The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 295 - Gangs of New Orcs

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

For the first time in a long time, the heroes battle orcs from the Hold of Belkzen. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Last week on the Glass Cannon Podcast, the heroes invoke new magics. So Metra just raises her hand and concentrates the energies drawing in power from the other planes. And it is banished to an extra-dimensional labyrinth. Oh, nice! No save! No save! No save! Wow!

Wow! To defeat extra-dimensional horrors, Sir Will has jumped through over this pit. He's got Roselight out, his longsword, and Sir Will just turns and starts fighting from wolf back, just full attacking. Swat, swat, swat, swat! Just swiping, trying to cut this thing down,

but before he does, he smites evil. There you go. And laid a trap for the orc horde. Nestor is going to study that target. Sort of very silently and slowly pull old Jolter back and fire. He's starting it. But could an unseen monstrosity spoil their plan nestor pulls back the bow and just fires and it goes straight through his neck and comes out the other side

and it just flops the adventure continues the battle has begun yes no Yes! No. is there a hobby you had as a child that you abandoned that you'd like to get back into and dnd role-playing games don't count uh writing letters to celebrities i did a lot of that did you ever get any responses yeah well you know i got a letter on uh viewer mail on david letterman obviously yeah uh i got an autographed photo from bob costas at one point how old were? 15. Did you ask him for that? Or were you like, hey, Bob, I have a question. Yeah, I was like, hey, I think you're really swell. Gee golly, I'd love to have an autographed pictogram.

And he sent me one. Was it ironic? Or you really appreciated it? No, no. I really liked. Later was the little talk show we had. It was one of those pre-proto podcast shows. It was a deep dive with one person for a half hour. And he's a great interviewer. little talk show he had after it was like the one of those pre proto podcast shows it was just like

a deep dive with one person for a half hour he's a great interviewer so i it was uh yeah it was a great show he's aged a lot i didn't realize man i walked past him on the street really i didn't mention the photo but uh very very small man yeah very small man i'm i'm i'm concerned that his eye suffered permanent damage after that uh that one pink eye episode at the oh god right who could forget it's still the third image that comes up for him on google image search that's a shame guys had a great career and all they remember is the style worst time to get pink eye during the olympics when you're a presenter oh i had Everyone will remember it It is the worst

Was it a stye? I thought he had pink eye Styes are no fun Ophthalmologist was like This is the worst stye I've ever seen I'm like oh great It was bad news I wouldn't be able to be on stream I'd have to wear sunglasses

I feel like I had a stye once a month for all of middle school you were a dirty child it was just uh i had no friends no one would be my friend and i think it was the sty old sty cheese they're very off-putting what hobby joe would you like to get back into if you could oh is there any oh yeah there's a ton and it's so sad because i can never get back into any of them collecting sties no no stye collecting uh athletics oh yeah it is playing sports yeah i miss it so much and i can't do it there's no time or because you're a bit of both robotic well i, I don't have time to get in proper shape to then have the time to actually do it.

I keep holding out hope. But it'll never be the same. Like, okay, I could maybe play tennis or something like that. But, like, I can't go play basketball ever again. And so I used to just, like, go down to the court And play basketball With whoever was down there And I miss that That was so fun I miss being like

So when I If I go to the gym Which I don't do anymore If I If I do some If I do my peloton Right And I'm like

Winded as hell And it's like I'm like This sucks Like it's miserable And I hate it so much When I could be Running full court basketball

And like feeling like I'm going to die. And I'm like, this is the greatest day of my life. I just want to have more breath so I can keep going. You know what I mean? Like that energy, that feeling. I love it so much. And I miss it. Yeah.

Matthew, an old hobby when you were playing stickball on the neighborhood corner in Paramus. You were playing Scully on the mean streets of the gosh plans. Has anyone played Scully? Nope, nope. You have weird names for everything. What is Scully? It's a game where you take the bottle caps, like the ones we use,

and you melt a crayon into them, so you weight them down with some wax. What? It's like you draw a board, and you kind of have to get them into different areas with different point values. It's like an old street game. You know, Joe,

your kids are going to end up growing up playing these dumb games, too. The Jersey thing. That's not the Jersey thing,. You know, Joe, your kids are going to end up growing up playing these dumb games, too. The Jersey thing. The Jersey thing, I guess. I don't miss Skelly that much. No, I am kind of doing this. I've been getting back into comics. Ah.

Were you into it a lot as a kid, though? A teen? It was more like when I was 12. I was 12, 13, maybe 11. I was really into it. Do you still have those books? Some of them. Last time I was home, I was looking through them. I don't have anything special oh i'm all they're still they're in like

plastic with individual boards important bag yeah yeah the other thing is i would love to and i i feel like we can parlay this if we really want to is i would love to play a game of magic the gathering again oh hell yeah i don't want to i don't i don't want to get into the collecting because that's dangerous but i would love if like wizards of the coast if you want to send us a a couple of uh you know where the the pre-constructed decks yeah yeah oh yeah starter decks i would love that to do this i i mean i have not played in 25 years at least if not more maybe no we played we played a pax no i didn't play magic you never played no no i guess it was another pack but we went to packs and it was so awesome.

They had two starter decks in the swag bag. And so you get your bag, and it was just two decks. And I got a green deck and a white deck. And I guess it was McDermott I was playing with, and we just played constantly. All right. And it was so fun. That sounds so fun. How about, how about?

Yeah. We were just saying before we went on there, we have some upcoming travel. I'm not going to reveal which one but one of these cities we we know we're going to have some downtime what if we just got do a draft we did it what if we just got it got some magic cards did a draft build some decks or just get the pre-generated decks and we just do a tournament and kill some time oh that sounds fun i feel like i wouldn't remember how to play do all of us know how here we learn here's here's where i'm gonna pin you down even beyond the tour you just have

to play magic the gathering online with me it's easy it's on steam oh that's not as much fun is it no but it'll get us it'll get us in the mood it'll get us back up to speed on the rules and everyone will have to see you all right i'll do it all right let's do it wow wait or can we can we like commit to doing this like it can be a social media extravaganza i don't commit to anything less than four hours away from it happening can i uh lived a very last minute life yeah yeah i'm also not interested in everyone watching me lose magic it's enough when i just have to watch me lose every game of magic i play all right well we don't have to do it for social media, but can we just do it? Yeah.

