The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 27 – One Hundred Dollars

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Nothing like kicking off a Saturday matinee with a save against DEATH! In one of the most controversial session of Pathfinder ever recorded, the heroes must survive an assassin on their way to Iris Hill! It was another wild show at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis that you have to see to believe! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/aq1-zi4MR54 Recap 13:57 Gameplay 20:04 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill. Speed. Sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet,

a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Coodle. Conditions apply. Chanty was going to take me on a trip to the place he's from. From the producer of Megan, Five Nights at Freddy's, and The Black Phone. Alice! Alice! Alice! Get out!

Now. Many kids have imaginary friends. Ready or not. Just because you stop believing in them doesn't mean they're gone. Here he comes. And they're angry you left. Imaginary. Now playing only in theaters. What's up Indy?

Wow! Oh, this is gonna be fun. I thought you guys would be asleep. Keep it going for our good friend Jared Logan. He is the best. Jared! Fucking love this guy. Love him.

Now, just because this is a Saturday matinee, don't think we're not gonna curse and talk about poop and wieners. Poop and wieners. Poop and wieners. It is early, though. Matthew is still wasted from last night. It's true.

If you get close to him, he reeks of cosmopolitans and Midori sours. We got kicked out of, like, four fern bars last night. Quick succession. He was crushing sours like there was no tomorrow. He's really an animal on the road, just hitting on cocktail waitresses

left and right. Reckless abandon. Do you remember when he took a $20 bill and stuffed it in a Maitre D's shirt and was like, hey, honey, why don't you give us a good table and there's more where that comes from. Remember when he did that to that maitre d'? I certainly don't.

Oh, because you were hammered. Getting up from dinner every five minutes to powder his nose in the bathroom. Then he'd come back and start making all these glory hole jokes that the table nearby could hear. Made everyone uncomfortable. We're getting ready to go on stage right now and he's talking about

I can't wait to get through with this stupid show and this stupid VIP after party so I can head to the strip clubs and let loose the Capo de Tiger. Capo de Tiger. Capo de Tiger. Fuck that up.

It's his words, not mine. I don't even know what it means. Well, he originally said Capo de Caracal. But I think it was too obscure of a large cat for anyone to get it. So then he changed to Tiger. Fame has gone to his head. His tiny, tiny little head that has more hair on the sides than it does on top.

Happens to the best of us. Consider this your intervention, Matthew. For my baldness? Yes. There's nothing I can do about that. It's time to put the capo de tiger back in his cage.

So dumb. On a scale of one to scream at the top of your lungs, how excited are you if you're tonight? Me too. I may have said this last time. I can't remember because I drink too much.

But this is what our life was like before we had a podcast. We would just play on Saturday afternoons. It was me and Joe and Skid and Joe's childhood friend McDermott and our GM Chris. And we would just get shithoused on a Saturday morning and play for hours. No children. No children. No responsibilities. None of us were married. It was great.

And now people pay to watch us do it. It's the American dream right there. Let me tell you something. Get serious for a moment. This has been just about the best week we've had as a company in a long, long time. Don't you think? Yeah.

Thank you. The show the other night was fire. We get to do it again tonight. We had this great Blades of the Dark show with Jared yesterday. It was so much fun. We've also had the chance to meet and spend time with people that we just met during COVID over the internet. People like Jared and Tanya DePass was here the other night. Matthew Lillard was here the other night. It's just crazy. We get to meet everybody in person.

It's been an amazing week, but as always, the best part is you, the niche. I can't say it enough. I say it a lot. We would be nothing and we have gotten nowhere without you. Thank you so much for everything you do for us. It really means a lot. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, weeks like this, we need you. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you to four men who satisfy me only slightly less than they do their wives and girlfriends. First up,

he may be as hairy as a chimpanzee, but the only poop he throws is when he sits down to write his plays every morning. Oh, no! Poop, poop, poop. Matthew Cameron of Cars, everybody!

The Capo de Tiger. You were out of control. Troy has the single room. We rotate through who gets the single room in the hotels. Things got weird last night. Things got a little weird. He came knocking on my door At like midnight

Yeah Yeah Little booty call I'm not kidding He came knocking on my door At like midnight Yeah Hey

You wanna hang out? Hey You busy? I'm busy You up? You up Is the Capo de Tiger still around? I'd like to ride him around downtown Indy.

Like a mighty steed. Next up is a man who dressed up early for Halloween this year as the uncle you need to keep an eye on at Thanksgiving. Where are the children? And where's Uncle Grant? Oh, thank God. Give it up for Grant Berger!

I'm just checking on the stuffing, Troy. That's all I'm doing. Keep your hands away from that stuffing. How are you, buddy? Doing great. I went on a run with Capita Tiger this morning. Did you? away from that stuffing. How are you, buddy? Doing great. I went on a run with Captain Tiger this morning. Did you? Yeah, it was a lot of fun,

and it was kind of like the opening scene to Captain America and the Winter Soldier. It was like he was Steve Rogers, though, and I was Falcon, and I was Sam Wilson, just like, holy shit, how are you going that fast? Yeah, it wasn't true. You kept up with me most of the time. Most of the time.

But he did. He's a lithe little man. Is he fleet of foot? He is. time. But he did. He's a life little man. Is he fleet of foot? He is. See how nice he sounds? He's so full of shit. Comes back to the hotel room. First thing he does, calls his wife.

First thing. He's like, went on a run with Grant. Had to go so slow the whole time. Barely got a workout. I was like, I can't believe she stands for that. It's unbelievable. The funny thing is, is he was just talking into a locked phone screen

to show off for you, Joe. I asked Joe if he wanted to come with us, and he looked at me very seriously and said, no, running is something I do alone. It's not a social... Nobody needs to see that. No witnesses. Next up is a man we keep around

just to use his senior citizen discount at St. Elmo's later tonight. St. Elmo's is pricey. We need that 15% off. Give it up for Skidmar, folks. How are you, buddy? You look great, always in costume. How you feeling?

Good. You guys went out pretty late last night. I went back to the hotel early, watched some Canadian football with Grant. Yeah! Go Rough Riders! Go Rough Riders! Go Rough Riders. Woo! Grant sort of bullied me into picking them as my

CFL team. Well, you're not going to pick the Toronto Alouettes. I can't. No, the Argonauts. Argonauts? Oh, shit. I don't know what I was watching. Or the Montreal Alouettes, or the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, or any of the other teams that I could have chosen, but I chose the...

Rough Riders. Yeah, the Rough Riders. A deep passion you have for that team. I do. Don't let Grant lure you into his weird sober hobbies. Canadian football. There's only three downs, Troy.

I guarantee if we go to Grant's apartment right now and you open up his closet, he's got like every CFL jersey that says Burger on the back. Number 69, Burger. Talk about disappointing my wife and girlfriend.

Finally, folks, this specimen to my left. Now listen, my parents always said, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. So he can introduce himself. Say whatever you want. Ladies and gentlemen Troy LaVallee's better half

Joe O'Brien I love it Andy Don't make him feel good I love it. Andy. Don't make him feel good. I love feeling good, though. Yeah, I never thought about that. The way you ate and drank backstage,

I think you really like feeling bad. No, I took a bite of skid sandwich and he didn't touch the rest of it. So disappointing. It was a giant chunk taken out of my wrap. It said Troy. I just ate and then asked questions later. You ordered a completely different sandwich. I know.

You also took a comically large bite. I was hungry. I nibbled it to taste it. It was a giant cartoonishly large chunk. Troy hungry. How are you? Do you feel good today? Yes, I feel great. Is it because you abandoned me last night and wouldn't hang out at the bar? Hungry. How are you? Do you feel good today? Yes, I feel great.

Is it because you abandoned me last night and wouldn't hang out at the bar? Yes, exactly. You have to stop at a certain point when you've got a show the next day. Not when your wife and children are hundreds of miles away. You have fun. I was so full and so done with beer

and bloated and I was like, I just need some sleep. done with beer and bloated, and I was like, I just need some sleep. And he's like, so, one more bar and a plate of guac and chips? Your old buddy Troy was at the hotel bar last night until about midnight. I was having a nice cocktail and working on the show tonight, surrounding myself with the energy of Gen Con. I can't get enough of this energy. It's like being in a casino. I get high.

And I called Joe, and he's like, I'm not coming down. If you want to come, come to my room. So right around midnight, I'm like, okay, I'm going to stop by. I'm going to check on them. I'll leave. I've had my guacamole.

I've had my one scoop of vanilla ice cream. And I came by the room, and I knock on the door there was no answer so then I knock again and this tiny little man in comically small boxer briefs

answered the door like a boy's large I thought he was some strange gross treasure gnome and then my eyes adjusted to the darkness of their room

and I realized it was Matthew. And I was like, hey, man, you want to hang out? And they were like, what? You had no idea what was going on. I was asleep. Do you want to hang out? And you're like, Joe is asleep in the bed with an iPad on his chest.

No. And so I left, sad, and I went up to Skid and Grant's room. I know you guys don't know this, because I know where your room is, and I just put my ear up to the door. What the fuck? Dude. A couple people walked by, and I was like, it's cool, don't worry. They're my friends.

They're my friends. I zipped up my pants, and I said, it's cool. Don't worry about it. Keep moving. And I listened. It was crickets in there, and I just... The lonely play call of a third down punt. And I just...

What happened to us? We used to be fun. We used to be cool. We used to go out and do things. And now, we sit in our hotel rooms like a bunch of losers.

It's an early show, Troy. We do have an early show. Age. Yeah. Age. That's probably why I'm Troy. We do have an early show. Age. Yeah. Age. That's probably why I'm the only one up here that has the shakes. Before every show, he sits back there and says, I think I'm going to die.

That's so terrible. Before every show. Every single show. I feel terrible. We've started telling Troy the call time is a full 45 minutes later, so we just don't have to deal with him for the first 45 minutes of the sound check.

Which is odd because I set the schedule and I should know the truth. The last thing that happened before I walked onto this stage, I looked one time back at Troy

to make sure he was still alive and he was literally holding his chest going like this. And then he comes out and he's like, what's going on? He does it for all of you.

I do it. I do it for you. I do it for you, all right? This is going to be fun. The second show after a show just a couple days before,

we're warm, we're hot. The crowd, I thought it was going to be quiet. Clearly not. So now we don't have to... Definitely not a 2 p.m. crowd.

Don't have to worry about that. So I think it's time that we just jump right in. Get into story early. Okay. Grant. Burger. I wanted a recap to soften this blow, man.

Take it to the recap! Yeah! Recap! Thank God. I wanted a recap to soften this blow man Take another recap Yeah recap Thank god That's loud Bird dog He works hard for the money oh man we have made some progress in this story haven't we

at its core this is a story about four wayward heroes who have been given a second chance at life Aldo Casimir the alchemist Halster Price the war priest.

