The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 39 - The Immolation Game

Episode Date: February 23, 2016

With barely a moment to recover from their fight with the dire wolves, the heroes rush into the waystation to investigate the imperiled screams of an unknown woman. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight.For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast... You know what, I'm going to stop everything right here, because I think it's very important that we talk about orcs. Nerdy! A familiar foe is up to some new tricks. It falls out of his hand and explodes on him and immolates him. Oh my god! And Galabras brings to action. I'm going to stand right where I am and not do anything.

Troy threatens to even the odds. The woman breaks out of her bonds and comes out and strikes you. Lork is flanked. Summons a huge water elemental. You will not rest until we're dead. But will he make the wrong choice? The DM is never wrong. That's true. That is true.

Because you're going to be like, I'm going to do it again. I'll be like, nope. That's like papal infallibility. The adventure continues. He basically cut him across his forehead, and he's bleeding into his eyes. Right now. hi everyone welcome to another episode of the Glass Cannon Podcast. Before we get to the episode, I just want to send out a couple of special thank yous. We got this great email from Airman Harky out in Sacramento.

We want to just send a hearty thank you for that email to him and to all the sergeants over on the base listening to the podcast. Love the feedback, and thanks for the dinner invitation. And thanks for the dinner invitation. I also want to give a special shout out to my friend and yours, Jeff Allen, who is currently building up a storm right now, but is a great fan of the podcast and a great proselytizer for the podcast. So, yeah, we really love that. And special thanks to him. Anyway, let's get to the episode.

Please enjoy episode 39, The Immolation Game. So I was perusing the game mastery guide that Paizo puts out, as any DM with his weight in geldings would do. Wait, castrated horses? You just started reading about being a DM? Yeah. And I figured

39 episodes in, I need to figure this thing out. No, it's good to go back from time to time, I think, and just kind of reread the rules. The Game Mastery guy isn't really about rules. It's about being a good DM. What makes a good DM?

One thing I read that I kind of want to find a way to incorporate, and it's a tricky thing, is when I say, okay, roll to attack, and you roll, and you're like, alright, is when I say, okay, roll to attack, and you roll, and you're like, all right, let me add my bonuses from this. All right, so I rolled an eight on the die, plus six, and then that guy gave me guidance.

So 16, and then I go miss. And then one of you goes, no, sorry, I forgot to add this, 17, still a miss. You know what, it's actually an 18. Well, it's a hit, and now know what? It's actually an 18. Well, it's a hit. And now you know my monster's AC is 18. Right. Now, the worst.

Very clever player. Right. How convenient. Now, they say there are some DMs out there that's like, what comes out of your mouth is what sticks. And that's very hard. It's certainly very hard to do that all the time. And you also don't want to just be sitting there being super quiet doing math for like 20 seconds to be sure every time. But I think we should all, including myself, be beholden to what we say within a given amount of time.

So if you do your math and whatever and you're like, my reflex save was a 17. I'm going to give you a second or two, and then if I say miss or hit or you made it or you failed, that's it. And, you know, within reason, I'm sure there's going to be scenarios where it's like, oh, fuck, I forgot this one thing is really, really important. You told me that I could do it or whatever. We'll work it out. We're not going to have these hard and fast rules, but I think it'll be more fun to kind of like hold you to what you say. So it's after you say hit or miss. After I say hit or miss. Now in situations where we've already moved on to another character and you're like, oh, wait a minute. I wouldn't take that damage because I had mage armor and I forgot that my AC was four points

higher. So I actually don't take any damage no actually you take the damage oh i'm gonna do that yeah uh but we'll see we're gonna take it on a case-by-case scenario um and i'm gonna hold myself to the same thing i feel like taking your hand off the pawn piece it's like right once it moves to the next character once it moves on once you've hit that clock if you're playing chess in washington square park it is the other player's turn so let's let's toy around with that um was this under the chapter let's get skid really mad Is that the idea? Skid has not looked me in the eyes since I started talking No, no, whatever you say, Hitler

Wow Do you want to emulate one of the worst men? Although, I have to say, before we move on Hitler gets a pretty bad rap, historically Oh boy Cut his mic In his defense He did kill Hitler It's a pretty bad rap historically. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Cut his mic. Rightly so. But in his defense, he did kill Hitler.

That's a good bit. It's very true. I stole that from Jimmy Carr. Sorry. I have to ask, Troy. Was this the chapter on how to DM for middle schoolers? Because I feel like that's the kind of shit I went through when I was 13. Oh, no.

You said it. Sorry, you said it. Chutes and ladders. You went up the ladder. You went down the chute. That's it. All right. So that's really all I wanted to say.

Now, the great thing about recording these episodes for a podcast is I can go back and listen and be like, oh, OK, how many points did that guy take? What spell did he cast? What spell? And I actually know here that last battle, Lork took 12 hit points of damage. Baron took 14. Ben Vereen was unconscious and dying.

But Gormley stabilized him, so he is just unconscious and near death. Can I say something about that real fast in one moment uh and also gormley cast mage armor and galabras cast true strike matthew i have to say yes in listening back to the podcast you have left us less you have left us in a lot of perilous situations a lot of dangerous situations, threatening, like we thought we were going to die. How many times has Skid said, fuck you at the end of a podcast? Every time.

Every time. I think every time. But never, never have you left a character unconscious at the end of a podcast, and you did it to Ben Vereen. That's true. That is very true. That is true. I don't think that can be overstated. Well, he did leave

Jason unconscious. That's true. At the end of an episode. If Ben Vereen survives book two, then I'm a failure as a DM. I think that's fair to say. I think that's pretty fair. So when last we left are the True Now Four, or the True Now, the True Now Five,

the True Now Four and a Half, or the Wet Bandits, as Grant would like it to be. Ben Vereen is our Pete Best. He's the fifth. The fifth four. I've now added a map here, because we played that last combat with the direwolves in theater of the mind

and now you get a little better sense of where you are so you came up this hill this is the broken dock it's actually a little farther down than where I've drawn it but your battle with the direwolves took place to the right of this not too large building like 40 feet across

40 feet wide 45 feet deep building. You see the stables, the hitching posts. You see a small building coming out from like a small outcropping with doors coming out from the right side of the building closer to the stables. And then on the other side, you see a staircase leading up and a drawbridge that is down leading into the building. So like staircase leading up to a small platform, a drawbridge that is down leading in to the way station.

