The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 35 - Drake-ing Bad

Episode Date: January 26, 2016

Having tracked the Alpha Drake to its filthy riverside lair, the party embarks on a desperate attempt to rescue Gormlaith's new best friend, Reggie the war horse. But perhaps an even greater danger awaits them back on board. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. Most D&D games is mostly just arguing. A simple question. What have we decided? What did we rule on? I have a system that I think will work. We'll turn into a recording studio encounter. I just can't allow quadruple damage. Of course. No, but that's the whole thing.

No, that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense at all. Unlike any we've seen before. But that's the actual critical. That's according to the rules. Troy hates any time the players are happy. This is like furious. Last thing I have to say.

Last thing I'll say. Will the Glass Cannon crew continue the adventure? Guys, thanks for listening to the last episode of Glass Cannon Podcast, where we tear Troy limb from limb at the end of it. Find out right now. Ah, Gary. Felicia. Benvereen. Reginald.

These are the names of noble creatures whose aim in life is to assist us, to make our lives easier, to make our pack slider. And then we meet these godforsaken river drakes. What a bunch of jerks. I wonder what their names are. Donald Trump? Adolf Hitler? Tiffany? We may never know because none of us have wild empathy. But we also just may never know because maybe they don't have names. And hopefully that means that they don't draw crit cards. We do know that the best way to help out the Glass Cannon Podcast is to leave a written and starred review on iTunes.

It's the best way to give us visibility. We'd really appreciate it if you guys had the time, if you could leave one for us. Without further ado, episode 35, Draking Bad. Did you guys even notice while you were setting up that I laid everything on a map so now you can see the map of the cave? Oh, you know, I actually didn't notice that. I know, you know. Totally missed it. Isn't that cool? cool So this was I thought you were just Wiping up a spill or something Right

You put down The map actually Looks like a spill It does It's very amoeba like It's a Rorschach test Actually I see a butterfly

I see penises This is Down here Is where the water was Then you walk to the Mouth of the cave And there is Everyone's favorite

Frontline fighter Gormley Call. Once again. Up to her old tricks. Gormley in the van. Well, we better hope Gormley rolls a high initiative because this giant river drake just made its presence known,

and the only thing bigger than him is his shadow roll for initiative. Oh, man. A shadow rat? No, please, don't be a shadow drake.. Oh, man. A shadow rat? No, please. Don't be a shadow dragon. Three swarms of shadow rats behind him. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

All right. Who got over 30? Just the alpha drake? Oh, fuck off. I rolled 19. I'll volunteer that right now. Okay. Wow.

Good job. Calabras. All right. And Lork 9 for Lork Oh boy 15 for Gormley Ooh Baron

6 And 7 for 7 for Ben Vereen Yeah I'm surprised Ben Vereen Doesn't have a better initiative He is very loud on his feet He does

I've rolled a 2 And then a 3 For his initiative rolls. Okay. The drake rounds the corner and spits that caustic mucus at Gormley. And Gormley, you remember being on the crow's nest. You saw like a giant vat of that come out of its mouth, and it soaked you in the crow's nest. This is twice the size of that.

Oh, God. It's totally Wayne Knighting you. Roll a... Troy. You don't get it. You don't get it. No. He's from Seinfeld.

He's been in other things, too. You nailed it, Troy. Newman. He's been in other things as well. Stop putting off Gormley's death. That's what I'm trying to do. Roll a DC 17 reflex save. Don't tell him to...

God, he's going to roll a 32. Oh! Yeah! 23. Yeah. So you are not entangled. 23 back row. And you only take seven points of acid damage.

That's not bad. Lucky. You're great. As opposed to 14 points of acid damage. All right. I'd recommend a charge here. Spits. Unfortunately, the horse, Reginald, gets doused in acid.

No. No. And it is entangled in the acid as well. So it's like screaming. It took 14 points of damage. Oh, Jesus. God! Why do you have against this horse?

Luckily, Gormley was in the way, so it didn't get in its face and eyes, but all its hindquarters, this beautiful horse is now forever scarred. Oh, no. Oh, no. That beautiful horse's ass. You beautiful horse's ass

I'm talking to you Troy You look really good today You look directly into my eyes Yeah You're a beautiful horse's ass It's Galaverus' turn I'm going to Lean down

Oh boy And pet Little Benverine Yes Say Good luck my furry little friend. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Bit of luck to Ben Vereen. Yes.

He needs all the luck he can get. That is great. That is fantastic. He's got a fifth party member now. All right, Gorbly. So the horse is entangled. Can I do anything to help free it? I believe so.

As a full round action, you can help pry it from its entangled position. Otherwise it remains entangled? Yes, it will remain entangled until it attempts to get out of there. And it will probably attempt on its... It would probably attempt on its turn. But it could fail. It got pretty effed up. You basically...

It has to roll another... When you fail that reflex save, you have to roll another reflex save or you're still entangled. And if you fail that reflex save, you're going to take more acid damage. Oh, shit. Okay, then I'm going to spend the action

to free it from the entanglement. Okay. I'm going to go behind it. Oh, no, I going to spend the action to free it from the integrity. Okay. I'm going to go behind it. Oh, no. I haven't spent the action. I can't move. Okay. So, full attack action, you pry its legs out of the acid. You kind of go around and get it, and now

it is able to move. But it's nestling up against you, and it's scared. It's shaking. The whole horse is shaking like a scared cat. Lork, the orc. Lork is going to... He's actually going to move to...

So the cave basically turns to his left and and the creature is down that tunnel, right? So he can't see it. So Lork is actually going to move over to the right to the rear of that turn. So his back is to the wall, and he's as far as he can be from the dragon wall. So you're going to be even behind Gormley and the horse. Yeah, exactly. And sort of to the side of the horse. Yeah, show me where the horse is.

So what you guys saw before, by the way, was a huge shadow on the wall. And then all of a sudden, just a bunch of asses just fly out of nowhere and hit Gormley and Maginot. Right, and you hear the horse scream and Gormley like, ah! That's all you see. So you move behind them. No, you know what? Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that.

And then I'll take a shot. Okay. Remember, the horse is in your way, so all those. Yeah, so he gets plus four to AC. The drake gets a plus four to AC because you're shooting through the horse's square. Right. Okay. First roll.

