The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 34 - Hate the Drake!

Episode Date: January 19, 2016

When a trio of river monsters descends on the crew, pandemonium ensues as a battle breaks out on the upper deck! But it's a race against time when the largest of these winged river denizens absconds with some precious cargo. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast Whoa! Fortune favors the bold? Find out later. The chelished devil comes under attack. You see in the distance this giant creature coming towards you. And the party's newest member makes his entrance. Ladies and gentlemen, Ben Vereen. Yeah! The crowd goes wild.

Troy has romance on the brain Gormley I don't know why you won't just bang rag I would role play the entire event And get real dirty And Matthew poses the tough questions I have a question for you Would you rather fight

One horse sized duck Or ten duck-sized horses? Oh, man. I never know how to answer this question. So many possibilities. The adventure continues now. Why hello, you beautiful Glass Cannonites. Matthew here to tell you about some exciting stuff that's been happening in old Glass Cannonland. A whole bunch of new subscribers, which is amazing.

We're just really excited about this community that's popped up around our little show. Or, you know, at least to provide support for Celestial Dolphins. But anyway, it's just a really lovely thing, and we're so happy to know that this is fun for people besides, you know, us. Anyway, big thanks to Glass Cannon fan Tim Pettifor for his shout-out on Imgur. Gave us a nice little shot in the old subscribership arm. He's at Phil82245 on Twitter. That's Phil with two L's by the

way. And you should follow him because he's awesome. Also, just saying, if you're a presence in the nerdscape and you were so inclined, if you wanted to spread the word about our somewhat lovable band of misfits over here, I'm just saying you'd probably have our undying love and affection.

That's probably worth something. Somewhere. Anyway, thanks as always for listening. And alright, let's get to the action. Episode 34. Heat the drink. Thank you for tuning in to Guided Meditation with the Glass Cannon Podcast. Go ahead and breathe in deep and think about what you want your initiative to be.

Because in this world, your initiative can be anything that your mind can dream in. I am seriously getting seasick. Matthew just threw up. What's that exertion sound? Do you have that again? Yeah, I'll dig it up. That's the best sound in the world. It's a good one.

I was dreaming of that sound. It's perfect. It sounds like it sounds like disgust and like a turn your head and cough or something I love it well we've had a lot of role playing these past few episodes

enough of that bullshit I didn't come here to talk I came here to do math. Poorly. So Gormley, from high atop the crow's nest that took four tries to get to. Shut up. It's hard. You should have just flown, bro.

You see in the distance this giant winged creature with like beautiful fin-like wings just emerge from the sun coming towards you. And then on either side of it, closer to the boat, what you didn't see was two smaller versions of the same flying creature. Oh. smaller versions of the same flying creature already using the sun to stealth past, and they are now floating above the boat. Like Japanese zero. Yeah, it's like 12 o'clock high. I was just thinking, coming right out of the sun. So on either side of the boat, the Baron and Lork and Ben Vereen see two river drakes,

and then emerging from the blinding spot that is the sun is a giant alpha drake roll for initiative. Oh my god. So there's three of them.

One on each side and one flying down straight bearing down on us. Oh shit. And meanwhile Galabras is saying salt

pepper goes before salt that's pee. Oh, shit. And meanwhile, Galabras is saying salt. Pepper goes before salt. That's pee. See you guys in eight rounds. Until I tell you different, you can assume that the drakes are in flight. What did everybody get for initiative? We haven't rolled initiative in years. I know.

Who's over 25? 26. Baron is the most insane initiative. Roll the 19. Okay, Baron. And then anybody else over 20? Nope. 15 plus.

I rolled 14 for Lorde. I had 14 also. Okay. So it goes to, I have a plus two bonus. All right. And then Gormley. 12.

Very, I don't think Gormley has ever been last in the initiative order amongst his friends. And then you got Ben Vereen. Right. At six. I forgot. Oh man.

He is a thing. We have a new guy. BV. Slowest Wolverine in the west I can't wait he's not well trained yet I was going to say I can't wait to see

how you use this untrained rabid wild wolverine to fight river drakes Pathfinder yep okay it is

the alpha drake's turn in round one what does the alpha Alpha Drake do? You see this huge creature come swooping in. It comes to the boat, grabs the war horse. Whoa. Reggie. War horse.

Reggie. Reggie. Old Reginald that Gormley has grown affection of lifts it off the deck with its talons. No! How big is this thing? It's a large creature. Oh, my God. And then uses some sort of speed surge to fly upstream.

Oh, my God. With absconding with the war horse. Hey, no! Hey, I was going to ride that. Him? It? Her? We've got to track it, man.

Abscond with the war horse. Baron, It. Her. We've got to track it, man. Ebscon's with the warhorse. Baron, you're up. How far away are the two baby drakes away from me? They look like they're 15 feet away from the boat, and you are 5 feet away from the railing of the boat, so you are

20 feet away from the nearest drake. I bought nets before we left, and I'm going to hold my action until one of the drakes gets within 10 feet of me. And as soon as it gets within 10 feet, I'm going to make a ranged touch attack of the net on it. To try and capture it in the net.

Nice. Whoa! Fortune favors the bold? Find out later. It is now the Drake's turn. Drake, number one, the one standing across from Baron,

just like spits this disgusting mucus at you. Oh, fuck. And it lands all over Baron and the surrounding area. It's a five foot radius. Covers him. Roll a reflex save.

Dilapha Drake. Yeah, this sounds somehow familiar. Yeah, I don't know quite where I know it from. Yeah, it's like something from a movie. 16. Yeah. 16? It must have been popular or good or something. I mean, I don't know how it could be. Otherwise, it would be right on the tip of our tongue,

and everyone here would have seen it already. Yeah, obviously. I think this is completely original. You would. You would think that. You rolled a 16 reflex save. Okay, you take four points of acid damage, but you don't seem to be encumbered by this sticky substance

that is burning your flesh. Drake. Drake. I'm not encumbered by it. Number two does the same thing but up it gormly. Ah.

