The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 51 - The Bear and the Maiden Fair

Episode Date: May 17, 2016

With scant time to come to terms with recent events, the group encounters a new furry friend and a strange creature lodged in an ancient tree. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. So it wasn't Baron's fault that Gormley died. Yeah, it was. It was Skid's. Gormley is gone and someone has to pay. This thing killed Gormley. Let me make no mistake. No, no.

Absolutely. Run it back. Run back to Tate. The heroes will search high and low. Everyone roll a perception check. Is it vision based? Everyone but Baron rolls a perception check. Is it vision based? Everyone but Baron roll a perception check. Thank you, thank you.

Witness karma exact its revenge on Troy. Failed. Oh my god! Yeah! Yeah! Fail! That's all you need. Yes, yes!

And uncover a strange new mystery. You see what looks like a body in the tree. Whoa. That may totally change the game. Giant dragonflies, shadow rat swarms, I get that. But a translucent teenager, I'm out. The adventure continues now. hey everyone matthew here to uh pour one out for Gormley. Yeah, that was pretty rough.

It's actually my first character death ever. So I have a joy to thank for that. But anyway, you know, I don't regret it. You know, like Troy said, Gormley died like she lived. You know, her friends are in trouble. Benverine dead wolverine not the entertainer uh in a ridiculous room that was made for flight enemy with dr so she went out in a blaze of glory sort of and i mean i'm disappointed and i would have

loved to bring out the retribution hex on troy crits. Maybe that would have changed things, you know, cackle all the way home anyway, but I just want to say she was a lot of fun to play and I'm glad everyone out there responded to her weirdness, her witchy ways, and I'm glad I got to spend time with her. So, uh, here's to Gormley. All right, all right enough of this uh what the hell is the party going to do without gormley that's the question so let's find out shall we here's episode 51 the bear and the maiden fair i want to apologize to our listeners uh Last episode was probably one of our weakest. Nothing really happened. Nothing happened. Nothing really happened.

It was real slow. Story didn't move forward. Everything's changed, but nothing's different. Spoken like a true poet. Yes, yes. Wow. What a nap. Just listening back to it.

You could tell we were just, okay, roll 18 to hit. The sadness. One thing to have Ben Vereen fall to his death, but then to have Gorms. I mean, I just got done talking about how Lork has taken this trick and all this stuff, and it's based around the idea of protection. He's trying to protect his allies. And he's just standing there helpless, watching two of them just fall from the grasp of this thing to disappear into the darkness. And he knows what's down there and just dead.

What an interesting character trait, though. I love the idea of the guy that wants to save everyone and continually fails. Yeah. I mean, it is a good character. It's not a fun character to play. I'll tell you that much. I will say that I actually went halfsies with Matthew on a ray of disintegration to cast against Troy, so roll a 42.

Alright. Plus 20. Oh, made it. Yeah, your constitution's great. 32. Yeah, all those healthy meals and exercising you do. Years of alcohol abuse. Everyone roll a reflex. Yeah, what are the Paizo rules on 50 drinks a week?

I have a lot to celebrate. I have a lot of friends. Should we have told Matthew that we're recording today? You know, I think it's probably best if we just kind of move on. I'm embarrassed. Sometimes you just got to go cold turkey. It would just hurt his feelings, even if we brought it up, that we were recording.

It's just best to leave him in the dark. I saw him like two or three days ago, our usual record night, and he was just kind of lingering outside my apartment, just looking up in the window. I was like, ugh. I had to turn the lights off, pull the shades. Did you think he was going to pull out a boombox like John Cusack and be like... He was like laying on a three-day-old newspaper.

Eating a stale bagel. Hey, Joe, I've been looking at the fly rules. I think we thought about this wrong. I think if I roll a two, I'm still alive. Your cruelty knows no bounds. Hey, Matthew. Hi, guys. We're having a good time.

Grant, you had some dragonfly facts I heard. So we were thinking about the ultramarine, what was it? Chaser. Chasers. What a great idea. Ultramarine chaser. Did you ever serve ultramarine what was it chaser chasers what a great idea ultramarine chaser did you ever serve ultramarine chasers at your bartending job i did it was uh you'd have them after a tequila shot i'm a real fan of this animal so um i was realizing after the episode that i knew something about dragonfly mating habits and if you've ever been to the lake

during the summertime you may have seen two dragonflies connected to each other. And they'll fly together and they'll land on lily pads. It's very similar to the dungeon, except you don't die while watching. And while they're connected, they're actually mating. And dragonfly males are notoriously jealous creatures. So they will actually do what the Ultramarine Chaser did and dive bomb the mating couple and they will kill one,

two, or all three of them in the process. So what we should have done in that combat is summon two more dragonflies to mate and see how they killed each other in the process. So it wasn't Baron's fault that Gormley died. It was Skids. I think he's suggesting

that Gormley and Ben Vereen were a mated pair. Yes, I am. I did get that as well. The dragonfly was trying to mate with Gormley at the time. It just crushed you in its jaws and then dropped you to the floor.

I haven't stopped thinking about it all week i've said before you know from my experience dming when it comes to character death it's a lot of times it's falling damage or critical hits critical hits falling damage that's what kills people and whenever you when we were on that bridge a few episodes ago i was just like this is the kind of place no handholds yeah somebody just falls no railings. Somebody just falls, and that was really dangerous. And I was all, Gromit's going to walk over on the edge. And ultimately it was. Yeah, because you're like, oh, I can fly.

I can do feather falling. I have all these options. And I did. And by the rules, I could. Yeah, we played it all right by the rules. We played it all right. By the way, before this episode happened, we cast Speak With Dead so that Matt could be on this podcast.