15. Miss. Oh, you can't do any more because you moved to get there. Okay. Lork is setting himself up for some rapid shot. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ben Vereen. Uh, yeah, so Lork is gonna, um, yeah. I mean, he can't really do anything with your bit of luck.

It's just too far away. Um. To push him? You can hold. Uh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he'll ready an action. Uh, actually, he'll just hold. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he'll ready an action. Actually, he'll just hold.

Benverate. Well, can I make him hold? He's not that intelligent. He's not going to take a roll. Can't you just try and command him from there? I can't. I don't want to command him to attack. I don't want him to run up the hallway against that thing. It will kill him.

Yeah. So I'm thinking maybe because he's got the bit of luck um yeah i'll just ready in action and uh if he sees that thing he'll move and it's what's a charge what's ben's movement 30 feet okay yeah if he gets within 30 feet he'll run at him and yeah i guess that's fair it's animal companion. You can tell it to hold. It's up to you. Yeah, I'll allow it. I mean, the other, yeah.

I'll allow it because it's 99% it's going to die if you charge it to attack. Yeah. Baron. Also, you know what? What? What do you think? I should just roll for it, I guess. Roll to tell it to hold? To push it because I didn't even roll to push it.

Yeah, but you're not. You're just holding the action. Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll. Roll to tell it to hold? To push it, because I didn't even roll to push it. Yeah, but you're not, you're just holding the action. Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll hold it. Baron. Baron's gonna fucking low-key walk along the wall to the right angle where the drake can't see it, and he can't see the drake, but he knows we're out in the

corner because he's a man and he sees the shadow. And he's gonna throw his net at him as soon as he goes by. Ah, so you're just prepping the net to try and throw on the drake. Very interesting. Round two. I'm actually going to take one step further. Bold move.

This is a giant drake, and it pounces towards Gormley. As it passes through, what do you do? I throw a fucking net at it. Please get it. Wait, you know what? Bottlecat. Oh, bottlecat. Oh, shit. Really?

On the net? Bottlecat. Do you remember what that's from? Yeah, this is from when Gormley went to go see her old flame. Oh, that was a good oh yeah I hope it's worth it yeah okay Kesson well you know what I'm putting this thing in a net I just think it's bad worth it okay yeah I think it's worth it like give me another d20 please yeah but I guess not that long only

about three three I guess this is for the me just say, I never said it on air, incredible role-playing that was done by Matthew, Jeff, and Kaza, and Troy as a combo unit. Let's do justice to that. Let's pay homage to that. Oh, they're both great roles. 15 and an 18, so that's plus 8, so 26 to hit. The net entangles the drake.

Yeah! And the drake now takes... It can only move at half speed, and it cannot charge or run. So it interrupted the pound. It stopped its action right there. Negative 2 penalty on attack rolls and a negative 4 penalty on dexterity. On dex, yep. So its AC goes down as well.

Amazing. So it stops its action right there and turns to face you, Baron. Well, wait. Ben Vereen gets to go. Well, because he's ready to action. Yeah, absolutely. So if he thought he was going to charge, so let me just see if he can push him. I did not.

It didn't work. He goes, oh. All right, so you try to push Ben Vereen. He hesitated. It didn't work. He goes, oh? So you try to push Ben Vereen. He hesitates. He doesn't know what to do. Okay. So the drake stops there and attempts to bite Baron with a minus two to attack.

And it is going to try and power attack. And it misses the bite. And it's just... So it has reach, because it's currently five feet away from me. Yeah, it's a large creature. It has a ten-foot reach.

And it is Galavris' turn. I'm realizing now that my second level spells that I prepared for the day, Calm Emotions and Zone of Truth, are probably not going to be of much use. Oh, man. This is the thing about preparing spells that I hate. It's like if we thought this Drake was lying about something,

we could call it out. I don't think it likes Hort's meat as much as it says it does. Yeah. Tell the truth! So I'm going, in lieu of anything useful, I'm going to move up to Lork and use my second level domain spell and cast Aid. Oh, nice. So that's 1d8 plus 2 temporary

hit points. Ah, 10! 10! 10 temporary hit points. You get plus 1 to hit and plus 1 to damage. To who? Lork? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Fucking A, Galabras. You have to get in that

melee. Gormley, you're up Alright, here's what I want to do and you tell me if I can do it I want to mount Reginald Oh wait, no, sorry, I'm sorry 1d8 plus 3 So it's 11 Yeah

And are you sure the 8 is Plus 1 to damage too? I thought it was just a hit Just a hit. No, no, yeah, it's just a hit. Just a hit. And morale bonus against fear effect. Okay. I'm not afraid.

All right, Gormley. So here's what I want to do, and you tell me if I can do it. I'm listening. I want to mount Reginald. Go on. Which is a move action. Okay. And then, well, I want to double move and get out of there. With Reginald? With Reginald. Go on. Which is a move action. Okay. And then, well, I want to double move and get out of there.

With Reginald. With Reginald. Well, that would have to be, I think, a fast mount. Which is a ride check. I can roll for it, right? Yeah. Yeah, you just got to do a ride check. You tell me what you roll.

It's a DC. Oh. Is it a DC 10? The chart I'm looking at says DC 20. Am I right on that? Spur mount is DC 15 ride check. Fast mount is DC 20.

Wow. Well, you know, right in the middle of combat it's tough to just mount a horse. So fast mount is DC 20. It's also probably not saddled. It's definitely not saddled. It was pulled out of the stable. So does that affect my ride?

Yeah, it's a minus five to your ride checks. Well, like for stuff while you're riding and not to mount a medal. I'm going to mount Reginald. Holy shit. And I'm going to cast Ill Omen from Horseback on the drag. Alright, roll

the ride check to see if you can get him out of there. I'm not moving. Oh, you're just trying to mount it. I'm him out of there. Otherwise, you're wrong. I'm not moving. Oh, you're just trying to mount it. I'm move action, getting on it, and then casting the spell. No, you have to roll to get on it. The fast mount is still a DC 20. A regular mount is a move action. That's a ride check?

I thought it was. Why do they have fast mount as a thing? Fast mount is to... Oh, as a free action. If you want to do it as a free action. Okay, so as a move action, you can just do it automatically. So you mount the horse and just cast Ill Omen on the drake. Yeah. Keep me honest and remind me to do the disadvantage.

