The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 294 - Say No to Gugs

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

An old wine cellar becomes a fighting pit against a host of inhuman nightmare creatures. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. And then suddenly you hear the faint sound of harps. Yeah! Buddy! God is with us. After speaking with a familiar ghostly presence. Sardassa has perished. But there are others, Ashpeak.

There are others and they must be defeated before facing Volstice. The heroes broke down a barricade. The creatures are these towering menaces with a horrible vertically aligned mouth. Oh no. Unleashing invisible horrors. First claw is a 30. Myth! No!

Because of the lindany of defense! Protected by God! God himself appeared before us and described his dinner plans for the evening. They began to squeeze their way out. Oh my goodness.

This is what he's gonna do. This creature starts moving up. And as he does so, his body like flattens and compresses. And he slides over the wall. The adventure continues. His body is just like flat as a pancake. And he appears on the other side still semi-compressed. So cool.

Right next to Metra and Nestor. No. I had a dream last night, and usually I'm pretty good with remembering my dreams. And as we've talked about in the past on this show or another show, sometimes I can control my dreams and just start having sex with everything. But last night was one of those dreams that really got away from me it was the kind of dream where i kept waking up and had to tell myself it's not real it's not real and then i'd go back to sleep and end up like in a different scene in this movie like i would skip forward in time and i wish i wish i had a notebook next to me because i'm like this would be a thriller of a movie that would win all the academy awards but i can't remember all of it it basically somehow i was with a friend of mine and my friend was a friend but he was also

occasionally like a sasha baron cohen type character and then he was sometimes don cheadle uh and because we were talking about don cheadle randomly yesterday and so he kind of slipped into my uh collective uh unconscious and does that ever Happen to you Like people just start Changing in the dream You'll be like Oh yeah You're making love

To a beautiful woman And they get recast Halfway through the Through the show Yeah It's your dad And you're like Ah

Oh the setting too I'll be like And then we were In my grandmom's house But it wasn't really My grandmom's house It was still kind of The other thing

Yeah Right I have a follow up To this that involves Skid It kept changing So His character kept changing his character kept changing this i want to hear right it was the middle of having sex with a woman

but it was so let's say it was sasha baron cohen and we were at a hotel or a motel together and it was pretty clear that we had done some bad stuff and we were trying to get out of there uh but we were trying to do it in a way that was surreptitious so that people wouldn't know that we were the ones responsible for this and so I had to go return the rental car in order to close something out they were like you can't close that out until you return the rental car and sign the contract. And for some reason, while I was doing that, we had to call a masseuse to the room, and Sacha Baron Cohen's character had to kill her. That was the deal.

We had to wipe out the masseuse, and if that didn't happen, we were going to be in big trouble. So my job was returning the car, signing the contract. His job was to kill the masseuse. So I was returning the car, and it was a long drive. And the whole time I'm thinking, I'm like, we cannot kill this masseuse. This is a terrible idea. It's murder.

We can't do it. How did we get this? How did this spiral figure? And I'm an accomplice. That's like murder. I'm just trying to return a rental car. And so I returned the car and I come back and I'm like, I hope he didn't do it. I hope he didn't do it.

I hope he didn't do it. And I walk in there and he's gone. And I don't see blood everywhere. And I'm like, oh, like, I hope he didn't do it. I hope he didn't do it. I hope he didn't do it. And I walk in there and he's gone and I don't see blood everywhere. And I'm like, Oh God, maybe he decided not to do it. Maybe he just said, fuck it. I'm leaving him. I can't do this. And so I'm walking around this motel type room. And then I see a big bin laying there that wasn't there a second ago. And I look at the bin and it's covered in like dirt and hay, like it had been dragged through the woods. And I'm like, Oh no, Oh no. And I open at the bin and it's covered in like dirt and hay, like it had been dragged through the woods. And I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no. And I open up the bin and it looks like somebody had hosed it down and I see chunks of blood in it.

Oh, my God. He killed the stripper. He killed the stripper. Wait, stripper now? It's not stripper. It's masseuse. Same thing. It's not the same thing.

What have your massage experiences been? Normally there's a murder of a stripper involved. In this case, it was a masseuse. Maybe she moonlit as a stripper. Or she did the day shift and she masseused at night. I don't know. But the point is... Does she have a lot of credit card debt or something?

She's dead now. And there's chunks of her in this bin. I'm like, holy shit. That's when I woke up and I was like, in my room. Okay. That's not real. I'm not an accomplice for murder.

And then I went back to sleep and something else happened. But at a certain point, this had went on. This felt like it went on for hours. And I kept waking up and realizing, oh, I didn't. All right. I'm not. I'm not guilty of murder. I just go back to sleep.

And then at a certain point, I'm walking down the boardwalk with Samantha and her friend. And I'm like, and we're laughing about it like remember that time you killed your accomplice i was like yeah i'm like i just take that and i remember saying this dream i take that thought and i just bury it and then we laughed we laughed and went to the beach that was it wow well that begs the question have you ever been an accomplice to a murder, and have you buried the thought? You know, I wonder. It was the type of dream where I really woke up, and I'm like, holy shit, did I fuck Skid? Did you ever have those dreams?

You're like, that didn't happen, right? Did we get wasted? Did somebody slip us a drink, and I accidentally fucked Skid? Yeah. But it was the same thing. I was like, did I? No, I didn't murder someone. Did I? That, I didn't murder someone. Did I?

That is the worst. Those really intense dreams where you have spent like a half hour after you wake up saying like, did I really do that? And yeah, that's yeah. My dreams. I hate my dreams. I hate all of them. They all suck. And I'll tell you why.

As you were saying your dream, I was like, I was like, I know. Just fevered cheese dreams. Fevered pizza dreams, pizza dreams. I know when you were starting to explain your dream, I was like, I know where this one's going because it's where all of my dreams go and they're so horrible. And I think that this happens to a lot of people. It's like a psychological thing. But you were like, my accomplice has to go murder the masseuse and i have to return the rental car my dream is eternally returning the

rental car that's my dream so like i just drive and drive and drive and then i miss the exit and then i'm like ah and then and then all of a sudden i'm like at a wendy's just like eating a burger and i'm like what the fuck am I doing? I have to return this rental car. And then I run back to the car. And then I go and I go. And then I'm just parked on the side of the road looking at my phone or something. I'm like, I have to go return this rental car over and over and over.

And these are what my dreams are like constantly. I'm never getting done the thing I'm supposed to get done. Or finding my hotel room i can't find my hotel room for like hours and hours and then suddenly i'm just like doing something completely innocuous as if like everything's under control and then i'm like i have to get a flight i think i'm gonna miss my flight because i didn't get my suit from the hotel like it do you guys stressful do you guys have pathfinder dreams where like it usually happens to me after a long session or before a long session, I will be up in and

out of sleep all night trying to do the math to add things up for a fortitude save or something. But it's like a never-ending fortitude save. So I'll wake up and I'm like, alright, I just gotta figure this out. If I had 20, I'm like, will you stop it? It's a dream! And then you go back to sleep and you're like, alright, carry the four. And it goes,

this feels like it goes on for hours. It's always after a long sesh. That happened to me when I was, I was so stressed prepping Alien for New Game Who. It was like a three day turnaround. And I completely dove into this narrative that I wrote with McDermott and Matt Jones. And I was just like living this brief hell dream of these like soldiers or minors or whatever. And I'm just like laying in bed and then it started to go lucid you know what i mean you don't know if you're awake you don't know if

you're asleep and just like it starts with planning out what happens if this what happens of this and then you're just like actually in it but not in a fun way like it was just i couldn't sleep like i kept waking up like thinking of things i've had plenty of dreams where i have like a it's similar like i have like a small manual task i can't do like changing the batteries in a remote control yes i just can't do it the last hours it lasts hours yeah but the one i had most recently that was like yours right just kept waking up and going and going back into the story it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't scary like that it was so i was i was i was out visiting skid who in this uh in this dream was a

part of an adventuring club that would go through tracks like a mountain pass every in the winter when it was really like when the when it was snowing and there was snow on the ground and they would they would either travel by helicopter like part of the group went via helicopter and the other part of the group traveled in some sort of uh like horse pulled car like not a wagon but it was like a denver like just like a bronco or something it was like they would they would just pull along through the snow and they would alternate like at the end of the day they're like oh you're in the helicopter tomorrow and i understood all that and i met up with them somewhere in this tiny town in the mountains and there was a play and we all went to go see the play that night and it was written by

a guy that was also in the adventuring group who was like a weird mishmash of like this playwright i really admire and this comic book writer who i was reading at the same time and they were like did you you told me this i told you yeah you told me so they would go back and forth and skin and i were sitting in the audience watching the play and then afterwards they we all went out to dinner and we went to this place that was effectively a little house with a trailer backed up against it but everyone was referring to it as a pre-resort because they because they had gambling on Sundays. It was a free resort. And I just remember sitting there, and the thing that you got was this massive roast,

and I was just sitting there looking at the menu being like, what are the vegetarian options? I can't eat this. And then you took Skip back to your tent and passionately made love to him. Passionately made love to him. Made sweet, sweet love. Yeah.