And spits at the top of the crow's nest. Roll a reflex. Save. Gormly. So wait, it's an auto hit on the ranged? It's a five foot radius. It just... Oh. 16 on the reflex save. 16 on the reflex save. So wait, it's an auto hit on the ranged? It's a five foot radius. It just... Oh.

16 on the reflex save. 16 on the reflex save. That should do it. Take five points of acid damage. Ooh, wow. And avoid a much worse situation. And now it is Lork's turn. So they're flying in the air over the river away from us,

like 10, 15 feet away from the sides of the boat? Yes, and up in the air as well, obviously. All right, then I'm going to do a rapid shot. I guess I'll fire twice. Why not? Do it. Why not? This is your first attack not underwater at fourth level, right?

It's my first attack at all. I've never attacked underwater. I hope you can remember how to fight above the water line. And this is the first time I'm using my new reinforced composite longbow. I've been very excited to use it. Here comes the one.

Bumble decks out. I'm only angry because you're right. Alright, here we go. First shot. Nine. A nine does not go. First shot. Nine. A nine does not hit. Second shot. 24. 24 does hit.

24 hits does six points of damage. Nice. All right. The new and improved Lork. Yes. So the first one flies wide right. The other one is true. Okay. That was first one flies wide right. The other one is true. Okay. That was the one

that spat at Baron. That was the one that spat at you. Oh, good. Thanks. He's not going to do anything with his animal this round. Ah, okay. Alright. It is Galabras' turn. Alright. As soon as

I hear the alarm raised, I double move to get to the upper deck. And I don't know how long that's going to take me. How far away am I? From where you are there, you could double move and get to the head of the stables, basically. Okay. On the upper deck. Okay. Yeah.

All right. All right. So that's my action so glad was just here's gormley i'm assumed shrieks and when i get winged thing when i get to the top of the stairs i point at the drake and shout out when i hear that hotline bling that can only mean one thing that can only mean one thing. Drake, guys, Drake. It's Drake.

It's a big, it's Drake. Also, also, speaking of earlier, he is the official mascot of the Toronto Raptors, which links back to Jurassic Park, which links back to Troy being an asshole for never having seen the fucking movie, because fuck Troy. Just make sure just make sure

that I'm ever going to watch it. Make it work. Making so many enemies all over the world. Your disregard for that wonderful film. But I digress. We all do.

Gormley, what are you doing? Besides having your skin singed with acid. Yeah, besides that. So I'm 30 feet up in the air right now on the crow's nest. If you say so. The drake that Lork just shot, is that level with me,

or is it lower to the deck? That one is above. It's like your height. Okay. Yeah, so Lork shot up at it. So cool. Okay. It spit its mucus all over. Or height. Okay. Yeah, so Lork shot up at it. So cool. Okay.

He spit his mucus all over, and you can see the, whatchamacallit, the crow's nest was already pretty shoddy, and now it's like the wood is dripping with acid. Oh, no. All right. So I'm going to evil eye the drake. Evil eye the drake. For AC. Okay, so this is a will save, yes? Indeed. Twelve. Fails. this is a will save, yes? Indeed. Twelve. Fails.

Fails the will save. So for six rounds, minus two to your AC. Yes! Okay, okay. And then as my move action, I'm gonna hop out of the crow's nest and feather fall to Christ. And I think we said that would give me like

15 more feet. 15 more feet of movement. So I'm going to hustle over to where Baron is and stand beside him. Okay, so you go right up to Baron. Baron, I've got your back. Okay, and Ben Vereen. Does Ben Vereen do anything? No. Yeah, well, you know what?

I'm going to tell him. It's a free action for me to tell him what to do, and I'm going to tell him to hide behind something, basically, like put himself between those things. That's like get back there. It's almost impossible for him to actually do it. So I'm going to roll for it. And I'll tell you what happens when you fail. Yeah, it's a –

It jumps overboard. You know, I forgot. I have to look it up, but I think it's DC 25. So here we go. Yeah, I think so. Failed. So it just, like, looks at me like, oh? Yeah.

He runs him out. Get behind something! It stays right next to you. Yeah. Okay, round... Quick question for you. Yes. If the conditions of your hold action are not met by the end of your round,

do you just wait until the next round to go? Is it just like a totally wasted procedure? Yes. Okay. So that's the gambit you make. Yes. So I guess it's my turn again. Oh, no, the big Drake.

It is the alpha Drake's turn. Now, you can see off in the distance distance it is just surging away downstream uh and you can kind of see it go onto the shore towards the shore oh it's gonna eat reggie yeah don't eat the horse that's what you see the alpha drake dude he's gone with reggie got a huge fucking creature just flew off with reggie do they look like pterodactyls or something? Imagine a larger version of this. We'll put it on the Tumblr. They look like they could swim as well as they can fly. Oh, okay.

So they are like dragon-like. Yeah, they're very dragon-like. They are descendants. Descended from dragons. Oh, and they have like webbed feet. Oh, yeah. So they can swim. Oh, that's so cool. they're always like uh if you play

magic the gathering they're always associated with blue decks so oh yeah you're around water listen let's get that nerdy shit out of our podcast okay fucking nerd yeah uh nerd baron you're up round two can i get within 10 feet of either of these drakes? I'm unencumbered by their goop. Right, you are unencumbered. The problem is, if you go up to the edge of the boat, you're still 15 feet away from it, if it was hovering at your level, but it's up as well. So, quick Pythagorean theorem, you are not within 10 feet. But you should be within shooting range, no?

