The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 1 – The Green Loser

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

The lovable miscreants behind The Glass Cannon Podcast took their show on the road in October of 2018 to kick off a US Tour at the Bootleg Theater in Los Angeles. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa of The Glass Cannon Network as they begin the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Adventure Path! Watch the video hero: https://youtu.be/0UAqWotIAUw Gameplay 15:51 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors.

Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. what is going on blast cannon nation oh my god oh my goodness prepare to be underwhelmed. Can you imagine they paid for this? What fools, Grant. What fools. Morons. Oh my goodness. This is very exciting.

We're going to try and have some fun tonight. No promises. You know, this is a big deal for us. This is the start of a whole new Glass Cannon Live experience. And you're here to see it live. And we really want this new show to kick off a new experience for everybody, for the live shows. You know, if this was the old live show, I'd probably start off by making really mean jokes about these guys. It's true.

Do it anyway! I'd probably say something about how Skid is really old. How about, like, the color TV came out the same year he got his driver's license. I might say that. It's not true. If this was the old Glass Cannon Live. It's not true. I'm glad you're not doing it

No I'm not gonna do it Yeah This is a new show I might make jokes About Grant's size About how he's big Everywhere except for Where it counts

But I'm not gonna do that In the new show I'm not gonna do it Grant Where it counts Grant In my defense His wife is here And she told me that In confidence before the show

Angel Yao everybody Angel Yao The fourth row Give her Counts, Grant. In my defense, his wife is here, and she told me that in confidence before the show. Angel Yao, everybody. Angel Yao, the fourth row. Give her, take her, yeah, there she is. Woo! She's so embarrassed of me, she wouldn't take my last name. Smart woman.

If this was the old Glass Cannon Live I might even stoop so low To make fun of Matthew's lack of commitment To the business Can you believe that? Can you believe that I would do that? I might even go so far to talk about How in the last five hours of content we've recorded Matthew was only awake for one hour of it

It's true That is just a factual statement He fell asleep in the car yesterday When we were driving up to Griffith Park Observatory one hour of it. It's true. That is just a factual statement. It's factual. He fell asleep in the car yesterday when we were driving up to Griffith Park Observatory. It was really cute. There's a couple episodes

you'll be like, wow, Matthew was really quiet. It's because he was sleeping like a lazy giraffe in his chair. Like four episodes. And I would never deign to stoop so low

You don't kick someone when they're down Is what my parents always told me So I would never make fun Of Joe's giant, gross, balding Irish head I wouldn't do it Because this is a new Glass Cannon Live experience Wow And we're not gonna go there

How could you even tell when he's wearing that hat? You see? You can't tell. You can't tell. Exactly. What a beautiful hat. Do you think they sell those in the merch store? Well, Troy, they do. You can find them right out front. I see hats. Yeah! Alright. I love it. I love it.

It's like the new lighter. It's just hold up a hat. Encore. Do that improv again. Troy, hold up your hat. Encore. Do that improv again. Troy, hold up your hat. No, I don't wear the merch. I don't get high off my own supply. So as I mentioned, tonight marks the beginning

of a new live show. A U.S. tour, if you will. And most importantly, a whole new adventure. We are kicking off the Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path tonight!

Tonight! Woo! We were saying at dinner, like, we're excited for the show, but Skid, you were like, there is nothing better than starting a new adventure path. Yeah, I would be equally as excited if we were just doing this at your apartment. Right, or at the Airbnb, just like, oh, that was a lot of fun.

If only 250 people were here watching. No, but the dice rolls are real. The character deaths are permanent. Everything counts from here on out. counts from here on out. And you know, we put up a March Madness style bracket online to allow the listeners to choose what

classes and archetypes these idiots would play. And I think it's time to reveal the results. What do you think? No time like the present. Now Matthew, you got the class that was voted for the most out of all brackets.

Like, if these other guys didn't get that class, it was like their second or third. It was very high. Matthew, what class are you playing? I got the psychic detective. And what is that? That is an investigator, right? It's an investigator archetype. I'm sorry we gave you a spellcaster.

That's more work. That was a low-key sick burn. Is there a burn victim unit out there? Sorry. Take 1d4 points of burn damage from that sick burn. This is going to be a long night. We'll get to the show in about an hour.

He usually does when you're good. Skid, people were campaigning for you right out of the gate to play one class and one class only, and they got their wish. Tell them what they've won. Mad Scientist. Mad Scientist. Mad Scientist. And what class is that based on? It is an alchemist theme. What is it?

Archetype. Archetype. Sorry, I forgot some of the terminology of the game I've been playing since I was a child. Right, right. No, it's an alchemist. And I've never played an alchemist before. No. Are you excited to, or are you worried about

splash damage? I still don't really know how it works. Does anyone know how splash damage works? This is like a live subreddit. They can yell at us in real time about how dumb we are and what we're messing up. A slightly less cruel subreddit.

Hopefully. Now, Grant, both you and Joe, when all the votes came in, you were tied for the same class. But since Joe had more votes for his, I let you choose your runner-up. So without revealing Joe's class, what did you get? Well, let me say, I enjoy this class a lot. But it's not so much that I enjoy this class as I enjoy picking a class that Joe would rather play than what he's got. Right. If you're hurting him, we all win.

Yeah. That's what I think the spirit of the show is. L'esprit de show in French. So I'm playing a war priest of the disenchanter archetype. So that lets me, after about 80 live shows when I hit fourth level. I'll be able to protect the group with abjuration magic, and at sixth level, I can basically just dispel magic. No magic, no!

I like how you said you'll be able to protect the group when you know all those healing spells are going against your character. Oh yeah, absolutely. I'll be able to protect the group. I can't promise what I'll do in the heat of battle. I lay on hands on myself. I can't protect the group if I can't protect myself first. I'm five hit points myself. I can't protect the group if I can't protect myself first. I'm five hit points down. How can I protect

the group? It's funny because it's true. And then there's Joe. Joe, there were... I love you. There were 64 possible classes. They were then narrowed down to eight. What would you say, ballpark,

the ranking was of the class that you are being forced to play? Out of 64. In a shocking Cinderella story, my 64th ranked class It would be as if Holy Cross Was in the March Madness tournament

And then beat everybody else That was in the tournament It's the Villanova It's the Villanova of classes It's the Villanova of classes It's a Cinderella story I also hate Villanova So it's very appropriate

I will be suffering through. Actually, that's not true because I'm now very excited. But they handed me the hungry ghost monk. The hungry ghost monk. Now, why were you upset about this? You went on a long tirade on a cannon fodder a long time ago about how monks are shitty. Yes. And then people wrote in and said, Joe,

as usual, you're a fool. Yeah, well, you also have this tendency to get one email that says something and you're like, everybody's saying this. It was multiple emails. It was like one guy in Des Moines who was like, I love monks! Well, he spoke very clearly.

The problem with the monk is that it stinks, and it's broken, and they fixed it in Unchained, but you can't play an Unchained monk if you do a Hungry Ghost monk. You called it a mad Hungry monk. Why was it mad? What? Multi-attribute dependent, right? Yeah, yeah, mad, they call it. Multi-attribute dependent.

Because you have to have everything, and you can't wear armor. Anyway, anyway. I'm going to turn my story around, and then I'll talk about it later. What you guys didn't see was tantrum. Tantrum. The tantrum. Tantrum is right, yeah. I know Joe's children, and I have not seen them throw bigger tantrums than I saw Joe throw.

He was like, I don't even have to play it. They won't even know. I don't want to be a hungry ghost monk. They're stupid. This literally happened. Grant went out for a cigarette and he came back in and he was like, I was just looking on my phone and they can see all the results. And I was like, damn it!

We could have lied to them. Nice try, O'Brien. Looks like it's Elder Meatho Scholar wins it Okay Before we jump in I just want to say a couple thank yous First of all, a big thank you to our host, the Bootleg Theater Bootleg, Bootleg

Bootleg, this is very exciting for us to be kicking off this tour here In the City of Angels And the Bootleg has been fantastic So thank you to them Thank you. You know, it means a great deal to us that any of you would take the time to come out and play with us. A little story. So like 11 years ago, I had this crazy idea. I'm like, I'm going to buy a car. I didn't have any money. I bought a car I couldn't afford, and I drove 3,000 miles across country to come here to L.A.

And I didn't have a plan. I didn't have a job. I had about 200 bucks in my bank account and a pocket full of dreams, as they say. And I slept on my buddy's couch for about a week and then after a week he was like, get the fuck out. You cannot stay here anymore. And so then I was homeless. I was like literally homeless.

I was sleeping in my car. I had this crazy idea. I was like, I'm going to stay up all night and then I'm going to go sleep on the beach. Makes sense. And just get a tan. And I did that for a day. It's a bad idea. It is. It doesn't work.

I learned that the hard way. But then I was like, I was starting to get the hang of it. I was about six months in. I was starting to do a little more stand-up, starting to get some auditions. And then something happened, and I had to go back to New York. I got a show back in New York, so I moved back to New York, drove another 3,000 miles, and for the past decade, I've just been throwing shit against the wall,

hoping something would stick. And then one day, while tossing feces, I went to my good buddy Joe, and I went to my good buddy Skid, and I said, we should do an actual play podcast. Because I think we can do something really special if we put our minds to it. And then Joe went to Matthew, and Skid went to Grant. And here we are.

So, the moral of this story is, keep throwing shit out there there because you never know where you'll end up. Yeah, it was also like the 10th weird idea that he came to us with. Yeah. It's like, guys, we should open a bar. We should open a bar, but like all with gamers in mind. And we'll have board games everywhere. And we're like, all right. I still think that's a great idea.

It is. And the TVs in the bar, you'd be able to play video games on those TV's while enjoying a pint of your local ale one of these days make a kickstarter in addition to the Patreon, we'll do a kickstarter for the bar and an Indiegogo hey, who wants to play pretend?

wait, I have one thing twist my arm I have one thing those people who know me know that I'm a generally timid, fearful person. And the player's guide for Strange Aeon, this is a horror-themed adventure. Right. And so one of the things it says, check with your players to see if there's anything they're not cool with. And that's important for anything to get consent for the kind of game you're playing.

I don't want to make light of it. But there are a few things. I have a truncated list of things that I would like you to avoid that scare me too much if you want me to continue playing in these live shows. I'm taking note.

Go ahead. Centipedes of all sizes. It doesn't matter how big or small they are. I'm really scared of them. Centipedes. Okay. All right.

Black widow spiders Alright Black widow spiders Black widow spiders Widow spiders of any other hue Are fair game And I like spiders generally But no black widow spiders Okay Kodiak bears

Kodiak bears Because they're the largest bears That just makes sense And therefore the most frightening Palmetto bugs Because there's a lot in the apartment I gotta talk to you about that Grant Okay

Sorry And then any And really long needles No needles? No needles Meadow bugs, because there's a lot in the apartment. I've got to talk to you about that, Grant. Okay. Sorry. And really long needles. No needles? No needles. Short needles are okay? Short needles are fine. I've taken a lot of shots in my life.

