The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 257 - Tunnel Vision
Episode Date: December 22, 2020In the aftermath of the throne room battle, the heroes gather the spoils before seeking out the oracle of the mountain. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an o...fficial member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast.
Natural 20.
Oh my God, Barron!
You guys are so phenomenal.
The heroes defeated the king.
I said, where is your kingdom?
The queen disbanded the giant alliance.
I am sorry, my king.
Perhaps we shall rule together again
in the afterlife,
if it is the prince's will.
And the path forward became clear.
There is a tunnel behind that wall
that leads to the mountain's crater,
where the Storm Tyrant's flying castle is tethered.
But while the Storm Tyrant awaits...
And now he knows.
You are coming.
You are close.
And he will be prepared.
There is unfinished business left in the mountain.
There is another tunnel that leads up.
Go there at your own risk if you wish to speak to the Oracle.
The adventure continues now. Oh, the weather outside is frightful.
The fire is so delightful.
And since we have no place to go, take it everybody.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
There it is.
Hey, Scott.
Hey.
Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas, everybody.
Oh, man.
Oh, it's snowing in the studio.
Oh, my God.
What was your look at that?
It's a Christmas miracle.
Merry Christmas, you wonderful building.
Merry Christmas, movie house.
I can't believe we spent all that end-of-the the year expendable income on fake snow in the studio
what a waste one episode could have at least done it for a live stream or something but this just
strikes me as a massive waste of time and money we didn't think it through skit we did not
that is our business model we have a lot to reckon for in this new year
yes measure once cut twice That's our business model.
I just was amazed we got so lax on our COVID protocols inviting that band in here to play that.
Worth it.
Worth it.
There's a lot of people in here right now.
You guys, take a break.
Take five.
Give it up for J.T. Smith and the Glass Cannon Five.
They're up in the...
I would kill to have a band up there.
Oh, can you imagine? you imagine that would be perfect
don't get me excited grant because if i get that vision in my head we will have a live band here
eventually don't even joke joe has learned over time not to question my dreams oh god uh i'm gonna
email brentford marcellus right now run me to email, Bradford and Marsalis. How's it going, guys? Oh my god, how many
Christmas week episodes have we dropped?
I think one year, correct me
if I'm wrong, we dropped an episode on
Christmas morning, right? Yeah. Just a few years ago.
Yeah, we did. At
seven years of business, we definitely have done
it once, but yeah.
Now we're a couple days before Christmas,
and it's the holiday season. Maybe he'll celebrate Christmas.
That's fine. It's just a time
to get fucking fired up.
Go make a snow angel. Eat a little bit extra.
Take your pants off and see what happens.
Right, Matthew?
I hear you're like, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's Dane dripping from the word.
Oh, man.
We really do need some
like a keg of eggnog. keg nog i was gonna say i'm surprised
we don't have one the way you started crooning that song at the at the open i was like you sound
like you've had half a barrel yeah it's all nogged up i want one of those uh those uh bullwinkle
mousse glasses like uh chevy chase has yeah decidedly not COVID friendly. No.
It's good.
It's good.
It's good.
It's good.
Isn't there somebody here who's like vehemently against eggnog?
That's me.
That would be me.
Eggnog is an extremely polarizing beverage, right? Like some people love it and some people find it revolting.
Yeah.
Some people love it and some people understand that it is in fact disgusting and know what you're drinking.
There are two types of people in the world. Those who neil diamond and those who hate him my ex-wife
hated him isn't it also that skid you don't enjoy eggs in general well i don't it's yeah it's not
the a i mean i this is not that they're related no it's the nog is the problem it's really the
nog you're anti-nog well it's both i don't
like egg or nog you don't like drinking raw eggs and cream no it's so well the problem is is like
when i was five i think five years old i got into it and like i drank like an entire carton of it
and i got super sick and i've never gotten over it it has affected my attitude towards it like i
have associated the taste of eggnog with it mostly coming back up.
So your brain
associates it as poison.
Exactly. My brain is hardwired now
to think of it as poison.
It's like when you get that stomach virus after eating something delicious.
Exactly. It has nothing to do with what you've just eaten.
I can never eat chicken fried steak again because that exact thing happened.
That's me and spaghetti squash.
Fun fact. I did not eat pancakes
for 13 years.
You made up for it. Then I had a lot of them once they weren't That's me and Spaghetti Squash. There you go. Fun fact. I did not eat pancakes for 13 years.
Wow.
You made up for it.
Then I had a lot of them once they weren't poison anymore.
This guy's eating pancakes right now.
It's 9 o'clock at night.
It's my traditional Christmas recording.
He's got a lump jack sack over there.
He's just pouring maple syrup.
He has a small sack. It doesn't come up your mouth like chocolate i am working on two decades of not eating oreo o's cereal alongside wild turkey that's
who knew yeah well solid advice for anyone really wait but to bring it back to eggnog, I tell you, I don't have such a strong opinion, but I can count on one hand the number of times I've had it.
Wait, really?
One of them was at your Christmas party.
Okay, that makes sense.
I walk in, well, I used to have the parties, people would walk in the door, nog, right in their face.
Right in their face.
That was the reason.
One Christmas party, Skid, you came and you brought me like a pre-made bottle of nog that you bought from the store yeah because i knew you loved it
so it's like here you go that was a real thoughtful gift yeah um i don't know why i can
pudding shots yeah it's always the pudding shots right last year was the first year that we didn't
have a christmas party because we were getting ready to move we had a crazy child and uh and
now this year there's is a worldwide pandemic.
So this two years of the Christmas party,
and it was a 10-year tradition.
It was one year, it was like three people came,
and then the other year, the police came.
There were so many people.
And I miss it.
I miss-
It was always so fun.
Like, you guys were so great at hosting.
And I would always show up like 45 minutes
before anyone else and just hang out on your couch.
And you and Dave Woody would be the last two to leave.
My experience with your Christmas parties,
I'd never know who I'd end up talking to,
but there were so many people in your apartment
that whoever I ended up talking to,
I talked to for the rest of the party.
Right.
It was pretty much a proximity, make friends sort of situation
because you'd just be jammed into a wall somewhere
with somebody talking for an hour.
Who are you?
Grant and Angel would be there a few years in a row.
You guys made some classic appearances.
And I have to say that I've been to enough parties scattered throughout the year at Troy's place,
former place, that I am not sure who I have met before and who I have not.
So I'm in the awkward situation of waiting for other people to talk to me.
And I'm just in the corner looking at the ground nervously.
That party became the type of party where it's like, I only see this person once a year.
Yeah, I remember frequently having conversations that began, we met at Troy's Christmas party.
You know what I mean?
That's how it would kick off.
We met one year ago.
Why tonight's the anniversary?
Why tonight's the anniversary?
Legend has it, Bear Lives comes here every year
on this night.
Croons are the last person to leave.
I miss that party, and I can't
wait to have it again. Hopefully next year we can do it
in my
now my family home.
I miss your apartment. I miss coming over and watching football.
Oh, God, I miss all of it.
Joe's the only one that's been
to my home that I've purchased,
and that was once before we went to the Boston show.
Before PAX East.
Yeah, that's it.
None of you guys have even seen my house.
I wasn't there for 12 hours.
Well, it's a weird time, Matthew.
I don't invite dirty people to my house.
You know what, though?
I bought a fire pit, and it's coming soon.
And I got a smoker for my birthday.
So we could do like an outdoor thing.
I got a big enough yard.
Maybe we do like a little glass cannon.
It's cold out still, but we can make it work.
Follow-up question.
Yes.
What's the status of the neighborhood murderer?
I'm doing just fine.
Have you caught me yet fine i have home security i can look at my my driveway as we speak uh no everything's fine it's it's really me matthew like i i i have crazy thoughts i assume
that every noise is someone trying to barge into my home with a knife or gun in hand if i've learned
anything in the past how many years have we all been working together?
This is our fifth Christmas together.
It's that your anxieties seem to infect my dreams.
Well, I was thinking about this when I was at Starbucks earlier today,
and there was way too many people in there.
And I was like, whenever I feel crazy,
I just remember how crazy Matthew is.
And I realize I'm not the only one.
Because Matthew is a little sneaky, as crazy, if not how crazy matthew is and i realize i'm not the only one uh because matthew is a little sneaky uh as crazy if not more crazy than me when it comes to like uh anxiety and ocd
yeah yeah we we said like when we first started recording in the studio like every time i got
near you you did one of these like oh it was jumped out of the way and i waited till you
were like still within earshot but out of earshot enough so it would make it seem like i wasn't talking about you but like is is uh matthew uh
jumping away from everyone when you get within 10 feet or is that just me does he think i'm dirty
as i recall and this might speak to my anxiety i think you said matthew do you do that to everyone
you might be misremembering you did You jumped away from me at one point.
