The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 11 – Kids in the Hallway (of Blood)

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

The Glass Cannon crew returned to the scene of the crime at The Bootleg Theater in LA for another wild installment of their Strange Aeons campaign! It was the one year anniversary of the first Glass Cannon Live! show and when you start the night submerged in a hallway full of blood, you know it's going to be a fun night! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/VxqB7LSJdaE Recap 15:45 Gameplay 23:41 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and I'm yelling yes way. Get a six-inch black forest ham for only $4.99. Only at Subway. Price and participation may vary. Extras, taxes, and delivery additional. Expires April 8th. What is up, Los Angeles? Los Angeles!

Oh, baby! up Los Angeles. Oh, baby. L.A., the city of angels. The city of fired up crowds. Yes. So nice of you to take a break from drinking your kale smoothies, smoking your dispensary weed, and driving drunk all over town

to come see us tonight. You realize after 9 p.m. everyone on the road is wasted, right? No, but I want to thank you guys because I'm sure almost all of you traveled from very far away because no one's local. No one would actively choose to live in this cesspool of a town, right?

You wouldn't choose. You know you can be a waiter in any city in America. You don't have to come. There's sunshine in other cities. Be a waiter in Detroit. Oh, it's lovely in Detroit.

Yes, it's beautiful this time of year. Oh, now Detroit feels bad. Do you like L.A.? I kind of like L.A. Yeah. It's a love-hate relationship. I like L.A. I hate the Airbnb I'm staying in right now

But I shouldn't hold that against the entire city You know, you drive around You see the mountains and the palm trees You're like, alright, I get it I get it, LA, fine Other times you just want to be like Lex Luthor From the 1978 Superman movie And bomb it into the Pacific

That's how I feel Wow I just want to be like Lex Luthor from the 1978 Superman movie and bomb it into the Pacific. That's how I feel. Wow. Yes. I am calling for someone to bomb the entire fault line. No, we're not. No, we're not. I shouldn't do that?

Oh, Troy went too far. No, I'm for that. I want to live in Otisburg. I like your plan. We're only five minutes in and I'm calling for bombing. I think the tectonic plates will take care of everything shortly. We make up. Then your hands stay clean.

I can't really complain too much because we are sold out tonight. Sold out! Sold out. We have sold out 10 out of 11 live shows this year because of the best fans in the biz. Best fans. Best fans in the biz. Best fans. Best fans. But, we didn't sell out LA until today, so we're never coming back. Fuck you.

Why don't you be like a Boston that sells out right away? It's because you're too busy getting high and driving drunk. Well, also, to be fair, their team is not in the playoffs for the MLB this year. Just Troy. I don't know if you know the Red Sox aren't currently.

Yeah, LA's busy going to baseball postseason games. No, but that's why we sold out so quickly in Boston, because they have nothing better to do. Right, that's what I'm saying. I just wanted to drive the point home. Lots of free time in the evenings and on weekend afternoons. Yeah, laugh it up, guys. You'll get yours. I got a whole list of things

to say about y'all. But I'd like to take a moment to introduce these ne'er-do-wells to my left and right, just in case you don't know who we are. Because maybe there are a few of you out there who don't know who we are. Maybe some of you in the audience

got a little too high tonight. You started wandering the streets just thinking about why you came to this shit town in the first place. Yeah, you were a big fish in a small pond back in the Midwest. But everyone always told you you'd be famous,

so you moved out here with stars in your eyes. So great in your production of Our Town. Your senior year of high school. Skid, weren't you in a production of Our Town? That was in college. Matthew.

So you're sitting there thinking about your role in our town, stoned out of your mind, just walking around wondering how you got from wanting to be the next DiCaprio to giving handjobs on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. Yeah, sure, you're going to turn a few tricks once in a while,

but that car insurance Isn't gonna pay itself skid So you do it Because deep down You know you're different And by gum You're gonna make it In this town

Come hell or high water To hell with what Your stepdad says This is getting Fucking dark I know This is getting This is getting way more personal

Yeah yeah I think it does Sure you haven't Had an audition For two pilot seasons But you know You've got this idea In your head

For the next Great American screenplay And it's gonna win All the awards If you could just Sit down and write it There'll be agents Knocking down your door

trying to sign you to a huge contract. Instead, all those nameless Johns knocking down your door every night. Signing you up for a game you never intended to play. This all sounds very specific. Yeah. You lived in L... I think this is a...

You lived in L.A., right, Trent? I don't have a stepdad. But no, you said, you know what? Tonight's going to be different. I'm going to smoke some government-issued weed that's intended for glaucoma patients. And I'm going to walk around. I'm going to walk around this town.

I'm going to find myself a cannon. A cannon to blast myself through the glass ceiling of Hollywood. What does that marquee say? Glass cannon? Marquee? It's a sign. They were walking around. They saw the marquee.

Just go with me, Joe. It's a sign. It's a sign from God. A God who abandoned me so many handjobs ago. So you walk up to the window with stars in your eyes and you say, how much are tickets good, sir?

What? They are sold out. Do you understand? I am intended to be here to see this glass cannon. A couple of handjobs later, here you sit Just wondering Who the hell we are That's a really long intro We haven't even gotten to the part where you insult us all.

Yeah, yeah. First up is Matthew Capitacazza. All right. How are you, little guy? I'm just great, Troy. How are you, little guy? I'm just great, Troy. How are you? Are you very thirsty? Are you going to share that with the rest of the class? Should I pass them down?

Yeah, you'll spill them. That's probably true. I wonder if we could find a waiter in the audience to help. No, I'm kidding. Your town is silly. On the drive over here, Matthew said to me, Troy, I have some people in the audience tonight, so please don't make jokes about A, B, and C.

Matthew, you really shouldn't have said that to me. It was a gamble. It was a gamble. But here's the thing. I don't think people are going to care that much about the hooker you accidentally killed last night. It was an accident. It was an accident! It was after an authentic L.A. experience.

Yes. Was it really because she laughed at your comically small penis? Because that's not a good reason to kill a hooker. Then again, hookers die all the time, Skid. They're like goldfish. Oh, come on. They're like goldfish.

Oh, come on. You just flush them down the toilet. I really shouldn't have talked to you in the car. Maybe don't kill a hooker next time. You really shouldn't have told him at all. I think. Let's give it up for Grant Berger, everybody. Huh? Grant Berger, everybody, huh? Grant Berger.

Berger Meister Meister Berger. Grant, do you ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, oh, Grant hungry, Grant must pee, why penis hard? Can I imagine what the voice in your head sounds like? That's all day, Troy.

Don't let his spelt new figure fool you. He's got hands the size of Christmas hands that are coincidentally always glazed with honey. Yes. Do you wear shoes

or do you just tape trash bags over your legs? It's more cost effective that way. Matthew, this morning, this is a true story, in the Airbnb

asked Grant to borrow a pair of socks and I came out and it looked like he handed Matthew a bean, like morning, this is a true story, in the Airbnb, asked Grant to borrow a pair of socks, and I came out and it looked like he handed Matthew a bean, like a, what are they called? A sleeping bag. He took a nap in it. Here's my sock. That's what I wanted it for. They're like

Christmas stockings. Christmas stockings? Like, you could shove presents in. He looks so cozy. Grant, you're like Paul Bunyan if Paul Bunyan sucked. That's what you're like. This might be the meanest show yet. It's all good. We're all friends.

Skid Mar, everybody! Let him hear it! All right, that's enough That's enough Skid, you say Maher And I say Mar I know it's your name, but I feel like I'm right and you're wrong I think you're right Skid Mar

I feel like you changed it a couple years ago You just decided to be Maher Just because no one knew how to spell it So I figured if I say, try to pronounce every letter in the word, my name, maybe people will be able to spell it. But they can't still.

As someone with my last name, I can tell you that's not an effective strategy. Oh, Matthew Ravioli over there. Then I get the guffaw. Skid, you've been jet-setting as of late. You've been bouncing all around the country. Tell us about your trips. I was the capo. Skid, you've been jet-setting as of late. You've been bouncing all around the country.

Tell us about your trips. I was in Denver recently. Yep. And then I went from there down to Albuquerque, New Mexico to see my dad and meet my two new nephews. And I watched the last episode, the last show with my dad when it came out, and he's a big fan, so hi, Dad.

That was really great. Did you get the Breaking Bad tour? Is there a Breaking Bad tour in Albuquerque somewhere? There is, and I've done it like every time. That's amazing. Those flights must get expensive. You would think. Yeah, good thing you have that senior citizen discount.

Oh, man. Yeah. Good thing you have that senior citizen discount. Oh, man. Jesus. It makes it a little cheaper when you're flying a lot. That doesn't exist. There's no senior citizen discount for airline tickets. There isn't?

No. I would know. That's true. We need to look into that. You know, I think the word genius is thrown around all too often these days. But you'll never hear the word

when describing our next guest. Mr. Joe O'Brien, everybody. Everybody loves a loser. How are you, you big dummy? I'm so happy! Now, Joe, I'm going to put you on the spot here. I know that your wife is in the audience tonight. She is. I'm extremely nervous.

And it's got to be weird for you, Aaron, to see him disappoint so many people all at once, as opposed to just you in the privacy of your own bedroom, I imagine. We can talk about it after the show. She's a smart woman. I think she expects that when I leave day the show. She's a smart woman. I think she expects that. I leave day to day.

She's like, he's probably disappointing everyone. It's all she knows. It's all she knows. How can you disappoint people when the expectations are already so low? Yes. Or does it get to the point where you disappoint people

for not disappointing them in the way they expected? I didn't gang up on your shit, Doc. Fuck! I was trying to subvert the joke to help you. I wasn't gang up on your shit, Doc. I was trying to subvert the joke to help you. I wasn't listening in all fairness. I'm so nervous that my wife is here. I gotta be honest.

I am too. I am too. I am as well. I don't think I've... You should be. I don't think I've seen her since I married you guys. Oh, really? Yeah, since I officiated your wedding. I don't think I've seen her since then. Yeah, it's just that thing where, you know, you have like... And I'm not joking.

The girl you like is in the audience, and you want to perform well, and you're not good at it, so it's nerve-wracking. Look at this heartbreaker over here in the blue hat. She doesn't... Look, my wife is a company manager on Broadway. She works with professional actors

all the time and just has never seen a Glass Cannon live. This is her first, and I'm sure she's never watched the YouTube. Yeah, but she's used to you not performing well, so it shouldn't be that much of a stretch. I think she'll be fine. I'm going to be silent all night. Do my smoldering look.

We'll see if that happens. You're going to hold your action for two hours. Change of pace. How many of you, by a show of hands, how many of you were here in the audience

last night, one year ago when Joe's shitty orc died? So you guys remember that. Can you imagine right in this spot Joe's worthless orc died in the first encounter of the first show in the first book.

We all stood here and bared witness to Joe's mediocrity. We watched with bated breath as yet another one of Joe's characters died like a pig. I don't want to jinx anything, but I'm feeling a little murdery tonight. It's been too long! I haven't killed anybody on this show in a year! Well, let me ask you, is anyone interested in PC death tonight?

Come on! I'm so sorry, my hands are tied. We clearly made several unlikable characters. Yeah, yeah. Really, really, really hit with the audience, each one of them

in their own way. We have got a lot to go through. I mean, we're starting late. This is a late night crowd. I'm expecting it to get a little wild. You know the rules.

No shots and shut up. But you can also send some shots and talk if you want to. We don't enforce them that hard. But no. No shots and you shut your mouth, Grant. We're in Los Angeles. It's nobody's fault but our own It's the 11th stop

On our tour Glass Cannon Live Grant Joe Don't disappoint me Let's take it to the recap Alright Don't disappoint me. Let's take it to the recap. All right. Can you just stop for a second?

Just listen to this music. It's times like these when I think about my... Grant, you did pretty well with this. Yeah. But what is this? I thought you wanted upbeat, folk kind of music. Play it again. Let's play it. Do it again.