Now, how long were you in the period of time in which you were convinced you murdered someone because i've murdered someone at the beginning of a dream and then dreamt for what felt like hours and it was agony you're like on the run not like on the run i'm like looking at my neighbors shifty eyes through the blinds just like everybody knows they all know it's awful it's the absolute worst it felt like it went on the entire night. I kept waking up and Linus would be there like, what? What do you want? And I just, it was terrifying. I was like, I'm going to live the rest of my life knowing that I murdered someone and

that I'm eventually going to get caught. Yeah. I don't have any specific memories of an actual murder in a dream ever, but I have very clear memories of like the dream starts and i've already murdered someone and i'm just like at home like i'm thinking about the evidence that was left behind 100 stressing out i dreamt uh i dreamt a few days ago that i had enrolled in some classes at the university of toronto that sounds more like future prediction any classes in particular i can't remember but it was oh it's a history something like history of uh

history of ontario or something and it was a really nice dream i just uh i'm having very pleasant dreams i could imagine you just doing that i'd love to do that just audit a class a history class i fucking love that if i lived in toronto that's I'd love to do that. Just audit a history class? I'd fucking love that. If I lived in Toronto, I'd be there every day. I really want to go back to Canada. We need to do just a straight-up Canadian tour. I wish we could. I would love that.

I would love to do that. Go back to Alberta. Go back to Banff. It's the fucking best. We should play Banff. Just like Mountainside? Do they have an outdoor John there? It's all outdoor Johns.

Sam and I went a couple years ago in June. June. Just like mountainside? Do they have an outdoor John there? It's all outdoor Johns. Sam and I went a couple years ago in June. June. Okay? You get there and it's just beautiful mountain town. The weather is perfect. It's sunny, but it's cool. It's nice. The second day we were there, June.

End of June, beginning of July. Second day we were there, snowstorm. Whiteout snowstorm. And then the next day it goes back to like early summer it was strange i was like we have to move here immediately this is amazing didn't canada just reopen their border to vaccinated americans yes maybe they did i think i'm just looking i'm trying to look at it right now but i think they did and i think that means it's time for us to go oh up to america's hat they did it right right now as of recording it's easy to get into because

the lines aren't that long and they don't really ask that many questions on the way in but they are turning all of our murder records yeah that's we wouldn't withstand much questioning i also want to just fully acknowledge that i understand that as much as canada is amer's hat, we are their pants. So it's all a matter of perspective. We wear the pants around here. No, we are. Do you hear that hat? Do you hear that hat? Nobody likes you, Fedora.

We should do it. We're working on the 2022 tour dates as we speak. Watch out, Canada, because by 2024, we might be coming right at you. Brace yourselves, Alberta. I feel ready for like... It's not like you're speaking to a woman. Like one woman listener. I feel ready for a wintry outdoor adventure like a Canadian Mountie,

because I don't think any of you have noticed, but I've made a dream a reality, and it's turned into a real nightmare. I decided to shave everything but my mustache today. Oh! Movember's coming early! but I've made a dream a reality and it's turned into a real nightmare. I decided to shave everything, but my mustache today. Oh, November is coming early. It's a truly awful. And my father has had his whole adult life with a mustache. So I'm mostly keeping it now,

even though it looks awful to really freak out my family members. Just so the first picture there, see there's no, let me tell you, it's not so bad. I've done the mustache a couple times i started for a november once and then one other time i was like you know what this is kind of fun i'm gonna do it again uh it's a little creepy uh you don't look as weird if you're

walking around brooklyn but it feels nice you get to taste yesterday's meal every once in a while what concerns me is that i look like a uh extra on chips because I have this kind of long, swept-over hair. Like, I look like a cop from the 70s. You look like you're about 14. Thank you. You look like you're, like, hanging out in playgrounds without a kid. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, man.

Is this your ball? This is why it's become a nightmare, this dream that I've manifested. You just need some two-tone sunglasses to go with the look. Well, let's move from our dreams to your character's nightmares. Oh. Anime bad guy. You guys have been exploring this level of the keep, Iron Cloud Keep, nay, Zephyr Hall. And you came to a room where you talked to your old buddy Renfall again.

He came and he gave you some pretty sweet details about the plan, if he can pull it off. It was good to see him. It's good to see him. It's not every day you see God. Renfall came in and then you went down hallway, and there was a barricade there that seemed like it was keeping something from getting out. But boldly, you blasted it away, walked into this room, and fought these crazy Demogorgon-like creatures. Only Metra could see all four of them, because they were invisible.

One is now dead. Two of the remaining three have made themselves visible. And then one, right at the end of the episode, double moved past a hungry pit and compressed its body like a creature out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. So it could slide by that tiny little space left between the edge of the pit and the wall. So it just slid past that, and now it's right up in the business of both Metra, Nestor, and pretty close to Baron. Baron, you don't know what kind of reach this thing has. You're only 15 feet away. It might be able to reach you, and only Metra can see it.

There were some comments about my light situation and what I forgot to mention, or if I did mention, I didn't stress it enough. All those windows are boarded up. That's why it's dark in there. The map is not very accurate. I think the cartographer needs to talk to the writer next time because those windows were boarded up so there's no light getting in. It's also important because it makes you think like, all right, so they barricaded the hallway. They don't want these things getting out. And they don't want them going out the windows as well.

It makes sense that they can compress their bodies to fit by these tiny pits. They don't want them slipping out the windows so the windows were all boarded up as well. You know what else is inaccurate? I have C-invisibility cast, so I can see them too, you big dum-dum. Well, that's rude. I know. I think when we finally get to talk to Volsus, we should really

give him some, uh, just give him a little guff about he couldn't apparently he's the storm tyrant most powerful giant all-galarian master of the dragon or whatever and he couldn't take a couple of demogorgons he couldn't deal with this problem this infestation in his house

yeah we we took care of it for we're about to take care of it he should pay us yeah i think he's actually a master strategist because he understands that a precocious group of adventurers like the four of us are going to explore every nook and cranny. And it's just more chances for him to kill one of us. Well, it's also just us getting more XP. We're just leveling up every time we get one of these nuisances. It's just us getting more and more powerful the time that we do actually face them. Also, look at this sweet real estate.

You wouldn't want to make this a little, like, you know. You could put a home theater in here. You really could. Oh, it's an amazing home theater. It's a C-suite corner office, baby. This is wasted on these Gorgons. He could have installed a new cloud engineer in here. Are you done?

It looks like it used to be a wine cellar and all the wine barrels have been smashed. Maybe they're just wasted. Or are they just keeping the Demogorgons for the Gugs for a reason? Are they going to use them i did reveal to you off air after the show that they are indeed called gugs um they're a little bit of a different variation from your run-of-the-mill gug but uh yeah why are they here how did they get here you guys thought i think correct me if i'm wrong you were gonna come up here and fight a ton of giants and you really while you have fought some giants

some cloud giants that defected during the storm tyrants takeover and then some recently some ash peak guards that uh moved on up to the east side you've been mainly fighting a lot of weird creatures some of which from other planes and other dimensions what do you think that's all about i just think the storm tyrant can't keep his house in order yeah well this he's getting desperate he's pulling at all planes of existence and all species of monster and all evil gods followers and but is it deliberate on his part or is there something about this structure that makes the walls between worlds thinner and allows things to pass through could be i would just hope that that he would be you know like matthew said like could take care of his own house you know it's not really his losing control that's the thing too is like he's a recent like maybe didn't do like a

full like home inspection before he's in a hurry didn't get the math you know about all that both you guys know about all the process. Didn't go through escrow, like any of that stuff. Nobody disclosed there were Gugs in here? No disclosure, yeah. He didn't do his final walkthrough before closing. Didn't do the final walkthrough. This place could be full of radon.

