The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 279 - Mourning Glory

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

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Many kids have imaginary friends. Ready or not. Just because you stop believing in them doesn't mean they're gone. Here he comes. And they're angry you left. Imaginary. Now playing only in theaters. Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast.

A fucking misfire. Are you kidding? Oh my God. At their most desperate hour. This is that part of the movie where you think the heroes are going to lose. Yeah, most movies they don't actually lose. Yeah, but it's not a movie.

You don't have some writer that's just like, oh, well then they'll go like this and everybody wins. Everybody feels good. We just lost the dog. Who cares? Nobody cares about that.

And the good characters triumph. But no, not when you play the game for real. And grasping for a strategic advantage. God, some days I long for when I was temping. That was my job. You don't mean that. The heroes

were able to turn the tables. Two can play at this game. Metro will step onto you if you're going to play. Tricky. But at what cost? As that last bullet flies towards her, her eyes close, and she starts mouthing a prayer under her breath as she catches the bullet in her head and dies.

Yeah! The adventure continues now. No one ever said that the road to 300 wasn't going to have a couple bumps along the way. Nailed it. Just crushed that open. Were you thinking about that the whole way here? No, I just said it, but then I looked at you, and you were just laughing at me because of the way that I just over-dramatized the sentence. And then I laughed. It was fun.

Were the bumps on the road itself or on the road to get to the road on the road itself okay road to 300 is metaphysical road so no one ever said the road to 300 was smoothly paved that's right it's a metaphysical road yes wait where is this road where is this road what what are we on the road wait so, so did I screw it up? No one said there would be bumps? You said no one said there wouldn't be bumps on the road to 300? Right. So that was wrong?

No, that's correct. That might be wrong. It was just an interesting turn of phrase. Are people even talking about the road? Maybe there's nobody mentioning the... It's hot on social media right now. It's the biggest thing on TikTok. It's huge.

They should be. It's a metaphysical road. Matthew, have you seen the Road to 300 dance on TikTok? I haven't. Sweeping the niche. Unfortunately, I'm not on TikTok. Why haven't any of you showed it to me? Well, you're not on TikTok.

I don't need to see it on TikTok. I need to see you all do the dance. Grant, do the Road to 300 dance. All right. Everyone pause. I have recently gotten onto TikTok because a friend of mine was like, yeah, it's awesome. I look up recipes and I now torture Angel because I put it on at like 11 at night. And then before I know it, an hour has passed of me watching these 15 second videos.

And it's one of those things where you're chasing a high. It's what I imagine being addicted to crack must be like. Because you'll see one that's really funny. And then you watch 10 more that you just go and then you see one more and you're always looking for that one more oh i can't wait till tiktok goes the way of all those other shitty apps i think it will i just don't have the attention span to watch an entire 15 second video no it's too long yeah it's gonna go the way of all those other apps like twitter and instagram well do people still snapchat i don't think i don't hear anybody talking about snapchat no more snapchat made some bad strategic mistakes along the way that

prevented them from becoming what they should have been they're kind of like skype not being ready for the pandemic it was very hot when it was out though so maybe tiktok will just die too well they the main thing with snapchat was Snapchat was they invaded Russia at the beginning of fall. Yeah. Land war in Russia during winter. Never get involved in a land war in Asia. It's a classic mistake. Yeah.

And it's like, what are you doing? But they were obsessed with Napoleon and bettering him. That's why they say you should study history, because if they had just studied history. You know, history doesn't repeat, but it sure rhymes. Troy, it's more rhymes. Nobody ever said the opening to this intro wouldn't have some bumps.

I, for one, we really would really like to unpack this metaphor for a moment. So the bumps I'm assuming is that, you know, dog Wraith was killed uh in a meaningless unnecessary comment certainly not meaningless but yes go on unnecessary combat no not unnecessary completely avoidable combat hey wouldn't there's not a way to go joe it's

like go against a badass inquisitor wouldn't you rather die to an inquisitor than like the hill giant backup at first i thought it was just very hurtful. What Matt, he said. And then I thought a little bit more about it, which I hadn't done. And the saddest part is that he's right. Just imagine if we hadn't gone down that ladder. It was a terrible place to die. The fucking air sewer.

Yeah, it's an air sewer. He died in an air sewer and we didn't have to go into the air sewer really there was no reason to go he died in a wet propulsion duct no like a storm trooper i should have bruce willis's character died in the vent yeah and that was the end of the movie yeah he died in the airy colon of this facility. The moist hole. Right, the moist hole.