But you're trying to do something else. Yeah, I'm trying to do the net, but I... Can I get within 20 feet of either of them? Yeah, the one that's right off the boat from you. If you go up to the edge of the boat, you can be... We'll say you're within 20 feet, aiming up at it. I'll drop my net. Okay.

Pull my gun. And I will shoot at this guy. Fair enough. That's a 14 against touch AC. 14 against touch AC is a hit. Nice. Yes. That's 1d8. Oh, max damage! 8!

Alright. Baron just blasts the drake. Bang. Oh, that's up close and deadly. That's what's always activated for me. That's nine. Oh, nine. Okay, so an extra point of damage.

All right, Baron. Bullet wound to the drake. Safe to say this drake has never been shot by a gun. And that was the drake on the port side there? It was one on the left, one on the right't don't quiz this man he has no idea just checking up on you uh clear definitely definitely the port side he's on the shaft side the shaft side yeah this drake is a real pioneer the first ever be shot that's they'll build a statue to him in front of a Drake high school Speaking of the Drake

He comes down Right next to Baron He's the Buzz Aldrin of River Drakes He really planted your flag there, Drakey He flies down next to Baron And attempts to... Lands on the deck? Yep, lands on the deck.

Nice. And attempts to bite Baron. And misses, I'm assuming a 12 misses? That is correct. Okay, the other Drake does the same thing to Lork. Lork, the Orc... Lands right behind you, Lork, and attempts to bite. Uh, 15?

Miss. Miss, okay. Uh, alright. Actually, nope. That hits, because I'm not wearing armor. I'm just standing out there training my dude. Now, who else would not be wearing armor? Yeah, you know what?

I gotta get, like, uh, they must have just, like, a regular piece of leather armor on this boat. You know what I mean? It just doesn't make sense that you wouldn't wear armor and everybody else is. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you would not be standing out there on the deck training your animal in full metal armor. You know what I mean? It seems silly. I'm wearing leather, but leather armor is not that crazy.

Right, right. I am not. I am wearing my armor at all times, even despite the risk of drowning, just because it's so powerful. I'm not letting it out of my sight. Just leave it, especially with scumbags on board. Right. So you're telling me a 15 does hit, then? Yes.

All right. It bites you with its wet, gross jaw. I'm stalling while I find my damage dice. Okay, so it bites you for 11 points of damage. Oh, man. That's a lot of damage. And it's just

sitting there in front of you with the tail whipping back and forth. Bites you. And now it is Lork's turn to rebut. Lork is going to quick draw. Put his bow back and pull out his falchion. Screeds. Screeds falchion. Yeah. Oh boy.

He loved a crit on a falchion. And he's going to take a swing at this drake. Miss, obviously. Misses the drake. And as a free action, he's going to say attack! To Benverine. Okay. We'll see what happens on Benverine's turn. And as a free action, he's going to say, attack! To his, uh... To Benvory. To Benvory!

Okay. We'll see what happens on Benvory's turn. Galabras, you are now on deck, middle of the stables. You came running up, your hands covered in dough. I just love the image of Galabras, like, filleting a fish in full armor. Yeah, like gorgeous ancient armor. Well, it's battered. It's just deep boning.

Battered and deep fried. But I'm going to double move into melee range with the drake that is attacking Lork. And I have the hammer of Uskroth drawn. Okay.

Double moves, draws the hammer of Uskroth as he does towards said drake, Gormley. What do you do? Gormley's going to cast Ill Omen on the drake that's in melee combat with Merrin. Ill Omen. Tell me about Ill Omen. Ill Omen, just on that Drake's next D20 roll, disadvantage.

If he fails his will save. Nope, no save. Oh, it's automatic. Automatic. Fuck, yeah. It's not for the round. It's just for one roll. You be illin'. Wow. Okay. All right. And now...

He's going to try to make some bullshit roll just to get out of it. And then he's going to attack right after. He's going to make a sense motive roll. I wonder why she did that. Oh, no. I don't know why she did that. Knowledge nature on Gormley. Oh, can I?

Wait. What the hell is that thing anyway? It's a witch. As a pre-action, I want to do a knowledge nature on the Drake to see what I know about the weaknesses. I think it would be knowledge nature. Yeah, it should be. It should be a 21.

22, actually. You know that they are immune to paralysis and sleep. Okay. Damn. There goes my plan. And that mucus ability that they have,

they can't just do, they have to charge it up. So you can feel pretty safe that that's not going to come again unless you let the battle linger. Ladies and gentlemen, Banverine. Yeah! The crowd goes wild. unless you let the battle linger. Ladies and gentlemen, Ben Vereen. Yeah! The crowd goes wild. How's my move action in reaction to Ben Vereen?

Yeah! Close to extend the hex. I'm going to do my own knowledge on these guys. Niche, okay. Eighteen. Eighteen would tell you it's good enough to know that if they can spit acid, they'll probably have some sort of resistance to acid as well.

Okay. All right, so Ben Vereen. Oh, wait a minute. That wasn't my turn. It was Ben Vereen's turn. All right, so Ben Vereen. Forget I said anything. This is going to happen a lot, I think.

Ben Vereen, let's see if he takes my command to attack he does not he just he just bites your leg he just looks at me like what's what's going on here

he bites your leg for four points of bleed damage I just want to say how happy I am that Ben Vereen is a part of this podcast we never thought

that would happen dude needs to work ladies and gentlemen Ben Vereen yeah talk about a talk about a tough get for a podcast we never thought that would happen dude needs to work ladies and gentlemen ben varine yeah talk about it talk about a tough get for a uh for a role-playing podcast you know it's like we have ben varine people that's not do you do you think he'll ever be like as good of a running back as he was as the past years in the nfl that's shane varine sorry it was funny for me. That's all that mattered. Round three, Baron. Baron is going to take a five-foot step back.

