The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 291 - The Handmaid's Tail

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

The heroes climb back down the ladder to continue clearing out the unexplored rooms on the castle's first floor. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. This is what they look like. Oh boy.

Oh god. Oh my god. Oh, nasty. The heroes tangled with otherworldly spiders. Immense purple spider has a leg span of nearly 40 feet and a hideously bloated body. Yet the way it moves, it moves with a dancer-like grace. But quickly eradicated the infestation. We will send you back to the plane from whence you came. You have chosen the wrong world to enter.

The allies of Iomed Day will smite you. The party then shuttled back down the secret passage. 44 points of damage. And the giant fall. Yeah! To spring a trap of their own. And we close the door and disappear. Yeah, you disappear forever.

The adventure continues. Talk about a strike team. A strike team. Sir Will, are you ready? Is Lexington, are you on Lexington? I literally said I wouldn't have a turn until next week and I was not kidding. Read about it in the paper tomorrow. No. I don't know what episode this is or when it comes out,

but at the moment, I'm watching a lot of Olympics. Big Olympics guy over here. Love the Olympics. Grant, you a big Olympics guy? You know, I was in Tokyo in 2019, and I have a bunch of pictures out front of some of the Olympic regalia around Tokyo. Humble brag. Yeah.

Let's make it a not-so-humble brag. I thought that I had the power to cancel an international athletic competition such as the Olympics simply by visiting Tokyo. I did not. They persevered. They were afraid. They were like, are all Americans giants? Yes. We must cancel we have

no chance they'll destroy all of our teams um the best thing that ever happened to me in tokyo was giving up my seat for a woman with a child on a subway and she was so thankful and then as she left her stop before mine she like grabbed me by the arm and was like sit there you deserve this and like i was like why can't every place run like tokyo i love tokyo love you tokyo i gotta go back um but yeah i'm i'm a big fan of like the first evers i'm a big fan of like the philippines won their first gold medal in women's uh i think weightlifting spoiler alert uh yeah sorry um and like uh i taped that i was gonna watch it later guess i won't the first uh american woman won a Taekwondo medal.

Yep. And surfing. Surfing is new to the Olympics. That was fun. A Hawaiian lady won it. I believe she was from Hawaii. They said aloha. Shocking.

Yep. They know they're surfing. Too bad she had to travel so far to train. Yep. She surfed all the way there. That's how she won the medal. Now that is devotion. Most of the athletes rode one big wave.

Is that going to be a new event? Surfing marathon? Surf 26.2 miles. I want like surf biathlon. Like you say you surf across the ocean and then when you get there, you fire an RPG. A derelict ship or something. You train by firing potato guns.

Right, right. That event was very interesting. I'm picturing them doing it off the surfboard. Just like rockets flying in all directions as they're trying to aim from the surf. If you want ratings, I'll watch that event. People would watch that shit. I would fucking watch that shit.

Would not have to worry about ratings. Would revive interest in a flagging Olympics. That's one way you could do it. I've always been a fan of Olympic hide and seek myself. You have to wait for the satisfaction on that one.

My favorite has always been the women's gymnastics. I liked it as a kid, probably just because I had a little crush on the ladies. I wanted them to palm on my horse, if you know what I'm saying. Swing on my uneven bars. I'm very I'm saying. Mary Lou Retton. Swing on my uneven bars.

I'm very uncomfortable with that. I was young. I was just a teenager. I got into it, but it turned into a genuine love and admiration of the sport. You were a gymnast? No, no, no. Could you ever do it? Were you ever able to do a round off or a backhand sprint?

Oh, yeah, I could do that. When I was really into martial arts I tried to get into like aerials and stuff to because I was part of the traveling demo team and we would do these demonstrations of our art in local communities and so I wanted to do a real

cool move to finish off my set. But I couldn't do backflips. I always tried to do backflips you do getting that thing where they'd like two guys would hold you by an elastic band you'd do i could never just i was afraid of breaking my neck but i like watching the pros do it speaking of martial arts i walked into a driving range the other day and i walk in to the office and there's the tv's on and the olympics are on and two guys behind the counter are just sitting there watching taekwondo women's taekwondo and these two women are just like

they're standing across me this is very visual but they're standing across from each other and one like slowly lifts their leg and then just like kicks at the other one and they're just like kicking back and forth the two guys are just staring at it and they go one guy goes what is this the other guy goes i have no idea he's just like is it just kicking it's a kicking game because that's all they were doing there's no hands or anything they were just real close and they were just kick kick kicking each other yeah taekwondo you want it to be cooler than it is but it's very uh like you you someone will win and go crazy.

And I'm like, how did they even score a point? I didn't see a point. I didn't see anything happen. Her foot was two feet from the other woman's head, and then she cheered like she just cured a disease. That's why I love fencing, because you have the sensors built into the suits, and like a big light goes off. It's so cool. Were you a fencer? I could see you being a fencer.

Angel was a fencer. Really? Angel took fencing. She has a foil at home. And she could do all the ripostes. Could she parry? She could. Could she parry?

F-A is a frequent crossword answer. It is. It is. You get a lot of E's. Get those E's out of the way. I can't watch gymnastics anymore. Really? Yeah. I just live in constant fear of witnessing injury and i it makes me sick it doesn't happen that much although unfortunately simone biles had

to pull up uh which is a real bummer um did you have you watched the slow motion of that crazy ridiculous thing she did in her floor routine it's just mind-boggling unbelievable she's the greatest ever she's good at olympics the other day i uh skid there for the color commentary the other day i uh went down a rabbit hole and i watched uh nadia komenich's uh perfect 10 perfect 10 on the uneven bars from like montreal and fucking 86 okay it was astounding how good it was i was like no one could do that today the best gymnast couldn't do it she was just like even the way she jumped on the first bar she like turned around and did this crate i was amazing i was like that's that's perfect 10 didn't they also change the scoring system so 10s are just like not achievable anymore possibly i think it

unless you do unless you're perfect i think they did change okay yeah i'm looking it up now yeah they changed the the code of points in 2006 and there are now different top scores all greater than 10 for various events based on difficulty and artistic merit there is no consistent perfect score perfection t, is a myth And you should just appreciate The majesty of human achievement That would just Appreciate, okay Shouldn't you strive for it, though? No, you should appreciate just how

Amazing it is The things the human body can do across all These athletic events, and not put Arbitrary numbers on them Here we go We get to the heart of it. Even number that ends in zero. Matthew, were you on the board of people that made the decision to change scoring?

There cannot be an arbitrary number that equals perfect. The Capitacasa rule came into effect after the Olympics in Atlanta. I just, I'm thinking. After the Atlanta games. We end up talking about baseball a lot on this podcast. that I think about how recalcitrant to change. They are because like changing one stat or how something works totally changes like the history of statistics there. And then changing that Olympics rule,

like there's no more tens. Like that's got to skew everything now. Right. What does calcium have to do with this? That's what I want to know. Are you getting enough of it? Cause it could have a lot to do with everything. It could have a lot to do with your future in gymnastics.