We should put cloths over our mouths. Yeah, we'll keep the Gugs, but I'd like you to knock $20,000 off the price. We'll deal with the Gugs. We got a Gug guy. I have my own Guggs. We've got a Gugg guy. I have my own Gugg guy. He gave us an estimate. Just take $20,000 off the cost.

Did you get three Gugg estimates before you went with them? No, I'm friends with this one guy. Just because he's a friend doesn't mean he won't rake you over the coals, bro. You'd be a fool not to use Jim's Gugg removal. But that's what we are. We are Jim's gug removal right now. That's what we're doing. Leave our business card in the room.

Yeah, we're the gug removal guys. The next band of heroes, when they search the room, will just find a business card that says, Jim's gug removal. We better hold on to this. That's the other thing. The property value of this place is shooting up every day that we're here. Seriously. We need a on to this. That's the other thing. The property value of this place is shooting up every day that we're here.

Seriously. We need a commission or something. We should talk to the ghost of that cloud giant whose name I always forget. Renfall? Renfall about getting a little equity in this place before we finish cleaning it out. We should negotiate now when we've got the leverage. He kind of offered. We negotiate now.

He did say. When we've got the leverage. He kind of offered. He kind of, in so many words, said, if you can take the castle, it's yours. So wait. We can take over the world. We can. And the best thing is, because God lives here, tax-free. That's right.

Some flying church. Your religious exemption. The taxes aren't what scare me. It's the insurance in this place. The insurance is tough. The taxes aren't what scare me. It's the insurance in this place. No, the insurance is tough. The duct tape is enormous. Well, except would we get a huge exemption for act of God? Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. I think we can hash out all these details if we can make it to the extra planer cracker barrel he goes to for his four o'clock dinner. Yeah. And really just get some mash. The Stuckeys. Head down to the down to the stuckies well think about it you hash things out you obviously defeated grenzel you defeated the let's go back to true now you defeated the orc raid on true now but that was really part of grenzel deck's plan to impress the storm tyrant so when you wiped out the fort and wiped out the the orcs there and made that group disband you didn't really deal a massive blow to the storm

tyrant that started to happen when you went to minder hall's valley and made that group disband. You didn't really deal a massive blow to the storm tyrant. That started to happen when you went to Minderhall's Valley and made all those, you know, up and coming recruits disband. And then you went to the elite training camps of Sierkala or the Sierkaling tribe and defeated all those guys, made them disband. Then you went to the best of the best, the ones that were going to be the leaders of these giants, and wiped them all out inside of Ashpeak. But there are still tons of giants left in the world. There is an undead army out there that was sort of flying to the banners of Skirkotla that wiped out Highbury. There's got to be still people that are rallying themselves to the Storm Tyrant's banner. You've put a big wrench in his plans but now when you get in the castle you realize that he's doing deals with otherworldly creatures the threat is still very

real and if you're not able to wipe out the storm tyrant the world is the world's in rough shape well that's why it's so important that the chapel at minder hall or the temple at minder hall is operating as the way it is to be like an anti-propaganda arm. Because if he gets word out that we're just going around slaughtering bands of giants, it would garner even more people to his side. And I'm hoping that maybe we can drop little pamphlets detailing what's going on in this fucked up Cloud Castle to dissuade further giants from teaming up with this guy because he's got some bad friends man some bad mama jammers well some bad influences let's just jump right back in here uh that last gug that went uh slid up next to nestor and baron i have a note here uh that crushing despair slash good hope will end one round after Nestor's turn.

I wrote it weird, but I think that means you're going to get the benefits of Good Hope. My guys that failed to save are going to get the penalty of Crushing Despair for this round up until the following round. And it will end on Nestor's turn next round. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes sense to me. Okay. Then it is the top of a new round, and it is Baron's turn. Baron, you are 15 feet away from this thing.

You see it, and then you can see past the pit. There's a lot going on. Now, don't forget, there are spike stones on the ground here, so any time any of you move on these stones, you take 1d8 points of damage for every 5 feet you move and have to roll a reflex save to see if it does permanent damage to your feet right um and that is going to negate any chance of five foot stepping where i am um does did metra share uh anything she learned as far as to subtype for

the purposes of greater bane i don't remember I think you know that you're dealing with some sort of aberration, but that's all you know. All right, I'm going to put on bane aberration and see what happens. Here comes the first attack, and let's hope they don't have that much reach. Crack die. That is going to be a 25 to hit against touch AC. That is a touch. That is a touch. That is a hit, and it will take an attack of opportunity

as it does have 15 feet of reach, and it misses on the AOL. Okay, and do I apply band damage? You sure do. Nice. There you go. There we go. That will be 29 points of damage on the first attack.

Okay, okay. Let's hope they don't have combat reflexes. Here comes the second attack that is going to hit with a 30. 30. That will be 32 points of damage on the second attack. Okay. Third attack.

Ooh, that's going to be a hit with a 25 against Touch AC. Nice. Yep. Kill it. That will be 31 points of damage on the third attack. Okay. Final attack. Come on.

Give me a big crit. Give me a big crit. Give me a big crit. 16 against Touch AC. Still a hit. Big creature. And you can see them, right? All you guys have the ability to see in the dark. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. 34 points of damage on the final attack. It is still up. Should have got up close and deadly on that last one. But lessons learned. Lessons learned. It is the Gug that is dead's turn. He remains.

He rises from the dead! It now goes to Metra's turn. Metra, you're right next to this thing, and you do see it. But you realize that Nestor doesn't have that ability. That is true. It would be good if it were dead. That would be awesome.

You know what? Let's do something fun. Okay. I like that. I like it when it's fun. That sounds fun. Let's pull out an 8-bubble spell. Whoa.

Slow down. I mean, it might be a little bit of a waste because Baron lives. It's pull out an 8th level spell. Whoa! Slow down. I mean, it might be a little bit of a waste because Baron lives. It's a huge waste. Enormous waste. Whatever it is. Are you saying fun? I thought we were going to have fun. I thought we were going to have fun too, but now go pour a bunch of water

on my phone. It's an 8th level spell! It's a sloppy steak situation. Skid takes one class at the University of Toronto and he's a real asshole. I'm so frightened slash excited to see what this is. I'm gonna do it anyway. Okay.

Joke and leave me alone. Okay. I'm assuming this thing has spell resistance. Why would you assume that? Yeah, because it's an easily killed creature that we'll have no problem with. Does it have spell resistance? Do I need to roll? No, you don't. But you do need to roll to cast defensively in case it has another attack of opportunity.

Remember, what do you need now on the d20 with an 8th level spell? 4 or above. Okay. It's not guaranteed. Or better. This is to avoid the Ao arrow in the event That it has More than one Combat reflexes

Natural six Wow Just got it Just got it So Metra seeing this thing Knowing that Nestor can't see it And that he can't take a five foot step And that I can't take a five foot step

I don't care for any of this And that even moving is going to cause us damage. Just raises her hand and concentrates the energies drawing in power from the other planes. And she's like, be gone. And it is banished. Oh, nice. To an extra dimensional labyrinth. Oh, what?

No save. No save. No save. Wow. Wow. And this just works! This just works. Holy shit!

Is that why? Is that maze? Is that? It is maze. Oh my god! Oh, so it's any creature. It doesn't have to be an outsider. Any creature.

Any creature. One target, one creature. Holy shit! Wait a minute. Where is the line? You have to draw a line somewhere. You can't do that to the boss. Each round on its turn, it may attempt a DC 20 intelligence check

to escape the labyrinth as a full round action. Ah, okay. Wow. Cool. So Metro banishes it. Oh, by the way, Minotaurs? Unaffected. That's right.

That goes... Oh, that's so great. That is so clever. Why? They're just good at mazes? They're from Labyrinth. Yeah, that's why. The Labyrinth was built to house the abomination that was the Minotaur.