I'm Skyping in from heaven. Welcome back. I actually died along with my character. We cast Speak With Dead so that Matt could be on this podcast. I'm Skyping in from heaven. I actually died along with my character. How's the manager special? I was trying to give Troy an opportunity there. I think we all lost out on... Howie would have been amazing. Howie had a couple more episodes left. I was excited.

He was going to be like Gormley's caddy. That's great. Maybe the voice of Howie can be recast Yeah, I was excited. He was going to be like Gormley's caddy. Yeah, yeah, that's a great... But maybe the voice of Howie can be recast as this tiny bear cub. It has come up to Lork's feet and shown affection. A bear. A bear. A bear. A black and brown and covered with hair.

Lork, this bear, we'll call it a small bear. It's a young bear uh what i say a monkey came up to galabras and uh do i get a monkey you get a monkey you get a you got a house already yeah you already got a house i i almost got a parrot which would be making me one step closer to being a pirate yeah make me lose a leg and give me a peg leg except you would wear an eye patcher for both legs it was so fast so fast I wish the audience could see how pleased Troy was with that joke

I got a stretch after that one that was good his face is so red lizards crawling over Baron and he he wiggled his feet. A little bird lands on Baron's shoulder, and then a small bear cub comes up to Lork and gives him puppy bear eyes. Yeah, Lork, this bear is looking at you the same way

Ben Vereen did when it first crawled upon deck. What do you do? I say, you'll never replace Ben Vereen, and I kick it in the face. You bumped it across the conservatory. Stop! No, I'll look down. I see this look in its eyes.

And, you know, there's sort of a, I mean, technically by the rules, an animal companion is a divine companion. It is, like, infused with the spirit of the ranger's deity. And it comes from the ranger's deity. It is destined to be paired with that ranger. So I think that there, you know, in that moment, there must be some sort of connection that happens for Lork to know that there's something happening there. When you say he looks up and he gives him the same look as Ben Vereen, it's like there's something behind the eyes that kind of makes Lork think that this is destiny in some small way.

So he's definitely going to kind of reach down and kind of hesitantly try to give it his hand and see if it's cool with it. And if it is, then he'll pet it a little bit. Yeah, and the bear stands up on its hind legs. It's not a huge bear, but it comes up probably to your midsection. And it puts both of its paws in your paws, like you're dancing almost. And then it nuzzles against your leg.

Oh, wow. All right, so then he knows. He's like, thank you, Gorham. I'll give you a couple episodes to come up with a name. Thank you. Because nothing's going to beat Ben Vereen. Don't rush it. But, yeah, technically rangers aren't allowed to have bears,

but we can do whatever we want. Right, yeah, we talked about this off-air. You mentioned the bear, and that was your idea, which I thought was a great idea, but I looked it up. I was like, oh, I'll get the stats on it. And rangers aren't allowed to have bears, and I don't know why, but whatever. I will tell you. It has very similar stats to a wolverine, so it's fine.

I will tell you, all of these animals that are crawling over you guys, anyone with any type of knowledge of nature knows that these animals are of exceptional quality. And, Lork, if you are going to take this bear under your wing, it possesses the diehard feet for free. Wow. So talk about something. You have a much better chance of keeping this thing alive now. Die Hard means once this character goes below zero,

it automatically stabilizes. So you never have to worry about it bleeding out. Now, it can still take a crushing blow or falling damage and just straight up die. Or coup de grace. Right, or coup de grace, but it stabilizes when it goes below zero. That's pretty awesome. Yeah.

Yeah, so you have a bear, dude. You've got a bear. I've got a bear. But you are without. What's your name, little bear, if I ask it? Does it respond? Does this be common? My name is Tummus.

Tummus. That's my cat. That's my cat's name. A ranger can have a cat. What a waste that would be. I know, right? Well, Lork is a pussy. It would just...

Oh! Come on, we're having fun. All right, so I've described this room to you. You've been here before. You just haven't been to this level. So you entered through this hollow wooden tree that has steps leading down into this room. Let me tell you about this room. This room, for all intents and purposes, is a medium forest under Pathfinder rules. What does that mean?

You'll notice there's a couple of large trees in the room, one of which you just came out of, and there's a number of small trees scattered the small trees take up a five foot space but they don't technically take up a five foot space you can occupy any of the spaces that one of those trees are on and you get a plus two to your ac and a plus one to your reflex save so i still take a negative to my AC by being blinded. Correct. Which is perfect. Yeah, did we mention not only did the witch die and the benvarine die, but Baron is still blind.

Okay, so I'm sorry. There are trees there, but you can stand on the spaces? Yeah, so even though I've drawn them taking up the whole space, imagine you're able to use those trees for cover. Okay. So you're getting a plus two to your AC and a plus one to your reflex save because you can use it to dodge out of the way of shit. So it gives you So I'm to understand there's

definitely combat in this room. Not necessarily. I'm just letting you know you know in the event something happens. Why would you think there'd be combat in here? That's really presumptuous of you. You know what? I'm taking the bear back. No. No. You get the monkey. He didn't even have a name. The whole floor

is difficult terrain right now obviously galabras is going to have five rounds in which he can avoid it with his agile feet but for the rest of you everything is going to be two squares of movement that means you cannot run you cannot charge this is, thick underbrush. But there's something good. Every space in the room, you get 20% concealment because the underbrush is so thick. Wow. Okay. Does that make my concealment on a blind shot 70% then? Or does it stay at 50%?