I could have brittle bones. Yeah, you don't want to get on those uneven bars now, Troy. How am I going to do that with osteoporosis? Joe's having heart palpitations just thinking about it. It's making me sick. It sucks when you get old. Your bones are just like, nope. And you just break them getting out of bed.

Well, I guess I'll never walk again. My favorite was my buddy, Matt. who you guys still go into the doctor. He came back from the doctor's appointment at work. It was just like, my ankle hurt for like three weeks. And so I went to the orthopedist and he just looked at it and he was like, yeah, man, that's just how it is now. He's like, there's not an injury there? He's like, no, it's just, it's an old ankle. Like, that's just how it is now. He's like, there's not an injury there? He's like, no, it's just an old ankle.

Like, that's just how it's going to be. That's just an old ankle? He had no injury. There was nothing in particular. It was just wasting away. It's like, yeah, it's going to be, just take Advil. Oh, God. Have any of you guys had like a knee replacement or hip replacement

no not yet my old boss did yeah it was a miracle like it he replaced it and his recovery was like he was an older dude and as you might expect and recovery was very short and he was just like i feel like an entirely new person oh yeah i have a whole yeah my whole my father-in-law had one and a bunch of his brother-in-laws had them and i i hang out with these guys they're all like it's greatest thing in the world it's just like one day or it's just like years of pain and then one day it's all gone forever and you're just like happy all the time yeah and you walk around medical advances have been amazing i believe my grandfather made those artificial joints. In his garage?

In his garage, yeah. And then he went door to door and he sold... No, I don't know. I can't remember if it was knee or hip. Yeah, that was what he did. Do you have a clean surface we can cut into your husband in, man? Ready to install today if you're willing to buy. Hello. What do I have to do to get you in this new knee? today if you're willing to buy hello what do i have to do

to get this get you in this new knee is the man of the household actually i'm the one with the knee problem i'd like to speak to the man it's 1945 new jersey is it work he's at the factory ah maybe your your grandfather conspired uh with this. He installed faulty knees in people, and it started a trend that would lead to the changing of the score system at the Atlantic Games. Yes. My antipathy towards arbitrary even numbers that end in zero is actually genetic. You've discovered it. Wow. Passed down for passed down for generations more like a

more like a cover-up it adds up it's an ancient capo de casa trait going back to the early the earliest generations on sicily we're gonna need to spend more money on red thread for that conspiracy board to link all the pictures together damn well to bring it back to the original question i avoid everything that has judges and points points given by judges you don't like points i don't like points given by judges i like competition i like uh wrestling fighting ping pong soccer golf water polo water polo is a good one man the conditioning for water polo i once tried to play water polo is a good one. Man, the conditioning for water polo. I once tried to play water polo. It lasted about three minutes. It's very exhausting.

It's unbelievable. When those people do like, when they leap out of the water to make a shot, it's like their swan leap. It's unbelievable the core strength it takes to get yourself like five feet out of the water to make one of them would know a springboard it's amazing i wish people could have seen joe shimmy his hips back and forth on his chair it was like it was a dolphin yeah that's what they do it's like dolphin kick and they launch into the air and and throw like an 80 mile an hour fastball with a basketball

it's it's unbelievable synchronized swimming too they got to do all that and just hold people up yeah i think multiple multiple people up synchronized diving is kind of fun i got into that last night um when they're bad at it it's really noticeable it's kind of a high risk high reward sport isn't it yeah like that wasn't synchronized at all how did you get into this sport that's what i said to myself while watching it i'm always like who who who messed up you know what i mean with the synchronized like which one messed up i'm not sure their team joe the team messed up the team messed up that's the important mindset to go in with i i used to pull the the guide out of the tv guide tv guide would come with like a separate guide for the olympics and i'd be marking it up, making schedules.

I can't miss ski shooting tomorrow night. Tomorrow at 3.30 p.m. Do you have a favorite Olympics? Oh, man. How do you choose? What was the one with Cary Strug? 96, right? Yeah.

Or 94? That was Atlanta. 92? 92. Wow, Cary Strug is older than me You know there's a movie about Carrie Strug coming out Really? It was the 96 Olympics

It was 96, yeah Solid Olympics Atlanta, right? It's based on I guess on her book Olivia Wilde's going to direct it That was a good one Talk about playing through the pain.

Walk it off, Gary. Walk it off. You can do it. Just straight abusive behavior. Yeah, you mean the torturing of children, that you're talking about? Yeah. That was awesome.

When they tortured that poor girl. That was a built. They made her try to put all of her weight on an injured leg for our entertainment. It was either that or a bronze medal. I think she made the right choice. You don't give up your life for a bronze. My God.

Sam and I were watching the Olympics. I'm like, you realize Archery turns three this weekend. I'm like, we've already missed the boat. Oh, yeah. He has no chance. There's still a chance for Dash, but we've got to get him into it tomorrow. He's seven months old. It's not an exaggeration. At three years old, you already

have to be up on skates shooting a 90-mile-an-hour slap shot. Yeah. No. Yeah. At three years old, you need to be in a facility with some sort of German or Norwegian coach in Canada, like doing working on your gymnastics, like at three, or else you're behind. Miss the boat. Well, there should be an Olympics of tabletop because we'd win gold every year.

Oh, man, I need to get a new nicotine mint after that why they held every year i don't know anyways you guys would you would get a a medal for the way you handled that last combat oh man talk about strike team strike team that was cool now there was a bit of a a a a row that you were ready to cause Matthew about the trying to get in there and attack them because they didn't know you were there. And I thought about it a lot on the drive home. It's complicated. You know, in essence, you know, you're going in there just a straight up attack. But that's why the perception and stealth rules exist because like okay if you

want to do that roll stealth because these are guards with a plus 24 perception that like that's what they're doing they're on high alert for any danger um so while i i agreed with your like well we're just going in there to attack that's why the system exists now if they were just in there partying then i think you would just get the jump but is it fair uh are you happy with the way i uh i ruled it i think it was unfair i'm perfectly happy to rule stealth i think it was just like when we were doing the planning you didn't tell us like oh this would be that would be a stealth check as you often do so it felt it felt like you were after the fact so it's my fault well yeah okay think of it this way troy here's where it's downgraded you to silver wait is that how the aerobics work you just hand out you just hand out medals to us

8.6 for cabinet cause yep 8.6 you had so much promise protest during the anthem turn your turn your back on the flag just throw my silver on the floor don't show up for the ceremony like the men's basketball team in 1972. Here's where you're wrong, Trey. This is why you're completely wrong. Okay. You get a surprise round when you are aware of an enemy and they are not aware of you. And you're launching the attack.

Right. So say you're spiders on the caldera. Crazy scorpion spider things. They come up to us. We didn't see them coming. There they are. But we see them. And then we all roll for initiative.

And they get a surprise round. And we do not. They didn't get a surprise round before we saw them. We saw them. They just got the jump on us. In this case, we see them. They don't know we do not. They didn't get a surprise round before we saw them. We saw them. They just got the jump on us. In this case, we see them. They don't know we're there. And we've done this before.

