The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 27 - Skreed Between the Lines

Episode Date: December 1, 2015

With the mastermind behind the Trunau attacks finally subdued, the party gets their chance to pry what clues they can of the larger plot. But a threat still lurks in the darkness that could make this ancient underground tomb our heroes' final resting place as well! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. Natural 20. No joke, that's literally the way to start the episode. In the wake of a gruesome battle beneath Bloodmarch Hill, the heroes get to question the mastermind behind the attack on True Now. He looks at you and the facial tattoos start to rearrange and he takes on the face of a local townsperson that you recognize. Whoa!

Galabras employs his slap fight interrogation tactics. I slap him repeatedly until he lets go of the lock. Ow, ow, ow, ow, please leave! Give me that! Give me that! Stop! Revealing mysterious connections. Oh! We know that name.

And uncovering an ancient magic more powerful than anything the heroes have ever seen. And you still just have never felt the power of something so great. Wow. Ever. Ever in your life. In your wildest imagination. The adventure continues now. Hey, what's going on, everybody?

Welcome to episode 27 of the Glass Cannon Podcast. Joe here to welcome you to the show and to say thank you. You know, it's that time of year. For those of you in the U.S., we hope you had a great Thanksgiving last week. And we just want to say seriously how thankful we are for you guys. You guys are the best. It is awesome having fans that write in, that interact with the show, that tweet at us and just create these amazing jokes and characters and artwork.

It's raising the quality of the show to a whole new level and taking the experience out of just the room where we play this game and making it a story that's alive and out there on its own and growing every day. So we couldn't do it without you guys. We are so thankful for you. On to episode 27 of the show. I am excited for this one. It is going to be great to finally

pin this guy down and figure out what was going on this whole time in True Now and how he made it all happen. It's time to question this guy. Episode 27, Screed Between the Lines. Hell of a combat, huh? When? Oh, last episode. Yes, the last episode.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a heck of a combat. Guys, you guys got some wolves? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, last two episodes? Are we out of combat? Because I was like, combat one, sweet. Next time, Troy's going to let us talk to Screed.

I had gone for days not even thinking about it, and then I was like, oh, my God. Lork is, like, dying of poison. Honestly, it has to be addressed because I can't get it off my head. You know what? I would like to. Is it going to tick every round? Like every six seconds?

I would like to address it. So let's start with a fortitude save. All right. DC 11. The best part of waking up. Natural 20. Oh! No joke.

That's literally the way to start the episode. You are cured. You really got a natural 20. Look at it. It's right there. Look at it. That's literally the way to start the episode. You are cured. You really got a natural 20. Look at it. It's right there. Look at it. That's awesome. So what did you end up losing?

Two points of con? Two points of con, yeah. Okay. So you're still down the two, but you are not losing anymore. Right. Just to let you know, that would have been 1d2 points of con every single time you fail for six rounds. That's wild. I mean, that could, who knows, a couple of twos could

straight up kill you. Yeah, I mean, there's no, there is no single ability score drain that is more lethal, directly lethal than Constitution. Strength is pretty bad. You can outright die. If you have a low strength, save an eight strength, and you get, like, sap strength, you straight up die

at zero strength. Yeah, okay, like, sap strength. You straight up die at 0 strength. Yeah. Okay. All right. So that answers your questions about your poison? Yeah. I feel a lot better now. Especially since I'm apparently only going to roll natural 20s.

We can have Galavris take a look at those loons later. Can I borrow a loony? The loons! The loons! The loons! I'm a little sorry that none of us got to suck the poison out of your leg. Well, the night is young. Well, if you're looking for some unconventional fun, I believe Skid's insemination wound is still pretty fresh.

The wound is a little too fresh, and I wish people would stop bringing it up. Oh, I love it. It was a couple episodes ago. You were just like uh he's more sensitive because he's a father now oh so good and he's a little more world worldly because he is not as you say a virgin well no no no no i think we covered that yeah at the time yeah this is This is so unsavory. But... This kid gets so genuinely mad as an affront to his character. Well, you know, it's just like,

you know, when you're younger, you know, you can fuck around a little bit, you know, but now once you get a little older and you become a father, you have to start taking things a little more seriously. I just... You know? I just love how angry Skip is about this

when Joe's had his son murdered without having to say a word and been shot out of a catapult. I mean, it's so funny. And being mocked for it the entire time. I think having a son who is a six-legged stork is even worse than having your adopted son murdered in front of you. A six-legged stork with glasses. Two sons, Skip. Two sons. Right, the twins i forgot maybe

you can uh at least teach your son to use protection when he inseminates a uh a local cleric oh god this is like rick and morty uh so yeah a pretty uh pretty amazing two-parter there and uh now here you are in this chamber um far from the crenellated towers of the inner quarter, and there is this giant statue wielding the hammer with the armor and the eye and the mountain of treasure underneath, and this facially tattooed half-orc screed that you've heard about for so long. And he is, you guys took him below zero. He

used his orc ferocity and is now dying. Did you stabilize him? No, we stabilized him and brought him back to consciousness. Right. So, he is bound. He's bound. And I, Galabras, would like to attempt

a diplomacy check. Okay. Okay. So I ask first that he be gagged. Lork will gag him. So he just shoves him. With great relish, I assume. Yeah, a cloth into his mouth.

So when he comes to, the first thing he sees is just Lork, like, shoving cloth into his mouth. And then he sort of steps back and lets Galabras do his thing. So Galabras gets down on one knee, looking right in Screed's face. And I say, Mr. Screed, you're a hard man to pin down. Oh, forgive me. Where are my manners? Permit me to introduce myself. My name is Galabras.

I'm a cleric of Desna. This dwarf here is a baron. A blight. Redheart. He is our resident gunslinger. I believe you're acquainted with Lorc Irontusk, formerly of the Black Arrows. And this lovely creature to my right is Miss Gormley Cole. Nice haircut.

And he leans a little closer. He says, I saved your life. He says, I saved your life. But given your crimes, I would have little compunction about standing aside and allowing my companion here to exact his revenge for your role in the death of his son. However, if you are willing to be reasonable, there is every chance you could walk out of this cave upright, bound, but alive. Now if, on the other hand, you persist in being difficult, I'm sure my more imaginative colleagues can devise some alternative means of securing your cooperation. So I undo the gag.