No, we just left his body there to gently be eased out of the sphincter. To be gradually peristalticized. It's so funny if the wind picked up and just... We want your gold. Carry it up and stuff. you joke but after we strip your body i mean i can think of no better way to alert our allies on the ground than to just dump your body with a note strapped to it so that when it when it when it falls and hits the earth and basically disintegrates into goo the paper will survive that gives them the information about what we're up to yeah Yeah. There's a sky's in it. I'll help. Gather the pieces. Send a 15th level character.

That's the thing that's so irritating and so goddamn ridiculous. It's like I already brought in a world renowned beast slayer because it was like 12th level or something like that. Now we're 15th. 12th level something like that now we're 15th you basically have to have like a king or like a king's right hand man that is pretty much your only options in the entire world is like that's the level of character you need like a george clooney level fighting celebrity we could have an a-lister we could have a demigod like why limit ourselves yeah that would be cool it reminds me kind of of the last scenes in anchorman and anchorman 2

where the other news crews have a battle and you're like oh my god that's will smith right what's happening here where where are you at with all this joe are you at peace um yeah yeah yeah i'm at peace yeah we we joked about it for so long that we joked about one that people are going to start dying and two that it was always going to be dalgryth first uh but then it happened and it was by like the skin of a roll couple rolls the other way it didn't have to happen it's always bad rolls yeah i think that there's a really there's a good chance he could have he could have been all right oh yeah he makes that first climb check and is immediately sitting at an effective 39 ac you know then it's like i mean this that that inquisitor was hitting

a 45 so he definitely could have taken some hits but i think there would have been some misses in there and even the negative levels and stuff like that, that's tough without a cleric, if you consider the fact that I guess you can never leave once you enter this castle. So that might have been really brutal, but I'd rather be alive with energy drained and get that back eventually.

But I said it last step. I'm just sad. I'm just sad i'm just sad i'll be i'll miss playing dalgryth he's a fun guy he's slowly becoming comic relief um but now he's gone and uh let's be honest between now and the end there's gonna be there's gonna be some other deaths there's just no way around him all you gotta do is have bad initiative, bad place. Who's gonna scout now? Could've been anybody else scouting. It was Dalgrith, and that's what got him killed.

Somebody's gonna have to scout, and they're gonna be the one that takes the full attack from a giant. But he was a hell of a character. You done good, Joe. He was terrible. But he was really fun to play. Well, the Road to 300 must march on.

We must avoid these bumps, Matthew, as best we can, and navigate what remains of this lonely road. I want to take you into the imagination sphere to kick things off today. Oh, were those the lyrics from a country song, by the way? Sorry, it felt very, very country-mustard. Very country. Well, I listen to a lot of very, very country-mustard. Very country. Well, I listen to a lot of country, so it may just be seeping into me. Is the Road to 300 a dirt road? It's an old dirt road where you drive a Chevy with a Bud Light in the console with the music up loud, listening to the wind, thinking about a girl.

There you go. It's a whole album. Yeah, I'm chilling on the dirt road, laid back, swimming like I'm George Jones. You like that, Matthew? It was great. Who's George Jones? Smoke rolling out the window, ice cold beer sitting in the console. That's illegal.

You like that? It was great. It might be. That might be illegal. But my rendition is not good. That's definitely what makes or break a copyright lawsuit. It's true. You have to read the fine print, Matthew. That's Jason Aldean, Dirt Road Anthem. There, I gave him credit.

Your Honor, I would like to submit my performance was extremely poor and therefore does not constitute infringement. Well, precedent was set in Plessy versus Ferguson. You're free. I can only remember, like, Plessy versus Ferguson, Roe versus Roe v. Wade, and something against the Board of Education. Yeah, Brown, Brown. Brown versus the Board of Education.

The big three, they call them. The big three. Imagination Sphere. Let's jump into it. I feel like we haven't hung out there in a while, and you know what? It's getting dusty. You've got to take the old girl out for a spin.

Shake the dust off. Hey, that's another country song. Shake the dust off. Anyways, Joe, can you give me like a... Don't say bouncy C. Give me a bouncy C, but spelled S-E-A. Oh, a little aquatic music. Oh, is that a C sharp?

Yeah, give me a bouncy C sharp. Oh, there she is. That's close. It's not going to be right on. It's not right on, but it evokes sailing. Oh, you were being literal. Yeah, yeah. That's okay.

You want the Michael McDonald song? No, this one's good. Christopher Cross. This is good. This is. Christopher Cross, yeah. This is good. This is getting me in the mood. We're going to fade up on the deck of a sailing ship. A generous wind whips through the rigging, catches the sails, and propels this ship cleanly through the water.

You can see the sun blazing out of a clear blue sky as we move along the deck past the main mast, past the mizzen mast, and up to the aft castle where two figures stand piloting the ship. At the helm, gripping the wheel with scarred green hands is the fearsome form

of Rag Bloodtusk. Whoa. Gladiator of Urgier and captain of the Chellish Devil. That's a name I have not heard for a long time. Long time. Long time.

