The Glass Cannon Podcast - Giantslayer Episode 9 - Gleaming the Cube

Episode Date: July 28, 2015

With the identity of a foe revealed, the group descends deeper into the cellar of the Plague House - where they stumble upon a deadly invisible enemy! For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. To become an official member of the Naish, subscribe today at http://www.jointhenaish.com. Want to be a part of Glass Cannon Nation? Follow us at twitter.com/glasscannonpod instagram.com/theglasscannon facebook.com/glasscannonnetwork tiktok.com/@glasscannonnetwork Get the best apparel and gaming accessories in the biz at https://glasscannonnetwork.com/store If you enjoyed this, we have several other series featuring Call of Cthulhu - Time For Chaos Delta Green - Get in the Trunk Pathfinder 2E - Glass Cannon Live! Strange Aeons Pathfinder 1E - Legacy of the Ancients Traveller - Voyagers of the Jump and so much more! Join us every Thursday night for Campaign Two of The Glass Cannon Podcast – a playthrough of the Pathfinder 2E Gatewalkers Adventure Path! Videos premiere on YouTube Thursday nights at 8PM ET with a companion podcast available at midnight.For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for hundreds of hours of exclusive shows and benefits, make your membership official and join Glass Cannon Nation today by becoming a subscriber at jointhenaish.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the Glass Cannon Podcast. You hear, um... Who's there? Help me! Help! Help! Who's there? Alright, Lork goes in.

An innocent boy is kidnapped. Hello. Oh God, what is that? Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! And the fight to find him will be traumatizing. Both your old fortitude saves.

Oh crap! This is looking bad for Gormley. I failed. Leaving the group with an age old question. I think we should rest, because I only have one channel left. Everybody's hurt. To rest or not to rest.

I don't think we can survive another fight. You have one more channel positive energy? Mm-hmm. I say you do one more and we open the door. And he doesn't have his burning hands. One more I say you do one more and we open the door. One more, open the door. One more, open the door. The adventure continues

now. Hi everyone, it's Matthew from the Glass Cannon Podcast, aka Gormley the Witch. We've got a very exciting episode for you today. We face an enemy I never thought would actually be an enemy, and whoever thought that up was either a crazy genius or just really disturbed. Anyway, yeah, so we're really excited by the by the you know the feedback we're getting and keep it coming tell your friends share this with everyone you know we'd love to hear what

we're doing wrong what we could do better you know if you can get us on gmail glass cannon podcast at gmail.com or tweet us at glass cannon pod or you can find us on tumblr glass cannon podcast tumblr.com, enjoy the episode. I'm just going to sit here and roll dice until I roll two 20s in a row. And then we can start playing. That should only take an hour statistically. I'm going to go get a six pack. I rolled a 20 and a 17. We'll count it.

Close enough. And we'll also count it as my first two attacks. I was going to say, I'm glad you got that 20 out of the way. It's a 1 in 400 chance. I was going to say, I'm glad you got that 20 out of the way. Yeah. It's a 1 in 400 chance. I'm running really 220 in a row. Thought you went to school for plays, not math. So when last we met our heroes, we were in this basement of the plague house.

You guys came down here and uh walked into some pretty uh horrible bear traps uh then you fought and murdered a flood troll uh while a half orc was flinging shit at you uh he took off uh before you could and lork recognized him. That's what I remember. Lork recognized him, yes. And that was our big cliffhanger. Who was this man? His name is Doctani. Doctani? Yes. Is he from Trunel?

He is. He is a middle-aged half-orc resident of Trunel. How do you spell Doctani? D-A-K-T-A-N-I. Oh, yes, the less common Dr. Tony Spilling. Right. It doesn't end in a Y. Hit damn hippie parents.

Yeah, he's just a, you know, you know him as one of the few half-orcs in town. You don't have a personal relationship with him, but you immediately recognize him since you guys share a common bond of being one of the... Don't say it. Don't say it. Happy?

Goddamn! Oh my God. Keep your comments in your pocket. Is he, what does he do? Like for a living, is he, do I know his trade? No, he's... he just lays around. He's lazy like all half-orcs.

God damn it. Do you know if he has any relation to Brynja whatsoever? No, not that you know of. And not that you know of either, Lork. He's just kind of one of these guys. Maybe he doesn't work for the militia. Maybe he works as a laborer laborer any priors big dude yeah rap sheet as long as your spear he could be uh he could be a sleeper cell for the

belks and horde that wants to take down true now well i was thinking um because last time i know you said that the stuff we found in the chest looked like it had been stolen from true now but with the disguise kit and the signet ring and the nobles outfit i was thinking maybe there's some kind of infiltration going on yeah you know what i'm saying yeah somebody is stealing stuff from people in true now and it yeah it might be like not just common thievery but i mean maybe they're are they know, portraying themselves as nobles to get into places? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. Oh. You know?

Yeah. Hello, I'm Lord so-and-so from the, your mom's house. You know, that place. I used to live there. So, and we never identified the signet ring, the house it belonged to, correct? No. Okay. No.

Yeah, we tried some, I think. No one had knowledge. Nobody has knowledge of ability. Knowledge. Signet ring. Yeah, I should have it. I have knowledge local and knowledge history, but neither of those would help with the signet ring, would they? So.