I think it should stay at 50, but. 70%. No, I think it's never more than total. You can't have more than total concealment yeah 50% okay great most good to know maybe 60% we'll have to figure that out and acrobatic and stealth checks are increased by two in this room so I'm

giving you the technical things that are happening in this room but the point is this is thick thick vegetation everywhere throughout the room trees small and large and then little critters running all around you'll see them from time to time i'm thinking like why can't like lurk you know it's a ranger you're like why can't a ranger like do this you know i thought they could do it i look it up it's seventh level two levels away i can move through all this without any penalty oh Oh, man. Just two more levels. And of course, make sure that your next ranger that you make has the same ability.

I turn to Lork and Galabras, and I say, do y'all see my fishing lure anywhere? Because that's a good place to start. Oh, yeah. Something yanked it out of my hands. Let's do a perception check to look around for that. Alright, roll for perception. Galabo. 10. 21.

Galabo, I don't see anything. Lorik, you would know that he dropped it on the other side of the bridge. So that's on the other side of the room. Oh, okay. But you rolled a 21. What you do notice is maybe 30 feet away or so there is a uh smaller tree as opposed to the large massive tree that you just walked out of uh-huh and you see what looks like

a body lodged in the tree. Whoa. On the other side of it. Like it's laying on the ground and I see like legs or something? No, you see like it's. In the tree. In the tree. Like there's a tree and there's a half of a body. Like a leopard killed it and dragged it up into the tree.

No, like it's in the tree. No, this is like. And it's humanoid. Looks, appears to be humanoid. Did you guys play Fallout 3? Do you guys remember the NPC that got melded with a tree during the nuclear blast and was intelligent? I think that. It looks similar to that.

That's it. Nailed it. Whatever that is. Okay. I am going to make haste towards that tree slash body. I'll go with him. Okay, Galabras and Lork, make haste over to the tree.

And does the bear follow me? The bear starts to follow you. Does a wigga follow? Yeah, a wigga follows. So I take her hand, and I get goosebumps and butterflies in my tummy when I feel her hand. You don't know that she's pretty.

I don't. I just feel a connection. You know what, Skid? If you only make your relationships based off of physical attributes, that's your problem. She says, shut up, dwarf. Come with me. So you hastily run over there.

Roll a friendship. No, I'm kidding. I was literally, I didn't think you were. Calabrus, roll a knowledge. What knowledges do you have? Well, I've got geography, history, local, nobility. This is a noble tree. What about you, Lark?

And religion. What about you, Lark? I have... I don't local, nature, and religion. Roll a nage. Knowledge nage. 17. 17. You're not quite sure either.

It's not quite nature. But you see. Is it a human body? You see a humanoid young female who appears to be trapped within the tree. But not human. It's a race you're not familiar with. Iwiga says,

it is a fetchling. What the fuck is a fetchling? Never heard of that. And she is asleep. Appears to be a young girl, 17 years old. Oh, in the tree. In the tree. Alive.

Breathing. Can I do a heel check to see if there's damage or something? Sure. 14. No, just seems to be exhausted. It's like she is not even touching the ground. She's hanging there like her body lodged in the tree. I thought there was no sleep in this place.

It's strange. Baron offers to use his utility shot to shoot her out of it. Okay. It's all right. I can see a lot better. Hold on. Step back and I guess 50-50. 50.

Well, there's a chance that you kill her. All right. Is there any way to free the, what is it called? A fetchling. Fetchling. That sounds dirty. And she's very fetching. Okay.

For a fetchling. All right. I will try to, is she trapped? I'll try to wake her. You shake her awake. I'll slap her in the face real hard. And just punch her with a spiked gauntlet. Guys, I've dealt with this before.

Let me just wake her up with my falchion. Just take Benverine's Instead body And slap her Alright He's in the seed room Gentle repose He's in seed storage Manhattan seed storage She

She comes too Hello Oh Jesus There you go You all look very interesting Scared the shit out of me Where's that voice coming from? A microphone.

It's coming from inside the room. It's coming from inside the tree. Who's talking right now? I can't see shit. Poor Baron has no idea what's going on. What the fuck's going on right now? Some sort of strange creature in the tree. What are all of you?

Who are you? That's a throwback to episode one when when skid was asked who are you by tom exposition who the fuck are you i'm alexis my name's della della narn who are you people well i'm lark iron tusk this is Galabras here The blind fellow, he just fell The guy on the ground over there Is Baron Redheart And this is our new ally From within the vault

What's your name? Iwiga The bear doesn't have a name yet The bear is as yet unnamed Wait a couple episodes Why are you How did you How are you on a tree?

It's all very strange. My father and I, we were trying to find my mother. We've been traveling between different planes trying to locate her. She's from the Shadow Plane. And we... My father and I were separated and I... Appeared here in this tree and I have been here for, it seems like a very, very long time and yet no time at all.

Anybody know how to get me out of this? Is there like, is she trapped by like physical branches that I could rip or pull? She is like lodged straight into the tree. So think of it as like she was dimension hopping or like moving through space. She just kind of hopped into a tree. Jesus. of it as like she was dimension hopping or like moving through space. She just kind of hopped

into a tree. Jesus. So she's stuck in there. So you'd have to like chop her out. Baron, can I borrow your axe? You can borrow my axe, but first I want to say an ancient dwarven poem before you start to remove her. Are you ready?

Is it copyrighted? This is an original interpretation and falls squarely under fair use laws. And Baron calls down into his deepest inner being and says,

Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling, the lion sleeps tonight hush my darling don't fear my darling the lion sleeps tonight he hands the axe to lork and says and he continues throughout the entire removal. See, now this is why we need pre-production meetings. Somebody call Grant's manager. He's out of control.