On the second floor? Second level? It's just kind of a raised entrance. Like how raised? Five feet up. Okay. Five feet up. And how tall is the whole building

uh the whole building is 25 feet tall okay and the building is not directly on the water there's a little bit of ground oh yeah you know you're about 50 feet away from the shore um can i get some shore music shoreline music and you did hear a woman cry out so it can be a little eerie no no no no no no no no, no. No. No. That's right. You did hear a woman cry out in pain. A female voice. Is that why Lork's so green?

Because he eats all his spinach? I think that must be it. Oh, okay. Folic acid. Oh, there it is. That's nice. There's some water in the distance. Thank you, Joe. If only you rolled dice as well as you play sound effects.

God damn it. Oh oh there's some crickets that was the sound of the joke landing alright so what do you guys do some of you are hurt, a couple spells have been burned you hear a woman cry out in pain from the direction of the way station I would like to well Spells have been burned. You hear a woman cry out in pain from the direction of the way station. I would like to, well, I want to tend to Ben Vereen for a second.

I want to try to pick him up. Just put him out of his misery, slit his throat. Stop. No, I want to see if, I want to do a heal check and see if I can see how badly hurt he is. Okay. Let's see. That's a rarely rolled skill for me uh it's a 19 a 19 um how many points below zero was he uh he was he was nine points below zero what's his con uh 15 uh yeah so he is near death yeah so uh so lork is going to ask One of you guys To help Either Gormley

Or Galabras I'm going to Well everyone's hurt right Or a bunch of people are hurt Yeah yeah These two are Baron and Lork are I'm going to go ahead

And channel then Jeepers If Gormley Hadn't stabilized Venver He would have bled out Three Three points

Oh Oh no On 2d6 Yeah Do you want me to burn A cure light wounds on him Uh, three. Three points. Oh, no! On 2d6? Yeah. Do you want me to burn a Cure Light Wounds on him? Well, you know, no, I have the... You guys have wands, right? I've got the wand, so I'll just use that.

I also have potions that we could burn. Can you force one down? Those are better... No, because those are better in combat. True. True. Four points to Benverine. One charge.

Eight points to Benverine. One charge. Eight points to Ben Vereen. All right, he's now up. All right, so you're just hitting him with the wand. Yeah, he's at six hit points now. Another one. Four more points. Okay. You want another one?

Yep. Six. Okay, that's full. Okay. Wow. Thank you so much for using nine charges on our wand. All right, so one channel and 15 charges of the wand, and Benverine is up.

Thank you, Calabrus. Do you want to tie him to the hitching post? No. Is he still raging, or no? No, his opponent dies. His opponent dies. So he's just fatigued then. Wouldn't he be fatigued coming out of a rage, or no?

I don't know. Only for double the number of rounds that he was raging. Yeah. Okay, so as... And we're out of combat. Right, so if you guys aren't rushing into the building, you can... And I think he was only raging one round before he was put down, so 12 seconds. By the way, I know I've complained a lot about actual living animals getting short shrift and Pathfinder.

I have a recording of a wolverine growling that I just want to share just to's just at rest it's snoring right uh okay so what do you guys do you get the small outcropping of the building. You hear the scream come from. The scream just came from the way station. We didn't hear it from any. Can I echo locate where it was in the way station? If I should run to these double doors that are on the right or to the stairs up to the, whatchamacallit? Well, you would know since the door, the drawbridge is down, it most likely came from inside the main building. And that's where that leads, inside the main building, the drawbridge? As far as you know.

You don't know what the layout of the room is. All right, then Lork is going to move quickly to that drawbridge. I'm with you. So Baron actually turns to the rest of the crew with healing capabilities and is shocked that nine charges were used on an animal companion and he himself is still down quite a few points. Does anyone have any other healing?

I didn't know you were hurt! No, no, no, it's fine. Here, let me heal you. Thank you. Lork, you're down two still. Six? Yeah, but I'm not afraid. He was more concerned for his animal companion. One other one? We can wait. Also, percentage-wise, he's not down very much compared to Ben Vereen.

Okay, so as you're walking up there, Galabras touches Baron with the wand. I'm sort of like at a run. You're at a run. Okay, tell me. There's a sense of urgency here. He heard a woman scream. He has seen what these orcs did in Trinow to women, and he is trying to close the distance as soon as possible. No stealth check.

Right. Getting there as soon as possible. We all know what happened to Carl's family. Yeah. To Carl, worst of all. To Carl, right. Okay, so now tell me who's rushing up behind Orc. What's the order of events?

I'll be right behind. Ben Vereen, come. He's following me. I'm probably behind Ben Vereen. Okay, so Ben Vereen at your side. I'll bring up the rear. Galabras Baron. Seems good to me.

Gormley. Okay, so you up the stairs to the platform, and the drawbridge is five feet away into the room. Okay, can I just listen at the door real quick? Yes, it's open. Oh, it's open. But it's dimly lit. Okay.

Do you have darkvision? Yes. Okay. Let me check and see if that's true. I would think a half-orc has dark vision What time of day is this? Yes, he has dark vision What time of day is this?

60 feet It's afternoon Okay 60 feet of dark vision 60 feet of dark vision Okay So you look in the room And you see in the back corner of the room

A woman In like yellow plate armor Tied up Badly beaten And looks like she could be unconscious or dead You're not sure in like yellow plate armor, tied up, badly beaten, and looks like she could be unconscious or dead. You're not sure. Oh, shit. So that scream that we heard was like her last.