No, he's not dead. Not yet. Standing next to him, right by his side, is a younger half-orc with a tattoo resembling a seven-pointed star upon his cheek. Rag looks out ahead and smiles. It's mornings like this that remind us why we go through all the trouble of staying alive, eh, Tog? The wind at our back,

the spray of the river on our face and answering to no one but ourselves. Aye, Captain, Tog replies with a smile. A hatch suddenly opens on the deck and a familiar voice is heard over the

snapping of the sailcloth. Captain, you best come down here. We follow the voice and see Halrix, the full orc cockswain. Ah! Tell us still.

I've got the helm, Captain, says Tog. Rag takes his hands off the wheel and his expression changes as he's pulled away from his all too fleeting, carefree reverie. He works his way through the benches where the rowers would sit had the wind not been so favorable this morning

and comes to see Howrek standing outside of the cargo room. He's awake, she says. Really? Rag replies, clearly surprised. I thought it'd be longer. Well, let's see him then. Rag starts to make his way past Halrix. Captain! Halrix urgently puts a hand on Rag's

shoulder. Be careful what you say. His kind, they aren't to be trusted. I'll be right there in case he tries anything. Rag looks at her for a long moment. Thank you, Horrocks, but I'll speak with him alone. It's a beautiful day out there and we don't need the boys rowing this morning. Why don't you go above decks and take a moment to enjoy the morning?

I hate the sunlight. Yes, of course you do. Well, you'll be leaving Tog all alone there at the helm, but I suppose you could manage. Aurex's expression changes ever so slightly at the mention of Tog. Well, I suppose

I can go check on Tog if you insist. I do. Now, get out of this hold and get some fresh air. Aye, Captain. We see Aurex's face as she turns from the captain and walks away, perhaps a small smile creeping into her hardened expression. We come back to Rag standing at the locked cargo door.

You guys remember what this looked like? You know what? Let me jog your memory. Let me jump on rule 20 real quick. Oh, whoa! Does this ring a bell at all? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. Well, I believe this is the site of one of your most embarrassing defeats, Troy, right? It sure is, Matthew. Thank you for remembering. It is the exact site. Right through that cargo hold. Boom!

The hull blasted open. Goryon came out, and a fight ensued right in this very room. This is like seeing an old friend. I know. Years, years of my life have just melted away as I saw this map of this stupid ship. Remember when the maps were this tiny?

Oh, so small. Look at that room where you guys partied all night. So small. I also forgot the bilge level where we fought Melira. Yeah. Bilge of Spies. Yes. Bilge of Spies. Classic. It's a classic. Oh, I love seeing this.

I think it was so much simpler at fourth level. Oh, it was a simpler time, right? Oh, man. All you had to deal with was saboteurs and drakes. Yeah. And river sharks. Yeah, crocodiles. Give me a crocodile, please.

Over a 15th level inquisitor. Giant inquisitor. Giant inquisitor. I remember fighting animals. That's how long ago this was. Just regular animals. We could just break into a zoo and just start fighting. Whatever we find. Level up!

That would be a good way to rack up some quick XP. Just go into a zoo. Yeah, break into a zoo and just start. Fight gorillas and lions And just like level up Yeah Just a good eight hours You joke

There's a second adventure Adventure path That does exactly that Oh no The whole part It's in a zoo How much XP Are the baby orangutans?

Oh no Not enough So Rags Rags Imagine Rags Standing right here At this Right outside this double door where the Grian was kept.

He's standing there and he inserts a key, turns the lock, slowly opens the door. And inside, it looks different from how we remember it. There's a motley collection of supplies. A large empty cage that sits waiting there, perhaps to jail some unruly deckhands or perhaps even a beast of terrible power who only rolls 20s. A beast who started the house rule

that you have to confirm fumbles if you have multiple attacks. Oh, wow. That's right. Yeah. That's right. That's right. Next to the cage, sitting on the edge of a makeshift straw bed, is a black-haired dwarf. His clothes are stained with blood, and his face, though a swollen mass of bruises and cuts,

is easily recognizable. It's Dahlgrith Deathbringer. Whoa. What? You're a tough one. I thought you'd be in the boneyard by now. Well, Emma, you're on my ship. The Chalice Devil. We picked you up two days ago outside Urgeir.