It's fine. Okay. Especially with my hair. No epidurals for Skip? No, no epidurals. But I'm a really avid heroin enthusiast, so I'm cool with regular size needles. Any references to the following? Harry Chapin songs. Not just

Cats in the Cradle. Any other Harry Chapin song? It was raining hard in Frisco. Alright, I'm going to walk out right now. We need skid, Matthew. Sorry, sorry. Jim Kroche's songs? Okay. No, fuck you.

Seriously. Any fucking folk music. I grew up, the house I grew up in, my parents and their stupid hippie friends would come over Friday nights and have folk music night, and I wanted to... Cut the mic, cut the mic.

And any reference at all to the Sega Saturn. Because I loved it, and it makes me sad that it went away. All right, that's fair. That's fair. There was one other sentence I wanted to point out to you in the Strange Aeons player's guide. There may be casualties along the way, but in the end, Strange Aeons is not meant to give a ruthless GM

blank check to kill off the party in every other encounter. Just wanted to make that clear to you. As with all Adventure Pass, the story presented in Strange Aeons unfolds best when there is a continuing thread of characters from start to end. So keep Baron alive forever. Yeah! I got a lot going on.

I'll try to remember that. Let's jump into the imagination sphere. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're really doing it. This is happening. All right. Light comes up on a child. Looks like he's sitting in front of a television set

playing a Sega Genesis. He's covered in centipedes. All of a sudden you hear, If I could have time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do. And then a Kodiak bear! Out of nowhere! Out of nowhere!

Jumps out of the TV. Skid, be careful. There's black widow spiders everywhere. It's an old theater. It's an old theater. I can't tell if Skid's actually upset or not. He's not. What a great actor.

I'm not mad. I'm frightened already. Okay. I'm angry that I'm so scared already. It's too early. Now I know how to get you. You're all lost in a city you faintly recognize. You look around and you don't remember how you got there

or who the three other people are standing next to you. In fact, you don't even know who you really are. All around you is a wall of like sickly yellow fog tumbling through the crumbling brick walls of various alleyways that surround you. One by one, the alleys and the buildings start to disappear as they become enveloped by the fog, like some jaundiced flash flood. by the fog like some jaundiced flash flood. You look ahead and you see that one alley has yet to be overcome. It splits.

It curves to the left and to the right. But behind you, as the mist starts to swell, the sound of footsteps begin to emanate. They're slow at first, but somehow keeping pace with this careening, hungry wave that is pushing you toward the alleyway. Roll for initiative. Oh my god. Wait, what? Roll for initiative. Holy shit. Rollick, rollick, rollick, rollick. My god. Wait, what? Roll for initiative.

Holy shit. Rollick, rollick, rollick, rollick. My god. Yeah. Thank you. I did all right. I did all right. Joseph Patrick O'Brien.

11. 11. This Joe goes to 11. Matthew Acapulco. Eleven. This Joe goes to eleven. Matthew Acabitacasa. Nine. MC Funky Stuff. Nine. What about you, Grant? Nine as well. Ooh. Who has the higher

initiative bonus? I'm plus two. Plus three. Ooh. Shocker. Beauty before age. And did you add your modifier? I did add... Let's roll off. What about Skidmaster Flash? I'm also an 11, like Joe.

I have a plus 6 to my initiative. He seeds the floor. After you, sir. Thank you. No, no, no. After you. All right. Matthew, you're standing there next to all of them.

What does your character look like? Describe her physical appearance. She is a lady of about 70 years. She's very short. She's about 5'1". She's got a tangle of gray hair, white hair with gray streaks in it, and she's got piercing gray eyes

that look into the yellow fog. Who is she played by? She's played by wonderful character actress Lynn Cohen. The amazing Lynn Cohen, and I am shocked we got her. She is a grand dame of the theater. She's amazing. She's an amazing actress. Joe, what does your character look like? Skid, hold off on this one for a second. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm holding off. Yeah, for sure. This fucking monk is standing there, bare-chested, with a tasteful loincloth.

Is it cold? Hold on. It's cold. Damn it! Wait for the picture. To go with the theme of, I didn't want to play a monk, and I certainly didn't want to play a hungry ghost monk.

I just was like, you know what? I'm going to pile on everything I don't want to play, and then I'm going to challenge myself to play it. And in doing so, I got so pumped. You are looking at a hulking, shredded, full orc, lawful evil, hungry ghost monk. Wait, what did we say about the color of his skin? I talked to Grant about it. I said a copper, and Grant was like, I'm kind of an expert. At first I pulled up the Pantone chart because I am an artist.

But then, because I knew that I am a connoisseur of crayons, but I knew that Joe was a connoisseur of crowns, I brought up the entire spectrum of colors available in a 120-count Crayola box. And we settled upon antique brass. Antique brass coloring of skin, Shaved head except for a ponytail that comes out of the top, which is folded back into a ring like samurai style.

And he's just... Like his muscles are bursting out of his skin. And he's played by Jake Gyllenhaal. There he is Your wife's going to wonder why you have 40 pictures of that on your iPad She knows She was like, I can't choose which one I already had that picture

That was my backdrop before the show Grant, physical appearance and actor. You see a sinewy, serious-looking, steely, brown-eyed, human war priest, played by Special Agent Dale Cooper, Kyle McLaughlin. There he is. Looking suspicious. Look at him investigating. Ready to see Dennis Hopper do crazy things in the next room.

Blue Velvet fans, anyone? All right. And he is there. He's ready. He's rolled a nine, and he's wondering what's going to happen next. And Skid, talk to me about your character. What does he look like? He's tall, 6'7", lean.

He's got a wild kind of absent look in his eyes. And half of his face is covered in a gigantic burn scar, leaving with patches of hair on the left side of his head. And he is played by phenomenal character actor Bruce Spence. Oh. How would we know this actor? He plays the gyrocopter captain in Road Warrior. Yeah.

He was in the extended version of Return of the King as the Mouth of Sauron. Oh, he played the Mouth of Sauron. Oh, he played the Mouth of Sauron? Yes. Oh, that guy is so scary. Did you know, little known fact, that's what Orphos Norkim was based on? That's a lie.

That's what you told me. That's a lie in a sense. You made me watch that extended scene. In your basement. He was in the third bad Star Wars movie. Oh. Yeah, he played one of the weird diplomats. Yeah, anyway, he's been in a bunch of stuff.

And there he is. And there he is. And The Matrix, one of the bad Matrix movies also, which is what this is from. He was also in Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls. Which I've never seen. I've never seen any of those movies, so I wouldn't have known him. All righty then. Well, we'll talk about this later.

Yeah. Skid, it's your action to move first. You have this fog surrounding you, an alleyway in front of you, splitting to the left, splitting to the right. You don't recognize the people around you. You also don't know who you are. What do you do? So my character kind of, it's like looking

at the fog itself and he kind of like grasps like a handful of it and like tries to like taste it. Like he puts his mouth in. Stick your hands into the fog and try to taste it.

He waits for the feedback to die down and then... It's kind of cool, cool, cool, cool. And then he holds. And he just holds. Joe. Joe. Interesting choice. What do you do?

Is this deliberate? That actually freaked me out If I could have time Would you? I swear to God I swear to God You got me here Right now Quick note for anyone that is not intentional

Turn off your broadcast And receiving from Roll20 so that we don't get that feedback. We actually have the map behind us. It'll be fun. Amateur hour! I think it's me. You need to hit reconnect after you hit that.

Then there will be no feedback. You already should have muted your computer so whoever didn't is fired! It's me, it's me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't look at any It's me. It's me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How good is it? Don't look at any of these pictures. Joe.

Sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry. It's a real professional operation. We're doing it live. Do it live. Joe, what do you want to do? You said there was

footsteps coming from a direction? Yeah, dung, dung, dung. From the mist behind you. From the mist behind you. Alleyway splits to the left, to the right. Two huge tusks

coming up from below. Protruding lower jaw. He looks around. He looks at his hands. There's crusted blood on them. He turns. He sees a tattoo wrapped around his arm. There's crusted blood on them. He turns. He sees a tattoo wrapped around his arm.

An orc, it says. One in darkness. One in death. He has no idea who he is. What this is. He turns towards the footsteps. Sees these people as confused and immediately moves towards the footsteps. You walk

into the mist. Into the mist. You walk into the mist. Directly into the mist. You walk into the mist, and you are immediately surrounded by this yellow fog, and you look back, and you think that the people standing next to you, you should still be able to see them

because they're now only about 10 feet away but they're completely gone however in the distance you see like hulking figures that look like they're far away and then way too close he lashes out up

just punches yeah just the air. It gets nothing, I'm guessing. Yeah, you just... Nothing. It disappears. It looks like it's even farther again. You're in the mist.

Grant, what do you do? My character looks afraid. Oh, my God. Sees this hulking orc walk off in the shadows Sees this crazy gyrocopter pilot Eating his hair Follows the gyrocopter pilot And

Thinks a second And then says There's only one way to do it We have to confront it And walks into the same direction that Joe's character walked. Walks into the mist. Yes.

You two, immediately entering the mist, you lose all sense of direction. You don't see anyone around you. You saw him enter the mist, and you think you should be right beside him. Right. You don't see him either, but you see these strange shapes

just forming all over the place. Matthew. So she sniffs the air. Does she recognize the smell? Yes. It smells like hummus. Hummus and chips! Hummus and chips! She's a crossbow.

In that case, I think she hobbles forward. She can't move very fast, but she hobbles forward into the mist. She loves hummus. She just walks. She just can't resist really good hummus. She loves hummus. It's in her backstory.

I don't know my backstory. And how do you walk forward? On her legs Does she have anything on her person? Does she have her cane? So she goes to put her hand down How about you roll a d4? Shit One

One One I don't have a d4 Here, take my hand Guaranteed four shit one one one I don't have a D4 here take my hand guaranteed four three okay alright

uh I don't have a D4 Skid Matthew and Joe each of your characters have one item from their character sheet

on them you go to put your hand down your cane isn't there and then your cane appears okay Okay. But you have no armor, no equipment, no anything else. Joe, you can pick one thing. Skid, you can pick one

thing. Grant, you can pick three things. Wow. Typical. Come on! The rich get richer. So Skid's character just stands there. Joe and Grant's character enter the mist, and Matthew's woman hobbles forward. The alley wall, Matthew, around you, up ahead,

it begins to sag. The battered bricks above you are like slumping over the path, practically blotting out the bruised twilight sky overhead. Behind you, only yellow mists clouds the way you just came. Those two people that were standing next to you, gone, as far as you can see. And the other man just like eating or trying to eat or grasp at this mist, because he's weird. Well, it smells like hummus.