That would be fun. Let's just buy a bunch of decks. I'm going to go on eBay right now. I would prefer, yeah, if we did social media and I was playing Grand, for example, I would prefer still images and then no comment on what ended up happening. We actually do live video. We can reveal it at the live shows. You'll see the breakdown. We actually do live video.

We can reveal it at the live shows. You'll see the breakdown. We recently played a little game backstage at one of our shows, and I think Matthew made a post that was like, what did it say in the caption? It was like two rounds in, and Grant's already winning. Yeah, already figuring out how to break the game. Not only winning by a little. He had broken the game open, and Joe and I had been like,

I think we have to drastically adjust our strategy. Yeah, I went in, and I was like, this must be a misunderstanding of the rules that grant has fouled up nope the more i read it the more he's right and we're wrong and he's already we're already way behind yeah uh i can share my childhood yeah what would you get back into i'm gonna i'm gonna promise he's still into it i love you i'm gonna promise that no one else has this hobby my hobby as a child was to grab like a bunch of cookies and then crawl underneath a couch or my parents bed and eat them and stare at the bottom and look for people's feet to go by and I love doing that it was the best hobby

but now you can't do that anymore I can't fit down there I don't have that time we need to build you a fort is what we need to do. Oh, my dad did build me an amazing tree house. And I used to go up there and he would bring out like, they had like an illustrated Carl Sagan's cosmos. And he'd talk about like black holes and relativity and stuff up there. It was a great, great childhood to have that tree house. I need a tree house.

You're right. Thank you. That's a little bit more attainable than wanting to be small again and stare at people's knees. Yeah. I could build a really large couch, maybe. There you go. Build a huge couch.

An oversized couch like that Gallagher special? Yes. I rented Gallagher at Blockbuster. I talked my mom into renting it and she had no idea how foul-mouthed he was. It was a hell of a weekend. Yeah. Google Gallagher big couch you'll you'll get that joke he had a giant couch on one of his specials i remember

watching gallagher with my dad it's very different time that kind of comedy for me it's card collecting and i've gotten back into it and uh i love it you see this is i okay i'm gonna say one thing and then just stop because it'll sound like I'm super mean and judging you like you're some sort of geek or something. I don't get it in the least. Did you collect it when you were a kid? Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, when I was a kid.

But then I found magic. This is what I'm getting at. And I was like, why would I collect baseball cards, which I can do nothing with, when I could collect magic cards and play a game with them? That is fucking sick. And then you got like, and then I got into Pokemon cards for a game with them that is fucking sick and then you got like and then i got into pokemon cards for a little while because that game was great and uh yeah no i got rid of all of them like i was living in new york and i was moving for like the second time

and i was like i'm not carrying these things again nobody plays with me and i threw them all out uh but yeah i just uh i see i like card collecting as part of a ccg as part of playing a game yeah i don't get collecting cards just just for rarity to stare at them i love it and i'm not deeply back in because it's just too expensive but i like buying boxes hobby boxes crack and packs and then just staring at them and looking at what their individual good cards that i get what they're worth on ebay because i feel like it's a hobby that i'm enjoying now and then in like five, six years I can give to my boys and like explain to them why this is cool and now it's yours. Why they should give their money to these companies for this nonsense reason.

Yeah. But I think they'd be really into it. So it's like a hobby that I'm getting too, well, I'm getting like the nostalgia joy because I love opening packs. I love like going through each card. The mystery of what's inside. I love the collecting aspect of it. I love going through each card. The mystery of what's inside. I love the collecting aspect of it. I'm getting back into that.

But then it has this second life that I'll be able to share them with my sons, which is really cool. I think your son's brain chemistry is going to be drastically different than any of ours because they're growing up with games like Overwatch and Warzone and all these games with loot boxes that drop every once in a while. You get a cool cosmetic out of it. They might love it even more than you um and they might have really appreciate something where you like pay for something and get something out of it yeah even the most of these games that are out now mlb the show uh madden and whatnot there's a whole part of the game that is just using real money to buy digital cards that you can use and that's been around for a long yeah that's it but they'll get something i don't get it at all for a long time Yeah But they'll get something real I don't get it at all

I don't get it Yeah They'll get something real From their dad And that'll be fun I think it'd be fun The other thing is The other reason I stopped

Is because When I was a kid I'd be like Look at this baseball player That I love You know Now it's like I'm like

I'm so cynical About the whole thing They're all pieces of shit They're not all pieces of shit But like Don't you dare say that About Kirby P puckett no no no no i well you know i'm just saying now i don't have any interest in these like pro ball players as like heroes you know what i mean the way you used to so that's why i didn't mind collecting and just like you kind of like oh

i got wade boggs get all excited but like now i'm just like they're all kids what do i care i think i asked this before but would you ever wear the Jersey of a player from your team that was younger than you? Or would you only wear like a Jersey of someone that you watch growing up? No, I've, I've worn jerseys of people that are younger than me and I'll never do it again.

And it has nothing to do with them being younger than me. It has to do with them actively playing right now. Yeah. And it's just a mistake. You should just never do that. Yeah. Five of my giants jerseys out of six Are all players That now play on other teams Right

What's the one that made it? Saquon Barkley But he's been injured It's only a matter of time Two out of the last three years And you They Not only do they move on

But like the worst The worst And I've had this happen Is where you hate them It's not just like Oh they got traded As people Yeah they did something real shitty

Or they did They turned their back on your team, they did something real shitty or they did, they turned their back on your team or they were, they blew it at a great moment. They played for the Eagles. Yeah, Matthew never wears a gray rice jersey

into the studio anymore. He always used to wear in the old days. Every day. Every Super Bowl party, point at the back, point at the back. No, my strategy for jerseys is exactly what Grant is saying.