She seems to be unconscious. That is what you see. And we don't see anything else. You don't see anything else. And we don't hear any more screaming. Nope. Okay. Okay, then I'd like to just duck my head in the door

and look to the left and right, like immediately to the left and right of the door and around the room. Roll for initiative. Oh. Rolling for initiative. I just want to ask a question

about the animal companion initiative. We talked about this briefly before and I just want to come to a definite decision. Right. He has an initiative modifier. If I roll higher than lork do i can i take an animal handle animal free action on his turn you know what i mean or should i just never roll his initiative and just have it be my your initiative yeah it's up to you i feel like it'd be easier for you as

if it was a summoned creature to have him just take your initiative all right that's fine um but it's a it's up to whatever you prefer i don't have a preference so if it's a summoned creature to have him just take your initiative. All right, that's fine. But it's up to whatever you prefer. I don't have a preference. So if it's easier, if you would rather have him get the jump. You know what, why don't we just do it case by case? Because there might be a case where he's alone and gets jumped or something, and I want him to be able to have a higher initiative

if he rolls it. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I could always have him hold his action. Until I know what the actual rule is, I'm fine with that. It's not going to be a game breaker. I would think once he's fully trained, you should just be able to treat him like a summoned creature,

but he should act on his own initiative. I think that's cooler anyway, just for story. It also makes sense. If a Wolverine is attacked, it would fight back. It's not going to hold until Lorik's action. Oh, wait. I've got to see what my boss says. Send out an email.

All right. Anybody roll above 25? No. I got to see what my boss says. Send out an email. All right. Anybody roll above 25? No. Okay. Anybody above 20? No. All right.

Anybody above 15? Oh, no. What is going on? Oh, boy. Anybody above two? 14. 14. 14. And I think Baron's got the better initiative now with Gunslinger's initiative, right? No, I think Baron's got the better

initiative now with Gunslinger's initiative, right? No, I think they're both... It's a roll-off. It's a roll-off. Best part of the podcast. It's so exciting! Oh my god! Bernie Madoff. Make sure you add your bonus, Baron. Alright, Baron goes first.

Alright, so Baron, then Gormley. Lork? 5 for Lork. Galabras? 6. Wait, wait, hold on. I Baron wins. All right, so Baron, then Gormley, Lork. Five for Lork. Galabras. Six. Wait, wait, hold on. I didn't add my... Oh, shit. Fuck.

Wow. Yeah, that was rough. When I say wow, I mean wow. Lork, you peek your head in the door, and I will freeze time. Lork, you peek your head in the door, and I will freeze time. You see three full-blooded orcs. Uh-oh. When you peeked in, you saw on the far side of the room the woman there.

They heard the fighting outside with the direwolves you guys caused. Quite a ruckus out there. And so when you peeked around the corner, there's three of them standing there just fucking waiting. Are they like John Wick angry that we killed their dog? Are they going to like fucking? If I didn't see Jurassic Park, then you know I didn't see John Wick. Oh, come on. Fucking God.

Fucking jerk. And now, Lork. You know what? I'm going to stop everything right here, because I think it's very important that we talk about orcs, and we talk about ferocity versus orc ferocity. Well, we wrote an article about it, but who knows who saw it? One of our listeners, I believe his name is Richard Hindley, sent us an awesome email explaining the difference

between ferocity and orc ferocity. And basically, unbeknownst to me, the entire attack on TrueNow, I was treating all the full-blooded orcs as if they had orc ferocity. But no, no, no, no. Orc ferocity is a trait that half orcs get, like lork, for example.

So when you reach zero, Joe, you can explain it better yeah if you're below zero for one round as a half orc you can act as if you're still up you're a little limited but you get one more breath of life because you're so ferocious and you can either move or make an attack but once you do you pass out you drop and pass out and that's how i was playing the orcs but no no no orcs have ferocity. And with ferocity, they act as if staggered until they completely die

to the amount of their con. Negative their con. So if an orc has 15 con, he gets to zero hit points. He has essentially 15 more rounds of combat before he dies if he doesn't get hit, where he can either take a move action or a standard action, and he will lose a hit point every single round but he can act until he is

fully dead what does actually actually i don't know that he takes a hit point if he doesn't take a standard i looked it up if you just wish yeah staggered means you can take either a move action or a standard action but in this case case you lose a hit point every time. Every action you take, you lose another hit point. So many, many moons ago in the Burning Building, for example, with Sarah Morninghawk and Greete Stagenstar,

when Gormley almost died due to the situation, those orcs would have actually lived another who knows how many more rounds, because they were not they have to be killed below their con until they are fully dead. That's how bad ass these are. Well, these orcs, now we know, are going to be pretty tough. Back then, you were on page three of the Game Mastery Guide.

Right. I hadn't fully read ahead. But thank you. Big shout out to Richard Hindley. And if I'm mispronouncing your name. shout out to Richard Hindley. And if I'm mispronouncing your name... Retroactive. Yeah, how could that not have been on cue sooner? Now,

time unfreezes. Lork, you see three orcs. The two in the back are wielding falchions. The one in the front... Two-handed? No, no, back are wielding falchions the one in the front two handed? no no they're wielding the two in the back are each wielding a falchion Joe I need your full undivided attention because

this is very very important the orc in the front you see is holding this very what's the word I'm looking for? Fragile looking, volatile, see-through globe

that you would think has some sort of, Baron would love to take a look at this alchemical thing. And he looks petrified to about to throw it. And it is his move. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. And he throws this thing. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And he throws this thing at Lork.

Oh, I really wish we were going first. I wish I didn't roll a five. Hey, I'm so terrible. I rolled a three on the d20. Now, I will tell you, this isn't like he hits, something really bad happens to you, to Lork. He misses, something really bad happens to him. to Lork. He misses, something really bad happens to him. Oh.

That's it. And you're flat-footed. And you are flat-footed. And this is against my flat-footed AC. This is against your flat-footed AC because the orcs are going first. The first orc throws this strange-looking bomb at you. It is a 12 against your flat-footed AC. Sorry, Troy, it's a miss.

Sweet. Okay, so he goes to throw it, and it falls out of his hand and explodes on him and immolates him. Oh my god! It does. I have to roll this damage. Someone make some waterates him. Oh my god! It does. I have to roll this damage. Someone make some water on him.