It smells like hummus. Again, up ahead, you see that this grimy cobblestone path splits, but this time it looks like one route goes uphill while the other just recklessly descends. Behind you, the yellow fog and that relentless sound of footsteps is growing ever closer. Skid, what do you do? So, my character hears

the footsteps, and so, can he see Matthew's character? Matthew's character walked away from the mist. They walked into it. And Joe's character and Grant's character both moved towards the footsteps? Yeah, and they're gone. Oh.

Gone! So he looks up from his face and he's just like, Oh, I like them. And he starts kind of wandering off in their direction. Wandering off into the mist. They seem like pleasant folk. And he starts wandering off towards where they went. So you also wander off into the mist

same thing immediately lose your sense of direction in fact you wander into the mist and seconds later you reappear about 20 feet away on another side of the mist like far away from where you were it makes no sense you stepped in one way and reappeared elsewhere. Joe, what are you doing? He's looking for the source of the footsteps. I mean, yeah. He's trying to

and he can't see any of the other characters, right? Nothing. Yeah. You see these shapes closer, farther away. Closer. Where am I? Who are you? Looking around at these shapes that are coming at him. What do they say in response? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, shit. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Grant. Jesus. Jesus doesn't exist in Galarian. But he exists in my heart, Troy. My character is just terrified. And he doesn't see the orc.

He doesn't see the gyrocopter pilot. He doesn't see anything. So he's going to attempt to trace his way back through the yellow fog. Trace your way back. And get out of there. So you only walked probably five maybe ten feet in and you figure i can just walk back the way i came and you walk and the mist is getting thicker and thicker and it feels like you're walking through soup matthew what is your character doing i think she just stops walking right you look there's everyone's gone everyone's gone and something within her tells her that if she just stops walking. Right. You look. Everyone's gone.

Everyone's gone. And something within her tells her that if she just were to think about this, maybe she'll figure things out. So she's going to sit down on the ground. Sits on the ground. Yeah. Cross-legged. Cross-legged.

Laser cane across her lap. And thinks. And just waits. She'll hold. This mist now mere steps behind you as you're sitting on the ground finally parts

and you hear something come out of the mist behind you, do you look? I look you just see it first like a head pop out. And it's this mask of gray rags

emerging. Oh. That wasn't on your list, Skid. Calm down. I'm putting it on the list now. This mask, it has strips of something fleshier than fabric, like worming and constricting across a body that's almost human-like, but way too lean and far too flexible and long-limbed.

And gauzy gray ribbons just start reaching out at you like tendrils. They're reaching for, like, less doubtful flesh to cling to. Less doubtful. Meanwhile, Joe, you feel a razor come at you in the back. Oh, no. Natural 20. Oh, no. Natural 20. We're doomed. What's with the cheering?

We are so doomed. Come on. Do you confirm? I don't even want to tell you how many hit points I have. This is, Joe, this is bad news. This is incredibly bad news. This is incredibly bad news. 18 to confirm? Yeah, that'll do it.

I'm a shitty monk. That'll do it. You take 35 points of damage. Great live show joke, Troy. 35 points of damage. That's permadeath. That's permadeath. Look at his face! Look at his face!

Put Jill and Hall up there! Get them up there! Get him up there! Fuck you, Troy! I have far too ripped to go down in the first swing! Uh, okay. Are you permanently dead? Yeah, I have ten hit points.

But wait! Do you have a 26 con? Because then you'd be fine. You'd be just barely alive if you have a 26 con? Because then you'd be fine. You'd be just barely alive if you have a 26 con. Tell me, Joe. Well, Joe, you have a round to roll up a new character. I told you how shitty the monk was. I told you.

I wanted to punch one time. You did. You just didn't hit anything. I told you. I wanted to punch one time. You did. You just didn't hit anything. That's true. Factually correct. Factually correct. Skid, it's your turn. So, I didn't see any of this, right? No, you didn't see anything. So, I'm just, like, wandering

like, around. I'm gonna go sit in the audience. Yeah, you might as well. Enjoy the show to go sit in the audience. Enjoy the show, Joe. Enjoy the show. Is there an empty seat for Joe? Enjoy the rest of the show. So he's just like kind of like looking at his feet like as he walks and like kind of realizing

that he's sort of walking in circles without realizing it, without intending to. And he just starts giggling to himself. And he starts doing a little jig as he's walking and taking great joy out of ending up in the same place

as he's walking around. Now that's scary. I'm putting that on my list. Oh, okay. We'll skip Joe. Grant, what does your character do? I did all this work.

Unable to find anything, my character looks down and sees that it's more fog behind him and goes, and then attempts a survival check to see if he can get out of this? Sure, roll a survival check. We're talking about a 10. No, no, you don't have any idea. You look around you, and these shapes seem to be all around you, and they're converging on you. Once in a while, you'll feel like something on the back of your neck.

It feels like a little blade or something just tickling you. Do you like that, Grant? Don't actually touch him. It's horrible. This is really helping my roleplay. Thank you, Troy. I finally feel like I'm my character.

And he weeps and tries to walk back. Just cries and backs up. And you feel like you back up against something. Oh. And you feel just two small, oddly small hands. Oh, no. This is on my list.

Just wrap themselves around your waist. Oh, my God. Long arms, small hands? Yep. Oh, my God. Long arms, small hands? Yep. Oh, no! Matthew, what do you do? What the face, Donald Trump? We're having fun, huh?

So I see this rag, fleshy face. It just comes out of the mist, this thing. It's just writhing, lanky, weird, and it's just walking slowly up to you. And I imagine you're sitting thing, it's just writhing, lanky, weird, and it's just walking slowly up to you. And I imagine you're sitting there and you just look. Oh, sorry. Come on, man. You don't need that. So she's gonna

kind of stare at it and tilt her head. And you're like, oh. And she's going to kind of stare at it and tilt her head. And she's going to reach out with her mind and roll a will save. Oh. Oh. Oh, wow. Reach out with her mind, roll a will save. Jesus.

Hummus and chips. Natural 20. Another natural 20. You take one point of damage. With a mind thrust. Natural 20. Hummus and chips. Natural 20. Another natural 20. You take one point of damage. With a mind thrust. Point taken. So you see it just kind of walk towards you and shake it off and keep coming towards you. Roll the perception check.

16. 16. As you mind thrust, its head kind of whips back. And then as it whips forward, blood splatters on the wall next to you. Oh. Oh. And you look at the wall,

and the blood spattered in a very strange pattern, like it spells out the word me. Me? Me. Oh. She's going to hobble up to standing and face it. And turns around. Yeah.

Skid, what do you do? No, I freak out. I fucking freak out. Yeah, I think he's still i mean he's still just kind of like dancing his little recursive jig it's like look at his face and he just kind of like stops and he just kind of looks up like he's trying to remember something he's forgotten and he just stands there like that. Stands there looking off into this yellow fog.

And as you're standing there, you get this really, really strange taste in your mouth. Like something is leaking into it. But you don't see a source and it's starting to like fill your mouth up to the point where you almost can't breathe. Meanwhile, Grant, these long arms and tiny hands attempt to grapple you.

And my character's just praying that it's not there. It's not there, it's not there, it's not there. The Lady of Graves, protect me, the Lady of Graves, protect me, the Lady of Graves. Goes to grab you. 35 against CMD. Just a myth. No, it's...

The small little hands wrap around you, and then you feel like one, two, three, four, five, six spindly legs wrap around you as well. It then makes two free claw attacks. Seventeen. That's a hit. And an eighteen. Also a hit And a 18 Also a hit That is going to be

Hold on 14 points of damage I'm dying and bleeding on the ground And then it goes to Rend you Rend town? You're taking me to Rend town already? I'm taking you to Rend town And it hits For

Hold on God Thank you to Rentown. And it hits. Four. Hold on. God. 22 more points of damage. Come on! Come on! Explain yourself! I'll see you later, Graves.

The boneyard awaits me. Claw, claw, rend, dead. Oh, man. Oh. Skid, roll a perception check. Okay. Natural one. Natural one.

Drink. Yeah, drink. Drink, everybody. That's a five. Five, all right. You just feel a wash of blood splash across your body and you look down and you see the word up appear on your chest so he looks he's like shocked he's like oh he's like taken aback by by the splash it like breaks him out of his reverie and he looks down he sees the word which way is it facing is it like upside down so i can read it yeah. It's facing right at you

so you're looking like up. So he kind of like tilts his head up and like looks up above him. And what does he see? You look up above you and you see Grant's character suspended in the air

upside down dead and his mouth just rolls open and a voice comes out of it suspended in the air, upside down, dead, and his mouth just rolls open and a voice comes out of it that doesn't sound like it should come from him. And it just says, Up! Oh, my God!

Matthew, what do you do? Oh, man. Do I hear that? Nope. Oh, no. That movie was so sad. The first ten minutes, I started crying. Remembering that old man and his wife.

So my character is going to put her cane down in front of her and put both hands on it and look at the raggy, fleshy face and say, You don't scare me. And she's going to close her eyes. And she closes her eyes. Next round. Skid, you're standing there.

You look up at that body. Up. The word up on your chest. And then you feel this small tickle on the small of your back. And then in an instant, the tickle turns into a burning, searing pain.

Oh. Like some sort of blade is cutting you from the base of your tailbone all the way up to that soft spot right at the bottom of your cranium. Let me show you where that soft spot is. No, no, no, don't you, don't you, no, don't you dare to the, no, no, no. And you just feel your back open up, splitting you in half as your insides leak out of the

back of you and you die. I hate that feeling. Oh no. And you die. I hate that feeling. Oh, no. Your eyes closed. And you just hear some giant sound next to you,

like a body just landed next to you. And you hear, me. Do you open your eyes? Sure. And you see Joe's character. Dead. Stuck to the wall. Upside down. But his head is where his leg should be.

His leg is where his arm should be. He has another leg coming out of his chest. Fingers coming out of his eyes. Everything is where it should not be. Most intriguing. Roll a will save. Oh, boy. Nine.

Fail. Your nose begins bleeding. Oh, no. And as it bleeds, you notice in front of you a new word is starting to appear on the wall like far, far ahead of you as the blood coming out of your nose starts to defy gravity and like drip

horizontally toward the wall to spell out this word. Oh my god. But then you feel like pressure inside your head starting to build. And you can feel your eyes, your brains, your gums, everything inside your skull start to swell like they're trying to build. And you can feel your eyes, your brains, your gums, everything in your side, your skull, start to swell

like they're trying to escape your head cavity. More blood fills in the shape on the wall to form the word, wake. As you see that, you hear a very soft noise to your left. And you look at that same strange, ragged creature just standing there right next to you, staring. And he just gently touches you on your forehead. And you're like, blap!