I'm trying to maintain six feet between us all.
No, no, I know.
You lose track.
It's a very awkward way to start a conversation.
You're like, hello, Matthew, how are you?
And the first thing you do is jump back four feet.
You physically move like, huh!
Like quickly.
Like someone threw a hockey puck at your head.
It's not like, oh, pardon me, sir.
It's like, huh!
Yeah, yeah.
What I would do is just sort of like ease back six feet like
it's at a slow enough pace that they might not notice i had backed up you're just like you should
see me walking down the streets of new york yeah that's it's no fun man just like crossing into
traffic rather than walking on the sidewalk next to someone it's quite literally almost died tonight
dodging someone on the yeah because there was a bevy of people not wearing any mask coming
down the sidewalk and i was like i don't have anywhere else to go so i walked out into the
street and then a truck you know what you might have been safer in front of the truck uh story
is crazy man i thought we'd come back here and it's like everybody were in mass everybody like
with a fucking brain in their head 50 masks outside and there's people all over the place
wear your fucking mask come on don't make it a big deal it's not about you wear it right put it over your nose fucking nose man come
on man we're a nation we're glass cannon nation and in glass cannon nation we wear masks unless
you're at home with your loved ones my favorite pastime now is judging people and my favorite way
to do it is not walking down the street as matth judging those people as he does. He's enjoying it secretly.
I'm just terrified.
No, no, no.
I'm not trying to even.
But thanks for judging me for my terror.
That's fine.
I enjoy it and I enjoy riding my bicycle as fast as I can,
getting up a huge sweat with a mask on
and then giving people the evil eye
that are just like walking slowly with no mask.
It's like I can wear one.
Why the hell are you not wearing one?
This is a huge benefit to suburbs, though.
We don't have to wear masks in our neighborhood
because there's nobody else around.
Yeah, hold on a minute.
You actually,
oh, I guess you're biking in the middle of the city.
Did I ever tell you guys that?
I don't think you actually have to wear a mask
when you're just biking.
Yes, you do.
Have I ever told you the story
about when I got the grand idea
that I was going to walk to Manhattan
because I was feeling really anxious in my apartment and I grand idea that I was going to walk to Manhattan because I was feeling anxious in my apartment.
And I was like, I'm going to walk to Manhattan.
I'm going to walk across the Queensborough Bridge.
There's a pedestrian lane.
No, there's not.
No, that's not.
That's the narrowest fucking pedestrian lane in the city.
It's so narrow.
And it's also a combo bike and pedestrian lane.
Right.
That's the thing.
It's terrifying.
I used to walk on that thing and I was just like, forget it.
I take the tram from
Roosevelt Island. There's a 70% chance
that right now
Nick Lowe is listening to this episode
and he's there on that bridge
riding his bike.
I'll never do it again.
I was in the correct lane
but because of COVID,
people were like the bicyclists
were weaving in and out of their lane. were weaving out it was the wildest and i just spent
the entire like almost a mile of the east river just terrified because bikes were coming from
every direction people were i was just like so you're saying it didn't help your anxiety
it was uh and then i got all the way and i got all the way to manhattan and i was like
well i just gotta go back now.
Are you going to take a cab or a subway back?
It was really a terrible idea.
Well, happy holidays to everybody.
I hope you're enjoying it.
As I said last week or the week before, I don't know.
It's all melted together now.
This is a different holiday season, but it's still the best.
You should be thankful for what you do have and not what you don't have. Joe. This is a different holiday season, but it's still the best.
And you should be thankful for what you do have and not what you don't have.
Joe.
Sorry, I wasn't listening.
I know.
I saw your checkout.
That's why I called you out.
I do have anxiety.
You do have anxiety.
You've got anxiety in your stocking this year. I'm pretty happy
with what happened last week,
even though I technically lost.
And when I say last week, I really mean
the last three episodes.
Because that was a three-episode combat.
And I,
you know...
It's not a contest, Troy.
It's not a contest, and it's not like I wanted to win.
Like I said to you before, I think we even started.
I just want a good fight. I want a good
fight. I want a good episode. I want
there to be tension.
I think there was. I think
there was significant tension. I knew going
in that Hungry Pit was going to happen.
I thought about this. I thought about
throwing an anti-magic field, like
pulling stuff out of my ass to make sure
you couldn't cast it. I didn't want to do
that. I didn't want to do it. Once Vicky Moore
told me about Brace, I'm like, that's fine. If he does it, and I
failed a reflex save, I passed the first
reflex save, by the way, and then
failed it because of your sick thing
that you, metamagic thing that made me
persistent spell.
And so, kudos to you.
I deserve to fall into that pit.
The Gunslinger played it,
played a little,
held a little grit back.
Maybe should have gritted a little bit more.
I had two more points of grit,
plus maybe a third extra point of grit somewhere
that I won't talk about.
So I could have used a little bit more grit,
but really, at the end of the day...
You had five grit as a 14th level character?
I had four grit.
He had the extra grit feat,
and then something with the gun gives him
one bonus point
of grit that just is allowed to like... It seems like
I thought you would have like a dozen grit.
No. If I did, I would have been using it left
and right. No, you don't get a lot of grit. Baron,
what is your total grit? I have taken extra
grit as a feat and I am at seven total.
Right. And you're... But he's a seventh
level gunslinger. Right. This character was a
fourth level gunslinger. Right. character was a fourth level gunslinger right yeah i was saying like it's not all like when you take the gun i thought
it was a full gunslinger build no well but it's but because of the fire template in order to give
it like keep the cr the same if i gave him seven levels of gunslinger it'd be like a cr 21 creature
right i guess uh so to keep it cr 14 or 15 when it ever ended up being i uh just a dip just a little
large yeah we don't know how long this has been happening either like how long the giants have
been at ash peak taking yeah but he would just have started learning right it's not like they
found the way the titarian told it to is like they came here they found all your monuments all your
temples they raised them they took it down they found your treasure and they gave the plans to
the storm tyrant they took yours and made they found your treasure, and they gave the plans to the Storm Tyrant.
They took yours and made their own.
This guy's probably been only learning it since you walked into True Now.
You've just been using it a lot more than him.
He's been the Royal Guard sitting there practicing,
practicing like Jeremy used to practice.
Yeah, and it makes sense that he wouldn't be used to touch AC versus regular AC.
He should have really rushed in and like tried to aim down
on one of us maybe again i i applaud you guys i think you're you're your strategy was fantastic
and i'm the first to like make fun of you guys for not uh thinking strategically i thought i
thought you played it wonderfully and and i like the kind of give and go that dimension door when
they all rushed in or dimension step to get to the other side of the room normally in the past i would just run right back at you and then you dimension stuff again i'm like
ah damn it and you just you pick them off one by one i think it was a great fight it was pretty
like it was it was there was a lot of tension there was a lot of risk involved there was a lot
of action and i think it was it was really epic too i think i was thinking about it today i was
like i can't wait to see the fan there's going to be fan art of that moment of metra like hovering over this over this field
it's like where is your king now with the black tendrils like coming out like that's fuck that's
badass and i know i know we're gonna see some cool yeah that yeah i was thinking about it like it
took three episodes for us but can you imagine in real time where these giants, like we,
like the giants just charge us.
We just disappear,
go the other way. And then every six seconds we like,
you know,
Dogworth disappears.
Yeah.
Nestor disappears.
Yeah.
And then they just start dropping one by one.
They don't even see what's hitting them.
It's just like dropping,
dropping,
dropping.
And you know,
we talked about this a lot after we finished recording.
None of this made air.
I wish it did.
But we can talk about it now a little bit.
It's like when they did hit you, which wasn't often, honestly, they mashed you.
Crushed.
Mashed.
And you said this before we even started the fight, Joe, how you just, you know, our buddies at the Order of the Amber Dive was like, you cannot stay close.
You cannot finish your turn next to a giant
so it can take a full attack action.
Now, you did, Dalgrith,
when you were on its back and invisible,
so you had a little bit of a fighting chance.
Miss, miss, miss.
Even when it hit,
or a 99 on the concealment,
I rolled like a nat one or something.
Like, you know, when it did hit Baron,
Baron was at less than half hit points.