And you're always like, oh, this is how it should work. It's like we should all roll initiative first. I'll get one action. And then they're in the initiative because they're probably going to know we're there by then. So, I mean, that's how I think it's supposed to work. I think it comes down to work i think it's it comes down to the interpretation of the word aware it's kind of like you can interpret it that way or you interpret the way i'm interpreting all right well let's see who's aware of who because even though

baron's using the gloves of silence to open that you guys are then launching into the room to do the attack um right but getting in the room if you want to get into there you got a role of stealth versus their perception because that's their job is to like make sure they don't hear anything and with a plus 24 none of you ended up passing it so they would have been like what the hell is coming from there and now we're in the fight and now it's like right but who's gonna what if you don't go into the room and you just attack that's the surprise round it's like going into the room that's why you only get one move or one standard you can't get into the room and attack unless you're an ethereal fucking spider but you can't just go in and attack that's why you move in they see you then they get to act you know what i mean it's like i would say the act of baron like standing

there and getting ready to shoot they'd be like what the hell is that and now it's their initiative beat barons and it's like a okay corral but i mean i don't think it's i don't think it's unfair for him to call for a stealth check no he's just gotta well i thought that's what it was like stealth check open the door look in and they don't know we're there well we didn't roll a stealth check because of the gloves of silence making that action totally silent i was prepared to then do mechanical checks at that point if we needed to move in or do something past that that's why i was like oh i'll do a cloak of shadows because i thought we were going retroactively like oh actually i thought you were saying actually we should have rolled a stealth check and like had we known mechanically that's what we're doing we would

play differently yeah and you can also give only pcs that actually see them surprise rounds you know what i mean you could say like yeah sir will's aware of them but he's 10 feet away from the doorway he doesn't see them he doesn't know where they are in the room he doesn't get a surprise round like i could see that but yeah if you see them and they don't see you i think you should get one you also bring up a good point oh boy here we go your characters always get perception checks our characters never get perception checks when the spiders on the caldera are coming after us you should ask for them all right all right give us a stealth check yeah i'm going to grind every single combat for health.

I'm going to say on my turn, I'll take a move, a standard, a knowledge check, and a perception every turn. Every time we go anywhere. This will never finish this year now. Just want to lengthen Giant Slayer. I love it so much. What is your plan for right now? Last week, I got the impression that your plan was to now go down to that room with the orcs and cause some trouble.

I would argue in this instance, they're busy doing other things. They're not on the same alert that the Ashpeak guards were. It's pretty obvious. They're feasting. they're goofing off. They're making weapons and stuff. So they're not like on high alert. Now there might be people in the room that are. And then we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

But is your plan to just go in there, guns blazing? I don't know what the hell the plan is. This got real out of hand ever since we found this fire, secret fireplace ladder. It's like, there's so many options. It changed the game. It really does.'s so many options. Change the game. It really does. Baron wanted to clear out the lower floor.

I agreed with that. Now we're just going into random floors, killing things. It's like a game of Clue now. Very dangerous. Just shoot from room to room looking for candlesticks. We definitely... Leave a lead pipe in here and we'll leave. Our strategy definitely to succumb to Matthew and Skid being like,

oh yeah, I want to kill those things. I want to fight those things, which is fine. And I like that. The question we have now with a week of retrospective on the events is, have we created enough confusion on this floor? Do we want to re-engage as orcs still? Or do we want to clear out that first floor now? I think the actual justification ingame world was we're going to

create confusion by hitting a bunch of different boards it seems like they're unaware of this passageway so hitting a bunch of different floors wiping people out and then going as we work our way down to the first floor what if everybody dies in the fireplace rooms don't you think that's gonna lead they'd be like there's something what do these rooms have in common where everybody keeps dying that's my argument too there's only like three floors really and not a ton to we also know that there's a floor that we can't access to the fireplace that we could access via these stairs true might be something sweet up there yeah i don't want to accidentally trigger a big battle we're not ready for when we could clear out the first floor that's right and we're not it's not that we can't clear out the

first floor and then do the ladder into the fireplace for the orcs obviously they'll still be eating and gallivanting you made the exact same joke last week it's not a joke i'm saying like we can go do that and then come back and and do we can take this same secret way to get them but like wouldn't isn't there a better chance that they'd be tipped off based on the fact we just killed these two giants than there would be otherwise we went down there now i thought so if the stairs connected those two levels but they don't like they i think they'd have to maybe the orcs aren't even allowed up here i thought that the stairs connected these two rooms uh but actually the stairs in the fire giant room is

going up not down is there anything we could do with these bodies can we conceal them or destroy them or dispose of them somehow disintegrate uh and then i could disintegrate them that's two six level spells yeah you don't do that do it um i would do it we drag him over to the one of the windows or something well i mean well the other option is we could wall them up. I could play the liar building. We could just wall them up in a little alcove. A little alcove. Yeah.

Or we could... I have a wand of shadowy haven that we use to once hide some of... Yeah, in an extra-dimensional space. We could just throw them in there. That will last... Won't last more than today. once hide some of uh yeah and an extra dimensional space we could just throw them in there that will last won't last more than today let me see what's fine we just need a day yeah why don't we just do that okay yeah it's like rope trick but it's just you like make a little door somewhere in a shadowy area call it shadow grave all right temporary amazing spell shadow grave you put a corpse into an extra dimensional space for an

indeterminate amount of time so what's your plan there metra i'm just going to cast shadowy haven with my wand which creates let's see make sure i can yeah this can hold two large creatures the entry well the entry is through a five foot square but it can hold as many as ten creatures of any size. Okay, and they are permanently on the shadow plane? No, they are in an extra-dimensional space adjacent to the plane of shadow. They are hidden beyond the reach of spells, including divinations, unless those spells work across planes. The space holds ten creatures of any size. The entrance to the extra-dimensional space remains visible as an area that is darker than the ambient illumination,

which is why we want to choose a shadowy corner or something. Okay, so you're just going to hide them in the shadows. No, we're making a little pocket dimension. A little pocket dimension. And will they ever just pop out? Yeah, eventually the spell ends. Okay, let me know when it ends. Can we argue, perhaps, I'm trying to incriminate the orcs and i'm going missing potentially if

someone investigates this room can i say that i have something from all my time fighting orcs and belks in and and uh red lake fort that maybe i have like a orcish arrow or some other memorabilia that i ripped off one of their chains or something that could match something downstairs just to sow more confusion. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's fair to say you've collected some trophies along the way. So yeah, leave a little orc arrow behind or an ear. You know what else we could do? They're dead, so I could transport them.

We could just go to some other location in the castle and just leave their bodies there. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, it's like I just dump them down the shaft of the secret door and just leave them at the bottom. We could just dimension door back to the first level by... Just throw them out the moon door? Yeah, out the moon door. Yeah, actually, yeah.

Let's do that. Let's do that. That saves me a spell. But what about the three villagers Troy is going to kill with the bodies? You are factoring that in. We'll roll a percentile. He's hitting anything. On a one through three, you don't kill any children.