All right. Lork. All right. Lork is going to, with the aid, he feels all buffed up, and he's going to pull out his falchion and move up and attack this thing. Oh, okay. You can get all the way up, and it's it's John's got all the strength now yeah so exertion

Ben come and help me he attacks and misses the short has a minus two to its AC right now with the minus four decks this was 15 that is a hit that's why I asked alright Two to its AC right now with a minus four dex. This was 15. That is a hit. Hey! That's why I asked.

All right. There you go. All right. The net is the real MVP here. That's true. Yeah. The net gets a bottle cap. Definitely use that bottle cap. And eight points of damage.

Eight points of damage. And I'm going to push Ben Vereen to attack once again. It is Benverine's turn. So you may. What's the damage dice on the couch? I don't know. I think it's Baron's turn. No, it goes Lorcan, Benverine, Baron. No, Benverine has a seven. Baron has a six. Yeah, Benverine tried to attack before me. No, no, no. He held

and he readied an action and he went after Baron. So he moves in the order. Oh, so he moves to... Yeah, so now Baron's. Before Galabras? After... Baron moved up because of the... whatever the guy did. Because... Oh, it's round two, so Baron...

I see, so Baron goes before the Drake now, and then... So it goes Baron, Ben Vereen, then the Drake. So now it's round three, and it's Baron's turn. Baron's gonna shoot this drake, the second drake in recorded history to be shot. Critical threat.

Oh! Oh, with a gun. Do it. Wait, wait. What did we decide? What did we rule on? I have a system that i think will work let's see if it confirms oh also wait a minute and you got to take minus four to confirm

right because we're all in melee right now yeah yeah so just take the minus four to confirm and if we confirm oh that's fucking 20 okay so so what do you think? So we were saying that taking, it's a times four critical. So ordinarily you'd multiply whatever damage you roll by four, but we're using the cards. So that seems underpowered to pick three cards and pick the best one. So my suggestion was that you pick two cards and double whatever damage it says on the card that you choose. So what if the card says double damage? Then it's times four. Right.

Well, his gun does times four. Right, right, right. You want him to just do the times four damage? I'm sure he'd be happy to just do that. But he gets two cards, so the odds of him doing quadruple damage is going to almost always happen. And having another effect. It's going to almost always happen. No, no, no.

It is very rare on those cards to see double damage. Yeah, there aren't a lot. It's on those cars to see double yeah it doesn't there doesn't there aren't a lot it's most likely that you see double damage no no no it's not i think it's like a 50 50 shot i shouldn't talk about it because i never see them yeah right you don't know how would you know i'm gonna i'm gonna take this under advisement but instead of making a on the spot call because if you do get quadruple damage and an ability drain or something like that, that makes it so incredibly overpowered. But that's how it should be.

I have to hit a 20 with this. He has to get a 20. It's not a 19 to 20. It's the differentiation. And think also, the other disadvantage, I've misfire and I have a 20-foot fucking effective range. So I have to be up in there. Right, right.

So you rolled a 20 on the 20? Yes. Like adjusted? No, he rolled a natural 20. Then I rolled a 16 plus 8 minus 4. So you didn't roll it. It's not like rolling two 20s, though. No.

Where you get the extra card. No. You don't get the extra card for rolling an adjusted 20. I put a lot of thought into this. As a DM, if he was in my game, I would completely let him do this. I just can't allow quadruple damage. Of course. No, but that's the whole thing.

The cards are meant to benefit the players. That's the whole point. Right. You know? I mean, absolutely. You can do whatever you want. Right. No, I hear you.

I would absolutely let him do this. I just don't like making rule changes mid-game. But I do hear what you're saying. Well, I mean, we just didn't talk about this. I know, we should have. And we all agreed that the system we were doing was way underpowered. Right, but now that one's too overpowered,

because Joe is right. It's not. I don't think it is overpowered. Why don't you just take four times damage? There aren't that many. Why don't you just not take a card? Or we could just let it. Roll eight damage and times it by four.

We could let it roll and let the internet decide. So wait, you would normally take, what, three cards? I think that is underpowered. Right. I absolutely agree that that's underpowered. But taking two cards and... This is better than the presidential... Why don't you take one card and double it?

Or I was going to say, compromise measure, why don't you max it out at three times damage? No. No. I mean... Or I was going to say Compromise measure Why don't you max it out At three times damage No No I I mean So explain it Let Skid talk uninterrupted And explain it

And then No I understand what he's saying I just don't want to do it The whole point of the cards Is that they're supposed to be More potent than An ordinary critical anyway Right

And he His His weapon Has the most potent Critical ability In the entire game Right You're not going to get A more potent critical ability in the entire game. You're not going to get a more potent critical than this. And a more gint weapon, other terms, like versus an arrow.

Yeah, and it has a lot of shortcomings besides that. But he's also more likely. And we talked about this. We talked about this with Steve. We talked about this with Steve the Dicenerd on Twitter. He agreed. He said the same thing. And a couple of other people agreed.

They said they thought it was a good system right we never officially talked about this yeah but I don't like doing it mid-game but the other thing is that he is also more likely to crit than anyone else no no he's not because he has to roll natural 20 he has to hit touch AC well with the

weapon I'm likely to confirm me more likely that's a critical that's when you but this is this this is a technologically advanced weapon. Yeah. It's like having a laser. Right, right. I will say until we come up with a communal idea, you can take two cards,

and if one of the options allows you to do up to quadruple damage, then you don't get the effect. That's my ruling for now. But if you want to just do double damage, you can do the double damage and the effect, or whatever it ends up being. But I can't. I have to, like, sit with this not on the air.

What's really funny, I'm bludgeoning and piercing, right? Yes. You still get double the option. All of them are double damage, so it's just quadruple damage. Yeah, see, they're all double damage. Yeah, they always are. They're almost all double damage. They're not.

They're not. This is an honestly weird gambit of the cards. But, okay, if you want to... We can statistically analyze this deck later, but... Yeah, I mean, okay, so you can have... Seriously, Grant, if this was my game again... You can do whatever you want, Troy. Well, i'm just

up in your fucking alabaster castle all right let's times four this shit yeah you can do times four no effects all right up close and then i want to i want to go so i can miss again let's let's keep this moving oh god what did i say 32 what did i say? 32. What did I say? This is why I didn't... Exactly. 32. But that's the actual critical. That's according to the rules. That is what... That is what I would get. Okay.