I pull it out and say, what say you? He coughs. Roll the diplomacy check. 16. Whose son? Whose son did I kill? I look up at Lork. Oh, this one?

You have another son? Because if I get out of here, I'll kill him too. Bam! Right in the mouth. He spits blood. One of his teeth is like, falls out of his mouth. You've ruined everything. Wish I caught you at the plague house like I did that patrol sergeant.

I would have taken you out, but you just had to keep meddling. What were you doing at the plague house? What does it matter? What were you looking for? I'm already dead anyways. I was using it as a home base. I was using it as a home base. I was using it as a place to communicate. With whom?

The Orc army that we were setting up to take over Trudau. And destroy all of you. But you just had to stick your noses where they didn't belong. Why here? What is this place? What do you know of it? Nothing. I don't know. You had to know something. Just let me die. You will die soon enough.

How painfully is up to how well you answer our questions. If I'm going to die, then I'm not going to tell you anything. Who's going to kill you? You, I'm assuming. Is there anyone else that might kill you? Who are you working for? Fool like you couldn't be in charge. Roll a perception check.

Ooh, 23. He seems as if he's looking down at his breast pocket. I'll go in there. Rifle in. You rifle in, and you pull out a note. Ooh. Ooh, I love notes. But it's in giant.

I mean, I speak giant, I don't know, does that mean you read giant? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. I speak giant as well. Rip it out from his thing. What's this you got here Oh it's real tiny right Need your glasses

He gets out his glasses That's incredibly ironic He is middle aged He's middle aged He's got no hair Says Get me a cross hammer and rock. I want everything else in the barrow too.

But I have to have the hammer and the rock. I think it looks like the rock. I think it looks like the rock I already have and showed you. I have to have both rocks to know the way to the giant killer's tomb. So make sure you get the right one. Then bring the hammer and the rock back to the fort. Signed, Grenseldeck, glorious chieftain of the Twisted Hearts.

There, there, now you know, all right? So you were working for this Grenseldeck? Yes, yes, he believed in me. When no one else did. And I would have been made... I would have been made a knight or a prince amongst the tribe. No.

If you brought back this rock and hammer. Yes, I found the hammer. I can't find that blasted rock. If I could have just got it and got out of here, I would have survived. Damn it! But look, it's right there. It's right there in his eye socket. It's right there. It's right there in his eye socket.

It's right there. Oh, fuck you and your eye socket! You were so close! Look where you are now! You're mere feet away! It's right there! Look how close you came to fulfilling your quest! Oh, and it's so close that you'll never get there now. Ironic, isn't it? Um...

He looks up at the rock and just scowls. Where is this, uh uh fort that's mentioned in the note here oh oh so let me get this straight you've got me tied up you're definitely gonna kill me one way or another but you want directions to his lair yes you're a real genius i never said we were definitely going to kill you in fact we might not if you're more cooperative if i can just get out of these things i'll kill you well that makes us not want to kill you. In fact, we might not if you're more cooperative. If I can just get out of these things, I'll kill you! Well, that makes us not want to let you out. Oh, I mean, I'll hug you!

Oh, he wants to hug us! Cut him loose! Cookies? Let me ask you here, Scree, this Grinsel deck. What's he going to do to you when he finds out you haven't been able to bring back this hammer and rock? What's he going to do to you when he finds out you haven't been able to bring back this hammer and rock? What's he going to have to say? Is it a he?

It might be a she. She. Oh, for reals? We'll just make another charge, and we'll just keep charging. You think True Now's walls will stand forever? If you kill me, there'll just be another attack, and then another attack, and soon this land, the entire hold of Beltson will belong to the orcs once again.

Can I roll a knowledge local to see who, I know who Grenseldeck is? Mm-hmm. And I also want to do a knowledge history to see if I know who Oosgroth is. I can boost you on the knowledge local or anyone else can also try. Okay.

Yeah, whatever, yeah, Knowledge Local will start. So you get plus two for me. Plus two, great. One second. Well, I'll see what you rolled. You already rolled. That is a nine on the Knowledge Local. Looks like it'll be a mystery.

16. On Knowledge Local? Correct. Baron, in your travels, you must have heard at a tavern or one thing or another that Grenseldek... Brothel. A brothel, most likely a brothel, is the hill giant leader of the Twisted Nail Orc tribe. That makes sense, because I'm actually out here vigilanteing up and killing bad orcs. Right, asking questions.

Hey, who's the big giant around here? What was the name one more time for me? Grinsildek. Of the tribe. Oh, the Twisted Nail. Twisted Nail. Orc tribe. Could I do a knowledge history now

to see if I can figure out who Ussgraf is and Ussgraf's hammer? Sure. That's gonna be an 18. You feel, you know you've heard of this somewhere, but you can't quite piece it. And you also think it's strange, like, what did it say on the letter, Twisted Nail,

Chieftain of the Twisted Nails? Twisted Hearts. Twisted Hearts. And you're like, why does that say Twisted Hearts? But Baron remembers it as the Twisted Nails. But you can't quite piece it together with an 18. Hmm. Um, all right, I'm going to ask Greed, um, where did you first meet this Grinseldeck?

I was... Did she approach you, or did you approach her? I was raised within the tribe, you idiot. You know, not all of us were just born into the leisure of True Now. I was born in a slave pen. My mother was tossed around every orc in the tribe. I feel real sorry for you.

I feel real sorry for your dead son. For a man who claims to want to live, you're not going about it very well. I ask, Grensel. So, the twisted hearts and the twisted... Nails? I'm trying to do your Texas accent. The twisted nails? The twisted hearts and the twisted nails didn't like each other much, did they, Screed?

You don't know very much, do you, dwarf? Or they're the best of friends, is what I meant to say. By the nail I twisted into your heart. Ha ha! See what I did? So which tribe were you born into? This twisted hearts and you were a slave? Fools, I was born into the twisted nail tribe. But I was the cunning one because I escaped the blades that felled all of my half-siblings.