Atticus Grimm, the illiterate rat wizard. And Sir Julie Andrews, paladin of Sarenrae. With the exception of Sir Julie, the other three were put in an asylum by their former employer, Count Hazerton Lowes IV. Mysterious dude. Somewhere along the way to being committed, they lost their memories as well.

Over time, they've begun to remember bits and pieces of their past, and their memories seem to indicate that they were terrible people. In fact, possibly even murderers. Look at you, Atticus. You weren't there. I'm everywhere. Sir Julie had committed herself to the asylum years ago, her mind tortured from the time she spent on the world wound during the Crusades.

But all of them suffered the same strange effects from being in the asylum when an eldritch ritual was conducted using a book called The Chain of Nights that turned people into living gateways into the dreamlands. Luckily, you stopped the nightmare at the asylum, escaped, and came to the city of Threshmore in search of this count. He has left town on some scholarly expedition. But Threshmore has its own problems that you think must all be tied to the count. There is a cult of the King in Yellow that is kidnapping townspeople, killing them, and using their blood to try and open portals to ancient planets where the great old ones reside. You went to the town garrison searching for clues

and found that a group of creatures known as scum took over the fort, and the soldiers stationed there were either killed and turned into juju zombies or propped up as scarecrows to make it look like the ramparts were manned to the townsfolk. And the person behind all of this seems to be a mysterious woman named Melisande, Lal's assistant who was left in charge of his estate,

Iris Hill, when he left town. Is she doing Lal's bidding as part of some master plan tied to Hastur worship, or is she working on her own dark shit? Yeah, did she kill the Count long ago? All roads lead to Iris Hill. You know that. But first you want to check out

the star stelae in town that are apparently connected to the blood rituals that the cult is conducting. So you climb a hill in the center of town and find a strange monument that, from talking to Cesedia Rents at the Sleepless Detective Agency, apparently predates the founding of the town.

When studying them, you find a symbol that vaguely resembles the symbol of the king in yellow that the cultists were wearing. So, looking to great scholars of the past, like Dr. Bruce Dickerson. Is it Dr. Bruce Dickerson? Butch. Butch. Butch Dickerson? Old Butch Dickerson.

Dr. Butch Dickerson, yes, how could I forget? How quickly time erases our own names. And then I believe it was Monsignor Blanket Tuttlefuck. And who could forget Father Pinwheel Mahomes. Awesome. and who could forget Father Pinwheel Mahomes you learn from them and you feel like if you've touched this symbol to the monument that may be the key

so Atticus takes the symbol and he does so and his mind is immediately bombarded with the whispers and voices of another world you see this shadowy abomination speaking to you in a language you don't even understand.

But in that moment, you discover a power that the star stela possesses. Without knowing what that power is, you unleash it and a portal appears on a wall nearby. Aldo and Halster enter the portal and find themselves in this nightmare city, the same abandoned city from their asylum dreams, a city crawling with swirling yellow mists,

and in the distance, an exit to another side of the island. So they step through, Sir Julie and Atticus step through, and they all find themselves transported to this other part of the island, right near the second star stelae. The wall that they walk through as they appear leaves behind a sooty mural of the eerie, mist-covered city. As Atticus's mind returns to our world, he can hear hushed whispers speaking near to this other possible star stelae,

and he triangulates its location to the grounds of Iris Hill. So you head there cautiously, not knowing what to expect. And as you're about halfway there, you all get the feeling that you're being watched. And at that moment, Sir Julie turns to see an assassin appear out of thin air

and stick a rapier right into Halster Price's heart, which was not only a confirmed critical hit, but it also has this ability known as death attack, which, if Halster fails his fortitude save, he will immediately and permanently die. That's where we ended the show. And then Matthew, from the kind of his heart, gave Grant a bottle cap.

Even though Grant had a bottle cap. What? What? He accepted it. I'm running a non-profit here, man. I'm just taking whatever I can get. You accepted my bottle, my Topo Chico. It was a post-show bottle cap.

It is not clear whether or not those are sanctioned for show use at this point. So I will give you my post-show bottle cap if it can be used during the show. I don't like trading a bottle caps, first of all. it can be used during the show. I don't like trading of bottle caps, first of all. Second of all, that bottle cap makes it pretty much guaranteed you're going to pass, I think. That is not true. That is not how

advantage or probability works. You're fine. It is a lock. I hate this jinxing, this active hard jinxing. Not even God himself could strike down Halster this day. To prevent you from succeeding at this role. I've got a fun idea.

Why don't we raise the stakes a little bit? But to be fair, the stakes right now are death, right? Yes. But what does Grant prize more, his life or money? I hold here in my hands a $100 bill. Whoa! I would like to buy that bottle cap from you. Whoa!

What? Oh, my God. Wait, real life? That's real money. This is the stimulus package for the bottle cap economy? The economy is very unclear. Not unlike our own. Don't you touch that money!

You gotta earn that money. I want to make sure it's real. It's real. All right. Hold it up to the light. Bite it. Look at that. Where's the watermark?

You can see the watermark. Real money. A hundred bucks. Now here's the thing. Bite it in your teeth to show us. Where's the watermark? You can see the watermark. Real money. A hundred bucks. Now here's the thing. Bite it in your teeth to show us. It's real gold. If you accept, I get the bottle cap, and I can use it in play. Whoa.

And you cannot use your bottle cap from anyone else, including yourself, on this roll. So you only get one roll, but you get a hundred bucks. I don't know, man. Back where I come from, a hundred bucks is a lot of money. You could buy all the CFL jerseys you want. All the Formula One

podcasts there are that cost money. I don't know what you do in your weird free time. $100. Hey, you might take that $100 and still make the save, and then you're $100 richer and your character didn't die. And Troy has $100 less. But he has a bottle cap. Oh, that's true.

Those are prices. He could use on any of us. I don't know what kind of cheap hooker you ended up with last night after Matthew and I shut you out, but I am a high-class worker, okay? I am worth more than $100. Am I right? And so is this damn crowd, and so is the integrity of the game, both in the CFL and Formula One. So what I'm hearing is you don't want this crisp $100 bill?

Of course I want it, but I'm not going to take it. Oh, it smells good. You're not going to take it? I'm not going to take it. I'm putting it on the table. You know that if you take it, you're going to succeed anyway, right? Stop saying that, Joe. Here's the worst part.

You're going to roll twice if you don't take it, and you'll know if you would pass on both die. No, the worst part is you'll have a bottle cap. That's the worst part? That is probably the worst part. It wouldn't be the worst part if I had the $100, but for me right now, it's definitely the worst part. I won't have it.

Benjamin Franklin will. I'm going to leave it right here. I was going to say, 20 bucks for me. I'd forget it at the end of the show. But I'm like, now I'm so confused. Are we betting $20 and I'll forget it? Double down. I'll take the over. We're so addicted to betting.

I'll bet $20 you can't keep that $100 bill. This is like a bottle cap derivative. So Grant, I need a final answer. Are you taking this sweet cash? Or are you... I am not taking the sweet cash. Wow. Wow.

I will tell you why. Integrity moves. I owe it to Jake. Jake, are you... Jake! Jake! So Jake gave me the die. Thank you for this die. And I have this

Norse foundry die that they paid me $200 to use for the other die. So you're out of luck. They didn't pay me anything. Do your research, Valle. It's beautiful. Treasure trove. You can buy your own dinner tonight, too. So I can roll this fortitude save. You may roll the fortitude save You may roll the fortitude save

Hey, you could eat shit on these two rolls Or maybe the gods favor you Come on Big money, big money, big money Natural 20 Unbelievable What was the other one? Jake got me a 12 for a total of a 18.

Two passes. You could have kept the 100 bucks. As long as you feel bad, I feel like I've won. I do feel bad. I do feel bad. You know what happened at the bar before we went home early? We were sitting at a bar and college volleyball was on TV. You don't have to tell this story.

And I made a joke. You don't have to tell this story. I was like, if you could bet on college volleyball right now, would you? And he looks up from his phone and he's like, I'm considering it. I was bored. All right, well, fuck you, Grant. This is still going to be a ton of damage And there is a world And a perfect storm of a failed role

That you're going to have to make again I'll tell you in a second Or this fan critical That it could be a one-shot kill I'm turning on the bottle cap Now it's worthless I carried that bottle cap. Now it's worthless. I carried that bottle cap since our show in Dallas.

In Dallas? In 2019? Yeah, I forgot about it for a while. Yeah, you gotta be down there to get the bottle Topo Chico, bro, in the plastic? That's right. Joe, give me that fan critical, and then there's about nine things that are going to happen to Grant's lucky character. I wanted to look ahead a little bit so that I could find something in the region, maybe somebody who's kind of close by, and I did happen to see the title.

Didn't see what it does. I really don't like the title. I do. This is a melee crit. This is from Louis in Cincinnati, Ohio. That's close. Louis? I know there's Cincinnati people here, right? Yeah. Hi, Louis. No Lou from Cincinnati, but Lou writes in with a

crit called, They're All Doomed. Ooh, I like the sound of that. I don't. You feel the familiar presence of a lost relative or friend calling you to act in your mind. This calling insists a murderous rage within you.

Mother knows best. Your attack deals triple damage. That's the one. That's the one that could do it. If your attack slays an opponent, roll a d20. If you roll 13+, you may cast Dimension Door and then may make an additional attack as a free action any time during the combat at your highest BAB

and character level as caster level. If one of us got this crit... If it kills you, I mean, it's going to come... This is amazing, because now a x2 crit has become a x3 crit. 4d6 worth of sneak attack damage on top of it. The blade was poisoned. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

And it has this ability known as Bleeding Attack, so you'll take four points of bleed on your turn. Oh, wow. This is a ton of damage. And spoiler alert, the poison is constitution-based, so should you fail it, your hit point threshold will go down as well. Now, wait.

So if you have bleed and you go below zero, can you still stabilize, or does that take away your chance to stabilize? You cannot stabilize without someone else. Someone has to do it. Magical healing or... Now, you're fully healed. Heal check.

And 46 is normal. You're not doubling or tripling that, correct? No, I would never do that. Precision dam. I would never. Precision dam. How dare you even mention that in front of this crowd? I'm sorry.

I should have taken the $100. But let's be honest here. Exactly. Like, LaVallee, I honestly, knowing what you knew, I can't believe you even offered the $100. Because he was going to die regardless of the fortitude. Shocked he didn't take it. It would have made me feel even worse being paid to die like that, though.

Like, it's just, ugh, gross. The whole goal was to make you and everyone else feel terrible. So in a way, I feel like I succeeded. Mission accomplished. I just saw you have a stack of Fifth Avenue bars on your table. I was trying to find the right time to talk about it. I should have

thrown those into the deal. Now is the right time. What? Alright. A hundred bucks and six Fifth Avenues. Now we're talking. And you gotta re-roll the save. All right. You know what?