Like classic, like players I rooted for growing up that were like heroes of the franchise. Like I have a Mike Richter jersey that I pull out. Or I just get the jersey with no name on it and you just get the jersey. Like I have a sweet 80s style Mets pullover style jersey. Oh, yeah. It's neon blue I love it And it has nobody's name on it

And I will love it forever You never got the Capitacaz on the back Or did they charge too much to fit a giant name Sorry sir we can only get Capita I remember very specifically When I first started playing soccer My dad called to get my jersey And he was like oh yeah

Let's put his name on the back. And the eyes could hear. The conversation must have gone, how many letters? And my father counted Capodacasa's letters and then said, let's just put Matthew. This is the thing for me. I'm not going to name any names here, but you guys all know this. There is an acquaintance of mine mine they may actually listen to this

who named their child after a current nfl quarterback this is a very good quarterback i'm gonna say which quarterback it is very good quarterback this is not my issue blake blake is the quarterback you should never name anything you care about after a current athlete yep you should never do it because you just never know you never know especially a child don't name a child after someone who is not like long retired and preferably dead because like if you think when you know who was the most popular athlete in America the year I was born in 1972? O.J. Simpson. What if my name was Skid Orenthalmar? How much more difficult would my life be from this point?

You're telling me Rafael Nadal Burger is a bad idea for my first son. Rafael Nadal Burger. Lawrence Taylor LaValle. Roger Federer Burger is an evergreen name because Roger Federer will still be playing and dominating well for the next 20 years. And he's a Swiss treasure just like me. Wink. I kind of like Federer Burger.

That's fun. Federer Burger. A little hyphenated. Federer Burger. Can I get the Federer Burger? The world. World juror. World juror.

Well, you know, it's still time. It's still time Still time to get back Into those hobbies Not sports for Joe But Grant you can still Go play with adults knees Well I was What was your thing again

No he eats cookies Under a bed And stares at People's stares And they walk by It was so great You could just like Be alone

And it was quiet And dark No I don't I don't doubt it's greatness I'm just saying You can't do it again Yeah it'd be weird Especially the way you get into hobbies If you got into that that would just be weird

Trying to record and you're just eating cookies under my desk here Playing with my knees The childhood hobby I did get back into Was bicycling But if the child me saw how I bicycle now He'd be like whoa that's way too serious You gotta ease back Stop stop just get a huffy and go around the park once i gotta pump the handbrakes on that hobby there old me young you would be like where

do you even go yeah where are you going i think young me would be like happy that old me lives close enough to a beach to see it because i love beaches and being in dallas was terrible for that because you're so far away yeah well what you aren't far away from is episode 300 because this is 295. Oh, man. Tickety-tock. It really sped up here. Yeah, and you haven't mentioned anything to me, which concerns me a great deal. I saw something slip onto the recording schedule recently.

Oh, really? What'd you see? That we were going to record episode 300 at some point and on a day in the calendar that i'm forgetting now but it was there yeah well yeah i know that it will air uh in october second or third week of october is episode 300 um i've been thinking a lot about it but like it just because i have been working on the rest of this book now because the way you guys have been traversing Iron Cloud Keep is different from the way you started.

Once you found that secret door, it was a little zippity-boop-ba-ba. So I was like, wow, I've got to really dig into some more hard prep here for the later stuff. So I've gone through everything now except one or two things. I'm up to 91 pages on my document. Is it 91? No, 95. 91 pages on my document. Is it 91? No, 95. 95 pages on my book six document.

And I still have a couple more things I need to do. But I was like, you know what? I really need to start looking at this. And as I'm going through it, and as I'm thinking about the end, and as I'm thinking about 300, it's starting to come into view. But it's not all there.

That's why you haven't heard from me, Joe. I'm still waiting for that moment of inspiration. Great, great. You know what it's going to come into view, but it's not all there. That's why you haven't heard from me, Joe. I'm still waiting for that moment of inspiration. Great. Great. You know what it's going to result in? An absolute meltdown. You're going to just be having a meltdown because you have like one week to get it ready. I normally come up with stuff the day before.

You're going to put the bar at 300 at an unreachable height because you're trying to follow 200 to 100. Then 200. Then 250 Yeah it's hard That's hard You should live like Matthew Just like It doesn't matter

Why are we making A big deal out of it I'd like to I just feel like Like I said to you A few weeks ago I feel like 300 Yeah 300's gonna be

As juicy if not juicier Than the end Because it's gotta tie up A lot of loose ends And push us towards The finale I think we should I think we should Acknowledge it Say like Hey uh, than the end because it's got to tie up a lot of loose ends and push us towards the finale. Um, I think we should,

I think we should acknowledge it. So like, Hey, this is, we hit a milestone, pop a little alcohol free sparkling wine and, uh, and not do anything about it on the actual show.

Just a regular 59 minute up. Yeah. And you just move whatever combat it was. That would be so much easier. It'd be a lot less work. Uh, here, how about this? Hmm this somewhere along the way maybe somewhere in the vicinity of episode 300 yeah we're gonna fight

pretty tough monster yeah hopefully at some point they want we want to challenge us some you're gonna die before the final fight so we're just like whatever episode that is just make that epic just be like that that's it that's that was our 300 yeah i know it was 303 but we were just waiting for it to organically happen yeah maybe never i'm excited to see what's gonna happen i do have some ideas but uh a lot's gonna depend on what the party makeup is in five apps because spoiler alert it might not be this party there's some difficult stuff coming up you just walked into a room full of 25 people let's say there's 25 people in the room whoa spoiler i just picked that number out of here but we ended last week with you coming up this ladder silently opening the secret door to see

this feast hall that has been turned into an orc encampment you've seen these baron especially you saw these orc encampments you know what they're like you've killed many orcs on your way to this battle sir will is separated from you he's coming up a stairwell to the northwest to enter from behind perhaps creating some sort of pincer maneuver. Nestor lets off the first shot. Still in a surprise run. Metra's going to get hers as well. And it comes flying in and just sticks right through the orc's neck.