And I was spared to serve as a future shaman or maybe even a battle priest for the Twisted Nails. Growing up was hard, obviously, but I flourished amidst the violence and the bloodshed while all these true orcs bullied me. But that didn't phase me. No, no, no, no, no. Because I am Screed, and I would have been great were it not for you. Perhaps you could still be great

if you worked for the right side. And what is the right side? We're figuring that out as we go. You think this, you think this is the right side? We're chaotic neutral. We don't have sides. I bet. Speak for yourself.

I know. I know that someone that lays siege to an entire town and burns down the walls and collapses the towers and kills children and women and senior citizens, all in the name of finding some rock, is on the wrong side. That's all I know. What do you think these humans do? They come into our settlements and they try to kill us. I bet you didn't even know your mother. Oh, I knew mine. I knew her, though she didn't raise me.

But she was just a toy to them. You? I bet your mother went at it willingly. Oh. She was a filthy whore who slept with orcs. And just like you, whoring yourself to these humans of true now.

Well, if you think you're on the right side of the fight, you've betrayed what little orc you have left in your pathetic body. Tell me what's the virtue of these orcs. What are they doing that's gonna make Belks in a better place? They're going to restore the land that was rightfully theirs,

along with the help of these giants. We will unite as one and take down all the weak. Survival of the fittest. Look it up. You believe in survival of the fittest, do you? I do. Then we shall survive and you will not. You've seen some winters too, I can tell.

For a young boy, it's amazing that you've survived as long as you have. Well, it's amazing you've survived being raised by orcs with beautiful long blonde hair like that. I'm quite impressed. I'll take that as a compliment. You're quite pretty. Thank you.

Now we can talk. What's this rock worth to you? Nothing if I'm dead. I don't know. Grenseldick wanted it. For what? I honestly do not know. It was my job.

I follow orders. Whose orders do you follow? Sense motive on the lie? On whether or not it's not annoying? Sense motive on the obvious falsehood. A little foreshadowing there? That's a 19 to tell if he's lying about not knowing.

Yeah, he doesn't. You get the sense he really doesn't know why Grenzel Dick wanted the rock or the hammer. I sensed motive on Troy and I knew that he wasn't lying. I could tell from how the way Troy used your eyeball skill to just watch him? Yeah, yeah.

I want to go back to the sides thing for a second. I take... I follow orders too, and I take orders from humans, as you know, as you think to be the wrong side. And I'm not claiming to know everything, but I spend a lot of time out of True Now.

I spend a lot of time on the Starvel Plate I spent a lot of time on the Storval Plateau with a lot of humans and elves and orcs and dwarves and I'll tell you when when it came to it the most violent and dangerous things out there were those giants and those tribes of hideous murderous orcs

they have no culture or discipline even within their own they kill each other all the time. All for this survival of the fittest. Well, let me tell you something. You can fight all you want to take back this area. To take back the hold of Belskin and keep it for the giants and the orcs that had it first. But it's a great big world out there.

And it's filled with humans. And they'll never stop until they take everything. So you're on the wrong side if your idea is to live and to prosper. How do they look at you when you walk down the street? Like I'm filth. Exactly. And yet you praise them. And you worship them as your friends. I didn't say praise, but I live. I survive. Well, while you choose puny humans who hate you, we choose giants who will destroy you. We'll see who does the destroying here. Maybe we will.

I'm a professional giant hunter. It's my favorite enemy. Also, I'm a human. I don't hate him. I like him. I like him okay, too. And I think Gormley is'm a human, I don't hate him I like him I like him okay too And I think Gormley is also a human And she doesn't like him

She likes him quite well Well then, the little boy and the woman like you Hooray You're very negative I'm sorry, I was raised amongst orcs You're afraid of women? I'm not sorry Afraid of women, Screed?

Screed, do you think that we're superior to the humans? Is that what you think? That they're weaker than us physically, so we should just kill them all rather than have to be under their thumb? I don't think. I know. So you'd never consider working for them?

Finding a way to carve out some sort of life for yourself where you're not tortured and being held as a slave to giants. Who do you think is going to run everything once you kick the humans out? You think it's going to be the orcs or the giants? Who do you think you'll be answering to then? You're always going to answer to somebody. Might as well be somebody that doesn't kill their own or kill the people that

serve them just because they feel like it on a bad day. Not all humans are terrible. I'm very close to one myself. Who? But the rest of you are filth. Who? You're either with us or you're against us. To whom are you close? Don't worry about it. No, now

I'm worried. And he like his hand kind of goes up to a locket around his neck, and he kind of clutches at it as he says that. I slap him repeatedly until he lets go of the locket. Ow, ow, ow, please, please. Give it, give me that locket, give it, give it, stop. Your chest is bleeding all over me. Can we wrestle it?

Sure. Off. What's in the locket? You open it up and there's a lock of hair. Blonde? Inside of the locket. I think it's like a dirty blonde. He's in love with himself!

It's a lock of his own hair! You conceited narcissist! I love me! Who do you love? Is there a name or any, like, identifying? Can we do a DNA test on that? It just has a lock of hair in it. Well, you're quite the, uh,

quite romantic, it turns out. Gormley takes the locket and puts it on. And tucks it into her room. What? What? Take that off this instant. I'm okay. Thanks, though.

He starts struggling. Yeah. Gormley, Lork is holding him, holding him fast. And Gormley, I don't know if it's the best idea to get him all riled up. It's a very pretty locket. Does he want it back? Right when you put it on, you sort of sense a magical quality from it. Cease the second you rip it off of him and put it on yourself.

Wow. So it was like magic when it was on him? Yeah, there was like this faint divination magic. Oh, divination. Can I do a knowledge arcana to see what it was? No, because it disappeared the second you ripped it off and started to bring it towards yourself. But as it went away, you got the sense of faint divination magic.

Can I ask a quick question, Mr. Screed? Yes, you in the back. That wonderful trick where we couldn't strike you with our missile weaponry, how did that work? How did you manage that? How did you manage that wonderful feat? Oh, you want to know why I'm better at this than you? Well, I mean, to be honest.