You tried knowledge local and it didn't. Yeah, it didn't ring a bell. It didn't ring. It failed. Where did you guys find that, by the way? Sorry. It was in the chest. In the chest in this room?

Yeah. There's another chest as well that we haven't tackled, correct? A lockbox. The top of the safe. Upstairs, there's the lockbox. There's also a bookcase in this room that you guys haven't taken a look at. Oh, shit. And in addition, in this room there there are some

there are multiple entrances correct there's a portcullis right there's a portcullis to the south um which uh yeah portcullis to the south and then there and that leads back the way we came we came down the stairs yeah it would make sense that that came uh when you guys came down the stairs you saw a statue around a corner and then a door at the end of the hallway. And now you realize that around the hallway down there was the portcullis that led into this room. You guys chose a different route. We went through the back door. Right.

And so where you're standing now to the east is the hallway that was full of bear traps. There is a door to the west, and then there is also a hallway leading north which is uh where daktani ran okay so let's uh let's examine that bookshelf to begin with uh i'm gonna roll a perception on it as well all right natural 20 it's a good start man damn. Damn. I said two 20s in a row. 28 to total. 21 for Gormley. 17 for Lork. All right, everyone stop yelling. Lorkmaster Lork.

Yes, you're yelling. Okay, the bookshelf holds little of value. Oh, great. Thanks for pointing it out. Only the mostly destroyed pages of Yomadai's holy texts, aptly named Acts of Yomadai, and several other weathered scriptures. Oh, wait, I think we did check this out last time.

I remember the Acts of Yomadai being mentioned. Oh, well, I'm not editing this out of the podcast, so I'm just saying. Reiterating. Okay, so that makes sense, because this was formerly a temple of Yomadai. Good. Yes.

True, very true. There's also a giant holy symbol of Yomadai. Good. Yes. True. Very true. There's also a giant holy symbol of Yomadai on the floor. We're standing on it right now. It's the sword, the long sword. Is there any, sorry, could I do a, have we done a perception check like on the symbol, like on the floor to see if anything? Yeah, we did.

And we determined that it was the seal of Yomadai from the original construction of the church. It was not graffiti. It was not graffiti. It was not new. It was like old Iomadai from, I'm assuming that this basement was part of the original structure that was burned down,

and this went undamaged because it wasn't too burned. Can I ask, can we do a, somebody, not me, do a dungeoneering check to see where the bottomless pit would be relative to our location? Bottomless pit.

Oh, from upstairs. Oh, from upstairs. Somebody roll our knowledge dungeoneering if you have it. I have it. Lurk has it. So dungeoneering days? Yep. 15.

15. 15. You get the sense, just based on you were just upstairs, so you're kind of getting the lay of the land, that it would have come from the north. Northeast? Northeast, yeah. Where we haven't been yet. Right.

So when you guys came down the hallway, you took a left to go into all these bear traps, but you knew that you could go down keep going down that hallway and there was another door there you would think that somewhere beyond there is where the bottomless pit was is where that bottomless pit and that's the same direction that duck tony ran right on the other side right right but the same general direction yeah north let's call it north all right baron uh turns to lork and says, Well, buddy, you got any idea where to go next? I say we go deeper.

We find him. I know him. Doc Tani. Doc Tani? Yeah, he's a vagrant. Doesn't work. Is he a trust fund orc? I haven't

seen many orcs with trolls before. This might be curious. So can we, I mean, can Lork step up to where the hallway where he ran down and look around the corner, do a perception check? I mean, we stopped right when he ran down. We opened up this treasure chest of loot, but we didn't actually look down the hallway where he ran.

Just look around the corner. Yeah, you totally can. I mean, this is a fantasy game. You can do whatever you want. Let Just look around the corner. Yeah, you totally can. I mean, this is a fantasy game. You can do whatever you want. Let me peek around the corner. Oh, we just got hit by a crossbow. Oh. Just joshing you. You see another hallway with

two doors. Now, mind you, you guys were still bottlenecked in the where that bear trap room was So you didn't see Where Doctani ran off Which door he went into Yeah, which door or which way he went

But yeah, you see two doors One facing east, one facing north And they're both shut? Yes He covered his tracks cleverly Shutting the doors As a genius at doors. He certainly was not born in a barn.

Can I do a perception check on both doors? Just kind of listening to see if I hear anything on the other side. Sure. Do you want me to roll for each door or one roll? Go ahead and roll for one. We only have an hour. Ten. You hear the distinct sounds

of a wooden door. Is it all right if Baron listens in? At a different height. Baron sidles up to the doors and puts his tiny dwarven ear up to them. The doors crotch. And rolls a 14. Yeah, you don't hear anything. Nothing significant. Okay. uh yeah you don't you don't hear anything you know nothing uh nothing significant um

okay uh instead of just pursuing this guy do we do we want to check the door that's back in in the room where the flood troll was sure yeah um on the yeah let's do that he obviously knows this basement better than we do so he's probably long gone. Yeah, and I don't want to just track him directly into a trap. So, yeah, open a door and three half-orcs with crossbows just fire at you. So, yeah, I'll do a perception check on the door that's in the room where we killed the flood troll. Okay. There we go, 22.

Okay, so this door here to the west. Yeah, just for listening. You hear nothing. Open it. Okay, I'll do a stealth check to try to open it quietly and peek in. Okay, roll stealth. 13.