And your head explodes. Oh, my God. All of you immediately regain consciousness. What? And you realize that you're locked in a grimy cell in a dungeon you don't recognize. Matthew, your character still can taste blood. If you touch your nose, you still have a bloody nose.

But all of you are alive. My head is still intact. Your head is still intact. Joe, your character is alive. Grant, you're alive. Skid, you're alive. Hello. We made it. You're locked

in this cell. You have none of your possessions on you, none of your weapons have none of your possessions on you, none of your weapons, none of your armor, equipment, nothing. You look nearby and you can see another person is locked in the cell with you, and it's one of the people from that dream. In that same moment, you also get this sick feeling that there's more people in this room than just the two of you. You hear a voice cry out in the claustrophobic dark. Wake up, damn it!

Bars separate you from this stranger, a struggling human with split lips and skin covered in a map work of fresh red lines. Heavy ropes lash the man to a splintery work table. Another figure, unsettlingly thin and wearing a blood-smeared doctor's coat just casually circles the table stopping every so often to scrutinize one of the man's wounds maybe picks up a really long needle

oh come on! holds it in the light and looks at it for a second or selects another object from a sideboard of like blades and pins. Currently, she takes a pair of broken pruning spears, shears rather,

and it glints in the dull light of this lamp suspended over the table. That's about right. Was it something I said? It must have been the needle. She just spins this thing, and the light hits it,

and then with careless cruelty, this doctor draws the blade across the bound man's bare thigh, and he releases a tortured wail as she does so. None of you recognize the man screaming on the table. In fact, as you get your bearings, each of you realizes you don't recognize anyone in the room and you have no recollection of who you are.

Let's go to the map. Oh. Oh. Oh, I have it right here. Do you? I do now. I got it here. No, sorry. There it is.

You're underwater. A sea monster attacks you. Total darkness. One moment. Skid's character is locked in a cell with Matthew's character, and Joe's character is locked in a cell with Grant's character. Can you unplug it, Skid, and try plugging it in? We just did it.

Oh, dear. Oh, that stinks. Well, poop. Awesome. Here we go. There we go. Hey! All right.

We got a map. All right. Let me roll a perception check. 21. Ooh. 24. Oh. Am I trying to locate traps? No. 12. Oh. Am I trying to locate traps?

No. 12. Four. Ah. Everyone except Grant. You see this smaller table next to the one that the man is on. It has a bunch of sharp instruments, obviously none of which are designed

to be used on living flesh. A gardening trowel, forks, several long pieces of broken glass or metal, and the other half of the blade of the pruning shears. Other than that, the only thing you see in the room is a door on the, we'll call it the east wall, rubble to the left, and a bunch of sacks near the door. With the exception of Grant, you also notice that the doctor, this woman walking around the table,

has a ring of keys hanging from her belt. But even as she rounds the table, not like she comes close enough to your cell to do anything about it, each of the cells has a big heavy lock attached to it. What are you guys doing? I mean, I am like...

My guy gets up, immediately looks at Grant's character, and this human, and he's just like, How did I get here? When did I get here? I don't know when you got here exactly. But I can tell you that I don't want to be here at all. Not one bit. Weak, pathetic human.

He turns, grabs the bars, and looks out. He sees this woman. He's like, you! Who are you? Where am I? Screaming out into the hall, his voice echoing down the empty cells. She turns on you very slowly.

What does she look like? Her face, her facial region. Her facial region. Narrow it down, Joe. I guess that's an important question to ask in Strange Aeons. Like I said, she's a little thin, a little gaunt, slightly emaciated. She has longish red hair, maybe like late 30s, early 40s.

And she's wearing this long white coat. As you get to the bars and you yell that, she just slowly turns at you and she's like, pipe down. You'll have your turn soon enough. Oh, no. And then she turns back to the guy and just starts cutting him. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

He's going to do a strength check. She's agonizing where to make the next cut. Like, should I do it here? Over here? Maybe here? He's going to launch himself into the door. I mean, it's locked. It's a locked door, right?

Does anybody lock on it? He's going to launch himself into it. Do a strength check. Okay. A strength check. Okay. Brake DC strength check. Natural two. Natural one. So you launch yourself against the thing, and you're like, uh.

See? God damn it. He's so strong. And you realize the door Is pretty strong And you topple To the ground And she walks up And she's like

I said quiet And as she says that Her face looks exactly Like yours For a second Oh wow And then it goes back To her face

You fool I If we stay quiet Just for a little while Maybe they'll forget We're here at all I Your strength

Means nothing here Orc What did you Your strength means nothing here, orc. What did you call me? I called you an orc. That's what you are, aren't you? You called me a fool! He grabs his neck. You're worried about racial inequities when we're tied in a vault with a woman cutting into legs? I think it's time we all got along, don't you? He squeezes his fingers deeper into the skin of his neck

and just sort of like... His eyes widen and he releases his neck. His face kind of drops and he closes his eyes for a moment and just sort of like centers himself. What's going on in the other cell? Meanwhile. Meanwhile in Cell B So my character's gonna walk to the

The bars and say Excuse me Would you mind letting us out? She just turns And looks at you Roll diplomacy And looks back at her work And slices along this guy's leg

And she's gonna Wave her hand To try to get the slicer woman's attention and looks back at her work and slices along this guy's leg. And she's going to, like, wave her hand to try to get the slicer woman's attention, and all of a sudden, one of the implements on the table lifts up into the air, and she directs it to, like, be right in front of the doctor's face. I asked a polite question.

Well, uh... That was Mae Chan, by the way. Roll for initiative. I asked a polite question Whamp That was May Chan by the way Roll for initiative Damn it Matthew You brought this on yourself Oh man Yeah Get ready for that one

One Here's a fun Way to play to the crowd Joe Oh my god guys My iPad somehow got Mortally destroyed How did that happen? Just now?

Just now yeah At least I can still read How did that happen? Take it out on you, yeah. At least I can still read. How did that happen? How did that happen? And take it out on you guys. I have no idea. Evil spirits? You've summoned them with the force of your words? Perhaps it was the ghost of Harry Chapin.

It must be a rival actual play podcast. Yes. Talk amongst yourselves. You might be... Sabotaging me. All right. What did you get, Grant? Nine.

Nine. Actually, I'm sorry. Twelve. Oh. I looked at the number wrong. How convenient. What about you, Skid Vicious? Eight.

Eight for Skid. Okay. Joseph O'Brien? Two. You're the two of this podcast. It's really rough It's too much? We've gone blue

Matthew? 19 19 Good start for the guy that started all of this Yep All right Matthew, you have those shears pointed directly at this woman's face What do you want to do?

You want to try and intimidate? No. I shall try diplomacy. I don't wish to resort to violence, but I do seem to be in here against my will, and you are hurting that man. So if you would please kindly let us out, I would be much obliged.

Roll diplomacy. Seven. You're a joker! She just plucks the instrument out of the air and then shoves it right in the guy's chest. Oh no! Directly, like right below

the navel, and just digs it deeper and deeper in, and the guy's like, screaming violently. Grant, what do you do? I have no equipment, right? You have nothing. You have three pieces of equipment, don't you? That was the dream, Joe.

My character does what Grant would like to do right now, which is pee himself. Roll a pee check. 17. You made it. Come on. There's really, I mean, I could attempt to rattle, but I think,

the great lady makes no decisions on whether a death is just or not. She just ferries their souls, ferries their souls, and cowers. He cowers. Skid. So my character rushes up to the bars, presses his face against it, and is twisting so he can look at what's happening on the table he said what are you doing there oh that looks painful all right

no really like what are you doing no and she's not even looking at you. She's just digging these shears deeper and deeper into this guy's lower abdomen. Oh, hang in there, mate. Hang in there. Always darkest before the dawn. Always darkest before the dawn. That's great. The sun will come out tomorrow. That's your bottom dollar that tomorrow.

There'll be sun. Come on, everybody. Tomorrow. Joe, roll a perception check for your character. Come on, come on, come on. 21. 21. 21. DC 20.

Yes! While he's singing, and he's cowering, and she's made a bad decision. You notice that the guy laying on the table, as he's getting stabbed to death, he like wiggles a leg free of his blood-soaked bindings, all the while like keeping his eye on you.

And with his last bit of energy, he desperately kicks at the doctor in the back, and she hurtles right against your cell. What do you do? Yeah! Hug, chef! He reaches through the bars and just grabs her head. Roll a CMD check. Come on, Joe. Come on, Joe.

You just need to succeed in a dice roll. Come on. Come on. Fuck. Wait. You just need to succeed in a dice roll. Come on! Come on! Fuck! Wait. Wait. Twelve. She slips through my grasp.

She just lands against the cell. You try to grab her, but you fail. You Joe. Joe. You Joe-er pretty hard. Do you want to take your boob action? No, I'm good. New round.

Matthew, what do you do? Matthew is... Not Matthew. Matthew. Matthew's character, as she's called on the roll 20, is going to point at the shears again and then pointing at the woman and fling it at her. Fling the shears.

All right, roll the hit. That's a good point. I'll do that first. 21. Woo! 21. That's a hit. Yeah!

Yeah! That'll play. That'll play, Matthew. And you take three points of damage. All right. Beautiful. Where do the shears hit her? In their side, in her chest, in her leg? They don't pierce her.

It's a projectile. So I feel like just... Smacks her across the face. Three points of smack damage. Does smack damage stack? Grant, still cowering? No, not cowering anymore He seizes an opportunity

A message from the great lady herself Yes, because it's up against your She's up against your cell as well Grabs her Oh no An 11 Fails as well Moves up to the cell

Tries to grab Fails Grab the keys Yes Someone has an idea I don't think I would have grabbed the keys. Yeah, grab the keys. Someone has an idea. I don't think I would have grabbed the keys either.

Stole my thunder. Skid, it is your character's turn. I can't grab the keys. She's on the other side. Oh, get her! Get her, mate. He yells, get her, get her. I feel like I'm missing something that could be helpful.

But I don't quite know what it is. And he just kind of looks away. He's like, no, but do get her, though. Get her, yeah. She spins around after both Joe's character and Grant's character fail to grapple her. She spins around, and as she spins around, the guy on the table, with probably his last action in life, kicks her square in the face. And this knocks her on the ground, and the keys fall off of her and slide right up to the edge of your cell skid in Matthew.

Oh, wow. She stands up in fury. Yeah. But in the chaos, it doesn't look like she notices that she lost the key. However, she wheels on the stranger, grabs another long blade in one hand, a needle in the other skid, and shoves it directly below his Adam's apple

and just starts digging her way down. Joe, what do you got? So she's out of reach now. She's out of reach now. I should probably move her on the map. I'm just gonna hold because the keys went the other way, right?

Yeah. So he's going to stare at the keys and see who picks them up and see what they do next. Joe's going to hold. Joe's going to hold. New round. Matthew, what do you got? The keys are within reach. So she looks at her hand very strangely. She didn't know

she could do that. But she just reaches for the keys and they come right into her hand. Force keys. And she shoves it in her pocket. Just sho the keys and they come right into her hand. Force keys. And she shoves in her pocket. Just shoves in her pocket for a rainy day. For a rainy day.