We spent 20 minutes chopping them up. Roll D100 to see how many children. 67? It was a day trip. It was a field trip oh my god what accuracy all right so do you want to do a dimension to pull them with you to the back to the first floor so

grant can get his way and and then we'll drop them down the moon drop them down the moon and you have to that's dimension door you're using right yeah automatically appear are we within 900 feet i think we are right yeah yeah yeah this part at this level well actually it's pretty close we'll say it's fine We automatically appear. Are we within 900 feet? I think we are, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, at this level.

Well, actually, it's pretty close. We'll say it's fine. So you just, you get there, you drop them, and then you dimension door back? No, we'll stay on this level. And now we'll approach the way Grant wants to go. Okay, so what do you think? So we still have a bunch left of this floor, including the, you know, purportedly mirrored side that leads back to those slimes. I do want to avoid the slimes completely. It's too boring to fight.

I just want to clear out because there was a bunch of storage rooms and all those were the same, but I'm hoping there are storage rooms there. It's just about clearing out the floors. They might get disintegrated when they hit the ground but can we take a minute to write a note alerting people of glaring to spread the word about this crowd class crowd castle cloud castle crowd funding crowd funding campaign to stop the giant story so you just write it right now there's a cloud coming careful and we write uh and then we write rewards for people who want to pledge you know forces cheers armies yeah this is kind of like would you want to know if a nuclear missile was going to hit you in this last couple

of minutes like what are most people aren't we're the only people in the world that can really do anything i'm sure when that body explodes on impact that node will be gathered in great condition in the middle of a forest nowhere near civilization well that's the thing if we have a meaningful note on it that would help us that would avoid it hitting any any people that's true what if it the note isn't discovered for 15 years and people are like there's an invasion coming we must stop them kill every every giant! Kill every giant! Call your banners! Oh, what if it becomes...

To the Cathedral of Minderhall! I hear they're commuting there! It could become the entire origin story for a civilization. It's like they're Ten Commandments, basically. All right, so you're going back. I just have you back on the map here where you originally found the uh secret door in the fireplace and there is double doors to the north and then back in the room with that uh center of gravity there's a door leading to the south and then of course uh in that room with the

center of gravity also continues on to the east where you saw the hallway just splits and keeps going on so there's probably multiple doors down there. What do you want to do? We still have protection from energy fire on, just everyone should know that. For how long? I believe it's two hours. Fifteen hours divided up in ten minute increments. Four hours, about.

Okay. A lot. Let's go north. The double doors to the north. Alright. Let's go north. You want to go north? Yeah. The double doors to the north. All right. Let's investigate, Sheriff.

One day we'll swing down. Perfect. I'll do a perception at the door. Obviously, Nestor is more equipped to deal with traps. Yeah, I'll do that as well. 25. Oh, that is a 40. A 40 perception, 47 for traps.

Okay. It doesn't appear trapped or locked, and you hear like the shuffling of feet and... That's what we heard last time. Plates. Yeah. Maybe plates and cups being moved. The kitchen stuff.

Killed them all. Cannot abide waitstaff in this place. Thou shalt not suffer a scullery made to live. Open the door. Yeah, let's go in. Baron? Baron will use his gloves of silence to quietly open the door and roll a stealth check if needed. He's going to volunteer a stealth check preemptively in case

there's one needed to jump on people. If I don't have mirror image on, I'm going to cast it. Okay. Baron, roll a stealth check to stealthily open the door. Come on, baby. Let's crack die. Not great.

20. 20. The Baron goes, boom boom boom this gun goes off while he's opening the door he opened it with the muzzle boom damn it what the hell my trial uh you open the door and you see a room with a rectangular giant sized table with chairs beneath a stained glass window and two wooden cabinets. You see opposing archways on both sides of the room leading to spiral staircases going up. You also see a giant crouching in the space near the window looking apprehensively over the

table. And you open the door and she turns to look at you and looks afraid. Here's what the room looks like. Oh. Ooh. That's a large woman there.

Yeah, I can show you what she looks like. Oh, she does look scared. Yeah, she looks scared in this picture. Oh, she's like an elf. She's got big pointy ears. And green, like solid green eyes yeah she appears to be a giant um that you haven't faced so far let me do a quick knowledge local to see if i recognize this particular species i'll do one as well that's a bad roll uh 25 25 what about you? Eight. I guess she dies then.

Error on the side of safety. You do recognize it, Nestor. She is a wood giant. What? Giant. Wow. Pale skin, large brow, giving it a somewhat primitive visage. She's got a large forehead and these pointy elf-like ears,

but very pale skin, and they're known as wood giants. So they're not made of wood. They're kind of like fey creatures in the woods. And she looks at you, Baron. You do seem to have surprised her. She's like, So is she speaking a different dialect than giant? She's speaking Giant, and she is asking you, do you speak Giant? Baron's going to reply in broken Giant, poor Giant, but Giant nonetheless,

and he's going to say something to the effect of, along with the diplomacy check, My reputation may indeed precede me with the large folks of the world, but don't let it scare you. me with the large folks of the world, but don't let it scare you. I've been known to treat us with those that are reasonable of your ilk. I am Sheriff Baron Redheart, and I'm here to repatriate this holy place to its original owners, the just owners. holy place to its original owners the just owners where do you stand in between the recent intrigue here and he basically offers protection if she's cooperative and that's where the diplomacy check is coming in to try to like put her at ease okay roll diplomacy okay 25 25 um clearly 25. 25. Clearly, your giant was poor because she flips the table over in fear and then starts shooting her gun at you.

Wow. What a... Wood giants are famous for their artillery. Right? Escalated quickly. Their firearms technology. She... Why would she be so afraid if she has a gun?

She looks at you and nods as you're speaking and she says my name is sirola i am the daughter of a distant wood giant chieftain who sent me here to the castle as an apprentice to the cloud giants of zephyr hall when volstice took over i and many others were enslaved Sense motive. I'll do that as well. I would do it, but I don't speak giant. 31. I don't either. 8. Yeah.

Totally telling the truth. For the 31 as well. Okay. How was life underneath the cloud giants rule? We have learned through our reconnaissance and how was life underneath the cloud giants rule? We, uh, have learned through our reconnaissance and research that,

uh, there was a bit of an overthrow here, a line of succession argument. Yes, they were good people. They still are, though. Some seem to have changed sides,

perhaps out of necessity or fear. Much has changed since the hall was taken. There is evil around every corner, and Volstis' lieutenants protect each floor of the castle. I know that in the chamber above, she motions towards the stairs in these two alcoves to the side here. There are several orcs hailing from the holds of Belkson. They are here to negotiate with the Stormtyrant on behalf of their tribes to form an alliance, perhaps. At least that's what they think. But I have heard Volstis refer to them as his trash ambassadors. No doubt he does not take them seriously.

Why, if I may ask, are you here? How did you come to find this place? And where do your alliances lie? Our alliances lie with the small folk of the world. our alliances lie with the small folk of the world we have no desire to kill every giant we see is may have been some of the propaganda you heard i don't know what people say about us it's true we have left countless of your kin dead in our path but that was only because They had war aims on our places of living. We have also cooperated well with giants. We've created a place where all who seek the path of peace and wish to live in harmony with the rest of the people of the world can live.