It feels like a commercial for an erectile dysfunction drug. That's exactly what I was going to say. Right. I didn't know Grant was going to say. Right. I didn't know Grants was going to be all like Overwatch. Like it's all hardcore. Why don't you talk and make something cool together? You said go do your own thing. It sounds like an ad for Depends.

To be fair, Joe was in couple therapy about how disappointing he is with Aaron all the time. So I couldn't talk to him at the time. I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry, everybody. There also is only so much we can afford in these licensing deals. That was terrible. Sorry, this one was full-time?

Wow. Wow. Security. Go over there. The gentleman in the tank top. Yes, right there. We're going to take it to the recap. Grant, will you stop?

Leave it up there while I talk. Don't play that music. Play good music. Do you have good music? No. Give me a C. Oh, sorry. I was taking notes. I was doing a self-help thing. I just still don't feel confident

up here. What with all the mean jokes. All right. Sorry. Is this good? Can you hear me? Am I talking to the mic? All right.

Good. Thank you. Please shut off his mic. All right, we're going to the recap. Joe, give me some good recap underscore. I want to really get into it. I don't know what you want, man. Just fucking play something.

Okay, here we go. Let's set a tone here. Everybody get excited. All right. What a year it's been for our heroes. Just keep going. I'll play it again while he's getting ready Here we go Just go man Alright what a year

What a year it's been for our heroes Even though in actuality It's probably only been three or four days Of game time In one year Ten sessions, twenty hours of playing Only three or four days of game time. In one year, ten sessions, twenty hours of playing, only three or four days have passed.

It sure does, buddy. Security. Our heroes woke up in a fugue state, in a dungeon that soon revealed itself to be some sort of asylum. Most of you know this story, unless you stumbled in with gross hands. An asylum that looks to have barely survived a recent cataclysm. An asylum full of monstrosities like doppelgangers posing as doctors, full of haunts manifesting from souls so tormented in life that their despair has carried on even in death.

And full of metaphysical manifestations of the rip, the tear between the dream world and the real world. Between the dream world and the real world. Luckily, our heroes have survived long enough. With the exception of Joe's shitty orc. The green loser. The green loser. The green loser. Forgot about that, yeah. We all did.

To find a group of survivors led by a priestess of Phrasma named Winter Klaxus. Survivors who are trapped and hiding not only from the creatures that roam the halls of the asylum, but also from this cult known as the Apostles in Orpiman made up of patients that revolted

under the guidance of another patient named... Oliver Zandalus. Oliver Zandalus. Oliver Zandalus. Words fail. Praise Christ. Words fail. Zandalus sees. Words fail.

Our heroes have fought their way deeper into the asylum, learning some history about the strange circumstances surrounding the creation of Briarstone Asylum, and even more recently, learning a little about themselves. They learn their real names, and they finally discover some clues about how they got here. Count Hazerton Lowles IV had very suspiciously abandoned his post in Versailles County as of late, an event that prompted Winter Klaxer to come here in the first place. We now know that he came here and took a special interest in one of Briarstone's patients, one Alvar Zandalus.

Gasp. Praise, praise. He let the administrator, Eliage Losandro, look at his copy of a strange tome known only as the Chain of Nights in exchange for having some alone time with Xandulus. Perhaps he could cure him of his ailments, he told Lysandro, with secrets that he learned in the Chain of Nights,

maybe using his dreams to unlock his sickness. Eventually, he sweetens the deal. He tells Lysandro she can keep his copy of the chain of nights in exchange for admitting a group of amnesiacs who work for him. But here's the kicker. She can't keep any record of their admittance. She agrees. You now know you were those amnesiacs, or at least you feel pretty confident about it.

But that's all you know. I got this. Everyone sit back and relax. Take care of the sound effects Got it Just take some 18 minutes to warm up He's literally been sitting on that sound effect For the entire week

So that's all you know You continue searching the records room And the personal storage rooms Of the patients of Briarstone And eventually come to the last door In a long hallway Heedlessly Without a single perception check Briarstone and eventually come to the last door in a long hallway, heedlessly. Without a single

perception check. Most likely due to a bunch of shots. Well, we've polled our audiences and perception checks at doors, they don't sell well. No. It's kind of a kick the door open kind of

crowd. Yes, that's what they like. It's kind of a kick the door open kind of crowd. Yes, that's what they like. That's what keeps bringing them back. But you idiots open the door, and a floor-to-ceiling wall of blood begins to wash over you, filling the hallway in which you now stand. Grant, take it to the map.

Let me just show you what is happening here. Grant, take it to the map. Let me just show you what is happening here. Oh, yeah. This is perfect. Stay right there, Grant. Sha-da-da-da. Oh! Wow.

Strawberry jelly? Roll for initiative. Oh! We're rolling for initiative! Yes! Roll for initiative. We're rolling for initiative. Oh, God. Just think, Matthew. Last night at this time, you were murdering a hooker.

And now you're here playing with us. I can neither confirm nor deny. That'll hold up. Mrs. O'Lady, what did you get here playing with us. I can neither confirm nor deny. That'll hold up. Mrs. O'Lady, what did you get? A natural 20. Wow! Natural 20! What does that adjust it?

19? 22. 22! Now, last time, or two times ago, you learned that your name is Cartha Malasword, but in Atlanta, you decided you want to stay as Mrs. O'Lady. I do not know this Cartha Malasword, but in Atlanta you decided you want to stay as Mrs. O'Lady. I do not know this Cartha Malasword yet.

All right. For now I shall remain who I do it, who I know I am. Mrs. O'Lady. Mrs. O'Lady. What about Atticus Grimm? What did you get, buddy? I got a natural two, Troy, to kick off the night. So that's a five. Five.

An adjusted five. Very good. Joe's going to Joe. Halster Price. Halster may have rolled the most cowardly number of all, an eight. That is universally regarded as the most cowardly digit. Two circles with their backs together, standing upright, so terrified of what's around them. Shaking.

So an eight. An eight. What a coward. Aldo Casimir. I rolled a natural one. Oh, no. That is a seven total for me. The least cowardly number.

It's definitely a stronger number. It's on both ends. Oh, boy. Well, let me be honest. A couple of things are going to happen. More than a couple of things are going to happen. More than a couple of things. Oh, no. Let's start with all of you rolling a reflex save.

Oh, okay. As this thing just pushes you into the room. Don't your save numbers look so horrible at second level? Yeah, I know. Just look at them and... Can I ask a question? No. I'm going to ask it anyway. Okay. Is this a psychic spell or I ask a question? No. I'm going to ask it anyway.

Okay. Is this a psychic spell or a spell like ability? No. Just thought I'd ask. A reflex save? Reflex save. I thought... I mean, it could be a haunt.

Well, why? Why do you ask? It gives me a bonus. My reflex save. Give yourself the bonus. Ooh. I like the cut of your jib. You can only roll once. Boy, I had a

crack dive. But don't worry. I rolled worse the second time. Good, good, good, good, good. What'd you roll, buddy? That would be a 12. Awesome. Joseph? 21, naturally. 18, baby!

Yes! Alright. Fail, pass. 21, natural 18, baby! Yes! All right. Fail, pass. At the edge of 17. What does a 17 give me? Do I pass? It gives you a pass. All right.

Okay, all right. So, Skid, does that make you feel confident about your roll? I do, yes. I rolled a natural 18, and so that is a 22 total. Well done, well done, sir. 23, sorry, 23. 23, all right. Here's what happens.

Those of you who succeed, everybody except Mrs. Old Lady, you are knocked back 10 feet as this wave of gore slams into you. Atticus takes three points of damage, Halster takes four points of damage, and Atticus takes three points of damage. Halster takes four points of damage, and Aldo takes two points of damage. Mrs. Old Lady is knocked back

20 feet, falls prone in a hallway of blood, and takes seven points of damage. Okay. What kind of damage is it? Bludgeoning?

Or is it like the force of the blood? Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning. See what he did? It's good. It's early, Skid.

Save that stuff. That's good. I've got lots more. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of running out, exactly. Bludgeoning, yes. Alright, so move yourselves on the map. It looks like you already have.

Obviously, you can't occupy the same space, so if you were in front, just both of you move back. Wait, how far did I get knocked back? Ten feet. So if Halster, you already moved back ten feet? Well, everyone got knocked back. So everyone goes back 10, except Mrs. O goes

back 20 and is prone. So here's the thing. You're standing there as this blood just comes in, but you don't feel like you're submerged in like a pool of blood. You're covered

in blood. It doesn't feel like you're swimming. You're just in like a pool of blood. You're covered in blood. It doesn't feel like you're swimming. You're just in this opaque blood hallway. You feel like you could walk forward. Maybe every step would be difficult terrain, we'll say. However, you're surrounded by blood. So you must hold your breath. The way holding your breath works in Pathfinder is you can hold your breath for a number of rounds equal to twice your constitution score.

I'm sure most of you are anywhere from 10 to maybe a 16 con for Halster over here. If you've got a 16, then you can hold it for 32 rounds. Every round you do something, you lose one on that. You guys got forever, right? However, if you take a standard action or a full round action, you lose two rounds towards that. Not too worried about that. What you might want to be worried about are the fortitude saves you're going to have to roll. Oh, no.

What? But let's do it in initiative order as you decide what you want to do in this blood hallway! God. Mrs. Old Lady, you're prone. Just took seven points of damage. You're on your back in a hallway of blood holding your breath. What is your con score? Twelve. Twelve. So you get

24 rounds. You'll live forever. Roll a fortitude save. You get 24 rounds, you'll live forever. Roll a fortitude, Sam. That would be a six. That's a real shame. It's a real shame. All I'll say is you've been infected with something.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Can I roll a spellcraft or a knowledge check to see what is going on? No. Why? Tell me what you want to do in this situation where you are submerged and you're worried about drowning. Not even drowning, but suffocating. Wait, what? Yes, you're not worried about drowning, you're worried about suffocating.

What? The blood is like Just surrounding So like drowning in a jello shot? Yes, it's like you're in a gelatinous cube of blood Alright, here is what I would like to do Yes I will stand up That's a standard action

Or move action So that will take now two rounds away from your 24 And then I shall move backwards through this door to the big office that I assume is still open because that's the one we came through. Okay. Remember, difficult terrain. Every square is two. Can you get there? Yeah.

Okay. Exactly. Am I out of the blood? You're out of the blood. Oh. But you're sick. Now can I roll a knowledge check? You're out of the blood. Oh. But you're sick. Now can I roll a knowledge check? Yes.

All right. What do you want? Knowledge religion. I have to roll that untrained. Really should have trained in that. I can roll twice on this one. You're in an asylum. And I'm going to throw inspiration on there.

Sorry. one die That'll be 14 14 You're not quite sure You were expecting this to be something else when the blood came in You figured you'd be swimming in blood It had a very shining feel to it Normally the blood gets off at the third floor.

But it wasn't like that. There's some other weird manifestation going on, but you can't exactly wrap your head around what it is. All right. Mrs. O'Lady has made a decision to backtrack. Let's see what the rest of the party does. It is now House to Price's turn.

I need a fortitude save, good buddy. Oh, boy. Here we go. 17. You seem to be uninfected by what this is. Okay. What do you want to do? Halster is unaffected but wounded at four hit points.

So he is going to spend a swift action and expend a blessing. And then as a standard action, which will take a round out of his Did you just say four hit points? Four hit points. Total. Oh my god. What? I don't think we healed after the battle. Good. So he's going to spend the swift action

to spend a blessing to use his powerful healer ability to add 50% on top of whatever I roll which is a total of a... What are we? A total of a 4, so 6 points of healing. Okay. And then he's going to move back

10 feet, which will take 20 feet away from his move action through difficult terrain, and he's going to move into the room where we fought these people before. Effectively splitting the party. We're going to have some fun tonight, L.A. Aldo Casimir, give me a fortitude save.