With no cards whatsoever. Zero cards. I would get that with a times four critical. So this doesn't... I totally understand. We just don't play that way. Like, if I hit my orcs, it hits you guys with the times three falchion, you would have been dead most of the time

in early game on a crit. So that's why we didn't do it. But for this time, I'll let you take your 3. Wait, wait. No, that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense at all. I'm saying some of my orcs... You were gimping your orcs? Well, no, I wasn't. I would take a card. You don't take a card for not naming a character.

I had named characters that had falchions is the point and I took the cards because that's what the system is in place. Did you take two cards? Yeah, I took two cards. But I didn't do triple damage. I'm okay with doing it for this time because we called it. But I do want to take the thing under advisement. I appreciate the system.

Last thing I have to say is that being able to choose from the best card does not amplify my results in the same way that the multiplier would on the card. Yes, it's really. I totally. I would maybe. No, no, no. Last thing I'll say. I go from like a one or like a two times bonus to a 2.1 times bonus and sometimes less than that based on the cards I draw.

I totally agree with you that it's underpowered. Which still makes my weapon. But I'm not going to make it overpowered. It makes my weapon less powerful than everyone else's or the same. I totally agree with you that it's underpowered. But I'm not going to make it overpowered. It makes my weapon less powerful than everyone else's, or the same. I totally agree with you it's underpowered. I'm just not going to make it overpowered. I'm just saying there's no other weapon in the game that's a times four. It's 33 technically with the plus one.

Yeah. Okay. Well, you did significant damage to the Drake. And now it is Ben Vereen's turn. Can you do 33 points of damage with Ben Vereen? I don't think Ben Vereen's even going to attack him. I'm going to take a five foot step back. Yeah,

no, he, Ben Vereen does not attack. He doesn't know what to do. He's freaked out. Oh, you didn't, you weren't able to push him.

Right. Uh, all right. Is the, uh, the alpha Drake's turn and he, uh, attempts to break out of the net.

Is that the 20 roll? Uh, yes. Roll two. I rolled the net. Is that a d20 roll? Yes. Roll two. I rolled a 20. Two 20s. Two natural 20s? Two natural 20s. So he breaks out of the net

and the net shreds to the ground. And that's his full round action. That's a standard action. Full round action. Does it provoke an attack of opportunity? Get out of my face. Does it? No. You know that it doesn't? It should.

I don't know. It should. Ha ha. I don't know that you do, but I also don't know that you don't, so he doesn't. It's Calabra's turn.

I will step forward and proffer another bit of luck, this time to a non-mustelid. Ooh, mustelid. Nice. Instead, I will give it to Lork. Nice. I need it.

By the way, the Wolverine's Latin binomial is gulo gulo, and gulo is Latin for glutton. Huh. It's glutton glutton. Yeah, he's, once he gets hit, he's glutton glutton Yeah he's Once he gets hit He's a He's a glutton Glutton for potatoes

You know in Cuba In Cuba For raw potatoes Would have been Ricardo Ricardo I almost want to Take your turn away That would be fair

Gormley you're up So I'm on Reginald now And I want to do A full withdrawal Full withdrawal With Reginald turn away. That would be fair. Gormley, you're up. So I'm on Reginald now, and I want to do a full withdraw. Full withdraw with Reginald. Riding Reginald up. So you've got to, it's just a ride check? I don't think it is. It's just a regular move, regular action.

I think with the horse, you have to do some sort of ride check. Typical riding actions don't require checks you can saddle mount ride and dismount from a mount without a problem gormley and reginald uh ride off into the takeoff i mean put me i'm not going to go all the way i'm just come back shane so you're going to like the mouth of the cave well it provokes an attack one attack with a full withdrawal yeah because he he can only move out of one threatened square but that thing has reach. Can I go the long wing? Oh, no. Yeah, you were right next to it.

If you're going to move away at all, you're going to provoke. Right. To get through the squares, though, there's... Because it has reach, what happens is... Attack of opportunity. I understand. Yeah, it's just because it has reach. Think about it.

It's right there. You're on a horse. If you go to ride away, it just gets this way back in. But that's what the full withdrawal takes away. Full withdrawal takes away one square. This thing threatens two squares. It's right there. You're on a horse. If you go to ride away, it just gets a swipe at you. But that's what the full withdrawal takes away. Full withdrawal takes away one square. This thing threatens two squares. Oh, I see what you're saying. All right.

It bites you for minimum eight damage. But now here's an interesting thing. It has plus grab for a bite. Oh, boy. So I think even though it's an attack of opportunity, it gets a free attempt for the grab. That would be crazy. So you're trying to go off. Yeah, you have to say who that is.

It bit it gormily. So it pulls you off the horse. If I take damage, I have to roll to stay in the saddle. So do I do that before you go or after? Or does it matter? Let me. This is going to be crazy. Roll to stay in the saddle.

Guys, thanks for listening to the last episode of Glass Cannon Podcast, where we tear Troy limb from limb at the end of it. I love it. Okay, I made it. It's a 23 on a decent binder. Oh, nice. Nice. Well, let's see if I have a choice.

Let's see if I get ripped out of the saddle. 25 against your CMD. Oh, God. That definitely. So you jump on Reginald. I'm like, see you guys. And it just grabs you in its claws and grapples you. With its mouth.

Excuse me, with its mouth. Grapples you in its mouth. And Reginald keeps running. And Reginald keeps running. Well, no. You're going to be safe. I mean, you were able to stay on the horse. So it's grappling you and Reginald's underneath you.

Oh, wow. That's not as fun. I like the flavor of the one that was going to kill me. This will be more fun. Lork, you're up. Round three. All right. Lork is going to swing this thing.

Bit of luck. Bit of luck. He'll take a swing. Hits with the falch. Hits with the falch. Thank you. You're welcome. It was a hit and a miss.

Six damage. Six damage. Gormley is hurting pretty bad In the mouth of the drake In the mouth It's going to have to release you if it wants to keep attacking I wouldn't worry about it too much Round four Old crit juice himself Baron Only rolls over 20

This is so not true My character is so ineffective himself barren. Only rolls over 20. That's so not true. My character is so ineffective so much of the time. He rolls D100s to attack. This is like the third critical he's had in the entire run of the show. Three too many. I'm not arguing that.