Okay, so you stealthily open the door and you see a room that resembles an urn repository. It resembles it because it is an urn repository. Resembles all the urn repositories. Sometimes in an effort to try and explain things. I was just reading the urn repository. Absolutely wrong word.

Yeah, you don't want to give too much away. It's allegedly an urn suppository. Suppository. Repository. Imagine an urn repository. It's not the urn suppository. Yikes.

I want the ashes of my loved ones stuck up my butt. Who doesn't? Wait, that has to be a real thing somewhere. Somebody somewhere

has that fetish. Yeah, I'm sure. There's no fetishes that aren't taken up somewhere. Unexplored. Someone. We don't know any way. Dibs, by the way. You guys want a little flavor text? I would love some. The walls of this

chamber are pocked with cubby holes, like skull-sized cubby holes, each containing a single brass or clay urn, some long since shattered or dented, others still completely intact. To the north, around the corner,

so you can see a lightly colored stone statue depicting a burning chariot wheel occupying the northwest corner of the room. Two iron doors on the eastern wall Oh, that's where you guys are. Allow egress from the room. Two iron doors on the eastern wall. Oh, that's where you guys are. Allow egress from the room. So you guys are coming in from that way. Gotcha. Galabras. What is that statue?

That statue you make heads or tails to eat? Well, he's not technically in the room yet, so do we want to just walk in there? Lork will walk in, see this stuff. I come in also. Gormley walks in and picks up an urn from the far wall

and rotates it like a brandy snifter and starts to take a sniff, take a whiff of the content. Okay, so you guys walk into the room and you want to check out the statue? Yeah, I want to do a religion check on it. Okay, so you guys walk into the room, and you want to check out the statue? Yeah, I want to do a religion check on it.

Okay, sure. Ten. Don't. What an idiot. God damn it. It's my only job. You don't quite recognize it. Burning wheel.

Can I do a perception on it? Yes, you can. See if there's any hidden... Can I do a history check on it? No. Even though I said you can do anything you want in fantasy. There's nothing historic about this. Eleven. Yeah, nothing.

I am going to use my dwarven stone cunning ability to receive a check to notice unusual stone work within 10 feet but I'm just going to do a general perception check on it I rolled a 23

it is made of a quality stone from a long time ago. But is there anything unusual, any hidden doors or traps in the stone walls or floors around me? Would you roll a 23? Yes, sir. Roll a perception. Follow that up with a perception check. That is a 21. Okay, so you're

dropping your mic. Fucking idiot. So you go over to the statue and you start feeling it and looking at it and you notice behind the statue are cobwebs that are blocking

what looks to be some sort of hidden passage. And just as you turn to tell these guys about it, Lork starts feeling really, really strange as he is engulfed by a gelatinous cube. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Roll for initiative. Where did it come from?

They're invisible. I hate to tell you this, but I don't think he's kidding. I don't think he is. Oh, boy. Oh, man. What do you mean they're invisible? They're invisible? Yeah, because they're clear, so you can't see them unless you make contact with them.

You walked into a jello cube. They're invisible while stationary. So you can walk into a room, do a perception check, and you'd be like, oh, I see something there. But if you walk directly into its square like Lork did, it automatically engulfs you. Oh, jeez. Okay, what did everybody get? Let's start with Galabras. Four.

Galabras with a four. Gormley. Twelve. Oh, and Gormley twelve ooh and Gormley usually rolls high Lork thirteen thirteen for the Lork man

Baron twenty-one alright shoot it um that's what I do okay so now

it's my roll my only job the uh the surprise round happens and what that is is the cube Doing its business with poor

Poor Lork So Lork, I need you to roll A fortitude save Okay 18 Oh boy Oh dear That's good, right?

Totally good. You're paralyzed for ten rounds. What? All right, now I'm going to go get some lunch. Can you grab us a pizza? What the hell, man? Yeah, you're paralyzed for ten rounds, and you gain the pinned condition.

What does that mean? You are flat-footed, take a minus four to your AC, and can only take verbal or mental actions. Okay. With the exception of checks made to escape. Damn. It says you can only take verbal or mental actions except checks made to escape.

Escaped. Escape. But I can't make a check to escape at all because I'm paralyzed at this point, right? Correct. And just for good measure, you also take three points of acid damage. Oh, man. So this cube just engulfs you, paralyzes you, pins you, and starts eating away at your skin. Everyone got a clear picture of that?

Yeah, pretty much. Okay, Baron, you're up. Baron is going to step forward five feet towards the gelatinous cube. Okay. He's going to do his best Bill Cosby and destroy it. You're jello. With the pudding pop. He's going to pull out his gun, and...

I love this. With his up close and deadly skill, he is going to shoot the gelatinous cube. Fair enough. Oh, man. Nine. However, up close and deadly, even if I miss with the attack, I graze

the target, dealing half the extra damage anyway, so I'm going to do roll a 1d6. Ah. I do two points of damage, roll to five, doing two points of damage. Alright. Alright. The bullet just goes in it and

stays lodged in there. Lork sees it slowly coming at his head. Like one of those YouTube videos of slow-mo bullets. It's like, coming through the gel. Alright, Gormley.

I'm going to shoot at it with my crossbow. Okay. Do I take a penalty? Because is it technically in melee combat with Lork? Even though it is? No. No, I'm not threatening it. He's, like, occupying the same space.