So imagine that for a second if we froze time and we just see that orc like, maybe he hasn't even recognized, you know, like pain sometimes takes a moment to happen. Like the arrow is through his neck, frozen in time. And he's still like talking or swinging around a turkey leg. And he's just frozen. And then we turn the camera to see Nestor in the distance. And we zoom in on Nestor shooting that arrow. in the distance and we zoom in on Nestor shooting that arrow and he's locked in the uh the loosed arrow position Baron to his right just cast a spell and we see Metro frozen about to cast something as well don't want to play your character Matthew but I'm sure you got a spell

up your sleeve for the surprise round I was just gonna fire my crossbow well now you've ruined the moment you get a flat footed it's a perfect opportunity strategically this is the round to fire the cross that's right it's true you're never gonna get never gonna have a better chance to hit with a crossbow than right now really didn't expect that all right so she's got her she's she's loading her crossbow actually that's your the rest of us would be so angry i I know. It was like, I used my move action to load my crop. That's my surprise round. We go behind you into this dark tunnel, the dark tunnel from the secret door.

And we just keep going down into the darkness. You know how, like, when you pause a Madden game and you can, like, watch the replay and you can move all around the field and all the guys are frozen? You're doing that. So you're moving down this darkness. And as you move down this darkness of this secret ladder, suddenly torchlights appear. Torchlights and sconces evenly spaced every ten feet or so in a long, dark hallway. You can see that the lights barely flicker as there is little wind penetrating the stone that makes up the walls, the ceiling, and the floor. Around the corner, a dark figure enters and starts walking down this hallway. the corner, a dark figure enters and starts walking down this hallway. They throw

their cowl back to reveal a young man in his late 20s, maybe early 30s. Dark red hair. Green eyes. It's Brander. As he continues down the hallway, we close in on his face.

He's moving furtively. And as we get closer to him, we hear voices in his head. And we also see snippets of a memory play out of Brander, a little bit younger, sitting on the ground, listening to one of his teachers. The teacher is pacing back and forth. We live in a world full of magic, Brandir. There are some eras where it is hard to find,

when the conduits of the arcane and the divine are hidden or quiet, their secrets lost to time. Then there are moments when magic pervades our very existence. Wizards fly through the sky, raining down fire like gods. Sorcerers step through dimensions, disintegrating their foes with a flick of the wrist. In artifacts of great power that were buried for centuries, are unearthed to be wielded by those who seek to maintain, protect, or conquer. Train, protect, or conquer.

To truly master time, you, Brandir, must be at one with the great magics of the universe. Whatever your calling may be in your journey, or the journey of those who come after you, it will be the magic that has shaped the fabric of time itself that will fuel your mastery. The crown of a great king that empowered him to lead his small band of rebels to defeat an army of the dead. The pendant of a knight who walked through the gates of hell

and returned atop a winged horse with a Valkyrie at her back. The magic of the world continues on through these moments. You must seek out these relics and let their residual power impress themselves upon you. Let their stories weave the growing power in your soul. But above all, you must remember that their magics are not for you to possess. We are inspired by the muses. We do not take them hostage. Do you understand the difference? Brander is still

walking down the hallway, remembering this conversation with one of his teachers, approaching a door in the distance, and he hears himself reply, Yes. Good. You mentioned wizards and sorcerers, kings and knights.

Am I to borrow from them as well? You have that ability, yes, You have that ability, yes, but their stories are unfinished and not yours to possess. With your power, you will outlive them all, and perhaps someday, what they leave behind will be meant for you to find and learn from. To take from the living would be quite dangerous for them, but for you as well. Brander is replaying this memory, and we see him continue down this long hallway until he comes to a door.

He places his hand on the door, closes his eyes, and he's able to see that there places his hand on the door, closes his eyes, and he's able to see that there's no one on the other side. He opens the door, slips in, detects magic around the room, holds it for a few seconds, sees a glow from this makeshift wardrobe,

walks over to it, opens it, pushes close to the side where a mirror stands. Just as he reaches in to pull the mirror out, a voice sounds from behind him. Brother, what are you doing? Brander turns and sees Farzadir. To his left is a small boy,

no more than three years old, innocently looking past his father's outstretched protective hand. Brander looks coldly at Farzadir. Farzadir, take me to her. I cannot, brother. You know that you can. You take that child. I know you have the power to take me as well. I am training him, Brandir. You will do the same for your child one day. It is how it was foretold. Brander moves towards Farzadir, holding the mirror before him pleadingly. The prophecy is dead, brother. It's all lies.

Don't you see? They don't want you to share your power with me because they are afraid we may discover the truth. That all of this, all of this prophecy, is a lie. that all of this, all of this prophecy is a lie. But if you can take me back there, I can restart all of this. We can go back home where we were meant to be and live the lives we were meant to live instead of being servants to the dreams of others.

Father Deere looks at him like he's out of his mind. The past is not ours to change, Brandir. You know that to be true. It can be. Between you and I and Pudir, we possess the power of gods. The little boy starts to get upset, scared at the look in Brandir's eyes, and his change in tone, Farzadir turns to quiet the boy, and without thinking,

Brander just grabs out at Farzadir with the mirror in one hand and Farzadir's hand in the other, and Farzadir cries out, Now Brander stands alone in a wooded area. There are huts, there are campfires.

And there is a very familiar looking circle of standing stones. Half a dozen men here is casting long shadows from the moonlight. The rustic camp scene is interrupted by sounds of screaming. A woman's screaming brander hears the sound and just starts walking slowly towards it. We see a handful of druids rush past him. Can they see Brander? Do they sense his presence? It's unclear, but Brander just keeps walking his stoic gait, beginning to falter as he gets closer to this sound.

He follows them as they're rushing into a tent, slides past the flap, and sees a woman lying on a pile of blankets, and there's blood everywhere. In a long, dead, druidic language that Brander can understand, a wizened woman looks towards a man, perhaps the husband, and says, I'm sorry, but there is little time. It's either the mother or the child. I cannot save them both. At that moment, Brander throws his hands to the side and begins chanting under

his breath. His eyes disappear and his arms begin to glow with a white light. He moves towards the mother to lay hands upon her, but just as he gets near, a voice speaks to him. The voice of Fazadir. It cannot be done, brother. We cannot change time in this way. It's either you or her. They made the choice

to save you. To save her would be to save you. To save her would be to erase you. You know this to be true. Brander stops his casting. The glow from his arms fades out. He turns slowly and walks out of the tent, speaking to his brother's unseen voice.