We found you collapsed at the river's edge. Looked like you were in a hell of a fight. I... thought it was. So what's a dwarf with your reputation slumming it this deep into the holds of Belkson and without any token of

safe passage, no less? My reputation? You know who I am? I don't know who the hell you are, but a few of the boys said they call you the Deathbringer. Kill the Reefclaw of Conqueror's Bay, the Leng Spider of Icemark,

the Brass Golem of Ito. Dalgrith just doesn't say anything. I was suspicious myself until I saw you were carrying weapons worth more than the whole of my ship. And he snaps up and, like, looks around, like, realizing for the first time that he doesn't have his weapons. Don't worry, I've got them rocked away in my quarters.

You'll get them back soon enough. So, is it true? Are you the Deathbringer? I, I am. Rack just kind of eyes him up and down, nods solemnly, and sits down on a crate near Dalgrith, no longer towering over him. So, Dalgrith, Deathbringer is flesh and blood after all. I am all too aware of that at the moment. Springer is flesh and blood, after all.

I am all too aware of that at the moment. But sometimes you forget, don't you? Aye, sometimes I do. I know how you feel. I may not look it, but there was a time, and this is going back many years, mind you, but there was a time I was the best pit fighter in all of Ergie. When I was at the top, every fight seemed easier than the last. I couldn't lose. And the fame, oh, the fame was intoxicating. Hearing your name spoken in the streets, chanting from the crowds,

people falling all over each other just for a chance to touch your hand. I thought I was invincible. I forgot I was made of flesh and blood, just like everyone else. Then I got this, and he, like, pulls down his shirt, and you see this long scar that runs from his collar right to sort of the area above where his heart is. Inches away from where you think the heart would be. I spent two months just trying to stand and breathe that collapsing in pain. That's where I met Helrix, actually.

She took care of me, nursed me back to health, just as she did you. And you don't... You don't fight anymore? No. While I laid in a shack outside the walls of Ergir, recovering, I thought about what I was fighting for. Fame. Glory.

Riches. It seemed as I lie there fighting off death with every breath a rather petty thing to risk my life for. Those are wise words, Captain. You remind me of

Yorick, my great teacher and friend. Glory fades, he used to say. Honor endures. I'd forgotten that. Six trends of glory, those are good words. It's not too late to remember them. Aye.

I've been on this ship for many years years and I was in the fighting pits for half again as many and I can tell you fighter to fighter what I've learned from these two lives fighting for yourself will make you strong fighting for others will make you immortal

says your man Yurik, says. Honor endures. If I'm to fall while defending this ship or its crew, then that is a death worthy of my life. Well, I've come close before. To dying. But I've always come back from the brink, it seems.

I don't think I'm fated to die like this. Well, if half the story is half true about Dalgrith Deathbringer, then heed the words of a pit fighter of Urgeir. You keep fighting the things you fight, and you will die. Just make sure that you know why you're risking everything. You want to look forward when you walk into the boneyard,

not back. Dalgrith just takes that in for a minute and just nods quietly. He's just thinking, Where are you taking me? And Rag looks at you and

he feels like he got through to you, maybe. And he said his piece. And so he stands up. He says, what am I taking you to? To the borders of Belkson. And there I must leave you, for we've got business to attend to on the river Esk. I'll get now to Belkson. That's all I need.

You have my thanks, Captain. Are you strong enough to walk, dwarf? I think I can manage. All right, well then then come with me on deck It's a day that will make you forget All the terrible shit in this world And remind you why life is worth living Right

Well Then lead the way And hope he'll follow him So he'll lead you Back through where all the rowing stations were Where Halvors had called Didn't Halvors call Lork like follow him so he'll lead you back through where all the rowing stations were where how it's called didn't how it's called like you're a son of a bitch like she was really mean i can't remember but it was funny and mean and mean and it got like there was a moment where you were like all right

all right that's enough yeah troy so he pulls you through there well this is the this is the location of the the no pants flute dance this is where where Hal Rex was charmed, right in this spot. Oh, yeah. And she was like, oh, my God. Oh, I wish I could just, well, I can't go back and listen, but I wish I could remember it right now, just how clear it was. I wish I could go back and listen. If only that moment was preserved via recording device.

Some record of it, I wish. I think what she tried to remember is, she said, would you like me to play my flute for you? And she said, I would love that. That's exactly the member I was looking at. I would love that. After she had been so

on the whole time. I think Baron asked her to play her flute once and you just slammed the door on her. Yeah. No! Slammed. So he takes you through where the rowing decks are, rowing seats, and you go up to the deck and you're greeted by Tog and his twin brother.

Sharg has the tattoo on the opposite cheek. Howrix and this cook holding potatoes named Goshnok. As the crew go about their business, Rag and Dalgrith walk up to the bow of the ship and look out over the edge.