But he's in melee combat with baron so well baron shot at him he's not shot oh yeah but i'm within melee range yeah just take the penalty yeah take the penalty all right so i roll the 16 so that's a 12 to hit 12 to hit huh that would be a hit oh okay gorgeous must be a really big cube of jello. One point of damage. One point of damage. Oh, boy. I can hit the broad side of a jello cube.

Oh, I skipped Lork. I'm sorry. Well, it doesn't matter. He's paralyzed. That's why I skipped. And that is my turn. Thank you. Well, you can still make a mental action.

What do you want to say? I think about daffodils. What is he supposed to do? A mental action. You could make like a mental action. Lurk doesn't have a lot of mental actions. You could either go to your happy place or use the secret. Yeah, I'm going to find my power animal.

You could use it to inspire me to get out of this he thinks jam you could compose a haiku oh gross you could actually do a knowledge check and if you've got something useful you could yell it out to us uh you can speak right uh oh i can speak okay um okay well knowledge dungeoneering work on this cat i think it is dungeoneering is it enough like this an aberration uh yeah it is well it is an ooze oh right yeah oozes fall under dungeoneering so oh okay yeah you don't see these on the in the surface world well yeah this is lork specialty dungeoneering so let's see 17 all right um What are you interested in knowing? I'm interested in knowing if piercing damage is not as effective.

No, it is totally effective. Okay. And you rolled high enough to know that it's immune to electricity. Okay. Maybe that'll come in handy. Put your tasers away, everybody. All right. So, yeah, I encourage them to keep shooting at it. And now it is.

Shoot her. Shoot her. Thank you, Skid. Shoot her. All right. Galabras is, I guess, just going to step up. To the streets. To the mic.

And swing at it with my ineffective mace mace of ineffectiveness minus seven mace of suck okay it's heavy well you have a you have a bonus now that you're second level to your two hit no because uh no i don't clerics don't get one. And I missed. Well, I rolled a six. Hit. Hey, all right. Really? How presumptuous of me. It is a giant cube of ooze.

I guess it's not that hard to hit it. That was such a bad roll. Wait. I rolled a nine. He rolled a nine and assumed he missed. Baron. Yeah. With the gun.

Oh, so I just fucked that up then? Oh, wait. I'm sorry. You did hit it. Oh. Yeah, I was looking at something else. Well, he rolled a five, and my other damage. So, Baron, you can roll your damage. I'm sorry about that.

Oh. I rolled 12 total points, so I told you I did two, but I did 12 points. That's a big difference. That's a, yeah. That's 10 more. Another 10 more. Okay, I'm sorry about that. Lurk is paralyzed.

He's like, let's go back in time. And Gorm, excuse me, Galabras, yours did hit as well. I rolled max damage, eight. Nice. Look at this. Look at you, Galabras. I'm a warrior. Do it in the Galabras voice.

I'm a warrior. Don't fuck with Galabras. Is Galabras also Lord Voldemort? He is. You know what? I assumed its ac was higher so when you said nine i'm like no way nine hits i was reading about ooze traits and then i came back and i'm like oh that's what it's ac is it just has a zillion hit points i got ooze traits right here oh stop it speaking of ooze traits it is now going to attempt to engulf bar. Now, Baron, you have a choice of making an attack of opportunity

or a saving throw. So, if I do an attack of opportunity and it is not dead, I will be engulfed? Correct. You will be engulfed. Wow. And I do a saving throw against what? It is a reflex saving throw to

avoid the engulf. It's a really interesting choice. You can try and attack it, but to avoid the engulf. It's a really interesting choice. You can try and attack it, but you'll get engulfed. Or you could not attack it at all and fail the reflex saving and get engulfed anyway. Right. Sophie's choice. You face a real Sophie's choice, Aaron. Maybe not quite.

This is more troubling. Meanwhile, Lork, you just see bits and pieces of things inside the junk. Pineapple. Skulls. Ashes. Items. When it engulfed Lork, it paralyzed him, correct? It did.

So I'm going to try to escape it. Does the escape artist add on to my reflex save at all or no? Well, it hasn't engulfed you yet. You can't escape it until it engulfs you. But if you pass your fortitude save, you won't be paralyzed. Reflex save. Well, reflex to avoid engulf and then. Okay, so I'm going to roll my reflex save to escape it now.

All right, to avoid the engulf. Oh, yeah. 19 plus 6 is 25. Looks like somebody avoided the engulf. Clutch, clutch. So it does not get a... I don't like it when I get my boots dirty. So it does not, it cannot attack you.

It tries to like, a piece of it comes out and reaches after you and you just move away. And that was its turn. That's a good idea. I think we're on the reflex save. Round two, Baron. Baron's going to attack it. Up close and deadly. No, because I don't want to use

all my crit points. Damn it. Oh. 24. Yeah, that's a hit. Do you only get a critical on a 20 with the pistol? Yes, it's crit times four. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Five points of damage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Five points of damage.

It doesn't yell out in pain because it has no mouth. I have no mouth and I'm a scream. What is that from? Classic PC game. It's a book. Well, yes. I don't know how to read and you know this, kid. Is it Philip K. Dick?