Oh, no. Your best save, right? Actually, it is my second best save. And that is a 23. You're all right as well. What would you like to do? You know, you're looking around. If you turn behind you, you see that Mrs. O'Lady is gone.

Maybe you're watching her, you know, the farther away she gets in this opaque blood hallway. It's harder to see where she went. But you do see that Halster ducked into that records room. So can I see anything? records room. So can I see anything? I mean, if I was actually submerged in blood, I would think I couldn't see anything because it is a very

thick liquid. Thicker than water, some say. You should have saved that first one. Roll a perception check. Ten. Ten. No, you look up ahead and it looks endless to you but you also know that something very strange is happening

something weird is happening in this hallway full of blood you feel a little uncomfortable in this hallway of blood I am going so I'm going to feel my way back. I know there's a doorway right behind me. I'm going to go back and go into the room where Halster is

and exit the corridor of blood and get behind him. All right. And now for the obvious failed save from Joe. Let me get a fortitude. Fortitude. Second level wizard. Good fort. Nah, man. Well, at least you'll roll well.

I'm so sick. Fudge! It's a natural three. Oh, no. For a five. You're very sick. You're very, very sick. You and this For a five. You're very sick. You're very, very sick. You and Mrs. O'Lady deserve each other.

What do you want to do now? You saw them duck out. You were very close to them. Mrs. O'Lady's gone. I'm going to flip the script. Atticus is... He is an illusionistist he's convinced that these things that that are happening despite their feel are some level of illusion

the first thing he's gonna do is knowledge religion okay try to whatever identify what's happening here come on man nope garbage exactly mr.ady's all 14. Yeah. So he doesn't know, but he's determined to find this out for any reason for his companions to prove this. He's also, he's just sick of being pushed around. Yeah. By life.

By blood. So he's going, exactly. So he's going, yeah. By his own blood. Yeah. He's going to, exactly, so he's going, by his own blood. He's going to set his feet, and he's just going to walk forward. Oh, wow. So he's just going to bite down

and move 20 feet forward. Bite down on the blood. Squish, and move 20 feet forward. Powering through it. Double move. And you have dark vision, yes? Yes. All right, the only one in the party with dark vision.

Now that that door is open, you see a head. What kind of head? This might change my mind. You see a floating head. You got that guy. You see that the hallway continues on. There looks like there's going to be a door to the north there. And also, it looks like we have 5, 10, 15, 20 feet away or so.

Roll a perception check. I don't know if I want to give this to you. Five. Jesus Christ. This is so miserable. That's all you see. Come on, man. You do see a door.

I will tell you that about 20 feet away, it seems like the wall is thinning out. That's all I'll say. I've already said too much. I brought bottle caps tonight, by the way. Oh.

But I'm giving them to the crowd. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. What do they do? You can give them to the players if I award them to them. Oh, okay. No, you guys don't deserve them.

All right, so you push forward, that's what you see Round two I'm sorry, is that, do I lose two rounds Because I do two move actions And then a third round just for holding my breath No, no, it's one round if you do nothing Two rounds if you do anything, basically That's the long and short of it

Let me ask you this Mrs. O'Lady, you are alone in that room now. You have really no idea what's going on. So keep yourself honest. What do you want to do? I mean, now that I can breathe again, I have a whole... But you feel like something entered you. Yeah, that's not great.

Yes. Sucks, man. But I can still... My time on the breathing and the drowning resets, right? Yes, totally. Yes. Sucks, man. But I can still write my time on the breathing and the drowning resets, right? Yes, totally. Okay. So Mrs. O'Lady, now that she can breathe again and is standing up, will step back in

and double move it. Excellent. How far will that get you? It'll get me so it's difficult terrain, so 30 feet. 30 feet. Alright, so Mrs. O'Lady says fuck it, go back into the blood. Power walking like a Mrs. Old Lady. She's got her cane.

She's like. Oh, man. Pushing through the blood. Halster, what do you want to do there? You are in that room with, you know, you see Aldo jump out as well. Is there a conversation between the two of you? I'm so scared, Aldo. What should we do?

I don't know. I was kind of taken by surprise by the corridor full of blood. Well, I think maybe learning that I've been trained by the Parasma Worshiping Zealots, maybe I know something. So let me see what I know. And rules a beautiful role. A 22 religion on it.

Yeah, there you go. 22 religion. Okay. It's just every roll. You feel confident with that roll that whatever is happening in this hallway is manifesting as a result of a haunt. There is a haunt happening here. But as a result, that's very crucial. Like, you could, like, cast heal spells on a haunt, but at the source of the haunt. At. But as a result, that's very crucial. You could cast

Heal Spells on a haunt, but at the source of the haunt. At the source, yeah. Right now, you feel like you don't have an idea where the source is. You could cast it on the blood, but it doesn't feel right to you. We need to move forward. We need to get to the source of the haunt. What was triggered when we opened the door? Yeah.

I can't remember. Did we get a perception check before? We didn't take one. We didn't take one. Because normally remember. Did we get a perception check before? We didn't take one. We didn't take one. Because normally haunts give you a perception check to get there. There's some kind of a signal that they're there. You guys didn't get that. Halster is going to swift action, empower his blessing. He's going to expend his use of divine, no, bless for the day to spontaneously cast it as a heal spell.

Grant's still healing. So that is six points of healing again, and then he is going to spend his move action to move. I really do think we healed last time. Right? Not after the battle. No? I'm just going by what's on my sheet. I trust his sheet. You were very drunk, though, Grant. That's true's on my sheet I trust his sheet

You were very drunk though Grant That's why I trust his sheet I feel like it's right I mark it down even if I'm very drunk So that's where Houser is So you go back into the thing Go ahead and roll me another Fortitude save If you're going to submerge yourself in that gross blood

Natty 19 Why'd I even ask Aldo Casimir You see Houser comes out Emerge yourself in that gross blood. 90-19. Oh, man. Why'd I even ask? Aldo Kazimir. You see Houser comes out, touches himself in a weird way, and then dives back into the blood. What do you do? So seeing his erstwhile best friend jump into the river of blood.

Famous Civil War battle. Yes. We were just talking about Ulysses Grant in the green room. We were. We had a just talking about Ulysses Grant. We were. We had a long discussion about Ulysses Grant. Battle of Vicksburg. Beautiful. Read about it. Beautiful? Not beautiful. From a military strategic perspective. Come on, folks. Beautiful?

So I'm going to jump into the river of blood. Jump in. Okay. Beautiful. Double move? You want to move past your patriots? Yeah, I'm going to Jump in. Okay. Beautiful. Double move? You want to move past your... Yeah, I'm gonna double move. Patriots? Yeah. So it's like one, two, I think I can get right past Halster and behind

Atticus. And yeah, my breathing clock resets, so yeah. Alright, go ahead and roll a Fortitude. Fortitude save. What? Why not? Uh, 15? You're save. Fortitude save. What? Why not? 15. You're all right.

Oh, my God. All right. You're all right, LaRusso. You know who's not all right? Joe O'Brien, always. Oh, boy. What do you want to do, buddy? You pushed ahead.

Yeah. Boldly. I'm going to keep pushing. You've had enough of this shit. Right. And he thinks that it's thinning up ahead, so I'm going to keep pushing. You've had enough of this shit. Right. And he thinks that it's thinning up ahead, so he's going to keep pushing. Keep pushing. So another 20 feet, and that's 15 feet, so it's a little more square there where it ends.

All right, this is what I can tell you, because you have boldly moved forward. You see that the wall of blood ends. See? We're fine. The wall of blood seems like it just ends, like someone shaved it with a knife. And you're a step away from getting out of it. He's

gonna push through. You push through and you see... You have darkvision, right? Yes. How many feet? Sixty. Awesome. Seventy feet away. How many feet? 60. Awesome. 70 feet away. That's bad for me.

That's what that means. I don't want to overuse the metaphor. Oh, no. What is that? What is that? Oh, no. A couple things are definitely going to happen here. Oh, no.

Oh, man. This is great that it's Joe oh no no no and his wife's here to see it all right so okay so you you jump in there you You can breathe normally. But you see that there's a river of blood on the floor leading all the way up to a wheelchair. That's what you want to see. That's exactly what you want to see in this situation.

And it looks like sitting in the wheelchair is a rather rotund person with its back to you. Oh, no! And you just see blood dripping from the bottom of the wheelchair, running a trail straight up to the wall of blood, and then defying gravity and filling up this wall. Oh, no. Oh man. I'm really scared. I'm so scared. I'm really scared.

You know, in addition to that, there are worn old chairs, small tables set with the scattered pieces of simple games laying scattered about the room. Oh no. You see a serving hatch in the north wall open into a darkened space beyond. You can only see this because you have

the dark vision. If any of your party was there they wouldn't see any of this. And then beyond the wheelchair person you see vast glass windows just dominating the eastern wall beyond which a jaundiced kaleidoscope swirls hypnotically.

And there's a coppery smell permeating the room. From the blood. beyond which a jaundiced kaleidoscope swirls hypnotically. Yeah. And there's a coppery smell permeating the room from the blood. Oh, yeah. Blood. When you step out onto that trail of blood, you take that all in for a second, but then right in front of you, the trail of blood rises up and slams into you to push you back. Oh, no.

It's going to be a CMD check here. 30 against your CMD? Oh, my God. I'll give you a second to look up if a 30, if that wave of gore with a 30 will push you at all. That hits. That hits. That hits. What is your CMD? Did I hit by more than five?

My CMD is 12. Is that right? You do have an eighth strength. Mine's 15. Yeah, that's right. So I beat you by 18. All right, so you're pushed back 15 feet, directly straight back into the blood. Oh, I'm so sick of this shit.

Just boom, you're hit by it. You don't take any physical damage, but you are pushed backwards. Back into the blood. Next round. Wow. Mrs. O'Lady. Mrs. O'Lady. Mrs. O'Lady, I'm sure you, even without your dark vision, you can kind of see this

through this opaque wall of blood that James went up and then very quickly came back. I said James. I meant Atticus. Okay, so Mrs. O'Lady is going to move. It's just a double move. But she'll get right up to the edge. Actually, no, she'll stop right by the door. Okay. It's still a double move. She she'll get right up to the edge. Actually, no. She'll stop right by the door.

Okay. It's still a double move. She just won't use her full complement of movement. Fair enough. And you're already six, so I'm not going to have you roll a fortune. Can I do a knowledge check on the slam? No, I don't think you saw it. I didn't see it? Yeah, I don't think you saw it from where you're sitting. So please stop

slowing down the show with those questions. Halster Price, I need a fortitude save. Can you fail one save? Jigs! Jigs! A four. Oh, no! For a total of a nine. We did it, L.A. He's sick.

You're sick, Grant! Even with that giant body, it's coursing through you. You're sick. What. Even with that giant body, it's coursing through you. You're sick. What do you want to do? Sickly, Halster will move 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25. He'll get through the door, and he will sidestep it, because he remembers sidestepping it before.

He didn't see anything that happened here, but he remembered going into another room and knowing it was a straight line. He'll get kind of a sense of the room, though he has normal vision. I don't know what he's talking about either. I have no idea. What do you mean?

I don't know. You do you. Go, go, go. I got out of the way of this thing. The river of blood. You tried to. But it didn't go into the other room. It raises up and tries to push you back as you try to side step.

Hey, maybe I'll fail, Grant. No. 29 against Andy? No, and that's above five. Just pushes you back in to the wall. You know, I will say, once you know that this shit is happening, you can move diagonally to the wall. You know, I will say, once you know that this shit is happening, you can move diagonally to avoid it. That's what I was

trying to do. But you didn't know, man. You were metagaming. I remember. You were metagaming. I remembered. 3,000 people. No, no, no. Hold on. Let me take control of the screen. When I stepped into this room, the river of blood did not follow me. So I said I was going to step diagonally in in order to avoid it

the same way I did this morning when Grant and I are at SoulCycle. I was admiring his ability to stretch. And I did. I had a great workout. You are the worst. Okay, so what happens? I go back ten feet?