Troy hates any time the players are happy. Furious. This is like how Troy only remembers the three times his family has said they loved him. But most of the time, like 98% of the time, they hate him. It's true. So I am going for the up close and dead. Not up close and deadly because I have no grit. But I'm going for point blank.

And I'm going for the equivalent of power strike, whose name I forget right now, but I don't want to open it. Deadly strike. Deadly aim. Deadly aim. Miss. Miss. Ten.

Unless it's ten against touch HD hits. It does not. Against this giant guy? He's large? It doesn't. It's just out of the way. Ben Varen. This deadly aim, it gives you a minus to hit and bonus damage.

Minus two plus four for me now. Minus two plus four. Once you have a base attack bonus of plus four, it goes up to. All right, come on. Come on, Ben Vereen. When he gets mad at him, he calls him by his first and last name. Benjamin! Get in there and attack that beast.

It was on an 18 on the edge of my book, and then fell off and became an 11. God damn it. Does it stay in the place it was, or does it move up to attack? You can do whatever you want with it. If you think it would naturally attack, it can. But it's not going to do what it would unnaturally do. It starts running out of the cave. Okay.

That seems kind of pussy-ish. Yeah. Hey. Well, it, like, sees something on a carcass it can go chew on. Typical cowardly wolverine. A species known for its cowardice. Yeah, known for its cowardice and its love of vegetables. Now, a very...

Skid, your words are saying one thing, but your voice, your tone is saying another. I don't know what you're talking about. A very angry Alpha Drake is about to unleash its fury on

the nearest combatant. Now remember, in its jaws, it releases Gormley. It releases the witch. Okay. There you go. And goes to bite...

And flicks it against a wall and now you're a quadriplegic for the rest of your days. But you can fly, so it's okay. It power bites Lork. Power bite. Four. 16 points of damage. And then it whips around with its tail,

also with Lork. 14 to hit is a miss, yes? Yes. Pink! Off the half plate. With its giant tail, but you feel the tail hit. Again, it feels like you're getting hit by a tree. But you brace yourself.

Galabras. Okay. Jellabruce. Galabras is going to, once again, utter the command words for his armor. Oh, here we go. Can you do that more than one time per day? Yeah, I used five rounds. I have five total rounds.

Oh, wow. So I have two more rounds to spend it on. Inecha. Well, you're stepping between Baron and his target. Oh, I'll go in the other way. There you go. In a char. You're stepping between Baron and his target. Oh, I've gone the other way. There you go. There you go. That's some good leadership there, Lark.

I say, I say. Not a lieutenant for nothing. I say to the Drake. Hate the Drake. We came from the bottom, now we're here. We came from the bottom, now the whole team fucking here. It's Drake. All right.

And in addition. How do you know all these Drake lyrics? I don't know. Drake's great. He is great. He remembers every single thing he hears.

We went to Texas and we were hanging out with our friends and we were watching Drake videos all weekend. All right. I'm going to spend. I'm jealous.

It sounds like a great time. It was a really fun time. We had a bunch of tacos. I'm going to spend. I'm jealous. It sounds like a great time. It was a really fun time. We had a bunch of tacos. I'm going to spend a bottle cap. Oh, where did we get this bottle cap from? You probably don't remember this. I don't. But I said something that you found funny at our fantasy football draft.

I don't remember what it was. You said that was really funny. You know what? I'm giving you a bottle cap for the next time you play whatever game. That's what this is from. I wish I could remember what I said. I have to trust you on that. I'm sure it was golden, so I'm going to.

This podcast is going off the rails. I know. All right, roll the core. All right, well, you know, I rolled poorly two fucking times. All right, Giant Galabras is in the room, though. Gormley, you were just bitten and your movement stopped. So there are now two

other people between me and the Drake. Yes. I try to ride away. How many attacks of opportunity am I going to provoke? Is it still one or is he safe now? It's up to you. Let me take a look. It's a new round for the Drake, so he's got one to give. I'm a giant man between the Drake and her.

Gormley, you can escape freely. All right. Gormley is good. Because now Lork and Galabras are between Gormley and the Drake. Right. So I don't even need to do a full withdraw. I can just do a move action. Correct.

Yep. All right. I'm going to ride Benverine. What? Wait. You'll kill him. I'm going to ride Ben Vereen. You'll kill him! I'm going to ride Ben Vereen. That's not what he's for. Is he a heavy horse or a light horse?

He's heavy, right? He ain't heavy. He's a draft. He's not. He's a war horse, right? Yeah, he's a war horse. That's a heavy horse. So his movement speed is 50 feet. I'm just going to ride him up next to baron okay and then and turn him around and then i'm gonna i'm so confused how did you get back on this horse i was always on the horse no no no he halted the movement by grabbing me and then i'm gonna cast cure light wounds on reggie

oh on reggie okay On Reggie. Okay. You are such a typical high school horse woman, by the way. All you care about is this fucking horse, and we're dying here. Eight. Eight. Okay, so you see some of the wounds. The bite wounds are healing, and the acid

seems to be looking more subdued, but it is still a wounded horse. And it is Lork's turn. Okay. Lork will attack again with the falchion. He's getting bloodied up here. He's getting beat up.

17 to hit. 17 hits. 17 will hit, and I will do 10 points of damage with that falchion. Snap. Snap. Okay, round five. Baron, you're up. Baron's going to try to roll a critical on this bitch. Okay.

Instant death. 16 against touch. 16 against touch is a hit. At you minus four. What's minus four for? We're in melee combat. Unless you have point blank master. No, it's called precise shot.

Well, then 12. It's still touch. Yep, 12 against touch is a hit. There you go. This thing's all natural armor. 10 points of damage. And you kill. This thing's all natural armor. 10 points of damage. And you kill. Yes!

It had to be low. Troy is so disappointed right now. Well, he did 32 points of damage. I just want to apologize to the fans who didn't get to hear the Drake kills. You've done plenty of things. You've done over 30 points of damage in an attack. On a Kudogra.

It was a Kudogra. Yeah, to be fair. But that was like straight up by the rules. Yeah, that's a gun. That was a gun max damage on a crit. There it is. That's all that was. There it is.

I sure get so bummed out. I think it's good. I think it's good for the podcast because most D&D games is mostly just arguing. That's true. That's true. I don't think we're playing true to the game itself by not having more arguments. More litigation.