Oh, I didn't realize that. And Knossos. Only Planeshift would help a character get out of there. They can't teleport out of the maze. They can't Dimension Door out of the maze. Planeshift, they can. Cool spell, right? That is very, very cool. I mean, it's not a terribly hard intelligence check to beat, but it takes you out for a whole round.

No, that's hard, though. 20? 20. Like, for an average creature, you have to roll each round, you know, at least like an 18 or something. Yeah, 18 or more. That's why it's like a broken mechanic. It's a fantastic thing to have on your side. Yeah, yeah.

You can be one of the smartest people on the planet and you have to roll a natural 16 to get out of it yeah yeah it's you know you when you when you fight uh more intelligent creatures it's built in there with they've got spell resistance they've probably got a plus eight to their intelligence right you're not going to be able to pull that but for this you get them out of the out of the John for a couple rounds at least. I took the spell for all the times when we're stuck in some random jam where all we need is just... If only that guy was in an extra dimensional maze right now. Only that guy. Remember all the times when we've said that to each other?

But like when Dogwrith died and all we needed was like an extra round to reposition. Right. And we couldn't get away and you were gonna be like this would be that was I was like okay that spell is great for that I mean it is it was

such a thing like it was big and like Baldur's Gate yeah it was the most frustrating thing to have cast on you it's terrible but it's it's have on your side amazing very very cool do you

move at all yes and I tell Nestor exactly where it is and I warned that it might might reappear there in a round. Okay. And then I will move, so I got... Can I roll acrobatics to avoid the damage, or is the damage automatic? I think the damage is automatic.

I read it this morning, and then I just want to make sure that I'm not penalizing, over-penalizing you. Any creature moving on foot into or through the spells area moves at half speed. That's one thing. So you can't take a five-foot step. In addition. Any creature moving on foot into or through the spell's area moves at half speed. That's one thing. So you can't take a five-foot step. In addition, each creature moving through the area takes 1d8 points of piercing damage for each five feet of movement

through the spiked area. And then if you take damage, you have to roll a reflex save to avoid injuries. And just standing in a square that has this has no ill effects. You fine standing and yeah you've already taken the damage to get there presumably uh yeah no you it's yeah you take damage it's a level four spell it's a pretty cool little ability yeah makes that whole hallway uh kind of tricky okay metro will move the full complement of her half speed movement to back up near Baron and take 3d8 points of damage

I'm assuming. And I will roll my reflex soon. Okay. Rolled an 8, a 7, and a 5. Whoa. So you'll take 20 points of damage. And I roll a natural 18 on my reflexes. Okay, so what is that total? That is

a 33. 33, you're good. Alright, so you don't take any permanent damage, which can be just taken away by a Cura spell. Cool. Alright, so Metra, I was hoping you would just I was hoping you were going to keep that thing around and then not be able to move and then have to roll a reflex save against the pit to see if you fall in, but you didn't do that.

You sent him to a maze. I hope he's having fun. Maybe it's a corn maze. Maybe it's fine. It's kind of like what Beetlejuice does. He's like, get out of here and he sends them to where the sandworm is that's what you just did it is Nestor's turn Nestor

this enemy you could feel its presence you just couldn't see it now it's gone alright and here's Metra's instructions it's a clever bit of magic

is that new? I don't think you've used that yet I just got it you've used that yet. I just got it. You are getting more and more interesting and more and more impressive on my side. Die, bar, die, dear. And he is going to unleash a full attack on the creature that he can see one square of on the opposite side of the pit. Yeah, he sure can. He's just, just where he's standing.

Just! He definitely doesn't want to move. He's just like, you know, he just plants his feet in a safe spot. Natty, 17 on the first attack with the many shots. Yikes. That is 51 points of damage. Okay. 51 points of damage on the first.

All right. Second attack. That is a 34 to hit. 34 is a hit. Okay. 26 points of damage. Okay. Oh, boy.

All right. Third attack. Third attack. Is a 34 again. 34 is a hit uh 29 points of damage okay all right fourth attack rapid shot on uh i believe it's probably a miss that is a 23 to hit. 23 is a miss. Last attack. Another miss. Another miss. Nestor lights this guy up right in the thigh.

Boom, boom, boom. Zoom, zoom, zoom. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. And before Sir Will goes, it will be the one behind the pillar. Sir Will, you can see this one behind the pillar. This one has revealed itself. I think it did some sort of attack. This might have been the one that cast Unholy Blight. Oh, yeah. Cast that and said, I'm going back behind the pillar. This one has revealed itself. I think it did some sort of attack. This might have been the one that cast Unholy

Blight. Oh, yeah. I'm going back to the pillar. Sir Will, this is what you see. Oh, dear. This creature moves a little bit past the pillar so you see it more visibly. And then you watch its body do what the other one did.

It compresses itself into a flat line that makes a little bit taller. It compresses itself into a flat line that makes a little bit taller, and it reaches up into what just looks like the air above him, or it, and it crawls into a space that you cannot see and disappears. Rope trick.

Whoa, extra-dimensional John's all over the place. That. I wonder if he can see his buddy in the maze. He's like, yo! Hey! Billy! Exit over here! Turn left. I can see from up here. My left. Oh, it's a dead end, dude. It's a dead end. What's your intelligence? Sir Will, it is

your turn. You've got one of these guys right up in your business and you know he's going to act immediately after you. Okay. Three arrows sticking in its thigh. Four. Four arrows

sticking in its thigh. Alright. In that case, I am going to... Hmm. This is tough. Alright. I'm just going to try to take it out. So, Sir Will has jumped through over this pit.

Lexington taking this damage as we go over the spikes. He's got Roselight out, his longsword. And he just is now in melee with this creature. It reveals himself, but doesn't hit Sir Will. And Sir Will just turns and starts fighting from wolf back.

Just full attacking. Swat, swat, swat, swat! Just swiping, trying to cut this thing down. But before he does, he smites evil. There you go. And it's like suddenly his tiny blade glows with the power of the gods. They're kind of good. And it does not look so tiny anymore!

And he starts stabbing away, slashing away, trying to rid this world of evil. First slash is a 38 to hit. That is a hit. I'm sorry. That is incorrect. It is a 36 to hit, I believe. Still a hit. Still a hit.

Okay, and that is 29 points of damage. Okay. Swammy! Comes back across the other side. That is 35 to hit. 35's a hit. 29 points of damage, right? Yeah. Dead. Oh, yeah!

Yeah! Swammy! Slices and it goes. 29 points of damage, right? Yeah. Dead. Oh, yeah! Yes. Swa, swa! Slices and it goes. Ah! Eat! You see, as it dies, one of its arms gets really long. Weird.

Weird. Weird long arm. And then he'll call back. The other one! It went up into the ceiling! Somewhere into a space I can't see, Metra! It is now the one that was sent into the maze's

turn, and let's see if he comes out of the maze. He finds his way. He does not! Alright, so you only have... Actually, right now you have zero enemies that you can see. One is in a maze, and one just disappeared into thin air. Let's stay in initiative here and see what you guys want to do. If anything, it is Baron's turn, top of a new round.

Do I see the creature? You do not. So it's not on the ethereal planet, it's not invisible? No. Hmm. Can I do a perception check for any telltale signs of where it may have gone or disappeared? Troy doesn't know where it is and thinks it might be on the ethereal plane right now, so he's checking. I can just tell by the look on his dumb face.

I very confidently said no. Actually, I should check. That's always the best. So you ask a player, you're like, wait, does that ability da-da-da? And they go, yep. And then slowly lean up to their computer and start typing vigorously. It's not your turn, Metra, but I will say this. I can see it.

No, you can't see it. But I imagine you were watching the battle. You know what I mean? I'm not going to make you roll a perception check to see if you saw what Sir Will saw. You're watching all around you. And you saw it enter an ethereal space for a moment and then wink out. So it went onto the ethereal plane,

but then it just kept going, and now you cannot see it. Well, it stands to reason it can't have gone far. Otherwise, a physical barricade wouldn't have stopped it from escaping. So... It looked like it went through a door that just phased into existence.

It went into there, went on the ethereal plane, and just kept climbing up. The timekeepers! Hmm. What? Is... Who casts these spikes on the ground?