He's blind. He doesn't know what's going on. He's drinking ale. There's nothing else I can contribute to these episodes on. I thought I'd ruin them until Troy wants to just heal me so I stop that's an interesting blackmail

it's like no I will ruin the episodes of the show until you send that fucking critter back and cure me of my blindness Lurk is going to take the axe and try to he's going to take the axe and try to, can I, he's going to attempt to safely cut her out.

Sure, just like, yeah, attacking the tree. So after 10, 15 minutes, you, you know, it's not like you haven't worked with an axe before, you're able to carve her out. And I don't know, Della, is it? Della. Della, I don't know if you thought that your other half of your body was in another dimension or not,

but you realize pretty quickly as Lork is, as this giant half-orc is chopping you out, that indeed the rest of your body was within the hollow of the tree. That's great. That's great news. And after 10-15 minutes, Lork, along with his companions, free you

from the tree. And in front of you stands a 17 year old. Attractive? attractive would you say i'm not going to specify there troy i don't think that's a question all right fair enough fair enough what is she did you cast her yet i had not cast you now see he never cast gormley either so i didn't plan on gormley was never cast no gormley was helena bonham carter that's true he said that it was like why don't you do helena bon Bonacarta? I thought it was Kathy Griffin. I'll tell you what, I didn't really expect to be

killed horrifically. So I'm only at a week. Yeah. So she's very young and her skin is translucent. A fetchling's basically a half... They're descended from creatures of the shadow plane and humans. So she's like, in this case, Della is half human,

half shadow creature. So she's got uh we just lost six listeners this is too nerdy now i am done they have matthew has really crossed a line here i'll hang out a witch i can understand giant dragonflies shadow rat swarms i get that but a translucent teenager i'm out sounds you took away my ability to vomit spiders on people oh that was fun that was sounds like cindy lauper to me or lord for a young cindy lauper well we've got some time we can also accept some suggestions from the uh oh that's a good idea tweet out uh the bear's name and the actress that's playing Della. Della.

Della Reese. What's her last name? Not Della Reese. Della Narn. Della Narn. I got to write that on my initiative track. Don't confuse. Don't say Della Reese is playing Della Narn.

That would be very confusing. Okay. So she's translucent skin. What color hair? Right now it's jet black. Jet black. And she's very tall and very, very thin. How tall are we talking?

Almost six foot. Let me ask you this. If I put her on a lily pad, would it sink? It would not because she's incredibly. So tactful. Jesus Christ. Just asking. Asking for a friend. Yo, dude, did you ask her if she'd sink on a lily pad?

Howie is dead. She's very tall, but she's also very, very thin. Fetchlings are very skinny. Okay. Okay. And she carries a scimitar. Ah, okay. So she's got some gear.

Oh, so, oh, that's interesting. Because Lurk, I mean, I think Lurk would look at it and be like, that is, it's very similar to a falchion, but just, you know, smaller. Right. That's an interesting weapon you carry. Why? Why a scimitar? It was my father's. He taught me how to use it.

Who's your father? He was a... You thought of his name, didn't you? God damn it! You see? I believe his name was Da Dad. Da Dad.

I actually say his name was Jerome. Like the German shepherd. I had a boy about your age. What was his name? Ja-son. He was

very dear to me. How are you from the shadow plane? What? How does that work? I don't understand. So basically, I'm not going to answer her character.

But basically, the way I was conceiving the character is that. I was going to say, she sounds a lot like Gormley. I can't help it. Not a voice actor. So the idea is that her father was trapped in the shadow plane. And he eventually met her mother, who was a denizen of the shadow plane. Was this otherworldly creature. I thought you said she was a dentist in the shadow plane. And he eventually met her mother who was a denizen of the shadow plane was this, you know,

other worldly creature. And they, I thought you said she was a dentist in the shadow. She was a dentist in the shadow plane. She's making her way through dental school. She was a dental hygienist. She was doing very well. Troy,

she was doing very well. We all got to make our own way. Uh, but yeah, and then, but her mother then disappeared. So her father and then took the young child and trained her to be a warrior and someone who could they've been searching, trying to

find ways into alternate planes, trying to find her mother. Now here's the million dollar question. And I don't even know if we can discuss this, but you guys don't even know what class this character is. Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about that right now. Honestly, for a little bit I didn't even know

it was Matthew. I'm not even kidding. it's still reeling from yeah i just i thought it was a dead body right baron your thoughts i walk up to her and i say listen you seem like a woman at a time he's got his back turned yeah i point him i point him at her i grab his slowly turn him to face her she turns to glaberson does he always talk with his back it I point him I point him at her I grab his shoulders Slowly turn him To face her She turns to Glarus Does he always talk With his back to people It's alright

We'll explain I say we're Looking to my We'll explain later Looking to the Milky white orbs I call my eyes Right now

Which I can't see Shit with But I can tell That you seem like A decent enough folk Now what I want to know Is how you got Stuck in this tree,

why you're here now, what your goal is in life, and whether or not you can cure blindness. He was recently blinded. It's very upsetting. I'm sorry. We're trying to find a way to... Wow, I just wanted his accent.

We're trying to find a way to Wow, I just wanted his accent We're trying to find a way to fix him We figure if we all talk like him maybe he'll snap out of it We're fixing to fix him Well, I'll try to answer your questions in reverse order Okay No, I can't cure blindness, sorry Killer Tire up the killer

We'll string you from the tree we found you. Killer. Ugh. I like it. Roll up, buy another class pack. What was your third alternate character? What was your third alternate character? I just want to say.