Let's have more litigation. That's really what it's all about. That's what people tune in every week to hear. Okay, so you have killed this giant, or large creature, this large alpha drake. It's bleeding out. It has blue blood, actually, which is interesting. Kind of leaking out onto the ground.

It was a royal Alpha Drake. Lord turns around and says, Benjamin, come here right now. Benjamin, come here. The opera singing alien from Fifth Element for everyone of Virtuosity. Also had blue blood. All right, so Lork wants to go find the treasure. Yeah, me too me too reginald also so i'll start walking into the cave from whence it came you walk in and you just have

to like cover your face because it stinks and you see a rotting carcass of a cow uh on top of a pile of reeds and the whole room this other uh part of the cavern is like a second chamber. It's just covered with dirty soiled reeds and animal carcasses. But you can tell this cow carcass was what he was feasting on as the appetizer to Reggie. And that's what you see.

Oh! You also find treasure! Nice, nice. Apart from the cow? Matthew, get your book out. Apart from the dead cow? Lying among the reeds is a mud-caked buckler. You can have another buckler. Jackpot.

A masterwork heavy pick. An elixir of something. An oil of something. A potion of something. A scroll. 11 platinum pieces. 40 gold pieces. 70 silver pieces.

And a bloodstone, I'll save you the time, worth 50 gold pieces. Ah, very nice. You detect magic from the elixir, the oil, the potion, the scroll. Buckler, buckler, buckler. And the buckler. I knew it, because it was mud-caked. Wait, 40 gold pieces? I can wear a buckler over my head.

Yeah, I got it. You got all the money? Damn, that was fast. This guy's like an accountant. My one skill is my fingers. Can type. Oh, boy. All right.

They can type. You did mount the horse from behind. That's how they inseminate him. I told you. I told you, rag. We'll talk later. Up to the wrist. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay, so who wants to do what? Could I spellcraft the magic stuff? Yeah, I'll allow a general spellcraft for all the items. I guess make sure it's high then. I know. Yeah, seriously. Oh, no, wait. You can just take 10.

I give him a bit of luck. Okay. Calabras. 22. 22. Thank you. It is an elixir of swimming. Okay. Calabras. 22. 22. Thank you. It is an elixir of swimming.

Oh, yeah, that would have come in handy two episodes ago. Hey, Lorik, you want to go in a time machine and give that to yourself? He shamefully takes that. There is an oil of flame arrow. I like that. A potion of resist energy, and it's tied to electricity, so it's a resist electricity. And a scroll of spear of purity. What is that?

I've got to look that one up. I've never heard of it. It's from Ultimate Magic. Spear of purity. It sounds pretty cool. It sounds like something Lork would want to use. And also, it's a scroll? Yep, a scroll of Spear of Purity.

You hurl a pure white or golden Spear of Light from your holy symbol. That's awesome. It's a cleric spell. Oh, nice. Affecting any one target within range is a ranged touch attack. Oh, my God. It does 1d8 points of damage per 2 caster levels. So that's 2d8.

If it's an evil outsider it takes 1d6 per level. So 4d6 if it's an evil outsider. And it's blinded for one round. You know what this is like? It's like Dark Souls. It's the lightning bolt. What's that faction?

I don't remember. You got the lightning bolt. Yeah, Dark Souls. What's that faction? I don't remember. You got the chimes. Pretty cool. And it's a plus one buckler. Nice. It's actually kind of legit. That's a legit AC boost for the bucklers among you.

I really want to take shield proficiency because I can wear a buckler and shoot a gun at the same time. But I have to take it. I do. How does that affect your crits, though?

I don't know. I'm very concerned. I don't know. I don't know. If you want to be a buzzkill every time something cool happens, go ahead, Troy. I just want to know how that affects the crits. Okay, so you guys have Reggie, and you just kind of taking him up and down the shore. Like wind blowing in your elongated hair

it's like Black Beauty yeah I mean does he still hurt does he need yeah he's still pretty fucked up I ride up to Galabras and I say

Galabras I think Reggie here could use a little help i shall help him well you could also channel their glabrous because i'm down and the wolverine's down and i could use a little help as well okay uh i'm going to once again bust out my uh replica roman gold-plated six-sided dice wow wow wow seven points for everybody nice and I can do it again actually

six more points nice so you still got a few channels left I think you've used up all your rounds of your armor but you still got channels left yeah and you guys didn't burn a ton of spells so literally all yeah lord didn't use any of all your spells oh that's right but you

you did well um okay great uh so you guys make your way back to the boat um yeah they have to put the gang plan out to to get uh reggie back back on the boat. That's so badass. Save the horse. Rag is so grateful. Thank you. Thank you so much for doing that. You are truly earning your keep, to say the least, on this boat.

Thank you. And he rubs the horse, and the horse just kind of goes away from Rag and nuzzles right up to you. Oh. Gormley. He kind of ignores Rag. Seems to haveles right up to you. Oh. Gormley. He kind of ignores Rag. Seems to have taken a liking to you. Well, we'll need the old girl when we go upstream. It's a girl?

Reggie? Yes. Reginald. Reginald. All right. Regina. I like how he's like, I love how he's made a mistake. And he's just like, yep.

Yep. You never checked its situation. I did say that you inseminated it earlier. It's Regina, and if you're in Australia, it's Regina. Reggie the girl. Canadian. Either way. So he's very grateful.

You bring it back to the stables. You have a moment with this horse. Adores you. Like it knows now that you're not just a cool person that liked it when you first saw it on the boat. It knows that you saved it and it has an instant

deep, deep connection to you. Oh, fuck. It's like we named a lobster. Are you going to eat it? Were you planning on killing it and eating it? No. You're French.

That explains everything. Were you planning on boiling it alive? No. Now no one can Oh I was really looking forward to eating that horse But now we can't, that's a good point Were you planning on boiling it alive?