Are they permanent? One of these Johns. Does it go away if they're dead? Um... No. No. I don't think so. I think, like all these spells, it lasts

for the duration. Which, in this case, is hours. Alright. I guess let's very carefully get out of these spikes and then wait to see what happens. Because this guy could get out of the... If you take a five-foot step and take... Well, it's not your turn. It's Baron's turn. But just to give you an idea uh if you take a five foot step and take well it's not your turn it's baron's turn but just to give you an idea if you took a

five foot step down you could dimension door all three of them without them having to move you just take one d8 once a damage yes i don't tell you play your character but that would be a smart move if you're interested in the smart move but it is baron's turn baron you don't see any uh any trouble here i will hold hold until Metra goes. Metra's close to me in the initiative, I think, at this point. She's next. Okay, I'll hold until Metra goes and see what happens. And then I'll take my action after I see what Metra does.

Metra, what are you thinking? Move five feet, cast a dimension door? You just want to deal 1d8 points of damage to me. So bad. It's the only way I can do damage to you. All right, yeah. I'll dimension door us out of there. Come on, eight.

Come on, kill shot. Two points of damage. Yeah. So Metro just moved us back about 20 feet into the room and out of the spikes. Not into the cellar, but back to where we saw Renfall. Well, there's a guy that's going to eventually reappear here. So I figured that's going to be ours. Yeah, let's talk about this for a second so sir will you're left in that

room that thing is going to eventually come back you think but i'll tell you right now it's gonna be very hard for it to come back uh taking 20 would take what 20 minutes 20 times the normal time to come back so you've got some time here if there's something you want to do in this room that one that went into some sort of ethereal space is gone, as far as you can tell. So why wouldn't they have left before? That's what I said. What are they doing here? Very curious.

You didn't see some sort of door phase into existence when you first came to the room. You could see it in the theory of planning. You didn't see that door. That door appeared somewhere mid-fight. An exit was provided for this monster. Provided. Provided. Provided. So it's going to report upstairs. The man upstairs.

The man upstairs. Exactly what our tactics were. Little man from the draft board. Would you allow me to retcon and dimension doors into the room so we can search it? Knowing what you just I will allow it. If you let me re-roll the d8 damage. Sure. Two.

Good gamble, Matthew. Let's-roll the d8 damage. Sure. Two. Good gamble, Mathia. Let's take those two points of damage. Oh, hello. Welcome. This is good as well, because Baron's stonecutting might come into handy here. There may be other means, but with a teleporting door or whatever the hell they use,

probably not. Can I roll a spellcraft or a knowledge check on that door? Uh, yeah, yeah. It's gone now, but you can, I remember to say you saw it.

Yeah. Spellcraft or knowledge. What? Uh, spellcraft. I'll aid. Successfully. Uh,

well that's good because I only rolled a 20. So 22. Yeah. It's a, it's a pretty high level spell okay definitely a spell pretty high level um is there anything else would that would it suggest to me that there's another caster in the room or that caster could have been elsewhere it suggests to you that well where you can see invisibility and you can see on the ethereal plane you don't see any caster in this, so you think there must be a caster that can see into this room from someplace else. We all wave as if we're waving at a security camera. Right.

And then we just all slowly give them the figure. Yeah, Nestor gives the figs. Fuck off. I'm coming for you, mate. I'm coming for you. He's mouthing it. Are we still on initiative? I'm going to take you out of initiative for right now, because I'm not

interested in bringing that monster back in, but I'm going to have you move quickly. And I'll tell you right now, with your stonecutting, with your basic perception, there's nothing of interest in this room. This seems to have been a holding pit for these, repurposed to hold these Gugs. You don't know why,

what purpose. Seems like a place you'd throw prisoners, but you don't see entrails around. Just very, very strange. Like I said, the windows are boarded up. Everything in here has been destroyed. They seem like they were hungry,

but nothing of interest in here. No magic. Just a weird, weird place. Can I go up to where the creature But nothing of interest in here. No magic. Interesting. Just a weird, weird place. Can I go up to where the creature disappeared into that extra-dimensional space, trot right over to where I saw the opening, and then just look up and detect evil up 60 feet? Detect evil up 60 feet, and you don't detect any evil.

Maybe he changed his ways on the way up. Yes. Perhaps you're right, mister. Change of heart. Let's take down the boards on the way up yes perhaps you're right mister change of heart let's take down the boards on the windows yes i agree yeah okay and all of a sudden i cast summon crowbar light everywhere blinding um all right shall we just let's take out a couple boards to be able to see out but maybe someone looking down onto the windows from the outside wouldn't know that that had changed. You can climb up, pull some of those boards off, and you look out, and it looks like you're looking out an airplane window.

Just clouds whipping past. So this is not turned back in onto another part of the castle. No. It just points out. Outside, yeah. Yep. Yep. So, let's pan out for a second here.

There are one, two, three staircases. Now, actually, one of those staircases is the one you came up. But there are two staircases, excuse me, four staircases leading up. There is one in the room where you fought that big fucking troll. There's one in that room where clearly the other troll in the Earth Elemental came from. There's two in the room where you fought that wood

giant pose, or that three-headed dragon posing as a wood giant. And you know that that leads up to the room with the orcs. There's also that secret ladder that you can use to take you to that room with the orcs. There's also that secret ladder that you can use to take you to that room with the orcs. There's also the outside

that leads to the main entrance and that big staircase that Metra only saw on the ethereal plane. And then there are two unexplored doors at the far end to the east and the west of the main middle hallway. So that's what's left here. Two doors, the courtyard that led to the battlements,

and all of the staircases going up. Let's knock out those two doors, and then I'm done with this floor, and we can choose a fun staircase to go up, whichever one you all want. Although I am now concerned after meeting that transforming wood giant about the degree of secrecy we have in our little private attic, considering they directed us there to that staircase. I want to throw something out there. Sure.

To the group. It is metagaming, but I think it's an appropriate time to metagame. Gross. We're now 16th level. Troy has more or less intimated to us that 16 is probably going to be our top level for this adventure.

But I have been known to lie. Have been known to lie. You are an inveterate liar. But regardless. I like surprise. That's what he's intimated to us. We don't have to clear out every room

at this point we've leveled if we're at the kind of top level we're going to get to we could start making our way up to the next level and not

worry about you know and I think it's appropriate to metagame is because it's a very I don't know that we need to take like a

video gamey approach here like we can be like alright let's like let's go we know there's stuff with these orcs let's go there like we know we want to get up we need to do xyz we have objectives so the

completionist in me i yeah i have i have two concerns one is uh rather than leveling up is just items like just finding more loot that might be helpful the other is uh the writers the writing team still needs time to complete glass cannon 2.0 yeah so we need to pad this out a little bit as much as we can. I'm not saying go directly to the boss. No, no. We wouldn't want to play like Peter Jarrett played his... I'm just saying writing an adventure is hard and time-consuming.

Yeah, we're about six weeks behind schedule, so if you want to explore, it would really help. Let's just hang out here for a little bit. We need to buy some time. Can we search this room while we're waiting for these spikes to disappear? Yeah, there's nothing. Let's fall out the moon door. Save ourselves from dying.

Head to the various leaders of Galarian. Spend several weeks in diplomatic meetings trying to raise their armies to follow this castle. Create the final war against the giants. trying to raise their armies to follow this castle. Create the final war against the giants. And really extend the shit out of this campaign for a long, long time. Metro will volunteer to remain here, so you have some

sort of, so that way you can always maybe get in contact with her. So you cast Fly on us right before we jump out. That'll work. And then we just need to find resurrected Gormley. Yes. This could be good. Do you have the leaders of all the nations of Galarian prepped?

I do. I didn't think we were going to use them, but I do have them at home. Let me just open up that dock. Yeah, here they are. The problem with this plan is if you leave the castle, you don't know what may happen. By the time you're trying to gather all these leaders, he could just go and start wiping out the true nows of the world while you're busy trying to gather the five armies.

Well, I guess we'll have to go to the door in the east then. It's possible. But if we just go and die kill everyone oh it's true that's that's what you're up against there's a ticking clock here yeah i mean just from a logic storytelling perspective just just logic i mean obviously we can't go talk to all the leaders of the world right now. If we were in the situation, we might think that's a valid option. But we are a hyper-accomplished, talented strike team,

and we find ourselves in the midst of the enemy's headquarters. Yeah, their soft underbelly. Yeah, at the very most opportune time before they can really consolidate their power power it's like it would behoove us in this situation without metagaming we're worrying about writing yes to to to act now and finish this while we can without worrying about the glass cannon networks production without worrying about the production schedule so straight to the storm tire question seriously time before the start of GCP 2. I'm asking you, Matthew, for reals. You too, Grant.