Can you curb blindness? No, I can't. Kill her. When Troy systematically murders all of your characters, expect the same level of courtesy, by the way. Actually, actually, when I... You knew he was blind when you made the new character. Why didn't you just make a character that could cure blind? I support Baron in this 100%.

I don't. Gormley could have if she had been allowed to live. I will actually. Galabras will, as she's talking, surreptitiously cast detect evil and cast it over her. Yeah, I was going to say Lork would do sense motive. I know it's him, so we don't have to roll it, but Lork is definitely

suspicious. You notice, Della, that the cleric is doing all these hand motions and stuff. I'm not really hiding it. I'm just like, you know, while they're talking. You could even be telling her out like we're detecting if you're evil. Right, yeah. It's like, telling her out like, we're detecting if you're evil. Right. Yeah.

It's like, you'll forgive me, but this is a dangerous place and we have to know who we're dealing with. You do not detect evil on her. And she says, I understand. My father did it all the time. He did. He did. Your father was a man of the cloth? Yes, he was. Yes.

Well, you... Among other things. How did you find yourself here, I believe Baron Astia? How did you come to be in this tree? Like I said, it was all very strange. My father and I were experimenting with a new way to transport between planes, a new portal. And something has gone horribly wrong i i just i walked through the portal and i fell and i was all of a sudden a part of this tree and he wigger speaks up and she's like this makes sense as i mentioned to you that a lot of these creatures had found their way

through the fissure that the uh sort of screen between the first world and this has been getting thinner and thinner, it would make sense that this creature would find her way in here by accident. This is not as strange as it seems. Well, where did you start? Where was this experiment taking place? That's a good question. I don't know the answer to yet. Oh, is that Matthew?

That's Matthew. Oh, hey. That's Matthew. Hey, Matthew. Hey, welcome answer to yet. Oh, is that Matthew? That's Matthew. Hey, welcome back, Matthew. Hey, how are you? We'll answer that later. Somewhere on the material plane. I'll retract my question, Your Honor. Why in the world were you and your father trying to leave your current plane?

Like I was saying before, we were just trying to find my mother. We've been looking for her for years. I've lost family in the past. I understand doing anything you can to find them. What happened to your mother? According to my father, she just one day disappeared.

And you loved your mother? What kind of woman was she? I don't know. I never met her. She disappeared when I was very very young well i never had a mother either it's uh it'd be nice to find her though i'd be happy to help if well we're in a very dangerous place are you any good with that scimitar i mean my father taught me a little and then she just whips the scimitar around like crazy and does like this crazy dance thing with it. A little bit of a dervish.

A little bit of a dervish. Oh. And Lork's like, I'm impressed. I'm impressed. I hit Lork in the leg, like from my lower standpoint. And I say, was she any good? What happened? Oh, she was pretty good.

I'm not Lork. I'm Calabras. If I was Lork. I can't see too well. Lork, I'm Calabrus. Ewiga says, keep your hands off my breasts. Baron's using this as like the perfect time to feel chicks up.

I'm sorry, I'm blind. Sorry, I'm blind. I have a question if you guys don't mind. What are you all doing here? I've been here for a very long time and nobody's come through this place. Yeah, well, we've been on the show the whole time. We don't have to explain

anything to you. It's the NPCs. We'll explain to her who we are, the mission. Sure. Well, I guess not the whole mission, but just the idea that this vault has been taken over by some evil creatures and we're trying to clear it of evil and then get out. We want to get out too.

And you, do you ask for her aid? Yeah, exactly. Like we say, like we can try to help you get out. We can't, I can't.

Lork explains that he can't promise to find out how to skip back between planes. That's like way beyond his pay grade, but he can get her at least out of here. Uh, if she, if she stays close to him, he he can get her at least out of here. If she, if she stays close to him, he's got a really good track record of keeping people alive. I'm sure you tell her that like you just lost.

Yes. Our companion recently died. So it is a happy coincidence that you are here now. I'm sorry to hear that. That's why you must be careful. You must not be a frontline fighter. If you don't have the constitution in the back and della you know you think if your motivation is all about family and reconnecting family and

being with your family and you've been trapped in here for who knows how long because time has lost all meaning in this realm uh there's got to be an element of like, oh, okay, I could get used to this. Here's a family that I could maybe try out. So I look directly at a wig as boobs accidentally because I'm blind. And I say to her, listen, when I started with this crew, I was a lone ranger. I was out of my own trying to avenge my own family's misfortune. And I found myself in a town with Lork and with Galabras and with our dead companion who I loved. And we fought our way out of many a pickle. And I can tell you one thing.

I'm a dwarf and I count this half-orc as a brother And I count this cleric This man of faith That I don't even believe in I'm a Toreg follower He's pointing at a tree Meanwhile, while he's talking I grab him again by the shoulders

And turn him towards Della Yeah, now they're Wigga I can tell you no matter what you think, we don't know what you are. You're a pale woman. You'll find a home here if you are a good person that wants

to fight against the night. So you're saying this to Della? Yeah. Now, yeah. Yeah, now, before he was talking to the boob. To Uyghur's chest. Right, and then a tree, and then one of the monkeys. And then finally. This monkey is just like his head's turned, looking at him. Just throws poop at him.

Was that the new girl? Everyone. No, that was a monkey. Everyone roll a perception check. Is it vision based? Because I can't. Everyone but Baron roll a perception check. Thank you, thank you.