When it did hit Dalgrith,
Dalgrith was at less than half hit points. and by metra putting those mirror images on herself what it did was
take metra out of the equation right so it saved metra but it focused fire on dalgryth how many
rounds in a row do they just go after dalgryth even the thing is like to me once you get dalgryth
invisible and once he's on a creature he is a rogue and a tank all at the same time yeah takes
attention which is really cool yeah you have to address them yeah you can't just like ignore it
you can't ignore this certainly can't stabbing at you on your back right and that's the thing
like i've ignored it in the past right that's the thing is like you can start to like you know uh
who knows you might have there might be creatures that aren't giants you know
like coming up that are uh immune to precision damage and stuff like that which could ignore
a dogwrath on their back uh a construct that just keeps walking at the party and dogwrath can
i can do nothing i guarantee you there's some weird wacky constructs in the midst of this next
oh yeah i guarantee you there is non-giant stuff coming up but you know yeah maybe it's just
dragons there's like dwarven technology.
There's, like, there's got to be, like, crazy gold.
Yeah, they're digging.
They're going in specifically to dwarven ruins to, like, get this stuff.
I mean, there's, yeah.
I have a question that might throw a wrench into future battles for us.
Might make me think it's a bit more difficult.
I don't think it happened more than once.
I don't think it was significant in the fight.
But, Matthew, can Metra see invisibility?
No.
Because I believe you cast spells directly targeted on either Dalgrith or Nestor after you made them invisible.
What spells would those be, Grant?
I can't remember, but I remember that.
Listen, if you're going to come for me, you better have your evidence.
You definitely—
You best not miss, Grant!
Well, there's like haste and stuff, but there's like air effects.
No, that was all before I— I will list the spells I cast over the course of that battle. You definitely... You best not miss, Grant! Well, there's like haste and stuff, but there's like air effects. No, that was all before...
I will list the spells I cast
over the course of that battle.
Please.
Protection from evil
before we went in.
Darkness.
Not relevant here.
Complete waste.
Dark...
Dark...
It was also...
It was a waste of the use
of the metamagic rod,
but it wasn't a waste of a standard action.
So that's good.
Sure.
Right.
Dark vision retcon before the battle.
Invisibility, which was cast on.
Before the battle.
Before the battle.
On me.
Mirror image before the battle.
Scrolling down.
Fly on me.
Haste.
Area effect.
Everyone.
Yeah, man.
Before we were invisible.
Dimension door, which I did once. Before we were invisible. Dimension door, which I did once.
That's what I mean.
You reached out and touched invisible people.
We were not invisible.
The second time you did it, I believe,
Nestor was invisible.
Nestor was improved invisibility
next to the king's throne.
Ah, okay. There you go. There's one.
I didn't go in that dimension door.
He also hadn't moved.
And I didn't take Dalgrief with me.
Sure.
I'm just saying it's trickier than...
And Nestor talked the entire battle.
It's worth considering...
And Nestor never stopped talking shit.
It's worth considering as we go into book six.
I don't think it was...
It might have been game-breaking,
but I think there's an argument to be made
that Nestor would be like,
I'm right here, love.
And yeah, I could have touched him love, and yeah, clear touch.
It's like a mutual thing. You're not targeting someone with Dimension Door. It's just like, grab
my hand.
And I did say before we went in, I was like, if things
get dicey, make sure you stay close to me.
So I can imagine even
if we didn't have, like, that's a free action, so we could
have done that. Or Mettrick could have just been like,
okay, there he is, and then we go.
I appreciate it, though, nonetheless.
Well, no, it's because I specifically cast See Invisibility,
which helped me reach out to Dalgrith
when he was hurt after he wasn't.
That's right.
And I don't think I should have been able to reach out to him
if he had moved away from him to heal him at that point.
What do you do with that?
Do you get a 50% mischance or something?
Or you can't target a spell with somebody you can't see, right?
So with something like Cure Light Wounds.
Yeah, I don't know.
But I mean, I was visible when you cast that on me.
You were?
Oh, okay.
Baron couldn't tell, because for him you were always visible.
Yeah, everyone's...
Right, right, right.
You were?
You looked the same to me?
I only owned a few cassettes in my youth, but one of them was Genesis Invisible Touch.
Oh, yes.
Real fucking banger.
That was one of my first albums
was Phil Collins' No Jacket Required.
A birthday gift from my best friend Dante Dunlap.
I'm going to say that must have came from a best friend.
It was.
That's a phenomenal gift.
Yep.
Some episodes ago,
it was either our first or second day back in the studio,
we were talking about how Phil Collins' ex-wife
has occupied one of his houses.
They're having some struggles.
They're having some tough times.
His first bad decision was getting back with her, I think.
Anyways, Invisible Touch, great.
Also had the Cocktail soundtrack on cassette.
Another classic.
What was on the Cocktail soundtrack?
It really was a wide range of songs, ranging from Kokomo by the Beach Boys to Don't Worry, Be
Happy by Bobby McFerrin.
It's a must-own for any true
collector out there. When I went to
bartending school, they had cocktail
posters of that movie up everywhere.
You went to bartending school? I did.
And I majored in
cream-based drinks.
And that movie was shot
in Long Island City, the bar that he worked at the
first one it was in long island city it's still there don't they say champagne dreams wasn't there
at their uh the bar they were gonna make camera anyways good movie i had the soundtrack maybe a
decade before i ever watched the movie just some good tunes hippie hippie shake hippie hippies yes
i'm telling you man don't sleep on the cocktail soundtrack. All shook up. It's got Tom Cruise just leaning on a bar on the cover.
Who's the guy, the Australian guy that plays his friend in that?
He's like the low-rent Paul Hogan.
Yeah.
He was in another movie called FX, which he plays a movie special effects.
Brian Brown?
Brian Brown.
Yeah, yeah.
He plays a movie special effects specialist that gets accused of Brown. Yeah, yeah. He plays a movie special effects specialist
that gets accused of murder.
And it is a phenomenal movie.
It came out in like 87 or something.
He plays a dark character in Cocktail.
Everybody go out and watch Cocktail.
I hope you get Cocktail in your stocking this year
on Blu-ray.
Back in my day, you listened to a cassette tape
and you liked it.
If you want to listen to it, don't worry.
Be happy.
And Kokomo, you had to wait a couple minutes while you fast-forwarded.
We finished this battle
with Tytarian
giving a
hell of a death speech to Baron,
who delivered... Didn't you deliver
Killing Blow? I did.
And he tells you that all the children...
He was right to leave the children
behind. And you had heard a little bit about this from Quivixia, that the son had died,
and he made all of his generals leave the children behind and said to you,
you may win, you may take their riches and live a wonderful life afterwards,
but the children will remember.
Just when you think you're comfortable, they will come and they will get you.
And that was his dying words.
Win or lose.
I don't know.
I would be,
uh,
that's something to think about.
It is,
but it's also such horseshit.
He said something like when you're enjoying your,
your easy rest in the castles you built with our treasure,
he came here and stole my goddamn treasure.
So don't, don't, get off your
high horse. Well, sorry, you can't sit on your throne
anymore because you don't have a head.
It's true. He, uh,
he is dead.
The rest of the giants in the
room start
stepping towards you, brandishing weapons,
the fire giants especially, even though
Tartarian told them, stand back.
They're ready to seek revenge on you.
But Quivixia, the queen...
True to her word.
True to her word.
Keeps up her end of the bargain.
She tells them to halt.
Says, this is over.
There's no use in spilling more blood here,
wasting more lives.
It's over.
We will leave.
You nobles, go back to your home clans. I will go take
Clan Brandric. Just give
me the king's crown
and the rest is yours.
There's a tunnel behind that
wall. One part
of it leads down to a
crater where the storm
tyrant's castle is tethered.
Another one
leads up to the oracle
of the mountain.
She takes a ring off his finger,
takes one off of hers,
throws it at you. Prisoner's
rings. Have we encountered that before?
Or am I thinking
back to another adventure? Yes, but i don't know if it was
this adventure right yeah wait no i think it was prisoner ring somebody had prisoners oh was it
jade region wasn't it no was it uh uh what's uh the alchemist early on screed yeah didn't he
his girlfriend didn't they you know what i think you're right, Skid. Yeah. Wow. Yes.
Yes.
Screed had a prisoner's ring, and when he died, Malira knew.
Right.
Right.
That's what it is.
Right?
Oh, cool.
I think I could be wrong, but I think you're right, Skid. It was something like that, though, right?
I thought it was something like that.
It sounds familiar.