Do you think if we walked into a room right now with Volstice that we would win? It's the diciest battle of the entire show. There's so many unknown things. I'm just asking for your gut. Do you think we'd win or lose? Do you think we need more in order to win? I think we need more, and I think there's something here that was written in the adventure that might be helpful. Yeah.

And we might also be able to weaken him before we face him by doing more of this stuff now. It's true. I think if there's a way to break the orb of dragon kind, yes. Otherwise, I don't think there's an item that we're going to find i like i feel like that's like the video gamey way i don't think there's an item we're going to find that's going to make it make make us super powerful i think we're all very powerful the thing we have working against us is he can control dragons and we have fared very poorly against dragons in the past maybe it's because he's god but renfall's words really stuck with

me about this place being just a cornucopia of magical items of course it ended with dalgrys deaths exploring the underbelly but for zero items for zero items for zero items they found a bomb found a bomb we we weren't allowed to set up well and that might be even more powerful than any items we find is a different contingency plan. We now know that it's like... Yeah, stuff like that. Like, just stuff we can't predict that might affect the flow of what's happening. I mean... If Skid, Joe, and Grant's characters all fall and Metro's still around, you can teleport down to that bomb and blow it up.

Oh, yeah. Take this place down. That's definitely what's happening. If it goes south. Yeah. You've got to get out of here and set off that bomb. Yep. It's like that scene in Lost.

You know what I'm talking about. I don't want... No spoilers. On the boat? No. In the pit. On the island? On the island in the pit.

Oh, the one on the island. Mm-hmm. Yep. I need to go back and watch Lost. I did a gesture that was reminiscent of that scene that I'm not going to name. It was very foul. Yes, it was a little sexual. I don't appreciate it in the workplace, Matthew.

I'm not going to lie. I'm going to be honest. I'm glad I don't exist in any of your thoughts and dreams. Is that how you had sex with Skid in your dream? That was quite loving. So the door to the east. The door to the east. All right, so you're going to go back up through this room where Renfall, Metro, are you going to the east the door to the east uh all right so you're gonna go back up through this room where rainfall uh metro are you gonna walk through the spikes are you gonna

be kind and use another use of dimension door to get everybody past we're just trying to just wait yeah we'll wait here for hours we don't have to wait i can use the broom and ferry people across without any use of any spells yeah because if you waited this thing would come back and i don't want to fight him anymore um are you going to do anything to prevent this guy from coming back and start running around this level of the castle? Put a hungry pit with a permanency spell right

at the spot where he was mazed away. Did you take permanency? No. You know what I will do is I'll use the lyre of building again. So while we're searching it, and I'll start building a wall along here where the barricade was okay and to block it off you're building it okay so 30 minutes later i like it 30 minutes later i play it i i play it too oh you know what you should do is build

another maids so like he gets out it's like fuck this thing keeps going yeah i build another maze to really hammer home that psychological torture yeah let me just roll a d100 300 time a d20 300 times see if he comes back you know what i'm gonna say he doesn't come back and you build the wall and uh just as the wall is coming up this thing comes out and yeah, so now you want to go up back through the room where Renfall appeared after you found his what was that weapon of his? It was a large

Morningstar flail, I believe. Gargantuan, maybe. Gargantuan. Yeah. Actually, I can't use the lyre, so I'll just use wall of stone. Okay. I already used the lyre once this week. That's right. That's quicker. Alright, and you want to go to this door that is to the far east, about 50 feet away from where the hallway turned down to lead into the training room. Okay.

You come up to that door and what do you do? Place yourselves on the map. Yeah. That door. Uh, detect magic and do perception check for traps. Okay. Uh, no magic. I will also perceive the traps.

You do not detect any magic. I'll for traps. You do not detect any magic. I'll detect evil. You do not detect any evil. 38 for traps. You do not see any traps. And the door is unlocked. It is almost too welcoming. Maybe these gloves will come in handy one last time

and Baron will stealth roll if he has to, but hope that the silent spell extending from his gloves will help us handy one last time and baron will stealth roll if he has to but hope that the silent spell extending from his gloves will help us get into here quietly so i'll do the stealth roll um that is going to be a 25 okay so you stealthily open the door see a small room with a window. Light coming in through the window. Lights up the whole effing space. The whole room is tiled with fine ceramic. It contains a large showering area with an enlarged porcelain shower basin equipped with two silver faucets. Looks like a bathroom, but really just to bathe.

There's no toilet. Skid, do you want to take a shower before the show? Well, now I'm just adjusting the Zillow price of this building again. I didn't know it was a whole three-quarters bath. Two and a half. Two and three-quarter bath. Detect magic? No magic.

You already did that. I thought we detected evil. You did that, too. Two and three quarter bath. Detect magic. No magic. You already did that. I thought we detected evil. You did that too. Is there any, like, Sir Will will come into the room. Okay. And he'll get kind of close to the tub.

But there's no toilet? No toilet. This is just a shower. Is there water in it? Mm-hmm. Can you see in the water? Yeah. Are you supposed to pee in it? Is it pretty clean?

Pee in the water. It looks like someone bathed in there recently. Pee in the water. Looking up above? Anything up above? Are there pipes? Are there large openings? No, the two silver faucets are coming directly out of the wall.

So the piping would be within the wall. Okay. Pee in the water. So the piping would be in... within the wall. Okay. Be in the water. So Will's going to come over to the window. Just scan out at the sky as it's moving by. Look down. What does he see when he looks down? Just see the tops of clouds.

Can't see through to the ground? Can't see through to the ground. From time to time, like, as it's moving, you'll see, like, a piece of, maybe is that a mountain? Is that farmland? Farmland, yeah. So we're really high up. Way high up, yeah.

Guy flies by. Hey! Weird. Oh, my God! Sweet and hard! How did that happen? He says, roll down your window. He flies by.

It's awe-inspiring. He says, Adriel, I hope you're okay out there. He's breath-fogging the window. Adriel falls right by the window. He's still falling. Oh, no. Right. He'll trot back and go wherever you guys want to go

Is this, is it, wait Is it orc time? No, we have a door to the west Yeah, and Before we do the orc dance Do we want to turn the faucets to see what happens Or no? I feel like it might, like, let our location out So I'm leaning towards no and just going to the door to the west

Yeah, nothing magical here Door to the west Door to the west Go to the door of the west. Yeah, nothing magical here. Door of the west. Door of the west. Go to the door of the west. Detect magic. Detect magic. Detect evil. You don't detect any evil. You do detect a little magic. A little?

And then it's gone. Then it's gone? Hmm. Um... Detect again? Is it something that's cycling through you hold it there nothing it's like there for a second and then it's gone we stay out there for three days does it come back it does from time to time

the magic was there but it's gone it's just like our relationship no traps on the door it's unlocked must have been love stealthily open it 21 you open uh stealthily open it it's over now uh 21 21 you open it stealthily and it's the privy oh why you put the toilet all the way on the opposite side a mile and a half to the shower that's insane literally this is 435 feet away from the

bedroom the shit the bath take eight thousand000 off the asking price before we even talk anymore. It's also, the whole room is tiled with fine ceramic. It's privy. There's two separate wooden stalls with a giant-sized toilet seat. There's concern about privacy still. They were giants, but they still like to go in private. When you think back to fighting hill giants and fighting ogres and trolls uh here it is pristinely clean it's not the grossness of uh the giants you fought at third

fourth level it is pristinely clean here just like the kitchen or yeah the dining room kitchen pristinely clean yeah i can't imagine the cave troll that we fought in book one using a garter robe like this right would would we be able what is this hole for this giant's butthole so big that we would just fall in if we tried to sit on it oh yeah like ridiculous yeah it'd be like uh i can't think of a good metaphor it's a big butthole big big big butthole yeah you like dive in like scrooge mcduck diving into coins can we spend a couple minutes uh everyone who has detect magic kind of like trying to find that source that comes back and it's gone yeah dude maybe it's like uh it's a little magical but just like removes the stink yeah it's magical poo-pourri yeah Yeah. Did I get a sense of where the source of the magic when I cast the urge did it go away too quickly?