Ooh, 29 22 21 New chick has skills Or at least rolls higher than a 1 Lork, Galabras, you hear a noise off in the distance and Lork, you hear the same noise but you're able to turn around in time

to see a fluttering of wings on the other side of the room right around the basically the opposite side of the dome the circular chamber that you're in you see it fluttering

around and you are 100% sure with a 29 perception that it's the fucking lurker that blinded it. blind gotta get her we gotta get her i just i start running at her yeah exactly uh so are you guys running to attack yes well we can't yeah i mean but not to kill not to do i'm running to subdue okay uh galabras save your agile feet to warn combat but just since you don't get so many of them. You get halfway through. New girl, your speed is faster, right?

30. Yeah, so you would naturally get slightly ahead of us. Because your speed's 20, my speed's 20. 30. Your speed's 30? Yeah. With your armor? Yeah, because of my domain.

The travel domain. Heavy armor just doesn't matter? No, it would be 40 if I wasn't wearing my heavy armor. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, your speed is increased by 10 feet. So you're like being a barbarian in heavy armor just doesn't matter no it would be 40 if i wasn't wearing my heavy armor oh okay oh yeah your speed is increased by 10 feet so you're you're like being a barbarian in heavy armor yeah yeah that's cool uh and you guys get over there i'm putting so galabras is up with uh what's her name della della della lork is five feet behind and the rest of us are coming up and the bear it's also with you. Uh,

tell him the bear, you guys get over there. Uh, you get halfway across the room and you see it and it's still floating. It sees you and it starts to go to the ground. And you know that once it's no longer flying, you'll no longer be able to see it. Roll for initiative.

Right. Oh God. And then we also know there's something big around here. So yeah, something. initiative right oh god and we also know there's something big around here so yeah 17 for baron 17 for baron 26 for della jesus you got an even better initiative you want to beat me all the time 26 for della Della. What'd you get, Bear? 17. 17. Lorcan? Five.

Galabras? Yeah, five. Seven. Ah. If you'll notice, I'm going back to the music where we beat things instead of the ones where the entire party dies. I like that. I tried some new music last time.

It did not work. Okay. Galabras, I'm sorry. What'd you say you got? Seven. Seven. And Baron? 17. Alright. Oh, doggie. It is

Della's turn. What do you guys say to Della? You guys just... We say, don't kill it! We must capture that creature! Okay, Della, you are, what, 15, 20 feet away? There's a tree directly in front of Galabras. Della, you have a clear vision. You're literally about 20 feet away from this thing.

You've probably seen this thing, or you've been in various states of consciousness, but you've seen this. And we will tell her that it will go invisible. I've seen it for hundreds, like however, I think she's been here for like the equivalent of, like time doesn't pass here, right? Yeah, she passes very differently.

Very, very long time. Oh, okay. So the first thing Della does, the first thing Della does is cast Glitter Dust. Oh! How convenient. Yes. I was going to say,

what are you guys going to do without Glitter Dust? Well, what class is she she Can we know that now She's a magus Oh shit A magus A magus So she actually will be One of your front line fighters

I think we got to talk About a magus Yeah Highlander Highlander We haven't had a magus Uh Mad

Skid's got something Explaining to do It is time for Magus Okay Yeah we had a magus in one of our other campaigns, our Jade Reaching campaign, and he's such a badass. It's basically... Dude, it's like the most broken class. Oh, it's totally broken. It's a melding of just magic user and fighter. I don't know how to play it, so I think it'll be nice and balanced.

Right, it'll balance it out. In Matthew's hands, everything will work out for him. But magus is their best. So it's a fighter, but that also casts with... Arcane spells. It has a scimitar in one hand and casts arcane spells in the other hand. It can also do things where they hit with the scimitar

and then the scimitar does slashing damage or whatever and then shoots out magical energy. And the spell goes through the blade. It can also do things where they hit with the scimitar and then the scimitar does like slashing damage or whatever and then shoots out magical energy. And the spell goes through the blade. It's a cool advanced class.

The closest thing that a magus resembles is an anime sword fighter. Like a Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7 or a Bastard Sword user. Anyone that can like

strike someone and still like shoot electricity through them it's a very very cool character to add to this mix that's awesome for at least two or three episodes yeah i mean peeking behind the curtain she is not a strength like you can kind of go two ways with the mages you can go strength or decks so she's not very strong at all she's a deck space question question did you take weapon finesse i did indeed but does that work for a cemetery for symmetry that's why you take dervish dance

finesse slash dervish dance I assume so allows you to use your dexterity bonus instead of your strength bonus for melee attacking is that but not for damage right no attack and damage rules yeah Wow so this is a ranged mages yeah well no she's a force mails me like well she's good at everything she's good yeah master range the melee fighting and magic cast she'll redeem us all the rate then smite our enemies jail of all trades the spell strike ability which is that she basically with with her weapon, she can deliver touch spells.

So cool. So that's what it is. So remember when Gormley would do like inflict light wounds? You can do that through a sword. Like, just so cool. We gotta cast this. I'm giving you two episodes

to cast this. I got a picture. I got a picture. I wanna hear from the fans. Yeah. They're all gonna say Kristen Stewart, so let's just fucking do it now. Oh boy.

Please don't. She's not 17 anymore. Don't let me affect fucking do it now. Oh, boy. Please don't. She's not 17 anymore. Don't let me affect what you're saying. Lork doesn't like her anymore. All right, so you cast Glitter Dust. It's immune to blindness, but it is covered in Glitter Dust. Good call.

Good call. Am I still moving? It's up to you. No, combat started. Do you want to use a move action? Was it a move action for us to get there? No, no. I said you moved up and then combat began. Then I'll move up and get in melee combat.