Yeah. For a time when you might need those keys. Right. In the distant future. You never know we're going to need those keys.

You never know. Rainy day. She can't hurt us when we're in the cells. We're so safe in here. We're so safe. It's always good to have some rainy day keys. That's right.

Grant. My character cowers. And then you hear a Sato voice come out of his mouth. And my dry, rasping whisper fills a creature of four or fewer hit dice with unnatural dread. So make a will save. A will save. Yes. All right.

I rolled a... Oh, wait a minute. Natural one. Oh, you... Whoa! That's a fail. Nice. You must make...

Oh, so you're shaken for one round. You can't do anything. Shaken. All right. Shake, shake, shake, skid. What do you do? You see the keys land there. You see this older woman grab the keys

and shove them into her pocket. Oh. So he looks at his cellmate. He's like, ooh, what are you going to do with him then? I was going to make a decision in a minute Oh Can't wait to see So you hold as well

I'll hold as well You hold as well Yes I hold as well It is the doctor's turn And she continues for her second round Just slicing this guy apart And you feel like she's only going to do this. Oh, she's shaking, but that's minus two.

So she does it not as well. Slightly poorly. Her cuts are terrible. And it is Joe's turn. Joe, you held and did nothing. What do you got? He's staring now at the keys. They go into her pocket.

Yeah. He's staring at her. He grips the bars to the point where he's scraping his skin, looking at her. And he's sort of like, and he's going to hold and be quiet and like force himself to not make any sort of fuss about it. But he's staring steely at her and at her pocket. Staring at her. Just waiting to see what she does. Watching her.

Matthew, it's a new round. It's your turn. You must feel this gaze of this orc from across the way, 15 feet away, just staring daggers at you. What do you do? I also feel the badgering of people at the table. So she'll take the keys out of her pocket. You feel the badgering of like 200 plus people to do something interesting. So strange.

And she'll take the keys and unlock the door. Ding! And then use magic to send them across the way right into the orc's face. Ooh!

Oh, wow. Like mage hand them away? Mage hand them away. Joe, you take four points of key damage. Oh, no, he's dead again. It was mage hand. God!

Were those rainy day keys? We were siphoning those, no? All right. It is Grant's turn. Grant, you see those keys hit Joe's character in the face. I pick the keys

off the ground and I unlock the door and open it. The door is open. It is her turn again for the third round. I feel like she's only going to do this for 1D4 rounds Yeah Third round, she's still cutting away

Is she still shaking or is that done? That's done No longer shaking Joe, it's your turn, the door is open He sprints out the door and goes to grab her Goes to grab her Grappler Alright, roll another failed check

16 Failed check What? her. Goes to grab her. Grappler. Alright, roll another failed check. 16. Failed check. What? This unarmored doctor or CMD is so strong? So thin and wavy? Well, you know what's funny? You get out there and now that you see her

like, what am I trying to say to say like now that you see her in the action of cutting into this guy you notice that her features have changed slightly they've like reshaped and her face is starting to change

as well into this long misshapen gray head without a nose and her arms that were just normal human arms start to elongate all the way to the floor and her body gets tall as well and so as you go to grab her you realize you're not grabbing

at some human you're grabbing at some crazy aberration oh my god and she's just cutting away she doesn't even see you Matthew your turn uh she's gonna do a telekinetic projectile again telekinetic cutting away. She doesn't even see you. Matthew, your turn. She's going to do a telekinetic projectile again. Telekinetic projectile.

16 to hit. 16 hits exactly. Nice. Two points of damage. Two points of damage. Surely that'll finish her off. She gets hit in the head by something. One of her pruning shears laying on the board. Boom. And she just continues laughing maniacally, cutting away all the while.

Grant, the door is open. What do you do? I also open the door, by the way. He also opens the door. Take note of that, Troy. I get a move action, too, Troy. No one puts Matthew in the corner. You know what?

I'll allow it. Grant, what do you do? Grant's character looks around, tries to see if there's any weapons he could strike her with Does he see anything Perception check You already Oh yeah you failed your perception check earlier But you do see a bunch of shit on that table

That's not too far away from you Alright so let's pick up one of the scalpels maybe Scalpel And then attacker Alright improvised weapon 18 on the die. Nice. That is a hit.

It's going to do 1d2 damage. 1d2. Okay. Does two damage. Oh. Max damage. Nice job, Rob. Critical hit.

Nice job. So you just grab this improvised weapon. You flash out at her. And now show me where you moved Show me on the map Where she touched you Oh god That joke is never funny

Troy Alright Oh well If he's in the way 5, 10, 15, 20 Yeah that's why I don't think I could've Gotten there

Yeah Should I give myself Those two hit points back Yeah you should You could throw it at her Can I Well can I roll that over Troy No I'll Yeah I'll let it roll over So you throw it at her You go around the table You throw it at her. Well, can I roll that over, Troy? No, I'll let it roll over.

So you throw it at her. You go around the table. You throw it at her. You hit her for two points of damage. All right. She continues. Right next, as you try to grab her, as a telekinetic object hits her in the face, as you throw something at her, she just boom, boom, boom,

and she continues cutting away at this guy laughing. The whole time, this gray, weird creature. Boom, and she continues cutting away at this guy laughing. This gray, weird creature. The robe falls off as the body elongates into this strange, gray, Gumby-like creature. And it is Joe's turn. He is going to... Why don't you try to grapple her again? He doesn't know where it comes from but he lashes out with his arms uh with his elbow first with his elbow and then with his knee

two quick successive attempts at hits to try to basically disable what would you call these attacks i might call it a flurry of blows oh my goodness goodness. Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Ba-ba! Things are about to get monkey. First one is a 21 to hit. Hit! Yeah! Boom! Elbow! Does six points of damage with the elbow. Boom! And then comes through with the knee.

14 to hit. 14 is a miss. Shit! Shit! Flurry of blows! Flurry of blows! Get ready for one of them to hit We'll work on it New round Matthew She's taking some damage now

You still in the cage? Yes I'm safer in the cage Probably You don't even have your cane She's just going to fling another projectile Alright, fling away Miss

Poop Grant Grant's going to Granting another projectile. Alright, fling away. Miss. Poop! Grant! Grant's going to wheel... Grant's character, that is, is going to wheel around the table and stab at her with another scalpel. Let's see what happens. Ooh, it's a 13. That's a miss. 13's a miss, but she is flanked within

there. If she wants to get away, she's going to have to provoke... Skid, you're up. So Skid's character is going to kind of wander out of the cell and look at the stuff can i do a perception check sure yeah just uh uh oh 20 and you're looking at the stuff on the table yeah yeah needles gardening tools, like a bunch of weird shit that no doctor, no medical doctor would use. So there's no, like, kerosene or saltpeter? No.

Anything like that? No, no. You know what there is, though? Hanging above the table is a kerosene lamp. Oh. All right, so he tries to grab the kerosene lamp if he can. Yep. All right, so he tries to grab the kerosene lamp as he can.

Yep. And if he has time, he's going to instinctually throw it at this woman. Grabs the lamp, thereby darkening the room. Oh. Perfect. And throws the lamp directly at her. Roll to hit. Okay.

That is an 18 to hit. That's a hit. Okay. Oh, beautiful. So is this like one of my regular things that I do, or is this a special rules or like... Yeah, you wanted to talk about splash damage? Yeah, and how much damage. Yeah, let's hurt Grant and Joe's character, too.

Okay. Sounds good. So one point of damage to her. Oh, wait, no. That's.... So one point of damage to her. Oh, wait, no. That's, well, okay. If this is treated like one of my normal things when I do this kind of thing. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, then that's.

We'll say it's an improvised alchemical bomb. Okay, so that's five points of damage. Five points of damage. Huge. And what about the splash to your buddies? And five points to everyone else in her immediate vicinity. And is it just one? Yeah.

This scientist is mad! I'm so mad. It's her turn. And now she's ready to attack. She was preoccupied with her work for 1d4 rounds. I rolled a four. Now it's time to attack. That was lucky.

Yeah, it was lucky. Well, I can attack Grant or Joe. I should probably just roll a die. Do it. One, two, three, Joe. Four, five, six, Grant. Here comes the hit, Joe. Every time.

Neon green, 15 to hit. That's a hit. You might go unconscious here, good buddy. Oh, 11 points of damage. Oh, no. Are you shitting me? What the fuck is this thing? 11 points of damage.

Are you unconscious? Absolutely not. Yeah, of course he is. No? Nope. Oh. Wow. Awesome.

All right, well, then I'm going to attack you again. Natty, 18. And this one is for seven points of damage. Permanently dead. No, you're not permanently dead. Monks suck! You're not permanently dead. Permanently dead.

Were you unconscious the first time? Permanently dead. He had the ferocity. Permanently dead. Oh, ferocity. Troy, does she... Yeah, you're dead. Does she unconscious the first time? He had the ferocity. Oh, ferocity. Yeah, you're dead. Does she have dark vision, Troy?

That is real dead. Good question. Yes. She does. She does have dark vision. You could have told me you had ferocity. See you, Matthew. Don't give that man a beer. Should we pour one out for Joe?

You're really permanently dead. Oh, thank you. You could have told me, Ed Ferocity. Oh, wow, it's open-hearted. I just don't understand how you wouldn't know that. I had 10 hit points. Why wouldn't you tell the audience, like, well, I've got ferocity, and then I would attack Grant, for example.

Oh, well, just go attack Grant, then. No, no, it's too late. You're dead. You asked me if I was unconscious. Troy, Troy, how... I just want you to know how this game is played. You told me specifically before the show that I am not to speak unless spoken to. That's true. I only answered your question.

But that was out of game. I just meant in life. Troy... I would prefer if you didn't speak to me. That that was out of game. I just meant in life. I would prefer if you didn't speak to me. How many hit points do you think first level characters have? Well, that's why when I said, how are you not unconscious? You were like, I'm not unconscious. I'm like, alright, well then I'll attack you again.

You got a 12 con, and you didn't mention ferocity at all. You didn't enlighten anyone to ferocity. Well, I was going to do it on my round. I didn't know you had two attacks. That's very impressive. You are permanently dead, and they got to see it. Wow.

And so goes the hungry ghost monk. He had a good run. All right. He had a good run. Thanks for everyone who voted. Thanks to everybody who voted. Thanks to everybody who voted. Thank you, Ghost Monk.

Great job, everybody. God, I love this game. Wow. Wow. Well, Joe, it's your turn. Matthew, you're up. Can I just ask? Have you ever killed a character in a first session before?