I know you know how to read and you know this Is it Philip K. Dick? I know you know Dick Probably Probably because one of the reasons Philip K. Dick was never popular during his living days outside of movies was because his book titles were terrible like Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

later titled Blade Runner in its theatrical adaptation And this has been Dick Moment Sheep, later titled Blade Runner in its theatrical adaptation. And this has been Dick Moment. Sponsored by Philip K. Dick's Dead Soul. Sponsored by Cialis. I'm sitting over here and I, for a minute I thought I was watching another podcast. And I enjoyed it.

Be sure to tweet at us. At Glass Cannon Pod. We should have Dick facts like every, once every episode. And it's just related to philip k dick just yeah it's all about philip there's a lot of facts to give out about that dude so it's just pictures of his uh portraits of philip k the author because there's got to be one listener out there going these fucking idiots don't know who wrote this goddamn book. Never listening to this podcast again. It's by Harlan Ellison. Oh, that's right.

That's right. Harlan Ellison, famously litigious. Harlan Ellison, who I have met and who hit on my mom, actually, when I met her. Why are you talking? This really is another podcast. This is really great. He was also responsible for The Terminator. Or so he claims.

Didn't Harlan Ellison also write the City on the Edge of Forever Star Trek episode? He did. That's correct. That's correct, Matthew. All right. Wow. We're getting nerdy. Joe, do you read books?

No, I don't read books. Harlan Ellison will absolutely sue us for this podcast for mentioning his name so often. That's right. You said he's litigious. But we're big fans. Are we? We love him. Except for when he hit on my mom, which he did actually do.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Which he did actually do, allegedly. If he has a problem with us, we'll send a gelatinous cube to his house to paralyze him. Lork, you're up. Okay, so here's a question. Can you continually roll knowledge checks in an attempt to get more information?

Absolutely. If you keep clearing it? That's all you can do, yeah. Okay. I'll try more knowledge to engineering. 11. Well, don't forget the CR of this is pretty low. Oh, right, right, right.

We're low level, yeah. You still don't know anything, though. It's just a little bit higher than 11. Okay. Gormley. So can I reload my crossbow and fire again with the same? Yeah. Yeah, if you don't move.

As long as you don't move. Great. I will reload and fire my crossbow after July in this cube. Fire. I'm ready. 13. That's a hit. Did you subtract four?

Still a hit. Nine. Got it. Two points of damage. Chipping away. Lork's going to take a look at that crossbow after this thing. Make sure it's working right. Is that thing working?

Galabras. Warped. I was going to warp. I'm going to. You're going to shine against this guy, man. Just pound away. Yeah. I'm like feeling it right now. I'm like, wow, I'm actually hurting something for once in my life, other than my parents. So I am

going to attack again and 13. 13 hits. And another max damage! Hey! Oh, man! I'm a killer! I'm a trained killer! Alright, so the cube, everybody's favorite cube, attempts to engulf. It's a game cube? Baron. Oh, wait, everybody's up on there, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. So it moves forward to engulf both Baron and... Galabras. Is that Galabras or Gromley? Galabras. Gromley's in the back room. She was looking at the urns. She's an urn connoisseur.

So it... Suppository urns. So Galabras and Baron have to decide if they want an attack of opportunity or a saving throw. Should we try to just blow this thing away together in a combo move? That sounds pretty badass.

Its AC is so low. Yeah. I mean... But if it gets both of you, it's just... It's just me and my crossbow talk about sophie's choice i'm gonna it'll be just him as this thing is creeping towards that's awesome i i'm probably better off attacking it because my reflex is zero uh i'm also going to attack because gunslingers are daring and i can get back my grip point if I succeed. Yeah. Wow.

And, and Troy deems it daring. We like, we like look at each other and it's like, let's do this. Nine, 15, both close and deadly.

Both hit, uh, Galabras roll your damage to, okay. Oh, nine points of damage. Still alive. Both of your damage. Still alive. Oh!

Both of your old fortitude saves. Oh, crap! This is looking bad for Gormley. I failed. 20. DC 20. That's insanely high. Is it poison, a spell, or a spell-like ability?

It's an EX. What is that, exceptional? Yeah, it's not spell-like. It's not spell. Is it poison, a spell, or a spell-like ability? It's an EX, what is that, exceptional? Yeah, it's not spell-like Is it poison? No, it's just paralysis It's like an anesthetizing slime Is it spell-like? No I'm asking the same question different ways

Grant, shut up Stop it It's not Gandalf Galabras, you're paralyzed for 14 rounds uh baron you're not paralyzed so you you're like still able to move around i'm gonna mute our mics i'm like let's sit here well no because we can talk still i keep forgetting that and baron and galabras both take five points of acid damage. So this ooze basically looks like the gross jello I never wanted to eat at the cafeteria

with the little pieces of fruit inside of it. Yeah, yeah, the pulp. Only in this case, it's like cremated heads. Yeah, arms and legs and items and a belt. Let's take it back a second and just walk through this. So Lork is already in there just seeing like skeletal remains and maybe a scroll or two

like some items and stuff. Completely paralyzed. These guys, last dish effort, both Baron and Galabras come up. Decimate it but still keep it alive and engulfs both of them. Paralyzes Galabras for a week and a half. Baron avoids paralysis, but they both take five points of acid damage.