Oh, snap. So that thing's floating right about eye level with you at this point. All right. Blindy McBlind. So he's- I'm sure someone yelled out to you it's the one that cursed you that's almost as good as keep your gun in your pants as bode mcboatface um so currently uh to give the listeners a sense of things um della is right up on the honey nut Cheerio Bee. Galabras is next, followed by Lork. Next to him is his bear, yet to be named.

And behind them are Awika and Baron. Now, to shoot at this, I'd have to go through two allied squares. I don't know about that. You have no idea where it is. Yeah, I mean, you have no... So I'm going to hold... You're being pulled by the hand through this... I'm going to hold a Wigga's hand and hope that things work out for me.

Smart, smart. And it is E-Wigga's turn. I'm assuming you tell E-Wigga, don't kill it. Right, that's what we're screaming as we run, like, Capture it! Don't kill it! She's got lightning abilities, and she's got... She can wild shape, but she's got lightning abilities and she's got she can wild

shape but she's still can you subdue a creature magic so she is going to move up to it as much as she can so she gets about well she'll she'll double move and get no that was a double

move that was a double no not for a druid you're right yeah druid can move through all that stuff I'll look at her movement speed to make sure but with a double move she can certainly a double move? Oh, no, not for a druid. You're right. Yeah. Druid can move through all that stuff. I'll look at her movement speed to make sure, but with a double move, she can certainly get right. Is she wearing any armor? If not, then she can move easily that much.

Her movement speed is 30 feet. Yeah. So she easily gets right up next to it, and she just double moves up to it, cornering it with Della right to her left, diagonally to her left. Okay. And it is its turn.

It. I forgot that I have to do that. Oh, my God. Imagine it blinds Della. Jesus Christ. Shouldn't it be out of those? I guess we've rested for days. Yeah, so you guys rested twice.

Roll a fortitude save, Della. Ten. Della is deaf permanently. Oh, my God. All the more reason to capture her. She can't cast any spells. Why not? Well, she can, but...

She can speak. We have to capture this. I think it's a 20% fail chance. We have to capture it. Have to. Yep. Della, the new character. Dude, this little fuck. We have to capture this I think it's a 20% fail chance We have to capture it Yep Della The new character

Dude this little fuck Permanently Such a little This is the last fucking thing We can fucking run across This thing killed Gormley Let me make no mistake No no

Absolutely Run it back Run back to Tate This thing killed Gormley This thing fucking killed Gormley And Ben Vereen And Ben Vereen Baron permanently blind delanarn the new hot chick

on the block permanently death 20 what a fucking misogynist way to refer to her asteroid just i'm adding flavor galabras galabras you're up uh I'm going to use command. Ah. Oh, I like that. Huge. Dude, if that succeeds, come on. If only you had a hex to lower its saves. Yeah, I know. Remember those days?

Remember hexes? I will remember. Yeah. I'm going to say submit. DC 14 will save. DC 14 will save. DC 14 will save. Fail. Fail.

Fuck. 15 on the die. You should keep doing that though. That's good. You could have bit of luck too. You could have bit of lucked yourself. Yeah, but I would have had to do it next turn no it doesn't

yeah you need bit of unlock lork oh man I'm just gonna kind of turn look at this new bear

and just say stay does it stay if you want that to be the only trick it knows oh you're gonna make me start from zero again oh yeah but you can pick if you want that to be the only trick it knows. Are you going to make me start from zero again?

Oh, yeah. But you can pick whatever opening trick you want it to have. Stay is a good one, actually. I'll let you pick any trick, but you've got to start fresh. That'll keep it alive. You keep all your feats and everything, obviously. All right. I mean, I think that's really nerfing, but I will say stay. Sure.

Fine. He says stay? You can say attack. Go fuck yourself. Okay. Well, I'm not going to say attack right now. Right. So you know what?

Okay, I won't pick it yet, but I'll say stay, and you're telling me it's not going to stay. So I'm just going to- How many tricks did Ben Vereen know before his untimely death? Two. Two. So you're saying he should have at least two tricks. That's what I'm saying. Okay.

I'm not saying he has to know a third or be halfway through a third, but I think he should know two. All right, have him know two, but he's starting at scratch. Let's say for the sake of argument that Lork made it to 10th level. If his animal companion died and he got a new one, he wouldn't have no tricks. Yeah, you're right. Okay, so he knows the same amount of tricks,

but it starts fresh with the teaching of the new trick. It's not like he got three days' worth of Ben Perun's trick. Right, but I was going to give you the choice. You know what I mean? Because this creature came to me from you. He knows stay and attack. Okay. So I say stay and he actually stays.

And then I'm going to double move. Okay. So bear. I just have him written on my initiative tracker as bear. So I double move and I'm still almost 15 feet away from this thing. So it's far away. Time to get some new armor, bro. It's tough to run through this muck.

All right. Round two. Oh, sorry. I said Della. I guess you didn't hear me. That's hilarious. That was good. That was good.

Della, what do you do? 20% failure chance because on any spells with somatic components, a.k., aka all spells. Verbal. Verbal, I'm sorry. So Gnome Chompsky would like a word with you. Somatic. Have another Coors Light. Or Roland Bart. So Della is going to use her spell

combat ability. So she's going to cast. So what she can do is take a full she can take all of her attacks and cast a spell oh how does that work basically I can it's a first level magus ability the idea is that I can cast one of those touch spells

on my weapon and then attack with it oh you mean spell strike right well spell combat gives me the ability to take the attacks and cast in the same i can do it in what's the same round got it okay you do this how many times per day i can do that all day oh this expends the spell like just like a prepared attack and expenses yeah so i'm gonna cast defensively because i'm in melee combat right uh shocking grasp concentration concentration

yeah so i got a plus 8 to concentration what's the DC on this I always forget about concentration check do you get I think it's 11 plus the spell level is that right

it's 15 plus double 15 plus the spell level or double the spell level oh I should have it on my GM screen I'm just so excited cast defensively yeah I'm just so excited.