Explode that alchemical fire. No, Troy wouldn't let that happen. Whoops. It does... It does 24 points of damage to him. Oh my god. Is he burning too, or is just one? And now he has to roll a reflex save to see

if he catches fire. And is there splash damage to his compatriots? He failed. No, no splash damage. He fails his reflex save, catches fire, takes another two points of fire damage. Nice. And hold me to it because he is

burning alive. I've always wanted to go to burning, man. I'm so excited. Burning orc. If that had hit. Oh, baby. Okay. The next orc steps up to lork

and swings his falchion. A lork has partial cover, right? You do have partial cover around the door because Lork is peeking into the doorway. So this guy comes up and swings at Lork. 21 to hit. That hits.

Swings the falchion around the door for 13 points of damage. Oh, man. The other orc holds his action. He kind of moves to protect the, to guard

the woman. Takes like maybe 10 feet of movement towards the woman and holds his action. And it is now Baron's turn. Baron, you just hear boom, and you see Lorc get hit. That's all you know. So is there room to stand next to Lorc to shoot into the room?

Yeah. No, you'd have to enter the room. Fuck. I mean, you can shoot past Lork, but I mean, they're all... The door's only five foot wide, is what you're saying. Yeah, the door's five feet wide, so you really gotta come into the room. You'd be shooting around a corner, you don't

have line of sight. Okay, I'm going to stand diagonal to Lork into the room. Okay, so Baron comes up, enters the room. You're right in the corner, and you see one orc. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Like some stuntman. That provokes. Yeah, it provokes attack. Provokes. And you can roll an acrobatics check. Acrobatics. Yep, roll acrobatics against his CMD. But then you're moving half speed, too.

Oh, that's true. Would that be enough to get into the room? Yeah, that's right. Oh, wait, yeah, your movement speed is only 20 feet. So even to get to there is a double move. Yeah. Okay, then I'm going to hold my action, I guess. Or just fucking die.

Yeah, but I can't attack from there, so I'm just going to put myself in as a bullet sponge, which doesn't make sense. Right. Well, the only thing is, if you provoke that attack of opportunity, if he doesn't make sense. Right. Well, the only thing is, if you provoke that attack of opportunity, if he doesn't have multiple attacks of opportunity, he can get the rest of your party into the room.

I'm just giving you your options. Because then he can't... I can also roll, if you want me to do the acrobatics check, if you're coming in right after me. I will say this. Nothing's going to change next round. You're going to have to, at some point, double move to get in the room.

Just giving you your options. Fuck you guys. People apparently want me to die. So I'll do an acrobatics check. More than anything in the world. Yeah, I'm going to do an acrobatics check because, you know, I'm supposed to be a fucking daring-ass gunslinger. Daring do.

But you can't, though. Yeah, but you can't because when you do an acrobatics check to avoid an attack of opportunity, any type of acrobatics check, you move at half speed. Right. Unless you want to move at full speed, it's a plus five to the CMD, I believe. Yeah, so just do that. Be daring.

Do a daring do. So I have no roll to avoid an attack of opportunity. You do, but he just gets a bonus to the DC. That's all. Alright, okay. I'll do it. That is a 23. He attacks. That was a tough move. Just missed it.

14 to hit. Against your flat footed AC No he's acting Oh he's acting I'm sorry That is a miss That is a miss He was literally doing an acrobatics

I'm sorry He's like You're flat footed Okay so now Remember And hold me to it That guy Cannot

Take another attack Attack of opportunity Of opportunes Gorm Lay Skid can you count me off See if I can get in the square next to Baron? Or is that one square too many for my movement?

Can you just move through Lork? Yes. I can get there. Right there, and then next to him? Yeah. Can you move 30 feet? Yeah. Yeah, that's 30 feet.

Yeah. Great. I will do that. So Gormley rushes past Lork into the room, sidles up next to Baron, does not provoke because he already used his attack of opportunity. Lork, get your shit together. Let's go. You see one guy on fire.

I'm like, I see the guy on fire. I'm like, all right, not him. And I'm going to look at the one who held his action. Okay. The one who's waiting there, hesitating. Okay. I'll hex him evil eye for attack rolls. Nice.

Evil eye for attack rolls. So it's going to be an old-fashioned will save. DC 15. Save. All right, so for one round, you have minus two to your attack roll. Well, it's good because he now acts, steps up to attack you.

Of course he does. And I am no longer flat-footed, right? You are no longer flat-footed. So he has to roll twice and take the lowest? No, he just takes a minus two. Oh, minus two, I'm sorry. Why didn't you just say yes? Yes, thated. So he has to roll twice and take the lowest? No, he just takes a minus two. Oh, minus two, I'm sorry. Why didn't you just say yes? Yes, that's exactly what he has to do.

Someone asks you to roll two dice, you say yes. Ray, when someone asks you if you're God. Fumble. Woo! Some things never change. Yeah, these orcs, man, I'll tell you. He's named? He is not. Fumbles are for everyone. Fumbles are for everyone. Yeah, these orcs, man, I'll tell you. He's named? He is not. Fumbles are for everyone.

Fumbles are for everyone. Oh, man. Jeepers. It's called Eat Dirt. Yeah, I like it. So as he rushes up to you, he falls prone and is blinded for three rounds.

Gormley's stunning beauty. He just fell to the ground. Okay. And it is Galabras' turn. All right. I'm going to step up behind. There's no step there. That's just a drawbridge that Lork is on.

Oh, oh. It's only five feet wide. I'm totally confused. I'll shout out here a glabrous no close and stand right where I am and not do anything okay so Galabras just kind of closes the distance comes up to the door here's all this shit so I can't reach I am completely confused as the layout of this right in front of you is a ladder up five feet to a platform, and then another little bridge that's only five feet wide goes into the building,

and Lork is standing on that bridge. Well, can I, so can I touch, can I reach Lork at all? Yeah, you can go up the ladder and get behind him. It's stairs, not a ladder. Oh, all right. Then I do that, I do that, and I give Lork a bit of luck. Oh, sweet. Touches Lork ever so centrally on the buttocks,

and now it's Lork's turn. Or Menverine, your choice. Okay, so then Lork is going to move into the room, and he's actually going to move 10 feet, because this guy used his attack of opportunity, so he looks a little off kilter. And the other dude is prone, so he's not going to provoke. Yeah, so he's going to move

in there, and to the guy that hit him, he's going to two-handed swing his falchion, and with a little bit of luck, he's going to do a power attack, which, by the way, I have been doing wrong. I forgot it levels up at fourth level, power attack. Right.