It went away too quickly. It looked like it was coming from the toilet area. But you look there now, it's nothing there. I think it's magic. Yeah, it's like magic. It's like Mr. Clean. Summon Mr. Clean. Or magic bubbles.

Or it sucks all the poo into like an extra dimensional space dumps it once in a while yep baron has regret around not muckraking on the chelish devil so he is going to do a thorough perception check around these turlets it's grist you said it was so clean. It is clean. It's not like the Odiog pit. Thirty-five. Nothing. Okay. Nothing at all. All right. Let's leave. Abandon the toilets for now.

Abandon hope. All who enter here. So you've got the staircases leading up to the orcs. You've got the secret ladder going straight through. Oh, wait. Nestor, real quick. Oh, hold on. No, go ahead without me. And he goes in, takes out his cold iron dagger

and carves Metro's phone number into one of the stalls. For a good time. For a good time. Good time. That'll get her. Oh, God. Amazing.

Metro goes back in and makes sure all the commas are in the right place. No, it's the worst spell thing you've ever seen. I thought Nestor couldn't read. I'm scared. is in the right place. No, it's the worst spell thing you've ever seen. It's all phonetic. I thought Nestor couldn't read. I'm scared. It doesn't. It's nonsense.

If you look at it, you couldn't decipher it if you had comprehend languages. From what you see, you have left. Once again, there are the two staircases leading up to the room with the orcs. There's the secret ladder leading up straight through the castle itself. Obviously, the next floor would take you into a secret door where those orcs are hanging out.

There's a staircase way down to the southwest, a staircase sort of like right in the middle next to that fulcrum room. And then there are the battlements and the courtyard that Metro only saw on the ethereal plane. You know, there's a big open courtyard. You look past those doors to see this sort of landing pad, huge entrance area, ceremonial entrance. And then you walked up those stairs to the battlements. But you were moving pretty quickly. So there might be something there you want to look at. Maybe not. Those are your options. And then there's still that room with the four oozes, but you were like, fuck that.

Doesn't seem like there's anything important there. I want to fight some orcs. Let's do it. I'm feeling nostalgic. Does Sir Will want to pincer maneuver them since he has difficulty getting his steed ready from the stairwell and the number of turns so we attack from the stairwell and or we attack from the secret ladder and you come up the stairs that's fine but I wouldn't even start up the stairs until you were already

in there got it just because he would make so much noise going up the stairs but I mean he could actually make noise and draw them to him and then even come back downstairs if he was really in danger and you could be behind them and then just go up the other stairs right yeah yeah you know what do you want me to do that do you want me to attract attention or try not to but if i do it's okay well it would be it would be to open as

an opening volley it would be advantageous for metra to have them all in one place right then once chaos ensues we can do whatever we want. Basically, there are a number of spells I can use to hit all of them at once. Troy, with Baron's knowledge engineering as a dwarf, this seems pretty simple. Could we know how far the stairs are?

Like, how many rounds it would take to get up the stairs? Yeah. I wouldn't even have you roll on it. From the bottom of the stairs to the top four rounds but if you're double moving if you're on lexington 140 feet in a round well that's the move of 140 feet yeah you could get there in two rounds would that be less than what you would need to resummon lexington from the ladder or whatever you need to do to get ready? Uh...

Or is it negligible? You also want to save the number of times you can summon him in a day, right? Yeah, and I don't want to use casting a fly or anything like that, because he can't climb really that well either. So, whatever. It doesn't matter if he gets there a couple rounds late. It's fine.

It would be the same difference if he went behind you all in the stairs. You know what I mean? And he'd be using multiple abilities. So. So, the idea, just so we're clear, Troy, is that we're going to try to open the door when we get up there quietly. We'll roll whatever checks you need. They're called stealth checks, against their perception. Because we want to do a surprise round. Right. We have roll whatever checks you need. They're called stealth checks against their perception.

Because we want to do a surprise round. Right. We have to, by the rules of the game, beat their perception with your stealth. Now, here's the thing. I mentioned to you, unlike the Ashpeak guards who are on high alert, they're feasting and stuff,

so they're going to take a penalty to their perception. They're doing stuff. But you still got to beat it. And there's a lot of people in there. So you might beat most of them, but there might be some that see and they're going to be a part of the surprise round as well. That's what we're dealing with.

Now, Sir Will is going to come clunking up the stairs. Are you going to wait until they jump and then you're going to come running up? What's your plan? Yeah, my plan is to wait to hear the sounds of combat and then come running up. Yeah. Okay.

Are you pre-summoning Lexington or using that? I'm riding Lexington. You're riding Lexington right now. Okay. Right up the stairs. Yeah, so you're gonna, you're gonna be like a round away. Yeah. Go halfway up the stairs.

Yep. Yeah. Okay. And I'm gonna give, I'll give, uh, when we get into place, before we open the door, I'm gonna give Nestor, Baron, and myself a Cloak of Shadows before we open the door. Just an to give nester baron and myself a cloak of shadows before we open the door just an just a little extra bonus to our stealth role and i'm actually sorry i'm gonna go to the other side so i'm gonna come up this there that looks like it comes up on the opposite side from the fireplace okay in the spirit of the pincer maneuver idea i like it and do you uh metra i don't know your spell slots maybe i'll spoken

for do you want to do protection from energy fire on us again going through the fire it'll be on that level oh um i would prefer to save the spell slots i'm kind of hand waving the fire and okay it's just i'm not that interested in i was like was like, I don't think that, we know there's some kind of other creature there that's not an orc, at least one. Yeah. You know there's some other creature in there, that's what Mettra saw. The reason I'm hand-waving fire is you can just skirt around it. It doesn't take up the whole

width of that fireplace. But yeah, you know that there are a dozen or so orcs in there and some other creature that you could sense but not see. Alright. So, Sircs in there, and some other creature that you could sense but not see. All right. So, Sir Will, atop Lexington, his majestic magical steed, trots quietly halfway up the staircase to the... And he hears like...

Actually, you hear... Celebrate good times. Come on. We're doing a coordinated dance number. It's a celebration. Is that a wedding from the 80s? Maybe it is a wedding. We don't know.

Could be. A reception. Come on. Let's crash it. There's a party going on right here. Do you go up the staircase to the left of the room with that sort of servant's mess? Mm-hmm. Okay.

So you trot, trot, trot, trot halfway up. Meanwhile, the rest of you, I'm going to need some climb checks if you're not flying. DC 10, I believe I said? I'll just fly. It's automatic for you, Mr. Automatic for me. Thank you. 22.

22. 22. And Metra is going to fly. Yeah. Let's go to the map. All right. Yes. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

I see Sir Will disembodied on the side. That's amazing. Yes, Sir Will, you're coming up the staircase. When you went up the left side, I don't know if I said this to you guys before if you did a check, but both of those staircases met and then turned into one staircase at the halfway point, and now you're coming up. Fancy.

Oh, okay. And there is no staircase going to the fire giant level, right? That's what we discovered. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, no staircase going to the fire giant level that you see here, but you did see in the fire giant room a staircase leading up to a level that you couldn't access via the secret ladder.

I only see five orcs here. Yeah, you only see five orcs. There's a lot of room here that I'm not revealing to you. Let me get those stealth checks. Okay okay so everyone gets a plus nine well now this is close to shadows that's personal though isn't it is it i think it is let's see matthew is a classic you can grab one target spell cloak of shadows oh okay great i am going to use my stealth synergy teamwork feat to take the highest roll out of everyone's roll on my stealth roll. So let me know

your roll in addition to the total. What is the bonus? Plus 10. Okay. Well, I rolled a 3. So that's a 43 for me. Amazing.

51 for Metrum. 43. 51 for Metro. 43, 51. What did you roll on the die? 90, 17. Oh, great. There you go. I rolled a 9, but it gets bumped up to a 17, which is a 44.

44? And then Sir Will, did you get any buffs? No, but you're staying. You're waiting. I don't get a surprise round. Yeah, I'm waiting until I hear fighting. Then I'll just start charging up and see what I see. We might actually want to go into initiative now because there is actually a relevant mechanical effect to Cloak of Shadows, which is that creatures that fail to beat your stealth check are not aware of you and treat you as if you had total concealment.