Cast defensively is 15 plus double the spell. Actually, I was wrong. I have it plus 12 for concentration because I took combat casting. Awesome. Gotta have that. Isn't that like a bonus feat for mages? It's not. I just took it as a regular feat. Let me ask you this. What level spell is Shock and Grasp?

One. So, DC 17. Gonna regular feat. Let me ask you this. What level spell is Shocking Grasp? One. One. So DC 17. DC 17. Got to roll a five or higher. Got it. Nailed it. Nailed it. Now I got to roll the percentage. So you're swinging your sword at me.

No, no, no, no, no. You have to roll 20% fail chance. That's what I'm going first. Oh, okay. Got to roll. So I got to get 80. 21 or higher. 21 or higher.

Nailed it. 81. Nice. Oh, boom. Nailed it. So the spell starts working through the blade now you got a fucking hit on the electricity like this is the tough part so if the attack hits it does the scimitar damage and shocking spell damage this is why mages are amazing and just because i want to get it all in i'm also going to spend an arc a point of my magus arcana to use arcane accuracy

to give me a plus three bonus to hit yeah now how many times a day can you do that i have five i have five so they work similar to grit points same as good points yeah i have five points in my arcane what are they called magus arcana wait wait wait you get five i get three so fuck you you don't even know who's well i was yeah so i get plus three plus my normal so that's 24 to hit that's a hit oh my god this character this is amazing it's gonna be a shame if he kills it oh shit i forgot already i forgot oh sorry no she's not gonna kill it wait she might roll it's six plus five to six she was what what is it falling from 60 feet look at parents just went eyeball

to the microphone well it's gonna it's gonna screw me too but hey Matthew I'm sorry about your close you gotta screw you too I'm deaf oh that's right could be worse yeah it's very low. 17 points of damage. Okay. No reflex for half.

No. Shocking grasp. No, because it's a touch. It's a touch. All right. And does that include the slashing damage? Yeah. That's all together. 17 total.

The lurker in light yet lives. Okay, good. Oh, my God. Oh, my. Remember, Baron doesn't know this. Baron doesn't know this. He doesn't know what's happening. Baron doesn't know this Baron doesn't know this He doesn't know what's happening Baron doesn't know this

Grant does And don't forget You can't You cannot tell Della Now Don't attack it Right Della can't hear you

I can't I can't read lips Without really working on it either Baron you're up Oh and I'm going to take a five foot step back Baron Does nothing Baron holds his action Baron holds his action.

Baron holds his action. Iwiga attempts to grapple it. Awesome. I think that's it. What? Yes. I think she got him.

No fucking way. 16 on the die. Oh, wow. Great roll. Iwiga grapp him. No fucking way. 16 on the die. Oh, wow. That's a great roll. Ewigga grapples. Yeah! She's holding onto it like, and it is its turn.

So it's gonna... It attempts to break the grapple. Fail, fail, fail, fail. It's Zambie or Escape Artist, whichever it has higher. Right. I'm sorry, whichever it has lower. Oh, boy.

Plus 15 escape artist. Oh, well, we'll never capture it. It breaks out. Yeah, we'll never capture it. So we have to bring it below zero. We just have to knock it unconscious. So he grabs it, and it just wriggles out, which means it did not blind or deafen anyone for a round.

It's crazy to me that those things cast five times they tried this, you guys. Save, save, save, save. And the last two times, fail, fail. It is now Galavris' turn. I'm going to try again. Command. Submit. Submit.

DC 14 will save. DC 14 will save DC 14 will save Failed Oh my god Yeah Yeah Fail That's all you need

Yes Oh my god That's all you need Tie it up Yes It It just kind of And mind you

It's still completely invisible You see its wings flapping But the outline of it In the glitter dust It Goes down to the ground And just And mind you, it's still completely invisible. You see its wings flapping, but the outline of it in the glitter dust, it goes down to the ground and just kneels before you, and its wings come to a stop. But again, it's completely translucent.

You just see the outlines of it in the glitter dust. Hog tire, boys. Yeah, tie it up. So Iwiga moves away. Nice job, Galabras. God, spells are so huge. That's clutch. Everybody roll a perception check. Except for Baron, right?

Except, as always. Can I roll it? Can Daffy make that? Yeah, Daffy McDufferson can. Good. Tell me who got above a 17. 20. 19.

What'd you get, Galabras? 11. Galabras cast command on the Lurker. The Lurker slowly descends to the ground and submits. All you see is its glowing image covered in glitter dust. Who walks up? Lork walks up. Della, the deaf, walks up. Galabras, I'm assuming Who walks up? Lork walks up. Della, the deaf, walks up.

Galabras, I'm assuming, walks up. And Baron probably doesn't do too much, and you told the bear to stay. Della and Lork notice that in front of you, next to the giant hollow of a tree, similar to the one on the other side of the room, but you see three or four of them spaced throughout the room, something is wrong with one of the plants. Something doesn't look right. And you see a giant mouth open out of one of the plants, and a bunch of tentacles lift up from the plants.

And it goes to whip its tentacles out and grab you to pull it towards itself. Oh my God. It looks like this. Oh my God. Oh wow. And you'll fight it next week. Oh my God.

It's huge. It is 10 times the size of a bear. Oh my God. Wow. Oh, fuck you.