Now... Now it can be done. and walks out of the tent, speaking to his brother's unseen voice. No. No, it can be done. I just need more time and more power. Now that you have shared your abilities with me, I can borrow from Pudir as well, and together the three of us can find a way. Perhaps this is what we were meant to do. Perhaps this is the prophecy that they prattled on about

Oh, brother You have no idea what you've done Suddenly Brander is pulled back into the room with the wardrobe The mirror lays nearby Brander's disoriented and as his eyes readjust He looks into the reflection. The mirror lays nearby. Brander's disoriented and as his eyes readjust, he looks into the reflection of the mirror and sees the little boy just

sobbing uncontrollably on the floor. He turns away from the mirror to look at the boy and sees him weeping into the robes of the desiccated body of the elder Fasadir, who lies on the floor,

thin wisps of smoke rising from his corpse, a few strips of fabric barely covering his remains. We back out of there, into the darkness of the hallway the torch lights go out and we zoom back up the secret passageway to metra and her crossbow wow i was just joshing about the crossbones. We're pot committed to the crossbones. Wow. Wow.

So that's Brander, whatever organization he's with. They're finding these turning points in history, these important nexus points, and taking some kind of power from it but they're forbidden to change anything it's interesting and it seems like fazadir is fazadir fazadir is faraz's grandfather right grandfather a great grandfather not his father but maybe the little boy was faraz's father you don't know how many generations back this goes. You know, Brander is very old. And he's the one, so Fazadir was the one who could affect time.

And what is, and what was... Well, they all have effects on time. There's the one who watches, the one who walks, and the one who masters. Right. It seems like right now there are basically, for lack of a better reference point, back-to-the-future rules enacted, which is that if Brander were to change and save the people that saved him it would erase him a la michael j fox stopping his parents from meeting

and he's trying to get enough power to have like more of an avengers endgame style of power over the past where you know natasha romanoff dying doesn't mean that she didn't take over the avengers when she goes back in time. It's interesting. Spoilers. It's no kidding. Wow. Wow. I guess I won't watch that.

I'm still trying to catch up, Grant. I can't unhear that. But our listeners don't have to if I cut it out. But I'm going to leave it in there. Because fuck you guys. Because fuck you guys. Send Grant your angry email. Yeah.

Oh, no. I don't want him. You saved me time.. Send Grant your angry email. Yeah. Oh, no. I don't want him. You saved me time now to watch that movie. But I do like Florence Pugh. Oh, I didn't. That's not the new one. I haven't seen the new one. Oh, okay.

I'm making references to movies that have been out for years. Oh, okay. Well, I didn't realize there was an alternate timeline when Natasha Romanoff led the Avengers that was captured by the MCU. What movie? She was leading the Avengers at the beginning of Endgame. In Endgame? Yeah. Well, she's leading S.H.I.E.L.D., right? I mean, essentially.

Whatever. No, it's the full-blown Avengers. She's basically... Well, I know, but whatever. Whatever. Whatever, Grant. I'd also like to take my swift action a week later since so much action can be taken during a surprise run i'd like it if we had more than one air conditioner on i know it's

so hot that would be because i'm sitting in some soup it's bad today it's bad it's gonna affect the recording when people start dying metro what do you do well do you want to want to sweat some more yes uh metro reaches a handout in through the open door and lightning leaps from her one hand to strike oh there you go one of the lieutenants i'm gonna need a reflex save from every single one of these oh my goodness how many targets can you capture uh up to one per level up to one per level so only to one per level. So only 16? Tough. Only 16 secondary targets. Holy shit. So as long as you can see

them, you can do it. Okay. Yeah, I do have to choose the targets right now. I'm assuming there's other people I don't know that exist. What is the DC? It changes. What's the DC of this first, John? DC 22. DC 22, and then his buddy is going to have a different DC. This is reflex? Yes.

Fail. Natural 4. Yeah. Now what's the DC for the second guy? It's DC 20 for the rest. DC 20 for the rest. Natural 1 for the next guy. Why don't you just do them in packs of 5? So that's 1 for the next 5. So now here's the thing. What did you say the DC is? 20? 20. Okay, so I have to roll

Oh, this is an amazing spell for this situation. Yeah, this is like so many characters under our level. This is fantastic. And last, Sir Will is gonna come up into this room. You guys just standing there calmly over 30 corpses. The smoking

corpses. Anyone else know Ozone? No exaggeration, one of them saved. The last one. Oh my goodness. That guy takes 34 points of damage. And he's permanently dead. The rest of them take 68 points of damage. Alright, so

dead. I was shaking out of the city! Dead. Dead. I mean, all of these ones that just had falchions, they all instantly die. The lightning leaps from one to the next to the next to the next. You just clear it straight up.

Kill them! Find the sky! Yes! Yeah! And now what? For these two beefier ones here, was it 38 points of damage or 34? Did they both save? No, they both failed.

Oh, so 68 points of damage. 68 points of damage to the guys. Is that enhanced at all by any of them holding metal objects or did you already do that? They're in full plate. They're in full plate! It's made of tiger skin. That definitely was a thing with

shocking grasp. Yeah. it's made of tiger skin that was that definitely was the thing with like shocking grass shocking grass yeah yeah all right this is not effective holy crap so yeah now uh one two three four five six seven eight nine of these falchion wielding guys one was killed by nestor eight were killed by you the other two guys are still up but you just amped them uh i just love the thought of that it's just like the first one like it's hit the back of the neck comes out of his throat just slumps over death like before he knows realize what's going on almost all the rest of them are electrocuted in that moment oh could you ever have a more perfect situation to cast i have been waiting to cast chain landing on this room for weeks. Yeah, so...

Okay, I didn't even put it together. Like, that's why you were dying to get me to this room because you knew you'd just wipe them. Well, I'm assuming it's going to get...

No, I'm assuming... It's going to turn and get worse for a minute. I'm assuming the challenge is over. Actually, this helps... Troy, this helps you out so much. If I was running a combat

like this and I could wipe 16 units off of my initiative tractor, I would be fucking thrilled. I did it for you, Troy. You know, I really appreciate it. I don't care what anybody says, especially Grant. You're a good guy. Give him a bottle cap.