Look at my belt. Look at my belt. It's full of extracts and alchemical weapons. I have something for everything and if i could just get out of here i would show you one way or another just like adam west's batman i don't own a tv can we take the belt off him yeah i mean he's got all sorts of shit on him let's let's just search him let's just search him yeah well look look hold on hold on we're not thieves yes we are well he's gonna take a level i think i actually uh think that uh what's his mind in terms of uh we got some more uh miles

to go before we sleep and we gotta survive so uh as he's not a helpless uh goody two-shoes he threw bombs at us from i think someone said the cheap seats at one point. I mean, we've got to strip him down anyway. Yeah. We've got to take a prisoner. You're not going to let him keep his gun. Of course, but I just think we're fast forwarding. I don't think we're done. I just don't think we're done. Do you think we're done?

I think there's got to be something else. I'm sure there is. A couple more steps. Who's the girl, Screed? Who's the woman? Who's the human? I don't know what you're talking about. The lock of hair. Do you want the locket back? Grumly dangles the locket. Who is it? Oh, my sweet

Melira. I know it. We know that name. Just kill me. God help me if I ever get out of here. I will murder all of your families. Were you staying at the Ramble House earlier this week? You know you were staying there. Yes, yes, yes.

I was at the Ramble House. What were you doing there? How did you look like a human? He looks at you and closes his eyes. And the facial tattoos and the almost like scars on his face start to rearrange, and he takes on the face of like a local townsperson that you recognize. Whoa. Whoa.

Lork like jumps back, like off his mic. I see you. And then he spits in your face as the human. I see you worship the mini-faced god. And then he kind of messes up his face and it turns back into Screed. Wow. Interesting. That's fucking awesome.

That's really cool. Mystery solved! You are full of surprises, Mr. Screed. Yes. It only took us 25 episodes. I should get a bottle cap. Honestly, you should. That is badass.

Take me back to the plague house. Take, you should. That is badass. Take me back to the plague house. Take me back there, what you were doing. Do you ever see Roderick? Yes. My plan was to come here and infiltrate True Now for Grensel Deck, to find this rock,

to find this hammer. And we were using the plague house as a base of operations to relay information between the infiltrators and myself. I hired some thugs in Freedom Town to help, sort of, with the raid. And that's where I met... whatever. But...

Melira. Anyways, she's... She's from Freedom Town. Stupid patrol sergeant comes in there with his half-orc lover and sees something he wasn't supposed to see, so he had to go. I can only think that had

he not interrupted my plan, everything would have went perfectly. What'd he see? He saw the flood troll. And was this attack on Trunau, was it planned regardless of what happened with Roderick? Were you always going to use the battle as a distraction to get in the cave?

Yes. That was the plan all along. That's why Roderick had to go. How did you find out about the cave? Who told you? Was it this Uzbekistan? We just kept looking and looking and looking.

We were down in that plague house because we were told that could have been one of the places. That's why we dug through the wall to try and find things. And you had to kill that cleric, did you? Well, he was useless. He brought us to the wrong place. He was your guide. Casualty of war. I hope you searched his body. I bet he had some good stuff on him. Yes, we dragged him out. He was your guide. Casualty of war. I hope you searched his body. I bet he had some good stuff on him. Yes, we dragged him out.

He was very heavy. I'm kidding. I hope you didn't. Ha ha ha. A tremendous joke. Let him go. I'm beginning to like this guy. Was your plan ever to totally tear down True Now to the ground,

or were you leaving as soon as you got this rock and this axe? I guess we'll never know. How'd you kill Roderick? Oil of tagging? What does it matter now? It matters to us. I checked into the ramble house disguised as a human and I

slid under his bed and waited for him and then I paralyzed him and made it look like he killed himself. But I'm sure you already knew that since you're such great detectives. No, we did.

We did actually. Actually we did, yeah. Then why'd you ask? You said you have the hammer. Where is it? I think it's right there. It's right there with the giant statue. Giant statue. I knew where that was. I was going to grab that once I have the hammer. Where is it? I think it's right there. It's right there with the giant statue.

Giant statue's over there. I knew where that was. I was going to grab that once I found the stone until you interrupted me. I'm sorry, I still don't see it. Could you point, which way are you looking? I... Is it your two o'clock or my...

So it's the giant's holding a hammer? Yeah, the giant's posed and it's got this giant hammer. And the hammer head is on the ground? No, it's standing in the air. It's up in the air? Yeah, he's holding a giant hammer, wearing giant armor with this... Stone in the eye. Stone in the eye.

Rock in the eye. Do we want to get them and use them in this interrogation, or does that matter? Well, we... Oh, Ussgroth is the skeleton. Right, right. Yeah, sorry. boost growth is the skeleton, right? Right. Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. Duh. All right. Um, get me, it was gross hammer and rock. I want everything else in the barrow to all the treasure, but I have to have the hammer and the rock.

I think it looks like the rock I already have and showed you. So maybe there's two, two eyes, two rocks. I have to have both rocks to know the way to the giant killer's tomb. So I guess you set in two rocks into the eyes of this thing or whatever and it'll open up a door.

Indiana Jones. Totally, Indiana Jones. So make sure you get the right one. The right one. Which eye is it in? Is it in the right eye? Let's just ask. I'm asking Troy.

I'm not asking. Sorry, guys. I just showed up at the podcast. Hey, how are you doing? I want to speak to Troy. Is Troy there? There is no Troy. Holy soul. What was the question? It's in the left eye.

Damn it. It's not the left eye. Damn it. No, but... It's not the right eye. It would have been a cool double entendre. I wanted to ask, just to be extra sure, because we kind of alluded to it, but just to be stupidly sure, does that rock in that eye look like the rock that she showed you before?

How do I... I don't know. She didn't show me. You said it in the note that she showed you. I said it in the note, but I've never seen it. You look at it. I'm not going to do your work for you. Alright, fine.

Can I do a perception on the rock? Go levitate up there? I could levitate up and pull it out. Fly up there and pull it out? Yeah. That's so cool, just standing in front of it. So Gormley walks over to the statue and closes her eyes and then ascends up into the air.