And now it is the next round, and this thing is creeping ever slowly towards Gormley, who is painted into a very tiny 10-foot-wide corner. Oh, man. With a statue on one side of him. We do know there's a secret door behind the statue, though, right? You do. So you can run and let them die.

That would be such a Gormley thing to do. Attack them with a scorpion, bro. I'm not risking Howie. No, don't risk Howie. Howie is the star of this podcast. Now, I should mention, it doesn't matter so much for Galabras, but for Baron, you do gain the pinned condition, which means, once again, that you're flat-footed, take a minus four penalty to your AC, and you can only make verbal or mental actions except checks made to escape. So you can make a check to escape because you're not paralyzed, whereas Galabras cannot.

And it is Baron's turn. So, and does that take, that's just my escape artist check to add to the bonus? It's just your escape artist check. You just roll escape artist. Well, you have to beat a CMD maybe. Six. No, Baron rips himself up. Yeah!

So it's not that hard. You just got to not be paralyzed. Can I shoot him? Or is that my home? I think that's a standard action. That's a standard action. But you're out, which is good. Because if this thing survives another round, you have one more chance at it.

Lork? All right, I'll keep doing knowledge. There we go, 20. 20. What do I want to know know it loves long walks on the beach vulnerabilities uh yeah what is it vulnerable to fire is it vulnerable to something uh i already used my burning hands damn it no it is not particularly vulnerable vulnerable to anything. It can't be charmed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mental. Oh, so the hexes wouldn't work.

Yeah, I figured since there was no actual brain. You roll really high, so it's immune to poison and sleep and obviously paralysis and stunning stuff like that. What are its turn-ons uh what are what are its remaining hit points uh not a ton so it's up to gormley there's pieces of goo all over the walls all right again with the crossbow come on man again with the crossbow. Eight. Eight hits. So awesome.

Roll that Dimash. One. Are you shitting me? Does anyone else have a D8 they could lend me for this? I have 40. Here, take one. I honestly thought you were rolling a 1D4 minus two.

Here. Okay. It is Galabras Finn's turn. Anything you want to think about? I'm going to channel positive energy. I guess you could do that. I can absolutely do that because you allowed it last night when we played in the other game and our cleric was paralyzed. I thought we wouldn't talk about that, Skid.

I'm cheating on you, all right? All right. cleric was paralyzed. I thought we wouldn't talk about that, Skid. I'm cheating on you, alright? Alright, everybody gets two points back. I'll take it. That's the sound of channel energy. Joe, you need a good

channel energy sound effect. There should be one on the board there. That sounds like something caught on fire. That was an ice thing. That was an ice that was a nice thing oh yeah there's a there's a lightning one channel ice that seems very violent for a healing i don't like that healing aura that was positive you all take two points of damage that's like what sounds in my head when I lick a 9-volt battery. All right, it's your old pal the cube's turn again, and it goes to Slam Baron.

16. It's not a giant subtype, is it? No. No, that hits. Stop it. You take one point of damage and four extra points of acid damage. It just sears your skin. Okay.

And now it is Baron's turn. Did you deem what I did daring? Did I regain a grip point by shooting him? I'm glad you asked. It was quite daring. Thank you. And you escaped. You get your grip point.

I am going to shoot him up close and deadly. All my reloading, by the way, are swift actions. Explain it really dramatically. What's going on? Baron says, I'm afraid of no ghost. He just got slimed. I mean, come on.

Oh, good point. And Baron pulls his pistol out and aims it at what he deems the ooze's head and says, Die, motherfucker. Die, motherfucker. Die. Wait, that's my head. Finish him.

I rolled an eight. Hit. Kill it. Nine points of damage. Baron pulls out his gun, shoots it. Ooze all over the wall. Lork and Calabras fall to the ground. Not even twitching, because you're completely paralyzed.

Your eyes are twitching. Moving side to side. I feel so funky. A couple, a minute or so passes and Lork starts regaining feeling in his body. And then a minute afterwards,

Galabra starts to be able to move again, but you just feel like your skin is burnt a little bit and you just feel all around pretty gross. That's got to be a seriously traumatic incident. Yeah. To be engulfed by this cube of corrosive jello and paralyzed. I can't... You know sleep paralysis the conditioned

sleep paralysis i've had it yeah you've had it oh i've had it too yeah it's the worst feeling in the world it's horrible you're like a weight you're you're caught in the state between awake and asleep and you you just you're trying to move but you can't and so you just shake violently until you wake your body up yeah it is awful, terrifying. It's happened to me too, yeah. What I would do is I would concentrate on moving my big toe. I would just try to move my – Like Kill Bill? Yeah, exactly.

And then you break out of it as soon as you can do that. It's the worst. Horrifying. Yeah, I can imagine. We used to talk about with Merwin, our old DM, how the kind of like adventurers must experience because like just the horrificness of like even just what we've been through now like would put anyone in the real relatively low level simple encounter yeah would put anyone in the real world

into a mental hospital for the rest of their lives you know it is really it is really scary a messed up you're floating power you lose control your entire body and you're just looking at pieces of skull and acid damage and you're burned and you're like am i going to end up here like this is it is this the end of my life i die here and i'm carried around by this thing forever gross uh all right on that note great i mean that thing was uh is there anything of value that came out of it that we had you said a scroll what a great idea what a great question uh yeah there are some things uh you notice in addition to a couple of uh skeletal remains that had like the

skin had been completely burnt off and all that was left inside was that you also find a scroll in a steel scroll case, a masterwork chain shirt. Oh! That might come in handy. A falchion, a star rose quartz amulet, and coins totaling 20 gold pieces, 95 silver pieces,

and 144 copper pieces. What was the gold number? 20 gold. That's all you care about. 20 gold, 95 silver, 144 copper. And what was the thing after Falchion and before the coin? A Star Rose quartz amulet. For the noob in the room.