You go back... Yeah, we'll say that you bump into Mrs. O'Lady and she permanently dies. I'm going to take a swift action, as is my right. As is my right! My birthright! I lost my D6.

Can I borrow your D6? Yes. All right, thank you. That's an official Glass Cannon D6, by the way. In a battle fervor, Houser heals himself for four points. I don't want to die. I don't know why you people...

No, no, that's totally fair. I don't want to die either. So, yeah, that's his turn. It's great that you healed yourself and tried to cheat. You're really letting them know what it's like to be around the table. Hey, man. There's only one way to keep a character alive through five books so far. That's true.

That's true. Hey, spoiler alert Alright Aldo Casimir, Aldo Roll a perception check Perception check Six Okay, roll a fortitude save Let's get them all sick One more fail

Eleven Sick Sick You're all sick. One more fail. Oh, 11. Sick. Oh, no. Sick. No. You're all sick. No. Oh, God.

What do you want to do, Aldo? Finally, you succumb to this. It got in through your nostrils, and it's infected you. Yeah, I don't feel well. I'm going to push my way through this river of blood. Okay. I'm going to push my way through this river of blood. Okay.

And I think just get just on the other side of the door. Okay, now here's the thing. The wall does come up to hit you. 22 against your CMD. Yeah. It hits you. However, you just slam into Halster. Yeah. I'm going to say Halster takes one hit point of damage from that slam.

But you are in the room standing in that river of blood. Do you have any more movement left? No, that's it. That's brutal. Speaking of brutal, Joe, what do you want to do here? You now know. Stepping into that little trail. Yeah. Dangerous. Yeah, so he's going to move up. You now know. Stepping into that little trail. Yeah.

Dangerous. Yeah, so he's gonna move up. Okay. And sidestep. Little sidestep-a-roo. Uh, yeah. And I wanna do a knowledge check if I may. Is it religion on the slamming thing, or is it all one and the same

with the blood? Give me an arcana. I'll't you roll arcana on that like what the hell was that 14 well I'll tell you that whatever was happening there it seemed to mimic a spell that you might have heard of called hydraulic push oh yeah but you know this is all connected to what is happening in the room yeah might have heard of called Hydraulic Push. Oh yeah, I have heard of it. But, you know, this is all connected to what is happening

in the room. Yeah. No one's casting that spell on you. Yeah. That's all you know. Okay. You want to do anything else? Yes. No. Yeah. I'm going to move over here. I didn't know if I had movement left

But I do Okay So it took a full move action To get to the end And then another move action To get up to there Okay He wants to get closer

To this wheelchair situation And see if it'll stop Show me your extent Of dark vision to the south Because I'm going to reveal A little more Good buddy Okay

Will do Oh yeah that's nice There's plenty Yeah 30 feet? 60 feet 60 feet yeah Good buddy. Will do. That's nice. 30 feet? 60 feet. I'm just trying to change my map here. Okay, there you go. Show it. This shouldn't take this long.

I can't get it. That's what you see. You see the hallway stretches down. A door there to the left. You're the only one that sees this, though, because the rest of them are human, and you're a filthy rat. All right.

Pitch black. Okay. New round. Mrs. O'Lady. All right. Mrs. O'Lady is going to take the same path Atticus did. Okay. I assume I can see that he got into the room.

Fair enough. So I will move in. I'll move up behind him, and then I will cast light on my cane. Nice. Ooh So I will move in. I'll move up behind him and then I will cast light on my cane. Nice. Light on your cane. What's the radius on that? 20 feet? 20 feet. Alright, let's put a little bubble on you.

A little 20 foot bub. Tell me if you can see this. And not... No. No. I didn't do it yet. Can you see that? No. Yes. There we go. That's see that? No, yes. There we go. That's some great map work, Grant. All right, is that all you want to do?

Move into standard. Okay, move into standard. I can't see it on my screen. I'm so sorry. Halster Price. What do you want to do, man? Halster. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

No, what do you want to do? No, what do you want to do? Pass out those beers? Would you like one? Yeah. Yeah. No, what do you want to do? Pass out those beers? Would you like one? Yeah! What are these? I'm getting a little parched over here. Down in one.

Raise beer. Raise beer. Tell us what you want to do, Matthew. Can I roll a knowledge check? On what? The slam. Yeah. Or I can't see the guy in to do, Matthew. Can I roll a knowledge check? On what? The slam. Yeah. Or I can't see the guy in the wheelchair, so...

Or spellcraft? No, no, because it's dim light for 20 feet beyond the radius of the... Oh! Yeah, so you actually can see, and it looks like an old woman. Okay. Sitting there, but you just see her back. As scary as it could possibly be. All right.

Well, then, I'll roll see her back. As scary as it could possibly be. All right. Well, then, I roll a perception check. Yeah. Natty 19. There you go. Yeah, there you go. There you go. For a 27. Okay, what are you looking for?

What's going on? Are they awake? Does she have any control over this thing? Is she the source of the haunt? Is she quietly laughing? Do you remember that episode of Webster? Yes. You know what I'm talking about? Yes.

Anybody watch Webster? Yeah. There was an episode of Webster when they lived in that crazy house and he kept walking upstairs and he saw a little girl sitting in a rocking chair. It's a terrifying episode of Webster. And he kept thinking it was a little girl and he'd walk up and talk to her and then come to find out

it was just a doll. I'm not saying this is a doll. I'm just saying you don't know if that person in the chair is alive, dead,

a person. You just see... What was that? Today's the anniversary. Today's the anniversary of that episode of Webster. Ma'am and George are in the audience.

You just see the back of this person. It looks human, but there's this weird trail of blood that is just defying gravity across the room. You don't know. Unless you walk up there and take a peek. I'm out of actions. All right, then, what about Halster Price, the bravest man

in all of the asylum? Halster Price, come on, Halster Price! Halster is going to take a diagonal step in a nifty little move, and then move 15, 20, 25 feet in, and then cast, because it's so dim

I think right now, right? Well well i can see at the end of the dimness right yeah dim light can i do perception yeah sure or a knowledge of a cracked eye uh three on the perception yeah you don't know man and that perception was so bad i can't do a follow-up or lidge right no no no i no, no. I don't like it. All right. So Halster is going to double move to that person. Ooh. Wow. God!

And in the dim light, what does he see? In the dim light, you're standing behind the wheelchair. You take one step closer. This is so awful. And another step, and you slowly turn to look. And you see an old woman who's just sitting there with her mouth open like... Oh, no. Blood's coming out of her mouth? No.

There's an open wound on her chest. Oh, no. It looks like it exploded out. And blood is leaking from that hole right where her heart is down to the bottom of the chair, forming this river of blood that turns into a hallway of blood. That is not all of Halster's turn. Halster will swift action,

reach out and cast a blessing to cure action on this. Which I think is a lot so far. May I borrow that d6 one more time? You may. Thank you. See what happens. Four points of healing, maybe damage to this creature. Positive energy?

Yeah, positive energy. So you touch this woman. You touched it? Yeah, you have to touch it if you want to heal it, right? Her. Yeah, that's fine. And what is this? It's a healing spell?

It's kind of like a... Yeah, it's blessing, which gives a war priest the ability to have different blessings. But this one is just reaching out, touching, healing someone for fervor. I'm sorry, it's fervor. So you reach out and you just like touch her to heal. And as the white light of healing enters her body, you like snap back. Oh no. And for a moment you are transported to a different place and time.

God damn it. I like it here. I wanted to be here, killing the taunt. You just, like, wake up from your slumber, and you're in a bed. You instinctively look down at your legs, and thankfully there are no leeches bleeding you dry this time. You look at your arms and your legs and you notice that you are unchained and unrestrained. The bed is clean.

There's no blood stains. The linens are clean and starched and even your skin feels clean. You look down, you don't see any noticeable cuts or openings. Lavender notes waft about, and the staccato notes of a crackling log fill the air. May all your locks be smooth You look around Clearly unsure of where you are And not expecting To be here in this Seemingly pleasant place

You run your hands through your hair And you realize that it's cut Neatly It doesn't remotely resemble the oiled, caked rat's nest it had festered into over months of your previous medical care. Your fingers outline the contours on your face to find smoothly shaved skin smooth and supple chin you sit up from your bed half expecting to wake up from this dream as part of a cruel recursive joke sliding further down for asma's spiral but it's no dream this is real reality endures and yet somehow confounds as the room awaiting

you at the foot of the bed contains an enormous marble hearth with a raging fire contained behind a flame gate. Next to the hearth, an elaborate table is set upon a massive mahogany frame. There are two places set with elegant meals. Looks like venison cutlet, hearty red bean stew, and verdant field squash. Nice. I love good, descriptive food in fantasy novels. Yeah. You're just like, oh my God, sounds so delicious. Martin does it the best.

Yeah, George R.R. Martin, yeah. You wanted to eat those meals. Can we put all that on our rider for like the next show? Pigeon pie? What is bird and field squash? Yeah.

Ten cases of Bud Light and bird and field squash. Yeah, and then if it's not there, if there's no bird and field squash, you know they're not really paying attention.

We just want hearty red bean stew and hookers. I don't understand. Matthew will kill them all. We'll clean up after we're done. The wine glasses are filled with what seems to be like a yellow liquid. It's too yellow to be white

wine. You don't think about it too much. You reel and spin at the sight of such extravagance that seems to be meant for you, overwhelmed by the certainty that this has to be some sort of trap and that you don't deserve this. Speaking of a trap...

That shirt looks great on him. Whoa. They haven't earned it. As you turn, you see a full-length mirror next to your headboard coming to view, filigreed on silver and gold. And in it, you see yourself looking the healthiest you've looked in ages. You see that you have discernible muscle mass undercut by the arch of your spine, but you struggle to even look yourself directly in the eye like some poor beaten dog. Slowly but surely, your eyes trace the lines of this new body that you weren't expecting to see,

and they trace along until they reach the intersection of your sleeping pants and your hip line, and you see a red incision, a long red incision just compromising your frame. Just as you begin to scrutinize that and the rest of the room, a door opens somewhere with a long, eerie creak. In the rest of the room, a door opens somewhere with a long, eerie creak. Ah, I see my future champion has awoken. Good. We have much to discuss. And you're pulled back into this room, and you look at this old woman who's just sitting there

gently shaking as the positive energy reels through her. What was that like? I'm sorry, I missed it. I just peed. I just peed. But she doesn't... The haunt does not end. But it looks like she was affected by it? Sure does, good buddy.

And what? Do you want to know what I just found out? That episode of Webster? Yeah. In less than a month, it will be the 35th anniversary of this original airing. Whoa.

I just got chills. We don't see Webster around these parts no more. No, but they say on a cool, clear night, just like tonight, you call his name, he comes flying down. Emmanuel on the wind. You can hear it. That's all.

Thank you. You're welcome. Watch that episode. It's terrifying. No, it sounds too terrifying. It's the very next time on a very special Webster. His uncle, by the way, was played by Ben Vereen, but that's a different story. That's true.

That's true. And he was a deadbeat just like the real Ben Vereen, but that's a different story. That's true. That's true. And he was a deadbeat, just like the real Ben Vereen. He means the Wolverine. No, no, no. Wait. Ben Vereen was the uncle on Different Strokes, wasn't he? Was he? He was the uncle on Webster as well. I don't know.

They all love potatoes. I would stake my career on it. Let's Take a Passive Pause And look all this up Aldo It's your turn

IMDB it Matthew I'm working on it Thanks Matthew What do you want to do man? Aldo No I'm not going to do any shots You have to earn them Aldo

Aldo is So he sees that his Best friend is up there struggling with this. He sees what he did. So he is going to take a five-foot step. We're just going to move out of the way of this river of blood. Smart. And he is going to move up to within 10 feet of this creature, whatever this thing is.