And Rag's like, So, where are you heading next? Dalgrith will just look out over the landscape, over the, like, the rolling hills of Belkson and see the, uh, probably fires burning in the distance. Just, you know, sort of an unfriendly looking place. There's a wall that's just being lit by the dawn sunlight, you know, hitting the wall of the Mindspin Mountains that just like sits behind all of it, the snow-capped peaks. And he just looks to that and just says, Somewhere different. Somewhere new.

We close in on that look of hope in Dalgwith's face and transition to Dalgwith's lifeless eyes deep within the propulsion ducts of Zephyr Hall. Nestor, Baron, and Metra stand over Dalgris' body

and over the bodies of four advanced phase spiders and this Inquisitor of Zon-Kuthon. Let's go back to the map.

Take one last look. You may never see that. No. Goodbye, Chalice Devil. Goodbye, Chalice Devil. Oh, look, the stables that need mucking. Yeah, the stable mucking. Stable mucking.

Stable mucking. Oh, God. This brings back crazy memories. I know. I can picture the room and the look on your face, Troy, when you looked over at Grant and said, How about you, dwarf? How about you, dwarf?

Stable mucking? Stable mucking? Stable mucking? When I was driving in today, I listened. I was trying to remember what everybody sounded like, so I listened to episode 33, which we say right at the beginning, It's the Larry Bird episode. Now we say that for every every instance of 33 it was dick in a boat

skid to the intro um and and the title and the title and it was it was just when you guys had discovered that the uh someone had sabotaged the rail and so you were like wait a minute this wasn't an accident someone sabotaged this and oorag was like like, wait a minute, this wasn't an accident. Someone sabotaged this. And Urag was like, I'm a bit of a new fisher. I didn't know how to... And it was just crazy. That was so long ago.

Wasn't that like an exceptional role from Grant on the engineering check or something that let us figure that out? Or perception, maybe. That would have been the end of 32, because you go into 33 knowing that there's a saboteur, I think. And it's the first time Galabras gets to cook.

And you crushed your initial cooking checks. Oh, you're a very good cook. You've done very good. Don't be too good or you'll steal my job. Oh, man. And he was the bad guy. I think we called it in that episode. You're like, well, imagine if it's the cook cook it's always the cook and i laughed and laughed to myself

anyway say goodbye to this i'm never coming back uh farewell nostalgia farewell nostalgia nothing hits me harder than nostalgia that's why i love christmas so much um so let's go back here um you're all standing over i'll take the red x off of dalgert's body for out of respect have a little respect oh oh wait i think he's back to life i think you need to put the red x back on i'll just put the snail symbol above it. He's a little slower today than usual. A little tough to rouse. You see him laying there and he came to you at a time when

like all the heroes that have joined your party, Baron, since you've been there since the beginning when you really needed him. Another dwarf, a fellow dwarf, someone that understood the plight. A hero, a famed hero, the way that Pembroke talked about him. And this is how he died.

Trusted advisor, able to always have mirth and kindness, even in the darkest hours, something Baron often loses sight of. Able to laugh while fighting danger. Mid-battle, he'd be laughing yeah dog was like a good locker room guy intangibles yeah lots of intangibles right not a great shooter or defender right but good locker he's like a cliff levingston yeah it's a chemistry guy that gets the scotty pippen and michael jordan talking to each other again after they get in a fight. No, but the good players.

Yeah. Only the best players can do that. But yeah, Baron just, as soon as the Inquisitor of Zonkuthon falls, just his face sinks down and he looks 15 years older than he is. Maybe some gray you never noticed in his hair. It's very apparent as he pulls his hand through it. And he just slowly trudges over.

No. No. Dalgorth. Walks over. Attempts to maybe heal him, but before he knows any better, he can tell that a life has left him. Remove the spell from here.

Memorize the spell. Okay. Gone. Just like Dalgrith. Never to be recovered. I hope it feels good, Troy. I'm assuming that was a cure serious. I'd like you to remove it.

Don't metagame with cure light. I know that it's serious. I cast long shot on his corpse. It is a long shot to bring him back. That's why I did it. That's why I did it. It's the Niccolo way of casting spells. It is.

It's the longest shot of them all. It would be a long shot if this worked. Oh, I've got a spell for it right here on my list. It's called Longshot. Nick, we love you, buddy. I was trying to forget the using open clothes to close the circulatory

system when he's bleeding. To stop your ally from bleeding. I just emailed Nick and I was like, I miss the days when you tried to make an argument that my circulatory system was a container. Oh, God. But yeah, you don't know. So you try two or three

curasirius. And it's like you're clear! No, you try it again. So yeah, mark three on your sheet. Sure. Where's two milligrams of epi? And nothing. He's two milligrams of epi? Snap! Zicka! Zicka! And nothing. He's not even...