And when it's two-handed, it's even more vicious, so now I get a plus six to damage. On top of my damage I already had. But it's a minus two to hit. Minus two to hit, yeah. But I'm rolling two die. I mean, how could it go wrong? You son of a bitch. 17 to hit. 17 to hit. Hits.

Yeah. Okay. Then I do... I'm sorry. Falchion is 2d4. I do 14 points of damage. Oh, mama. Okay. Ben Vereen. All right, I will push Ben Vereen to attack.

He will learn it within a few days, but he doesn't quite know it yet, and I fail, so he's just going to kind of hover out there for a second, confused. Fair enough. Round two. The orc who threw the bomb rolls to the ground and

tries to put the fire out. He gets a reflex save and adds plus four to try and put himself out. And he extinguishes the fire, but he is laying on the ground. Does not take any damage. So now there are two orcs on the ground.

One blind, one singed. And the blind guy, no excuse me, the one that Lork just attacked, now attacks Lork with his Ithashorn. 14 to hit. Miss. Miss. Tinks off the armor.

Can't be flanked when his buddy is sitting on the ground taking a nap. Baron. Can Baron get into flanking position on this guy? Or would that be an acrobatic troll? That would be two multiple acrobatics. Okay. You also can't. There's no way to flank.

They're both against walls. Oh, that's right. Okay, so I'm going to shoot him. Good. Okay. Ten feet away, Baron pulls out his pistol. And that is a 17 to hit. That is a 17 to hit. That is a hit.

Nice. That is seven points of damage. Ooh, baby. And that's the one that Lork hit, right? Yeah. Okay. And rapid reload. Rapid reload.

Gormley. Okay, I need a little bit of nerdage help here. You came to the right place I want I want to touch The blinded orc And deliver Inflict light wounds to him

While he's on the ground And blinded Do I have to roll An attack roll for that Or can I just touch him Yeah it's a touch Melee touch attack It's going to be hard for you

Against his touch AC or Yeah against his touch AC Yeah Alright I'm not going to do that I'm just going to evil eye The Evil eye the standing orc.

Well, I mean, for what it's worth, being blinded, he takes a minus two penalty to his AC. And he loses his dexterity bonus to AC, which means he's flat-footed and touch AC, which means his AC would be like 10. Yeah. All right, well, then I'll do it. So just try to grab his leg and inflict wounds on him magically?

His AC isn't 10 Well whatever Yeah and I'll just magically try to inflict light wounds on him Okay You just touch him Nine So do you lose the spell then if you do that Or is it not cast Nah it's gone

I would imagine it's gone But it doesn't go off Yeah it's It. I would imagine it's gone. I would imagine it's gone. But it doesn't go off. Yeah, it's a weird one. So is that attack just to touch him? Yeah. No, you lose it. It's like saying you miss with your falchion.

Sorry. It's an accident. It's like you miss with your falchion, so I get another action because I miss with my falchion? No, the spell's gone. No, no, but it... But I never cast... It's like if you misfire with your pistol, the bullet is still in the gun.

You don't lose the bullet. If you find something on D20 PFSRD that says it's lost, otherwise DM says it's lost, and it is the prone orc's turn, he attempts to stand up. Gormley and Lork both get attack of opportunities if they choose to use them.

I will do so. It's also a power attack because it's every attack that round. Okay. So power attack. Ah, miss. Gormley, do you choose to attack it? Do you have a weapon in hand that you'd like to attack?

My hair is going to extend and I'll do a natural attack with the hair. Okay. It's an instant action. Okay. All right. I can do it instantaneously. So does that count? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Instant? Yeah. Yeah.

24 to hit? 24 hits. Five points of damage. Five points of damage. He then swings at Gormley. Blindly swings. And 13. Miss.

Yep. Because he takes a minus four to strength and dex for being blinded as well. Okay. And it is Galabras' turn. Galabras. Galabras. I'm going I'm going to step up five feet and give bit of luck

to Baron yes okay so you step up to the where Lork first was attacked and touch around the doorway to Baron okay did you use bit of luck Lork?

Oh, so you haven't attacked yet. Yeah, wait, I didn't use it. You forgot to even use it. I forgot to use it. Yeah, you did. On the attack of opportunity. Oh, right. Oh, it's all d20 for that round? It's Lork's turn and your Bit of Luck is run out.

Looks like your Bit of Luck is run out. So Lork is going to take a five footfoot step, and he's going to attack the guy who just put himself out of flames, who's on the ground. He's going to try to execute this guy with his falchion. The guy who's laying. Now, he gets a bonus to his AC for laying to the ground, correct?

Only for ranged attacks. So, no, he has a minus to his AC, I would imagine, on the ground. No? Is there no dexterity penalty or anything like that? Not sure. Okay, well, we'll just say it's his regular AC, and I will swing the falchion down,

power attack, uh, 17. 17 hits. Yeah. Alright. And he will do 14 points of damage. And he is completely dead below his con. Yes! Executed. You literally executed, and he just, he hit the ground,

stopped, dropped, and rolled, put the flames out, and the He hit the ground Stop, drop, and roll Put the flames out And the lork just Cuts his arm off And he bleeds out Give it up to the lork Ben Vereen Alright, I will try to push him again

Ben Vereen, get in this fight right now Nope No pushing from Ben Vereen No such luck Okay It is round three It's funny Sometimes you prep these things

You're like Man this is going to be A tough combat Fumble Immolates himself Blinded Blinded Executed on the ground

Yeah Ritual execution The woman breaks out of her bonds And comes out and strikes you Lork is flanked And summons a huge water elemental You will not rest until we're dead Okay so it is is flanked. That summons a huge water elemental. You will not rest until we're dead.