Yeah, you get up there just as Halster's hand is coming off of her, and you can see it looks like a woman. You can kind of see the edge of an explosion where her heart should be. And he doesn't know what this is. He has no knowledge of religion, so he is going to throw a bomb. Jesus Christ. That's how I treat my best friends.

When in doubt, bomb it right here, right next to her. And that is... Yeah, I hit the square. So unless she makes a reflex save, she is hit by minimum damage of the bomb. How's the reflex save of the haunt in the wheelchair? She's surprisingly agile. Yeah.

No, the bomb hits, smoke spreads out, it starts to thin, and she's still sitting there. Okay. All right. Spreads out. It starts to thin. And she's still sitting there. Okay. Atticus Grimm. The most creative player in the history of the game. Thank you. At a time when we need you the most.

Appreciate that. Come through with something great. He's just going to start moving up So ten feet and then he's going to He's going to Try to Use his scent ability to see if there's any smell Coming off of this creature

Like if there's any actual corporeal smell Coming from her Or if it's a pure illusion basically Okay You smell copper. You smell blood. You smell it coming off of her as well, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, it appears to be real. You just saw Aldo throw a bomb. The bomb dissipated, and she didn't even flinch from it. Yeah. You also don't feel like you're in any danger at the moment. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah.

As long as you're not standing in that trail of blood, this wheelchair person doesn't appear to be attacking you. Okay. Knowledge check? Yeah. What kind of knowledge? Arcana? Or religion? Whatever you... Yeah. I feel like you've rolled these. What kind of knowledge? Arcana? Or religion? Whatever you...

Yeah, I feel like you've rolled these. What are you trying to discern? I'm trying to discern if there's any impact that could be had from something other than positive energy. If there's any energy or anything besides positive energy which could disrupt the haunt. Yeah, you don't believe so. Unless you know you've now dealt with enough haunts. Maybe you've spent some time talking to Halster, who has a little more experience and knowledge in this area.

Divine magics. Yeah, you know that what he did is one way to kill it, or get rid of it. The other thing that you can do with haunts is find a way to satiate whatever caused the haunt in the first place. But you

just don't know. You're just sitting there. Alright, so he's gonna move up. I'm just gonna try something. He's gonna move up and he's going to attempt, and this is obviously not whatever. He's gonna go up and he's going to attempt, and this is obviously not whatever. He's going to go up, and he's going to attempt to cast

a ray of frost and freeze the hole where the blood is dripping out. See if he can't freeze up that hole, like Iron Man that hole, and stop it from being a source of blood dripping. Why don't you Iron Man that hole? Soldier boy, tell him. You shoot it out there and you freeze it over

and it forms like a sort of ice cave over it for a second, but the blood just keeps leaking. Wow, I love that. It breaks through it. I'm shocked that didn't work. I'm so shocked. I had a feeling it wasn't in the book like

if they cast Ray of Frost on it. If the player casts Ray of Frost on the haunt, the following happens. It's just pages of what if they cast Ray of Frost. But I do think that stopping that blood is key, I think. It's just pages of what if they cast Ray of Frost. Yeah. But I do think that stopping that blood is key, I think.

Stopping the dripping blood, other than positive energy. I just, I don't know. Yeah, there's always like one thing, like, oh, put her doll back on the shelf or whatever. Right. She'll be fine. Are there any dolls around? Yeah. Dolls everywhere. What about shelves?

Doll, shelves, and dolls. Damn it! Put it in our VHS of the episode of Webster. That is what satisfies the haunt, if you put on that exact episode of Webster. You know, that is a good question. Is there anything she's looking at? Yeah, perception check, my boy. Straight ahead up on that wall?

Yeah, roll a perception. My God, nine. Come on! Only single digits besides that 18. Nine, yeah. nine come on only single digits besides that 18 nine yeah i mean it just you see outside windows outside it's just these the swirling yellow fog oh and doing that scent i didn't detect any other sort of smells of other people no no okay and that's why i said like you don't feel like you're in danger right now you just feel like you're facing uh an extraterrestrial

puzzle that you're he's to have to figure out. He's just going to watch Halster go to work for the moment. Well, it is Mrs. O'Lady's turn. Okay. Mrs. O'Lady is going to move up next to the wheelchair. Okay.

That's one move action. And then, can I do a perception check around the room and see if I see anything that might be another source of the haunt? I don't know. Yeah. Ten. You could just roll a good perception check. Oh wait, I can throw inspiration on it.

Sixteen. Okay. Big. You don't really see anything. You know what you do see are like little paper cups about this small. Empty really see anything. You know what you do see are like little paper cups about this small empty all over

the floor. Yeah, little shot glasses. They're paper, like something you'd hand a patient with pills in it or something. They're scattered all over the floor. But you don't see any pills, they're just empty paper cups. Okay, until I have a better plan,

what I'm going to do is reach out, and for my next move action, I'm going to turn the chair. So I'm going to try to move her so she's not facing the windows. You're going to touch the chair? Yeah. Oh, man. No. Oh, no.

How dare you. What's the worst that could happen? I don't know. A flashback? A hooker dies? It's a flashback. It's a flashback. It's a flashback. You touch the chair and you go to turn it and as you do, you're taken back and now you're in, yet again, a library.

The stacks, ancient tomes mixed with leather-bound volumes and rolled sheaves of parchment line the shelves. Unlike the room you were just in, there's a pleasant smell in the air. It's mid-morning. Single streams of sunlight somehow make their way to lance at the hardwood floors. Sitting at a table is a small boy, maybe seven or eight years old. His eyes gape with excitement and wonder because laid out on the table before him, their corners weighted down by candlesticks, other books, and a couple apples are maps, maps upon maps. Maps depicting every known corner of Galarian.

His fingers trace the riveresque through Belkson. Then he leaps his touch across the world to the flat expanse of Osirian. His mouth falls open. This is the whole world? He says. An old woman, her eyes twinkling with devious delight,

hobbles out from the stacks, balancing a stack of atlases in one hand, and herself on top of her cane with the other. She is, of course, Mrs. O'Lady. The one and only. Or, as she is known in this particular room,

Grandma. What? The whole world. Isn't it remarkable? Intelligent people have set down for us, set this down for us to discover again and again right here in this library. Grandma, what's this? Mrs. O'Lady tips the stack of atlases onto the table and glances down at the map.

Oh, that's the gallowspire. What's this? The Isle of Terror. Your grandfather. Let's just say he spent a week there one night. But that's for another time. Your father... And this?

Well, what does it say? The boy scrutinizes the map and sounds out the word he sees written down. Eye of Abednego. Very good. What? And there's nothing else? This is everything?

It's all right here? That's all we know. Maps are wonderful things, but mostly they just tell you about the person who it is that drew the map. What they favored, what they were embarrassed to admit they didn't know. The real trick

is just to flip open several atlases. The real trick is to look at them all. And maybe if you look at enough, you can see what's really missing. The boy's eyes hopscotch from map to map, looking at everything. Mrs. O'Lady ruffles his hair. Yeah, look at how this one... And just when she says that, the door slams open. The candles on the table whoosh out in the force of a gust.

Bottles fly off the table. Shatter. Mrs. O'Lady's bud light falls over. A shard from the bud light flies up and kills the boy. Mrs. O'Lady cries. Bitter irony. Killed by grandma's hourly bud light.

She's retired. She's retired. Door whisks open, candles whoosh out. Mrs. O'Lady and her now dead grandson turn around. A man stands in the doorway, his hands fretting into a twisted nest. Looks at Mrs. O'Lady and is like, you're still here?

We were just traveling the world. You need to leave. Now. We're not going to see anything here. Now, Cartha. Mrs. O'Lady's spine stiffens. I don't work for you, Bastion. Please don't talk to me like that. The man, annoyed, just rolls his eyes.

One thing. I asked you to do one thing. He was so excited. Maybe this doesn't interest you, but your son finds it fascinating and... The man hears something from outside. He looks back to Mrs. O'Lady and his son. Out the back, now. Mrs. O'Lady blinks, but she stands her ground.

The man sighs. Cartha, it's not safe. He turns to the boy, almost frenzied. Take your grandmother. Go, right now, right now. The boy reaches up and takes his grandmother's hand. Come on, Grandma. Papa says we need to go now.

Mrs. Lowlady nods but keeps her cold, unimpressed glare fixed on her son-in-law. She then softens and almost regal allows her grandson to lead her out of the room. As she hobbles out toward the back entrance, she looks back at Bastion, her son-in-law, Toward the back entrance, she looks back at Bastion, her son-in-law, this nervous, humorless man, and watches him cast his gaze nervously about the room. And just as she reaches the door in the back with her grandson, she catches the brief glance of a hulking, almost inhuman-looking shadow approaching the library's entrance.

You come back to the room and you perfunctorily turn the chair and just see this woman now staring to the north or the south. I wanted to point her so she's facing the river of blood. Right. To the west. That river of blood. Right. So the West.

That's so scary. Stop. Don't. Please stop. Oh, no. Please. Oh, man. I just had a flashback of our softball day.

Every time you see us. That's what she looks like. What do you do next person in the initiative? Halster Price! Halster heard that Atticus wanted to see him work. So Halster says,

work, work, work, work, work, work. Let me see that door. Work, work, work, work, work. And he will empower. It's really odd that he does that. He just has, he loves Rihanna. And he will empower as a swift action

his spontaneous casting of divine favor into cure light wounds. And we'll see what happens. Cure some light. Max damage. Mother, pus bucket out of the box. Out of the box again. A total of

eight points of healing. You touch her. Come on. Come on. The blood disappears. Yeah! Yeah, dude! Come on The blood disappears Yeah Yeah Yeah Dude Oh

Thank God Thank God Oh no No I guess you thought That was a solo victory I understand why That was really well done It all just

The blood from the hallway Then goes to the line of blood on the floor And just gets sucked right back into her chest like and she just sits there now still frozen her chest cavity open but no magicant blood flying all over

the place you're out of initiative order is she dead she's been dead she's been dead now she wakes up she's been dead. She's been dead. Now she wakes up, she's like, what happened to Webster? Ben Breen was the uncle on Webster, not Different Strokes.

Sorry, it's good. Get out. You should leave now. I should. Oh, man. Yes, you know, she's still very dead. She has a hole in her chest, Matthew. Is she still dead?

You're such an idiot. She's still dead. Juilliard, everyone. Juilliard, yes. What did they teach you? Come on. Waste management? Gabagool.

What do you want to do? I'm going to do a heel check To make sure she's still dead Okay Actually I think Aldo goes up And puts her in a headlock Because

He wants to have a flashback too So I want to have a flashback too. So I want to have a flashback. I don't want to get cheated. Give me a flashback. Come on, you old bastard. Give me a flashback. I'm here. I walked on air for six hours the other day.

Just ringing a flashback out of her. I'll get the flashback out of you. Her head pops off, but you don't have a flashback out of her. I'll get the flashback out of you. Her head pops off, but you don't have a flashback. Oh, no. It rolls away. Horrifying. She was very frail. It was worth a shot, I think.

It seems like she's been neutralized. Whatever beyond the veil powers she was manifesting here, Halster has neutralized, at least for the moment. And now she's badly bruised around her neck. The cups that are around, is there the medication cups? They look like medication cups. But there's no

medication left in any of them? No. That's too bad. Yeah. We have plenty of opium left. You know what you do see to the north, though? You see one of those little windows from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Think of that room, like the day room in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Nurse Ratched would be standing behind that little thing.

You could squeeze into it. There's not a door there, but that's probably where you'd be like, here's your medication. Medication time. It's not like she was the nurse distributing medication, has been murdered and put in the chair as a kind of revenge.