But I try to cure Sirius. All of them! I'm down to cure Moth! Use them! Damn it, man! I can see you! I think he's about to come back! Do you have spontaneous casting

for any of your other high-level spells? Scramble! Use the grit! Use the rest of the grit! Use the grit! Use the rest of the grit! Use the grit! Quick clear is the order! Nothing you

try works, and Dalgrith Dalgrith just lays there, dead. You silly fool. I could have saved you. Why do you think he wanted to stay, Metra? I saw you reach out to him when we teleported. He was a fool.

Too pure for this world, perhaps. Too pure for this world, perhaps. I could have kept a straight face if you had not. I'm sorry. You called him a fool twice and then called him too pure for this world. No, you're right. He was an idealist. He seemed to find truth where it seemed murky to most, and that truth was often in battle. He marched forward ever onward.

Now I find us stuck in the awful bowels of this terrible castle. Not much hope. Us three moving on much further, but I don't know what else to do. Besides, uh, pick up the pieces and, uh... Can we get him out of here, Metra? Do you think we can leave just to get out? I know it's crazy. I know this place is flying, but I... I just want to do right by him.

I just want to give him his due. I want to find him a place to rest. His weary bones. I have no ability to cast gentle repose. Well, maybe we can put him in the room we're resting in with Renthal and find a place for him when the time's right. While this is happening, Nestor's hanging back and he's hovering over the corpse of the Inquisitor giant.

Just kind of saunters up to her and pulls his dagger out of his belt. And ignoring the other two, he just kind of holds it up. Tries to measure it right over her eye. Maybe as she's gurgling her last breath. And lets it drop as it pier over her eye. Maybe as she's gurgling her last breath, and lets it drop as it pierces her eye and into her socket, into her brain. And he kneels down and into her ear. He says, that's what you gave for making me feel.

Pulls the dagger out, pulls the arrows out of the two holes. Punches in her armor. And makes his way over to the others. Add those arrows to your inventory. Done. Done. Do you think he had a death wish baron so many times he threw himself so

so brazenly into danger without even a care for his his health or well-being or safety we live longer than a lot of the small folk of the world. We don't even come of age until we're about 50. It's towards the end of most people's lives, humans I mean. But I think he knew, as an adventurer, as a warrior, that his time was short. And what days he had that word numbered, he needed to pack in as much living as he could. Boy, howdy diddy. Damn it.

He'd dance across those battlefields, get into places he shouldn't climb on top of who knows what, five times his size, laugh the whole way, and shove his dagger in the side of their throat, and I watched him fall, and you know what? I laughed with him. He seemed like he'd live forever, but I think he knew. Damn it. I've seen this too many damn times. This is where it ends, Metro. I'll tell you that. I told your daughter that.

I tell too many people I'm going to help save them and then this happens. I don't want it to happen anymore. And all I know is he's given me what I needed to move forward one step at a time with courage

in every goddamn step until Volstice falls. It won't happen again. And if it does, it's happening to me. That's all I want to talk on that point, damn it. Takes a swig of whiskey out of his pocket. whiskey out of his pocket. Rest easy now, Dalgrif.

I hope you find many battles in the life to come. You, um, search the room kind of, perfunctorily just you're so used to let's search the corpses see if we find anything of import there's nothing on the uh phase spiders um really side note as you're climbing up the chain there there's something like a 25% chance, maybe less, that one of the phase spiders phases to existence while you're climbing the chain. And I was rolling those percentiles. Oh, wow.

And it just comes, attacks you, possibly grabs you, and pulls you into the ethereal plane. And just one attack. And it didn't happen, but I was rolling those percentiles. Wow. It would have happened to Dog but I was rolling those percentiles. Wow. It would have happened to Dalgrith. Yeah. I'm shocked. Well, Baron was one of the ones

that was first up there, but you were flying, so it was only, yeah, only Dalgrith would have been in danger. So yeah, obviously, they're not carrying anything. The Inquisitor of Zon-Kuthon has a spiked chain,

which is not magical, magical armor, a magical potion, and one of those cloud engineer badges. So now you'll have two of those. Okay. Save you some castings of

air bubble. And that's it. Magical potion, magical armor. A spellcraft? Yeah. That is a 23. It is a potion of cure serious wounds

and... Pour it down Dogrit's mouth. Whoa. Nothing happened. That was good. The cloak, excuse me, not the cloak, the

breastplate has a familiar feel as you lift it, and it almost seems to shimmer in and out of existence right before your very eyes as it is a plus one etherealness breastplate. Whoa.

Very cool. On command, the ability allows the wearer of the armor to become ethereal once per day. Wow. You can remain ethereal for as long as desired, but once you return to normal, you can't become ethereal again that day. So, standard can't become ethereal again that day.