Let's roll the Fortitude save against the Poison. It's a very low DC, but it would be pretty awesome if you failed. 16 on the die for a 22. Awesome. I swear that die doesn't have a number below 11 on it. It doesn't. Oh, wait. It just doesn't roll below 11. Oh, I said Nor die doesn't have a number below 11 on it. It doesn't. Oh, wait. It just doesn't roll below that.

Oh, I said Norse Foundry paid me 200. I paid them 200 bucks for this die. For a very particular die. This is still going to be nasty here. So let's roll out the regular damage. Can't see him, blood! Alright. Alright.

13 regular. Not great. That's tripled? Yeah, shut up. I rolled two ones on D6. And then it's going to be three. And then only eight sneak attack damage. On four D6?

All right, you know what? I rolled bad! Twos and ones? Only Grant. Now Troy feels bad and I feel good. It's funny how that works. So not a lot of damage. You're not poisoned,

but you will take four points of bleed on your turn. That just automatically hits. Automatic part of bleeding attack. Everybody roll for initiative. Let's get into this.

All right, let's get in. I want to get involved. Roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a- roll for initiative. Let's get into this. I want to get involved. Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll Okay. And what about Halster? Five. Five for Halster. Wait. Five. Yeah. Atticus? Eleven. It's a natural four. Yikes.

Not great, Sir Julie. Fifteen. I get to go again. Oh, no. And you're still flat-footed, which means more sneak attack damage. Oh, yeah. If I hit. Troy, can I take it to the map? You know what?

Let's take it to the map. Take it to the map. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. There it is. Here we go. Now the poison is no longer on it. Let's get neon green out and see what happens.

Flat-footed AC. Crits 18 to 20. Come on! 20 to hit flat footed. Yes. He's a beast. I will see you in Chicago. See ya.

Yeah. How about it? Uh, well that's, that makes me sick. Uh, all right. So I will here. Well, that makes me sick. All right, so I will take that one attack and then deftly take a five-foot step right between Aldo and Halster.

And it is now Aldo's turn. Aldo says, oh, that was a close call, mate, and takes a diagonal five-foot step back and tosses a bomb at the assassin! Yeah, dude!

I should show you what she looks like here. She's quite beautiful. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, no! You crashed the system. Well, I'll show you later. Aldo, what did you roll?

Oh, that's a natty 18. Come on. Against Touch AC. Yeah, that is going to hit. Beautiful. Beautiful. That is 19. Oh, yeah.

All right. Nice outfit. 19 points of fire damage. Ka-chum! 19 points of fire damage. Ka-chum! 19 points of fire damage. Really no reason for an applause break for that. Alright, it is Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie will go the long way

to get into melee with this assassin and flank her with Halster. Okay, I will tell you this. She has improved on Candy Dodge, so she cannot be caught flat footed. Does that count in this instance?

Yeah. The ability has to say you cannot be flanked. This defense denies a rogue The ability to sneak attack you by flanking So take your flank And shove it Can I talk when I roll my dice?

You can Alright Sir Julie will swing with the greatsword We're going to turn on Furious focus and turn on power attack Yes Sir Julie It's going to annihilate this poor woman. This poor woman. You've made a grave error.

She's going to kill that poor woman. She's going to kill that poor... 28 to hit. Yeah, that's a hit. 23 points of damage. And his name is John Cena! I could take that damage. Or

you could take 100 dollars. I could buy you a lot of beard cream. Beard cream. It's a tempting offer, but I have to say no. Nobody wants my money. Please offer it to me at one time for anything.

I'll just wait until you're like two drinks into that, and then I'll be like, Troy, Troy, get by 100 bucks. Minus one to hit for this hondo. How many points of damage? 23. Jeepers. She is like, she's almost ready to fall to the ground.

You may yield if you wish, and we will spare your life. It is Atticus' turn. It's over for you. Oh! $100 joke! And he delays. he doesn't do anything He just stares at her I just want to watch

You've made your choice Who are you? She's dying Can I do a knowledge check to know what her name is and backstory? Is she human? Does she appear human? She does appear to be human. And it appeared like an invisibility effect?

Yeah, she appeared out of thin air, so there must be some sort of invisibility situation. It looks like she almost has alchemist levels, too, or something. She's got little vials of liquid on her belt. And I should tell you, she has the rapier in one hand and has a wand in the other. Can I do a knowledge on the wand?

From afar. Probably not. Spellcraft. You have to see it active. It's not like there's an insignia on it that says, wand of this. I think you have to, for that, be handling it or see it in action. Maybe she has to cast Detect Magic and then, yeah. Property of Steve.

She could have a P-Touch label printer and it just labels all her wands. She's a bit confused. This one's Magic Missile, this one's Invisibility. All right, Halster, what do you want to do here, buddy? He'll take his bleed damage first. I think you should start with that, yes. Do you want to roll?

No, it's four, right? Oh, just four straight up, okay. Yeah, whenever I hit you with the sneak attack, you take four bleeding. So Halster looks down at his heart where blood is currently

pumping out of the front of his grim-gloom male and then into this beautiful woman's green eyes in front of him and says, I'm sorry we had

to meet like this and I'm even more sorry you've made me angry! And he uses fervor to cast bull strength on himself. Oh, yeah. Boom, comes out with some big attacks here. Here it comes. That is going to be a 22 to hit.

You never miss in life That is going to be eight points of damage And she is dead The really cool assassin Is dead Do you want us to bring her back to life? No, but... For $25 each,

we can redo the whole contest. Run it back. $25? I'm pretty sure it'll be the exact same result in the exact same amount of rounds. Let it ride on Clemson. You could turn that $ into a cool 26. A cool zero.

All right. All right. Let's... What do you want to do? Atticus is just going... He knew that this was going to happen instantly. He's like, it's over. Stands there for a moment

and then just calmly walks up to the body and casts Detect Magic on the wand. It is a wand of invisibility that has eight charges remaining on it. I've seen one of these before. Picks it up.

Tricky. She also has a wand of cure moderate wounds. Whoa! Holy smokes. That has 14 charges. Nice. She has a tangle foot bag that perhaps Throwy McGee over there might like.

She has two sun rods. And then she's got all these tinctures and poisons on her belt that Aldo noticed. And I'm just going to, does any of you, do any of you have alchemy or points in knowledge?

I think I might. Let me study my alchemist's character sheet very closely and see. Oh, indeed I do. Give me a roll. That is a 34. All right, so she's got four doses of black adder venom poison, which is what she was trying to poison Halster with. That would have done 1d2 con damage per round wasted on Halster.

It's a cunning plan. She has this liquid on her belt that's known as... She has two of them. I'm probably butchering this. Podzar. It's a liquid that accelerates the natural process of healing con damage. So that's good. If any of you take any con damage, you rest for an hour after drinking it,

and it heals you a point of con damage as if you had a full night's rest. So if you're down two con, pop one of these and sleep, and it heals you a point of con damage as if you had a full night's rest. So if you're down to con, pop one of these and sleep, and then you're back to normal. She has one dose of striped toadstool poison, and then she's got a masterwork rapier, a hand crossbow, and a mithril

chain shirt. But now she is dead. And you said 14 charges on the wand of cure moderate? 14 charges on the wand of Cure Moderate? 14 charges on the wand. Are you taking that? Unless you want to take it. Either one of us can use it.

Yeah. You also find a note on her person that has full descriptions of all four of you. Oh. Physical descriptions, what you've been up to, like tracking your movement from arriving into town, examining the cave offshore, going to the sleepless detective agency, and even going to the fort.

So she has been stalking you. It also seems like someone has hired her to kill you. But she is shitty as an assassin. So she failed! I mean, just imagine if you had chosen, say, Joe to stab in the heart.

I rolled a D4 and three came up for Halster. And Joe would have taken that 100. Absolutely. That was the dumbest thing to not take That was crazy You knew you were going to succeed

And your fortitude is low I didn't know I was going to succeed I didn't know You probably got a plus 13 to fortitude Because you cheat You rolled a natural 20 What do you guys want to do? Roll the natural 20. What do you guys want to do? Atticus is going to lean down over the body

and get close to her, and he's going to sniff. Does she seem like a professional, or does she seem smelly in the sense of poor, desperate? She smells like a dead woman. Well, I mean, she seemed like... She's got that dead woman musk about her. It's unmistakable.

Did you just ask if she smells poor? Yes, pretty much. She smells unwashed. Desperate. What's her income level? Give her a good sniff. Desperate What's her income level? Give her a good sniff Ah, she has the unmistakable

Odor of the second tax bracket Ah, yes You joke Clearly under 75k a year Yes, but the note does say She's married and filed jointly Is there any other markings on her? Is she carrying anything that has any symbols or insignias?

As if she's part of some organization or a gang or anything. No, just looks like a hired assassin. That's really bad at her job. Sir Julie would like to take her scarf. That's cold, man. Well, Sir Julie won't be anymore. A serial killer taking trophies from her victims. I'd like to take her scarf and her left ear.

She does look like she got styled at Uniqlo or The Gap. She came to the battlefield with those green khakis. I've never seen a Mithril Chain shirt look so stylish. It's actually a Burberry scarf, which is kind of fun. Oh, those are nice. Sir Julie wraps it underneath. You take her scarf and you see that she has hideous marks all over her neck that she was covering with the scarf. Really?

Now she lies dead in the street, her neck exposed, her one fear in life. As long as no one sees my gross neck, I will be fine. So enjoy your scarf, paladin of Sarenrae. The dawn flower brings warmth to us all. All right. You've killed yet another human being. What would you like to do now? Should we leave her body on the street?

Yeah, just leave her there. The crows start coming down seconds after you walk away from yet another murder scene. It's such a strange game that we play. It is. It's so weird. It requires constant murder. Yeah.

And you're rewarded by it. Yeah. He's got some cool stuff. Yeah, so you take the stuff off. What about her blade? Was it? Masterwork. Masterwork.

We should sell that at least. Yeah. Quick hundo. Yes. It's the equivalent of selling your integrity on this stage. They're trying to stop us from getting to Iris Hill. But they failed. We must make haste, Atticus.

Now, let's go. All right, so you continue heading to Iris Hill. Let's take a look at that map of Threshmore again. So, when you left the fort, you went to this first star of Stelae in the middle-ish of town, and then after completing that ritual of touching the sign to the monument, you were transported here to the southwestern portion of the island.

And then you were like, that was weird. Let's go check out Iris Hill, which is up to the northwest. So you cross this bridge, and you started walking through town, and it was right around the center here, just to the west of the Sleepless Detective Agency, that you were attacked by this shitty assassin. So you walk along, and you walk along,

and you keep going, and then you take the long route, because you don't want to step on the grass. Because it's rude when people do that. And you come around here. Walking with reverence. They're walking with reverence. Have I asked you what this building up in the

northeast is? That one there? That one there. Oh, we don't talk about that building. Why, it's been 50 years since we talked about that building. Why, it's been 50 years since we talked about that building. Tonight's the anniversary. And then you come around and I should say that

the way that it's represented here, this is like an old map, because surrounding all of those buildings is a hedge. So let's go to a new map. It's going to have that new map smell.