I just didn't know what it did.
It's magically attuned to a jailer's ring.
Right.
And when a jailer's ring places a prisoner's ring on a subject,
the prisoner cannot remove the ring without the use of remove curse.
Oh, I guess she doesn't take hers off.
Whatever.
It's better.
She rips her finger off.
We found one in Skirgard, too, I believe, but I don't remember from whom.
I think it's much cooler.
I'm sure people are like,
No, you can't take off that ring.
It is a very weird thing. It's much more cool the way we did it.
She's holding the crown.
The giants are all looking at you.
Sense motive on the crown.
Is that a magical crown?
It's a function as a headband of intelligence.
Are you detecting magic?
Are you sensing motive on the crown?
The crown's like, you'll never get me, Kappa.
No, sensing motive on her. A little mouse on the, you'll never get me, copper. No, sensing motive on her.
A little mouth on the crown.
It's like L.A. Noire.
Where were you the night of the third?
Nah, I'm kidding.
Where were you?
Sensing motive on her.
Just let me take this crown.
Her tone isn't like that.
She says, I, you know, you get the sense it's like, I'm going to be the, both the king and the queen now. Look at me. Look at'm going to be both the king and the queen now.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I'm both the king and the queen now.
King and the queen.
She looks to you for an answer.
There are a dozen or so enemies in here looking at what you'll say as well.
enemies in here looking at what you'll say as well uh so um sorry and i'm probably visible by now yeah you both you both come out of invisibility yeah hello uh i just felt the darkness hello all
uh allow me to introduce myself i'm mr coin corn by name corn by nature as me old dad used to say
probably familiar with my visage,
as you've been using it without my permission, it seems,
for quite some time.
And...
You just licensed that.
Yes.
There is a matter of licensing fees.
And I'm joking, of course, but we are...
I think I can speak for my comrades.
I think we are quite willing to spare your lives and let you go.
However, there is the uncomfortable matter of recompensation to raise.
Are you all familiar, and I know you are, with the concept of Wehr Guild?
No.
Rubab, rubab, rubab, rubab.
What's that?
no well you see it is compensation
for lives lost for pain delivered
and you have delivered much pain and loss
of life to the little folk
and we are here as a representatives and so you
are free to go however we would ask
that you would leave us with your
most valued possessions on the way out
do not think, if we
were to raise our
armies up again, that so many more
would die? Isn't that
enough to end this
now on our part?
The
saving of future lives, is
that not weregu Gild, enough?
No, again, I think you're a little bit confused about the concept.
You see, this is compensation for lives already lost,
and so we require monetary compensation for the pain and suffering that you've inflicted.
Now, it can be something we can look over.
If you gather together your magic items, your cash, we can take a look at it and we can make a determination based on our respective loss.
And then again, you can walk free.
You can walk out of here free giants.
My dear friend, she's kind of like looking at you like, I'm taking care of this.
What are you doing?
I will not ask these nobles to do such a thing. It is enough that I am asking them to
abandon the time that they have who guarded my husband's life,
who gave their lives for him,
and even my husband,
all of that is yours.
The throne is inlaid with gold and gems,
probably more than you've seen in a long time.
They are yours as well if you choose to pick them from the throne.
In the fire pedestal back there is a weapon,
the likes of which none of you have seen.
That is yours as well.
I think that is more than fair mr coin well hard to ask um penny asked is a penny earned as my old dad used to say
we will take it under advisement and perhaps take this up at a later date.
And he's like looking at each one of them and study target, like memorizing each one of their descriptions as he goes down the line.
Two fire giants, two frost giants, a hill giant, the temple priest, these acers.
Scar across the left eye, like everyone.
You'll be hearing from our representative.
Yes, you will be hearing from our representative.
They're all seething.
They just want to jump at you.
And I mean, I would think, even though you guys are feeling cocky from the end of this battle, you are outmatched.
Oh, yeah.
No, we know that.
I'm betting on the fact that they would be a little bit cowed by the fact that we just did what we did.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
You just killed the
king in less than a minute in front of their eyes yeah well that we embarrassed him he uh fell down
a pit yeah we did it in very dramatic fashion yeah i'd wonder who the first one to jump into
the fray would be even though negotiations have been difficult let it be known to all of you and to wherever you return that the small folk honor their agreements and are willing to enter a new age of peace with those who ignore the orders of the storm tyrant.
We do not want senseless bloodshed.
And I, for one, if I ever have children, will not send them against you unless there is a reason to do so.
But if you come back,
we'll strike you down again.
And someone as nasty or nastier than this son of a bitch over here
points at Nestor.
He's going to want even more next time.
Might be him, even.
And Nestor gives a big toothless smile.
He just looks at you and kind of gives a sideways nod.
The kind of nod that says, well, let's see what happens.
If the storm tyrant lives, then this conversation is for naught.
If you take them out, then maybe they'll keep to themselves.
And there should be something to be said about two dwarves,
one of whom's last name is Deathbringer.
The other has brought a lot of death upon giants,
not wanting to murder them all.
That is a display of largesse,
like just generosity on some level that they have not shown,
and it should at least confuse them on some level, when they're not angry.
Like, when they leave and they're thinking about, like,
I would have murdered, like, they would not have done this, I don't think,
based off of how they've acted so far.
Yeah, I can't imagine if you hadn't have struck the deal with the Queen,
which is completely possible in the terms of this adventure.
I don't know how that could possibly play out.
You could not even go into the room with the Queen,
and then walk into all these rooms. You could four times crit her when she has 15 hit points.
You could do that as well, as you did.
But yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
I'm saying you could kill her before she can halt.
Make a deal, yeah.
I can't imagine if you were just having this conversation,
they would just charge you fear in their eyes
at seeing what you just did,
but hoping that they could overwhelm you and
they probably would win yeah but they wouldn't do it being like we got them right where they want
them no you just killed the king but there seems to be some sort of mutual understanding here and
so she takes the crown she grabs her daughter's hand this horrific looking creature with wings.
She like cracks her back and the wings spread out
and then settle again.
And they all just walk towards the back of the room.
The nobles leave first.
Hyrokin leaves.
The temple priests leave.
And the queen looks to you.
One last time, looks at her husband
and walks out
now
getting on to the business of
Jimmer and Thune
where are they?
upstairs they said
is that right?
um yeah I wasn't really listening to that part.
I'll be right back.
And he goes over and starts searching the bodies.
Yeah, all right.
Tell us what we got, Troy.
All right, let's talk about the lieutenants.
You've fought a couple of these guys before.
These guys are obviously a little more bad-ish.
What is the highest spellcraft in the group?
I believe it's Nestor's.
It's going to be Metro.
She doesn't have it.
I have it, but it's not terribly high.
I don't have it.
Yeah, we don't.
That's not really high.
Plus five.
Plus eight.
Plus eight.
Okay.
Well, I can give you nitty gritties here.
So they both have plus one great swords, and they both have plus two half plate.
They both have two potions of cure serious wounds.
So we'll each take one of those.
Yep.
And they each have one ring of cold resistance minor.
Okay.
They have no money on their person.
They do have an ever-burning church.
Church.
They also have an ever-burning church.
They got an ever-burning church.
It looks like it works.
Each? Or an ever-burning torch each?
Yes, ever-burning torch
each. That's hard to say.
It really is. That's why I said church.
The fire giant captain
also has a plus one long sword on
his person captain hagen uh he is wearing uh a plus one mithril buckler oh that's nice um his
armor and his gun are going to need uh checks though plus Plus two Mithril Buckler, did you say?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, man.
His armor and his gun are going to need...
No, excuse me, plus one Mithril Buckler.
Nice try, Matthew.
And he has a longsword or a greatsword?
Longsword.
Yeah, they all have plus one longsword,
so you've got three of those.
These are all large items, obviously.
It was his gun and what else?
His gun and his armor need a check, but I'll go through the rest of his gear because it all with an eight.
I'm natural 20 natural.
Oh, excellent.
All right, Baron roll.
Uh, do you have roll a craft guns?
Check.
Okay.
Um, that's a 10 on the die and there's no real score associated with that so it's like i'll
add my craft alchemy since i use that with her bold thought so that's a total of 16 okay that's
fine um let me talk about the other items they have with an eight i'm not just i'm not gonna
have you roll 900 small craft checks and have that be the podcast so i'm just tell you he's
wearing an amulet of natural armor plus one excellence belt of incredible decks plus four cloak of resistance
plus two two potions of cure serious another ring of cold resistance minor a ring of protection
plus one and a wand of silence with six charges wow wow okay ring of protection plus one and a Wand of Silence with six charges.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay. Bring up protection plus one, Wand of Silence.