Nope. I was all excited to do the dream. I'm like, oh, they're going to get so mad when I kill them. I'll kill Joe first because he'll get really mad. And then they'll start to figure out that it's a dream. Then we'll start the adventure path and no one will die. Right. First attack.

11 points of damage? If you had said ferocity, I would have attacked Grant. There may be casualties along the way. There's no first level character that just takes eleven points of damage and isn't unconscious. That's why you say, well, I'm awake because I have ferocity. And I'll be like, well, then I'm not going to attack him because that'll permanently

kill him. I'll attack Grant. You know what we should definitely do, though? We did that already. Replay it three more times? Joe, you have a couple minutes. Roll up a new character. Matthew, you're up. I'm going to cast Light on the bar of my cell.

Actually. It's a first-level character, bro. You don't have to come up with a name or anything. Exactly. That's what takes longer. There's some dark spaces here. It does with Joe. You want to let them vote on what you want to put in there?

Looks like it's another Hungry Ghost mug. Matthew, you're up. I just cast light on the bar of my cell. Cast light, okay. So we can all see. Okay. And then, is there a door in this room? There's a door to the east.

She is going to step out of her cell and head towards the door. All right. We're just doing whatever we want. We're going to split the party. We're going to kill characters. It's as if it's the first time

we've ever played. Grant, you're up. Thanks to Kevin for the beers, by the way Hey, thanks, Kevin Our agent And my former roommate Get Joe a shot Grant's character will Oh, you killed him

I told you discretion was the better part of valor And will attack with an unarmed strike at this terrible creature. 19 on the die for a 22. That'll play. Nine points of damage. Eight hit points left. She is dying.

Yes! So close, Joe! One more round, good buddy! You know what you should have done? You should have grappled her. If you had just grappled her. Why did you try that? If I'm being honest with you, though,

Troy, it was five points of damage. Oh. Well, I'd prefer if you were honest. So I'm telling you the truth now. Alright, so she is not dead. You're a filthy liar. I don't have a D3. I rolled a 6 on a D7. I'm telling you the truth now. All right, so she is not dead. You're a filthy liar. I don't have a D3. I rolled a six on a D7.

I'm so sorry. You're just a cheater, is what you are. It's six points. Listen, we're all emotional. We lost one of the greatest characters in the history of... We're all very emotional right now. I mean, it's amazing we can even do math. That's the first stage of grief, is cheating.

Everyone knows that. I was just so excited. Cheating followed by denial. Right. Followed by rolling up a new character. Exactly. I was excited for Joe to play another character that sounded just like Lork. It's like Rag, Blug, Tusk and all the orcs you play.

Right. By the way, this is a perfect picture of what it's like to play with us. Joe dies. Grant cheats. Skid talks and funny voices. And Matthew hands out beers matthew uh get another round yeah matthew the peacemaker comes around with beers for a bit it's like everybody calm down here have an ipa skid you see this crazy creature you thought it

was a human now it morphs into this weird creature kill this orc. You are a doctor. You are a medical doctor. You've taken the Hippocratic Oath. I'm not. You see... You know he's dead. You are 100% sure he's dead. Yes, and?

Okay. What do you do? So I say, oh, look at that brown-skinned shirtless fella. I would have liked to get to know him, but I never will now. So I guess I better get to know him, but I'll never will now. So, guess I better try to kill the person who killed him!

And grabs an implement off the table. Okay. And stabs wildly at this thing. Alright, stab away. Uh, that is a natty 15. That is 15. That is a hit. 1d2 points of damage. Okay. Uh, that's 2 points of damage. Okay.

That's two points of damage. And she's dead. Yeah! Where did that come from? To somebody in the back? Who handed me this? It's the urine of a dehydrated man. Get up here. Come here.

Very dehydrated. Stand right up here. This is so awesome Yes Thank you so much You sir Get a bottle cap You earned a Joe bottle cap You earned it

The cash equivalent is One half of one sex That's a Dax There's Dax bottle caps now That's a Dax I feel Joe You know what's funny

Those Joe bottle caps Are gonna be like flyers They hand out on the street Like when you walk out Of the theater There's gonna going to be Joe bottle caps all over the ground. Just throw them right in the trash like as soon as they're a block away. Here, you throw this out. I was packing these up, these gold bottle caps, because we want to be able to give you guys bottle caps while we're here. And my daughter grabbed one.

And she grabbed the one in me. And she goes, Daddy. And I was like, that is so cute. Give me that bottle cap. We only have so many of them and my wife was like would you give her a bottle cap and she started crying and i was like okay take the bottle cap i'm so sorry and i had i couldn't believe i did that i like took it away from her for you for you you're a hell of a father. I'm not shocked at all.

I'm so not as surprised. It's so on brand. By the way, she was sobbing, crying, and then as soon as I gave it back to her, she was like, and then ran away. Laughed in my face. Working on it. Okay.

All right, this woman, whatever she was, has died. This creature lies before you. The man that she was cutting into, 100% dead. She ravaged him. For six seconds upon six seconds upon six seconds, she just kept cutting into a man that was already dead. Like a metronome.

Yes. A six-second metronome. She did it to the tune of Stayin' Alive. Stayin' alive. As she killed him. Reverse CPR. That's very right. Right.

What do the four, oh, I'm sorry, three of you do? She'd do it. so i my character like looks down like he's still holding the bloody like scalpel or whatever in his hand and he like drops and he's just like i was just joining in looks like she's dead as well as that fella there on the table and he goes over and like starts like going over his body like searching him to see what what's what's his what's his deal he had nothing searching the the dead body on the table or on the table on the table yeah you search him and he had like vestiges of clothing that had been completely torn apart, just forming like a makeshift loincloth, crisscrossing scars, open wounds all over his body and just gushing entrails after her last cuts.

But he doesn't have like a wallet on him or anything. Oh, OK. What about a journal? Yeah. There is a library card, and you look, and there's a photo, and it's you. Oh, no. He stole your library card.

Oh, no, he stole my library card. No wonder I'm getting all those fines. I called to complain so many times. I feel bad. Yeah, you don't recognize this guy at all. You obviously don't recognize this creature. You don't even know yourself. So he said, well, these poor men died in

horrible pain and terrible poverty. Hello. And he looks around at everyone else and he's just like, I'm not quite sure who I am. Do any of you know who you are? And my character is at the door. Is it locked, by the way? You're at the door.

No, the door is unlocked. All right, can I lock it? Rohan, make an enable device check. He's a reverse rogue. Yeah, I mean, there's no... You would need a key to lock it, and you don't have that key. You mean I got the ring of keys? Yeah.

You could roll disable device to try and jam it. All right, I won't worry about it. It's a stupid idea, man. I don't reward stupid ideas. You don't know what the idea was, Troy. You can't conceive of my ideas over there on your ivory throne. Yeah. It's true.

You know, I requested a higher seat, by the way. Yeah. The ivory throne doesn't travel well. That's right. It doesn't travel well. No. All right. So what jump save do you want to do?

She'll turn around the skin and say, I actually don't know who I am. Oh. Curious. A lot of strange things happening lately, I've found. Is that fellow dead? Yeah. No, I meant... Oh, wait, which?

Him? Her? Him? Him? That fellow, no. Well, three. The orc Him? That fella, no. This? Well, three. The orcish one. Oh, him!

I liked him a lot, but it looks like he is dead. I just thought I'd rub it in. Yeah. You're a true friend. She will go over and pick up the keys. He's so busy building a new character. You guys, you were getting a first-hand picture. When Joe concentrates, the world may as well explode around him.

It's so funny. We've tried to have conversations with him today. He's doing what he was doing just a second ago. We were at dinner. Yeah, we were at dinner. Just talking about the show and he's really excited about my orc month.

And then he'll start a conversation when you're trying to talk to him with somebody else because he literally had no idea that someone was trying to communicate with him.

It's so sad because he was so excited on the plane. He's like, I read Orcs of Galarian. I did. I read the martial arts handbook. I did.

I really think I can, I really think I can do this. I wanted to put in the effort. But you know what? You couldn't. You couldn't. He's got you there, Joe. He's got you there, buddy.

I'm enjoying myself right now. Leave me alone. Joe's in his element, making up a new character. He's playing Pandemic. Yeah, he's playing Pandemic. It's so good on the iPad. You have to try it. All right, so you guys are jibber jam, and what about you?

I don't know who I am either, but with these two buffoons around me, I don't know how I am either, but with these two buffoons around me, I don't know how long I'll last. Rolls of perception and a detect magic around the room for a 15 on the room and then just general detect magic. You know, it's a broken rule. Sure. General detect magic on the room. You don't detect any magic per se, but you do see that towards the west side of the room, where the rubble has collapsed

the wall, the room opens to the right and to the left, but it's cloaked in shadow. I'll move to the edge of that area to try to unveil what's around the corner. Please. By the barrels. Move your character. You move there. You see a

table. You move to the south, or you look to the south, rather, and you see a passageway that wraps around like that. I will inspect the table. Should I roll on that, or just let me see what's on it? Yeah, roll on it, Graham. 19 on the die for a 22. Good roll.

Classic Grant. It's a table. Is it a West Elm table, or is it like an Ikea table? It was a good roll. It was DC 23, I can't tell you that. You'll never know. And that's the mystery of Strange Hales. Who manufactured this table in the first hall?

Could you imagine vamping this long for someone to create a character? Because that's what's happening right now. All right, do you want to look the other way, Grant? Yeah, I will look the other way. I will move. And on the way there uh if my character were to have spells available to him would he be well rested enough to cast one at this sure but like imagine if you don't know who you are like matthew's character she like reached out and

remembered that she had the power to move these things so if you don't remember who you are you don't remember about these spells i wouldn't i wouldn't do it so i'll just move okay i'll go to the furnace you can explain though like if you just have this sick, innate sense like you want to do something. And it's appropriate for me because it's all about self-preservation. So, of course, I cast Cure Light Wounds on myself. Right. Excellent.

So that's... Yeah, so unlike him to do this. Five points of healing. We wanted to be on brand. Eleven. Well, no, five points of healing. I'm at 11. You turn the corner and you see an iron furnace hunkering in the corner of

the basement. And it has a four-foot square door gaping half open. Nearby, next to the furnace, sprawls a heap of gory clothes and other like dubiously flammable trash.

The furnace now lies cold as far as you can see. I start crying as I reach into this refuse of bloody clothing and try to find anything of use for me. Okay. Roll a for me. Okay.

Roll a perception check. Nine. Nine. You're just reaching through there, and, like, immediately, your hand gets wet. Oh, no. And it's, like, a cold, cold wet. Oh. And you would, the more you dig in there,

all of a sudden you feel like a little... You touched me again. Why? But yeah, you reach in there and with a nine perception, you don't see anything. What about Matthew? What are you doing over there?