Okay. He is going to rapid reload with a paper alchemical cartridge. That's a swift action. He is going to activate... Up close and deadly is always on. But he's going to activate... Point blank shot is on. He's going to activate, or point play shot is on. He's going to activate deadly aim, which is power attack for range characters.

Right, right. Minus two, plus four. And he's also going to make sure that he gets up close and deadly. So he's going to roll a 1d6 with it as well. Okay. Okay. What a terrible time. That is a nine against touch.

Miss. The bullet just fires. After all those feats you used, the bullet sails wide. While he was doing that, we were taking pictures of my picture of Ben Vereen on the board. The ghost of Ben Vereen watching over all of our acts. It's so funny because he's like, look at this battle.

Yeah, he's so happy. What a consummate song and dance professional. Let me ask you a question, Joe. Can you pounce in a non-straight line? It has to be. Not pounce, charge, rather. No, you can't turn at non-straight line it has to be all right not pounce uh charge rather uh no you can't turn at all right so you have to know i always say you can like move like diagonally across a square basically but like you can't like turn right go around something okay

well needless to say uh the drake that uh baron just missed takes five-foot step and does a full attack action on Baron. Except you got a minus. You got to roll twice on your d20. For this next, for the first action or for the whole turn? For your first d20 roll. Okay, so the first d20 roll is the bite. I'm rolling twice, taking the lower amount, biting Baron would have been a crushing hit

and a definite miss with a two. Thank you. That works out nicely. Ill omen. And now everything's going to go to shit. And now it just whips around with its tail slap to try and slap Baron with its tail

and misses! Thanks to Gorm McGee. Thank you, Gormley. I never try to pimp you out, by the way. I was just letting you know that he may... Okay, never mind. I knew that. I knew you were coming. Water under the bridge.

If only the drake near Lork and Galabras had such a lomen. It is going to do a full attack action. First, it will attempt to bite Lork. 16. Hits. Hits Lork with another juicy bite.

It must just love the taste of orc. Fresh half-orc meat. Another 11 points of damage. Oh, man! And then it whips around and tail slaps this cleric covered in armor and flour. 17 with the tail slap.

That is a miss! Miss! Thank you, armor of Lusgroth. Thank you. But again, the damage has been done to Lork. Is that 22 points of damage to Lork thus far? Yeah, in two rounds. It's just bit one arm and then bit the other arm, and you just feel this acidy, soaking wet, seawatery getting in your veins. It burns.

It burns, Lork. But now it's your turn, Lork. I'm going to swing back at this guy with my falchion. Falchion's such a badass. Need a little exertion noise. There we go. Hit 24. That is a hit. Need a little exertion noise. There we go. Hit. 24.

That is a hit. 23. And, sorry, 8 points of damage. Nice. 8 points of damage. Nice job. And then I'm going to tell Ben, like, would you attack this goddamn thing? Use your context, please.

Stop licking my boot and go attack it it's gnawing on your chin uh all right galabras all right i'm gonna use as a swift action i'm nervous the command word for my armor which i looked this up i my entire life since I was five years old, I thought it was Inik Chok. It is actually Inik Chok. So I say, Inik Chok. Yow, yow, yow, yow, yow, yow. And I grow to eight times the size of a normal cleric. Just double in size.

Eight times weight. No. Well, no. I'm eight times as big. I'm twice as tall. Okay. I'm eight times as big i'm twice as tall okay eight times as big yeah ah semantics so uh oh yes my favorite so i'm going to swing the mighty hammer of usgroth with my huge size at this fucking drink and almost certainly miss

still working it out you haven't been able to w been able to have a peck day in a while. 11. 11 does miss. Now I'm wondering, this giant cleric on a ship, your weight goes up to what, eight times your weight? Yeah. I'm nervous that you might break through the deck. You said it was a well-made boat.

It is a well-made boat. And there was a horse on the... I weighed less than that horse. There were six horses, and now there's one less horse. You weigh almost 1,000 pounds. Yeah, but that's less than a horse. You just hear, when he gets big, Lork, you hear the... Groaning.

The voice start creaking. But nothing breaks through. Yet. We're also one horse lighter right now. We are. Yeah. And you are also allowed to do anything that you want. That is also true.

That's also true. That's also true. Gormley. Miss Ill Omen herself. I don't know why you won't just bang rag. I could have still heard about that. We could have avoided all of this. You it all set up you had a little smooth opening you mentioned the chelish wine I would role play the entire event and get real dirty

like it would be really uncomfortable I might make like the three of you leave just so I can tell listen spoken like a typical man there's a long game happening right now. Okay, all right. I just want you to know he's serious. Don't be so short-sighted, Greg. Yeah, she's not easy. She's not going to, like... This is the art of seduction.

Now you want her even more, though, see? I know. She's playing hard to get. She's going to give him the shocker with her hair. Oh, God. All right, pause for edit. That's just a suggestion. you don't have to do it But that's what I would do if I had hair like that

Gormin's going to take a five foot step To her left and burning hands the drake Burning hands the drake And that is through It doesn't matter that Baron's right there right It's a cone of fire She can get him indeed She can avoid Baron

Alright so Baron you just see flames come right next to you. Well, you have to move up directly in melee with it in order to do it. Without hitting Baron. Or could I just... She could point it a certain direction, couldn't she? It goes one,

then two. Yeah. Yeah, but she could point like... Oh yeah, I get what almost... She could just direct it a different way. Like, but she could point, like, almost at the boat. Oh, yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah, the first one, yeah. No, she could just direct it a different way. Like, she can choose where the edge of the cone goes. Okay, so, yeah, it's ten damage, but you get a reflex save. Ten damage, reflex save for a drake.

Definitely made the reflex save. All right, five points of damage. Five damage for that drake. These drakes are battered. Okay. Ben Vereen. Ben Vereen. Let's see if he gets it together and attacks.