That's so awesome. And levels with the rock and she'll, when I'm up there, can I detect magic to make sure there's nothing weird enchantment-wise on it? Yeah, you detect magic and you don't detect any magic on the eye, but the armor is glowing and the hammer is glowing with the strongest aura of magic you've

ever seen in your life. Interesting. Whoa. But the eye is... And it's loosely, I mean, it's pretty loosely and it's not going to fall out, but you could take it out if you wanted to. All right, I'll reach out. Well, Matthew, just do it. Reach out and tell Warren. You're going to do it.

Gromley's an artifact hunter. She lives for this stuff. What can I do? Can I do a spellcraft or something? He already gave it to you basically said it's not magical yeah all right so I'll take that I'll pull the geode out so you pulled the geode out yes okay comes right out into your head and roll for initiative you hear a distant rumbling and a giant round boulder crashes down behind you and starts chasing you.

I had a sandbag to replace it with. You, uh, so a dire wolf jumps up at you. Gormley's up there levitating with this rock and sand. It's like a fist-sized hunk of dark, igneous rock. And as you turn it around in your hand, the other side reveals it to be this magnificent geode with, like, rich, violent, and verdant emerald crystals forming a glimmering crystalline pattern on the other side. So it's cut in half? One side of it is this rock, and the other side has this intricate crystalline pattern with these emeralds on it.

How large is it? Is it the size of a baseball? Fist size. I asked Gormley if I could take a look at it and see with my stone cutting, if I can tell anything else about it, if it was man-made cut in half, looked like part of a set type of thing. With your stone cutting, you can tell.

I toss it down to you. Oh, Butterfingers. Without even rolling on it, just with stone cutting alone You can tell that this is half of something else Cool We got the rock

How do we go about retrieving this giant hammer? Gormley's still hanging up there I can only levitate once, so I'm going to make it count I think I guess you could technically do Knowledge Arcana on the hammer Just to see if it's dangerous To touch or anything, trapped or anything See what school of magic it is I guess you could technically do Knowledge Arcana on the hammer. Yeah, on the glowing. Just to see if it's dangerous to touch or trapped or anything.

See what school of magic it is. Yeah, I'll roll on that. Okay. It's going to be a 25. Good time to get that. So what was it again? You were Spellcraft again? Knowledge Arcana.

Knowledge Arcana the hammer for the school of magic that's glowing off. Okay, and the Knowledge Arcana against DC, the caster level plus 10, or just to figure it out? To figure out the spell, yeah, I don't remember off the top of my head, but I think a good method is 10 plus the caster level. I think

that that's pretty solid. And you rolled a 25? Yeah. You don't know. Holy shit. So you know that that's pretty solid. And you rolled a 25? Yeah. You don't know. Holy shit. So you know that it's super powerful. It's like beyond your means. Yeah. And we learned when I... But wait, do you take it out?

No, not yet. It's giant-sized. I don't think I could hold it. I tried to think about using it in the battle, and Troy said it was like, yeah. Well, it's giant-sized, but... A giant skeleton. No, you would say it weighs probably 10 pounds,

just from eyeballing. Oh. But in the middle of the fight, you would have to climb up there. Right, 15 feet. Well, I don't know. Should I take it out? I mean, like.

Toss it down. I'll catch it. And by the way, it appears to just be a simple stone blacksmith's hammer. So if Gormley hasn't related any of this info to you. I've related it. Okay. You see this glowing, but you guys just see,

I mean, probably. Just see a hammer. Yeah, you just see a simple stone. And I shut down. It's protected by some very powerful magic. I'm wary about touching it. And I touch a lot of things. It's projecting the magic.

Screed. It's not protected by it. What do you know about this hammer? What do you know about its magic? Is it safe to take? I don't know. I would have taken it myself. All right.

Make him do it. No, no, no, no, no. Don't untie him. I'll take it. Yeah, untie me. I'll grab me. All right, all right. We can be a team.

Gourmet's getting tired of this. She's just going to reach out and grab the hammer. You reach out and grab the hammer. Oh, fuck. Oh, god damn it. And it starts to resize in your hand into a medium-sized weapon. Whoa. Wow.

That's fucking cool. The minute you take it, it just... And it's heavy. It weighs about 10 pounds. And you still, with this active detect magic on, just have never felt the power of something so great. Wow. Ever.

Ever in your life. Holy shit. In your wildest imagination. In your most crazy experiments with magic, you've never experienced something like this, and you're just... And you're levitating up there with this hammer that just magically resized in your hand.

Gormley, you're frightening me. And you're getting a strong transmutation magic aura from it now that it's in your hand. Wow, it's like... Now she's her turns to look at his, her eyes. You know, what's going to happen is we're going to drop it in a shadow. Rat's going to come out of nowhere and pick it up.

And then it's going to just murder us all. All right. So Gormley will descend. She starts going beautiful and terrible as the dog. It's the same. It's the same. More than the dawn. Treacherous is the sea. Treacherous is the song more than the foundations of the earth. Yeah, can I...

While I'm up there. Gormley becomes the new super villain. With one swipe, she levels Trunel. Troy and I actually talked before the podcast. Roll to attack, Gormley. No. Baron makes a good point can I

can I take the armor off too yeah it's a little it's you're gonna need some help this weighs at least a hundred pounds

I start unbuckling it like from the legs so you guys are climbing up the mountain of treasure just kind of like I'm standing next to Scree you're standing next to Scree I'll go up to it

the other three of you take down this armor and and just kind of lay it at the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Is it like just plate armor?

It's like pretty battered, definitely well used half plate. Okay. You're getting... Can I try to put some of it on? Put on a greave

or something so if it resizes like the hammer did? Sure. Sure enough, you put on the grieve or something so if it resizes like the hammer did sure um sure enough you put on the grieve this giant grieve that's twice like almost fits your whole arm in it and as you put it on it starts reshaping to fit your your hand wow because it's the first thing i do is take it off my arm and put it on my leg where grief usually goes.