I'm always nervous when I show a new map that everything is accidentally revealed. Right now, nothing is revealed. I've noticed that as well, and I'm hoping it's just the internet. I see our pawns at the top. So my internet has not worked

for a few minutes. I think everybody else is catching up. Yeah. Let me just give you my mobile hotspot password on stage. Oh, here we are. Say right into the mic. Yeah, so I can see it now. I'll do

a quick stage refresh. A little stage refresh as always we're a totally well-oiled machine here at the glass cannon network never a blip never a blip but you approach uh iris hill and um it's never looked more postery. You see a massive thick hedge surrounding the grounds and the only thing

breaking the hedge is a squat gatehouse to the southeast with an exterior set of wooden double doors. Do you want to roll like a knowledge check about Iris Hill? Yeah, I would love to. Okay, knowledge history or knowledge nobility.

You know, maybe you did a little homework before you came here as we stalled for the mountain. We're on my phone now, so it's all good. What'd you roll, Joe? Natural two. Aldo, with your superior intellect? Well, I'm not surprised.

But it's all right. Luckily, you have very intelligent friends who can pull you out of little scrapes like this now. I rolled a 23. 23. That'll do it. You don't even have Knowledge history You lying

Son of a bitch I have Intelligence enough To make it up No I do actually have Knowledge history Alright

Uh Iris Oh no Because it's the thing That gave me knowledge history Oh that's right Your uh Thing that you stole

From uh The headband Yeah That made me intelligent Also Provided me information On the entire history of the world. Iris Hill is the residence of the aristocratic rulers of Versailles County. It was built three generations ago by Pragmus Lowles I, one of the current count's most illustrious ancestors.

Once prosperous and tidy, it has begun to deteriorate in recent years, and people talk about that deterioration. Weeds have started to spring up through the estate's grounds, and it's spread out to colonize the place for themselves. There's just more weeds there than nice things. Crows stand stentory on the building's eaves, periodically calling out their dreadful squawks and eyeing passersby.

Everyone, even now, but especially before all the strangeness, avoided Iris Hill. but especially before all the strangeness avoided Iris Hill. So now that you can see your situation, what would you like to do? Can we take a stroll? Open the door. I want to open the door. Oh, yeah, we could take a look around. See if there's any spots in the hedges that maybe are... Sure, yes. Just take a stroll.

Walk the bridge. Just a a stroll. Walk the perimeter. Just a little peek. See what we see. And avoid the grass at all costs. Yes. I hear they're sensitive about that. All right, give me a perception check if that's what you choose to do. 14.

22. Natural 20 for 29. 29. 22. Natural 20 for 29. 12. You don't really see anything of interest. There's no way there's any other ways through this hedge. Someone said it seemed like this grew overnight

and it's a pretty tall hedge. So it seems strange that this just appeared out of nowhere. Can I do a knowledge nature to determine if it's specifically unnatural? Yeah, you can. He gets close to it and starts touching the leaves and the branches inside, looking

in. Natural three. We're working our way up. That's another 11. We're going to call that a Natty Joe from now on. Yeah, you don't know. You don't know because you don't know anything.

God damn it. We burn the hedge to the ground. All of it. Do you really want to burn the hedge? No, that's all right. Well, let us not be rude, Sir Julie. Perhaps a knock. We'll try once.

Is it worth hacking away at a piece of the hedge to see if it magically grows back or something like that? As I said, let's not be rude. Okay. Yes, of course. Of course, Atticus, you're right. Don't get started on the wrong foot. I'm sure there's no combats in here at all.

Well, no. Well, be sure to examine the hedgerow first. If there's a bustle in it, don't be alarmed now. Why don't we dig a hole under the hedge, work our way beneath the place, through the ground for weeks, and then pop up

inside the never-expected. We can cover it with a poster of a Golden Age movie star. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! cover it with a poster of a golden age movie star. Passers-by. We could change the poster with the era ending up with Jane Fonda and Barbarella at the very end.

Wow. Give a real sense of the passage of time for anyone watching if, anyone watching. If they were watching, what do you actually want to do? That sounds familiar. That's awesome. How does it feel?

The valley. So Julie, give them a knock on the door. Sir Julie. A knock on the door. Give them a knock. Sir Julie knocks on the door with her gauntleted hand. Her mailed fist. You knock on the door and a little hatch. I do it more politely than that.

Shaving a haircut? Yeah. I withhold the two bits until they answer. Shut up. A little hatch. A little hatch opens up, and you see a small set of eyes on the other side. And a voice says, What is your business at Iris Hill?

Ooh. I have with me here associates of Count Hazard and Louse. They are here to make their report. The Count is away on business. They are directed to make their report to the Count's designated representative. The Count is away on business, and in the wake of current events, the estate isn't receiving any visitors. Oh, but you want to talk to these visitors. I find them to be

excellent companions. The Count is away on business, and in the wake of current events, the estate isn't receiving any visitors. The hat shuts. We burn the hedge to the ground.

The gloves are off. We went out of our way to be polite. We bomb the door. No, no, wait, wait, wait. No, I do. I have a plan. And Aldo steps forward. He's just like, hold on, gestures, wait.

And he knocks very politely again. Slides open. What is your business at Iris Hill? And Aldo just pulls a bomb very casually out of his bandolier and just sort of pushes it through the hole. That's kind of tough. You can just see it. You can see it. He pushes it back out and shuts the hatch.

Have you seen a door hatch before? It's just enough for his eyes. I know. It's not like an anarchist's bomb with a fuse sticking out of it. Roll for initiative. Oh, okay. Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, you're going to do. Last time it was a water elemental,

now it's a bomb through an eye hatch. Aldo, what's your roll, buddy? That is a 14. 14. You're bringing this fuse up to the whole house. Four. Four. Wow. Atticus. Four. Four. Wow.

Atticus. Fifteen. Fifteen. Sir Julie. Five. Five. No. Not a great start.

No. Okay. This is interesting. So you go to, you light the fuse, you go to shove that in, you see that tiny pair of eyes, and Aldo, you see behind the person talking to you, another person appear. Oh, and it almost doesn't look human at first, and it just like, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, shuts the door. So creepy. Shuts the hatch. Quickly.

I'll keep you in initiative here. Let's see what you want to do. Atticus. Did he see any part of this other creature being involved? Could he see anything? It looked like it had long strands of hair with, like, red paint on its face, but its mouth and features looked bestial.

Didn't look human, whereas the person you were talking to, the person you were going to shove a bomb right in their face, sounded like a man, looked like a man, looked like there was like a goatee situation going on. Not just a mustache, because it's not a weirdo. A full goatee.

I'm sorry I'm not blessed with goatee hair, Troy. This is all I can do. You want goatee hair? For $100. Indianapolis's finest goatee hair

stores. Who would buy finest goatee hair stores. Who would buy used goatee hair? Insert it into their face. It's like getting calf implants. The other person, yeah, looked... There was an animalistic quality to which it ran towards and shut the hatch before you're able to slide this bomb in. But Atticus, you now see this happening. Do you

try to do anything? I saw something strange. And he starts getting this strange feeling, and it could just be a wrong hunch, which it probably is, because every one of Joe O'Brien's hunches is wrong. So he's going to step up closer to the door

slowly, and you see the talisman around his neck. It starts to fade into this strange black. It's normally like a bronzy sort of bright metal, and it starts to cloud over with a dark mist, and it's just like... And he closes his eyes and holds his hand out, and he's going to do something I've never done before. This is specific to this archetype.

It's called his Talisman of Revealing. I'm going to sacrifice a first-level prepared spell to cast Detect Aberration at will. And it doesn't detect any aberration. It lets me know if it's one of these creatures on this list. Hold on for 25 minutes. I think it's alphabetical.

No. Damn it! Okay. I told you these archetypes are terrible. That's why everybody wants to get out of their archetype. You know that it's not some weird Cthulian aberration. Yeah, it's not from another world. Okay.

So he gets no sense of that, so he's not going to do anything. Besides that, that's his round. Okay. Aldo, if you had rolled ahead of one of them, I would have let you slide it in there and let the bomb fly. But now the hatch is closed. What would you like to do? He like, doom, taps it on the closed slit.

So it's like, damn. And he knocks again. Knock, knock, knock. It's worth a shot. The hatch like opens up. Wait a minute. The hatch opens up and says, Wait a minute! He shuts the hatch. Wait a minute.

Iris Hill. Oh, son of a... Yeah, no answer. Actually, can I add, in addition to that, can I do any kind of knowledge check? Can I do Arcana, Nature, or Planes on the creature that I saw? Yeah, it would be knowledge local.

Oh, local. No, I'm not a local, you see. So I wouldn't be blessed with such specific knowledge. But I'm going to say you haven't taken a standard action yet, so you can still do something or move, whatever you want to do. I knock again. It's harder. All the knocks are free actions.

Oh, then I step away. You step away, okay. Just like, well, I'm out of ideas, and I'm quite brilliant, so good luck. I see that I accidentally left the new and improved Sean here on the screen. I was going to ask. He's looking good.

Yeah. He looks great. Somebody went to the store. After the way you treated him two days ago, he to ask. He's looking good. Yeah. He's great. Somebody went to the store. After the way you treated him yesterday or two days ago, he's gone. He's not there. Oh, okay.

Oh, no. He is holding that sword like a knight in training. Like, he doesn't know quite how to hold it. He's like, how much is this? I was excited about that, Sean.

But you were quite rude. Actually, I think you burned him and his sister's house to the ground with them inside of it. Oh, that's right. He's dead. He is dead. Yeah.

Yet another murder in your wake of terror. To Threshmore. I'm inspired to ask for, like, a Blades in the Dark-style flashback so I can tell stories of Sherald and his funeral. It goes to Sir Julie. Sir Julie, you see this happen. The door is shut, the hatch is shut,

and Aldo steps away, befuddled. Can I roll a retroactive sense motive on the first person who said the same exact thing, no matter what we did? Yeah, sure. I guess what I'm trying to get at is, A, was it a situation like we had With the constable back at the fort

Or B. Is this some kind of Mind control effect that I'm witnessing Yeah roll a sense motive Natural one Nine You don't know Alright Sir Julie will step up And say

You have reacted strangely. So either open the door or we shall break it down. There are matters of imminent need we must address. Okay. Halster. Halster's going to hold. Unless he can do a perception check To see if there's like a way to climb up the side

An open window we could go through Because it doesn't seem like this Probably heavily barred door Will take to our Like battering it down or anything And he doesn't think it's gonna open So can I do a perception check? Sure

Here it comes Natural one You guys are red hot right now Sure. Here it comes. Natural one. You guys are red hot right now. It's really moving the show along. Red hot. It's really cooking. Like 45 minutes standing at this door. No information.