Okay, so it is the dude. I want to give you an update on what I'm reading here. Oh, here we go. I'm still trying to get final clarification, but what I'm reading suggests that you can keep, once this spell is charged, I can keep making touch attacks until it's discharged. Oh, that does make sense, actually.

There's a lot of spells that work that way. Oh, interesting. I've never heard this. So it's like, how many rounds does the... That's what I'm trying to figure out. Yeah, that's... All right, keep Troy... Back to the books.

Back to the books. Troy, do you ever get tired of being wrong all the time? I don't know. Or do you just summon that inner energy to just keep being wrong? As most of our Twitter followers pointed out this week, the DM is never wrong. That's true. That is true. Because you're

going to be like, I'm going to do it again. I'll be like, nope. It's like papal infallibility. It's true. Oh, here, okay. Oh, boy. So, if anything happens, I have to make a concentration check to keep the spell active. Ah, okay.

That's fair. Like, take damage. Well, I also delivered an attack with my hair, so the question is, would that have discharged the spell, or would I have had to roll a concentration check? Because my hair can deliver spells. You would have to roll a concentration check to

keep that spell active. Wow, this is something I've never even dealt with before. I mean, it does make sense. Yeah, yeah. You want me to roll retroactively to see what's going on? Yeah, you can retroactively roll the concentration check. I rolled a 26 on the concentration check. That should do it.

That should do. That should do. What would the DC be? What would the DC? It would be 15 plus the spell level. Okay, yeah, I think. Right, so 26. That's why the first level spell?

Yeah. Yeah, so it. That's why the first level spell? Yeah. Yeah, so it's a DC 17. Yeah. 15 plus one plus one. So my hand is still glowing with power. Your hand is still glowing. You're like, I just want to touch that one. Okay, so now the guy who has been the only competent orc in the group

swings at... Who does he want to swing at? He can only swing at Calabras unless he moves. Right. He's going to take a five-foot step towards Baron and swing at Baron. Baronius. 22 to hit.

You should have seen how much Troy pumped his fist when he fucking finally had a good roll Oh he's so He hates us all so much After that fucking gorilla battle It's been a while It's been quite a while

Alright 14 points of damage With the falchion And these falchions have a pretty decent Crit range And I get no attack of opportunity for him because it was just a five-foot step. But he has put himself in the fray here. Now he's got Galabras to his left

and Baron directly in front of him and Gormley off to his right. It is now Baron's turn. This guy just came up who you just shot. Obviously he would be mad at you. Baron's going to get up close and deadly. Literally. Roll twice. Motherfucker. That's right.

Bit of luck. He's gonna say ow. Classic. Critical threat! Oh man. Here we go. He's 100% dead without without question. Critical threat. So let's confirm the crit, and then we'll go over

once again. Another 20. Okay, so now the way just to refresh everybody on how we've decided to do this. If it says double damage on the card, you do your times four damage, plus whatever else it does. If it says normal damage,

you're going to do times three damage. If it says normal damage, you're going to do times three damage. If it says triple damage, you're going to do times five damage plus whatever it says on the card. That's our new crit system until we change it again. And I only get one card, right? Right. In lieu of doing multiple cards. But pick bludgeoning or

piercing, whatever. I'm going choose I choose lights out that sounds pretty appropriate yeah it sounds pretty dead on normal damage and target is blinded for 1d3 round that's pretty good two blind guys so times three damage so that is to do, 30 points of damage 30 points of damage? I add 5 points to what I rolled with up close and deadly for being deadly aimed and it is

Okay, and he's black What is the 6th die to die for? That's for up close and deadly I don't think that gets multiplied though It does not It's just your base damage gets multiplied. It's like sneak damage. Triple your base and then add whatever the D6 was.

Right. Oh, so just what was on the die, then. Or do I add my deadly aim as well? And your deadly aim is a minus to hit and bonus damage, right? Yeah. Like power attack. That gets multiplied. That gets multiplied.

It's just the precision damage. Okay, then it is 8 times 3, 24 plus 2 is 26. 26 points of damage. Not bad. He is still alive, but you basically put the gun up to his chest. No, up to his eyes.

Shot his eyes. The sort of flare from the blast. He's going to be blinded for two rounds. Nice. All right. My goodness. So both, that's good. I appreciate that, because now both my guys will be able to see again in the same round.

Oh, wait. No, they'll be dead. Gormley. That was the one that's in melee combat with now Galabras, right? Right. Or Lork. Gormley's going to reach out and try to touch that guy. Okay, so the guy who just got shot at, who hit Baron.

And who's blinded. And who's blinded. You are going to go for it. Reach out and touch someone. That's going to be a miss. Eight. Misses. And then for my move action.

First, you've got to roll the concentration check to keep that spell active, you son of a bitch. 18. Ooh, just made it. It is still active. Yikes.

I would like to move. This has got the makings of a we are stupid. It's all over it. But Matthew's writing it. There are going to be so many annotations in that article.

Footnotes, links to various reference sites. See, Plessy versus Ferguson. 1962. I would like to roll an acrobatics check

to move through the enemy square along the wall. So I'm not surrounded by enemies that can kill me. Sure, sure. Okay, so roll that acrobatics check. That's going to be a plus five to its CMD to get onto the other side of him. He's not going to see a thing. Yeah.

Yeah? 16. He attacks. Now he does take a thing. Yeah. Yeah. 16. He attacks. Now, he does take a minus two. Excuse me. Yeah, minus two to his... And 50% concealment. That's right.

Critical threat. I'm going to roll to confirm, and then I'm going to roll the 50% concealment just to make one of us happy. Make it more and more dramatic. I'm assuming does not confirm with a 13. Does not confirm. Okay, unconfirmed, but let's see if it

even hits. You know, I rolled the just the 10-sided die. I rolled a 50, so now I've got to roll the other fucking die. That's basically what I'm trying to say. 53. So it does hit Gormley. Man, it does hit Gormley.