Come on, Ben. He does! Yeah! Ben Vereen. 29. 29 to push. And now, so he's just had enough of this, and he... So because Lork has not trained it to attack, you have to roll Handle Animal

to push it. And it's DC 25. What's your Handle Animal skill? Plus 10. So you have to roll at least a 15 or higher on the die. And you got it. Alright, so Benverine attacks the drake. So, yeah, Benverine runs up past Galabras and just

gets right in melee range and bites at it. And goes, jazz clubs! Let's see. This is the one with the lowered AC. It's a bite, so it'll bite at it. 23! 23 is a hit.

Oh, nice. First attack hits and one point of damage. One point of damage. What a crusher. He's got measures to do. It is round four. I have a question for Gormley. The AC hex. Was that six rounds?

Did you extend it to seven? Seven. Okay, just making sure. What round are we on? We are in round four. Baron is up. Baron's going to... Alpha Drake, nowhere in sight.

God damn it. Reggie! Reggie! Baron thinks to himself, shit, you missed once You gotta reload And try again So he takes a Five foot step back

Okay And does all the things You said you were gonna do He does everything He did before Grab shot Deadly aim Grab close to deadly

That is a Sixteen against touch AC Sixteen against touch Is a hit Fuck yes So that is plus 4 to whatever I roll here Plus 5 to whatever I roll here

That's not good Still a 9 points of damage 9 points of damage is great Not a lot of people on the deck that can do 9 points of damage Could have been a lot worse Besides my drakes I mean a lot better But worse for the drake I I mean, a lot better.

But worse for the drake. I mean, if we had... When I hear the hotline bling! If we had sight, maybe this is one to be fit to deal with these drakes, but if we have sight of the alpha drake, maybe we could use the ballista. No, they're too small and they're on the boat. Yeah. No, no, the alpha drake fits not on the boat. Maybe.

If it's in the area. I think we're going to have to hunt it down to its nest. Let's deal with the drakes we have right here. This drake, now that Baron took a five foot step back, this drake enacts its pounce ability. What's a pounce, you may ask? It means you

can do a full attack action on a charge. Well, then it can't do it. Why? Because you need to go at least ten feet? Ten feet, yeah. Alright, so just thanks for ruining the fucking fun of me explaining. Just trying to save my boy Baron. Well, what the Drake was gonna do

was pounce. Hey, Lorik, I love you. I love you, Lorik. Thank you so much, Lorik. So instead, it will just do a full attack action. How boring. Oh, man. Here's a question. I always wonder this. Could it just, like, take a step back and then charge? I was thinking the same thing.

Like, hold on, I'm going to get you this time. That's a good question. I think the movement has to be in one straight line. So back and forward is considered the most important. It's up to a DM that would let you get away with a lot more than I would. So I hold myself to the same standard. The drake goes to bite Baron. I don't know what die I want to use.

How about one that hits him? 19? I have an 18 AC. The drake bites Baron for 10 points of damage. Ooh, that's a good chunk out of Baron. And then it just whips its tail around at Gormley, who's been just kind of annoying it. Shot it with fire.

And misses it. Misses. And then Drake number two attacks Ben Vereen. No. Goes to bite at Ben Vereen. No, no, no, no. That is a 17 on Ben Vereen. No! Goes to bite at Ben Vereen. No, no, no, no. That is a 17 on Ben Vereen. That hits.

11 points of damage. Oh, my God! It was max damage. You killed him? No, he's not dead. He's not dead. Oh, good. You gave me eyes like he was dead.

Well, I just find it weird that you roll the same amount of damage every single time. And it's max. That's kind of weird. 11, 11, 11. How about this? I'm not even joking.

You're rolling 1d2? I rolled max damage, max damage, one less than max damage. Max damage. How about all the times he's never attacked Howie the Green Sting Scorpion?

That's what I want to know. That's what I want to know. What a bunch of fucking... Tail slap that fucking in the set. I will say that Howie the Green Sting Scorpion. That's what I want to know. That's what I want to know. What a bunch of fucking... Tail slap that fucking... Yeah, for fuck's sake. I will say that Howie will have his day in court. And now he's going to tail slap...

The Drake is going to tail slap Lork and miss. Is Benverine unconscious? No. Oh, wow. Okay. It is now... That's crazy.

Lork's turn. Lork, you just saw your new animal companion do damage. So then what happened? The drake said, fuck you. Boom, took a big chunk out of him. Benverine. Benverine, no!

All right, Lork is going to... Fight someone your own size! Swing and miss with the falchion. Okay. Will you be preparing Benverine for either a counterattack or a retreat? I will explain something to you now, and I'll explain it further later. But Benverine is now completely out of my control. I'll explain it when it's Benverinester.

Oh, I think I have a feeling. I'm going to let you have your moment. Galabras. Galabras with the Hammer of the Gods. Matthew was just pointing i have a second uh character sheet for when galabras is large and i i call him gilabras finn and i in place of the of the usual portrait i have a picture of Apache Chief in the corner here. We're having fun here, huh? Yeah, it's a good time. So enraged with anger and rage and anger, he attempts to once again smash this petulant,

insolent creature with a cross hammer. Collaborate. Smash. Miss again. Motherfucker. Still working out the kinks on this new game. We're having a rough go of it. Do you know who else is having a rough go of it? Sirenscape. Oh, really?

Don't blame that beautiful company. Speaking of beautiful company, Gormley, you're up. Gormley's going to take a five foot step back. Such a Gormley move you're up. Gormley's going to take a five-foot step back. Such a Gormley move. And begin summoning. Oh, so Gormley-san. And now, Ben Vereen.