What do we do? I will take you out of initiative. They're not opening the door. They're not answering your knocks. There's no hatch opening. Can I ask a question? Make it interesting. It's probably not, because you probably already described it well enough,

but we can see the whole building over the hedges. We just can't get through the hedges. In the distance, you can see the tops of several buildings. The tops of several buildings. We're on a hill. Well, let us try through the hedges then. It seems so weird though to have this barred door, but

there must be something powerful about the hedges that are going to prevent a mere fire or cutting through, right? I'll save you time. If you try to get through the hedges, you cannot. Yeah. Alright, can I start hacking at the door? Sure. No one has tried

to open the door. Yeah, I was going to say. It might be overthinking this. Not once has anyone tried to open the door. We try opening it. We try opening the door. It's locked.

Don't He's so proud of himself He's later on today He's going to be like Do you remember earlier Do you remember when I said Nobody tried opening the door And then I said it was locked You know that's gonna happen Oh my god

I will say this You did find a key On the assassin's body Oh Oh And you have keys That you found on the fort Yeah

So I was thinking about the fort keys But I was like Why would they give them the keys to the castle? Yeah, why would they give an assassin keys? That seems very dumb In case they come home after business hours With all of our heads All right, let's try some keys Sir Julie, here

He hands out the keys to you Try every one Sir Julie fumbles at the keys with her gauntleted hands. Drops them to the ground several times. Wait, no. Sir Julie, wait. I know. No, Aldo.

She'll do it. Well, I'm just trying to save us all a little bit of time. Sir Julie starts to sweat. I'd like to play it out. I mean, I know she's perfectly capable of manipulating keys, but... Of course I can use keys. I know, I'm just... Did they have keys in your day?

Wait a minute. Now, Atticus, I know that I'm a bit more intelligent than you are, no fault of mine or yours, but I do know that ladies don't like to, or no one likes to hear that they're older than keys. It's a

massive faux pas, socially. You can tell Sir Julie's been really hurt by this discussion. So she spends an hour trying to get the key, the very key in the lock, and testing that one. That one's not it. I'll do it, I'll do it. We're arguing behind her as she's forking through the keys. Why did you say that?

That's so insensitive. I'm going to sit down on this rock. He sits down on a nearby rock. Don't sit on that rock. No, I call that rock. It's my rock. Roll off? We'll have a roll off.

Eventually we try all the keys. That worked out well. I wasn't listening to any of that. I was frantically trying to get on Grant's hotspot. You do unlock the door. Ah. And you hear, as you turn the key into it, like a trap being shut off.

Being bypassed. Being dismantled. You unlock the door, and you open it it and you see inside a little tiny room with three people. Oh. Whoa. Hello. One of those people looks like this guy. Dashing.

Debonair. Goateed. Wow. This is what handsome looks like, Grant. That's so mean. And then the other two look like this. Roll for initiative.

I know what those are. I know what these are. These are... Roll for initiative I know what these are roll for initiative they nasty is what they are whoa oh my goodness they nasty Atticus what'd you roll? diplomacy check

uh sorry I roll a natural three are these your new dice? yes I just bought it at Gen Con Oh, sorry. I roll a natural three. You are. Are these your new dice? Yes, I just bought it at Gen Con. Hope you saved the receipt. That is a ten.

Oh, gross. Aldo? I also rolled a new dice from Norse Foundry. Where's Eric? There he is. There's the beautiful dice. There he is. I rolled a 94-teen, and that is a 20.

Looks like you're going to get that bomb off anyway. Sir Julie? 11. Oh, terrible. Terrible. Halster? Second natural 20 on my new Norse Factor. Wow.

Holy smokes. 23. 23. You guys are so much fun to play with. It is Halster's turn. Look at this tiny little room. A room so tiny even Matthew would fit.

Can I say what I think these things are? Oh, yeah. You can. Are they Kuru barbarians? Maybe. Yeah! What are Are they Kuru barbarians? Maybe. Yeah! What are they? Kuru barbarians. I had them in another adventure.

I don't want to say their abilities because I feel like that's cheating. I thought this was something you got from notes from earlier in this. No, no, no. It's just past adventure knowledge. Yeah. They're badasses. What are these things doing with this debonair gentleman? Yeah, I think he's under some sort of control. Mind control, perhaps. They're badasses. What are these things doing with this debonair gentleman?

Yeah, I think he's under some sort of control. Mind control, perhaps. We're at an interesting juncture at the map. We're kind of at a diagonal, which we normally aren't, with where this entryway is opening. But Halster's going to take this opportunity to use another instance of fervor to cast Divine Favor on himself, and we'll step directly up to the goateed man and out of a fit

of jealousy will strike out at him for his superior facial hair. I will say the little squares you can step in, but you'll take a minus two to your AC for squeezing. And right now I'm in a full square though, right? Yeah, you're fine. Here it comes. That is

going to be a natural one. Oh no! Oh no! That's a one, right? Did you heal before you came here? Yes, I did. I did it off air. I took the charges off the wand. I didn't want to slow down any more than the whole key bit. That was a group

wand, Grant. Yeah. And I wheeled that wand. You didn't run it by the committee! I'm a paragon of self-healing. Something good, like you automatically die. Do you want that, Fumble? Do you want to go straight to automatically die?

Mm-hmm. Alright, let's see. Let me get over there. Anything Midwestern? Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. Anything mustache-related? I guess we just need to do more shows in Canada. Everybody's from Canada.

Oh, yeah. Now we're going to get 20 emails about that. I know. We always do. All right, let's go with... Just pick one. Rob from Sarasota, Florida. Sarasota!

Did you make the trip, Rob? That's Eric's neck of the woods. Rotten Rations. It smelled a little funny at the time, but you didn't think anything of it. Now you realize there was definitely something wrong with your last meal. You go to swing at your target and violently retch, causing you to miss. You are sickened for one D6 round. No. A successful Fortitude

save reduces it to one round. Oh, man. Okay, give me that and I'll roll the D6. That is going to be an 11. You are sickened for four rounds. Oh, man. Can it be diarrhea instead of vomiting?

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Troy. You're welcome, Grant. It takes me so long to get out of this armor, Skid. Role play that. Oh, boy. You're going to be in several cities, this diarrhea. You're going to be dealing with this.

I should not have eaten those olives. Aldo, you're up. Houser has slipped into the room You still have that bomb ready to go But it's kind of tricky here The way the doors are Yeah it is Okay so Aldo

Take a five foot step to his right And he says Nobody refuses delivery From Aldo And Is that your new catchphrase? Yeah it's a new catchphrase That'll be a t-shirt his delivery from Aldo. And, uh... Is that your new catchphrase? Yeah, it's a new catchphrase.

That'll be a t-shirt. That's right. And he throws the same bomb that he attempted to push through the mail slot. All right, he's got to throw it past Halster. And you're trying to hit the debonair guy? The front guy, yeah.

That is... That is a... That is... Ooh. That is a... That is a 15 against touch. That is a miss. Ooh. All right. Unfortunately, the bomb lands right in Halster's pants. Sorry, occupied.

Now you've got two explosions going on in there. Sorry, occupied. Now you've got two explosions going on in there. Now it is these Kuroos turn. Well, it still explodes. It does explode, yes. Let's find out where you missed, where it went. I missed to the upper right, so this square. Okay.

So the guys, two of them will have to roll reflex against splash damage No, all three will Because it's a ten foot radius Okay Although actually, I think somebody Gave me a heads up that If I miss the target, I can't Deny

I can't shape the bomb So I think Halster would also take damage I like that That's messed up. Oh, and Sir Julie, too. Good, good. You know what? Give Atticus a little damage, too. He's been quiet. So do I roll a reflex save? Yeah, that's a reflex save.

My best save. Fail. Pass. 21. That's a pass. The Debonair Man rolled. 21. That's a pass. The debonair man rolled a 21, and he has evasion, so he won't take any damage. However, the two in the back failed. Okay, so the two in the back will take nine points of damage. Yikes.

As will Sir Julie. And Sir Julie will also. Ooh, Sir Julie gonna die. And Halster will take four points of damage. Ouch. I like when they hurt each other. All right. My turn.

My turn. Tired of just sitting here letting you have all the fun? Both Kuroos will get to go. So let's start with Kuroo number one. Sorry, did you miss me? I think you missed me. If I did, it was purposeful. No, you rolled a nine. I rolled a ten.

Okay. And I thought... Oh, everybody rolled higher than that? I'm sorry. I thought you... Yeah, ten's really high. You thought ten was going to beat everybody? No, no, no. I thought they rolled single digits. Troy, you sure ten is a time to go? I thought they rolled single digits. That's why. Here we go. This guy is going to beat every... No, no, no. I thought they rolled single digits. Troy, you sure? Ten is a time to go? I thought they rolled single digits. That's why. Here we go. This guy is going to come up

and... Squeeze. He is going... Shut up. He is going to come up and... God, I hate what you've done here. You're supposed to get poisoned by the door. Alright. He is going to... I supposed to get poisoned by the door. Alright, he is

going to... I want to get out of the building, but I can't. Do I have to tumble through Sir Julie's space? That is correct. Even though she hasn't gone yet and she's flat-footed? That is correct. Just somebody say yes to something I want to do. Now I know how you guys feel.

Go ahead and tumble through. You just asked if you could tumble through. I said yes. But I'm never going to make it. Alright, so they are going to wait. They're going to wait. They're going to wait until something changes, or they just get killed while standing in there like idiots. And then

the debonair guy is going to go and he's going to go ahead and take some attacks at Halster. So let's go. Let's go, Ray. Actually, I'm going to channel negative energy. Everybody roll a will save.

Oh, shoot. Does this count as a fear effect? No. No, unless you're really afraid of negative energy. I am. I think we all are. All right, both my guys save because he doesn't have selective channeling, so they'll take a little damage as well.

What did you guys roll? 16. Julie? 12. 22. 6. Okay. You each take, This is so dumb.

Three points of damage to Aldo and Sir Julie. One point to you and Halster. And why are my creatures terrible? Yeah, channeling is not that great. So dumb. All right, so these guys will also take one point of damage. And then he's going to move out of the way. Move out of the way so that these Kuro's going to attack. So this Kuro's going to come down, and he is going to swing that Halster with a battle axe.

Does channeling offensively provoke? No, channeling never does. It's going to be a 25 to hit your face, Grant. That's a hit. All right, battle axe to the face is going to be max damage, 21 points of damage. Oh, jeez. Raging power attack. And then you know what?

He's going to bite you for good measure. Oh, no. Or attempt to. Very low chance to hit. 18 on the bite. Miss. Miss. Breaks the bowler off on my plate, no. Or attempt to. Very low chance to hit. 18 on the bite? Miss. Miss. Breaks the bowler off on my plate, man.