No, this looks like a patient. Wearing a robe. Soiled linens. Can I stick my head into the window and do a perception check? Yeah. I don't know where you're going to have to go. Can I stick my head into her chest cavity? Why would I? Yeah. I didn't know where you were going to go. Can I stick my head into her chest cavity? Why would I do that?

I don't know. You're weird. You just asked me if she was still dead. It's a fantasy world, Troy. Is she alive now? We literally take, like, repeated blows from swords and are still standing and then we just heal magically.

It's true. You're still dumb. Alright, so you stick your... You stick your head through that thing and you feel like you could... Maybe James could squeeze through. I don't think you could squeeze your body through, but it's enough for you to, like, peek in.

Roll a perception check. 29. 29? Ooh, nice. Alright. You actually hear scuffling about. And hear like... Don't interrupt. Let him finish. This sounds identical to what was happening like two minutes before the show.

That's very true. Show yourself. And the sounds move away Atticus is gonna jump through the window oh my god okay holy scramble up squeeze in through the window

wow you jump through the window that your allies can't fit through. Let's roll it back. You know like those scenes in a movie where somebody does something and then it flashes to them and they were just thinking about doing it

but didn't actually do it? That's what it was. I've never seen that. Classic. You see a low desk sitting behind a window That passes into a room Beyond the nurses station And behind it This empty door frame opens into a Ransacked storage room

The floor is covered with Broken glass and Opalescent stains and you see Pills and drugs all over the place. You smell opium smoke in the air. And you see one, two, three apostles in Orpament. Oh, my God. Fucked up out of their minds.

Oh, no. And they see you and they look terrified. And they're just like, ah! And they all rush at you. Oh, come on. Roll for initiative. all rush at you. Oh, come on! Roll for initiative. Oh my god. Oh my god. We're killing them! We're killing them tonight!

There's three of them! How did I not see that through the window? There's three of them? Three of them. Let me show you the room. This is horrible. No, it's not good. You can do it, Joe! Just roll well! of the room. This is horrible. No, it's not good. You can do it, Joe!

I'm gonna kill you. Wait, am I where I'm supposed to be? Is that me jumping through the window and I'm there? Yep, that's fine. I'll allow it. Oh, man. This is very bad. Come on, D20. Fuck. Oh, my God.

Wow, I was not expecting this. But I'm prepared for it. All right, let's talk to me, Mrs. Old Lady. Seven. Seven, okay. Terrible. Halster Price. 13.

13? Aldo Kazimier. It'll be a strong 15 for Aldo Kazimier. A strong 15. And Poops McGee. 13. 13 for Poops. Oh, man.

Oh, man. There. Hey, Joe, guess who's going first? All three of them? You got it, buddy. Oh, no. Jesus. Oh, no.

All right. Well, what's going to help in your favor is there's not a ton of room in this room. However, there's enough for them to squeeze in. This one comes in. You haven't acted yet, so he fans out a little bit to the right here. Sorry, my map isn't completely aligned, but just go with me. And he swings his crowbar. No.

No. You will go with me. He swings his crowbar at you. Joe, you might die this. Oh, man, yeah. That's going to be an 18 to hit. Oh, yeah, that hits. Oh, no.

If you're flat-footed, that's going to be sneak attack damage. Oh, no. That hits harder than opium. So sorry. So six points of regular and four points of sneak attack damage. No. Holy shit. This one comes up.

Ooh. Natty 18. That'll be a hit. Question. Are you still flat-footed? Oh, yeah, you are. Seven points of regular and max damage on the sneak attack. Six points of regular and

max damage on the sneak attack. Six points of sneak attack. Oh my god. How are you looking? I know you're having a good time with all this, but it's kind of bullshit. How is it that we know they're there. I'm diving into active combat.

How am I flat-footed? What's your role for initiative? All right, that's fine. He's unconscious and dying. I have it written down here somewhere. He's unconscious and dying. There's one more of them. He stays back.

Well, he is on drugs. He stays back. For now. Holds his action. He stays back with the drugs. With the drugs. Aldo Casimir, you just hear, and you hear a rat die.

Okay. So, I look... Are you kidding me right now? Before I do anything, I look through the window. I want to get a look at these things to get as clear a picture of the situation as I can. Can I do either a heal

or craft alchemy to see what kind of drugs they're on? Yeah, how about a heal check? That is a 19. Alright, well they appear to be paranoid. You can smell opium in the air,

but you can also see if you're you know, if you get up there. You also see pills everywhere, so they might have just been taking a a horrible cocktail of drugs. Thank you. They're paranoid, and they're already distressed individuals.

I was about to say, if they're on opium, this would not be a fair fight. All right, so Aldo is just, I'm going to help you. He's just out of desperation, goes over to the door, move action, move over the door. Oh, my God. Move action, opens the door. Oh, my God. You are the man. Yeah.

Shit's going to get crazy. Yeah. So what'd you do? You walked over to the door. Move over to the door, move action, open the door. Do you remember when everyone in the audience chanted TPK? Because I think that's... TPK! TPK! TPK!

Stay classy, Los Angeles. You don't have to do it again. We already did it the one time. You don't have to do it again. All right, so... Oh, man, this is going to get off the rails. Oh, no, no, no. Who knows this adventure?

Five people? Shh. Their faces didn't look great. I think one of them, when I jumped through the window, said, You're going to die. I heard it. When I jumped through the window, I think they know the adventure. You're going to die.

All right, so, Aldo, you don't have dark vision. I don't. You're kind of stumbling around in the dark anyway, but you can see as you get closer, like there's a door here. You saw that there was a door here while they were... Well, I'm in the light anyway. Oh, yeah, you're in the light. All right, so you see the door, right?

You open up that door. You're in a dark room, but there is dim light. You open up that door to pure, inky blackness that you cannot see through. That's it. That's the end of my turn. That's the end of your turn. The door's open, though. Halster Price. You gonna heal yourself?

Holy shit. So Halster will cast Cure Light Wounds on himself. No, he'll use... He'll use the extent of his movements. At least I don't hold all the time. Barry, stay. Fun for 35 episodes.

Grant, he's dying. I know. Why don't you actually kick him while he's down? Houser moves up to the door and tries to assess the situation and will do a perception check within the light of Mrs. O'Lady's glow to see if he can see.

That's not a door. You realize that, right? It's a window, I know. But when God closes a door, he opens a window. That's the saying, anyway. No one close the door! I opened the door. How'd you open the door? Does the window close if I open the door?

So, uh... We'll do Bible study later. Houser's gonna do a perception check. 14 on the die for a 17 in the room. He wants to see what the situation is, but he also wants to know if he can squeeze into this area right here to be next to

Atticus. Alright, so you want to try and squeeze through. I already said it looks like it's tough, like Atticus is able to get through. Yeah. Um, but you want to try to squeeze through as well. And I want to stand, like, right next to the opium-smoking murderer in front of him.

I wouldn't jump too far ahead. I think it's going to be tough to get through there. I know. Come on, man. I'm looking. I want to save you, buddy. I appreciate it. Push through. And if not... You know what? I'll allow it. I'll allow you to crawl through the serving hatch.

You know what? I want to make sure Atticus is able to get through without it being difficult terrain. It's going to be difficult the serving hatch. You know what? I want to make sure. Atticus is able to get through without it being difficult terrain. It's going to be difficult terrain for you. So if I move up to where Mrs. O'Lady is, that's five feet. If I move through the door, that's an additional ten feet. It's a window, but yes. When I'm sharing,

God opens doors and windows all the time. I want to live in that world. When I get to the I want to live in that world. When I get to the point where Atticus is, I am currently spent at 15 feet, but I'll take one more diagonal step here. Okay, that's going to provoke unless you want to try to avoid the attack

of opportunity. Can I just simply step into Atticus's space and attempt to heal him and then move if he gets up? You know that you can't. No, I don't. You know that you can't do that. This is an unusual circumstance. So yeah, sure, I will leave a threatened square and provoke

Troy. Just fucking roll the die, you fucking asshole. Here comes the crowbar! Fuck you! He gets so mad. It's a nine. Okay, it misses. Alright. Unhittable, this guy. So I've used all of my prepared spells as cure spells,

but I have one last dose of fervor, and as a swift action, this might be the worst possible. Halster reaches out to Atticus and heals him. For how much? For, thank you, Skid, for the die. Five points of healing. Okay.

Juicy, juicy, juicy. All right. Juicy fruit, it gets right to it. Okay. The guy that didn't go is going to move up and go now. He's going to charge with the crowbar

at Halster Price. Through the doorway? Is that a doorway? Could you clear up the map, maybe? Because it looks like a door to us. Wait, you might be right, which I'll give you a little AC bonus. A big AC bonus. I'm behind a fucking wall. You just lost your AC bonus. You just lost your AC bonus.

Oh, no, that looks like a pretty open space to me. Okay, well, if you had done your job and cleared the map. Natty, 16. Natty, 16. Total? For a 19. That's a hit. Four points of damage.

Okay. Glad I healed myself earlier. You know it's going to be good when Grant's really mad. Yeah. Joe's dead. Grant's mad. It's happening It really is

It's a good barometer Like when Grant starts to get real honestly pissed off You know things are going bad Like real bad Are you unconscious still? Yeah But not dying Anymore

I think it's the best possible result, unless they murder me while I'm down, which is fine. You jump through there. I mean, they're totally sane and normal. I'm sure they'll make the right call. You dive through there, and they just come up with a crazed look in their eyes, with crowbars,

and just start pounding you into the ground. You've, boom, hit the ground, unconscious, dying. And all of a sudden you wake up. What? And you're sitting at a small work table in a basement. You see a low ceiling

closing in on you and you look around to see the room is spare, except for a cast iron coal furnace smoldering in the middle of the room. You have a book out, and it's open on the table next to your spell book. The spine of the book reads, The Tapestry of Madness. But right now your attention is turned to your spell book with a page turned open full of crazy arcane symbols. And you see the words silent image in several different languages. Atticus, you take your finger and you trace along the lines of the arcane symbol,

and then you attempt to reproduce it in the air in front of you. You go back to the spellbook and look. You turn to the tapestry of madness, back to the spellbook, back, back, and forth. You mutter an incantation under your breath, and you see this broken, like like Picasso-esque image of yourself appear 10 feet away from you. You're upset. You know this wouldn't fool anyone. So you tell it to go away and you try again. It's not quite right. Over and over you try to make this illusory double of yourself and over and over again it's wrong. It's not quite right. Over and over you try to make this illusory double of yourself.

And over and over again it's wrong. It's the wrong color fur. Bizarrely long arms. White eyes with no irises or pupils. You just can't nail it. And each time you fail, you add a different scratch into the insane looking symbol in your spell book for silent image.

You attempt it again now. And you look. And instead of an image of you, a broken image of you, like you've become accustomed to seeing over the past hour or so, you see a standing stone. You just look at it. Just completely transfixed. You're staring at it, dumbfounded. This isn't an image of you. You're looking at the book. This wasn't right. You stand up and you cautiously

walk towards it. And the illusion just persists the whole time. As you get close, you see that there's a crude door etched onto the stone. You reach out to touch it, knowing that you shouldn't be able to interact with a silent image. It should just dissipate once you interact with it, but it stays. It stays long enough for you to open the door on the stone. You open it and you step in to pure blackness and close the door behind you. And as it clicks shut, the illusion vanishes. And we see that Atticus has stepped into a burning cast iron furnace and closed the door behind him. That's where we found him. You're stabilized from Halster's healing, but you are on the brink of death.

It is Mrs. O'Lady's turn. Okay. Mrs. O'Lady is going to... It sure is. It sure is. Mrs. O'Lady is going to say, Alistair, pass him to me. Alistair, pass him to me.

And then she is going to... I like that. She's going to cast... Fireball on all of them. Alistair and Atticus die. I wish that we had leveled up No So she'll just do a mind thrust on the center Dude On that guy okay

So will you roll a will save for me No 13 You fail Yes Yes Seven points of damage Wow 13. You fail. Yes! Yes! Yes! Seven points of damage.

