permission.