Six charges.
Six charges.
I'm typing this.
I told you about the plus one Mythrobuckler.
His armor is plus two Fireforged Steel Agile Breastplate.
Wow.
That's pretty cool.
That's cool.
Yeah.
You know, the cool thing
about fire-forged steel,
it's even more badass
when you're wielding
a fire-forged weapon,
not unlike the gun,
which is a plus-two distance
Lucky fire-forged steel pistol.
What?
So the distance doubles
the thread range.
Whoa.
And lucky basically gives it one free clear.
It gives you an extra grit point that you can use once per day.
It's refreshed at the start of each day.
Whether or not the wielder of a lucky firearm has any deeds,
she can always spend one grit point from the lucky firearm to re-roll an attack that
would have resulted in a misfire.
When the wielder does so, she must take the
second result, even if that attack
also results in a misfire. That's what makes it
more interesting than just a grit reservoir,
like an extra point. Right, you can't use that
to use dead eye or something like that.
It can only be used once per day
to get a free
re-roll on a misfire.
They say that gun has true grit.
You said it was a single-barreled pistol?
Yeah, plus-two distance Lucky Fireforged steel pistol.
When combined with the armor, if you're wearing both Fireforged armor and wielding a Fireforged weapon,
if you are able to bathe it in fire like he did before the battle,
in this case it does 1d6 fire damage for four rounds.
Now, if you just had the pistol, it would do 1d4 fire damage for two rounds, I think.
And if you're just wearing the armor, you get fire resistance.
You still get those things, but if you have both, they combine to allow 1d6.
I don't know if David was listening really closely or if
you were but so many of the things he has on it wasn't true sheet were exactly what i had and i
brought up in the last episode it was actually lawbringer those fireforged steel della is not
but like those are all my short sword is fireforged steel yeah the fireforged steel was all me i just
thought it was more appropriate for ashpeak you know you guys didn't go into that room with the
slack giants and the salamanders, you know,
all that shit was going on in there.
And I just figured they would find these guns
and they would bring them in there and melt them down
and make them fire-forged.
So cool. And he also has
20 alchemical cartridges.
Oh, sweet. 22. Someone let
Barron's bullets know. I know, I was just going to say,
at Barron's Bullets, keep it
track. Those are giant
cartridges, though, aren't they? They are, yes.
He has a gunsmith kit, too, but you have that.
Breaks my back. Well, that's the other
thing. It is a large gun. Right.
So, keep that in mind.
Forge bound. You can either bring it to the forge and
knock it down, or if you ever
come across an iron or steel hand again...
I think I lost one thing on the list,
but I'll check with you after. Okay. Do you did you grind this to a halt and talk about it now because you just
basically did and on christmas worst christmas ever i had ants that would say shit like that Grand on crit. Yeah, so that's what you find on the bodies.
She told you when Nestor was like,
you guys better drop all your shit and we'll call it even.
She told you there's gold and gems inlaid in the thrones
and then there's a weapon, the likes of which you've never seen,
still sitting in that pedestal where the gun was.
We spend hours
with our daggers
prying out the gold.
You find 5,000 gold pieces
worth of gold and gems
prying all that stuff which you can sell
for 100%
of their price.
The weapon
is a large hammer emanating lots of magic.
Oh, wow.
Natural 20 again.
Yeah.
Out of here.
Awesome.
I was like, let me use a different die.
Natural 20.
So what's the total?
28.
So is it caster level plus 10?
Does it work like the CR?
Or you can't remember?
I think that's what it is.
Yeah.
Because that's actually not enough.
It's a CR 20 hammer.
Oh, wow.
I thought pre-break, maybe we purchased some identify scrolls for this reason.
Because I feel like we've been here before.
Did we not?
I don't think we ever did. But could always do it later I'm looking at
spellcraft here so to identify the properties of a magic item using detect
magic 15 plus the items caster level so you're not gonna tell us what the hammer
does that we just found after the boss fight of the final boss
of the book
on crisp.
On a natural
What is the matter with you?
On a natural 20
on crisp.
On a natural
That's a problem
with skill checks, man.
Then you want to fall
when you roll a natural one
on a climb
but you got a plus, dad?
That's usually what you do
to us, isn't it?
No, no, I don't.
All right, cool.
So we'll just leave it here.
Can you take 20
on spellcraft? No. No. I rolled a. Alright, cool. So we'll just leave it here. Can you take 20 on spellcraft?
No. I rolled a natural 20!
If you fail,
I believe you can't try again for 24 hours,
which is why you can't take 20. But it can't succeed.
Right, so it can never succeed,
so we need an identify spell.
Or maybe someone with more
magical powers. Maybe Farron has the
ability. Maybe someone in
Skelt.
But just, Iton. If anything,
you should be excited.
You're like, I
should know this, and I don't.
This is a weapon of
massive magical power.
When people tell you you should be excited about
something, do you generally get excited?
No, because I like to be contrarian.
But a lot of sheep
out there matthew they get fired up okay on christmas all right what's on the king what's
on the king what's on the king oh i didn't i forgot all about him old king titarian how could
i bury the lead here all right i'm gonna'm going to make you roll a check for his weapon.
I don't get it.
Okay.
Anyone else can roll if you have Spellcraft.
Sure.
15.
15.
I wish Pembroke was here.
Me too.
All right.
Let me tell you what magical items
he has, because between
that 15 and your
plus 8, this is enough to know this.
Brooch of Shielding
with 101 uses.
Anybody's rolling out some magic missiles?
It's good to have on if you don't have anything
in your brooch slot. We also
got that from Abria.
That was the brooch, right? Wasn't that the same type? What's going on in your brooch slot. We also got that from Abria. That was the brooch, right? Wasn't that the same type?
What's going on in your brooch slot, bro?
101 uses.
It can just eat magic missiles for free.
Crown's gone.
That sweet magical crown's gone.
Ion stone, dusty rose prism.
Oh.
Yeah. Dusty Rhodes roads the american dream yes a dusty rose the island stone the american dream it's a sapphire oh man there's like 17 people that
really enjoyed that back and forth three potions of cure serious wounds a ring of cold resistance minor cloak of
resistance plus
three
that's a good one
the iron stone gives
assuming it's intact
gives a plus one insight bonus
to AC
oh cool
it's intact baby
that's a wondrous item too
okay wonders You know, and it's intact, baby. That's a wondrous item, too.
Okay, you have wonders.
It is wondrous.
Oh, is the iron stone?
Yeah.
We could roll on that right now.
Dusty Rose.
I'll roll on the stone.
I will as well.
I'm romancing the stone.
I'm not going to sit out this one.
Oh, 19 for next turn.
17.
I need a nat 20 or a 19.
Natural one. Oh. 19. next. 17. I need Nat 20 or 19. Natural one.
19.
It's a roll-off.
It's a roll-off.
It's a roll-off.
Natural one.
10.
Yes!
Insight!
It's a Christmas miracle. Feel the insight.
It truly is.
I feel like if it got down to arguing about who needed it the most,
I think Dalgrith would have won.
Oh, yeah.
On merit.
Dalgrith should totally have it.
And what about the other one?
Armor?
The Cloak of John.
Cloak of John plus John?
Yeah.
All right, who wants that?
I'll roll on.
The plus John Cloak of John.
Don't forget the other dude had a Cloak of John plus two.
Again, I think Dalgrith needs it the most because his saves are terrible.
Yeah, gets you.
My reflex is good.
I don't think I'm wearing a shoulder slot.
What's going on with your brooch slot, bro?
What's your brooch slot up to lately?
Better check your brooch slot.
If that's not a shirt, I don't know what it is.
Alright, let's roll off
on the plus three first, obviously.
You want that one. It's a roll off.
It's a roll off.
Plus three!
Didn't get that one. Eleven.
Four.
Okay.
You want the plus four, right?
No. Do you want the plus two then?
Do you get it as a consolation prize?
I'll take that if nobody else is rolling on it
My shoulder slots are occupied, thank you
Armor, plus one adamantine full plate
Large sized
Oh, you know what, Joe?
What?
Oh, you have
I think I want to hang on to my cloak of etherealness
Oh, yeah
Cloak of resistance, plus three! Ooh, back have cloak already? I think I want to hang on to my cloak of etherealness. Oh, yeah. Cloak of resistance, plus three!
Ooh, backdoor cloak over there.