It's called Minderhall's Valley. It's a place where maybe you could go if you could help us navigate this place and end the storm tyrant's grasp here. Minderhall, he is a god of the stone giants. An evil god. Are you evil as well? Do you worship this Minderhall? No, no, no.

But we have used his power to help us. Power of his forge to give us magical enhancements that we needed to get this far. But we do not believe in the inherent evil or goodness of any living being. I think it's always a choice to walk the path that you walk, just as you've told us. Are you guys in the room, or does she come around to talk to you? Or are you guys just talking on the outside of the door? I'm standing with an arrow trained on her at the doorway.

Sir Will is back with Nestor, on to his lance just watching he doesn't understand what she's saying so he's just being careful metro will be up with baron yeah i think we walk forward during that diplomacy check and i'm using the whispering gloves to whisper to her and have her return so that no one upstairs could hear us well i don't speak giant either no i leave baron in the room alone okay just close the door uh i'm assuming how it goes assuming though baron is translating for us yeah she comes around uh the table to towering over you baron she's large by uh you know game terms it's it's reminding me of like when elephants in old cartoons would meet a mouse. Like she's a little bit cowering

and he's very confident of what's going on. He's standing up on a chair. Just swiping at you with a broom. She says, yes, people can change. But this forces, I do not believe that is the case. The only way I can survive is if he is destroyed.

My father... My father, if he knew of this, would do everything he could to help me. Perhaps you can help as well, if what you say about yourselves is true. Here in the room previous, where your friends are, there is a secret passage that leads directly to Volstis' bedroom. He is seldom there, as most of his time is spent preparing for his invasion. Rarely does he sleep, but they say he sees all and knows all. Perhaps there is information that can aid you in your quest.

Were you to remove him from power, it would not only save me, but others like me. Kept here against their will. Baron, tell her there's a way for us to get her out of the castle now. If she tells us all the intelligence she has. And if she makes contacts with her people. Raise them against the forces of the Storm Tyrant.

Behind me are three of the most powerful people you'll ever have a chance to meet. You have Nestor Coyne, a slayer. A man whose arrows I heard my name. Yes. Baron turns around and is like I'm really hyping you up Nestor Coyne, a slayer, man whose arrows... I heard my name. Yes. Baron turns around and is like,

I'm really hyping you up, Nestor, so look tough as I say this, okay? All right, I'll take your word for it. His arrows fall, charged with lightning with even greater power than that of nature into his enemy's flesh, rendering all of them dead. If Sir Willamette Keswick Paladin the last knight of Highbury who's here to settle the score and you have Metra who's one of the greatest spellcasters

Galarian has ever known now she's told me she's willing to get you out of here now to safety maybe to Menderhall's Valley if you want if you tell. If you tell us everything you know, show us this secret passage, it can

help us navigate this place. The passage is there, in the fireplace. There is a ladder that leads up to his bedroom. What are you talking about? We had no idea. I think we will bluff about, like like this being new information

if that's okay can I do that natural 20 34 wow just goes holy shit what wow she looks at you kind of there's a little moment there where

you can't tell if you're getting your lie off or not. She seems, it's like a slight pause in her speech. Yes, I have not been up there, but I know that he is there. I know that he resides at the top. That is where he spends most of his time. I do not know the layout. i am relegated here to the servant's mess for the most part one time i was wandering and i was caught and beaten

but you said the top leads to his bed chambers and then out to a larger floor to your understanding yes i i know it the ladder leads directly to his bedroom. Was that the fire giant room? Was that his bedroom? I think the stairs leading up from the fire giant room leads to the floor that we couldn't get to, which would be his bedroom, which makes sense,

unless he sleeps with the spiders, which I don't think so. But it could be because there was a throne in that room. Luca Brazzi sleeps with the spiders. which I don't think so but it could be because there was a throne in that room Luca Brazzi sleeps with the spiders yes I would assume there would be more intel there you may even find him

yourself but I doubt it that would be the best place to go to find information I would think I best place to go to find information, I would think. I wish I had more to offer, but I'm a simple scullery maid now. Well, I think you were destined for more. I think you were destined to live in peace. What are wood giants like? What was your life like before you were conscripted here?

Oh, it was wonderful my father was a good chieftain often he would chief all around the forest and we would we would be like you are the greatest chieftain that ever chiefed here in the wood That's how great he was. How would you describe his chiefing? Oh, on a scale of one to chief. He was a chief. That's fascinating.

Can you tell us anything? Fascinating. It meant nothing. Can you tell us anything more about the security and patrols that happened on this floor or any others? I know that you were caught and beaten when you tried to stray from your station. Yes, Sir Dassa, the tiger giant. She controls this floor for the most part.

She's dead now. Oh, really? How? We killed her. Oh. Well, that is good. She was in charge of this level. The cloud giants. killed her. Oh. Well, that is good. She was in charge of this level.

The cloud giants, Nalbia and Nalbur, they are on the upper floors. And there are others as well. He has powerful allies. Whether they have designs of their own to take over or not,

they serve him now. And they are quite dangerous, the fact that you are able to kill Zerdasa. Perhaps there is hope. Are you aware of the slimes that live towards the north of this floor in the sewer type of room at the back? We came across them. I wasn't sure if you were cognizant of what their function might be. South. South.

I apologize. I get all turned around in this crazy cloud castle. Ah, yes, the oozes. They are part of the vault's magical ecosystem. They filter the water to facilitate growth of different fungal species. There is a hanging garden above and a greenhouse. This castle, before the vaults just came, was quite self-sufficient. They could grow their own food, and the oozes are all part of the cycle here.

But they are no doubt dangerous were you to trespass in their area. I wonder if that means that they could be sabotaged. Not that I want to, but if they could be sabotaged Scearguard style to affect the food here. But it seems like they were used more under the previous regime. And do you know what lies to the extreme east and west of this floor? East and west? No

no should you go west that is where Sadase is but no more to the east it's all boarded up at a certain point I've not gotten very far here. I wish I could offer more help, but...

I would... I would investigate this Volstice room with all haste. All right. You've been most helpful. I heard Volstice. I'm talking through Baron. He's translating for me.

Yeah. Would you like to leave the castle now? No. I will wait. I will wait until the time is right. But how, pray tell, would I leave? It would be a bit frightening. But you could fly yourself

down to the surface. Fly? Yes. There are creatures in my wood that have this ability. My father, even in his greatest days of chiefing, could never fly. You would fly for a matter of minutes, but enough to get you safely to the ground. A matter of minutes, but enough to get you safely to the ground. Oh, if he could see me come flying into his little chiefdom,

he would... he would stand in wonder at his daughter. Would you then become chief? No, that's not how it works. Don't be foolish. How does it work? Well, every four years there is an election. We've whittled it down to two candidates each time. There's usually a debate. Some people really like one candidate, and others like the other.