Wow! And then she'll say, Begone, fools! Yes. Begone, fools. They're already messed up, and you went after their mind. And I just made their mind hurt a lot.

You're having a bad trip. Run home. Get in your own bed. Well, it's their turn. Go home, hug a speaker, listen to some Allman Brothers. It's their turn now, and they're upset with you. As well they should be. Atticus is unconscious and dying.

I feel like they can stand on his space, but I didn't let you do it. Well, it's difficult terrain by the rules of the game. That's all it is. They can stand there if they want. Well, I think what he's going to try to do is he's going to try to squeeze out into the room here and provoke from Mrs. O'Lady.

But does Mrs. O'Lady have a weapon up? I have my sword cane in my hand. Yeah, take a shot. Well, I haven't drawn the sword, so I could hit him with the cane. You, get out of here! Run! Run! You brute!

You brute! You vicious brute! Stay away from my purse! Does a 12 hit? No. Then I don't hit. But I bet this will. Wait, so you're squeezing through the window?

Yes. Oh, because you call it difficult. Yeah, and I'm going to swing at you with a 16 That is a miss Oh, yes Wow Nice This is a fade This dude steps up and swings at Halster

I think I got you, buddy 18 Exactly Oh, come on Six points of damage. Brutal. Oh, boy. You guys all laughed at my healing earlier, but look at this.

All paid off. It is Aldo Casimir's turn. So Aldo looks around through the door that he just opened and sees that there is no light. He's hoping, wondering if there might be a light source on the other side of the door. He's looking into blackness. It doesn't make any sense. So, yeah, there's no...

He's got to fumble around in the darkness. So he moves back over here, and he sees Mrs. O'Lady being menaced by one of these people bearing their crew bars, and says, like, get away from my old lady friend! And pops a bomb off of his belt. And he's gonna throw it right at this person, even though it's gonna do splash damage to Mrs. Old Lady.

Wow. I'm not in great shape. Remember this moment. And that is actually a miss. Oh, no. So that is... You miss. Oh, no. So that is... You're going to hit Atticus. Roll a D8.

It could land on Atticus. I'll tell you right now. It could also land on Mrs. O'Lady. Yeah. One hits Atticus, and an eight hits Mrs. O'Lady. That actually... Okay, that's a seven. Oh, my God.

So it lands right between Aldo and Mrs. O'Lady So all three of us Take splash damage Pending a Reflex save And I fail So I take six points of damage DC 15

You made it And the apostle made it Oh no So you. Oh, you made it, and the Apostle made it. Oh, no. So you take zero if you make it, right? No, it's half. Okay, and you said it was six? Yeah. So three. Okay. Okay. Well, that guy was already hurt. Now he's hurt a little bit more, but Aldo did the most damage to himself

in that round. Halster, it's your turn. You are surrounded by two of these Apostles and Orpaman, your friend James You assume is permanently dead You should probably just stick a sword in him to make sure So that his soul May float upon Parasma's wings

Halster grips Red Destiny In his free hand, the pommel Oozing strength Through him, a strength that he never thought He had himself, and he swings out At the center apostle of the ornament that was a mind thruster earlier.

Come on, baby. There you go. Oh, that is a 20 to hit. That's a hit. Seven points of damage. He's dead. He has met his red destiny.

Wow. Wait, there are shots? There's no shots. Okay, give it to Grant. Oh, no, no, no, Grant, no. Oh, no. He found more shots. All you did was kill one guy and there's three of them.

I feel like he's my one-year-old. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was the urine sample we had to give the club before we came here. It tasted very, very urinary. It's still probably got a very high alcohol content, so it's fine. All right, this guy right next to you, he's going to take a swing. Natty 19, almost a crit. Oh, my God.

Hits you for max damage, eight points of damage. One point. Rocks! One hit point left. Jesus. Oh, Nelly Atticus Grimm, still unconscious and stable.

Mrs. O'Lady. You are face to face with one of these guys. It's just a kid. But he's been turned. He got into the hard stuff. Yeah. He's hanging out with a bad crowd. Well they always say opium's a gateway drug.

That's right. To death. A lot of people start on opium and then they get into this harder stuff. Once you start on opium. Crowbar violence. Yeah. Can I stand in this square?

Have we thought about offering them the opium we have to see if they'd chill out? I think they're doing pretty good. Guys, let's just get high. Right. Right. Why do we have to hit each other with crowbars and mind thrusts? I got a fatty. Fatty blonde.

Can I stand in the square? Can you stand in what square? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Mrs. Eleni will take a five foot step. Okay, your back is against the wall. I told you. Literally, I have to figure it out. And she'll mind thrust that guy as well.

Come on, man. Get it, please. We'll save. Words fail. Troy fails. Ten. Yeah! Come on. Come on, dude.

Seven points of damage. He's dead. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Someone's going to get hurt. I thought they were lining up for the dirty dancing lift.

I know. He was like, I'm good about that. That's my strong side. I've had the time of my life. At the last second, I was like, he's like two feet taller than me. Oh, my God. That was awful. Oh.

That was embarrassing. All right. Two of them are dead. One is left. James is unconscious. Alistair's sitting on one hit point. Yeah, he's not out of the woods. This is bad.

That guy's dead. That guy's dead. It goes back to Aldo Casimir. Wow. Okay, so there's one guy left. So... Aldo is... He's going to try to squeeze through the window. Okay. He came in through the bedroom window.

Come to my window. All right, he's going to get to the window, and he's going to throw a bomb behind the remaining drug addict. All right, I'm going to make that one AC-8. It's a tough shot through the window there. He made it. He made it. Okay, so that bomb lands. And that is a DC 15 reflex save for half damage. Fail.

Okay, so that's six points of fire damage. Okay. Okay. First hit this guy took. This is good. Huge! Fly for more, friends! He shouts. A bomb explodes behind the drug addict. Halster Price sitting on one HP. Do it, B!

Do it! I'm not your champion. I'm my own fucking champion. Leave me alone. A total of a 14? AC 15. Oh, no! No!

Halster! Chest bump the floor, buddy. Chest bump the floor. Oh, no. Oh. I'm all out of swift actions. What is your con? 14.

14? Mm-hmm. Okay, and you got one hit point. I mean, a crit could really possibly kill you. It's his turn. I think it's time I bring out the neon green. Oh, no. Does anyone have a bottle cap for disadvantage against Troy?

You remember when we used to do that? He ruled that out years ago. Nope, they don't have it. I do have a bottle cap. This guy in the front row says he has a bottle cap. The way the lights are, I can't see anything. I have a bottle cap. For disadvantage?

Can I use it for disadvantage? Disadvantage? No! Natural 8. Yeah! All right. I don't want to be bumped by that. All right.

What is happening? Grant's a real big fan of getting up. No one takes more charge of the space than Grant. Let's use the stage. The space is so empty and unused. I have to get into it. It's been weeks since I had a crotch on my neck. That was nice.

Weeks, I tells ya. Atticus Grimm. Useless. Yep. Unconscious. Mrs. Old Lady. There's an opening here. I'm not saying you're out of the woods yet.

Why don't you go to the really dark room for no reason? I'm going to pass on that. Okay. I want to give you all the options in this tapestry of joy. I appreciate that. Okay. Mrs. Lady will respectfully decline and she'll walk over here so she can see through the window and she will tell a projectile like a bottle

Just throw Atticus at him? Yeah. A bottle of pills. Just throw Atticus at him? Yeah. A bottle of pills. Okay. Natural one. Oh, is that a... I think that might be a fan fumble! Oh, no!

What if it accidentally hits an ally? Oh, my... God forbid that pill bottle hits... What if it hits Atticus? Alright, uh... God forbid that pill bottle hits. What if it hits? All right. Dice table tumble. Dice table tumble.

Dice tumble. We got Joe. Wait, is that a magic fumble? Or is it a ranged fumble? That is a magic fumble. Well, no, I failed on the ranged attack. But you used magic, didn't you? To move it. But the spell succeeded if it moved.

Ooh. Right. He's right. You know what? You're right. Magic fumble. Doing it for LA. Doing it for all the waiters.

I'm sorry! Joe, you got a West Coast magic fumble there? I'm looking. I'm looking. This is the face when Joe Joe sees Instagram. Here we go. You got one? Andrew from San Diego?

Any chance? No? All right, Andrew from San Diego. Come on, Andrew. It's a three-hour drive. Where are you? San Diego. San Diego.

Scatterbrained, it's called. Your casting goes awry Resulting in casting a random spell From your prepared list I don't have a prepared list Hey Sounds like a mind thrust Oh no

No that's Go to another fumble No no I like this fumble No it's We just need to massage it a little It's not in the text We need to massage it No That's insane Go to another fumble. No, no, I like this fumble. We just need to massage it a little. We need to massage it. No. That's insane.

Go to another fumble. How do we decide which spell it is, Joe? This is insane. Basically, you roll randomly to see what other spell you cast, and the GM determines the target. But does the GM know the spell before he determines the target? Here's the order that he wrote it. Roll a die to determine which spell you cast.

Once you determine the spell, targeting of the new spell is up to GM discretion, unless the range is personal. Again, objection for my client. Overruled! The term written was prepared, and my client is incapable of casting prepared spells. That's not true.

You prepare spells. No, I don't. You can cast any spell on your list at any time? I'm a spontaneous caster. Okay. Prepared spells. This sounds like a new fan fumble. All your spells are prepared, essentially. All right, so...

I have eight spells that I know. Okay. So I'll roll a d8. Oh, yeah. How are they listed? Alphabetically? No, I mean by level. So I figured I'd just...

By the way, they are on my screen. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I trust you. Be honest. So Joe can verify. Okay. Go ahead, roll it.

This is going to be amazing. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. If it's mind thrust... Fuck! It's mind thrust. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's mind thrust Oh my god Yes Yes

This is so bad that it's in your hands I still think this is bullshit Because for the spell to fit For me to fumble For me to fumble on the attack The spell was already cast It's really brutal Those are the only spells you can fumble on.

So is it any target within range? Because there's the person, there's Hauser, there's Atticus, there's Aldo, there's Mrs. O'Lady, and there's that. Can I make a case? Yeah, yeah. I think since the call was kind of bullshit, you should randomize the target. Interesting. Well, I've always been known as a man of bullshit. You should randomize the target. Oh, interesting. Well, I've always been known as a man of discretion.

And the fumble did say GM discretion. It also said prepared spell list, you fucking piece of shit. I'd have to look at it again, Grant. I don't remember that part. I mean, I think the only fair thing

to do is leave it up to an audience poll. You're going to put... So, by a round of applause, who would like to see it hit Halster Price? That applause. Two people raised their hands. Wow.

All right, you take directions as well as Matthew. Who would like to see it hit? Aldo Casimir. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. I want to see it hit you. Maybe it could backfire and hit Mrs. Old Lady. Anybody?

Alright. I guess that's everybody. No, no! Does anybody want to see it hit Atticus Grimm? Alright, that was close. That was closer than I thought. I thought it would be a resounding thing.

There's still another target. Who's the other target? The guy! The patient. Anybody want to see it hit the patient? Yeah! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy!

Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy! Fuck you, Troy!

You left it up to the audience vote. Roll for damage. Yeah! You get a will save. I failed. Yeah! Yeah, I failed. Eight points of damage.

You stole a lot. Oh, come on! Oh, that's impressive. Thank you so much! Thank you! Los Angeles, come on. Oh, that's impressive. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Los Angeles, thank you. As the Decemberist once said, Los Angeles, I'm yours. Wow. I love L.A.

Yeah, yeah. I love it. This is one time. It's a new round. We can't tell those jokes, Grant. Yeah, we gotta keep those jokes. We lost Skid. It's Aldo's turn.