Hits you with the battle axe. Now seeing how much damage that did, the other one will go into the little squeeze town here and also swing at you, Halster. I promised people that I would kill you tonight. Misses with the battle axe, and he had to move so he couldn't take two attacks. Alright, those are all my guys. It is

now Sir Julie's turn. Okay, Sir Julie's going to swing at the guy in the center. Do it. Power attack, furious focus. 25 to hit. It's a hit. It's a hit.

20 points of damage. Jeepers! Pretty good. God! Are you done? I'm done. Atticus, now for something stupid. I can't stress enough how awesome this is.

Really? Yeah. He just stands back there, and he doesn't care at all. He knows there is no threat to this team. He's just like, hmm, oh,

well, I suppose I could try something. Dips into his belt and pulls out a wand and looks at it. Yeah. Who had the shot? Boop! The dude right

in front of Sir Julie roll a will save. Ooh, I care for this. Uh, 16? You passed. Oh, what a shame. Go on. And, yeah, he doesn't care that it didn't work.

He's like, they got this. Halster, your turn. We've had a long, long discussion on this Before our last show, Troy I'm going to use the supernatural ability Fervor to heal myself Supernatural abilities do not provoke Attacks of opportunity However, alternatively, when used offensively Against undead, fervor will indeed

Provoke an attack of opportunity I am not using it in this way I'm using it to heal myself For 2d6 worth of damage as a swift action. Okay. Nice. Nine points of healing. If I got hit again for max damage, I would have gone down. Yeah. So that's why I'm doing that. Yeah, this is a little bit

hairy. Atticus should be taking it a little more seriously, if you ask me. And uh... Boop! Hey, boop! 23 to hit the one that Sir Julie hits. Yes, that is a hit. You're mad at this guy because he hit you with an axe. It's going to be six points of damage.

Okay. Very cool. Very smart. Get to heal yourself and still attack. But now you see what kind of damage they can lay out. It is Aldo's turn. All right. Aldo takes a five-foot step to his right and says angrily,

I told you nobody refuses delivery from Aldo! Love it. Love the catchphrase. Do I get a bottle cap for utilizing my the catchphrase. Do I get a bottle cap for utilizing my beloved catchphrase? I want to take every bottle cap I've ever given you and burn them. Ah, 90-17 to hit! Oh! The postman always delivers on Saturday.

Which one were you aiming at? The frontmost one in front of Sir Julie. Oh, the one next to, okay. Yeah. God, it's so bad. Wait, Squeezy McGee or non-Squeezy McGee? I think he means the one to the right. Squeezy McGee.

Oh, Squeezy. Old Squeezy. Oh, squeezy. He's got a squeeze box. And that's how it's on fire. 17 points of fire damage. Nice, nice. And I need reflex saves from the other two enemies.

Don't care for your character at all. Fail. And fail. I love it! That's nine points of damage to both of them. That's real bad. It is real bad. Okay.

Is it my turn? Please be my turn. Please be. It is my turn. And all three of me get to go. Now, here it is. It's this handsome fellow my turn. And all three of me get to go. Now, here it is. It's this handsome fellow's turn. The one with the 1d6 channel negative energy.

Garbage. He is going to, as a melee touch attack, touch Halster. Oh, God. Here we go. I've got to hit Oh, God. Here we go. I've got to hit you, though. 18 against touch. That is a hit.

He gives you something known as Touch of Chaos. Oh. So your mind starts getting wracked with thoughts of your own impending death. And now for the next round, any time you have to make a D20 roll, you have to roll twice and take the worst result. Touch of chaos. Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos. And he stands there because this encounter was designed poorly.

And now the one here standing right in front of you, the Kuru, raging barbarian, swings his battle axe at your face. Times three crit, you should know. Neon green. Uh-oh. That's right. 22 to hit. That's exactly my... Oh, no.

Power attack. Raging. 17 points of damage. Brutal. Then he goes for the bite. Misses on the bite. The one next to Sir Julie, he'll attack you with a battle axe too.

No. Me? No, not you. Why not me? The one who refused my money. Natty 18 for a 26 to hit. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh, almost max 20 points of damage.

Halster is unconscious. Oh, no. And dying. Oh. Then he goes to bite Sir Julie because she looks tasty. Fourteen. You shall not taste me today, friend.

However, you're implying that a day may come. Yeah. So you're telling me there's a chance. So Atticus, who stood there for a round, just being like, they've got this, sees Halster fall to the ground. A giant axe wound in his chest.

Can't heal himself. Unconscious and dying. How brutal are these creatures? Are they just going to start hacking away at his body? Maybe a nice little coup de grace to chop his head off and finish the job the assassin couldn't do. This guy gets it. Yeah, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy.

Get him out. Security! Thank you for coming, Mr. Berger. Brennan! Dad? Da-da? Da-da? Papa?

Sir Julie, you are up and untasted as of yet. As of yet. Sir Julie will swing at the guys she hit before. Sorry, I wasn't listening. I'm getting excited about eating all six of these later. You're not going to share? No. Oh, I like Fifth Avenue's.

19 to hit. For $100 each. I'm like an evil Girl Scout. 100 bucks each, you can have one. What'd you say? 19 to hit. 19 to hit. To who?

The barbarian in the middle. The barbarian in the middle, that is a hit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right. Jesus. 18 points of damage. He's dead Yeah Yes he is

Just Just now Okay Do you move at all Sir Julie I gotta be very careful After the last show To cut it off

Even more quickly You really left me High and dry there I did I'm sorry very careful after the last show to cut it off even more quickly. You really left me high and dry there. I did, I'm sorry. Onyx is famously litigious. I don't want to risk anything. Who could forget Onyx versus the state of Ohio? Sir Julie will take a five-foot... Can I stand on Hollister's space?

Can I stand over him and guard him from any wayward coup de graces? I'm going to say no, because I need space to maneuver here, and you're in the way. Wait a minute. Page 32 of the Game Mastery Guide. Because it's inconvenient to you? That's not a ruling you can make. All right, I'll roll a die. Nope, you can't.

That's so inconsistent with how we've ever treated unconscious bodies or dead people. I know, it's very... There's precedents of like a thousand hours of content. There's decades worth of precedent on this matter, Your Honor. Halster, you have so many conditions. They're all packed in there.

Can he step on the Kuru barbarian space that's dead? Yeah, you can step on the Kuru space, but the way Halster fell, he fell in such a way that... Go to hell. It's just, you can't, there's just no room. This is such... He's like sitting down hunched over. Yeah, well then, plus with

the diarrhea, that's difficult to read anyway. It's like a grease spell. Yeah, right. It's the equivalent of a grease spell. It's really horrible. I wish I could help you out, Sir Julie, but unfortunately, that space has got a lot going on. Then I guess I'll stay where I am.

There's a lot going on there. Actually, I'll leave this condition on, because that seems appropriate. They say when you fall unconscious from an axe wound... I'm changing my hotspot password right now, Troy. Enjoy GMing the rest of the show. No, no!

It's off. Don't do it. Wait, can I add a tint to this character as well? You look sick. What do you want to do? You want to move? You want to get five foot step? No, I want to stay where I am.

You want to stay right there? Okay. All right. I'm not going to walk into a flanking position for you two guys. Atticus, what would you like to do? Another boop? Damn it, Alistair. You had one job.

Stay conscious. Couldn't even do it. To be fair, he had other jobs, too. He's very consistent. We're all sort of under that umbrella. That is the first prerequisite for all the jobs. I'm going to split hairs here. It's the bottom of the pyramid.

Top of the list. You had nine jobs. You had only had nine jobs. Atticus is concerned about the Kudagras situation, which clearly Sir Julius is not. No, I'm not. I'm not concerned, because a coup de grace is a full round action that provokes. Anyone

attempt... Well, actually, the other guy said... She could have provoked against both. I'm afraid about the farther... The handsome gentleman seeing the mustache and being like, I'm going to coup de grace him. I am going to try to attempt to fire a blinding ray at that guy

to try to blind him. That's a tough one. Which should hopefully foul up his ability to coup de grace Halster. Man, I'll tell you, I was just joking about the coup de grace. Now I feel like I should leave it up to whether or not you blind him. Really put it on you, I was just joking about the coup de grace. Now I feel like I should leave it up to whether or not you blind him. Really

put it on you, Joe. Alright, you son of a bitch. First of all, I would like a friendly friend request i'm listening could i roll a knowledge local on this fella and get his hd which would be amazingly useful on a successful knowledge uh yeah if that's what you want to know Does he seem super powerful or does he seem like a grunt? That's a 24. Okay. Not too shabu. I'll tell you his HD. He seemed like he was under control by these dudes.

4 HD. That's good for you, right? Yeah. In that case, bottle cap. Oh! Oh! You're going to roll twice And take the lower I'm gonna roll twice

And take the better On a blinding ray You sure you wanna do that Joe? I am sure I wanna How sure are ya? Oh no Oh, no. Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! I don't know what they won.

It could be either one equally. Look, look. Everyone stood up here, and they stood in solidarity against the $100 bill, my friends. But earlier on, I said I wanted that money and if you offered it to me, I would take it. It's true. God damn it. So either way, you compromise your integrity.

He can use the bottle cap against us if you take it. Right. That was part of the original deal. He can use it against us in our worst moment. It's two coup de grace attempts. You are selling your soul for Halster's life. For $100? I am a man of my word.

I'm taking the $100. Wow. I'm taking the $100. Wow. I can't go back on it. I said I would do it. Quite literally, nobody up here, or probably the audience,

would hold it against you if you changed your mind. I'm sorry all sales are final. I would hold it against me. I wouldn your mind. I'm sorry. All sales are final. I would hold it against me. I wouldn't be able to sleep, Matthew. Hey, Joe. Yeah. Cover 100 bucks. Sorry, I don't have any cash

on me. Alright. God damn it, you're a villain. Here we go. One roll. Blinding go. One roll. Blinding Ray. Touch attack. Oh my God, a few miss. A few miss.

Come on, Joe. I got this! I got this! Come on! Come on, baby! Oh, out of the box. Out of the box. Oh, baby!

90-90! Yeah! Rich! You fool. Oh, my gosh. So what do I do? Is there a four-two save, or is he just blind? Shaking.

I can't believe it was a natural 19. It would have been the greatest thing in the world if he rolled a natural one. I know. I had the drop ready to go. We're all so used to it. Skin had the finger right. I know. I had my finger ready to go We're all so used to it I know I had my finger on the green button Talk to me about blinding Ray You are blind for one round

Blind for one round So he's like So Julie I blinded him one round Get in there This is crazy if it comes back to me Because now I will get the chance to do the coup de grace At a 50% misschance, but with two rolls. You don't roll for a crit.

You don't roll for a coup de grâce. You don't roll for a crit. It's an automatic crit. No, I think you can't. It's an automatic crit. Actually, that could just do it. So I rolled a 50% mischance twice with this. Actually, it's my bottle cap.