Which one was your primary target, Matthew? The lieutenant. One of the lieutenants on the end. So I believe anyone more than 30 feet away from them doesn't get hit, right? No. They have to be within 30 feet of each other. You choose secondary targets as you? No, they have to be within 30 feet of each target. You choose secondary

targets as you like, but they all must be within 30 feet of the primary target. Alright, we'll... Oh! Glad I didn't start sipping and bopping on my initiative track. Looks like a classic case of Matthew not reading the last line of

Spizzle. There's so many... I think this would be the last line of Spizzle. There's so many points. I think this one's probably the best. This is amazing. We're all drawing range lines. You can only kill three of them. No, you can just change the initial target. Wait, really?

Yeah. So you're changing your initial target after the fact? Yeah. Well, that seems awfully convenient. Well, I was casting a different spell before. Yeah. Well, that seems awfully convenient. Well, he's casting a different spell before. Yeah. That's true.

All right, so you're going to still get all of them. Except for the lieutenant in the corner, in the back corner. In the back corner? Oh, so he gets all of his HP back. He does. Okay. All right. Thank you, Grant.

Nice job, Grant. No thanks. To you, Matthew. No thanks to you. Okay. I still killed nine people. Yeah, he's still, like, incredibly impressive. I still murdered nine people and got away with it. I like to picture them being in a bathtub and Matthew just dropping a toaster in.

It's round one of the actual combat. You were able to get the surprise on all of them, and boy, did you make good use of it. And Baron, you are up first. Oh, geez, Louise good use of it. And Baron, you are up first. Oh, jeez Louise. Oh, boy. Can Baron five foot step down from here? Just like lean over like a looney tune and just like gravity tag him? Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

You know, the secret door, I'm kind of just making up where it is essentially. So you can move normally there. Okay, that puts me within range with my five-foot step of my gun to the lieutenant furthest to the east at the bottom of the table. The one that took damage from the lightning. The one that didn't take damage, if it's

the easterly one. The easterly one took damage. The westerly one. You always get westerly and easterly mixed up, LaValle. I thought you said bottom right. And swift action activates some hot, hot orc span. Here it comes. I thought it functioned like haste, but it doesn't function like haste.

That is correct. It would make sense to me if it functioned like haste because it just jumps from one to the other to the other to the other. That's what I thought. It's going to go around the table. Yeah. I haste you. Got me. Is that a pun for hatred? Yeah, it didn't I thought. It's going to go around the table. Yeah. I haste you. Got me.

Is that a pun for hatred? Yeah, it didn't really land. It's not a good in my head. 29 points of damage on the first attack. How do you know he hit? Oh, yeah. He has a 43 touch AC. Does a 33 hit?

Yes. Okay. You fight the orc gymnast. Orc Sana Baiul. That's kind of fun. How many points of damage was that? 29, I think I said. The next attack is a 26

against Touch AC. 26 against Touch AC is a hit. Alright, that will be for 27 points of damage. Okay. The next attack is going to be a 16 against Touch AC. That's still going to hit. Okay.

Oh, man. Grant Burger. Grant Burger. 29 points of damage on that attack. And you've taken him below his con. Beautiful. Okay. Sorry, Ferocity.

Should I try to... He's still standing, though, right? Are you going to act or... Well, do his con. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Do his con. I'll take that grip point back, and you know what?

I'll save that bullet because I would be shooting against regular AC at that point, and a minus two. And that's his turn. Okay. It is the guy's turn who looked like the beefier orc that didn't get touched. Really? Yes, on the other side of the table.

So he's going to go. Yikes. I mean, how? How can this dude do anything but run away? How? I would be pretty demoralized. I mean, he would run down the stairwell to safety, I would think. Yeah.

But he would find a lance of ivory in his pallets. Uh, oh, brother. Uh, he is going to... He's going to... No, I can't even do that, because that's going to be an action. He doesn't have a weapon drawn. If he did, he would have his double axe and not his shortbow. So he is going to move down to the south against the wall

to get away from your ranged attacks. Does that make sense? He loops around the table and goes to the south. Actually gets closer to everybody. Closer to you guys. Puts a wall between everybody. Closer. Closer.

He's got his double axe now. He feels a lot safer without just standing there. And after seeing his buddy get lit up by bullets and chain lightning, he just kind of runs for cover to the eastern, southeast side of the room. And that's going to be his turn. I'm going to say that's a double move for him to get over there. I can't draw a potion while I'm walking, so that's it. And now it's going to be Nestor's turn.

Nestor will delay. Nestor will delay. Nestor will delay. And now it's Sir Will's turn. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Sir Will slowly and cautiously drops us. You did hear some combat.

Yeah, yeah. He'll start riding up the stairs. You heard lightning indoors. You heard gunshots and several connected bolts of lightning. Right. Silent gunshots, though. You might have actually taken more notice to the fact that the partying and talking stopped.

Well, I'm sure he heard the explosive lightning. You smelled the stench of singed orc. So you zip up around? Zip up around and into the room. Flag waving. Pennon waving from his lance and he just sees all of these smoking corpses uh um geez he's also gonna see a lot more of the room look to the south oh whoa yeah you'll see that the the to the south, it keeps stretching past the table. It's kind of a semicircle, or like, this is like a quadrant.

Imagine a circle, and there's a quadrant that's open here to the southwest. And you see all the way to the south is a door leading south. And then to the west is obviously that door that I told you about last week. I'm going to say you can see a little more to the north, a little bit ahead there, and that's all you see. You don't see any more from where you're standing. If you move a little bit more further, I'll show you more of the room. Okay. There's that wall making up the other side of the stairwell that's kind of blocking your view of the north portion of the room.

Okay. Sounds good. He is going to say, Oh, Lexington, let's get down there. And he's going to stick his spurs into Lexington gently and then ride down using a double move to sort of start heading toward this guy who's hiding against the wall.