You mean gauntlet? I just had gauntlet in my... It does nothing. It's inert now. Are you happy? You broke it, all right? You broke it. You broke it by being

a fucking smartass. The first thing I do is take it off and then I put it on my leg. Oh, God. So I start, like, piecing it together and, like, I start, like, putting it on my body. You can wear heavy armor? Yeah. Oh, cool. That's awesome. Oh, you can wear heavy armor?

Holy shit. So, yeah, you're wearing a Scrot's armor and the entire thing just reshapes to your body and fits you like a glove. And you still see this glowing magic on him. Obviously not as strong as the hammer, but you're getting a faint transmutation magic

also from the armor. To really test it out and understand what the armor class of it is, I start shooting right at him. See what happens. For the noob in the corner, what's transmutation magic? Do you have the sound drop?

No. No. It is time for courage. Thank you very much. Transmutation is something that changes from one form to another.

So it's like alchemy. So like the word transmutation. Yes, that'd be transmutation. And it might make sense too, to some extent, that this giant and this clan of orcs that Screed is from, he might be able to change his face

and do that stuff too, right? Well, he saw that he could. And it clearly exhibits transmutational traits because of the sizes. So like, Matthew, a wizard whose school of expertise is transmutation

can turn his fist into a rock and smash something. He can turn into a wolf. He can beast shape and shit like that. Whereas illusion is something completely different. What Screed's doing is illusion magic. Nerdage! Nerdage!

But yeah, so you're wearing this armor and as you guys were taking it off the body, you could tell that whatever killed Asgroth was like spears and spears and arrows. So like there's the. Oh, he's like Caesar?

Yeah, he was like, it took maybe 20 people to take him down finally. Wow. So you get that sense as you're taking off the armor, but now you're wearing this armor. And without going all into it, we get the sense that Screed doesn't know like the lore here. No, Screed is the. He's just the tool. Yeah, he's the hired help. He was looking to upjump in the clan.

Right, he wanted to be an officer, yeah. So in this treasure, I... Oh yeah, there's also tons of treasure. Yeah, so I look through it, and I'm using my stone counting to... I just rolled my perception to kind of look for really interesting things, bejeweled things,

anything of extreme value that might be hidden. So I rolled a 28. Just tell me everything you know. So I rolled earlier, Troy. I rolled a 20. I rolled right next to him. He saw it. That's a really high roll.

You find Jules' book of published poetry. My hands are small, I know. Not yours. That's priceless. That's priceless. That's where they put it. So no one will ever find this again. They buried it in a cave and sealed it with a stone sheath spell.

In Galarian. My next level will be in Bard, and I'm just going to sing jewel songs. We're going to send a battle. Going to live in your car for six months. So you're looking through the treasure, and you're just looking for other interesting stones? Like you're looking for the other half, basically? No, I'm not looking for the other half.

I'm looking for anything. He's looking for valuable shit. You should also just say you're looking for the other half, by the way, just in case. I believe that What's-Her-Face has the other half. Just, you know, you're looking at this stuff and you don't see anything unusual stone. You just see all the treasure.

There's nothing stone. By treasure, do you mean like goblets and golden coins and silverware? There are chests, vases, other containers just full of coins, gemstones, jewelry. So it looks like pilfered shit. Yeah, but then there's also breastplates and mail and crossbow bolts and double axes. I should have clarified.

I was looking for anything of exceptional craftsmanship in there, like stone, anything a dwarf would be able to pull out within the flavor of my character type of thing. You know what I'm saying? would be able to pull out within the flavor of my character type of thing. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be looking for the best portrait of aristocracy.

No, you see a hoard of treasure. So in Dwarven, the dwarf part of you just sees treasure and armor and weapons. Do you see gems and shit like that? Yeah, what is it? What consists the treasure? So in addition to all these coins and gemstones

and jewelry and other just fineries that are money that know, money that equals some sort of monetary amount. Cash. Yeah. There is a masterwork breastplate. Ah. A suit of masterwork splint mail. Hmm. Interesting.

Four arrows that you can tell are magical. Just save you the time. 13 adamantine crossbow bolts. Excellent. A masterwork orc double axe. A heavy load belt. Look that up in ultimate equipment. Two scrolls and a wand.

Can I spellcraft the wand? Sure. 25. Infl inflict moderate wounds with seven charges Wow that's which is cast that yeah I don't I don't know it though that you don't need to you don't as long as it's on your spell list then

you can you can do you want that or should I take it I mean what's the what's you have to be up and up close and I don't know if it's touch I think it's it is it is touch yeah I mean I'll take it because I like to get up and think unless. I don't know if it's touch. I think it is. It is touch, yeah. I mean, I'll take it because I like to get up and think, unless you want it. No, you can take it.

I'll tell you, on alternate weekends, I'll take it. Okay. We'll run it like the Russian-Turkish baths in New York City. Let's role play the custody hearing over the... Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, I'll use it. Every third Saturday. I'll hold it, and if we ever need to plan for battle, we can always talk about it. Okay, that's fine.

Can I appraise the pile of treasure for any single item that is particularly valuable that we would maybe take with us? Sure. Because we can't take the whole giant pile. I mean, we're coming back for it. Fuck. In droves. It's a seven.

Yeah, you really don't get the sense of anything valuable. And they are like active detect magic. But is it like gold? Yeah, it's over a thousand gold pieces. Like everything's probably worth over a thousand gold pieces. That belt is worth, the price as looked up is 2,000 gold pieces. The heavy load belt? The heavy load belt.

What does it do? It's probably something that one of you is going to want. The belt's wear is affected as though subject to a permanent ant hall spell. Oh, shit. Oh, that means you can carry like triple your load. That means I can put it on and carry all this fucking gold out. Yeah, totally. Oh, yeah.

Awesome. Oh, that's great. I guess I'll take that. I mean, might as well triple my strength. Did you say there were potions in there too or no? No, there were two scrolls. How many charges were... There were seven charges remaining

on that wand of inflict moderate. I got it written down. Do we want to spellcraft the scrolls or are you going to roll my other spellcraft over? I'll just roll it over because it's boring to do it otherwise. There's a scroll of phantasmal killer, the coolest sounding spell in the game.

That never works. Never works. And a scroll of tongues. Oh. You know, I do want to say that I agree about Phantasmal Killer, but I also said the same thing about Misfortune, and it literally saved our lives. It's true.