And then we have a vote. My father has won. For the past eight years. There's no term limits. No, there are. What a coup it would be if you ran against your father. Great human interest story. You must not say that. We could have spies here.

This is the woman who is giving away Volsus' position. The tyrant of all giants. She's worried about her father having spies. Political spies. She'll smear her on Twitter. He's very protective of his office.

You know, Baron here is a politician himself. I am. It's new to me, but I enjoy it quite a bit. Kissing babies, shaking hands. Don't mix them up, though. You don't want to shake babies and kiss hands. In my culture, we do. That explains a lot of this adventure path.

That's how my father got elected. Oh. Second term. Anyway, you should go. And when you come back and let me know what you know, then perhaps I will take you up on this flying offer. Why not now, Sheriff? Can you not persuade her?

Her helping us is going to result in her torture and death if she is caught. Yes. You should understand. Sirola was it? Yes Sirola. Sirola you're aware

that if we wanted to we could kill you. We don't want to however. Why would you say that? I'm just laying out the facts here. I'm trying to We don't want to, however. Why would you say that? I'm just laying out the facts here. I'm trying to make sure. No, it's true, though. We could kill her. We're just standing there smiling.

Are we now? Is this up for a vote now? Wait, this isn't a wood giant election? Why are they raising their hands? Is this some kind of wood giant election? I think, you know, kill her now. She's already given us everything we need. I mean, why leave her alive?

Just cast Fly on her and just dump her out the passageway. Or say you are and just let her go. Yeah, you can fly and just let her go jump out. See what happens. We turn back and flash her a thumbs up. Smile. Good, good. What are they saying?

They just seem to love your plan and your whole vibe she gives a thumbs up back yeah no don't waste a spell just tell her pretend do the hen movements and so yeah be free and then you know we carry on and she does as well no no don't be don't be ridiculous, Nestor. She'll know something's up. I'll have to use the... Oh, yeah, she's plummeting like a hundred feet down. She might notice. But until then, there's a good chance we can get away with it.

I'll use a cantrip. I'll cast Light on her. Oh, yeah. She'll be in a healthy glow. And she'll be like, oh, I'm magic now. And then, boom, not magic enough, mate. Or cast Prestidigitation to clean up her rescallery outfit.

So, seems like you should probably go. Sorola, I'm sorry. That was a difficult way of trying to show you that you can trust us because we are not doing what we could do, which is kill you. We are letting you live and moving on from here. What I am trying to ascertain on the other end of it is,

as scared as you seem to open this door, as to whether or not I can trust you to not alert anyone of our presence. And on top of that, I'd like you, should anyone come down and ask about what might be going on this floor or any others as we go throughout this castle, is to blame it on the orcs. Those trash ambassadors Volstice already distrust because any type of disarray we can cause within this castle gets volstice one step closer to losing grip of his control here that is true yes i i can do that i'm quite convincing. All right, I will watch, and should anyone come and ask about you or ask if I've seen anything, I've seen nothing.

Or if they know things that it's very clear that they're aware of certain things, I'll blame it on the orcs. Sense move. Natural. Two. blame it on the orcs sense motive natural two oh for a 12 i can touch of law someone if someone has a great sense motive but i really get sense motive but i don't speak the language yeah could you sense that she seems to uh be truthful in what she's saying even though you know i have no idea what she's saying i think it's like i can't remember but i think if you don't speak the language that's like you can't roll it no no but i think there's like a minus or something uh go through well let me i'll try let me see what i get

oh uh that well ordinary they are 34 34 uh she seems genuine. Well, you know, I can't tell what she's saying, but, I mean, look at her face. I'll do no giants, even if I can't understand them when they speak their heathen tongue. But, yeah, I think she's telling the truth. She might be just the distraction we need a little bit longer to keep them off our trail. Well, I'm leaning towards allowing her to live and stay here. What do the rest of you say? Well, you know who I vote. I don't like giants, no matter how their ears are shaped.

So I vote we kill her, but I understand. It's like I always get outvoted in these things. I've come to accept it. It is a risk, Sheriff. Tyranny of the majority, I call it, but nonetheless. Yes. It is a risk. Leaving her here.

Alive. I'm happy to send her, you know, back to the ground. It is a risk we need not take, Sheriff. 200 miles an hour. Yeah. I have a terminal loss. Send her to the ground. It is a risk we need not take, Sheriff. At 200 miles an hour. At terminal velocity. Set her to the ground. Full speed. At negative 9.8 meters per second squared, if necessary.

It is a risk we need not take, Sheriff. And it could save her life. I will follow as you do, but i suggest getting her out of here all right in that case of a of a draw i think what i'd like to do is split the difference and try to please both parties what i'd like to do is to roll a diplomacy to talk her into descending and flying now okay and if we fail she stays and does the same plan. I'll frame it as we really appreciate that and that's wonderful,

but for your own welfare, I'm begging you to jump out that door. It's for your own good. You can make that appearance you've always wanted as your father is chiefing the hell out of the day.

Sheriff, also, don't forget. We could be helping ourselves as well and our cars. She could be the first of her species to try to bring more into the fold. Yeah. Also think of the- It's important that she lives. Also think of how much ransom we could get for her by selling her back to her father.

I think that's a good point, though. He's going to sell it to her as you could stop anyone else like you from being enslaved by Volstis by being sent here and not being allowed to live out the life you want to live. You could be the forward warning your people need

to stand up against this. And that's how he's going to frame the diplomacy roll towards her. I'll just think of how low your father's approval ratings are right now. His achieving must be subpar at best. His achieving is waning. Perhaps he's invoked the 25th Amendment. This is 27.

She looks at you. Maybe you're right. Yes, I would love to see him fall, but that would be foolish. Your father? Not my father. No, no, what are you talking about? We can give you the name of some consultants that can help you, media consultants that can help you set up an exploratory committee if you desire.

No, no, we can discuss this some other time. I'm at Volstis, but perhaps you are right, young dwarf. It would be best for me to go. Would you and your friends lead the way? We escort her to the moon door. All right, so she puts her hand out for you to walk. Let's walk through this, because there might be other things happening in the castle.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, there's definitely other things happening in the castle. So she says, lead the way. All right. Will. Perception check. 28. 28. 38. 38. 48. 28 28

38 38 48 58 um nothing alright there's nothing there

um no noises whatsoever from the orc upstairs it's a vacuum yeah so she by the way yeah she did say those stairs there lead up up to the orc upstairs it's a vacuum yeah so she by the way yeah she did say those stairs there lead up up to the orc room the only thing i thought was like if we had her walk up there with something that was like trapped you know what i mean if it's like a bomb or something

but we don't have things like that right there's a bomb downstairs she get the bomb She went for it Put it on a tray she carries Send it up So you sense something, Baron Yeah What you're feeling And she says, lead the way And you just kind of stand there

And as you hesitate There's this bit of a stare down Between you and her And she says, why wouldn't you just take the bait? And at that moment She just Why wouldn't you just take the bait? And at that moment, she just turns into this enormous three-headed dragon. And rears back all three heads. Roll for initiative.