See him?
Plus one adamantine, full plate, large size,
and his weapon is a plus one human bane adamantine halberd.
Say that one more time.
Plus one human bane adamantine halberd.
That's awesome.
Never got to do a full attack, but let me throw a power attack on it.
Let me tell you what it was going to be.
Plus 25, plus 20, plus 15, plus 10 for 2d8 plus 37 damage plus 2d6 versus human times three crit.
2d8.
2d8 plus 37.
So it's 6d8 plus 112?
120.
180?
I can't do the math that fast.
111.
So 6d8 plus 111 plus 2d6.
And if you pulled like Baron did of times three, it would be times four.
Actually, it's human bane, so it would only hurt Nestor
to that degree. It would only be that extra 2d6
to Nestor. That's why he said, I will eviscerate
the human.
Because humans killed his son. Fortunately, we were
immunocrites. I said it to you guys
off air as well, but he was a
fighter with the stalwart
defender archetype.
Oh, yeah. You're looking for
a cool fighter archetype, and you know I'm not one to
promote fighter archetypes.
Star Wars defender is pretty
sweet. You were raving about it
off-air last time, and I was like,
I'm going to build one of those.
You were raving about it like it was a
slick new coffee shop
on the Lower East Side.
I am a bit of a hipster.
I was back in the day.
Can I have the
amulet of natural armor?
Does anyone else want that? Let's see.
Let's see.
Yeah, I'll take it. You can have it.
Thank you, Metra.
Sorry, didn't hear what you said there.
It's all good.
So we have
seven potions
Of cure serious
We each took one
Did he only have one?
No he had three
And we had four from the lieutenants
There was none from the captain
I think the captain had one
Or two rather
So you have nine
So everyone takes two and someone gets a bonus
I'll take one
That was me I. I'll take one.
That was me. I said I'll take one. I don't actually get one.
I'm running the game.
Well, who wants three?
Let's give it to Baron.
Baron? Yeah.
What is the item again?
An extra potion of Cure Serious.
A potion of blood.
No.
One potion of Cure Serious. Potion of Fly. Sure. No. But let's talk about... One potion of Cure Serious Wounds costs 750 gold pieces.
Yeah.
It's a drop in the bucket for you guys now.
Fuck you.
All right.
So she said to you, there's a tunnel behind the throne, branches out.
throne branches out.
One goes down to a crater that's heavily guarded that
has the Storm Tyrant's
castle tethered to it.
Another one goes up to the Oracle. There's also a door
leading to the south in this room.
Now, you bypassed half
a dozen or so doors on your way to
the throne room as well.
You might want to check out.
But there is a door to the south
of this room. The only
door leading out of this room. She also told
us to visit the passageway
that leads to the Mountain's Oracle
at our peril, I believe.
Something to that effect. But that is also where we
think Jimmer and Thun are.
Right. They belong to the Mountain now, Grant.
I'm curious about the door to the south
I am too
Let's do it
Let's take a look
Can I take this aura off or do you have to do it for me?
Try it
I can take it off
Let's see
Do you want to take your aura off?
You say you don't like them
Try it
Try it and you may
Try it and you may try it and you may i say sam uh i'm gonna quick uh cure light
wounds myself before we traipse into this death trap oh yeah yeah i mean can we go up to full
yeah with a wand we have a wand right do what you must sure i'm no longer hasted
i might be mirror image i I'm probably mirror image.
Yeah, that lasts for, well, minutes, right?
Yeah. Protection from energy fire hangs out for some minutes.
Protection from evil
I believe is
not.
Make sure you go to adjustments and pull all the
buffs off that you know would be gone by now.
Oh, protection from evil is 14 minutes.
It's been 14 minutes.
Okay.
I didn't think I needed to police this until you said that.
I mean, the conversation wasn't that long.
You were prying stones out of the chair.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Which we said we did for hours.
So.
The final hours of Jim Rathune's life, as it turns out.
They both just died.
There's going to be a janitor cleaning up.
You guys just missed him.
An hour ago, they were alive.
Yeah, they were alive an hour ago.
53 minutes ago.
They were mopping.
They were slumped over.
Sipping lemonade.
Mopping up their blood.
I had to kill them.
They would understand.
Just for funsies, healing up after that with moderate damage to the party was 16 charges.
Oh, interesting.
All right.
You want to open this door to the south?
Yeah.
Fair enough. Who's opening it? I mean, I don't.
I want to open the door to the north.
Which one? There is no door to the north.
There is no door to the north.
They said something. I meant the door
to the north outside this door.
Outside the main door. All right, so the door to the south. said something i meant the door to the north outside this door uh outside the main door all right so the door to the south go ahead yeah she said tunnels behind
the throne but you don't see anything back there uh all right so you open this door who opens it
uh baron will after a quick perception wait she said tunnels behind the throne are we supposed
to look for secret doors back there um i think we'll find it pretty easily now that she mentioned
it to us yeah that's what you. You don't see anything back there.
You're probably feeling like, yeah, there's tunnels back there.
I'm going to take the crown and leave.
See ya.
And you're like, all right, cool.
Wait a minute.
I don't remember saying, all right, cool.
You didn't shoot her when she walked out with the crown.
That's all right, cool, in my book.
34 just on traps.
And then listening in is a 39 41 if i hear a stone
door you don't detect any traps and you hear no sound whatsoever uh let's open that door stealthily
21
okay you open the door stealthily Stealthily. 21.
Okay.
You open the door stealthily.
And you see a hallway that is about 70 feet long that ends in another door to the south.
Jesus Christ. Come on.
I thought we were done with this.
Can we just stop with this?
All right.
We'll run heedlessly without checking anything to the other door and just open it.
Tong, tong, tong, tong, tong, tong, tong, tong.
Several spiked pit traps go off and Dalgrith immediately dies on Christmas.
I am actually
checking for traps. I rolled a
47.
Well, a 47, man, unless your
eyesight is deceiving you,
you see nothing on that walkway between
the doors. Okay.
Look safe to me. Let's go.
It's about 15 to 20 20 25 feet wide at its
widest points uh giant size newly carved as well you get to that other door what do you do
knock knock knock housekeeping uh come back later listen oh traps on the door uh that is a 34 for nester on traps you don't see any traps
dog earth will open the door
you open the door and you see another large cavern Cavern not the size of the throne room, by any means,
but it is a large room, a large bedroom,
that seems to mix the trappings of royalty
with the hard lines of a military office as well.
Oh, military plans on the table.
Oh, perhaps.
You see a chair, a large bed, and a desk
have been pushed into the corner to make room for this huge table that you see, Dalgrith, covered in maps, flags, and small stones.
Think on Dragonstone with the fucking table and the flags and maps and little stones.
On one wall hangs a banner featuring a rune-inscribed greatsword on a square-topped
orange shield. You saw this
as one of the
flags on the battlefield. You assume it's
related to Clan Brandrick.
On the opposite wall is a black banner
showing a burning fanged
helmet, which you've seen since you got to this
level, especially. Sursvater.
And several giant
sized suits of armor stand at attention around the room,
which otherwise appears empty.
What do you do?
Oh, God.
Can someone detect magic?
Yeah, check those statues and see if they're going to protect the room or something.
You wave your hand over the room trying to detect magic,
and you do not detect a single aura of magic.
Just cycling through, detecting alignment at will for Baron
within a 60-foot cone to see if anything living is hiding in here.
Cycling through, trying to detect alignment.
You don't detect any alignments.
Seems safe enough to me.
As safe as it's going to get anyway.
Let's check out that table.
Yeah, let's look at the table.
All right, Dogger, if I'll walk into the table.
Okay, you walk by these suits of armor,
and they're just staring at you.
They look like they've all been through battles.
Maybe these were Tartarian's armor as he made his way up through the ranks to take over Clan Banner.
Yeah, that's the giants as they grow, as they age, they molt armor.
And so they probably keep it around.
It looks badass either way.
The desk looks like it contains a few blank copper plates for inscribing messages.
And you see documents all over the table.
In addition, there were maps as well.
Maps of the Mindspin Mountains and the surrounding nations of the Mindspin Mountains with key tactical locations marked throughout.
You see flags and stones.
They must depict army deployments and potential resistance points
from notable monsters or humanoid forces such as yourself.
As you're sifting through these and looking through,
there's one page near the bottom that looks particularly interesting.
Buried in the paperwork on the table
are what look like
notes that someone took
that were taken during a meeting
between Tytarian and his
top captains, his top brass,
in which they discussed
Iron Cloud Keep and
the possibility of the Fire Giants
seizing the Cloud Castle for themselves.