In that fight against Screed. In a historical battle. Quick base level thing for what it does. For those of us unfamiliar. Phantasmal Killer. That's what he's asking? Phantasmal Killer creates an illusion that if believed by the subjects,

can murder them. It's like your worst nightmare. Oh, cool. Whatever your personal, the thing that you are most scared of is materializes in front of you. And if you truly believe it, you die. It's like something the scarecrow would use.

Will save? Will save? It's a will save followed by a fortitude save, I believe. It's two saves in a row that they have to fail, which is why it never, ever works. And the DC is like 10. It's like a, it's like a Boggard

from Harry Potter. But yeah, it completely eliminates hit points as relevancy or armor or anything. You just die. Yeah. You're saying we should go

to the nursing home and kill Baron's grandmother who he can't afford anymore. That's probably the only one it would work. You know what's awesome? I wonder if witches can cast phantasmal killer.

They cannot. Only wizards and sorcerers. I knew sorcerers. Yeah, so it's useless to us. We can sell that shit. We can sell it. Do you guys want to do anything else with the rock? Well, I mean, we want to keep it.

Right. Oh, oh. You haven't done any checks on it, just as we're going through things? I mean, I did a general stone count. Yeah. You should do a spellcraft or something on it. I can do a spellcraft on it. Can I do a-

You can guys do an appraise. You can do knowledge geography. I was just going to ask if I could do knowledge geography. Sweet. Or a local. Nailed it. Try knowledge geo.

19 appraise on it. The 19 appraise doesn't... You can't quite place it. It's really... It's something you've never seen. This is from an area that you're not familiar with. I'm not familiar with this at all.

But I did just see Lork throw his arms up in the air and triumph. So I'm wondering if you got a good... Lork rolled another natural 20. Get out of here! So that's 26 knowledge geography on the rock. So 50% of my rolls 26 knowledge geo on the rock.

Gets you nothing. It reveals to you that this geo structure is no fluke of nature. No, no, no. The crystalline pattern that I mentioned looks like valleys and mounds that you remember from your time

reflect the exact topography of the Mindspin Mountains. It's a map on the rock. And a carved groove along the mountains seems to indicate a trail. Man, that's clever. That's really fucking cool. So it's a map of the Mindspin Mountains. Where are the Mindspin Mountains?

I mean, I guess. I believe they're south. I mean, Lork knows. I just don't know. Southwest, if I were to remember. They border. I believe they border Belkson. Okay. They form the border of Belkson. I mean, if it's a mountain. They border, I believe they border Belkson. Okay.

They form the border of Belkson. I mean, if it's a mountain range. To the southwest, yeah. I believe so, yes. All right. Big dwarf area in the Mind Spins. I'm going to have some. Dwarfs and giants, that's like the main inhabitants of the Mind Spins.

But you remember from your fighting days with the Black Iris, you were in the Mind Spins all the time. Right, right, right. Wow. Super fucking cool. So should we check out this last path? Yeah, there's a tunnel. There's one on a tunnel we haven't checked out yet.

You know, Screed is the problem. I mean, are we going to walk him down there with us? Is he going to go willingly? I got an idea. I got an idea. Let me go, and I'll go that-a-way, and you go that-a-way. All right, roll knowledge diplomacy.

Let's tie him to the giant statue. Scree, do you know what's down that path? You been down there yet? No, I came around this way. We snuck past all these denizens of the cave. There are two more. Now. What?

Oh. We added to the population. It's a girl. Gross. It was super fucking gross. All right, I'm just going to say, we're checking out this last path here, and you're coming with us.

Oh, give me a break. Just leave me here. I lift him up. Start pushing him, walking him along. Let's just go. Let's just go check out this last path here, and you're coming with us. Give me a break. Just leave me here. I lift him up. Start pushing him, walking him along. Let's just go. Let's just go check out the path. Gormley walks alongside him as we're walking, and she starts tracing the scars on his face with a long fingernail.

You're such a weirdo. So Lork is pushing the ropes on his back with one hand. And he's got his great axe in the other walking along um okay so you walk into the next room push him kind of rough you push him first you go first troy is laying out another enormous fucking map that if history is any indication is filled with fucking ghost rats and storks that will fuck me.

Quite literally. So you walk into this next cavern and if you thought that the one you just came from was strange, this one, you've never seen anything like this. What? I thought that was the end. I thought this was just like a pantry.

Yeah. I'm just going to come in here and get some human. Piles of platinum, right? I thought this was just the office for the funerary pyre. You walk into the cavern, and there is a wide ramp that slopes down to the floor on the far side of the cavern, you can see. So that would lead back up, and you would assume, presumably, that's going to go eventually back to the entrance of the cave. cave because you can see above you to your right the pool of water that would have been underneath that first bridge that you crossed before you after you fought the swarm before you fought the

grifts you with me so you see that wait a minute wait a minute does it loop back around to that path that was to the right when we fought the shadow rats uh yes yep because we never went that way right and then that you see can see there's another path going up, and that's where the Shadow Rats came. Ah. Okay, and to the right of that and to the right of you is the water that formed the pool that was over. So we could have come here first if we just went a different way.

Oh, cool. But you guys followed the tracks that Screed went, and like Screed just told you, Screed didn't go this way either. So you walk in this thing, and obviously that ramp's at the other end, and then you see another exit sort of out that you guys just know, without even rolling Dungeoneering, is gonna eventually get you out of the cave.

But along the walls of the cave are half a dozen huge humanoid skeletons, each 10 feet tall or more, are half a dozen huge humanoid skeletons, each 10 feet tall or more, just lining the walls of the cavern, standing in silent vigil. The floor of this cavern lies about 10 feet below the level of the tomb's upper caverns, similar to the area you just fought with Screed.

So that ramp at the far end that loops around, that's 10 feet above this room. But you guys are now, you see in front of you six giant. How is it lit, is it like a vague glow? Dimly lit just by light reflecting off the water and off of your weapons our light the light we're the dancing lights are you see those dancing lights still going technically they did follow us and I don't think they yeah

it's not like you extinguish them when the when you alerted the grifts to your presence yeah what a great moment blame Gormley for that. Good job on those dancing lights. I just wanted to get you a little something, Glabrous. It's been a long day. We learned something, and that's that hippogriffs love raving. They love going to raves. Trippin' on E, having sex with strangers.