Oh my god! Well, don't I feel silly? I did not see that coming. Yeah, seriously. You want to kill her, to your credit. Well, don't I feel silly? I did not see that coming. Yeah. Yes, seriously. You want to kill her, to your credit. I did say to kill her, but just because she's a giant, I didn't know she was a dragon at all. And it makes total sense now, like in retrospect,

if you think about this nonsensical political idea it was coming up with, it would never work. It's just like... The two-party system? Yeah. A debate, like every four years. It's just like... The two-party system? Yeah. A debate every four years? It's preposterous. Only a dragon. Peaceful transfer of power?

It's just like absurd. How are they whittling it down to two candidates? This is just insulting. He almost got me, though, with all the detail he went into about the chief's duties. All the great chiefing all around. So much chiefing uh you know you say a word a lot and a certain number of times in a row it just starts to lose all meaning that's happened for me with chiefing and chief except that now it just sounds

like just sounds like something inappropriate yeah it sounds like chafing so uh she has a very very high bluff uh because of the uh the spell that she cast on herself and then i rolled two natural 20s on your sense motives on top of that so you just have no chance of doing it so i tried to do it and playing it up uh what she wanted you to do was walk over to the fireplace to go up there so that she could then catch you uh but in this way you just you hesitated and so this is what she really looks like whoa oh wow whoa green dragon she looks not even slick like a salamander yeah it's three heads though it's crazy yeah it doesn't look like scales it looks like leathery skin it is a dragon like creature is what I will say. Oh, poop.

Yeah, it's got three sets of fangs, three heads, rears up on her hind legs. Let's talk about initiative here. Baron. 29. 29. There we go. Metra. 26.

26. Nestor. 19. Wait, sorry, I'm completely wrong. 16. 16. That's 10 off. I read a different number. 19. Sir Will. 6.

6. That's a rough one. He was really taken by surprise. Yeah, he's like, what? So she rears up all three of her heads just to come back, but Baron, you're able to act first. Okay. Quick as gun in the West.

The only problem is, is I'd actually like to get further back than that. So I'm thinking about... Just run up the stairs and get the orcs involved. Yeah. She called you trash. You're the trash at this. I'm a dragon, and I think you're trash.

Don't shoot the messenger, but someone down here thinks you're trash. All right, I'm going to, because if I move, if I do like a full withdrawal to avoid an attack of opportunity, I think I'm going to just have the dragon on me really quickly again so i'm going to move five steps diagonally this way and hope that i'm outside of the animal's range uh like into the uh into the place where the door is yeah but that's only a half because you haven't revealed it it looks like a full square on the other door that's why i'll let you out for your polygon reveal yeah you, you're... You gonna take that? That's mostly door space there, yeah. So you take a five-foot step back.

Obviously, you don't know the reach of this huge creature, but you are, at this point, 15 feet away. Might have a 15-foot reach. Might have more. Might have less. But it hasn't acted in combat yet, so it won't provoke until next time. Can I do a knowledge check on it?

Sure. It's going to be Arcana. Arcana, yeah. Can't do it. I'm going to put Dragonbane on this attack in case it pops off. So let me know. First attack. Pops off.

So let me know. First attack is going to be a 27 against Touch AC. 27 against Touch AC. Big old target. That is it. Okay. Should I add damage for Bane? For Bane Dragon?

Yep. Yes. 34 points? Yep. Yes. 34 points of damage. Nice. Okay, you notice that not all that damage goes through. So you said, what, 31? Yeah, I believe so. I'm hoping that Cluster Shot will help defeat the damage reduction for the subsequent attacks. Here comes second attack.

16 on the die. That's a big ol' juicy hit. Juicy. 29 points damage on the second attack. Okay. 29 on the second. We're gonna get up close and deadly on this third attack for an extra 2d6 worth of damage out of the box. Here it comes. 17 on

the die. Oh! Oh! damage out of the box. Here it comes. 17 on the die. Oh! Oh! The sounds Trey makes are the sounds I make when I crouch down to plug in my phone charger. 46 points of damage on the third attack. And you said just the first

one is DR. Correct. With clustered shots as written. Huge. And the final attack, no up close and deadly or any adjustments. With clustered shots as written. Huge. And the final attack, no up close and deadly or any adjustments. Let's just hope it hits. That will be a 13 against touch AC. Flat footed. 13 against flat footed. Yeah, that's a hit.

Nice. Big old target. Here it comes. 37 points of damage on the final attack. 37 points of damage. What a wrap. That 29 initiative is so huge from Baron. Yeah, that's for him, yeah. Hell of a round.

Boom, boom, boom, boom! Very lucky. I've been misfiring a lot on my first attack, so. Yeah. So all three heads rear back and unleash three breath weapons on all of you. I don't... Let me make sure here.

I think Baron might only be caught. So Nestor, Sir Will, and Metra will be caught in all three. Baron will just be caught in one. Now, Nestor, Sir Will, and Metra, you get to make a, well, you all get to make a reflex save. But because you guys are caught in all three, you take a minus four penalty to your reflex save. Well, do we get a reflex save if we have an active deal? I think so.

It's not an attack rub. Yeah, you know, I've never... Why'd you ask that question? I know I've never thought about it. I've never heard anybody ask that question. Yeah, so roll a reflex save. We'll see what happens. So it's just one reflex save. Yes. And is this all fire? It is all fire.

If the area is of two or more breath weapons overlap, a creature caught in the overlapping area takes a minus two on a reflex save or a minus four if three breath weapons overlap. So I take a minus four. Okay. 22 for Metro. With the minus four. Mm-hmm. Okay. 22 for

Metro, with the minus four. 22, eh? Yep. What about you, Nester? Uh, 33, with the minus four. Okay, and you've got evasion, so you're not going to take anything. Yeah. What about you, Sir Will? Uh, 29. 29.

Okay. But I also, um, uh, you said it's dragon-like. Yes. Is it not a dragon? Yeah, it is of the dragon subtext. Yeah, it sounds like so, yeah. Then I'll take it. Then I also have evasion.

Oh! Thanks to the dragon foe amulet. So you don't take any. And Baron, what did you roll for your one? And I am not taking any subtractions to my resources. Right, because only one head caught you. 31. 31.

Okay, do you have evasion? No. Okay, so you'll take half damage. Metra, you take 65 points of fire damage. But it all gets absorbed by the protection from energy. It all gets absorbed. Oh, man. Nice. Oh, protection from energy isn't a 10 minute limit.

It just takes out of the whole pool. Yes. It's a pool of points as opposed to resistance versus protection. What do you have left in your pool? 55 points. Wow. That's a pretty good pool. It's almost as if I'm 15 levels.