Man, that crit on Gormley. We've been there. Yeah, we have. Orcs critting Gormley? But, and it was concealment that saved her the last time. That's right. 10 points of damage to Gormley just and you stay in the spot in which you were.

It is now that orc's turn, and he swings at you again. Oh, no. Blindly, just swinging that falchion up. Doesn't she get to go? She did go. When you fail. Her move action was second. Oh, oh, oh, okay.

Yeah, and when you fail the acrobatics check, you stay right where you are. This guy, nice try, swings out and misses. Very anticlimactic. He is blind. He is blind. Who was that? Is that a woman? A man? Galavers. An orc directly in front of you that just got a bullet.

I think I might have to roll another concentration check too, by the way. Go for it. Oh, you know what? Anytime you take damage and it's 15 plus the damage dealt, damage you took. Ah, 25. So it's 25 now.

Miss, 21. Yeah, it might be like 10 plus, but it's definitely the damage dealt factors in. I can't imagine a 21 would do it. Which makes sense. I'm actually kind of glad this build is fit because that would make this We Are Stupid article a lot easier.

Okay, so, the power fades from your hands. Galabras, orc in front of you, bleeding out from a bullet wound, and also blind. I am going to activate the armor of Oskaroth. With its command phrase, Elay, chaw. Chaw, chaw, chaw, chaw, chaw. And how many rounds a day can you... How many rounds a day can you

How many rounds a day can you get? Wait, you might not do that because you're on the other side of a doorway. That was my question is if I can still, I mean can I still hit him through the doorway? Like underhand? Just like an uppercut. How high is the door? With a hammer? I mean, it would be like an 8 foot doorway.

And you're going to be, what, 12 feet tall? Yeah. So, yeah, you won't be able to get in the room. Well, I'm not getting in the room anyway. You're just going to do an underhanded swing? You're just going to stab him. Just like this. If you're a monk, you could kick him.

He's got... Yeah. Kick him through the door. Do you have a rapier? We're a post. Well, it's a hammer, so he could swing it any way he wants. Yeah. You could just underhand it.

I would say, if anything, he has concealment. Well, yeah, you can't see him, really. Yeah, because you're going, you're larger than the door. Like 20% concealment? And you're basically taking, yeah, you're taking the hammer and just swinging it wildly. Like you're bowling. In through the door. Yeah, that's fine.

Just give him concealment, as if you were swinging it around a corner, but instead it's a giant swinging a hammer. Well, no, in that case, then it just adds two to his AC, if that's what you're doing. It's not concealment, it's cover. Oh, okay, let's do that instead. Let's do that. He has cover. Partial cover. That makes sense.

We're making it up as we go. That's the beauty of Pathfinder, folks. You can do whatever the fuck you want. So, magically transform from a mild-mannered cleric into a giant Apache Indian wearing a vest. In neutral.

20 to hit. That would be a hit. Now roll for... Oh, I get a plus two. It doesn't matter. It's a vest. In neutral. 20 to hit. That would be a hit. Now roll for, oh, I get a plus two. It doesn't matter, it's a hit, yep. Yep, there you go. 10 points of damage. Oh, Nelly. Beauteous.

I will say, just to metagame a little bit, both of them are obviously in the negative, and they both had the exact same amount of points away from dying. And make sure you hold me to them losing a hit point per round. Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting that. Is the immolated guy below zero?

Immolated guy is dead. He's headless. Yeah, he is. Currently standing, oh, no, he's not. Lork chopped his arm off. I thought that, I'm racist now. Yeah, he was looking at Lork. It happened again.

It happened again. Speaking of Lork, you was looking at Lork. It happened again. It happened again. Speaking of Lork. You up. There we go. Lork is going to flank the guy from the other side of Gormley. So Gormley's on one side. Lork's going to come up behind the guy that's been attacking Gorms. And power attack Falchion and miss, obviously.

Lork's going to Lork. Lork be Lorking. Lork be lorkin lork be lork lork's gonna lork Benverine do the old push you're gonna yell above this melee Benverine

do something Darla is dying Benverine get in here nope so close one point off for a 24

animal animal thanks Ben the last round of them being blinded thank Jeebus Nope. So close. One point off. Roll a 24, animal animal. Thanks, Ben. The last round of them being blinded. Thank jebus. This won't last forever. One day Ben Vereen will learn. This guy. I may be dead by then.

This guy who just got crushed by a hammer stabs his falchion out the door at this giant Apache Indian. Stabbed right at the crotch. Right at his legs with his falchion. And also still taking that minus two to hit. 20 to hit. That's a hit. Hits. Concealment.

With the falchion. Well, he's attacking straight through the door. He's blinded. 50% chance. 80 on the die. There you go. And he does 13 points of damage. Eight points of damage.

That's right, you got DR! Wait, is his weapon evil aligned? Don't get into that. That's advanced play. All right, Baron, you are up. You got juiced, buddy. Finish him, Baron. Finish him.

I can smell that. You can taste that grit Finish him Baron Finish him I can smell that He can taste that grip point Baron's gonna Take him out man No I already got the grip point I reduced him below zero Tastes like skull I'm just gonna

That's all you have to do Just take a guy below zero Yeah yeah That's in the rules Beautiful Baron is going to Just shoot at the guy He's gonna reserve his grip point

Because he'd like to keep it for later. Yeah, you can't get it back, right? Because at this point, killing him doesn't get everyone's below zero. Joe, you can't take it with you. Exactly. I don't care what they tell you. Misfire. Oh, it works both ways.

I'm sorry. That's a 17. Well, that's nice. Oh, yeah, it is. I really look like a one My crayon My crayon came out You need a new die

Troy looks skeptical It is I I I I I I promise

That is Actually Yeah I agree 23 23 hits Hey he said hit That's it That's it

I said it New rule He took his hand off the pawn That is 10 points of damage. And he is dead. One orc still standing. Does anyone have a Crayola? He's still standing.