And now that inside joke's gonna eat away at him for at least ten minutes. I critically hit his funny bone. Come on, Skid. Let's see what you gotta do. You gotta be careful. Skid, what would Aldo like to do? Doing that to Skid in-game is the equivalent

to making a character nauseated. He can make no action. You know what? He's gonna do the same thing again. He's gonna throw another bomb. Behind this guy. Come on, Skid. Don't fumble.

I'm going to try not to. Get away from all friends. That's a 14 against the... Square. Square. Fire. Yeah, yeah. That is a hit.

All right. So that is a reflex save. DC 15 reflex save. I made the reflex save, but it's still three points of damage. DC 15 reflex save. I made the reflex save, but it's still three points of damage. And he had two hit points. Yeah! Oh, God.

My man. Disaster averted. Get that shot, baby. Get that shot. Show them what you're working with, baby. Hey, Joe, remember that time you jumped through a window? That was awesome. It was so long ago, I don't even remember.

Wow. Oh, my God. I thought I got you. I thought you did, too. I didn't. I didn't get you. I thought I gotcha I thought you did too I didn't getcha I thought this was over Thank god for audience participation Yes Words I never thought I would agree with

Yeah right Atticus you are unconscious And stable Houser is sitting on one HP With Grant's horseshoe up his ass. He was able to survive. Aldo chucking bombs to the back of the room, takes out the final one of these apostles.

What do you want to do? Aldo is going to crawl through the window. Aldo is going to crawl through the window. And, all right, so, Halster, you've got one hit point left? Yes. That's you, Grant. We've lost Grant. Yeah.

Okay. He's like this. Yes. All right. Atticus is down. So blood starts dripping from his mouth, flowing to the back of the room. So he is going to... Aldo's going to take a vial off of his belt

and put a little bit of herb in it and shake it. And he is going to create a cure light wounds extract and pour it into Atticus's mouth, massage it down his throat. Nice. And that will heal you for five points of healing. And he comes up. Awakens.

To these bodies around him, these patients. And he leans in and he says, do you think this could possibly jar a flashback? And Atticus says No Crikey Crikey

They were crazed Absolutely crazed He starts to push himself up And stand up He has two hit points So I think we're in pretty bad shape. We're not bones, huh? I think we should

probably make our way back to the... Can we do a perception check around the pharmacy to see if there are any cure-like spells? Oh, yeah. It's not a CVS, but yes. Oh, 21. General perception. Just a gen pep.

Gen perp. Gen perp. Perts perk. Gen perk. So you can see that the medicine cabinets in the room have been thoroughly ransacked. It looks like they stored bandages at one point, dried herbs, mundane tinctures, chemical medications used in treating a whole spectrum of ailments. It would make sense. Everyone had different things going on while admitted here.

But let's say you spent five, ten minutes really digging through. Roll a heal check. 24. There you go, Aldo. You see enough stuff that you could put together to make two potions of Cure Light Wounds. Out of the stuff. Especially you,

out of all of them, you're like, I got this. You make two potions of Cure Light Wounds out of this stuff. And I do so, and I administer them to Halstaprice and to Atticus. I'm not doing so well myself. Yeah, but you're still in better shape. This is the yardstick by which we have failed immensely.

Because you are in bad shape, but they're in even worse shape. I'm very old. I know. So give the young a chance to succeed where you failed in life. We say this to all baby boomers. Anyway, let's move on. Oh, we're sorry, baby boomers.

There's a lot of boomers. Big boomer crowd tonight. Big boomer crowd, yeah. Troy, are you a baby boomer? No. Holy shit. I'm not a baby boomer. Stan's not even a baby boomer.

I mean, you seem a little ageless to me, so I feel like I need to ask. You don't even know what a baby boomer is. I'm a great old one. Yes, I'm a great old one. Great old one. I am Shabnagrath, reborn. What do you want to do? You got this dead old woman in a wheelchair,

a haunt that you have neutralized. You know that haunts come back. Yes. Unless you can satisfy whatever the requirements are of the haunts besides damaging the positive energy. Let's quickly take the

administered potions and then let's look at the haunt. Do you want to roll for the healing on each of us? You're taking it. You roll. Could you roll it? It's a plus one, so five points of healing for six hit points. And Joe?

One. No, plus one. Plus one. Two. All right, so we'll go over to the haunt and we'll look for things in the room that might be able to satisfy her. I also want to examine the wound

on the haunt. Okay. Roll a heal check. Okay. Quickly. 14. 14. 14. I don't know how well versed you are in the anatomy,

but it's pretty clear that the wound is exactly where the human heart would be. That's what I was wondering. You don't see a heart on the other side. Oh, we've got to find our hearts. I ripped my own heart out. No, don't do that. No, no, no. Take one of the cultist's hearts.

That's just what you see You see that there's There's like an explosive hole Where her heart was And that's where that blood was leaking out Is this why you took us to Mi Corazon For our dinner today? Yes

Yes, it is You were giving us hints all along And I left you three clues During each course that I meant for you to use this evening. I was wondering why you had all those courses. And you failed. Yeah, I think, can we just take 20

just to search this room? Could you stop doing that also, please? Yeah, you take 20 and there's games, there's chess, there's checkers, there's chutes and ladders. There's somebody fell.

She's okay. You're okay? Yes. You're okay? Good. Stop fighting. You're both cute. I have dark vision. You look around, you see games, like it looks like this was a place like now we're gonna go play some games.

You, uh, why don't you sit here in front of the window and look out? It's a game of hearts. Oh, bottle cap. You're hot tonight, kid. Killing it. You're on fire. You just see the empty medicinal cups,

those little mini Dixie cups laying on the floor. But that's it. I mean, you found that room. You were able to fashion two healing potions. There's a bunch of stuff in there that are just pills that you don't know what you could use them for. Maybe you could bring them back to winter. I gather up everything, like everything that looks like it might be even remotely valuable. All the drugs.

Give me all the drugs. All drugs are legal here. Okay. So she's heartless. Can I roll... I know we did a bunch of knowledges, but maybe a knowledge religion again to see if there's... Anything we can pull... Basically,

I can re-roll a knowledge check once per day. A failed knowledge check. And so I think it might be religion just to figure out if there's something we can do to stop this haunt from re-manifesting. And I guess it would be religion. You said a heal check check That's obviously not knowledge

But I don't know Is that relevant? Yeah, roll another religion check I'll roll to aid Come on, man Come on, Atticus I aid You aid?

I do That's 21 Forever 21 R.I's 21. Forever 21. R.I.P. Out of business. So you're over there looking at her. Examining closely. Really examining closely.

Exhausted. Beaten. And as you're sitting there, trying to figure out what could satisfy this, the only thing you notice, and it's very gross, is that her tongue is like

poking outward out of her mouth a little bit. You didn't notice it at first. Kind of like... Could really do without that. Oh, no, no, don't do it. Come on. Come on, no.

Oh, come on. Oh, no. Did I lick you? Oh, no. Yeah. It's better than a dick on your neck. I'd rather have a lick on my neck than a dick on my neck. Right, Grant?

Right. Did I really lick you? I'm sorry. You were very salty. Very sweaty. It tastes like Cheez Whiz. Cheez Whiz and failure. How dare you. You're a good guy.

So that's what you see. I notice her tongue is sticking out a little more than noticed before. What's in her mouth? Is there anything we could puzzle about it? He'll look deeper into her throat, see if there's anything. Oh, it's a death-set moth! There, that's 20. Oh, wow, it's not at all.

No, that's an eight. Look deeper into her mouth. Hey, you don't know. It looks like she was like Alright, he's going to Try Pushing the tongue in And closing the jaw for a second

See if anything happens Hey, you push the tongue in And close the jaw Nothing Maybe Maybe she wants her medicine Whatever her medicine. Whatever her medicine is.

Digitalis. She's a heart problem. Okay, so we'll... Can you do the concoction? Maybe an alchemy check? Is there a concoction? Yeah, can I do a heel check? Can I do some kind of check? No, and do your alchemy check.

That's your bread and butter. 24. Ooh! I mean, you don't know what's wrong with her, but you do see that her heart is exploded, so you're like, I'm going to go on a limb here. I have time. I'm going to go on a limb here.

I've identified the issue. Right. I'm going to go on a limb here, and I'm going to make aspirin. Baby aspirin. Baby aspirin. And stick it in her mouth? Yes?

Yeah. So you make it and you stick it in her mouth. And as you do, you black out. Oh! And in the room you You hear as you're starting to black out You hear Mrs. Freeling

Mrs. Freeling you better take these Or your heart will explode Your heart will explode Mrs. Freeling Mrs. Freeling Mrs. Freeling Mrs. Freeling, Mrs. Freeling, Mrs. Freeling, Mrs. Freeling! Now we see a room. Almost pitch black.

A single light, a candle, springs to life. Beakers and flasks filled with thick and colorful fluids lined shelves alongside bizarre animal skulls and dusty books. We now see that this candle is held by a little girl who enters the laboratory furtively, surely afraid of being caught. laboratory furtively, surely afraid of being caught. She gazes in wonder at her exotic surroundings as she pads quietly through the room. You can see that she's looking for something.

Her eyes go wide as she spots a book on a high shelf. She sets the candle on a nearby table and silently pulls a stepladder close. She climbs up and stands on her tiptoes in order to reach the book and pull it down. And we can see on the spine it says, On the Conjunction of Worlds by O.A. Diggs. The heavy tome slips from her fingers and lands on the shelf below, sending a rack of test tubes scattering with a crash of breaking glass. Panicked, she jumps to the ground only

to cut her feet on one of the jagged shards. Stifling her cry, she bends down to pick up the book and then as she stands up she sees a face very close to her. Cruel eyes and a sinister smile. It is very, very late, my lady. The man bends forward and picks up the candle. This part

of the castle is no place for little girls, no matter their station. She's terrified now, and in pain, from the broken glass that cut her foot. On the verge of tears, she says, I forgot my book. I wanted something to read to father. Your father is in no state to enjoy a bedtime story, my lady.

Oh, hadn't you noticed? You know what? With all the... So very, very late. I wonder... Does anyone even know you're here? She's barely able to manage a terrified whisper. No.

No, I bet no one knows you're down here. Well, now this is interesting. He bends forward and smiles wide, revealing a mouth of sickly yellow teeth. Suddenly, the candle in his hands bursts into a brilliant white

flame. The man jumps back with a star, dropping it to the ground as it continues to burn with intense light, but no heat. Office hours are from 3 to 6 p.m. on toil days and oath days, I'm afraid. Aldo Casimir

steps into the light from the doorway. You of all people should know that, Chamberlain. Casimir. The Chamberlain speaks with an audible sneer as he pulls himself up to his full height. I was merely escorting the Duchess to her bedchambers.

Oh, now don't trouble yourself. Why don't you let me handle that? You can go back to doing whatever it is you do at bleeding midnight. He stares at Aldo, seething, and then skulks out of the room into the darkness of the hallway. And right when he leaves, the little girl bursts into tears. She rushes to Aldo. I'm sorry, Aldo. I couldn't sleep.

Gods, I hate that man. He frightens me. He frightens me too, little one. He's one of a number of reasons you shouldn't be sneaking about after bedtime. Corky, you're hurt! As he kneels to examine her, he sees the book. Oh, now, Duchess, we've talked about this. More tears. She's like, I know, but I couldn't sleep, and I was worried about Father,

and you're always reading it, and you're trying to help him, and you say that you'll tell me about it one day, but you never do, and I... It's all right, my dear. Shh. He hugs her tight. One day, I will share this with you, I promise. But it is very precious and incredibly dangerous. Patience.

But, in the meantime... He lifts her up to, like, sit her on the counter. How's about you help me make a evening salve of yours for that little cut of yours, eh? She nods, wiping away her tears. It's a good girl. He pats her gently on the shoulder. We'll make an alchemist of you yet, Lady Sheila. You all level up.

What? What? And we'll see you in Boston Thank you.