You've seen this from the beginning.
All the giants that swore to the Storm Tyrant
were all like,
well, maybe I could do it better.
And now you're seeing it again.
And they put it in writing?
They put it in writing?
Yeah.
Well, someone's taking the notes.
Should I throw these out?
This is a Nixonian mistake.
We'll discuss it after dinner.
Well, they hid it behind all those spiked pit traps.
However,
buried within that
is
a couple pieces of important information.
The first
is that the castle
is surrounded by some sort of energy
field that prevents
flight or teleportation
directly into or out of the castle.
Oh.
Oh, the plot thickens.
Oh.
Well, I'm glad we came in here.
That's the thing you don't want to find out
at the last minute.
Now we know not to do book six.
That's right.
We can just call it here. Now we know how to give up. We can's right. We can just call it here.
Now we know how to give up.
We can just end the podcast.
While we're ahead.
It's a good run.
It does say that there are smaller entrances that exist in the rocky base that supports the keep,
and those are not contained within the keep's energy field.
They are, however, concealed in a cloud
that envelops the castle's base.
And they are guarded
as well.
The second piece of information,
I mean, in my estimation, it's like the third
or fourth piece of important information,
is that the engine
that magically propels Iron Cloud Keep
and keeps it aloft
is outfitted with some kind of dead man switch
that can trigger a powerful explosion
hidden somewhere near the castle's engine room.
That switch is somehow connected to the magical crown
that the Storm Tyrant wears.
Oh, it's like a... oh, wow.
The notes say the Tytarian learned this
while he was having a meeting with Volstis,
where the Storm Tyrant made it very clear to him
that even if someone were to betray him,
it would mean the traitor's own end
once the castle was in the air.
From the notes, it seems that,
with all of this information,
Tytarian eventually resolved not to attack the castle
and to remain loyal to the Storm Tyrant, at least for now.
So if the Storm Tyrant dies, the entire castle explodes, basically.
There is some connection between the crown that he wears and this dead man switch.
Wow.
Wow.
Because he's holding a thermal detonator! He's holding a thermal detonator.
He's holding a thermal detonator.
It's cool, too, because this really reminds me,
there's a similar concept in the Dragonlance universe.
These floating citadels that would fly over the surface of the world
and were directed by that's really
really similar i wonder if it's cloud castles are like a staple of fantasy from like jack and
the beanstalk to you know rpgs dating back to yeah long before pathfinder yeah um now i was reading
in uh rob mccurry's intro to book six's like, the one thing I knew when I started developing this project is I wanted it to end in a cloud castle.
Okay.
So incredibly useful information.
Again, another one you could have just been like, don't worry about it.
It's not in there.
Okay.
We should probably save that note. Anything else? about it. It's not in there. Okay. You should probably save that note.
Anything else?
File it.
No, you know, the armor is masterwork,
but it's not magical.
And, you know, that's all that you really see in there.
You spend some time, obviously, reading this stuff.
So all your buffs are gone unless they were hours or days.
What's the thread count on those sheets?
They look to be
300 or 400, which
people say is all you really need.
No, that's garbage.
I don't say it's good, but there are people who say
more than 400.
Let's go look for those secret tunnels, I say.
Yeah, we can check the other
rooms later.
We'll spend several hours behind the throne looking for the secret tunnels, I say. Yeah. We can check the other rooms later. Yeah.
We'll spend several hours behind the throne looking for the secret tunnels.
Use that stone cutting there. Yeah, you know what?
Whenever Baron can use a stone cutting, we might as well have him use it.
Baron, go ahead and roll that stone cutting.
Oh, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life.
Is it cutting or cunning?
I always forget. Oh, Lord. It's both this moment. Is it cutting or cunning? For all my life. I always forget.
Oh, Lord.
It's both.
It can't be both.
My people have cut so many stones that we are cutting about their whereabouts.
I still don't know the answer.
That is not good.
That's a 28 stone cutting.
All you need is a 25.
What?
She even told you where to look, so you weren't like you were checking right where the door is
and going all around.
You do, in fact, find a secret tunnel.
So how cunning is he, really?
So secret that I left the S on the map
and just hid it at the last moment
before you guys walked into the room.
Oh, is that what Joe saw?
No, Joe saw a picture of Tytarian.
I saw Tytarian.
Oh, okay. Because he saw? No, Joe saw a picture of Tytarian. Oh, okay.
Because he cheated.
I didn't.
Would that have ruined anything really, though?
No, no, no.
That's why I wasn't worried about it.
You see a tunnel leading to the north and about 20 feet in, steps leading up.
Check for traps.
32. 32. You don't Check for traps. 32.
32.
You don't see any traps.
At least Dogwrath doesn't.
30, 36.
Nestor doesn't either.
All right, Dogwrath will
stealth up the steps.
Natural 20, 41.
Baron also doesn't see it.
That's what you get for metagaming.
All right.
Dog Rant will stealth up.
Nesta will also stealth.
25.
Wow.
40.
45.
Baron will follow behind the two of them at a 23.
Much louder.
Metro will also stealth at a 27.
A 27.
All right.
So some good stealthing.
You get up the stairs.
By the time you get to the last stair, you almost have to climb it.
Oh, it's that big?
The stairs are starting to get larger.
Oh, it's that big.
The stairs are starting to get larger.
However, when you reach the landing, you see the tunnel starts turning to the east.
It's getting wider.
It's now 20, 25, even occasionally 30 feet wide and goes off another 70 feet or so.
At the end of the tunnel, you see a pathway going down and a pathway going up.
Oh, man.
And which way was the oracle?
Up or down?
The oracle was up.
Ah.
Let us go.
Ah.
Let us go to the oracle.
Let us see the oracle.
All right.
And have a nice, long, stern discussion about copyright infringements.
You start walking up the pathway to the north.
It starts out 25, 30 feet wide, and then it starts narrowing a little bit.
Eventually, you think that, like, if giants were coming back and forth here,
at a certain point they were almost squeezing, but still 15 feet wide,
occasionally maybe 10, so they had to walk sideways,
and then front ways, sideways, then front ways.
Maybe only the queen was coming up here. Who knows?
Eventually it opens into a huge, mostly circular chamber.
They've all been kind of circular. into a huge, mostly circular chamber.
They've all been kind of circular.
This one is mostly circular,
and you see a few very interesting things.
I'll go from least interesting to most interesting. Oh, good.
Classic.
That's my preference as well.
You see an altar.
You've seen a few of those.
The first five books.
Boring.
I'm so bored already.
I hope this gets better.
So by least interesting, you meant not interesting.
Do you turn around and go?
I'm giving up.
I don't even want to see what's more interesting than that.
There is.
It can only go up, guys.
It can only go up.
Well, true enough.
There is... It can only go up, guys.
It can only go up.
Well, true enough.
Barely visible, you would assume, religious iconography of a smoking forge.
Boring.
Both in and around the altar and all the walls.
Okay.
Where are the rings of protection plus five?
Where's the owner's manual?
Religious iconography.
Where's the owner's manual? Come with your religious iconography. Where's the owner's manual for this magic hammer?
I said least interesting to most interesting.
And you see an owner's manual.
There you go.
All right.
Sony magic hammer.
It's actually for a 1995 Corolla.
Metcher reads the first page and then goes, boring.
Boring.
roll up.
Metra reads the first page and then goes, boring!
Yeah.
Religious iconography of a smoking forge. Behind
the altar is a large
hole in the
wall that opens out to
the sky. Oh, wow. And you see
a small platform
just dropping out to nothingness.
There's no railing or
anything. It's an airy.
Yeah, an airy. And finally,
taking up the majority
of the space
are the remnants
of an enormous
dragon skeleton.
Cool.
That is the most interesting thing. That's really interesting.
Very, very interesting.
And in his hand is a manual for the magic fork.
He must have died while reading it.
I'm so bored.
He's so bored while reading it.
He died.
How did he get in here?
Yeah. Did he squeeze through in here? Yeah.
Did he squeeze through the hole?
Yeah.
It is unknown.
Was he held in captivity from birth?
Right.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, maybe he grew up in here.
Maybe he was shrunk.
Or she.
Or she.
It is an enormous cavern.
You've seen...
Can I roll a knowledge arcana on the kind of dragon it is?
Yeah, you can try.
It's going to be a very hard check with just the bones.
30.
25.
The only thing you know is that it was, you don't know what kind,
but you can tell from the bone structure that it was an old, old dragon.