Do you have a Crayola so I can re-chalk my dice? I'll use the big red one. Gormley hasn't taken a juicy hit in a while. You feeling that bloodlust? Literally last round I took a juicy hit. I mean, in the fast few combats, like the gorilla didn't touch you. Oh, yeah.

Gorilla didn't touch anybody, let's be honest. Alright, Gormley, you're up. Gormley's going to take a five-foot step. Yep. And cast, and she's going to hex the orc, Evil Eye for AC. Okay. Just salt in the wounds of this poor, defenseless orc. Evil eye for AC. Okay. Just salt in the wounds

of this poor defenseless orc. He rolled a 12 reflex save. Fail. Wait, Will? I'm sorry, Will? Yeah, he definitely failed. Okay, so his AC is... Minus 2 for 6 rounds. And it still has for this last round, minus 2 for being

blinded, so... Minus 4. Okay, so you basically can do anything you want to this guy. That being said, it is his turn. His last round of being blinded. Actually, since it is his last round of being blinded. Bleed damage, bleed damage. He will, yep, thank you. He takes one point of damage

and goes to swing at Gormley. At Lork, you mean. He can't hit Gormley. At Lork. Critical threat. Oh no. At Lork, you mean. He can't hit Gormley. At Lork. Critical threat. Oh, no. On Lork. I'll roll the concealment this time,

and I'm going to roll it right in front of you. 77. And I'm going to roll the confirmation right in front of you. Six. You rolled a six on the die. That's not going to do it. What's your AC? Don't worry about it.

I should have all your character sheets. Add all your bonuses. Yeah, no, he didn't confirm, but he did hit. Son of a B. All right, we're holding you to that. Can't change it later. 10 points of damage. And now it is Jalabris' turn.

I'm gonna shrink back down. Choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. What the fuck? That's the sound it makes when it shrinks. Ah, okay. Of course. The sound I make when I shrink. The worldwide leader in clearance, Jalabris.

And I'm just going gonna step into the room and hold. Okay, Galabras steps in, holds, looks to Lork. Lork, you're up. Alright, Lork's gonna try to finish this guy. Lork's getting low on HP.

He's bloodied. How dare you beat this woman? Takes a swing. Critical threat. Oh! There we go. Felshing.

Felshing critical threat. He has a minus two to his AC, thanks to Gormley. Confirm that. Confirm! Confirm! Oh! The lorks are back in town. There we go. Have we had multiple crits in a combat before?

Yeah, I think so. Uh-oh. Joey. Any chance you just stopped being blinded? Brow cut. Normal damage and 1d4 bleed. Target

blinded while He basically cut him across his forehead and he's bleeding into his eyes I can't see. Come on! I was just able to see him! I just got back! Roll your normal damage. That might be enough to get him.

Plus the bleed. Plus the bleed. God damn it. 12 damage. Oh, and then the bleed? 1d4. 1d4 bleed? Yep.

Actually, bleed I was just rereading, and it doesn't work that way. Bleed ticks at the start of his turn. Ow. Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter because you fucking killed him with a touch. Hey! Cut his brow off.

You scalped him. You scalped him, yeah. All right, so now let's assassinate that woman. Get her! Get her! Coup de grace. Coup de grace. Coup de grace while she's bound and unconscious.

You know what's... This is just the funny thing about DMing. You always... Such a fucking shit. What did you forget? Well, just a couple of huge things about this combat. You prepare and you prepare and you prepare and then you start the combat

and you just forget everything. I have a blind spot for sneak attack damage. I always forget when I'm playing a rogue or a ninja or something to deal the sneak attack damage. I fucking forgot huge things that make this combat so much more dangerous. All their weapons were poisoned. Yeah. Well, that makes a big difference.

That would have, you know, really set up straight. Well, you said it. I said at the beginning of the podcast, what's done is done. That's what you get for being such a stickler on giving people poison. Well, it just... What is going on? What is going on?

And I wanted them to all, every round, use Power Attack and Cleave. And Cleave would have really come in handy, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Rest assured. Cleave would have come into play multiple times. Right, because with Cleave, if you hit someone successfully,

you get a free attack at your highest base attack bonus to an adjacent ally. You guys were all clumped together. Would have been huge, I forgot, but rest assured, the next time, next combat you have, I'm going to make it so fucking hard!

I'm nerfing it! I'm making it too easy. Honestly, people want to see one of you die. Yeah, but you're nerfing it through ignorance, not through like. Well, through just overwhelmed-ness. And we did recently have a poll on Twitter about who. Yes, a couple weeks ago. Yeah, that was pretty good.

I was about to ask. Yeah, and it was actually most people chose Lork. They want to see Lork die. Well, that is how combat. That is such a terrible thing. Well, I think it's because... It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You mean so much to them, that would give the most weight.

I don't think they're like, fucking Lork, loser, get rid of him. Nice spin, Troy. Yeah, well spun. They care so much about you, Lork. They want that emotional impact. I'm throwing up in my mouth a little bit. I was only given four options on the Twitter. I was going to add also Ben Vereen and Gary the Green Stink Scorpion.

That's Howie. Howie. Gary. Fuck. That's how insignificant he is. I don't even know his name. Okay, so there is a woman sitting on the other side of the room. So Lor goes to the woman, and he'd like to do a heel check,

see if he can determine her current state. 16. She is just, like, slightly unconscious, but not dying. Is she bleeding out? Okay. No. She's badly bruised. Her lip is split.

She's played by Saoirse Ronan. Oh, I love her. It's Saoirse, actually. Saoirse. I'm sorry, Saoirse. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't consult local Gaelic name expert, Matthew Capitacazza. Saoirse Ronan. Oh, I love her. It's Sersha, actually. Sersha. Sersha. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't consult local Gaelic name expert, Matthew Capitacazza. Sersha Ronan.

No, I just happened to see an interview where she had a whole thing about how everyone mispronounces her name. Thank you very much. She has the best accent of anyone in the world. Watch me butcher it next episode. I just want it. Oh, wait. That's it, guys. You can't talk to her.

We're not talking to her right now. I'm going to talk. That's it guys Right now now we'll do it next week I am the worst I love you ginger Outro Music