Baron, you only take 10 points of fire damage. Okay, and that's zero, and I still have with 110, because we kind of hand-waved the fire damage as just being about 10 minus the 120 that she had, so that leaves me at 100 points of fire resistance. Yeah, and she notices immediately that that didn't do the damage that she thought it would do. She's... We just absorbed the fire. Time to change tactics. She's got three heads to just breathe fire and you guys are

just like brushing it off. She's like, shit. She takes a five foot step back to kind of get in the doorway, make it a little more difficult for you guys to get after her. I think that is all she can do i think if i use all three of those breath weapons that counts as a full attack let me just make sure

yes so uh that's yeah that's her turn and now now it's gonna get sad for her it is nestor's turn all right so it's no, you're supposed to kill her. I'm not even going to move. I'm just going to stay right there. It doesn't make no difference. I told you! I told you! Okay, first attack with a mini shot is a

36 to hit. And that is 50 points of damage. Okay, this is the one that will take the DR Yep. And that is 50 points of damage. Okay. This is the one that will take the DR will affect. That was close to try. Yeah, no more DR after this. Okay.

Second attack is 34. Oh, yeah. 23 points of damage. Yikes. Third attack is a 30. 30 is a hit as well. And 27 points of damage. 27 points of damage, okay.

And final attack. Ooh, 31. Finally hit on the final attack. Yeah, 31 is a hit. 28 points of damage. She is in horrible, horrible shape. Horrible shape. Okay.

God, am I going to make it to the next round? It's Metra's turn. Metra is going to point her finger and shoot a quick ray at her. Okay, roll spell resistance. You roll spell resistance. I don't want to. Well, first I've got to hit you, and I don't because I roll a natural one.

Oh, no! Magical spell. I hope that wasn't a high level spell. First level spell. Oh, no! Magical fumble! No! I hope that wasn't a high-level spell. First-level spell. Okay. Holy taekwondo.

That's a magical fumble. It's true. I have multiple melee attacks. It's not a magical fumble, is it? Yeah, it's a spell. Well, it wasn't the roll to hit. That was a spell resistance roll. No, no, no. That was the roll to hit.

Oh, oh. Oh. Yes. What have you done? I do get multiple attacks. You've killed us all. But I only get one spell. That's where it gets tricky.

So it is a fumble probably, right? Well, did you use a quick and rod to do it? I did not. Okay. I would say you'd have a place to argue from if you were casting two spells in a round with a quick and rod, but since you're just casting one. But she has the option to do it, though, so. It's true.

What's the worst that could happen though, right? Let's give the fans what they subscribe for. Let's not. Let's not. Just pick a good one. You're so mean. Pick one of those.

This one's called So Hot. See ya. Pick one of those ones that you give to Troy at the live shows where they end up helping him.

Right. All right, this one from Sorry. Screwed it up. Somehow I crossed over into the wrong section. Alright, this one from Alex in Milwaukee. Oh, Alex. What's up, Alex?

Oh, for God's sakes. Hot curse of Joe. Oh, no. Hot curse of Joe. no Hot curse a Joe Swirling ethereal noise Howls through your mind from a chaotic And damnable plane The shadow plane

An achingly slow eternity passes for you In mere moments leaving your body feeling Sluggish and unfamiliar The effect of this curse reverses your d20 Rolls for the remainder of the combat When you roll a d20 calculate it by Subtracting your roll from the remainder of the combat. When you roll a D20, calculate it by subtracting your roll from 21. So if it's a 1, you roll a 20. If it's a 20, it's a 1.

Got it. So that's actually not bad at all. Not too bad. Just interesting. Doesn't apply to my current natural one, though. No. Wait, you crit her? Wait, it's a crit!

Oh, it's a crit! Nice! Nice, Alex! Thanks, Alex! From Milwaukee. Wow. Anything else? It is like one of those things. It turned a fumble into a crit! Oh, it's a crit! Nice! Nice, Alex! Thanks, Alex! From Milwaukee. Wow. Anything else? It is like one of those things.

It turned a fumble into a crit, just like the ones we pulled and fucking filled it up with. Carlos! Yeah, it's... That's it. That's it. So, all things considered, that's fucking great. Metro will move.

Okay. And spread us out a little bit so we're not so tightly clustered. Yeah. Smart. Great. Then it goes... She will move, yeah. Yeah not so tightly clustered yeah smart uh great then it goes she will move yeah yeah so you move to the east there into this little alcove in the corner uh and it's sir wilson sir willman without lexington uh he's got lexington he's on lexington so sad uh yeah he's mounted i mean this is the perfect situation for him uh except did lexington

take damage from the breath weapon? Oh, I never did that. That's a good call. Oh, I forgot about old Lexington. I don't think he was there when we cast the protection. Old Lexington. 65 points of damage, maybe? Oh, dear.

I didn't even think about it. This Lexington invasion. Oh, dude. He's going to, like, take the brunt of this. Oh, no. He might be okay. 26? DC 24. All this. Oh, no, he might be okay. 26? DC, 24.

All right, so half damage. So half damage to 32. Oh, wait, he may have evasion. He doesn't. He doesn't. 32 points of damage, and he's permanently dead? Permanently alive! Ah!

All right, so 32 points of damage. Threw me all up. God damn it. I forgot about working two character sheets. We need your pawn to have Lexington attached to it so we remember that he's there. Yeah, I will Photoshop make a pawn that's a Sir Will without him and a Sir Will with him

because I hate trying to pull around two pawns. I'll just throw this guy in for Lexington. Oh, I like him. This will be Lexington for now. This businesswoman. She's wearing culottes. She looks like a businesswoman in the Prince of Persia universe. Like this.

So funny. All right, so Sir Will, he didn't see this coming at all, which is so frustrating. I mean, all he had to do was detect evil. He didn't think of it. He's taken in by the simple look of this creature, and he hates being deceived by evil like this. And assuming that it's evil, of course. So, yeah, he's like, I've been deceived by evil for the last time. You die today.

Lexington rears back. As a swift action, he'll smite evil. He'll lower the point of his lance and charge. Nice! For Harbury! Let's go, orcs. Bring it on! And he will charge at

this dragon-y creature. This dragon. Here we go. It's dragon-y dragon. That is a hit. Does it provoke? It does not. What'd you roll? I am having a hard time

calculating. It's a 46. 46! 46! AC 45. Why isn't it provoking as you're moving through the threatened squares? It's charge stuff.

Well, I mean, I'm assuming it's through the ride-by attack. I mean, even though I'm not riding by, but I could just ride, you know, to here or whatever. To the right of it. Yeah, but you normally don't provoke when you do your ride-by attack. But if you just charge straight at it, you would provoke. When you're mounted and use the charge action, you move and attack and then you can move again. Your total movement for the round can't exceed blah, blah, blah. You and your mount do not

provoke an attack of opportunity from the opponent you attack. Cool. That's what it says. Yeah. Great. It would make you effectively useless. You'd never be able to charge. Okay, so that is 116 points. Oh my god! That might do it! That could very well do it I think

Jesus You charge through And you impale This dragon It is evil It has to be evil It is evil yeah And the lance goes straight through the middle head

Sticks out its mouth at the top, and a little flag comes off the end of your lance that says you level up. And we're being leveled! Oh my god! It's the highest level I've ever been! That's awesome! Oh my god! For a higher level! For a higher level!

Be higher to a place where you can be a monster. higher to a place where I've been That feels like a level up moment. I'm lost. The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production

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