It costs 100 bucks. I can do whatever the hell I want. That bottle cap should literally mean you can do whatever you want. It costs a hundred dollars. Well, now we know the going rate for bottle caps. So I'm going to use my bottle caps to do whatever the hell I want to. You don't control the economy? Yeah, it seemed like less of an economic stimulus and more of a buyback program.

like less of an economic stimulus and more of a buyback program. It's like the government paying you as a farmer to let you have wild donkeys eat on your land. Alright, this is going to be very interesting here. Don't worry. Could you imagine being in that head?

That's where he goes to. Wild donkey. You're the wild donkey. Halster. You eating a Snickers? Because you won't share your Fifth Avenue bars. You wouldn't give me any candy, so I gave him some free fucking candy.

Now I'm the government. What do you want now, you selfish... I'm a European-style Democratic Socialist government. I stand in solidarity with my governor. What do you want? I have more. If anyone else gets turned down

for candy, I have more. What is your... You've got a roll to stabilize. How far below zero are you? Seven. Wow. What's your con? 14.

Yowza. All right. This is a tough check. Natural 20. Norse Foundry! This name is Josh! You are stabilized. Stabilized.

You are stabilized. Woo! Can I have another snicker skip? Stop eating snickers! Satisfied? It's Aldo's turn. That's how he's tracking his bombs, Grant. You earned it.

Aldo, here's the thing. You might be able to kill this guy if you crit. I don't know what you're planning on doing But if you don't This blind son of a bitch is going to kill Halster You know what? That's a great point What

Do you do? Wow I think he is God There are some other fun things I could do. But he is going to take another five-foot step between positioning himself between Sir Julian Atticus.

And he said... And this is going to provoke. He says, For the third time, I reiterate my famous, beloved catchphrase. No one refuses delivery from hell now. Throws a bone. All right, I will take my...

Hold on. Actually, I'm blind. No, he's throwing it at the other one. No, you're... Yeah. My question is, does he have cover, this guy,

in that weird little corner, or is this just wide open between him and Alistair? Or, and Aldo? The one that... I think he has at least one... Yeah. The blind barbarian is...

The barbarian is not blind. The handsome fella is blind. Oh. Oh. So there's two people that could deliver a coup de grace. The librarian is not blind. The handsome fella is blind. Oh. Oh. So there's two people that could deliver a coup de grace. Well, the other one would, Sir Julius would write a combat with him,

and it provokes. Right. So yes, there are two that could do it. Which one is Aldo going after? I'm going after the further one. The one that would not provoke if they attempted a coup de grace. Yes, he will have a plus four to his AC.

But you're hitting against touch. Yeah, 17. 17 with the plus four against touch. I'm so nervous right now. There's so many things that are happening, and I am $100 poorer. Yeah, how much are you regretting that bit? The knight is still young.

Not at all. I'll get that $100 back. That is a miss, Aldo. Oh, no. Oh, my God. That's going to make him bleed again. Bleed? I mean, it's going to hurt us. It's going to hurt. It could kill. Oh, the splash?

Oh, yeah. It would permanently kill him. Yeah. You... Here's the thing. I'll tell you this, Aldo. You would have known that the splash damage would hurt Halster. If I missed. If you missed. That's right.

So I'm going to need you to take that splash damage, Halster. And me, right? While we roll reflexes. Well, actually, it lands at the spot behind the dashing rogue. So Sir Julie is out of that range. behind the dashing rogue. So Sir Julie is out of that range, but Halcer, unfortunately, is not. Is that an automatic nine points of damage?

Hold on a second. Is it this little tiny square? Yeah. Damn it. Yeah, if it was the back one, that's 15 feet away. Yeah, he'd be just out of range. How many points of damage is there? Nine.

You killed me. I think you should let him roll a save. Here's what I'll do. I'll let you take that back for my hundred dollars. I think that's fair. The next time you ever talk to us about how you have to play things by the book and you're bound by the rules of the game, I'm going to remember this night

where you threw all the integrity out the window for 100 American dollars. At the end of the day, we're all friends here playing a friendly game. Skid's wrapped up in the moment. He didn't think about the splash damage. He thought he was going to hit. And he missed, and that miss is going to kill Halster.

So really, is Joe's pride going to come into play here? Don't make this about me, man. I'm not even involved. You are now. That $100 will let you, um, let Skid do something else instead. Or you can just keep it and Halster will die at Skid's hands,

not mine. Joe, I'm sending you a text message right now, Joe. I'm checking my phone right now, Grant. Do you have it yet, Joe? I didn't get it yet. Is Grant offering you money? I just got it. This is every email Shane wrote.

What did he say? He said, I'll pay you $125. I'll pay you $125. You'd be up $25. Troy? Would you care to make another offer? Or are you... I have my wallet on me. He'll pay you $120.

I'm confused now. This is a horrible precedent for sitting here. This is a really horrible precedent. I'll take the $100 back. Okay. And I get $125. From Grandpa? Yeah.

This is the slimiest I've ever fucking thought of. I know. This is the slimiest I've ever fucking done. I know, this is awful. I feel great. I feel I feel better when I take money for sex favors. So wait a minute, let's just point. Pete Rose was banished from baseball for life for less

than this. Let's just walk through this again. Grant now has to pay Joe $125 so that Skid can redo his turn. What is happening? I'll tell you what's happening. Three people

on the stage resisted, and you folded like a cheap card table. I made my position clear early. The worst thing is, Halster could still die. What is happening? I made my position clear early. The worst thing is, Halster could still die. It's true. What is happening?

Your mustache makes you look even sadder. Give him back the $100. I'll die. I'd rather not. I don't want to do this. All sales are final. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

No. Give him back the $100. I'd love to help do this. All sales are final. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. No. Give him back the $100. I'd love to help you out. Unfortunately, I don't even know where the hell I put it. Skid, what do you want to do with your turd? Can I pay you $100? I'll Venmo you $100 right now if I can hit the creature. This is going down a dangerous road.

That's what I'm saying. This is a horrible precedent to set. Playing like the fucking lone gunman in that episode of X-Files. This is insane. Right? Thank you. What do you want to do, buddy? I want to undo what I did.

Okay. Someone has earned that right for you. What would you like to do? I would like to not throw the bomb. Okay. Good choice. And instead... Instead...

Instead... Instead, not do anything. It's good. No, wait. $100 good. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, I won't do anything

That's smart I'll just move out of Atticus' way That's what I'll do It is the Kuru's turn And the debonair man The debonair man is blind And there's so much going on right now David Winters texted me from the audience

Oh my god David, we're way, way... way off the reservation of rules at this point. This is good for Grant. Oh. Says you can deliver a coup de grace against a creature with total concealment, but doing this requires two consecutive full round actions.

Oh! Good rule pull! One to find the creature once you've determined what square it is, and one to deliver the coup de grace. Wow. David. Good pull, David. I always said he was handsome and always right.

He's great. Where is he? He's right there. Where? There. He has total concealment. I can't see him. Oh, my God.

David, one round until you're dead. It'll take me two rounds until... So, he will take his first round to try and find you. But the Kuru could just deliver it. Oh, boy. But tactically, it would make no sense. But we've thrown out all logic. So, yeah, it could happen.

It's because the money got involved. Yep. Whoever says money ruins everything. I thought money always made things better. I guess not. We're proving that wrong tonight. All right. The Kuru, I kind of love that if this guy is the one that delivers it,

because it took him two rounds to do it, and then I get to use my $100 bottle cap on it. So the Kuru's going to attack Sir Julie. Oh, my God. This is like, what if Bernie Madoff was a dungeon master? The Kuru will attack Sir Julie. Natty 18 for a 26. Did you take your squeezing penalty?

Oh. Did you take your squeezing penalty? Does that take a minus four to hit? I thought it was just an AC. So 22? It still hits. Oh, shoot. I hate you so much. That's poor audience.

14 points. I know, we got in the doorway. I can't believe Lillard missed this. 14 points of damage, and it misses on the bite. It is Sir Julie's turn. Okay, Sir Julie's going to swift action lay on hands. Swift action lay on hands. Okay.

Then I'm going to take a... Can't do that to Halster, right? No. No, because you're selfish. Then I'm going to take a five-foot step into the room. Oh, there you go. And I shall take a swing at blindy McGee. There you go.

Who I believe has an AC penalty for being blind. Yeah. Yeah. Natty, 18. Oh, yeah! Power attack, et cetera. 18 points of damage. Still up.

Still up Still Up It is Atticus' turn Thanks buddy Alright I can see him Well the dude's no longer blind Now that it's my turn So like He needed a round to find him or whatever and see him serve. Well, the dude's no longer blind.

Now it is my turn. So, like, you know, he needed a round to find him or whatever, but now he doesn't. He's just, he can see Halster. He didn't know what the duration was. Right, exactly. So now this is deadly. There's still two, and if they really wanted to deliver it to Halster, they could.

So Atticus... This is big. ...is. Atticus is going to move around Aldo. Aldo, watch out! And he'll make himself very small. He's a rat folk. He's tiny. He can get into these situations.

And he drops to the ground. Okay. And just eases a little rat claw over to Halster's shoulder and gently caresses it. And he casts

Vanish on Halster. Oh! And we should say what a selfless act it is for Atticus to do this after seeing the illusions of Atticus run up the stairs last night, last session. Halster yelled out like filthy sewer stench type of claws at him, and he's still doing this for this person. When not six seconds ago he sold your life for a hundred bucks. Atticus, not Joe.

Sure. I succeeded. That's my role. I'll have you know. So he comes in and he's just thinking like this dude is you know,

it's almost like one of his subjects in one of his shows. You know what I mean? He's like, see, now you see him, now you don't. Yeah, yeah.

And he just vanishes. He's disappearing Halster. Thing is, that dude here is gonna know exactly where Halster is, but now the 50% chance returns. Or at this point, doesn't that restart the clock on the two full actions? Because you have to

find him again. You saw him and now you don't. I moved him around his neck a little bit. One could argue I already spent that round. Yeah, you did. No, I'm saying, but it resets. It resets. It's interesting. We'll have to see what I decide as the game master when it comes to my turn.

That's really what it comes down to. David, you have a telephone. Please use it. David, please. Shut up my phone. I'm turning off my phone. I don't think this rule has ever come into effect in the history of the game. Very interesting.

It is Aldo's turn. Hey, maybe Aldo can just take this guy out, but he has to worry about the splash damage if he misses, because that could be enough to kill Halster. I have a question. How high are the ceilings? Good question. Good question.

I'll tell you how high they are. They are ten feet high. Okay. Shit. All right, so, boy. Aldo is... Oh, actually, okay. Aldo is going to take another five-foot step

and administer bull strength onto Sir Julie. Okay. Okay. Sir Julie's muscles ripple. Here we go. Here we go. Kuru's turn. And the guy who, by the way, I'll just let you know, has one. Oh, and that provokes, actually.