All of these horse webs Oh actually, I'm going to harvest The meat from these drakes See if I can make a little Special fricassee A little drake stew A little dra Drake casserole I like to call them Drake cakes

I thought you were going to go Drake steaks but I think Drake cakes is better oh boy well I'm sure that'll feed everyone you guys will never have to fish again Drake's cakes just without the apostrophe yeah right because there's multiple Drake's

alright so Gormley comes back with posture yeah right exactly yeah because there's multiple drakes so yeah um all right so uh you come uh gormley comes back with uh reggie and uh galabras comes back with a bunch of uh drake meat and then uh yeah baron and baron and lork uh come aboard and uh halrax is there and she's kind of like tapping her toe and blood tusk is looking at her like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And then after the boat kind of gets ready to shove off, he's like, well, I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but we'll be needing your strings downstairs

to row the boat whenever you can. My men are tired. We've already lost some time in order to stay ahead. I need you, Baron, and you, Lork, to row the boat, if that's all right. I am just really trying to deal with, like, how lazy this crew is compared to us. It's insane.

They don't do anything. What did you guys do before we got here? The boat just sat in the middle of the river, spinning this way. If only we could shatter some passengers. Everybody was just murdered every time one creature landed on the deck. This is exactly like when you won't give

Tayari Vaivado a donation. That huckster? You always come in like, hey, can you heal me? We'll give you a donation. Then she heals everybody, always come in and like, hey, can you heal me? We'll give you a donation. Then she heals everybody and then she's got her hand out and you're like,

oh, you can't, you can't just heal us for free. We're doing a service to the town. All we did was actively try to save her life and the rest of the town that she lives in.

That's all we did. What's that worth? I just really think that Troy is getting his like, master's in psychology right now. And he's running some stupid like psychological test. Troy has got low blood sugar. I do have.

That's what it is. He's on a juice cleanse. We should take a say. He's on a juice cleanse right now. All right. I haven't eaten. He has not eaten in 48 hours. He's had no solid food in two days.

And you're running a game. Do you really? Was that really you want us to row now? Yeah. Is it nighttime yet? No, it's time for the second shift. Oh my God. Gormley raises, is Hal Rex there?

Yeah, Hal Rex is there waiting. Gormley raises her hand and says, I mean, Lurk is fine with it. Gormley raises her hand and says, I'll join you all. No, I think that's an, well,

do what you want. Can you pass a strength check? With her hair? With my hair. She can with her hair. Oh my God, the hair on a, that's awesome.

She's as strong as you, I think, with her hair. I have a plus three, plus three bonus to strength with my hair. It's my intelligence modifier. Yeah.

Well, now Lurk is officially used to the body. Oh, this should be great. No, no, Rag. Let her go. Let all three of them go. This is going to be a blast.

Maybe I'll send the whole crew off on a break and just let the three of them row us right into the rocks. Come on, you pansies. I actually offer Gormley to go ahead of me because I have zero strength bonus and I've been working on the back of the boat. But if I have to go, I have to go. It's up to you. You don't have to.

If Gormley wants to go in your stead, they originally requested to. I'm improving their boat, so I have zero strength bonus. And I think my mind's best making that fishing area better. Are you better with your hair? Do you have some sort of bonus with your hair? I have a plus three. It'll be more fun anyway. I was doing it to earn Hal Rex's respect.

Unless I have a fisherman's bonus. You can do a profession sailor, if anyone has a profession sailor. Otherwise, it will be a strength check. All right, go ahead. Okay, so you guys go down there, and we need you to shove off. So Lark and Gormley roll a strength check.

So Gormley's hair just grows, grows, grows, grows, grows, and forms into a giant hook and just grabs the ore. Oh, now I've seen everything. How could I possibly have not had exertion queued up? Getting ready to row. All right, here we go I'm rolling a was a strength check mm-hmm I'm Gorma's gonna cast guidance on herself very quietly felt like of course of course for the first time in front of how rags 14 5 for lark oh oh this is. Do you need some help there, missus?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not talking to the woman. I'm talking to the giant green man that can't move the oar. Do you need some help? Do you want me to come down there and change your diaper before I help you row the boat? Rag, take him back. Throw him back overboard. He's better crocodile feed than he is a rower.

You piece of shit! Oh my god. Killer. Move to the other side of the boat. You better take it down a notch or we're gonna have trouble. I just slipped a little on the water is all. Well, you're gonna have to do better than that. Well, let me do another strength check.

You'll have to try again later. Let me help him. Let me give him a shoulder rub before he tries again I must be winded from going out there and saving your horse so Gormley meanwhile is just rowing away

and you're doing it but struggling and she's berating you the entire time like that's her way of motivating and you hate it. This is a fucking orc, too. Yeah. This is, like, much more visceral than just, like, another half-orc. You kind of, it's not like you fear her, but it's different.

There's a more rabid quality to that. Meanwhile, on deck, Baron, you're working at the fishing, I'm assuming? Yeah, I'm still trying to improve it for the ship and rebuild it. And you're making significant progress. You're going down there. You can see little scaffolding and a little sheet over it, so it tarpaulins so no one can see what's going on. I want it to be kind of a big reveal.

Right. And Urag said, I know you really want to do this right now, but I was thinking maybe I could just take a nap. Can we maybe pick up on this later? Or if you want to keep going, I'll meet up with you after dinner and we could keep working some more. So shady. Kind of take a rest.

Sense motive on him? Sure. So shady. Let me look at my sense motive. 13. He seems like he's tired. So are you just resting? I just want to go take a nap.

Can I take a nap with you? Like in the same room? Is it cool? Can I just follow you? Hey, no, no, no. We all sleep. No, no, no. Before you act like a weirdo, we all sleep in the same room, ass to face, all night long,

just like rag blood tusks asses too. Ass to face? Yeah. Yeah, because, you know, head to toe. Genitals don't line up. So I was just thinking we'd be in the same room. We'd be chilling. We could talk before we go to sleep.

It would be cool. Right, now, in all honesty, you think that he's really just tired. Right, yeah, you don't know that you made a bad roll. Your metagame knows that he has to go. All right, I'll let him go then. Yeah. Fuck that. So he goes up to bed.

And there's no one else on the deck except Galabras. I'm assuming you're still going up and down from the store and working in the kitchen. I'm filleting the drake. I'm making yodels. Are you in the galley? No, I'm in the galley. Turning the drake meat into pastry. Did anything really cool come up on the critical fisherman role, by the way?

Anything awesome? Or it doesn't matter. I don't remember. You said Dungeness, crabs, lobsters. Oh, yeah. Everything came up. River shark. Everything works.

Lobster. Roll a perception check, Baron. Okay. 11. For the first time, you're above deck, and there's no one else on deck. You see Captain Bloodtusk up on the pilot deck, and he's just kind of like dozing in and out as he steers the ship. And you realize that you're alone on the deck.