This wasn't a young dragon.
This was more ancient-y. This wasn't a young dragon. This was more
ancient-y. An ancient
dragon? Yes.
Ancient-y.
Just say it's an ancient dragon.
I can't remember what all the degradations, not degradations,
the, uh...
Classifications. All the classifications of, uh,
so I'm like ancient-y, because I think one is
ancient. Well, I think it's like old,
very old, and ancient. Yeah. Or the last. Yes, I don't know if it's quite ancient. So it might not is ancient. I think it's like old, very old, and ancient. Yeah.
Or the last.
I don't know if it's quite ancient.
So it might not be ancient.
It might just be very old.
But it's in that category of dragon that you haven't really dealt with.
So it's really big.
It's huge.
Whenever you guys talk about the ages of dragons, all I can think of is the age of garlic.
What?
I didn't know that.
There's young garlic.
You can have young garlic.
It's a young red dragon.
I'm like, and a young garlic confit.
I'm not familiar with that.
That young, impotent garlic.
Get out of my kitchen.
There's actually 12 age categories of dragon.
Nerd, nerd, nerd.
Nerd, nerd, nerd.
This kid's got some dragons to do.
It is...
Do you want to hear them now?
Yeah.
Wormling, very young, young.
Juvenile, young adult, adult, mature adult, old, very old, ancient, and then worm and
great worm.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I remember that now.
Worm and worm.
Those are worms with a Y, right?
It is time for Nerding.
What do you guys want to do?
I'm going to search those bones.
Yeah, I want to inspect the dragon bones thoroughly.
Its skull, I want to walk into its mouth.
Yeah.
Look out of its eye.
What's that scene in the...
Everything's come back to Game of Thronesones this episode but like when uh is it bran or ari is down in the
basement and the that's what they put all the dragon skulls oh no that's uh tyrian right is
that what tyrian yeah ari is down there spying oh oh you know you're right she sees the series
all the not for series uh the siren i can Anyway. One of them. The pale-skinned eunuch.
I do that.
All right, roll perception.
Unless you guys are going to hang out there forever.
Some fan you are.
38.
Blanked.
38.
38.
Okay.
So I'm going to tell you the 38.
Time has passed but you do see some
small
very very small remnants
of scales
that are
you would
you would think
are silver dragon scales
oh
no
no
is that bad
yeah
it's metallic dragons they're good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A silver dragon is a good dragon.
Yeah.
Oh.
Now, this chamber, you're looking around, you're like, you have no idea how much has changed.
You have no idea how much the giants have changed it.
It looks like it's been altered.
So it's hard to tell what its original structure was.
Even the opening may have been much larger.
There might have been a bigger landing outside.
They've done a lot of work here.
It's very, very difficult.
But the dragon bones seem to be intact.
The altar seems to be intact.
And even though whatever this smoking forge is, isn't Zerzv. You don't see any Sersvater iconography anywhere.
All right, so yeah, acknowledge religion on the iconography.
See if it's a dragon deity or something.
Natural one.
Brutal.
Fifteen?
Yeah.
I think I'm about to be very angry at Troy.
Continue.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a pretty standard state of being for a lot of us.
That means I'm doing something right.
Can I take a look at the altar?
Mm-hmm.
Do a perception on that.
Ooh, natural 20.
That's a 40.
Really unremarkable.
Really unremarkable.
Old.
Hasn't been used in a long time
you do see that
someone has been supplicating
or a couple of people may have been supplicating
in front of it
Giants?
Yeah, the footprints just go from there
to out, there's no other footprints
I'm going to walk over
to the lip of
the hole that leads out to the sky
and sort of cautiously peek my head around and take a look.
Cautiously peek your head around and you see a sheer drop,
hundreds of feet to the mountain floor and armies and armies of giants.
And some seem to be leaving.
Not all,
but some. It's very reminiscent
of what happened
outside of Minderhall's Cathedral.
Maybe you saw it when you were sneaking
off in the night.
You're brought back to that moment as well.
The forge does
Remind you Baron
Of Torek
There is a Torek feel to it
But it's different
Not evil
Necessarily
But there are
It reminds you of something
Toreki
I wonder if they once
Did the dwarves Ever It reminds you of something, Torheki. I wonder if they once...
Did the dwarves ever connect with the dragons like that?
With the good, dramatic dragons?
Well, Adriel's...
Right.
Whole story is about his...
The person who raised him was a silver dragon.
Wow.
Kilpoth. Kilpoth. Dragon. Wow. Keelpath.
Keelpath.
Keelpath.
It is seen.
Shit, so Baron's going to walk up to the altar and inspect it for any runes or any other symbols, any magic.
Detect alignment on the altar itself.
The forge?
Yes, the forge.
I apologize.
altar itself the forge right yes the forge i apologize um and he'll pull out his holy book and kind of like if nothing's uh wrong with it we'll kind of uh start a prayer to torag to kind
of cleanse the space okay um all right so you start a prayer to Torag to cleanse the space. You sense a lawful alignment.
You know, it's not like you're detecting it so much of like you just get this overwhelming presence of like lawful good.
You feel the presence of Torag and you feel like the presence of Torag's family.
like the presence of Torag's family.
And as you really dig into this and look at your book and consult,
you realize that it is a symbol of Angrod,
who was a dwarven demigod
who was Torag's brother.
And so unlike Torag,
who was the god of defense and strategical thinking,
Angrod was one who aggressively
sought out threats to eliminate
the forge being a symbol of that.
They worked in harmony with each other.
Much of what Torag was about
was the same feelings that his brother had.
It's interesting, too, because
even though Baron is such a devotee of Tororek, he has certainly not done a defensive posture towards these giants.
He's been seeking them out and perhaps modeling himself more after the demigod that is present in this space.
Do you say anything to the gods in their presence?
I say, though I did not know them, I wish that you grant.
The Ash Peaks were killed here rest.
They followed Torag's will and created a stalwart defense that unfortunately crumbled.
It was not their faith that failed.
Nor their will.
It was the treachery of the giants.
Who I promise will be removed from this place in time.
And the solemn power of the forge will be restored.
And this mountain will once again be covered with the handiwork and love of Torak.
Kneeling in front of the altar, praying to Torak, surrounded by iconography of his brother Andrad.
You feel something in your head, and you just hear the...
And then a voice speaks to you.
Do you know the problem with the overly zealous?
They spend their lives wanting so badly for their beliefs to be the truth
that they're liable to believe anything
so long as it reinforces their worldview.
Such was the case with Queen Covixia,
another piece to move across the board.
Now lost.
And then there's you, Ashpeak.
I bet your ancestors would be proud to know that they have been avenged by one of their own.
All this time, perhaps I underestimated you.
Or maybe like a cockroach,
as the world continues to suffocate in its own shit,
your greatest strength lies in your mere ability to survive.
There is a centuries-long game being played, Baron
And there are only a few pieces left on the board
It appears you and yours are the mighty knights
Risking their lives to protect a queen
And that you believe to be the fate of the world
Or some bastardized idea of good versus evil.
But the other side
has far more pieces left in play,
including a king who possesses untold power.
Who do you think I am in all of this, Baron?
Well, Brander... You're the one I can't seem to figure out.
Can't get my hands on you.
You're slipperier than an eel.
I don't know what you want.
But I hate playing into your hands hands and I feel like I am again
if I'm being honest with you
where are you?
are you just in my head?
I'm nearby
watching
waiting it's quite the show you put on I'm nearby. Watching. Waiting.
It's quite the show you put on in front of the camps.
I thought you would have just taken that potion of plane shift and ended it.
I tend to take the hard way out of things, Brander.
You should know that by now.
Why are you here?
What are you looking for now?
Don't you have another battle to fight?
We're here for our friends.
We're here because I don't leave people behind.
I found Lork.
I'm going gonna make sure
Galabras is fine again
and I'm gonna get
Thun and Jimmer back
we're looking for them
ah yes
your friends
well they
belong to me
at the moment
the one eyed warrior has a special connection Well, they belong to me at the moment.
The one-eyed warrior has a special connection to an old friend of mine.
Oh, no.
My God.
And the changeling, well, he and I... Go way back.
Go way back.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
The road to the end has begun, my friend.
I wish you luck, Ashpeak.
However, if I were you, I wouldn't waste much time.
And a book five.
Oh, my God. I'm getting a book six. Oh my god.
I'm getting a book six.
Oh shit.
Oh my god.
We go way back.
Brother food!
Fucking.
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