So, standard action, become ethereal. Damn. It's kind of useful to hide and wait for some unsuspecting PCs to pass by. Yeah. So she phased in, as the spiders did. She used her etherealness. She couldn't do it again. She couldn't do it again.

I thought about having her just be around the corner and then come in and surprise as the spiders surrounded you in this intersection so that she could go ethereal and disappear or disappear and have just metro chaser but i thought i'd burn that bridge and that that just run that makes her like the leader of a spec ops military team with these trained spiders like she has special equipment and has adapted to like these trained attack dogs, basically. And that's crazy. Yeah. And why? You know, as much as you say Dalgrit died for no reason and this was stupid.

Like, why are these people down here? Yeah. What do you do? Yeah, this is what I think Nestor makes the point. He says, I don't mean to interrupt. This is a very emotional moment. But my curiosity is piqued

as to why this particular group would be down here in the fucking sewers of this place. What would they try to keep us from? That's a good question. Maybe let's return

Dogwrith's body up. We can just go up through one of the hatches into the engine room and leave him there and then keep searching? Sure. I mean, actually, hold on. I'm very very hurt. Yeah, so... Yeah, I'm bleeding badly.

Let's take one moment to heal so that'll take up all of the remainder of one of our final wands we have one wand remaining with 50 charges left for baron uh i believe metro was down around 70 nester was down around 80 baron was down 131 oh uh which is why he was on death's door as well and uh use some scrolls there because scrolls they do they do feel like they should be kind of an out of combat thing uh easier to to use post-combat rather than waste an action pulling one out and then casting it unless it's removed paralysis it's true those are that is something I do not have the capability of casting without the Ed of a Scroll. So, yeah, we were healed up.

And, you know, I like that idea as both Grant and Baron of figuring out the significance of why these people would be down here. Hopefully there is a good reason. And we can provide some degree of justification for going down here outside of just treasure lust. Shedding a team member. So, alright, we'll say you bring Dalgrith up to the engine

room and stow him away safely near one of the pipes. You accidentally lean him against one of the burning plates and it just scars his already dead face. You're like, ah, damn it, damn it. You don't realize for a second, he's just like, do you smell that?

What is that smell? Burnt dwarf, oh God. Sounds like an egg hitting a hot plate. Burnt hair because his beard is all gone. You're like, shut up. And so you lay him down on the pipes uh go back to the intersection i just want to take a minute okay can i have can i take a minute i just want to thank grant for being a fucking good player and a good dude and the rest you can go fuck yourself yeah he had

an actual like good emotional scene i said exactly i said a couple nice things you did you did you didn't cry though grant cried yeah grant cried and uh i didn't basically made me cry and then as usual troy just was like this is all going really great and then he just pissed on it. I waited till you healed. Here's why I didn't cry. It's your own fault. I could have saved you. Metro probably is emotional. Matthew is.

Matthew feels way less sentimental about this. Well, if you want to get into it, I'll fucking get into it. I think if you teleported me out of there, he'd be alive for sure. But I think there's a decent chance that Nestor would be dead. Now, that is a trade you've made clear multiple times you'd want to make. Because you've told me privately how much you hate Nestor. But I did not feel that Dalgrath would want to leave him out to hang with four spiders and the main... I'm going to call her a boss because I died to her,

so I'm going to keep calling her a boss. Well, she was in charge of the spiders. I forgot to tell you, her name was Volstice, Inquisitor of... Oh, shit. You buried the lead. All right, so you're back down at that intersection. You know, you went around and around and around

you saw various uh these these ducks leading off in every which direction they all seem to turn um as you came up this final uh edge of the square you've now stood there long enough to have looked around and see that it just wraps in a perfect square. But for example, right where you're standing leads further to the south, and then there are other passageways behind you that lead to the south, three of which in fact, and then if you go back

north, there are some going east, west, north. What are you thinking? What is your stealth baron uh baron's stealth is that a plus 17 okay yeah why don't we just i mean we can't scout now obviously so we'll just all i think we just stay in a group yeah and just try to quietly make our way down these passages. We're all still extremely stealthy. Yeah, yeah. So we'll just creep down these halls until we find something interesting. And we're thinking southeasterly because that's where we ran into this person first.

Yeah, whatever's closest to where she popped up, I would think is the most likely to be something interesting. Regularly checking for traps. Yep. And maybe this is something that you can see etherealness, right, Metra? I can constantly see ethereal. So maybe we can follow webs like a trail of breadcrumbs? Is that something possible, Troy, or are there webs every which direction?