Oh. Wow. So uh shooing the surprise round to jump right into initiative or using that i think we just want to track how many rounds of this we have because we only have let me tell you i'll tell you exactly we've done this before we should roll initiative we don't have to roll them into it yet right and then take our one actions whatever they are as the opening and i'm not in that i'll still roll initiative but i won't get to act until the orcs are all in there and all act and we'll have total concealment against those that do not detect us until it dissipates until they see us

and at which point you're basically going to have total concealment during the surprise round yeah so see what you want to do for that how many of you're going to go charging into the room uh should be interesting. So, yeah, you know what? Think about it. Total concealment is really only going to help you in the first round when you would no longer have it. Yeah. It's eight rounds.

You have that cloak of shadows on. And here's why it's better for you to have us roll initiative now. Let's say you're like, well, the combat hasn't started yet. I'm going to wait until Metra casts Consume to start the combat where she gets all these orbs with some huge AoE spell. It's like, okay, then the combat starts. Roll for initiative. If Metra rolls a natural 20, it's like, what is that?

Is that the surprise round? Yeah, no, I'm having you roll initiative. I'm just trying to get clear on where we stand here because it's a little tricky. But the concealment's not going to really take effect unless you decide to skip the surprise round. Yeah. You know?

So it would be round one, Metro does Cloak of Shadows on Nestor. Round two, Cloak of Shadows on Baron. Round three, Cloak of Shadows on me. Round four, Baron opens the door with the Silent Glove. Right. I cast something, Nestor shoots something, and then, you know, all hell breaks loose. And then the orcs enter.

And round four is the surprise round, effectively. Roll for initiative. All right. Ha,ation the largest initiative tracker i have ever used in all my years of gaming and perhaps will always be the largest initiative tracker I have ever missed. Oh, interesting. Ooh! In all my years. What did you get, Baron? 30. 30.

Ooh! That's high. Nestor. 25. 25 for Nestor. Sir Will. Natural 20. Oh!

For Sir Willamette! We're at 24. 24 for Sir Will. Natural 20. Oh! For Sir Willamette! For a 24. 24 for Sir Will. Matra! 15. 15. Natural 6. For Matra.

Let me hit sort. Let me hit save. I mean, this is just stupid. Skid, your ears would start bleeding if you saw this initiative tracker. It is a surprise round. Baron opens that passageway silently, and you see what you see. This is your vantage point. In fact, I'll give you a little bit more, because it is well-litten here.

They're having a hell of a time. It's not a party. It's an orc thing. It's an orc, John. It's not a party, it's an orc thing It's an orc, John You're gonna see straight across the room To The far wall

The far wall In which stands a door Okay We do it, but we can assume That the room extends Both north and south Oh yeah In fact, I can give you a little bit more but we can assume that the room extends both north and south along the table. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. In fact, I can give you a little bit more. I can give you a little bit more from where you're standing looking at an angle. You'll see more of this feast hall to the north. Oh! More orcs. More orcs. How about you look a little bit to the south?

Oh! Oh! Nana, nana. Oh, even more orcs. I don't know if I gave you this flavor text before. I'll give it to you now just to remind you of the setting. A grandiose feast hall fills this level of the castle's main tower, decorated with luxurious curtains and huge frescoes depicting impossibly high mountains,

vast stormy seas, and other awe-inspiring landscapes. An exceptionally long, sounds like I wrote this, an exceptionally long, a surprisingly long, tall table with more than 20 high-backed chairs stretches across the chamber from north to south. This table seems to be in a strange state of disarray. It's voluminous. I remember saying that. Voluminous, fine tablecloths painted with odd inscriptions hang down to the floor but also rise above the table

in tent-like points with giant-sized cups, dishes, and other utensils hanging from the edges. They've taken the tablecloth in here and they've turned this fine dining hall into like an orc tent. A massive fireplace faces the table

from the eastern wall where you stand and two large stained glass windows to the north allow natural light from outside to shine in. I'm telling you, this whole table has been turned into a vast tent. They've painted these menacing symbols, perhaps symbols of their various tribes. They've fashioned interior compartments with planks and adapted other giant-sized accessories as furnishings, like giant pewter platters.

Look like they've turned them into shields. Cutting boards they've made like makeshift doors leading in and out of these tents bundled curtains up to make beds and they've created this ramshackle twisted dollhouse in the feast hall it is the surprise round and it is baron's turn mover standard bar. Standard action. Baron is going to use his standard action to change his teamwork feat from stealth synergy to target of opportunity so that

he can get a shot off against an enemy within 30 feet of him that Nestor also hits. I will be able to change my teamwork feat two more times during the rest of the day. An Inquisitor can do that equal to the modifier of their wisdom score. And of the day. An Inquisitor can do that equal to the modifier of their wisdom score. And of the 11 orcs that you currently see,

there are two that are within 30 feet. Still in the surprise round. Do any of them, I know I'm not there, but just for the audience, do any of them look beefier or different than anyone else, or do they all sort of like look similar or do any do any appear to be lieutenants or monstrous in a weird way or anything like that

in fact they do now you don't see this but that's a fair question you all have eyes in your head the the ones directly in front of you and a little bit to the north south they all look kind of the same nothing too special they look exactly Baron like the orcs you fought in true now wow many months ago wow the two down two weeks ago no there's months it's really been months i used to keep the calendar i just uh

stopped uh the two down to the southern end of the table they look like they have a little more regalia on them their emblems are a little more badass, they look like they have a little more regalia on them. Their emblems are a little more badass. They seem like they have better weapons. I can't remember if they have shields or not. Their pawns have little shield-like things on them, so that's an easy way to keep track of them. Yeah, they've got, like, orc double axes. They've got short bows. They're wearing full plate.

They don't have shields, but the other guys don't have any of that stuff. You can see that, like... I just imagine walking into, like, a fighting pit in Urgear, right? And, like, this champion gladiator walking out in full plate with an orc double axe just, like, swinging it around. It'd be so terrifying. Grond! Grond! Grond! Grond! double axe just like swinging it around it'd be so terrifying grand grand grand shaking with the voices screaming yeah and the rest of them just have like studded leather and falchions and uh some of them have their falchions drawn some do not um they're kind of waving

around others are just like shoving their faces full of food this map here doesn't really show you this tent like, but imagine if they turned this into a, you know, kind of like what you saw outside of True Now and when you went to the Red Lake Fort. A lot of... It's very orc-like. Baron takes his turn. Nestor, it is

your turn in the surprise round. Stand or move? Uh... This is actually really tough it is Nestor uh well

oh boy uh I think he's going to without without doing a study target he's just going to try to find one of the less armored targets

close to him. Less armored targets. There's one directly in front of you. There's the one to the north. I'll ping them all. Pretty much the two down the bottom are pretty well armored. All the rest have studded leather. Okay.

Do I get a swift action with a surprise round? That's an excellent question. Yes, I do. Okay. I would say it pretty confidently just because you can do a swift action any time you can do a free action. Right. You can only do one.

Are swift actions allowed during a surprise round? Yes. Surprise round. If some, but not all of them. You can also take free actions during the surprise round. Nestor is going to study that target of the less armored guy.

Sort of very silently and slowly pull old Jolter back. Which is crazy. I should be able to do many shot in this circumstance, but it won't let me. So... Pull back a single arrow. And fire.

He's starting it. That is a 39 to hit. 39 hits. And with the sneak damage, that is 52 points of damage. Now, you know orcs have ferocity. They all have ferocity that would keep them alive unless you took them below their con. This arrow, where do you hit them below their con. This arrow.

Where do you hit him? The neck. The neck. Nestor pulls back the bow and just fires and it goes straight through his neck and comes out the other side and it just flops to the ground.

I can just see this in a movie. I can just see it. They're all of a sudden, they're buddy porn. Everything goes quiet. They're like, what the fuck? There's so much going on that some of the orcs that are standing right next to them don't even see. But you do see that some of the other ones are like... And then you hear an...

They start calling out to each other. And then you hear... The battle has begun. Yes! And we'll see you next week oh i'll get it waiting for this oh you guys have been waiting for weeks weeks and weeks The Glass Cannon Podcast is a Glass Cannon Network production and is an officially licensed partner of Paizo Incorporated. Giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo Incorporated. Giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo. All Pathfinder images are property of Paizo and

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