Okay, so Ben Vereen, now that he has been attacked and taken damage by this thing, he has, I have no choice. I have lost control of him. And as a Wolververine he goes insane and he gets he acquires the barbarian trait of rage so he goes into a rage which gives him plus four strength and plus four con so his health goes up and his strength and damage and everything go up. And his AC goes down, right?

Yeah, and his AC goes down. And then he proceeds to maul this thing until either it dies or he dies. And there's no middle ground. Is this what happens whenever it takes any damage or damage more than 50% of its health? No, if it takes any damage from a source. It's just like, fuck you, I'm taking you out. It's also exactly what happens to real life Ben Vereen. If he takes any damage, the exact same thing happens. His version of mauling is just choreographically beautiful.

I would say, knowing this now, Ben Vereen has four episodes max before it kills itself. He's going to be a rough situation. You might want to leave him on the boat. All right. So Ben Vereen. Here we go. He goes nuts. Goes into a rage.

And he hits. Yes. Oh, this is a full attack action, by the way, now. So he's got bite, claw, claw. So he bites and does three points of damage. Then he claws AC-17. That's a hit because Gormley lowered it. Claws and does five points of damage.

Oh, shit. And then claws again and 15 to hit. Does hit. Does hit. Yes! Right. Thank you, and 15 to hit. Does hit. Does hit. Yes! Right. Thank you, Woody Gorms. And does four points of damage.

It doesn't rend. It doesn't have the rend ability for hitting. No, no. But it's just like... You just did 14 points of damage. I've been reamed! I've been reamed! That is awesome.

And for real. That is a Marine! That is awesome. That is fucking great. Round five. Baron. I'm going to blow my mojo one last time all over this Drake's face. Gross. I want to see it. Sirenscape is slowly coming back. My apologies.

It's a poor worker in the pens his tools Jim oh shit 21 to hit yeah 21 is gonna hit you just knock rag off the pilot deck with that giant fuck that bumble clod rug get off me goddamn boat I just ask a question where is the crew yes seriously in heavy armor amazing. Almost minimum damage. Eight points of damage. That drake is on its last legs. Is it dead?

Is it underneath zero? Let me hit it. I need my grip points back. But now it's the drake's turn. Drake time. Thanks a bit. All right. So the drake

takes a five foot step up to Gormley. Yeah, what else? And first it attempts to bite Gormley and doesn't. Then it attempts to tail slap Gormley and 21. Yeah, that hits. Slaps Gormley with his tail. Five points of damage. You just get whipped across the chest with this tail.

You felt like somebody hit you with a log, like a wet log. Just boom! Nailed you with it. And now, it is the other Drake's turn. The other Drake, seeing this rabid Wolverine, takes a step back away from the wolverine.

That's Galabras. That's Galabras. Okay, so it just stays there. That's a whole different kind of racism. Leaves the battle. I've never been mistaken for a drake before. It just attacks Lork. First attack, the bite is a 15.

Hits. What do you think, 11 damage? Let me see. Guaranteed. No, not this time. Six damage. Oh, wow. That's the range and you were rolling 11s? Wow.

Must have been real exciting for you. Goes to tail slap. What a thrill for exciting for you. Goes to tail slap. What a thrill for you. And fumbles the tail slap. Yeah! This thing's fucked now, man. Off balance. Oh, man.

Your card, sir. Your fumble card, sir. Natural attack. Natural attack. It goes to tail snap you. It just goes and sneezes. And it's dazed for a round. Whoa! All right right this thing is done

i honestly i sneeze that hard i get dazed for about 60 seconds afterwards uh all right it is dazed and what does dazed mean i think it's like it can't do anything can't do anything uh i don't have it here but it must be allergic to awesome yeah i'll look it up but i think dazed it's like you can't take a move you can't take any action or something like that i'll look it up wow it's yeah it's it's the best i don't know what the difference between that and stunt but you you can't do anything and you're flat-footed and blah blah blah um and so now lork you have it is uh it can take no action but has no penalty to ac okay which is really odd it just can't take an action i think stunned is it takes no action and it gets the penalty to AC.

You're basically paralyzed if you're stunned. Okay. All right. Lork, you're up. This thing just tried to tailslip. Here we go. Sneezed mucus all over you. Right.

All right. I'm going to take a swing at it with the old falch. The falch. 16 to hit. 16 hits. That should hit. That should do it. Let's get some damage here. Kill the screeds. Screeds falching. That should do it. Let's get some damage here.

Kill the Screed. Kill the thing. Screed's Falchion. Let's do it. There we go. 10 points of damage. You take the Falchion and you slice through its wings and its carcass just falls over deck. Yes!

And Benverine runs to the end of the railing and it's just like... Like trying and it's just like, he's off, he's off. And Wolverine language is like fuck you yeah yeah get off my boat that's right bitch all right and then i'm going to command it to come uh to me as it's like because it's freaking me out that it's like almost chasing it into the water uh and that is a uh a guaranteed pass because that's the only trick it knows so he comes to you but he doesn't heal right he just still is like oh no and then i'll command him to heal all his hit points oh now skid's all about the rules all of a sudden uh speed is good galabras you're up you have a rabid wolverine at your foot um oh no wait i'm

sorry i mean i still have a move action so if you wouldn't mind. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to run to the other Drake. Like, move toward it. And I'll stay ten feet away. Okay, so you run to help Baron and Gormley with their baby dragon. Yep. And now it is Galabras' turn. I'm in trouble with the hammer, Galabras. What are you thinking?

Why don't you try another Ben Vereen? I'm going to fall back on some old habits. I'm going to move into position so I can get everybody and do a channel positive energy. Breaking out my gold-plated Roman dice. He's a fighter and a healer. And remember, ladies and gentlemen, he is rolling two D6s. Yeah, that's four points to everybody. All right. Shitty roll.