Have I just been appraising things for you? You have, yeah. You said you hated appraised checks. Okay, so the amulet's worth 75 gold pieces. And the steel scroll case is worth 50 gold. Nice. And you can roll spellcraft on the scroll. I would like to roll spellcraft

on the scroll. I would like you to roll spellcraft. There you go. 21. Oh, baby, it is a scroll of hold portal. What? Oh, okay.

That like blocks a door, right? I think so, yeah. Or at least a portal. Ow! I'm inside. And for the new in the room, what is a falchion?

It is a large, two-handed, curved weapon. Like imagine... Yeah, imagine like a scimitar. You know, like a pirate scimitar, but it's bigger and two-handed. Lurk might actually use that. Yeah. It is a favored weapon of a lot of half-orcs. Could you do...

Is any of it magic magic apart from the scroll? Could you detect magic? I'll detect magic on the remains. No, you don't detect any magic with the exception of the scroll. I love that detail that only things made out of metal survive the acid. Yeah, I was just thinking. Like, that's why the scroll survived is because it's in a metal case. I didn't even think about that, but it's cool so uh i say that's a good writing yeah good job who's the guy wrote

this i don't know we got a tweet at him i love this guy uh patrick reeney or renee r-e-n-i-e this guy's great yeah we love you i love you patrick. Come join our podcast. Baron wipes the remaining slime from his beard as if he's squeezing the water from a sponge and says, good riddance. And then he lets the group know about the secret passageway he found. I want to go home. Anybody else want to roll knowledge religion

on that statue? I don't have it. I think Calabris is the only one that has it. That's his whole job. I know. I can't do it again. He fucked it up. I could do it untrained, but I don't have religion.

Could I have gotten a moment of clarity from my new- Could he have grabbed the Yomadai book from upstairs and used that as a reference to read through and then make a judgment call on the statue? It was pretty beat up and wet. But, yeah, it's not whatever uh so so how how much farther are we are we going here i think we should rest because i only have i have one channel left i have two touches of luck left everybody's hurt i have less than half my hp right yeah we should we should like go upstairs and like camp i think. So we're effectively declaring the... I mean, I guess we weren't really chasing Drac-Man or whatever.

What was his name? Dracari. Dracari. Yeah. Drac-Tani. Yeah, I mean... Drac-Tani. Drac-Arnoir.

I don't mean to overdo it, but we walk into the wrong room and something like that. Like, Lork gets paralyzed again. I mean, I know it's unlikely, but it's just why die down here? I don't think we can survive another fight. Yeah, like a real fight. A real fight. I hate cutting. I also think that killing that flood troll was one of the main reasons we came here and then also to investigate more.

I think that, you know, who knows? Are they going to, whatever's going on down here, are they going to clean up and leave before we come back? Like, get rid of all their evidence? I doubt it. I don't think they're scared of us. I think they're just going to try to kill us. Can I, just in the interest of not moving anywhere else,

but maximizing the potential of this room, can I do a perception check around the urns and stuff to see if there's anything of use to us in the room? Sure. I'll do the same, since Gormley is very interested in them. Me too. 11. 21.

Even with a 21 You see that Even There's Most of the urns Are battered Or in various states Of being destroyed But the ones That are still intact

Are just Just hold ashes Nothing of Nothing of interest Should we look down This hidden passageway Before we leave? Yeah

I kind of want to look I kind of want to look The one thing That concerns me about leaving and making camp is the lockbox upstairs. We could take that with us easily. No, we can't. It's pretty heavy.

He said you couldn't walk around to explore and fight things, but just to carry it home. I say we do. You have one more channel positive energy? I say you do one more and we open the door. Burning hands. One more, open the door. more open the door the door the door or the passageway the secret passageway okay all right i'm a channel again sick oh good one all right we're good let's do another uh let's kill everything Awesome You guys chose a fun choice

I wasn't less than happy I forgot that you did two when you were in the cube You hit for two Do you want to open the door, Mr. Is it a door or is it just cobwebs covering a hall? Cobwebs are covering I'll stealthily sort of Indiana Jones The cobwebs, just kind of peel them away

And look down the hall Dr. Locke, Dr. Lorke! Should I do stealth first, then perception? Yeah, roll a stealth. Five. You scream at the cobwebs. Anybody down here?

Rawr! You just see another hallway, empty hallway that ends in a wall. Blank wall. In a blank. This creeps me out a little bit. It's got a little bit of a kill room feel. Gormley is going to grab one of the intact urns and cast light on it. So now it is emanating light, and she's going to chuck it down the hallway. Okay. Bowling ball it down the hallway. cast light on it. So now it is emanating light and she's going to chuck it down the hallway.

Bowling ball it down the hallway. Bowling ball it down the hallway. Magically lit urn. See if we see anything or it causes anything to happen. Ting ting ting ting. You hear, um... Who's there? Oh, you hear that.