The webs don't seem to have any pattern to them. You see one up towards the end of this coming intersection, for example. And then if you were to look around the corner, you see another one up to the north a little bit. And then in this room, there was one back, you know, about 40 feet or so, kind of like where you guys were clumped up as you took down the Inquisitor. So, yes, you can see those now. Well, we're standing at the intersection of the easternmost southern pointing corridor.

Why don't we just go down this one? Great. And Baron's going to go ahead and walk in his off hand with the broom of flying because we get a sense that this is attached to the engine room and might shoot out into a propulsion duct at any time it's just an extra precaution um so um it looks a little odd like he's here to clean out these air suitors but um there's a reason there's a there's a chipperoo baron is now played by dick vanduul uh all right baron you want to stealth up there walk up there broom up there yeah well i'll stealth up there uh let me give you the roll okay

oh great uh 36 oh okay uh so So you are able to stealth up there. I think you are pretty quiet. How far can you see in dim light? I'm capable of seeing forever in dim light and dark light at 60 feet. Right. In dark case, 60 feet. Well, here it's going to be darkness because you're getting further away from that light source provided by the glow of the engine room. So, 60 feet.

That's going to be perfect. When you reach the edge, you see something right at the edge of your vision around the corner. Roll a perception check. Okay. Sorry about that. 35.

35. Looks like some white creature maybe. There's several appendages but it's not moving. White creature. It's a polar bear. It's lost.

How much does a polar bear weigh? Is there a knowledge that i could attempt to check with what i see is it close enough for that i don't know but it's enough to break the eyes okay i got polar bear polar bear both questions are can i roll a knowledge check to determine what this multi-limbed creature is um yeah you really you don't really see enough of it to uh get a sense it's right at the edge of your vision so if you move a little further in you might be able to see a little more metra i see something i'm gonna move forward and and i'm doing that also because metra has a wider array of uh knowledges oh yeah can i

just peek out from behind the corner i'll standhmm. I'll stand... Well, Bear and I will switch places. We'll grab hands and do-si-do and... You use another casting of that thing to switch places. Or five feet next to each other. No, I've done it twice per day. I can only do it twice per day. So, swing your partner

round and round, do-si-do. Metra's now looking down the corridor. Is she able to see more? does she need to move forward? So just at the edge of your vision, you saw this whitish creature, maybe multiple appendages, but you can't see more. So Metra takes a peek around. And Metra, you are able to see the whole show.

What the fuck is that? Is that a phase spider skeleton? It is a Dark Souls boss. Oh my god, it is. Holy shit. It does appear to be some sort of spider. Not necessarily the phase spider, but you don't really know. Because it is

a skeleton. A skeletal version of a spider. Wow. Is it dead, or does it appear to be resting? It's not moving. You know, if this was

not a fantasy setting, you'd be like, oh, it's dead. It's a skeleton. But this was Not a fantasy setting You'd be like, oh it's dead, it's a skeleton But this is a weird fantasy story You don't know Shit gets weird in this story Metra is going to Metra's going to cast ghost sound On the far end of the corridor

Nice Great use of the cantrip So you cast ghost sound. What is the sound? Caw-caw. The giant spider skeleton does not move. Does not tilt its head or anything.

Nestor knocks a single arrow and fires it into it. Whenever you rolled a hit? Uh, Natty 18. All right, so... It's one of the eyeball leg bones. Nothing. No sound. No movement.

Does the leg bone break or react to it in some way? Does the arrow get wedged into the bone? It's wedged right into the bone. Also, spiders don't have bones. No, they don't. So it's kind of like a carapace. It looks like a bunch of femurs placed

into spidery-like legs. Yeah, it looks like human bones. It's like some sick-minded artist assembled this giant spider out of bones it looks to be some sort of exoskeleton of a giant spider okay so it's not bones it's just exoskeleton detect magic um i am within 60 feet you know what my uh best friend emma grew up raising turtles andantulas, and they would take the shed skin of their tarantula and scare people. You know, they'd put it on the side. It's just kind of like a June bug, how they'd leave behind their shed skin.

So maybe this is leading us to the mother of the brood of spiders that we just fought. You do detect magic coming from the direction of the exoskeleton. Alright, let's approach cautiously. Cautiously. Okay. We're still stealthing there in case there's something else.

You start to approach Baron, now leading the charge. Give me some stealth rolls If you're all going together Natural 2 20 45 for Nestor 25 for Baron

You walk up Baron in the front Nestor About 15 feet behind Metro behind him And Baron You Put up your hand

To hold off Nestor Cause you realize Inside Of the exoskeleton Of this spider is a bomb. What? And we'll see you next week. Oh, my God.

That's the most surprising thing to find in a giant dead spider. Oh, man. Now we know what to put down through the moon door. The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated.

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