Now, that doesn't... Thanks a lot, Ancient Rome. That doesn't heal the Drake, right? Can I just give you... No, he is excluded because of my selective channel. Beautiful. Can I just get you huge bonus points for being a priest and saying, getting back into the habit,

which is the subtitle of Sister Act 2? That is a good one. The nuns, you know? Oh, that's true. Way better than Jurassic Park. It's a little tribute to Sally Field, the flying nun. Gormley, you're up. Actually, something appears.

Oh, that's right. You started summoning. What were you summoning? A swarm of bats. Oh, gross. In the middle of were you summoning? A swarm of bats. Oh, gross. In the middle of the river? It's not even Halloween. And I'm assuming with the swarm, you just put it right on the space with the drake?

Right on the drake space. Oh, God. So what do they do? They just bite? Yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and roll this damage. A swarm of bats. True damage.

But you're now bleeding. roll this damage. A swarm of bats. Two damage. But you're now bleeding. Oh! That's awesome. When does it start taking bleed damage? On the first round. So it takes another how many points of damage? One. It dies. Oh!

Three hit points left. Wow. So you summon all the bats. And it's still going and then all of a sudden just porous blood It had three hit points left. Wow. So you summon all the bats. Bite, bite, bite, bite, bite. And it's still going. And then all of a sudden just porous blood everywhere in the carcass falls to the ground. Nice. A pool of its own blood. And the bats fly off.

And the bats fly off into the night into Gary and Felicia land. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bats, man. All right. Two drakes dead. But poor Reginald. Wait. Where is he? Gone forever? Alright, two Drakes Dead, but Poor Reginald

Wait, where is he? Gone? Forever? He was absconded But we saw where he went though, right? Yes, he went downstream Back from whence you came We saw the Drake land with the horse You saw the Drake go towards the shore Like farther upstream

But you're not 100% sure where It may take a perception check or two towards the shore like farther upstream but you're not 100% sure where. I think we have to find... It may take a perception check or two. All right, get up in the forecastle there. I don't know, whatever,

it's called. Shrink goes down. Blood Tusk, Rag comes down and is like, is everyone all right? Is everyone all right? We're trying to keep

everything together. You killed the Drakes. Where's Reggie? The Alpha Drake took him. We need him. We need to go find him now. All right, it probably has some sort of a cave Damn it all

Would you be willing to go find the cave with this Drake? Kill it and bring back Reggie Well, after all that you've done for us in this fight We'd be glad to And thanks for all your help getting Lork back overboard That was great too I have to steer the boat Do you think this thing's going to steer itself?

If I just jumped down there to help you What about everyone else? What about everyone else in the fucking crew? Were they also helping you steer the boat? I didn't see them at all If you look like you're in real trouble I I'll help you, but you seem to have handled yourselves well. Oh, yeah. Why would you think that we was trouble?

Ben Vereen attacks rag. Get it off me! Kill it! Kill it! This is just like my dad's excuse for not coming to my football games. And you saw it fly downstream, yes? Yes. And you saw it fly downstream, yes? Yes.

All right, well, then maybe you can just... We'll bring the boat ashore, and you can head back down there and find it. If you don't mind, I hate to ask you so much, but do you think you could do it? Yes, yes, we can do it. Otherwise, without that horse, there's no way we're going to be able to get you up the Esk. There's no way. I need all of my draft horses. Right, right. Thank you, thank you. Hold no way we're going to be able to get you up the esk. There's no way. I need all of my draft horses. Right. Right. Thank you.

Thank you. Hold on. I'm going to go. All right. I'm ready. Just need a little exertion. Good, good. So he steers the ship towards the shore, and he gets maybe like 40 feet away where you

guys can kind of jump out and wade through the water towards the shore. And then do you want to make your way downstream? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. So we're going to disembark off the boat and go back upstream? And go back downstream. Downstream. You better get your armor.

Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely going to get my armor and don it. Gwondre will help. Okay. Fine. And then get my armor and don it and um okay fine uh and then yeah i don't think there's much to be done for uh can one of you guys um anybody want to waste a little helium on ben green you want me hit him with a wand yeah yeah there you go hit him with a wand that'll do now will that take him out of his rage state uh he went out of his rage state as soon as his opponent was dead. Oh, is that what they do? So they just fight to the death?

That's how I'm playing it right now. I can reread it, but that's sort of what it sounded like to me. That's weird. I thought it was like a number of rounds. Five. He gets max five rounds per day, but I think that it's tied to that. Who else needs healing? I can wand.

Five healing? Five. You need more? No, I'm good. I could use a little bit. All right. I heal Baron with the wand. My wand.

Nine. Max. Yeah, I'm down at half. Lork is at half hit points. Oh, you want me to hit you with the wand? Yeah, hit me with that shit. Two. Oh, God.

Are you shitting me? I'll change dice and do it again. Okay. Two. Oh, God. Are you shitting me? I'll change dice and do it again. Okay. Four. So, a sixth hole. I'll do one, too. Oh, yeah. You've got a lot of them.

We're just poking with our wands. I just used up the wand. Here. Seven. Seven. There we go. All right. Sweet.

That wand is dead now. I have... Glabrous, you're the only one. Oh, it's dead? Yeah, it was Glabrous you're the only one oh it's dead? yeah it was Glabrous' old wand oh okay oh wow you've had that one for a while yeah

it's a hand-me-down since the Battle of Trunel the Battle of Bloodmarch Hill but I have a lot of charges left in mine so alright we've got the armor back on the ship is no longer sailing and we are going to start cutting through along the bank. Yeah.

So you guys disembark from the boat, and the water's probably up to your knees. And then you just kind of trudge through it, get to the shore, and then you walk up towards where you think you saw it go. Roll a perception check. 14 for me. 17. 27. Am I still affected by the... No, no, you're good now.