That was good. And then you hear, who's there? Help me. Help. Help. Who's there? All right, Lork goes in. So you go into the hallway, and it just ends.

And there's no door at the end of the hallway, but you hear this. Is it coming from the north, the east, the south? It's coming from the wall to your right. Baron. Baron is going to use his stone cunning on the... You can just do this whenever you want. Just find secret doors? Yeah, I actually get a...

Oh, as long as they're made of stone. Whenever it's made of stone, the dungeon master should actually tell me when I get within 10 feet, I guess. Oh. That's fine. Dungeon master. Or I should have a check within 10 feet or something.

It's made of ice What did I roll? A 6? I get a 16 Detect secret doors You You find a room Because you heard Because Gormley threw that thing down there.

It helps you to discover a hidden room. Ah. Connected to one of the doors that the guy might have gone through. But in this case, it's not the guy, but a boy tied

up and laying on the ground. You there. Tiny little room. Boy, what day is this? It's St. Swivins Day. Oh, I haven't missed it. Oh, joy. I want you to go into the shop and get the fattest goose in the window.

He says, help, help me. God damn it, I am such a sucker for that crap. I know. It's so funny. Untie me. All right. Lork is going to go in there and, well, he's going to look for threats. Can I do a perception check to see if anyone else is hiding in the room or there's any markings on the walls of traps or anything?

Any clear gelatinous oozes? Yeah, he's a little freaked out right now. Seriously. There we go. 25 perception. 25. No, he is alone in the room, but you notice a pile of coal in the corner. And with the 25 perception, you see a sack under the pile of coal.

Awesome. Yeah. That this boy did not see. Okay, well, I'm going to leave the sack for the moment. God damn it. Such a mensch. You ignore him and go right for the sack. Help me, help me.

I'm going to... I'll start on tying the boy and ask him what his name is. Baron walks in while this is happening. Oh, hello. Hello, my name is Othdan. How do you spell your name? That's a strange first question. It's O-T-H-D-A-N.

Is that going on some sort of spreadsheet? It's accessible online? For insurance purposes? I'll share it with you on Google Docs. I will, um... Okay, uh... Who are you? Where are you from?

I'm from Trunau. This half-orc knocked me unconscious and dragged me to this furnace room and locked me inside. I was just, you know, wandering around here near the plague house, you know, as many of the young people

in town do, and I guess I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. What's the approximate age? And this boy is human? Yes. No.

You see me. I'm standing right in front of you. My approximate age is seven years, 30 days. Do your half-orc eyes not work correctly? Sounds like a Monty Python sketch.

Is he a teenager or is he like a seven-year-old? I'm 14. Don't talk to me like I'm not here. I interject and I say, are you hurt, boy? You need any help? I'm okay now. I just want to get out of here safely. That half-orc has got to be around here somewhere. You're sure you're not with him? Oh, no. No. We'll try to find him.

Did he say anything? Did you hear him say anything about why he was bringing you down here? No. No. Every time I heard him speaking to someone else, some creature, but it was in a language I didn't understand. Well, boy. The troll. I just could hear little snippets of conversation. We took care of that creature you might have heard earlier, so don't you worry. Well, you're safe now.

We just want to know a little bit more about you. What were you doing before he captured you? Could you untie him? I did. You did? I said I did. Is it cool? Was it easy enough to untie? Yes.

Did you roll to untie me? Yes, I'm untied. I was just snooping around, and, you know, the rumor is that the plague house is haunted, and I guess I just wanted to come here and show how brave I was. That's a foolish move, boy. You don't come here unarmed. You're telling me. And without a healer.

You're telling me. You're telling me, see? At that moment, Gormley peeks her head around the door, and is like, hello. Oh, God, what is that? Kill it, kill it, kill it! Kill it, kill it! Get it! So you hex him? Right.

I give him the evil eye. The non-magical evil eye. Just the regular one? Regular. All right. Well, why don't we see this kid out of here and take him back? Let's do it. One last question.

As far as you know, was it just that half-orc and the creature down here or do you hear anyone else coming and going? I only heard the half-orc. I didn't get a look at his face, but if I saw him, I could point him out for sure. And some other creature, but like I said, it was in a language that was like all garbled. So it

sounds like we basically cleared this basement. We should still get him out of here, but... But, uh, here, take this. And he gives you a campfire bead and a potion of cure light wounds. Ah, awesome. He's like, I have this on me. He never searched me.

He just locked me in here. I don't know if he was going to leave me here for dead or come back to kill me later. But, um, and then do you want to look at the, underneath the coal pile? Yeah, yeah, I want to look at the... You want to take a look at the sack? Yeah.

Uh, you find a sack with 55 platinum pieces. Whoa! Ooh. It's a treasure! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Oh, man! Othdan says, well, I didn't even see that! I mean, granted, I was tied up, but I've had some time to roll around here.

You must have great perception skills. I've got dark vision. You have terrible wisdom and even worse eyes, boy. Now, I just have one question for you. I know you're going to save me, but are you guys going to be giant pussies and try and go rest somewhere? Or are you going to clean out what is possibly the last room in this dungeon? I'm going to clean it out. Oh, good.

Well, let's do that on the next episode. Outro Music