Apparently they only last one minute. Oh, for real? Well, I think my gauntlet is still glowing, because I cast light on my gauntlet. And I had a rock. Yeah, so you can see however far that you can see in front of you. But these statues are so enormous

and they're so much taller than you, especially you, Baron, that you just see these creepy skeletal statues guarding the wall. So you'd think that they were like guardians to Asgroth's chamber. Ah, yeah, yeah. Can we just appreciate

the background music for one second? And just listen. Just close your eyes and listen. Ready? Mm-hmm. Space. The final frontier. Ba-ba-ba. All right. So I'll do a perception check

for any immediate... Before we advance any further, does anyone want to take this hammer? Well... I'll do a perception check for any immediate... Before we advance any further, does anyone want to take this hammer? Well... I'll take it. I'll put it on my back. It might also be a really great melee weapon. Yeah, I'll hold on to it for now. Okay.

But it's stone, so we don't know. You guys never did a spellcraft on just throwing this out there on either the hammer or the armor. So we would have to do that instead of the arcana that doesn't do the same purpose um well the arcana failed but yeah i guess he rolled like a 25 well whatever yeah that's yeah he rolled a 25 it would have to be very high yeah i mean i can i mean i can try to spellcraft it if you want yeah but i know it would be knowledge arcana i'm sorry but you didn't try that on the armor. I mean, if it's a melee weapon, then...

Try it on the armor. It should be Lork, but... It's a legit weapon. 16 on the Knowledge Arcana. I just... Whenever I see it... Sorry, go ahead. 16 Knowledge Arcana on the armor

reveals that it is a plus one half plate. Jesus. That's phenomenal. And I mean, I guess I could just tell this to you because you figured it out. You just, laying hands on the armor now that it's resized onto Galabras, you feel, you know what this does.

Once per day on command, the armor can bestow upon its wearer the effects of righteous might for five rounds oh cool what? and the wearer's alignment determines the DR gained from this ability

wow so a good wearer gains DR5 evil an evil wearer gains DR5 good and a wearer who's neutral chooses which DR to gain the first time he activates this ability. Once it's chosen, it can never be changed.

Wow. And Righteous Might is insane. You know what Righteous Might is? No. No, I've never heard of it. When I first read this, I was like, oh my god. I just looked it up. Righteous Might. Please tell us, Troy. That can't be anything great. Your height immediately doubles.

That's a good start. And your weight increases by a factor of eight. What? This increase changes your size category to the next larger one. You gain a plus four size bonus to strength and constitution and take a minus two penalty to your dex,

which obviously would affect your AC. And you gain a plus, but you also get a plus two enhancement bonus to your natural armor. And what's so cool is like, when you grow like this, just like in large person, if the ceiling isn't high enough, you roll a strength check to see if you burst through the ceiling of any house where this happens.

But that's what you can do once per day, and it lasts for five rounds. Righteous Might. According to this, it also gives you DR, but I guess the armor takes care of that, too? Yeah, well, I mentioned that's what he said. Yeah, yeah. But once it's activated, so if Galabras ends up keeping it, and you activate

this ability, once you choose it, it's locked. Obviously, you're probably going to choose dr5 evil i want to start killing good people with my look how big i am i'll kill you no no you want dr5 good you do you want dr5 oh no only good can penetrate it that's what that means yeah yeah that's that's what i meant we we discussed dr last episode briefly but it's basically you subtract damage dealt to you right off the top. So if somebody did eight points of damage to you, you have DR5. That becomes three immediately.

DR5 good means anything good hitting you goes through the DR. So you don't get to subtract. So he would want DR5 evil. No, he would want DR5 good. It says right here, you gain DR5 evil if you normally channel positive energy. Huh, okay. Because an evil-aligned weapon, it will do five less damage. No one's going to be attacking you.

That makes sense. The damage reduction works on evil. But the writing of it, this is getting super boring and nerdy. We'll talk about it. But yeah, anyways, it's pretty cool. Yeah, sounds pretty fucking awesome well I like it so I believe Lork you

were gonna do something I was gonna do a perception check on the room immediately in front of us to see if there's any noticeable traps creatures tracks of note okay Okay. 18.

No, you don't sense any danger. You just feel this ominous presence. All right, I'll start pushing Screed in just to kind of look at the room. Let me go. Why, you wimps. Keep your voice down. I put the axe blade right up to his neck. You wimps.

You pussies. Where's whims. You pussies. Where's the gag? You're pushing him ahead of all this? Yeah. I'm sort of willing to walk into it. Did anything happen? Somebody roll a knowledge local.

Natural. 20. That gives me a 20 24 as you enter the room are you guys entering closer to where the guardians are yeah we get up to where

they start as you get closer Gormley you notice that these are the skeletons of hill giants. It's very clear to you that that's the case. So you've got Screed in the front, and then Lork and Barron, and then Galabras and Gormley in the back. Can I do a knowledge religion to see if they're likely to be animated? Sure.

Yeah, go for it. 20. Oh, 21. 21. So there's six of them there, and you start kind of going one, like just kind of getting a sense, and you feel very uneasy.

There is great evil here, a necromantic energy, I believe. I'll start pulling Screed back. As you pull Screed back, you hear... God damn it! And out of the chest cavity of the hill giant skeleton next to you, a dire rat comes jumping out. Gross.

And then on the other side of the room, just as the dire rat comes out and goes right after Screed and tries to bite Screed, and in that commotion, in that noise, you hear on the far side of the room, just where Galabras was starting to feel super uneasy, the sound of ancient movement and bones creaking as one of the hill giant skeletons comes to life. And as it walks towards you, you can see beyond it

that in one of the other skeletons is some sort of chest lodged within its cavity. The diorite goes after Screed as the hill giant skeleton starts walking towards you and we'll pick it up here next time. Oh, man. Chest cavity. Outro Music