All right, so you're chasing the guy that went around. But then he should also be able to see north. So he gets around the corner, but he's still a good 50, 60 feet from the last dead orcs looking to the north. So what is up there? There are four more combatants. Oh! There are three more of those falchion-wielding orcs. And then at the head of the table is an orc that looks like this.

Oh, a Viking helmet. Oh, he looks very sort of Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings, orc-style armor, but with a pair of horns and some weird feathers sticking out of the center. Feather helmet. Spiked pauldrons. I love a good spiked pauldron. Yeah. It's got a big underbite. Yeah.

I'll have to get that looked at. There is also another creature standing outside of a broken cage. It is a huge pig chimera looking creature. It looks like that. Whoa!

It almost looks friendly! It's scaring me. It's like, hey kids! It's like part pig, part chimera, and it is ugly as hell. Multiple horns, multiple tusks. It's crossed a wild boar with a pangolin. Yeah.

Wow. It's kind of like a warthog. A warthog dragon lizard. It looks like it has this sweet charge slash gore attack. Ew. Sir Will is going to be like, The creature to the north! Be careful before you step out!

He's going to shout, just because if anybody steps out from that fireplace, they would be directly in a line of a charge that would be horrific. Gore, a bull rush, maybe? Oh, I don't think so. I think only a bull rush if it did 10d8 damage or something. Pig rush. Yeah, pig rush. Pig rush, even worse. All right, Sir Will, are you done? You double move? That was a double move, yeah. Okay. damage or something. Pig rush. Pig rush. Even worse.

All right, Sir Will, are you done? You double move? That was a double move, yeah. Okay. You know what? It's so weird. Can I do something? Sure, I can do something. I'm not going to, though. Swifty? No, like a standard. I mean, it's just Lexington's movement, you know what I mean? So, like, he can still do something, but I'm going to

choose not to do anything at the moment and see where these enemy combatants go okay well uh one of them the one right next to this big awful looking warthoggy pig uh slides uh across the room uh to the opening but you know sir well you can see uh over here the room just continues to open uh to the east so it really does look like... Imagine if Trivial Pursuit just had four pie pieces. It would be the top right piece and the top left piece. That makes up the room. Yes.

He slides for cover behind a wall to the north of the fireplace, having seen his friends just get lit up. Maybe they weren't friends. Maybe he's glad they're dead. We'll never know. We could ask him. You could. It is now Metro's turn.

How tall are the ceilings in this place? I love that you ask that every time. Say 30 feet. 50 feet. 50 feet 50 feet oh okay great Metro is going to fly

up about 30 feet in the air straight into the room towards the door of the west so she can get a view she's now kind of near Sir Will but hovering above him

okay and she will see the rest of the combatants in this room or at least the ones Troy has chosen to reveal to us at this point and she will see the rest of the combatants in this room, or at least the ones Troy has chosen to reveal to us at this point. And, oh, do I want to go after the big orc,

or do I want to go after the weird warthoggy fellow? You know what? I'm going to go after the big orc. Let me just make sure I have the range to do so. That is far away. it's far away bro so it would be 65 feet is my range it's 80 feet okay i'll just change the direction of my flight All these red contact actions. You guys are the worst. Okay, and then Metro will fire off a ray at that guy. Which guy? This guy?

The guy with the cool helmet? The guy with the feather in his hat. Okay. All right. Yankee Doodle? Yes, it'll fire off a Yankee Doodle. This is going to be a ranged touch attack. Okay, from 800 feet away.

Or 65. You count your flight distance? Was that your Pythagorean distance? I should do Pythagoreans. I'll do Pythagoras. This is going to be a 18 against touch. 18 against touch on that guy in the back with the cool helmet. He's got a big heavy pick in his hand. That's a hit.

Okay, roll a fortitude save. Roll a fortitude save. Let me just look at his 40 abilities real quick. Make sure there's no... Okay, fortitude save. You got it. Ah, 30. Okay, he passes.

So he takes four points of strength damage. Ooh. From a raven feeblement. Oh, nice. Okay, he passes. So he takes four points of strength damage. Ooh. From a raven feeblement. Oh, nice. Beautiful. Great thing to do to an orc chieftain. Yeah. Four points of strength damage.

Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That was smart. I would have had eight had I not passed. You would have had nine if you hadn't passed. Oh, man. Yikes. Okay, I got it on there Wow, that really, oh, I gave him a plus four

That's what you meant to do, right? No Alright, minus four it is That's what you cast on him? That was really kind I felt bad about murdering She's working with the orcs Alright

A couple things are going to happen. The guy that Metra... Metra, I see you moving around a lot. I did my Pythagoras. You are a Pythagoras. He is going to follow that falchion-wielding orc to find cover behind the wall, having seen that there is a ranged situation

happening from the fireplace. But at that moment, the big porcine thing starts moving down towards the fireplace. The general guy yelled at it. And it starts going down there. It's got a ton of movement. And it is going to attempt to... Oh, dear. It's going to attempt to gore either Nestor or Baron.

Oh, poops. Okay, I'm going to roll. Actually, Joe, go ahead and give me a D4. One, two is Baron. Three, four is Nestor. You're going to roll. Actually, Joe, go ahead and give me a D4. One, two is Baron. Three, four is Nestor. You're a real penis. You're a real penis. Well, the reason I'm having you do it is it's horrible.

It will definitely hit, and it will definitely do bad things, so I want you to decide your friend's fate. I actually didn't hear you. I blanked out once you said D4, so I don't know what number is what. Here we go. One, two is Baron. Don't tell me. Don't tell me that. said D4, so I don't know what number is what. Here we go. One, two is Baron. Don't tell me. Don't tell me that.

Four. Oh, no. Oh, come on. The first four I've ever rolled on a D4 in 11 years. 11 years. All right, it goes to Gore Nestor. Come on. It's going to be very close.

27. That is a miss. 27, and that is a miss. 27, and that is a miss. You said it would definitely hit. You scared me. I had a plus 25 to hit, and I rolled a two. Oh, man. That sounds like Sir Willoughby's Kissel Library.