You were at that door. Well, she picked up the keys. Picked up the keys. And as she sees Grandscarif go around the corner, she'll be very curious about this, and she'll follow him over there. You follow him over there, and you see the same scene, this grisly pile of garbage right near a cold furnace

with an open door leading into the furnace itself. And you can see, I'll reveal a little bit more, it's a pretty big furnace. Boop. Ooh, that's a big old furnace. Wow. So you said it's cold and the door is open? It's cold, the door is open.

And can I do a perception check into the furnace to see if there's anything in there? Anything left over? You sure can. 18. You notice a couple things. First of all, you notice several scorched humanoid bones amid the ashes inside the furnace,

easily from half a dozen bodies. You also note that deeper into the furnace, you see vents leading up and out of the furnace that are particularly wide so much so for example that a small creature could easily fit inside while a medium creature would have to squeeze if you look into, you also see regular seams and offshoots within the duct make it look relatively scalable if you wanted to try and go in and climb up into the boiler of death. That guy got it. Bottle cap for that laugh. Just for laughing? Yeah. That's funny.ottle cap for that laugh. All right. Just for laughing?

Yeah. That's funny. That was a great laugh. That was a really notable laugh. Infectious laugh. Yeah. Texas-sized laugh. Skid.

Skid, what is your character doing? It's so funny that we have Skid's character. Matthew's character. They're named like one of Matthew's plays. That's true. Wow. I would protest, but I am actually in the throes of trying to name a play right now.

You got any working titles, buddy? I'm not going to tell you. No, please, come on. I brought one into class, and literally it was a great conversation. We were talking about things, and finally one of my classmates was like, you have to change the title.

That is why you've been very sleepy lately, though. You're in the middle of rewrites, right? It's hard. He's very talented, and I love him. And I actually do love him and respect him. Let's give him a big hand. All right. You got it at Juilliard. Come on.

Let's give him a big hand. I would love it if your teacher was like, oh, that's the name of your play? I guess you're not Juilliard. Come on, let's give him a big hand. I would love it if your teacher was like, oh, that's the name of your play? I guess you're not Juilliard material after all. Get out, good sir, and he rips a crest off your jacket. The Juilliard symbol I ripped it off.

That's my family crest. They break my pen. They break your pen. You'll never write again in this town. Matthew's crying outside of the new school several hours later. Let me in! Let me in! I can still

write, damn it. Do you have a pen? Skid. What is your wax? Did we ever, like, look... Did we ever examine the woman who was doing the vivisection? Did we ever, like ever look at her body? No, no, you didn't.

I'm going to try to do that. Okay. Because I'm going to pour over her body a lot, trying to figure out what her daily is. Sure, roll perception. All right. That is a 14. Okay, so the minute she changed shape into her, obviously her true form, and the vestiges of the doctoral robes fell away, all that's left is this strange alien-looking creature. There's no clothing, no weapons, no pockets.

She used claws to kill that shitty orc. Heard that. It's not. I didn't even know you were still here. I picked that. It's not. I didn't know you were still here. I picked that one up. So she doesn't have anything on her person. You could roll. What are your knowledges?

Well, I was going to ask if I could do knowledge arcana or knowledge nature or spellcraft. Go ahead and roll knowledge arcana. Okay spellcraft? Gun roll knowledge arcana. Okay. So we can roll knowledge checks even though we have no memory? Is that how this works? I'm talking to Skid right now, Matthew. That is a 16. 16. You've heard about this creature.

You don't remember yourself, but you do remember somehow in your studies. You're like, that's a doppelganger. Oh! Doppelganger? It's a doppelganger. And as you're looking,

you see centipedes coming out of its mouth. Oh, come on! Come on! It's right out of the mouth. I'm glad your iPad broke. Oh, you don't mean it. You deserve it, you monster. You killed Joe and you

mentioned a centipede. The punishment fits the crime. Yeah. Two sides of the same coin. It's a doppelganger. Okay. Do you join Grant's and Matthew's character? Yeah, I like, I get up and kind of and hustle down

the hall to join them. Alright. Guys, I think that lady back there, I think she was a double ganger, and I'm not quite sure how I know what that is, but I know what it is, and she's one of them. Thank you for that information

You there Oh, the lady Yes What's your name? I don't know I don't know Well, that makes two of us You there

You seem to like fire, yes? Oh, yes No, I'm a big fan of fire. Yeah. How did you know? She will gesture to the furnace and say, I think there might be a way out if someone is willing to risk it. Ooh, a furnace.

That's where fire's born. I'll go in there. So he like crawls in. He just like ducks in and just starts crawling in. You crawl into the furnace. Yeah. All right.

You crawl into the furnace and all of a sudden something grabs your leg and holds on. God! And it's got, like, sharp claws. And it's just grabbing onto your leg. Roll for initiative. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm nervous for you guys.

I know. Well, you know what it's like. Matthew, what'd you get? Nine. Nine for Matthew. Grant? Fifteen. Skid?

Ten. Grant, your character is outside of the furnace. Skid's insane character climbed in. You don't really see anything. There's no problem right now, as far as you can tell. Although I'm sure you're watching in there. Roll a perception check. Oh.

21. Yeah, that'll play. You do see a rustling in there. You know that he's not alone inside the furnace. Is it dark inside? Would it be difficult to attack someone in there if we were to go in? Yeah, it's dark. You don't know what it is.

So first attack, I don't know why I'm doing this. He did throw a bomb at me. We'll cast light inside of the furnace and then get right next up to him with his move action. You cast light inside the furnace and you see, clutching amid the bones inside the furnace, a ratfolk grabbing at Skid's character's leg. My character.

Yeah, just like grabbing at it, like clawing to try and pull itself out of the ashes. So I'll move next to him in an attempt to be able to help him as quickly as possible next turn. And I can't wait for this furnace to turn on and for all of us to roll new characters. Skid, what do you do?

I roll over and look at this thing grabbing me and I see the light and I see its features, I guess. And I say, Hello! Hello! Can I help you? Joe,

what does this rat folk look like? Oh my god god He's back We did it We did it Face covered in ashes and soot Who are you Where am I? Well, answer A, I don't know.

And answer B, I don't know. He claws himself out of this pit. What is this? Oh, thank you. That's so nice. I'll bring that up in a minute. He claws himself out of these ashes and it's just like

his eyes glaring around, panicked at all of you. Rat folk, grayish fur, looks like pretty torn up and pretty old, like see, graying fur around the pretty torn up and pretty old like see graying fur around the edges of his face cool

and I I don't really have a voice or an actor let's see the actor or any feet alright he's played by Bill Murray he is

I'll just tell you now there's no point in withholding. He is one of the classes that all was voted for us very highly, so I went right to that. But it was not number one. He is a rat folk, elder mythos wizard. Nice. Nice. Scholar.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. He is a wizard that is obsessed with alien life beyond the stars And what may be coming here without our knowledge I'm going to explore that I'm going back to my iPad for the next half hour Alright so This rat folk talks to you It doesn't try to attack you Or anything

What do you do? So I couldn't help but notice you Clutching at my ankle a little aggressively there there's no need we can be friends if that's what you'd like to be

on game friends is good yes I don't know how I got here I'm a little confused to be honest oh I like that accent you're speaking with big fan very distinctive to be honest. Oh, I like that accent you're speaking with. Big fan.

Very distinctive. I seem to have picked it up from you. Very precise. I like it a lot. I can place it immediately. That's a pantheon of accents which you're prone to use. It's a defence mechanism to try to make friends

with someone I think is about to kill me. No, you're like Zelig. I like it. Well, as long as we're here, my little friend, why don't we go ahead and explore the rest of this so-called furnace? His eyes widen. He looks around like in a panic. He starts running his hands up.

My spell book. Where is it? Oh, where is it? Spell book. He starts rooting furiously with his claws through the furnace ashes. Let me know if you find another one. Seeing if there's any evidence that his spell book was burned. This is extremely important to him.

Everybody roll a perception check. 21. 14. I don't know what my perception is. 21. 14. I don't know what my perception is. He hasn't got that far. I'm going to go with 25. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

Do you try to grapple the spell book? It kills me. Punch it. Punch it in the face. Punch the spell book. Grab it and then try to punch it. You rolled a what? A 25? 21. 21. That was the highest, yeah?

Yeah. You notice, while this conversation is going on, in the furnace of bones and ashes, you see weapons and armor and other mundane equipment discarded among the garbage pile near the furnace. equipment discarded among the garbage pile near the furnace. You also see a masterwork vial buried among the soil clothes. A what?

And garbage. Vial? What word? Viol. A viola? Like a fiddle? Yeah, it's like a violin, but it's viol. Viola?

What? Viola? Google it, guys. Spell it. How do you spell it? Spell it. V-I-O-L.ola? What? What is viola? Google it, guys. Spell it. How do you spell it? Spell it. V-I-O-L. What? What?

Viol. Is that a thing? It's a musical instrument of the Renaissance and Baroque periods. Okay. Typically six strings, held vertically and paid with a bow. Any viol players out there? I'm sorry. The viola de campo.

Viol. Viol. Viola. It's a viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola.

A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola.

A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. A viola. It's a viola. A Matthew Cabercas. A Cabercas. A Cabercas. That was the family crest. It was a viola. You're not

Julianne Mattel. My viola. What the fuck is happening right now? Welcome to GCB Live. You get to see all the stuff we normally cut out when we have time. Yeah, yeah. So you find weapons, armor, that somehow you all feel certain connections to.

You're like, that's, I don't know why I know this, but that's my hide armor. That's my breastplate. That's my I don't know why I know this, but that's my hide armor. That's my breastplate. That's my kukri. And my character reaches down and says, my God, it's just like my kukri, but it's a plus five avenging holy kukri. Unbelievable. Amazing. Wow. It's definitely not.

But you don't know why, but you have a certain connection to all of these things And you do see a spell book as well While they're having their conversation Yes But you guys are inside the furnace What do you do? Do you come back out? Do you say anything like I found something?

I'm sorry I think we may have found something of interest Oh the old lady said something I'm gonna go investigate immediately. And he crawls out and goes and investigates. Wait, wait for me. Don't leave me alone in this place. Oh, no, come, come.

He starts on off words. Did you find anything of interest in the furnace? Oh, my God. Oh, hello. Funny you ask. Oh, I did find something of interest and here he is. He politely bows. Madame, it's a pleasure to meet you.

And you as well. Do you know how you got here? Because I don't know how I did. Haven't the foggiest. Oh, that's funny. Have you perhaps seen a spell book around? I've been looking for a spell book desperately. You might want to look over there. Oh, there's a great pile might want to look over there. Ooh, there's a

great pile of tiny violins over there. I play the violin. Perfect. He scrambles over, grabs his spell book. Finally, a dose of good luck. Starts obsessively paging through it. Oh my god, it's all there. It's all there. I may get out of good luck. Starts obsessively paging through it. Oh, my God, it's all there.