That provokes as well. That provokes from the Kuru guy? Yeah. All right, I'll take it. I want to hurt all of you for what you did to my assassin, Mrs. Okay. This guy here that is about to do a coup de grace on Halster has one hit point left. Oh, jeez.

I just didn't know. I thought he only got hit once. Just one. I thought you were going to magic missile him. I was so nervous you were going to magic missile him. Yeah, but I thought he just got hit once. Now, here's the thing. He did spend a whole round trying to sense where Halster is.

That round would be wasted. Yes, it was. Sometimes you waste turns. It happens. It's true, but I think that whole round he spent is enough to know exactly where he is. What are you guys whispering about? Don't worry about it. What? What are you whispering about? Who? What are you talking about? Go Sox. We're just talking about how much we love the Boston Red Sox. Quit playing games with my heart. What do you think here, buddy?

You going to take it? I think I'm going to take it. Go ahead. 50% missed chance. Go ahead. I'm going to attack. You know it's going to provoke an attack of opportunity, don't you? Julie?

Yeah. Yeah. And you know the Cougar is going to have to spend the whole second action to try to coup de grace him then, too, right? Yeah. Don't worry about it. I'm at peace. Sir Julie would have to miss on this attack, so I feel like it's really on Matthew here, not me. Yes. Right? Wouldn't you think it's on Matthew Matthew here, not me. Yes. Right? Wouldn't you think it's on Matthew? Yes, that makes sense.

Alright, Matthew, take your attack of opportunity. If you hit, you will kill the person that is trying to deliver this coup de grace. If you fail, I will be using my $100 bottle cap to take that 50% mischance twice and kill him.

Tweet. No, no, no, no kill him. Tweener. No, no, no, no, no. 23 to hit. Oh! That's not where AC is. Always looking for special abilities to help him out of this. He has Shield of Faith on.

His little good, his faith did him. That gives him an AC of 21. Yeah! Shaking up the days! Could I kill him again? So you know what? Oh no, I still would have hit it. Without the bull strength, I would have said maybe I would have missed. I hate you.

We're doing it! You're okay. Grant cannot take this emotional rollercoaster. This is a real rollercoaster. I feel like I just got Troy's heart. Palpitations. You sure you want that attack of opportunity? I don't need your filthy Luca. All right.

The Kuru will then attack Sir Julie. Sir Julie. Oh, no, it's not my turn. Sir Julie. Sir Julie. Oh, no, it's not my turn. Go ahead. And misses. Yes. And then with the bite, Mith... Yes!

It is Sir Julie's turn. I will take... Oh, first swift action, lay on hands. Actually, no, I won't. No, I won't. I'm just going to take an attack on Mikuru. That is going to be a 22 to hit. That's a hit.

Yes! 21 points of damage. It's dead. Oh! I wanted you to keep that one going It was fun And expensive That was fun and expensive But at the end of the day

Master stayed alive But Grant is $125 I will send you my Venmo. Right now. What do you want to do? This is easily the saddest show we've ever done.

And I've orchestrated it. It's like the day the music died. Let's heal Halster. Did you write the book of love? All right. Yeah, I think I gave... I'm keeping track of the charges on my sheet, but I gave Aldo the wand of cure.

I have the charges. Okay, awesome. Cure mod. Yeah, I'll do... Aldo will whip out. He's just like, My friend! My best friend!

Whom? And delivers a dose of cure from the wand. That is 14 points of healing. Beautiful. Right as he comes back to consciousness, just channel like, it's a premature

channel ejaculation type of situation. And he'll do that with a blessing to add 50% on top so everyone gets healed for 16 points of healing. And then he's going to burn some stuff off air to

heal himself up. Very, very cool. That was a close. Cool! They were much tougher than I expected. Who are they? What do they have on their person? Can I do a knowledge local on the barbarians?

Just to find out or on the creatures to find out more about who they are. A little bit about them? Give me a knowledge local. That is a 19. 19. They are They've got these like tribal 19. Uh, they are,

they've got these like tribal tattoos covering their, their red eyed faces, jagged teeth that have been filed down to points. They are, uh, most likely they've been brought here by someone to, uh, work for, like a mercenary type situation.

More mercenaries. They live in like small villages. Not really, you've never heard of them in being around Ustalav, so they were probably recruited to come here. They're like their own little cult. So,

so Julie, which key was it? So was it a scum key or the assassin's key? It was the assassin's key. Yes, she's been here. They'll know who she is. Good. And he gets this dark look on his face.

He's planning things. Search the bodies. Search the bodies. Search the bodies. Okay. The Kurus have these sweet little breastplates, masterwork battle axes, heavy crossbows, crossbow bolts. No money. Whereas the fancy gentleman has a plus one

chain shirt, has a masterwork rapier, a masterwork dagger, and an unholy symbol of Hester. Wow. Wow.

So similar to the cultists that you face that tried to kidnap you in the town square, this handsome fella also has one of these symbols. Atticus is going to rip the symbol off from around his neck. Ow, he says. So Julie,

finish him off. He'll take the symbol and he's going to pocket it I'll take the crossbow Knowing that the last door was trapped Sir Julie will prevail upon Aldo To check this next door Before we try the keys again Oh yes

I'll attempt an aid. And I aid with perception. Thank you. I think I see something there. What's your roll there? That is a 15. Doesn't appear to be trapped. It's a trap to me.

All right. Then I will step out and good luck. Where are you going? I said it's not trapped. Is the door locked? It's unlocked. Unlocked?

Open it. Open it with full assurance that it is untrapped. You'll be safe. Safe as ours is. I open the door. You open the door. You open the door. Welcome to Iris Hill. Yeah, baby.

You see a huge courtyard with several outbuildings. Oh, my gosh. All spread out. It's mostly open ground, yeah. Mostly open ground. And yet we can't even see the open ground between the houses. I'm working on it. Right.

I'll make it look nice for Chicago. He started off strong, but later in, he really blew it on the polygon reveal. What is that, the Indianapolis Ledgers review of our show? Yes, exactly. I was with them

until the Polygon Reveal of the final dungeon. A strange thing to put on the front page. It's the headline. Polygon Reveal blots out otherwise remarkable shows.

It's pretty good. Does money solve everything? That's what we tried to determine Saturday afternoon. I love it's on the front page of the paper. The giant 18-point headline. Go ahead. You're a troll 20 skill. It's Gen Con.

That's a lot of the economy of the city is dependent on this kind of stuff there are several buildings inside of this hedge now the lower floors of all the buildings look to be made of solid stone blocks with thick thick ivy covering the walls in a verdant blanket sturgeon sturgeon that's a word right right? Sturdent. Sturdy. You're having a rough go. You know what? Sturdy timber frame construction makes up the second floor of the buildings, and all the second floors seem to jut slightly from the thick walls below.

So the second floors are a little bit larger than the stone first floors of each building. To the west, you see the manor house. It has two large chimneys, circular dormer windows, and it's the tallest and most prestigious-looking building on the estate. There's an eerie mist sort of shrouding all of the buildings, lingering over the grass that is peeking up from the unkempt grounds that you already knew about from your knowledge check. All of the buildings appear dark and quiet,

and the odor of heather and ivy seems mixed with some sweetly sour, unwholesome essence in the air. It's dark out. It's gloomy out. Looks like this is probably a magnificent garden at one point that has just been left to fall and disrepair. The grass grows

tall, yellowed. Weeds choking the flower beds along the sides of each of the estate's buildings. Just a little smattering of color still remains on this gray scene. Around the fountain, you see a few overgrown bushes that may have once been carved into nice topiaries,

and now they just look shaggy, like Joe's hair. There's a gravel path leading from the gatehouse That circles the well Before branching off into each of the estate's buildings What do you do? I'm so creeped It's very creepy There's no good can come of this.

No direction will result in happiness. You shouldn't have come. You shouldn't have come here. Can I roll a perception to see if I spot anybody or anything lying in wait for us? Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude.

Or anything else weird. 28. I see else weird. 28. I see some weird shit right in front of you. I especially look out for the weird shit. I cast detect weird shit. 28. There's a guy that comes out of the bushes to the right, and he says,

how far can you bend your leg over your head? And then he recedes back. Oh, wow. But beyond that, nothing particularly weird. So Julia can't decide if the good action in this moment is to free him from the bush

or just let him stay there. Oh, you forgot about option three. What's that? Answer him. Sean peeks out of the bush with a notepad. I can be surprisingly limber. Which is the manor house? When required.

The one way in the back. In the upper left-hand corner? The west. I'm doing some fast polygon reveals here. Pretty good. But I haven't got to the manor house. But it is this larger building off to the west here. The major unrevealed area is where the manor house is.

Perhaps we stop at the south, the lower west building. It seems a smaller building. Perhaps there are smaller enemies inside that we can... They could only fit small monsters in there. Yeah. We should be fine. Nothing big enough to be truly threatening. Sir Julie,

please. Well, I have never tried putting my leg over my head. No, no, no. Later, Sir Julie. You're under no obligation to answer that strange hedgeman. Alright.

Sir Julie will start leading the way over towards the small building Range Hedgeman. All right. Sir Julie will start leading the way over towards the small building to the west. Everybody roll a perception check. I was just going to ask to do a perception because I was scared. Come on. 19. Which is good for Atticus.

As you start to... What did you roll there? 17. 17? 2. 2. 9. 9.

Who rolled a 17? I did. You did. And Atticus, you're staying back there? Yes. Okay. Well, I assume that as we started walking, I did my perception right there.

That was the moment I did it. You started to pay attention to your surroundings in this horrible place. Before that, my eyes were closed. And I held my nose. I like to be surprised. As you're walking across this gravel path on the way to that smaller building to the south with atticus a mile and a half behind you just lost in the gloominess of this and still looking at that guy who now peeks out again at atticus just waving a hundred dollar bill

what about you little rat man? Are you rat everywhere? That's pretty weird. What does it mean? I've got good news. The spell's working. Detect weird shit is working perfectly. You see it everywhere. It's the calibration. Yeah.

It's like the test screen for the spell is that guy. No, I'll be wherever you want me to be. No, that's fine. You're staring at that guy. He's walking along. That guy's wearing a top hat. Shaking a hundred dollar bill at you. And Sir Julie is leading

the rest of the party towards this building to the south. But as you do so, Julie, you hear something behind you, and you turn, and you notice those three topiaries standing there. Looks like one maybe used to be an elephant, one used to be a giraffe, and one was a donkey. It's the unholy trinity

is what I think they call that. Are we going to fight Edward Scissorhands? What the hell's going on here? I hope so. The topiaries rise up and begin to attack. Don't even tell me.

And we'll see you in Chicago. I did not expect that to come! Oh, no! No! Oh, constructs and all that shit! Thank you, everybody. We really appreciate it.

Thank you. Enjoy the rest of Gen Con. Come see us next time. Thank you for everything you do. We love you, Indy! Be safe you do. We love you, Indy. Be safe out there. We love you, Indy. Man, that was a fun show. Thank you.