Is there anything you want to do? Where did you say the people that I was thinking of were? What people? You just said. There's people rowing downstairs, and then you would think that everyone else is up in the crew cabin. What about Rag? Where do I think he is?

Rag is up on the pilot deck dozing off, and Halrex is below deck as well. Oh, God. I want to sneak into Rag's place so badly. Oh, I want to do it so badly. He's falling asleep. Well, it's not like as if they're not trying to kill us anyway. I'm pretty stealthy.

Try it. Take your armor off. I want to sneak in there. All right. So you're going into the chart room. Roll a stealth check. Oh, there you go. Twenty-three.

You open the door and close it gently behind you, and you're in the chart room. I want to take a look through the charts especially the ones I saw Halrex hide the other day so in the middle of the room is a large oval table that just sort of fills

the entire center of the room, it's not a huge room there is a detailed map of the border region between Belkson and Lasswall focusing around the Esk and the Kestrel waterways, like pretty much the track that you're going on,

but you see a much larger version of the map. And it's spread on the table next to a leather-bound ledger. I look through the ledger. It looks like gibberish. Linguistics. Is it in Orkish? No, it's just just it seems to be written in a simple cipher that

doesn't make any sense linguistics do you have linguistics I don't have linguistics call me in I don't know how to call you in from here it makes no sense yell scream how many pages are in the ledger just like up in here boom boom boom

it goes back it goes back months. I mean, you could take the ledger. I almost want to copy it, but I don't know how long it is. You definitely wouldn't have time. It's written in a cipher that you don't even understand. You would know that I am an expert at this. Yeah, I know. I understand.

I'll take the ledger. Take the ledger and go back out? I kind of, no, there's not going to be a key to his chest. There's not going to be a key to Rags' chest, I don't think, in there. I keep bearing such a snoop. The only other thing in his room was the bed, the weird chelish devil painting, and the ivory inlaid chest. There was also wine.

There was also wine. I have whiskey. And here is a picture of the map that I drew. Oh, wow. Can I sketch that map for the people? The map, you could do. I can sketch that pretty quick. You could very quickly sketch that map for the people the map you could i can sketch that pretty quick sketch sketch the

map uh and kind of key out the the important uh things that they write on there you see but i mean it's nothing but it's nothing different than we already knew yeah we don't but we'll take a picture of this for the twitter and the tumblr and everything um so gormley can see it on tumblr but there's nothing on the map that suggests like oh, oh, this is the point where we'll... There's no names of cities or towns that we weren't expecting. There's nothing that... No, there's nothing you weren't expecting. Of course.

You just see, like, castles along the riverbank that are probably trading posts or, you know, maybe way stations. How much longer is the current row session? It's got a couple hours. The person whose belongings I went through their chest in the common room earlier, do I know their name and if they're currently rowing? You don't know, but there's a bunch of people in that room up there. Oh, they're busy up there?

Yeah. Well, yeah, you would know that the only people rowing are me and Gormley. Yeah. There's a couple of orcs with you, too. No, a couple of half orcs, rather. No, there isn't. It's just you guys. I was down there.

You're not down there. He's so strong. He did such a great strike check the first time. I'm everywhere. And to be fair about that, by the way, Gormley can only do the hair for about four minutes. All right. She's going to have to take it over.

You make Lork look bad. So she's mocking you the whole time. Before I leave this room, I want to do one more quick perception check on it. Okay. Yeah, you do feel like time is of the essence. You've got in there. 27. 27 in there.

You see a locked wooden footlocker at the end of a hammock where you would assume Coxway and Hallerick's sleeps. Check it for if it's locked or not? It is locked. Okay, I leave. Okay, you leave with the ledger or without the ledger? With the ledger. With Heath Ledger. And I try to find Galabras as soon as I can. Okay, so you...

Sleight of hand, it's in my duster. Like, it's where I hide my pistol all the time. So I'm using sleight of hand to hide it as I walk out. And you walk into the galley to show Galabras? If I know where he is. Yeah, you would know. You would know. He's been going up and down.

No, no, no. I say, hey, can I borrow you Galabras? And I pull him out. And we kind of find a clandestine location, which may be the storeroom. Godsnock is cooking with Galabras, so maybe you can go downstairs into the storeroom. But those doors open up to where Halrix is, don't they? Yeah, but I don't think she would necessarily come through there. Okay.

She's busy riding Lork. She doesn't leave that until the shifts are over. Okay, so do you show the ledger to Galabras? Oh, hell yes, I do. He's my friend. Okay, Galabras, you can roll a linguistics check. What is this? I tell him that I found it alongside the map, whose vague sketch I gave him,

and I say it makes neither hide nor hair to me, but we've got to figure out what's going on. We've had enough people trying to get at us this whole trip. I pour over it as quickly as I can, asking for the divine favor of Desna as I do it, giving myself a bit of luck. Oh, hell yeah. It's very important.

Yes. 24. 24. So, Galabras, you're looking at this, and it's this weird, it's written in code, but very quickly you're like, I understand this. This makes sense to me. Maybe it's your time being on a ship.

It would make sense that you're like, I understand what they're trying to write here and for the most part the ship's cargo seems like pretty mundane but the most recent and curious entry reads bakara the horror of the mawagi expanse no shut the fucking way Lork and Gormley roll a perception check. Oh, man. No fucking way. Lork rolled a 19. Gormley rolled a 10.

So Gormley is struggling. The hair boost that got things going has slowed down. Now you're really struggling to keep this rowing. And she's riding you. Halrex is riding you. Lork, you've kind of found your footing a little bit, but she's riding you so much. I just rolled a 21 on a strength check.

There, I decided to do another one. She's focused her attention now more on Gormley, and she's riding the half-orcs just as much as she's riding you guys, but they kind of take it like, oh, Halrex, you guys don't have their relationship with her yet. You hear ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, Those doors that we didn't know where they went? Well, next to the doors in the wall, the wall bursts open, and a giant four-armed gorilla breaks through into the rowing deck.

Holy shit. We'll see what happens next. You are fucking kidding me. Come on, right now. No, not now. No fucking way. I don't accept it. No, don't. All right, I'll roll for initiative. Oh, not now. No fucking way. I don't accept it. No, no.

All right, I'll roll for initiative. Oh. Oh, my God. Outro Music