It's all there. I may get out of here yet. Listen to me, though. I think, based on how we were arranged at the beginning of this adventure, which I refer to as this adventure, we're in a jail. We're in a clearly organized place. If we leave that door,

which I believe you mentioned was unlocked. It was. I wanted to lock it to protect us, but the GM overruled me. I'm glad we're all breaking the fourth wall. You can't talk out of character, too, if you want to. What?

It's in the rule book. Our safest route of egress from this place is through the furnace itself. Who shall lead the way? Perhaps the rat folk would like to. Typical grab. Very dangerous. You go first.

You go first, rat folk. You're that tiny violin. You're the safest. He's tiny. He can fit into small spaces. He can see in complete darkness. He's terrified, violin. You're the safest. He's tiny. He can fit into small spaces. He can see in complete darkness. He's terrified, but he'll go. It's true. You make a strong case, Joe. So you guys are going to go up the furnace.

Up the furnace. Up the flu. Up the flu, as it were. Up the downstairs. Oh, wait. So is there also a formula book among all that stuff? There sure is. Oh.

And so my character looks at it, and he turns it over, and it's clearly very familiar to him somehow. And he looks up and says, I think my name might be Sheila. I think my name might be Sheila. Because, as you can see, I have a strong feeling this belongs to me and the name Sheila is emblazoned across the front cover. So that must mean me. You can call me Sheila.

I'll change that on the map. It is very nice to meet you Nice to meet you I shall call you Mrs. O'Lady And I shall call you Brett Ratner And you I shall call The man that I Don't know who he is

It's a mouthful Bit of a mouthful What was Matthew's name again? Mrs. O'Lady who he is. It's a mouthful. Bit of a mouthful. What was Matthew's name again? Mrs. O'Lady. Like an Irish? Mrs. O'Lady! Oh, for passersby. To see you tonight.

Well, if it isn't Mrs. O'Lady. And of course, Sheila. She runs O'Lady's pub down on the corner I've been taught about old lady's pub Alright so Leaving that other door behind You decide to climb up the furnace And

He says again in anger No no we're just talking. Barely concealed anger. We're just a bunch of friends having a good time. Just 300 friends hanging out. We lost Skip. He's done. Was it Sheila or Predator?

Mrs. O'Lady, I think. Oh, Mrs. O'Lady! I think it was the Pope that got him, Troy. We lose hours of recording when he gets caught like this. Hey, hey, Skid. Yes! Yes! Have you met the old lady boys?

They're so wonderful. Who's going first? We have to explain the yes, yes joke. No, no, no. It's hilarious. No, no, no. No, no, no. I think it's hilarious.

Because they're going to hear it on the show. And now it'll be even funnier. And we should let them in on the joke in a way that doesn't make fun of anybody. So we're at PaizoCon. I was going to say we can do this without naming anything. We're not naming any names. There was a gentleman or lady

talking on the... This is on video. Yes, they're just talking about, they're very excited about their new product and it's just a product nobody really cares about. And they like end their speech with like and this product is completely back compatible and no one really reacts but we just all look at skid who's like eight drinks in he just goes yes yes and we slowly begin to lose it throughout the rest of the banquet.

Skid had to leave. I had to leave. But he was so sincere. Totally back compatible. I was sitting next to Skid. I was the only one that noticed it at the time. We were both laughing together. It was like five minutes later.

I was like, what is so funny? And Jason Bowman is in front of a projector being like, and that's why the new Pathfinder playtest druid is amazing. And we're both dying laughing, just like hoping no one will see us. It was so guttural. He was just like, yes! That's so tired. Not unlike this moment right now. Right, exactly.

I just could not stop laughing. All right. Good times. Sheila Brett Bratner, Mrs. O'Lady, and what was your moniker? The fellow that don't know who he is. Good times. Sheila Brett Bratner, Mrs. Old Lady, and what was your moniker? The fellow, I don't know who he is. More names. Britt. The fellow, I don't know who he is.

Who goes first up the flue? Britt goes first. All right, I need you to roll a climb check. Oh, fuck. Easy climb check. There are handholds. Just going to wing it. Natty18

He's fine Scrambles A whole new character Look at this This is gorgeous You scamper up And I should probably tell you

What you see Let's get that Siren scape up Joe Okay I keep touching my mouth On the mic And it It tingles

It tingles in a way. That's an electric shock, Troy. That's electricity. I feel like I'm sterile now. Thank God. Alright! Alright!

The world is safe. No more Levalis. Disaster averted. Adventures won. We've killed the mighty beast and made it sterile. Too late. I know, it's too late. Yeah, it's too late.

Four months too late. We can take one. It's all right. I think it would be like 13 months too late. All right, so you climb up first. You want to get technical. You climb up this duct, and you can see that it opens into a tight but barely traversable space that looks like it widens into another odd shaped chamber of some sort.

Like this furnace is leading up into a boiler. Okay. So you climb up it, and you're inside of a boiler, and you see a heavy iron door partially opening out of the boiler into a dark room. He's going to move to it, grasping his spellbook close, and peek in the door. Who else is climbing up the duct? I'm going to follow right behind. My character follows right behind, crawling after his new friend.

It feels an immediate connection. Immediate connection. With Brett Ratner, because we have the same accent. Both accent related. It's an accent related connection. Right, it's like one accent is really good. Yeah. And another one needs work.

And the other one needs work. Right, we're workshopping with the other one. We're workshopping the other one. Yeah. Roll a climb check. Okay. I hate you guys. Oh, Natty 19.

Beautiful. That is a 16. Yeah, you could. Minus two. That is a 16. Yeah, so you like grab one arm, pull yourself up, stumble a little bit at the end, but you're also up and inside of a boiler. You see Brett Ratner. That's canon now.

Oh, God. All your names are up there. Look at the fellow. I don't know who he is. Grant's mad. He's like, I don't like that name. No, I'm fine. I'm okay.

I want a Brett Ratner name. So you see Brett Ratner, and he is standing near the opening of an iron door. Grant and Matthew, what are you doing? Yes! Would you like to go first, Mrs. O'Lady? Mrs. O'Lady will go first. Good. So Mrs. O'Lady is going to climb up. Mrs. O'Lady's first.

Mrs. O'Lady rolls a five. DC five. There are handholds. I have a minus four to climb. Wow. It was DC five. Easy climb. There are handholds, and so you kind four to climb. Wow. It was DC five. Easy climb. There are handholds. And so you kind of scurry your way up.

You got your cane. Did you find anything in that garbage pile? I found my cane and I found a set of lamellar armor. And I found a set of thieves tools. Well, la-di-da. And I found a deep connection, too. Those thieves tools would have helped you when you were in the dungeon. What about you?

The fellow I don't know who he is. Yes. The best name ever that I love? We could do an acronym. Ac-ac-acronym. T-F-I-D-N-W-H-I? Yeah, that doesn't work either. Yeah, it doesn't work.

Acronym. Thidquist. Thidquist. Thidquist. Thidquist. All right, Thidquist the bold. Oh, yeah. He's been real bold so far.

The first of his name. He's been very bold. First, he touches himself to heal himself again He's at full hit points But he just really wants to make sure Because it's real scary in that furnace He picks up a cold iron kukri A light steel shield Scale mail

A potion of cure light wounds Of course for later A nightcap Do not read every item on your character sheet And then climbs up the stairs With a 22 You back flip up the duct And you're all in this mighty boiler

And you see Brett Ratner Standing at the edge With the iron door open Look at him. What do you do? He looks into the boiler. What does he see? You're in the boiler.

Yeah. You climb. What does he see? You see a room in complete darkness. Do you have dark vision? Yeah. He's a rat.

Well, let's go to the map. Okay. Put it on the board. Grant and Joe, don't go to the map Okay Put it on the board Grant and Joe, don't look at my map And my lip keeps tingling I looked Alright Talk while I do this

Joey, what made you pick Ratfolk, Elder Mythos Scholar? Well, I said Elder Mythos Scholar because it was so highly picked. I was worried about it because we have so many casters, but I was like, it seems like a cool thing for this adventure. And then Ratfolk because everybody else is human. I was like, I can't pick another human. And they have an intelligence bonus. I don't know. I just picked a Ratfolk.

But you picked Ratfolk one other time in like a car ride, right? On like a car game that you guys did? No, it was the first ever live GCP show. Oh, right, right, right. When Skid ran a PFS, I was a rat folk. Oh, that's right. Nicodemus. Nicodemus.

No, Nicodemus was his familiar, I believe, yes. Yes. His snake. But, yes. Right. Rat folk. Awesome. I only get to play him one time, so I want to stretch those muscles.

Maybe he'll last one more episode. Right. Rad folk. Awesome. I only get to play them one time, so I want to stretch those muscles. Maybe he'll last one more episode. Yeah. You look out and you see mighty iron boilers crowding the room here. There are pipes piercing the walls and the ceiling. Shadows and rust fill the narrow gaps between these cold tanks. What do you do? What? Did you mean to not reveal something here?

No, I revealed everything. That you're inside the boiler, you're peeking out into that room. Okay, he'll walk into that room. Walk into that room. Does anybody follow him? Right here. That man who doesn't know who he is

will follow directly after Okay Britt Ratner walks up Matthew Closes on the door Matthew's character Is going to have to cast light So she can see

And then she'll walk into the room You cast light so you can see? Yeah, she'll cast it on God Okay Did you just get sparked? I did And it really hurt

Stop licking the microphone Stop licking the mic I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself Let me roll a perception check Eleven Twenty-five Ooh Natural one

Chicken Oh The old chicken and cheese roll Chicken and cheese Seven 11. 25. Ooh. Natural one. Oh. The old chicken and cheese roll. Chicken and cheese. Seven. Are you still in the boiler or you're out? I'm right behind Judge Carter. Are you out or are you still in the boiler?

No, I'm in the boiler room. You climb out. Yeah. Mrs. O'Lady casts light in the room. But as that light starts to fill the room, each of you, with the exception of Brett Ratner, see a tiny faint glow emanating from beneath a boiler towards the rear of the room. It clashes with the light emanating from her magic.

I see this? Yes. I duck down. I drop to my hands and knees and tilt my head down to look and see where it's coming from. Slowly. Slowly. Dramatically.

Sheila gets down and peeks her head under. And as you look under, you see glowing eyes of a tiny little creature that has dozens of writhing face tendrils that lash out at you as multiple creatures start scurrying out at your feet. And we'll see you at PAX Unplugged. That's it! What? Troy LaValle! Troy LaValle! Hit the music!

Give it up for Troy! Give it up for Troy! Give it up for Matthew! Give it up for Joseph O' it up for Troy. Give it up for Matthew. Give it up for Joseph O'Brien. Two characters in one night. Give it up for Skidmar. And give it up for yourselves.

Thank you for coming out. To the best. To GCB Live. Thank you for coming. Let's do it again sometime. Yes. Woo! Outro Music