That would have been such a cool thing for me, but it didn't happen. Yeah, so it goes to gore, a 27 to hit, and it misses Nestor. Okay. So now it goes to Metro went, moved an initiative, so it is the other two orcs turns. Everybody else is gone this round. They are going to did Nestor go

Nestor held his action so Nestor could go whenever he wants yeah oh man actually you know what just want to say this is real tough now because Nestor is backed up against the wall with this thing right up in his face yeah standing right next to the shaft of the ladder baron took five

feet of movement forward but yeah both of them you don't know what they're this thing's combat if it has multiple attacks of opportunity but any sort of ranged attack is going to provoke from this awful looking thing. Nestor is going to go. I think he's going to bite the bullet and just try to unload on this thing, incurring. Alright, the incur is going to be huge, because if it hits, it will be able to do

something. Alright, so come on, I got a roll better than it should. No, then I won't do it. I'm just going to hold off. Alright, Nestor to hold off. All right. Nestor will hold off. The other two falchion-wielding dudes, there's only three of them left. It's their turn.

They are going to move in the direction of Sir Will. They're going to move in the direction of Sir Will. They're going to double move. The first one gets right next to Sir Will, which doesn't really help him because he had to double move. And the other one gets 10 feet away from his buddy. So they just rush in the direction of Sir Will. Obviously, they are right underneath basically where Metra is flying, Obviously, they are right underneath, basically, where Metra is flying, but where Sir Will was going after the badass, beefy-looking guy whose buddy was wiped out in Chain Lightning. Now he's going to have to deal with two of these little punks.

And now we go to round two, and it's Baron's turn. Baron, you're in the same situation as Nestor here. You know what's going to provoke. It's this big, beefy-looking thing. What do you do? It's time to unveil a new third level spell. It's time with one swift action

to cast Burst of Speed. Burst of Speed. Until the end of your turn, you gain plus 20 foot bonus to speed. Your movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity opportunity and you can move through the space of creatures that are

larger than you are. Whoa. So I will move 50 feet straight ahead. Question I have to ask. Oh, it only has verbal components, so it won't provoke. It wouldn't provoke anyway because it's a swift action. Because it's a swift action. Did you just run across the table? I ran underneath the table, which I assume I can.

You cannot. Okay. You tended it all up? Yeah, you gotta go either north or south. Can I jump over the table as part of it, or does that totally reduce... It'll be an acrobatics check-in, and it'll reduce your speed to half once you've got to there. But you've already got the bonus speed. 15, 20, 25, 30.

35. Yeah, I'll try. Okay, easy acrobatics for you. It's really just going to slow you down unless you eat shit on the Acro. 25. 25, get up there with you. And then you start slowing down. So that's 40, 45, and then he'll just plop on the other side of it, I guess, on top of a dead orc.

Right into his pancreas. What is this on the map right in front on top of a dead orc. Right into his pancreas. What is this on the map right in front of... That is another orc. Okay, then if... That's fine. Baron will stay there, then. Okay, so Baron hops over

the table, lands directly on an orc and his boot. Why doesn't he shoot him? He will. Misfire. Misfire. Misfire. Oh! The valley!

But here's the other thing that Baron will use for the first time ever. He will use the lucky trait of his weapon to expend the grit reservoir that lives in it and recharges every day to negate the misfire and roll again. Ooh, okay, and you didn't have to double move to get here, right? Because Burst of Speed gave you the extra speed? Correct.

I have 30 feet with my Mithril Armor and my boots of Jumping and Striding, adding 10 to my base movement. So I got to a total of 50, 35 up to the table. And then you attack once, though. You can't attack twice. Yeah, I'm attacking once, but I get to re-roll that, 35 up to the table. And then you attack once, though. You can't attack twice. Yeah, I'm attacking once. But I get to re-roll that with the lucky trade on my way. Oh, you just get to straight up re-roll. I thought it just negated the misfire.

I'll have it up one more time and read it for you since it's fun to be totally accurate. Here it comes. This reservoir holds one point of grit, which is refreshed at the start of each day. Whether or not the wielder of a lucky firearm has any deed, she can always spend one grit point from the lucky firearm to re-roll an attack from it that would result in a misfire. When the wielder does so, she must take the second result. Even if the attack roll results in a misfire,

the second attack results in a 13 on the die and a 30 against Touch AC. Yes, you hit him real hard. I mean, there's no... That will be 29 points of damage. Just explodes. Yeah! Blast! The blood splashes up and hits the bottom of Metra's blouse.

All right, Baron, that's your turn. It is the guy down the bottoms turn here The one that was obviously trying to draw you In the path of this Awful warthog that Nestor's Going to have to deal with When I was a young warthog Seeing that the

Big creature Seems to have Nestor in hand Shit He is going to make his way Towards Sir Will but I think it's going to have toor in hand. Shit! He is going to make his way towards Sir Will, but I think it's going to have to be a fucking double move, which sucks. I really want him to be able to stand and bang.

But yeah, you know what he'll do is he will rush right up to Sir Will and flank him with the other guy. So double move towards Sir Will to flank with the lowly orc whose counterpart was just exploded by a bullet. And now

it comes back around to Nestor, but Nestor is in that same situation with this thing, knowing that any action he takes will provoke. I'm really kind of stuck here as long as this thing is here. Okay, I will go ahead and take my turn and just full attack.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, because you know now it doesn't just get one attack. It's going to get all its attacks, and they're all going to be centered on you. But here is the attack of opportunity. It goes to gore you. 37 to hit. Yeah, that's a hit. A couple things happen. It gores you for 48 plus 34 damage.

There's an 8, there's another 8, and a 7. Oh my god. So that's going to be 26. Oh my god. 60 points of damage. 26. Oh my god. 60 points of damage.

And then it gets a free push to knock you down the shaft. Oh, that's so bad. So bad. 48 against CMD. Yep. It gores Nester and Nester just falls down the shaft and out of the combat! And we'll see you next week!

Oh no! Shit. Oh god. Oh man. the glass cannon podcast is a glass cannon network production and is an officially licensed partner of paizo incorporated giant Slayer is copyright 2015. Giant Slayer and the Pathfinder Adventure Path are trademarks of Paizo. All Pathfinder images are property of Paizo and are used with permission.