The kimono rash is over. That's why it sneezed. I thought we were going to talk dirty later. 23. 23. All right, so Gormley and Lorca, the 27, you see what looks like a cave up in the distance. So you probably walk about 15 minutes or so, and you follow where you thought you saw it go. And with Gormley's help, you're able to find the mouth of a cave.

As you near it, it starts stinking. There's this pungent odor of fish entrails permeating the area as you get closer to the mouth of the cave. The beach itself, outside of the entrance to the cave, is littered with skeletal remains of several marine animals you can't even piece together. River sharks, I'm sure. Crocodiles. The extensive internal skeletons of river sharks.

Actually, you do see, in addition to the river sharks, you see a bleached skeleton of a huge crocodile, twice the size of the one that attacked Lork and Uruk. Oh, shit. Skeleton of a giant crocodile. So, while the smell is so pungent and the scene is so devastating,

it is eerily quiet and devoid of wildlife in the whole area. I'm sorry, what is the ground like? It's soft. Is it grassy? It's mushy, you know, because it's right near the water, the mouth of the cave. So it's softer. Marshy. It's marshy, yeah. It's mushy because it's right near the water, the mouth of the cave. So it's softer. Marshy.

It's marshy. It's marshy. Marshy, marshy, marshy. Are there any tracks in the mud outside the front of the cave? Roll a survival check. I shall. Fifteen. You see various webbed feet coming in and out of the cave mouth.

Okay. So you feel pretty confident that this is where it went. Or a giant duck. Either way. There's nothing to fear, guys. It's just a giant duck. Either way. Skid, I have a question for you.

Uh-huh. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 10 duck-sized horses oh man i never know how to answer this question so many possibilities yeah that's i want to see a duck-sized horse get back to the next episode i'll think about it i'd like to do a quick check. Okay. Based off of my newfound fisherman skill, and considering that these things are dealt with by a lot of the fishers on this river, and I may have talked to Ureg and everyone else for a while,

is there any more knowledge I can gain about their layers from my fisherman skill, perhaps? Yeah, roll a fisherman check. Okay. Okay. 19. With a 19, what you would know is that it probably doesn't use its nest for mating. Probably mates in the wild and comes back to lay its eggs in the nest. So there's a good chance it's by itself.

And then what you know from like fisherman tales is like any descendant of the dragons, there's a good chance there's a horde of treasure in a Drake's nest. Treasure. Nice. So that's what you would know from. I have like this tiny dwarven boner. That just goes raging. But what has Baron got?

Good one. Professional comedian. Being in his jokes for all my friends. Okay, so, yeah, you guys, you're at the mouth of the cave. What do you do? Gorma is going to cast mage armor classic uh baron's going to get his net ready okay baron's going collecting i love it okay uh baron's got his net and And I explain to Lork, I say to him, if we catch this thing in a net and you grab it, you're stronger than I am. I'm not too proud to say that.

We can control how far it moves away. So if you ever want to grab it, it's all yours. I'm just going to try to tangle them up if we see them alright okay and do you make your way into the chamber? and what does the party order look like? I'd say

Lork is up front with Benverine behind him you did bring Ben with you okay how wide is the mouth? oh it's about 15 feet wide. Okay. Then I will stand next to Ben Vereen if he'll let me. Ben, be kind.

You might have to take some ranks and handle animals just to be around Ben Vereen. I know. Not on my shoes! And then Baron and Gormley bringing up the rear yeah yeah okay uh so you walk into the first cave and you hear a nervous whinnying maybe about 20 feet away as the light gets rather dim what could that be what could that possibly be there's no way a horse got in here it's a giant spider some kind kind of dormouse. You hear a nervous whinnying,

and the mouth of the cave opens from 15 feet to 20 feet to 25 feet, and it kind of starts to curve around, and you see Reginald just looking really, really nervous and shaken. And the cave goes around, and you see it continues on to another chamber or chambers. But you're in this first chamber and there's Reggie. How far away is he? 15 feet.

Are there enough shadows along the side of the cave that I could try to stealth up to him? He's right in the middle of it. There's still light streaming in. So I assume that as soon as we step out into the light, that Drake is going to know we're here. Well, can I do a knowledge on the alpha

to see if they set traps like this? Sure. To lure prey? Mm-hmm. 23. 23? No. It's probably finishing another meal yeah like so it's probably having an appetizer and it's about to go for its main course i think you're safe gormley so i think my plan is just to

run out there and try to ride reggie out of here well is he laying on the ground or is he standing there uh no he's standing there okay you see it kind of a perception see if he looks like he's been gnawed at uh yeah you just see uh roll the perception 17 you see blood marks from where the claws uh pulled it and imagine the weight of the horse being just kind of dead weight so it's it's gotten to its skin it's in bad shape are his feet his so his feet aren't frozen into the ceiling hanging down. No, this is not Hoth. By the way, man, how great was Force Awakens? Oh, my God. Oh, man, that movie was so good. What a gem.

Or it was really disappointing. Joe still hasn't seen it. I know. Stop it. I'm not even kidding. Troy will never see it. You remember when Darth Maul came back? Oh, my God. It's not funny to even say the things that don't happen. I didn't think that Jar Jar Binks would be Kylo Ren when he took off his mask, but sure enough, there he was.

He took that mask off. I'm sorry, Joe. I'm going to cut all your mics. So, Gorham, do you walk up? Yeah, I walk up to Reggie and I roll a stealth check. 17. As you walk up to Reggie, the Alpha Drake rolled a 17 as well.

Oh. And you hear... Oh no. And you see a shadow start growing on the edge of the cavern, coming closer and closer towards you. And we'll pick it up here next time. I fucking knew it was getting close, but god damn it.

Oh, that image of the shadow. This is the shadow. Oh, it's shadow. Outro Music